Pressing Buttons (Short Film) | Disability Goes Deeper than What You See
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Disability Pride is about recognizing all aspects of the disability experience - including the tough aspects. An authentic representation of disability advocate Sarah Todd Hammer’s life, PRESSING BUTTONS: Disability Goes Deeper than What You See is a compelling mini documentary that opens the doors into her experiences with both disabled joy and disabled grief. From becoming paralyzed from the neck down at age eight to heading off to college, we learn about the challenges Sarah Todd navigates in her daily life. Perhaps the most sobering message of all is that we will never truly understand.
Directed by Jacob Boatsman. Produced by Adam Franklin.
Special thank you to the Davidson College Terry Program for funding this project!
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[Video Description: Sarah Todd Hammer, a young white woman with long blonde hair, is on screen in various clips. In the interview scenes, she is wearing a black floral dress and white sneakers and sitting in an armchair with a plant next to her and a window to her left. In her daily life scenes, she is wearing a pink, blue, and yellow floral dress and white sneakers. She can be seen walking around her college campus and the town of Davidson, at a coffee shop, and in her apartment. In the morning and nighttime scenes, she is wearing a light gray t-shirt with flutter sleeves and gray and white striped shorts. The credits at the end of the video read “PRESSING BUTTONS. Directed by Jacob Boatsman. A Creative Chops Production. Produced by Adam Franklin. Starring Sarah Todd Hammer. Funding by Davidson College Terry Program. Special thanks to Summit Coffee, The Town of Davidson.”]
![HOW I BECAME PARALYZED FROM THE NECK DOWN [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wLNeLvO-AAY/mqdefault.jpg)
![HOW I BECAME PARALYZED FROM THE NECK DOWN [CC]](/img/tr.png)
When you said 'it can all be true at the same time' I actually nodded at my screen. I struggle with depression every day, and wonder how others mostly see me as assertive and feisty
I’m so glad this resonated with you! 🩷
Wow! Thank you Sarah Todd for sharing your story. You are an inspiration. I know living with disabilities can be a challenge, specially with hidden disability.
I remember a quote by Stephen Hawkins “Concentrate on the abilities your disability doesn't hinder and don't dwell on the things it interferes with. Be disabled physically, not in spirit”
My 15 year son has been diagnosed with AFM 4 months ago and his been in ICU for 3 months. A month ago his been moved into a ward. The past 4 months have been really tough and challenging for us all, also being disabled myself. We are at the beginning of a very long journey.
For his rehab we have been in a constant battle with the Neurologist and medics here in the UK as they don't know much about this condition.
My son is disabled and he has accomplished so much in his life, more than I could ever had imagined, just like you do! I am so proud of him. Wish you a wonderful life, with lots of fun and love ♥
Thank you so much! 🩷
Thank you, as a physically disabled person …. I’m so glad you talked about some of my own feelings and thoughts 😢😊
Thank you so much for watching ❤️
"Struggling doesn't mean that you don't have your life figured out. It's something you're working with, that you can embrace and run with."
Working with you, ST, and the team on this was such a pleasure. Getting a chance to help tell your story was an honor and getting a glimpse into the world you navigate daily was eye-opening for me on a very personal level. Hoping this film will help others like me become more aware of the many nuances of disability and resonate with all audiences. 🎉
You are awesome, Adam! So thankful you took this project on. I wouldn't have been able to make it happen without you! Thank you endlessly!
Oh my gosh Sarah Todd 🥺
My first word that came to my head is just…wow. Every word you said resonated with me and hit me so hard.
I was born with a very rare terminal genetic mutation (well actually it’s 2 mutations on one gene 🧬 ) that caused me to be fully able-bodied and gradually decline to the point I am now where I am 27 and I am on hospice with around 3 months left to live.
I went from being a kid and doing sports and activities with my friends to then needing a cane, and losing some arm function as well. Then I graduated to a walker, a manual wheelchair, an electric wheelchair and now, where I’ve been since February 2024, completely bedbound.
Nobody will ever understand what it is like to slowly lose literally everything you could once do. To have to ask for help for LITERALLY everything. If I want a sip of water I need help. If I want to get my hair out of my face and in a bun, I need help. I have a bedside commode attached to the side of my bed but I need assistance to transfer on and off and someone to empty it. The embarrassment of a day when your tummy is upset and you have to keep asking for help from your caregivers for help transferring and then help emptying something that can feel really embarrassing. (my mom is now my full-time caregiver, my dad is my part-time caregiver, I have a palliative/hospice nurse practitioner that comes every day and my respiratory therapist that comes once a week to check if we need to adjust my oxygen). They never make me feel embarrassed in fact they comfort me with “this happens to everybody, it’s no big deal, I’m not even looking when I’m dumping it into the actual toilet and flushing it, literally I used to change your diapers for Pete’s sake this is nothing lol”
My mom is my main caregiver and neither of my parents have EVER made be feel like a burden or complained about doing tasks for me…but yet I feel that way nonetheless. I feel bad that I have to wake them up in the middle of the night for something like needing an extra dose of a medication injection (I can administer the injection myself and I do unless it’s during a severe seizure in which obviously they inject for safety purposes and to stop the seizure, but I need help with opening the packet on certain supplies like gauze or bandaids or even the vials to draw up the medication into the needle and open the needle/syringe packets themselves because my hands, luckily do still function a fair bit, but have lost a lot of ability as well so opening a packet independently is not an option for me and ST I completely relate to that and just the frustration. Compounded with knowing they’re exhausted from literally either caring for me all day or in my dad’s case, working a very long shift doing hard labor as a welder and then helping out to give my mom a break after work too since he’s now our family’s only source of income and I feel so guilty and burdensome even though they come in and never complain and are so sweet…literally the Best family ever! But it still goes back to just knowing that feeling of needing help with literally everything and trying to put it off to a more “convenient” time and that’s just not always possible and it sucks.
But So often when nobody is in the room and I’m alone I just break down because of the saves and frustration and grief and a bit of anger all wrapped into one. I went from not having a Single limitation to literally (TW TMI BLOOD 🩸 **I will put another caps lock with a thumbs up when the TMI TW is over**) coughing up golf ball size blood clots due to the clots that have taken over my scarred lungs, vomiting blood regularly too due to my disease attacking my digestive tract and causing tears all within it, and even chronic 2-4 times a day severe nosebleeds from my high flow oxygen -even with the doctors medicated cream to keep my nose from drying out and cracking like that (TW TMI OVER 👍🏻). I won awards for sports as a kid and now I can’t brush my hair or teeth or get dressed independently anymore let alone stand/walk. And now knowing I’m posing away soon and leaving behind all these amazing humans who love and support me and the grief and guilt that brings. I “know it’s not my fault” but the reality is the extreme grief and pain and heartbreak and sadness my loved ones will feel will be caused by MY death…ME.
(the Canadian government is incredibly frustrating and our current Prime Minister has NOT AT ALL prioritized disabilities etc. My mom and dad should both be receiving a caregivers allowance from the government and I do receive disability pay monthly however it is so minute that it doesn’t even cover half the cost of my monthly medications that aren’t all covered by Canada’s pharmacare plan. It’s ridiculous but not the point so I won’t go off on a longer tangent than this current rant lol sorry)
I’ve also been diagnosed with cPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) from 27 years of extreme medical trauma, some so serious it involved the court system and to this day I deal with panic attacks, nightmares, night terrors, flashbacks where I feel like everything is happening all over again and I’m back in that exact moment in my mind, intense memory episodes that occur out of the blue (kinda like a panic attack but less anxiety and more anger about the things that were done to me, etc.). To be honest, my specific mutation is so rare there’s only 29 recorded cases in history and only 7 currently alive now (soon to be 5 since I’m on hospice care. I was in a hospice Center but wanted to die in my own house so I’m on home hospice just to clarify if anyone was confused because this post is so freaking long and complicated and rambley to which I apologize). The oldest person with the disease in history is actually still alive and he is currently 39 but I believe also on palliative care/hospice although they call it different things as I live in Canada and he lives in the Netherlands. But I’ve basically been a medical Guinea pig since the day I was born and it’s caused so much damage mentally and physically. There’s not anywhere on my body that doesn’t have a scar or evidence of medical intervention 😢
Every emotion you described…I’ve felt in one way or another. The way you speak, your storytelling ability, all of it. I don’t believe everything happens for a reason personally. But I do believe that your disability has made you so much stronger than an able-bodied person could understand. There is so much strength in the vulnerability it takes to ask for help. And just a few final thoughts for any non-disabled people:
1) disabled is not a bad word lol it’s literally a descriptive word for what I am
2) I hate when people say “don’t let your disability define you”. Because while I am a lot more things than just disabled (like a mom to the cutest emotional support crested gecko 🦎 named Rook lol), my disability defines every decision I make in the day. So it’s a massive part of my identity and I’m okay with that. There’s still other parts that I’m proud of like I said, and things like being a daughter, being a conservationist and ecosystem enthusiast etc lol, but still, disability is intertwined in all of that so in a way it does define me
3) any variation of either saying this *to* a disabled person or *about* a disabled person “they never let their disability hold them back” 😤 the reality is, I truly believe that EVERYONE with a disability of any kind has had it impact their ability to achieve certain things. In other words, their disability has held them back. And while that’s so frustrating that the world is not more accessible etc. It’s the reality. My disability held me back from (for example, not actually personal) becoming a professional figure skater. It does happen and when you’re talking about someone and say that “they never let their disability hold them back from achieving every dream” it can make other disabled people feel crappy about themselves because maybe theirs did.
4) I don’t need pity. Me doing an every day task or just getting outside isn’t “an inspiration”, however, if my story inspires you because of my resilience through adversity or my achievements, etc., that’s very thoughtful to say ace encouraging
All in all, Sarah Todd this was a brilliant snippet into the reality of life with a disability. It was beautiful and raw and emotional and real and so beautifully and eloquently shared. You have such a gift of storytelling. Your voice is soft but fierce and commands attention and your advocacy work (which I’ve been following since one of the very first mini docs posted on a different channel about your story) is something so commendable and you should be so proud of. I feel like you were born to make a difference in the world, and whether it’s through disability advocacy or whatever else you choose, the with better watch out lol. You are a fierce fighter and I’m sorry that you didn’t have a say in the thing that made you that strong (although I believe AFM or not you would’ve been a strong force to be reckoned with), but although you had no say in the matter, you just moved forward because that’s all you could do, you moved forward with the strength of a freight train barreling towards your dreams. Whatever you choose to do in the future, without a doubt, people will take notice!
Thank you for this brilliant video and your raw courage in sharing the hard parts. There is so much beauty in vulnerability my dear making you pretty freaking gorgeous inside and out. Thank you for making me feel less alone and by sharing your disability experience it gave a voice to mine.
Thank you Sarah Todd Hammer 🤍
Dam girl..this is tragic and amazing. I won't forget you when you'll be gone. You are just 11 years older then me but you are so intelligent and empathetic! I can't imagine what is it like to be in your state, this is a real bommer. wish you for the best! See you next life I guess?🤷🏼♀️🩵
What an incredibly sweet comment, thank you so much for your kind words ❤️
@@SarahToddHammer lol I’m dying and I personally believe in Heaven which I’m trying to get into…I don’t have time to lie lol. So please know every word was genuine 🖤🦴🫁🦓🫀🤍
@@user-bv5es8nm2s Why will she be gone? Maybe I missed that part but I sure hope her health situation doesn't mean she'll have a shorter life than she would have otherwise. I want her to have a long life and hopefully after that she is in heaven, which is where I'm planning to go too someday.
Thank you for sharing your story. You were dealt an awful hand of cards, and you have my sincere sympathy and compassion. I'm glad you are at home with the people who love you most. Try not to feel guilty . . . they would struggle even more if they could, just to make your life easier.
It is hard to be disabled. I'm glad you are happy despite being disabled
It can be difficult, yes! But it can also be beautiful ❤️
This video was beautifully done! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much!
You are so beautiful inside and out Sarah Todd! I have enjoyed watching you grow and mature in your AMAZING quest to enjoy your life to the fullest. You encourage and give knowledge and hope to others who are disabled as well as informing those of us who are not disabled to understand. You are a ray of sunshine in this world. God bless you. 💖
Thank you so so much! Thankful for your support ❤️
Thank you Sarah. You made me realised how beautiful this life really is. That ‘trivial’ story about you asking a different roommate to put on a top, feeling helpless and not knowing who can help you… I felt that. I have never gone through the same experience but somehow I can feel that pain, when I battled with depression a few years back in a psychiatric unit somewhere after the police brought me in. It’s such a weird thing, this life 😂 Thank you for reminding me again how amazing life is, keep shining bright Sarah!
Aw thank you so much 🥹 (Also, I go by Sarah Todd or ST 🥰)
This video was great and your message is awesome. As a fellow young woman in her 20s with a physical disability that is usually visible but can sometimes go unnoticed, I can relate to things you said. Children are resilient and it’s a good thing to because I think that’s one of the best things about disability that it fosters resilience and creativity. But as you mentioned it can also lead to not acknowledging or looking into this source/full extent of frustrations that being disabled in a society that so often has no idea what the experience actually is like.
I’m so glad it resonated with you! Thank you so much for watching ❤️
Thank you 🙏 Sarah for sharing your story ❤😊
So I'm 42 but have massive damage to my c2/c3 and L2/l3 in spine from combat deployments. While I cannot understand what you have to endure I do have sympathy. Without being disrespectful to your early onset condition and what you lost.... I can't do thre things I used to do like skydiving, snowboarding, etc etc... watching this video and others like it gives me perspective and grounds me in relativity. I appreciate you doing this and your preserverance. You're very strong at how you approach life and i love to understand the struggles and determination of others. Thank you and keep kicking ass.
Thank you so much for your kind words!
I'm disabled myself only I am autistic, and a lot of people see it as a bad thing and something to be afraid. They don't see the person that you are inside when you are disabled, this video was really uplifting Sarah I look up to you and I hope one day to meet you. You are an inspiration.
I think it would be fair to say that having people around you who are empaths will be massively important to you. It’s good you give yourself credit for coping well and make the best of your situation. I can understand your frustrations. My clinical depression and PTSD can intrude sometimes into what I would consider a normal routine but at the same time, I look at some other individuals that do not have to deal with these things and I often fair better sometimes than they do so all things are relative. Just being content with being you is one of the most important things.
You are right! Empathy is a very important quality to me and something I look for in my friends. I’m glad my film resonated with you.
You are so inspiring ❤ disability conditions just makes us different as humans it shouldn’t stop us from what we love doing
Please, never give up!!!!!
This whole world could benefit from hearing what you have to say, whether disabled or not. When is the Ted Talk coming!!!
Thank you so much, Flo 🥹❤️ Hopefully eventually hahaha
Sarah, I’m also a disabled woman but live in a different country. I often hear people from the US say they get little to no government support. Where I live I only need to ask friends & family for day to day support on the odd occasion because we have pretty much free health care & I am entitled to funding for support staff & equipment.
So saying, the level of planning we have to do is the same. It’s a never ending round of thinking ahead to ensure we’re safe, have what we need & can live the life we want. Resilience, creativity & adaptability are so necessary in our lives & I’m glad you have these qualities. I totally resonate with your comments on identity, reality checks, authenticity & being proud of who you are & your daily achievements. I wish you all the best in your studies & whatever goals you have for your life. ❤
Thank you so much for explaining how you are disabled person who is also a person apart from your disability. I would think it would be the difference between ‘you are your disability’ and ‘you have a disability.’ I admire your resilience but also see your frustration that even people who know you well might not consider the consequences of not helping you when you need help. It’s like you said-what do they think will happen once they have left (without providing help.) I wish you all the best in the future 🦋
Aw thank you so much! 🩷
As part of your nightime planning, could you ask you roommates about their schedule for the next morning? Would give you peace of mind.
I usually do that! And like I said in the video, I already have so much of their schedules memorized as it is 😂
Your Awesome Pal....God Bless You...
EDS has given me very little hand strength, and they shake like there’s no tomorrow. I have had to purchase things so I can open bottles. It’s hard, but worth it.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for this
Thank you for watching, Danseh! 🩵
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am an able-bodied individual, but I like learning about these disability lived-experiences. I’ve been following your journey for a while and can’t wait to see what’s next for you. This was so beautifully documented, well done!
You’re too sweet! Thank you so much for watching and supporting me 💕
Hello, keep up the good work. I have arthritis & is hard to walk & work on certain days. After working at one of my jobs I was fired for using a cane (I kept it hidden from the owner for almost 2 years.) I decided I cannot hide the cane & is part of who I am. I am trying to get through culinary school over the next several years. I am also a Professional Life Coach & returning to the field soon with one of my niches as "Disability Awareness" coaching. Any challenge needs to be met straight on & you can't let other people put limits on someone with physical challenges or other challenges. Thanks for "teaching" others about life's challenges.
Thank you so much for supporting me and for sharing a bit of your story with me ❤️
Hello Sarah Todd! I just discovered your channel today. I watched this video and the one about "comments held for review". I also subscribed, and look forward to new videos and working my way through all of your videos eventually. Regarding weird comments, I personally know a pilot who gets comments like: "you are not really a pilot because .......". Cheers from Florida USA!
A remarkable young lady
Thank you so much! ❤️
My disability is much slighter but psychologically but you have processed yours much more thoroughly - kudos to your family for helping you here as one cannot do it on their own, especially as a teen.
Do a TED talk. You and your story are so captivating. You are so amazing and inspiring.
Aw thank you so much! I hope to one day 🩷
Hi, sweet Sarah. What an exceptional, amazing, dynamic, lovely young lady you have grown into ☀️☀️☀️😘
Thank you so much 💜
What an inspiration you are Sarah, terrific 🙂👍
Thank you! 🥰 Also, I go by “Sarah Todd” as a double name 😊
@@SarahToddHammer OK Sarah Todd 🙂
Hello Sarah Todd, hearing you discuss having to choose whether to wear a jacket when it is cold, or not, made me wonder why no one has developed a jacket that could be put on and off in a similar way to dress you are wearing in the video.
Surely there is some kind of adaptive clothing that disabled people can use to help them gain independence.
It's just a small part of your story but it really irritated me, that people would have to choose something like that.
Good Luck to you, I hope you're able to put that newly competed education to good use.
This was a very informative video--thank you for sharing your reality. Reading another comment got me to thinking that a heavy shawl might work when it's cold. Perhaps you could put on your backpack, drape the shawl on a chair, then sit and pull it around you. Even a lightweight shawl would offer some protection.
Thank you for watching!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I so enjoy your account, and continuing to learn from you.
Thank you so much for watching and supporting!
Since you need help….you need a sweetie who loves you and will be super happy to do these things with you! I have a friend who’s wife has pretty bad CP. He loves her so much and helps her so much. If that’s something you want, I hope you find a special person!
I admire you so much Sarah! You give my daughter & myself as her mother so much hope & inspiration! ❤️
Thank you so much for your support! ❤
Thank you, Sarah Todd. It's good to see and hear you again. Have you graduated? Are you ready to take on the world? Awesome.
Thank you for supporting me! Yes, I graduated. You can see more updates about my life on instagram instagram.com/sarahtoddhammer?igsh=c3ZjdTkzMjliOXJk&
@@SarahToddHammerWhat are you planning on doing with your BA or BS degree?
You are beautiful pretty and also wise person... wish you always happy
Thank you!
@@SarahToddHammer very welcome... u have very blessing life iam happy for you... friends at school and can goingto school or evven college is the dream of all childrens in the world. The love of my life. Cant go to school because have toxic parents. I wish u always strong and more smile God bless you.
This one messed with my head a bit. I feel like I’m in trouble for not wanting to “identify” her disabled and treat her normally. Very strange feeling. I guess just always thought a person with a disability would not want to be identified with it.🤷🏻♂️
Haha, you’re not in “trouble”! This is just something I feel as a disabled person that a lot of other disabled people feel. It can be difficult for non-disabled people to understand. What’s important is you watched and are thinking about it 🩷
Love this ST
Thank you so much, Katie! 🥹
What kind of soulless person gives this video a thumbs down?
This makes me feel awful about my ungrateful self. 😒
Ah yes my cat is waiting for the premiere to start
I don’t see any disability at all I just see a wonderful young woman
As I discuss heavily in the video, I want to be seen as disabled because it’s an integral part of my identity. I am both disabled and a wonderful young woman.