They‘re right! Do the work guys. When my ex reached out I wasn‘t ready at all and things went south during our conversation. I blew my chance because all I did the first 4 months of NC was reminiscing about the past, blaming myself for the mistakes etc. Don't be like me guys. Shifting the focus from them to you IS the best strategy.
@@CoachCraigKenneth I think the trick is to catch yourself in time. The interest was still there however I was acting needy and losing control of the relationship. She was backing way off, not wanting to get together, now she's asking me to make time for her. It's like she wanted this and needed it. Now I feel bad holding off texting her. How long would you wait??
“Every notification on your phone could be your ex”… Solution is to set a special text tone and ringtone for that person in your contacts. If you don’t hear that specific tone, it’s not them. It will ease a lot of stress and dread.
Yeah for me I silenced everyone’s texts (do not disturb) and his was the only one I left unsilenced so if I ever get a *ding* text or see a text pop up I know it’s him
I just have them muted, so I dont hear or see anything when they message me. They dont deserve an instant reply anyways so I guess this is a good solution.
@@AmandaslifePeople suffer unnecessarily because of the likes of you. Unless there was cheating or abuse or the relationship was not overall positive you should've reached out to him.
It works guys . This is coming from someone that thought it doesn’t work, ( I was depressed for 4 months ) guess what ? he is a soccer player , u Would think with all his options and money, he wouldn’t reach back, but he contacted after 18 months . But I noticed it was when I stopped hoping , when I started doing better for me, not for revenge . But honestly they don’t deserve a second chance same shit u are going to experience. Move on with your lives. We want them back for ego boost not necessarily love . It’s your love that makes them special . What’s for you won’t miss u. Trust me I was like u guys in 2019 watching all the no contact videos, all the strategies. Lol. Face the pain of them gone , it gets better each day Trust me. One day u will realize, u dint think of them anymore . NB : I’m a medical doctor so let me tell u this , from the medical view, all the anxiety and feelings of u can’t live without them is due to the fact that, they stimulated release of happy hormones and your Brain is used to it, so when they are no longer there , your brain attempts to release these hormones, just like withdrawals it’s worse in the beginning, but gets better with time. This video just popped up and I decided to drop these for those people watching all these videos. Please try and know when to stop watching them too. They keep the hope alive . Hope is good, but knowing when not to have it it’s best . ✌️
Its difficult when people don’t want to work at relationships - and just see that the ‘grass is greener’ I spent 4 years with someone that just ditched me by text in the end.
My heart breaks with you my friend. I'm in the same boat as you. 4 years of passion, laughter, an amazing connection, barely any fights or arguments. Just ended one night with a phone call "I can't continue being your girlfriend. I'm sorry." No reason, no nothing. It's heartbreaking.
Same here, we were 5 and a half years, this December would have made 6. I still cry, can’t sleep, my eating is off, I eat whatever now, hardly have motivation to do the things I love, haven’t worked out for about 5 weeks now and many more. However, I’m slowly getting a big better, even though I broke up 7 weeks ago.
Been 15 months since my breakup. Contacted one time by her to say happy birthday 3 months after the breakup with a Happy Birthday! Hope you have an incredible day and doing well! I replied with a Thank you, hope you are doing well too. Have not heard from her ever since, and have not once reached out to her in any way. Had to delete her from social media just to finally move on.
Have a quick story, one of my best friends told me this weekend that his ex from 9 years ago texted him out of the blue recently about the Rangers when they were in the playoffs for hockey. They hadn’t spoken in 9 years and she texted him. He didn’t reply because he’s moved on and is in a new relationship but still thought this would be relevant to share.
I just don’t get why she dumped me. Who does she think she’ll find that is better?! I don’t want to sound like a narcissist, but I’m a SOLID pick, especially these days!
We have no idea what is really going on on the other side after a break up! After several months life has really changed both ways and most of the emotion is gone. No contact again is for personal healing almost entirely! Everything takes as long as it takes, but for me over 90 days for most of the pain to be gone. Once someone is in your past and you’re not putting any energy into it or have expectations of the outcome, the world starts opening up again. You find yourself again as we tend to lose ourselves in intimate relationships.
That'e the problem: 3 months is not enough time to be diving into "intimate relationships" again. Especially after a longer relationship. You're dragging a tonne of baggage into other people's lives.
@@adamwood87 it really can’t be about them. It may start out being about them, but to have truly amazing progress, it has to be about you. Coz if they die, get married, whatever… you’ve wasted time. There’s too much power with them in that mindset.
@@LG-ly7pw i certainly wasn't thinking no contact had resurrection powers. i'm inclined to agree with you, however the point of contention i am making is that there is a subtle equivocation fallacy going on here: personal growth is always going to be just that, although for "no contact" to have any meaning, it can't be merely the same. no contact is either about getting your ex back or it's not - even if it's not the main priority or changes priority, it's one or the other. i really have a problem with people making unfalsifiable claims, and moving the goal post.
@@adamwood87 Yeah, I'm saying personal growth is the main point. They might come back, they might not, but you're going to come out ahead in your life either way. Craig's been pretty clear about that over the years, I think. You really don't have control over what an ex does so you might as well take the "no contact" time to grow as a person (since that's the only thing you can control). Eventually you stop thinking of it as no contact, as it's just life now and you've either reconciled or moved on.
No contact is really to respect you. To build yourself back up and get to a much better place. If they chose to break up with you that’s there loss and you must keep this abundance mindset as hanging around and still being in contact with someone who’s completely rejected you won’t allow the growth you need. I dated the most toxic person of my entire life two years ago and although she broke up with me it saved me doing it. She was an emotionally damaged individual had lied and fabricated the truth over so many aspects that there was no relationship to be had. She clearly needed help. I pretty much went no contact and cut her off out of feeling disgusted with the fraud herself and plus I knew the work that was needed. Now I couldn’t care less if she tried to contact me or not, but she will be going on about me like she did with every ex blaming them for all her misfortunes in life. That I’m certain of. It’s a cycle they go through and she moves from relationship to relationship with a extremely poor mindset that the next partner can soothe her and fix her until he slights her. The sad thing is I really don’t think she has the capability to ever be self aware of the destruction she causes. So she will continue abusing every person that enters her life. I don’t need that nor does anyone else I have a life to live.
Four years after separating my ex and i have managed to come very close without returning because we both love our daughter and like this we can provide her with as much familial safety as we can. A lot has had to do with personal growth on my side, by identifying my abandonement issues, my lack of empathy and so on. Slowly we are becoming something that resembles the family we once wanted. For the first time in all these years we look together to the future. So hang in there and make the work. You will not miss on that.
You're right. Sometimes doom feels "better" than the reality of the sheer unknown. It doesn't help people in my life are telling me he's over me etc. I am doing the work but I'm in so much pain it feels like running a marathon with a shattered leg. I won't give up.
Im literally on a year today from the breakup. Very similar situation where they havent reached out and ive grown but time to time i get upset still. i feel like im still not where i need to be. Fighting everyday to become a better man. Thank you coaches!
No contact is like a Test to reveal if he/she is the right one for you.. im a huge believer of "if it's meant to be, it'll be 💗 im on my 2 weeks of no contact and im in great pain ... But if hes really for me he'll extend himself to me . If not ? Its okay... Hes not the one then..
i agree 100% with you im in 1 week no contact she told me she thinks its in our best interest not to talk right now and requested that we don’t block each other (i tend to block someone to get over them faster not out of being mad or butthurt) so i agreed not to block she also agreed that we do have a really strong bond and connection more then she had with her ex she was with for 6 years but its been a week since we last talked …
@@rickysbrutal ohh yeahh same,im having this urge to block him too coz that's the easiest way to move on for me in every failed relationship.. but for him i haven't.. im going through phases there times i feel stronger and there times im feeling weak.. hope it'll be all ok soon..
as a 40 yr old man thats been through the ringer with alot of toxic women. This last one I was with for just a year and it was the most loving affectionate experience i've ever had with anyone. We lined up perfectly, same goals, into the same music, same career motivations. Both of us are adhd and slightly autistic incredibly sensitive people but we both had rough child hoods and past traumatic relationships...her ex before me caused some problems that I brought to her instead of handling myself and shes severely conflict avoidant (FA) and withdrew and got really cold. it took me 6 months to finally go no contact and i'm sure things ended to badly to salvage. We both said alot of things we didnt mean when we were triggered.. really unfortunate.
My avoidant ex broke up with me because she lost feelings for me. In the relationship she told me that my anxious attachment had to change. After she broke up with me she contacted a few times and we're still playing a game together with mutual friends. Yesterday she said she was sad that I don't contact her anymore. I don't know whether this was sarcastic or not because she used to talk like that before we got into the relationship and masked it with the same sarcastic humour.
You know how you told people to comment if their ex calls watching this video? Just hours after watching this video mine called me. We’ve been almost 3 weeks no contact. I couldn’t believe it.
@@CoachCraigKenneth It does! I’m proud of my willpower and feel more motivated to come from a place of self respect and not neediness. I feel more empowered to just let it go now.
Let go of hope. Then you are indifferent and good either way. Work on yourself and don’t stop living life. No one but you should have power over your life.
It’s so hard for me now, because I’m starting to see someone three weeks ago when I wasn’t ready because my breakup was just 7 weeks ago. (I hadn’t planned this, she’s the former student of one of my sisters friends) We had a bbq at the family house and we were starting to say grace when I went in between my nephew and the girl to hold hands. I thought we were going to hold hands like how people do a handshake, but she ended up interlocking with my fingers and my eyes opened up wide. All I could hear was my ex girlfriend’s voice telling me couples do that when they’re intimate with each other, because that’s what she had taught me and she wanted me to be dominant over her, so she would always have me put my hand on top of hers, but the girl’s hand was on top of mine. After saying grace, I walked away and started to tear up. After the party and everyone had left, I just broke down and cried, cried my eyes out for almost five minutes.
Was in NC again, and she (dumper) messaged me of a photo of me, no text, just the photo. Was a photo of me that she took quite a while ago and it was her favourite photo of me as I looked genuinely happy. I had asked for the photo before we actually broke up like a month ago. So why has she sent it now? Confused.
The truth is, they really don‘t care enough and they feel relieved after they brake up. Going to no contact is for you ONLY to heal and have some self respect. But for them it‘s just right and a good feeling that you make it so easy for them without any drama.
Thanks again for a great video! I only hope the people actually learn instead of just listen. I am the dumper if you want to call it that. I was Fed Up with the boundary breaking, childish behavior and poor emotional navigation skills so I called it quits. After sharing everyone of your videos and buying your book set he's still doesn't get it! 5 days ago he finally stopped texting and calling my blocked number dozens of times a day.. coming to my house and leaving flowers and handwritten notes Kenneth🙄 I do think about him, he has some very good qualities it's just unfortunate that my priorities are my boundaries not a nice dinner. Perhaps when the anger fades I will reach out to him and see if he has changed at all and if not I will move on permanently..
Been two years since we've seen each other and talked, and one year since I last heard from him by email. Unfortunately I feel in my heart that he's completely moved on. Number one mistake I made was reaching out for two years with a lot of emails and they were not kind. I went to the lowest of low the thing's I wrote to him by emails..blaming him for everything He did wrong. I wish I started the no contact right after the break up.. it's SO important. I lost my dignity with him by the barrage of messages, some were kind but most weren't..alot of back and forth of raw emotions. I'll always love him and that's ok, I just can't reach out anymore. But, I am not going to wait for him. I haven't reached out for four months now. It's been two years post breakup, duh it's over. Working on the new me now. I've accepted where I went wrong but unfortunately he probably never will take on responsibility for his damage. I'm finally ready to date now.. it's time! Ps we were together off and on for four years.
You've accepted where you went wrong...that is the key to opening a door to the "new you". Be a better person, and take those positive attributes into your next relationship...whenever that may be
Just to summarize it, i dated a woman for 6 years, after the initial breakup she never contacted me, after a certain point I did not wanted her anymore, almost a year and half, she tried many ways to contact me, i just ignore her, even in my birthday i only say thank you, nothing else, because when you truly move on they tried to contact you.
i was dumped after 8 yrs in a relationship. NC preserve my value from down grading further, my ex contacted me twice but i didnt reply bec before those attempts, ive informed by someone that she is in a new relationship. so even if i love still my ex, i respect all the situations and myself for not letting myself to be part of her present. it's been a year now but im still thriving to fix myself.
Me & My Ex been together for 3 years..But every time we get into a disagreement, she gets upset and want to break up. She doesn't take criticism well and she has a bad attitude and she also doesn't communicate well. But I love her, I went into No contact for two weeks and I broke it by texting her to see how she was doing..But she ignored me. So I went back to No Contact and it only been a week..I don't think she's gonna reach out to me
They really are speaking truth about focusing on personal growth, I’ve made a lot of progress and I’m finding myself again, I don’t mind so much not hearing from her, but it still stings a little. I’ve been talking to and dating other people, but I’m quite comfortable with what I have going on
Yes, NC is the way but it’s been mentioned every relationship is different. There has not been much discussion from Ken about people who are married. Especially discussing long-term partnerships. Maybe my story is not as common compared with a non-married relationship under a few years. I'd be curious to know what are the demographics of who you see and talk to. We were together for almost 13 years and interesting enough, got married two years ago. Also to know note... I'm 66 and she is 62. The hardest part for me is having someone just fracture our marriage vows the way she did. Of course, there were problems, but all she had to do was communicate to me that she wanted to take a break and I would’ve agreed. I came home almost 3 months ago and her computer and all her clothes were gone… No note, nothing but left her wedding band on the table. She has never been one to initiate anything in our relationship but how long do you wait? Fortunately, there’s not much to split up but at some point being married needs to be addressed. Initially, I was super upset about how she handled the breakup and sent her a few emails voicing everything I needed to say. Now just waiting and working on myself. We have not spoken since and can’t tell you how difficult this has been.
@@CoachCraigKenneth oh, I've definitely processed it, I told her I accepted her choice, and thanked her for the memories, but that I was obviously still upset about her decision. But she couldn't handle the sense of frequently feeling overwhelmed with her emotions, she was a single mother with people pleasing issues..and the pressure got to her I guess...what can I do eh..
@@momo93m1 still nothing from her...but she stalks my IG every other day...I'm coming to terms with moving on, she's FA so if she ever reaches out, won't be for months I reckon.
Same done it for 8 months reached out because I figured I'd confess my love 1 day and how I severely still missed her & got blocked and a new text from the New Hubby .... broke my heart completely. What sucks is she reached out thru email 3 months before that and I ignored it .... STAY IN NO CONTACT OR GET HURT
Hmm wonder if she was reconsidering things with you before she got married… Also, I wouldn’t have recommended ignoring that email… but there is a lot of toxic advice out there that does…
@@CoachCraigKenneth true. not everyone will beg on their knees to get you back, but that doesn't mean that they won't consider it in their own heads. Would you say that reaching out after 2-3 months is a mistake if they have an disorganized attachment? I feel like she's too shy to re-connect, but that she really wants to. (she's been showing so many signs)
I had a short but really intense relationship ( 7 months ) and guess what? ... after 7 years out of the blue she wrote me and then we met again. We hanged out for few evenings, going dancing and having fun and I kissed her again. My life changed a lot and since 8 years I'm leaving abroad ( 6 hours from her ) so there was no really expectations from my side. After the kiss I had to leave to go back to my place in Switzerland and she told me: " I'm happy that I have the confirmation that you still like me". Weird no? .... she wanted just to have a confirmation/validation after 7 years. Anyway I left and I never reached out anymore.it Was and is irrelevant from the point in life I'm.
That’s a very narcissistic thing of her to say, a giant red flag. Take that for how it appears and move on from this person. They clearly only care about your perception of her.
@@PussInBoot414 absolutely … In fact I went back home to my place in Switzerland… and never looked back. I had a new life and she was curious. I was just saying because like Craig use to say .. you never know. Sooner or later they will reconsider
I am almost 11 months into no contact, did the workbooks twice, read a ton of books, did a journal every day... But I am still in that cycle of being hopeful-okay and being desperate and lethally depressed. I am guilty of almost all of the mindfucks you speak about in this video, except the torture and the jealousy one.
@@beyourself9162 sometimes you have a million reasons not be with the person but the heart wants what is wants and it's the only reason to not let go. The pros en cons don't work with me 😢 but glad it helps you
My ex broke up with me back in October and been in no contact since. She blocked me from Instagram and as a contact but still follows my brother, my grandma, and aunt on Facebook still
My ex reached out after she dumped me initially but she texted me to make me jealous and hurt me intentionally so I got pissed at her and tell her stop doing this bullshit , she said okay. Even after that she reached out weirdly just to check whether I blocked her or not. And constant blocking unblocking blocking from her during no contact. Been 2 months of NC now after some drama . Confusing ex tbh
I was the dumper, then i realised i made a huge misstake. I wrote her a email with apologies. But she told me its not the same feeling anymore. I was texting and begging and she started to ignore me. I started NC and she reached out to me after 3 days, now she is texting and calling me every day. Sending me pictures from trips we made together. We where 3 years together. I know she still loves me and i feel a good vibe. I feel she is moving towards me but not sure she just wants to keep me close and move on in silence. Coaches?
Was 11 months of NC with my DA ex when I got an email from her. Things were great for two weeks and then back to her pulling back a little. I'm ok with whatever happens, don't have expectations it's going to workout but we'll see.
Stay in no contact. I broke it and let him back in. Now he has moved to a different country and told me have a nice life and he doesn’t want to be friends.
Not for nothing I've always done the no contact naturally. Once I get dumped I move on never looking back. Now this time is different because I've attached to the kids. I was raising them as mine up till recently. I decided to go my own way because she want to start introducing men she dealing with to the kids. So I respect her choices hope it work out but it hurts walking away from the kids I care about.
@@__.Sara.__ Hey Sara. Well how you diddling? Great to hear from you. Yes, even us wicked sinners suffer from breakups. I discovered I have an attachment avoidant trait from this channel. That is I want to be with someone but get avoidant if it gets too close. Being aware of it has helped a lot. What’s your story? A pretty girl like you being left? I don’t believe it.
@@frankcardano4142 Hey, I think you're just joking about your atheism while calling yourself a wicked sinner, but you know that Christians believe we all sin. If you meet a Christian that thinks they're better than you because of your unbelief they missed the point. I'm sorry about your breakup! Very difficult situation to deal with. Luckily we have this amazing channel to help us cope and grow. I found out about attachment styles from this channel, too, and I completely agree, awareness is super helpful. And thank you for calling me pretty! My self-esteem is low, so I don't view myself that way, but it's nice to hear! My story is pretty complicated- I'm going to work on reflecting about everything that happened so I can explain it objectively without casting too much blame on either side. I mean, I won't come back and comment about it, but that sounds like a good exercise 😅 I think I'm at a point where I'm not ready to date- I want to get some coaching after I work through all of the workbooks and the creative healing course. I want to try to take dating again super slow until I've really worked to change. Sorry that was a long comment 😅
@@__.Sara.__ No, I love your long comment. My recent breakup was mostly me being rejected rather than actually missing her. We even got back together for a few months but the old problems quickly surfaced again. Rather silly now looking back. Before that it took me a long time to accept any blame for a former breakup. That was part of the healing process. I’m not seeing anyone right now by choice as I’m in a really good place. I wish I had someone go holiday with and hiking but other than that I’m happy as I am. I’m from near Manchester, Uk.
@@frankcardano4142 Previous problems resurfacing seems to be a common problem, so I want to really make sure I've done the work. You're from the UK! I imagined your reply with a British accent 😅 I live in South Mississippi, so I wouldn't recommend doing the same with mine 😅 Hope you have a good day! I'll see you around in the debates on Cross Examined and Testify!
Could you please consider a video of when you are on contact with your ex and it’s a LDR and the communication is great and meaningful but they take a long time to get back in touch with you It’s vey confusing and somewhat annoying Thanks
One and a half years here! Yes, I went through a lot of pain after the separation (we were talking marriage right before she dumped me) but I also worked very hard at improving myself in all areas. Finally I decided it was time for me to move on, and I've just met someone quite fascinating.
These videos are very helpful thank you. It's horrid to admit my ex was right to leave. I'm a great person but I'm trying to leave a difficult family situation and I'm very scared because they're abusive. That makes abandonment for me really hard because I'm being left in a harmful situation. I'm craving belonging and help and that's too much for a partner especially one who's already avoidant. To my credit I've let him go but I'm still sad about it and I still miss him everyday two years later. It was a strong bond I've never had before and I fear I may never have again because I'm 50 now. I loved him so much I've seen what's right for him and let him leave and gone no contact and he hasn't come back. But on bad days I still feel distraught over it.
I'm definitely not waiting for him. I've been working on myself for the past 2 years so hopefully I'm ready. I am being optimistic but at this point I don't care technically if he comes back. I've found many people along the way and know there is someone better if he can't be that better person. I'm staying optimistic but don't care either way. He recently unblocked me after 2 years of no contact. I had been initially angry but quit contacting after 2 days of the break up so I think it was soon enough after that it didn't carry on too long.
I think aboutmy list and how he cared so little for me never taking any interest or questions about my background, likes, dislikes ,family it was always about him I could write a book on him He could not write a paragraph about me sad.....enjoy watching you all three like good friends
for those who are really struggling, this might sound a bit woo, but there is a cool technique called emotional freedom technique, it involves tapping on the acupuncture meridian points to release emotions, it takes a few mins, look up Tapping for Rejection and Abandonment - EFT with Brad Yates
Don’t know if I should be watching these videos because this is the second time we broke up. First time we broke up I watched all these videos and he came back. Now idk if I should even wonder if he’ll come back this time
A little under 1 year, we somehow match on dating website (I don’t recall seeing her on the site) and she messages me first. Not sure how to respond. But I am very surprised
I’m done with my ex logged I out of apps we speak on it’s been 9 days of no contact I’m feel better already still hurts but I’m healing slowly I’m taking it day by day 😊😊😊
Yea unless you work with that person in a restaurant and are in constant contact with them during a shift. I need that video for real. No one has that. Not Coach Lee, The Love Chat, nobody. How do you maneuver that?
Justus, i've heard that scenario mentioned, in passing, on both Craig, as well as, Lee's videos. it's typically lumped in with how to handle no contact when you have kids, so you have to see each other occasionally. from what i remember, it's just an altered no contact where you keep interaction to a minimum - meaning, in this case, nothing aside from work duties. just show them you can handle the breakup well. i imagine that has to be a difficult situation.
My Ex left me 5 months ago, did the usual begging and pleading at the beginning, then went NC. She then reached out and said about talking as friends (she was in a rebound relationship at this point) I kinda agreed knowing it wasn’t what I wanted. We talked almost everyday but always one sided by her, we met up a few times and it felt like normal even though I knew it wasn’t. Her rebound broke up with her as she tried to force the relationship, though this was a good sign but she’s been so hung up on him after 3 months rather than us of 10 years. I guess this is because he ended it rather than her ending it. We talked over Christmas but she said that she knew the reason she wanted to come home but i wasn’t going to like it. I had enough because I felt so upset on Christmas Day from missing her and her family if I’m being honest. I told her I didn’t want to hear about it because he left her and just because he was back for the holidays didn’t mean he’d want to see you. She didn’t like this and said then we have nothing to talk about then blocked me. I’m now unblocked but haven’t herd anything so back in NC I really don’t know what to do, I know i need to move forward but after all this time I’m just so lost
Bro .. The Bsic Rule is to Walk Away and never look back … until she initiates contact … that’s what I did when my ex broke up with me… and trust me it’s 2 years and I am in better place … meanwhile focus on urself ✌️
Politics broke us up, so I am not holding my breath for her to reach out, she probably honestly believes she's better off, even though I did everything I feel a man should do in a relationship,
No contact is a hope strategy that really only sets you up for disappointment. It's a hope strategy for people with no self-worth. If you value yourself, why do you care so much about your ex? If you have self-esteem, you don't care if the ex left you or ghosted you. THEY lost YOU, not the other way around. "No contact" should really be renamed / reframed to "move on".
No contact is a strategy to recover from the break-up because this person unexpectedly broke up with you while you still were in love. So, you have no choice but to never talk to them ever again in life on Earth. What part of that says low self-worth/esteem? Rather respecting your ex's wishes and yourself. If exe ever reach out, it's on them. You're just living your life and working on yourself (They chose to cut you out of their life, no contact says: You walk away with dignity and never look back. They choose to comeback, then the ball is in your court). For real - this comment goes nowhere.
@@linnus4231 ofc you should go no contact, but there people are selling hope here, that somehow by going no contact you’ll get your ex back! It should be you broke up with me then bye type of no contact, instead of you broke up with me now I’m going to use this no contact strategy to try and get you back!
@@Yes-se4kt I don't think they ever make guarantees. First and foremost it's about getting yourself to a place where you are okay without your ex and so if they ever do reach out you can handle it appropriately. That's the goal of no contact - To better yourself, with or without them.
Craig, my ex broke up with me almost two months ago and she escalated the situation I reacted with anger. She blocked me and I apologized a few days later and recently she hearted my apology and unblocked me (a month later). Im so confused right now.
Don’t be confused! Keep yourself on NC and wait till she reaches out. Reply with, hey how are you ? Have you beeen thinking about me ? or Something silly! Then , hey, lets get together and catch up. When are you free ?
I've had many girlfriends over the years. None have ever come back, and one got married. I've always worked on myself, have a new career, and really happy with who I am. They all had major insecurities I came to find out and never expect any of them back. If they ever do, I don't know what I'll do because I never think about them and have totally moved on. I have no contact with them and don't know where they are. No contact absolutely can mean they will never come back, but I'm a way better person now than I was with them, so if they really can sense I've moved on, they will see I'm better now. But I never plan or hope for their return. I've learned to screen the very person they hid from me, so why would I long for them to come back?
Well my ex came around to reveal she has a bf since finding that out 3+ weeks NC and she msg my bestfriend saturday asking her to go out. Keep in mind my ex hated my best friend she was jealous of her.. My ex texted her, I only removed u from social media because of “my name” and yeah we had talked recently but nothing that good.. But yep some odd situation
She just texted asking to come get her stuff without me there. Asked me to stay at my parents for 3 weeks as we own the house together. Not sure how to reply.
she asked for space and time. Our Story is a little weird...we were best friends for years...but all of a sudden we became more for 8 Months despite her having a Bf. she said her relationship is Not goin well... but she was unsure whether or Not she is able to leave him... we tried being Friends again...but Our feelings got in the way again... so we agreed on space and time. but after a month of Radio silence she used my bday to reestablish contact and sent me a Long Message .asked me how i am and If i wanna let her know Blabla. i was overwhelmed and Just told her politely "thanks for your Message " . No reply though . what should i do?
This. I am not a young person nowadays and i've seen it in all differents colors and situations, happening to me or to friends, family members, pals... The most common scenario in which a woman decides to break up is rebounding, aka (being sincere) monkey branching. Very few times (unless the partner has done something unforgivable) they break up without someone else lining up AND committed to your girlfriend to make her end with you (making her promises that he's serious, for example, so she doesn't fear jumping to the arms of a predator or a one-night stander; she needs to secure her movement). And it works very well to help forget the dumpee, from what i've seen: even if her new relationship fails, enough time will then have passed that, although they can still miss you, they prefer to move on to a third, fourth and so on, guy. I don't know of nobody but one who came back to an ex. Yes, some of them reached out, but ultimately they never returned to their exes. Live goes on, may be they later recommence a friendship, but at last each one of them goes on with their own lives and new people.
It will be 5 months soon. Every day of silence is his decision. I waved the white surrender flag and walked from a one-sided relationship back in February. It was a Hail Mary move, I left both my job and him there with it. I haven’t heard a thing. Years of trying to be important to this person, and within weeks he’s with someone. I don’t think it worked for me. I just pray daily that this feeling gets taken from me.
Hi, I’m 26 days in no contact and found out that my ex’s girlfriends cat died a couple of days ago. Should I reach out and send my condolences, or stay in no contact?
It`s been six weeks since she dumped me and she hasn`t reached out, but she likes my storys on Facebook. I`m still hurting and misses her like hell, but I don`t see her reaching out anymore. And she`s an avoidant as well with bipolar disorder..She has broken up with me two times before and reached out within 2 weeks telling me that she waited for ME to reach out and that she wanted to be pursued. I bet she`s waiting for me to reach out since I have my boat and much stuff lying around at her place, but that won`t happen cause I`m not ready to pick up my stuff, netiher to see her. I haven`t managed to work hard enough on myself either, so the time aint right for ME. Do anyone think she will reach out?
Her behavior reminds a bit of my own in a relationship. Sort of “testing” my partner if he is scared to loose me. I walk away a few times to see if they would chase. It’s not healthy or fair but… if it was me and I walked away 2 times and you didn’t chance once… I’m afraid next time I would just be cementing in my notion that you don’t care about me for every day that goes by without your contact. But it’s just a speculation on my side.
@@Ekb620000 Well, here is her last lines before I went into no contact; "I hope you take the time now to make your life better and not go into a depressing spiral of self-sabotage. I remember the first time after your previous ex dumped you there was a lot of drinking and little eating and you became very thin and ghostly. I wish you all the best and want you to take care of yourself ❤ Then I promise I will do the same." How do you interpret that one? To me it seems final..😞
@@Ekb620000 I use to say that we`ll figure things out and asks if she want`s a timeout to think about what she really want`s and I`ve given her such things before, but she came back eventually, too soon I guess. That been said, I`ve to say I am an avoidant myself and a little bit too supportive, a little jealous and needy. She told me she was "choked" by having me around too long and I felt it in the air while hanging with her when she "zoned out" and went tired of me..I really have to work on myself for sure, but so does she. What do you think?
No contact made my disorganized attachment ex feel rejected I didn't reach out, and made her shutdown her attachment style. I'm pretty sure I'm Fu*ked now.
@@CoachCraigKenneth thanks Craig. I definitely will but I have to wait untill I get paid again, is it too late at this point ? I've read at 8 weeks they shutdown and it's been like 12 weeks now. I know she dyed her hair red and she did that after her previous break up too 😭
Not everyone can afford that though. It's a lot of money for a lot of people. Would love to see more videos with her on this subject as my ex has this attachment and I'm so worried and have no idea what to do :(
They‘re right! Do the work guys. When my ex reached out I wasn‘t ready at all and things went south during our conversation. I blew my chance because all I did the first 4 months of NC was reminiscing about the past, blaming myself for the mistakes etc. Don't be like me guys. Shifting the focus from them to you IS the best strategy.
I wish everyone would do what we recommend… sadly, many have to find out the hard way… not sure how we could make this any more clear 🤷🏻♂️
@@CoachCraigKenneth hearing more success stories would be very beneficial, I believe.
@@CoachCraigKenneth
I think the trick is to catch yourself in time. The interest was still there however I was acting needy and losing control of the relationship. She was backing way off, not wanting to get together, now she's asking me to make time for her. It's like she wanted this and needed it. Now I feel bad holding off texting her. How long would you wait??
@@kayaking1000 dont wait
“Every notification on your phone could be your ex”… Solution is to set a special text tone and ringtone for that person in your contacts. If you don’t hear that specific tone, it’s not them. It will ease a lot of stress and dread.
that's smart.. ill do that now. I like that idea!
Yeah for me I silenced everyone’s texts (do not disturb) and his was the only one I left unsilenced so if I ever get a *ding* text or see a text pop up I know it’s him
I just have them muted, so I dont hear or see anything when they message me. They dont deserve an instant reply anyways so I guess this is a good solution.
Good idea i’ll do it too
Exactly what I did. It eases your mind when the phone chimes. Very good idea
The harsh reality is that if you never hear from them again, then it didn't mean much. Tough but just gotta accept it.
This is NOT true. I broke up with him almost a year ago. I have wanted to contact him multiple times but stop myself because I’m scared of rejection
@@AmandaslifePeople suffer unnecessarily because of the likes of you. Unless there was cheating or abuse or the relationship was not overall positive you should've reached out to him.
@@Amandaslifeyou’re a horrible person
@@Amandaslife this is why i dissagree with them when they say let them contact first
@@Amandaslife very selfish and cowardly of you...I'm sorry if that's a hard pill to swallow but it's true
It works guys .
This is coming from someone that thought it doesn’t work, ( I was depressed for 4 months ) guess what ? he is a soccer player , u Would think with all his options and money, he wouldn’t reach back, but he contacted after 18 months . But I noticed it was when I stopped hoping , when I started doing better for me, not for revenge .
But honestly they don’t deserve a second chance same shit u are going to experience. Move on with your lives. We want them back for ego boost not necessarily love .
It’s your love that makes them special .
What’s for you won’t miss u.
Trust me I was like u guys in 2019 watching all the no contact videos, all the strategies. Lol.
Face the pain of them gone , it gets better each day Trust me. One day u will realize, u dint think of them anymore .
NB : I’m a medical doctor so let me tell u this , from the medical view, all the anxiety and feelings of u can’t live without them is due to the fact that, they stimulated release of happy hormones and your Brain is used to it, so when they are no longer there , your brain attempts to release these hormones, just like withdrawals it’s worse in the beginning, but gets better with time.
This video just popped up and I decided to drop these for those people watching all these videos. Please try and know when to stop watching them too. They keep the hope alive . Hope is good, but knowing when not to have it it’s best . ✌️
I can’t wait to get to this point. Thank you
Rest in Peace Margaret thankyou from all of us 🌹🌹🌹
Thank you Margaret! You made a difference in people’s lives!!
Ah no that’s very sad tip mags❤
Its difficult when people don’t want to work at relationships - and just see that the ‘grass is greener’ I spent 4 years with someone that just ditched me by text in the end.
My heart breaks with you my friend. I'm in the same boat as you. 4 years of passion, laughter, an amazing connection, barely any fights or arguments. Just ended one night with a phone call "I can't continue being your girlfriend. I'm sorry." No reason, no nothing. It's heartbreaking.
@@oleugh Awful.. sorry to hear that 😔
Same here, we were 5 and a half years, this December would have made 6. I still cry, can’t sleep, my eating is off, I eat whatever now, hardly have motivation to do the things I love, haven’t worked out for about 5 weeks now and many more. However, I’m slowly getting a big better, even though I broke up 7 weeks ago.
Knowing her, I think she texted rather than phone call or FaceTime, is because if she saw my face, she’d lose it too.
We learned the hard way love ain’t real lol
Been 15 months since my breakup. Contacted one time by her to say happy birthday 3 months after the breakup with a Happy Birthday! Hope you have an incredible day and doing well! I replied with a Thank you, hope you are doing well too. Have not heard from her ever since, and have not once reached out to her in any way. Had to delete her from social media just to finally move on.
Have a quick story, one of my best friends told me this weekend that his ex from 9 years ago texted him out of the blue recently about the Rangers when they were in the playoffs for hockey. They hadn’t spoken in 9 years and she texted him. He didn’t reply because he’s moved on and is in a new relationship but still thought this would be relevant to share.
It’s not as surprising as you’d think! Thanks for sharing
I had an ex straight up tell me she wanted to be together 5 years after our break up
Of course NC is working. The issue with NC is that your ex will contact you when you've moved on and want nothing to do with them anymore 😅
Indeed oh yeaahh🤣
It’s true!
And that’s totally fine
for me it felt like someone ripped my heart out but sometimes we just gotta move on
That is exactly how it felt for me. Like I had a gaping hole in my chest
Yes you wake up constantly can’t eat pain constantly up and down stomach
I just don’t get why she dumped me. Who does she think she’ll find that is better?! I don’t want to sound like a narcissist, but I’m a SOLID pick, especially these days!
We have no idea what is really going on on the other side after a break up! After several months life has really changed both ways and most of the emotion is gone. No contact again is for personal healing almost entirely! Everything takes as long as it takes, but for me over 90 days for most of the pain to be gone. Once someone is in your past and you’re not putting any energy into it or have expectations of the outcome, the world starts opening up again. You find yourself again as we tend to lose ourselves in intimate relationships.
That'e the problem: 3 months is not enough time to be diving into "intimate relationships" again. Especially after a longer relationship. You're dragging a tonne of baggage into other people's lives.
No contact's working perfectly if you're using it to make personal growth a priority.
csl316, it sounds like you're saying the purpose of no contract is personal growth, not getting back an ex, is that right?
@@adamwood87 it really can’t be about them. It may start out being about them, but to have truly amazing progress, it has to be about you.
Coz if they die, get married, whatever… you’ve wasted time. There’s too much power with them in that mindset.
@@LG-ly7pw i certainly wasn't thinking no contact had resurrection powers. i'm inclined to agree with you, however the point of contention i am making is that there is a subtle equivocation fallacy going on here: personal growth is always going to be just that, although for "no contact" to have any meaning, it can't be merely the same. no contact is either about getting your ex back or it's not - even if it's not the main priority or changes priority, it's one or the other. i really have a problem with people making unfalsifiable claims, and moving the goal post.
@@adamwood87 Yeah, I'm saying personal growth is the main point. They might come back, they might not, but you're going to come out ahead in your life either way. Craig's been pretty clear about that over the years, I think. You really don't have control over what an ex does so you might as well take the "no contact" time to grow as a person (since that's the only thing you can control). Eventually you stop thinking of it as no contact, as it's just life now and you've either reconciled or moved on.
@@ChrisLT "the main point," ergo getting an ex back is still part of it. thanks.
I refuse to believe that more than 50% of ex’s get back together. My ex gf moved on so easily, and I was a great bf.
No contact is really to respect you. To build yourself back up and get to a much better place. If they chose to break up with you that’s there loss and you must keep this abundance mindset as hanging around and still being in contact with someone who’s completely rejected you won’t allow the growth you need.
I dated the most toxic person of my entire life two years ago and although she broke up with me it saved me doing it. She was an emotionally damaged individual had lied and fabricated the truth over so many aspects that there was no relationship to be had. She clearly needed help. I pretty much went no contact and cut her off out of feeling disgusted with the fraud herself and plus I knew the work that was needed. Now I couldn’t care less if she tried to contact me or not, but she will be going on about me like she did with every ex blaming them for all her misfortunes in life. That I’m certain of. It’s a cycle they go through and she moves from relationship to relationship with a extremely poor mindset that the next partner can soothe her and fix her until he slights her. The sad thing is I really don’t think she has the capability to ever be self aware of the destruction she causes. So she will continue abusing every person that enters her life. I don’t need that nor does anyone else I have a life to live.
Four years after separating my ex and i have managed to come very close without returning because we both love our daughter and like this we can provide her with as much familial safety as we can. A lot has had to do with personal growth on my side, by identifying my abandonement issues, my lack of empathy and so on. Slowly we are becoming something that resembles the family we once wanted.
For the first time in all these years we look together to the future.
So hang in there and make the work. You will not miss on that.
this gives me hope. thank you, best of luck
You're right. Sometimes doom feels "better" than the reality of the sheer unknown. It doesn't help people in my life are telling me he's over me etc. I am doing the work but I'm in so much pain it feels like running a marathon with a shattered leg. I won't give up.
Im literally on a year today from the breakup. Very similar situation where they havent reached out and ive grown but time to time i get upset still. i feel like im still not where i need to be. Fighting everyday to become a better man. Thank you coaches!
No contact is like a Test to reveal if he/she is the right one for you.. im a huge believer of "if it's meant to be, it'll be 💗 im on my 2 weeks of no contact and im in great pain ... But if hes really for me he'll extend himself to me . If not ? Its okay... Hes not the one then..
i agree 100% with you im in 1 week no contact she told me she thinks its in our best interest not to talk right now and requested that we don’t block each other (i tend to block someone to get over them faster not out of being mad or butthurt) so i agreed not to block she also agreed that we do have a really strong bond and connection more then she had with her ex she was with for 6 years but its been a week since we last talked …
@@rickysbrutal ohh yeahh same,im having this urge to block him too coz that's the easiest way to move on for me in every failed relationship.. but for him i haven't.. im going through phases there times i feel stronger and there times im feeling weak.. hope it'll be all ok soon..
As I'm listening to this she reached out and said "Good morning"
How is it going?
Happy for you.
as a 40 yr old man thats been through the ringer with alot of toxic women. This last one I was with for just a year and it was the most loving affectionate experience i've ever had with anyone. We lined up perfectly, same goals, into the same music, same career motivations. Both of us are adhd and slightly autistic incredibly sensitive people but we both had rough child hoods and past traumatic relationships...her ex before me caused some problems that I brought to her instead of handling myself and shes severely conflict avoidant (FA) and withdrew and got really cold. it took me 6 months to finally go no contact and i'm sure things ended to badly to salvage. We both said alot of things we didnt mean when we were triggered.. really unfortunate.
Everybody leaves…and they don’t come back.
My avoidant ex broke up with me because she lost feelings for me. In the relationship she told me that my anxious attachment had to change. After she broke up with me she contacted a few times and we're still playing a game together with mutual friends. Yesterday she said she was sad that I don't contact her anymore. I don't know whether this was sarcastic or not because she used to talk like that before we got into the relationship and masked it with the same sarcastic humour.
Update
You know how you told people to comment if their ex calls watching this video? Just hours after watching this video mine called me. We’ve been almost 3 weeks no contact. I couldn’t believe it.
Hope this makes you double your motivation!
@@CoachCraigKenneth It does! I’m proud of my willpower and feel more motivated to come from a place of self respect and not neediness. I feel more empowered to just let it go now.
Let go of hope. Then you are indifferent and good either way. Work on yourself and don’t stop living life. No one but you should have power over your life.
It’s so hard for me now, because I’m starting to see someone three weeks ago when I wasn’t ready because my breakup was just 7 weeks ago. (I hadn’t planned this, she’s the former student of one of my sisters friends) We had a bbq at the family house and we were starting to say grace when I went in between my nephew and the girl to hold hands. I thought we were going to hold hands like how people do a handshake, but she ended up interlocking with my fingers and my eyes opened up wide. All I could hear was my ex girlfriend’s voice telling me couples do that when they’re intimate with each other, because that’s what she had taught me and she wanted me to be dominant over her, so she would always have me put my hand on top of hers, but the girl’s hand was on top of mine. After saying grace, I walked away and started to tear up. After the party and everyone had left, I just broke down and cried, cried my eyes out for almost five minutes.
Was in NC again, and she (dumper) messaged me of a photo of me, no text, just the photo. Was a photo of me that she took quite a while ago and it was her favourite photo of me as I looked genuinely happy. I had asked for the photo before we actually broke up like a month ago. So why has she sent it now? Confused.
The truth is, they really don‘t care enough and they feel relieved after they brake up. Going to no contact is for you ONLY to heal and have some self respect. But for them it‘s just right and a good feeling that you make it so easy for them without any drama.
Sad
This is NOT true. I broke up with him almost a year ago. I have wanted to contact him multiple times but stop myself because I’m scared of rejection
@@Amandaslife Do you really want him back?
Yea I do but he’ll never know. It’s not always black and white. People don’t reach out because of fear or thinking the person moved on
@@Amandaslife That‘s absolutely right and thank you for reminding me that. I wrote that when i was in a sad place and i could only speak for myself.
Thanks again for a great video! I only hope the people actually learn instead of just listen. I am the dumper if you want to call it that. I was Fed Up with the boundary breaking, childish behavior and poor emotional navigation skills so I called it quits. After sharing everyone of your videos and buying your book set he's still doesn't get it! 5 days ago he finally stopped texting and calling my blocked number dozens of times a day.. coming to my house and leaving flowers and handwritten notes Kenneth🙄 I do think about him, he has some very good qualities it's just unfortunate that my priorities are my boundaries not a nice dinner. Perhaps when the anger fades I will reach out to him and see if he has changed at all and if not I will move on permanently..
Been two years since we've seen each other and talked, and one year since I last heard from him by email. Unfortunately I feel in my heart that he's completely moved on. Number one mistake I made was reaching out for two years with a lot of emails and they were not kind. I went to the lowest of low the thing's I wrote to him by emails..blaming him for everything He did wrong. I wish I started the no contact right after the break up.. it's SO important. I lost my dignity with him by the barrage of messages, some were kind but most weren't..alot of back and forth of raw emotions. I'll always love him and that's ok, I just can't reach out anymore. But, I am not going to wait for him. I haven't reached out for four months now. It's been two years post breakup, duh it's over. Working on the new me now. I've accepted where I went wrong but unfortunately he probably never will take on responsibility for his damage. I'm finally ready to date now.. it's time! Ps we were together off and on for four years.
You've accepted where you went wrong...that is the key to opening a door to the "new you". Be a better person, and take those positive attributes into your next relationship...whenever that may be
That was peaceful and kind. Thank you, the 3 of you ❤️
Just to summarize it, i dated a woman for 6 years, after the initial breakup she never contacted me, after a certain point I did not wanted her anymore, almost a year and half, she tried many ways to contact me, i just ignore her, even in my birthday i only say thank you, nothing else, because when you truly move on they tried to contact you.
i was dumped after 8 yrs in a relationship. NC preserve my value from down grading further, my ex contacted me twice but i didnt reply bec before those attempts, ive informed by someone that she is in a new relationship. so even if i love still my ex, i respect all the situations and myself for not letting myself to be part of her present. it's been a year now but im still thriving to fix myself.
Me & My Ex been together for 3 years..But every time we get into a disagreement, she gets upset and want to break up. She doesn't take criticism well and she has a bad attitude and she also doesn't communicate well. But I love her, I went into No contact for two weeks and I broke it by texting her to see how she was doing..But she ignored me. So I went back to No Contact and it only been a week..I don't think she's gonna reach out to me
Just have faith & be positive, if its meant to be it would be. I'm just going through something similar as you.
They really are speaking truth about focusing on personal growth, I’ve made a lot of progress and I’m finding myself again, I don’t mind so much not hearing from her, but it still stings a little. I’ve been talking to and dating other people, but I’m quite comfortable with what I have going on
Yes, NC is the way but it’s been mentioned every relationship is different. There has not been much discussion from Ken about people who are married. Especially discussing long-term partnerships. Maybe my story is not as common compared with a non-married relationship under a few years. I'd be curious to know what are the demographics of who you see and talk to. We were together for almost 13 years and interesting enough, got married two years ago. Also to know note... I'm 66 and she is 62. The hardest part for me is having someone just fracture our marriage vows the way she did. Of course, there were problems, but all she had to do was communicate to me that she wanted to take a break and I would’ve agreed. I came home almost 3 months ago and her computer and all her clothes were gone… No note, nothing but left her wedding band on the table. She has never been one to initiate anything in our relationship but how long do you wait? Fortunately, there’s not much to split up but at some point being married needs to be addressed. Initially, I was super upset about how she handled the breakup and sent her a few emails voicing everything I needed to say. Now just waiting and working on myself. We have not spoken since and can’t tell you how difficult this has been.
Do a coaching with Margaret
@@CoachCraigKenneth Finances are tough right now and this is not an option for your retail prices. Would you consider a sliding scale arrangement?
Nearly 45 days NC, we had a magical 10 months together, and yes, I am moving forward, but I miss her company and intimacy more intensely everyday 😢
U have to process the breakup as well!
@@ozuhakachiogoloma3383
Scammer
@@CoachCraigKenneth oh, I've definitely processed it, I told her I accepted her choice, and thanked her for the memories, but that I was obviously still upset about her decision. But she couldn't handle the sense of frequently feeling overwhelmed with her emotions, she was a single mother with people pleasing issues..and the pressure got to her I guess...what can I do eh..
@@jerescot update?
@@momo93m1 still nothing from her...but she stalks my IG every other day...I'm coming to terms with moving on, she's FA so if she ever reaches out, won't be for months I reckon.
In no contact for over a year and broke it, guess what she blocked me. STAY IN NO CONTACT. Trust me it will only hurt.
Same done it for 8 months reached out because I figured I'd confess my love 1 day and how I severely still missed her & got blocked and a new text from the New Hubby .... broke my heart completely. What sucks is she reached out thru email 3 months before that and I ignored it .... STAY IN NO CONTACT OR GET HURT
Hmm wonder if she was reconsidering things with you before she got married… Also, I wouldn’t have recommended ignoring that email… but there is a lot of toxic advice out there that does…
@@CoachCraigKenneth true. not everyone will beg on their knees to get you back, but that doesn't mean that they won't consider it in their own heads. Would you say that reaching out after 2-3 months is a mistake if they have an disorganized attachment? I feel like she's too shy to re-connect, but that she really wants to. (she's been showing so many signs)
@@CoachCraigKenneth thank you for responding it's really appreciated.
I had a short but really intense relationship ( 7 months ) and guess what? ... after 7 years out of the blue she wrote me and then we met again. We hanged out for few evenings, going dancing and having fun and I kissed her again.
My life changed a lot and since 8 years I'm leaving abroad ( 6 hours from her ) so there was no really expectations from my side.
After the kiss I had to leave to go back to my place in Switzerland and she told me: " I'm happy that I have the confirmation that you still like me".
Weird no? .... she wanted just to have a confirmation/validation after 7 years.
Anyway I left and I never reached out anymore.it Was and is irrelevant from the point in life I'm.
That’s a very narcissistic thing of her to say, a giant red flag. Take that for how it appears and move on from this person. They clearly only care about your perception of her.
@@PussInBoot414 absolutely … In fact I went back home to my place in Switzerland… and never looked back.
I had a new life and she was curious. I was just saying because like Craig use to say .. you never know. Sooner or later they will reconsider
I HATE THAT VALIDATION SHIT. It’s so fucking insecure and childish. It’s pathetic too.
Agree. But that's the majority of women. @@NEO_RKX
If you go no contact you have to be prepared to have no contact. Don't play games.
Ex deleted my number, can't see her stories noh can she see mine. She didn't block me. Thats enough for me! Healing. Life goes on!
I am almost 11 months into no contact, did the workbooks twice, read a ton of books, did a journal every day... But I am still in that cycle of being hopeful-okay and being desperate and lethally depressed. I am guilty of almost all of the mindfucks you speak about in this video, except the torture and the jealousy one.
@@beyourself9162 sometimes you have a million reasons not be with the person but the heart wants what is wants and it's the only reason to not let go. The pros en cons don't work with me 😢 but glad it helps you
I feel the same. I’m so over feeling this way (or I wish I was anyway)
My Ex did contact me. After 3 years. But all she told me was she was moving to another state with her bf. So I don't think it worked for me.
My ex broke up with me back in October and been in no contact since. She blocked me from Instagram and as a contact but still follows my brother, my grandma, and aunt on Facebook still
My ex reached out after she dumped me initially but she texted me to make me jealous and hurt me intentionally so I got pissed at her and tell her stop doing this bullshit , she said okay. Even after that she reached out weirdly just to check whether I blocked her or not. And constant blocking unblocking blocking from her during no contact. Been 2 months of NC now after some drama . Confusing ex tbh
I was the dumper, then i realised i
made a huge misstake.
I wrote her a email with apologies.
But she told me its not the same feeling anymore.
I was texting and begging and she started to ignore me.
I started NC and she reached out to me after 3 days, now she is texting and calling me every day.
Sending me pictures from trips we made together.
We where 3 years together.
I know she still loves me and i feel a good vibe.
I feel she is moving towards me but not sure she just wants to keep me close and move on in silence.
Coaches?
When did you realise you made a huge mistake?
How long did it take you to realize this was a mistake?
I felt exactly the same when he changed his picture on Instagram! I felt sad because I took it as a signal that he was moving on.!
Was 11 months of NC with my DA ex when I got an email from her. Things were great for two weeks and then back to her pulling back a little. I'm ok with whatever happens, don't have expectations it's going to workout but we'll see.
Stay in no contact. I broke it and let him back in. Now he has moved to a different country and told me have a nice life and he doesn’t want to be friends.
Were you the dumpee?
@@Multillision Yes I was.
Not for nothing I've always done the no contact naturally. Once I get dumped I move on never looking back. Now this time is different because I've attached to the kids. I was raising them as mine up till recently. I decided to go my own way because she want to start introducing men she dealing with to the kids. So I respect her choices hope it work out but it hurts walking away from the kids I care about.
Dude dont be a cuck beta run!
He told me he dont want to be attached to anyone at the time.. So he want to be by himself...
@Coach Craig Kenneth…my relationship was 6months long but intense, was it long enough for bonding/attachment to occur?
Ahh. Breakups.
So painful when they happen yet I can laugh at how silly I was being once they’re in the past.
Hey! I usually see you on Cross Examined! Hope you're having a good day, Frank! Coaches Craig, Margaret and Victoria are the best!
@@__.Sara.__
Hey Sara. Well how you diddling?
Great to hear from you.
Yes, even us wicked sinners suffer from breakups. I discovered I have an attachment avoidant trait from this channel.
That is I want to be with someone but get avoidant if it gets too close.
Being aware of it has helped a lot.
What’s your story?
A pretty girl like you being left?
I don’t believe it.
@@frankcardano4142 Hey, I think you're just joking about your atheism while calling yourself a wicked sinner, but you know that Christians believe we all sin. If you meet a Christian that thinks they're better than you because of your unbelief they missed the point.
I'm sorry about your breakup! Very difficult situation to deal with. Luckily we have this amazing channel to help us cope and grow. I found out about attachment styles from this channel, too, and I completely agree, awareness is super helpful.
And thank you for calling me pretty! My self-esteem is low, so I don't view myself that way, but it's nice to hear!
My story is pretty complicated- I'm going to work on reflecting about everything that happened so I can explain it objectively without casting too much blame on either side. I mean, I won't come back and comment about it, but that sounds like a good exercise 😅
I think I'm at a point where I'm not ready to date- I want to get some coaching after I work through all of the workbooks and the creative healing course. I want to try to take dating again super slow until I've really worked to change.
Sorry that was a long comment 😅
@@__.Sara.__
No, I love your long comment.
My recent breakup was mostly me being rejected rather than actually missing her. We even got back together for a few months but the old problems quickly surfaced again.
Rather silly now looking back.
Before that it took me a long time to accept any blame for a former breakup. That was part of the healing process.
I’m not seeing anyone right now by choice as I’m in a really good place.
I wish I had someone go holiday with and hiking but other than that I’m happy as I am.
I’m from near Manchester, Uk.
@@frankcardano4142 Previous problems resurfacing seems to be a common problem, so I want to really make sure I've done the work.
You're from the UK! I imagined your reply with a British accent 😅 I live in South Mississippi, so I wouldn't recommend doing the same with mine 😅
Hope you have a good day! I'll see you around in the debates on Cross Examined and Testify!
Could you please consider a video of when you are on contact with your ex and it’s a LDR and the communication is great and meaningful but they take a long time to get back in touch with you
It’s vey confusing and somewhat annoying
Thanks
I’ve been in no contact for One year and one month 😂😂 I dont care if they reach out or not anymore.
One and a half years here! Yes, I went through a lot of pain after the separation (we were talking marriage right before she dumped me) but I also worked very hard at improving myself in all areas. Finally I decided it was time for me to move on, and I've just met someone quite fascinating.
These videos are very helpful thank you. It's horrid to admit my ex was right to leave. I'm a great person but I'm trying to leave a difficult family situation and I'm very scared because they're abusive. That makes abandonment for me really hard because I'm being left in a harmful situation. I'm craving belonging and help and that's too much for a partner especially one who's already avoidant. To my credit I've let him go but I'm still sad about it and I still miss him everyday two years later. It was a strong bond I've never had before and I fear I may never have again because I'm 50 now. I loved him so much I've seen what's right for him and let him leave and gone no contact and he hasn't come back. But on bad days I still feel distraught over it.
I honestly love Coach Margaret😂❤
I'm definitely not waiting for him. I've been working on myself for the past 2 years so hopefully I'm ready.
I am being optimistic but at this point I don't care technically if he comes back. I've found many people along the way and know there is someone better if he can't be that better person. I'm staying optimistic but don't care either way. He recently unblocked me after 2 years of no contact. I had been initially angry but quit contacting after 2 days of the break up so I think it was soon enough after that it didn't carry on too long.
Best part 18:50 . Been victim of this manipulation but no more . Boundaries are set.
I think aboutmy list and how he cared so little for me never taking any interest or questions about my background, likes, dislikes ,family it was always about him I could write a book on him He could not write a paragraph about me sad.....enjoy watching you all three like good friends
Use no contact for your own self healing. Not in an effort to get another person back
I'm almost 2 months through. I made mistakes due to him being a DA. I am doi ng a lot of work on myself hoping some day he will reckon that
for those who are really struggling, this might sound a bit woo, but there is a cool technique called emotional freedom technique, it involves tapping on the acupuncture meridian points to release emotions, it takes a few mins, look up Tapping for Rejection and Abandonment - EFT with Brad Yates
Don’t know if I should be watching these videos because this is the second time we broke up. First time we broke up I watched all these videos and he came back. Now idk if I should even wonder if he’ll come back this time
I saw your video of why they don't like you. Could be they just don't want to be with you anymore. Don't stay stuck...
Can you make a video about your success stories. Did you ever get an ex back
Nope. And yup 😉
today my ex got married to someone else :) Truth hurts really bad
A little under 1 year, we somehow match on dating website (I don’t recall seeing her on the site) and she messages me first. Not sure how to respond. But I am very surprised
Craig / Margaret / Victoria, what is the “end of the no contact journey?”
I’m done with my ex logged I out of apps we speak on it’s been 9 days of no contact I’m feel better already still hurts but I’m healing slowly I’m taking it day by day 😊😊😊
Yea unless you work with that person in a restaurant and are in constant contact with them during a shift. I need that video for real. No one has that. Not Coach Lee, The Love Chat, nobody. How do you maneuver that?
Justus, i've heard that scenario mentioned, in passing, on both Craig, as well as, Lee's videos. it's typically lumped in with how to handle no contact when you have kids, so you have to see each other occasionally. from what i remember, it's just an altered no contact where you keep interaction to a minimum - meaning, in this case, nothing aside from work duties. just show them you can handle the breakup well. i imagine that has to be a difficult situation.
My Ex left me 5 months ago, did the usual begging and pleading at the beginning, then went NC.
She then reached out and said about talking as friends (she was in a rebound relationship at this point) I kinda agreed knowing it wasn’t what I wanted.
We talked almost everyday but always one sided by her, we met up a few times and it felt like normal even though I knew it wasn’t.
Her rebound broke up with her as she tried to force the relationship, though this was a good sign but she’s been so hung up on him after 3 months rather than us of 10 years. I guess this is because he ended it rather than her ending it.
We talked over Christmas but she said that she knew the reason she wanted to come home but i wasn’t going to like it. I had enough because I felt so upset on Christmas Day from missing her and her family if I’m being honest.
I told her I didn’t want to hear about it because he left her and just because he was back for the holidays didn’t mean he’d want to see you.
She didn’t like this and said then we have nothing to talk about then blocked me.
I’m now unblocked but haven’t herd anything so back in NC I really don’t know what to do, I know i need to move forward but after all this time I’m just so lost
Bro .. The Bsic Rule is to Walk Away and never look back … until she initiates contact … that’s what I did when my ex broke up with me… and trust me it’s 2 years and I am in better place … meanwhile focus on urself ✌️
Politics broke us up, so I am not holding my breath for her to reach out, she probably honestly believes she's better off, even though I did everything I feel a man should do in a relationship,
if she wore the mask i would just forget her i dealt with this recently and she was nuts
No contact is a hope strategy that really only sets you up for disappointment. It's a hope strategy for people with no self-worth. If you value yourself, why do you care so much about your ex? If you have self-esteem, you don't care if the ex left you or ghosted you. THEY lost YOU, not the other way around. "No contact" should really be renamed / reframed to "move on".
No contact is a strategy to recover from the break-up because this person unexpectedly broke up with you while you still were in love. So, you have no choice but to never talk to them ever again in life on Earth. What part of that says low self-worth/esteem? Rather respecting your ex's wishes and yourself. If exe ever reach out, it's on them. You're just living your life and working on yourself (They chose to cut you out of their life, no contact says: You walk away with dignity and never look back. They choose to comeback, then the ball is in your court). For real - this comment goes nowhere.
@@linnus4231 ofc you should go no contact, but there people are selling hope here, that somehow by going no contact you’ll get your ex back! It should be you broke up with me then bye type of no contact, instead of you broke up with me now I’m going to use this no contact strategy to try and get you back!
@@Yes-se4kt I don't think they ever make guarantees. First and foremost it's about getting yourself to a place where you are okay without your ex and so if they ever do reach out you can handle it appropriately. That's the goal of no contact - To better yourself, with or without them.
Craig, my ex broke up with me almost two months ago and she escalated the situation I reacted with anger. She blocked me and I apologized a few days later and recently she hearted my apology and unblocked me (a month later). Im so confused right now.
Don’t be confused! Keep yourself on NC and wait till she reaches out.
Reply with, hey how are you ? Have you beeen thinking about me ? or Something silly! Then , hey, lets get together and catch up. When are you free ?
I've had many girlfriends over the years. None have ever come back, and one got married. I've always worked on myself, have a new career, and really happy with who I am. They all had major insecurities I came to find out and never expect any of them back. If they ever do, I don't know what I'll do because I never think about them and have totally moved on. I have no contact with them and don't know where they are. No contact absolutely can mean they will never come back, but I'm a way better person now than I was with them, so if they really can sense I've moved on, they will see I'm better now. But I never plan or hope for their return. I've learned to screen the very person they hid from me, so why would I long for them to come back?
Well my ex came around to reveal she has a bf since finding that out 3+ weeks NC and she msg my bestfriend saturday asking her to go out. Keep in mind my ex hated my best friend she was jealous of her..
My ex texted her, I only removed u from social media because of “my name” and yeah we had talked recently but nothing that good..
But yep some odd situation
What if you’re both doing no contact??
Romantic relationships require polarity or gender roles. Someone has to be in the masculine role and energy of pursuing and courting.
Margaret is awesome
She just texted asking to come get her stuff without me there. Asked me to stay at my parents for 3 weeks as we own the house together. Not sure how to reply.
My ex blocked me during no contact
Good! Makes NC easier for you. Just work on you and let time do its thing man.
she asked for space and time. Our Story is a little weird...we were best friends for years...but all of a sudden we became more for 8 Months despite her having a Bf. she said her relationship is Not goin well... but she was unsure whether or Not she is able to leave him... we tried being Friends again...but Our feelings got in the way again... so we agreed on space and time. but after a month of Radio silence she used my bday to reestablish contact and sent me a Long Message .asked me how i am and If i wanna let her know Blabla. i was overwhelmed and Just told her politely "thanks for your Message " . No reply though . what should i do?
If someone has a boyfriend/girlfriend, you say no. You don't fuk them and disrespect their partners
Margaret always knows what to say
Or their ex is just living..it’s not all about us..they left you (I’m in the midst of my girlfriend having broke up with me)they decided to move on..
Problem is 9’
Out of 10’shes with someone new like my situation so why would she reach out
This. I am not a young person nowadays and i've seen it in all differents colors and situations, happening to me or to friends, family members, pals... The most common scenario in which a woman decides to break up is rebounding, aka (being sincere) monkey branching. Very few times (unless the partner has done something unforgivable) they break up without someone else lining up AND committed to your girlfriend to make her end with you (making her promises that he's serious, for example, so she doesn't fear jumping to the arms of a predator or a one-night stander; she needs to secure her movement). And it works very well to help forget the dumpee, from what i've seen: even if her new relationship fails, enough time will then have passed that, although they can still miss you, they prefer to move on to a third, fourth and so on, guy.
I don't know of nobody but one who came back to an ex. Yes, some of them reached out, but ultimately they never returned to their exes. Live goes on, may be they later recommence a friendship, but at last each one of them goes on with their own lives and new people.
It will be 5 months soon. Every day of silence is his decision. I waved the white surrender flag and walked from a one-sided relationship back in February. It was a Hail Mary move, I left both my job and him there with it. I haven’t heard a thing. Years of trying to be important to this person, and within weeks he’s with someone. I don’t think it worked for me. I just pray daily that this feeling gets taken from me.
Lol the stalking part made me laugh so hard!
A year since the break up I'm still struggling and she's dating someone else 😭
damn man thats ice cold man, sorry to hear that man.
@@talkingpens I honestly don't know what else I can do,I feel like I've gone back 12 months my heart is broke
What about a long distance relationship, she never said it over or she needs her space ??
Coach craig I'm trying to purchase a 1 on 1 with Coach Victoria but it's not working..
It’s not on our end. Just call your credit card company. They’ll fix the issue :)
But thank you for the videos. Sincerely.
Hi, I’m 26 days in no contact and found out that my ex’s girlfriends cat died a couple of days ago. Should I reach out and send my condolences, or stay in no contact?
No.. she hasn’t initiated any contact nor she has informed you … So be in No Contact…
"Is no contact working if there is no contact?"
I would say it is
On the 29th of this month will have been 3 years since we last talked. She never came back. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Did you grow from it?
I honestly believe after that time you can send a 'hi, how are you doing...' kind of text, if she replies ask her out and see what happens
It`s been six weeks since she dumped me and she hasn`t reached out, but she likes my storys on Facebook. I`m still hurting and misses her like hell, but I don`t see her reaching out anymore. And she`s an avoidant as well with bipolar disorder..She has broken up with me two times before and reached out within 2 weeks telling me that she waited for ME to reach out and that she wanted to be pursued. I bet she`s waiting for me to reach out since I have my boat and much stuff lying around at her place, but that won`t happen cause I`m not ready to pick up my stuff, netiher to see her. I haven`t managed to work hard enough on myself either, so the time aint right for ME. Do anyone think she will reach out?
Her behavior reminds a bit of my own in a relationship. Sort of “testing” my partner if he is scared to loose me. I walk away a few times to see if they would chase. It’s not healthy or fair but… if it was me and I walked away 2 times and you didn’t chance once… I’m afraid next time I would just be cementing in my notion that you don’t care about me for every day that goes by without your contact. But it’s just a speculation on my side.
@@Ekb620000 Well, here is her last lines before I went into no contact;
"I hope you take the time now to make your life better and not go into a depressing spiral of self-sabotage. I remember the first time after your previous ex dumped you there was a lot of drinking and little eating and you became very thin and ghostly. I wish you all the best and want you to take care of yourself ❤ Then I promise I will do the same."
How do you interpret that one? To me it seems final..😞
@@MultiSinister666 it could be her giving up on you if you don’t chase her anyway. But what do you typically tell her when she tries to leave?
@@Ekb620000 I use to say that we`ll figure things out and asks if she want`s a timeout to think about what she really want`s and I`ve given her such things before, but she came back eventually, too soon I guess. That been said, I`ve to say I am an avoidant myself and a little bit too supportive, a little jealous and needy. She told me she was "choked" by having me around too long and I felt it in the air while hanging with her when she "zoned out" and went tired of me..I really have to work on myself for sure, but so does she. What do you think?
Yesterday when I changed profile pic on FB she pushed " ❤ ". So I am a little confused, but I guess she misses me..
No contact made my disorganized attachment ex feel rejected I didn't reach out, and made her shutdown her attachment style. I'm pretty sure I'm Fu*ked now.
Do a coaching with Margaret. Her knowledge on disorganized attachment style is incredible
@@CoachCraigKenneth thanks Craig. I definitely will but I have to wait untill I get paid again, is it too late at this point ? I've read at 8 weeks they shutdown and it's been like 12 weeks now. I know she dyed her hair red and she did that after her previous break up too 😭
Not everyone can afford that though. It's a lot of money for a lot of people. Would love to see more videos with her on this subject as my ex has this attachment and I'm so worried and have no idea what to do :(
@@oleugh how long since your break up ?
@@oleugh yeah bro I need a payment plan or something
Awesome trio team..
I wish if I didn’t hade a heart to love last time I saw her she killed me and since that day my world became without colors 🖤
Why do we love people who abuse us?
We always want to fix things
Trauma Bond, got dumped by a female covert narc a month ago, still has some feelings to her....
Do they comeback twice? Let’s say I reached out the first time and it didn’t work out lol