Dutchie here 🙋🏼♂️. As a father of three mini humans (aged 4, 3 and 1) I constantly have an open dialogue with my kids. I set boundaries, but they’re free to question these boundaries. When one of my kids asks me “why?” I set a specific boundary, instead of telling them “because I say so”, I tell them my motivation behind it and I give them the opportunity to have their say about it. It is up to me whether or not I love the boundary. But even if I don’t deviate from my boundaries, I still made them feel heard and understood. In return they learned that I had a pure intention instead of just being dominant and strict. My kids are well behaved little humans, but they aren’t submissive. They listen to me, because they know my intentions are good. And sometimes they don’t listen to me, because they’re kids and that’s just what they do. I try to be a positive father, although I too sometimes don’t feel like taking the time and effort to do it it this way. But in the end, this positive way of parenting is the shortest and most effective way of parenting, although it is quite exhausting and difficult. About the grit and determination: there’s a saying here that goes like “je bent toch niet van suiker gemaakt”, which translates to “you’re not made of sugar”. Rain won’t kill you, falling with your bicycle won’t kill you, you just have to keep going on and eventually you’ll get the hang of it. We don’t kidproof the heck out of everything either. Of course we make sure they won’t get electrocuted, but we’re not overprotective. By letting kids discover things themselves (and occasionally fall or hurt themselves) they’ll develop their ability to judge a situation and their own behavior. Let kids be kids. They’ll learn quicker and better than we can teach them. I don’t have a “papadag”, but I squeeze my fulltime job in 4,5 days, so I can have the Friday afternoon with my eldest kid (she’s out of school at noon). I’ll make her a tosti or I’ll make her an omelet and just spend the afternoon with her (only her, instead of also her two brothers whom are at the daycare). When my two other kids will go to school I’ll do the same with them. My wife works three days a week, so she is with the kids two days a week. I think this is quite a good balance. At least two of the days I work from home, so I can bring my kids to school/daycare and pick them up early and cook dinner so my wife doesn’t have to.
I'm a teacher and when I get a new class at the beginning of the school year, I can instantly tell which kids had a good breakfast and cycled to school and which kids were shoved out of Mom's car with a bag of chips 5 minutes prior...
When we talk about school lunches here in Denmark, I always say I'd rather we focused on starting the day with a propper meal, in a calm and friendly atmosphere. Then they are "teachable" for at least the next three hours 🙄 If they haven't had a successful learning experience BEFORE lunch, we've lost them anyway...
Former Dutch kid here (45 yo 😅) and current teacher. For me growing up, the independence and trust I got made for a very happy childhood. From age 6, I was allowed to cycle to school independently. I remember vividly exploring the country side and the woods and making rafts from age 10-12. Age 15 I went abroad on holiday with a friend, taking public transport. As a teacher at an international school, I see the Dutch students are great at self-expression, critical thinking, open-mindedness and being independent compared to other nationalities. Which definitely can be a pain in the butt as well - especially for my none-Dutch colleagues. 😋 Dutch kids are not afraid to share their opinions and will try to negotiate almost everything.
I grew up in the 70s and 80s in Germany. I have loving parents, who had arguements and found solutions without getting loud or swearing. We had three meals a day together, when we grew older, school and work schedules reduced the number, but one meal a day spent together was always achieved somehow. Our parents were supportive, they told us their opinion, but often (if we could not get hurt or into serious trouble) they let us do what we wanted to do. If we failed, we never in our lives heard a "told you so", but they comforted and encouraged us. My sister and I are in our 50s now and yet, we see our parents several times a week, we support them with cleaning, grocery shopping and gardening, or driving them places. We love going on vacation with them or on day trips. We are so appreciative of our happy childhood, feeling safe and knowing that our parent will always be there and will always love us, no matter what - I get tears in my eyes when I think about it and I am thankful beyond words. I tried to provide the same childhood for my son, but unfortunately, his father moved out when he was 4. And again, the family was there, supporting us, my father taking him to soccer practice, when my work schedule interfered, my mother watching him, so I could cure a bad cold, do housework or even just go grocery shopping by myself. My sister and brother-in-law taking him over night, so I could just get some rest. He'd come home from there or from my parents house full of happiness, stories of his adventures and sometimes a new book or toy that I could not afford to buy for him. Family is everything for me. And now that my son is grown and I found a new partner who is a widower and who makes me very happy, I am trying to give what I received at home to him and his young teenage daughter: a home, a family and happiness - I hope I succeed, because happiness and feeling safe is the most important thing for any child. For anyone, for that matter.
As a Dutchie myself, it is good to see these things through the eyes of an "outsider". I notice that I find most of the issues you bring up so normal that I don't even see them as anything special. Seeing it through your eyes makes me realise how good my partner, I and the children have it here. Thank you. Great video 👍
Did something change since 20 years? Those I knew where the most government screwed children I knew, who weren't free at all and their well-being came from traveling abroad to speak freely. Maybe it's relative.
I felt exactly the same at first. But then I remembered other countries don't have hageslag. You can never have happy children without hagelslag. It has to be the hagelslag.
@@foobar8894We may not have Hagelslag, but we share a 567 km long border with you, which is - thanks to the Schengen Agreement - only a line on a map which can easily be crossed to go shopping. Greetings from Germany!
Great video! You missed a few important things in your morning ritual and beyond (based om my upbringing). 1: You both didn't eat with the children. 2: You prepared the slice of bread in the kitchen, not at the table (it's important for the child to see the work as they want to emulate that). 3: You didn't cut the bread in small, eatable pieces (cutting it holding your fork in the left and knife in the right hand and no switcheroo), it's how they learn table manners. 4: I had a small set of knife (not sharp), spoon and fork (with a rabbit at the end). I used the fork to pick up a piece of bread and put it in my mouth (emulating my parents). 5: I wasn't the center of attention. When my parents spoke I had to wait and listen until they where done, after that I could talk and they listened. I was an integral part of the family and as important as anyone else at the table. 6: Not everything was a discussion. Rules where rules, sure I could vent my opinion but there was an end to it. 7: Freedom goes with trust and when I abused that trust my freedom was taken away, no discussions there either. I had to earn the right for the freedom back by being exemplary to win back their trust.
It also surprised me to see the parents at the breakfast table without anything to eat, watching their children eat. I was born in 1965 in Germany and we always had all meals together at the dining table. It was even a bit too strict for me, like dinner was at 6 pm and no matter what I did at the time, I had to drop everything, say good bye to everyone, because it was dinner time. After my father retired and I became a teenager, my mother prepared breakfast for me in the evening so I could get it early in the morning, as they wanted to sleep longer. Which was perfectly fine for me, she still prepared it :)
I have to disagree with you. A few things that come to my mind: - You don't have to cut the bread into small pieces. The kids can either do that by themselves or just hold the slice in their hand and eat it bite by bite. At least once kids can really communicate it's best to let them do things by their own and just offer them help when needed. Of course anything that's being done for the first time or first couple of times is exempt from that as is anything where they can really hurt themselves. But if the worst they can do is just not get it done, let them try for themselves first and just say "Just tell me, when you need my help". - Including kids in a discussion and valueing their opinion doesn't mean there are no hard rules. No riding a bicycle without a helmet. No playing with electricity. No crossing the street without me (or mom), etc. Also there are times when there is no hard rule but it's still not debatable what we do, for whatever reason. BUT: kids should always be allowed to ask why. When I say no it means no. But kids don't see the world the same way us adults do. They don't know that electricity is harmful. They don't know how much it hurts if you land head first on the street. In our house the rule is: when mom and/or dad say "Don't do this/that/whatever", then you don't do it - because we have good reasons to say so. But these reasons are no secret, so you can always ask "Why?"
I agree with points 1 and 2, but cutting bread into pieces with a knife and fork?? That's not how we eat bread in Europe. Cutting bread into bite-sized pieces is seen as a bad parenting habit, except if the children have problems with their teeth (like when their baby teeth are about to fall out, because chewing with wobbly teeth isn't fun). And children shouldn't be considered more or less important than adults when it comes to dinner table conversations. Making children wait until the adults have had their say is just as weird as making the children the sole center of attention. Just treat everyone with respect and the children will learn to do so as well.
Good points! To be honest, a lot of your points are very fair. We mostly do eat breakfast with the kids but a lot of these rituals are adapted because we were not in our "normal house". For example, this morning we made coffee, but normally eat yogurt with the kids. But I might push back on is #3. My 3.5 year old would likely die if I cut up his bread. He LOVES bread and is very specific that he only eats it whole. Now other foods, sure he eats with a fork and knife just fine.
I lived in the Czech republic until the age of 11 and was allowed a lot of freedom to roam and to be independent while feeling taken care of. It made me a very happy child. Then we immigrated to the US, and happiness became something I struggled to feel again for a very long time. There were some fleeting moments, and I tried to provide at least partially the type of childhood I had to my 2 daughters. I was very judged by other parents for my lack of helicopter parenting. After 30 years of life there, I finally decided to leave, and have found happiness again in Northern England ( of all places) with my husband and younger daughter along for the ride 😁
Just this week the company AFAS announced that they would close their offices on Fridays to give their employees the day off and do other things. They switched everyone to four day workweeks without adjusting their pay. People who already worked four days will get a raise to match their colleagues. They are really at the front on this topic realizing that their employees are more than just robots but people with lives outside the workplace.
I grew up in the 90s and 00s. Private (Catholic) education up until university. My parents were heavily focused on academics and getting a degree for both myself and my sister. "Focus on your studies and the rest will come" was the drumbeat of growing up. I played football on a "travel team" for 5 years before high school, and continued in high school. The extracurriculars were important, but school always came first. Focus on your studies and the rest will come. I got good grades but didn't have a big friend circle in grade school. Transitioning to high school was a bit tough, my grades suffered my first year and my friend circle shrank despite being on the football team. Focus on your studies and the rest will come. I had a different friend group every year. I was always that awkward kid that didn't know how to handle social situations. Focus on your studies and the rest will come. Well, I'm almost 40 now and while I'm financially "successful" I'm chronically single and not the happiest person. I have cool stuff but no one to share it with. I feel like I have missed out on a lot. My sister now has a child and I find being an uncle fun. It's nice to be able to give them back after a while. I see my sister and her bf making the same mistakes our parents did. Our parents are also hugely helpful w/ day-to-day childcare because it's preposterously expensive. And EVERYTHING is child-proofed in both houses. He can't open a cabinet or door that isn't the bathroom door or the fridge. Boundaries are "because I said so" or "because you'll get hurt" with zero elaboration. I try to bring a bit of Dutch style of letting him explore and discover on his own and explaining why some boundaries are set other than "because dad/mom said so". I try to bring him some level of freedom and self-discovery so he doesn't end up in the same situation I find myself.
A few weeks ago we were in the Kröller-Müller Museum in Arnhem: I have never seen so many children of all ages in a museum. They weren't whining or annoying (as is often the case in Germany) or overly well-behaved (as is often the case in France): it was a wonderful, integrated part of this wonderful museum!
Jack really LOVED the museums in Amsterdam. The shipping sections was fantastic and then he loved the Asian culture exhibition because he could "hunt down all of the dragons".
Are you kidding me? Dutch children are very unmannered (comparing to others nationalities). Children that go to a museum are not your average Dutch kids.
This video is very recognizable. I am a Dutchman 71 years old. My parents always had time for their children, even in difficult times. They are especially proud of what we are as people and of course what we have achieved in our lives, but that is secondary to work status. They found it always very important that we were happy and would remain so during our lives.
@@th60of shhhh, don't reveal our secret desire to be more like the Kaasköpp.😂😂 Just kidding. You are great, my Dutch neighbors. Especially when it comes to anything considering biking you blow every other country out of the water, and are out-accelerating everybody else on top of it. 👍
@@balaenopteramusculus Might have to do with your YT settings and the algorythms. But yes, they tend to be opiniated people and on their own country even more, and they tend to be comfortable in writing English.
A note about the "unhealthy" breakfast. 😇 The quality of the bread is usually excellent and filled with nutrients. The sprinkles contain real cacao. A bit of fat for the sprinkles to stick. A glass of milk or some dairy to go with it. Also, giving the kids something they enjoy, a morning ritual, usually results in a flow of healthier choices during the rest of the day with less drama. As we all know, it's no guarantee but it certainly helps. The quality of "junk" in Europe is a lot better than in the US. There you can't even trust healthy foods to be genuinely healthy.
Above all, it is important that children should eat much more fruit. Fruit contains many important vitamins and has a natural sweetness. Instead of stuffing children with sweets that are not exactly different.
@burkhardproksch637 Above all it's important that children learn to eat varied. That certainly includes fruits, but also vegetables, dairy products, bread/rice/potatoes, butter, meat or vegetarian alternatives etc. And there is nothing wrong with a whole grain slice of bread with butter and hagelslag for breakfast. As long as it is part of a varied diet.
My children eat an unhealthy breakfast on school days because I stopped arguing about it. Chocolatey cereal makes them happy and it's easy and fast to prepare. They have healthy meals at kindergarten and school with lots of fruit and vegetables and only water to drink. So when I pick them up in the afternoon, they usually get an ice cream cone and then I make something healthy for dinner and no sugar afterwards. I think it's fine, stressing too much about food also makes us unhappy.
While not covered in this video, we Dutch also have probably one of the best, if not the best sexual education systems in the world. It starts at a young age with things like setting boundaries and accepting differences in people and goes on to things like protecting oneself from the dangers of intimate contact at higher ages. Also, it treats sex as something that is normal, and not something that is illegal. Result is that the average age of girls and boys having sex for the first time has gone up considerably as they are more resistant to peer pressure and thus wait till they think they are ready for it rather than racing their friends on who has done it earlier than others. So by the time our kids do get to have sex, they have some idea what they are doing, what they need to do and how to express what they like and don't like. And they are aware of STD's and the fact that pregnancies can result from sex. Through all that, we have the lowest rate of teen pregnancies in the world.
Fascinating! Do you have a source for the rate of teen pregnancies being the lowest? I tried to find something but came up with Korea, Switzerland and Hong Kong at the top
That is so amazing. My grand daughter in the US, just turned 18 and got a baby last week! While most of the family is happy, I am actually disgusted by it but have to play along. I remember, a friend of ours, a gynecologist in Florida, 20 years ago, said "I have a 17 year old pregnant girl and she said 'I did not kiss the guy' and wondered why she was pregnant".
Why end with a false claim. Every study or statistic I find shows other countries above the Netherlands. I would say the World Bank Group has the most positive outcome with the Netherlands tied for second.
Austrian millenial here. I loved my freedom to go anywhere by myself as a kid. My mum had an old car horn that she would honk if we had to come home. So as long as i stayed close enough to hear it i could go anywhere in the neighbourhood, woods and fields. Also i valued eating dinner (Abendbrot) together a lot. I would still come home for dinner as a teen and after that meet up with friends again.
at my (German) house, we always had breakfast and dinner together as a family. My father travelled a lot for work, so he would often leave early or be away for days or weeks working in foreign countries, but for my mon, my brother and I, we always had meals together and my father would join us if he was at home, too (and that would usually be three meals a day as we had school off midday and there was no dayschool as we often have it today - plus, mom was not working a regular job but taught evening classes at adult school). I completely agree, a regular routine and having meals together is really important for a child’s development. When I was an AuPair in New Jersey in the late eighties, I was flabberghasted by them rarely having a meal together. I can pretty much count the times we sat down together at a table to be holidays and sometimes Sundays, but apart from that, the parents NEVER had a meal with their children. I, as their AuPair, was proving that type of routine to them, which was, to me, pretty sad and a COMPLETELY new concept. Both parents were lawyers, both working a commuter’s distance away and worked long hours, so often, they would leave before the children were even up and - if lucky, be home before they went to bed. I did not have children myself, but I would NEVER have raised my children that way…
Speaking as a German, most of our cycling culture comes from the Netherlands, so I'm happy to see them get some credit for it for once. ;) Really interesting video as always, and I love the fact that you mixed up the format a bit this time. I love your usual format, but this "holiday edition" is a nice change of pace.
Not only the biking culture, but also the bikes themselfs came from the Netherlands? Do apologize this rather bad joke, it's from a time long gone. If I admire one people making peace, amends and learning from the dark pages of their history, it's the Germans. I love your country and people, everytime I visit I intend to come more often.
What staggered me when I came to Canada was the incredible organisation that children suffer. When I was young I was allowed to much of what I chose and that was mostly first roller skating outside in the neighbourhood, then on my bicycle to go further afield. Then I loved the library where I could pick my own books. Every Saturday off to the library with my library cards. The big difference I see is that my young years were about my independence which was incredibly valuable in my later life as it taught me to explore and learn by experience. I would absolutely have hated being scheduled for all those sports and activities.
You have to realize it all depends on what school you go to and where you live. You go and look at statistics and most of the school shootings happen at public schools. In the US you have private and Charter Schools. Private schools you have to pay for. The majority of parents that send their kids to private school are extremely involved in their kids lives. Ypu go and look at statistics again and most parents of school shooters werent involved in their childrens lives (a lot of times it was a single mom trying to get by. One shooter wasnt this sterotype. His mom was very involved, but she died. He did the school shooting shortly after his mom died). The downside of private schools is it can be very very very expensive. There are also Charter schools. You don't have to pay to be in this kind of school, but they are extremely picky on the kids they take. Charter schools expect parents to be extremely involved. A lot of kids in Charter schools have both parents involved in their lives. My kids go to a German International Charter school in Florida (thank you, German government, for paying for my kids' schooling). The kids don't worry about that. It isn't difficult to shelter your kids from that kind of stuff. My kids don't know when a school shooting happens, when a mass shooting happens, when war is breaking out in other parts of the world, etc.
Europe isn't crime free, but even "bad areas" in Europe don't have anywhere near the violent crime that the US has in many places. Kids are SO much less likely to by killed in Europe by violence
As someone who grew up in the Netherlands this was very interesting to watch. There's still so much room for improvement in Dutch society that I sometimes forget about the things we already do quite well. Dutch parents are often told about the '3 R's' for raising kids: rust, reinheid, regelmaat (rest, cleanliness/hygiene, regularity/routine). We almost always had breakfast and dinner together as a family, and it was not uncommon for us to discuss a variety of life topics during this time or catch up with each other as we ate together. I started cycling to school by myself at a pretty young age too, which was easy because the school was in the neighbourhood and it was easy to avoid busy roads. Self expression and developing your own opinions is strongly encouraged both in school and by society as a whole, though at the same time there is an expectation to 'act normal/reasonably' (doe normaal) and not stray too far from commonly accepted norms. Kids are given a very reasonable amount of freedom and responsibility and are therefore also held responsible for their own actions (to the degree you can expect from a child) which fosters independence and self-confidence. My parents didn't put pressure on me or my siblings to excel at school, instead they fostered an environment where we could live up to our own potential, whatever the 'level', and make sure to balance it out with plenty of rest and time for fun after school stuff. For example, my sister was on the boundary between two different school levels, and she could've done the higher level if she had dropped one of her hobbies, but my parents found it more important that she did something she enjoyed rather than pushing for 'better' school results at the cost of her happiness. She eventually ended up going to university and getting a master's degree anyway later on. It may not have been the fastest way to get there but she did it in a way that balanced her priorities and the pace that was suited for her at the time. Also just like in Germany, kids in the Netherlands are part of everyday life, they aren't segregated away from the rest of society, they are an active part of it. For example, there's no 'family restaurants', you just go to regular restaurants with your kids. Kids see a lot of adults around them all the time in all kinds of places and start emulating their behaviour, life itself is your best teacher.
Just booked flights and hotels to take my kids to the Netherlands last night! I'm British and their Mom is half Canadian, half Dutch. I'm excited for them to explore their heritage and see how different it is to their current home in Canada. I grew up in the UK and the best thing about my upbringing was 1) having parents that had strong Christian values (we went to church every Sunday), but without being too legalistic about it, 2) that my parents supported my musical and artistic endeavours, 3) that I could walk/cycle to school and 4) I could play out in the road with my neighbours unsupervised (we lived in a private cul de sac), 5) My parents took me to lots of different countries around Europe and I was able to explore the world and see how other people lived.
I'm 63. I grew up in the sixties and seventees. As far as I can remember I could ask my parents really any question and get a real answer at a level suiting my age. They never told my I was too young to understand something or any other reply just to make my question go away. So at the age of 4 (it was somewhere in 1965) I saw Fidel Castro on the news. As a small child I didn't understand anything of what they were saying. So I asked my mother and she explained to me who Fidel Castro was and from what country he was the leader and that he wasn't a nice man.... Nowadays we have the 'Jeugdjournaal' a special newsbulletin on tv for kids from the age of 5 to around 12. They present important (also international) newsitems in a way younger kids can understand it. Don't be surprised if they are covering the 2024 presidential elections in the USA.
My primary school best friend's parents were communists, in the 80's. Party members who went to Romania on vacation every year and brought back the of course superior canned food I got to taste too. That's also part of it, my friends came from different religions than my parents, different class, different education background, different wealths, politcal convictions, ethnic backgrounds, so you had to adapt when the parents had called your parents that you stayed for dinner. But what was always the same that the whole nuclear family ate togehter a the dinner table and it was normal to be asked about your opinion on a variety things by those parents too.
"Don't be surprised if they are covering the 2024 presidential elections in the USA." The United States of America is the country where you have to get really really really old to become president, but it does not matter how smart you are.
Greetings Ashton! I had the pleasure of visiting Freiburg recently and it was such a cool experience. I got a lot of hiking in. That 24/7 vending machine store in the Hauptbahnhof was a lifesaver :) There's a big difference in American and Dutch society that I notice. In American society, you want to be the squeaky wheel, the one who gets ahead. If you're not first, then you're last. The high competitiveness might bring out the best in some kids but you're always questioning your worth this way. It is no wonder that America has such an unequal society if everyone is trying to one-up each other. In Dutch society, the head that sticks out is the one that gets cut down first. It's more equal but deviating from the norm is more frowned upon (although the Dutch are indeed still very open). It's still not the worst you can get though. I grew up in an Asian family. American competition is nothing compared to that. Asian kids were amongst the unhappiest I have ever encountered. Too much cram school, too much ranking and focus on grades. And plenty of Asians are extremely materialistic rather than focusing on being social. To be rich is to be happy. It's no wonder many countries in Asia have such low birth rates - who would want to put a child through that again?!
My husband and I grew up in religious authoritarian families (in the US), and vowed to do differently for our our kids. We chose a path very much like the "negotiation parenting" you talked about, and while it was indeed hard work, our teenagers are pretty great. I wish we could have given them more independence as they grew, especially biking, but our town infrastructure is quite biking- and walking-hostile, so they're only now getting into biking as teens.
Hagelslag is one of many toppings for bread. a slice of kaas, Gouda, peanutbutter, jam, or meat. Dutch parents generally have the approach that you must taste something first before you say you don´t like it.
My multinational family sat together at meals and I listened to the adults (not the kids) discuss work, news and world events, even music, religion and politics. They had lively discussions and I learned to be curious and open minded. I love the Netherlands! Over the years, I have found my Dutch friends to be fearless, honest, down to earth and fun. They have no problem saying what they think. Oh yeah chocolate sprinkles and vanilla fla were some of my favourite taste discoveries. It seems to me Americans prefer to experience life through the intermediation of screens. Let's hear it for Daddy Days ! Thanks for another great video topic. Happiness as a means to success. What a concept.
I think that Dutch children developing critical thinking skills and learning how to express their thoughts and opinions stems from what, in my opinion, is one of the most important core values in Dutch culture: speaking your mind is highly valued; to the point that speaking one's mind is often deemed more important than being considerate and trying not to hurt other people's feelings. In Dutch culture, not speaking your mind is considered to be something negative, and people will question your trustworthiness as a result.
I grew up in the lower Rhein area, some 30 km away from the Dutch border. We had quite the same lifestyle as you described for the Netherlands: regular sleep schedules, breakfast (and lunch and dinner) always with the whole family (we were three kids), and of course "Schokoladenstreusel" on our bread. I think, that was the normal way of life as a kid across Germany, at least 50/60 years ago. That seem to have changed nowadays. We know so many families, where - mostly the mothers - are more managers of their kid's busy schedules than parents.
As someone who grew up in Germany, I have to say that all this is standard. It's normal to get enough sleep, to eat ALL meals together, to learn to do householdshores, to do a lot outside, be a climbing, running, cycling,..., to play games with your parents, to not stress about some stupid school nodes.
I’m Dutch myself and I believe that Dutch parents want their kids to develop into independent, self reliant people who will make their own choices, and not necessarily be successful in terms of earning a lot of money or be the best at something. We do encourage them to DO their best, but not at all cost. We ‘re used to saying: as long as they’re happy, it’s fine.
I do concur with another commenter here, I was rather taken aback when you spoke of the family breakfasting together but you and your husband had only coffee … Now I understand that some people don’t like food in the morning (I myself didn’t eat in the mornings for most of my adult life), so I would suggest lunches and dinners together - because sharing food does bond. I think it’s something deeply archaic within humans, sharing food gives us a good, safe feeling. As a child & teenager we always sat at one table, eating breakfast, lunch and dinner together. My mother was a stay at home mom until I was around 14, my dad had a 90 minute lunch break (quite common back then), and came home for lunch every working day. (Of course “lunch” was our main meal of the day, a hot meal, and “dinner” was the usual bread, butter and cheese or sliced luncheon meats as toppings for the bread. And I wrote my bike to secondary school from the suburb to the town center, since I was about 10 years old. Before that, to grammar school, I walked or took the bus. Of course by myself. After homework was done, we played outside most of the time (cowboys and Indians was a favorite), we climbed trees, went sledding in the winter in little groups, we had to be home before 6 PM for dinnertime (when it got dark in the winter), and in summer we were often allowed to spend a bit more time outside after dinner. Of course, in secondary school there was still lot of learning to do after dinner, but by then we had mostly grown beyond cowboys and Indians … Our granddaughter in Switzerland just turned 4, she’s still accompanied by one or 2 parents to preschool and the big playground a bit further away, but in mid August she’ll start Kindergarten which (in the Kanton Zurich and some other Swiss Kantonen) is part of the regular school system and therefore mandatory, and we expect that she’ll walk by herself soon. And yes, they eat their 3 meals together resp 1 parent with her, as the parents are working shifts. Independence at an early age is encouraged.
European kids learn freedom so much earlier than American kids. In the UIS, getting a car is seen as "freedom," but so many friends of mine had to work loads of hours to afford the car and the insurance so really it wasn't freedom at all. I grew up until Age 12 in the Netherlands until my dad took us "on assignment" to the US for a year. One thing lead to another and we ended up never moving back. I would still spend around 6 weeks each summer visiting Family in the Netherlands. It was completely normal for me at age 13 and my sister age 15 to get on a bus to get the Amsterdam central station, buy a special youth discount travel "day out." It would include return train fare, the activity at the far end, and additional bus transfer as needed. We took multiple day trips all over the country. In the US or Canada that would literally be illegal and considered child neglect. Instead we had fun day trips and explored areas or museums all over the country. By the time I was 16 and she was 18 (she was graduating), we spent a couple of weeks with family in NL and then spent a month using a Eurorail to go all over Europe. Munich, Innsbruck, Salzburg, Vienna, Rome, Florence, Strasbourg and back to NL. We had to pre register for all our youth hostels and had to use Travelers checks as this was 1986 and credit cards were rarely accepted. We had a calling card (that cost at least a dollar per minute to use) and would call back to our parents in the US when we'd checked in at the next youth hostel. I still have amazing memories from that trip nearly 40 years ago. THAT was freedom. Traveling as teens using trains and public transport was so much safer than US kids taking a car somewhere.
For me the most important part for my happiness as a child was something you touched upon. Don't know the exact words, but you said something like the child is a person by itself. Something I've always had a problem with is parents who treat their children as just something else they own, or even worse a second chance for themselves to reach their goals in life through their children. Yes, raising children in a way where children are allowed to form and express their opinions can seem more tiresome, but it is so much more satisfying and prepares them for the life they will have to live by themselves at some point. I'm not sure we'll be able to preserve these ways here in the Netherlands, as influences from other countries/cultures influence us as well, but I sure do hope so. Hope you had a great time during your life "Beneath the Waves" experience.
In Germany we can watch American home flipping series on the TV channel HGTV. I hear the mothers talking and I can't understand them. Quote: "I want to see my children from the kitchen." What? Let the children play! Don't be so overprotective. Our son went to school alone, impossible in Ameriva. Let them make mistakes, they will learn from them. We knocked on the door before we went into our son's room. Very early on, before he even thought about having a girlfriend. A child also has a right to privacy, which parents have to accept. That also has something to do with a happy childhood.
That doesn't really fly in the US, where an "unattended child" and a nosy neighbor + an at times overzealous child protection agency can result your kids being taken away for even letting them walking a few blocks alone.
Yes, but don't forget how many Dutch kitchens look out on the street or a small piece of grass in front of the houses, that's how they were build. The Dutch have a different relationship to the street too, it's kind of theirs and their kids playground and there is some checking from other than the parents too. There is a lot of indirect social surveillance.
@@Mrnevertalks That is the huge difference between the USA and Europe. Children also have a right to freedom, why is that being taken away from them in the USA and an authority is coming right away? Then this is not the land of the free, that also includes children who want to be free. Children are deprived of their own development and that is important in life.
Your kids can still play 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️. Just because you can see them doesn't mean they can't play. It's a good idea to see what your children and neighbors' children are doing. They can get into way to much without seeing them. My brother almost burned a neighbors house down. He had matches (how I don't know) and lit a match and threw it in the bathroom trashcan. It started a fire and my brother got scared. He closed the door and tried to leave the house. Our neighbors dad smelled smoke and opened the bathroom door. He chased down my brother and talked with him. Another thing if kids are outside they can be snatched extremely quickly. You need to see your kids. If you have a swimming pool or lake you also need to see your kids in the backyard. Growing up we had an open concept kitchen that overlooked the living room, swimming pool, and lake. My brother and I were allowed to do whatever within reason. When we did something dangerous our mom stepped in. We never knew our mom was watching us. This is where the saying mom has eyes on the back of her head comes from. Kids don't realize mom or dad is watching.
@Mrnevertalks it all depends where you live in the US. If you live out in the suburbs and it's really safe kids can do whatever. My nephew is 8 and walked to school by himself since he was 5. He bikes 3 streets over to a friends house (he does call mom when he arrives. You dont want your child bleeding out on the side of the road because hw was hit by a car). He goes to the store on the corner by himself to buy candy (he never leaves the neighborhood). He goes to the park 1 street over by himself. Right now during summer he and his sister (she's 5) picks up their friends on a rubber boat and they do kid stuff all-day. They leave at 6 am and are home for dinner at 6 pm. Their mom prepares breakfast and packs them a lunch the night before so she can sleep in. The only reason my brother or his wife goes outside is because the 1.5 yr old is outside. You can't have a 1.5 yr old who doesn't know how to swim playing by water alone. You also can't have him wandering the streets alone. He doesn't understand yet that cars can kill him.
I've been getting my Sunday headbanging 🤘😆🤘 in during this video as I was constantly nodding my head to your experiences, arguments, and expressions. Couldn't agree more. My dad often worked four days of the week at his office more than 200 km away. So I only saw him on Fridays and the weekend. During the week my mom and I ate breakfast together after which we practiced our synchronous clearing the table and loading the dishwasher ritual. To this day, more than 40 years later, my mother and I still can harmoniously do this ritual. My 8 and 9 year older siblings had left the house when I went to middle school so I became in essence a lone child at home for the week. From Fridays to Sundays we grew from a two person family to five people. However, as usual, late teens, or rather young adults often have conflicting schedules with their parents so it often went that we didn't eat breakfast together. But lunch and dinner was often eaten together as a family.
: That was a truely great video. Being German myself I always find it fascinating how our Dutch neighbours do things differently from us but to great success. I didn't know parenting was also a part of it. To be fair I've have similar experiences growing up, what with the everybody at the dinner table and such, but there are key differences when it comes to sharing the family work-life balance that I find quite convincing, is better handled on the dutch side of the border. It's a great country and I absolutely adore their approach to bicycling! They seem to have build their social foundation to be very stable which is something I'm missing in Germany. Especially with the modern trend to "overthrow" anything traditional, but maybe that's just my bubble.
I am Dutch 60 years old. My parents were pre WW2. In some ways they were very strict. Obedience, decent haircut and good clothing/shoes and always be spot on time for all three meals for example. So no, not a negotiated upbringing here ! But, in some ways they were very lenient. I could as a 6 year old play outside, unsupervised, until the streetlights went on. At 12, I could cycle to a friend, and listen to music, play chess and have deep discussions until the sun came up. Provided, I did not get into trouble and did not oversleep and finished school with a diploma AND my parents knew where I was. If there was a change of plan for the evening/night, I had to call them not to ask permission, but to notify them. I kept all my parts of the bargain too. I even finished university. I was diagnosed with Aspergers at 50. So, my youth was not easy and I wanted to be alone in the woods lots of the time. I am still grateful that my parents gave me that space, without even knowing that something was "wrong". I never felt really at home, ended up divorced, but with a very job, a nice son and a stable personality. My world is in my head and it is balanced thanks to the "Dutch" upbringing style. As my parents were dead before I discovered this, I could never thank them for that. I did not fit them at all, but I am still grateful for their hard work with me.
When I was a school kid in the 70ies in Germany my dad worked mostly evenings and Saturdays, and my mother was a stay-at-home mom (partly due to her bad mental health being bipolar). So I remember clearly having breakfast together with both of my parents. Lunch on schooldays was from secondary school on eating alone (my parents had already had their lunch before dad left for work) but my mother sat with me and we talked about school, homework, and what I wanted to do in the afternoon. Dinner was mostly my mom and me, but when dad was home it was the three of us together. With my family (my kids are in their mid-twenties but still living with me) we did the same. Having all meals together if possible and keeping the kids company when they were late because of school. When my husband passed I adapted my cooking to when the kids returned from school. I rode my bicycle everywhere and independently from the age of 7. I didn't ride my bike to school because primary school was a literal 5-minute walk and secondary school was in the city center and we lived in the suburbs about 10km/6m away with lots of traffic and few bike lanes on the commute. But when in 8th grade my friends from the same suburb started to ride their bikes to school (at least in the summer from April to October) I followed suit, In winter it was still more convenient to use public transport. We now live even further away from the city and public transport is the better option for my kids to get to university and the company/trade school respectively than biking. All in all, I was a happy child and young adult. Unfortunately, my mother passed when I was 20, and my father and I got estranged after that and he was out of the picture for the rest of his life. My kids were not so lucky as my husband fell very ill when they were just 7 years old and had to watch him dwindle away until he passed when they were 14. Combine this with undiagnosed (till age 13) autism in one and just shy of diagnosing autistic traits in the other, they both haven't fully recovered but they are on a good trajectory because of the social safety net (Schulbegleitung - a person who was at my autistic son's side in school, after-school care, group therapy for one [all paid by the state or our heath care provider], big brothers big sisters for the other one [charity], and my in-laws helping out all the way).
Dear Ashton, congrats for another excellent work. I lived and went to school in Holand, from my 8 to 10 years old, than, came back to Brazil. Uau, what a shock it was!
Yes, we (speaking from the Netherlands) may have splendid ideas. Just don't overlook the good sides of Germany! The great thing is, that we all can discuss each other's ideas and maybe implement the "best practices". Besides, together we constitute some "what if" laboratory. If you should wonder about the good in Germany, just watch the documentaries on the regional broadcasts. RUclips recommendations keep me orbiting NDR, but at least SWF and BR do feature these too. :-)
Being born in 1969 to very young parents and therefore partially raised by grandparents, I am the product of two very different styles of parenting. While my parents where open to anti-authoritarian concepts and a bit of a hippie lifestyle, my grandparents pretty much had a very regulated and traditional German home. On weekends I got to choose what clothes to wear and generally what to do, on weekdays times for meals, homework, playing etc. were preset, and my grandma would also make sure I dressed and behaved properly to the occasion. As a consequence of those opposing parenting concepts, I became a mother who mixed all of the above.😂 We had fixed mealtimes, at least once a day we would all come together. I negotiated with the kids on clothes and food within limits, those limits being the weather and the need for nutritions and my shopping decisions. We discussed politics on the dinner table, when the kids were old enough - and many other controversial topics. It worked out for us.😊
The idea that controversy is not for the dinner table is WILD to me - but it explains so much with regard to internet culture. For me, challenging an idea is almost a form of politeness. Like: "I like your point, let me see if I can support it." But I feel like in online communities, questioning aspects of certain discussions often is perceived as being completely opposed to the entire idea.
I often think this might be the root of a larger problem in the US. We aren't taught how to have a constructive, critical discussion on difficult topics. So often times, even in professional settings, discussions dissolve into tropes or parroting what is projected in their main media resources.
@@TypeAshton On the other hand, if I am to believe any high-school TV series (great source, I know ;)), you seem to have such a thing as debate club, implying that you learn debating at school? I was always impressed with that idea. Is that a real thing? Possibly worth making an entire video about - debate culture in different countries. I remember this also came up during the Brexit negotiations, when - I think it was the BBC - commented that a German "No" is very different from a British "No".
@cesbi I don't think 'debate clubs' are debating anything. It is mostly 'winning a debate' which in itself a contradiction. Learn, listen, and form an opinion. The outcome is the conversation, and most debates are there to explore, it is never about winning. Any process to do 'something' is a process, be that something you can do yourself or in a group setting, the function is mostly to complete a task. When the task is 'winning a debate', to me that is a non sensible endeavour. But hey, when the debate is 'which god is right', you see what you can't debate at all. The way debates in the USA structured there will be only discours, not solutions.
"They aren't big on cars", now personally... that is correct. However, the Dutch are just as much into cars as other people. We just think there is a time and place for anything. The place for cars is on dedicated roads outside of the city center. We do actually have one of the best, if not the best driveable country for cars. (there are sources, probably things like WEF and such)
Another good video with some good perspectives and lessons for parents, no matter the country. As an American, I have serious doubts if we can ever achieve this great work/life balance and not view anything involving our children as a competition.
Welcome to the Netherlands! I hope you really enjoyed your stay and that we'll see you again in the future. Because despite the weather, The Netherlands has a lot to offer. 1 could jokingly say that a place like paradise is the Netherlands, but warm and sunny. 🤣🤣🤣🙃🥲🤪
My relationship with my father: I don't perceive myself as having had an exceptionally happy childhood, even though I had a lot of freedom, ate meals with my parents and could bike anywhere I wanted. My mother had mental health issues, I had lots of punishment, fun was secondary to orderliness and getting ones duties done. I didn't get to socialize much. I was also a foreigner, part of a stigmatized religion and school was stressful. At church, I wasn't part of the cool crowd, my parents being introverts. I simply didn't fit in, I suffered from lack of social skills, I was weird, probably because of mild ADHD, and I didn't fit the expectations for my gender, but wasn't quite a Tomboy. But my relationship with my father was really the highlight: on the eve of the weekend, first thing after school, we would hop on our bikes and go out to the fields. We would talk about so many interesting things. Then we'd get back in time to help with chores: one of us would peel potatoes or wash dishes and the other would read. We read C.S.Lewis, Tolken and Shakespeare. This closeness was the thing that made me most happy.
So happy you enjoy your time in the Netherlands. I went 10 years ago for a relative wedding. I have not see them in while. I hope to see them soon. The Netherlands has a way of life increase children happiness.
Great vid as always, this one hit me deep, because I tried myself as a father of two, to first have a focus on letting my kids be as happy as posible, then on them being "succesful" according to society scales.
In our family table top games, playing cards, board games etc have always been a very important family value that promotes a lot of very useful skills.
Perhaps because I didn't have a TV the first 9 years of my life, and observing my elders reading or having fun with card and board games with friends and neighbours, socializing this way after a main meal led me to feel at peace at home which also leads me to feel happy whenever such an occasion arises even nowadays, where making friends is a bit more difficult. Watching TV together was a "thing to do" in my teenage and young adult years. I still prefer this to watching alone as an adult. Not being able to go to school felt like punishment to me as a child. Sounds so strange to some, doesn't it? In my Dutch side of the family it was indeed important to have everyone at the table for most meals, and yes, aside from being encouraged to try new foods (at least one taste) every possible topic was discussed and we learned not to interrupt unless there was something important.
Another superb sequel of "Ashton Analytics" or why raising a child in a for-profit environment does not make too much gainz for their overall happiness.
Trust and independence are key words, I think. Born in Amsterdam I went to school by bicycle. Then our country wasn't as well designed as it is now and there were a lot of cars in the streets I had to go through. My mom told me later she was very worried for me at first (I was a bit eh .... un-focussed. Let's call it that). But a few years later I did a four week long summer holiday round trip through the Netherlands - on bicycle - with a friend, both aged 14. And that was before mobile phones and computers...
I'm age 59 and when I was a child my dad worked in construction and was from home during week days, sleeping in barracks on the construction site. Later he moved back to the coal mining industry and worked afternoon shifts only. So I didn't really see my dad during the week. In the weekends he was very busy with the vegetable and fruit garden and small farm animals, leaving only part of the Sunday free. That time would be spent watching sports on television. This means that my entire raising up was managed by my mom, who didn't have a job outdoors. That was how things were in the past, and means that I did have a much stronger bond with my mom as with dad. So I think it's a good thing that the daddies of today are allowed as much time with the children as mom, and that despite the dads working more full hours than the moms. Also, 4x9 hour working weeks aren't still the standard, often the 36 hours are planned differently and even 38 or 40 hour contracts do still exist in certain branches.
15:31 Well, I also don't want to shade on *my* German friends who have kids, but … to be honest, after watching these issues for more than a decade, actually, I kind of do. We have a huge equality issue in Germany between men and women, that we ignore, because we usually don't talk about money. But not only we have a terrible gender pay gap, but we also do have a tax system, that really incentivizes married couples with a bigger income disparity for the partner that earns less, often not to work. And when raising kids, that very, very often means that mothers stay at home much longer and doing the care work. I remember very well, when the young, conservative secretary for families (from 2009 to 2013), Kristina Schröder, spoke about the 'freedom of choice' that parents should have, when deciding how care work would be split between both parents. However, this financial legal framework would in many cases instead lead to the man, who in many cases just earns more than the women, would only take an absolut minimum of 'Elternzeit' (parental leave). Conservatives in Germany until today fail to recognize, that for many couples there is no real 'freedom of choice', but also, for many men in Germany, there is not much reason to argue with their bosses about the financial inequality that is still a realilty in this country. And this is, where German men as a group, don't meet what can and should be expected.
Not only breakfast also diner we have as family together. We always have a lot of discussions during dinner. And drinking coffee together at 8 pm, with the news, biking to school, not for a special pedagogical reason. But because everyone did that. And still does. (Btw, this is the origin of the cycling infrastructure outside cities, it was always there. For all the kids that cycled to school).
Independence, is what my Danish children missed the most, when they lived with family abroad. And they leaned what "a child's FREEDOM" is about. One of my sons said he felt like in jail - that would be a Danish jail 😉😉 Apparently, it means a lot to be able to jump on your bike and go where you want - within certain limitations. And TRUST - in their competances, abilities and in THEM as people. The lack of trust, made them feel suspicious: Something's wrong here! Just that they couldn't pin point it, as in Denmark TRUST is "default mode".
Low level countries, high trust & bikes = liberté. 🙂 Also, without looking it up, i think/guess that Danish hygge & Dutch gezellig are connected. But in the end it's probably down to having Germany as a neighbour... 😜
@@LeafHuntress Denmark and the Netherlands have SO much in common. Also with our big neighbour, of course, BUT believing the landscape affects the culture; our FLATscapes make us soul mates 🥰No where to hide - you might as well come clean! Our honesty can be scare, I understand 🤣🤣 And if you're at the top of the hierachy, you stick out a bit - like a sore thumb 🤣🤣 Peace and love
Good morning Ashton, any regrets about not moving to the Netherlands yet 😂 So nice of you to devote part of your vacation to making a video on our society and culture! There is lots to critice too though. Specially in your field of study. Did you have any frustrations or negative insights on your stay? I hope you will make a follow up video on the Netherlands for sure!
yeah like what about the racism. raising white kids doesn't seem that difficult to me anywhere. heard france was the best in europe because they have the least mandatory schools, but then again with the overall rise of fascism, i kind of doubt that europe is a good place for kids in the nearer future. except maybe in some tucked away corner without a lot of connection to the world...
@@sujammaz Lebanon. Look at what happend there,in the past. So if we would like to become an Lebanon 2.0,we need to listen to all that silly racism crab. Also,i can,t name any religion our race,who did nothing wrong in there own past. Yes yours and mine to. Thats why we Germanics hate hypocrisy.
4:21 *NHOOO* Don't open the entire top. You'll spill all the delicious _hagelslag_ if someone tips the box over. Open the spout on the side. Look for a small triangle or rectangle shape on one of the narrow sides of the box. Pull it out, but do *not* tear it off. Now you can close it when done sprinkling. 12:37 I usually didn't bother with rain clothes. The commute from school - to home was a bike ride of twenty minutes at most. From home to school was a completely different story, because mom believed you could get the sniffles in the rain and made me put on all the rain-repelling gear.
I'm a Gen-X-er from Canada, so of course my upbringing was very different from the way kids have been brought up for the past 20 or 30 years. We were very independent. For example, to get to school, you either waited for the school bus yourself, or you walked to school or rode your bike without parents. And I'm talking about 5 and 6 years olds. When I was 10, my 8-year-old sister and I would walk my 3-year-old sister to Montessori school, that was in a church hall about halfway the way to our school. Our school was about 3/4 of a km or 1/2 a mile from home. Any kid in my school would have been mortified to have their parents accompany them to or from school, or wait with them at the bus stop. What was fun, is that on the way home or to school, you would meet up with friends. So I would leave home with my 2 sisters, but by the time we got to school, 3, 4 friends would have joined the group.
The parenting makes the children think and rethink their choices. What went wrong and why. So would you do it again. That comes back when they are older. If you want a Dutch person to do something for you, than make sure they can see the benefit. If they do not, it will become a struggle to get it done. It is always: give me a good reason, than I will do it happily. So when kids are given choices on whatever, they will learn that some choices they have made, didn’t work out so well. And they probably do not want to take that route again.
I'm Dutch and grew up in a little village. I cycled alone to school when I was 6 or so. I remember mostly just playing with a lot of kids after school. My village was like an extention of my home. Yes I also had music lessons and sports, but that was not a central part of my upbringing. I never really considered how lucky I was to be able to learn at my own pace and not be in a rat-race with fellow students. My parents always said to me: even if you want to sell sausages on the street, as long as your happy, we are happy. And by the way, I have a very good job now. Because I liked what I was doing!
An important thing you missed in this video is about freedom dutch children have. Not being watched and monitored 24h. Playing outside with friends without supervision or from a distance. Going to activities without parents being there all the time. Be at home at dinner time. Or before it gets dark is a rule that many children have a ably to.
The rule most Dutch children know is that it's time to go home when the street lighting turns on. But even when they ignore that, most children will get hungry around their normal dinner time and head home anyway.
As our productivity is median, per capita, it is one of the highest per working hour. Because we work only 29 hours a week. And I notice it in my own work environment. I’m often the only one at the office on Friday, because all part timers have Friday off, lots work from home on Friday, others work on a regional office near their home and there are always people having a day off or on holiday. I am one of the full timers with a 40 hour workweek, but with 49 vacation days in total, so in reality my workweek is just above 32 hours.
Hi Ashton, I recognised the location and holiday apartment right away. I live (and have lived all my life) in the neighbouring village and spend my whole childhood most weekends on the same lake as my parents owned a sailboat (where we could sleep as well) and a peace of land at that lake. It was only a bike ride away. I hope you enjoyed your stay. In the summertime it’s even nicer to come over, as you can swim and recreate on the lake and canals. If you were there earlier this year, the water temperature was probably too low, although we used to go swimming as of the Pentecost weekend. Have a nice day!
Side note, hagelslag is just the name for the chocolate (or sometimes differently flavoured) sprinkles, not the form of breakfast itself. By and large Dutch people like to eat bread with various toppings for breakfast and often lunch as well, hagelslag being just one of them, though a very popular one.
22:36 What I appreciate about my upbringing (in Northern Germany) is, that I was respected and valued with my talents and faults. And I was not pressed to do sth 'because it is done like that', but the situation was taken into account and I could choose if it was reasonable enough. Support/motivation/consultation to find my path were given, but the choice was mine.
Great video. Yes hagelslag is part of happy kids. Give a woman chocolates and she becomes happy 😉 Something in chocolate sprinkles makes people happy. Brings back my childhood of hagelslag. It was hagelslag, cheese and peanut butter
Great video, a Dutch national I did not realize many of the things you are telling. An I can guarantee you that also we struggle to do the right things. Nevertheless, my 17 year old son told me recently that when he has children himselves he will educate his children exactly the way we do. So I guess we are not doing such a bad job 😅.
I believe the shortening work weeks started to free up some space on the labour market, to combat general employment back then but also to get some flow, dynamic in it. But the effect on work life balance was embraced and it's actually mostly about not excluding the part timers/4 days a week workers from having a career. But it's all connected. It's work/life balance and not necessarily work/rest balance. Those sport clubs the children go to have to be run by volunteers. The Dutch do more volunteering than any other people, whether it's charities or sports clubs, and you might have to chip in, do a bar shift at your kid's football club or referee a game. That wouldn't work with American unpaid displays of loyalty to the company by putting in more hours.
A few years ago I read the book "The Year of Living Danishly." Really kind of fun and incredibly eye-opening as an American. Sort of depressing (because our culture is so _not_ egalitarian).
It annoys me when people act like the US obsession with children's sports is such a mystery. The motivation is extremely obvious. If a child becomes a sports star, they can get a university scholarship that will save many tens of thousands of dollars of future expenses. Edit: same with grades. I would have been way more relaxed about my GPA if I knew my university would be free regardless.
Thanks for making me realize how right we do get many things in The Netherlands! It's by far not utopia, but it's a far better place that most of the Dutch themself give it credit for. Maybe it's that natural flow of continuous improved as default behavior, always question the status quo and find how to improve, but also be happy with the results and celebrate even if something isn't perfect. We can thank somebody for their achievements but we also thank people for their effort! We try not to leave people behind, the ones that need support get it. We try not to have people living in tents on the streets. Sometimes we fail and are very much ashamed, like the sudden higher demont on shildren and teens that require mental healthcare after Covid. We detect, hope to repair and improve. It's never done but it's life so improve but don't forget to enjoy while doing so!
We spent a lot of time figuring out where to live, and the final contenders were Freiburg and the Randstad (the Randstad one but Freiburg is still a great place!) Glad you were able to enjoy the Netherlands! To your question - weirdly enough my favourite part of my childhood in a California farm town was biking everywhere. It was different in the early 90's....
Former Dutch kid and current Dutch parent here. I had a lot of autonomy when growing up and my kids (4 and 6) get the same now. On Wednesday and Friday they are done with school at 12:30. While we have lunch, we talk about the activities we'll be doing in the afternoon. I usually have a list of chores to do, which they are welcome to help with. But it's not an obligation. Sometimes they go outside to play with friends at the playground nearby. Sometimes they go to their rooms to colour or will do something else in the house Sometimes one or both decide to help me, so I'm done with my chores sooner and we can do something together, like play a game or go a bit further than the playground (they're not allowed to go further by themselves, not because I don't trust them but because 4 years old is too young to venture into more car infested places without supervision and I don't want to put that responsibility on my 6 year old). Sometimes they play outside for so long that I don't see them until 4 (except at 15:00, because they know there'll be a small container of fruit waiting for them at home, which they can eat at home or take with them to the playground). And on those days, I get to kivk back with a book between the chores and dinner. It's great for all of us. An I've never understood how north American parents get anything done.
I'm not convinced that a slice of (European) bread with butter and a teaspoon of chocolate is more unhealthy than a bowl of US sugar pops cereal and long life milk - with added sugar.
As a child I definitely loved my chocolate sprinkles (on whole wheat European bread though, I never really liked white bread), but it was only one of the options. We always set the table with all bread topping options present. So I could choose what I felt like eating that day. Like cheese, meat, peanut butter or jam. It's one of the smal things in which I felt taken seriously as a kid. As soon as I was old enough to point at/articulate what I wanted, my parents let me decide for myself what I had om my bread.
In general, American cereals already contain far more sugar than cereals in Europe. If you compare the content information on the packaging, you can see that the sugar content in the USA is far too high.
Kids aren't eating that anymore unless it's a treat. They eat cereals with no sugar or 2 g of sugar. Milk isn't bad for you. Milk has 3 grams of sugar if organic. Kids don't take an entire serving size of milk for their cereal. They take 1/4 of the serving.
I did not hear what I think is far more important than breakfast together or the other topics mentioned: appropriate parenting. Self control and self reliance are the most important skills to teach for the child experience happiness and success. I mention this from the perspective of a marriage to a "permissive parent" - someone who felt that making children happy in the moment by giving them what they want in the moment was a priority, walk away or ignore any misbehavior, treat discipline from the other parent as a misfortune to be countered with a treat, never require responsibility or give consequences. Children in this environment were perpetually unhappy, and when isolated from that parent (due to a vacation trip without her), became happier when rules and consequences were spelled out and responsibility for action demanded.
It's very interesting to get such a glimpse at the basis of such studies. Many things seem to be quite similar in Germany. At least my own experience was having meals with my parents and siblings was standard. I can't remember how I've learned using fork and knife. It must have started at some quite early time and it has become a natural habit. The bread with Hagelslag in the Netherlands corresponds with the Zuckerbrot I was very fond of for some time: bread with butter and plain sugar on it. I stopped to like it quite some time before the age of 10. Generally all kinds of things could be talked about as long as they didn't cause louder controversies. From the later 1960ies on many parents were cautious about being authoritarian in their education style. I remember my grandparents complaining about that sometimes, but not insistingly. Regarding striving for success and good grades, Germany is a bit between the Netherlands and many english-speaking countries. It's more a matter of how parents put emphasis on grades - some do more, others do less. for my parents grades mattered somehow but they also wanted me to develop talents which they saw I had and I was interested in. If I remember correctly from England pupils are rated in a more competitive way like the top 10 percent receive the best grade, the next 10 percent the second best grade and so on. The idea of grades in Germany is more that they should be a measure for a pupil and his parents to get an idea how he is doing in comparison to what could be reasonably expected. However, the German way of giving grades has been putting pressure on some pupils and still does in some cases. On the other hand there seems to be a growing gap between the knowledge gained at school and the knowledge and capabilities expected in professional or academic education in Germany.
Ashton, nice video with a lot of recognizable aspects of Dutch life. On the style of parenting and discussing with your kids, it's part of Dutch decision making in public government... it's called "Polderen" derived from our "National" landscape consisting of polders (reclaimed land surrounded by dikes) and the way they usually came to be.. In that form of decision making it was required that everybody who had a stake in the process also had a say, thus preferring everybody's involvement and a high degree of consensus. And that's something you've got to learn from an early age. In Education attention to more relational issues is tought, depending on age. So learning to respect the other's boundaries also in the sexual realm and accepting the sexuality of others. Being a fully functional and social person is important, also because of the high density of people per square kilometer in this Country. About the Hagelslag breakfast.... well I know that characterization and it's not quite representative of the average Dutch breakfast. When bread makes a big part of breakfast, usually Hagelslag is on the table along with other usually sweet stuff. But granola and products like that are also common.
I always enjoy your videos; so thoughtful, informative, creative and wholesome. Having grown up in a time where kids were less mollycoddled and to parents who gave my sister and I freedom to explore, I truly believe that nurturing your kids' independence is invaluable (of course, boundaries must also be set and have consequences). My kids are now adults and it is so beautiful to be able to be part of their lives as equals, rather than as an awkward parent.
Rivers, bikes and mud. We went camping there a month ago to visit a friend and they took us to a mud pool. Just a small swimming pond with a huge pile of mud the kids all got to play in and slide down.
Being able to go outside without supervision from a young age and do what you want, for example cycling somewhere, is one of the most important aspects of the feeling of freedom in the Netherlands
For me the biggest impact on my life could have been going to the secondary school "Realschule". It's the middle ground between secondary education that prepares you for an apprenticeship (gratuation at age 16) or secondary education that prepares you for university (graduation age 18/19). My parents ASKED me to decide (age 9) as I was very good at school, got along well with the teachers but had few friends. Because I knew the university track would be more focused on formal education and less on enjoying learning in a diverse environment, I opted for Realschule. There, a second foreign language was optional and one could instead take craft or "humans and the environment"courses (the latter of which was anything from household skills to education on health through nutrition and exercise to the ethics of production in captialist factories). The teacher were Amazing in their pedagogic approach to different levels of ability and motivation and were often flexible enough to address issues of learning or tensions in the class. We got to take daytrips regularily and a weeklong trip with our favourite teachers (who were voted on) every two years. I personally benefitted from the lighter athmosphere around school that encouraged socializing and social skills much more than what I heard from people at the local "Gymnasium". Sorry for the long rant, in the end I had a very good time at school overall, then went on to get my Abitur certificate in a 3 year (11-13th grade) school and onto university where I am hoping to become a teacher myself and give back :)
I have two kids. And when they had to choose what school is next at about 11/12 yo. There is the school with a advise about the level. Of course there is your own thoughts about it. But in the end we have let the kids make the decision. I knew my daughter could do a higher level but knew too, that she would not be happy. So why should i push here somewhere and make an unhappy kid? Important was that she could explain why. For my son it was the same. Talk with your kids with argumentation. And respect the wishes. And on a certain moment put your proud a side and be happy.
I grew up in the US eighties, in a single parent household. I would say I had a much happier, healthy upbringing than kids get here today. We could walk to school on our own, we often ate meals together and had discussions about news, politics, etc. I played little league, but also went to the roller rink on Wednesday evenings, parents dropped off/picked up, but they didn’t stick around to monitor us. Kids got together on their own in the evenings to play. School was just school, I didn’t earn college credits, I didn’t feel pressure to perform. And I didn’t do shooter drills. I’m curious what the cell phones and social media rules are in the Netherlands. It seems pretty toxic here for kids.
Amen. 80's to mid eaely 2000's were fantastic as a kid. Every evening we played street hockey in the street. I still can hear us kids yelling car. All clear. I loved going out on our (I had an older brother) little rubber boat and picking up neighbor kids during the summer. We would be gone for 12 hours doing all kid stuff. We would ride our bikes everywhere unsupervised. On our 26 ft sailboat our dad would give my brother and I 20ft of rope each and say "have fun." There was no social media bullying, no school shootings, no worries in general.
I grew up in South Africa. My parents were always proud of what I did. ( I grew up without tv. because when I was a child South Africa did not have tv. there my family left 1975 and came back to Germany .That was such a social shock for me. So have a nice week greetings 😊😊
Nowadays there is a discussion here about education. The pressure to excel at school is so low nowadays that school results of Dutch children are getting worse. Especially basic education like Dutch and Math. I love hagelslag, got it every day as a kid and yes, I cycled to school alone without my parents from the age of 6 and we were always eating together at home.
No, it is not the pressure to excel that is low, teachers have less freedom to pick their lessons and not just "work by the book that the sponsor paid for." I have seen the amounts of work that they need to do and it is ridiculous. The lessons are boring, teachers overworked, the classes are overfilled and the kids agitated and anxietyridden. Obviously it won't go well that way.
I don't know where the study at 4:00 comes from, but it is definately not Nordic, as they have switched the Swedish and Danish flags. Congrats on another interesting video I didn't know I would need (from Denmark)
For my family the meals were the most important moments of the day. It was family time were anyone good discuss or tell whatever they wanted. My parents always took everything serous what we said. I did the same with my child and her family is doing the same with their children.
As a parent that gives his 6yo chocolade vlokken and pindakaas (together with lots of fruit and drinks) each day I believe this is not an issue as they get plenty of exercise during the day (at school, outside of school etc).. But it would be great to see a study on this as my anecdotal experiences hardly constitue scientific fact.
My upbringing in Germany wasn't much different and I am still looking back to a great childhood, even though I didn't have parents. I would not want to miss it for the world. I remember once, being 10-11 years old and we were in the forest at an old castle. We managed to get into what once was the holding cells for prisoners. We got in, but not out as it was to deep. We jelled for a while till some hikers came by and got us out of the misery;-) In todays world, this would be like absolut horrible. Parents didn't look after the kids, kids did things they are not allowed too and so much more. In the US, this would even make national news. Looking at my grand kids in the US, I can just cry every day on what a horrible life they have and that the US as a whole does not see what horrible environment we created for them. They are brainwashed and just do what others tell them, not thinking for a second if it is wrong or right. I tried to fix that, but the overall system and how things are is just to strong for me to push against.
It all depends when you were brought up in the US. 2000's is when kids were limited on what they could do alone. My brother and I have done far far far worse things than getting stuck in an old prison. This is tame. The worst thing my brother and I did was when I was 7 and he was 10. We took the powder from firecrackers and place it into a plastic bottle. We would stop when we had 6 grams of flash powder (yes Florida kids used grams). When we got our amount we would put a fuse in the water bottle, light it, and run like hell. We left a few holes in our backyard and killed a few birds. We told our mom "I don't know how the holes or dead birds got there." Our mom was shopping while we did this. We would also take dry ice break some off with an ice pick, place in Gatorade bottle, put cap on, shake like crazy, and throw. It would explode. It really wasn't dangerous unless you touched the dry ice or had shards of plastic hit you. My brother and I spent a good chunk of our freetime with explosives. Police would drive by and see us playing with explosives and we only got "be careful with the explosives. You can seriously hurt yourself or others." Police knew we were under 18 (in Florida you have to be 18 to use fireworks or explosives). Nowadays kids would be taken away from parents if kids were caught playing with fireworks or explosives alone.
11:28 It might prolong processes at the beginning, but you'll win long term! Time and knowledge and loads of cute stories! If you figure out how to speak with the little ones, that is. If you help them express their reasoning and respectfully consider what their objective is, they might accept it much easier if your argument outweighs theirs. And: don't start scolding if you could as well ask "What are you doing?" + listen to their explanation.
Dutchie here 🙋🏼♂️. As a father of three mini humans (aged 4, 3 and 1) I constantly have an open dialogue with my kids. I set boundaries, but they’re free to question these boundaries. When one of my kids asks me “why?” I set a specific boundary, instead of telling them “because I say so”, I tell them my motivation behind it and I give them the opportunity to have their say about it. It is up to me whether or not I love the boundary. But even if I don’t deviate from my boundaries, I still made them feel heard and understood. In return they learned that I had a pure intention instead of just being dominant and strict.
My kids are well behaved little humans, but they aren’t submissive. They listen to me, because they know my intentions are good. And sometimes they don’t listen to me, because they’re kids and that’s just what they do.
I try to be a positive father, although I too sometimes don’t feel like taking the time and effort to do it it this way. But in the end, this positive way of parenting is the shortest and most effective way of parenting, although it is quite exhausting and difficult.
About the grit and determination: there’s a saying here that goes like “je bent toch niet van suiker gemaakt”, which translates to “you’re not made of sugar”. Rain won’t kill you, falling with your bicycle won’t kill you, you just have to keep going on and eventually you’ll get the hang of it. We don’t kidproof the heck out of everything either. Of course we make sure they won’t get electrocuted, but we’re not overprotective. By letting kids discover things themselves (and occasionally fall or hurt themselves) they’ll develop their ability to judge a situation and their own behavior. Let kids be kids. They’ll learn quicker and better than we can teach them.
I don’t have a “papadag”, but I squeeze my fulltime job in 4,5 days, so I can have the Friday afternoon with my eldest kid (she’s out of school at noon). I’ll make her a tosti or I’ll make her an omelet and just spend the afternoon with her (only her, instead of also her two brothers whom are at the daycare). When my two other kids will go to school I’ll do the same with them.
My wife works three days a week, so she is with the kids two days a week. I think this is quite a good balance.
At least two of the days I work from home, so I can bring my kids to school/daycare and pick them up early and cook dinner so my wife doesn’t have to.
It looks like you are a good father! Really awesome!
I'm a teacher and when I get a new class at the beginning of the school year, I can instantly tell which kids had a good breakfast and cycled to school and which kids were shoved out of Mom's car with a bag of chips 5 minutes prior...
When we talk about school lunches here in Denmark, I always say I'd rather we focused on starting the day with a propper meal, in a calm and friendly atmosphere. Then they are "teachable" for at least the next three hours 🙄
If they haven't had a successful learning experience BEFORE lunch, we've lost them anyway...
@@ane-louisestampe7939 In The Netherlands you bring your own lunch. No school lunches.
@@daphnelovesL We do too, but every few years we take the debate 😉
@@daphnelovesL we do have school lunches just not everywhere !
Is it the crumbs and the dirty fingers that give it away?
Former Dutch kid here (45 yo 😅) and current teacher. For me growing up, the independence and trust I got made for a very happy childhood. From age 6, I was allowed to cycle to school independently. I remember vividly exploring the country side and the woods and making rafts from age 10-12. Age 15 I went abroad on holiday with a friend, taking public transport.
As a teacher at an international school, I see the Dutch students are great at self-expression, critical thinking, open-mindedness and being independent compared to other nationalities. Which definitely can be a pain in the butt as well - especially for my none-Dutch colleagues. 😋 Dutch kids are not afraid to share their opinions and will try to negotiate almost everything.
Yes, independence! That must be where that 'fearlessness' I admire comes from.
@@Syl-Vee Thanks! Where are you from, if I might ask?
in fact I guess this IS the basis for the imfamous Dutch Directness. Just telling it as it is or at least how you see it.
@@ewoutbuhler5217 Agreed!
I grew up in the 70s and 80s in Germany. I have loving parents, who had arguements and found solutions without getting loud or swearing. We had three meals a day together, when we grew older, school and work schedules reduced the number, but one meal a day spent together was always achieved somehow. Our parents were supportive, they told us their opinion, but often (if we could not get hurt or into serious trouble) they let us do what we wanted to do. If we failed, we never in our lives heard a "told you so", but they comforted and encouraged us. My sister and I are in our 50s now and yet, we see our parents several times a week, we support them with cleaning, grocery shopping and gardening, or driving them places. We love going on vacation with them or on day trips. We are so appreciative of our happy childhood, feeling safe and knowing that our parent will always be there and will always love us, no matter what - I get tears in my eyes when I think about it and I am thankful beyond words.
I tried to provide the same childhood for my son, but unfortunately, his father moved out when he was 4. And again, the family was there, supporting us, my father taking him to soccer practice, when my work schedule interfered, my mother watching him, so I could cure a bad cold, do housework or even just go grocery shopping by myself. My sister and brother-in-law taking him over night, so I could just get some rest. He'd come home from there or from my parents house full of happiness, stories of his adventures and sometimes a new book or toy that I could not afford to buy for him. Family is everything for me. And now that my son is grown and I found a new partner who is a widower and who makes me very happy, I am trying to give what I received at home to him and his young teenage daughter: a home, a family and happiness - I hope I succeed, because happiness and feeling safe is the most important thing for any child. For anyone, for that matter.
As a Dutchie myself, it is good to see these things through the eyes of an "outsider". I notice that I find most of the issues you bring up so normal that I don't even see them as anything special. Seeing it through your eyes makes me realise how good my partner, I and the children have it here. Thank you. Great video 👍
Did something change since 20 years? Those I knew where the most government screwed children I knew, who weren't free at all and their well-being came from traveling abroad to speak freely. Maybe it's relative.
I felt exactly the same at first. But then I remembered other countries don't have hageslag. You can never have happy children without hagelslag. It has to be the hagelslag.
@@foobar8894To which my Dutch husband replied, "Which explains why we aren't number one in physical health." LOL
@@foobar8894We may not have Hagelslag, but we share a 567 km long border with you, which is - thanks to the Schengen Agreement - only a line on a map which can easily be crossed to go shopping.
Greetings from Germany!
But, never let that stop you from making things even better.
Great video!
You missed a few important things in your morning ritual and beyond (based om my upbringing).
1: You both didn't eat with the children.
2: You prepared the slice of bread in the kitchen, not at the table (it's important for the child to see the work as they want to emulate that).
3: You didn't cut the bread in small, eatable pieces (cutting it holding your fork in the left and knife in the right hand and no switcheroo), it's how they learn table manners.
4: I had a small set of knife (not sharp), spoon and fork (with a rabbit at the end). I used the fork to pick up a piece of bread and put it in my mouth (emulating my parents).
5: I wasn't the center of attention. When my parents spoke I had to wait and listen until they where done, after that I could talk and they listened. I was an integral part of the family and as important as anyone else at the table.
6: Not everything was a discussion. Rules where rules, sure I could vent my opinion but there was an end to it.
7: Freedom goes with trust and when I abused that trust my freedom was taken away, no discussions there either. I had to earn the right for the freedom back by being exemplary to win back their trust.
Bang on! Second this! 👍
It also surprised me to see the parents at the breakfast table without anything to eat, watching their children eat. I was born in 1965 in Germany and we always had all meals together at the dining table. It was even a bit too strict for me, like dinner was at 6 pm and no matter what I did at the time, I had to drop everything, say good bye to everyone, because it was dinner time. After my father retired and I became a teenager, my mother prepared breakfast for me in the evening so I could get it early in the morning, as they wanted to sleep longer. Which was perfectly fine for me, she still prepared it :)
I have to disagree with you.
A few things that come to my mind:
- You don't have to cut the bread into small pieces. The kids can either do that by themselves or just hold the slice in their hand and eat it bite by bite. At least once kids can really communicate it's best to let them do things by their own and just offer them help when needed. Of course anything that's being done for the first time or first couple of times is exempt from that as is anything where they can really hurt themselves. But if the worst they can do is just not get it done, let them try for themselves first and just say "Just tell me, when you need my help".
- Including kids in a discussion and valueing their opinion doesn't mean there are no hard rules. No riding a bicycle without a helmet. No playing with electricity. No crossing the street without me (or mom), etc. Also there are times when there is no hard rule but it's still not debatable what we do, for whatever reason. BUT: kids should always be allowed to ask why. When I say no it means no. But kids don't see the world the same way us adults do. They don't know that electricity is harmful. They don't know how much it hurts if you land head first on the street. In our house the rule is: when mom and/or dad say "Don't do this/that/whatever", then you don't do it - because we have good reasons to say so. But these reasons are no secret, so you can always ask "Why?"
I agree with points 1 and 2, but cutting bread into pieces with a knife and fork?? That's not how we eat bread in Europe. Cutting bread into bite-sized pieces is seen as a bad parenting habit, except if the children have problems with their teeth (like when their baby teeth are about to fall out, because chewing with wobbly teeth isn't fun).
And children shouldn't be considered more or less important than adults when it comes to dinner table conversations. Making children wait until the adults have had their say is just as weird as making the children the sole center of attention. Just treat everyone with respect and the children will learn to do so as well.
Good points! To be honest, a lot of your points are very fair. We mostly do eat breakfast with the kids but a lot of these rituals are adapted because we were not in our "normal house". For example, this morning we made coffee, but normally eat yogurt with the kids. But I might push back on is #3. My 3.5 year old would likely die if I cut up his bread. He LOVES bread and is very specific that he only eats it whole. Now other foods, sure he eats with a fork and knife just fine.
I lived in the Czech republic until the age of 11 and was allowed a lot of freedom to roam and to be independent while feeling taken care of. It made me a very happy child. Then we immigrated to the US, and happiness became something I struggled to feel again for a very long time. There were some fleeting moments, and I tried to provide at least partially the type of childhood I had to my 2 daughters. I was very judged by other parents for my lack of helicopter parenting. After 30 years of life there, I finally decided to leave, and have found happiness again in Northern England ( of all places) with my husband and younger daughter along for the ride 😁
I was a happy Dutch kid 50 years ago and got my first bike when I was 4. 🎉
Just this week the company AFAS announced that they would close their offices on Fridays to give their employees the day off and do other things. They switched everyone to four day workweeks without adjusting their pay. People who already worked four days will get a raise to match their colleagues. They are really at the front on this topic realizing that their employees are more than just robots but people with lives outside the workplace.
I grew up in the 90s and 00s. Private (Catholic) education up until university. My parents were heavily focused on academics and getting a degree for both myself and my sister. "Focus on your studies and the rest will come" was the drumbeat of growing up. I played football on a "travel team" for 5 years before high school, and continued in high school. The extracurriculars were important, but school always came first. Focus on your studies and the rest will come. I got good grades but didn't have a big friend circle in grade school. Transitioning to high school was a bit tough, my grades suffered my first year and my friend circle shrank despite being on the football team. Focus on your studies and the rest will come. I had a different friend group every year. I was always that awkward kid that didn't know how to handle social situations. Focus on your studies and the rest will come. Well, I'm almost 40 now and while I'm financially "successful" I'm chronically single and not the happiest person. I have cool stuff but no one to share it with. I feel like I have missed out on a lot.
My sister now has a child and I find being an uncle fun. It's nice to be able to give them back after a while. I see my sister and her bf making the same mistakes our parents did. Our parents are also hugely helpful w/ day-to-day childcare because it's preposterously expensive. And EVERYTHING is child-proofed in both houses. He can't open a cabinet or door that isn't the bathroom door or the fridge. Boundaries are "because I said so" or "because you'll get hurt" with zero elaboration. I try to bring a bit of Dutch style of letting him explore and discover on his own and explaining why some boundaries are set other than "because dad/mom said so". I try to bring him some level of freedom and self-discovery so he doesn't end up in the same situation I find myself.
A few weeks ago we were in the Kröller-Müller Museum in Arnhem: I have never seen so many children of all ages in a museum. They weren't whining or annoying (as is often the case in Germany) or overly well-behaved (as is often the case in France): it was a wonderful, integrated part of this wonderful museum!
Jack really LOVED the museums in Amsterdam. The shipping sections was fantastic and then he loved the Asian culture exhibition because he could "hunt down all of the dragons".
Are you kidding me? Dutch children are very unmannered (comparing to others nationalities). Children that go to a museum are not your average Dutch kids.
This video is very recognizable. I am a Dutchman 71 years old. My parents always had time for their children, even in difficult times. They are especially proud of what we are as people and of course what we have achieved in our lives, but that is secondary to work status. They found it always very important that we were happy and would remain so during our lives.
A sure-fire way to a Dutchie's heart: a RUclips video praising the Netherlands 👍😉
Yes! Haha, as usual we Dutch are swarming the comments! What is it again? Critical mindset and not afraid to share it?
And deservedly so! Here's how many Germans feel deep in their hearts: the Dutch are sort of like us, only (damnit!) better. ;-)
@@th60of shhhh, don't reveal our secret desire to be more like the Kaasköpp.😂😂 Just kidding. You are great, my Dutch neighbors. Especially when it comes to anything considering biking you blow every other country out of the water, and are out-accelerating everybody else on top of it. 👍
@@balaenopteramusculus Might have to do with your YT settings and the algorythms. But yes, they tend to be opiniated people and on their own country even more, and they tend to be comfortable in writing English.
A note about the "unhealthy" breakfast. 😇
The quality of the bread is usually excellent and filled with nutrients. The sprinkles contain real cacao. A bit of fat for the sprinkles to stick. A glass of milk or some dairy to go with it.
Also, giving the kids something they enjoy, a morning ritual, usually results in a flow of healthier choices during the rest of the day with less drama. As we all know, it's no guarantee but it certainly helps.
The quality of "junk" in Europe is a lot better than in the US. There you can't even trust healthy foods to be genuinely healthy.
Also, hagelslag is often just one of the options. It was definitely my favourite, but I also regularly had cheese, peanut butter or jam instead
Above all, it is important that children should eat much more fruit. Fruit contains many important vitamins and has a natural sweetness. Instead of stuffing children with sweets that are not exactly different.
@burkhardproksch637 Above all it's important that children learn to eat varied. That certainly includes fruits, but also vegetables, dairy products, bread/rice/potatoes, butter, meat or vegetarian alternatives etc. And there is nothing wrong with a whole grain slice of bread with butter and hagelslag for breakfast. As long as it is part of a varied diet.
I always think it's funny when Americans are shocked about chocolate sprinkles while their kids eat cereal and poptarts for breakfast.
My children eat an unhealthy breakfast on school days because I stopped arguing about it. Chocolatey cereal makes them happy and it's easy and fast to prepare. They have healthy meals at kindergarten and school with lots of fruit and vegetables and only water to drink. So when I pick them up in the afternoon, they usually get an ice cream cone and then I make something healthy for dinner and no sugar afterwards. I think it's fine, stressing too much about food also makes us unhappy.
While not covered in this video, we Dutch also have probably one of the best, if not the best sexual education systems in the world. It starts at a young age with things like setting boundaries and accepting differences in people and goes on to things like protecting oneself from the dangers of intimate contact at higher ages. Also, it treats sex as something that is normal, and not something that is illegal. Result is that the average age of girls and boys having sex for the first time has gone up considerably as they are more resistant to peer pressure and thus wait till they think they are ready for it rather than racing their friends on who has done it earlier than others. So by the time our kids do get to have sex, they have some idea what they are doing, what they need to do and how to express what they like and don't like. And they are aware of STD's and the fact that pregnancies can result from sex.
Through all that, we have the lowest rate of teen pregnancies in the world.
Fascinating! Do you have a source for the rate of teen pregnancies being the lowest? I tried to find something but came up with Korea, Switzerland and Hong Kong at the top
@@thatonethere722 www.rivm.nl/sites/default/files/2023-04/Monitor%20onbedoelde%20%28tiener%29zwangerschappen_cijferoverzicht%202022.pdf
Deeple should help to translate
That is so amazing. My grand daughter in the US, just turned 18 and got a baby last week! While most of the family is happy, I am actually disgusted by it but have to play along. I remember, a friend of ours, a gynecologist in Florida, 20 years ago, said "I have a 17 year old pregnant girl and she said 'I did not kiss the guy' and wondered why she was pregnant".
Why end with a false claim. Every study or statistic I find shows other countries above the Netherlands. I would say the World Bank Group has the most positive outcome with the Netherlands tied for second.
Austrian millenial here. I loved my freedom to go anywhere by myself as a kid. My mum had an old car horn that she would honk if we had to come home. So as long as i stayed close enough to hear it i could go anywhere in the neighbourhood, woods and fields. Also i valued eating dinner (Abendbrot) together a lot. I would still come home for dinner as a teen and after that meet up with friends again.
at my (German) house, we always had breakfast and dinner together as a family. My father travelled a lot for work, so he would often leave early or be away for days or weeks working in foreign countries, but for my mon, my brother and I, we always had meals together and my father would join us if he was at home, too (and that would usually be three meals a day as we had school off midday and there was no dayschool as we often have it today - plus, mom was not working a regular job but taught evening classes at adult school). I completely agree, a regular routine and having meals together is really important for a child’s development. When I was an AuPair in New Jersey in the late eighties, I was flabberghasted by them rarely having a meal together. I can pretty much count the times we sat down together at a table to be holidays and sometimes Sundays, but apart from that, the parents NEVER had a meal with their children. I, as their AuPair, was proving that type of routine to them, which was, to me, pretty sad and a COMPLETELY new concept. Both parents were lawyers, both working a commuter’s distance away and worked long hours, so often, they would leave before the children were even up and - if lucky, be home before they went to bed. I did not have children myself, but I would NEVER have raised my children that way…
Speaking as a German, most of our cycling culture comes from the Netherlands, so I'm happy to see them get some credit for it for once. ;)
Really interesting video as always, and I love the fact that you mixed up the format a bit this time. I love your usual format, but this "holiday edition" is a nice change of pace.
Not only the biking culture, but also the bikes themselfs came from the Netherlands?
Do apologize this rather bad joke, it's from a time long gone. If I admire one people making peace, amends and learning from the dark pages of their history, it's the Germans. I love your country and people, everytime I visit I intend to come more often.
Eeey dankeschön!
What staggered me when I came to Canada was the incredible organisation that children suffer. When I was young I was allowed to much of what I chose and that was mostly first roller skating outside in the neighbourhood, then on my bicycle to go further afield. Then I loved the library where I could pick my own books. Every Saturday off to the library with my library cards.
The big difference I see is that my young years were about my independence which was incredibly valuable in my later life as it taught me to explore and learn by experience. I would absolutely have hated being scheduled for all those sports and activities.
and not to mention a MAJOR factor: No gun violence! Kids don't have to be worried for their lifes.
You have to realize it all depends on what school you go to and where you live. You go and look at statistics and most of the school shootings happen at public schools. In the US you have private and Charter Schools. Private schools you have to pay for. The majority of parents that send their kids to private school are extremely involved in their kids lives. Ypu go and look at statistics again and most parents of school shooters werent involved in their childrens lives (a lot of times it was a single mom trying to get by. One shooter wasnt this sterotype. His mom was very involved, but she died. He did the school shooting shortly after his mom died). The downside of private schools is it can be very very very expensive. There are also Charter schools. You don't have to pay to be in this kind of school, but they are extremely picky on the kids they take. Charter schools expect parents to be extremely involved. A lot of kids in Charter schools have both parents involved in their lives. My kids go to a German International Charter school in Florida (thank you, German government, for paying for my kids' schooling). The kids don't worry about that. It isn't difficult to shelter your kids from that kind of stuff. My kids don't know when a school shooting happens, when a mass shooting happens, when war is breaking out in other parts of the world, etc.
@@jessicaely2521
You do know it's a typical US problem
@@jessicaely2521 no offense, but ANY shooting even possible in a country is unacceptable. No matter wnere you go to school. That is just sick!
@@jessicaely2521 Good to know its is on public schools mainly.... What a relief.
Europe isn't crime free, but even "bad areas" in Europe don't have anywhere near the violent crime that the US has in many places. Kids are SO much less likely to by killed in Europe by violence
As someone who grew up in the Netherlands this was very interesting to watch. There's still so much room for improvement in Dutch society that I sometimes forget about the things we already do quite well. Dutch parents are often told about the '3 R's' for raising kids: rust, reinheid, regelmaat (rest, cleanliness/hygiene, regularity/routine). We almost always had breakfast and dinner together as a family, and it was not uncommon for us to discuss a variety of life topics during this time or catch up with each other as we ate together. I started cycling to school by myself at a pretty young age too, which was easy because the school was in the neighbourhood and it was easy to avoid busy roads. Self expression and developing your own opinions is strongly encouraged both in school and by society as a whole, though at the same time there is an expectation to 'act normal/reasonably' (doe normaal) and not stray too far from commonly accepted norms. Kids are given a very reasonable amount of freedom and responsibility and are therefore also held responsible for their own actions (to the degree you can expect from a child) which fosters independence and self-confidence. My parents didn't put pressure on me or my siblings to excel at school, instead they fostered an environment where we could live up to our own potential, whatever the 'level', and make sure to balance it out with plenty of rest and time for fun after school stuff. For example, my sister was on the boundary between two different school levels, and she could've done the higher level if she had dropped one of her hobbies, but my parents found it more important that she did something she enjoyed rather than pushing for 'better' school results at the cost of her happiness. She eventually ended up going to university and getting a master's degree anyway later on. It may not have been the fastest way to get there but she did it in a way that balanced her priorities and the pace that was suited for her at the time. Also just like in Germany, kids in the Netherlands are part of everyday life, they aren't segregated away from the rest of society, they are an active part of it. For example, there's no 'family restaurants', you just go to regular restaurants with your kids. Kids see a lot of adults around them all the time in all kinds of places and start emulating their behaviour, life itself is your best teacher.
Just booked flights and hotels to take my kids to the Netherlands last night! I'm British and their Mom is half Canadian, half Dutch. I'm excited for them to explore their heritage and see how different it is to their current home in Canada. I grew up in the UK and the best thing about my upbringing was 1) having parents that had strong Christian values (we went to church every Sunday), but without being too legalistic about it, 2) that my parents supported my musical and artistic endeavours, 3) that I could walk/cycle to school and 4) I could play out in the road with my neighbours unsupervised (we lived in a private cul de sac), 5) My parents took me to lots of different countries around Europe and I was able to explore the world and see how other people lived.
I'm 63. I grew up in the sixties and seventees. As far as I can remember I could ask my parents really any question and get a real answer at a level suiting my age. They never told my I was too young to understand something or any other reply just to make my question go away. So at the age of 4 (it was somewhere in 1965) I saw Fidel Castro on the news. As a small child I didn't understand anything of what they were saying. So I asked my mother and she explained to me who Fidel Castro was and from what country he was the leader and that he wasn't a nice man.... Nowadays we have the 'Jeugdjournaal' a special newsbulletin on tv for kids from the age of 5 to around 12. They present important (also international) newsitems in a way younger kids can understand it. Don't be surprised if they are covering the 2024 presidential elections in the USA.
My primary school best friend's parents were communists, in the 80's. Party members who went to Romania on vacation every year and brought back the of course superior canned food I got to taste too. That's also part of it, my friends came from different religions than my parents, different class, different education background, different wealths, politcal convictions, ethnic backgrounds, so you had to adapt when the parents had called your parents that you stayed for dinner.
But what was always the same that the whole nuclear family ate togehter a the dinner table and it was normal to be asked about your opinion on a variety things by those parents too.
"Don't be surprised if they are covering the 2024 presidential elections in the USA."
The United States of America is the country where you have to get really really really old to become president, but it does not matter how smart you are.
Willing to bet that Dutch kids will have a better understanding of the election than the general U.S. population.
I'm really curious what Jeugdjournaal would have to say about the US election. I can't imagine trying to break down that insanity to kids.
I don’t know when I have seen comments so unrelated to the point of the video as these.
Greetings Ashton! I had the pleasure of visiting Freiburg recently and it was such a cool experience. I got a lot of hiking in. That 24/7 vending machine store in the Hauptbahnhof was a lifesaver :)
There's a big difference in American and Dutch society that I notice. In American society, you want to be the squeaky wheel, the one who gets ahead. If you're not first, then you're last. The high competitiveness might bring out the best in some kids but you're always questioning your worth this way. It is no wonder that America has such an unequal society if everyone is trying to one-up each other. In Dutch society, the head that sticks out is the one that gets cut down first. It's more equal but deviating from the norm is more frowned upon (although the Dutch are indeed still very open).
It's still not the worst you can get though. I grew up in an Asian family. American competition is nothing compared to that. Asian kids were amongst the unhappiest I have ever encountered. Too much cram school, too much ranking and focus on grades. And plenty of Asians are extremely materialistic rather than focusing on being social. To be rich is to be happy. It's no wonder many countries in Asia have such low birth rates - who would want to put a child through that again?!
My husband and I grew up in religious authoritarian families (in the US), and vowed to do differently for our our kids. We chose a path very much like the "negotiation parenting" you talked about, and while it was indeed hard work, our teenagers are pretty great. I wish we could have given them more independence as they grew, especially biking, but our town infrastructure is quite biking- and walking-hostile, so they're only now getting into biking as teens.
Hagelslag is one of many toppings for bread. a slice of kaas, Gouda, peanutbutter, jam, or meat. Dutch parents generally have the approach that you must taste something first before you say you don´t like it.
Or peanutbuttwr with hagelslag , or Nutella with Hagelslag. That is really lekker !
My multinational family sat together at meals and I listened to the adults (not the kids) discuss work, news and world events, even music, religion and politics. They had lively discussions and I learned to be curious and open minded. I love the Netherlands! Over the years, I have found my Dutch friends to be fearless, honest, down to earth and fun. They have no problem saying what they think. Oh yeah chocolate sprinkles and vanilla fla were some of my favourite taste discoveries. It seems to me Americans prefer to experience life through the intermediation of screens. Let's hear it for Daddy Days ! Thanks for another great video topic. Happiness as a means to success. What a concept.
I think that Dutch children developing critical thinking skills and learning how to express their thoughts and opinions stems from what, in my opinion, is one of the most important core values in Dutch culture: speaking your mind is highly valued; to the point that speaking one's mind is often deemed more important than being considerate and trying not to hurt other people's feelings. In Dutch culture, not speaking your mind is considered to be something negative, and people will question your trustworthiness as a result.
I grew up in the lower Rhein area, some 30 km away from the Dutch border. We had quite the same lifestyle as you described for the Netherlands: regular sleep schedules, breakfast (and lunch and dinner) always with the whole family (we were three kids), and of course "Schokoladenstreusel" on our bread. I think, that was the normal way of life as a kid across Germany, at least 50/60 years ago. That seem to have changed nowadays. We know so many families, where - mostly the mothers - are more managers of their kid's busy schedules than parents.
You bring back my childhood memory's. My mother was Dutch, my father was Italian. I grow good with haghelsag.
As someone who grew up in Germany, I have to say that all this is standard. It's normal to get enough sleep, to eat ALL meals together, to learn to do householdshores, to do a lot outside, be a climbing, running, cycling,..., to play games with your parents, to not stress about some stupid school nodes.
I’m Dutch myself and I believe that Dutch parents want their kids to develop into independent, self reliant people who will make their own choices, and not necessarily be successful in terms of earning a lot of money or be the best at something. We do encourage them to DO their best, but not at all cost. We ‘re used to saying: as long as they’re happy, it’s fine.
I do concur with another commenter here, I was rather taken aback when you spoke of the family breakfasting together but you and your husband had only coffee …
Now I understand that some people don’t like food in the morning (I myself didn’t eat in the mornings for most of my adult life), so I would suggest lunches and dinners together - because sharing food does bond.
I think it’s something deeply archaic within humans, sharing food gives us a good, safe feeling.
As a child & teenager we always sat at one table, eating breakfast, lunch and dinner together. My mother was a stay at home mom until I was around 14, my dad had a 90 minute lunch break (quite common back then), and came home for lunch every working day.
(Of course “lunch” was our main meal of the day, a hot meal, and “dinner” was the usual bread, butter and cheese or sliced luncheon meats as toppings for the bread.
And I wrote my bike to secondary school from the suburb to the town center, since I was about 10 years old. Before that, to grammar school, I walked or took the bus. Of course by myself.
After homework was done, we played outside most of the time (cowboys and Indians was a favorite), we climbed trees, went sledding in the winter in little groups, we had to be home before 6 PM for dinnertime (when it got dark in the winter), and in summer we were often allowed to spend a bit more time outside after dinner.
Of course, in secondary school there was still lot of learning to do after dinner, but by then we had mostly grown beyond cowboys and Indians …
Our granddaughter in Switzerland just turned 4, she’s still accompanied by one or 2 parents to preschool and the big playground a bit further away, but in mid August she’ll start Kindergarten which (in the Kanton Zurich and some other Swiss Kantonen) is part of the regular school system and therefore mandatory, and we expect that she’ll walk by herself soon.
And yes, they eat their 3 meals together resp 1 parent with her, as the parents are working shifts.
Independence at an early age is encouraged.
Exactly the same here. We could have been neighbors :)
European kids learn freedom so much earlier than American kids. In the UIS, getting a car is seen as "freedom," but so many friends of mine had to work loads of hours to afford the car and the insurance so really it wasn't freedom at all. I grew up until Age 12 in the Netherlands until my dad took us "on assignment" to the US for a year. One thing lead to another and we ended up never moving back. I would still spend around 6 weeks each summer visiting Family in the Netherlands. It was completely normal for me at age 13 and my sister age 15 to get on a bus to get the Amsterdam central station, buy a special youth discount travel "day out." It would include return train fare, the activity at the far end, and additional bus transfer as needed. We took multiple day trips all over the country. In the US or Canada that would literally be illegal and considered child neglect. Instead we had fun day trips and explored areas or museums all over the country. By the time I was 16 and she was 18 (she was graduating), we spent a couple of weeks with family in NL and then spent a month using a Eurorail to go all over Europe. Munich, Innsbruck, Salzburg, Vienna, Rome, Florence, Strasbourg and back to NL. We had to pre register for all our youth hostels and had to use Travelers checks as this was 1986 and credit cards were rarely accepted. We had a calling card (that cost at least a dollar per minute to use) and would call back to our parents in the US when we'd checked in at the next youth hostel. I still have amazing memories from that trip nearly 40 years ago. THAT was freedom. Traveling as teens using trains and public transport was so much safer than US kids taking a car somewhere.
For me the most important part for my happiness as a child was something you touched upon. Don't know the exact words, but you said something like the child is a person by itself. Something I've always had a problem with is parents who treat their children as just something else they own, or even worse a second chance for themselves to reach their goals in life through their children. Yes, raising children in a way where children are allowed to form and express their opinions can seem more tiresome, but it is so much more satisfying and prepares them for the life they will have to live by themselves at some point. I'm not sure we'll be able to preserve these ways here in the Netherlands, as influences from other countries/cultures influence us as well, but I sure do hope so.
Hope you had a great time during your life "Beneath the Waves" experience.
In Germany we can watch American home flipping series on the TV channel HGTV. I hear the mothers talking and I can't understand them.
Quote: "I want to see my children from the kitchen."
What? Let the children play! Don't be so overprotective. Our son went to school alone, impossible in Ameriva. Let them make mistakes, they will learn from them. We knocked on the door before we went into our son's room. Very early on, before he even thought about having a girlfriend. A child also has a right to privacy, which parents have to accept. That also has something to do with a happy childhood.
That doesn't really fly in the US, where an "unattended child" and a nosy neighbor + an at times overzealous child protection agency can result your kids being taken away for even letting them walking a few blocks alone.
Yes, but don't forget how many Dutch kitchens look out on the street or a small piece of grass in front of the houses, that's how they were build. The Dutch have a different relationship to the street too, it's kind of theirs and their kids playground and there is some checking from other than the parents too. There is a lot of indirect social surveillance.
@@Mrnevertalks That is the huge difference between the USA and Europe.
Children also have a right to freedom, why is that being taken away from them in the USA and an authority is coming right away?
Then this is not the land of the free, that also includes children who want to be free. Children are deprived of their own development and that is important in life.
Your kids can still play 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️. Just because you can see them doesn't mean they can't play. It's a good idea to see what your children and neighbors' children are doing. They can get into way to much without seeing them. My brother almost burned a neighbors house down. He had matches (how I don't know) and lit a match and threw it in the bathroom trashcan. It started a fire and my brother got scared. He closed the door and tried to leave the house. Our neighbors dad smelled smoke and opened the bathroom door. He chased down my brother and talked with him. Another thing if kids are outside they can be snatched extremely quickly. You need to see your kids. If you have a swimming pool or lake you also need to see your kids in the backyard.
Growing up we had an open concept kitchen that overlooked the living room, swimming pool, and lake. My brother and I were allowed to do whatever within reason. When we did something dangerous our mom stepped in. We never knew our mom was watching us. This is where the saying mom has eyes on the back of her head comes from. Kids don't realize mom or dad is watching.
@Mrnevertalks it all depends where you live in the US. If you live out in the suburbs and it's really safe kids can do whatever. My nephew is 8 and walked to school by himself since he was 5. He bikes 3 streets over to a friends house (he does call mom when he arrives. You dont want your child bleeding out on the side of the road because hw was hit by a car). He goes to the store on the corner by himself to buy candy (he never leaves the neighborhood). He goes to the park 1 street over by himself. Right now during summer he and his sister (she's 5) picks up their friends on a rubber boat and they do kid stuff all-day. They leave at 6 am and are home for dinner at 6 pm. Their mom prepares breakfast and packs them a lunch the night before so she can sleep in. The only reason my brother or his wife goes outside is because the 1.5 yr old is outside. You can't have a 1.5 yr old who doesn't know how to swim playing by water alone. You also can't have him wandering the streets alone. He doesn't understand yet that cars can kill him.
I've been getting my Sunday headbanging 🤘😆🤘 in during this video as I was constantly nodding my head to your experiences, arguments, and expressions. Couldn't agree more.
My dad often worked four days of the week at his office more than 200 km away. So I only saw him on Fridays and the weekend. During the week my mom and I ate breakfast together after which we practiced our synchronous clearing the table and loading the dishwasher ritual. To this day, more than 40 years later, my mother and I still can harmoniously do this ritual.
My 8 and 9 year older siblings had left the house when I went to middle school so I became in essence a lone child at home for the week. From Fridays to Sundays we grew from a two person family to five people. However, as usual, late teens, or rather young adults often have conflicting schedules with their parents so it often went that we didn't eat breakfast together. But lunch and dinner was often eaten together as a family.
: That was a truely great video. Being German myself I always find it fascinating how our Dutch neighbours do things differently from us but to great success. I didn't know parenting was also a part of it. To be fair I've have similar experiences growing up, what with the everybody at the dinner table and such, but there are key differences when it comes to sharing the family work-life balance that I find quite convincing, is better handled on the dutch side of the border. It's a great country and I absolutely adore their approach to bicycling! They seem to have build their social foundation to be very stable which is something I'm missing in Germany. Especially with the modern trend to "overthrow" anything traditional, but maybe that's just my bubble.
I am Dutch 60 years old. My parents were pre WW2. In some ways they were very strict. Obedience, decent haircut and good clothing/shoes and always be spot on time for all three meals for example. So no, not a negotiated upbringing here ! But, in some ways they were very lenient. I could as a 6 year old play outside, unsupervised, until the streetlights went on. At 12, I could cycle to a friend, and listen to music, play chess and have deep discussions until the sun came up. Provided, I did not get into trouble and did not oversleep and finished school with a diploma AND my parents knew where I was. If there was a change of plan for the evening/night, I had to call them not to ask permission, but to notify them. I kept all my parts of the bargain too. I even finished university. I was diagnosed with Aspergers at 50. So, my youth was not easy and I wanted to be alone in the woods lots of the time. I am still grateful that my parents gave me that space, without even knowing that something was "wrong". I never felt really at home, ended up divorced, but with a very job, a nice son and a stable personality. My world is in my head and it is balanced thanks to the "Dutch" upbringing style. As my parents were dead before I discovered this, I could never thank them for that. I did not fit them at all, but I am still grateful for their hard work with me.
When I was a school kid in the 70ies in Germany my dad worked mostly evenings and Saturdays, and my mother was a stay-at-home mom (partly due to her bad mental health being bipolar). So I remember clearly having breakfast together with both of my parents. Lunch on schooldays was from secondary school on eating alone (my parents had already had their lunch before dad left for work) but my mother sat with me and we talked about school, homework, and what I wanted to do in the afternoon. Dinner was mostly my mom and me, but when dad was home it was the three of us together.
With my family (my kids are in their mid-twenties but still living with me) we did the same. Having all meals together if possible and keeping the kids company when they were late because of school. When my husband passed I adapted my cooking to when the kids returned from school.
I rode my bicycle everywhere and independently from the age of 7. I didn't ride my bike to school because primary school was a literal 5-minute walk and secondary school was in the city center and we lived in the suburbs about 10km/6m away with lots of traffic and few bike lanes on the commute. But when in 8th grade my friends from the same suburb started to ride their bikes to school (at least in the summer from April to October) I followed suit, In winter it was still more convenient to use public transport.
We now live even further away from the city and public transport is the better option for my kids to get to university and the company/trade school respectively than biking.
All in all, I was a happy child and young adult. Unfortunately, my mother passed when I was 20, and my father and I got estranged after that and he was out of the picture for the rest of his life.
My kids were not so lucky as my husband fell very ill when they were just 7 years old and had to watch him dwindle away until he passed when they were 14. Combine this with undiagnosed (till age 13) autism in one and just shy of diagnosing autistic traits in the other, they both haven't fully recovered but they are on a good trajectory because of the social safety net (Schulbegleitung - a person who was at my autistic son's side in school, after-school care, group therapy for one [all paid by the state or our heath care provider], big brothers big sisters for the other one [charity], and my in-laws helping out all the way).
Dear Ashton, congrats for another excellent work. I lived and went to school in Holand, from my 8 to 10 years old, than, came back to Brazil. Uau, what a shock it was!
It is great to see how our neighbors do better. Especially the smaller countries around Germany have splendid ideas which we could adapt
Yes, we (speaking from the Netherlands) may have splendid ideas. Just don't overlook the good sides of Germany! The great thing is, that we all can discuss each other's ideas and maybe implement the "best practices". Besides, together we constitute some "what if" laboratory.
If you should wonder about the good in Germany, just watch the documentaries on the regional broadcasts. RUclips recommendations keep me orbiting NDR, but at least SWF and BR do feature these too. :-)
Being born in 1969 to very young parents and therefore partially raised by grandparents, I am the product of two very different styles of parenting. While my parents where open to anti-authoritarian concepts and a bit of a hippie lifestyle, my grandparents pretty much had a very regulated and traditional German home. On weekends I got to choose what clothes to wear and generally what to do, on weekdays times for meals, homework, playing etc. were preset, and my grandma would also make sure I dressed and behaved properly to the occasion.
As a consequence of those opposing parenting concepts, I became a mother who mixed all of the above.😂 We had fixed mealtimes, at least once a day we would all come together. I negotiated with the kids on clothes and food within limits, those limits being the weather and the need for nutritions and my shopping decisions. We discussed politics on the dinner table, when the kids were old enough - and many other controversial topics. It worked out for us.😊
The idea that controversy is not for the dinner table is WILD to me - but it explains so much with regard to internet culture. For me, challenging an idea is almost a form of politeness. Like: "I like your point, let me see if I can support it."
But I feel like in online communities, questioning aspects of certain discussions often is perceived as being completely opposed to the entire idea.
I often think this might be the root of a larger problem in the US. We aren't taught how to have a constructive, critical discussion on difficult topics. So often times, even in professional settings, discussions dissolve into tropes or parroting what is projected in their main media resources.
@@TypeAshton On the other hand, if I am to believe any high-school TV series (great source, I know ;)), you seem to have such a thing as debate club, implying that you learn debating at school? I was always impressed with that idea. Is that a real thing?
Possibly worth making an entire video about - debate culture in different countries. I remember this also came up during the Brexit negotiations, when - I think it was the BBC - commented that a German "No" is very different from a British "No".
@cesbi I don't think 'debate clubs' are debating anything. It is mostly 'winning a debate' which in itself a contradiction. Learn, listen, and form an opinion. The outcome is the conversation, and most debates are there to explore, it is never about winning. Any process to do 'something' is a process, be that something you can do yourself or in a group setting, the function is mostly to complete a task. When the task is 'winning a debate', to me that is a non sensible endeavour.
But hey, when the debate is 'which god is right', you see what you can't debate at all. The way debates in the USA structured there will be only discours, not solutions.
@@Paul_C Very solid point!
See-food-diet 😍 LOVE this concept. 😅♥️
"They aren't big on cars", now personally... that is correct. However, the Dutch are just as much into cars as other people. We just think there is a time and place for anything. The place for cars is on dedicated roads outside of the city center. We do actually have one of the best, if not the best driveable country for cars. (there are sources, probably things like WEF and such)
How about Not Just Bikes?
Another good video with some good perspectives and lessons for parents, no matter the country. As an American, I have serious doubts if we can ever achieve this great work/life balance and not view anything involving our children as a competition.
Welcome to the Netherlands! I hope you really enjoyed your stay and that we'll see you again in the future. Because despite the weather, The Netherlands has a lot to offer. 1 could jokingly say that a place like paradise is the Netherlands, but warm and sunny. 🤣🤣🤣🙃🥲🤪
great country! It should have a roof😂😂😂😂
My relationship with my father: I don't perceive myself as having had an exceptionally happy childhood, even though I had a lot of freedom, ate meals with my parents and could bike anywhere I wanted. My mother had mental health issues, I had lots of punishment, fun was secondary to orderliness and getting ones duties done. I didn't get to socialize much. I was also a foreigner, part of a stigmatized religion and school was stressful. At church, I wasn't part of the cool crowd, my parents being introverts. I simply didn't fit in, I suffered from lack of social skills, I was weird, probably because of mild ADHD, and I didn't fit the expectations for my gender, but wasn't quite a Tomboy.
But my relationship with my father was really the highlight: on the eve of the weekend, first thing after school, we would hop on our bikes and go out to the fields. We would talk about so many interesting things. Then we'd get back in time to help with chores: one of us would peel potatoes or wash dishes and the other would read. We read C.S.Lewis, Tolken and Shakespeare. This closeness was the thing that made me most happy.
So happy you enjoy your time in the Netherlands. I went 10 years ago for a relative wedding. I have not see them in while. I hope to see them soon. The Netherlands has a way of life increase children happiness.
Great vid as always, this one hit me deep, because I tried myself as a father of two, to first have a focus on letting my kids be as happy as posible, then on them being "succesful" according to society scales.
In our family table top games, playing cards, board games etc have always been a very important family value that promotes a lot of very useful skills.
Perhaps because I didn't have a TV the first 9 years of my life, and observing my elders reading or having fun with card and board games with friends and neighbours, socializing this way after a main meal led me to feel at peace at home which also leads me to feel happy whenever such an occasion arises even nowadays, where making friends is a bit more difficult. Watching TV together was a "thing to do" in my teenage and young adult years. I still prefer this to watching alone as an adult.
Not being able to go to school felt like punishment to me as a child. Sounds so strange to some, doesn't it?
In my Dutch side of the family it was indeed important to have everyone at the table for most meals, and yes, aside from being encouraged to try new foods (at least one taste) every possible topic was discussed and we learned not to interrupt unless there was something important.
@@conniebruckner8190 Yep, that's aside from the no TV until age 9, also mostly been my experience.
Another superb sequel of "Ashton Analytics" or why raising a child in a for-profit environment does not make too much gainz for their overall happiness.
Trust and independence are key words, I think. Born in Amsterdam I went to school by bicycle. Then our country wasn't as well designed as it is now and there were a lot of cars in the streets I had to go through. My mom told me later she was very worried for me at first (I was a bit eh .... un-focussed. Let's call it that). But a few years later I did a four week long summer holiday round trip through the Netherlands - on bicycle - with a friend, both aged 14. And that was before mobile phones and computers...
I'm age 59 and when I was a child my dad worked in construction and was from home during week days, sleeping in barracks on the construction site. Later he moved back to the coal mining industry and worked afternoon shifts only. So I didn't really see my dad during the week. In the weekends he was very busy with the vegetable and fruit garden and small farm animals, leaving only part of the Sunday free. That time would be spent watching sports on television. This means that my entire raising up was managed by my mom, who didn't have a job outdoors.
That was how things were in the past, and means that I did have a much stronger bond with my mom as with dad. So I think it's a good thing that the daddies of today are allowed as much time with the children as mom, and that despite the dads working more full hours than the moms.
Also, 4x9 hour working weeks aren't still the standard, often the 36 hours are planned differently and even 38 or 40 hour contracts do still exist in certain branches.
15:31 Well, I also don't want to shade on *my* German friends who have kids, but … to be honest, after watching these issues for more than a decade, actually, I kind of do.
We have a huge equality issue in Germany between men and women, that we ignore, because we usually don't talk about money. But not only we have a terrible gender pay gap, but we also do have a tax system, that really incentivizes married couples with a bigger income disparity for the partner that earns less, often not to work. And when raising kids, that very, very often means that mothers stay at home much longer and doing the care work.
I remember very well, when the young, conservative secretary for families (from 2009 to 2013), Kristina Schröder, spoke about the 'freedom of choice' that parents should have, when deciding how care work would be split between both parents. However, this financial legal framework would in many cases instead lead to the man, who in many cases just earns more than the women, would only take an absolut minimum of 'Elternzeit' (parental leave).
Conservatives in Germany until today fail to recognize, that for many couples there is no real 'freedom of choice', but also, for many men in Germany, there is not much reason to argue with their bosses about the financial inequality that is still a realilty in this country. And this is, where German men as a group, don't meet what can and should be expected.
Not only breakfast also diner we have as family together. We always have a lot of discussions during dinner. And drinking coffee together at 8 pm, with the news, biking to school, not for a special pedagogical reason. But because everyone did that. And still does. (Btw, this is the origin of the cycling infrastructure outside cities, it was always there. For all the kids that cycled to school).
Independence, is what my Danish children missed the most, when they lived with family abroad.
And they leaned what "a child's FREEDOM" is about. One of my sons said he felt like in jail - that would be a Danish jail 😉😉
Apparently, it means a lot to be able to jump on your bike and go where you want - within certain limitations.
And TRUST - in their competances, abilities and in THEM as people. The lack of trust, made them feel suspicious: Something's wrong here!
Just that they couldn't pin point it, as in Denmark TRUST is "default mode".
Low level countries, high trust & bikes = liberté. 🙂
Also, without looking it up, i think/guess that Danish hygge & Dutch gezellig are connected.
But in the end it's probably down to having Germany as a neighbour... 😜
@@LeafHuntress Denmark and the Netherlands have SO much in common. Also with our big neighbour, of course, BUT believing the landscape affects the culture; our FLATscapes make us soul mates 🥰No where to hide - you might as well come clean! Our honesty can be scare, I understand 🤣🤣
And if you're at the top of the hierachy, you stick out a bit - like a sore thumb 🤣🤣
Peace and love
Good morning Ashton, any regrets about not moving to the Netherlands yet 😂
So nice of you to devote part of your vacation to making a video on our society and culture! There is lots to critice too though. Specially in your field of study.
Did you have any frustrations or negative insights on your stay?
I hope you will make a follow up video on the Netherlands for sure!
yeah like what about the racism. raising white kids doesn't seem that difficult to me anywhere. heard france was the best in europe because they have the least mandatory schools, but then again with the overall rise of fascism, i kind of doubt that europe is a good place for kids in the nearer future. except maybe in some tucked away corner without a lot of connection to the world...
@@sujammaz
Lebanon.
Look at what happend there,in the past.
So if we would like to become an Lebanon 2.0,we need to listen to all that silly racism crab.
Also,i can,t name any religion our race,who did nothing wrong in there own past.
Yes yours and mine to.
Thats why we Germanics hate hypocrisy.
4:21 *NHOOO* Don't open the entire top. You'll spill all the delicious _hagelslag_ if someone tips the box over. Open the spout on the side. Look for a small triangle or rectangle shape on one of the narrow sides of the box. Pull it out, but do *not* tear it off. Now you can close it when done sprinkling.
12:37 I usually didn't bother with rain clothes. The commute from school - to home was a bike ride of twenty minutes at most. From home to school was a completely different story, because mom believed you could get the sniffles in the rain and made me put on all the rain-repelling gear.
I'm a Gen-X-er from Canada, so of course my upbringing was very different from the way kids have been brought up for the past 20 or 30 years. We were very independent. For example, to get to school, you either waited for the school bus yourself, or you walked to school or rode your bike without parents. And I'm talking about 5 and 6 years olds. When I was 10, my 8-year-old sister and I would walk my 3-year-old sister to Montessori school, that was in a church hall about halfway the way to our school. Our school was about 3/4 of a km or 1/2 a mile from home. Any kid in my school would have been mortified to have their parents accompany them to or from school, or wait with them at the bus stop.
What was fun, is that on the way home or to school, you would meet up with friends. So I would leave home with my 2 sisters, but by the time we got to school, 3, 4 friends would have joined the group.
The parenting makes the children think and rethink their choices. What went wrong and why. So would you do it again.
That comes back when they are older. If you want a Dutch person to do something for you, than make sure they can see the benefit. If they do not, it will become a struggle to get it done. It is always: give me a good reason, than I will do it happily.
So when kids are given choices on whatever, they will learn that some choices they have made, didn’t work out so well. And they probably do not want to take that route again.
I'm Dutch and grew up in a little village. I cycled alone to school when I was 6 or so. I remember mostly just playing with a lot of kids after school. My village was like an extention of my home. Yes I also had music lessons and sports, but that was not a central part of my upbringing. I never really considered how lucky I was to be able to learn at my own pace and not be in a rat-race with fellow students. My parents always said to me: even if you want to sell sausages on the street, as long as your happy, we are happy. And by the way, I have a very good job now. Because I liked what I was doing!
An important thing you missed in this video is about freedom dutch children have.
Not being watched and monitored 24h.
Playing outside with friends without supervision or from a distance.
Going to activities without parents being there all the time.
Be at home at dinner time.
Or before it gets dark is a rule that many children have a ably to.
The rule most Dutch children know is that it's time to go home when the street lighting turns on.
But even when they ignore that, most children will get hungry around their normal dinner time and head home anyway.
As our productivity is median, per capita, it is one of the highest per working hour. Because we work only 29 hours a week. And I notice it in my own work environment. I’m often the only one at the office on Friday, because all part timers have Friday off, lots work from home on Friday, others work on a regional office near their home and there are always people having a day off or on holiday. I am one of the full timers with a 40 hour workweek, but with 49 vacation days in total, so in reality my workweek is just above 32 hours.
Hi Ashton, I recognised the location and holiday apartment right away. I live (and have lived all my life) in the neighbouring village and spend my whole childhood most weekends on the same lake as my parents owned a sailboat (where we could sleep as well) and a peace of land at that lake. It was only a bike ride away. I hope you enjoyed your stay. In the summertime it’s even nicer to come over, as you can swim and recreate on the lake and canals. If you were there earlier this year, the water temperature was probably too low, although we used to go swimming as of the Pentecost weekend. Have a nice day!
Side note, hagelslag is just the name for the chocolate (or sometimes differently flavoured) sprinkles, not the form of breakfast itself. By and large Dutch people like to eat bread with various toppings for breakfast and often lunch as well, hagelslag being just one of them, though a very popular one.
22:36 What I appreciate about my upbringing (in Northern Germany) is, that I was respected and valued with my talents and faults. And I was not pressed to do sth 'because it is done like that', but the situation was taken into account and I could choose if it was reasonable enough.
Support/motivation/consultation to find my path were given, but the choice was mine.
Great video. Yes hagelslag is part of happy kids. Give a woman chocolates and she becomes happy 😉 Something in chocolate sprinkles makes people happy. Brings back my childhood of hagelslag. It was hagelslag, cheese and peanut butter
Great video, a Dutch national I did not realize many of the things you are telling. An I can guarantee you that also we struggle to do the right things. Nevertheless, my 17 year old son told me recently that when he has children himselves he will educate his children exactly the way we do. So I guess we are not doing such a bad job 😅.
I believe the shortening work weeks started to free up some space on the labour market, to combat general employment back then but also to get some flow, dynamic in it. But the effect on work life balance was embraced and it's actually mostly about not excluding the part timers/4 days a week workers from having a career.
But it's all connected. It's work/life balance and not necessarily work/rest balance. Those sport clubs the children go to have to be run by volunteers. The Dutch do more volunteering than any other people, whether it's charities or sports clubs, and you might have to chip in, do a bar shift at your kid's football club or referee a game. That wouldn't work with American unpaid displays of loyalty to the company by putting in more hours.
A few years ago I read the book "The Year of Living Danishly." Really kind of fun and incredibly eye-opening as an American. Sort of depressing (because our culture is so _not_ egalitarian).
It annoys me when people act like the US obsession with children's sports is such a mystery. The motivation is extremely obvious. If a child becomes a sports star, they can get a university scholarship that will save many tens of thousands of dollars of future expenses.
Edit: same with grades. I would have been way more relaxed about my GPA if I knew my university would be free regardless.
Thanks for making me realize how right we do get many things in The Netherlands! It's by far not utopia, but it's a far better place that most of the Dutch themself give it credit for. Maybe it's that natural flow of continuous improved as default behavior, always question the status quo and find how to improve, but also be happy with the results and celebrate even if something isn't perfect. We can thank somebody for their achievements but we also thank people for their effort! We try not to leave people behind, the ones that need support get it. We try not to have people living in tents on the streets. Sometimes we fail and are very much ashamed, like the sudden higher demont on shildren and teens that require mental healthcare after Covid. We detect, hope to repair and improve. It's never done but it's life so improve but don't forget to enjoy while doing so!
We spent a lot of time figuring out where to live, and the final contenders were Freiburg and the Randstad (the Randstad one but Freiburg is still a great place!) Glad you were able to enjoy the Netherlands!
To your question - weirdly enough my favourite part of my childhood in a California farm town was biking everywhere. It was different in the early 90's....
Former Dutch kid and current Dutch parent here. I had a lot of autonomy when growing up and my kids (4 and 6) get the same now. On Wednesday and Friday they are done with school at 12:30. While we have lunch, we talk about the activities we'll be doing in the afternoon. I usually have a list of chores to do, which they are welcome to help with. But it's not an obligation. Sometimes they go outside to play with friends at the playground nearby. Sometimes they go to their rooms to colour or will do something else in the house
Sometimes one or both decide to help me, so I'm done with my chores sooner and we can do something together, like play a game or go a bit further than the playground (they're not allowed to go further by themselves, not because I don't trust them but because 4 years old is too young to venture into more car infested places without supervision and I don't want to put that responsibility on my 6 year old). Sometimes they play outside for so long that I don't see them until 4 (except at 15:00, because they know there'll be a small container of fruit waiting for them at home, which they can eat at home or take with them to the playground). And on those days, I get to kivk back with a book between the chores and dinner. It's great for all of us. An I've never understood how north American parents get anything done.
I'm not convinced that a slice of (European) bread with butter and a teaspoon of chocolate
is more unhealthy than a bowl of US sugar pops cereal and long life milk - with added sugar.
Yeah, they are straight putting cookies in a box and calling cereal now.
Haha, excellent point!
As a child I definitely loved my chocolate sprinkles (on whole wheat European bread though, I never really liked white bread), but it was only one of the options. We always set the table with all bread topping options present. So I could choose what I felt like eating that day. Like cheese, meat, peanut butter or jam. It's one of the smal things in which I felt taken seriously as a kid. As soon as I was old enough to point at/articulate what I wanted, my parents let me decide for myself what I had om my bread.
In general, American cereals already contain far more sugar than cereals in Europe. If you compare the content information on the packaging, you can see that the sugar content in the USA is far too high.
Kids aren't eating that anymore unless it's a treat. They eat cereals with no sugar or 2 g of sugar. Milk isn't bad for you. Milk has 3 grams of sugar if organic. Kids don't take an entire serving size of milk for their cereal. They take 1/4 of the serving.
I did not hear what I think is far more important than breakfast together or the other topics mentioned: appropriate parenting. Self control and self reliance are the most important skills to teach for the child experience happiness and success.
I mention this from the perspective of a marriage to a "permissive parent" - someone who felt that making children happy in the moment by giving them what they want in the moment was a priority, walk away or ignore any misbehavior, treat discipline from the other parent as a misfortune to be countered with a treat, never require responsibility or give consequences. Children in this environment were perpetually unhappy, and when isolated from that parent (due to a vacation trip without her), became happier when rules and consequences were spelled out and responsibility for action demanded.
It's very interesting to get such a glimpse at the basis of such studies.
Many things seem to be quite similar in Germany. At least my own experience was having meals with my parents and siblings was standard. I can't remember how I've learned using fork and knife. It must have started at some quite early time and it has become a natural habit. The bread with Hagelslag in the Netherlands corresponds with the Zuckerbrot I was very fond of for some time: bread with butter and plain sugar on it. I stopped to like it quite some time before the age of 10. Generally all kinds of things could be talked about as long as they didn't cause louder controversies.
From the later 1960ies on many parents were cautious about being authoritarian in their education style. I remember my grandparents complaining about that sometimes, but not insistingly.
Regarding striving for success and good grades, Germany is a bit between the Netherlands and many english-speaking countries. It's more a matter of how parents put emphasis on grades - some do more, others do less. for my parents grades mattered somehow but they also wanted me to develop talents which they saw I had and I was interested in. If I remember correctly from England pupils are rated in a more competitive way like the top 10 percent receive the best grade, the next 10 percent the second best grade and so on. The idea of grades in Germany is more that they should be a measure for a pupil and his parents to get an idea how he is doing in comparison to what could be reasonably expected. However, the German way of giving grades has been putting pressure on some pupils and still does in some cases. On the other hand there seems to be a growing gap between the knowledge gained at school and the knowledge and capabilities expected in professional or academic education in Germany.
Ashton, nice video with a lot of recognizable aspects of Dutch life.
On the style of parenting and discussing with your kids, it's part of Dutch decision making in public government... it's called "Polderen" derived from our "National" landscape consisting of polders (reclaimed land surrounded by dikes) and the way they usually came to be.. In that form of decision making it was required that everybody who had a stake in the process also had a say, thus preferring everybody's involvement and a high degree of consensus. And that's something you've got to learn from an early age.
In Education attention to more relational issues is tought, depending on age. So learning to respect the other's boundaries also in the sexual realm and accepting the sexuality of others. Being a fully functional and social person is important, also because of the high density of people per square kilometer in this Country.
About the Hagelslag breakfast.... well I know that characterization and it's not quite representative of the average Dutch breakfast. When bread makes a big part of breakfast, usually Hagelslag is on the table along with other usually sweet stuff. But granola and products like that are also common.
Nice to see family pictures again. Great video. Important topic.
I always enjoy your videos; so thoughtful, informative, creative and wholesome. Having grown up in a time where kids were less mollycoddled and to parents who gave my sister and I freedom to explore, I truly believe that nurturing your kids' independence is invaluable (of course, boundaries must also be set and have consequences). My kids are now adults and it is so beautiful to be able to be part of their lives as equals, rather than as an awkward parent.
Rivers, bikes and mud. We went camping there a month ago to visit a friend and they took us to a mud pool. Just a small swimming pond with a huge pile of mud the kids all got to play in and slide down.
Being able to go outside without supervision from a young age and do what you want, for example cycling somewhere, is one of the most important aspects of the feeling of freedom in the Netherlands
For me the biggest impact on my life could have been going to the secondary school "Realschule". It's the middle ground between secondary education that prepares you for an apprenticeship (gratuation at age 16) or secondary education that prepares you for university (graduation age 18/19).
My parents ASKED me to decide (age 9) as I was very good at school, got along well with the teachers but had few friends.
Because I knew the university track would be more focused on formal education and less on enjoying learning in a diverse environment, I opted for Realschule. There, a second foreign language was optional and one could instead take craft or "humans and the environment"courses (the latter of which was anything from household skills to education on health through nutrition and exercise to the ethics of production in captialist factories).
The teacher were Amazing in their pedagogic approach to different levels of ability and motivation and were often flexible enough to address issues of learning or tensions in the class.
We got to take daytrips regularily and a weeklong trip with our favourite teachers (who were voted on) every two years.
I personally benefitted from the lighter athmosphere around school that encouraged socializing and social skills much more than what I heard from people at the local "Gymnasium".
Sorry for the long rant, in the end I had a very good time at school overall, then went on to get my Abitur certificate in a 3 year (11-13th grade) school and onto university where I am hoping to become a teacher myself and give back :)
Tested and proven, family time results in stronger bonds and emotionally stable kids.
I have two kids. And when they had to choose what school is next at about 11/12 yo. There is the school with a advise about the level. Of course there is your own thoughts about it. But in the end we have let the kids make the decision. I knew my daughter could do a higher level but knew too, that she would not be happy. So why should i push here somewhere and make an unhappy kid? Important was that she could explain why. For my son it was the same. Talk with your kids with argumentation. And respect the wishes. And on a certain moment put your proud a side and be happy.
And yet the USA speaks of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Officially!
And restrict all of those ... officially, too ;)
I grew up in the US eighties, in a single parent household. I would say I had a much happier, healthy upbringing than kids get here today. We could walk to school on our own, we often ate meals together and had discussions about news, politics, etc. I played little league, but also went to the roller rink on Wednesday evenings, parents dropped off/picked up, but they didn’t stick around to monitor us. Kids got together on their own in the evenings to play. School was just school, I didn’t earn college credits, I didn’t feel pressure to perform. And I didn’t do shooter drills. I’m curious what the cell phones and social media rules are in the Netherlands. It seems pretty toxic here for kids.
Amen. 80's to mid eaely 2000's were fantastic as a kid. Every evening we played street hockey in the street. I still can hear us kids yelling car. All clear. I loved going out on our (I had an older brother) little rubber boat and picking up neighbor kids during the summer. We would be gone for 12 hours doing all kid stuff. We would ride our bikes everywhere unsupervised. On our 26 ft sailboat our dad would give my brother and I 20ft of rope each and say "have fun." There was no social media bullying, no school shootings, no worries in general.
I grew up in South Africa. My parents were always proud of what I did. ( I grew up without tv. because when I was a child South Africa did not have tv. there my family left 1975 and came back to Germany .That was such a social shock for me. So have a nice week greetings 😊😊
Nowadays there is a discussion here about education. The pressure to excel at school is so low nowadays that school results of Dutch children are getting worse. Especially basic education like Dutch and Math. I love hagelslag, got it every day as a kid and yes, I cycled to school alone without my parents from the age of 6 and we were always eating together at home.
No, it is not the pressure to excel that is low, teachers have less freedom to pick their lessons and not just "work by the book that the sponsor paid for." I have seen the amounts of work that they need to do and it is ridiculous. The lessons are boring, teachers overworked, the classes are overfilled and the kids agitated and anxietyridden. Obviously it won't go well that way.
I don't know where the study at 4:00 comes from, but it is definately not Nordic, as they have switched the Swedish and Danish flags. Congrats on another interesting video I didn't know I would need (from Denmark)
For my family the meals were the most important moments of the day. It was family time were anyone good discuss or tell whatever they wanted. My parents always took everything serous what we said. I did the same with my child and her family is doing the same with their children.
5:27 - Although being 60, I didn't know that I'm actually on a diet - the very same your little one is into. "See-Food-Diet". 🤣
Congrats Ashton, excellent job as always, all the best from Croatia..
As a parent that gives his 6yo chocolade vlokken and pindakaas (together with lots of fruit and drinks) each day I believe this is not an issue as they get plenty of exercise during the day (at school, outside of school etc)..
But it would be great to see a study on this as my anecdotal experiences hardly constitue scientific fact.
Unfortunately, overweight and obesity are a big thing in the Netherlands too.
As per usual a well informed and very well made video. ❤
It's the water, water has a calming effect.
Well, it sure has never worked on my cat.
My upbringing in Germany wasn't much different and I am still looking back to a great childhood, even though I didn't have parents. I would not want to miss it for the world.
I remember once, being 10-11 years old and we were in the forest at an old castle. We managed to get into what once was the holding cells for prisoners. We got in, but not out as it was to deep. We jelled for a while till some hikers came by and got us out of the misery;-)
In todays world, this would be like absolut horrible. Parents didn't look after the kids, kids did things they are not allowed too and so much more. In the US, this would even make national news.
Looking at my grand kids in the US, I can just cry every day on what a horrible life they have and that the US as a whole does not see what horrible environment we created for them. They are brainwashed and just do what others tell them, not thinking for a second if it is wrong or right. I tried to fix that, but the overall system and how things are is just to strong for me to push against.
It all depends when you were brought up in the US. 2000's is when kids were limited on what they could do alone. My brother and I have done far far far worse things than getting stuck in an old prison. This is tame. The worst thing my brother and I did was when I was 7 and he was 10. We took the powder from firecrackers and place it into a plastic bottle. We would stop when we had 6 grams of flash powder (yes Florida kids used grams). When we got our amount we would put a fuse in the water bottle, light it, and run like hell. We left a few holes in our backyard and killed a few birds. We told our mom "I don't know how the holes or dead birds got there." Our mom was shopping while we did this. We would also take dry ice break some off with an ice pick, place in Gatorade bottle, put cap on, shake like crazy, and throw. It would explode. It really wasn't dangerous unless you touched the dry ice or had shards of plastic hit you. My brother and I spent a good chunk of our freetime with explosives. Police would drive by and see us playing with explosives and we only got "be careful with the explosives. You can seriously hurt yourself or others." Police knew we were under 18 (in Florida you have to be 18 to use fireworks or explosives). Nowadays kids would be taken away from parents if kids were caught playing with fireworks or explosives alone.
11:28 It might prolong processes at the beginning, but you'll win long term!
Time and knowledge and loads of cute stories!
If you figure out how to speak with the little ones, that is.
If you help them express their reasoning and respectfully consider what their objective is, they might accept it much easier if your argument outweighs theirs.
And: don't start scolding if you could as well ask "What are you doing?" + listen to their explanation.