@@luizaechesa1708 you are so not alone! It doesn't get better. I'm a realist, it just goes against nature. Especially with girls, they will forever see you as an intruder and competition. Please don't make the mistake of thinking you're stuck. Good luck to you.
@@sweetea7035 I have been up from 2a.m due to insomnia,I am a new nursing mum to a 4 months baby boy and now I am in the middle of a nightmare with step parenting.. currently looking for an online therapist..
I don’t have children of my own. Being step mom is horrible. I have to work on boundaries. I was the person that did all the cleaning, cooking, etc. all the work and no respect!! But now after communicating a lot of improvement. I was ready to leave...
Don't listen to Gabby..... I understand what you mean. I have two bonus kids and two bio kids. Bend over backwards for bonus kids. Treat them as if they are my own.. still met with zero respect. It's mainly because of the bio mom she's narcissistic possibly bipolar or major depressive disorder idk.. moreover, in my situations they are coached to be that way. We are the sinners, irresponsible, uneducated ones ect.. Don't get me wrong.. when I am met with disrespect my foot goes down their throat and out their butt. I... Don't... Play... But it's exhausting being on edge. Been dealing with it for 8 years... I love them but there is always that wall.. There is no fix except to find peace with yourself.
@@gabbysambienceofrivers4813 I’m a biological mom and stepmom. All responsibilities fall on one person sometimes. What you’re not going to do is bash this lady. Chill out and let her vent.
It's a nightmare. I have had to put up walls and not care about *anything.* My children have rules, steps do not. It is insane when they are at our house. It feels like bio mom controls my house. If I knew it would be this way, there is no way I would be in this situation.
I’m a step mom of 4 . I’m growing a 14 years . He has lived with us for three years and I have 7 years old of my own . My experience is if I ever break up with my husband I won’t ever get together with men that has kids .
My step children are grown now but if I had known then what I know now I would have ran the other direction it was basically an awful experience with them for anyone don’t do it it’s terrible very stressful
I have flat out told my spouse that I was disengaging and if it came down to how child turns out vs my marriage with my wife.... I pick my marriage. She hated to hear it, but it is the truth. I would happily help parent and happily help keep child safe and healthy... but I get shot in the knee every time I have tried. So now I don't and I can't care for my own health. She made this dynamic. Not me.
What if you love your man, but you have no feelings toward the kid...and he barely has any feelings for his kid because the ex is so toxic that he wants very little to do with either of them? 😬 I find myself resenting his kid a little bit when she comes to stay because we both associate her with difficulty, stress, and aggravation because her mother constantly weaponizes her and tries to make his life miserable, which stresses our relationship. It's just one nasty phone call, insulting text message, or chronic purposeful miscommunication right after another and it really wears on him. She didn't have this kid because she loved kids and wanted a baby - she had this kid so she could use her as a money extraction mechanism. My boyfriend is her 3rd victim. It's bad.
I have two step daughters. There mother has passed away a few months before I met my now Fiancé. We have had our ups and downs and the youngest one still hates me but I believe it’s because she still thinks I’m here to take her mothers place. All I can do is take one day at a time. I really needed to see this!!!!!! Thank you so much
I started dating my husband when his wife had died 4 YEARS before. His daughters were 30 and 32 years old. We dated for 3 years before getting engaged and didn’t marry for another year to give them time to adjust to the idea, although we are older and trying to make the most of our new lives together. Can’t say that things are much better. It really bugs me that one of them expects me to adore her children when she taught them to be nasty to me when they were little.
Omg rule #2 is my struggle... My stepdaughter is so disrespectful and she's only 9... You're so right... Why am I trying to teach what the parents see as "normal". Thanks for the advice mama.
So then how do you deal with that if you have your own kids? Do they think it's ok for your stepchild to disrespect you? Do they follow suit? Does it create conflict between the kids bc your kids want to protect you?
@@DanielleLaShawn that is an amazing question. My husband definitely stops her, but we don't know what's being said when she goes home because its a cycle... One second good the next not🤷🏽♀️ we don't know if its for attention, or if she just can't help but to be her.
I will never let my step daughter disrespect me in any way does a teacher let the kids disrespect them NOPE!!! Do not reward bad behavior and your husband should stick up for you she 9 she understand tell her straight up i know this is all weird for you and it is for me but I’m not going any where and neither are you and try and do a walk just you and her it will help
@@raeo7963 You can't force a kid to like you. You arent Mom so of course they probably just don't like you and don't feel comfortable being with strangers, duh!
I struggle everytime my step kids are with us on being fair. As in we hold my kids to a pretty high standard with certain things such as cleaning, their personal hygiene, grades etc...but when my step kids come they aren’t held to such standards at their moms home, nor does my husband really care what they do when they are at our home..so therefore i feel like I either need to just let my kids do whatever when they are over and no chores at all or I am the step mom that implements rules that neither of their parents care about. It falls to where my kids ask why doesn’t “step kids” have to get their tablets taken when they got bad grades or why do they get to just sit inside instead of helping out. It’s not fair. I struggle so badly to where it makes me almost hate when my step kids come over bc of the fairness situation.
Girl I’ve been a stepmom for seven years since my stepdaughter was three years old my rules in my house are my rules in my house when my step daughter comes over for the weekend she does her chores table and floor make a chore list with all the kids name on it and for the bad grades if your step child is getting bad grades they don’t deserve a tablet they get a book Treat your step kids equal to your kids or your kids will resent you because you treated your step kids better
So me hubby’s ex made a meeting regarding the kids didn’t like I have rules so I kept the rules on my kids and just don’t tell them nothing my hubby hates conflict so he rather not say nothing so his ex doesn’t show up to have this family meeting
Because maybe the only thing you should worry about is your kids and what you do, that's it! You can't control another Mom on how she wants to raise her kids. Is she all up in yours about how you are raising your kids? Probably Not, stay in your lane and show the same respect.
I don’t care how my stepdaughter’s Mom parents and what they do at their house, but how do you set up healthy boundaries when the mom wants to control everything that happens at your house?
I always though the same thing! And my mom and dad are still together but my marriage didn’t last and now my kids have too live with my failed marriage
@@raeo7963 no because at the end of the day there are boundaries as a step parent and when you got married you new exactly what you were getting yourself into
It seems contradictory to say don't try to enforce rules at your house that the bio parents aren't on board with and to also say that you get to decide how things work at your house and how you parent. When you parent your kids a certain way and your stepchild is there but not expected to follow the same rules that's taking away your ability to run your home the way you feel it should be run.
Wow... thank you SO much! I have heard about so much hardship with being a stepmom. I'm Engaged to a Man I LOVE who has 5 kids. I needed to see/hear someone who can be thriving, secure and confident
I was a stepmom yes because now I am free from this complex relationship .I got married with my husband with a kid who is 7 year old I dreamed so much and with all heart I had accepted him with all his good and bad habits .No single relatives of him my stepson was taking responsibility of him when I came .But they used to teach so much bad about me to him which almost poisoned our relationship but I was not angry on him as he was just kid but my husband never told him to give me respect I am thinking now my husband and his son never accepted me as a wife and mother .My husband granted me and not even thought when I was pregnant also he said me to do all chores of his kid from bathroom from pee poo even feeding him food with hand Then after I am started realising that married with me only to take care of his son and he told that only to all .My value was that only I can’t even tell my full story peoples are truly selfish be selfish and stay away from such a marriage and if your I’m really love with any widower then don’t accepts his kids responsibility because even if you take care of his kids who are big enough society family won’t appreciate you they will make you feel down and talk bad about you instead of that become a bad first without taking any responsibility
Thank you so much for your videos! They're great. I'm not new to stepmomming, but COVID-19 seems to have elevated the underlying issues between my husband, his kids and his ex. It's a highly dramatic situation under which I have little control. The outcome is that 2 of my 6 stepkids were at our house for the last 6 weeks due to their mom's issues (she definitely has a high conflict personality). The hardest part for me is having to deal with the outcome of her issues as they appear at our house. I did nothing to create these issues, yet they appear to live at my house almost every day. Thank you for your support and keep those videos coming!
I am going through the exact same thing as you and I live with my husband and 6 step kids and his kids were kicked out they Been living with us for the last 5 months and they're nothing but horrible especially his 2 older daughters who are 18 and 19. Thankfully my husband stands by my side. Also we both speak different languages so they speak their language on purpose but my husband will always respond to them in English so I can understand which puts them on the spot. My husband has woken up to their bullshit and doesn't allow them to disrespect me and they are realizing that their mean girl attitude is only making my husbands and I marriage stronger and our love stronger.
Thank you for making this channel. It helps to hear that im not alone. I feel awful for just getting cringey when im reminded that my husband to be was once married.
Please stop commenting that we knew what were getting into. It’s insensitive. Do you know how hard it is take care of a human before you take of yourself every day for the rest if their life. Your mind doesn’t think about any of that before hand. If a child needs a home as a woman you want the child to have stability. Please stop insulting step moms for struggling. Hell biological parents struggle too so how do you not expect us too?
Being a step parent means you have to act like a role model, help support those kids, protect those kids and do everything you can to be a parent to them while also getting the disrespect and being told they dont love you or that your not there real parent. It hurts to love a child so much and have a great relationship with them but the one time you don’t let them have what they want it turns completely around. Which is what my husbands youngest daughter does. When we get her from her mothers she treats me completely different for the first couple days and usually on the third day she loves me and wants to spend every second with me. And the other daughter (from an other women from high school) who is 12 does not have her Bio- mom in her life (she lives with her father and I full time) and her and I have such a great relationship but as soon as my husbands ex wife found out I was going to adopt her she filed for a parent de facto. Which the 12 year old wants nothing to do with her. She calls me mom and says I’m the only one she wants as her mom. But my husbands ex wife keeps reminding me I am not her mother.
This video was such a refreshing take on step parenting! Such a nice change from the normal “you should do this but also don’t do that because you’re not (insert any number of things here).” Brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!
I am dealing with a very toxic 21 year old adult stepchild. I am only in my 30s. Her 45 year old mom is very toxic as well. It’s like I can’t win with them. They raise my blood pressure like no one else. I am a sweet positive person and they are just mean witches.
Maybe they think you're toxic, Not them. Mom is supposed to be and of course Will be a protector of her children, PERIOD! And that has Nothing to do with being toxic, it's called being a parent.
I’m sorry. I’m going through hell right now with my 9 year old stepdaughter. She’s been constantly picking arguments with me and constantly being disrespectful eyerolling smart comments it gets my blood boiling.
@@adrianeelise3849 I get you,I am so sorry..I am 29 and a step mom to two teenagers! Smh!! I would have preferred if mine did the eyeroll thing or talk back,but she doesn't,she just has this creepy nature that fuels tension around us and very judgemental eyes, competitive to the dad, attention seeker,calculative,all silently..so it's very toxic because you cannot attack a behaviour without justification and it's right there!!she is 17!! I made a mistake
@@luizaechesa1708 omg I am so sorry. That’s terrible. And in her eyes she probably sees you as a problem so that shit she’s doing in silent is a ways of her em getting away with it. You she act oblivious totally unbothered and Nice to her . I just know teenagers give up eventually especially if what they are doing isn’t working or bothering you.
This is our house right now with the discipline. My stepson is struggling so much in big ways and I feel I’m the only one who has expectations and rules for him.
@@tarasimmons337 it’s taken me a long time to get there. When no one disciplines and the kid was struggling due to a lack of boundaries, it was hard not to intervene.
What if none of the parents force basic house rules and I live in chaos because of that? What if I can't close the bedroom door without SK interrupting, peeping, coming in on me? Shall I just let it be? Yes, me trying to enforce rules causing chaos, but I can't live in a household where I have no privacy and feeling like a maid, because SK doesn't do anything.
Hello... I’m a product of divorced parents from age 5. now I’m a stepmom of four [7-11yr old). This is a great video as an adult I can look back and see what values my step mom Brought to my life... what she taught me... granted as a child we never ever see it... now as a adult as a stepmom... finding balance is hard... my husband and I do wish she would raise the kids different but there is no harm being done to them.... we never talk bad about the mom.. and when the mom suggest something we need to do for them we use our own judgement... an example was one time she wanted us to give them 3000 mg of vit c. ( this is 1200% higher then the recommended adult). Cause one child came down with whooping cough.... when the kids came I told them how the vitamins work... and then explained “ maybe ur mom read a scientific report... but as a nurse I can not in good faith give that to you... they took our talk home.. looked at the bottle and told their mom the meds where for adult use.... 1. Never talk bad about the mom 2. Inform kids that we all learn from each other 3. When you did something wrong... say ur sorry 4. Tell the kids about ur own feeling about divorce and how it made you feel as a kid ( if ur parent are divorced)
Can you please do a video on step moms whose step child lost their mom, and you as the step mom trying to know your place but still being involved as if you are the mother to fill the child’s void. Or something along those lines. Thank you
I have married a woman with a 10 year old son. She lost her husband when my step son was a baby. They both have adhd and I struggle with them at times. It isn’t easy
Can you make a video on dealing with baby momma drama as a couple? And advice for splitting holidays and when to be together both families? Just things like that.
My husband was never married to his daughters mom. He got custody of her when she was 2 and I came along when she was 4 almost 5 in 2015. I already had a daughter who was 18 months old when I moved in with him and after a while I started noticing that his daughter was bullying mine. Big time. And since she was 18 m old she couldn’t talk or defend herself and his daughter got away with it at first. When I started seeing how she was, I told him about it and he called me a liar and said I was just jealous. It caused quite a few break ups. We’re married now in 2018 and it isn’t any better. I still hold on to what happened and he didn’t apologize or admit to it until a couple of years ago. She refuses to listen to me, and if she does something wrong and I catch her she whines and cries and when I catch her lying she says things like “I didn’t know I was lying”. Absolutely no one in her life holds her responsible for anything she does except me. And her mom isn’t totally absent but definitely isn’t stepping like she’s supposed to. She barely sees or talks to her mom. We’ve been so close to divorcing a couple of times because of her. Everyone acts like she never does anything wrong. She literally listens to everyone except me. She will willingly clean for her mom and help her out but when I tell her to clean she pouts and gets an attitude.
I have to say that what a lot of the women here are saying in the comments is very true I think honestly if you're going to date a single father make sure that the kid is still under the age of two at the most That's the most effective time that you can be a stepmother in a father's life if the children are preteen or teen it's almost useless because the mother is already set her rules or boundaries so the kids are used to that same thing goes for fathers if you're dating a single mother that has kids make sure that the children are under 2 years old that's the only way it will work in your favorite in some way shape or form.
Thank you so much sharing. Rule #2 is my struggle. It seems I am always the enemy when it comes to rules although I have been raising my step-son since he was 5 years; He is 13 now.
Girl I was 21 when I got with my now husband. The kids were 7 and 8 and had a baby sister that wasn’t his but I still had to step up and be a mom figure cause bio mom was not really involved. It’s possible! We are in a good spot rn but it def wasn’t easy. No one wants to wake up and have to deal with such a horrible person
I just wanted to say that I really appreciate you. I am about to marry a man who I truly love. But I have been having 2nd thoughts. Your advice really reassures me.
@eierinjhoi Hi. We have been happily married for 2 years. My husband and I really work on compromise. He also knows that his wife comes first, no matter. As Christ declares, marriage a sacred covenant. My stepdaughter is 13 now, and she's a lot less bratty than before, lol. However i do not engage my stepdaughter if she ever has an attitude. I just don't have the capacity.😀
Thank you so much for your awesome videos🤩My husband and I married a year ago- hence we were in the Middle East at the time- We are now back in South Africa.We don’t have children of our own. My husband has a daughter of 6 and 1/2.I was asked by the social workers to take over in January with fetching my step daughter after school and look after her before COVID. I have given all of my energy and more .Since lowdown and this difficult time my stepdaughter of 6 1/2 have now spend more time with us and I have been doing homeschooling too. We still co- parent with the her mum. It has been a very challenging time for me and us as a newly wed couple in this crazy time. It’s been emotionally draining at times and the “ wheels” have spinned a lot . Are there any other SINGLE stepmoms out there with tips ? But thanks Jamie I do find some of your tips so helpful ❣️Hope to hear from any one out there soon 🤗 Bernadine
It doesn’t matter. I was adopted by parents who stay together and still married divorced man, who knew me before knowing his ex. What you are talking about is called coincidence
Hello, I am a new step mom of an 11 and 13 year old- super nervous but happy to do my best, as with everything in life. I am a very strong personality type but I do tend to control the dynamic so I am not as scared as I am just hoping things go well. I know they probably will not, but at least I have you now. I don't have a ton of support for various reasons so I appreciate you posting your experience.
I know this is an old video, but I need to know what to do if hubby doesn’t follow through with, or give his kids consequences for not following through with, house rules you’ve decided together??????
One of my step kids lives with me and often doesn’t set the best example for my two younger children (their half siblings) I usually don’t have any issues and we get along well. Its when it starts to negatively impacted my own, then it’s like mama bear steps in and wants to be like now listen here you little shit how dare you be so mean for no reason when all they want is to play with you, talk to you even or xyz ya know. That’s what I am struggling with these days. It’s been 15 months since my step kid moved in so you’d think we would be able to handle our siblings and know how to be decent to them even if we’re feeling grumpy. My worst is when we’re in the car and my 5yr old is is the backseat just chatting among themselves or singing a little song (relatively quiet too for a child mind you) and then my step kid will be like will you please be quiet my head hurts or whatever.. Ya it is quite tricky & triggering at times. If that makes sense.. I’ve been in their life since age 3 and now is nearing 12. It is really hard at times not gonna lie and dealing with the sibling rivalry is real. I get it tho, they don’t have their mom in the house to get that mommy love and it makes me feel guilty at times because I can’t give that to them. It just doesn’t and hasn’t ever been a thing. You can’t come into a 3 (few months from 4) years old life and start dating their father and be like ok kid, I know I’m not your mom but come let me cuddle you or be all mom y like you know. Also it was 2 yrs after we got together that we had MY first child, his 3rd so that didn’t help the situation since I don’t have kids yet and wasn’t aware of how it actually worked. If I wasn’t absolutely head over heels deeply & madly in love with my husband, all 4 of theirs father then I couldn’t do it. It is hard but that is the way it is sometimes. We all have our separate things we need to learn while down here in this life. And this one is mine. Some days it is literally day by day, hour by hour or even minute by minute. For the most part our family is very loving and we have sooo much to be grateful for. It’s nice (idk if nice is actually the right word since it’s hearing someone else who struggles with the same issues) to know I am not the only one in this world who deals and struggles with this. Thank you for sharing that with us. 💞
My boyfriend of 1 year is kind of bestfriends with his ex. They meet every Monday (alone without their kid) and his ex cooks him lunch and he says they talk about ”everything”. They have a band together. They are still celebrating all the holidays together. I feel kind of left out. And when I say ”I would like to be there, but I don’t know if they would want me there” he doesn’t give me an answer at all about the ”idk if they want me there”. He doesn’t reassure at all, or say ”they would like to meet you!” or anything like that. His common arguement is that ”it’s for our daughters sake” and she’s only 11 years old, but they’re acting like they’re not seperated. Meanwhile, his daughter can say mean passive things, and question me in a ”mean” way, for example ”what are you doing?” as a rethorical question. I’m scared to tell his daughter ”that was not okay”. Like you said, it’s not my job to crave respect or to dicipline. But sometimes his daughter sees me more than a friend than an adult, and that leaves space for her to say stuff like that. I understand she’s only a child, but my boyfriend doesn’t really do a good parenting job at times. She’s also an only child. Mind you, I’m diagnosed level 1 autistic, so this is very difficult to manage, because there is a lot of unclear, thin lines.
I have been a step mom for 8 years. All of these complications for the most part have resolved.... our household is healthy. What has not resolved is my husband's family's feelings towards me? Have any of you struggled with your spouses families treating you like you are evil and not letting you be mom and have that relationship when they are around? This started before we got married... i love my husband but man his family has made life so hard for me. I need support not opposition all of the time
Regarding the last one - how do you navigate when you & your spouse don’t agree with what’s going on in the other parents home so you and your spouse parent and discipline completely different and the children’s mother tries to control every little thing you do? I don’t worry about how she parents but she is very high conflict and very controlling in every single thing we do 😖
HELP i desperately need advice!!! I have nobody i can talk to about this! Can’t actually take a back seat when decisions like his child coming to live with us full time are made without my knowledge. This directly affects my life in so many ways. It’s like i have no say so at all here! I don’t know if i should talk with his ex wife or not but that’s what i keep being drawn towards doing! We are ok with each other and she comes to me with big issues bcuz they don’t really communicate much at all and both parents know how close me and my step kiddo are and that they talk to me all the time about everything. So for the last few years I’ve basically been the middle man or whatever. I feel like nothing is being done in regards to bad bad school grades that we have over the past year had issues with. The one consequence i was told was no phone but I’ve yet to see them without it. They even went and stayed with their grandparents for three days bcuz guess what they could have their phone there! Smh. And it’s like it goes right over my husband’s head. I can see from a non biological parent view what is happening. Ugh. And the whopper is he hasn’t even talked to his ex wife about their child changing where she wants to stay. And this isn’t the first time his child has manipulated the system. I’m very close to my step kiddo they’re really amazing but they’re also doing this and it’s like my husband is just oblivious. Well, he really is bless his heart. Smh. He’s slowly improving. I feel like i should go and discuss this mess with his ex wife so she doesn’t get blind sided by it like we did when my step kid did this to us last year and chose to stay with their Mom and just not see us at all. And here lately they’ve been doing it more often. Choosing to stay here or there for two and three weeks. Basically until they get in trouble over something then BAM suddenly they want to go to the other parent’s house. I can see this going on so easily. Plus, my step kid tells me whenever they get in trouble at their Mom’s. I mean this is just ridiculous and my husband just won’t hear it. Suddenly I’m the bad guy now by trying to make him aware of things. Nothing but arguments, to the point i needed to set some boundaries but wasn’t even able to state those bcuz when i tried to state them my husband claimed i was yelling and stopped the conversation. So I’m staying at my parent’s house fora few days bcuz i just needed a break before i myself broke. I’ve cried and cried not knowing what is the right thing for me to do! I’m not only upset about what’s going on…. I’m extremely hurt and upset over the whole suddenly living with us full time instead of every other week wasn’t even discussed with me. I was told about it.
Can you please do a video about violent disrespectful step kids and how to handle that when dad can't figure out anything about this kind of stuff. I need help 😫 😩 😕 😞 😪 😢 😫
Omg if you find anything please let me know my hubby’s ex had this crazy family meeting and tried telling us how to be better parents when the kids call us to come get them at 4am when they are under her care
Ya, consider a video about Evil stepmom that landed in prison because she killed the stepkids, and you wonder why alot of BioMoms don't trust MFr's! Don't trust NO ONE!
Soooo None of these helped! The mom isn't in the picture, isn't even in the country, and my husband was. Never married to her. It was a let's say 'mishap' that my partner had and now I'm living with and raising this mishap ...advice on loving this kid and taking her in when I really wish the mom would get her life together and take her kid.
I am so desperate!!! I understood everything you said on this video but the issue with me is that even though she loss custody of her child she is allowed to see him twice a year and yet she want control over our house. We have rules and she will never have at her house and I understand that but the problem is that she says to child not to respect the people who he lives with because we are not doing anything for him (and that’s just to mention that nicest thing she ever said) so I am at the point that I’m ready leave a wonderful husband and an amazing kid just because she wants control of our lives and I can’t allow that. I understand clearly that she is the mother and every single time I referred to her I always say to him that she is his mother and he needs to respect her. I had looked for books to help me but everything I tried is like he doesn’t care and I am so tired. I feel that all the time I been spending trying to have a descent relationship with my stepson is going nowhere and the oldest he gets the aírese is his attitude with me 😭 don’t know what to do anymore… any advice?? Please!
Hi sister, I encourage reading this book…very eye opening and gives good guidance on our role as step parents. Book: The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family by Ron L. Deal. I also recommend his videos on blended family. May God bless your family❤️
Gah you sure get straight to the point, huh? Thank you! This is so much harder than I ever thought it'd be, there's so much comfort in knowing I'm not alone, and these issues are normal and human. My entire blended family dynamic can be summed up in this one example: I teach the insecure 6 year old how to tie his shoes (through many attempts, he is very insecure and tends to have meltdowns before there's even an issue. He was sooo proud of himself!), mom buys him velcro shoes and throws out his lace-up shoes. And that's just the nutshell of all of it. Yeah, I'm done 😂 For my own sanity I can't worry about this crap.
Ya And?! If his Mom wants to buy him Velcro instead of shoelaces then why is that your damn business and something you should be worried about?! Get on with your own damn business
@@gabbysambienceofrivers4813 Let me guess, are you an angry biomom? Maybe even jealous? Do you try to control your ex's life through your kids? Your response alone is telling.
The trouble is me and OH disagree and I can’t do what’s right for me. He lets BM decide what SD does on his weekend so when I’ve made family plans and want to involve her, her BM trumps that and it upsets me because I want to involve her and be a part of her life as well
This 16 yo simply mustn't be arround you? Honestly, I don't understand why anybody would wan to have an apparently uneducated, aggressive and violent teenager around. Your partner has to sort this out, not you. Not your monkey, not your circus.
Do you have any advise for how to prevent your stepchild who you're not allowed to make rules for or discipline from confusing your own bio child on household/family rules, & being a bad influence on them, because the same rules don't apply to them? Also, when your stepchild is behaving inappropriately to your bio child to the point CPS comes along & claims negligence for the parents' lack of controlling the stepchild's actions toward my bio child. My stepson doesn't even know his bio mom & doesn't want to either. CPS removed him from her when he was very young, & now they've also removed him from his dad & put him in mine & my parents' care 24/7. But i feel handicapped, because at a certain point, I had taken the route of backing off & not being the one to discipline, but now I'm completely responsible for him & also for protecting my younger bio child from him & any of his misconduct.
Question- what if baby mama is on drugs? Kids are safe and happy with us, but sd is cruel verbally to me. I realize this is one of the situations thar is out of the norm, and Im trying to be a good example and loving because they need it, and thats why they act out. But MAN its painful to me and I cry a lot. Thankyou for this video!! Xoxo
@Christine Mullaly. Im in the same situation as u Hun! Im also a step mom & my biggest problem is just getting the Bio mom to want to have a relationship W/her kids! Im so Depressed😩 I Love my 2Step Sons so much & Im trying my best to PROTECT them & help them have some type of relationship W/Bio Mom but its so hard because shes in ACTIVE ADDICTION. The 17yr old hates her & hasn't lived W/her since he was 12yrs old The 5yr old was removed from her home by CPS because of 😱NEGLECT & ABUSE!😫😢 At 3yrs old he came to live W/me & the dad THANK GOD but It took us 7Months to get him Healthy, he had a Severe Abscess/Ear Infection/Maul Nutrition & had to have Surgery to Remove/Repair 6 Teeth. He looks like a completely diff child now!😊 Bio Mom lives 1 HR away! 5yr old misses his mom sometimes even though she locked him in his room W/Pad Lock for Hrs at a time! This INNOCENT Child doesn't know any better. We do Phone/Video calls so he can get contact W/her. I ALWAYS Encourage the 17yr old to try & forgive his mom & give her another chance but he won't because she abandoned & quit trying to be his mom 5yrs ago. SAD😥 part is NO Matter how hard I try to help I Still FEEL GUILTY like its ONLY my responsibility to Nurture/Guide the relationship W/Bio Mom & the younger son even tho shes the 1 that should put effort into having a relationship W/her Sons! I think I put so much Energy into it cause my mom/dad were Drug Addicts & even tho I was taken from them I stilled yearned for some type of Love from them! NOT ALL STEP MOMS ARE EVIL🤗 I Love my step sons they deserve the Love of their Dad, Step mom & Bio mom but I feel so stuck! I hope u & I both find the answers & support that we need!
@@ashleytaylorfredrickson487 It isn’t your burden to bear. You’re there for SS because you are kindhearted, but SS has a father and the father needs to do his job not you to replace dad and mom.
@@user-lv4ok9vo5o😊Thank u Dan for your comment I wish that me as the Step Mom, the Dad & the Bio Mom could all put effort into Guiding, Neutering, Teaching & sharing the Financial Responsibility of caring for these children! Thank u for saying that it's not my responsibility & that the dad & Bio mom should be responsible for the well fare of the children!😟 I Appreciate your comment! But my FEAR😰 is that if I don't Love, Nurture & Financially Support my Step Sons that NO 1 else will step up & do it!😫 I Love them So Much & just wish Bio mom & dad would Help Me!😟 I feel Stuck I wish there was something else I could do?!
@@ashleytaylorfredrickson487 Your mental health is at stake. If you’re hellbent on taking care of your husband’s kids, I would consider the possibility of adopting them. I recommend that you get into counseling because a good professional should be able to guide you. You can’t help anyone when you yourself are dying. If you were my wife I’d ask you to adopt the kids that way YOU are the mom and YOU are in control. And BM rights are TERMINATED and she is out of your lives to release you - that’s FREEDOM for you and the kids.
@@user-lv4ok9vo5o😧😊Wow Great comment & u are correct, my Mental Health is suffering!😩 I think Adopting my Step Sons is a great suggestion & I think our lives would be a lot better & HEALTHIER if Bio Moms rights were terminated & she was out of our lives. Like u said it would be complete FREEDOM for me & the kids! No more 😵CHAOS! Also I will definitely look into Counseling because if I'm not taking care of myself 1st then I won't be able to take care of the kids to the Best of my ability! 🤔😊Thank u so much for your comment this gives me some options so I can make a plan moving forward!
First they two's relationship is for life if they have kids. The dynamics have changed.( little different with domestic abuse) It's a big issue if leaving or ended the marriage wasn't agreed on. Especially if one cheated. Lots of harm in not working on splitting. If they have conflict over child STOP trying to save or defind him. ( may second husband stood back but watched as it had a lot of abuse) Neither parent is a full victim ( even domestic most kept having kids know of the abuse) Your right let them set the page but state you limits. Most moms don't care what you do with your ex and want him to get the parent. He your not over stepping the want kids to be responsive of you. You mostly or going to be responsible for her kids safety. And yes two sets of. Rules is bad FOR THE KIDS. Right now my daughter for youngest child is dealing with a stepmom really trying to eradicate her from childs life. They are unhappy she want stop going to childs school (which they hide from her) were stepmom acted as mom and volunteered at the school ( with her freinds and family) . Dad is also but never seen there yet. The private school in different program area from SM didn't approve of moms volunteering. They say see is obsessed with her 5 year old she raised until Dad who abandoned the baby came back with Wife in two different mom's lives. Stepmom had trouble with getting a baby then had one die 3 days after birth. Dad said no adoption . So yes different from you. Just saying I understand about stepparent married to one. Your job is to love the kids and follow the parents (both ). Both kids and your life will be better.
I’m still watching but I’m going to pause at 4:27. Question: what about when bio mom tells us rules and I (stepmom try to follow) but dad doesn’t? Do I still take a backseat?
What if I want to disengage but I am the one at home with the kids all summer because I am a teacher and I have my son and my step kids at the same time and my stepson is disrespectful to me and mean to my son? 😭
There are laws in guidelines that step parents are to follow. Step parents have no legal grounds. So step number one for step parents is to gain a clear understanding of this. I have lost so much time with my child because of chaos created by a step mother trying to take over my role for my child. Unless abuse or neglect is at hand (in the household of the biological parent sharing placement) the step parent has no place to step in, anywhere. You seem like a good stepmother, and I wish my child were blessed with such but unfortunately not.
Nope. You have to be smart. Your spouse is the one to be the one that checks. You just be faithful and loving to your spouse. What makes you think you are on the same level. You aren’t. That is a fact. Stay in your lanes.
To be honest if you’re serious about the relationship, being the biological or step parent doesn’t really matter. I do not have step children but I imagine that if you marry your other half with his/her own children you are marrying the whole package!
Absolutely! But it’s more than a straight line. It’s ups and downs and silver linings. As a stepmom and biological mom, I have different rules and different aspects when it comes to my own baby compared to my older stepchildren. I learned so much in the 6 years of being in the kids lives.
My father remarried when I was young , I was abused physically emotionally mentally , and I see the people in the comments have the gall to say it's hard and ... so don't marry that person if you can't care for their kids as well
Why did you marry her father? I can’t just can’t understand such disgusting human beings. You should feel bad. Do better. If i had such a wife like you, i would kick you into the curb and divorce you. The child is here. You are a just a stepmom. Know your place.
She has all these videos about being and how to be a good stepmom and tips and tricks and then watch behind-the-scenes that her step kids really hate her and are laughing at her videos lol
I say run like hell before you marry someone with kids...it's a nightmare you cannot imagine!
Really true
Adult step children too. Run fast, run far!
@@luizaechesa1708 you are so not alone! It doesn't get better. I'm a realist, it just goes against nature. Especially with girls, they will forever see you as an intruder and competition.
Please don't make the mistake of thinking you're stuck. Good luck to you.
@@sweetea7035 I have been up from 2a.m due to insomnia,I am a new nursing mum to a 4 months baby boy and now I am in the middle of a nightmare with step parenting.. currently looking for an online therapist..
A thankless job, especially if you have to tolerate a vicious ex.
I don’t have children of my own. Being step mom is horrible. I have to work on boundaries. I was the person that did all the cleaning, cooking, etc. all the work and no respect!! But now after communicating a lot of improvement. I was ready to leave...
And? Your point? Moms do those same Exact things cleaning, cooking, etc... What do you want an award?! Lol
You think A real Mom doesn't do those same things?? C'mon now grow a brain.. 🙄
Don't listen to Gabby..... I understand what you mean. I have two bonus kids and two bio kids. Bend over backwards for bonus kids. Treat them as if they are my own.. still met with zero respect. It's mainly because of the bio mom she's narcissistic possibly bipolar or major depressive disorder idk.. moreover, in my situations they are coached to be that way. We are the sinners, irresponsible, uneducated ones ect.. Don't get me wrong.. when I am met with disrespect my foot goes down their throat and out their butt. I... Don't... Play... But it's exhausting being on edge. Been dealing with it for 8 years... I love them but there is always that wall.. There is no fix except to find peace with yourself.
@@gabbysambienceofrivers4813 I’m a biological mom and stepmom. All responsibilities fall on one person sometimes. What you’re not going to do is bash this lady. Chill out and let her vent.
How’s it going now sis
It's a nightmare. I have had to put up walls and not care about *anything.* My children have rules, steps do not. It is insane when they are at our house. It feels like bio mom controls my house. If I knew it would be this way, there is no way I would be in this situation.
I’m a step mom of 4 . I’m growing a 14 years . He has lived with us for three years and I have 7 years old of my own . My experience is if I ever break up with my husband I won’t ever get together with men that has kids .
My step children are grown now but if I had known then what I know now I would have ran the other direction it was basically an awful experience with them for anyone don’t do it it’s terrible very stressful
I have flat out told my spouse that I was disengaging and if it came down to how child turns out vs my marriage with my wife.... I pick my marriage. She hated to hear it, but it is the truth. I would happily help parent and happily help keep child safe and healthy... but I get shot in the knee every time I have tried. So now I don't and I can't care for my own health. She made this dynamic. Not me.
What if you love your man, but you have no feelings toward the kid...and he barely has any feelings for his kid because the ex is so toxic that he wants very little to do with either of them? 😬 I find myself resenting his kid a little bit when she comes to stay because we both associate her with difficulty, stress, and aggravation because her mother constantly weaponizes her and tries to make his life miserable, which stresses our relationship. It's just one nasty phone call, insulting text message, or chronic purposeful miscommunication right after another and it really wears on him.
She didn't have this kid because she loved kids and wanted a baby - she had this kid so she could use her as a money extraction mechanism. My boyfriend is her 3rd victim. It's bad.
I have two step daughters. There mother has passed away a few months before I met my now Fiancé. We have had our ups and downs and the youngest one still hates me but I believe it’s because she still thinks I’m here to take her mothers place. All I can do is take one day at a time. I really needed to see this!!!!!! Thank you so much
I started dating my husband when his wife had died 4 YEARS before. His daughters were 30 and 32 years old. We dated for 3 years before getting engaged and didn’t marry for another year to give them time to adjust to the idea, although we are older and trying to make the most of our new lives together. Can’t say that things are much better. It really bugs me that one of them expects me to adore her children when she taught them to be nasty to me when they were little.
No get out of there
Omg rule #2 is my struggle... My stepdaughter is so disrespectful and she's only 9... You're so right... Why am I trying to teach what the parents see as "normal". Thanks for the advice mama.
My stepson is the same age and is also really disrespectful. I am struggling right now.
So then how do you deal with that if you have your own kids? Do they think it's ok for your stepchild to disrespect you? Do they follow suit? Does it create conflict between the kids bc your kids want to protect you?
@@DanielleLaShawn that is an amazing question. My husband definitely stops her, but we don't know what's being said when she goes home because its a cycle... One second good the next not🤷🏽♀️ we don't know if its for attention, or if she just can't help but to be her.
I will never let my step daughter disrespect me in any way does a teacher let the kids disrespect them NOPE!!! Do not reward bad behavior and your husband should stick up for you she 9 she understand tell her straight up i know this is all weird for you and it is for me but I’m not going any where and neither are you and try and do a walk just you and her it will help
@@raeo7963 You can't force a kid to like you. You arent Mom so of course they probably just don't like you and don't feel comfortable being with strangers, duh!
Number 2 is so hard because I feel disrespected because simple rules won’t be followed.
I struggle everytime my step kids are with us on being fair. As in we hold my kids to a pretty high standard with certain things such as cleaning, their personal hygiene, grades etc...but when my step kids come they aren’t held to such standards at their moms home, nor does my husband really care what they do when they are at our home..so therefore i feel like I either need to just let my kids do whatever when they are over and no chores at all or I am the step mom that implements rules that neither of their parents care about. It falls to where my kids ask why doesn’t “step kids” have to get their tablets taken when they got bad grades or why do they get to just sit inside instead of helping out. It’s not fair. I struggle so badly to where it makes me almost hate when my step kids come over bc of the fairness situation.
Girl I’ve been a stepmom for seven years since my stepdaughter was three years old my rules in my house are my rules in my house when my step daughter comes over for the weekend she does her chores table and floor make a chore list with all the kids name on it and for the bad grades if your step child is getting bad grades they don’t deserve a tablet they get a book Treat your step kids equal to your kids or your kids will resent you because you treated your step kids better
@@raeo7963 The best. Good job
So me hubby’s ex made a meeting regarding the kids didn’t like I have rules so I kept the rules on my kids and just don’t tell them nothing my hubby hates conflict so he rather not say nothing so his ex doesn’t show up to have this family meeting
Because maybe the only thing you should worry about is your kids and what you do, that's it! You can't control another Mom on how she wants to raise her kids. Is she all up in yours about how you are raising your kids? Probably Not, stay in your lane and show the same respect.
“Just the stepmom” that made me feel a bit worthless
I don’t care how my stepdaughter’s Mom parents and what they do at their house, but how do you set up healthy boundaries when the mom wants to control everything that happens at your house?
Don’t let it happen your the mama of your house 🏠
I always though the same thing! And my mom and dad are still together but my marriage didn’t last and now my kids have too live with my failed marriage
@@raeo7963 no because at the end of the day there are boundaries as a step parent and when you got married you new exactly what you were getting yourself into
A trick : you can watch series on flixzone. Been using it for watching loads of movies these days.
@Sterling Ayden Yup, I've been watching on flixzone for years myself :D
Dealing with a narcissistic, manipulative, self destructive, future step child. She was raised by a drug addict. So nightmarish.
I can relate.
Me too. Did it get better?
Why stay in that crap situation?
Same here. So horrible. It is truly a nightmare. All the therapy in the world isn’t helping me.
It’s been 20 years, they’re adults and I’m still the outsider.
Only thing is now I don’t care and I feel like I’m ready to let them have it.
It seems contradictory to say don't try to enforce rules at your house that the bio parents aren't on board with and to also say that you get to decide how things work at your house and how you parent. When you parent your kids a certain way and your stepchild is there but not expected to follow the same rules that's taking away your ability to run your home the way you feel it should be run.
Exactly what I’m struggling with
Oh well
Wow... thank you SO much! I have heard about so much hardship with being a stepmom. I'm Engaged to a Man I LOVE who has 5 kids. I needed to see/hear someone who can be thriving, secure and confident
I was a stepmom yes because now I am free from this complex relationship .I got married with my husband with a kid who is 7 year old I dreamed so much and with all heart I had accepted him with all his good and bad habits .No single relatives of him my stepson was taking responsibility of him when I came .But they used to teach so much bad about me to him which almost poisoned our relationship but I was not angry on him as he was just kid but my husband never told him to give me respect I am thinking now my husband and his son never accepted me as a wife and mother .My husband granted me and not even thought when I was pregnant also he said me to do all chores of his kid from bathroom from pee poo even feeding him food with hand Then after I am started realising that married with me only to take care of his son and he told that only to all .My value was that only I can’t even tell my full story peoples are truly selfish be selfish and stay away from such a marriage and if your I’m really love with any widower then don’t accepts his kids responsibility because even if you take care of his kids who are big enough society family won’t appreciate you they will make you feel down and talk bad about you instead of that become a bad first without taking any responsibility
Thank you so much for your videos! They're great. I'm not new to stepmomming, but COVID-19 seems to have elevated the underlying issues between my husband, his kids and his ex. It's a highly dramatic situation under which I have little control. The outcome is that 2 of my 6 stepkids were at our house for the last 6 weeks due to their mom's issues (she definitely has a high conflict personality). The hardest part for me is having to deal with the outcome of her issues as they appear at our house. I did nothing to create these issues, yet they appear to live at my house almost every day. Thank you for your support and keep those videos coming!
oof that sucks, I'm sorry. I would like need to step back
My stepkid's mom also has a high conflict personality. So tough mama! I hear you! ❤️
I am going through the exact same thing as you and I live with my husband and 6 step kids and his kids were kicked out they Been living with us for the last 5 months and they're nothing but horrible especially his 2 older daughters who are 18 and 19. Thankfully my husband stands by my side. Also we both speak different languages so they speak their language on purpose but my husband will always respond to them in English so I can understand which puts them on the spot. My husband has woken up to their bullshit and doesn't allow them to disrespect me and they are realizing that their mean girl attitude is only making my husbands and I marriage stronger and our love stronger.
@@esmehancanbolat7134 It's NOT about you, it's about the kids. Grow up!
@@gabbysambienceofrivers4813 sounds like ur hurt that I’m speaking my truth.
Come again when I decide to care 👋
Thank you for making this channel. It helps to hear that im not alone. I feel awful for just getting cringey when im reminded that my husband to be was once married.
Well because its Not all about you, so yes he had other marriage before you, get over it
Please stop commenting that we knew what were getting into. It’s insensitive. Do you know how hard it is take care of a human before you take of yourself every day for the rest if their life. Your mind doesn’t think about any of that before hand. If a child needs a home as a woman you want the child to have stability. Please stop insulting step moms for struggling. Hell biological parents struggle too so how do you not expect us too?
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Being a step parent means you have to act like a role model, help support those kids, protect those kids and do everything you can to be a parent to them while also getting the disrespect and being told they dont love you or that your not there real parent. It hurts to love a child so much and have a great relationship with them but the one time you don’t let them have what they want it turns completely around. Which is what my husbands youngest daughter does. When we get her from her mothers she treats me completely different for the first couple days and usually on the third day she loves me and wants to spend every second with me. And the other daughter (from an other women from high school) who is 12 does not have her Bio- mom in her life (she lives with her father and I full time) and her and I have such a great relationship but as soon as my husbands ex wife found out I was going to adopt her she filed for a parent de facto. Which the 12 year old wants nothing to do with her. She calls me mom and says I’m the only one she wants as her mom. But my husbands ex wife keeps reminding me I am not her mother.
This video was such a refreshing take on step parenting! Such a nice change from the normal “you should do this but also don’t do that because you’re not (insert any number of things here).” Brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!
I am dealing with a very toxic 21 year old adult stepchild. I am only in my 30s. Her 45 year old mom is very toxic as well. It’s like I can’t win with them. They raise my blood pressure like no one else. I am a sweet positive person and they are just mean witches.
Maybe they think you're toxic, Not them. Mom is supposed to be and of course Will be a protector of her children, PERIOD! And that has Nothing to do with being toxic, it's called being a parent.
I’m sorry. I’m going through hell right now with my 9 year old stepdaughter. She’s been constantly picking arguments with me and constantly being disrespectful eyerolling smart comments it gets my blood boiling.
@@adrianeelise3849 Yup, facing the same here!
@@adrianeelise3849 I get you,I am so sorry..I am 29 and a step mom to two teenagers! Smh!! I would have preferred if mine did the eyeroll thing or talk back,but she doesn't,she just has this creepy nature that fuels tension around us and very judgemental eyes, competitive to the dad, attention seeker,calculative,all silently..so it's very toxic because you cannot attack a behaviour without justification and it's right there!!she is 17!! I made a mistake
@@luizaechesa1708 omg I am so sorry. That’s terrible. And in her eyes she probably sees you as a problem so that shit she’s doing in silent is a ways of her em getting away with it. You she act oblivious totally unbothered and Nice to her . I just know teenagers give up eventually especially if what they are doing isn’t working or bothering you.
This is our house right now with the discipline. My stepson is struggling so much in big ways and I feel I’m the only one who has expectations and rules for him.
You shouldn't be acting as a disciplinarian. It is not your place.
@@tarasimmons337 it’s taken me a long time to get there. When no one disciplines and the kid was struggling due to a lack of boundaries, it was hard not to intervene.
@@tarasimmons337 EXACTLY, I SOOOOOOOOOO AGREE! 💯💯💯💯💯
@@tarasimmons337 PREACH!
What if none of the parents force basic house rules and I live in chaos because of that? What if I can't close the bedroom door without SK interrupting, peeping, coming in on me? Shall I just let it be? Yes, me trying to enforce rules causing chaos, but I can't live in a household where I have no privacy and feeling like a maid, because SK doesn't do anything.
Hello... I’m a product of divorced parents from age 5. now I’m a stepmom of four [7-11yr old). This is a great video as an adult I can look back and see what values my step mom Brought to my life... what she taught me... granted as a child we never ever see it... now as a adult as a stepmom... finding balance is hard... my husband and I do wish she would raise the kids different but there is no harm being done to them.... we never talk bad about the mom.. and when the mom suggest something we need to do for them we use our own judgement... an example was one time she wanted us to give them 3000 mg of vit c. ( this is 1200% higher then the recommended adult). Cause one child came down with whooping cough.... when the kids came I told them how the vitamins work... and then explained “ maybe ur mom read a scientific report... but as a nurse I can not in good faith give that to you... they took our talk home.. looked at the bottle and told their mom the meds where for adult use....
1. Never talk bad about the mom
2. Inform kids that we all learn from each other
3. When you did something wrong... say ur sorry
4. Tell the kids about ur own feeling about divorce and how it made you feel as a kid ( if ur parent are divorced)
Can you please do a video on step moms whose step child lost their mom, and you as the step mom trying to know your place but still being involved as if you are the mother to fill the child’s void. Or something along those lines. Thank you
I have married a woman with a 10 year old son. She lost her husband when my step son was a baby. They both have adhd and I struggle with them at times. It isn’t easy
The second tip hit me like a ton of bricks! Definitely going to be keeping this in mind, thank you!
Amen hallelujah! I love this video! You're so encouraging!
Omg so glad i stumbled on your channel. THANK YOU!
Can you make a video on dealing with baby momma drama as a couple? And advice for splitting holidays and when to be together both families? Just things like that.
Perhaps is should be a video about a woman married to a POS man who thinks he's great. That would be Oscar winning.
@@tarasimmons337 Like what's the situation?
My husband was never married to his daughters mom. He got custody of her when she was 2 and I came along when she was 4 almost 5 in 2015. I already had a daughter who was 18 months old when I moved in with him and after a while I started noticing that his daughter was bullying mine. Big time. And since she was 18 m old she couldn’t talk or defend herself and his daughter got away with it at first. When I started seeing how she was, I told him about it and he called me a liar and said I was just jealous. It caused quite a few break ups. We’re married now in 2018 and it isn’t any better. I still hold on to what happened and he didn’t apologize or admit to it until a couple of years ago. She refuses to listen to me, and if she does something wrong and I catch her she whines and cries and when I catch her lying she says things like “I didn’t know I was lying”. Absolutely no one in her life holds her responsible for anything she does except me. And her mom isn’t totally absent but definitely isn’t stepping like she’s supposed to. She barely sees or talks to her mom. We’ve been so close to divorcing a couple of times because of her. Everyone acts like she never does anything wrong. She literally listens to everyone except me. She will willingly clean for her mom and help her out but when I tell her to clean she pouts and gets an attitude.
I have to say that what a lot of the women here are saying in the comments is very true I think honestly if you're going to date a single father make sure that the kid is still under the age of two at the most That's the most effective time that you can be a stepmother in a father's life if the children are preteen or teen it's almost useless because the mother is already set her rules or boundaries so the kids are used to that same thing goes for fathers if you're dating a single mother that has kids make sure that the children are under 2 years old that's the only way it will work in your favorite in some way shape or form.
Thank you so much sharing. Rule #2 is my struggle. It seems I am always the enemy when it comes to rules although I have been raising my step-son since he was 5 years; He is 13 now.
Such great advice!! I need to remind myself of these daily. Very much appreciated 🙏🏽
The last topic is so harddddd I’m full time step mom due to the mis parenting of the bio mother
Girl I was 21 when I got with my now husband. The kids were 7 and 8 and had a baby sister that wasn’t his but I still had to step up and be a mom figure cause bio mom was not really involved. It’s possible! We are in a good spot rn but it def wasn’t easy. No one wants to wake up and have to deal with such a horrible person
I just wanted to say that I really appreciate you. I am about to marry a man who I truly love. But I have been having 2nd thoughts. Your advice really reassures me.
I'd like to know if your situation is better? I found myself being a mom to a 14-year old all of a sudden
@eierinjhoi Hi. We have been happily married for 2 years. My husband and I really work on compromise. He also knows that his wife comes first, no matter. As Christ declares, marriage a sacred covenant.
My stepdaughter is 13 now, and she's a lot less bratty than before, lol. However i do not engage my stepdaughter if she ever has an attitude. I just don't have the capacity.😀
Thank you so much for your awesome videos🤩My husband and I married a year ago- hence we were in the Middle East at the time- We are now back in South Africa.We don’t have children of our own. My husband has a daughter of 6 and 1/2.I was asked by the social workers to take over in January with fetching my step daughter after school and look after her before COVID. I have given all of my energy and more .Since lowdown and this difficult time my stepdaughter of 6 1/2 have now spend more time with us and I have been doing homeschooling too. We still co- parent with the her mum. It has been a very challenging time for me and us as a newly wed couple in this crazy time. It’s been emotionally draining at times and the “ wheels” have spinned a lot . Are there any other SINGLE stepmoms out there with tips ? But thanks Jamie I do find some of your tips so helpful ❣️Hope to hear from any one out there soon 🤗
Bernadine
Nacho kids academy
Why is it the when you are brought up by a step parent you will probably raise a step kid?? I'm a victim and this situation is witnessed the most
It doesn’t matter. I was adopted by parents who stay together and still married divorced man, who knew me before knowing his ex. What you are talking about is called coincidence
Hello, I am a new step mom of an 11 and 13 year old- super nervous but happy to do my best, as with everything in life. I am a very strong personality type but I do tend to control the dynamic so I am not as scared as I am just hoping things go well. I know they probably will not, but at least I have you now. I don't have a ton of support for various reasons so I appreciate you posting your experience.
Why you wanna raise somebody's kids,????
thank you for this content again. this helps me again. it just resonates so much with my issues and my mindset. and i'm getting better in my life.
I know this is an old video, but I need to know what to do if hubby doesn’t follow through with, or give his kids consequences for not following through with, house rules you’ve decided together??????
You’re the mama bear everyone who does their chores gets dessert 🍨 If you don’t do your chore you get nothing it’s all about rewards
One of my step kids lives with me and often doesn’t set the best example for my two younger children (their half siblings) I usually don’t have any issues and we get along well. Its when it starts to negatively impacted my own, then it’s like mama bear steps in and wants to be like now listen here you little shit how dare you be so mean for no reason when all they want is to play with you, talk to you even or xyz ya know. That’s what I am struggling with these days. It’s been 15 months since my step kid moved in so you’d think we would be able to handle our siblings and know how to be decent to them even if we’re feeling grumpy. My worst is when we’re in the car and my 5yr old is is the backseat just chatting among themselves or singing a little song (relatively quiet too for a child mind you) and then my step kid will be like will you please be quiet my head hurts or whatever.. Ya it is quite tricky & triggering at times. If that makes sense.. I’ve been in their life since age 3 and now is nearing 12. It is really hard at times not gonna lie and dealing with the sibling rivalry is real. I get it tho, they don’t have their mom in the house to get that mommy love and it makes me feel guilty at times because I can’t give that to them. It just doesn’t and hasn’t ever been a thing. You can’t come into a 3 (few months from 4) years old life and start dating their father and be like ok kid, I know I’m not your mom but come let me cuddle you or be all mom y like you know. Also it was 2 yrs after we got together that we had MY first child, his 3rd so that didn’t help the situation since I don’t have kids yet and wasn’t aware of how it actually worked. If I wasn’t absolutely head over heels deeply & madly in love with my husband, all 4 of theirs father then I couldn’t do it. It is hard but that is the way it is sometimes. We all have our separate things we need to learn while down here in this life. And this one is mine. Some days it is literally day by day, hour by hour or even minute by minute. For the most part our family is very loving and we have sooo much to be grateful for. It’s nice (idk if nice is actually the right word since it’s hearing someone else who struggles with the same issues) to know I am not the only one in this world who deals and struggles with this. Thank you for sharing that with us. 💞
My boyfriend of 1 year is kind of bestfriends with his ex. They meet every Monday (alone without their kid) and his ex cooks him lunch and he says they talk about ”everything”. They have a band together. They are still celebrating all the holidays together. I feel kind of left out. And when I say ”I would like to be there, but I don’t know if they would want me there” he doesn’t give me an answer at all about the ”idk if they want me there”. He doesn’t reassure at all, or say ”they would like to meet you!” or anything like that.
His common arguement is that ”it’s for our daughters sake” and she’s only 11 years old, but they’re acting like they’re not seperated.
Meanwhile, his daughter can say mean passive things, and question me in a ”mean” way, for example ”what are you doing?” as a rethorical question. I’m scared to tell his daughter ”that was not okay”. Like you said, it’s not my job to crave respect or to dicipline. But sometimes his daughter sees me more than a friend than an adult, and that leaves space for her to say stuff like that. I understand she’s only a child, but my boyfriend doesn’t really do a good parenting job at times. She’s also an only child.
Mind you, I’m diagnosed level 1 autistic, so this is very difficult to manage, because there is a lot of unclear, thin lines.
I have been a step mom for 8 years. All of these complications for the most part have resolved.... our household is healthy. What has not resolved is my husband's family's feelings towards me? Have any of you struggled with your spouses families treating you like you are evil and not letting you be mom and have that relationship when they are around? This started before we got married... i love my husband but man his family has made life so hard for me. I need support not opposition all of the time
Great advice!!! Do what works for you! Thanks for sharing
I ❤️ this, Jamie! You rock! Thanks!
Regarding the last one - how do you navigate when you & your spouse don’t agree with what’s going on in the other parents home so you and your spouse parent and discipline completely different and the children’s mother tries to control every little thing you do? I don’t worry about how she parents but she is very high conflict and very controlling in every single thing we do 😖
I love your advice I wish I had it about a year ago and I will use it whenever I am around my step kids thank you so much so helpful
I’m so bad for #3 😑 thank you !
Agreed
HELP i desperately need advice!!! I have nobody i can talk to about this!
Can’t actually take a back seat when decisions like his child coming to live with us full time are made without my knowledge. This directly affects my life in so many ways. It’s like i have no say so at all here! I don’t know if i should talk with his ex wife or not but that’s what i keep being drawn towards doing! We are ok with each other and she comes to me with big issues bcuz they don’t really communicate much at all and both parents know how close me and my step kiddo are and that they talk to me all the time about everything. So for the last few years I’ve basically been the middle man or whatever. I feel like nothing is being done in regards to bad bad school grades that we have over the past year had issues with. The one consequence i was told was no phone but I’ve yet to see them without it. They even went and stayed with their grandparents for three days bcuz guess what they could have their phone there! Smh. And it’s like it goes right over my husband’s head. I can see from a non biological parent view what is happening. Ugh. And the whopper is he hasn’t even talked to his ex wife about their child changing where she wants to stay. And this isn’t the first time his child has manipulated the system. I’m very close to my step kiddo they’re really amazing but they’re also doing this and it’s like my husband is just oblivious. Well, he really is bless his heart. Smh. He’s slowly improving.
I feel like i should go and discuss this mess with his ex wife so she doesn’t get blind sided by it like we did when my step kid did this to us last year and chose to stay with their Mom and just not see us at all.
And here lately they’ve been doing it more often. Choosing to stay here or there for two and three weeks. Basically until they get in trouble over something then BAM suddenly they want to go to the other parent’s house. I can see this going on so easily. Plus, my step kid tells me whenever they get in trouble at their Mom’s. I mean this is just ridiculous and my husband just won’t hear it. Suddenly I’m the bad guy now by trying to make him aware of things. Nothing but arguments, to the point i needed to set some boundaries but wasn’t even able to state those bcuz when i tried to state them my husband claimed i was yelling and stopped the conversation. So I’m staying at my parent’s house fora few days bcuz i just needed a break before i myself broke. I’ve cried and cried not knowing what is the right thing for me to do! I’m not only upset about what’s going on…. I’m extremely hurt and upset over the whole suddenly living with us full time instead of every other week wasn’t even discussed with me. I was told about it.
So glad I found your channel!
Can you please do a video about violent disrespectful step kids and how to handle that when dad can't figure out anything about this kind of stuff. I need help 😫 😩 😕 😞 😪 😢 😫
Omg if you find anything please let me know my hubby’s ex had this crazy family meeting and tried telling us how to be better parents when the kids call us to come get them at 4am when they are under her care
Nacho kids academy
Ya, consider a video about Evil stepmom that landed in prison because she killed the stepkids, and you wonder why alot of BioMoms don't trust MFr's! Don't trust NO ONE!
BioMom will protect her kids, well when you are a Mama Bear like me, I Don't fucking play around!
Soooo
None of these helped! The mom isn't in the picture, isn't even in the country, and my husband was. Never married to her. It was a let's say 'mishap' that my partner had and now I'm living with and raising this mishap ...advice on loving this kid and taking her in when I really wish the mom would get her life together and take her kid.
I am so desperate!!! I understood everything you said on this video but the issue with me is that even though she loss custody of her child she is allowed to see him twice a year and yet she want control over our house. We have rules and she will never have at her house and I understand that but the problem is that she says to child not to respect the people who he lives with because we are not doing anything for him (and that’s just to mention that nicest thing she ever said) so I am at the point that I’m ready leave a wonderful husband and an amazing kid just because she wants control of our lives and I can’t allow that.
I understand clearly that she is the mother and every single time I referred to her I always say to him that she is his mother and he needs to respect her. I had looked for books to help me but everything I tried is like he doesn’t care and I am so tired. I feel that all the time I been spending trying to have a descent relationship with my stepson is going nowhere and the oldest he gets the aírese is his attitude with me 😭 don’t know what to do anymore… any advice?? Please!
Hi sister, I encourage reading this book…very eye opening and gives good guidance on our role as step parents.
Book: The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family by Ron L. Deal. I also recommend his videos on blended family.
May God bless your family❤️
I have stepdaughters who hate me, and their mother allows them to treat me horribly, and sometimes I just get so upset
Why deal w that??
Gah you sure get straight to the point, huh? Thank you! This is so much harder than I ever thought it'd be, there's so much comfort in knowing I'm not alone, and these issues are normal and human. My entire blended family dynamic can be summed up in this one example: I teach the insecure 6 year old how to tie his shoes (through many attempts, he is very insecure and tends to have meltdowns before there's even an issue. He was sooo proud of himself!), mom buys him velcro shoes and throws out his lace-up shoes. And that's just the nutshell of all of it. Yeah, I'm done 😂 For my own sanity I can't worry about this crap.
Ya And?! If his Mom wants to buy him Velcro instead of shoelaces then why is that your damn business and something you should be worried about?! Get on with your own damn business
@@gabbysambienceofrivers4813 Let me guess, are you an angry biomom? Maybe even jealous? Do you try to control your ex's life through your kids? Your response alone is telling.
@@gabbysambienceofrivers4813 Ah, so you'll be the parent of the kid who is 12 years old and still can't tie his shoes. Got it. LOL.
wooooow you are a angel, thank you so truly much!!!
This was so refreshing. Thank you🙏🏾
The trouble is me and OH disagree and I can’t do what’s right for me. He lets BM decide what SD does on his weekend so when I’ve made family plans and want to involve her, her BM trumps that and it upsets me because I want to involve her and be a part of her life as well
What if you are the only disciplinary becauww if you dont you are at risk of a 16 yr old hit you
This 16 yo simply mustn't be arround you?
Honestly, I don't understand why anybody would wan to have an apparently uneducated, aggressive and violent teenager around. Your partner has to sort this out, not you. Not your monkey, not your circus.
You are amazing! Thank you for this awesome content.
Are your tips also meant for stepmoms who are basically raising the step kids and mom only gets them 4 days a month?
Do you have any advise for how to prevent your stepchild who you're not allowed to make rules for or discipline from confusing your own bio child on household/family rules, & being a bad influence on them, because the same rules don't apply to them? Also, when your stepchild is behaving inappropriately to your bio child to the point CPS comes along & claims negligence for the parents' lack of controlling the stepchild's actions toward my bio child. My stepson doesn't even know his bio mom & doesn't want to either. CPS removed him from her when he was very young, & now they've also removed him from his dad & put him in mine & my parents' care 24/7. But i feel handicapped, because at a certain point, I had taken the route of backing off & not being the one to discipline, but now I'm completely responsible for him & also for protecting my younger bio child from him & any of his misconduct.
Question- what if baby mama is on drugs? Kids are safe and happy with us, but sd is cruel verbally to me. I realize this is one of the situations thar is out of the norm, and Im trying to be a good example and loving because they need it, and thats why they act out. But MAN its painful to me and I cry a lot. Thankyou for this video!! Xoxo
@Christine Mullaly. Im in the same situation as u Hun! Im also a step mom & my biggest problem is just getting the Bio mom to want to have a relationship W/her kids! Im so Depressed😩 I Love my 2Step Sons so much & Im trying my best to PROTECT them & help them have some type of relationship W/Bio Mom but its so hard because shes in ACTIVE ADDICTION. The 17yr old hates her & hasn't lived W/her since he was 12yrs old The 5yr old was removed from her home by CPS because of 😱NEGLECT & ABUSE!😫😢 At 3yrs old he came to live W/me & the dad THANK GOD but It took us 7Months to get him Healthy, he had a Severe Abscess/Ear Infection/Maul Nutrition & had to have Surgery to Remove/Repair 6 Teeth. He looks like a completely diff child now!😊 Bio Mom lives 1 HR away! 5yr old misses his mom sometimes even though she locked him in his room W/Pad Lock for Hrs at a time! This INNOCENT Child doesn't know any better. We do Phone/Video calls so he can get contact W/her. I ALWAYS Encourage the 17yr old to try & forgive his mom & give her another chance but he won't because she abandoned & quit trying to be his mom 5yrs ago. SAD😥 part is NO Matter how hard I try to help I Still FEEL GUILTY like its ONLY my responsibility to Nurture/Guide the relationship W/Bio Mom & the younger son even tho shes the 1 that should put effort into having a relationship W/her Sons! I think I put so much Energy into it cause my mom/dad were Drug Addicts & even tho I was taken from them I stilled yearned for some type of Love from them! NOT ALL STEP MOMS ARE EVIL🤗 I Love my step sons they deserve the Love of their Dad, Step mom & Bio mom but I feel so stuck! I hope u & I both find the answers & support that we need!
@@ashleytaylorfredrickson487 It isn’t your burden to bear. You’re there for SS because you are kindhearted, but SS has a father and the father needs to do his job not you to replace dad and mom.
@@user-lv4ok9vo5o😊Thank u Dan for your comment I wish that me as the Step Mom, the Dad & the Bio Mom could all put effort into Guiding, Neutering, Teaching & sharing the Financial Responsibility of caring for these children! Thank u for saying that it's not my responsibility & that the dad & Bio mom should be responsible for the well fare of the children!😟 I Appreciate your comment! But my FEAR😰 is that if I don't Love, Nurture & Financially Support my Step Sons that NO 1 else will step up & do it!😫 I Love them So Much & just wish Bio mom & dad would Help Me!😟 I feel Stuck I wish there was something else I could do?!
@@ashleytaylorfredrickson487 Your mental health is at stake. If you’re hellbent on taking care of your husband’s kids, I would consider the possibility of adopting them. I recommend that you get into counseling because a good professional should be able to guide you. You can’t help anyone when you yourself are dying. If you were my wife I’d ask you to adopt the kids that way YOU are the mom and YOU are in control. And BM rights are TERMINATED and she is out of your lives to release you - that’s FREEDOM for you and the kids.
@@user-lv4ok9vo5o😧😊Wow Great comment & u are correct, my Mental Health is suffering!😩 I think Adopting my Step Sons is a great suggestion & I think our lives would be a lot better & HEALTHIER if Bio Moms rights were terminated & she was out of our lives. Like u said it would be complete FREEDOM for me & the kids! No more 😵CHAOS! Also I will definitely look into Counseling because if I'm not taking care of myself 1st then I won't be able to take care of the kids to the Best of my ability! 🤔😊Thank u so much for your comment this gives me some options so I can make a plan moving forward!
First they two's relationship is for life if they have kids. The dynamics have changed.( little different with domestic abuse) It's a big issue if leaving or ended the marriage wasn't agreed on. Especially if one cheated. Lots of harm in not working on splitting. If they have conflict over child STOP trying to save or defind him. ( may second husband stood back but watched as it had a lot of abuse) Neither parent is a full victim ( even domestic most kept having kids know of the abuse)
Your right let them set the page but state you limits.
Most moms don't care what you do with your ex and want him to get the parent. He your not over stepping the want kids to be responsive of you. You mostly or going to be responsible for her kids safety. And yes two sets of. Rules is bad FOR THE KIDS.
Right now my daughter for youngest child is dealing with a stepmom really trying to eradicate her from childs life. They are unhappy she want stop going to childs school (which they hide from her) were stepmom acted as mom and volunteered at the school ( with her freinds and family) . Dad is also but never seen there yet. The private school in different program area from SM didn't approve of moms volunteering. They say see is obsessed with her 5 year old she raised until Dad who abandoned the baby came back with Wife in two different mom's lives. Stepmom had trouble with getting a baby then had one die 3 days after birth.
Dad said no adoption . So yes different from you. Just saying I understand about stepparent married to one.
Your job is to love the kids and follow the parents (both ). Both kids and your life will be better.
I’m still watching but I’m going to pause at 4:27. Question: what about when bio mom tells us rules and I (stepmom try to follow) but dad doesn’t? Do I still take a backseat?
I like her.. I'm not a stepmother but I feel like I will be❤
Thank You!
What if I want to disengage but I am the one at home with the kids all summer because I am a teacher and I have my son and my step kids at the same time and my stepson is disrespectful to me and mean to my son? 😭
oh hell nah i'd set that brat straight on mistreating my kid...
The father is to discipline his kid. I recommend nacho’ing his kid and father handle him when he gets home.
Mines are disrespectful as well and the father allows it and does nothing about it
Remember for every dominoe step Dad mom has there is a care nanny for the for dad.
They are her kids.
Well said
There are laws in guidelines that step parents are to follow. Step parents have no legal grounds. So step number one for step parents is to gain a clear understanding of this. I have lost so much time with my child because of chaos created by a step mother trying to take over my role for my child. Unless abuse or neglect is at hand (in the household of the biological parent sharing placement) the step parent has no place to step in, anywhere. You seem like a good stepmother, and I wish my child were blessed with such but unfortunately not.
Nope. You have to be smart. Your spouse is the one to be the one that checks. You just be faithful and loving to your spouse. What makes you think you are on the same level. You aren’t. That is a fact. Stay in your lanes.
It is such a beautiful video.
To be honest if you’re serious about the relationship, being the biological or step parent doesn’t really matter. I do not have step children but I imagine that if you marry your other half with his/her own children you are marrying the whole package!
Lol wait till you become the step mom haha
Absolutely! But it’s more than a straight line. It’s ups and downs and silver linings. As a stepmom and biological mom, I have different rules and different aspects when it comes to my own baby compared to my older stepchildren. I learned so much in the 6 years of being in the kids lives.
Much harder when you send your own children to be with the stepmom who doesn’t have rules
new sub over here❤
So true!
I decided to watch your videos, I was so ready to leave..
Dealing with a 5 year old 😬
Where are the links? I can’t find them?
What if the mother passed away 🙏💓
They're in their 30's, my wife is older than me, so don't think I have been a jerk, lol
My exH girlfriend is really sweet and my kids adore her.
My father remarried when I was young , I was abused physically emotionally mentally , and I see the people in the comments have the gall to say it's hard and ... so don't marry that person if you can't care for their kids as well
No one cares; this video and the comments are not about you. Bye.
You're beautiful.
Should i feel bad for hating my step daughter and her mother
No
But why do you hate them?? Are they mean to you or something ...
No don’t feel bad at all
Why did you marry her father? I can’t just can’t understand such disgusting human beings. You should feel bad. Do better. If i had such a wife like you, i would kick you into the curb and divorce you. The child is here. You are a just a stepmom. Know your place.
Nope. I pray every day for the four kids who live here to find somewhere else to live.
.
All the stepmothers commenting below are soo creapy,,,,,, expecialy ones that are bearly older than step kid, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT its GROSS!
Wow. You publicly disrespect your husband 14 seconds into the video. Nope.
It's funny how many single moms say they are a package deal but when the table flips , it's a problem and seems to get a pass.
Honestly, if you were so clever you wouldn’t be a stepmom. I won’t take advise from this. Don’t be a step parent period.
She has all these videos about being and how to be a good stepmom and tips and tricks and then watch behind-the-scenes that her step kids really hate her and are laughing at her videos lol
Of course they do. Step children are horrid.
Woman will never give woman good advice