@@copperhead577 well yeah the other one is super mad all the time with x2 the conspiracy brain. Bill is more relatable imo, he's angry but even he knows that he goes toi far and tries to change. Carlin no disrespect I just saw him as this big ass Opinionated conspiracy theorist. Someone you can't reason with when you have a debate with. I don't like people like that(From my observation only)
The new born baby head part about trying to pay attention after 2 minutes. Hate to stereotype, but it’s true. So long winded, I lose track of what the hell she was talking at me about, that’s the off on a wild goose chase conversation. He already forgot the part of his wife’s friends brothers car accident while talking on his new cell phone that sucks and he got over charged for while wearing those pants I hate that have the tear in them he got fighting Jim at that party by where my aunts best friends house used to be. Whaaaaat???? You lost me at friends brothers car....ummm.....Time well spent.
@Brilliant MindZ And who tf are you to make such a claim. Even if it was the case is not a matter of hurting or not, you simply dont do that shit and you dont celebrate when someone does it you twat.
If a woman hits you, you're allowed to hit her back, as long as you don't hit her harder than she did. Bill has got to be a masochist for not hitting her back.
I wonder if and when you have a daughter, you'd be okay with her boyfriend beating the shit out of her. You know, no double standard since you defend domestic abuse. Just sayin'!🤪
Nope. No hitting. At all both sides. We all better then that. That’s some cave man shit. I don’t understand my feelings so I’m gonna break shit. Ya. That’s gonna work. But this skit is suuuuper funny
Nah dude. Too risky. You'll never know if they cheat. You'll never know they're honest with you. The best way to avoid regular arguing is to just not fall for it. Don't fall victim to you biology. Use your hand and have the whole bed to yourself. You already know you're not perfect. You don't need a life partner to remind you of the fact for the next three years until you tire of one another.
@@EricAbroad in our modern times other than the obvious there's 0 benefits and all hazard. and the obvious can be rented, not to mention it gets boring after a while with the same woman.
I was sitting on my balcony, drinking coffee. I saluted my neighbour as he left for work. Then I heard "Crash Bang Bang!" coming from his appartment: his girlfriend was smacking her own head into walls and hurting herself, getting bruises on herself, because the guy told her to stop wasting his credit card for stupid things like shoes, and she didn't like that. When the cops came over, she was crying that he had beaten her up, but I called them over, and told them that my friend was a saint and that she was an insanely entitled bitch. Women can lie. I saved my buddy from jail because I stepped in against that crazy bitch. (6 months later update edit : that same girl is now in ER because she immediately went from my buddy to dating a Hell's angels. She tried the exact same shit with that guy and got just dessert.)
When I was a teenager, the rule was " if she hits you three times, you can hit back once" Now that I'm older I see what a bunch of BS that was. I'm for equality of all kinds
If a woman hits you, you're allowed to hit her back, as long as you don't hit her harder than she did. Bill has got to be a masochist for not hitting her back.
Women: “Women can do anything a man can. We want the same rights as you, it’s unfair.” Men: “Aight so equal rights equal fights, that sound fair?” Women: “Oh my gosh you monster you’re harassing me. Yeah “kNoCKeD yOuR tEeTh OuT” and caused “iRrEpIrAbLe DaMaGe To YoU pHySiCaLlY aNd MeNtAlLy” but it’s no fair, you’ll hurt me.
Burr story: "My little bro. and I were eating breakfast, and he didn't like what we had. My Dad took a glass a milk and threw it in his face"...... "I'm still scarred for life".
Now we know nature's reasons for making guys bigger and stronger than women. To hold back other dudes that wanna take their girl? Nahhhhh. It's to hold back these psycho ladies until they run out of energy and go "...k I'm done...".
Of all the bill burr that i obsessively watch THIS is the funniest! Im in the hospital waiting on test results. With headphones on, im laughing out loud and they think I'm crazy.
As a women and a feminist myself, I felt angry and insulted in Bill's behalf with how his girl was treating him. How will this woman behave if Bill were angry at what she was saying and started to slap her? Or even touching and destroying her private things? It's really simple, regardless of your sex, don't do to people what you wouldn't like others to do to you.
when she hits you, you stop talking, you walk to the nearest door and hit a hole through it, then go back and finish the argument. If she doesnt get the message, you leave the relationship.
Truly hilarious stuff, but it's very true in a scary way. One of my best friends went through a bad break up and the Cops were called because 'she' was yelling too loud. Cops come she points to my buddy 'he hits me!' Which wasn't true, then she full-on punched my buddy right in the head in front of the Cop. My body may be 5ft 8 but he's 190lbs in muscle, she was 5ft and 85lbs at best. To this day I could not believe she punched him in the head in front of a cop, but I still am relieved the Cop took her away from him.
One of the guys at work was getting married. I went into the Kyle Reese monologue from the Terminator. I modified it, slightly: She can’t be bargained with. She can’t be reasoned with. She doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. The married guys at the table just about choked on their food they were laughing so hard. The guy that was getting married didn't get the joke and that made the married guys laugh even harder.
to illustrate what good points bill burr makes, there has yet to be a female comic to counter anything he's ever said in the name of fairness. he points out the real inequality and no one has managed to successfully refute his stance.
"Equal rights. Equal fights." If a person, man or woman, assaults you for no reason, you have the right to defend yourself. Of course with equal force, if a man/woman pushes me or gets in my face for no reason, I don't haymaker him/her, you react with the same force to defend yourself.
It is wrong to hit women. However I believe there are circumstances where it is okay to put them in a sleeper hold. Three seconds and they are unconscious. It doesn't cause pain and does no physical damage. Now before you all freak out, I'll give an example. Once a girlfriend I got mad at me for saying she had no culture because she didn't like Beethoven's 9th Symphony. So she took my leather jacket, threw it in a mudpuddle and jumped up and down on it, grinding it into the mud. I did nothing. So smashed up my car, kicked dents in it, goes all around kicking dents in every side, then jumped on the hood and tried to punch through the windshield like the Terminator. She fucked her hand up and couldn't break the windshield, so he just jumped up and down on the hood and roof of the car. I still did nothing. So she kicked in the front door to the apartment complex hallway, broke the door frame, and headed toward my apartment, where there are windows, my computer, TV, and Playstation. She was still ranting and raving and swearing as she went. She gets to my apartment door and started kicking it to bust it down. At this point I decided enough was enough and I put her in a sleeper hold. 3 seconds later she was unconscious and I laid her on the ground. A minute later she woke up "What happened?" So I told her. Then I told her to go inside and go to sleep, so she did. The only injury she had in the morning was her swolen hand from punching the car windshield.
*Being single is the greatest thing.* Being married is the root of all psychotic mental illnesses, violence, & depression, & it becomes much worse after children are born.
My wife, literally, walked into the room, half way through me laughing my arse off to this video, in an angry mood and started throwing laundry around, in a craze. Bill should've said something about the fucking TIMING of women too!
This is the best TED talk
George Carlin's better.
The Desk they talk about different things in different ways, they’re equal in my opinion.
pen, papier and focus
@@Bughunt89
They most certainly are not equal, swine.
@@copperhead577 well yeah the other one is super mad all the time with x2 the conspiracy brain. Bill is more relatable imo, he's angry but even he knows that he goes toi far and tries to change. Carlin no disrespect I just saw him as this big ass Opinionated conspiracy theorist. Someone you can't reason with when you have a debate with. I don't like people like that(From my observation only)
Waves just pummeling you is the best way I've ever heard it described.
Unfortunately true! :-)
You said it :-D
everyday just eroding a little more of your life away... x)
Kids songs
The new born baby head part about trying to pay attention after 2 minutes. Hate to stereotype, but it’s true. So long winded, I lose track of what the hell she was talking at me about, that’s the off on a wild goose chase conversation. He already forgot the part of his wife’s friends brothers car accident while talking on his new cell phone that sucks and he got over charged for while wearing those pants I hate that have the tear in them he got fighting Jim at that party by where my aunts best friends house used to be. Whaaaaat???? You lost me at friends brothers car....ummm.....Time well spent.
I want to make a loop of his psyco robot impression. Cracks me up every time.
corvettez06usa dude I just sent this to my girlfriend. Said the same thing. It never gets old. I laugh as hard everytime.
Please do, I need that in my life
I made a GIF of that once and I was literally laughing at it for like a month!
corvettez06usa
Gif time❗️😂
Here you go... ruclips.net/video/vJfrt6DYOEA/видео.html
"Worthy of like a suplex"
Niles Wood And don’t even have the decency to run away 😂
"My girlfriend punched me on valentines day"
*Audience cheers
Enough said.
If he said I punched my girlfriend man hell would break loose
Maximus-Kanic
Wtf are you trying to talk about
@@Kanic12341 bruh that's not the point of the comment
@Brilliant MindZ haha true true. Unless that woman is Ronda Rousey or Holly Holm, then I'm fucked
@Brilliant MindZ And who tf are you to make such a claim. Even if it was the case is not a matter of hurting or not, you simply dont do that shit and you dont celebrate when someone does it you twat.
I never knew truth is so funny.
Word
PumpedKicks why? What makes the funniest things funny is they’re truthful
I guess you are not very familiar with Carlin and Hicks material then. Check them out
Because the truth hurts, laughter is the release of that stress.
It's been known for eons
A good comedian can do that
Chivalry is dead. And women killed it
- Dave Chappelle
@@derrickdavis5836 - Michael Scott
@@yt-sh Chappelle said that years before the U.S. version of The Office. Smh...always trying to give white people credit.
@@manuginobilisbaldspot424 Yeah, I'm *sure* that was the thought process. You should change your name to "Blind Spot".
@@yt-sh - Albert Einstein
"If I did that I'd have a cop with his knee in my back, but since you have a vagina, it's all okay!" Classic! LOL.
@@o-henry lol, some of them Russian women are hot af too XD
@@o-henry lol. Family guy made a joke about Russian women. Sayin that they are all either 1s or 10s XD.
If a woman hits you, you're allowed to hit her back, as long as you don't hit her harder than she did. Bill has got to be a masochist for not hitting her back.
I wonder if and when you have a daughter, you'd be okay with her boyfriend beating the shit out of her. You know, no double standard since you defend domestic abuse. Just sayin'!🤪
@@sandratorres9251 shit would buy him a beer if she fucking deserved it but I doubt it bc my kids are gonna be disciplined as needed
This was one of Bill's best 7 minutes.
He's been around for like 25 / 30 years .. you have no idea what your talking about
Ya man I agree with you .
Yeah this video is what got me to listen to him yrs ago lol
@@NELOPES7he said one of asshole
The psycho robot women impression never fails to leave me in tears. I love Burr.
2:48 - "Let's go see my parents!!" - So sadly true....
Fuck, I never caught this until u pointed it out
Let's go shopping... Is another classic they throw at you.
I can relate to going to my parents in law. Their are aweful. They hate me just because i am american.☹
I always heard "Does he like parrots?"
@@crazymarkoslav america the best?? damn... wouldn't even be in top 15. maybe 20-30years ago cuz shit was still mild but now its a shithole.
Let's introduce the global rule: "If she hits first, it's ok to hit back".
I agree , hit her
@IBrainedMyDamage Hit her first, just in case?
Lmao 😂
Nope. No hitting. At all both sides. We all better then that. That’s some cave man shit. I don’t understand my feelings so I’m gonna break shit. Ya. That’s gonna work. But this skit is suuuuper funny
@@joshualuntsford if someone hits you, you have every right to defend yourself
I recently transitioned to "eh fuck it, say it, see what happens" and I can honestly say it made me a better person.
Whenever I get the urge to get into a relationship, I go back to these skits to remind myself that staying single is a pretty good deal.
Nah only toxic relationships. Finding someone who equally respects you has huge benefits.
Nah dude. Too risky. You'll never know if they cheat. You'll never know they're honest with you. The best way to avoid regular arguing is to just not fall for it. Don't fall victim to you biology. Use your hand and have the whole bed to yourself. You already know you're not perfect. You don't need a life partner to remind you of the fact for the next three years until you tire of one another.
@@EricAbroad in our modern times other than the obvious there's 0 benefits and all hazard. and the obvious can be rented, not to mention it gets boring after a while with the same woman.
@@levidavis6101 agreed dont settle thats where you run into these problems
The best deal!
If you are an alpha male who has his life together - Stay single.
If you are beta male who doesn't - Get married.
When he smack the protein shake I rewind it ever time lol 😂
Tyrone Shelton lmao!! go fuck yourself!! priceless
Hysterical 😭
Funniest shit
I was sitting on my balcony, drinking coffee. I saluted my neighbour as he left for work. Then I heard "Crash Bang Bang!" coming from his appartment: his girlfriend was smacking her own head into walls and hurting herself, getting bruises on herself, because the guy told her to stop wasting his credit card for stupid things like shoes, and she didn't like that. When the cops came over, she was crying that he had beaten her up, but I called them over, and told them that my friend was a saint and that she was an insanely entitled bitch. Women can lie. I saved my buddy from jail because I stepped in against that crazy bitch. (6 months later update edit : that same girl is now in ER because she immediately went from my buddy to dating a Hell's angels. She tried the exact same shit with that guy and got just dessert.)
Dude, I applaud you man. Good looking bro. I wish I could buy you a round, but I'll still give you cheers. Here's to you friend 🍻🍻🍻
My ex pulled that shit on me I'm wait for the next guy to actually beat her ass.
The Hell's Angels guy was like "If I'm going to jail for beating her ass, I might as well have the pleasure of beating her ass".
We need more (and I don't use this word for just anyone) bro's like you. And that cop.
You deserver a News segment. Hero of the day
Truer words have never been spoken.
If this isn’t an accurate representation of women Idk what is
@Mbalz 19 the most violent thing i have done as an adult is slam a door really loud
@@jennym3883 want a cookie?
When he does that impression....ahhh I can't breathe.....
This is pure gold.
Behkekekekekekeh
Nice😄
"Go see my parents!"
I love how the "Kyehk Kyehk Kyehk kyehk" effect would also find itself on F is For Family
When I was a teenager, the rule was " if she hits you three times, you can hit back once"
Now that I'm older I see what a bunch of BS that was.
I'm for equality of all kinds
I don't think I'd ever be in a situation for a women to hit me but I'm tackling them if they do.
If a woman hits you without provocation you have the right to respond with sufficient physical force to protect yourself.
In other words, knock her ass out so she can't hit you anymore !
@Ben I agree. If she punches you in the face and breaks her hand, you're still going to jail.
@Ben Shut the fuck up this is not a partisan issue
If a woman hits you, you're allowed to hit her back, as long as you don't hit her harder than she did. Bill has got to be a masochist for not hitting her back.
Remember, a forearm doesn't leave a mark ;). If a woman hits me she's getting my forearm to her face, no mark, no evidence of shit.
And yet women falsely claim they want equality.
They just want more power
You misunderstand- when they say "equality" what that means is that for every hundred you earn they want 100 from you.
@@jprp999 hahaha 😂😂😂
yeah. fuck that shit
Women: “Women can do anything a man can. We want the same rights as you, it’s unfair.”
Men: “Aight so equal rights equal fights, that sound fair?”
Women: “Oh my gosh you monster you’re harassing me. Yeah “kNoCKeD yOuR tEeTh OuT” and caused “iRrEpIrAbLe DaMaGe To YoU pHySiCaLlY aNd MeNtAlLy” but it’s no fair, you’ll hurt me.
See? It IS possible for men to understand women.
Burr story: "My little bro. and I were eating breakfast, and he didn't like what we had. My Dad took a glass a milk and threw it in his face"...... "I'm still scarred for life".
Bill burr holds back less than most guys and its still stressing him out. Think about that ladies. Lol. Jk, i know you won't
They probably cant
Omg lol🤣🤣🤣🤣
How should they act? How should they be?
The incel is upset
Now we know nature's reasons for making guys bigger and stronger than women. To hold back other dudes that wanna take their girl? Nahhhhh. It's to hold back these psycho ladies until they run out of energy and go "...k I'm done...".
Thank you for uploading the uncensored version.
6:47 minutes of pure cold hard facts about feminism double standars
Free advice:
Don't hook up with a woman that cheers at this.
How he moves his feet while playing that robot move
2:25 For some reason, I laugh at the picnic part more than the other parts. XD
“we’ll have a picnic.” lmao 😂
Imagine if that story at the end was told by a women about a man hitting them.
The risk you take, dating/marrying, that breed Bill.
Of all the bill burr that i obsessively watch THIS is the funniest! Im in the hospital waiting on test results. With headphones on, im laughing out loud and they think I'm crazy.
This bit alone made this dude's career.
Psycho Robots. SO FUCKING TRUE!
I notice he likes the name *Susan* for the fall girl... lol
My name is Susan. Ha!😉
Wow the way he explains the story of, she hit me and gave me *Ufc signs* was amazing... I hadn't laughed this hard for a long time
As a women and a feminist myself, I felt angry and insulted in Bill's behalf with how his girl was treating him.
How will this woman behave if Bill were angry at what she was saying and started to slap her? Or even touching and destroying her private things?
It's really simple, regardless of your sex, don't do to people what you wouldn't like others to do to you.
Maybe you can be the first feminist to answer this question: What rights do men have that women don't in Western countries?
@@jasondyrkacz8270 The right to be a man.
@@jasondyrkacz8270 3 years later she still can't come up with an answer
when she hits you, you stop talking, you walk to the nearest door and hit a hole through it, then go back and finish the argument. If she doesnt get the message, you leave the relationship.
its not against the rules to hit a woman. if they hit you they lose the right not to be hit.
santiago stream you’d think.
It is, you can go to jail for it. Even if they were Hitler's equal. You can't hit them.
And it’s horrible that you can’t
Siyovaxsh En-sipad-zid-ana it depends on how hard the hit is. If you can play it off as a playful hit, you're not going to get in trouble
@Siyovaxsh En-sipad-zid-ana you got lucky then
I’m TOTALLY at that, “Fuck it, just say it,” stage. 😆
love this guy!
At first it was funny but then I started having flash backs of the shit girls have done to me. Now I'm angry and depressed.
Lol. Yup.
I have to show this to my girl... and then immediately run away from her.
he has a IQ of 155 and is a evil genius of stand up comedy.... I love this guy
Great comedian
psycho robots LMAO
This has got to be the best clip! The “robot” wife, bouncing off of stuff is HILARIOUS!!!
That psycho impression will kill me laughing .
I need to make a sound clip of the robot noise and use it as the ringtone for my wife.
Truly hilarious stuff, but it's very true in a scary way. One of my best friends went through a bad break up and the Cops were called because 'she' was yelling too loud. Cops come she points to my buddy 'he hits me!' Which wasn't true, then she full-on punched my buddy right in the head in front of the Cop. My body may be 5ft 8 but he's 190lbs in muscle, she was 5ft and 85lbs at best. To this day I could not believe she punched him in the head in front of a cop, but I still am relieved the Cop took her away from him.
I think I watch video at least 2X per month&to this day, still cracks me up...love the robot!
dude watch the whole special it's free on here. it's called "why do i do this"
Bills gunna be 70 having to deal with a college girl daughter that’s 20 he did not think that through
One of the guys at work was getting married. I went into the Kyle Reese monologue from the Terminator. I modified it, slightly: She can’t be bargained with. She can’t be reasoned with. She doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.
The married guys at the table just about choked on their food they were laughing so hard. The guy that was getting married didn't get the joke and that made the married guys laugh even harder.
I'm dead..."SuSAn DID THIS SHiT!!"
I love how this dude is un-cancellable.
omg lmao! I'm pissing myself with that robot impression! hahaha!
Still relevant 10 years later and I have a feeling it'll be relevant for 10 more.
I want this guy by my side whenever I face a gaggle of angry FemNazis....then we'd have some fun :)
FemiNazis!
Can't tell if the audience is applauding his comedic genius or applauding the misandry of domestic law
"I just find em to be... idk relentless" XD
Can't believe I am just seeing this. Legendary! Great way to highlight all the double standards and whatnot our society is build upon.
This guys a living legend!
I never get tired of listening to this.
to illustrate what good points bill burr makes, there has yet to be a female comic to counter anything he's ever said in the name of fairness. he points out the real inequality and no one has managed to successfully refute his stance.
Its not inequality but more of an inborn respect for your own mother and in general all women. Could you honestly hit a woman?
Every woman should watch this at least once. It explains so much in such little time...
bill really pulling the hannibal lecter look off
Stay away from any of the women who cheered when he would talk about the toxic things his girlfriend did.
this man speaks the truth!
I'm 62.
Never married.
Never going to get married.
Noooooo thanks.
No matter how many times I watch this, it's still fucking hilarious!
Tara Lang
Lang-uage, young lady!
That robot sound was the shit
This man is hilarious
"Equal rights. Equal fights." If a person, man or woman, assaults you for no reason, you have the right to defend yourself. Of course with equal force, if a man/woman pushes me or gets in my face for no reason, I don't haymaker him/her, you react with the same force to defend yourself.
2:48 *"go see my parents!"* XD hhahahha!!!
Thisd s the essence of Bill Burr, and it is spot on and hilarious! He is the best!
It is wrong to hit women. However I believe there are circumstances where it is okay to put them in a sleeper hold. Three seconds and they are unconscious. It doesn't cause pain and does no physical damage. Now before you all freak out, I'll give an example. Once a girlfriend I got mad at me for saying she had no culture because she didn't like Beethoven's 9th Symphony. So she took my leather jacket, threw it in a mudpuddle and jumped up and down on it, grinding it into the mud. I did nothing. So smashed up my car, kicked dents in it, goes all around kicking dents in every side, then jumped on the hood and tried to punch through the windshield like the Terminator. She fucked her hand up and couldn't break the windshield, so he just jumped up and down on the hood and roof of the car. I still did nothing. So she kicked in the front door to the apartment complex hallway, broke the door frame, and headed toward my apartment, where there are windows, my computer, TV, and Playstation. She was still ranting and raving and swearing as she went. She gets to my apartment door and started kicking it to bust it down. At this point I decided enough was enough and I put her in a sleeper hold. 3 seconds later she was unconscious and I laid her on the ground. A minute later she woke up "What happened?" So I told her. Then I told her to go inside and go to sleep, so she did. The only injury she had in the morning was her swolen hand from punching the car windshield.
Absolutely spot on 🤣 Bill is amazing
Who can't love this guy's material lol 🤭 ?
3:23 THIS FACE ALWAYS KILLS ME !!!!!
Take a shot every time he say “You Know”
If a woman hits me in the face i will 100% give a good old open palm schlap back, no questions.
3:51 truth is stranger than fiction lol 🤭😂
Lol . "Say it see what happens. "
1:17 LMMFAO!
In Patrice's absence, at least Bill is making the important statements and observations in this time of need.
This dude is funny as h***
1:20 Physco robots that never run out of batteries 😂😂😂😂
Funny because it`s true :D
It's not evil just honesty
"You know?"
*Being single is the greatest thing.*
Being married is the root of all psychotic mental illnesses, violence, & depression, & it becomes much worse after children are born.
it's a holiday, let's keep it fucking nice lmao😂😂
How is this funnier now by watching it one more time? I don't understand... What a legend
hit a shot every time he says "You know!" :D
Free2hateme - 25 wuz howw fur me konted 2. Iz buzzzzd his dos sau et loots neber notised et for
"OH it's brutal!!"
I'm wasted now, thanks
It's a little funnier playing at 1.25x speed lol
My wife, literally, walked into the room, half way through me laughing my arse off to this video, in an angry mood and started throwing laundry around, in a craze. Bill should've said something about the fucking TIMING of women too!
Dude you got married? Oh Man youre fucked lol
why are you married lol
Listen to the women cheering for lack of personal responsibility of their part.