Literally the message I've needed for almost a year now. It doesn't matter if she is a narcissist, dismissive avoidant , emotionally unavailable, promiscuous woman. It' doesn't matter. All that matters is that they aren't right for me. There is no point in putting a label on it. Abuse is abuse no matter how it's labeled.
@@PassionateFlowerThat's excellent advice and I'm pleased to inform you that I got rid of the ex, who messed up my already sullied situation even more with his garbage, so stick to picking up rubbish on my way home instead, which goes in the bin! I always make sure that I wear a glove, or gloves, though, because I've had to deal some types of rubbish I won't mention now. ☺
I've called my partner of 40÷ years an asshole for decades and feel stupid for staying with him for so long. I just discovered narcissisium personality disorder this year and it shocked me because it sounds exactly like him. The physical and emotional abuse I have endured has been bad. I want to leave, but he always threatens me with endless things he will do to me. Asshole or narcissist, they are both from the same mold.
19:30 You are so right. One of the most evil aspects of narcissists or aholes or abusers in general is that they ruin you for other people so that you are too drained and depleted to be healthy enough to show up fully for your true loved ones. Because you end up using all your energy and attention on the abuser instead of spending your energy on the people who truly deserve your love, care, devotion, stewardship, empathy, and help. Truly sinister. And of course they are able to twist the narrative and say, "Don't blame me for blah blah it's not fair to blame me for all your problems blah blah blah I didn't do anything bla bla bla you're the one who chose to blah blah blah free will blah blah blah."
You’re so spot on. Been studying narcissists (assholes) for 5 years now. My life has been FULL of them and is still currently. I just want to encourage YOU! I just love you! You are doing a great work for the Lord!
I label unhealthy, unhealthy. Abuse is abuse. Neglect is neglect. Rude is rude. Selfish is selfish. Immaturity is immaturity. Thank you, Kevin, for speaking plainly about the bottom line. *to anyone here, I believe you know what is “right” behavior and what is “wrong”.
Nearly 8 years ago I was accused by my narcissistic dad of being a selfish smartacilc. I was just copying my codependent mother who was the ass hole. I kicked them both out of my life finally at my age of 59.... Then I started watching these and learning from these RUclips, podcasts about narcissistic behavior and I started cleaning house... and I'm not done. Thank you Kevin! Are you sure we didn't have the same parents?
"Do you want to be around them" is such a good phrase to ask myself. My heart knows the answer, but society always expects us to stick around and not give in, especially where family is concerned. If your insides feel uneasy with their behaviour you mustn't spend any more time around them
One by one I've had to basically get rid of my three siblings of the last decade at 50-yrs old. I didn't even realize I was a scapegoat until my mid-40s when I had an elderly man overhear me and said "Ahh.. you're the scapegoat!" That was a game-changer because I started to look up that word and realized that that's how I've been in passive aggressive and sometimes aggressive ways my whole entire life versus my other siblings. I now only talk to my 81 year old parents and it's only because there's a financial situation. But I have a good feeling that they've been a root of all of it and actually see a lot of proof of some of their sabotage here and there myself. But I moved away two decades ago by 2300 mi away and it's so much easier. It's just that their mask didn't slip off until it was almost too late and it slipped off for too long. I don't even talk about this topic unless someone else hints that they might be a fellow scapegoat because too many people are into this Cult of Family nonsense. Thanks for quoting Kevin's rhetorical question there... I hate to say it, but I can't unsee what I saw with them before and I'm not going to put myself through that again at this rate
The title confused me cuz my 1st thought was: "Well, isn't a CHRONIC asshole the same thing as a narcissist? 🤷🏾♂️" Cuz we the length the time/consistentcy of the asshole's 🙎🏻♂️assholery is what --- to me --- distinguishes a person having a very bad-moment-in-time, as WE ALL DO, from a person for whom being an asshole 👿 is their normal "resting state" of existence.
I was horribly tortured. Father was sexually abusive and beat me, mother beat me, caused a schism between the siblings. I was choked to near death, suffocated with pillows, denied food, sent outside to sit on the porch in freezing cold weather, forced to kneel upright all night long (denied sleep) sisters were given the right to tattle on me and one was allowed to strike me the back because my mother was too tired to finish the job. My oldest sister took great pleasure in this. She used to watch me get these beatings with absolute joy in her eyes. Throughout all of this I did nothing wrong because I was told by the nuns “suffer little children to come to me.” According to the nuns, if my parents beat me it was ‘cause Jesus loved me and saw me as worthy to enter heaven. Believe me, I wanted to die. When I reached the age of 17 I left and never returned. So when I the scapegoat, left they had to find another one, and that was my younger sister. For all of my suffering I continued to be beat up by other people telling me: “you must have done something wrong.” When I went to live with my secondary relatives, and they knew of my plight, they too abused me. Not as bad, but it was disheartening. When I married my first husband he was verbally abusive. I divorced him. My second husband’s father was mean to me and my husband. My second husband was/is verbally abusive. He seeing mental health doctor right now. Probably because I told him get help or I leave. Through all of this I managed to obtain a graduate college degree. I am the only one in the family that has one. And for this I am demeaned as having no common sense and that I’m a Communist. Jealously abounds. So instead of being praised for my academic efforts I’m being slammed again by my jealous in-laws. I don’t smoke, drink alcohol, don’t gamble, or sell my body EVER, yet I am being labeled as “bad” by my immediate family,which I don’t see anymore, or I’m lacking common sense. I keep away from my husband’s family too. One more thing: I’m deaf, and I’m labeled as dumb. Hardly. Kiss my ass is what I feel like saying to them.
I can´t agree. It made it a lil easier for me being sure he´s a narcissist. I finally knew the reason for his behavior. So I could stop thinking in a loop "why is he like that?"
I smile for my ex Narc husband used the term jerk to MINIMIZE his behaviors. they were far more insidious and cruel and terrifying. I took note and said nothing. I was already one foot out the door planning my exit. I ran after only 10 months married. I heard myself saying " you are very unhealthy for me"
TRUTH!!!! 👏👏👏 man, I just think how many years we’ve all been abused by narcissists and then when we finally break free and begin our healing, we spend even more of our time diagnosing our abusers …. STOP IT! lol My focus is now on ME! Thanks Kevin for yet another wisdom nugget in this journey!!! God Bless! 🙏🏻
So why tolerate bad behavior? I have decided to not tolerate bad behavior from anyone, including myself. From this day forward. Your either going to be a true person, trying to do your best , or don't waste my time. Time is our only commodity that is ours. To do what we want with it. No more giving it away to time wasters. I've got things I want to do, for whatever reason , They're important to ME xx !
My ex was an alcoholic toxic asshole ! verbal & emotional abuser ! He hated me standing up for myself & jealous & insecure & immature ! Doesn’t matter what he is HES GONE ! He dumped me ! lol Thank God it only lasted 2 months ! GREAT VIDEOS FOR US WOMEN !! Thank you!
The abuse is apparent to only me. Sadly, if she were anyone else but the daughter I loved since the day I confirmed my pregnancy, I would have cut ties long ago. I’m 67 and now that I’ve learned a bit about narcissism and realized how very subtle the abuse is, I know what I have to do. 😢 If I’m going to survive I need to go no contact. She’s 50. She will be just fine.
Labels don't matter! Powerful and Profoundly simple fact! While your sitting there trying to figure out what they are so you can put them in a box they have already sealed your box thrown you in the post and written on you post to Timbuktu.
Wow! Synchronic...I was speaking with my therapist and I recently came to this conclusion! I started calling them as they are, with sounding like attempting to diagnose them. I said my most major depressive episodes stemmed from a lifetime of being surrounded by A$$holes and now that I realized my worth toxic abusers can't be allowed in my life!! A healthier version of me can't co-exist with their abusive ways in my life. FIN 🙏
Personally, I completely understand why someone (in particular females) may want confirmation of whether someone is narcissistic or not. Reason being, when you ultimately make that decision to leave, it is comforting to know that it wasn't YOU who failed the relationship. That it was never about you. It was all about the narcissistic partner, and their inability to function as a supportive, involved partner not only with you, but with anyone. This leaves you in a marginally less broken state than the narcissistic person reduced you to. So I humbly disagree that it's not important to know whether the partner was narcissistic, or just an @-hole. Furthermore, someone who was an @-hole to you for 10 years straight is quite obviously on the narcissistic spectrum. Consistency in behaviour is the key. 10 years of @-hole behaviour is pretty consistent, so if you did not cause said behaviour in some way, shape or form, you are most certainly dealing with a narcissistic individual. I'm not saying that he has NPD, but he'll be high in other narcissistic traits as well, no doubt, and most certainly had a dysfunctional childhood, guaranteed. P.S, all narcissists are @-holes, and I am yet to meet an @-hole who is not high in narcissistic traits. Again, consistency in behaviour is the key, but generally @-holes are @-holes to everybody consistently, unless they want something from them, or unless they're interacting with their boss (who can fire them). In the aforementioned case they'll slag their boss off behind his/her back.
OMG THANK YOU SOOO VERY MUCH KEVIN CLEAN CUT, CLARITY Been with someone who has increased of late yells mocks belittles NEGLECTS , it slowly crept up to point now Im having terrible shaky anxiety by time he gets home in my sleep screaming out for help . Some how subconsciously thinking maybe it was because I reacted certain way made things worse , Im not a mouse I stand up for myself but lately over and beyond my mind (logic) and seeing through it , my body seems to be breaking down my speech sometines talking with other people just talking and not making sense almost ,cant quite explain , feeling almost breaking into thousands of pieces in my actual body .my mind know s whats going but my body is reacting Im stuck financially have made preparation to leave in a year or so saving up . Then leave and be alone in an abyss. Afraid will never meet anyone getting older lost alot through a business venture nothing to offer into relationship Material wise. Hopefully I still have lots of love to offer, I'm sure I do, scared though will end up with another Ass....e! Thank you again for your candidness so liberating 💚from Australia Jude
Good video!! That's a great point 💚 I wasted close to 7 years trying to figure it out.. Now I know it doesn't matter & the only thing that does is that I keep my distance as much as possible so I can concentrate on me & my goals.. That isn't possible being around certain types of people
Thank you Kevin for your great analysed advice. I agree with everything you said. Abuse and disrespect are the closure we need. Once people show us who they are we should believe them the first time. We can only control ourselves and we should walk away from people who do not see us, hear us or celebrate us let alone those you abuse and harm us?! We do not owe abusive people anything, not even a word. Our walking away says it all! God bless you❤
I enjoyed my dinner while listening to you. Love a man who speaks in full sentences, can make me laugh and think.....❤ You are insanely perfect company.
Your timing could not have been better .... just came to this conclusion today (13 DEC) about these types of people; love your channel, much love from the UK
The more you discern, you finally realize you have come to a situation you never sign up for to begin with. The adamant nature of the abuse makes you realize that it is NOT in human nature, either. Think about the suffering it causes so many innocent individuals. Thank you for the insightful revelation, Kevin. God bless you abundantly 🙏🏻🎉
👍 The way you use of the word narcissist clearly resonates with those experiencing abuse. Perhaps the biblical term for narcissists is “the wicked”. Agree a great thought in considering an experience (paraphrasing) “are they a good fit for you?”. Are they truely there for you or just looking for opportunity to walk on you? BTW in listening to one ”narcissist” credentialed expert, it seemed at the end of the day they had many labelled narcissistic - including many in professions and many who felt abused, and themselves reformed/reforming 🤔. It’s true though, narcissists connive and finger point very effectively, so yes look within ourselves for our own discernment. Perhaps if narcissists did that too rather then just looking outwardly in only how they can step on others for their esteem they might stop being narcissists.
H proudly proclaims he’s an AH. With no curiosity or self reflection. His words. He thinks it’s his get out of jail free card. But his words became my get out of jail card. Not cost free but definitely out.
You are precisely qualified, that is why they are fear was triggered because they know this. The most affective leaders and guides are those that have been through it and have chose the light side and helping others. You cannot beat personal experience. Thank you from all of us and God bless you.
You would be better off explaining to a brick wall. I spent over 25 years with a narcissist and like an idiot I kept thinking one day he would understand. Hard to accept, but better for your sanity if you can accept that.
They literally set up goal posts in their brain, and whatever you try to get past that goal line they will deflect it away every time. They don't want to hear what you say, so they literally don't listen to it
It would be exactly the same as someone trying to convince you that 2+2=5. The idea that they do anything wrong is inconceivable and means they have to die. Literally.
This is life changing! Not easy to apply, but it will help to “end the conversation” with the abusers. Thank you Kevin! God is using you to minister to us. Keep going!
It does not matter. Label it anything that helps. Give up consensus or respect or closure. They won't see it any different today than they have all the earlier days. Because it's not possible. Mechanically. THEY have to do their part, and they will not. For whatever reason. The issue is, how to take care of yourself.
I 💯 have to agree with, no matter the label, abuse is abuse‼️ However... I have to ask ,is it not true that a jerk could change and admit faults, when doing marriage counselling ,or any counselling for that matter. Where as a narc, is basically incapable of change, because of their absence of empathy, and because their way has always worked for them, so why would they want to change? When they can simply move on to the next supply and start All over again, and so on and so on... Until they die alone and miserable
@bronwynsimons7028 It's a fact that some highly narcissistic people can do healing work on childhood trauma wounds, then change toxic behaviour and Dr Mark Ettensohn, who has a channel called Heal NPD is having success in this area! It's highly unlikely though and most of the "jerks," or "a**holes," aren't going to easily agree to change their ways either. Another point is that many of them don't die alone because a lot of long-term "partners" choose not to leave, or aren't able to do so, among other reasons. 😊
😂 I love you Kevin ! Sheer brilliance ! My life is a misery for long time , I studied psychology ,survived most of the stuff you talk about in my childhood,marriage ,parenthood etc and STAYED TOO LONG...tried to fix , help, do the right thing, and remain me...damages are plenty and many could have been avoided if I left sooner, if if if if....Black and white, right and wrong are the concepts of the mind. Clear mind ! Abuse causes emotional turmoil which floods the mind and disables clarity of thought ! Keep doing what you are doing, speaking to the minds in clear messages.Wonderful approach and a huge help for lost souls with shattered hearts and flooded frozen minds ! You are such a tonic,a warm cup of coffee , a friend ! Thank you! Mish
Great video Kevin! Please keep a current playlist of all your videos new to old... Youtibe always takes me to another channel's video at the end. I just want to binge watch your videos. You help everybody with your truthbombs. Thank you Kevin.
Kevin, you made my day! Astonishingly good!!!Thank you, you're genius :) I needed it today, I'll be different from now on... Awesome, I tell you, everything you're trying to explain us...👍👍👍❤️❤️❤️
Labels CAN be forms of us gaslighting ourselves > IMO. God I Love the Information you provide us with Kevin. Info IS Power > Power to Free ourselves from the bonds that were NEVER meant for us Thank You :D
My friend's ex at our casino in Queens N.Y.talks to no one except my husband, supposidely He is aloof,condescending,circles my friend like a vulture subtly trying to control her,and she is the classic"gray rock" persona. Is her ex a narcissist or a jerk?
Why am I calling my mother as soon as she gets off work? I feel a lot of anxiety when talking to her. But I am usually the one initiating contact. It used to be the other way around.
I appreciate this message and I agree about it making no difference: "is this person safe or unsafe"? Does this person lack character or possess good character"?, etc. I think the reason a layperson might want a more nuanced view, in my experience, regarding narcs versus jerks, is that a) the prevailing theory is that narcs fundamentally can't change because of psychological defect, whereas Christians of course believe that (maybe too charitably) that jerks can grow up/mature and assholes can repent (find Jesus,etc.). But I agree with what you are saying. The other reason is that if one has a narcissistic boss, and doesn't have the wherewithal to leave their work situation, having a more targeted label might inform how that worker approaches various work scenarios, etc.
I was curious if there was a difference. But yeah. The label really doesn't matter. Both are garbage people who make life miserable if given the chance. Drop them. A bit off topic.. but when you brought up the guns, I couldn't help but think, "Is that a gloc, or are you just happy to see me?" 😂
![Twenty One Pilots - “The Line” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/E2Rj2gQAyPA/mqdefault.jpg)
Literally the message I've needed for almost a year now. It doesn't matter if she is a narcissist, dismissive avoidant , emotionally unavailable, promiscuous woman. It' doesn't matter. All that matters is that they aren't right for me. There is no point in putting a label on it. Abuse is abuse no matter how it's labeled.
I did say this before the end of the video, he said it too.
@@rickymartin859Hola, Ricky Martin! Thank you. The last sentence said it all, "abuse is abuse no matter how its labeled". Gracias!
Whoever makes you feel bad on a daily basis is not good for you
I dont know what he is but his Who doesnt align with me ,I have dumped him,best thing I did
I get this completely. But married since 18yrs old and I feel that I'll never make it alone. For a ton of reasons. I'm 47 and lost 😢
They both have mean spirits.
This is exactly the conclusion I came to. If the end result is the same, who cares about the label?
Exactly!!
Shakespear said "A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet"
He was talking about something beautiful tho
Don't pride yourself on being a problem "solver" with abusers and instead become a problem LEAVER.
If it's not your mess then DON'T CLEAN IT UP. PERIOD.
If you want to be a help to your community THEN GO PICK UP TRASH ON THE BEACH DON'T KEEP BRINGING THE TRASH HOME TO YOUR SHEETS!!!!!
@@PassionateFlowerThat's excellent advice and I'm pleased to inform you that I got rid of the ex, who messed up my already sullied situation even more with his garbage, so stick to picking up rubbish on my way home instead, which goes in the bin!
I always make sure that I wear a glove, or gloves, though, because I've had to deal some types of rubbish I won't mention now. ☺
I've called my partner of 40÷ years an asshole for decades and feel stupid for staying with him for so long. I just discovered narcissisium personality disorder this year and it shocked me because it sounds exactly like him. The physical and emotional abuse I have endured has been bad. I want to leave, but he always threatens me with endless things he will do to me. Asshole or narcissist, they are both from the same mold.
I feel this I why
Ross Rosenburg
Advices
"Run but run quietly!"
Thank you! Finally someone else know the difference.Assholes are direct but a narc wear a mask
All you need to know is you deserve better.
19:30 You are so right. One of the most evil aspects of narcissists or aholes or abusers in general is that they ruin you for other people so that you are too drained and depleted to be healthy enough to show up fully for your true loved ones. Because you end up using all your energy and attention on the abuser instead of spending your energy on the people who truly deserve your love, care, devotion, stewardship, empathy, and help. Truly sinister. And of course they are able to twist the narrative and say, "Don't blame me for blah blah it's not fair to blame me for all your problems blah blah blah I didn't do anything bla bla bla you're the one who chose to blah blah blah free will blah blah blah."
“Right or wrong--for us.” 👌🏻
Thirty years… one year out hallelujah!!! ❤
I wanna be there too
Absolutely correct. It doesn't matter. Toxic is toxic. Walk away.
A jerk is just a slang term. I hate when people say MaYbE tHeY'rE jUsT a JeRk. Define jerk. It's just another term for evil.
You’re so spot on. Been studying narcissists (assholes) for 5 years now. My life has been FULL of them and is still currently.
I just want to encourage YOU! I just love you! You are doing a great work for the Lord!
"Been studying assholes" 😭🤣🤣🤣 since I was born... Thanks Dad!😃👍🏽🤣
I label unhealthy, unhealthy. Abuse is abuse.
Neglect is neglect.
Rude is rude.
Selfish is selfish.
Immaturity is immaturity.
Thank you, Kevin, for speaking plainly about the bottom line.
*to anyone here, I believe you know what is “right” behavior and what is “wrong”.
Yes
Nearly 8 years ago I was accused by my narcissistic dad of being a selfish smartacilc. I was just copying my codependent mother who was the ass hole. I kicked them both out of my life finally at my age of 59.... Then I started watching these and learning from these RUclips, podcasts about narcissistic behavior and I started cleaning house... and I'm not done. Thank you Kevin!
Are you sure we didn't have the same parents?
"Do you want to be around them" is such a good phrase to ask myself. My heart knows the answer, but society always expects us to stick around and not give in, especially where family is concerned. If your insides feel uneasy with their behaviour you mustn't spend any more time around them
One by one I've had to basically get rid of my three siblings of the last decade at 50-yrs old. I didn't even realize I was a scapegoat until my mid-40s when I had an elderly man overhear me and said "Ahh.. you're the scapegoat!" That was a game-changer because I started to look up that word and realized that that's how I've been in passive aggressive and sometimes aggressive ways my whole entire life versus my other siblings.
I now only talk to my 81 year old parents and it's only because there's a financial situation. But I have a good feeling that they've been a root of all of it and actually see a lot of proof of some of their sabotage here and there myself.
But I moved away two decades ago by 2300 mi away and it's so much easier. It's just that their mask didn't slip off until it was almost too late and it slipped off for too long.
I don't even talk about this topic unless someone else hints that they might be a fellow scapegoat because too many people are into this Cult of Family nonsense.
Thanks for quoting Kevin's rhetorical question there... I hate to say it, but I can't unsee what I saw with them before and I'm not going to put myself through that again at this rate
I feel like newer generations are better at that because they don't have as much blind obedience and respect
The title confused me cuz my 1st thought was: "Well, isn't a CHRONIC asshole the same thing as a narcissist? 🤷🏾♂️" Cuz we the length the time/consistentcy of the asshole's 🙎🏻♂️assholery is what --- to me --- distinguishes a person having a very bad-moment-in-time, as WE ALL DO, from a person for whom being an asshole 👿 is their normal "resting state" of existence.
Shapeshifters. CHAMELEONS AND NARCOPATHS. Stay educated AND Dedicated. Due time..❤❤❤
I was horribly tortured. Father was sexually abusive and beat me, mother beat me, caused a schism between the siblings. I was choked to near death, suffocated with pillows, denied food, sent outside to sit on the porch in freezing cold weather, forced to kneel upright all night long (denied sleep) sisters were given the right to tattle on me and one was allowed to strike me the back because my mother was too tired to finish the job. My oldest sister took great pleasure in this. She used to watch me get these beatings with absolute joy in her eyes. Throughout all of this I did nothing wrong because I was told by the nuns “suffer little children to come to me.” According to the nuns, if my parents beat me it was ‘cause Jesus loved me and saw me as worthy to enter heaven. Believe me, I wanted to die. When I reached the age of 17 I left and never returned. So when I the scapegoat, left they had to find another one, and that was my younger sister. For all of my suffering I continued to be beat up by other people telling me: “you must have done something wrong.” When I went to live with my secondary relatives, and they knew of my plight, they too abused me. Not as bad, but it was disheartening. When I married my first husband he was verbally abusive. I divorced him. My second husband’s father was mean to me and my husband. My second husband was/is verbally abusive. He seeing mental health doctor right now. Probably because I told him get help or I leave. Through all of this I managed to obtain a graduate college degree. I am the only one in the family that has one. And for this I am demeaned as having no common sense and that I’m a Communist. Jealously abounds. So instead of being praised for my academic efforts I’m being slammed again by my jealous in-laws. I don’t smoke, drink alcohol, don’t gamble, or sell my body EVER, yet I am being labeled as “bad” by my immediate family,which I don’t see anymore, or I’m lacking common sense. I keep away from my husband’s family too. One more thing: I’m deaf, and I’m labeled as dumb. Hardly. Kiss my ass is what I feel like saying to them.
Very terrible what they did to you.
❤
Love to you.
I think if you have been in narcissistic relationship you are qualified to speak about it 😢
My narc was a Silent treatment king!!
I can´t agree. It made it a lil easier for me being sure he´s a narcissist. I finally knew the reason for his behavior. So I could stop thinking in a loop "why is he like that?"
I smile for my ex Narc husband used the term jerk to MINIMIZE his behaviors. they were far more insidious and cruel and terrifying. I took note and said nothing. I was already one foot out the door planning my exit. I ran after only 10 months married. I heard myself saying " you are very unhealthy for me"
I agree. No need to overthink or diagnose. Just fix the problem. 👍
TRUTH!!!! 👏👏👏 man, I just think how many years we’ve all been abused by narcissists and then when we finally break free and begin our healing, we spend even more of our time diagnosing our abusers …. STOP IT! lol My focus is now on ME! Thanks Kevin for yet another wisdom nugget in this journey!!! God Bless! 🙏🏻
I have literally come to this conclusion today (13 Dec ) ..... the timing of this is spot-on
So why tolerate bad behavior? I have decided to not tolerate bad behavior from anyone, including myself. From this day forward. Your either going to be a true person, trying to do your best , or don't waste my time. Time is our only commodity that is ours. To do what we want with it. No more giving it away to time wasters. I've got things I want to do, for whatever reason , They're important to ME xx !
My ex was an alcoholic toxic asshole ! verbal & emotional abuser !
He hated me standing up for myself & jealous & insecure & immature !
Doesn’t matter what he is HES GONE ! He dumped me ! lol
Thank God it only lasted 2 months !
GREAT VIDEOS FOR US WOMEN !! Thank you!
Let's have a non toxic Christmast.
The abuse is apparent to only me. Sadly, if she were anyone else but the daughter I loved since the day I confirmed my pregnancy, I would have cut ties long ago. I’m 67 and now that I’ve learned a bit about narcissism and realized how very subtle the abuse is, I know what I have to do. 😢 If I’m going to survive I need to go no contact. She’s 50. She will be just fine.
Labels don't matter! Powerful and Profoundly simple fact! While your sitting there trying to figure out what they are so you can put them in a box they have already sealed your box thrown you in the post and written on you post to Timbuktu.
Wow! Synchronic...I was speaking with my therapist and I recently came to this conclusion! I started calling them as they are, with sounding like attempting to diagnose them. I said my most major depressive episodes stemmed from a lifetime of being surrounded by A$$holes and now that I realized my worth toxic abusers can't be allowed in my life!! A healthier version of me can't co-exist with their abusive ways in my life. FIN 🙏
Personally, I completely understand why someone (in particular females) may want confirmation of whether someone is narcissistic or not. Reason being, when you ultimately make that decision to leave, it is comforting to know that it wasn't YOU who failed the relationship. That it was never about you. It was all about the narcissistic partner, and their inability to function as a supportive, involved partner not only with you, but with anyone. This leaves you in a marginally less broken state than the narcissistic person reduced you to. So I humbly disagree that it's not important to know whether the partner was narcissistic, or just an @-hole. Furthermore, someone who was an @-hole to you for 10 years straight is quite obviously on the narcissistic spectrum. Consistency in behaviour is the key. 10 years of @-hole behaviour is pretty consistent, so if you did not cause said behaviour in some way, shape or form, you are most certainly dealing with a narcissistic individual. I'm not saying that he has NPD, but he'll be high in other narcissistic traits as well, no doubt, and most certainly had a dysfunctional childhood, guaranteed.
P.S, all narcissists are @-holes, and I am yet to meet an @-hole who is not high in narcissistic traits. Again, consistency in behaviour is the key, but generally @-holes are @-holes to everybody consistently, unless they want something from them, or unless they're interacting with their boss (who can fire them). In the aforementioned case they'll slag their boss off behind his/her back.
I like the way you think because it resonates with me!
OMG THANK YOU SOOO VERY MUCH KEVIN
CLEAN CUT, CLARITY
Been with someone who has increased of late yells mocks belittles NEGLECTS , it slowly crept up to point now Im having terrible shaky anxiety by time he gets home in my sleep screaming out for help . Some how subconsciously thinking maybe it was because I reacted certain way made things worse , Im not a mouse I stand up for myself but lately over and beyond my mind (logic) and seeing through it , my body seems to be breaking down my speech sometines talking with other people just talking and not making sense almost ,cant quite explain , feeling almost breaking into thousands of pieces in my actual body .my mind know s whats going but my body is reacting
Im stuck financially have made preparation to leave in a year or so saving up . Then leave and be alone in an abyss. Afraid will never meet anyone getting older lost alot through a business venture nothing to offer into relationship Material wise. Hopefully I still have lots of love to offer, I'm sure I do, scared though will end up with another Ass....e!
Thank you again for your candidness so liberating 💚from Australia
Jude
Good video!! That's a great point 💚
I wasted close to 7 years trying to figure it out..
Now I know it doesn't matter & the only thing that does is that I keep my distance as much as possible so I can concentrate on me & my goals..
That isn't possible being around certain types of people
Thank you Kevin for your great analysed advice. I agree with everything you said. Abuse and disrespect are the closure we need. Once people show us who they are we should believe them the first time. We can only control ourselves and we should walk away from people who do not see us, hear us or celebrate us let alone those you abuse and harm us?! We do not owe abusive people anything, not even a word. Our walking away says it all! God bless you❤
I enjoyed my dinner while listening to you. Love a man who speaks in full sentences, can make me laugh and think.....❤ You are insanely perfect company.
I really miss the Royal We Fellowship. I wish you’d bring it back ❤️
I want the live chats!
Your timing could not have been better .... just came to this conclusion today (13 DEC) about these types of people; love your channel, much love from the UK
The more you discern, you finally realize you have come to a situation you never sign up for to begin with. The adamant nature of the abuse makes you realize that it is NOT in human nature, either. Think about the suffering it causes so many innocent individuals. Thank you for the insightful revelation, Kevin. God bless you abundantly 🙏🏻🎉
I am overjoyed and blessed i found you!!! 🙏 ❤ thank you!!
So glad my videos found you
Glock has hair pin trigger.
A Ruger has a stiff pull.
Seek cover from both!
Love ❤it👍🏽👍🏽
@@ERNIE555 😃
👍 The way you use of the word narcissist clearly resonates with those experiencing abuse. Perhaps the biblical term for narcissists is “the wicked”. Agree a great thought in considering an experience (paraphrasing) “are they a good fit for you?”. Are they truely there for you or just looking for opportunity to walk on you?
BTW in listening to one ”narcissist” credentialed expert, it seemed at the end of the day they had many labelled narcissistic - including many in professions and many who felt abused, and themselves reformed/reforming 🤔. It’s true though, narcissists connive and finger point very effectively, so yes look within ourselves for our own discernment. Perhaps if narcissists did that too rather then just looking outwardly in only how they can step on others for their esteem they might stop being narcissists.
Thank you for watching
I am glad I found you.
Very helpful.❤
A. from Germany
I think we want to put a label on it, so we make sure it was not us who where to sensitive
This is hopeful for me. I'm gonna save this and listen to it whenever I make excuses to stay. Thank you. God bless you.
You just described my brother.
Kevin please keep your channel the same...its better than other channels re: this subject!
H proudly proclaims he’s an AH. With no curiosity or self reflection. His words. He thinks it’s his get out of jail free card. But his words became my get out of jail card. Not cost free but definitely out.
Hey Kevin .. excellent video. IMHO ... probably your very best one. Thank you Sir, excellent content here. God bless you Kevin. ✝️🕊️🙌
Glad you enjoyed it
God bless you so so much, Kevin ❤
I flippin love you and this video!! Thanks for the confirmation and laughs! God bless you!!
One of the best videos I've ever watched. Thanks Kevin. I suggest viewers take note from everything you've explained.
Oh Kevin! I love your “doesn’t have to be so complicated “ approach. We get to decide how to deal with our narcissistic people, but just do it.
Absolutely!
You are precisely qualified, that is why they are fear was triggered because they know this. The most affective leaders and guides are those that have been through it and have chose the light side and helping others. You cannot beat personal experience. Thank you from all of us and God bless you.
This was an interesting thought for sure.
👏👏👏thank you Kevin for this message
Is there any way to make the narcissist understand why you left ? Always blaming me. I try to explain. They just don’t get it
there is no closure. move on and live YOUR life
You would be better off explaining to a brick wall. I spent over 25 years with a narcissist and like an idiot I kept thinking one day he would understand. Hard to accept, but better for your sanity if you can accept that.
They literally set up goal posts in their brain, and whatever you try to get past that goal line they will deflect it away every time. They don't want to hear what you say, so they literally don't listen to it
@@TerminatrixT3why don't you leave them!?then?
It would be exactly the same as someone trying to convince you that 2+2=5. The idea that they do anything wrong is inconceivable and means they have to die. Literally.
Awesome video Kevin 👏👏👏
One of your best! Mcfly and Biff!
Please speak on the ageing and the Dying narcissists
Your advice is always so sound and accurate. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 🙏💜
Brilliant, so good to hear ❤
Precisely my reaction. What difference does it make?
This is life changing! Not easy to apply, but it will help to “end the conversation” with the abusers. Thank you Kevin! God is using you to minister to us. Keep going!
Amen brother! Bless you and this message 🙏
Freakin narcissists
It does not matter. Label it anything that helps. Give up consensus or respect or closure. They won't see it any different today than they have all the earlier days. Because it's not possible. Mechanically. THEY have to do their part, and they will not. For whatever reason. The issue is, how to take care of yourself.
So good. So much of what my rumination has been lately. Thanks. For the layman. Truth. 😂😂😂😂
I prayed God to bless you. Thank you so so so much for this video. You are so awesom
I 💯 have to agree with, no matter the label, abuse is abuse‼️
However...
I have to ask ,is it not true that a jerk could change and admit faults, when doing marriage counselling ,or any counselling for that matter.
Where as a narc, is basically incapable of change, because of their absence of empathy, and because their way has always worked for them, so why would they want to change?
When they can simply move on to the next supply and start All over again, and so on and so on...
Until they die alone and miserable
@bronwynsimons7028 It's a fact that some highly narcissistic people can do healing work on childhood trauma wounds, then change toxic behaviour and Dr Mark Ettensohn, who has a channel called Heal NPD is having success in this area!
It's highly unlikely though and most of the "jerks," or "a**holes," aren't going to easily agree to change their ways either.
Another point is that many of them don't die alone because a lot of long-term "partners" choose not to leave, or aren't able to do so, among other reasons. 😊
i assumed it was the same thing.
😂 I love you Kevin ! Sheer brilliance ! My life is a misery for long time , I studied psychology ,survived most of the stuff you talk about in my childhood,marriage ,parenthood etc and STAYED TOO LONG...tried to fix , help, do the right thing, and remain me...damages are plenty and many could have been avoided if I left sooner, if if if if....Black and white, right and wrong are the concepts of the mind. Clear mind ! Abuse causes emotional turmoil which floods the mind and disables clarity of thought ! Keep doing what you are doing, speaking to the minds in clear messages.Wonderful approach and a huge help for lost souls with shattered hearts and flooded frozen minds ! You are such a tonic,a warm cup of coffee , a friend ! Thank you! Mish
Good call.
they're perpetrators of the cycle of abuse...that was key...over and over the's no way out if you t
Your channel is great ❤
Great video Kevin! Please keep a current playlist of all your videos new to old... Youtibe always takes me to another channel's video at the end. I just want to binge watch your videos. You help everybody with your truthbombs. Thank you Kevin.
Kevin, you made my day! Astonishingly good!!!Thank you, you're genius :) I needed it today, I'll be different from now on... Awesome, I tell you, everything you're trying to explain us...👍👍👍❤️❤️❤️
Thank you
THANK YOU FOR YOUR DOWN TO EARTH "TRUTH".........
wow this just made me realize my 30 year marriage has just been abusive - labels or not - thanks
Labels CAN be forms of us gaslighting ourselves > IMO.
God I Love the Information you provide us with Kevin. Info IS Power > Power to Free ourselves from the bonds that were NEVER meant for us Thank You :D
My friend's ex at our casino in Queens N.Y.talks to no one except my husband, supposidely He is aloof,condescending,circles my friend like a vulture subtly trying to control her,and she is the classic"gray rock" persona. Is her ex a narcissist or a jerk?
You are SO wonderful! Thank you!
Why am I calling my mother as soon as she gets off work? I feel a lot of anxiety when talking to her. But I am usually the one initiating contact. It used to be the other way around.
I appreciate this message and I agree about it making no difference: "is this person safe or unsafe"? Does this person lack character or possess good character"?, etc. I think the reason a layperson might want a more nuanced view, in my experience, regarding narcs versus jerks, is that a) the prevailing theory is that narcs fundamentally can't change because of psychological defect, whereas Christians of course believe that (maybe too charitably) that jerks can grow up/mature and assholes can repent (find Jesus,etc.). But I agree with what you are saying. The other reason is that if one has a narcissistic boss, and doesn't have the wherewithal to leave their work situation, having a more targeted label might inform how that worker approaches various work scenarios, etc.
Great message
This is amazing, absolutely spot on , wow ❤thank you so much for your time and energy in helping people .
Lol ‘since realizing I’m dealing with a cluster B, the relationship has been great’! Lmao that’s funny. I needed a laugh today.
Thanks for covering this question! Good answer. :)
Gosh Kevin I love this vid of yours the best ever! U r great. Can you coach me please?
Yes I can
"Whatever Path is out there" 😂😂😂
Great message! Amazing TRUTH ❤🙏
21:00
I want to know how to spot before we get involved. Can you give us some questions to ask so we can weed them out?
I was curious if there was a difference. But yeah. The label really doesn't matter. Both are garbage people who make life miserable if given the chance. Drop them.
A bit off topic.. but when you brought up the guns, I couldn't help but think, "Is that a gloc, or are you just happy to see me?" 😂
Very good video:)❤
Alwais excelent Information !!!
I loved Back to the future!michael j.fox,,was awesome!
Thank you
Thanks!
great video!!!!
❤Thank you ❤