Gbam! And if they don't like you, the best and most reasonable thing to do is walk away and leave their son alone but love won't let some women think straight and that's how they spend the next couple of decades unaccepted but tolerated by their in laws instead of embraced with love and respect. The matter long but I'll stop here
To my future daughter in law, I will not put you under pressure. My home will be your home. Yours is to be a daughter just like my biological daughter. I am more interested in a good heart than a wonderful performance to impress me 😂😂😂❤. If you don't know how to cook, that can be learned.
Thank you Mummy-In Law in advance...I love you already❤❤❤🔥❤🔥. Please take your flowers💐🌻🌺🥀🌹🏵🌷🌼. I know how to cook and clean though but don't enjoy doing them anymore.
As a leader and Pastor, I totally understand where Pst Adejumo is coming from. The reality is that a lot of young people these days lack basic 'home training'. The things we think are 'common sense' are no longer common again. A lot of young people are not being raised by parents anymore. Many do not understand basic ethics of respect for elders, social etiquettes and the likes. Some people go for job interviews and don't know the appropriate behaviors. As a Pastor, you meet with all kinds of people from different backgrounds week in, week out. Hence, we are tasked with teaching basic morals and etiquettes even in Church. This is why Pst Adejumo is having to teach this. If you listen to other teachings of hers, she speaks a lot on being confident as a woman, being yourself, knowing your worth, etc. She has championed the empowerment of women. I think her comments here are just a context thing within our culture of respect.
Moderation is key! If you finish the food and eats like you are hungry, trust me you will collect when you eventually married the man and you have issues with such in laws. Trust me, they will discuss you when you leave there, be wise . Don't eat carelessly, if accident happened, that is understandable. Everything Pastor Funke said does mean you should be timid but rather be courteous. @Amaka, saying you brought gifts when you came for your audition, was that after you have been selected as part of the crew or what? That could mean your gifts influenced the decision to select you above others. Pst. Funke is not saying pretend but be displomatic! Nyma- thanks as always!
Some of us won't eat at all. I have to know you enough, be comfortable with you to eat in someone's house. So if you actually have people eating when they visit you be grateful. Telling someone not to finish their food, what is the point? Then what will happen to the food you left over? it means it will be thrown away? That is food waste, too many people can't even afford a meal. I think we should all be careful of assumptions and perspectives.
I think the one word that is causing this discussion is where she said “pretend” most people are taking it out of context. Even with Amaka’s gift giving gift, she won’t go to her in laws place jumping up and down showing her real color that first visit.
I appreciate Morayo's stance the most, I mean, why are we all pretending like we didn't grow up hearing all these things from our parents? When you go out for interviews or you have an opportunity to meet the president, if you were naturally nasty and disrespectful, will you go there and "be yourself", won't you try to put up a good First impression? Amaka agrees with her but even in your disagreement you are still saying the same thing she said. She didn't say be timid, she just said, be careful and don't be too forward. Simples. Morayo, I love your shoes, they are giving.
you know the funniest thing about this video is that it is not even a recent video and the way it is being dissected kinda shocked me. everyone is acting like these things were not inculcated into us while growing up. Meeting your inlaws for the first time is a big deal especially if there is a high indication that marriage is the goal. Nigeria is even still cool. You wanna try Asians?
Just be yourself. And be kind to them. See them as your new family, not a set of people ready to fight you. Love will conquer all tings. Most inlaws will respect and love you if you show love and are real, genuine.
Thank God she said in her culture. So I am from the Great Igbo Nation, in my land humans (males and females) do not bow to greet other humans, so I did not kneel or act in a particular way, I was myself. Very relaxed, I did not even know people had to act. I do not expect my daughter in law to act off, except the usual good behavior everyone should have whether it’s in law or anywhere one needs to make first impression. When you pretend too much, my people could become suspicious
FALSE! In the traditional Igbo marriage - Igba nkwu, do the women not kneel to serve their to-be husbands palm wine?? If you decide to "be yourself" that's fine and is your right. But you can't speak for the entire Igbo nation of over 20 million individuals.
@@Wils0n_ Thanks for your observation, but to serve their husband-to-be wine in a single setting to make a statement of respect is different from kneeling down to greet him (or others) whenever he appears or you encounter them. Ndigbo DO NOT kneel to greet people; this is truth. It doesn’t mean that cultures that do so are wrong or right; it’s just different. Igbo world view.
😂😂😂😂This is funny to me sha .....cos i offered to wash plate, they said i should not worry, and i did noy force it( my family did not like it sha😂), we were even lodged in a guest house.and i have the best Inlaws ....but Pastor Funke is right sha
In my time i didn't pretend at all but my mother-in-law accepted me without questioning even when she would have preferred a core church girl. I was always cheerful to the core.
Lol Im youruba and I kneel down to greet my elders but I think Pastor Funke exaggerated it 😂😂😂.... One shoes does not fit all... I did all that to my inlaws but they didn't like me 😂😂😂... Everyone go dey alright . The relationship is better now but trust me I did all these things she said and thats who i am and how I was trained . If they dont like you they dont ...they like me at first but started coming up with their primitive way of thinking
Everyone has spoken well. But the bottom line is that in many cases, what people say is different from what they do and the happenings in our society. Nigeria hasn't lost its culture yet, be cultured and respectful when you visit your in-laws, especially for the first time.
There is nothing wrong with what the Pastor has said it's a guide and being overly all over the place on your first visit could send a wrong signal and a visit to in law is not a place to access true behavior of a person if you go deep into culture they already have a load down of your person before your arrival. Getting to know people takes building, research, test and nurturing a relationship with them and find your match. If both parties have trained their children well they would bring home something presentable by God's help. May we not fall victim of two faced humans
My advice, as an individual. Always respect all stakeholders in your life. Show respect in the way you know how or are trained. Ladies, do not ever kill yourself for validation from anyone. Once you start, you will have to keep up till the Lord calls you. Be yourself. Many Nigerian girls show more love to their in laws than their families while Nigerian Men show more love to their family than in laws. Borrow yourselves brain. The only one we should please in any marriage is God. Submit to your own husband. Husband, love your wife. Every other person is a third party- Let no Man…..
The man that is marrying the woman has not set all these tests for the woman he intends to be living with, but it’s the people who will not live with him that are setting internship program for the woman. Just like the ladies o the panel are saying, if you like coach your young daughters to go and pretend, they will show you pepper when they eventually enter the house 😂
She said “even if you are an extrovert you should pretend” My question is why pretend then years down the line you bare your fangs? That’s hypocrisy if you ask me.
All the panelists are saying the same tin as Rev. Adejumo, they're all agreeing and disagreeing with her at the same time cos all she said is simple etiquette required when visiting 👌
Decency and common etiquette is a everyday alway things. Culture dictates norms. In my culture there isn’t much pressure. We are very selective about eating so most of us will not want to be offered food on first meeting. It’s mostly for conversation. If it’s a stay over trip, we will offer our help; it’s then up to the in law to accept or decline. Have the best relationship with my in-law met them as “myself “.
This our generation, e be as e get🤔.......Just be the best of yourself😍. You can't give what you don't have👌, start dropping those bad habits now. Also pray that your village pple will not follow you there😀😀...... Ire o🎉😎
Blend in as a family member. If you are marrying into the family and becoming a new member learn their ways and adopt them. This will be the test of your welcome or rejection and what you believe you can live with. Do not fake being someone you are not. The deception will wear off as soon as you are married and conflict will ensue. Be wise and choose wisely.
Be yourself in a decent and acceptable way and not necessarily pretend.Dont behave to proove that you are yourself.Its about attitude.. Is it an attitude of respect?
Pasor Funke is giving an exact advise she will give to her daughter on her first visit to her in laws. So it is not out of way. I believe she couldn’t find a word better than the “pretend”
Abeg who is this guest lady coming on TV Chatting rubbish. A wise counsel from woman like Pst Adejumo is golden. If you like, don't behave yourself when meeting your inlaws its true in almost every culture across the world. You risk ruining your relationship. I agree that the inlaws expectation is unfavourable to women however
Your language alone shows that you don't listen to wise counsel. You don't even have respect for the Pst Adejumo you are quoting to hide your uncouth self. Look at how you address a woman on TV
Pls, incase oooo... Correction abeg, Who and Who is Pushing for Equality???? Who was equal and who wasn't equal in the first Place?? All this Modern misconception is what derailed our society and landed us to the very Decayed Society we have today. Talking about the Second Speaker. Modernization doesn't mean throwing away our values of old that have guided us (no matter the flaws it might have had) and gave us a Decent Society that we all grew up on (as you in the studio will agreed). So pls, lets be guided and not let this so call Modernization which is misconcepted destroy or decayed us. Be yourself but also know there are things tht are being expected from a man and also from a woman.... Our Holy Books stipulated that and state it clearly for us as a guideline....
As much as I think the conversation is okay, I'm of the opinion that it should be more holistic where tribes beyond Yoruba's so that it can encompassing, why not include men in this conversation?
Lol. If you can prepare for job interviews and not go there and just be yourself, then you can prepare for such meetings too. Everyone knows that you can't judge a book by its cover, but you still pay attention to the cover nonetheless because it can offer you some insights. Otherwise there won't be a need for any interview.
Some people can't eat without dropping food on themselves. A senior nurse met me eating during break that time. I was pregnant then, and loved eating dried cat-fish in my my palm-oyel drenched rice stew. I never knew she had watched me overtime. That day, she said, I love the way you eat, she said, do you know, I can't eat without dropping oil on my cloths. No matter how I tried and that's why she always cover her cloths. We are all just differently framed.
Pastor Funke is an overzealous, clout chaser person who is crazy for an attention.... We need to monitor her daughter and see what she turn to become in her marriage ...her daughter must be her words first before her followers
As a Benin/Yoruba person, i am not a big fan of women acting to impress. A lot of women pretend until you marry them. Why not just let a lady just be herself. Why must she act?
It’s a Yoruba thing .. she told them to pretend to be what they’re not !!!! Really ?? Na wa oooh.. Just because of husband.., please ooh. Just be your self.. It’s better to be oneself. Don’t be too crafty and pretend to be too good and later the in-laws now noticed you are a Tigress !!!!! Singles please be yourselves
Be yourself is profitable if the self is royal and groomed. How will the self be acceptable when it is uncultured and ghetto? Being yourself is good when owner of the self is groomed and regal. The goal is to raise royal humans irrespective of their gender is the goal.
Why should you go to your in-laws house and be garrulous? Can you be before your boss and say i want to be myself? At the end you won't live with your in-laws but your husband. So, what is difficult there to act moral and respectful to them for a day ?
She is the CHAMPION OF PATRIACHY IN NIGERIA. Madam pick me.😂😂 My dear young ladies, marriage is the worst decision you will ever make. STAY away from MARRIAGE . Allow them to call you prostitute, bad woman etc. I promise you, it is better than the alternative.
Actually, marriage is one of the best decisions of my life. Your story mustn't be same as others. Stop giving biased advice based on bitterness and negative mindset please.
There are many things to talk about than wasting time on what Pastor mrs Funke Adejumo said. If you like go and stand on your mother inlaw, no courtesy , wear revelling clothes or go there naked, go for the biggest meat in their pot etc etc , when you turn 40 at home your eyes will clear and receive wisdom. As a Pastor ,she only advised. Remember she used the culture she is conversant with as an example. Enough of this castigation. It is very easy to criticise someone else's script.
I respect and value my self enough to be true to myself wherever I go. I also respect my in-laws and treat them in high esteem. When marrying this together, I am happy and my in laws are happy. When I first met my in-laws, I was a young girl in my early 20s. But I decided to be myself and dress my age. I wanted them to see me as the awesome person that I was, with a touch of crase 😂. My father Inlaw fell in love with me cos he said I wasn’t pretentious. My mother Inlaw hugged me and said I Reminded her of her youth. She re named me England lady, a name she still calls me today.
We should let our children be please. If we do our homework well with our girls and our boys when the time comes the values in them will force itself out. They will be natural not forced. There is no need to pretend, our daughters are not going into the “war front” just because they are going to get married.
The annoying thing is that they have zero expectations for men...pls let women breathe. society is too harsh on women...I love my parents so much,our in-laws are treated well
There is nothing wrong with expecting more from women in this regard. There are other areas where more is expected from men. For instance, men are compulsorily expected to go to war; women are not
@@itiswritten9423I appreciate your reply. Firstly, your first response was very insightful so thank you. Secondly there is absolutely nothing wrong in the real sense of it but as a general rule of thumb, the motive for some of these 'expectations' or 'more' is highly questionable. Do they really foster closeness, unity, togetherness, or even love at its core? Thirdly and finally to answer your question (forgive the long read), I was privileged enough to co-author a research paper on war (it's a much more specific topic than that) and I won't bore you with the details of it, however, it highlighted that men for centuries have been in advantaged positions of leadership, politically and geographically speaking now, and therefore can be blamed for the causes as well as the effects of war (economic implications, genocides, mass rapes, deaths amongst others, and many times these are often carried out on women and children). Can we then say women and children don't also bear the burden of war along with their male counterparts? Let's not delve into medieval times where some kings went to war for such flimsy reasons e g. their ego, and would then make people's sons go fight their fights for them. Now whether or not, women in leadership will do or would have done better might be another paper topic for me😅. Thank you for listening! Much appreciated.
@@enaiagodo9847The real question is, why are the standards different? Male and female job seekers must BOTH comport themselves for an interview. As my dad would fondly say (yes my dad!), "I'm not asking someone's son to come over and weed my compound or wash the cars, so you my daughter are a queen. I raised you all well but you are all royalty." Both genders should just always choose each other and learn to be of service when in such situations but not that 'more is demanded' from either gender in the real sense of it.
It definitely depends on the family. If you decide to sweep when I came then just follow through. I’m also there to make sure I can deal with your family. So all these little games would have had my parents pulling me to the side and asking me to be guided. They know how they raised me and I’m sorry all this does not impress my family. In fact they might think you have nothing else to offer and you’re desperate 😂😂😂😂😂 I remember my cousin on the morning after her traditional wedding her mother in law knocked on the door at the crack of dawn to sweep the compound. Let’s just say mama was not prepared for the advice she got from her new daughter in law. I feel Pastor Funke is actually teaching girls to be deceitful. Deceitful and then what? Show the young man her true colors after marriage? It is ungodly to even suggest she pretends. Good manners are not tied to how well you pretend. As Nema pointed out, it depends on the family. We do not kneel to greet anybody in our family. My aunty who was Hausa (God rest her beautiful soul) used to do it when she first married my uncle and he always used to tell her to stop. Eventually she did. Whether you’re an extrovert or introvert, it really doesn’t matter. Either one should mind their manners and minding your manners does not mean pretending. I think what I have realized about many aspects of the culture is that people don’t really understand respect. It’s just grand gestures and eye service. My advise to young girls is to be careful. Be fully aware that you’re not going for the first visit to be inspected like a prize cow. You should go there to also see what you might deal with. The man you’re with might be totally different without his family’s influence. How his family behaves is very important to your decision to be forever tied to them.
Really people define respect with respect to that particular culture. Which is of course is not standardised. Because what is acceptable in a particularly culture may be wrongdoing somewhere else.
I think it's important to understand what respect means in people's culture. When you go to other people's place, you treat them in the way respect means to them and not what it means to you.
They compel the woman to know everything yet their son's knows nothing. That is why most Nigeria men are easily divorced when they go overseas because they know nothing of how to take care of the most minor thing at home.
I stand with the pastor! Their position on the issue easily reveals why many homes are the way it is today. 😢😢😢 me me me,my my my😢😢😢! Thanks to Morayo and Nyma for their understanding cultural wise🎉.
Respectfully, what they shared on this discussion is not responsible for the state of marriages today. It's mothers who propagate the Patriarchal system that make their sons feel entitled in the marriage.
I love extroverts. You want a daughter in law you can hang out with and enjoy life with. Eventually your DIL or BIL will be the manager of your son or brothers house, if she likes you, you will enjoy your son and brother better. This fake pretentious persona will make her comfortable around you and probably cut you off
I eagree. There are areas where women get preferential treatment than men. For instance, in the event of war, men are required to fight while women are not. In fact, women are protected. If a woman's car breaks down on the road, men are more willing to assist her than if it's a man whose car broke down.
During my 1st visit, I didn't see the kitchen o. I ate pounded Yam. It was a go-come visit, from Akure to Okitipupa. For me, it wasn't an audition, it was a loving loving visit. My 1st visit was part of the reason I married my husband.
You can’t please everybody, for you to think that you can please all your African in-laws is a joke just do what you can, and be yourself even when a woman is the bread winner in the family sometimes African in-laws will still find fault.
I think the best way to go about it either woman or man is to act naturally the way you will behave with your mother or father. You don’t need to pretend and act as if you are going in for an interview. People can easily know when you are acting. Have a good conversation with your mother-in-law and appreciate your father-in-law That will have a lasting impression on them. They will know you the first day instead of being known later when you display your real self.
People should be reasonable please. I see nothing wrong in all Pst Funke said...respect them and be careful of the impression you will give them about yourself.
Just picture this: the bride is a white lady or a billionaires child- If she finishes the food will they judge her - would they be happy she likes the food? Wouldn’t they ask if she wants more? If she looks around will they judge her If she talks with they judge her If she doesn’t answer short answers will they judge her Mshewwww Leave people alone! Marriage is not food Don’t ever put yourself in a situation that you wouldn’t be yourself.
Unfortunately, several prospective in-laws in Africa are judgemental especially the senior women except for a pre arranged marriage between both families. I think Pastor Funke was erring on the side of caution because these double standards are real factsssss. The lady needs to pass the entrance examination first. The getting-to-know part is going to take years, even decades after the marriage.The lady should also evaluate her in laws too during that first meeting to decide whether she is willing to go ahead with the package deal or not.
Exactly what I said when it was posted on my family WhatsApp group. Is it maidship we are auditioning for abeg? Which one is put your head down. Ha, on top of what?
No matter what you do for them , if they don't like you, they don't like you o o . It is when they like you that they will appreciate whatever you do.
Gbam! And if they don't like you, the best and most reasonable thing to do is walk away and leave their son alone but love won't let some women think straight and that's how they spend the next couple of decades unaccepted but tolerated by their in laws instead of embraced with love and respect. The matter long but I'll stop here
You are not doing it for them to like you, you are going it to show that you have cultural manners. If they don't like you, that's their own business.
Gbam you can't please some in-laws no matter what you do!
Thank you for this statement o
Don't pretend. Be yourself. Don't start what you can't finish.
Very true
Simple
To my future daughter in law
You are blessed and highly favoured.
I will treat you like my own daughter infact, we are going to be teammates😊
My daughter(s) in-laws are blessed to have me. Just be good enough for the Holy Ghost.
I love you already Mummy-In-Law in advance❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥
To my future daughter in law, I will not put you under pressure. My home will be your home. Yours is to be a daughter just like my biological daughter. I am more interested in a good heart than a wonderful performance to impress me 😂😂😂❤. If you don't know how to cook, that can be learned.
Thank you Mummy-In Law in advance...I love you already❤❤❤🔥❤🔥. Please take your flowers💐🌻🌺🥀🌹🏵🌷🌼. I know how to cook and clean though but don't enjoy doing them anymore.
You are amazing and would be warm to live with
YK..... ❤😂🎉 Me that was a parrot. 😅😅
Amazing😢
Thanks ma
As a leader and Pastor, I totally understand where Pst Adejumo is coming from.
The reality is that a lot of young people these days lack basic 'home training'. The things we think are 'common sense' are no longer common again. A lot of young people are not being raised by parents anymore. Many do not understand basic ethics of respect for elders, social etiquettes and the likes.
Some people go for job interviews and don't know the appropriate behaviors.
As a Pastor, you meet with all kinds of people from different backgrounds week in, week out. Hence, we are tasked with teaching basic morals and etiquettes even in Church. This is why Pst Adejumo is having to teach this.
If you listen to other teachings of hers, she speaks a lot on being confident as a woman, being yourself, knowing your worth, etc. She has championed the empowerment of women.
I think her comments here are just a context thing within our culture of respect.
A simple rule is.... be yourself.
💯
Ah… no o
In purpose of this, it comes with advantages and disadvantages
I would rather say you should observe
Correct! For how many years will you pretend and be in bondage
Moderation is key! If you finish the food and eats like you are hungry, trust me you will collect when you eventually married the man and you have issues with such in laws. Trust me, they will discuss you when you leave there, be wise . Don't eat carelessly, if accident happened, that is understandable.
Everything Pastor Funke said does mean you should be timid but rather be courteous.
@Amaka, saying you brought gifts when you came for your audition, was that after you have been selected as part of the crew or what? That could mean your gifts influenced the decision to select you above others.
Pst. Funke is not saying pretend but be displomatic!
Nyma- thanks as always!
She used the word pretend!
Let’s call a spade a spade
Two things can be true
Some of us won't eat at all. I have to know you enough, be comfortable with you to eat in someone's house. So if you actually have people eating when they visit you be grateful. Telling someone not to finish their food, what is the point? Then what will happen to the food you left over? it means it will be thrown away? That is food waste, too many people can't even afford a meal. I think we should all be careful of assumptions and perspectives.
I think the one word that is causing this discussion is where she said “pretend” most people are taking it out of context. Even with Amaka’s gift giving gift, she won’t go to her in laws place jumping up and down showing her real color that first visit.
@@Gray_Studytube: that pretend too is good. Some of us need to really stem down our hyperactivities.
The remaining 3 women were deceiving us except 1 person. statement of the pastor mrs is what every african parent will tell their daugther to do.
I appreciate Morayo's stance the most, I mean, why are we all pretending like we didn't grow up hearing all these things from our parents? When you go out for interviews or you have an opportunity to meet the president, if you were naturally nasty and disrespectful, will you go there and "be yourself", won't you try to put up a good First impression? Amaka agrees with her but even in your disagreement you are still saying the same thing she said. She didn't say be timid, she just said, be careful and don't be too forward. Simples. Morayo, I love your shoes, they are giving.
you know the funniest thing about this video is that it is not even a recent video and the way it is being dissected kinda shocked me. everyone is acting like these things were not inculcated into us while growing up. Meeting your inlaws for the first time is a big deal especially if there is a high indication that marriage is the goal. Nigeria is even still cool. You wanna try Asians?
Later..love 💕 the dress...photo Sabinus
Thank you madam YK, I love your conversation because you nail It is not good to be pretending.
Just be yourself. And be kind to them. See them as your new family, not a set of people ready to fight you. Love will conquer all tings. Most inlaws will respect and love you if you show love and are real, genuine.
I really love your point of view Amaka.No need for pretence at all.
Thank God she said in her culture. So I am from the Great Igbo Nation, in my land humans (males and females) do not bow to greet other humans, so I did not kneel or act in a particular way, I was myself. Very relaxed, I did not even know people had to act. I do not expect my daughter in law to act off, except the usual good behavior everyone should have whether it’s in law or anywhere one needs to make first impression. When you pretend too much, my people could become suspicious
FALSE!
In the traditional Igbo marriage - Igba nkwu, do the women not kneel to serve their to-be husbands palm wine??
If you decide to "be yourself" that's fine and is your right. But you can't speak for the entire Igbo nation of over 20 million individuals.
@@Wils0n_ I think they are talking about first visit to the in-laws and not traditional marriage yet.
@@Wils0n_
Thanks for your observation, but to serve their husband-to-be wine in a single setting to make a statement of respect is different from kneeling down to greet him (or others) whenever he appears or you encounter them.
Ndigbo DO NOT kneel to greet people; this is truth. It doesn’t mean that cultures that do so are wrong or right; it’s just different. Igbo world view.
😂😂😂😂This is funny to me sha .....cos i offered to wash plate, they said i should not worry, and i did noy force it( my family did not like it sha😂), we were even lodged in a guest house.and i have the best Inlaws ....but Pastor Funke is right sha
Pastor Mrs Adejumo is saying the truth, she is #100% right.don't argue on what is not thank.
They are just pretending. Do they pray that their male child should bring home someone that will come and be too extra.
In my time i didn't pretend at all but my mother-in-law accepted me without questioning even when she would have preferred a core church girl. I was always cheerful to the core.
COMMON SENSE AND COURTESY!
Lol Im youruba and I kneel down to greet my elders but I think Pastor Funke exaggerated it 😂😂😂.... One shoes does not fit all... I did all that to my inlaws but they didn't like me 😂😂😂... Everyone go dey alright . The relationship is better now but trust me I did all these things she said and thats who i am and how I was trained . If they dont like you they dont ...they like me at first but started coming up with their primitive way of thinking
My sister 😂
Everyone has spoken well. But the bottom line is that in many cases, what people say is different from what they do and the happenings in our society.
Nigeria hasn't lost its culture yet, be cultured and respectful when you visit your in-laws, especially for the first time.
There is nothing wrong with what the Pastor has said it's a guide and being overly all over the place on your first visit could send a wrong signal and a visit to in law is not a place to access true behavior of a person if you go deep into culture they already have a load down of your person before your arrival. Getting to know people takes building, research, test and nurturing a relationship with them and find your match. If both parties have trained their children well they would bring home something presentable by God's help. May we not fall victim of two faced humans
My advice, as an individual. Always respect all stakeholders in your life. Show respect in the way you know how or are trained.
Ladies, do not ever kill yourself for validation from anyone. Once you start, you will have to keep up till the Lord calls you. Be yourself.
Many Nigerian girls show more love to their in laws than their families while Nigerian Men show more love to their family than in laws. Borrow yourselves brain.
The only one we should please in any marriage is God. Submit to your own husband. Husband, love your wife. Every other person is a third party- Let no Man…..
The man that is marrying the woman has not set all these tests for the woman he intends to be living with, but it’s the people who will not live with him that are setting internship program for the woman. Just like the ladies o the panel are saying, if you like coach your young daughters to go and pretend, they will show you pepper when they eventually enter the house 😂
Hypo jik😂
She said “even if you are an extrovert you should pretend” My question is why pretend then years down the line you bare your fangs? That’s hypocrisy if you ask me.
She said be diplomatic
All the panelists are saying the same tin as Rev. Adejumo, they're all agreeing and disagreeing with her at the same time cos all she said is simple etiquette required when visiting 👌
What a performance! Lol. Some of it is common courtesy.
Do what you can do and not be a different person. As I come to your house treat me as a first time visitor.
Decency and common etiquette is a everyday alway things. Culture dictates norms. In my culture there isn’t much pressure. We are very selective about eating so most of us will not want to be offered food on first meeting. It’s mostly for conversation. If it’s a stay over trip, we will offer our help; it’s then up to the in law to accept or decline. Have the best relationship with my in-law met them as “myself “.
As a Yoruba man I totally agreed with the Pastor
I agreed with pastor funke
This our generation, e be as e get🤔.......Just be the best of yourself😍. You can't give what you don't have👌, start dropping those bad habits now. Also pray that your village pple will not follow you there😀😀...... Ire o🎉😎
I just came across this, what about unless that pretend they like the lady. After the wedding they start to show that they don't like you.
Blend in as a family member. If you are marrying into the family and becoming a new member learn their ways and adopt them. This will be the test of your welcome or rejection and what you believe you can live with. Do not fake being someone you are not. The deception will wear off as soon as you are married and conflict will ensue. Be wise and choose wisely.
Be yourself in a decent and acceptable way and not necessarily pretend.Dont behave to proove that you are yourself.Its about attitude..
Is it an attitude of respect?
Pasor Funke is giving an exact advise she will give to her daughter on her first visit to her in laws. So it is not out of way. I believe she couldn’t find a word better than the “pretend”
The truth is, either way this is spun, she is actually right. Her choice of words though 👀
Abeg who is this guest lady coming on TV Chatting rubbish. A wise counsel from woman like Pst Adejumo is golden. If you like, don't behave yourself when meeting your inlaws its true in almost every culture across the world. You risk ruining your relationship. I agree that the inlaws expectation is unfavourable to women however
Your language alone shows that you don't listen to wise counsel. You don't even have respect for the Pst Adejumo you are quoting to hide your uncouth self. Look at how you address a woman on TV
No kneeling 🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️
Everyone RELAX
That's the opposite in the Western world.
If you had not stayed for the weekend, it would have been different experience, am sure Mr. Bright did not stay overnight
Please why are all these episodes incomplete
Thank you ma we are doing each other a favour..but the men make it look like is one sided...
AMAKA is very beautiful..oo😊
Pls, incase oooo... Correction abeg,
Who and Who is Pushing for Equality????
Who was equal and who wasn't equal in the first Place??
All this Modern misconception is what derailed our society and landed us to the very Decayed Society we have today.
Talking about the Second Speaker.
Modernization doesn't mean throwing away our values of old that have guided us (no matter the flaws it might have had) and gave us a Decent Society that we all grew up on (as you in the studio will agreed).
So pls, lets be guided and not let this so call Modernization which is misconcepted destroy or decayed us.
Be yourself but also know there are things tht are being expected from a man and also from a woman.... Our Holy Books stipulated that and state it clearly for us as a guideline....
I will rather be myself than to pretend,
As much as I think the conversation is okay, I'm of the opinion that it should be more holistic where tribes beyond Yoruba's so that it can encompassing, why not include men in this conversation?
Well Igbos we don't pretend please l advise don't play timid be yourself and be modest in your entire actions.
Lol. If you can prepare for job interviews and not go there and just be yourself, then you can prepare for such meetings too.
Everyone knows that you can't judge a book by its cover, but you still pay attention to the cover nonetheless because it can offer you some insights.
Otherwise there won't be a need for any interview.
Am listening 🎧
Some people can't eat without dropping food on themselves. A senior nurse met me eating during break that time. I was pregnant then, and loved eating dried cat-fish in my my palm-oyel drenched rice stew. I never knew she had watched me overtime. That day, she said, I love the way you eat, she said, do you know, I can't eat without dropping oil on my cloths. No matter how I tried and that's why she always cover her cloths. We are all just differently framed.
Pastor Funke is an overzealous, clout chaser person who is crazy for an attention.... We need to monitor her daughter and see what she turn to become in her marriage ...her daughter must be her words first before her followers
Morayo forget that quietness jare
60% of quite people I have meet in life are very mean and wicked jare
Who told you 60% , I can tell you 99% are very wicked and dangerous
The idea that going to visit the parents or family of a prospective spouse is an 'audition?'😢 audition ke?
As a Benin/Yoruba person, i am not a big fan of women acting to impress. A lot of women pretend until you marry them. Why not just let a lady just be herself. Why must she act?
Teaching ladies how to pretend, hmm
It’s a Yoruba thing .. she told them to pretend to be what they’re not !!!! Really ?? Na wa oooh.. Just because of husband.., please ooh.
Just be your self.. It’s better to be oneself. Don’t be too crafty and pretend to be too good and later the in-laws now noticed you are a Tigress !!!!! Singles please be yourselves
Be yourself is profitable if the self is royal and groomed. How will the self be acceptable when it is uncultured and ghetto? Being yourself is good when owner of the self is groomed and regal. The goal is to raise royal humans irrespective of their gender is the goal.
Why should you go to your in-laws house and be garrulous?
Can you be before your boss and say i want to be myself?
At the end you won't live with your in-laws but your husband.
So, what is difficult there to act moral and respectful to them for a day ?
This is not biblical
I pity Pastor Funke's daughter in laws
😂😂😂Sebi her son’s wife is a RUclipsr
Her daughter in law's are having the best of their lives. If you don't agree with her stick to your opinion
So don't be yourself. Enter marriage with deception 😬.
Recipe for foundation of a great marriage 🤔
It is well, using your personal experience to genaralize i do not think is right. Just be yourself or this pretence is a no no for me.
Act fake? God will expose your true colors .
That's why they have a lot of problems after marriage, no pretence
She is the CHAMPION OF PATRIACHY IN NIGERIA.
Madam pick me.😂😂
My dear young ladies, marriage is the worst decision you will ever make. STAY away from MARRIAGE .
Allow them to call you prostitute, bad woman etc.
I promise you, it is better than the alternative.
Finally, someone who thinks like me
Actually, marriage is one of the best decisions of my life. Your story mustn't be same as others. Stop giving biased advice based on bitterness and negative mindset please.
@@makuochukwuabiaeme1186good for you. Accept the fact that that institution is not for everyone
Advice no be curse sha...
There are many things to talk about than wasting time on what Pastor mrs Funke Adejumo said. If you like go and stand on your mother inlaw, no courtesy , wear revelling clothes or go there naked, go for the biggest meat in their pot etc etc , when you turn 40 at home your eyes will clear and receive wisdom.
As a Pastor ,she only advised. Remember she used the culture she is conversant with as an example. Enough of this castigation. It is very easy to criticise someone else's script.
God bless you. I love your comment
I respect and value my self enough to be true to myself wherever I go. I also respect my in-laws and treat them in high esteem. When marrying this together, I am happy and my in laws are happy.
When I first met my in-laws, I was a young girl in my early 20s. But I decided to be myself and dress my age. I wanted them to see me as the awesome person that I was, with a touch of crase 😂. My father Inlaw fell in love with me cos he said I wasn’t pretentious. My mother Inlaw hugged me and said I Reminded her of her youth. She re named me England lady, a name she still calls me today.
We should let our children be please. If we do our homework well with our girls and our boys when the time comes the values in them will force itself out. They will be natural not forced. There is no need to pretend, our daughters are not going into the “war front” just because they are going to get married.
You come to my house and you're too perfect, it won't work for me. Relax
We should learn to keep first impression that last, but without hypocrisy
The annoying thing is that they have zero expectations for men...pls let women breathe. society is too harsh on women...I love my parents so much,our in-laws are treated well
Truee
There is nothing wrong with expecting more from women in this regard.
There are other areas where more is expected from men. For instance, men are compulsorily expected to go to war; women are not
@@itiswritten9423we understand you. A question though, who causes most wars?
@@ijafiadabenhirki6786
I don't know. Do you know what causes most wars?
@@itiswritten9423I appreciate your reply.
Firstly, your first response was very insightful so thank you.
Secondly there is absolutely nothing wrong in the real sense of it but as a general rule of thumb, the motive for some of these 'expectations' or 'more' is highly questionable. Do they really foster closeness, unity, togetherness, or even love at its core?
Thirdly and finally to answer your question (forgive the long read), I was privileged enough to co-author a research paper on war (it's a much more specific topic than that) and I won't bore you with the details of it, however, it highlighted that men for centuries have been in advantaged positions of leadership, politically and geographically speaking now, and therefore can be blamed for the causes as well as the effects of war (economic implications, genocides, mass rapes, deaths amongst others, and many times these are often carried out on women and children).
Can we then say women and children don't also bear the burden of war along with their male counterparts?
Let's not delve into medieval times where some kings went to war for such flimsy reasons e g. their ego, and would then make people's sons go fight their fights for them.
Now whether or not, women in leadership will do or would have done better might be another paper topic for me😅.
Thank you for listening! Much appreciated.
Some family are terrible to marry you can never please them. The really want a maid and not a wife
Exactly
Just be polite, nice and be yourself. The lady is someone’s daughter for heaven’s sakes: she is not auditioning to be a maid!!
This Nyma is so funny and confident in herself, things I love to see🥰🥰
It's senior women giving examination to the younger ladies. The men are not critical
Lol. Big Belle.
What Past Adejumo is talking about is about the culture.
No she teaches pretence
According to this video
@deborahidowu2056 Is it pretense to comport yourself properly at an interview?
@@enaiagodo9847The real question is, why are the standards different? Male and female job seekers must BOTH comport themselves for an interview. As my dad would fondly say (yes my dad!), "I'm not asking someone's son to come over and weed my compound or wash the cars, so you my daughter are a queen. I raised you all well but you are all royalty."
Both genders should just always choose each other and learn to be of service when in such situations but not that 'more is demanded' from either gender in the real sense of it.
It definitely depends on the family. If you decide to sweep when I came then just follow through. I’m also there to make sure I can deal with your family. So all these little games would have had my parents pulling me to the side and asking me to be guided. They know how they raised me and I’m sorry all this does not impress my family. In fact they might think you have nothing else to offer and you’re desperate 😂😂😂😂😂 I remember my cousin on the morning after her traditional wedding her mother in law knocked on the door at the crack of dawn to sweep the compound. Let’s just say mama was not prepared for the advice she got from her new daughter in law. I feel Pastor Funke is actually teaching girls to be deceitful. Deceitful and then what? Show the young man her true colors after marriage? It is ungodly to even suggest she pretends. Good manners are not tied to how well you pretend. As Nema pointed out, it depends on the family. We do not kneel to greet anybody in our family. My aunty who was Hausa (God rest her beautiful soul) used to do it when she first married my uncle and he always used to tell her to stop. Eventually she did. Whether you’re an extrovert or introvert, it really doesn’t matter. Either one should mind their manners and minding your manners does not mean pretending. I think what I have realized about many aspects of the culture is that people don’t really understand respect. It’s just grand gestures and eye service. My advise to young girls is to be careful. Be fully aware that you’re not going for the first visit to be inspected like a prize cow. You should go there to also see what you might deal with. The man you’re with might be totally different without his family’s influence. How his family behaves is very important to your decision to be forever tied to them.
Totally totally totally 100% agree. Gbam. What type of advice is that? What the heck?
❤❤❤
Really people define respect with respect to that particular culture. Which is of course is not standardised. Because what is acceptable in a particularly culture may be wrongdoing somewhere else.
Exactly my opinion just be you no pretence because such person will have a problem with the in law
My opinion is just to be composed without pretense. Be naturally real to your inlaws during the visit.
I like Amaka's points. She balanced it well
The pressure is too much on women just for validation. Just do what you know how to do, be yourself, and do the right thing.
We know your kind.....You better go and get home training because that's how some of you nowadays laddie don't want and will never learn
Just be the best version of yourself. Let's be kind and less judgemental, too. There's no😊 need to fake it.
You can never please them. So just try and do the right things
This teaching is extreme. For ladies to be timid before their inlaws
God forbids it
I think it's important to understand what respect means in people's culture. When you go to other people's place, you treat them in the way respect means to them and not what it means to you.
& when you don't meet up to their cultural standard of showing respect you're labeled as disrespectful right?
❤🎉
They compel the woman to know everything yet their son's knows nothing. That is why most Nigeria men are easily divorced when they go overseas because they know nothing of how to take care of the most minor thing at home.
@@anthoniasegun7000 Overseas...most Nigerian ladies are sick 😷
I do not agree with Amaka. What Pastor Adejumo said is for you to behave yourself that’s all
I stand with the pastor! Their position on the issue easily reveals why many homes are the way it is today. 😢😢😢 me me me,my my my😢😢😢!
Thanks to Morayo and Nyma for their understanding cultural wise🎉.
Respectfully, what they shared on this discussion is not responsible for the state of marriages today. It's mothers who propagate the Patriarchal system that make their sons feel entitled in the marriage.
I love extroverts. You want a daughter in law you can hang out with and enjoy life with. Eventually your DIL or BIL will be the manager of your son or brothers house, if she likes you, you will enjoy your son and brother better. This fake pretentious persona will make her comfortable around you and probably cut you off
I totally disagree with Pastor Adejumo. Why the need to test or watch the poor girl?? Why these nonsense? Looking down for what? Is she a slave??
Amaka, thank you so much. I love your point. God bless you
Our culture treats men and women differently. Simple as that. It is not right vs wrong. That is just the way it is.
I eagree. There are areas where women get preferential treatment than men. For instance, in the event of war, men are required to fight while women are not. In fact, women are protected.
If a woman's car breaks down on the road, men are more willing to assist her than if it's a man whose car broke down.
During my 1st visit, I didn't see the kitchen o. I ate pounded Yam. It was a go-come visit, from Akure to Okitipupa. For me, it wasn't an audition, it was a loving loving visit. My 1st visit was part of the reason I married my husband.
Hmmm, Dear God! I covet this experience
You can’t please everybody, for you to think that you can please all your African in-laws is a joke just do what you can, and be yourself even when a woman is the bread winner in the family sometimes African in-laws will still find fault.
I think the best way to go about it either woman or man is to act naturally the way you will behave with your mother or father. You don’t need to pretend and act as if you are going in for an interview. People can easily know when you are acting. Have a good conversation with your mother-in-law and appreciate your father-in-law That will have a lasting impression on them. They will know you the first day instead of being known later when you display your real self.
People should be reasonable please. I see nothing wrong in all Pst Funke said...respect them and be careful of the impression you will give them about yourself.
Hehehe😂 be yourself, witches amd wizards will still be witches and wizards . Allow women breath
Just picture this: the bride is a white lady or a billionaires child-
If she finishes the food will they judge her - would they be happy she likes the food? Wouldn’t they ask if she wants more?
If she looks around will they judge her
If she talks with they judge her
If she doesn’t answer short answers will they judge her
Mshewwww
Leave people alone! Marriage is not food
Don’t ever put yourself in a situation that you wouldn’t be yourself.
💯
Best comment....
If you come to my house and waste food I will think you don't like the food.
This food aspect is not entirely true
I simply love my sons, and trust their choice and want to love my daughter in law.. be yourself.
She’s not even a Nigerian 😂.. let there be love jare
Unfortunately, several prospective in-laws in Africa are judgemental especially the senior women except for a pre arranged marriage between both families.
I think Pastor Funke was erring on the side of caution because these double standards are real factsssss.
The lady needs to pass the entrance examination first. The getting-to-know part is going to take years, even decades after the marriage.The lady should also evaluate her in laws too during that first meeting to decide whether she is willing to go ahead with the package deal or not.
I love this esp the last part
Exactly what I said when it was posted on my family WhatsApp group. Is it maidship we are auditioning for abeg? Which one is put your head down. Ha, on top of what?