Show me your friends & What did you think would happen | Humans are space Orcs | HFY | TFOS1001

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  • @mrcannon3218
    @mrcannon3218 3 года назад +291

    "Humans are born diplomats." In the words of a human in a diffirent story: "Because we have seen the alternatives".

    • @МихаилРозов-ю9п
      @МихаилРозов-ю9п 3 года назад +21

      And those 40 mentioned colonies are the space that was free in the Orion arm from the first story.

    • @dulizardglasses3170
      @dulizardglasses3170 2 года назад +4

      Warcrimes, plenty of warcrimes.

    • @CT-1035
      @CT-1035 2 года назад +4

      @@dulizardglasses3170 not war crimes, fun parties

    • @crowsenpai5625
      @crowsenpai5625 2 года назад +4

      “We know what happens without ample diplomacy. We’ve lived it, and we’d like to be done with it for good now. So let’s all just play nice, please.”

  • @matthewklestinski7030
    @matthewklestinski7030 3 года назад +193

    Humans will fight to the death over the last piece of pizza, let alone warp capability. "What were you thinking?" is so very apt.

    • @drewahrens3141
      @drewahrens3141 3 года назад +16

      Ain't that the truth, nearly did get into a fist fight over a pizza once.

    • @ReaperofValhalla
      @ReaperofValhalla 3 года назад +15

      I got decked by my brother over the last crab leg and I bitch slapped our friend over the last cinnamon roll. My dad had plastic cup thrown at his head by my little 11 year old sister for only ice cream cup and my mom threw a sandals at my brother over a kit cat.
      All this fighting over everyone favorite food but never over pizza

    • @firedirewolf
      @firedirewolf 3 года назад +5

      Reminded me of the story of a family reunion that someone had with a large family and 5 people tried to stab the last piece of meat when the lights went out, one reached for it... they were trying to be hospitable but lost it with the lights going out and a dood went to the hospital for 3 forks and two knives in his hand

    • @LordGertz
      @LordGertz 2 года назад +5

      Also the last egg roll. I have seen a friendship end over an egg roll and a couple break up over pizza (she got the wrong type and he took the last piece). I also saw a knife fight once over the taking of the last beer.

  • @RioDrake
    @RioDrake 3 года назад +112

    The fact these can both be about the exact same humans is perfect.

    • @sridevimogilineedii
      @sridevimogilineedii 3 года назад +10

      Yeah, both the creatures(attackers) are scaled, and could be zars...

  • @taitano12
    @taitano12 3 года назад +90

    The second story is funnier when you think that there was one thing that wasn't on the list that would be off the charts; classifyable behavior, or predictably. There's no way to tell if we'll keep that grudge or not, and it doesn't matter anyway. The best case scenario is The United Federation of Hold My Beer. Worst case is Warhammer 40K.
    Either way, that commander done screwed up. 😂
    Edit: Even the peaceful "Federation" outcome would open with a war before we figured out it was a misunderstanding.

    • @brendamayfuller8803
      @brendamayfuller8803 3 года назад +25

      A robotic ship jumps into the Sol System and starts broadcasting. "Dear humans, a madman escaped an asylum on one of our worlds and managed to commandeer a flotilla of our ships by pretending to be a captain. We are really sorry, and want to make up for any misunderstandings. There's a couple perfectly suitable Deathwo... ah human habitable worlds we would happily cede to you if you could just not ah.. blow up any of our planets? Please?

    • @Crazylom
      @Crazylom 3 года назад +13

      @@brendamayfuller8803 I mean, they consider Earth deathworld. Others must be at least not as bad

    • @PeterSchild
      @PeterSchild 10 месяцев назад

  • @scotteggert9820
    @scotteggert9820 3 года назад +136

    "We are trying, We are really trying.". That was a very subtle threat if I ever heard one. As for the second story: Well, that is what we do and we are fatally curious about new things.

    • @Caercutta30
      @Caercutta30 3 года назад +3

      I would do it. No regrets.

    • @cactusmuffinwarrior6589
      @cactusmuffinwarrior6589 3 года назад +10

      I mean, how many people died trying to be the first person on the north/south pole of earth? Now imagine how many people would be wiling to sacrifice themselves for this kind of achievement...

    • @zyanidwarfare5634
      @zyanidwarfare5634 3 года назад +11

      “Ooh what’s this big red button that’s covered and locked by 3 seperate locks do? I wanna press it!”
      That’s how humans are, and that’s why aliens can’t leave a human unsupervised with things they don’t know about and would be curious about because a human would press a button out of sheer curiosity and cause a entire planet to explode

    • @viwererschoice4454
      @viwererschoice4454 2 года назад +2

      The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd.

    • @westcoaststacker569
      @westcoaststacker569 Год назад +2

      We sacrifice for intelligence, WW2 sailors would enter booby trapped subs to acquire code books, Enigma Machine etc...

  • @MrGoesBoom
    @MrGoesBoom 3 года назад +94

    I really like the second one...though the fact that after getting his face rubbed in just how massively he screwed up ( cause humans very much so DO hold grudges...and giving us something to band against beyond ourselves....well that's gonna get ugly fast ) and all he can say is 'sorry'....

  • @RealArcalian
    @RealArcalian 3 года назад +25

    Greetings Mentlegent!
    For the Rhythm that is Algo
    Story 1: The Dinosaur Men are nicer than us. Be warned.
    Story 2: It was at this moment that the alien captain knew, he screwed up.

  • @Cretaal
    @Cretaal 3 года назад +37

    10 out of 10 aggression? But that would mean we invariably attack on sight and that's just not-SPIDER! BIG FEKKIN SPIDER!.. Ok it's dead... now where was I?

    • @drewahrens3141
      @drewahrens3141 3 года назад +4

      lol that is my exact reaction to spiders to a T.

    • @Crazylom
      @Crazylom 3 года назад +6

      Maybe 8 outta 10. 10 would mean...uuh...uuUUHHH..
      AAAAAAAAAAA

    • @Shouziroku
      @Shouziroku 3 года назад

      @@Crazylom yeah we're a 7-8.

    • @lupaswolfshead9971
      @lupaswolfshead9971 Год назад

      Hahaha

    • @logangraham2956
      @logangraham2956 9 месяцев назад

      i'd say 8 out of 10.
      i personally am perfectly fine with spiders so long as they're not on me.
      they're fine as long as they don't touch me, if they touch me it will result in one or both of us being dead.

  • @Monster_Ink
    @Monster_Ink 3 года назад +31

    The first one was kind of wholesome at the end there XD
    I laughed a little with the last one XD
    For the algorithm!

  • @James-bw4np
    @James-bw4np 3 года назад +34

    Someone should make that girl an ambassador!

    • @alexs5814
      @alexs5814 3 года назад +3

      She's already that companies mascot^^.
      That'll be enough^^

    • @delvinciposterkid
      @delvinciposterkid 3 года назад +6

      i'd suspect Ambassador Myrtle Papadakis was the girl.

    • @sridevimogilineedii
      @sridevimogilineedii 3 года назад +4

      I think that she was the ambassador that told the story

    • @GeorgeMenegakis
      @GeorgeMenegakis 3 года назад +4

      @@delvinciposterkid Hello, I'm the author of the story. Myrtle Papadakis, the ambassador, was indeed the little girl that peed herself from excitement meeting the Zars :)

  • @seanpeacock4290
    @seanpeacock4290 3 года назад +73

    The second story is why space captains should be more like Picard and less like Kirk.

    • @henrypaleveda7760
      @henrypaleveda7760 3 года назад +17

      I mean kirk was a great captain but a bad officer, whereas Picard was a good captian and an excellent officer.

    • @spacetechempire510
      @spacetechempire510 3 года назад +15

      Ya I think a kirk would be best suitable in peace time as a patrols ships captain. While in war give him the flag ship.

    • @calvingreene90
      @calvingreene90 3 года назад +8

      Kirk is the better troubleshooter giving him one of the most powerful ships in the fleet and sending him into the unknown should have resulted in disaster but Kirk had plot armor.

  • @calvingreene90
    @calvingreene90 3 года назад +44

    "Believe me when I say to you I hope the Russians love their children too"
    The Zars love our children too.

    • @alanb8884
      @alanb8884 Год назад +1

      Great reference.

    • @seldonwright4345
      @seldonwright4345 Год назад +1

      No known species can resist a little girl. Giggling the second weapon. Tears is worse

    • @csi1392
      @csi1392 Год назад +1

      ALL HUMANS GENERALLY LOVE THEIR CHILDREN. CITIZENS DO NOT START WARS LEADERS START WARS

    • @kain7759
      @kain7759 Год назад +1

      @@csi1392 And always for their own gain, never for the people.

  • @jurgenkaja8824
    @jurgenkaja8824 3 года назад +24

    The island on the first story is in greece and the human ambassador is called papadakis which is a common surname as well in greece

    • @TrueFork
      @TrueFork 3 года назад +4

      reference to the Delian league probably, the Greek federation against the Persian Empire. It probably implies "we have a better fleet than you"

  • @robertschumacher2707
    @robertschumacher2707 Год назад +1

    For the second story: "Hey it might not be all bad. We do have a saying that goes 'Never ascribe to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity.'

  • @kennethhummel4409
    @kennethhummel4409 3 года назад +11

    And they passed off the monkeys again and left presents!

  • @MadHatter-ie3re
    @MadHatter-ie3re 3 года назад +12

    You know what I recently noticed oh voice of heaven? (It's you Agro, i;m talking about you)
    Since I once did all that YT gunf I found one of my lost socks. And then another. And another.
    Is it your doing?
    Love your videos and have a nice day/night!

    • @AgroSquerril
      @AgroSquerril  3 года назад +2

      Glad you enjoy , have a good one. No comment relating to the socks

  • @ts25679
    @ts25679 3 года назад +20

    As the years drag on am I really starting to think Ozymandias from the Watchmen had the right idea. I want us to come together as a species and sort our shit out before everything is FUBAR, but I also don't want people to have to give up cultural/national identities to become a homogeneous soup. Giving us an external "Them" that reminds "Us" we are all human and on the same side is so tantalising.

    • @noppornwongrassamee8941
      @noppornwongrassamee8941 2 года назад

      I think current events are showing Ozymandias' plan was a pipe dream. We really wouldn't have come together like he thought we would, especially in the face of a "threat" that wasn't really a threat and would becoming increasingly obvious with time wasn't a real threat. Even if no one found out that Ozymandias' fake alien was fake, people were already figuring out that the "alien invasion" was a freak one time event; that might be enough to de-escalate immediate tensions, but isn't any foundation for a unified world government or even a long term alliance. National interests will inevitably start butting heads with each other again.
      And that's assuming the Watchmen Soviet Union didn't suffer the same kind of collapse the IRL Soviet Union did.

    • @XxTaiMTxX
      @XxTaiMTxX 2 года назад +3

      I never liked him from that movie. He was stupidly short-sighted. His plan fails for a few reasons:
      1. Dr. Manhatten doesn't stick around to "remain the threat". Which means, it would really only be a few years before humans "run out of emotional steam" for the threat and forget it exists... and then go back to doing what they do best.
      2. Even if he stuck around to remain a threat, the threat only exists so long as it isn't so demoralizing that it destroys society... or until it's overcome by stronger people... then we go back to what we do best.
      3. The plan doesn't solve any of the underlying problems within society. The threat of "the other" only exists so long as "the other" is "unknowable". The story revolves around the worlds' superpowers gearing up for the Cold War. A war against "the other". Only to replace it with another "war against the other"? What a stupid concept. Why bother? Resources would've been better spent getting both sides to know each other and share goals.
      4. It doesn't account for new religious groups possibly appearing to worship Manhatten as a God and trying to curry favor with him. If the dude vanishes like he says he will and doesn't come back, then he becomes a tale... A tale that eventually becomes a God. A God that can be co-opted by new religious organizations that could launch even more NEW problems.
      ---
      This is the short list of stupidity wrought by Ozzy. A man who doesn't know how human beings work. A man who doesn't know how to properly manipulate anyone. A man with no grasp on politics or even the hearts of men. A man with no concept of consequences. A man who can't even visualize the current problems or have the ability to fix those problems, even if he could visualize them.
      He is a very stupid man who conjured up this very long Xanatos Gambit for the purpose of creating a 10 year "stop gap" to total nuclear war. He'll be lucky if it lasts 10 years. Especially since the first thing that's going to happen is another jump in military tech in order to attempt to "kill" Dr. Manhatten or his abominations, which means EVEN MORE DANGEROUS things than NUKES.
      It amuses me how many people are so willing to just follow the stupid, believing them to be smart, and not engage in any of the legwork themselves to solving problems.
      Humans make things into a fight because we are so personally involved in ourselves. A difference of opinion turns into a fight because we've decided our opinion is our ENTIRE BEING. The same as we've done with skin color and gender and sexual orientation and a myriad of other silly little tertiary characteristics about ourselves. Humans view a persons' opinion on A VIDEO GAME to be A PERSONAL ATTACK. "If you don't like this thing that I like, you are saying that I like something that isn't worth liking, and I'm a bad person for it."
      This is the crux of most human antagonism. Our egos. The inability to accept we can be wrong. The inability to change our opinions based upon new facts, logic, or arguments. The desire, not to be right, but to be SEEN as BEING RIGHT. The desire to FEEL right, rather than BE RIGHT.
      We have cultivated a healthy crop of ego within all our cultures on the planet and to make any progress requires that we actually learn some humility.
      We don't need an outside threat. We need a parent.

    • @LiamDerWandrer
      @LiamDerWandrer 2 года назад +2

      @@XxTaiMTxX You know, I think you are the only other person, besides my wife, I have ever met who truly thinks the same about humanity and all of its issues as me. And yes, we do need a parent or we need to get our buts in shape and actually figure out how to be mature without any parents. Sadly, the former is unlikely to ever happen, aliens are rare after all, and the latter is even more unfeasible. Most of all, we need TIME to develop and mature properly, but with all our issues we are likely to self-destruct long before then, or our mistakes will make the world destroy us instead. Trying to keep a hold on the hope of a better future while knowing all of that, is the truly difficult part for me. Any ideas on how to nudge our species in the correct direction, or at least past the current crisis? A random alien invasion may be ultimately nothing more than a stop-gap measure to our conflicts but would indeed help to buy us more time, however little, to get it right, however unlikely that may be. So, ideas? For I have truly no clue how to go about helping all of humanity to self-parent and ultimately grow-up. Maybe that is the Great Filter? Everything else is truly random but could happen to form intelligent life. But that life growing up and being mature enough not to self-destruct via its own mistakes, character flaws and stupidities? That requires actual deliberate species wide individual actions and descisions. Decided by everyone individually and carried out regardless of the actions of others. Choice not chance. Far harder to do than to get past any physical hurdle of propability and chance the Universe can throw at us, I would say. Though, if that is the case, we are dangerously close to going "plink" against the Great Filter. Propably why aliens have yet to be confirmed in our corner of the Universe, too, come to think of it, since vanishingly few would figure out how to self-parent before self-destructing and thus surviving to meet others. The Universe is truly large and many cosmic bodies propably carry life, but who knows how far apart those are that have managed to get past the Great Filter? Guess we can make that our goal as a species, if we survive past that issue. Let us become parents to others, so they may have someone to point out the mistakes and prevent fatal acts of stupidity before it is to late. I hope someone managed to become such a parent out there and is close enough to find us before we go "plink". Maybe that thought will help me keep hoping.

  • @delvinciposterkid
    @delvinciposterkid 3 года назад +3

    I subscribed, and liked, all of a sudden single socks kept showing up in my hamper.
    I don't own any of those socks.

    • @AgroSquerril
      @AgroSquerril  3 года назад +1

      ill send a note to the bug department

  • @thecrimsonfkr2818
    @thecrimsonfkr2818 2 года назад +1

    NOOOOO! MY SOCK!!
    Curse you nanite swarm!!

  • @calvingreene90
    @calvingreene90 2 года назад +4

    Dear humans, enclosed in this package are the idiot that ordered the attack on Earth the idiots that promoted him into a position where he could order the attack on Earth and the idiots that promoted the idiots that promoted the idiot that made the attack on Earth. Do with them as you wish.
    We are sorry about the death destruction and inconvenience caused by our incompetence.

  • @kurtismiller9544
    @kurtismiller9544 3 года назад +6

    Mini t-rexs too Kool 👍

  • @chrisdufresne9359
    @chrisdufresne9359 3 года назад +6

    We built a Halo around Earth? Let's hope we don't have the weapons built in.

    • @jackgooge9538
      @jackgooge9538 3 года назад +3

      Umm, a halo is different to an orbital ring. A halo is made to sustain life, an ecosystem and all while serving as a prison for the flood. But an orbital ring, is well, a ringed platform around the planet, usually used as a ship yard, construction yard, and occasionally an orbital weapons platform for space combat near the planet

    • @chrisdufresne9359
      @chrisdufresne9359 3 года назад +1

      @@jackgooge9538 The reason I said halo was because that's what my mental image of the ring was.

    • @jackgooge9538
      @jackgooge9538 3 года назад +1

      @@chrisdufresne9359 Oh no i figured that, I was just clearing up. An orbital ring would be 'flat' horizontally, not vertically like a halo,

    • @chrisdufresne9359
      @chrisdufresne9359 3 года назад +1

      @@jackgooge9538 I actually didn't grasp which Orbital they meant. I just thought of a ring surrounding earth at any axis.

    • @sethgilcrist8088
      @sethgilcrist8088 2 года назад

      And here I thought they just had made a small ring world around the earth

  • @mackenziedrake
    @mackenziedrake 2 месяца назад

    Both good stories for the re-listen list. Many thanks.

  • @fortkavanagh
    @fortkavanagh 3 года назад +3

    Is there a episode 2 to the 2nd story I would love to hear what happens next to it?

  • @nowlwane9623
    @nowlwane9623 3 года назад +3

    I just hear the words. Regret, Regret, Regret. Do you know what that means?

  • @Raven-fh2yy
    @Raven-fh2yy 3 года назад +1

    For the Algae Rhythm (Popular Undulate sporting chant)

  • @garysmith3037
    @garysmith3037 3 года назад +1

    "Oh, you done messed up Captain A-Arron!"

  • @danijelandroid
    @danijelandroid 2 года назад +1

    My advice for the second story; give the humans his head and a function FTL engine with an 'peace' treaty.

  • @gregwunderlich4253
    @gregwunderlich4253 Год назад

    Well, that 1st story kinda choked me up a bit. NGL.

  • @macpurdy
    @macpurdy 3 года назад +5

    For the algorithm and the narrator.

  • @lupaswolfshead9971
    @lupaswolfshead9971 Год назад

    The last words the captain heard
    Were all gonna fucking die

  • @Fishhunter2014
    @Fishhunter2014 2 года назад

    Try to keep warp technology from us? That’s one for the book of grudges.

  • @DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH
    @DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH 3 года назад +1

    Bless the Squerril

  • @Raintamp
    @Raintamp 2 года назад

    I loved that first one.

  • @KujoTV
    @KujoTV 3 года назад +4

    "Show Me Your Friends" is now my favorite story in this series. The distance to the moon compared to low Earth orbit in comparison to most of the stories.

  • @kennethhummel4409
    @kennethhummel4409 3 года назад +4

    Barney goes to war!

    • @hunterv9983
      @hunterv9983 3 года назад

      When Barney goes to war, the Universe trembles.

  • @SiegeTF
    @SiegeTF 3 года назад +3

    We frame it all as a test! We were testing them, and they passed! When they finish their first jump we make sure there's a celebration waiting for them instead of a war! If we can figure out where they'll jump to I'll be the Master Of Ceremonies myself - worst case scenario they murder me, best case that integration score saves my ass, and every body else's!

  • @eleethtahgra7182
    @eleethtahgra7182 3 года назад +2

    1st story! Basically 2 guys blodies each other nose and then become friend cos the winner offer the loser a beer.
    2nd story; red army after Chernobyl.

  • @jackgooge9538
    @jackgooge9538 3 года назад +6

    Wait a minute, i liked and subscribed, yet the nanites still take my socks.

    • @AgroSquerril
      @AgroSquerril  3 года назад +1

      maybe its not the nanites? or at least not MY nanites

    • @ihtfp01
      @ihtfp01 3 года назад

      That's how the nanite swarms FOUND your socks...

    • @jackgooge9538
      @jackgooge9538 3 года назад

      @@ihtfp01 That makes sense

    • @jackgooge9538
      @jackgooge9538 3 года назад

      @@AgroSquerril You drive a hard bargain Mr. Squerril, ill be watching, ALL of my remaining sock. If I see a nanite with AS on it....

    • @alonenotlonely1179
      @alonenotlonely1179 3 года назад

      My socks are reasonably safe as I have an EMP rifle ready and waiting for the little nanotech buggers.

  • @aaroncorbett6352
    @aaroncorbett6352 3 года назад +2

    I liked the Scottish accent

  • @frederikanby2634
    @frederikanby2634 3 года назад

    Well.... I Mean...... Shouldnt have given us the chance to catch you dude. Sorry, not sorry *stomp* *stomp* *stomp*

  • @ATSucks1
    @ATSucks1 3 года назад

    Thank you patrons

  • @theonetodefyall238
    @theonetodefyall238 3 года назад

    keeper going

  • @antekglognut
    @antekglognut 3 года назад

    “mcompany”

  • @allenmorgan1007
    @allenmorgan1007 3 года назад

    For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

    • @AgroSquerril
      @AgroSquerril  3 года назад

      For the algorithm

    • @shausen1179
      @shausen1179 2 года назад +1

      BLOOOOD FORRRR DERR BLOOOOD GODDDD!!!!

  • @genericuser984
    @genericuser984 3 года назад +3

    neat

  • @AvoiceInYourheadd
    @AvoiceInYourheadd 3 года назад

    First story wrong name
    Second story 8:26

    • @AgroSquerril
      @AgroSquerril  3 года назад

      corrected , thank you for pointing it out

  • @autumnmoon4460
    @autumnmoon4460 3 года назад

    Lol, why is the Commander in the second story Scottish? (Or maybe it’s Irish, but I’m thinking Scottish)

    • @AgroSquerril
      @AgroSquerril  3 года назад

      cause i have a limited amount of voices :D

  • @walkswithantsbear6151
    @walkswithantsbear6151 3 года назад +2

    For the algorithm

  • @titanama0574
    @titanama0574 2 года назад +2

    Aggression 10/10? Seems a bit low to me.

    • @csi1392
      @csi1392 Год назад

      BEFORE WE WERE RATED THE SCALE ONLY WENT TO 8

  • @void6030
    @void6030 2 года назад

    👍

  • @josmeijers2818
    @josmeijers2818 3 года назад

    F.T.A !

  • @digitaljungle7154
    @digitaljungle7154 3 года назад

    Anyone know what island is in the first story? "Delos"

    • @robertstan9733
      @robertstan9733 3 года назад +1

      A small Greek island with a lot of ruins, very interesting history, look it up.

  • @merlinwizard1000
    @merlinwizard1000 Год назад

    140th, 14 March 2023

  • @arakheno4051
    @arakheno4051 2 года назад

    F.A.S.

  • @mr.r.r.o.b
    @mr.r.r.o.b 3 года назад +3

    1st

  • @sherylcascadden4988
    @sherylcascadden4988 Год назад

    A comment to appease the algorithm and help the channel.
    And ... The Waffle House has found it's new host.

  • @WiredTurkey316
    @WiredTurkey316 3 года назад +2

    For the algorithm

  • @nk-rv1vj
    @nk-rv1vj 3 года назад +2

    For the algorithm

  • @reasonablehiccups4792
    @reasonablehiccups4792 3 года назад +1

    For the algorithm

  • @asandrewsilvaw
    @asandrewsilvaw 3 года назад

    For the algorithm