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You need to explain how they do it and they tell the truth with small little insidious lies sprinkled in with your friends and family members and that’s why they want you to be vulnerable with you because once they have that if you have a mental illness, they will totally use it against you!!!
My boyfriend's mother is a narcissist. Her rage is unbearable. When I told her that it is not fair to put up with her frustration and rage , she told me to look for another family and that she doesn't plan to change. She is a gold digger and craves for a high status. She tried to gaslight me telling me that I am too feeble and too sensitive.
You just believe in yourself listen to your intuition they are cold and heartless and empty inside I have been no contact for almost a year and it’s never been so calm and quiet if it wasn’t for my kids .. I wish I would have never met this toxic person keep your head up your better without them ❤
My ex Narc tried to kill me...June 24th, June 25th and early June 26th & now he's in the County Jail...bc he tortured & beat me on & off those 3 days...😢😢 I love him... He's so crazy...
nice thought, but will never happen. its soooooo prevalent, totally accepted, and embraced, by society as a whole. this is how are keepers want us to be. go back in your brain cells; remember all the karens/kens from 20yrs ago? there were none, they are also a bi product of our present me me me me mine/take from you, society.
@@martaszyszka7654 the system will never, or should it do anything; its up to the parents. the problem there is very few of them truthfully know what one truly is, unless they have been threw it themselves.
Exactly, my sister just told me that I paid the mortgage by luck, this is after she told me my mother is planning to get me out of the family, that I’m not using my last name why I am I in the house, it was WILD that I’m now awake 1:45 I responded and I shouldn’t have, I was doing sooooo well.
@@A.I-GAMING I guess it depends on a narcissist type, but some wouldn't even support anyone but themselves financially, and some are even thrifty on themselves, saving every penny they can, thinking they would live for a long long time. Unending thriftiness becomes their habit with no rhyme or reason to it. It makes sense only to them.
If you’re with a narcissist and don’t depend on them.. they don’t want you… you are too strong for them, they want someone to worship them 24/7 and who is weak and dependent on them… the reason being, they can control them so easily.
Well said, even pastors and religious leaders can be narcs, sad to say. They all want people who will act in obsequious posture towards them, which, btw, is not Biblical at all. The Scripture calls a pastor to be an 'under-shepherd' a humble servant of all who puts others above himself; -- not a proud, domineering 'over-lord' who expects others to serve him. The former is to be like Jesus; the latter is more like the Devil, really.
@@randy_cbc8811 - Amen brother! They have demons who are controlled by Satan himself who wants to be worshipped by mankind and even tried to get Jesus to worship him as found in scripture but Jesus would not bow! Praise God! He is our sin substitute. The Holy sinless perfect One Jesus Christ of Nazareth (God in the flesh!) ! >>>> Matthew 4:3-11 And when the tempter (the devil) came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread. 4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. 5 Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple, 6 And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. 7 Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God. 8 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; 9 And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me. 10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve. 11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him. We will not bow to Satan either! We only bow to King Jesus- the Only One worthy of all our PRAISE, WORSHIP AND ADORATION! ! Hallelujah! >>> And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty. \0/ Thank-You JESUS!
I can relate to the comment made about how a narcissist wants you to depend on them and worship them. This is absolutely true! I had been dealing with a narcissist who was my landlord and boss. She targeted me when I dared to do what is best for the animals we are trusted to care for. She confronted me about why I didn't follow the rule she made and I explained to her various reasons her rule made no sense and how it goes against safety guidelines she should be aware of. For every bogus reason she gave for me to no longer be able to do what I was doing, I had a way around it. This enraged her! Especially when I told her to her face that the reasons she gave made no sense and were stupid. That I believe was the beginning of the end. She kicked me out and fired me. Little dose she know I couldn't be happier to be free from her bullshit!
That’s exactly what my ex from 4 years ago. She tried to make it seem like I was lower than them. She went and got someone weaker someone she could control!!! She even sent her cousin here to tell me she was getting married and I told her tell her congrats 🎈 hope it lasts! Never saw that cousin again. I wasn’t hurt idc because I’m free!!!
If that’s the issue, then is it that the other is the narcissist, or that you are codependent and projecting on the other as means to cope with cognitive dissonance
If a narcissist tells me no one else would want me, I say hallelujah! After having a narcissist I couldn't want anyone else. Being alone is awesome 😎👍👍!
@@heidjemeidje7189 It is sad, but if they refuse to get off their high horses and treat you as an equal, then there comes a point when you have to throw the towel in and get on with your own life. That's what I'm doing anyway. Good luck
OH man. I had those recurring nightmares for years after getting out of a narc relationship. At the time (over 20 years ago) I didn't know anything about narcissism or have the language for that type of psychological abuse so since have read that these nightmares are a "normal" part of the recovery. Like they're little mini trauma flashbacks as our mind processes what happened. My recurring dream was that I was somehow back in a relationship with this person and the feeling in the dream was one of utter hopelessness. Sometimes in my dream I would remember I was with my now husband and it provided some feelings of relief. Thankfully they weren't very often but I understand the feeling one has during the nightmares and upon waking. It's terrible and it's almost as if it's real. I'm so sorry you are going through this!
@@charettebyreddog I appreciate your response to my comment. In my dream I also had the feeling of hopelessness, like there was no way out! In my dream she was love-bombing me again, but I knew what was going to happen next. My relationship with my narc ex ended only 3 years ago, so recent yet at the same time feels both so long ago and so recent!
Everyone should understand that narcissists target people who they believe they are better than them,it’s not hard to understand the nature of all this insecurity.
makes a lot of sense. because even though my narc had more opportunities for himself, he envied the fact that i have a stable job, that i am pursuing a law degree and have a high school diploma. he never got past a high school diploma because he doesn't have one. he's literally a Nepo baby, but for some reason hated me.🙂 he's literally older than me, he's 27 and i'm 22.
Its been a month with no contact to my narcissist ex. I’ve been working out,eating healthy,less drinking/going out, taking care of myself and i’m starting to feel beautiful again! STOP ENGAGING WITH THEM PEOPLE!
Indifference to the narcisist and all of their BS is the beautiful outcome of healing from the horrible abuse those evil driven individuals inflicted onto us. Once you reach the point of becoming indifferent to their pathetic manipulation s and games, you are set free. Thank you Jesus for setting us free.❤
They go crazy when "the grey rock" method is used and "no contact" they have to know you are indifferent and have zero feelings , emotions or reactions to their antics. I drove a psychopath away with using these tactics. I'm loving myself because this scared him and he left and he did confirm that I was too strong for him.
I have just blocked and began no contact for about a week now. I've been threatened and promised to be hurt by him. I will never go back or allow the abuse to continue. I will report if he appears anywhere near me. Please 🙏🏽 pray for my protection and removal of this narcissistic man.
If someone threatens you....that's where Police need informing. That's abusive. Lay low....and heal. Be very clever and strategic. Document everything.
Let him know you got something for him if he dares to come anywhere near you. Bullies like people they know are afraid. Let them know you will "F" them up
When you get stronger, they go into terminator mode. 😂 They go after your finances, your relationships and slander your reputation just to feel like they have the power. They're pathetic individuals who gets their karma eventually. And majority of the time they always try to come back when their supplies "fail" to accommodate them. 😂 Please do not accept them ever again. Tell them to kick rocks and move on.
I'm just going through a divorce with a narc. He isn't rewriting history. Rather, he's downplaying what he did and offering excuses. What I did to him was far worse. All I did was leave and he had to fend for himself! That was way worse than fourteen years of verbal abuse.
The good thing is if you keep on staying strong eventually The narcissist will leave you- BUT they’ll make up a lie that you caused the break up 🤣🤣🤣- really ? Remember the narcissist HAS TO WIN You the strong one will say ok you won but say it calmly and with apathy with no reaction
My abusive narcissist wife called the cops and faked dv as soon as I became stronger and wise to her manipulation games. The cops didn’t buy her story and didn’t arrest me though thank god. Be careful with these tortured souls. They are damaged people damaging other people. It’s an insidious cycle.
Their favorite thing to say was "You're so hyperbolic, you blow everything out of proportion" any time they would be confronted with their poor behavior.
Life without him is a dream come true! his absence is literally like winning the lottery jackpot!🤣🤣🤣 I wake up so grateful! And blessings have just come pouring into my life non-stop. The peace I have now surpasses all understanding. LIFE IS GOOD, PEOPLE!!!😂😂😂❤
I started saving entire text conversations and recording other interactions in my phone’s notes with dates and details like a journal. After 5 years of this-and discovering that I’m autistic-I went back and reviewed it all and saw the _very clear pattern_ and suddenly was able to end our relationship. Rather than relying on my memory-which it turns out is very good!-I had receipts. She finally gave up the breadcrumbing and got very frustrated with me. GOOD!
when you consider the beauty and the possibilities within every relationship, it's beyond tragic and sad..and what makes it especially sad is that some people don't even know that there's a beautiful alternative which creates happiness..
yes in my experience , narcs make every attempt to drive a wedge between you and your support system and they literally want to completely isolate you for a better control
my mother has gaslit me, manipulated me and controlled me for my entire life. She did the same to my sister. Unfortunately instead of trying to gain separation from her, my sister has joined in, has tried to rewrite history, twist my words and villainize me. I am 24 now, and it has been going on for years. living with a narc for my entire life has really messed me up in ways i can't describe online. I have separated from them now, but my family is destroyed and my heart hasn't recovered. Emotional abuse IS abuse. If you are in the middle of a relationship with a narc remember. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. One of the last things my sister (and at the time my best friend) said to me when we were still close (and she would admit my moms abuse) was "this is our normal. we just have to learn to live with it and be happy". Please don't do that. Do not just accept that this is how your life is. Only you can pull yourself out.
I lived with a Narcissist for 10 years and eventually got out I turned myself into the person I wanted to be Strong Independent and Happy! I met a woman I was in school with and Couldn’t believe when things started to have that familiar ring to It ! This Narcissist turned out to be way worse than the last One ! What I had learned from these experiences and my journey to be the Person I wanted to be was I was attracting this type of person and it was related to how my childhood was ! What I learned was this Attention is what most of this is about ! No matter what stay quiet turn the other cheek and learn to Love Yourself ! The best thing you can ever do is be a success in your own Life ! That is a bitter pill for every Narcissist Ever 🙏🏻❤️
Dude, I'm 50 and I used to think that was crazy talk as a guy when I was in my 20s. Yet the psychological model you speak of was totally correct that they told us back in the '90s! (Or me if you're my age). Don't beat yourself up because they don't show up that way initially of course. Love bombing morphs into sporadic DEVALUTION years later. Until it becomes a so harsh that you can't take it anymore!
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I noticed the change from the beginning of the relationship to the end. In the end my X noticed that her lack of attention and intimacy, manipulation, gaslighting and control wasn't working on me any more. I never felt better when she left the relationship. My X didn't provide closure. But I don't care at this point. For those who experienced similar problems. Be aware that your partner will take advantage of your financial access before they leave. So make sure that you prevent and lock any important information they will use.
I've seen that too, and I believe that it's true, not in every case, but for some, possession is the description that best describes, the reality of their appearance and behaviour.
I love the comment about autistic memory! I’m not an “autism is my super power” person, but when dealing with my narc, my autism absolutely saved my bacon!
I'm glad that you trusted your memory, instead of the abusive person trying to gaslight you. Life is so much better without narcissists in your life, it's good to hear that other people have gotten free from them.
I know my narcissist is livid right now! We’re new to each other and he had no idea I came with such a strong spirit, it’s the Aquarius in me. He’s a Pisces and the textbook narc!!
My ex narc made me feel unworthy by not wanting to go out with me in public, in the end I realised he wanted to isolate and hide me from the world 🙄 I’m so glad it’s over, now I can go out with my new found confidence.
Running into her after a fall out a year ago and been friends for 30 some years... Priceless...I'm gonna walk away and say Nothing!!!! I'm not scared anymore!
totally agree. the problem is few know exactly what they are dealing with. one of the worst things about being with one is 'not knowing'. im not stupid, but if you dont fully understand narcissism, your screwed. several months after i permanently kicked her to the curb, i was busy cooking in the kitchen, had u tube randomly playing for background noise. half paying attention, a man starts describing her, and her narc actions to a T. shut down kitchen duty, and spent the next several hrs watching narc vids. not only did the vids explain everything, they also explained her odd behavior. they are nothing more than lost, butt hurt children, living in a adults body. that was 9yrs ago, and if that vid would not have randomly popped up, i would most likely still be in the dark to this day. their entire mental dysfunction is very hard for a normal mind to understand. it was nice of black jesus to toss me that bone, giving me clarity/understanding.
That's why they call it them "WEARING A MASK" because they don't show up as they really are until a half year (or two years at the very least) later in many cases
@@randy_cbc8811Agreed, Randy! It's the fight for your life out of nowhere to escape the hell that missy sprung upon you when it comes to crazy women, indeed!
After not liking the abuse and letting it be known then I'm told that ... I was pouting & she doesn't feel like walking on eggshells around me... WAIT! So I don't like the Neglect, Triangulation & Confusing Power Plays and let it be known that I'm upset, and now She feels like She's walking on eggshells 😖🤯🥴 BLAME SHIFTING 101! Never Admitting her cunning power plays... Super Thanks for Decoding this Narc 💩
Mine started attacking me as a parent. But was completely unsuccessful, because I was that confident in how good of a parent that I am. But he tried so hard, because he knew how important it was for me to be a good parent.
Now it all makes sense to me! I am someone who sadly struggles with health issues, mostly auto-immune. He once said to me that I am sick because of how I am like, because of my stupidity and stubbornness. Needless to say my only reaction was wtf. I am confident overall so I am not sure there is anything anyone can say to take that away from me but he definitely tried. And I assume because it never worked all he could say is how masculine and domineering I am. Your video helps me understand why his 'trying to help me' was so absurd, I don't think he was trying to help me but to control me.
There's other videos on here talking about the link between autoimmune conditions and narcissistic abuse. Being around them is harmful because they put your body in a constant state of distress.
Sad but I too developed Auto Immune Disease… I guess it’s because of being married to a Narcissist for 34 yrs…. But I recently started to moving forward and I hope I can make it😢
The rewriting history thing is chilling. I am still in a daze after going through the idealize devalue discard cycle - that I didn’t know existed until I was in pieces. She did something in the spring that devastated me. I brought it up in a final closure-seeking conversation, and she said - “that never happened.” Remember the ice bucket challenge? I felt like an emotional ice bucket had just dumped over my head. Chilling, terrifying. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I said absolutely it had happened and she said “I was there. No it didn’t. I don’t know why you’re saying this.” I have text messages to friends, saying what happened. And I met in person with a close friend the next day - who I never cry to, ha - and I broke down sobbing. I don’t know that I have ever experienced the rewriting history thing before. But in our last conversation, which went fairly peacefully, she said, right as we were getting ready to hang up: “I hope you don’t rewrite history on this in a week or a month.” Pure acid. She is the covert kind. She never yelled at me. The devalue phase was all coldness and sullenness and secretive behavior and withdrawn affection and lies. But that statement - “I hope you don’t rewrite history.” I knew then that I had just seen the real person. It really scared me.
My job is all in my brain, my exes job was all in his hands. He was a carpenter. He used to say 'you couldnt do my job' which i used to reply 'i don't want to do your job - that's why i do mine - one day ill get paid just as much but my back wont be broken' and he'd get all mardy and angry and start being a pr##k.
That certainly hit home. When I caught my husband on a local dating site and confronted him he said I was over reacting as he was just window shopping. Close cousins to having a pet. The level of cruelty that pours out of them like water. Amazing
Thank you Christina for your encouraging e-mails that always show up in my inbox with perfect timing for how I'm feeling. These e-mails and your videos are 50% of the reason why I'm still standing after being crushed in every way by my narcissistic ex-husband. Him discarding me and disappearing from my life just over 1 month ago after abusing me emotionally, psychologically, verbally and physically for 5 years is a TRUE BLESSING as I was unable to discard him first 'cause he kept hoovering me each time I did and I was too weak to resist his hoovering. I've learned SO MUCH on Narcissism from your channel and this has helped me immensely to not break down, to stay strong, walk away and move on. All things I never though I could do. Thank you 100X 🙏🏻
Omg i’ve experienced all of this. It’s been almost 8 months and this man still making up lies even though i’m done. I told him moths ago im done and after the tells me to move on lol. Im like that’s what i been trying to do the narcissism is real.
"Its not cheating, its just a little thingy I did, little mistake" "You're weak, your family is weak" "Your brother doesnt care about you, he just uses you" "You physically abused me, and you abuse your children" "You're sick, you're a psychopath" "Everything you think about me is wrong" "I told my children and "friends"(other men, supplies) that you are a sick man and what you did to me" The list of betrayel is endless.. What hurt me the most is the false accusations about me physically abusing women and children. It is so discusting to me it makes me physically sick when I think about it. Her children hate me over a bunch of discusting lies
most of those points are probably projections of what she thinks about herself, and the things she knows about you which can hurt you the most. Vindictive demons. People will recognize the real person in the future. So time is on your side. Stay Kind, try to learn stoic control of your emotions and just be a good person with integrity. The People who are worth to be in your life will come back to you :) have faith and good luck
I think everyone would feel the same in your awful situation and I can barely comprehend the pain youve been through. Stay strong and keep moving. In the end everything is gonna be alright @@willemkoppier4540
I feel for you, and I believe you, because I'm going through the exact same thing. I reported my upstairs neighbours for screaming at and hitting her kid. So she and her partner responded by shouting to the neighbours, that they caught me filming their kids in the pool. This is such a difficult situation, the narcissists smear campaign. But I keep telling myself that it's just temporary, and if I keep reporting them, and sharing the recordings I made of their behaviour, they will get evicted.
You are always stronger than you think you are. Go no contact and develop a new support system. If your a genuine and authentic person there will be people glad to have you among their circle of friends. Good video.
On desperate control: would a covert stealth file divorce papers? In mediation session it sounded like she "didn't know how I would react." On isolation: she wanted me out of the house (can't have me sleep in another room keeping to myself), attempted to use my family in a smear campaign, I've heard she has engaged in the social media stuff, she attempted something with one of my co-workers, and fully attempted to alienate the kids (succeeded in doing so with one). Etc. On rewriting: I've seen this kind of happen over the last couple decades in general.
I wish RUclips was existing 24 years ago so I could find out that my ex was a narcissist. So I wouldn’t waste 13 years of my life with him. I have experienced all the things you mentioned in my 13 years of marriage. Also after 10 years of divorce he doesn’t let go of me. He gets the Iranian new refugees to gang up against me. And they implement the same tactics to harass and abuse me. But I am much stronger after learning what’s narcissistic abuse and how to deal with the tactics.
Im with a Narcissist husband for 34 yrs. 6 months ago, I came across a UTube about Narcissistic behaviour. It opened my eyes and realized I’m married to a Narcissistic Person. I’m now making my move to get out Hoping and Praying I’ll be able to do it 😢
I am dealing with narcissist at this moment. I did the whole steps to the point no contact . But the thing is now he made another account just to say how sorry for the actions and how he treated me . Mainly saying that he still have feeling of "attachments " towards me.
What about if your narcissist is your younger sister as in my 40 yo younger sister trying to burn me to the ground. I after years of therapy and not speaking to her for 4 years she hates that I’m not reacting to her like I once did when she had so much power over me. I had to let her back into my life because my dad was dying. He died Sunday. She did some dirty shit that day. I have been the one caring for him for years and she hated that I got recognition for a job well done by the hospice nurses. She thinks everything is a competition. She put all the work into me but wants recognition for doing nothing/things she never did. Whew ok rant over. I miss my daddy but he isn’t suffering anymore
A big YES to you. I went through this all my life by my sister's Christmas that my raging mom would say let's open one gift at a time. My parents lavish gifts for my sister's kids. My son is getting NOTHING This was done on purpose by my mom My Parents are going to my sister's graduation from the Army and lavishness to her. She did it just to scam money from the Army to keep playing the flute. When I got home from Basic training, what was the first thing my mother told me "O" you haven't changed the things that were printed in my dad's memorial about me was just sick. I believe my sister wrote the words. About me drifting away, not me coming there ( all about my sister kids Christmas) my son felt so miserable and did not understand the Family Christmas The most outrageous thing said at my Dad's memorial was a teacher friend of my parents all she did when it can time to say things about my dad. All she did was talk about her being this great lookut young lady when my dad first met her. Then that same day, asking my sister the Ex of will, if her son could just move into my parents home. That same day my sister E- mailed the JUST family member to have JUST family get together at my parents home, this BITCH and that's what this teach workplace friend of my parents was. She self invited my sister's E-mail I don't know if my sister did that on purpose or forgot to not send it to everyone. Of course I did not go. I hear late there was a huge blow out at my dad's property. Over just the kids using my parents rowboat. One sister told my other sister kids, that it was her boat, they could NOT use it. This was ALL my parents property My family is such an EGO crap festival. SORRY for being long winded. Growing up any family get together be it Holiday or birthdays was just unbelievable. Especially for my son, who was just treated like crap at these events. Him never knowing why. My whole family is such a disaster. My wife talks to her MOM daily, helps her out, I look at a real family on my wife's side, and I just do not understand my Family. My Grandfather was a great man. He showed me how to fix septic lines, he showed me how to replace the toilet. I will never understand what the "F" happened with my DAd and mom.
Peace to you, sister. You don't need to punish narcs, because they are already very unhappy. Stear clear of them. Find your place of peace, and don't allow anyone to move you.
My Narc and I were together for 30 years and when she found out I was on to her she said I think you should see a doctor I think you are loosing your marbles.And then later she said,the thing you have to get through your thick skull my friends are more important to me than you are.
They sure do love the mind games...it was constant, every day that I experienced this from the Narcississt bf I was with. So, maybe he was a covert. I love the "super empath."❤ I believe I am, as well💯
5:30--Mrs CE is right here when she talks about their classic STAGE 4 tactic of them playing HARD TO GET when it comes to the using reverse psychology to try to trick us back into "chasing them!"
Good job you’re doing here Christina …. Very well said on this sad subject … I agree with Michael this should be taught for young people to be aware of … I was 65 and many years into a narc situation before I found out what was really going on.
"Mansplaining" as though I need obvious things explained to me & help with figuring things out lol thanks capt obvious. I couldn't have completed this task w/o you pointing out the obvious as though I am an idiot & need simple things explained. Good thing I have your around to put me down & tell me I am incapable lol
Diminishing your strengths: 1) you’re too logical 2) you sound like a psychologist 3) you’re “cold” 4) you’re too professional 5) you’re turning our relationship into a business-ship (when I tried to have an adult conversation). I wanted to discuss expectations because he wanted to marry me and live with me … But he didn’t want to have adult conversations about it. 😐
boy, when that mask falls off its amazing. thats exactly when it happens, when they are angry. mask falling off is a part of their self destruction mode. not only do they like seeing you miserable, they love being miserable themselves, do to hate.
I see a common number in the stories of those who have had to endure narcissistic abuse in a marriage. It seems right around the 24-year Mark is when things finally start to unravel or dissolve? Anyone else notice this?
Hmmm, my son will turn 24, my narc husband’s behavior chased him and my daughter away, and I’m likely headed for divorce - which looks like a damn good idea. 24 yrs later.
@@pinkyndebrain4578 I pray that you are empowered with resiliency in this very challenging situation that really takes an emotional, psychological and yes, physical toll🌷 don't listen to any negative talk💯 I like your handle btw
@CommonEgo, Is being diagnosed with narcissism a game breaker? Can a narcissist become a better person through therapy, or should they be discarded? Are they doomed to be alone and labelled as an evil narcissist person? There are so many symptoms that overlap with other diagnosis - how can we tell narcissism apart from something like being deficient in empathy? Does that alone make someone a narcissist? Is narcissism learned, or are people just born like this?
I dealt with everything that’s in this video and literally still get called the narcissist when everything that you have said she has done to me and it’s hard to actually talk about it because it felt like I was nothing to her and didn’t matter but now since I noticed the more, I actually keep my distance away from her and block her and things get better
It’s like thinking there is some one is behind you were there is no one behind you, because they curiosity about you is annoying. Wishing they learned how to talk with you because love being talk ative.
It was awesome. To watch in complete amazement. Was so heart breakin. The system of control just ground against itself destroyin every good memory replacing the good with the terrible. Discust was my food and tears my water. I was saved by the sword of God
My eldest daughter, age 40, claims I'm a Narcissist because I tell her (honestly) that "I don't remember that." Because I don't. I am not lying, and she claims that I am and that I'm gaslighting her. My friends and 2 of my other children know I'm not a liar, and literally laugh at the notion of me being a Narcissist, saying I'm far too empathetic to ever be considered a Narcissist. There is such a thing as false memories being implanted in a person. I believe her husband may have convinced her of these ideas to keep her all to himself. What do I do? The more I defend myself, the worse it gets. As you say - it just gives them fuel. HELP!
Yes! I started researching this because my daughter called me a narc. She tells me stuff I don't remember. I know it never happened. Back then, I didn't realize what liars they are. So, you're not crazy or losing your memory. She's playing mind games with you to fit her victim story. My daughter is 35.
My son 33, went into the mental health field because of living with her. He said, their childhood was great and anything I said to her was a reaction to something she said or did. We're now halfway across the country from her and have low contact.
She was married to a very toxic person and the two of them made our life chaotic to say the least. Anyway, he was also abusive etc. They divorced after thirteen years and he recently unalived himself.
You perfectly described my 2yr experience with a trauma therapist as a client. It was all about the money. She robbed me of my life savings. 13 months no contact and only now starting to regain my psyche. Had to find a new therapist to heal from a therapist. Seriously thats messed up. How can I prove it to get her license pulled?
I had her call me one and she tried to push my buttons and hurt me and disrespected me and I called her out on her behaviour but I got emotional and swore at her and hung up I feel bad that she got me to lose control
i am in the process of regaining back my control from the narc. and her response is sort of downplaying my strength by saying we will see how long it goes and will see who is the ultimate winner
4:14 Narc: You'll never find another Me: And you'll never find another We were both wrong. I found another narc (which I recognized and ended it quickly) and she found another people-pleasing codependent to manipulate and abuse. I am focussed on healing me, not being a people-pleaser, setting strong boundaries, etc.... she'll never change, she'll just monkey branch to the next guy when this one catches on.
The narc actually told me once that some other person she was mad at, was "losing out on a wonderful experience having a friend like ME!" My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe the conceit I was hearing, and called her out on it. Know what she did next? Burst into crocodile tears. I'd figured her out and she knew it. Unfortunately I didn't know I had figured her out yet. I still thought she was this lonely but socially very enept person who had been mistreated and messed up by a bunch of other people.
I'm an introvert and feel independent. She's an extravert and in need of people around her. She thinks I'm less than her because of 'social status'. I only have a handful of really good friends while she has hundreds of friends. She is never alone. She thinks I'm less intelligent because I don't communicate with people as much.
It can extend the relationship they can then slow things down . I was with mine for five years. It depends on the supply and thier strength . I didn’t let my walls down for three years . But when her father passed she got my attention from me and started to control me . Can only see it now .
I was too strong for him. He tried destroying my reputation,telling everyone I was a whore and spreading STD'S. I have been CELIBATE for decades. It all backfired on him. He lost his vehicles,all his money,his house and his reputation,he is terminally ill. KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA. Whatever you dish out will always come back to you in spades.i am totally healed,I learned my lesson and am moving on ,not looking back. Happy Joyful Enjoying Life to the fullest.♾️♾️♾️♾️🔯🔯🔯
@jeanholtz579 I absolutely LOVE your comment. It is encouraging and brings us hope to learn that they never get away with all the evil they have done. Time is undefeated 💪
Similiar: "Make sure you don't pass out" definitely DID NOT see that coming as manipulation until after I was dependent completely..... I have a syncopal condition diagnosed before the relationship, but I went from 3-4 episodes a year to 3-4 a day/week. Now that I started standing up for myself and setting boundaries again (although still living with the narc), I haven't passed out in weeks. If the joke is meant to point out your flaws, embarrass you, or if you just do not think it is funny; then it isn't funny and you do not need to justify that to receive validation from someone who is healthy. These jokes have an impact on your psychological well-being, and anyone who cares about that will respect that.
They're not really smart and calculating. They dont realize they have caught a demon and are being controlled by wicked spiritual forces. Ephesians 6:12.
When I found out where my anger issues came from...it was from things that happened to me when I grew up not my x...unfortunately she keeps on telling people I am angry at her, when I am not, God helped me deal with it with years of therapy...I do not have any pity for these cold calculated mess of person, who has gone out of their way to make me look like a crazy person for years... The moment I heard her say the same old thing she has said for years about her parents, it rang a loud bell, we would never be together as she just won't forgive people...wants to hang onto everything she can to control other people... don't need this evil in my life...
Trauma bonds are form all sorts of reasons . I lost a partner and child in April 2004 , my narc ex decided to start the abuse and talk about marriage in the 20 year anniversary. We both also lost relatives and grieved So have that trauma bond as well
At some point they become very predictable. Going back to The same blame you for this and then flipping and love bombing you. At The end i could predict almost every Word she would say when she had her insecure moments. Feel sorry for her. But Its not my responsibility to feed her toxic needs. Life is to short
I think it’s important to hold on to THE truth and not YOUR TRUTH The Narcs latch onto that phrase to rewrite history ‘It’s my truth’ No. What is THE truth?
![Twenty One Pilots - “The Line” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/E2Rj2gQAyPA/mqdefault.jpg)
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
You need to explain how they do it and they tell the truth with small little insidious lies sprinkled in with your friends and family members and that’s why they want you to be vulnerable with you because once they have that if you have a mental illness, they will totally use it against you!!!
My boyfriend's mother is a narcissist. Her rage is unbearable. When I told her that it is not fair to put up with her frustration and rage , she told me to look for another family and that she doesn't plan to change. She is a gold digger and craves for a high status. She tried to gaslight me telling me that I am too feeble and too sensitive.
You just believe in yourself listen to your intuition they are cold and heartless and empty inside I have been no contact for almost a year and it’s never been so calm and quiet if it wasn’t for my kids .. I wish I would have never met this toxic person keep your head up your better without them ❤
My ex Narc tried to kill me...June 24th, June 25th and early June 26th & now he's in the County Jail...bc he tortured & beat me on & off those 3 days...😢😢
I love him...
He's so crazy...
@@maribel5778 " too sensitive" = like textbook gaslighting. Their lack of introversion is boggling
NARCISSISM IS SUCH A SERIOUS PROBLEM IT NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT IN HIGH SCHOOLS
nice thought, but will never happen. its soooooo prevalent, totally accepted, and embraced, by society as a whole. this is how are keepers want us to be. go back in your brain cells; remember all the karens/kens from 20yrs ago? there were none, they are also a bi product of our present me me me me mine/take from you, society.
Or we should teach the children to be aware of the fact that such cruel people live among us. Let's not put everything on teachers' shoulders.
@@martaszyszka7654 the system will never, or should it do anything; its up to the parents. the problem there is very few of them truthfully know what one truly is, unless they have been threw it themselves.
I am dealing with a narcissist & alcoholic son 😢
@@AprilRace-u7e you need to pack your bag and leave. they will both drag you right down the sh itter with them.
They Attack what they Lack 🙏
Yep, my "great" upbringing started to be a problem for us, as I had "impossible" expectations of him🤨
@@Makwandentandeun6jnsame
Amazing comment
I love ❤️ that 🎉Thx 😊
So Very True 👍
Basically, if you can be independent, you are free from narcissist.
You still won't be free from the attacks. You still have to know how to fight them
Exactly, my sister just told me that I paid the mortgage by luck, this is after she told me my mother is planning to get me out of the family, that I’m not using my last name why I am I in the house, it was WILD that I’m now awake 1:45 I responded and I shouldn’t have, I was doing sooooo well.
I think more specifically it is emotional independence, unless you feel
trapped because you are being financially supported by a narc.
@@A.I-GAMING I guess it depends on a narcissist type, but some wouldn't even support anyone but themselves financially, and some are even thrifty on themselves, saving every penny they can, thinking they would live for a long long time.
Unending thriftiness becomes their habit with no rhyme or reason to it. It makes sense only to them.
Don’t listen to this crap, we aren’t supposed to be independent we’re supposed to be intradepent
The silent treatment is truly God sent
If you’re with a narcissist and don’t depend on them.. they don’t want you… you are too strong for them, they want someone to worship them 24/7 and who is weak and dependent on them… the reason being, they can control them so easily.
Well said, even pastors and religious leaders can be narcs, sad to say. They all want people who will act in obsequious posture towards them, which, btw, is not Biblical at all. The Scripture calls a pastor to be an 'under-shepherd' a humble servant of all who puts others above himself; -- not a proud, domineering 'over-lord' who expects others to serve him. The former is to be like Jesus; the latter is more like the Devil, really.
@@randy_cbc8811 - Amen brother! They have demons who are controlled by Satan himself who wants to be worshipped by mankind and even tried to get Jesus to worship him as found in scripture but Jesus would not bow! Praise God! He is our sin substitute. The Holy sinless perfect One Jesus Christ of Nazareth (God in the flesh!) ! >>>> Matthew 4:3-11 And when the tempter (the devil) came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.
4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.
5 Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple,
6 And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.
7 Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.
8 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;
9 And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.
10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.
11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.
We will not bow to Satan either! We only bow to King Jesus- the Only One worthy of all our PRAISE, WORSHIP AND ADORATION! ! Hallelujah!
>>> And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.
Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen.
I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty. \0/ Thank-You JESUS!
I can relate to the comment made about how a narcissist wants you to depend on them and worship them. This is absolutely true! I had been dealing with a narcissist who was my landlord and boss. She targeted me when I dared to do what is best for the animals we are trusted to care for. She confronted me about why I didn't follow the rule she made and I explained to her various reasons her rule made no sense and how it goes against safety guidelines she should be aware of. For every bogus reason she gave for me to no longer be able to do what I was doing, I had a way around it. This enraged her! Especially when I told her to her face that the reasons she gave made no sense and were stupid. That I believe was the beginning of the end. She kicked me out and fired me. Little dose she know I couldn't be happier to be free from her bullshit!
That’s exactly what my ex from 4 years ago. She tried to make it seem like I was lower than them. She went and got someone weaker someone she could control!!! She even sent her cousin here to tell me she was getting married and I told her tell her congrats 🎈 hope it lasts! Never saw that cousin again. I wasn’t hurt idc because I’m free!!!
If that’s the issue, then is it that the other is the narcissist, or that you are codependent and projecting on the other as means to cope with cognitive dissonance
If a narcissist tells me no one else would want me, I say hallelujah! After having a narcissist I couldn't want anyone else. Being alone is awesome 😎👍👍!
Dont let them destroy Your life ❤
I got that exact sentence too😢
I told my narc brother, and flying monkey brother, when our needy elderly parents are gone, we can burn the bridges, what's left. Hi ho silver lining!
@@homegrownpa this is what I feel at the moment with my brothers...but it makes me very sad my sweet brother became the flying monkey ...
@@heidjemeidje7189 It is sad, but if they refuse to get off their high horses and treat you as an equal, then there comes a point when you have to throw the towel in and get on with your own life. That's what I'm doing anyway. Good luck
A few nights ago I had a nightmare that I got back with my narcissistic ex. Woke up feeling extremely anxious.
That sounds terrifying. Must have been a relief to wake up from that dream! 🙏❤️
OH man. I had those recurring nightmares for years after getting out of a narc relationship. At the time (over 20 years ago) I didn't know anything about narcissism or have the language for that type of psychological abuse so since have read that these nightmares are a "normal" part of the recovery. Like they're little mini trauma flashbacks as our mind processes what happened. My recurring dream was that I was somehow back in a relationship with this person and the feeling in the dream was one of utter hopelessness. Sometimes in my dream I would remember I was with my now husband and it provided some feelings of relief. Thankfully they weren't very often but I understand the feeling one has during the nightmares and upon waking. It's terrible and it's almost as if it's real. I'm so sorry you are going through this!
@@charettebyreddog I appreciate your response to my comment. In my dream I also had the feeling of hopelessness, like there was no way out! In my dream she was love-bombing me again, but I knew what was going to happen next. My relationship with my narc ex ended only 3 years ago, so recent yet at the same time feels both so long ago and so recent!
sheeeeit, thats nothing. i had a dream about my ex wife. now thats a nightmare. lol
Those dreams are the worst lbs
Everyone should understand that narcissists target people who they believe they are better than them,it’s not hard to understand the nature of all this insecurity.
Facts 😂 then they try to say you’re standards are to high!!! 😂oh really are they now???
makes a lot of sense. because even though my narc had more opportunities for himself, he envied the fact that i have a stable job, that i am pursuing a law degree and have a high school diploma. he never got past a high school diploma because he doesn't have one. he's literally a Nepo baby, but for some reason hated me.🙂
he's literally older than me, he's 27 and i'm 22.
I don't know she is my mother how could i be better than her i am from her
💯
8:47 This part!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 If you trust your own mind, memory, and judgement, no gaslighter will be able to win.
SO TRUE!!❤
Its been a month with no contact to my narcissist ex. I’ve been working out,eating healthy,less drinking/going out, taking care of myself and i’m starting to feel beautiful again!
STOP ENGAGING WITH THEM PEOPLE!
Yessss 🩷
I hope you are staying strong. They always come back when you’re feeling your best. Stay strong! ❤
@@lob1248 thank you!
Well I'm an ugly bastard but I've got my narc eating out of the palm of my hand. It's all about reverse phycology. Watch and learn 😂😂😂😂
One month, congrats, I tried several months, nothing works.
Indifference to the narcisist and all of their BS is the beautiful outcome of healing from the horrible abuse those evil driven individuals inflicted onto us. Once you reach the point of becoming indifferent to their pathetic manipulation s and games, you are set free. Thank you Jesus for setting us free.❤
They go crazy when "the grey rock" method is used and "no contact" they have to know you are indifferent and have zero feelings , emotions or reactions to their antics. I drove a psychopath away with using these tactics. I'm loving myself because this scared him and he left and he did confirm that I was too strong for him.
Yay, “the truth shall set you free!” 🥳
I have just blocked and began no contact for about a week now. I've been threatened and promised to be hurt by him. I will never go back or allow the abuse to continue. I will report if he appears anywhere near me. Please 🙏🏽 pray for my protection and removal of this narcissistic man.
If someone threatens you....that's where Police need informing. That's abusive. Lay low....and heal. Be very clever and strategic. Document everything.
Let him know you got something for him if he dares to come anywhere near you. Bullies like people they know are afraid. Let them know you will "F" them up
Hope it's going well.
Restraining order.
Same here😢
When you get stronger, they go into terminator mode. 😂 They go after your finances, your relationships and slander your reputation just to feel like they have the power. They're pathetic individuals who gets their karma eventually. And majority of the time they always try to come back when their supplies "fail" to accommodate them. 😂 Please do not accept them ever again. Tell them to kick rocks and move on.
💯😌
I'm just going through a divorce with a narc. He isn't rewriting history. Rather, he's downplaying what he did and offering excuses. What I did to him was far worse. All I did was leave and he had to fend for himself! That was way worse than fourteen years of verbal abuse.
The good thing is if you keep on staying strong eventually
The narcissist will leave you- BUT they’ll make up a lie that you caused the break up 🤣🤣🤣- really ? Remember the narcissist HAS TO WIN
You the strong one will say ok you won but say it calmly and with apathy with no reaction
they really never win at anything. perpetual losers. hands down champions of self destruction/bad decision making.
My abusive narcissist wife called the cops and faked dv as soon as I became stronger and wise to her manipulation games. The cops didn’t buy her story and didn’t arrest me though thank god. Be careful with these tortured souls. They are damaged people damaging other people. It’s an insidious cycle.
Their favorite thing to say was "You're so hyperbolic, you blow everything out of proportion" any time they would be confronted with their poor behavior.
Or your acting crazy..
Or you're too sensitive.
Or that you're overthinking
Life without him is a dream come true! his absence is literally like winning the lottery jackpot!🤣🤣🤣 I wake up so grateful! And blessings have just come pouring into my life non-stop. The peace I have now surpasses all understanding. LIFE IS GOOD, PEOPLE!!!😂😂😂❤
I love a happy ending story! Yes! I’m so glad you’re thriving. Gets me a bit choked up- you deserve a good life. Hugs, friend. 🫂💙
Thank you! I screenshot this message and will read it every morning! I'm at the end of day 4!
They mean “work.” They have to put in a lot of “work” to control you. When they say, “you won’t find someone as patient as me.”
Always waiting for the next 👡shoe to drop. What you described is Cult tactics, separating/ isolating people from their friends and family.
💯
Nailed it! Signing off, a fellow guy named Matt (who also escaped a woman gone wrong who tried that game on me too)
I started saving entire text conversations and recording other interactions in my phone’s notes with dates and details like a journal. After 5 years of this-and discovering that I’m autistic-I went back and reviewed it all and saw the _very clear pattern_ and suddenly was able to end our relationship. Rather than relying on my memory-which it turns out is very good!-I had receipts. She finally gave up the breadcrumbing and got very frustrated with me. GOOD!
when you consider the beauty and the possibilities within every relationship, it's beyond tragic and sad..and what makes it especially sad is that some people don't even know that there's a beautiful alternative which creates happiness..
don't even know, or do they want to know. all a narc knows is take, destroy everything they come in contact with, and this includes self destruction.
Great comment! Poetic. I agree.
yes in my experience , narcs make every attempt to drive a wedge between you and your support system and they literally want to completely isolate you for a better control
I’m not scared of any of them.
I’m just constantly bored of them being about and trying to get to me by targeting family members.
Exactly, eventually their ways start to get so boring 🥱
my mother has gaslit me, manipulated me and controlled me for my entire life. She did the same to my sister. Unfortunately instead of trying to gain separation from her, my sister has joined in, has tried to rewrite history, twist my words and villainize me. I am 24 now, and it has been going on for years. living with a narc for my entire life has really messed me up in ways i can't describe online. I have separated from them now, but my family is destroyed and my heart hasn't recovered. Emotional abuse IS abuse. If you are in the middle of a relationship with a narc remember. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. One of the last things my sister (and at the time my best friend) said to me when we were still close (and she would admit my moms abuse) was "this is our normal. we just have to learn to live with it and be happy". Please don't do that. Do not just accept that this is how your life is. Only you can pull yourself out.
I lived with a Narcissist for 10 years and eventually got out I turned myself into the person I wanted to be Strong Independent and Happy!
I met a woman I was in school with and Couldn’t believe when things started to have that familiar ring to It !
This Narcissist turned out to be way worse than the last One !
What I had learned from these experiences and my journey to be the Person I wanted to be was I was attracting this type of person and it was related to how my childhood was !
What I learned was this Attention is what most of this is about !
No matter what stay quiet turn the other cheek and learn to Love Yourself !
The best thing you can ever do is be a success in your own Life !
That is a bitter pill for every Narcissist Ever 🙏🏻❤️
Dude, I'm 50 and I used to think that was crazy talk as a guy when I was in my 20s. Yet the psychological model you speak of was totally correct that they told us back in the '90s! (Or me if you're my age). Don't beat yourself up because they don't show up that way initially of course. Love bombing morphs into sporadic DEVALUTION years later. Until it becomes a so harsh that you can't take it anymore!
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I noticed the change from the beginning of the relationship to the end. In the end my X noticed that her lack of attention and intimacy, manipulation, gaslighting and control wasn't working on me any more. I never felt better when she left the relationship. My X didn't provide closure. But I don't care at this point. For those who experienced similar problems. Be aware that your partner will take advantage of your financial access before they leave. So make sure that you prevent and lock any important information they will use.
How long ago was this ?
It's best when they don't provide closure. It kinda makes you mad enough to stick to the course.
When my ex couldn’t get to me anymore, he would start putting down everything around me and literally looked possessed.
I feel like they have a demon in them
I've seen that too, and I believe that it's true, not in every case, but for some, possession is the description that best describes, the reality of their appearance and behaviour.
I love the comment about autistic memory! I’m not an “autism is my super power” person, but when dealing with my narc, my autism absolutely saved my bacon!
I'm glad that you trusted your memory, instead of the abusive person trying to gaslight you.
Life is so much better without narcissists in your life, it's good to hear that other people have gotten free from them.
I know my narcissist is livid right now! We’re new to each other and he had no idea I came with such a strong spirit, it’s the Aquarius in me. He’s a Pisces and the textbook narc!!
Over the past few years, I gradually became too strong and capable for my covert narcissistic adoptive father.
He died two days ago.
They lash at us and when we leave they call us unloving. What do you want from me?
Narcissists play three dimensional chess while the rest of us are playing checkers.😂
My ex narc made me feel unworthy by not wanting to go out with me in public, in the end I realised he wanted to isolate and hide me from the world 🙄 I’m so glad it’s over, now I can go out with my new found confidence.
Running into her after a fall out a year ago and been friends for 30 some years... Priceless...I'm gonna walk away and say Nothing!!!! I'm not scared anymore!
FIRST OF ALL , A PERSON SHOULDN'T BE WITH A NARCISSIST !!!!!! PERIOD !!!!!
In an ideal world, yes. Unfortunately it’s not easy or possible for everyone to leave right away
@@CommonEgo Nor is it easy to recognize (before it's too late) that you're dealing with a narcissistic person, I suspect.
totally agree. the problem is few know exactly what they are dealing with.
one of the worst things about being with one is 'not knowing'. im not stupid, but if you dont fully understand narcissism, your screwed. several months after i permanently kicked her to the curb, i was busy cooking in the kitchen, had u tube randomly playing for background noise. half paying attention, a man starts describing her, and her narc actions to a T. shut down kitchen duty, and spent the next several hrs watching narc vids. not only did the vids explain everything, they also explained her odd behavior. they are nothing more than lost, butt hurt children, living in a adults body. that was 9yrs ago, and if that vid would not have randomly popped up, i would most likely still be in the dark to this day. their entire mental dysfunction is very hard for a normal mind to understand. it was nice of black jesus to toss me that bone, giving me clarity/understanding.
That's why they call it them "WEARING A MASK" because they don't show up as they really are until a half year (or two years at the very least) later in many cases
@@randy_cbc8811Agreed, Randy! It's the fight for your life out of nowhere to escape the hell that missy sprung upon you when it comes to crazy women, indeed!
After not liking the abuse and letting it be known then I'm told that ... I was pouting & she doesn't feel like walking on eggshells around me... WAIT! So I don't like the Neglect, Triangulation & Confusing Power Plays and let it be known that I'm upset, and now She feels like She's walking on eggshells 😖🤯🥴 BLAME SHIFTING 101! Never Admitting her cunning power plays... Super Thanks for Decoding this Narc 💩
Sitting duck was I. Totally unprepared!
Yes, I don't know to play on their level.
THANK YOU GOD🙏
I made a list titled “ I Should’vd Left When……” worked brilliantly when i felt weak. I no longer feel weak about having ended it.
Mine started attacking me as a parent. But was completely unsuccessful, because I was that confident in how good of a parent that I am. But he tried so hard, because he knew how important it was for me to be a good parent.
Plus, their deep shame (/“I’m a bad person.”) prevents them from taking accountability.
This sounds like a whole video on the narcissists projection!!
Now it all makes sense to me! I am someone who sadly struggles with health issues, mostly auto-immune. He once said to me that I am sick because of how I am like, because of my stupidity and stubbornness. Needless to say my only reaction was wtf. I am confident overall so I am not sure there is anything anyone can say to take that away from me but he definitely tried. And I assume because it never worked all he could say is how masculine and domineering I am. Your video helps me understand why his 'trying to help me' was so absurd, I don't think he was trying to help me but to control me.
There's other videos on here talking about the link between autoimmune conditions and narcissistic abuse.
Being around them is harmful because they put your body in a constant state of distress.
Sad but I too developed Auto Immune Disease… I guess it’s because of being married to a Narcissist for 34 yrs…. But I recently started to moving forward and I hope I can make it😢
The rewriting history thing is chilling. I am still in a daze after going through the idealize devalue discard cycle - that I didn’t know existed until I was in pieces. She did something in the spring that devastated me. I brought it up in a final closure-seeking conversation, and she said - “that never happened.” Remember the ice bucket challenge? I felt like an emotional ice bucket had just dumped over my head. Chilling, terrifying. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I said absolutely it had happened and she said “I was there. No it didn’t. I don’t know why you’re saying this.” I have text messages to friends, saying what happened. And I met in person with a close friend the next day - who I never cry to, ha - and I broke down sobbing. I don’t know that I have ever experienced the rewriting history thing before. But in our last conversation, which went fairly peacefully, she said, right as we were getting ready to hang up: “I hope you don’t rewrite history on this in a week or a month.” Pure acid. She is the covert kind. She never yelled at me. The devalue phase was all coldness and sullenness and secretive behavior and withdrawn affection and lies. But that statement - “I hope you don’t rewrite history.” I knew then that I had just seen the real person. It really scared me.
My job is all in my brain, my exes job was all in his hands. He was a carpenter. He used to say 'you couldnt do my job' which i used to reply 'i don't want to do your job - that's why i do mine - one day ill get paid just as much but my back wont be broken' and he'd get all mardy and angry and start being a pr##k.
my fav move when dealing with one is leaving. 0 contact. i use this method for narcs, and non narcs alike.
That certainly hit home. When I caught my husband on a local dating site and confronted him he said I was over reacting as he was just window shopping. Close cousins to having a pet. The level of cruelty that pours out of them like water. Amazing
Had similar dint b daft darling he ru. Bath made coffee if u think I.. doing that I'll go now ect overtime they get worse a d more scary
Thank you Christina for your encouraging e-mails that always show up in my inbox with perfect timing for how I'm feeling. These e-mails and your videos are 50% of the reason why I'm still standing after being crushed in every way by my narcissistic ex-husband. Him discarding me and disappearing from my life just over 1 month ago after abusing me emotionally, psychologically, verbally and physically for 5 years is a TRUE BLESSING as I was unable to discard him first 'cause he kept hoovering me each time I did and I was too weak to resist his hoovering.
I've learned SO MUCH on Narcissism from your channel and this has helped me immensely to not break down, to stay strong, walk away and move on. All things I never though I could do.
Thank you 100X 🙏🏻
Omg i’ve experienced all of this. It’s been almost 8 months and this man still making up lies even though i’m done. I told him moths ago im done and after the tells me to move on lol. Im like that’s what i been trying to do the narcissism is real.
"Its not cheating, its just a little thingy I did, little mistake"
"You're weak, your family is weak"
"Your brother doesnt care about you, he just uses you"
"You physically abused me, and you abuse your children"
"You're sick, you're a psychopath"
"Everything you think about me is wrong"
"I told my children and "friends"(other men, supplies) that you are a sick man and what you did to me"
The list of betrayel is endless..
What hurt me the most is the false accusations about me physically abusing women and children. It is so discusting to me it makes me physically sick when I think about it. Her children hate me over a bunch of discusting lies
most of those points are probably projections of what she thinks about herself, and the things she knows about you which can hurt you the most. Vindictive demons. People will recognize the real person in the future. So time is on your side. Stay Kind, try to learn stoic control of your emotions and just be a good person with integrity. The People who are worth to be in your life will come back to you :) have faith and good luck
@@ruyko6300 thank you for your kinds words.
I'm trying really hard. But the pain and pity remain. It will be ok in the end. Thank you👍🏻👊🏻
I think everyone would feel the same in your awful situation and I can barely comprehend the pain youve been through. Stay strong and keep moving. In the end everything is gonna be alright @@willemkoppier4540
I feel for you, and I believe you, because I'm going through the exact same thing.
I reported my upstairs neighbours for screaming at and hitting her kid. So she and her partner responded by shouting to the neighbours, that they caught me filming their kids in the pool.
This is such a difficult situation, the narcissists smear campaign. But I keep telling myself that it's just temporary, and if I keep reporting them, and sharing the recordings I made of their behaviour, they will get evicted.
You are always stronger than you think you are. Go no contact and develop a new support system. If your a genuine and authentic person there will be people glad to have you among their circle of friends. Good video.
On desperate control: would a covert stealth file divorce papers?
In mediation session it sounded like she "didn't know how I would react."
On isolation: she wanted me out of the house (can't have me sleep in another room keeping to myself), attempted to use my family in a smear campaign, I've heard she has engaged in the social media stuff, she attempted something with one of my co-workers, and fully attempted to alienate the kids (succeeded in doing so with one). Etc.
On rewriting: I've seen this kind of happen over the last couple decades in general.
This was very encouraging 👏
I wish RUclips was existing 24 years ago so I could find out that my ex was a narcissist. So I wouldn’t waste 13 years of my life with him. I have experienced all the things you mentioned in my 13 years of marriage. Also after 10 years of divorce he doesn’t let go of me. He gets the Iranian new refugees to gang up against me. And they implement the same tactics to harass and abuse me. But I am much stronger after learning what’s narcissistic abuse and how to deal with the tactics.
Im with a Narcissist husband for 34 yrs. 6 months ago, I came across a UTube about Narcissistic behaviour. It opened my eyes and realized I’m married to a Narcissistic Person.
I’m now making my move to get out Hoping and Praying I’ll be able to do it 😢
I am dealing with narcissist at this moment. I did the whole steps to the point no contact . But the thing is now he made another account just to say how sorry for the actions and how he treated me . Mainly saying that he still have feeling of "attachments " towards me.
He’s lying!!! Don’t take him back…. Believe me when I say NARCISSISTS NEVER CHANGE and they are NEVER SORRY!!!!
What about if your narcissist is your younger sister as in my 40 yo younger sister trying to burn me to the ground. I after years of therapy and not speaking to her for 4 years she hates that I’m not reacting to her like I once did when she had so much power over me. I had to let her back into my life because my dad was dying. He died Sunday. She did some dirty shit that day. I have been the one caring for him for years and she hated that I got recognition for a job well done by the hospice nurses. She thinks everything is a competition. She put all the work into me but wants recognition for doing nothing/things she never did. Whew ok rant over. I miss my daddy but he isn’t suffering anymore
A big YES to you. I went through this all my life by my sister's Christmas that my raging mom would say let's open one gift at a time. My parents lavish gifts for my sister's kids. My son is getting NOTHING
This was done on purpose by my mom
My Parents are going to my sister's graduation from the Army and lavishness to her. She did it just to scam money from the Army to keep playing the flute. When I got home from Basic training, what was the first thing my mother told me "O" you haven't changed the things that were printed in my dad's memorial about me was just sick. I believe my sister wrote the words. About me drifting away, not me coming there ( all about my sister kids Christmas) my son felt so miserable and did not understand the Family Christmas
The most outrageous thing said at my Dad's memorial was a teacher friend of my parents all she did when it can time to say things about my dad. All she did was talk about her being this great lookut young lady when my dad first met her. Then that same day, asking my sister the Ex of will, if her son could just move into my parents home. That same day my sister E- mailed the JUST family member to have JUST family get together at my parents home, this BITCH and that's what this teach workplace friend of my parents was. She self invited my sister's E-mail I don't know if my sister did that on purpose or forgot to not send it to everyone.
Of course I did not go. I hear late there was a huge blow out at my dad's property. Over just the kids using my parents rowboat. One sister told my other sister kids, that it was her boat, they could NOT use it. This was ALL my parents property
My family is such an EGO crap festival. SORRY for being long winded. Growing up any family get together be it Holiday or birthdays was just unbelievable. Especially for my son, who was just treated like crap at these events. Him never knowing why. My whole family is such a disaster. My wife talks to her MOM daily, helps her out, I look at a real family on my wife's side, and I just do not understand my Family. My Grandfather was a great man. He showed me how to fix septic lines, he showed me how to replace the toilet. I will never understand what the "F" happened with my DAd and mom.
Your sister sounds like my sister two years older than me. Although my youngest sister, about ten years younger, is just as bad.
Peace to you, sister. You don't need to punish narcs, because they are already very unhappy. Stear clear of them. Find your place of peace, and don't allow anyone to move you.
My Narc and I were together for 30 years and when she found out I was on to her she said I think you should see a doctor I think you are loosing your marbles.And then later she said,the thing you have to get through your thick skull my friends are more important to me than you are.
I stand up to the covert narcissist. I think he finally gave up trying to gaslight me and his stupid mind games. Im the super empath.
They sure do love the mind games...it was constant, every day that I experienced this from the Narcississt bf I was with. So, maybe he was a covert. I love the "super empath."❤ I believe I am, as well💯
5:30--Mrs CE is right here when she talks about their classic STAGE 4 tactic of them playing HARD TO GET when it comes to the using reverse psychology to try to trick us back into "chasing them!"
"You Have NO Power Over Me"
*Resource The Labyrinth 💞
Here's To Authentically Believing In YoSelf
when the narc is a family member you can't have them as support, it has to be your close friends
Thank you so much for sharing Christina. Your video's and lessons are great! We can learn so much from you.
Good job you’re doing here Christina …. Very well said on this sad subject … I agree with Michael this should be taught for young people to be aware of … I was 65 and many years into a narc situation before I found out what was really going on.
"Mansplaining" as though I need obvious things explained to me & help with figuring things out lol thanks capt obvious. I couldn't have completed this task w/o you pointing out the obvious as though I am an idiot & need simple things explained. Good thing I have your around to put me down & tell me I am incapable lol
Diminishing your strengths:
1) you’re too logical
2) you sound like a psychologist
3) you’re “cold”
4) you’re too professional
5) you’re turning our relationship into a business-ship (when I tried to have an adult conversation).
I wanted to discuss expectations because he wanted to marry me and live with me …
But he didn’t want to have adult conversations about it.
😐
@dragonflymagictarot1180
Because he’s NOT an Adult Lol
Narcissist are Toddler minded petulant children, who lack emotional maturity or wisdom.
I really enjoy your advice.
Mine made the mistake to become angry and open herself with be honest the first time. She shared open here thoughts 😆. I thank here and said goodbye😜
boy, when that mask falls off its amazing. thats exactly when it happens, when they are angry. mask falling off is a part of their self destruction mode. not only do they like seeing you miserable, they love being miserable themselves, do to hate.
I see a common number in the stories of those who have had to endure narcissistic abuse in a marriage. It seems right around the 24-year Mark is when things finally start to unravel or dissolve? Anyone else notice this?
Hmmm, my son will turn 24, my narc husband’s behavior chased him and my daughter away, and I’m likely headed for divorce - which looks like a damn good idea. 24 yrs later.
@@pinkyndebrain4578 I pray that you are empowered with resiliency in this very challenging situation that really takes an emotional, psychological and yes, physical toll🌷 don't listen to any negative talk💯 I like your handle btw
@CommonEgo, Is being diagnosed with narcissism a game breaker? Can a narcissist become a better person through therapy, or should they be discarded? Are they doomed to be alone and labelled as an evil narcissist person? There are so many symptoms that overlap with other diagnosis - how can we tell narcissism apart from something like being deficient in empathy? Does that alone make someone a narcissist? Is narcissism learned, or are people just born like this?
I dealt with everything that’s in this video and literally still get called the narcissist when everything that you have said she has done to me and it’s hard to actually talk about it because it felt like I was nothing to her and didn’t matter but now since I noticed the more, I actually keep my distance away from her and block her and things get better
"You've changed!" - that's pretty much the crux of it.
Oh sh*t! The gaslighting happened to me! I finally caught it and she knew it. She discarded me shortly after.
Can you do a video on Splitting? And why that happens … to partners of people with this disorder? Please and thank you! 🙏🏼
It’s like thinking there is some one is behind you were there is no one behind you, because they curiosity about you is annoying. Wishing they learned how to talk with you because love being talk ative.
It was awesome. To watch in complete amazement. Was so heart breakin. The system of control just ground against itself destroyin every good memory replacing the good with the terrible. Discust was my food and tears my water. I was saved by the sword of God
My eldest daughter, age 40, claims I'm a Narcissist because I tell her (honestly) that "I don't remember that." Because I don't. I am not lying, and she claims that I am and that I'm gaslighting her. My friends and 2 of my other children know I'm not a liar, and literally laugh at the notion of me being a Narcissist, saying I'm far too empathetic to ever be considered a Narcissist. There is such a thing as false memories being implanted in a person. I believe her husband may have convinced her of these ideas to keep her all to himself. What do I do? The more I defend myself, the worse it gets. As you say - it just gives them fuel. HELP!
Yes! I started researching this because my daughter called me a narc. She tells me stuff I don't remember. I know it never happened. Back then, I didn't realize what liars they are. So, you're not crazy or losing your memory. She's playing mind games with you to fit her victim story. My daughter is 35.
My son 33, went into the mental health field because of living with her. He said, their childhood was great and anything I said to her was a reaction to something she said or did. We're now halfway across the country from her and have low contact.
She was married to a very toxic person and the two of them made our life chaotic to say the least. Anyway, he was also abusive etc. They divorced after thirteen years and he recently unalived himself.
All of my issues started way before she was married to him so no, it wasn't the husband. He just made everything worse.
As well as being extremely informative, attractive, and comforting, you have a great voice. You should also be a narrator.
Mine said you’re just an angel, you’re perfect! So untrue ! Projection. Am open to admitting errors and correction; which they are incapable of
You perfectly described my 2yr experience with a trauma therapist as a client. It was all about the money. She robbed me of my life savings. 13 months no contact and only now starting to regain my psyche. Had to find a new therapist to heal from a therapist. Seriously thats messed up. How can I prove it to get her license pulled?
I had her call me one and she tried to push my buttons and hurt me and disrespected me and I called her out on her behaviour but I got emotional and swore at her and hung up I feel bad that she got me to lose control
she kinda won that round. your winning round is 0 contact.
My mother is a Narcissist and she is like this in every way.
i am in the process of regaining back my control from the narc. and her response is sort of downplaying my strength by saying we will see how long it goes and will see who is the ultimate winner
4:14
Narc: You'll never find another
Me: And you'll never find another
We were both wrong. I found another narc (which I recognized and ended it quickly) and she found another people-pleasing codependent to manipulate and abuse. I am focussed on healing me, not being a people-pleaser, setting strong boundaries, etc.... she'll never change, she'll just monkey branch to the next guy when this one catches on.
The narc actually told me once that some other person she was mad at, was "losing out on a wonderful experience having a friend like ME!"
My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe the conceit I was hearing, and called her out on it.
Know what she did next?
Burst into crocodile tears.
I'd figured her out and she knew it.
Unfortunately I didn't know I had figured her out yet. I still thought she was this lonely but socially very enept person who had been mistreated and messed up by a bunch of other people.
Mrs. Christina is on point.
This was absolute GOLD I appreciate you and what you do this really made a difference knowing I'm not alone
I'm an introvert and feel independent. She's an extravert and in need of people around her. She thinks I'm less than her because of 'social status'. I only have a handful of really good friends while she has hundreds of friends. She is never alone. She thinks I'm less intelligent because I don't communicate with people as much.
It can extend the relationship they can then slow things down . I was with mine for five years. It depends on the supply and thier strength . I didn’t let my walls down for three years . But when her father passed she got my attention from me and started to control me . Can only see it now .
I was too strong for him. He tried destroying my reputation,telling everyone I was a whore and spreading STD'S. I have been CELIBATE for decades. It all backfired on him. He lost his vehicles,all his money,his house and his reputation,he is terminally ill. KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA. Whatever you dish out will always come back to you in spades.i am totally healed,I learned my lesson and am moving on ,not looking back. Happy Joyful Enjoying Life to the fullest.♾️♾️♾️♾️🔯🔯🔯
@jeanholtz579
I absolutely LOVE your comment.
It is encouraging and brings us hope to learn that they never get away with all the evil they have done.
Time is undefeated 💪
@@INHOUSEMUSICGROUP-PROMOS-vz7lm THANK YOU for your kind words. Be Blessed in Jesus Name!!!!!!!!
Similiar: "Make sure you don't pass out" definitely DID NOT see that coming as manipulation until after I was dependent completely..... I have a syncopal condition diagnosed before the relationship, but I went from 3-4 episodes a year to 3-4 a day/week. Now that I started standing up for myself and setting boundaries again (although still living with the narc), I haven't passed out in weeks.
If the joke is meant to point out your flaws, embarrass you, or if you just do not think it is funny; then it isn't funny and you do not need to justify that to receive validation from someone who is healthy. These jokes have an impact on your psychological well-being, and anyone who cares about that will respect that.
I told mine I have sexsomnia so they raped me in my sleep. Wish I never indulged that information.
Very insightful!
They're not really smart and calculating. They dont realize they have caught a demon and are being controlled by wicked spiritual forces. Ephesians 6:12.
When I found out where my anger issues came from...it was from things that happened to me when I grew up not my x...unfortunately she keeps on telling people I am angry at her, when I am not, God helped me deal with it with years of therapy...I do not have any pity for these cold calculated mess of person, who has gone out of their way to make me look like a crazy person for years...
The moment I heard her say the same old thing she has said for years about her parents, it rang a loud bell, we would never be together as she just won't forgive people...wants to hang onto everything she can to control other people... don't need this evil in my life...
When I started pointing out to the narcissist what they've been doing to me I was called senile ! Hehe
Trauma bonds are form all sorts of reasons .
I lost a partner and child in April 2004 , my narc ex decided to start the abuse and talk about marriage in the 20 year anniversary.
We both also lost relatives and grieved
So have that trauma bond as well
Hi great advice bravo your very good an to the point an thank you for being a good form of support . Two 👍 s up thank you .
My ex did ALL the things you’re saying.
At some point they become very predictable. Going back to The same blame you for this and then flipping and love bombing you. At The end i could predict almost every Word she would say when she had her insecure moments. Feel sorry for her. But Its not my responsibility to feed her toxic needs. Life is to short
I think it’s important to hold on to THE truth and not YOUR TRUTH
The Narcs latch onto that phrase to rewrite history ‘It’s my truth’
No.
What is THE truth?
Thank you for this information!