The first image is everything to me. I used to "bathe" my little toys whenever I bathed as a child. I took extra care of them, and would feel guilty if I didn't. After being SA'd, I stopped, because I felt guilty for touching them. Edit: I left a reply under this trying to tell everyone I'm okay now but it doesn't seem to be working. Basically, thank you all for the support, every comment has made me cry (happy tears ofc)
I'm so sorry... you didnt deserve that, noone does and I hope your able to heal... Just know that you are loved and there are people that will always be there to help you... if you ever need to reach out I'll gladly be here to talk to... :]
I cried at it for an hour straight non-stop, because it hits so much. You want to go back to your childhood, stay there, laying on the grass while your mom and your friends have a picnic at the forest nearby river. Looking at the sky and thinking that this is your world. You can change and do whatever you want. And you are happy, truly happy and even the saddest moments in your life can't change it. And then you find yourself laying in bed, looking at the ceiling, crying about your life, your mind and thoughts that have changed since those days of pure happiness.
“I wish I could have been a better dog” my best friend posted a poem relating them to a dog, one abused and neglected, one that only wanted love. But at the end they brought it back to themselves, what they perceived as their shortcomings. Instead of wishing to be loved more, they wished they did better. So if anyone sees this and wishes they were a better child, partner, parents, nibbling, grandchild, or whatever, know that the abuse is not your fault. You are worth infinitely more than how you were treated.
thanks, seriously, sometimes I don't understand what I did wrong, what I did for her to hate me, to tell me that i should have been aborted, that I should have kill myself, thanks
The last one feels like experiencing death at a young age by losing a childhood dog, you expect it all to just be a dream, everyday you wake up and you think that maybe they'll be laying on the floor downstairs or sleeping with you on your lap. Or maybe roaming around the house, perhaps in the hall where your bedroom is. And even whilst you grow up, and think you have gotten over it, there will forever be a gaping hole in your heart. You're just to distracted to notice it.
When my parents found out I got nothing, No mental hospital visit No therapist No deep talk No talk No encouraging words All I got was a bandage that wasn’t even replaced or checked on from my mum My dad never addressed it, the closest thing I got to it was a “it’s ok to not be ok” in the car two weeks after. I turned 14 1 hour and 57 minutes ago and I’ve been partially clean for around 7 months ❤ I’m really proud of myself and I hope I can continue to do so❤❤❤❤
8:14 The image hit hard My father constantly abused me (1-6 at the time), my little brother (1-2 at the time), and my mom, he'd yell at her and start arguments all the time. He would sometimes physically hit me (Kick me off beds, etc) My mom divorced him when I was 5. The abuse didn't stop. It's still going on now. I still see him. He recently almost killed my mom by strangling her when she tried again to fix the relationship, it was around a year ago. It was a whole court case afterward that I ALMOST got involved with, my dad tried to gaslight me into thinking my mom was the evil one, but I didn't listen. I told my therapist and she stopped helping. After that died down, CPS got involved and I told them *everything,* but I have yet to receive any help. I've matured severely and I feel it's unnatural for me; every time I go to my father's house I fear for my life, I'm actually scared as I'm typing this. I just want love and happiness, but as long as I'm with my dad; none of that will happen, because everyone keeps making excuses so I can keep seeing him. I hate him. I wish he'd die. I wish nothing more than to leave him for good, but I can't do that. I never will. I'm 13 now, hypersexual, and I've never felt so depressed, felt such a strong need for love and closure in my life. I just want help. I'm trapped. God, you bastard. Why aren't you helping me?
That first one... It hit me too hard. I was SA'd by my family member...The one I trusted more than anyone... It was my 4th birthday... The clear water was pure red...
I pray that you will be okay. 🙏 I hope your mother discontinues her use of substances, for her physical/mental health and yours too. Please be safe always. ❤️
I don’t think I have much trauma… well people seem to think I do. But these playlists give me more comfort than they should tbh. Recently been going in such a downward spiral out of nowhere. I’ll be happy and than I’ll just be hit with a sadness that feels like I’m drowning in it. I’ve been eating less. Thinking of eating makes me feel nauseous. I look in the mirror, I don’t see myself. But I don’t know what I think I look like either. I dissociate every minute of my life and I don’t know if it’s real anymore. My anxiety is so bad and my mom doesn’t believe me when I say I’ve had panic attacks, I just can’t do it anymore.
I guess it’s not the greatest to vent to a random comment section but.. I don’t have anyone else to say it too without being worried I’ll be told I’m faking.
babes, I hope you’re okay. i don’t know you in real life, but if you’re brave enough to share youre struggles honestly the you’re brave enough to get through them. best of luck, lots of love
It was not one big loud event, but my entire life instead. It's been happening since before I was born. And maybe I can't remember not because I forgot, but because it was always happening around me, so I thought that's what normal looks like
its sad how much trauma people have, and how much others are going through, and no one ever stops to talk about it, or even try to put an end to it (sorry for how i worded it)
the last image hurt me a lot, my mother threw out my beloved childhood toy and ever since then i've been feeling so much grief over it, she was a small pink and purple ty beanie boo and she was my baby my little sister my everything, its been so many years yet i feel grief over her. i know she was just a plush toy and that maybe shes out there with another little girl making memories but why does it hurt like i've lost a real person? i dont understand why it hurts this much as it does everytime i cry about thinking about missing her its as bad as when my FP abandoned me thats how hard i cried, being a person is so hard this isnt even trauma
@@thenonfurryik im not that person so i cant rly talk for them, but a thing similar happened to me and personally, buying another one wouldn’t work because my brain would think that “i just replaced the old one, it would feel so bad if it knew” even tho ik plushies dont have feelings yk? I don’t associate memories with a kind of object, but more with the specific object i have idk if it makes sense but-
@@thenonfurry you are so sweet, but you dont have to i could buy all the stock of the same plushie and it wont be the same as having her again and im learning to cope with that fact. nothing not even another plushie can replace the memories i've shared with her
I lost my favorite dinosaur plush when I was in kindergarten, I have that guy since I was born and it was my favorite toy ever, I was heartbroken when I lost it, knowing I’ll never get him back. I feel you’re pain
It's probably about loss, loss of childhood or control because your mother took it & threw it away against your will, did she do that with other things? So I'm sure it runs deep.
I feel so detached from myself, from everyone even the people i used to love and seek out, from everything, is like neither them or me exists, is like nothing is happening but IM happening. All the time
Dogman the dogman dang the dogman bro why why u maked me remember that why, i know u talking about the analog horror one @micapowderzzx but u made me remember that time a guy in a dog suit killed some people next to me and then ii was panicking and ended killing him with a knife... why why
Hey, I believe in you, im so sorry for how you lost her, physically, emotionally, I dont care what people say, death or not it hurts the same if not more in some cases. I love you, I know im just someone on here, but as a big sister, I couldnt imagine losing my siblings, I cant imagine them losing me, I cant imagine the pain, I cant say I know how you feel. But I hope you get better, I hope it heals, I dont think it will be easy I dont expect you to forget, but theres people there, maybe not the person you want, but someone.
It'll get better, I know how you feel. People love you and your sister wants you to keep going. And I know you want to do whatever she wants. So keep going, I promise it'll be worth it in the end.
Small vent (TW? Idk if any major ones are needed here other than implied trauma) This playlist reminds me of one specific feeling: Gaslighting yourself into thinking that the other people were right, that your trauma wasn’t “that bad”, and that you are just overreacting about distorted memories you can barely remember clearly details of anymore due to trying to forget everything that ever happened :(
i dont even think i have that bad trauma. Everyone around me seems so much better, i feel like im ruining it. Ive been bullied by the same guy from middle school for years. We’re in our second year of high school now. Everyone brushes it off as “he doesnt know how to express his love” or “boys will be boys”. I wanna die but i dont want my mom to cry. Sometimes, i even think about hiring someone to kill me so she doesnt think im not doing well. My coping mechanisms are unhealthy but they make me feel so good. I just wish every trace of me were erased so i could be nothing.
Hey i hope you can went through this hard time man, but you gotta stand up and fight them back, you can take a break whenever you felt you losing, but never give up, i trust you random comment.
as someone with an unhealthy coping mechanism due to trauma, its okay ! all that matters is you heal, even if its a very weird coping mechanism all that matters is you heal . and about ur bully : bullying and teasing can never be a sign of love, i dont even know why people romanticize peoples trauma of bullying about it.. because its a horrible feeling. it destroys ur confidence to pieces, its really a sad and terrible thing to experience. i hope you can graduate highschool and never see him again 💝🙏
Hey I hope everything can get better I'm so sorry you feel this way. But hey we got something in common. There was this friend i had since elementary school before COVID hit i was online school but after went back to school just to get bullied by them and their friends and treated in different. Dude I hope you heal I really do. Be careful
hello, one day you will be glad that you are alive. please push on though it all and take life a day at a time. do whatever you can to fight. i wish you the best
its probably not trauma but here it goes. so this one time in the 5th grade, i asked my father for a vest coat. for my school. (we wore vest coats on mondays) as uniform. my father was in a bad time. he took a sharp, wooden broken flute, and bea me with it. as a girl who knew what was right, i protested and still fought with my father. its been 5-6 years from that, still have the bruises. this other instance, when my father used to smoke,he broke my favourite chair. as a 3 year old, i was devastated. its not that major but, haha. all i ask for is for someone to not say that others have it
Even though there are people have been through worse, it doesn’t take away from the fact that what happened was wrong. No father should ever put his hands on his children.
I don’t even know if I was SA anymore, I always told myself that it was just “love” but I realize that being forced into something at 9-12 isn’t “love”
I wouldn't call what I have a trauma (well I'm not sure, but this year I want to go to psychologist) but I know it changed me in a way. I'll never be the same
“YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN BITE AND SCRATCH AND BEG BUT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK!” Really hits home. It really does. I want to go back. I want to get rid of her. I have this lingering thought just in the back of my head. It’s been there for a while. I had forgotten about what happened but after a while it started coming back and I just kept thinking…what if? What if? What if I had called the cops that day? What if I wasn’t a fucking stupid coward? It hurts. It hurts knowing I couldn’t help as I drowned in my own tears while I watched. It wasn’t anything big, I guess. It’s just something I don’t ever want to happened again.
why didn’t you help me? you knew what happened you saw my face after it happened. my horrible, tear stained, face. you saw how terrified i was that day i was attacked. you watched me writhe in pain as my young hands reached for my broken skin. you saw as i tried fixing myself like i always do. and you just watched. some parent you are.
@@Eeok well a few days before i commented this I was looking at all the photos of my parents from around 2009-2008, they were so young and happy. They looked so in love but all that is gone now, they are not together anymore and are just seen as friends that used to be together. Before I was born my mother gave birth to my older sister at 17 so her youth was taken away and she had to mature(btw she didn’t get pregnant my dad it was her ex) it just hurt seeing old photos of them. I miss when I was younger and they were happy. But sadly they were very toxic and would have arguments a lot.
My coping mechanism are unhealthy. Acting like nothing happend, Joking about them, Normalizing them. But this way I feel so much better. What do I do? I even made wanting to kill myself normal. As if its normal for me to think I can take my own life. As if it dosent matter to me now. Why. Just why. I just wanted a childhood.
Its okay! i have an unhealthy coping mechanism too and it makes me heal and forget more of my traumatic childhood . It isnt ur fault that someone caused you unwanted trauma, you never asked for it . all that matters is you can heal 💚💚
ur first traumacore playlist was my fav one out there and introduced me 2 so many good songs!!!!! :D this one might be my new fav tysm for making another one !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! itll definatley help me fall asleep on bad nights so ty
And I looked at him with tears in my eyes, begging him to notice he stared directly into my pained face and told me to get up and start cleaning. if only he could be seen as the monster he is had he not been my father
Hello everyone, I know we are here for our own reasons, no matter what brought you here it did, and I just want to say something, its not a copy or paste, and I hope its different from what you usually hear. But lets get the simple things over with.. It was never your fault, you are not them, you are not who they claim you are, you are not the issue, you never will be those things, you are not those things. I dont care how old you are when reading this, You are still just a child. I dont care how many people have said you are fine, it hurts, it still hurts. I dont care how you view yourself, how horrible you feel when seeing your own reflection, Its not what you are, you just are seeing that pain and you hate every second of it. I dont care if you insist the words people say are lies. I want to say it anyways. I want you to hear it was never your fault, I want you to hear those words that someone cares, someone loves you. I want those people who hurt you to get hurt in turn, I want you to be able to wake up and not wish you didnt, I want you to be able to fall asleep and not be scared, I want you to look at the things you use to love and just see the thing you enjoy and not something horrible tied to it. I know you want those things too, deep down or obvious as day, you want it to be better, I want it to be better too, but thats what trying is for. Right? I love you, I am so proud of you, god I want to hold you in my arms and I want you to feel safe, I dont want you to flinch I want you to just melt, I want you to cry and know I wont hurt you, I wish you could get that right now, I wish it was better right now.
(tw panic attacks / child abuse?) 1st pic hits hard, I remember being around 10 and being blamed for something my sister did. my father barged into my room and screamed at me, and I had a panic attack because of it. my sister eventually told my mother, who told my father it was her. he left the room and left me on the floor, sobbing my eyes out. without saying anything. nobody came in for what felt like forever.
@@JJL0v3lY Hey, i am sorry for what happened to u, can we be friends?, i think u are a amazing and cool person, i want to know more about u i want to be ur friend
Let’s take some notes….something that isn’t traumatizing you can be traumatic for someone else….people don’t understand the shit I get over saying I have emotional abuse and act like I’m being dramatic….
"im trying to forget you, but im waiting for you to come back" hits hard from when my family was all nice and happy and my cousins were around and it was pure joy. i miss it.
today my mom started asking if i remembered something and then cut herself off, saying no, i was a baby then. I watched a documentary about Laci Peterson and at the end it says violence from their partners is the number one cause of death for pregnant women and i couldnt help but think it could have been her. the first part of my life was living in a double wide and i was so little. I can barely remember those years i can barely remember what living there was like. I remember playing outside and being scared of my dad and knowing things i shouldnt too early and trying to make sense of it. i think being exposed to sexual stuff at a early age kind of fucked with me.
@@un-jimsyerjam1656 i dont understand the first part of the paragraph but i absolutely get the second part alot. ever since i was a child , i would think about sexual things even before knowing what the deed was. i heard its a symptom of a disorder called hypersexuality, i dont know what it exactly is but it may start from a young age sometimes as a trauma response. dont feel guilty because you hate those who abused you even if theyre a close person to you, you didnt ask for abuse and its their fault. i hope you heal well in the future 💗‼️🙏🏻
@@aziemazie idk how that works, maybe i have it too, i am kind of addicted to it, i knew about it when i was just a 6 year old bc i accidentally missclicked, i wasnt horny at all ofc bc i couldnt even understand what it was i was just 6 year old ya know, but at lik 10 i started
I don't even deserve to feel sad or remember the pain there are so many people in this world who have had it so much more worse than I, to them I am lucky. I do not deserve to fear when what I have experienced could never compare to others. I am selfish, I am weak
This is to all the people here: it’s ok now things may seem bad then or even now but that’s all right because not everything last forever and soon you’ll see the light that once shined in you before…stay safe everyone…and know you are always loved
I hated losing my dog that I grew up with my dad gave him away bc he had a flea infection and was losing a little bit of hair I miss him more then ever he would lay with me play with me be gentle with me he was my baby…. I miss him so so so much I hate it they moved to Texas after my dad sold him I knew I was never never never gonna see him again… he was a black Sherman shepherd with brown paws his name was diesel it makes me cry every time I think about him just remembering things about him makes me cry to the point I suck the pain in and make my throat hurt but I miss miss my baby….💔💔
I don’t understand why it hurts even though it wasn’t physical. I feel so gross and dirty, even though he never touched me. It was online, I feel like I’m just seeking attention every time I mention it. I was only twelve, and he was twenty four. He knew it was wrong, but he did it anyways, I can’t believe him. I trusted him so much, why did he have to fall in love with me? It was only two years ago, why was I so dumb? I can’t even feel comfortable in a hug anymore. I can’t believe myself. It was through a screen, so does it even count? I just want to feel clean again. I miss myself, when I was clean, and wasn’t forced to show my body to somebody only three years older than me. Feeling violated and scared that it’ll happen again. I want to force myself to be ace, to prevent it from happening again, yet ‘it’s feels so good.. I don’t know what I am anymore even, what I do know is that I need help, even though it’s out of reach.
I cant remember the first time, i dont even feel like i can call myself a victim for just a feeling, but its a feeling that eats up my life everyday, i remember the fear, the pain, the disgust, and i remember toys and casual childhood surrounding the rest of it, i dont remember ever being right
6:25 the fourth one hits closer to home because, when I was seven my dad passed away due to a heart attack I used to sit in the grass waiting for him to come back. He never did. I miss you dad.❤
I don’t feel like I deserve to feel bad. I see other people, and I think my life is not that bad, I can’t complain. I don’t even know if what I feel is justified. I felt so bad, it felt so wrong, but there is nothing that can make me say that I was not overthinking or exaggerating things. I don’t even remember if what he said this time was really bad enough to be alarming or if I was just too young and got traumatized without reason. It was three years ago when I was left alone with my “cousin” (40 years older than me or more. I was 14). We were at the beach, my parents had our summer house next to his. He is supposedly a psychologist and reads cards and the future. He wanted to give me a private lecture/session. I was excited. His house was dark, in the sense where the blinds were almost closed and everything in my memory feels so angsty. He gave me soda to drink. I never liked soda. He started talking about the cards, the future, my zodiac sign. I was listening, trying to ignore just how much I wanted someone else to be there with us. There was this gut feeling, It didnt felt right to be just with him. I remember there was a black cat in his house. The cat sat next to me, he was really unhealthy and dirty, I remember thinking it looked sad. After let’s say an hour and a half, he started using the cards he had read to me and talked about how I should leave my parents. He said that they didn’t really loved me nor understood me. He told me that I was just like him, and I could always come to him for shelter. He advised me to run away, to scape my family. I was 14. He said horrible insults about my family. I said I had to go, I was supposed to meet back with my parent for lunch. He said he wasn’t done, and grabbed my hand across the table, pulling me close. I wanted to cry. My mom called angry, because I was already half an hour late for lunch. She said she wouldn’t hung up until he heard me get out, so I wouldn’t forget about the time. She had no idea. I ran out of his house and started crying. He didn’t even did anything physically to me, but I felt so dirty. I feel so dirty. The way he talked, and how he looked at me. I was 14. He didn’t get to do anything but I shouldn’t have felt like that. I told my parents what he said. They were angry at him for his words, but I was too ashamed to tell them what I felt, what I thought could have happened if my mom didn’t call. Is it really fair for me to feel like this? Is it fair for me to feel traumatized for that? Or am I just exaggerating…?
It is fair for you to feel like this, you're not exaggerating ♡ That situation sounds so threatening and predatory, I'm very sorry you had to go through it :[ I hope you're safe now!
If I could press a button and leave for good, maybe restart my life with all my knowledge from now-I wouldnt press it. No matter how many times I say I would, I know I can't. The people I know know I can't. Sure, some will say I'm a chicken, maybe even that I have it good. But I think if I did, I'd ruin it. Ill mess up and make things worse for myself if I start from scratch. And most of us probably would. So i want to see what the universe has written out for me for a while longer.
Everyone listen. Your wanted and loved by someone and you will get better❤ trust me. Everything you do is absolutely amazing and big. You are getting up everyday, You’re eating, you’re breathing, you’re cleaning yourself it may seem like ‘small’ things but those so called small things are HUGE your doing something even breathing is taking care of yourself. You will always be loved and you are a wonderful person and you are not excluded and you are apart of society and not excluded. You don’t have to do a ton of things to get attention and be loved!❤ real people will love you for who you are inside. You are a beautiful amazing human being and you have done nothing wrong to deserve what disgusting and horrible things had happened to you. You are not disgusting the people who hurt you are either it be physical abuse or sexual abuse. If you feel dissociated from yourself then try to contact with people that know you well and ask them what are some words that describe you! I’m sure everyone in this comment section are amazing wonderful people that don’t know they’re like that yet. You have done amazing things. You are a human being and human beings make mistakes, go through horrible things but humans always evolve from those scars and become stronger. You are amazing and remember anything that happened to your abuser does NOT justify the things they have done to you. Break that cycle and heal from those wounds don’t end up like they did. Even catching yourself acting like them is a good step forward to try to change to not be like them. You are loved and if not by anyone you know you are loved by me and many more people online ❤
(Yapping warning and small Tw) My dad was abusive growing up, and even as I’ve gotten older enough to process what he did and how I feel about it, I still feel a sense of guilt and need to believe that I had done something to deserve the pain he’d put me through. My parents divorced when I was young, and lived in different states almost 16 hours away from each other, so my mother couldn’t do anything about the abuse even if I’d told her about it. I remember most of the abuse well, but my mind still blanks and my mouth goes dry every time I try to think or talk to somebody about it. At my age, I struggle immensely with issues of strong insomnia, to the point where it’s normal for me to hallucinate some days from the lack of sleep I get. When I was growing up, I used to be deathly afraid of going outside of my room at night. It wasn’t because I was scared of monsters or anything like that, but because I was scared of my dad waking up and hearing me. Whether it was for using the restroom at night, grabbing a drink of water from the kitchen, or even just talking to my sibling in our room, my dad would sometimes barge into our room to find who was awake and drag us off from the room. He used to force his fingers down my throat to make me throw up my dinner, not stopping until I did, and then would toss me into a baby-gated area inside of our garage for the night without blankets or pillows. It only stopped when I was 6. I remember my dad getting drunk a lot too, or getting drugged out of his mind off his prescription meds for some issues he’d gotten back when he was in the military. Sometimes at night, I still wake up to small noises because I think it’s my dad knocking on my door late at night to tell me to get ready for school, even if it was dark out. His voice would slur and he would often stumble and drool, which would make loud noises of him knocking around lazy steps and knocking objects around. Last year, I spent my last summer with him at his house. One of my siblings, who had grown up with severe medical issues, had ended up with a surgery gone wrong. It sent our entire family spiraling since there was a chance my brother wouldn’t wake up. During this time, most of my siblings went to their other parents (divorced dad marrying divorced mom,) and my stepmom spent most of her time at the hospital. It was just me and my dad most days. Despite him spending months in rehab to get past his alcoholism, he relapsed while he was basically in my care. With a few instances of him driving with me in the car while he remained drunk, an attempt to shoot our next door neighbor that I had to drag him away from, and apparently even a planned attack on our house from a majority of gangs around our house, my mental health plummeted too. I cooked dinner sometimes, usually not eating, and slept most days when I thought I could but usually just ended up tossing and turning. I remember my dad trying to kill himself that summer. My stepmom had come home while I was finally taking a nap, and had woken me up to say hi before walking to her room. She walked in and got comfy, and got ready to take a shower based off what I could hear in my room. A few minutes in, I remember my dad stumbling into my room with a few packets of his medical marijuana and a small container of his Xanax. He took it there, in front of me after he told me he hated his life, and that since I wanted to move away from him, I was ruining the only good thing he had to look forward to. On May 4th of this year, I tried to overdose and kill myself by chugging a majority of my old prescriptions and by rinsing my mouth with rat poison. It didn’t work somehow, and I’m still unsure whether or not I think that was a good thing. But I’m almost 13 now. I’m trying to enjoy my summer in peace but my dad is still fighting for custody of me somehow. He didn’t succeed in his attempt, my brother got better, and now my siblings are constantly being guilted by my father to think that they’re the reason I left. My mom knows some of my story now, her and her boyfriend are trying so hard to get me out of it, but it’s a difficult situation because I still want to visit for my siblings. Middle school has started and I feel safe, and I’ve even started to move into my room at my mom’s boyfriend’s house as him and my mom try to make a home I feel comfortable in. But I don’t want to be his daughter anymore. He never treated me like I was.
That's absolutely terrible, I'm immensely sorry you had to go through such horrible things at such a young age. I hope you're in a much safer environment now, you deserve to feel safe, to be safe, to keep living and to enjoy all the comforts this world provides
0:00 just take my wallet - jack stauber 1:21 audio 002 2:24 every dog has its day - birth day 6:05 girl harmonizing with a fan slowed 8:13 if i cleaned everything - teen suicide 10:33 if i were neil armstrong i would have planted a flower on the moon instead - window seat 13:11 gentle - sign crushes motorist 14:12 painkiller - wishing 16:46 fake. - i killed a pixie 18:10 we dont have many days - locl
"Mom, I think he's trying to do something with me.." "Don't mind him, just stop hugging him." ---- "Mom, his arms went lower than my shoulders.." "Why did you hug him again?" "He forces me.." "Oh, ok." ----- "My hips.." "Stop. Hugging. Him." "I can't.." ___ "M-Mom, he.." "Mom..?" "Mom, please listen.." "Mom.."
“mom.. He kissed my neck-“ “he is your grandpa! It was an accident! He is blind and cant move fast!“ ...................... “mom.. It happened again..“ “you are taking it the wrong way, keep hugging him, this might be the last time you would probably see him.“ ............. “he is staring at my boobs..“ “he is staring at the phone, not you, butter.“ “oh... Okay..“ ....................... “dad he kissed my neck..“ “you are taking it the wrong way, if he meant it he would rub your thighs or boobs, its fine.“ ............... “nana, called me fat..“ “you are ,honey.. The truth hurts sometimes“ ........... “mommy..?“ “daddy?...“ “why wont you believe me...?“ “why do you take his side but never mine..?“ “how come you say you will be there, but you aren't..?“ “why arent my emotions vaild...?“ ............... “𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄?“ “𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐖𝐄 𝐃𝐎?“ “𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓“ “𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐎 𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋-“ “𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐎𝐍 𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄?“ “𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐎 𝐑𝐔𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐄? 𝐈𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐓, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃, 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓!“ “𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑!“
The 2nd image means a lot to me to be honest. When I was something around 10 or 11, I know, not that young, one of my extremely close friends passed away. She was one of the only people that supported me always, even in some of my more darker and difficult moments. I literally cried myself to sleep almost every night thinking of her, and remembering several dreams that she was in. At that point I literally craved sleep, trying to sleep whenever I could steal a short moment of it, trying to get a dream of my friend. I still think of what happened almost every day despite it being 4 years ago. I always wish I can just go back so I could’ve appreciated the moments I’ve had with her.
I remember being sad, just being sad when I see another child not take care or their stuffed animal, Barbie, Ken, any doll in general. It just made me sad.
This playlist brings me comfort, but also allows me to feel the sadness for the child I never got to be more than without it. Kind of makes me want to write a little poem or draw a little drawing about it. I don't write poems often, so I don't know how good it'll be, but I want to share it. When I was younger Four or five, I knew hunger It swarmed me like bees in a hive I was a bad child My mother would say Her anger never mild I didn't get to eat that day Food stashes in my room Places to hide Bacteria did bloom I survived Alone again in my room
playlist like this comfort me so much, like a person who can listen to stories about argues with my mother, friends or grandma when i was little. i remember a situation what happened to me when i was just 9. i argued with my mother, dont remember why, and at night i tried to apologise, but she just said “do i really must forgive this *monster*? no.”, i remember how i cried hardly instead of falling asleep, but she acted like she didn’t notice. i don’t understand why exactly this situation imprinted in my memory so much so that i think of it every day, because i had very very many similar experiences.
'just take my wallet' is the most relatable song to me It reminds me of my mom and my old stepmother "Whats the kindest way to say You took aeay my friend, my buddy." reminds me of how i wasnt allowed to play with any of my stepsiblings (i was 7)
Despite repressing all those sickening memories, they come back to me, the ones where I experienced the worst, things someone my age shouldn't have even been worried about happening again. After all, I was so young and it was so un-necessary. P.s hope everyone is doing okay, make sure you eat and drink and remember it was never and will never be your fault. Love your face 💤
I played with my toys in the bath all the time. I stopped when I was 8 because my parents got divorced while I was taking a bath, and told me as I was playing with my toys. I play with them again. It’s fun.
Why can’t I go to sleep? How many times have you thrown my phone Acting like a dog to a bone, because you Think I mocked the creator. How many times must I wheep For the wolves to sing me to sleep Mother wolf mother dear Why can’t I have you here. Nursing me back to health While choãking myself with A torminted girls stealth. Look my way and watch me sway For the birds have never hurt me. Mother dear must I go with shoes Mother dear must I have my food Mother deer can I come home without fear
Im feeling numb, im lost, i wonder if im going to be happy in the future, i don't want to work i only want to be an idol, a vtuber, but i wish to be happy the most, my family gaslightes me, but ive got to just go on ? I want a break.... If working was not essencial
It’s a strange strange thing to experience trauma while truly privileged. There’s no guides for it. No way to contextualize it. You get anxiety at age 8, a genetic thing most likely. Feeling like a burden to your parents after hearing about the people in the world who are suffering. Because how could you not hear? When both your parents grow up poor? How could you not see? When the emaciated little boys beg for a quarter for ice cream while you sit on the balcony of a restaurant in your abuelo’s home country. But doesn’t explain why. And that becomes a memory you carry for the rest of your life. And your mother gains anger issues from traumas she hasn’t addressed. She doesn’t know how to deal with your emotions. She doesn’t know how to deal with her own. You grow up afraid of her. Punished for your lack of impulse control as a kid with ADHD. Tip-toeing around her in hopes you won’t upset her. And it hurting more knowing that she’s trying her best. In her anger she calls you useless because you can’t pay attention. You wake up from a nightmare one night and go to the kitchen hoping to seek her out, and instead of first wondering why you’re up, she’s angry you’re awake at all. And sends you off to bed. And in the bathrobe you wore over your pajamas that night. That you kept for years after. You are groomed at 16 years old. You thought you wanted the attention. You didn’t. Not like this. You end up one of the lucky ones, the final victim that gets him caught. As the school does everything in their power to protect you. When your mother has long since calmed and protects you like she’s supposed to. Even though you went months without saying anything, because it was too painful. But later after all is said and done and you heal, and get a boyfriend. She says to you in the kitchen one night “you must not really be traumatized if you have a boyfriend” and you see the regret in her face when you look at her with pure disgust. You go to your abuelo’s place. The bathrobe. You almost forgot they gave you and your cousin a matching set. You feel sick while going to the bathroom. But that’s not where the worst of it began. The worst of it began when your childhood friend who you’ve known since elementary m-l-sts you. You’re again one of the lucky ones. When you finally have the courage to stand up for yourself. You stop, citing how you could report him, and him joking about lying and saying he’s gay would change their mind. You don’t report him. Because he stops. Ironically that same man is now in a physically abusive relationship. You almost feel like it’s karma. It’s not though. And later barely a day after confessing to your now boyfriend a different guy _friends with that ex-childhood friend_ tries to kiss you out of nowhere. But that’s not what hurts, what hurts is how he then makes a blatant sexual remark about you and your boyfriend. And when you step aside to call him out, a teacher scolds you for not sitting at lunch. And years later when you’re all about to start college. He dies in a car crash. And you don’t even know how to mourn the guy who used to lend you his coat and then ended up so awful. And though you’re hurt later, though you’re hurt by others. None of it. Was ever as awful as being groomed. And at the very least. You start to heal.
@@tilly-the-silly-frilly I am, there’s of course still emotional problems but. I’ve never felt more loved. And I’ve never felt more like I want to protect and cherish everyone I care about.
8:13 reminds me of a puppy I once had. His name was Franklin, and I had gotten him for my birthday and from my bio mothers current boyfriend at the time. I loved that puppy to bits and pieces, was so proud of him and absolutely adored him. Even if he stayed with her boyfriend I still got to see him and pet him, I didn't realize it but he was **mine**, like my own little child. 3 months later he got into some poison and died (sad enough one of the boyfriends dogs got into it too and died as well). He was so small and young, I don't tell alot of people this but I miss him so much. He was supposed to be mine to love and he was taken away from me. I miss my puppy, even if I don't remember him so much. Even if I didn't know him, why did I hurt him? Did I even hurt him at all? I'm sorry Frank, I miss you so much.
I told myself I would take this to my grave, and never tell anyone, but I realize now that's just hurting me more. We were both young, but she knew better. She told me it was okay, it was just practice. I was eight years old. It feels like it was all a dream, but I start remembering more of what happened everyday. What she did made me the way I am now, and I hate it. I still love her dearly and I always will, but I won't forget what happened either. I feel disgusting thinking about it, even though what happened wouldn't be considered horrible compared to other people's stories I was so young, I just wanted to be normal. Childhood seems like too much to ask for nowadays.
Im tired. I feel as if im not in charge of my body. I dont want to die. I dont want to hurt. I dont want to sleep. I dont want to eat. My brain is loud. It hurts. Everything hurts.
I still wish it was just a nightmare, a horrible nightmare, I was 6 years old, it was in the bathroom at my school, I can still feel his hands on me, I can still feel that "thing", that thing that is still between my legs, that reminds me of that "nightmare", I don't deserve to talk to my parents, I can't, they are the kind that think that "the victim was asking for it", I can still feel it and for anyone else who is sure that they have had a trauma like this, please seek help, I know you feel that you don't deserve it, that it was your fault, you were just little, innocent, vulnerable, it was never and never will be your fault, please find help.
i never really grew up. this makes it impossible for me to make and have friends. I’m so alone but i’m still like a child sometimes, at 21. it’s bad but i can’t stop it. i never grew up
I honestly don't remember anything from my childhood it was okay i think me completely ignoring how messed up the family was because of me idk why i became like this i used to be a happy kid....? Was i ? I really don't know cause i dont remember i only remember the death of my dad and the fall of my family maybe if it was me who died and not him the lives of many people would have been good including mine . I chosen a date to end it all my 20th birthday cause i know i won't do anything useful with my life so I'll just give it back to the universe
i just found out my cousin S/A'd me since i was 9 she kept touching me and when i finnally knew about sx and all that she would pressure me and say "cmon its not that bad only for awhile" i also started cutting at 11 and i try to reach out for help but i dont want help at the same time i only trust my really close friends my bff of 3 years scolds me when i cut again and i lthen cry in her arms..i love her dearly please never leave me,you saved me..
I feel like I've been permanently screwed death and religion wise since I was 11 years old, there's nothing worse than finding out a young family member, younger than you at that point pass away from leukemia, while everyone was telling me "she was in a better place" I deep down felt lied to, if there was a god, then how heartless would said God be to give a 6 year old cancer. It's something that honestly, hasn't left the back of my mind now that I'm 23 years old and with a little sister, which i take care like it was our last day alive
The first and fifth image hit hard. I was five and in year one, I was so small, second smallest in my class. There was an older kid in the same grade, he was seven I think. He'd chase me (They/Them, now.) and some girls around every recess and lunch he could find us, trying to SA us. We'd have to hide in the girls toilet stalls locking the doors as he would run into the bathrooms after us. It was extremely traumatic and I ended up with multiple trauma disorders because of it and some other things. I told my teacher and the bodies mother but neither did anything... The bodies 'mother' recently screamed at me about how what I went through (Both what I've said here, and some other things) wasn't traumatic.
I’m really sorry but if it’s year one then I doubt they were trying to SA you. How did you even know what sex was at that age? And they couldn’t be the same grade as you if they were two years older.
@@Rawr350. It's possible, children can be exposed to horrible things at young ages. I'm really terribly sorry that happened to you, and the other girls, Coastal_Tavern, I hope you're safe now
I just want to be loved the way i love others. But none of my friends care or put in just a little bit of effort to check in on me even when i tell them I'm not doing well. Instead, they put that effort towards everyone other then me. Maybe I'm better off alone for the rest of my life.
The first image is everything to me. I used to "bathe" my little toys whenever I bathed as a child. I took extra care of them, and would feel guilty if I didn't. After being SA'd, I stopped, because I felt guilty for touching them.
Edit: I left a reply under this trying to tell everyone I'm okay now but it doesn't seem to be working. Basically, thank you all for the support, every comment has made me cry (happy tears ofc)
i'm so sorry but that is fucking devastating, i'm sorry you had to be so strong that young.
@@user-ts9tp3xq3e
All good now, just feel like I missed out on being a kid
I'm so sorry... you didnt deserve that, noone does and I hope your able to heal... Just know that you are loved and there are people that will always be there to help you... if you ever need to reach out I'll gladly be here to talk to... :]
Omfg that is horrible
thats hits,that hits hard in my heart. i couldn't image how it affected your life, i hope you still have/had time to be a kid.
the quote "YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN BITE SCRATCH AND BEG BUT YOU CAN NEVE GO BACK!" hits hard .
true
Fr
I cried at it for an hour straight non-stop, because it hits so much. You want to go back to your childhood, stay there, laying on the grass while your mom and your friends have a picnic at the forest nearby river. Looking at the sky and thinking that this is your world. You can change and do whatever you want. And you are happy, truly happy and even the saddest moments in your life can't change it. And then you find yourself laying in bed, looking at the ceiling, crying about your life, your mind and thoughts that have changed since those days of pure happiness.
“I wish I could have been a better dog”
my best friend posted a poem relating them to a dog, one abused and neglected, one that only wanted love. But at the end they brought it back to themselves, what they perceived as their shortcomings. Instead of wishing to be loved more, they wished they did better.
So if anyone sees this and wishes they were a better child, partner, parents, nibbling, grandchild, or whatever, know that the abuse is not your fault. You are worth infinitely more than how you were treated.
thanks, seriously, sometimes I don't understand what I did wrong, what I did for her to hate me, to tell me that i should have been aborted, that I should have kill myself, thanks
The last one feels like experiencing death at a young age by losing a childhood dog, you expect it all to just be a dream, everyday you wake up and you think that maybe they'll be laying on the floor downstairs or sleeping with you on your lap. Or maybe roaming around the house, perhaps in the hall where your bedroom is. And even whilst you grow up, and think you have gotten over it, there will forever be a gaping hole in your heart. You're just to distracted to notice it.
Lost my dog and this is accurate
Thats how i felt loosing my cats right after my only friend friend left me and started bulling me in elementary
I wish it were- for me it was a loved one who committed and sadly parted ways
literally me when i lost my mom at nine years old. im now 14.
istg i was (for some reason) on the brink of tears for a split second while reading this. I can't imagine losing my baby..
The worst part about childhood trauma before 4 is that it's the only part of your younger years you remember.
FORREAL THO
Yeah my trauma is my earliest childhood memory
В каком-то смысле да, а в каком-то нет... вроде бы я помню только плохое в этом возрасте, а вроде бы и не помню, что со мной происходило :
yea
It still effects me and I'm 16 now. PTSD child abuse sa
When my parents found out I got nothing,
No mental hospital visit
No therapist
No deep talk
No talk
No encouraging words
All I got was a bandage that wasn’t even replaced or checked on from my mum
My dad never addressed it, the closest thing I got to it was a “it’s ok to not be ok” in the car two weeks after.
I turned 14
1 hour and 57 minutes ago and I’ve been partially clean for around 7 months ❤ I’m really proud of myself and I hope I can continue to do so❤❤❤❤
I am SO proud of you. 7 months is such a long time, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been clean for, it matters if you are at least trying to stop
Damn i feel that, not having a real connection with your parents is fucked
@@alieharris931 thank you your amazing ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@IdkMyname-t9l yeah it can damage someone a lot more than most think it can :/
@@user-if5qd2od9m just sending positive truth to others
this playlist makes me feel like a small child falling asleep after crying, thank you for making this
8:14 The image hit hard
My father constantly abused me (1-6 at the time), my little brother (1-2 at the time), and my mom, he'd yell at her and start arguments all the time. He would sometimes physically hit me (Kick me off beds, etc) My mom divorced him when I was 5. The abuse didn't stop. It's still going on now. I still see him. He recently almost killed my mom by strangling her when she tried again to fix the relationship, it was around a year ago. It was a whole court case afterward that I ALMOST got involved with, my dad tried to gaslight me into thinking my mom was the evil one, but I didn't listen. I told my therapist and she stopped helping. After that died down, CPS got involved and I told them *everything,* but I have yet to receive any help. I've matured severely and I feel it's unnatural for me; every time I go to my father's house I fear for my life, I'm actually scared as I'm typing this.
I just want love and happiness, but as long as I'm with my dad; none of that will happen, because everyone keeps making excuses so I can keep seeing him. I hate him. I wish he'd die. I wish nothing more than to leave him for good, but I can't do that. I never will. I'm 13 now, hypersexual, and I've never felt so depressed, felt such a strong need for love and closure in my life. I just want help. I'm trapped.
God, you bastard. Why aren't you helping me?
That first one... It hit me too hard.
I was SA'd by my family member...The one I trusted more than anyone... It was my 4th birthday... The clear water was pure red...
ugh thats so awful im so sorry
Oh no!!!!!! :[
Hope you're getting better
On the *birthday*?Vile. Absolutely disgusting.
That's absolutely terrible, I'm so sorry. I hope you're in a safer environment now
@@tilly-the-silly-frilly Unfortunately no. If anything this new place is worse :/
I’m watching my moms life’s ruin before my eyes. She threw up on the bed because of all the drugs she was taking and she slept in the her own vomit.
Oh my god are you holding up alright?
@@I_L0VE_SALLY_F4CE I don’t really know. But thank you for asking. ❤️
I pray that you will be okay. 🙏 I hope your mother discontinues her use of substances, for her physical/mental health and yours too. Please be safe always. ❤️
I am so so sorry about that. I hope your mother gets the help she needs and you heal from this. I'm so sorry...
Gosh that’s absolutely horrible. I hope your mom gets better :( i hope you also get better soon
I don’t think I have much trauma… well people seem to think I do. But these playlists give me more comfort than they should tbh. Recently been going in such a downward spiral out of nowhere. I’ll be happy and than I’ll just be hit with a sadness that feels like I’m drowning in it. I’ve been eating less. Thinking of eating makes me feel nauseous. I look in the mirror, I don’t see myself. But I don’t know what I think I look like either. I dissociate every minute of my life and I don’t know if it’s real anymore. My anxiety is so bad and my mom doesn’t believe me when I say I’ve had panic attacks, I just can’t do it anymore.
I guess it’s not the greatest to vent to a random comment section but.. I don’t have anyone else to say it too without being worried I’ll be told I’m faking.
Dw abt it, thanks for sharing:) *virtual hug*
babes, I hope you’re okay. i don’t know you in real life, but if you’re brave enough to share youre struggles honestly the you’re brave enough to get through them. best of luck, lots of love
This is crazy because I’ve been feeling the exact same way. You’re not alone friend ♥️
I hope those terrible emotions stop attacking you soon, they sound exhausting to deal with. ♡
It was not one big loud event, but my entire life instead. It's been happening since before I was born. And maybe I can't remember not because I forgot, but because it was always happening around me, so I thought that's what normal looks like
Im sorry for whatever you're going through:( please dont give up. We care for you. Would you like to talk about it?
It was so long ago,
I was so young.
I don't even know if it was real.
what
@@pintyen what do you mean, "what"?
That's terrible, I'm so sorry you had to go through that
@@SpiritGuardian2 is getting groomed virtually technically sa i cant tell
@@micapowderzzx no. thats... no its not. look at the definition on sa. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🥲🥲
its sad how much trauma people have, and how much others are going through, and no one ever stops to talk about it, or even try to put an end to it
(sorry for how i worded it)
the last image hurt me a lot, my mother threw out my beloved childhood toy and ever since then i've been feeling so much grief over it, she was a small pink and purple ty beanie boo and she was my baby my little sister my everything, its been so many years yet i feel grief over her. i know she was just a plush toy and that maybe shes out there with another little girl making memories but why does it hurt like i've lost a real person? i dont understand why it hurts this much as it does everytime i cry about thinking about missing her its as bad as when my FP abandoned me thats how hard i cried, being a person is so hard this isnt even trauma
if i knew you i would buy you another one
@@thenonfurryik im not that person so i cant rly talk for them, but a thing similar happened to me and personally, buying another one wouldn’t work because my brain would think that “i just replaced the old one, it would feel so bad if it knew” even tho ik plushies dont have feelings yk? I don’t associate memories with a kind of object, but more with the specific object i have idk if it makes sense but-
@@thenonfurry you are so sweet, but you dont have to i could buy all the stock of the same plushie and it wont be the same as having her again and im learning to cope with that fact. nothing not even another plushie can replace the memories i've shared with her
I lost my favorite dinosaur plush when I was in kindergarten, I have that guy since I was born and it was my favorite toy ever, I was heartbroken when I lost it, knowing I’ll never get him back. I feel you’re pain
It's probably about loss, loss of childhood or control because your mother took it & threw it away against your will, did she do that with other things? So I'm sure it runs deep.
8:14 words cant express how much i relate to the text
I feel so detached from myself, from everyone even the people i used to love and seek out, from everything, is like neither them or me exists, is like nothing is happening but IM happening. All the time
if im going be honest
grace(petey’s mom) is my favorite character in the whole dog man series
she didnt deserve crud, honestly.
Dogman the dogman dang the dogman bro why why u maked me remember that why, i know u talking about the analog horror one @micapowderzzx but u made me remember that time a guy in a dog suit killed some people next to me and then ii was panicking and ended killing him with a knife... why why
@@a_normal_youtube_user what
did i comment on thw wrong video
HELP SORRY
i’m so high and sick rn i miss my sister i can’t do this without her
Hope you are feeling better. 🙏❤️ Rooting for you buddy.
Hey, I believe in you, im so sorry for how you lost her, physically, emotionally, I dont care what people say, death or not it hurts the same if not more in some cases.
I love you, I know im just someone on here, but as a big sister, I couldnt imagine losing my siblings, I cant imagine them losing me, I cant imagine the pain, I cant say I know how you feel.
But I hope you get better, I hope it heals, I dont think it will be easy I dont expect you to forget, but theres people there, maybe not the person you want, but someone.
I'm sorry that happened r.i.p her soul
I hope you're able to feel better soon, you deserve it
It'll get better, I know how you feel.
People love you and your sister wants you to keep going. And I know you want to do whatever she wants.
So keep going, I promise it'll be worth it in the end.
Small vent (TW? Idk if any major ones are needed here other than implied trauma)
This playlist reminds me of one specific feeling:
Gaslighting yourself into thinking that the other people were right, that your trauma wasn’t “that bad”, and that you are just overreacting about distorted memories you can barely remember clearly details of anymore due to trying to forget everything that ever happened :(
i dont even think i have that bad trauma. Everyone around me seems so much better, i feel like im ruining it. Ive been bullied by the same guy from middle school for years. We’re in our second year of high school now. Everyone brushes it off as “he doesnt know how to express his love” or “boys will be boys”. I wanna die but i dont want my mom to cry. Sometimes, i even think about hiring someone to kill me so she doesnt think im not doing well. My coping mechanisms are unhealthy but they make me feel so good. I just wish every trace of me were erased so i could be nothing.
Hey i hope you can went through this hard time man, but you gotta stand up and fight them back, you can take a break whenever you felt you losing, but never give up, i trust you random comment.
as someone with an unhealthy coping mechanism due to trauma, its okay ! all that matters is you heal, even if its a very weird coping mechanism all that matters is you heal .
and about ur bully : bullying and teasing can never be a sign of love, i dont even know why people romanticize peoples trauma of bullying about it.. because its a horrible feeling. it destroys ur confidence to pieces, its really a sad and terrible thing to experience. i hope you can graduate highschool and never see him again 💝🙏
Hey I hope everything can get better I'm so sorry you feel this way. But hey we got something in common.
There was this friend i had since elementary school before COVID hit i was online school but after went back to school just to get bullied by them and their friends and treated in different.
Dude I hope you heal I really do. Be careful
hello, one day you will be glad that you are alive. please push on though it all and take life a day at a time. do whatever you can to fight. i wish you the best
❤
its probably not trauma but here it goes.
so this one time in the 5th grade, i asked my father for a vest coat. for my school. (we wore vest coats on mondays) as uniform. my father was in a bad time. he took a sharp, wooden broken flute, and bea me with it. as a girl who knew what was right, i protested and still fought with my father. its been 5-6 years from that, still have the bruises.
this other instance, when my father used to smoke,he broke my favourite chair. as a 3 year old, i was devastated. its not that major but, haha.
all i ask for is for someone to not say that others have it
"it's probably not trauma"what. E x c u s e m e ? ?
@@cliopainuly6802 what? Ive seen people worse.
@@ae_thsthis is trauma, and you should have never gone through it. I'm so sorry angel.
Even though there are people have been through worse, it doesn’t take away from the fact that what happened was wrong. No father should ever put his hands on his children.
@@ae_ths Even if others have gone through worse, it is still trauma ♡ I'm so sorry you had to go through that :[
I don’t even know if I was SA anymore, I always told myself that it was just “love” but I realize that being forced into something at 9-12 isn’t “love”
Big hugs dear, hope you are in a safe environment right now... ❤
@@OlimpeaEditz accepting your hugs willingly because I haven't heard something like that in a while 🩷🩷
Deseo que estes bien ahora❤...te mando un abrazo de puro amor real desde aca y que dios te cuide❤
I wouldn't call what I have a trauma (well I'm not sure, but this year I want to go to psychologist) but I know it changed me in a way. I'll never be the same
“YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN BITE AND SCRATCH AND BEG BUT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK!”
Really hits home. It really does. I want to go back. I want to get rid of her. I have this lingering thought just in the back of my head. It’s been there for a while. I had forgotten about what happened but after a while it started coming back and I just kept thinking…what if? What if? What if I had called the cops that day? What if I wasn’t a fucking stupid coward? It hurts. It hurts knowing I couldn’t help as I drowned in my own tears while I watched. It wasn’t anything big, I guess. It’s just something I don’t ever want to happened again.
It isnt too late
My best song recommendations for this playlist would be put me in a movie and dove
If only my friend was still here. I need him back.
Oh..May your friend rest in piece 🕊🕊❤❤ Are you doing alright now??
1:27 lowkey me core 🤣🤣🤣‼️‼️
Seems like the "something bad" just keeps happening
i hate it when my mum says 'we all have those days' LIKE IT DOESN'T HELP IM IN PAIN 😭
@@marijuana.catTTT I hope you both get the care and validation you deserve
this just made me remember something i haven’t thought of in years and now i’m realizing how messed up it was again
why didn’t you help me?
you knew what happened
you saw my face after it happened.
my horrible, tear stained, face.
you saw how terrified i was that day
i was attacked.
you watched me writhe in pain as my young hands reached for my broken skin.
you saw as i tried fixing myself
like i always do.
and you just watched.
some parent you are.
❤
I hope you're in a safe place now
8:13 I really want to hug this puppy 💔💔💔
Love your traumacore playlist and waiting for another part
im getting scared from all the trauma dumping comments
but still i hope all yall get better soon :)
Thank you. Benny is my comfort character and ai read that in his voice because your pfp. Have a wonderful day.
@@ItalyClay yur welcome!, bennys me comfort character 2 :3
(allan and glep aswell-)
no one's forcing you to read the comments
@@swirly3081 naur i just wanna caus i wanna comfurt ppl
@@swirly3081 ;_;
Can you show yourself ?
Can you be me ?
Can you make me see ?
Sun, are you gonna help me ?
I miss everything I wish I was never born, they all looked so happy before me.
Hey its alright. Ur not alone. We r here for u. Would u like to talk abt it?
@@LazyArtyz yeah kinda, thank you
@@Iloveseals_1800 :)
Really, what makes you say that?
@@Eeok well a few days before i commented this I was looking at all the photos of my parents from around 2009-2008, they were so young and happy. They looked so in love but all that is gone now, they are not together anymore and are just seen as friends that used to be together. Before I was born my mother gave birth to my older sister at 17 so her youth was taken away and she had to mature(btw she didn’t get pregnant my dad it was her ex) it just hurt seeing old photos of them. I miss when I was younger and they were happy. But sadly they were very toxic and would have arguments a lot.
My coping mechanism are unhealthy. Acting like nothing happend, Joking about them, Normalizing them. But this way I feel so much better. What do I do?
I even made wanting to kill myself normal. As if its normal for me to think I can take my own life. As if it dosent matter to me now. Why. Just why. I just wanted a childhood.
Its okay! i have an unhealthy coping mechanism too and it makes me heal and forget more of my traumatic childhood . It isnt ur fault that someone caused you unwanted trauma, you never asked for it .
all that matters is you can heal 💚💚
@@aziemazie Thanks a lot:) Im doing much better now
@@LazyArtyz That's good to hear, I wish you the best in life
ur first traumacore playlist was my fav one out there and introduced me 2 so many good songs!!!!! :D this one might be my new fav tysm for making another one !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! itll definatley help me fall asleep on bad nights so ty
tysm!!!
I dont know why im sad, my life is better than most.
And I looked at him with tears in my eyes,
begging him to notice
he stared directly into my pained face
and told me to get up and start cleaning.
if only he could be seen as the monster he is
had he not been my father
Hello everyone, I know we are here for our own reasons, no matter what brought you here it did, and I just want to say something, its not a copy or paste, and I hope its different from what you usually hear.
But lets get the simple things over with..
It was never your fault, you are not them, you are not who they claim you are, you are not the issue, you never will be those things, you are not those things.
I dont care how old you are when reading this, You are still just a child.
I dont care how many people have said you are fine, it hurts, it still hurts.
I dont care how you view yourself, how horrible you feel when seeing your own reflection, Its not what you are, you just are seeing that pain and you hate every second of it.
I dont care if you insist the words people say are lies.
I want to say it anyways.
I want you to hear it was never your fault, I want you to hear those words that someone cares, someone loves you.
I want those people who hurt you to get hurt in turn, I want you to be able to wake up and not wish you didnt, I want you to be able to fall asleep and not be scared, I want you to look at the things you use to love and just see the thing you enjoy and not something horrible tied to it.
I know you want those things too, deep down or obvious as day, you want it to be better, I want it to be better too, but thats what trying is for.
Right?
I love you, I am so proud of you, god I want to hold you in my arms and I want you to feel safe, I dont want you to flinch I want you to just melt, I want you to cry and know I wont hurt you, I wish you could get that right now, I wish it was better right now.
Thank you.
thank you
this made me cry
@@thenonfurry I love you! It's okay that you cried, it's not weak.
@@SpiritGuardian2 of course ❤️
(tw panic attacks / child abuse?)
1st pic hits hard, I remember being around 10 and being blamed for something my sister did. my father barged into my room and screamed at me, and I had a panic attack because of it. my sister eventually told my mother, who told my father it was her. he left the room and left me on the floor, sobbing my eyes out. without saying anything. nobody came in for what felt like forever.
I hope you're doing a bit better now, that sounds so unfair. You deserve better
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I truly am. Idk if there's anything to make you feel better Abt it, but have a lil hug :))
\(^ ^)/
@@complicated_simplicity aaaa thankoeu (-^u^)-
@@JJL0v3lY Hey, i am sorry for what happened to u, can we be friends?, i think u are a amazing and cool person, i want to know more about u i want to be ur friend
Let’s take some notes….something that isn’t traumatizing you can be traumatic for someone else….people don’t understand the shit I get over saying I have emotional abuse and act like I’m being dramatic….
I hope you're in a better environment now and that people take you seriously soon, you deserve to be heard
@@tilly-the-silly-frilly I’ve got one or two years left in my house till I move
@@user-vq3jr8ne4u Oh no, I hope you're at least able to stay happier within that time :[
"im trying to forget you, but im waiting for you to come back" hits hard from when my family was all nice and happy and my cousins were around and it was pure joy. i miss it.
today my mom started asking if i remembered something and then cut herself off, saying no, i was a baby then. I watched a documentary about Laci Peterson and at the end it says violence from their partners is the number one cause of death for pregnant women and i couldnt help but think it could have been her. the first part of my life was living in a double wide and i was so little. I can barely remember those years i can barely remember what living there was like. I remember playing outside and being scared of my dad and knowing things i shouldnt too early and trying to make sense of it. i think being exposed to sexual stuff at a early age kind of fucked with me.
@@un-jimsyerjam1656 i dont understand the first part of the paragraph but i absolutely get the second part alot. ever since i was a child , i would think about sexual things even before knowing what the deed was.
i heard its a symptom of a disorder called hypersexuality, i dont know what it exactly is but it may start from a young age sometimes as a trauma response.
dont feel guilty because you hate those who abused you even if theyre a close person to you, you didnt ask for abuse and its their fault. i hope you heal well in the future 💗‼️🙏🏻
@@aziemazie idk how that works, maybe i have it too, i am kind of addicted to it, i knew about it when i was just a 6 year old bc i accidentally missclicked, i wasnt horny at all ofc bc i couldnt even understand what it was i was just 6 year old ya know, but at lik 10 i started
I don't even deserve to feel sad or remember the pain
there are so many people in this world who have had it so much more worse than I, to them I am lucky.
I do not deserve to fear when what I have experienced could never compare to others.
I am selfish, I am weak
You're not weak, friend. all trauma is valid.
You're not selfish nor weak, your trauma is real and you deserve love too
I hope you feel better soon, you got this
The worst part of childhood trauma..is being unable to hate the person that caused it...dad...
Sadly, i managed to hate, i hated, and i hate and i hate, but not towards my dad, it is just different
This is to all the people here: it’s ok now things may seem bad then or even now but that’s all right because not everything last forever and soon you’ll see the light that once shined in you before…stay safe everyone…and know you are always loved
I hated losing my dog that I grew up with my dad gave him away bc he had a flea infection and was losing a little bit of hair I miss him more then ever he would lay with me play with me be gentle with me he was my baby…. I miss him so so so much I hate it they moved to Texas after my dad sold him I knew I was never never never gonna see him again… he was a black Sherman shepherd with brown paws his name was diesel it makes me cry every time I think about him just remembering things about him makes me cry to the point I suck the pain in and make my throat hurt but I miss miss my baby….💔💔
I don’t understand why it hurts even though it wasn’t physical. I feel so gross and dirty, even though he never touched me. It was online, I feel like I’m just seeking attention every time I mention it. I was only twelve, and he was twenty four. He knew it was wrong, but he did it anyways, I can’t believe him. I trusted him so much, why did he have to fall in love with me? It was only two years ago, why was I so dumb? I can’t even feel comfortable in a hug anymore. I can’t believe myself. It was through a screen, so does it even count? I just want to feel clean again. I miss myself, when I was clean, and wasn’t forced to show my body to somebody only three years older than me. Feeling violated and scared that it’ll happen again. I want to force myself to be ace, to prevent it from happening again, yet ‘it’s feels so good.. I don’t know what I am anymore even, what I do know is that I need help, even though it’s out of reach.
What did he do?
I cant remember the first time, i dont even feel like i can call myself a victim for just a feeling, but its a feeling that eats up my life everyday, i remember the fear, the pain, the disgust, and i remember toys and casual childhood surrounding the rest of it, i dont remember ever being right
6:25 the fourth one hits closer to home because, when I was seven my dad passed away due to a heart attack I used to sit in the grass waiting for him to come back. He never did. I miss you dad.❤
I don’t feel like I deserve to feel bad. I see other people, and I think my life is not that bad, I can’t complain.
I don’t even know if what I feel is justified. I felt so bad, it felt so wrong, but there is nothing that can make me say that I was not overthinking or exaggerating things. I don’t even remember if what he said this time was really bad enough to be alarming or if I was just too young and got traumatized without reason.
It was three years ago when I was left alone with my “cousin” (40 years older than me or more. I was 14). We were at the beach, my parents had our summer house next to his. He is supposedly a psychologist and reads cards and the future. He wanted to give me a private lecture/session. I was excited. His house was dark, in the sense where the blinds were almost closed and everything in my memory feels so angsty. He gave me soda to drink. I never liked soda. He started talking about the cards, the future, my zodiac sign. I was listening, trying to ignore just how much I wanted someone else to be there with us. There was this gut feeling, It didnt felt right to be just with him. I remember there was a black cat in his house. The cat sat next to me, he was really unhealthy and dirty, I remember thinking it looked sad. After let’s say an hour and a half, he started using the cards he had read to me and talked about how I should leave my parents. He said that they didn’t really loved me nor understood me. He told me that I was just like him, and I could always come to him for shelter. He advised me to run away, to scape my family. I was 14. He said horrible insults about my family. I said I had to go, I was supposed to meet back with my parent for lunch. He said he wasn’t done, and grabbed my hand across the table, pulling me close. I wanted to cry. My mom called angry, because I was already half an hour late for lunch. She said she wouldn’t hung up until he heard me get out, so I wouldn’t forget about the time. She had no idea. I ran out of his house and started crying. He didn’t even did anything physically to me, but I felt so dirty. I feel so dirty. The way he talked, and how he looked at me. I was 14. He didn’t get to do anything but I shouldn’t have felt like that.
I told my parents what he said. They were angry at him for his words, but I was too ashamed to tell them what I felt, what I thought could have happened if my mom didn’t call.
Is it really fair for me to feel like this? Is it fair for me to feel traumatized for that? Or am I just exaggerating…?
It is fair for you to feel like this, you're not exaggerating ♡
That situation sounds so threatening and predatory, I'm very sorry you had to go through it :[
I hope you're safe now!
@@tilly-the-silly-frilly thank you so much. Still feels really bad to pass by his door even years after, but I’m slowly getting better ❤️
this and cold cig made it enough for me to sob till i coughed really really hard.
the second song literally explained my whole life.
I have no right to be traumatized
Hope you are doing okay. 🙏 And if you're not, that is valid too.
Why?
Everyone has a right to it. Even if you feel you don’t, it’s a horrible irony that. This sentence is a trauma in itself.
Yes you do,March on soldier!!🫡
Feeling same all the time, dude. You're not alone 🤝
I dont hv any trauma but i love this playlist and everyone's story :0
If I could press a button and leave for good, maybe restart my life with all my knowledge from now-I wouldnt press it.
No matter how many times I say I would, I know I can't. The people I know know I can't. Sure, some will say I'm a chicken, maybe even that I have it good.
But I think if I did, I'd ruin it. Ill mess up and make things worse for myself if I start from scratch. And most of us probably would. So i want to see what the universe has written out for me for a while longer.
Everyone listen.
Your wanted and loved by someone and you will get better❤ trust me. Everything you do is absolutely amazing and big. You are getting up everyday, You’re eating, you’re breathing, you’re cleaning yourself it may seem like ‘small’ things but those so called small things are HUGE your doing something even breathing is taking care of yourself. You will always be loved and you are a wonderful person and you are not excluded and you are apart of society and not excluded. You don’t have to do a ton of things to get attention and be loved!❤ real people will love you for who you are inside. You are a beautiful amazing human being and you have done nothing wrong to deserve what disgusting and horrible things had happened to you. You are not disgusting the people who hurt you are either it be physical abuse or sexual abuse. If you feel dissociated from yourself then try to contact with people that know you well and ask them what are some words that describe you! I’m sure everyone in this comment section are amazing wonderful people that don’t know they’re like that yet. You have done amazing things. You are a human being and human beings make mistakes, go through horrible things but humans always evolve from those scars and become stronger. You are amazing and remember anything that happened to your abuser does NOT justify the things they have done to you. Break that cycle and heal from those wounds don’t end up like they did. Even catching yourself acting like them is a good step forward to try to change to not be like them. You are loved and if not by anyone you know you are loved by me and many more people online ❤
When I feel bad, I get aggression and misunderstanding from my loved ones. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm always at the wrong time.
I can’t remember anything but small pieces of my childhood and it really hurts.
(Yapping warning and small Tw)
My dad was abusive growing up, and even as I’ve gotten older enough to process what he did and how I feel about it, I still feel a sense of guilt and need to believe that I had done something to deserve the pain he’d put me through. My parents divorced when I was young, and lived in different states almost 16 hours away from each other, so my mother couldn’t do anything about the abuse even if I’d told her about it. I remember most of the abuse well, but my mind still blanks and my mouth goes dry every time I try to think or talk to somebody about it.
At my age, I struggle immensely with issues of strong insomnia, to the point where it’s normal for me to hallucinate some days from the lack of sleep I get. When I was growing up, I used to be deathly afraid of going outside of my room at night. It wasn’t because I was scared of monsters or anything like that, but because I was scared of my dad waking up and hearing me. Whether it was for using the restroom at night, grabbing a drink of water from the kitchen, or even just talking to my sibling in our room, my dad would sometimes barge into our room to find who was awake and drag us off from the room. He used to force his fingers down my throat to make me throw up my dinner, not stopping until I did, and then would toss me into a baby-gated area inside of our garage for the night without blankets or pillows. It only stopped when I was 6.
I remember my dad getting drunk a lot too, or getting drugged out of his mind off his prescription meds for some issues he’d gotten back when he was in the military. Sometimes at night, I still wake up to small noises because I think it’s my dad knocking on my door late at night to tell me to get ready for school, even if it was dark out. His voice would slur and he would often stumble and drool, which would make loud noises of him knocking around lazy steps and knocking objects around.
Last year, I spent my last summer with him at his house. One of my siblings, who had grown up with severe medical issues, had ended up with a surgery gone wrong. It sent our entire family spiraling since there was a chance my brother wouldn’t wake up. During this time, most of my siblings went to their other parents (divorced dad marrying divorced mom,) and my stepmom spent most of her time at the hospital. It was just me and my dad most days.
Despite him spending months in rehab to get past his alcoholism, he relapsed while he was basically in my care. With a few instances of him driving with me in the car while he remained drunk, an attempt to shoot our next door neighbor that I had to drag him away from, and apparently even a planned attack on our house from a majority of gangs around our house, my mental health plummeted too. I cooked dinner sometimes, usually not eating, and slept most days when I thought I could but usually just ended up tossing and turning.
I remember my dad trying to kill himself that summer. My stepmom had come home while I was finally taking a nap, and had woken me up to say hi before walking to her room. She walked in and got comfy, and got ready to take a shower based off what I could hear in my room. A few minutes in, I remember my dad stumbling into my room with a few packets of his medical marijuana and a small container of his Xanax. He took it there, in front of me after he told me he hated his life, and that since I wanted to move away from him, I was ruining the only good thing he had to look forward to.
On May 4th of this year, I tried to overdose and kill myself by chugging a majority of my old prescriptions and by rinsing my mouth with rat poison. It didn’t work somehow, and I’m still unsure whether or not I think that was a good thing.
But I’m almost 13 now. I’m trying to enjoy my summer in peace but my dad is still fighting for custody of me somehow. He didn’t succeed in his attempt, my brother got better, and now my siblings are constantly being guilted by my father to think that they’re the reason I left. My mom knows some of my story now, her and her boyfriend are trying so hard to get me out of it, but it’s a difficult situation because I still want to visit for my siblings. Middle school has started and I feel safe, and I’ve even started to move into my room at my mom’s boyfriend’s house as him and my mom try to make a home I feel comfortable in.
But I don’t want to be his daughter anymore. He never treated me like I was.
Man this is so sad fr 🙏
L dad
❤
That's absolutely terrible, I'm immensely sorry you had to go through such horrible things at such a young age. I hope you're in a much safer environment now, you deserve to feel safe, to be safe, to keep living and to enjoy all the comforts this world provides
0:00 just take my wallet - jack stauber
1:21 audio 002
2:24 every dog has its day - birth day
6:05 girl harmonizing with a fan slowed
8:13 if i cleaned everything - teen suicide
10:33 if i were neil armstrong i would have planted a flower on the moon instead - window seat
13:11 gentle - sign crushes motorist
14:12 painkiller - wishing
16:46 fake. - i killed a pixie
18:10 we dont have many days - locl
2nd one hit me hard. I want to go back to a time where nothing hurt. But, even then, everything hurt.
"Mom, I think he's trying to do something with me.."
"Don't mind him, just stop hugging him."
----
"Mom, his arms went lower than my shoulders.."
"Why did you hug him again?"
"He forces me.."
"Oh, ok."
-----
"My hips.."
"Stop. Hugging. Him."
"I can't.."
___
"M-Mom, he.."
"Mom..?"
"Mom, please listen.."
"Mom.."
It's okay. it's gonna be okay. it's gonna better. its gonna be over.
I'm so so sorry that happened to you, you deserve to be in a much better place
why she did that?
"I was so small, so young. Did you really need to hurt me?" kinda makes me want to cry :[ edit: wowerz just 1 like? well thx ig
That's relatable (the thingy not your comment)
“mom.. He kissed my neck-“
“he is your grandpa! It was an accident! He is blind and cant move fast!“
......................
“mom.. It happened again..“
“you are taking it the wrong way, keep hugging him, this might be the last time you would probably see him.“
.............
“he is staring at my boobs..“
“he is staring at the phone, not you, butter.“
“oh... Okay..“
.......................
“dad he kissed my neck..“
“you are taking it the wrong way, if he meant it he would rub your thighs or boobs, its fine.“
...............
“nana, called me fat..“
“you are ,honey.. The truth hurts sometimes“
...........
“mommy..?“
“daddy?...“
“why wont you believe me...?“
“why do you take his side but never mine..?“
“how come you say you will be there, but you aren't..?“
“why arent my emotions vaild...?“
...............
“𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄?“
“𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐖𝐄 𝐃𝐎?“
“𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓“
“𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐎 𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋-“
“𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐎𝐍 𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄?“
“𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐎 𝐑𝐔𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐄? 𝐈𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐓, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃, 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓!“
“𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑!“
I am sorry that happened to you, that is absolutely disgusting. I wish someone helped you. No one should go through that.
Thx, im ok now ig.. still haunts me, and stuff but im doing better
The 2nd image means a lot to me to be honest.
When I was something around 10 or 11, I know, not that young, one of my extremely close friends passed away. She was one of the only people that supported me always, even in some of my more darker and difficult moments. I literally cried myself to sleep almost every night thinking of her, and remembering several dreams that she was in. At that point I literally craved sleep, trying to sleep whenever I could steal a short moment of it, trying to get a dream of my friend. I still think of what happened almost every day despite it being 4 years ago.
I always wish I can just go back so I could’ve appreciated the moments I’ve had with her.
I remember being sad, just being sad when I see another child not take care or their stuffed animal, Barbie, Ken, any doll in general. It just made me sad.
This playlist brings me comfort, but also allows me to feel the sadness for the child I never got to be more than without it. Kind of makes me want to write a little poem or draw a little drawing about it. I don't write poems often, so I don't know how good it'll be, but I want to share it.
When I was younger
Four or five,
I knew hunger
It swarmed me like bees in a hive
I was a bad child
My mother would say
Her anger never mild
I didn't get to eat that day
Food stashes in my room
Places to hide
Bacteria did bloom
I survived
Alone again in my room
playlist like this comfort me so much, like a person who can listen to stories about argues with my mother, friends or grandma when i was little. i remember a situation what happened to me when i was just 9. i argued with my mother, dont remember why, and at night i tried to apologise, but she just said “do i really must forgive this *monster*? no.”, i remember how i cried hardly instead of falling asleep, but she acted like she didn’t notice. i don’t understand why exactly this situation imprinted in my memory so much so that i think of it every day, because i had very very many similar experiences.
@purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i see, i lived something similar to u, but somehow i started to feel a feeling of just hatred towards her, hate.
'just take my wallet' is the most relatable song to me
It reminds me of my mom and my old stepmother
"Whats the kindest way to say
You took aeay my friend, my buddy."
reminds me of how i wasnt allowed to play with any of my stepsiblings (i was 7)
'everything was okay. everything was going fine. why couldnt you just stay?" hits hard
1st was my old bathtub it really looks like it-
Despite repressing all those sickening memories, they come back to me, the ones where I experienced the worst, things someone my age shouldn't have even been worried about happening again. After all, I was so young and it was so un-necessary.
P.s hope everyone is doing okay, make sure you eat and drink and remember it was never and will never be your fault. Love your face 💤
8:13 IS SO BEAUTIFUL
sometimes I don't even think I'm actually alive
I've been thinking like this since I was 7 (I'm 10 ❤)
listening to this while there is a whole war going on in the kitchen lol(i love the playlist sm the image's are so relatable)
I played with my toys in the bath all the time. I stopped when I was 8 because my parents got divorced while I was taking a bath, and told me as I was playing with my toys. I play with them again. It’s fun.
Guys if you are struggling there is hotlines. do not vent here when theres better ways. venting can trigger more trauma
Why can’t I go to sleep?
How many times have you thrown my phone
Acting like a dog to a bone, because you
Think I mocked the creator.
How many times must I wheep
For the wolves to sing me to sleep
Mother wolf mother dear
Why can’t I have you here.
Nursing me back to health
While choãking myself with
A torminted girls stealth.
Look my way and watch me sway
For the birds have never hurt me.
Mother dear must I go with shoes
Mother dear must I have my food
Mother deer can I come home without fear
You can get though it buddy:(
You're brave and strong.
Im feeling numb, im lost, i wonder if im going to be happy in the future, i don't want to work i only want to be an idol, a vtuber, but i wish to be happy the most, my family gaslightes me, but ive got to just go on ? I want a break.... If working was not essencial
I hope you reach the future you want and deserve soon!
@@tilly-the-silly-frilly AHHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!
It’s a strange strange thing to experience trauma while truly privileged. There’s no guides for it. No way to contextualize it.
You get anxiety at age 8, a genetic thing most likely. Feeling like a burden to your parents after hearing about the people in the world who are suffering. Because how could you not hear? When both your parents grow up poor?
How could you not see? When the emaciated little boys beg for a quarter for ice cream while you sit on the balcony of a restaurant in your abuelo’s home country. But doesn’t explain why.
And that becomes a memory you carry for the rest of your life.
And your mother gains anger issues from traumas she hasn’t addressed. She doesn’t know how to deal with your emotions. She doesn’t know how to deal with her own.
You grow up afraid of her. Punished for your lack of impulse control as a kid with ADHD. Tip-toeing around her in hopes you won’t upset her. And it hurting more knowing that she’s trying her best. In her anger she calls you useless because you can’t pay attention.
You wake up from a nightmare one night and go to the kitchen hoping to seek her out, and instead of first wondering why you’re up, she’s angry you’re awake at all. And sends you off to bed.
And in the bathrobe you wore over your pajamas that night. That you kept for years after. You are groomed at 16 years old.
You thought you wanted the attention. You didn’t. Not like this.
You end up one of the lucky ones, the final victim that gets him caught. As the school does everything in their power to protect you. When your mother has long since calmed and protects you like she’s supposed to. Even though you went months without saying anything, because it was too painful.
But later after all is said and done and you heal, and get a boyfriend. She says to you in the kitchen one night “you must not really be traumatized if you have a boyfriend” and you see the regret in her face when you look at her with pure disgust.
You go to your abuelo’s place. The bathrobe. You almost forgot they gave you and your cousin a matching set. You feel sick while going to the bathroom.
But that’s not where the worst of it began. The worst of it began when your childhood friend who you’ve known since elementary m-l-sts you. You’re again one of the lucky ones. When you finally have the courage to stand up for yourself. You stop, citing how you could report him, and him joking about lying and saying he’s gay would change their mind. You don’t report him. Because he stops.
Ironically that same man is now in a physically abusive relationship. You almost feel like it’s karma. It’s not though.
And later barely a day after confessing to your now boyfriend a different guy _friends with that ex-childhood friend_ tries to kiss you out of nowhere. But that’s not what hurts, what hurts is how he then makes a blatant sexual remark about you and your boyfriend.
And when you step aside to call him out, a teacher scolds you for not sitting at lunch. And years later when you’re all about to start college. He dies in a car crash. And you don’t even know how to mourn the guy who used to lend you his coat and then ended up so awful.
And though you’re hurt later, though you’re hurt by others. None of it. Was ever as awful as being groomed.
And at the very least. You start to heal.
I'm so sorry that all happened to you, I hope you're in a safer place now
@@tilly-the-silly-frilly
I am, there’s of course still emotional problems but. I’ve never felt more loved. And I’ve never felt more like I want to protect and cherish everyone I care about.
If I had just left her upstairs, she'd still be here today. I'm sorry Stormy. I'm sorry Tessa. Neither of you deserved that day.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, please remember that I was never your fault
8:13 reminds me of a puppy I once had.
His name was Franklin, and I had gotten him for my birthday and from my bio mothers current boyfriend at the time. I loved that puppy to bits and pieces, was so proud of him and absolutely adored him. Even if he stayed with her boyfriend I still got to see him and pet him, I didn't realize it but he was **mine**, like my own little child. 3 months later he got into some poison and died (sad enough one of the boyfriends dogs got into it too and died as well). He was so small and young, I don't tell alot of people this but I miss him so much. He was supposed to be mine to love and he was taken away from me. I miss my puppy, even if I don't remember him so much. Even if I didn't know him, why did I hurt him? Did I even hurt him at all? I'm sorry Frank, I miss you so much.
It isn't your fault ♡
@@tilly-the-silly-frilly thanks
I told myself I would take this to my grave, and never tell anyone, but I realize now that's just hurting me more.
We were both young, but she knew better. She told me it was okay, it was just practice. I was eight years old. It feels like it was all a dream, but I start remembering more of what happened everyday. What she did made me the way I am now, and I hate it. I still love her dearly and I always will, but I won't forget what happened either. I feel disgusting thinking about it, even though what happened wouldn't be considered horrible compared to other people's stories
I was so young, I just wanted to be normal. Childhood seems like too much to ask for nowadays.
Im tired.
I feel as if im not in charge of my body.
I dont want to die.
I dont want to hurt.
I dont want to sleep.
I dont want to eat.
My brain is loud.
It hurts.
Everything hurts.
this playlist feels like when i was a little child and i heard my parents arguing and yelling with each other
I still wish it was just a nightmare, a horrible nightmare, I was 6 years old, it was in the bathroom at my school, I can still feel his hands on me, I can still feel that "thing", that thing that is still between my legs, that reminds me of that "nightmare", I don't deserve to talk to my parents, I can't, they are the kind that think that "the victim was asking for it", I can still feel it and for anyone else who is sure that they have had a trauma like this, please seek help, I know you feel that you don't deserve it, that it was your fault, you were just little, innocent, vulnerable, it was never and never will be your fault, please find help.
i never really grew up. this makes it impossible for me to make and have friends. I’m so alone but i’m still like a child sometimes, at 21. it’s bad but i can’t stop it. i never grew up
I honestly don't remember anything from my childhood it was okay i think me completely ignoring how messed up the family was because of me idk why i became like this i used to be a happy kid....? Was i ? I really don't know cause i dont remember i only remember the death of my dad and the fall of my family maybe if it was me who died and not him the lives of many people would have been good including mine . I chosen a date to end it all my 20th birthday cause i know i won't do anything useful with my life so I'll just give it back to the universe
i just found out my cousin S/A'd me since i was 9 she kept touching me and when i finnally knew about sx and all that she would pressure me and say "cmon its not that bad only for awhile" i also started cutting at 11 and i try to reach out for help but i dont want help at the same time i only trust my really close friends my bff of 3 years scolds me when i cut again and i lthen cry in her arms..i love her dearly please never leave me,you saved me..
I feel like I've been permanently screwed death and religion wise since I was 11 years old, there's nothing worse than finding out a young family member, younger than you at that point pass away from leukemia, while everyone was telling me "she was in a better place" I deep down felt lied to, if there was a god, then how heartless would said God be to give a 6 year old cancer. It's something that honestly, hasn't left the back of my mind now that I'm 23 years old and with a little sister, which i take care like it was our last day alive
The first and fifth image hit hard.
I was five and in year one, I was so small, second smallest in my class. There was an older kid in the same grade, he was seven I think. He'd chase me (They/Them, now.) and some girls around every recess and lunch he could find us, trying to SA us. We'd have to hide in the girls toilet stalls locking the doors as he would run into the bathrooms after us. It was extremely traumatic and I ended up with multiple trauma disorders because of it and some other things. I told my teacher and the bodies mother but neither did anything...
The bodies 'mother' recently screamed at me about how what I went through (Both what I've said here, and some other things) wasn't traumatic.
I’m really sorry but if it’s year one then I doubt they were trying to SA you. How did you even know what sex was at that age? And they couldn’t be the same grade as you if they were two years older.
@@Rawr350. It's possible, children can be exposed to horrible things at young ages.
I'm really terribly sorry that happened to you, and the other girls, Coastal_Tavern, I hope you're safe now
I just want to be loved the way i love others.
But none of my friends care or put in just a little bit of effort to check in on me even when i tell them I'm not doing well. Instead, they put that effort towards everyone other then me. Maybe I'm better off alone for the rest of my life.
You deserve friends that make you feel appreciated and happy, I hope you find some kind ones soon.
i used to think venting was related to among us
i regret not listening to my friend
rest in peace, jack
rest in peace, hes happier where he is
delUOUS,,,
I would talk about what traumatized me when I was a child,
But I don't remember my childhood anymore.
Everyone venting: Me who has nothing to vent about and is very happy with her life: *dancing with no relations to any of the lyrics*
Please don't yell im sorry
I knew what would be in the comments, but I went into them anyway.