I agree that there's a lot of ableism in kink, S&M and BDSM in general, and how inaccessible it has been in general for decades. In recent years, they've tried to be accessible, but not always. In the past, we did see some captioning and sign language interpreter accessibility be provided at kink/BDSM events, but then they kinda just wavered off a bit. I've been to BDSM events/parties where I worried about not being able to understand what people were saying or talking about, especially at workshops, and I always preferred to go with friends that I trusted, which thankfully, I had plenty of. But in the end, walking away from BDSM after a very long time of being a part of that lifestyle was actually good for me, not just professionally but personally, mostly because I was just burnt out, dealing with health issues and was just tired of the ableism and the weird transmisogyny that I experienced as a non-binary trans woman in the lifestyle and in the Leather community, etc.. While things have changed, and they're still trying to be accessible, it's not like that everywhere still, even if you go to look for events to attend via FetLife. So my suggestion: keep advocating. Keep fighting for accessibility. And more importantly, don't let them infantilize you or otherwise. You got this.
So cool that u got that experience, and i’d be interested in learning more about how chronic pain affects sex and kink! I’ve tried looking on my own, but the resources are scarce lol
Congrats on going all by yourself! That's definitely one thing holding me back from it... I'm glad you made a friend who was also new so you could figure it out together!
Hi Rikki, I’m proud of you for going and ending up liking it(well, sort of), best of all is that you’re thinking of going again and might inspire others to try it too:). Heck, even I would try it out and not really my cup of tea,lol :)
A play party sounds so fun, even to observe! I wanted to get into that scene, but then the pandemic hit and now I know finding one that is actually Covid-safe will be extremely difficult 😞 Plus, I too don't want to go to one alone. Great vid! The apartment setup is nice!
Same, I was just hyping myself up to actually do it at the start of 2020, and now who knows :( I hope you find an excellent covid-safe group in your area!
In my experience, which granted is only in one city, the kink scene is definitely more covid-aware and friendly to covid precautions than the wider population. The party I go to has a vax requirement (though they no longer check, I think having the wording on the event page must still discourage the worst of the antivaxxers), and while most people are not wearing masks, some people do (either for health or identity protection reasons), so you won't stand out or get rude comments for masking like you might at, say, the grocery store. Our party also is at a private property with a yard and pool, so it's easy to stay outside most of the night, though the previous club I used to go to didn't have that outdoor option. You can always message the party organizers to ask what their covid precautions are, to see how/if those align with your personal risk tolerance. Like, is there outdoors space, do they have air filters going on indoors, etc. If you're very high risk, you may still be out of luck (your best bet would be to make friends in the scene and see if anyone's hosting a small private party where precautions can be even more strictly enforced), but I've been going to the mostly-outdoors party 1-2x a month for about a year now, and neither my partner or I have gotten sick once in that time. It definitely feels safer than any vanilla parties I've been to in that same time. Not perfect, but just, better than the general public.
Kink and♿️is complicated for wheelchair users it’s..,, as receiver (sub) only which, complicated and… I’ve never wanted to be Oracle or Barbara Gordon I was told I should be so lucky. Not my vibe
When I lived in San Francisco we went to kink parties. They were definitely interesting. 😂 I actually ended up with a better job through a contact there. Win, Win !! We also had The Power Exchange (sex Club) building.
Interesting topic. Never heard of this before. But as a disabled person I get it and am pregnant. people will say anything about things they don't understand. Although the play party wouldn't be my thing but glad you are trying new things no matter how scary they are
I love her too! ❤️ She really helped open my mind to the fact that kink is completely normal! Lol. I always thought I was weird or something when I was younger but nah, I'm just like anyone else.✨
Not being able to get hired for jobs that'll pay my rent, and my own businesses not making any money. Initial project money that got me out is running out.
As someone whose abuser used my interest in BDSM as an excuse, I can tell you that they are absolutely not the same experience - the mindset is so completely different. Seconding Rikki's point about consent being crucial. But also, having control over the pain I'm experiencing is really affirming in a lot of ways, and kink gives me a way to make choices and explore things in a safe way and within my own boundaries and desires. Although, it is worth noting that sometimes people just find things hot, and it doesn't have to be about healing from trauma - people engage in BDSM for all sorts of reasons
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Patreon & co links: linktr.ee/rikkipoynter
Hello Rikki. Such an insightful video into this misunderstood fetish. ❤
I agree that there's a lot of ableism in kink, S&M and BDSM in general, and how inaccessible it has been in general for decades. In recent years, they've tried to be accessible, but not always. In the past, we did see some captioning and sign language interpreter accessibility be provided at kink/BDSM events, but then they kinda just wavered off a bit. I've been to BDSM events/parties where I worried about not being able to understand what people were saying or talking about, especially at workshops, and I always preferred to go with friends that I trusted, which thankfully, I had plenty of. But in the end, walking away from BDSM after a very long time of being a part of that lifestyle was actually good for me, not just professionally but personally, mostly because I was just burnt out, dealing with health issues and was just tired of the ableism and the weird transmisogyny that I experienced as a non-binary trans woman in the lifestyle and in the Leather community, etc.. While things have changed, and they're still trying to be accessible, it's not like that everywhere still, even if you go to look for events to attend via FetLife. So my suggestion: keep advocating. Keep fighting for accessibility. And more importantly, don't let them infantilize you or otherwise. You got this.
You are such an open-minded person and you are willing to try anything. Love your channel. You are a beautiful person. I always see you as a friend
Thanks for watching, Liam!
So cool that u got that experience, and i’d be interested in learning more about how chronic pain affects sex and kink! I’ve tried looking on my own, but the resources are scarce lol
Congrats on going all by yourself! That's definitely one thing holding me back from it... I'm glad you made a friend who was also new so you could figure it out together!
thank you! hope you get to go one day!
Hi Rikki,
I’m proud of you for going and ending up liking it(well, sort of), best of all is that you’re thinking of going again and might inspire others to try it too:). Heck, even I would try it out and not really my cup of tea,lol :)
Enjoy your life to its fullest. Play safe. Have fun.
I LOVE THIS SOOO MUCH very valid feelings relating to disability
A play party sounds so fun, even to observe! I wanted to get into that scene, but then the pandemic hit and now I know finding one that is actually Covid-safe will be extremely difficult 😞 Plus, I too don't want to go to one alone.
Great vid! The apartment setup is nice!
Same, I was just hyping myself up to actually do it at the start of 2020, and now who knows :( I hope you find an excellent covid-safe group in your area!
thank you!
In my experience, which granted is only in one city, the kink scene is definitely more covid-aware and friendly to covid precautions than the wider population.
The party I go to has a vax requirement (though they no longer check, I think having the wording on the event page must still discourage the worst of the antivaxxers), and while most people are not wearing masks, some people do (either for health or identity protection reasons), so you won't stand out or get rude comments for masking like you might at, say, the grocery store.
Our party also is at a private property with a yard and pool, so it's easy to stay outside most of the night, though the previous club I used to go to didn't have that outdoor option. You can always message the party organizers to ask what their covid precautions are, to see how/if those align with your personal risk tolerance. Like, is there outdoors space, do they have air filters going on indoors, etc. If you're very high risk, you may still be out of luck (your best bet would be to make friends in the scene and see if anyone's hosting a small private party where precautions can be even more strictly enforced), but I've been going to the mostly-outdoors party 1-2x a month for about a year now, and neither my partner or I have gotten sick once in that time. It definitely feels safer than any vanilla parties I've been to in that same time. Not perfect, but just, better than the general public.
Kink and♿️is complicated for wheelchair users it’s..,, as receiver (sub) only which, complicated and… I’ve never wanted to be Oracle or Barbara Gordon I was told I should be so lucky. Not my vibe
When I lived in San Francisco we went to kink parties. They were definitely interesting. 😂 I actually ended up with a better job through a contact there. Win, Win !!
We also had The Power Exchange (sex Club) building.
Gosh I miss San Francisco so much
Beautiful set up!!
thank you!
I lost track of your channel and this topic made me immediately click.
Welcome back!
Interesting topic. Never heard of this before. But as a disabled person I get it and am pregnant. people will say anything about things they don't understand. Although the play party wouldn't be my thing but glad you are trying new things no matter how scary they are
Also yes, love Kat Blaque ❤
I love her too! ❤️ She really helped open my mind to the fact that kink is completely normal! Lol. I always thought I was weird or something when I was younger but nah, I'm just like anyone else.✨
What make u decide to do OF just curious and im very support of u since I met you
Not being able to get hired for jobs that'll pay my rent, and my own businesses not making any money. Initial project money that got me out is running out.
💜
But you went through some physical abuse, why would BDSM appeal to you?
Firstly, consent is key. Secondly, not all BDSM is physical violence. BDSM doesn't mean dragging your kid around and hitting and slapping them etc
@rikkipoynter Understood.
It makes for a good video topic so I'm gonna write it down!
As someone whose abuser used my interest in BDSM as an excuse, I can tell you that they are absolutely not the same experience - the mindset is so completely different. Seconding Rikki's point about consent being crucial. But also, having control over the pain I'm experiencing is really affirming in a lot of ways, and kink gives me a way to make choices and explore things in a safe way and within my own boundaries and desires. Although, it is worth noting that sometimes people just find things hot, and it doesn't have to be about healing from trauma - people engage in BDSM for all sorts of reasons
BDSM can be very healing for trauma ❤