Currently trying to come to grips with being plural, as far as myself and my headmate know we are the only two. I don't know if my headmate is being honest with me or not, but I've decided to trust my headmate. My headmate hates the term alter, so I call my headmate, a headmate. Getting along with my headmate is difficult, my headmate is exceptionally suspicious and distrustful of my lover, despite how accepting they have been of my headmate. I don't know how to validate my headmate's concerns while also reassuring them of my lover's intentions and behavior. This video came to me at the right time, I want to keep trying to connect with my headmate, my headmate has done so much for me and I need to repay them somehow. Thank you
As a new system (I assume I’m host rn…) I’m constantly going through weird things where I feel like I’m forcing an alter’s self instead of letting them come forward and that instead of them actually being forward, I’m pretending to be them (????) and that they’re hanging out the back getting offended that I’m faking 😅 it’s so confusing and my brain is constantly trying to invalidate itself 😵💫
Oh my god same!! I’ve never heard anyone else describe this. Are you formally diagnosed? I only ask because I’m not and I’m trying to figure out if I really am plural
The brain is effing weird. Apparently dissociative disorders quite literally hide themselves, like we’re constantly interrupting other alters fronts and/or pretending to be other alters even though we know who we are lol. Its just absolutely so chaotic.
Literally same here… this was perfectly explained. It’s so confusing for me. It doesn’t help with my imposter syndrome either. We have an appointment with a therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders this Monday. Never been diagnosed but always felt different than everyone else.
DID system here.. just over 2yrs awareness and diagnosis and still in denial every day except random moments. Awareness of the others has improved slightly but still have day to day amnesia. Thankyou for this! It is hard and overwhelming but I had my first “omg this is kinda ok” moment last week when I got upset and someone came in and dealt with the situation but I can’t remember it like a hazy dream. Felt nice like I had an inside buddy. Thanku for the tips. Just love your videos!
I have a great new therapist who specializes in trauma. I don't feel comfortable bringing up OSDD or DID specifically to him, but we're pretty certain that we have something beyond cPTSD. When I brought it up with my last therapist, she felt very dismissive which was hard. My handwriting changes, my slang completely changes, my skills change pretty drastically. It's pretty terrifying, though. I've tried to journal but it feels too vulnerable to have anything clearly visible that directly points to being a system so I'm just sort of generally inviting headmates to reveal themselves. I had tried to write things down, but I then ended up trying to force an understanding of each alter and force them into the roles I need to have filled and that just doesn't work.
Questioning system here. Our therapist thinks we are plural and says she's seen our different "personality states", but we don't have a diagnostic label since she doesn't like those (she's also a psychiatrist). But we keep telling ourselves that she's wrong and doesn't know anything since she sometimes says things we don't agree with aaaaa this is so difficult :( I've (host) been looking at the diagnosis p-did and wondered if that could be it, but nobody seems to talk about it so it's hard for me to truly "grasp" Anyway, I'm happy to have found your channel! Hope you're all well 💖
Diagnostic labels are problematic. Even with one, my therapist and I talk about how they really are just for insurance more than treatment. If your therapist has seen personality states, I’d trust that. Most are very hesitant when it comes to that sort of thing.
We did a diagnostic for several months through therapy and my therapist came to the conclusion that I have a dissociative disorder in line with osdd but has warned me of the possible damage that getting an official diagnosis can be when im doing child custody battles, so im just going with general ddnos or osdd, in therapy and not on paper. I hope one day it wont be so stigmatized to simply be a traumatized person doing their best.
i'm just so scared that i'm making it up or that i'm going insane that whenever i start to communicate because i'm dissociating i end up getting really scared and anxious and then i stop dissociating and the conversation stops. the thing is that when the conversation is happening i'm not really realizing it, i'm too dissociated and i can't catch the thoughts and remember them. so i get fragments and pieces before i stop dissociating and then i end up forgetting them anyways. i can't find help, they're all so expensive. i'm going to try a free clinic but i feel they won't understand me.
@Marissa Miranda Official thank you so much for the advice. I started seeing a therapist last week and the first session was good and I felt like I could trust her, but during the second session she made the assumption that some behavior I explained to her was "paranoid" without really taking the time to understand what's going on first. Now I am getting thoughts about having to keep this a secret even though I also have thoughts saying that we need to talk about this before the same thing happens and the system becomes "hidden" for another 10 years. I wouldn't see the multiplicity as such an issue if it weren't for the underlying trauma and the fact that it's like my life wasn't mine and I keep covertly losing control of my thoughts and actions. One of my biggest worries is being labeled as schizophrenic and being told that I am insane. Especially since I don't struggle with my mind like the "others" do. It's like telling someone who is 100% sane that they're insane. If I begin to explain the problem with the persecutor alter, it makes me look like I'm insane. I feel like nobody will believe me and they'll think it's just me losing my mind. I was already misdiagnosed with depression with psychosis when my system first appeared 12 years ago. I don't know how I'm supposed to trust anyone enough to reveal to them the persecutor alter, and he's the main reason I need to tell someone in the first place. I just started medically transitioning with testosterone and part of the reason was because this persecutor alter was suffering so much. Things have improved but I worry that if I reveal the information she'll deny the hormones somehow, which is extremely counterintuitive because the alter was suicidal due to gender dysphoria. Now it's a wait and see situation. I don't think the trust can be regained with the therapist and it's likely that this will have to remain a secret until we resemble the male alters, myself included, more. Even then, top surgery is still in the future, it might be like five years until it's safe to tell a therapist. I don't know if the girls are even real, or if any of this is real, but the way I rationalize it is, the adults are male, the girls are dangerous and young, dangerous because they get into dangerous situations due to being so young, and so, I've made the decision that this is in our best interest. My biggest fear is being told "you can't make the decision on your own." Well, it's happening.. The persecutor alter needs this, it's not an option. It's transition or death, quite literally for him.
currently, its been 2 months and 3 days since i noticed i had alters and boy has it been stressful 😭 ive told a few online friends but only my immediate family irl, although ive told them the bare minimum - i genuinely keep thinking that im faking and that my trauma wasn't bad enough to cause it which was why i was scared to tell them. this video gave me a lot of comfort, so once again tysm ❤️❗
Well, diagnosis process can help if the conclusion is "no". I'll work on that soon. I find very warming the way you speak. How much validation... Thank you. Even if it's BPD, if we experience ourselves as different individuals, our experience should be as valid, because that's what's all about: inner experience and working through it to feel better in the world.
The scariest part of this for me is that I have no idea I was traumatized… by who or what? where? when? I don’t remember entire chunks of my childhood, but I always thought it was because I was in a bubble… like I was having such a great childhood that I was too busy looking at the clouds or a ladybug to pay attention to other things like street signs and what was going on around me. And then a strong part of me keeps saying “why not just go through life not remembering ‘the bad things,’ if they even do exist,” but another part says “because it’s going to manifest in other ways, it’s going to bubble up in your relationships, like it always has.” And then I know that’s true… but some days, I don’t want to listen. It’s such a rollercoaster.
thank you so much for this. ive been wondering if im part of a system for basically almost over a year now and while i still dont really know it was really nice to hear you say that its okay if its overwhelming, thank you!
at least 5 people are writing this, no ones fully fronting so not sure how coherent it will be but its been wild learning this about ourselves. our host thought we were characters for years and we all just sort of gaslit ourselves into believing we 'created ourselves on powerpoint', even though we were already there, the host just wrote down our personalities and what we looked like. its equal parts scary and cool, cool because my 'fictional characters' i(speaking as host) invented are real entire people and i've been able to meet them and get to know them properly without trying to cram them into a narrative for a comic book. scary cause none of us are in full control of our life, and we don't know who all of us are yet. there's also the whole 'acknowledging that our childhood was traumatic' thing thats kind of hard to come to terms with, although looking back there was always underlying trauma. a few of our close friends know, no one else cause we're scared of getting accused of faking because we already have day to day doubt in the back of our minds. although, some people might have an idea cause before we figured out it was probably osdd 1b we'd go around telling people 'the character im thinking about most influences my personality' and 'sometimes i feel like im my characters but i know thats just delulu' sorry for waffling this much, this is the first time we've posted about us online, we've only fully known for 2 weeks.
As someone with one alter (that I know of) I felt very seen. I haven't heard anyone really say that before, because most people have an average at least 4 alters from what I've seen, so thank you :) It also felt very nice to hear the denial stuff. I'm 4 months into knowing about my OSDD, and it's still a pretty heavy thing I'm going through. But what you said about that, I definitely needed to hear it.
TW venting about medical stuff, honestly no one read this. I have been trying just to get a doctor to acknowledge well any of my mental health issues really, I’m too good at acting the way I act at work, hiding any weirdness, and I can’t take that mask off for therapists. I can tell them all the symptoms that I have and they will look at me and say “But you’re so self aware and can meet my eye, you therefore have nothing wrong with you. Except maybe something we can medicate, let’s medicate at random instead of doing therapeutic treatment”. Maybe I really am just making it all up and trying to push someone to believe I struggle is just seeking attention, idk. I’ll probably never know if I have anything that needs an actual diagnosis because no one wants to see me for more than the three sessions it takes for them to decide I’m just dramatic and stupid and making stuff up.
When you interview your therapist to see if it’s a good fit, let them know 1. You have trauma issues, and 2. You cannot unmask during therapy. You will 100% appear normal, and they will have to be able to work around that. I had to do the last when finding a therapist for our youngest. He will not talk about his issues. If you ask him, he’s fine, but he’s not. We’ve tried several therapists and finally found one that issues play therapy (literally they play board games or video games). It took three sessions of just play before little things started getting shared, and even then I was thrilled. There’s a therapist out there who will find a way around the mask. It will probably take some hunting to find them, but it’s worth it.
@@GianuSystem thank you, and your timing is so good, I don’t know if I could have handled reassurance on that day but today this feels like a cool hand on a feverish forehead, thank you for all you do, and please do something as kind for yourself today as what you just did for me since I cannot fathom how to return the favor myself. Much love and peace.
Thank you for this! I'm struggling a lot, like a lot, with realising I might not be the only one in this body. That I might not be able to live a "normal" life. It's definitely not easier bc I'm in an anxiety episode and have had a similar experience last fall and that time everything went away after taking anti-psychotics for like a week. Now I'm off the anti-deps I had last time when I took the anti-psychotics and let's just say the a-ps aren't working the same. So hard having gone 6 months thinking everything was "okay" and now having immense anxiety/intrusive thoughts + continuing experiences of (what I suppose is) co-fronting/switching (where me, host?, is still aware of whats going on. I just want "my" life back, my family, my friendships. But I'm realising maybe it has never been just "my" life. I can barely eat and the past week have just been depending on my parents (I/body am 16) still think this is just anxiety and not smth like osdd. I'm aware this isn't a venting space just needed to get everything off my chest.
I know this is an old video, and the possibility of someone seeing this is low... but I need to tell someone and maybe get some answers. I think I may have DID or OSDD. But I don’t know! I feel like I’m losing my mind. My sister has schizophrenia, and while I keep trying to see if it might be that, but all the answers I’m finding keep leading back to DID or OSDD. I can’t remember any trauma, but I get flashes... and I’m just so scared. I keep trying to tell my therapist but it’s like I physically can’t get any words out. And then I just forget about what I wanted to say. I keep forgetting, but it’s weird. Anyway, thank you for being here to listen to my worries..
🫂 I have a friend with both schizophrenia and DID, so it’s not necessarily and either or. Perhaps a way around it is to ask your therapist to administer the MID with measures dissociation. Another way might be to see if you can write your concerns down and share the email or paper. I’ve had good luck with the method.
I'm only halfway through this video, and I already feel more seen than I have in years. I will check out all the videos you are referring to. I am desperate for answers to all the questions I have about myself and my people. THANK YOU 😭
thank you so much for this video, uncovers the different parts of me has meant working through the barrier of shame, self loathing and guilt. Inital denial and shame of my parts and initial guilt for expressing my true self even when i know there are a lot of people who would rather we remain in shame and hide
Thank you so much for this video. I had learned that I might have DID around November or December of 2023 and Im still dealing with a lot. I have been switching pretty much everyday, at least twice a day, and it is really scary. One of my biggest fears is losing control of myself, so it's really hard to fully accept this about my... well.. I guess ourselves. Im really happy to have hesrd your words. It really does mean a lot. Thank you guys for all that you do. - Buster 💜
Thanks for this video, it means a lot to see someone caring so much. It's quite relieving to know that the denial doesn't really go away, because it was a big factor that has been stopping me accepting it all. Everything feels new and confusing, but I feel a lot better equipped to deal with whatever's thrown at me because I can see that you care, and that people will care, and it's a weight off my shoulders to be validated like this, so again, thank you
Thank you for this, I am still new at this and I'm looking for as much information as I can. Even though I was made aware I was a system back in September of 2023 but due to a trauma incedent directly after that ( related to who I first confided that I was system with) we had supreessed doing anything about it it for months (because I until I was able to talk with the people I'm with now. Thankfully all doubts about how they would react have been unnecessary, but I'm making up for lost time. Still new to identifying who's who but I can say thank you from the Symphony System ❤
Love these videos! Awesome advise, I have real trouble to contact the others cause they say I'm not ready and I don't really know what to do cause I cant talk to them 🙃 love love love these advise ♡ thanks ♡
I'm not sure where I fit on the dissociative spectrum, but I definitely dissociate and at the very least have a very fragmented personality. I have a question to ask others here: has anyone else experienced the loss of a team member after starting on a high does of antidepressants? I am seriously missing one of my team who I used to rely on for so much of my ability to blend into the "normies" world. I don’t know what's happened and I feel so much confusion and grief.
Questioning system. I've had 3 periods of awareness of my headmates, but because of denial I forced them back 2 times. This is my third time and I'm 2 months into discovery. I'm not hiding it anymore because I want to learn. Even now I'm thinking that I'm faking because of the lack of embarrassment and discovering nearly 6 of them in the span of a single week.
ive been questioning whether i have OSDD, since i have a lot of dissociation and memory issues, plus other little things that hint to being plural. I'm not at all confident yet, but my partner (who has diagnosed DID) is pretty sure i have DID or OSDD (they think probably DID) and i very much trust their judgement. so yeah, trying to figure that out. going to try to get a therapist soon and after that, get tested. its a bit scary 0~o
hi :) i’m a member of the kirby system! i’m the core and have an attachment to kirby. im autistic and probably autigenic considering i have a system to help me cope with this
@@GianuSystem There are some aspects of DID that i have trouble conceptualizing. The way I think it would go is hearing a voice in your head and wondering...am I schizophrenic? Then testing to voice to see if it's a voice in my head like I think things out...or if it can consciously respond without me giving it substance to it's response.
currently figuring out if i'm plural. i think i am, at least - yesterday a fragmented personality or someone who isn't entirely separate from me made herself known and i've been dissociating a lot since then. i keep telling myself that its fake since "R" (the other "fragmented personality or the alter) feels like me but we think its a lot of co-con? i also struggle with communicating with her, as i rarely hear her speak in our headspace. even viewing my headspace is hard. i think atm, while i (the host i think) go through day to day life and trying hard to exist (due to diagnosed MDD), i often feel partially like someone else when things get too hard. before finding out the possibility of being plural, i would "assign" a part of my brain to handle the current situation since i thought that was normal. everything is just confusing and im sorry for rambling here in the comments. i hope we figure something out eventually - i'm extremely scared of claiming to have something publicly so i think to be safe, we'll keep this knowledge to ourselves until we know more. (we have a couple who we're friends with and they both are systems and have met "R" for a bit yesterday.)
Im now aware that i am a system. but im fighting tooth and nail against that, this is the worst denial ive ever had about something and its tearing me apart. i wanted to leave a long comment about my experiences- - but im choosing not to.
Odd system phenomenon This it Kevin Lastname from the Pandora System. We are an old system but we’ve recently discovered what to call people like us. We’ve never stories like this on the internet before, only in person. So we have questions. Or rather one question for many subjects. The subjects are odd system phenomenon, and I suppose our question is, what do you make of these experiences? And we are comfortable sharing these things, to be sure to be sure. 1) The first three memories we have are of being above earth choosing a body to inhabit, then being a baby in a hospital being asked by a familiar seeming entity who asked if we would like to abort the mission before the body is sealed, and the next thing we remember is being 5 and pretending to recognize people and feel attached to them. We could vibe out that we recognized people like mom, but we didn’t really know who they were. 2) We are autistic, we had a little trouble learning empathy as a child so someone told us something like “if I were you, I would do a lot of things differently” so we thought “but there’s a reason for everything I’ve done here. If you were me you would do exactly what I would do. If you were me, you would be me… and if I were you, I would be exactly like you.” There was this realization that every person behaves based on their experiences and that if I wanted to really understand why people did the things they did, I had to forget my own presence in their mind when I thought about what it was like to be them. After that People seemed more understandable, still mostly unbearable, but better. But eventually they got boring. They were older, but they were slow and mostly predictable. What I couldn’t predict how they interact with me. 3) Throughout our childhood we had sprinkles of learning about the horrors of the world between all the other stuff happening. We used our super mega dissociative empathy to learn what life could have been. We had vicious nightmares from then on. We tried to tell people. They told us we should be ashamed, that some people have real problems and really go through those things. So I tried again and got a similar answer from others. Somehow I got the idea to try telling my dreams from reality, and that worked for a while, but my dreams felt alive and they got more vivid and immersive. Eventually I could no longer tell the difference between dreams and reality and time began to stretch. Dream memories became waking memories so, the years seemed longer. 4) When we were 10 we had a recurring dream that we couldn’t remember until we stopped having them. We dreamed that we had found a magical book that transport you anywhere in space and time. We decoded this book and went of strange magical adventures. We don’t remember all the details because one, it was dream, and two, there we fought in a war and there was lots of really bad stuff that happened. So when we remembered it as a dream we wanted go back, but we were unable to. We wanted to write stories about it so we didn’t have to lose our old life there. 5) In middle school the dreams sucked every night for about a year we would have dreams every other night where we had a bad day at school. The we would wake up, go to school and try not to let the things in our dream happen, but because we were a powerless middle schooler with almost no friends, we couldn’t stop it and we had to live the same shitty day twice in a row. 6) We met someone like us in high school. We got into a relationship, and at the time we understood them as spirits, they could move around and come from outside the system. We got very close. Closer than is possible with singlets. We were able to enter each others head space. We’d been able to describe areas that had never been brought up, appearances of some alter, creatures in the worlds. We could feel each others feelings even from a distance. I have felt feelings that did not come from anyone in the system in the middle of a class, later to find out that at that exact minute something had upset the other body. Some of the alters from the other body were able to pass from entering the headspace to almost fronting for us. Our relationship didn’t last for too much real time, so we could have theoretically have taken things further. I don’t think they wanted to though. What we were talking about doing before things started going really down hill because of things on the outside was basically building up these connections so we could move more freely between the bodies. To be clear, I don’t know how any of this worked, but I don’t think this breaks any physical laws. If I’m right this just another weird thing brains can do that no one with money has thought to study yet. The weirdest thing was that the barrier between the bodied felt like any other amnesic barrier, just thicker. I dunno. Yet us know what y’all think.
@@GianuSystemthank you. Have you heard anything like these before? We aren’t sure what to make of these experiences. Also we have been able to do what appears to be temporary fusion. A pair of us were able to do this naturally and a number of us learn to do it later. It’s almost like blending, but it is relative to the alters and not the front. They seem to develop a composite personality and internal self-image, but when they go dormant the components reappear. It is not always possible to do on purpose. What would you call this?
Do you have any recommendations for minors? I think I have OSDD-1b, but I don't think I can bring this information to my parents or therapist. I'm kind of stuck.
If possible, find any way to get into therapy. I know it may not be possible. A very helpful book is Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors. 🫂
Question for ya: Since you know absolutely everything about dissociation (just kidding). How do you tell the difference between forgetfulness due to being tired, stressed, etc, versus forgetfulness due to dissociative amnesia.
Chiming in, there’s also memory loss and forgetfulness due to trauma and other mental disorders like adhd. I think it depends on whether you mean “forgetfulness” or “memory loss”. I forget a lot of things bc of stress and being overwhelmed. There’s too much to keep track of. But I don’t forget where I was last night, I just forgot to do a chore last night. Does that make sense?
hello!! this video was really helpful for us, i have good contact with 4 others at the moment, me and another alter feel we are ready to switch, but our brain just wont let us? hes in co-con a lot, but he cant seem to take over, we have kind of recently figured ourself out, but, im not really sure where to go next ? any advice would be helpful but no force of course !!
Good video yes it’s gets overwhelming when you first find out but like us you will get use of it. We use Facebook communities and it’s has worked for us but it definitely depends on the community.
So when you have been revealed you can not reconceal it... Is that what it means? I wonder what it means 93 93/93 This jekyl hide, lucifer jesus michael satan, fight club, korn system mind control unleash the beast type stuff... Hmm... does this seem real to you, like this could be a forced on you type of thing?
Currently trying to come to grips with being plural, as far as myself and my headmate know we are the only two. I don't know if my headmate is being honest with me or not, but I've decided to trust my headmate. My headmate hates the term alter, so I call my headmate, a headmate. Getting along with my headmate is difficult, my headmate is exceptionally suspicious and distrustful of my lover, despite how accepting they have been of my headmate. I don't know how to validate my headmate's concerns while also reassuring them of my lover's intentions and behavior. This video came to me at the right time, I want to keep trying to connect with my headmate, my headmate has done so much for me and I need to repay them somehow. Thank you
As a new system (I assume I’m host rn…)
I’m constantly going through weird things where I feel like I’m forcing an alter’s self instead of letting them come forward and that instead of them actually being forward, I’m pretending to be them (????) and that they’re hanging out the back getting offended that I’m faking 😅 it’s so confusing and my brain is constantly trying to invalidate itself 😵💫
Been there. ((Hugs))
Oh my god same!! I’ve never heard anyone else describe this. Are you formally diagnosed? I only ask because I’m not and I’m trying to figure out if I really am plural
Same..I feel so bad
The brain is effing weird. Apparently dissociative disorders quite literally hide themselves, like we’re constantly interrupting other alters fronts and/or pretending to be other alters even though we know who we are lol. Its just absolutely so chaotic.
Literally same here… this was perfectly explained. It’s so confusing for me. It doesn’t help with my imposter syndrome either. We have an appointment with a therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders this Monday. Never been diagnosed but always felt different than everyone else.
DID system here.. just over 2yrs awareness and diagnosis and still in denial every day except random moments. Awareness of the others has improved slightly but still have day to day amnesia. Thankyou for this! It is hard and overwhelming but I had my first “omg this is kinda ok” moment last week when I got upset and someone came in and dealt with the situation but I can’t remember it like a hazy dream. Felt nice like I had an inside buddy. Thanku for the tips. Just love your videos!
P.s. you’re an awesome goofball haha 😊
😁
I have a great new therapist who specializes in trauma. I don't feel comfortable bringing up OSDD or DID specifically to him, but we're pretty certain that we have something beyond cPTSD. When I brought it up with my last therapist, she felt very dismissive which was hard. My handwriting changes, my slang completely changes, my skills change pretty drastically. It's pretty terrifying, though. I've tried to journal but it feels too vulnerable to have anything clearly visible that directly points to being a system so I'm just sort of generally inviting headmates to reveal themselves. I had tried to write things down, but I then ended up trying to force an understanding of each alter and force them into the roles I need to have filled and that just doesn't work.
((Hugs))
I'm doing the same thing with mine right now and this comment makes me feel seen. Know this is an old message so I hope you're doing better now.
You are a very lovely person. All of you. I’m only five weeks into my ‘awakening’ and I’m scared crapless.
It’s very scary in the beginning. I promise it gets better though.
Questioning system here. Our therapist thinks we are plural and says she's seen our different "personality states", but we don't have a diagnostic label since she doesn't like those (she's also a psychiatrist). But we keep telling ourselves that she's wrong and doesn't know anything since she sometimes says things we don't agree with aaaaa this is so difficult :(
I've (host) been looking at the diagnosis p-did and wondered if that could be it, but nobody seems to talk about it so it's hard for me to truly "grasp"
Anyway, I'm happy to have found your channel! Hope you're all well 💖
Diagnostic labels are problematic. Even with one, my therapist and I talk about how they really are just for insurance more than treatment. If your therapist has seen personality states, I’d trust that. Most are very hesitant when it comes to that sort of thing.
We did a diagnostic for several months through therapy and my therapist came to the conclusion that I have a dissociative disorder in line with osdd but has warned me of the possible damage that getting an official diagnosis can be when im doing child custody battles, so im just going with general ddnos or osdd, in therapy and not on paper.
I hope one day it wont be so stigmatized to simply be a traumatized person doing their best.
🫂
i'm just so scared that i'm making it up or that i'm going insane that whenever i start to communicate because i'm dissociating i end up getting really scared and anxious and then i stop dissociating and the conversation stops. the thing is that when the conversation is happening i'm not really realizing it, i'm too dissociated and i can't catch the thoughts and remember them. so i get fragments and pieces before i stop dissociating and then i end up forgetting them anyways. i can't find help, they're all so expensive. i'm going to try a free clinic but i feel they won't understand me.
((Hugs)) sending you positive thoughts.
@Marissa Miranda Official thank you so much for the advice. I started seeing a therapist last week and the first session was good and I felt like I could trust her, but during the second session she made the assumption that some behavior I explained to her was "paranoid" without really taking the time to understand what's going on first. Now I am getting thoughts about having to keep this a secret even though I also have thoughts saying that we need to talk about this before the same thing happens and the system becomes "hidden" for another 10 years. I wouldn't see the multiplicity as such an issue if it weren't for the underlying trauma and the fact that it's like my life wasn't mine and I keep covertly losing control of my thoughts and actions. One of my biggest worries is being labeled as schizophrenic and being told that I am insane. Especially since I don't struggle with my mind like the "others" do. It's like telling someone who is 100% sane that they're insane. If I begin to explain the problem with the persecutor alter, it makes me look like I'm insane. I feel like nobody will believe me and they'll think it's just me losing my mind. I was already misdiagnosed with depression with psychosis when my system first appeared 12 years ago. I don't know how I'm supposed to trust anyone enough to reveal to them the persecutor alter, and he's the main reason I need to tell someone in the first place. I just started medically transitioning with testosterone and part of the reason was because this persecutor alter was suffering so much. Things have improved but I worry that if I reveal the information she'll deny the hormones somehow, which is extremely counterintuitive because the alter was suicidal due to gender dysphoria. Now it's a wait and see situation. I don't think the trust can be regained with the therapist and it's likely that this will have to remain a secret until we resemble the male alters, myself included, more. Even then, top surgery is still in the future, it might be like five years until it's safe to tell a therapist. I don't know if the girls are even real, or if any of this is real, but the way I rationalize it is, the adults are male, the girls are dangerous and young, dangerous because they get into dangerous situations due to being so young, and so, I've made the decision that this is in our best interest. My biggest fear is being told "you can't make the decision on your own." Well, it's happening.. The persecutor alter needs this, it's not an option. It's transition or death, quite literally for him.
@@experiFilm just wanted to send love ❤️
currently, its been 2 months and 3 days since i noticed i had alters and boy has it been stressful 😭 ive told a few online friends but only my immediate family irl, although ive told them the bare minimum - i genuinely keep thinking that im faking and that my trauma wasn't bad enough to cause it which was why i was scared to tell them. this video gave me a lot of comfort, so once again tysm ❤️❗
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Well, diagnosis process can help if the conclusion is "no".
I'll work on that soon.
I find very warming the way you speak. How much validation... Thank you.
Even if it's BPD, if we experience ourselves as different individuals, our experience should be as valid, because that's what's all about: inner experience and working through it to feel better in the world.
❤️❤️❤️
The scariest part of this for me is that I have no idea I was traumatized… by who or what? where? when? I don’t remember entire chunks of my childhood, but I always thought it was because I was in a bubble… like I was having such a great childhood that I was too busy looking at the clouds or a ladybug to pay attention to other things like street signs and what was going on around me.
And then a strong part of me keeps saying “why not just go through life not remembering ‘the bad things,’ if they even do exist,” but another part says “because it’s going to manifest in other ways, it’s going to bubble up in your relationships, like it always has.” And then I know that’s true… but some days, I don’t want to listen.
It’s such a rollercoaster.
🫂
thank you so much for this. ive been wondering if im part of a system for basically almost over a year now and while i still dont really know it was really nice to hear you say that its okay if its overwhelming, thank you!
((Hugs))
Holy shit, this was exactly what I needed to hear at this point, ty!
💜
at least 5 people are writing this, no ones fully fronting so not sure how coherent it will be but its been wild learning this about ourselves. our host thought we were characters for years and we all just sort of gaslit ourselves into believing we 'created ourselves on powerpoint', even though we were already there, the host just wrote down our personalities and what we looked like. its equal parts scary and cool, cool because my 'fictional characters' i(speaking as host) invented are real entire people and i've been able to meet them and get to know them properly without trying to cram them into a narrative for a comic book. scary cause none of us are in full control of our life, and we don't know who all of us are yet. there's also the whole 'acknowledging that our childhood was traumatic' thing thats kind of hard to come to terms with, although looking back there was always underlying trauma. a few of our close friends know, no one else cause we're scared of getting accused of faking because we already have day to day doubt in the back of our minds. although, some people might have an idea cause before we figured out it was probably osdd 1b we'd go around telling people 'the character im thinking about most influences my personality' and 'sometimes i feel like im my characters but i know thats just delulu'
sorry for waffling this much, this is the first time we've posted about us online, we've only fully known for 2 weeks.
🫂
As someone with one alter (that I know of) I felt very seen. I haven't heard anyone really say that before, because most people have an average at least 4 alters from what I've seen, so thank you :)
It also felt very nice to hear the denial stuff. I'm 4 months into knowing about my OSDD, and it's still a pretty heavy thing I'm going through. But what you said about that, I definitely needed to hear it.
🫂
TW venting about medical stuff, honestly no one read this.
I have been trying just to get a doctor to acknowledge well any of my mental health issues really, I’m too good at acting the way I act at work, hiding any weirdness, and I can’t take that mask off for therapists. I can tell them all the symptoms that I have and they will look at me and say “But you’re so self aware and can meet my eye, you therefore have nothing wrong with you. Except maybe something we can medicate, let’s medicate at random instead of doing therapeutic treatment”. Maybe I really am just making it all up and trying to push someone to believe I struggle is just seeking attention, idk. I’ll probably never know if I have anything that needs an actual diagnosis because no one wants to see me for more than the three sessions it takes for them to decide I’m just dramatic and stupid and making stuff up.
When you interview your therapist to see if it’s a good fit, let them know 1. You have trauma issues, and 2. You cannot unmask during therapy. You will 100% appear normal, and they will have to be able to work around that.
I had to do the last when finding a therapist for our youngest. He will not talk about his issues. If you ask him, he’s fine, but he’s not. We’ve tried several therapists and finally found one that issues play therapy (literally they play board games or video games). It took three sessions of just play before little things started getting shared, and even then I was thrilled.
There’s a therapist out there who will find a way around the mask. It will probably take some hunting to find them, but it’s worth it.
@@GianuSystem thank you, and your timing is so good, I don’t know if I could have handled reassurance on that day but today this feels like a cool hand on a feverish forehead, thank you for all you do, and please do something as kind for yourself today as what you just did for me since I cannot fathom how to return the favor myself. Much love and peace.
Thank you for this! I'm struggling a lot, like a lot, with realising I might not be the only one in this body. That I might not be able to live a "normal" life. It's definitely not easier bc I'm in an anxiety episode and have had a similar experience last fall and that time everything went away after taking anti-psychotics for like a week. Now I'm off the anti-deps I had last time when I took the anti-psychotics and let's just say the a-ps aren't working the same. So hard having gone 6 months thinking everything was "okay" and now having immense anxiety/intrusive thoughts + continuing experiences of (what I suppose is) co-fronting/switching (where me, host?, is still aware of whats going on. I just want "my" life back, my family, my friendships. But I'm realising maybe it has never been just "my" life. I can barely eat and the past week have just been depending on my parents (I/body am 16) still think this is just anxiety and not smth like osdd. I'm aware this isn't a venting space just needed to get everything off my chest.
You’re seen. ((Hugs))
It does get better over time. Stay strong.
Thank you for making this video, it's very validating for me. Your voice is very calming.
I know this is an old video, and the possibility of someone seeing this is low... but I need to tell someone and maybe get some answers. I think I may have DID or OSDD. But I don’t know! I feel like I’m losing my mind. My sister has schizophrenia, and while I keep trying to see if it might be that, but all the answers I’m finding keep leading back to DID or OSDD. I can’t remember any trauma, but I get flashes... and I’m just so scared. I keep trying to tell my therapist but it’s like I physically can’t get any words out. And then I just forget about what I wanted to say. I keep forgetting, but it’s weird. Anyway, thank you for being here to listen to my worries..
🫂 I have a friend with both schizophrenia and DID, so it’s not necessarily and either or. Perhaps a way around it is to ask your therapist to administer the MID with measures dissociation. Another way might be to see if you can write your concerns down and share the email or paper. I’ve had good luck with the method.
@@GianuSystem thank you. It means a lot. I’ll look into it. And I’ll try to get it down.
Try writing down your thoughts and giving it to your therapist
This was an extremely comforting video to watch ❤ thank you!
I'm only halfway through this video, and I already feel more seen than I have in years. I will check out all the videos you are referring to. I am desperate for answers to all the questions I have about myself and my people.
THANK YOU 😭
thank you so much for this video, uncovers the different parts of me has meant working through the barrier of shame, self loathing and guilt. Inital denial and shame of my parts and initial guilt for expressing my true self even when i know there are a lot of people who would rather we remain in shame and hide
Thank you so much for this video. I had learned that I might have DID around November or December of 2023 and Im still dealing with a lot. I have been switching pretty much everyday, at least twice a day, and it is really scary.
One of my biggest fears is losing control of myself, so it's really hard to fully accept this about my... well.. I guess ourselves.
Im really happy to have hesrd your words. It really does mean a lot. Thank you guys for all that you do.
- Buster 💜
Amazing video, we’ve known for almost 2 years now, but this video still hit home. It was so comforting, thank you ❤️
Thanks for this video, it means a lot to see someone caring so much. It's quite relieving to know that the denial doesn't really go away, because it was a big factor that has been stopping me accepting it all. Everything feels new and confusing, but I feel a lot better equipped to deal with whatever's thrown at me because I can see that you care, and that people will care, and it's a weight off my shoulders to be validated like this, so again, thank you
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Thank you for this, I am still new at this and I'm looking for as much information as I can.
Even though I was made aware I was a system back in September of 2023 but due to a trauma incedent directly after that ( related to who I first confided that I was system with) we had supreessed doing anything about it it for months (because I until I was able to talk with the people I'm with now. Thankfully all doubts about how they would react have been unnecessary, but I'm making up for lost time. Still new to identifying who's who but I can say thank you from the Symphony System ❤
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Love these videos! Awesome advise, I have real trouble to contact the others cause they say I'm not ready and I don't really know what to do cause I cant talk to them 🙃 love love love these advise ♡ thanks ♡
I've tried to react out to doctors but they don't really belive us cause they think its just anxiety 🙃 😅
((Hugs)) That’s hard. Keep trying and hang in there.
learning about it... just became aware a few weeks ago
I'm not sure where I fit on the dissociative spectrum, but I definitely dissociate and at the very least have a very fragmented personality.
I have a question to ask others here: has anyone else experienced the loss of a team member after starting on a high does of antidepressants? I am seriously missing one of my team who I used to rely on for so much of my ability to blend into the "normies" world. I don’t know what's happened and I feel so much confusion and grief.
Questioning system. I've had 3 periods of awareness of my headmates, but because of denial I forced them back 2 times. This is my third time and I'm 2 months into discovery. I'm not hiding it anymore because I want to learn. Even now I'm thinking that I'm faking because of the lack of embarrassment and discovering nearly 6 of them in the span of a single week.
🫂 denial is part of the disorder. It sucks.
@@GianuSystem It really does. Thank you for this video though, it helped me feel less like I was faking this.
Hello. Thank you for sharing this video. I have DID too. Good advice!
this is so comforting!
Thank you.
Thank you for such an encouraging video!!!❤
ive been questioning whether i have OSDD, since i have a lot of dissociation and memory issues, plus other little things that hint to being plural.
I'm not at all confident yet, but my partner (who has diagnosed DID) is pretty sure i have DID or OSDD (they think probably DID) and i very much trust their judgement. so yeah, trying to figure that out. going to try to get a therapist soon and after that, get tested.
its a bit scary 0~o
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Really thank you
Thank you
thank you. i needed to hear this today.
hi :) i’m a member of the kirby system! i’m the core and have an attachment to kirby. im autistic and probably autigenic considering i have a system to help me cope with this
You can only form a system due to trauma... You don't need to fake a disorder to fit in
Speaking as an autistic person
Our system formed from people screaming at us whenever we had sensory overload. So it def connects w our autism. Totally using that now lol
Thanks 💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞👊
off topic, but have you seen how Moon Knight portrays DID? Be interesting to get the take on it from someone with DID.
I haven’t yet, but I plan to!
@@GianuSystem There are some aspects of DID that i have trouble conceptualizing. The way I think it would go is hearing a voice in your head and wondering...am I schizophrenic? Then testing to voice to see if it's a voice in my head like I think things out...or if it can consciously respond without me giving it substance to it's response.
Thank you so much for this
Amazing video. Thank you so much ♥️
currently figuring out if i'm plural. i think i am, at least - yesterday a fragmented personality or someone who isn't entirely separate from me made herself known and i've been dissociating a lot since then. i keep telling myself that its fake since "R" (the other "fragmented personality or the alter) feels like me but we think its a lot of co-con? i also struggle with communicating with her, as i rarely hear her speak in our headspace. even viewing my headspace is hard. i think atm, while i (the host i think) go through day to day life and trying hard to exist (due to diagnosed MDD), i often feel partially like someone else when things get too hard. before finding out the possibility of being plural, i would "assign" a part of my brain to handle the current situation since i thought that was normal.
everything is just confusing and im sorry for rambling here in the comments. i hope we figure something out eventually - i'm extremely scared of claiming to have something publicly so i think to be safe, we'll keep this knowledge to ourselves until we know more. (we have a couple who we're friends with and they both are systems and have met "R" for a bit yesterday.)
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Im now aware that i am a system. but im fighting tooth and nail against that, this is the worst denial ive ever had about something and its tearing me apart. i wanted to leave a long comment about my experiences- - but im choosing not to.
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Odd system phenomenon
This it Kevin Lastname from the Pandora System. We are an old system but we’ve recently discovered what to call people like us. We’ve never stories like this on the internet before, only in person. So we have questions. Or rather one question for many subjects. The subjects are odd system phenomenon, and I suppose our question is, what do you make of these experiences? And we are comfortable sharing these things, to be sure to be sure.
1) The first three memories we have are of being above earth choosing a body to inhabit, then being a baby in a hospital being asked by a familiar seeming entity who asked if we would like to abort the mission before the body is sealed, and the next thing we remember is being 5 and pretending to recognize people and feel attached to them. We could vibe out that we recognized people like mom, but we didn’t really know who they were.
2) We are autistic, we had a little trouble learning empathy as a child so someone told us something like “if I were you, I would do a lot of things differently” so we thought “but there’s a reason for everything I’ve done here. If you were me you would do exactly what I would do. If you were me, you would be me… and if I were you, I would be exactly like you.” There was this realization that every person behaves based on their experiences and that if I wanted to really understand why people did the things they did, I had to forget my own presence in their mind when I thought about what it was like to be them. After that People seemed more understandable, still mostly unbearable, but better. But eventually they got boring. They were older, but they were slow and mostly predictable. What I couldn’t predict how they interact with me.
3) Throughout our childhood we had sprinkles of learning about the horrors of the world between all the other stuff happening. We used our super mega dissociative empathy to learn what life could have been. We had vicious nightmares from then on. We tried to tell people. They told us we should be ashamed, that some people have real problems and really go through those things. So I tried again and got a similar answer from others. Somehow I got the idea to try telling my dreams from reality, and that worked for a while, but my dreams felt alive and they got more vivid and immersive. Eventually I could no longer tell the difference between dreams and reality and time began to stretch. Dream memories became waking memories so, the years seemed longer.
4) When we were 10 we had a recurring dream that we couldn’t remember until we stopped having them. We dreamed that we had found a magical book that transport you anywhere in space and time. We decoded this book and went of strange magical adventures. We don’t remember all the details because one, it was dream, and two, there we fought in a war and there was lots of really bad stuff that happened. So when we remembered it as a dream we wanted go back, but we were unable to. We wanted to write stories about it so we didn’t have to lose our old life there.
5) In middle school the dreams sucked every night for about a year we would have dreams every other night where we had a bad day at school. The we would wake up, go to school and try not to let the things in our dream happen, but because we were a powerless middle schooler with almost no friends, we couldn’t stop it and we had to live the same shitty day twice in a row.
6) We met someone like us in high school. We got into a relationship, and at the time we understood them as spirits, they could move around and come from outside the system. We got very close. Closer than is possible with singlets. We were able to enter each others head space. We’d been able to describe areas that had never been brought up, appearances of some alter, creatures in the worlds. We could feel each others feelings even from a distance. I have felt feelings that did not come from anyone in the system in the middle of a class, later to find out that at that exact minute something had upset the other body. Some of the alters from the other body were able to pass from entering the headspace to almost fronting for us. Our relationship didn’t last for too much real time, so we could have theoretically have taken things further. I don’t think they wanted to though. What we were talking about doing before things started going really down hill because of things on the outside was basically building up these connections so we could move more freely between the bodies. To be clear, I don’t know how any of this worked, but I don’t think this breaks any physical laws. If I’m right this just another weird thing brains can do that no one with money has thought to study yet. The weirdest thing was that the barrier between the bodied felt like any other amnesic barrier, just thicker.
I dunno. Yet us know what y’all think.
We haven't experienced that, but it doesn't mean your experience isn't valid
@@GianuSystemthank you. Have you heard anything like these before? We aren’t sure what to make of these experiences. Also we have been able to do what appears to be temporary fusion. A pair of us were able to do this naturally and a number of us learn to do it later. It’s almost like blending, but it is relative to the alters and not the front. They seem to develop a composite personality and internal self-image, but when they go dormant the components reappear. It is not always possible to do on purpose. What would you call this?
Do you have any recommendations for minors? I think I have OSDD-1b, but I don't think I can bring this information to my parents or therapist. I'm kind of stuck.
Right now I'm just doing TONS of research - watching videos by systems and talking to people with OSDD or DID, but I don't know what to do next.
If possible, find any way to get into therapy. I know it may not be possible. A very helpful book is Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors. 🫂
Love the new intro/outro! Hope yous do, too. Glad you are goofball you.
Thank you! :D
Question for ya: Since you know absolutely everything about dissociation (just kidding). How do you tell the difference between forgetfulness due to being tired, stressed, etc, versus forgetfulness due to dissociative amnesia.
Great question! I’m going to think about it for me, ask other systems, and get back to you. ^_^
Chiming in, there’s also memory loss and forgetfulness due to trauma and other mental disorders like adhd. I think it depends on whether you mean “forgetfulness” or “memory loss”. I forget a lot of things bc of stress and being overwhelmed. There’s too much to keep track of. But I don’t forget where I was last night, I just forgot to do a chore last night. Does that make sense?
Some of these comments might help…
vm.tiktok.com/ZTdVF5vYy/
why am i crying rn??
❤️
hello!! this video was really helpful for us, i have good contact with 4 others at the moment, me and another alter feel we are ready to switch, but our brain just wont let us? hes in co-con a lot, but he cant seem to take over, we have kind of recently figured ourself out, but, im not really sure where to go next ? any advice would be helpful but no force of course !!
See if this helps you. ^_^
How to Switch on Purpose
ruclips.net/video/2cDOs-G2amk/видео.html
@@GianuSystem tysm ill check it out now !!
Good video yes it’s gets overwhelming when you first find out but like us you will get use of it. We use Facebook communities and it’s has worked for us but it definitely depends on the community.
Do you guys have problems with some alters keeping your mind awake at night while the host is unconscious?
Yep. Less now, but it was fairly frequent in the beginning.
Drop dead Fred was a terifieing movie...
Oof! Yes!
So when you have been revealed you can not reconceal it... Is that what it means? I wonder what it means 93 93/93 This jekyl hide, lucifer jesus michael satan, fight club, korn system mind control unleash the beast type stuff... Hmm... does this seem real to you, like this could be a forced on you type of thing?