CHESS MOVES: Are Black Women Prepared to COMPETE?

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  • Опубликовано: 30 ноя 2024

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  • @yougotgamesonyourphone6947
    @yougotgamesonyourphone6947 8 месяцев назад +121

    I remember walking into interracial dating thinking WM would be entirely different, and in ways they are, but at the end of the day they are still men. Unfortunately, I happened to get the worst of them because I failed to do my due diligence and work on myself, so in my early years, I ran into a lot of WM that were not good men at all, ie secretly married or in relationships, mommy issues so they took it out on women, thinking “personality” mattered over financially providing, abusive, etc. You really do have to vet vet vet everybody! And at the end of the day, your choices begin with YOU. I learned a harsh lesson, but glad I learned it at an early age.
    Thank you Mrs. Chloe for another banger. You are changing lives out here.

    • @VerleanHurd
      @VerleanHurd 2 месяца назад +1

      I'm glad you learned this lesson early on. Unfortunately, there are women who will never learn.

  • @HerMajestyPageantChannel
    @HerMajestyPageantChannel 8 месяцев назад +789

    "May the best man win" needs to be the anthem of every black woman looking to find love. The "best" is not a race, it is a mindset. Marry whoever treats you the best and can offer you the best life.

    • @AyaEgbuho
      @AyaEgbuho 8 месяцев назад +35

      Love this! ❤

    • @VerleanHurd
      @VerleanHurd 8 месяцев назад +30

      No lies detected.

    • @QueenAmour8888
      @QueenAmour8888 8 месяцев назад +23

      Beautiful comment ❤

    • @Liz-yq1bc
      @Liz-yq1bc 8 месяцев назад +14

      👏🏾

    • @Lan-n6z
      @Lan-n6z 8 месяцев назад +14

      I agree

  • @DecapitatedBarbie
    @DecapitatedBarbie 8 месяцев назад +790

    I’m married to a white man and have interracially dated my entire life. Getting married to my husband was the best decision I ever made but you must properly vet white men. It’s extremely naïve to think “all” white men are the same.

    • @VerleanHurd
      @VerleanHurd 8 месяцев назад +116

      I'm so glad you said that. Some black women think white is right.

    • @filippat.5011
      @filippat.5011 8 месяцев назад +85

      I wish I knew this when I was 21. All I wanted was a yt man and I ended up with a racst narcissistic Looser🙃 But I am still happy for that experience because it taught me to never put any man on the pedestal. Doing therapy helped me to solve my self hating tendencies and I am now able to attract men from all different backgrounds💗

    • @purpleflows5680
      @purpleflows5680 8 месяцев назад +80

      This. Married to a white man as well. I’ve met good ones and bad ones from all backgrounds.
      To not vet all men is simply foolish. Men are men.
      My husband’s cultural background is an asset in terms of how he was trained to view marriage and provision.
      However, not all white men have the same enculturation. You have to vet. Period.

    • @ddrebrne3336
      @ddrebrne3336 8 месяцев назад +7

      Thank you for saying that.

    • @shakirasmith6454
      @shakirasmith6454 8 месяцев назад +15

      @@filippat.5011 thank you for this. I had a similar experience at 21 as well, and still beat myself up about that relationship ten years later🤦🏾‍♀️. Thank you for this reminder that it’s possible to heal and still love❤.

  • @islandgirl8067
    @islandgirl8067 8 месяцев назад +514

    There are dusty men in all ethnic groups. BW should expand our dating pool, have standards, & vet each man carefully. Don’t just assume that nonBM are better. We should also work on ourselves.

    • @Lisette121
      @Lisette121 8 месяцев назад +20

      Exactly

    • @AyeishaN0Curry
      @AyeishaN0Curry 8 месяцев назад +1

      @sojuprincessj

    • @Carl-b1q
      @Carl-b1q 7 месяцев назад

      Women of all ethnicities are far from perfect, on the contrary.

  • @Mackenzietkd526
    @Mackenzietkd526 8 месяцев назад +174

    Spot on with the culturally ambiguity point. I grew up in a working class black neighborhood and attended school in either a diverse or predominately white environment. Speaking from experience, I find It's usually the (race of choice) women who will invite you "in". Women are the ones who will have you to wedding showers, birthdays and mini vacays in the Hamptons or Polo matches etc...and whatnot, and that'll put you in proximity authentically to their wealthy men.

  • @patrice6139
    @patrice6139 8 месяцев назад +140

    I just started dating outside my race a few years ago, and I'm currently with a Chinese man. As a black woman, I had to learn how to date interracially & be open to learning about different cultures that are completely different than mine. It's challenging at times, but I've become more open-minded and exposed to new ways of living, and I'm a better person for it.

    • @VerleanHurd
      @VerleanHurd 2 месяца назад +4

      That's good. Have you started learning Chinese? If not, you should. He would appreciate it. Plus, you want to know what's being said in your face.

  • @BriannaxChaiyou
    @BriannaxChaiyou 8 месяцев назад +262

    You are spot on when it comes to non-black men with various social backgrounds. As a lady who dates out and getting married to a non black man who cares for me, I take my due-diligence to understand different social and cultural values of others. Once a woman understands that men are men, regardless of race, she will be ready to date out. Also, she cannot get the men to bash the women his own race similar to BM do to BW. Man bashing or woman bashing is not the solution. That gives off negative energy for both men and women. At the least, it's anti-seductive.
    Side Note: There are also non black men who also baby trap their own women. Especially, trapping their women in 50/50 relationships. Dusties come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. I speak from experience with ladies I know with their own race of men.

    • @SylisDaGoldenPeach
      @SylisDaGoldenPeach 8 месяцев назад +22

      I’m glad for you and I support your journey sister but what I know for certain is that you got lucky and not all of us will find a husband who truly desires and cares for us , it’s just the way life is , love is like the lottery and has nothing to do wit race .

    • @BriannaxChaiyou
      @BriannaxChaiyou 8 месяцев назад +26

      @@SylisDaGoldenPeach Thank you so much. You are right. Race has nothing to do with finding "The One". As women, we must vet to see if values and morals align.

  • @Tamara165able
    @Tamara165able 8 месяцев назад +102

    I think exposure and network is important from an early age. I was privately educated, did poetry, horse riding, tennis, swimming and sewing lessons, language and was politically aware. It wasn’t until I got to university I realise how important all those things I did as a child would really benefit me. I’m going to stay this but a lot of BW will be upset, dating out ‘hypergamy’ is harder especially when competing with women who were trained since childhood. Your education and business success is great but what about your interest, your ability to work a room, you ability align with your partner’s long term objective and philanthropy activities. Btw they will vet you as well.

  • @KiaRoane
    @KiaRoane 8 месяцев назад +111

    In order for black women to have the edge, many of us have to go back to perfecting femininity skills. Wealthy, traditional men, and even men who wouldn’t be considered “wealthy” but will be considered good providers, typically have traditional values, which is the reason they want to be providers. If as a woman, you cannot meet that man with your part of being traditional, you’re never going to beat the other woman who understand that dynamic. You’re always going to be at a disadvantage. Provider men instinctually behave a certain way, as well as have certain expectations. you cannot fight against that aspect, but then still want to engage in it. That doesn’t work. Learn how to play the game to the best of your advantage.

    • @AyaEgbuho
      @AyaEgbuho 8 месяцев назад +6

      🎯🎯🎯🎯

    • @britneyt9253
      @britneyt9253 8 месяцев назад +1

      Both.

    • @StopwhiningandgetaJOB
      @StopwhiningandgetaJOB 8 месяцев назад

      @@sunandgrapes All of it; be sure to have a hobby. Chose something you really enjoy besides social media. Get into gardening, sewing, knitting, or ballet, fishing, any sport,Just google hobbies; there are 100's of them. Tap back into what you enjoyed as a kid. Or learn new things.

    • @SOFTcTV
      @SOFTcTV 8 месяцев назад

      Bingo!

    • @tsps4119
      @tsps4119 7 месяцев назад

      Amen! I am living proof of your statement ❤

  • @antasiashaw8815
    @antasiashaw8815 8 месяцев назад +108

    Love soaking up this type of content especially as a 24 year old trying to level up internally so I can gain the knowledge to date wisely

  • @maddielu5286
    @maddielu5286 7 месяцев назад +4

    Seeing the Sade Robinson story unfolding, bw please be safe as you date out. We as women are definitely not safe

  • @mwright0428
    @mwright0428 8 месяцев назад +215

    Spicy but much needed conversation. I got to the bottom of my issues with competing and it’s been a doozy. Such important internal work needs to be done before we even talk about dating and that’s why I love you Chloe for advocating for therapy and that getting a rich man cannot be a fix all for your life. Because if you land that man, your internal issues can and will run him off. Great topic!

  • @bubblybubbles4023
    @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад +326

    That clip with the woman saying her man works for her is so cringy. She's bragging about taking care of a man, that's never a flex for a woman.

    • @BB-gd7ez
      @BB-gd7ez 8 месяцев назад +46

      Like absolutely NEVER.

    • @callalilly4743
      @callalilly4743 8 месяцев назад +48

      She really thought she dropped the mic. Clown behavior.

    • @Thankgot
      @Thankgot 8 месяцев назад +42

      Should have kept that in the drafts.

    • @tamarawilliams1197
      @tamarawilliams1197 8 месяцев назад +24

      ...and Black Women on average STILL don't get that

    • @theonlydesides
      @theonlydesides 8 месяцев назад +23

      I came here to say the same exact thing! I said “eww” after she said he works for me 😅 lord cancel that app yesterday lol!

  • @jamillawebb3567
    @jamillawebb3567 8 месяцев назад +27

    Chloe blessed us with another gem! As women we have to take responsibility for whoever we lay with, mate with, and have kids with. I am open to all men but to be honest my heart is with Black. I was raised by and am VERY close to my Black father and loving uncles and cousins. Because I know the power and presence of what it feels like to have a man invested in family I could never hate all black men and I refuse to marry or raise children with any man who does not demonstrate the love, provision, and protection that the men in my family provided to me. 💕💕💕💕

  • @PrettyPrincess9609
    @PrettyPrincess9609 8 месяцев назад +117

    It’s also the same if you are dating outside your culture but the same race. When I started dating my man who is Haitian, I had a lot of competition from women from his culture. I also had to get his family’s approval as well. They are very traditional. I had to step outside of my comfort zone and learn more about his culture and language. Also watch out for the colorist foreign black men and the foreign black men that don’t really like Black American women but want to use us for money and resources. You can tell if they are colorist or are just using you if you just listen to what they say and pay attention to their actions. There are foreign black men who are providers and actually like Black American women but you have to vet them when you date them. Dating outside your culture or race can be a great experience but you have to be prepared.

    • @QueenAmour8888
      @QueenAmour8888 8 месяцев назад +10

      Yes!!!

    • @ssoomee
      @ssoomee 8 месяцев назад +22

      I am Haitian and I applaud you going the whole way to learn about my people's culture and values, because even for me as a Haitian woman, it can be a lot! I wish you all the best with your Haitian man 😌

    • @rickimcfarland2269
      @rickimcfarland2269 8 месяцев назад +9

      Agreed. I attract more foreign black men, and white men than anything lol. I prefer black British but depending on where I am, I may only have access to West Indian. I only learned last year that a lot of West Indians do not like American blacks. They'll kiss a yt persons but, but will have disdain for someone who looks like them.

  • @QueenQueenly
    @QueenQueenly 8 месяцев назад +101

    At this point in life … I see the same type of males in every male no matter his race. Same mentality. Same intentions. It’s scary out there. Thankful that more women are waking up and being celibate and detaching from males who harm women

    • @sammietulip7948
      @sammietulip7948 7 месяцев назад +2

      Yes. That’s why I have no interest in dating.

    • @QueenQueenly
      @QueenQueenly 7 месяцев назад +2

      @@sammietulip7948 same here. I regret not understanding this earlier in life.

    • @MSSHARIII
      @MSSHARIII 3 месяца назад +1

      💯💯💯💯

  • @rosewatersweettea
    @rosewatersweettea 8 месяцев назад +70

    I think black women have A LOT of work to do as a collective. Yes a non black man will date you, take you out, etc but can you hold a conversation? Do you have any passions or hobbies? Are you healthy? If you take a look at the black women who have successfully dated and married out they have qualities that will attract a man of substance.

    • @Lovebrix99
      @Lovebrix99 8 месяцев назад +2

      Are you a black woman? You’re saying this as if the average black woman is like sexy red or something 😒

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад +9

      Also, some BW have superficial interactions with non-BM such as flings or one night stands and then try to pass it off as having "options" and "dating." I guess they mean a "date" on the same terms as when a sex worker says they have a date. I'm like, sis, all you did was give up the cookies once or a few times, you 2 were not in a relationship.

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 7 месяцев назад +8

      @raylemar2386 Good quality men who also have means do not go for overweight women, and they don't tend to go for that BBL fetish body type either.

  • @callalilly4743
    @callalilly4743 8 месяцев назад +84

    Competeting for the best requires getting in shape first and foremost. BW keep avoiding this to our detriment.

    • @Carl-b1q
      @Carl-b1q 7 месяцев назад +2

      Competing for the best,wow, so the best equates with WM, when all WM are racists.😅😅😅

    • @tsps4119
      @tsps4119 7 месяцев назад +7

      I agree partially. These kind of provider men typically want wives. Being fit and feminine are definitely important but if she is a boss chic or a trendy chic, she can be teyanna taylor fit and he will overlook her. This man will always choose a traditional woman with wife energy

    • @mctreasure
      @mctreasure 7 месяцев назад +3

      Fit. Feminine, cooperative. Men risk a lot getting married so the idea of a woman who isn't down with your program is a bad idea to commit to

    • @deek69
      @deek69 7 месяцев назад

      @@Carl-b1q all white men aren’t racists … like all black men aren’t thugs . Also you’re insecure towards them …. Also I’m a lightskin man .also also shut up .

    • @VerleanHurd
      @VerleanHurd 2 месяца назад +1

      ​@@Carl-b1q Not all.

  • @MontemorA-eb1ypy
    @MontemorA-eb1ypy 8 месяцев назад +19

    Mrs. Chloe once again, I thank you for this video and all of the other ones.
    I’m writing this article about women and community and in one part I’m giving examples of how some women shaped me into being who I am today. And you’re definitely one of them. I’ve been watching you since I was 19 when I first came to the US from Angola and I started watching your videos because I liked the way you speak and I was trying to learn English at the time so I was trying to find a RUclipsr that I really liked to watch everyday. and I’m 24 now.
    I’m really thankful because I don’t have women like you in my family that would teach me the things you do, so I I’m really grateful for having you ❤

    • @TheNewFeminine
      @TheNewFeminine  8 месяцев назад +2

      OMG that was so sweet of you to share. Thank you.🥰😘

    • @MontemorA-eb1ypy
      @MontemorA-eb1ypy 7 месяцев назад

      @@TheNewFeminine you’re very welcome Mrs. Chloe ❤️

  • @lionesslamb7049
    @lionesslamb7049 8 месяцев назад +72

    Go argue with your credit score...😅😅😂😭

    • @ajh.4131
      @ajh.4131 7 месяцев назад +2

      She kills me with her clapbacks 😂

  • @tummie-peaches
    @tummie-peaches 7 месяцев назад +10

    My fiancé is Asian & Pacific Islander ( Filipino & Palauan) being with him is the best decision ever. Very respectful, treats me well and considerate
    But I had to vet him first because at the end of the men are men across the board. Just have a strong discernment

  • @2015ben
    @2015ben 8 месяцев назад +50

    Thanks for your high-quality content that always focuses on solutions, Chloe. I love that your message is always delivered with such honesty and soft feminine power. Your channel has helped me immensely.

  • @mokie00
    @mokie00 8 месяцев назад +31

    I think being "well-rounded" is important. I dated a guy who was the lead singer and guitarist of a death metal band lol and people assumed he was white. when he was Black. Also, other races of men flirt and come on to us way differently and finally, I think carry yourself in a way where sex isn't even an option unless you're married. I say that because it seems to be some weird "fetish" or this idea that other races of men can't sexually satisfy or keep up with the idealized version of black men. Which causes insecurities if a man wants you he'll respect you enough for that to be on the backburner, not the forefront.

  • @love252-p4r
    @love252-p4r 7 месяцев назад +11

    Chloe, this is a WORD! I married interracially but best believe his family and friends vetted me beforehand. That's usually the case if hes a 'good one'

  • @intensepassion3382
    @intensepassion3382 8 месяцев назад +44

    Women are being unalived by both sides. Choose wisely.

    • @Aronoel31
      @Aronoel31 7 месяцев назад

      Nope BM are Killing BW at disproportionately higher rates. Do your research. Black Femicide is the result of staying loyal and dating down out of conditioning.

  • @empressmagneta
    @empressmagneta 8 месяцев назад +60

    Ive been dating a White man for the past for months and its my first time dating outside my race but tbh it is my first time really being dated properly. More because of my own inner work and healing but in terms of the experience, it has been great!!

  • @queenlovelee
    @queenlovelee 8 месяцев назад +78

    The ironic thing is, I don’t believe that BW being “marriage material” on paper such as their earning status and education level plays the major role. I feel like it it has to do with there being a hyper focus on superficial upward mobility, and not as much intention to evolve upwards mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am an educated black woman who is very kind and sensitive, so I can attest, BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT NICE. We need to learn to be kinder to each other, and it starts with being kind to ourselves. Which requires a level of internal strength because you have to learn how to drown out the societal programming that constantly reenforces we’re not enough nor worthy. That takes INTENTION. It’s easy to externally elevate, the real work is on the inside.

    • @queenlovelee
      @queenlovelee 8 месяцев назад

      BOOM WAKE IT UP@@ashleyjones2137

    • @queenlovelee
      @queenlovelee 8 месяцев назад

      Thank you for being receptive :)@@cocobenton378

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад

      Education does not automatically qualify you for a high value man. Some women have master's degrees but are ghetto. You have to be socialized to be with a high value man.

    • @vicforia350
      @vicforia350 3 месяца назад

      SOME black woman are not nice, yeah like every color woman lol. Not all black woman, please

  • @garnetbabe2.0godschild40
    @garnetbabe2.0godschild40 8 месяцев назад +30

    Yes i must constantly work on myself ❣️

  • @roma5809
    @roma5809 8 месяцев назад +54

    8:00 Has got to be the most cringiest thing I’ve seen in my life. I’m so embarrassed. A whole Black women bragging about paying bills for a white man is unbelievable 😵‍💫

    • @uzougwu1511
      @uzougwu1511 2 месяца назад

      Girlllll with her scarecrow looking hair 😭🤣🤣. I was mam you are that desperate to pay a coloniser.

    • @ZZealot-y3u
      @ZZealot-y3u Месяц назад

      🫥

    • @MsLadyOrchid
      @MsLadyOrchid Месяц назад

      Not the flex she thought it was. 😬

  • @cynthiahoyi3925
    @cynthiahoyi3925 8 месяцев назад +61

    You are absolutely right Chloe! Although I don’t consider Meghan Markle to be Black (because she isn’t), White people, especially the family she married into definitely consider her to be black. Now, I know some black women might not like her, but Meghan is the definition of someone who invested in her cultural capital from a very young age. She’s not just this “B” list actress that the British media makes her out to be. This woman can write in caligraphy, she can cook, sing, speak 3 languages, has been doing philanthropic work years before meeting Harry, she’s very eloquent and can give a meeeean speech off the top of her head. To be frank, she’s much more than Kate, the future queen and (Harrys brother’s wife). She is much more than they thought she could be, and waay more than these Aristocratic women that Harry was used to. That’s why Harry, a whole Prince said when He met Meghan he felt like he should pull his socks up. It just goes to show that even a White passing mixed race woman has to work twice as hard for a good quality white man.

    • @britneyt9253
      @britneyt9253 8 месяцев назад +1

      It just sucks that that’s the case. That black women have to be exceptional to get a decent man, when other races of women don’t NEED to be exceptional. They can be average. 🫤

    • @icycici6191
      @icycici6191 8 месяцев назад +16

      You can tell Meghan Markle was raised by a black woman. She has a strong independent spirit that the British royals could not tame.

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад +16

      There is a social hierarchy. Due to this, most people tend to date and marry among their social class no matter their race. The socially elite have their own circles, and those circles are hard to penetrate even for other whyte people. Most of the socially elite will marry people they grew up with and went to elite schools with or someone who mingles in their elite circles. Prince Harry was expected to marry the daughter of a millionaire or billionaire who was a member of the social elite. He didn't do that. Meghan was socialized very well, though, and that's something that many BW lack.

    • @icycici6191
      @icycici6191 4 месяца назад +2

      @VendieSolde You are commenting on the wrong video!! Meghan Markle said HERSELF that she was raised by her mother.

  • @ItsMe-xx9qm
    @ItsMe-xx9qm 8 месяцев назад +19

    Wellbeing isn’t a competition.
    If your peace lies within a man that happens to be a White, Asian, Hispanic, Indian..so be it.

  • @littlelamb7890
    @littlelamb7890 8 месяцев назад +108

    I get a lot of “flack” because I can attract men of all races.
    My response has always been (even to my so-called female friends):
    “Why are you so “salty” because these other race of men find ME attractive or ask me out?”
    So odd to me smh

    • @Babajai
      @Babajai 8 месяцев назад +6

      Where do you live ? That's so common..

    • @SylisDaGoldenPeach
      @SylisDaGoldenPeach 8 месяцев назад +25

      I’ve noticed that other races will ask me out when I’m not expecting it honestly , I don’t really like being caught off guard cuz I have no idea how to respond and just end up smiling and laughing , 😂 like geez atleast flirt with me when I’m in a dress and not in jeans and t shirt with dirty timberland boots on and messy looking hair .

    • @anon2143
      @anon2143 8 месяцев назад +1

      I no longer get asked out in person from white men I get awe stares and men rush to do things for me. I am no longer see myself with a white man since I have connected with my love who is a black man. I am happy with being with an attractive black man with raising black children, potentially. I am attracted to educated, loving gentlemen and my man embodies this so much more than other men.

    • @littlelamb7890
      @littlelamb7890 8 месяцев назад +5

      Northern Virginia/ Washington D.C
      What’s “normal” …. My female “friends” getting upset with me for being asked out by other races??

    • @mwright0428
      @mwright0428 8 месяцев назад +19

      @@SylisDaGoldenPeachsame!!! lol the flirt very different lol. You think your making friendly conversation then BOOM your asked out for dinner very directly lol. I like it but it’s always unexpected

  • @kokoalaska9888
    @kokoalaska9888 8 месяцев назад +104

    This is such a fantastic conversation. I’m a nurse making between 150- 200k a year. All the men that I have dated have made less than me.
    Thank you for highlighting that there are a lot of white men who are not quality as well. Many women think just because you go outside your race that you get a cookie. What is the quality of the man?❤

    • @kokoalaska9888
      @kokoalaska9888 8 месяцев назад +5

      @balancedASF Heck yeah. The balance is still maintaining feminine energy even with boss money moves. It can be done. Aiming to stay in shape is extremely important as we age.

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад +12

      What women are missing is you attract what you are. If you aren't getting quality men of your own race then when you go outside your race you're most likely going to get the same thing. The best thing to do is if you're not meeting quality men, work on yourself. Get in good physical shape, eat healthy, take care of your mental and spiritual health. If you're at your best then you can get a good quality man of any race. You can not simply go to another race without working on yourself and think you'll get anything better than you already had. Some women say I'm going to interracially date, like that's going to be the answer to their problems, but you're going to end up with the same kind of non black men that you found wirh BM if you don't work on yourself.

  • @Goddessvibesco
    @Goddessvibesco 8 месяцев назад +28

    Great video . I’m ready to date out because of my horrible past with black men. I know that they are all not bad , but I’m ready for something different.

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад +1

      Keep in mind that you attract what you are. If you weren't getting good quality BM, when you go to another race, you're going to get the same quality of men. Avoiding a certain race isn't the answer. Work on yourself. You have to change yourself and not the race of men because what's going to happen to you is you're going to end up with a no-good man of another race.

  • @AndreaPortley
    @AndreaPortley 8 месяцев назад +20

    You’re on point sister. Old money usually marry old money! I’ve never seen a philanthropist or old money benefactor in my hometown marry outside of their demographic! Not even, an Asian or Latina.

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад +2

      Yes, there's a social elite, and if you aren't born and / or raised among them its very hard to gain access to these social circles even for other white people. The social elite tend to marry among themselves. They date and marry people who they were raised with and went to elite schools with people who mingle in their elite social circles.

  • @glowupwithwonderwoman
    @glowupwithwonderwoman 8 месяцев назад +15

    Another brilliant video Chloe!! You said so much!!! I think it’s unfortunate that so many women who could be amazing wives and mothers do not know what it takes to be competitive with masculine men, and stay single as a result or worse unhappily married because of a lack of polarity. I hope this message reaches lots of women who are ready to take action on it!!

  • @ClaireHaire
    @ClaireHaire 8 месяцев назад +31

    *As someone who attracts white men, looks are at the bottom of the list. You need to be able to hold a conversation, femininity is a requirement, he needs to be able to see if you can "fit" into his world. The question is are you ready to be with a man of means, there are a lot of benefits but, there is a good portion that is compliance.*

  • @annasirri87
    @annasirri87 8 месяцев назад +25

    😂 That's why I love you Chloé. You do not pick sides , you scold everyone that needs scolding 😅. You keep it real. Thanks for speaking on this issue.

  • @afrikopopfitness6745
    @afrikopopfitness6745 8 месяцев назад +42

    Hi Chloe, excellent video! To answer your question what can black women do to increase their hypergamous success when dating/marrying out? 1. Do you fit the bill of what that man wants?. 2. Are you equip to handle the culture and community that you will be marrying into? I've dated white, Indian and Hispanic men before marring my husband, we are both Nigerian and Chloe hit it right on the head. Successful white men have the most requirements then other races especially with the more money they make. You have to be fit, look like a lady and be able to manage the home, you have to be able to support him. That top 10%, 5% and 1% requirements are top tier.

  • @HarmlessComment
    @HarmlessComment 8 месяцев назад +64

    I'm in my 40s and have dated many different races, a good man is going to have a good upbringing, the race doesn't matter but if he comes from a culture that doesn't respect women then it is difficult.

  • @WeGoJaiye
    @WeGoJaiye 8 месяцев назад +78

    So grateful that Chloe pushes women to be better if they want better... so many channels encourage women to be demanding of men whilst they do nothing to improve themselves.... which I see as sabotage.... anyways I think if women are looking to date a quality man.... she has to "stop looking" and focus heavily on herself... physically mentally emotionally and when this aligns men who u never even imagined will start popping up.... willing to court and treat u like a princess..... I know it sounds fairytale_ish but I swear it works

  • @Universityofuncommonsense
    @Universityofuncommonsense 8 месяцев назад +21

    I no longer participate in interracial dating because the older I get, the more I prefer to be around people like me. When I was younger, I found a thrill and "escapism" when spending time with guys from other groups. Now, it's a hassle.I don't care to learn their cultures/languages or understand them if im being honest. But that simply comes from me being more familiar with other groups than my own (in the past). The more I've broadened my horizons I can see that there are plenty of black men who posses the characteristics I once associated with other groups.Contrary to what the internet might say... The more I grow to love myself, the more I desire to place my reflection and those who are my reflections above all else. But to each their own 🤷🏽‍♀

    • @filippat.5011
      @filippat.5011 8 месяцев назад +7

      Yes, I can imagine it being exhausting and stressful to constantly adjust to another culture for the rest of your life.

    • @Universityofuncommonsense
      @Universityofuncommonsense 8 месяцев назад +7

      @@filippat.5011 I feel that way about society in general today. Too much forced diversity. I’m not about to voluntarily deal with it at home too 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ just my take

  • @ramahh979
    @ramahh979 8 месяцев назад +16

    Baby! Was that Iyanla at the end? She was speaking straight facts!

  • @memedicine1
    @memedicine1 8 месяцев назад +9

    I was not prepared before but after subscribing to your channel I feel well equipped

  • @ladydee1945
    @ladydee1945 8 месяцев назад +22

    BE YOURSELF that the secret ,

  • @Ashley-rl7db
    @Ashley-rl7db 8 месяцев назад +15

    Chloe will always give you the truth and both sides of the coins.

  • @everythinglynn
    @everythinglynn 8 месяцев назад +5

    This really needed to be said actually. Thanks for your thoughts!

  • @kammyr4082
    @kammyr4082 7 месяцев назад +3

    Idk why i never feel like im competing when dating😂 it has never crossed my mine.
    I think i do most of the choosing. If i want a man, i simply get in front of him and let him do his job.
    If I feel like im competing, i simply get another man.
    That goes for any race of man.
    I moved around like "the prize" before it was a thing.

  • @lavishlystar
    @lavishlystar 8 месяцев назад +7

    This was very much needed thank you.

  • @janespitfire9884
    @janespitfire9884 8 месяцев назад +7

    I agree looking extra weird with hair & over loaded makeup, very super long nails, too loud & wild, plus being overweight, bashing men does not help black women. Black women are more stressed but get too much to compensate by eating too much food for comfort. Weight lifting and walking can help us relive stress.We need to find comfort in other activities. Women of any color or tone can find a man to love you it is not easy these days but need to look like you can compete in getting a higher SQV (sexy quotient value)

  • @MontemorA-eb1ypy
    @MontemorA-eb1ypy 8 месяцев назад +8

    Omggg! Who’s that crazy lady? Did he really say yes when she asked him if he married her for her money???
    Such an embarrassment. 🤦🏿‍♀️

    • @nyanyikilechama740
      @nyanyikilechama740 8 месяцев назад +4

      I found it so cringe and I got second hand embarrassement 🤧

  • @WiltedMoon
    @WiltedMoon 7 месяцев назад +4

    I’ve been dating out my entire adult life and when I stared seeing more black women exploring their options, I was so excited! BUT! When the discourse evolved into men of other races being the end all be all, I definitely got worried. You must vet everyone! A man can smell desperation a mile away and that can either make them run away fast or become predatory.

  • @msevolution2317
    @msevolution2317 8 месяцев назад +66

    Do the work, it’s worth it - for yourself

  • @Callme_Paola
    @Callme_Paola 8 месяцев назад +51

    I date across the board and from my experience, I have met more black men wanting to provide for me than white men. The white men were more into 50/50 and equal partnership. But I won’t be generalizing because I know it’s not about race but more about the values the man has

    • @Universityofuncommonsense
      @Universityofuncommonsense 8 месяцев назад +18

      Because they truth is these guys see black women as the "easy" way out. They expect us to accept less. Black men in my experience value me a lot more so its much less of a hassle getting them to treat me. to what I deserve.

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад +8

      @Universityofuncommonsense interracial dating can be challenging. Not only do they expect you to accept less, you have to deal with their family, and they may not like you. There's so many dynamics that you have to navigate when in an interracial relationship. It's not always worth the trouble.

    • @filippat.5011
      @filippat.5011 8 месяцев назад +4

      Agree! I live in europe and the average man here is not a provider at all. 50/50 is considered normal here. Sure there are exceptions tho.

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад +4

      @filippat.5011 in America, Europe mat be similar, but most couples with children can't afford to live off of one income. So it would be unlikely that a woman would get to be a stay at home mom with any race of man.

    • @KaliMaeKmyassh-lm6ix
      @KaliMaeKmyassh-lm6ix 7 месяцев назад +3

      They see YOU, as the easy say out. My White ex bought me diamonds.

  • @chikFromMTL
    @chikFromMTL 8 месяцев назад +4

    Hmmm, that level of violent awareness was needed, thank you Chloe 🙌🏾

  • @SharonBoo0305
    @SharonBoo0305 8 месяцев назад +21

    Yep, life is a competition. We're in competition for resources, jobs, mates, etc. Idk why so many women think they're the only woman in the race, especially when women tend to go for the same type of man!

  • @Lovingmylife24
    @Lovingmylife24 8 месяцев назад +20

    When you start talking to other races, there really is not much difference in what they are experiencing with their men. I think it’s our new generation of people and mindsets.
    I think we need to work on our inner being and mindsets to date out. White men like black women. I have gotten more compliments from white men when I wear my natural hair than black men. They like us 😊

    • @robertcortez3526
      @robertcortez3526 7 месяцев назад

      Then why did white men invent colorism?

  • @MsTwilightSpeaks
    @MsTwilightSpeaks 7 месяцев назад +1

    Yes I do talk about being competitive enough. I am definitely all for LEVELING UP!

  • @SoftWifeLife
    @SoftWifeLife 8 месяцев назад +8

    Chole , never misses 💅🏾

  • @Essetheartist
    @Essetheartist 8 месяцев назад +18

    I'm not competing. If God wants us to be together it will be natural. Like my friendships and other areas of my life that just happened without me going wild trying to figure out how to accomplish. He just showed the right signs. And its kinda funny to think you will compete for men outside the community when women are competing from the outside for our community. They good. Can have them and hopefully build better dynamics for the cukture shift.

  • @Lucy11_11
    @Lucy11_11 8 месяцев назад +4

    Well said and much needed message 👌🏾❤️

  • @QueenAmour8888
    @QueenAmour8888 8 месяцев назад +28

    2:37 this is exactly why i never hopped on the "decentering men" and "certain race only" train. The things Chloé was saying in the beginning is 100% and exactly my thoughts. ❤

  • @CaressLorthaya
    @CaressLorthaya 8 месяцев назад +6

    I'm an Esthetician. Stephanie Laynes has always been so weird to me. Her newfound TikTok fame that has NOTHING to do with our field is super cringe.

  • @filippat.5011
    @filippat.5011 8 месяцев назад +17

    Completely agree 👍🏻 personally I think that the pasta&lobster comments have gotten out of hand lately. We shouldn’t beg any men to want us, that’s embarrassing. I am All for dating out but I think we should take the best suitor regardless of race💗

  • @BrujaTheYogi
    @BrujaTheYogi 5 месяцев назад

    So happy to have found this channel, thank you for this work Chloe

  • @reinaafricana6423
    @reinaafricana6423 6 месяцев назад

    This is a very important conversation. I genuinely thank you for this video, Ms. Chloe. I love your video clipof Ms. Iyanla Vanzant. We do attract people based on our internal beliefs and nature. It’s important to do your internal and external worth before finding genuine love. I believe in leaving myself open to finding genuine love, companionship, and marriage with a high quality man from across all cultures. It’s important to share common belief systems and genuine goal of a lifetime commitment. Be beautifully and abundantly blessed ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

  • @KeenyaTheStylist
    @KeenyaTheStylist 8 месяцев назад +8

    According to the Food Standards Agency, it recommends that food is only reheated once. Let me tell you, you couldn’t be on my mother’s stove and keep reheating ANYTHING! 💅🏽

  • @S_gw2011
    @S_gw2011 8 месяцев назад +2

    Love this video! As always on point.

  • @MildredF
    @MildredF 8 месяцев назад +5

    I love ❤your channel your amazing 👏🏻

  • @heycharnay9180
    @heycharnay9180 8 месяцев назад +1

    Why do I have “ Lovin on me” by Jack Harlow playing in my head while listening to this video lol especially the chorus. (Random) but good video 👍🏾

  • @Earthgirlinthesun
    @Earthgirlinthesun 6 месяцев назад +1

    8:11 not the bottom shelf Brad 😂😂😂

  • @glowgoddesslifestyle
    @glowgoddesslifestyle 8 месяцев назад +5

    Hey Chloe! I love your content! #teamvirgo ❤❤❤

  • @KiaRoane
    @KiaRoane 8 месяцев назад +42

    YOU ARE A VIRGO?!! Makes so much sense. So am I.

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад +2

      I live Virgos people they are logical and realistic, and they don't live in a fantasy world.

  • @SimplySoumaya1711
    @SimplySoumaya1711 7 месяцев назад +5

    My now husband is Moroccan we found each other in the Middle East. You ladies need to get outside of the US.

    • @ajh.4131
      @ajh.4131 7 месяцев назад +1

      Yeah, traveling can help. Being around other cultures/lifestyles. ALSO not being in a Eurocentric view when it comes to beauty standards. Lots of countries find black women to be beautiful. Not saying there won’t be competition but it’s just different. When I go to Latin American countries, I get attention that I don’t even want. It just hits different. Plus, with other cultures traditional roles are still the rule, never the exception.

    • @tati___
      @tati___ 2 месяца назад

      Recommending the Middle East to Black women is a terrible idea. Most of those men just use Black women for sex and won’t take them seriously

  • @KeepTheFaith00
    @KeepTheFaith00 8 месяцев назад

    Another great and insightful video! Keep em comin 🙌

  • @lulalula2851
    @lulalula2851 8 месяцев назад +7

    Miss you input chloe

  • @kaylajames3098
    @kaylajames3098 8 месяцев назад +7

    Worried I won’t have what it takes.

    • @beeznhoney4323
      @beeznhoney4323 8 месяцев назад +18

      Sis, your mindset is exactly where you need to start the internal work & healing. _You ARE enough_ with a cherry on top! Before anyone else can see that, YOU have to believe it's so to your core. Chloe's channel is very helpful in many ways. Professional therapy can help us all. You got this, boo🤗👸🏾

    • @mwright0428
      @mwright0428 8 месяцев назад +13

      You do ❤️ get to the bottom of why you feel that way, heal and unlearn that thought pattern. Figuring out that my father wound was the reason I am the way I am is the most painful but cleansing and healing journey I have ever been on. Once you figure out your why, it will all make sense and you can start new

  • @gemartsiha
    @gemartsiha 5 месяцев назад +1

    I love this video!
    That black lady with her white husband that said "I am the money" made me cringe so hard. 😆😆

  • @mexy04
    @mexy04 8 месяцев назад +11

    Soft white underbelly is such a raw aggressive channel. I had to stop watching because I've become more sensitive to the stories since having my daughter. Rebecca is the most watched person on his channel. I don't know why but she has the most gripping story.

    • @bruna8663
      @bruna8663 8 месяцев назад +2

      I tried watching his videos a few times and can’t it gets heavy on my soul

    • @bubblybubbles4023
      @bubblybubbles4023 8 месяцев назад

      That channel teaches you a lot, and for BW, who want to out WM on a pedestal, it will shoe you that many of them have dysfunctional upbringing and issues just like black people do.

  • @RoGodDaughter
    @RoGodDaughter 6 месяцев назад +1

    “He works for me”. I cringed when she made that statement.

  • @karennierose2381
    @karennierose2381 7 месяцев назад

    I’m glade you did this video 💯

  • @OutofIdeas-e8j
    @OutofIdeas-e8j 21 день назад

    I have always been open to dating outside my race and I have! However, I am STILL single. Has anyone taken Chloe's and advice and actually gotten married? I decided to take dating seriously in 2021. I was passive before. I would let men in close proximity come to me. I also assumed since I was a Christian woman who was saving herself for her husband it would just be a matter of time. Well, I am in my 30s now and still single. I have no idea what else to do. In 2021, I joined the dating apps, went out every weekend, continued to pray, fasted, and yet I am still single. I have moved to different states as well. I am in a new state and I don't even know where to go to meet men. I feel like certain places require a friend to go with, but the few friends I have made aren't always available. I feel like white men want to date white men overall and there are more white men here. I have an hourglass shape and have always been hit on by many men. But I want a Christian man who is educated and successful. Is that asking for too much!

  • @randomworld4615
    @randomworld4615 8 месяцев назад +2

    Exactly !!

  • @Beautywithin2206
    @Beautywithin2206 8 месяцев назад +2

    The same goes for middle eastern men and non- American black men...alot expect women to be 50/50 or role reversal.

    • @cavaleirosemlicenca3894
      @cavaleirosemlicenca3894 8 месяцев назад +1

      Well, that's what we were taught in decades of feminism. We have discovered that it may be more comfortable for us to embrace some of this ideology, especially when it benefits us😊

  • @MPEEZYforSHEEZY
    @MPEEZYforSHEEZY 8 месяцев назад +7

    💯

  • @anonamous6320
    @anonamous6320 8 месяцев назад +17

    even dating out is just tiring, existing as a bw is tiring

  • @kiaramyles1210
    @kiaramyles1210 7 месяцев назад

    Thank you.

  • @thobekamantshongo4458
    @thobekamantshongo4458 8 месяцев назад +4

    Thank you for your channel🇿🇦

  • @missz9491
    @missz9491 7 месяцев назад

    Feminine Og here❤🎉

  • @sierraparm7483
    @sierraparm7483 8 месяцев назад +5

  • @SunandSunflowers
    @SunandSunflowers 8 месяцев назад +2

    💯💯💯

  • @babymoon5282
    @babymoon5282 8 месяцев назад +14

    4B

    • @satindoll7300
      @satindoll7300 8 месяцев назад +15

      Yep! South Korean women ain't playing any games. They over it. Lol

    • @legallymisunderstood8369
      @legallymisunderstood8369 8 месяцев назад

      ​@satindoll7300 im out of the loop. Could yall explain what the 4B (hair texture?) represents and what korean women gotta do with it?

    • @satindoll7300
      @satindoll7300 8 месяцев назад +1

      @@legallymisunderstood8369 lol! It's not about hair. They started a movement over there to stop giving their men access to them at every level possible.

    • @legallymisunderstood8369
      @legallymisunderstood8369 8 месяцев назад +2

      @satindoll7300 ahh. I've heard about that once. Didnt know it was called "4B". Thanks

  • @myuniqueweddings3847
    @myuniqueweddings3847 8 месяцев назад +3

    You’re a Virgo? ♍️
    🤯 It’s makes so much since why I enjoy this channel! ❤

  • @ourownbeautiful423
    @ourownbeautiful423 7 месяцев назад

    15:35 👏

  • @renecialbrewton9859
    @renecialbrewton9859 7 месяцев назад

    Soft White Underbelly can take you to a dark. Take it in small doses but every eye opening.

  • @anhangamirim
    @anhangamirim 8 месяцев назад +1

    #4B and leave them behind.

  • @GoodVideos-ry5ie
    @GoodVideos-ry5ie 7 месяцев назад +3

    Why are women always saying women are the prize? Probably 10-20% of women in their peak 18-25 are attractive enough to qualify for a high value man. How many high value men are there? Well if you apply the typical 6 figures, 6 abs, 6 feet (and 6inches) between ages 25-40 it is less than 1%. Just based on the numbers there is about a 20 to 1 ratio. In my world that means men are the prize.

  • @brwnhilarybanks9953
    @brwnhilarybanks9953 7 месяцев назад +1

    In big numbers?! To answer NO! Bw will get GOT because they are not used to the ways of non bm anddd bw still pick bad men!

  • @lifeisall488
    @lifeisall488 8 месяцев назад +6

    I have been married to my highschool sweetheart a Latino man just like me and we love each other and have been growing together praise Jesus! I am also a stay at home mom

  • @angelmarshall2076
    @angelmarshall2076 8 месяцев назад +2

    🎉Fourth