Best HFY Reddit Stories: On Humans: A Primer - Part II (r/HFY)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- Very educational!
An original story written, and granted permission to narrate by u/Eay7712
Original Post: / on_humans_a_primer_man...
Please consider supporting me on Patreon here: / netnarrator
I am also available on SubscribeStar here: www.subscribes...
If you fancy buying me a coffee so I can keep this up please do so here: ko-fi.com/netn...
Discord Link: / discord
I can be contacted on discord for business proposals, or under the reddit name u/Spartawolf
NetNarrator HFY Merch Store here: teespring.com/...
Now sponsored by SkarfZone, a store selling a wide variety of affordable neck tubes which can be used as scarves, facemasks and bandannas! Use coupon code 'NetNarrator' to get 20% off your entire order when you shop at skarfzone.com/
Sponsored by Resistance Armory, a politically left leaning store catered to left wing merchandise and protest equipment (Both I and this channel are politically neutral)
resistance-arm...
Click the bell next to Subscribe so you never miss a video!
LIKE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE if you are new on the channel!
I am the Net Narrator. I will be narrating various tales from around the internet, which may be spooky, may be creepy, may be funny, may be awesome or may be something else. Stick around and play me while bored at work and enjoy!
I run a Tshirt store which can be accessed here:
www.redbubble....
Current Patreons:
ICup
Jim Flint
koollman
Dank Matter
Joshua Stone
Shadow Sword001
Turnip Hunter
Lorry Yrrol
John Meek
Thomas Panis
Chandler Riley
Placeholder
Michael Webster
iamblt
Joey
Jordan Simmons
Spencer Smith
ShadaePrajschet
Viridity one
Wln424
Daniel Malik
CLOROX D VIKING
Michael
Richard Green
Timothy Hare
Logan Kuhlman
Arin Storm
Andrew
the sober viking
ReyTey
Brice Abbott
Juliano De Luca
Riokan
Jonathan Torrez
Dragonking
#hfy #Greentext #awesome #space #spaceorcs #/tg/ #greentexts #4chan
Part 1: ruclips.net/video/GcymxijZ1L4/видео.html
Please let there be a human version and thus reverse shitpost of this.....
This one can also be named: "HOW TO TRAUMATIZE 98% OF ZENO PERSONAL"
How dare you assume I’m not in a permanent state of existential crisis?
Sorry, please carry on screaming, crying and over all panic.
"Humans are very energetic and always enthusiastic about everything they do."
Me: "I feel generalized against."
@@RelativelyBest I, for one, and extremely energetic about my angst, and enthusiastic about venting it on others.
Alien: is rude to Dave.
Dave: "So you have chosen... Death."
I feel like these hypothetical situations with "human Dave" are not so hypothetical.
I get the feeling the author had a few "Daves" they had to deal with.
@@emeralddragon2980 The author may have been pushed from a greenhouse roof or three. It has that feeling to it.
Of course Dave is upset. During the last solar cycle he was almost murdered by a sentient space ship's artificial intelligence known as HAL 9000.
I get the refrence.
@@dainguyen2733 Would you like a game chess ♟️
@@dainguyen2733 I don’t
@@MisterPogman its from 2001 A space odyssey
I'm sorry, Dave.
Friendly xenos: Dave please do not self terminate by molesting a terrelian death wasp.
Dave: Nah it'll be fine.
Here, Human Dave! It's my handbook on Terrelian Death Wasps. Humans like handbooks according to the Human guidebook.
“What is Cleve-land like?”
“Well, we set the river on fire a few times.”
“Oh… Wait, what!?”
Alien: try to give book to human.
Human: fucking chucks it back in their face.
Dave: I want that bug.
You: I'm sorry, Dave. I can not let you do that.
Dave: ... Did... Did you just make a 2001 Space Odyssey reference??? :0
why did I read that with a monocord and condescending tone....
@@Ragnar_Oock Because you're educated and intelligent. And might have seen the movie.
This has the same energy as the ww2 Americans military videos.
It got a very know your ally Britain vibe
I love it even more now lol
Human: is going to do something
Alien: tell the human to do what he was already going to do.
Human: No, I don't think I will
Do THIS!
How to Train Your Human in 5 easy steps.
Dave seems a little extra unstable
Dave: **SHOVE**
Alien coworker: Fucks around
Dave: "You're about to find out"
I’m a human and I would read this book
And send copies to friends. Human Dave would be an in-joke. There would be a line of t-shirts with Human Dave references.
Human dave please dont poke that insectoid with a stick
human dave: but how will i know what it does if i dont do that
alien friend: *concerned chirping noises* D O N T
*When you realize Dave has australian blood in him thanks to reaction to giant thing that can probably kill him*
Yeah this sounds about right.
*Dave then proceeds not to appreciate smoko breaks, and comes from Cleveland America?*
Never mind then!
I'm looking forward to part 3! Great job with the narration
This reads like those safety/training videos from the 80s and 90s
OMG! You're right! Totally getting the "How to use a cash register" vibes!
Will stabby be mentioned in a later part
Let’s hope
Human Dave: "Nah, I'll be fine. I think I'm going to try to catch one. Here, hold my beer."
'Nuff said about Dave. 😅😅
@ 6:28 Stinging insects - I have seen Red Velvet Ants. Don't touch them. They are also known as cow killers. For all they look like ants, they are actually a type of wasp, and have very large stingers. On the plus side, they are not hunting you, and they cannot fly. I just admire them from a distance and leave them alone.
For the Narrator
I have to point out a pronunciation mistake that a lot of youtubers are making: the word "corps" is pronounced as "core" especially when it has anything to do with military. Sorry if i come off as rude or anything, its just a small thing that has been bugging the crap out of me
@ 13:20 Any gamers out here? Ever play Oblivion with the Shivering Isles installed? In one interaction you climb a set of stairs. The guy on the stairs says, "Sometimes I wish someone would just come along and shove me off." One of your possible replies is "Well, today is your lucky day (push)" The guard on the landing with you just says "Someone should really put up a guard rail here, that happens too many times." The guy you push off says on his way down "Thank you."
Why they aren't in a state of existential crisis over their own death? The answer: They cycle between the five stages of grief for themselves.
Constantly. Wait. There are only 5? Drat.
This book will be larger then the galactic dictionary
Bold of you to assume we aren't always in existential crisis
Ya part 2 nice now just to get part 3.
Just a little boop on the head
Do NOT boop the merry suicide bomber
@@bobross9656 fucking hell I didn’t expect to laugh so much at a comment
Oh DAVE!!!
Where is part 3
For the algorithm
👍
*shave*
Fucks sake Dave...
first part?
Added as a pin, my apologies!
@@NetNarrator thanks
Those negative examples go from 0 to 1000 really quick lol
@@cavedmanjim249 Yeah, I mean the worst case one is, hey look at that interesting insect over there!
I don't know what it is. It looks dangerous. It has a stinger and large claws. Maybe we should leave it alone.
Nah, I am going to go over there and frick it.
You are going to do WHAT?!
@@marclytle644 "I'm sorry, Human Dave, but I cannot allow you to do that."
@@emeralddragon2980 Oh dear oh dear
@@marclytle644 that... is... surprisingly believable...
@@Sharkakaka I've been Human Dave. Took an entire 4 years of education to be able to "Human Dave" better.
Dave: **SHOVE**
By the end of that primer the poor aliens will be mortified of humans to the point any planet or station humans set up a shop will be abandoned in a heart beat.
Or followed around by a group of aliens eager to watch them "Human".
Any minute now they'll push a button they shouldn't or try to touch something dangerous! Any moment now ..... Look! It noticed the avian! I wonder what they'll do?
Part 3: "I have been informed humans will generally avoid stinging insectoids when possible."
Especially if they belong to the eusocial swarm creatures or attacking in large swarms.
Especially if the insectoids are yellow with black stripes, or consume blood.
Ah.. You forgot to add 'after enough times'.
I mean, let's be honest here. Anyone here that didn't learn that through trial and painful error? Likely several? Maybe still testing that at times?
@@mstrfool I learned from social observation. Others are afraid of the bees? Ok, I'll keep away.
@@seatbelttruck One of the smart ones 'eh? Well, there are always some. As I understand it, you should out number the rest soon, just from attrition if nothing else.
i'm preaty sure this book was written with a VERY SPECIFFIC Dave in mind
whom the author is trying to passive-agressively diss
Dave “You stab ONE rude alien and another writes a whole book series about how humans can be ‘rash’ and ‘impulsive’”
@@crowsenpai5625
dave -"no respect... NO RESPECT i tell ya..."
Alternatively: "HA! I remember that day."
@@dalemorgan8263 the more likely outcome
I think the curiosity example is flawed. An insectoid creature of considerable size and with an obvious venemous stinger is much more likely to trigger a fear response in a human, due to a notable resemblance to predatory eusocial creatures on their homeworld that most humans are wary of due to experience or simply an instinctive repulsion towards aggressive terrestrial arthropods. Dave would be considerably more likely to attempt to destroy it or flee for his life than try to capture it, likely screaming expletives due to a natural coping mechanism against emotional shock.
Yeah...but I can't imagine that the instinct _"KILL IT WITH FIRE!!"_ would be very much appreciated in alien society. Especially not aboard a space station.
Unless, of course, Dave is from Australia.
@@warden-1894 CRIKEY! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT BEAUT! IM'MA PUT MY HAND IN ITS JAW!
Yes
@@Irmarinen SHE'S ANGRY!
-Human Dave what are you carring with you?
-A knife.
-Noo... I Meant would you like to sit down and talk me about , and trade me that knife for some delicius treats?
I'm sorry, but expect a human to admit he's from Cleveland?
Truly that's the most made up part
It’s like expecting a human to have shit in Detroit
I'm from Cleveland 🙉
I don't understand, what's up with Cleveland?
@@adrelius7273 Basically the old joke is that it's a horrible place to live, I think.
Alien: Dave, I don't thi-
Dave: I'm gonna touch it!
Dave is Australian.
@@nullpoint3346 thats a pretty comon considerd fact
Alien: what is wrong with you?
Dave pulls out knife: your about to find out!
That went from 0 to 100 real quick, Dave sounds like a fun guy.
Aussie or New Yorker. Maybe a Brit.
"Its a wonder you've lasted this long without someone pushing you off the roof."
"What do y-"
(Shove)
I swear the author got pushed off a roof at some point. And probably had to deal with Dave quite a few times.
Never tell humans to leave a creature alone. Never tell a human NOT to do something.
Never tell a human TO DO something.
Never tell a human.
They like advice when they ask for it and will tend to maliciously comply with orders if they feel cantankerous.
Where's the rule: Under no circumstances should you allow the human to 'speak to the manager.'?
It's the other way around, most species aren't equipped to deal with this type of situation so it falls on a human conflict manager to asses and properly deal with this situation. Do not worry if this happens as the manager is part of the security forces and is trained to help you with the situation. The human conflict manager may be a human to avoid human discrimination complaints but they will not take the human's side just because they are also a human.
In fact, a request to "speak to the manager" in a certain tone of voice may mean the human conflict resolution specialist might be extra "not on the "Karen's" side".
Imagine a alien shopkeeper meeting a Karen...
Anther human holding a smoking gun over the dead Karen's body. "Sorry about that"
Lol " you are strongly advised too take notes"
I love how Dave is just a freaking psychopath
But easily handled with snacks, energy drinks, and reminiscing about Cleveland.
Am I the only one who immediately thought of the Nightmare Before Christmas.
What's this, What's this?
Dave 😁
Thank you for disseminating this valuable information. This will assist me greatly should I encounter humans IRL
Human Dave is my spirit animal.
Alien: You should probably leave that alone.
Human: Challenge accepted.
I get the feeling this is a shitpost by an alien to his superiors over interacting with humans.
I believe this should have been called the guide to Terran Marines.
Dave: "Why are you talking so strangely?" You: shows primer. Dave: starts laughing and throws the primer out the airlock.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 The fucking dialogue examples & the way you read them. Amazing! 🤣🤣
I'm offensive and this is extremely human.
Hello, Offensive. I am Xar'Tan.
I am in full agreement.
@@dalemorgan8263hello in full agreement i am another random person *dad jokes intensify*
Dave *shove* 🤣🤣🤣
The writer sounds like they have just taken their recordings from personal experiance for these "Scenarios"...
"What is wrong with you?!"
"You're about to find out!"
This
Dave: *shove*
"No, human dave, please drop the knife"
AMAZING
Dave's family name is "Irwin."
This is " probably" not the case. Love it.
And can any one say the first live action Scooby Doo movie where they find the how to act like a human young adult movie where they show what to do and what not to do.
Why would Dave be dissuaded by that!?
ikr? "You have information about the critter? I want to hold it. Gotta touch the pretty bug!"
Made sense when they said Dave was from Cleveland.
Third i guess. Hi net narrator!
"is that a space wasp!? ...i'mma touch it."
6:28 Said no human ever aside from children
I bet Dave is white.
Dave: shove.
Human Dave: *shove*
He has such a way with words and body language, truly one of the humans ever
Expert humaning. I've never seen the like.
Part 3
dave is a freak lmao, stabs people for talking back XD
I assumed he stabbed the bug
@@Bluesonofman I think he stabbed his alien friend. But, you know Dave. Always unpredictable.