I was adopted as a baby but by an older black woman. I was 6 weeks and my mom was 51. The age gap didn’t make a difference until I got older and then our relationship became toxic. I’m 41 and she is 92 now so we have an understanding on both sides now. Healing comes with wisdom and understanding . Don’t lose hope ❤
Listening to this almost made me cry. I never knew adopted kids go through this. I wish we had a third person on this podcast, someone who was adopted as a baby. I would love to know if their experience was the same. I have an adopted child; I took him in from birth when he lost his mom, a single mother. I can swear that I have a maternal attachment to him, but I don't know for sure because I don't have any biological children to compare with. I may decide not to have any biological children because I wouldn't want my baby feeling left out.
We did an interview with an adoptee who was adopted as a baby. It's our most viewed interview. They expressed feeling a maternal disconnect, which isn't something intentional on your part; it's just a part of life. The best you can do is to continue loving them as much as possible, and it sounds like you're already doing a great job ❤️
@@Globestales I also want to add that we are not just speaking just for ourselves. I (Hawa) have been in adoption therapy groups throughout my life and in these groups there are children adoptive from all ages and the majority of them have had similar feelings in regards to topics we are speaking on.
I’m not trying to invalidate what you’re saying, but I wanted to share a different perspective. I grew up with my biological parents and have many similar experiences to what you talk about. Parenting is tough, and our parents made many mistakes. Like you, I have tried to have discussions with my parents on these issues. Some they understand, while others they don’t or refuse to understand. I understand how you may feel that your struggles are because you were adopted, but many biological kids can attest to feelings of abandonment, low self-esteem, rejection and feeling excluded because they’re not the favorite child. What you shared are very helpful tips for adoptive parents, but if you’re an adoptive parent or plan to be, remember that you don’t have to be perfect. If you genuinely love your kids, they can tell. There’s a risk that people may watch these videos and conclude that they can never be good enough to adopt, and there are so many kids out there who need a home - orphans, abandoned kids, etc.
@@thestoryteller-g8x thanks for the comment. In no way are we trying to take away from the challenges that biological children experience with their parents. We also do not preach perfection, we say that adoption itself is starting from a position of trauma and neglect so there's bound to be a lot of obstacles. People at the end of the day do what they can, adopted or not. At the same time, as you mentioned in your video these are our and ones that alot of adopted children have with their adoptive parents and that is what we focus on. If you are a parent thinking about adoption, we think it's courageous and amazing that you have made that decision for yourself and ask that you do not personalize this video. No parent is perfect, and no child is perfect We are in this to learn the good and bad so we can show up better as parents, children and most of all humans.
But if you’re not an adoptee you do not reserve the right to assume how we feel. It’s not about being a perfect parent (no such thing)…it’s about being trauma informed for a special needs child…and the adoptive parents centering those needs over their own egos first. And not all adoptees experience affection/visceral love from their adoptive parents which is a different trauma to process for those with no biological connection. There are plenty of other platforms that center bio parents/adoptive parents concerns.
@@theafrobeatnik Hi, You don’t have the right to dictate what I think or say, but I hear your other points. I am not discounting the experiences of adopted kids. However, Adoptive parents are human and make mistakes, just like biological parents. That’s my point. I’m not suggesting that we should focus the conversation on biological kids instead. I simply mean that biological children can also experience mistreatment from their parents. Ive heard similar conversation going on among bio kids. Let’s address bad parenting, without implying that people must be perfect to adopt. After all, we don’t expect people to be perfect to have biological kids, so why are we placing higher expectations on adoptive parents? Should people stop adopting kids in need because there’s a risk that they may make mistakes ?
@@thestoryteller-g8xI think you need to stop centering yourself when it comes to adoptee voices/experiences….it’s really that simple. There are other platforms to center your concerns. You’ve just exemplified the narcissism behind why adoptees prefer to speak in their own safe spaces…..but go off hun about how it makes you feel 🙄
@@theafrobeatnik No dear, I’ll rather do it here. Stop me if you can. Once again I’ll remind you that you do not have the right to determine what I think, say or do. You’re not a victim because you were adopted. Sorry but I’m not attending your pity party. The only narcissist here is the one trying to control other peoples thoughts and opinions.
Hey ladies I was raised with a bio mom and bio dad. There are some things that happened to me growing up that I still struggle to let go of even as a grown adult. Some of the issues you have raised also happen with biological parents ie favouritism, excessive discipline especially with boomer parents lol but I assume it cuts real deep when you are adopted because the easiest conclusion can be, "It's because I am not biologically theirs". When it's your biological parent, I think it's easier to gloss over their mistakes compared to when it's an adoptive parent. That's my thoughts. Side note on Hawa's comment about testing boundaries: I am African and if I had ever talked back to my parents or come home past curfew I would have been whooped outta my mind. Sad but funny. 😂😂
You’re right because 😅 felt that way about my adoptive mother until I heard stories from my siblings that are her biological children. Their stories were the same as mine😂. I came to understand that this is just mom’s character lol.
@@michellewatson8477 Gurl... Black parents can be something else lol. Jokes aside, I feel we now have the tools and knowledge to try and do better lol..
I was adopted as a baby but by an older black woman. I was 6 weeks and my mom was 51. The age gap didn’t make a difference until I got older and then our relationship became toxic. I’m 41 and she is 92 now so we have an understanding on both sides now. Healing comes with wisdom and understanding . Don’t lose hope ❤
@@michellewatson8477 thank you for the encouraging words
Listening to this almost made me cry. I never knew adopted kids go through this. I wish we had a third person on this podcast, someone who was adopted as a baby. I would love to know if their experience was the same. I have an adopted child; I took him in from birth when he lost his mom, a single mother. I can swear that I have a maternal attachment to him, but I don't know for sure because I don't have any biological children to compare with. I may decide not to have any biological children because I wouldn't want my baby feeling left out.
We did an interview with an adoptee who was adopted as a baby. It's our most viewed interview. They expressed feeling a maternal disconnect, which isn't something intentional on your part; it's just a part of life. The best you can do is to continue loving them as much as possible, and it sounds like you're already doing a great job ❤️
@@Globestales I also want to add that we are not just speaking just for ourselves.
I (Hawa) have been in adoption therapy groups throughout my life and in these groups there are children adoptive from all ages and the majority of them have had similar feelings in regards to topics we are speaking on.
Thank you ladies! Love your videos.
@@yahainHotPink thank you 🙏🏾🤗
I’m not trying to invalidate what you’re saying, but I wanted to share a different perspective. I grew up with my biological parents and have many similar experiences to what you talk about. Parenting is tough, and our parents made many mistakes. Like you, I have tried to have discussions with my parents on these issues. Some they understand, while others they don’t or refuse to understand.
I understand how you may feel that your struggles are because you were adopted, but many biological kids can attest to feelings of abandonment, low self-esteem, rejection and feeling excluded because they’re not the favorite child. What you shared are very helpful tips for adoptive parents, but if you’re an adoptive parent or plan to be, remember that you don’t have to be perfect. If you genuinely love your kids, they can tell. There’s a risk that people may watch these videos and conclude that they can never be good enough to adopt, and there are so many kids out there who need a home - orphans, abandoned kids, etc.
@@thestoryteller-g8x thanks for the comment.
In no way are we trying to take away from the challenges that biological children experience with their parents.
We also do not preach perfection, we say that adoption itself is starting from a position of trauma and neglect so there's bound to be a lot of obstacles. People at the end of the day do what they can, adopted or not.
At the same time, as you mentioned in your video these are our and ones that alot of adopted children have with their adoptive parents and that is what we focus on.
If you are a parent thinking about adoption, we think it's courageous and amazing that you have made that decision for yourself and ask that you do not personalize this video. No parent is perfect, and no child is perfect
We are in this to learn the good and bad so we can show up better as parents, children and most of all humans.
But if you’re not an adoptee you do not reserve the right to assume how we feel. It’s not about being a perfect parent (no such thing)…it’s about being trauma informed for a special needs child…and the adoptive parents centering those needs over their own egos first. And not all adoptees experience affection/visceral love from their adoptive parents which is a different trauma to process for those with no biological connection. There are plenty of other platforms that center bio parents/adoptive parents concerns.
@@theafrobeatnik Hi,
You don’t have the right to dictate what I think or say, but I hear your other points.
I am not discounting the experiences of adopted kids. However, Adoptive parents are human and make mistakes, just like biological parents. That’s my point.
I’m not suggesting that we should focus the conversation on biological kids instead. I simply mean that biological children can also experience mistreatment from their parents. Ive heard similar conversation going on among bio kids.
Let’s address bad parenting, without implying that people must be perfect to adopt. After all, we don’t expect people to be perfect to have biological kids, so why are we placing higher expectations on adoptive parents? Should people stop adopting kids in need because there’s a risk that they may make mistakes ?
@@thestoryteller-g8xI think you need to stop centering yourself when it comes to adoptee voices/experiences….it’s really that simple. There are other platforms to center your concerns. You’ve just exemplified the narcissism behind why adoptees prefer to speak in their own safe spaces…..but go off hun about how it makes you feel 🙄
@@theafrobeatnik No dear, I’ll rather do it here. Stop me if you can. Once again I’ll remind you that you do not have the right to determine what I think, say or do. You’re not a victim because you were adopted. Sorry but I’m not attending your pity party. The only narcissist here is the one trying to control other peoples thoughts and opinions.
Hawa is cute.
Hey ladies I was raised with a bio mom and bio dad. There are some things that happened to me growing up that I still struggle to let go of even as a grown adult. Some of the issues you have raised also happen with biological parents ie favouritism, excessive discipline especially with boomer parents lol but I assume it cuts real deep when you are adopted because the easiest conclusion can be, "It's because I am not biologically theirs". When it's your biological parent, I think it's easier to gloss over their mistakes compared to when it's an adoptive parent. That's my thoughts. Side note on Hawa's comment about testing boundaries: I am African and if I had ever talked back to my parents or come home past curfew I would have been whooped outta my mind. Sad but funny. 😂😂
You’re right because 😅 felt that way about my adoptive mother until I heard stories from my siblings that are her biological children. Their stories were the same as mine😂. I came to understand that this is just mom’s character lol.
@@michellewatson8477 Gurl... Black parents can be something else lol. Jokes aside, I feel we now have the tools and knowledge to try and do better lol..
I am wondering about your adult relationships. Do you find yourself more attracted to white men?
@@booksonfleek1358 we’ve never really had a preference when it comes to dating and race as adults.