Handling Hidden & Outward Anger (Tone Changes EVERYTHING)
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- Get FREE access to The Black Swan Group’s book 5 Negotiation Tactics for Dealing with Difficult People here: bit.ly/3duQVyW
How do you diffuse anger in a conversation--whether that's your own or your counterpart's? It's all about tone and the way you word things. Our coaches go through all of the key elements that can help you to stay curious and diffuse tense situations.
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About The Black Swan Group
Founded and led by former lead FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss, the Black Swan Group has 10+ years of experience working with companies and individuals on taking their negotiation skills to the next level. Chris’ book, Never Split the Difference, is a Wall Street Journal bestseller and has sold over 2 million copies worldwide. Our expert team of coaches discuss everything from silence techniques to influential empathy.
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Thanks for watching!
![Cody Johnson - I'm Gonna Love You (with Carrie Underwood) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yy9PuYMU29g/mqdefault.jpg)
You're gonna say that this is just a comment by some guy who has no experience with negotiation. I really appreciate what these videos give me to help me deal with different situations.
Keep it up 🔥
No I'm not going to say that. I say, congratulations on starting your journey to becoming elite in collaboration and communication. Most people are skeptical of trying something new. You took the leap of faith and are seeing success. That's incredible! Great job!!
@@NegotiationMastery*NEGOTIATOR's REAL WORLD HIGH STAKES CHALLENGE*
*What can be done when a hostile, emotional person is actively yelling obscenities & threatening bodily injury directly at you, there is no escape possible, and you have seconds to influence the outcome of the situation?*
*Or is all this training only good for businesses & hostages?*
Love the visuals, Ty!
Pure gold. Thankyou for distilling so much information into one video😊
Glad it was helpful!
I love that Chris Voss listens to Andrew huberman. 🥰
The lads at the Hostage negotiation units always working on keeping up with the science
this is some very good inspirational storyes
Thank You!!
I can’t plant a negative!
@The Black Swan Group, I know these type of ques work for business, Now, would it be a ridiculous idea for Mr. Voss to write a book / do videos on how to talk to people in dating situations?
It sounds like our training would be a great fit for you. Go to the quiz on our website to discover which kind is right for you: bit.ly/3N9MhWc
Would you be opposed to doing a book or masterclass with the focus geared towards relationships.? 😂😂
Make a friend, then make the sale.
Who is talking to you i scary more treat to me 😅😅😅
These techniques make me think that I’ve been living life as an a bit over average Texas Holdem Poker player and by practicing and digesting this info a feel like I belong at the Final Table of the World Series of Life! It works!!
Sigmund Freud talked about therapy being the talking cure. It seems he got it wrong. It's not the talking cure. It's the listening cure. Someone feeling like they are listened to is that powerful?
Yes listening is very powerful in fact there are 5 stages of listening, but it's not just listening, it's the ability to demonstrate understanding by articulating the world as they see it through their eyes in their words. Tactical Empathy
@@NegotiationMastery I remember not long ago that Chris was saying people get angry because they don't feel listened to. Again, these 5 levels of listening come to mind. We may hear someone's words but demonstrate we are ignoring the feelings behind their words, which is another level of listening.
@@NegotiationMastery the Book Listen! by Dale Carnegie Associates:
Ignoring, Pretending to listen, Selective, Attentive, Empathetic.
This list seems pretty simplified.
People want to be listened to,
to communicate info
to make a request or demand
to get something off their chest
to reason things through
to show rank (dominance or submission to the listener or to a group)
to show who they are (ie talk with an accent that identifies them from a specific culture or place)
There must me many other things we use communication for. We can share all these things at the same time, in the same brief words. Chris' book Never Split got me hooked on learning so much more than I did in the past. It must be that sense that my ability to communicate can empower me. I can accomplish amazing things, if I know how. Then, when he name drops books, I say to myself here we go again. More to read!
Yesterday on my way to work I saw police cars gathering at a location close to where I work. It got in the news, one person was shot and killed, another was shot and hospitalized. This stuff is complicated but when we learn more we can do more. Including have peace in our community.
Thats why i dont like this im hurting my private life i dont want more people 😅😅😅😅😅
#Truth
22:38 tone
Happy holidays to you too Mr Voss. Thank you.
You’re an outstanding teacher and your book is worth my weight in gold.
Thank you for those kind words!
So am I wrong to suggest that change of tone is akin to changing gears or going into 4wd low ratio mode?
Whatever works for you!
15:20 " We deliver things with a tone of voice that says I think you're stupid..."
Here's my problem.
For background, years ago I took a course called Teambuilding. One of the projects we did was form small groups to build things with straws. One of us was the leader and we did the same project 3 times, so people took turns as leader and the leader was given specific instructions about how to lead. They used one of 3 leadership styles: Autocratic, Democratic, Laissez Faire. (Laissez faire is where the leader offers no direction, gives the group a lot of free rein). The point was not how to do the leadership, it was to know from experience how it felt when you are under these styles of leadership. Under the laissez faire style, I felt fine and started to find my groove. But someone else in my group started flipping out... What do you want us to do?? What are the guidelines?? Where should we start?? For me, I learned when I was under the autocratic leadership (ignore subordinate's input, always change your mind to redirect the group's activity, take all the responsibility for the group's actions) I was the one ready to flip out. So...
When I'm under an autocratic style of leadership, if I don't recognize and address my own internal personal reactions, I do my best to work logically and calmly and reason with my counterpart (usually my supervisor at that moment) but I eventually start unravelling and will do anything and everything in a passive aggressive way, including and especially using my tone of voice to CLEARLY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY say, I think you're stupid. If I can work through this, I could start mastering many of my interactions. If I don't, I will never achieve anything worth achieving in life. And I'm getting older, I'm not a young person. So, the sooner I get through this simple thing, the better.
Sounds like you should read Never Split the Difference - Chris Voss, and then Ego, Authority Failure - Derek Gaunt. Check out our website for more resources. www.blackswanltd.com
@@NegotiationMastery I often read Never Split and watched many RUclips videos, interviews Chris did for the book, plus videos from Black Swan. I don't have EAF yet but will buy it in the near future.
I didn't get a lot from your website in the past but I checked it just now and it looks like you redid it. I will go through it again.
@@NegotiationMastery I recently used the wrong tone of voice with my direct supervisor and it cost me. I was triggered by his style of communication. I used this to become more self aware, just how easily and strongly I can get triggered. It does not mean I won't address what I don't like, it means I won't be so prone to anger when I do. That can help me a lot to have control of my tone of voice and the tone I demonstrate by my choice of words. I'm seeing my recent failure as a chance to grow and learn instead of just labelling myself as a failure. (Carol Dweck's Mindset, the Power of Yet)