I was told I was being selfish & petty when I turned my back on my extremely dysfunctional family. After years of living with rampant addiction, emotional abuse, lies and manipulation, lack of trust and respect for privacy, I had my say at the last family 'get-together' I got guilted into going to. I told a roomful of people that while I wished them the best, I could no longer play a role in their drama. I dropped that baggage at the door on my way out and never looked back. Self preservation took me to a higher place, a better life and it wiped my slate clean. I now have a loving husband and a very small circle of devoted friends - we hold each other up, and I am eternally grateful for that.
It's so important to remove yourself from toxic relationships of any kind. I stayed connected with toxic family members for years until it just about killed me and certainly destroyed my life for a while. Once removed, I literally bloomed into the person I wanted to be, without the constant drama and negativity hounding me at every turn. Just remember, you can love someone just as well from a distance as you can face to face, that part doesn't have to change. My 'tribe' are my close friends, people I have chosen to have in my life because they are loving, caring human beings... I wouldn't have it any other way.
sks bc your comments seem to make sense to me and this is how I would choose to live. The only fly in the ointment is I feel guilty when I try to remove myself when those toxic members of my family seem to really need me. However, thanks for your comments, they remind me that deep down I do want to remove myself from them.
But do you not find that you unconsciously attract the same type of people in the world as those toxic family members so you end up playing the same role and playing out the same patterns as you did before without meaning too? This is what I have found over and over again when I try to remove myself from toxic relationships with family members I then tend to meet people and have relationships with people who end up mirroring those old relationships that I tried to get away from. It's never obvious at the beginning that it's just going to play out the same way but it always ends up to be more or less the same thing. It's so frustrating it drives me crazy.
I only speak to one out of three. These quotes have always helped me. I hope they help you. Judge me by the people I avoid. You only owe people the same respect they give you. What you allow is what will continue. Take care💗
Richard Foran Theses are high powered people that are just people..the world was created good,it just man that makes it otherwise. Not the fault of our lord. What people do ,it is by secondary design... You say about trump n Putin...they are bad. But you’ve not died in any nuclear war yet.
Unfortunately, trauma starts at a very young age ---- this makes it difficult for children to leave their toxic family and, therefore, they live in a toxic environment. As these children grow older, this is when they experience their childhood pain.
That is an understatement.......It took me until my 30s before I was finally able to cut myself free and they stopped at nothing to suck me back in. I caved a few times as siblings died young and I went back to the funerals......not for them but for me. As hard as it was - the alternative was carrying the pain of their pain with me and that I did not want or need. So there were 8 of us and now just 4 and two in their 70s and two of us in our early 60s and I can say, I will never return again......
Being an adult is awesome. People aren't allowed to hit you and do whatever they want because you can leave. If you have a family member or friend or lover who hits you or is mentally abusive you can simply leave the situation. I don't put up with any form of abuse from anyone. Even in the workplace I have the power to say no or leave. When I was growing up I couldn't get away from someone beating me and had to deal with that plus mental abuse which can be just as bad. I never realized how much that stress destroyed me 24/7 until I became an adult and suddenly no one had the right to be in my life or associate with me. Suddenly it was my choice who interacted me with. It was like I lost 500 pounds, it was so weird the first year of freedom. No one was allowed to hit me or terrorize me. They were also surprised because they would try to convince me that because we are blood related I have to continue to let them do whatever they want and take it. Now they have learnt that if they want to interact with me for any reason they have to be on their best behavior because I can cut off any interaction from them instantly.
@Will.J You're horrible. What a disgusting and uncaring thing to say to someone who is dealing with surviving abuse! I actually want to tattoo 'Ignorant Jerk' on your forehead.
@@lemonwedge5209 Agreed but when people are under the age of 18 they are sort of owned by their parents and have to take it. I mean technically now kids can report their parents for abuse but it's not that easy when you're young. You dont know a world outside the one your parents and family create until your teens. Even then they can be manipulative and make you think what they're doing is okay. It's amazing how we can be fooled into thinking something really messed up is okay. Not to be cheesy but leaving them was like breaking out of jail and seeing grass for the first time. I grew up with a drug addicted family who were using heroin and alcohol and they were violent. I somehow kept it together enough not to get into drugs. I definitely have some PTSD from them just because there were so many times I thought I might die but I've stayed clean and have a job and I'm happy now.
My blood pressure rose due to them, uncomfortably high. I became snappy, aggressive and all the things that are not me at all. If you cant be your true self around someone, it's a red flag. Time to leave!
I can relate. I snap at everything they say. All the resentment just pours out when I talk to them. Desperately waiting for covid to get over so I can move out.
Same as a kid there’a not much you can do other than wait to be 18 AND GET THE HELL OUT. If I carry on like this I know it will have a huge effect on my future. But what hurts me the most is that I don’t love my parents as a 13 year old
My mother said that I did that to her and changed her. She was different around her friends and I made her like that..... But she was the abusive one.. abused me growing up..... And is very emotionally disconnected. Isn't there for me emotionally and plays games with me when I ask for help here and there. She wasn't just strict....... She was physical and emotionally abusive so she blamed me for her issue but she was the messed up one. That's just my mother.
Detoxifying myself from my hateful family was the best decision I ever made. Though painful but with time physically seeing the positive manifestations within myself was only a message I’d made the right decision.
Negative family can withhold you from achieving spiritual enlightenment. Family flaws can also guide you, to become the person you would like to become. Flaws and negativity I feel are two different things that get mistaken as the same.
“We are the children of children & we live as we are shown.” Forgive the toxic person, forgive yourself & move on to do better for the next generation.
Suzanna 2014, life is not easy. Today sucks for me, for example. But whenever I hear “easier said than done” by someone. I have notice that they usually have not tried, before saying that. If it needs to be done, it should be done. And if you failed, a least you tried. No one can take that away from you.
My nephew gave me a Mother's day car once where he wrote, "There are some cultures that don't have the term Aunt. They are 'other mothers.'" Families don't mean blood.
I have a literal toxic brother I can’t even describe his “evilness”. It’s such a frightening thing knowing how the whole family and the environment can turn into a whole toxic area just because of one person. I’m looking forward to the day when I will be moving out. Brothers and sisters with the same problem... keep going and stay strong and sometimes cry because of your frustration and anger...let if out and then again focus on YOUR life and YOUR well-being.
Me too...my brother is an abusive psychopath..he even tortured animals as a child..always having this evil smirk while manipulating family members against each other... i somehow survived but i have severe ptsd until this day
I’ve always been very close to my sisters until I realized how much they were never there for me unlike myself. When I finally started going against them, then I’m the one who’s being selfish and disrespectful. What’s more is that it really sucks when your whole family says the same thing. For the longest time, I’ve always felt that I’m the one who’s wrong but no matter how much I changed, I was always going to be selfish to them. It hurts to be completely misunderstood by your own family
You're not wrong. They are gaslighting you for choosing not to deal with their sh*t. You are doing the right thing. You can't treat someone like sh*t and expect them to keep taking it. It doesn't work that way.
The realization that they will endlessly paint you into the selfish one ALONG WITH the realization that you know yourself better than anyone else…. Is what helps me tremendously in dealing with the same things as you. Stay strong in yourself, if they don’t want to learn about you and figure they know you already then leave it be. Give yourself that love you wish would have been reciprocated ❤️
It's a beautiful relief to say, thank you but NO. Cleansing the toxic souls from your life is liberating! Don't be afraid to draw the line, forgive and move forward 🌺Namaste
My mother left me in the incubator in the hospital without visiting, until the hospital rang to tell her she’d forgotten something. It went downhill from there. Humour is a lifesaver, thank you Russell for your wisdom.
I needed this so bad. The guilt trip I keep getting for trying to lead my authentic life rather than obeying my family has worn me down. They keep shaming me saying blood is forever and I’m sinning. I obviously disagree with that statement but this video reassures that I’m not a bad person for wanting to step away from my abusive family.
One of my favourite books is "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach, which has this quote: "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof."
Some of my favorite family members have been the toxic ones. So easy to start drama on a boring day. I always get to be the hero cuz I'm the "Nice guy" (i.e. the Mediator). I mean, I've been toxic, but I've learned that that toxic people are the victims, or they certainly were at some point. So get comfortable with yourself and laugh at the anger and provocations of other. Rise above, without being a victim. Because if you stay the victim, you're going to become toxic yourself.
I find your comment very inconsiderate of the number of people raised in toxic families that have committed suicide or died by illnessees.. by the way you describe your family it seems you're probably an abuser yourself and definitely a serious dissassociator...
Your favorites have more POWER to mess with your head. Interpersonal Relationships involve a LOT of power jockeying. Get better at it. You've just accepted losing those little relationship skirmishes. Of course "you've been toxic". Everyone is from time to time. They probably don't carry the skirmish home with them. You play them over and over and over. THAT is the problem.
Rejected by my mum and dad. My 2 sisters now have the role. Look man , family doesn't mean you stay around in total dysfunction. It starts from within. Go and thrive
Don't you wish you'd had a traditional structural Family? That was all you ever wanted. Sometimes things don't work out the way we would wish. Move forward and make your happy life. You don't have to blame anyone including yourself. Blame buys you nothing.
I have a similar brother. He is a lawyer and they are a special brand of coldness. He's never offered me legal advice but yet has volunteered to help my parents be the executer of their will which means he will damage me again.
Leanne Jones Been the whipping post all my life since childhood. Over 50 yrs now. Still learning to let it go, forgive and move on. Even though the toxic behaviour continues, and it’s painful. I relate to you
We come from the same family and yet when financial, practical or emotional help is needed, somehow I become the go to sibling. I wish I could change my name and move to another country.
Same. Check out Friends S1E14. I'm not a fan of the show, but I started watching anyway. Reminds me so much of my NPD mother n her inability to realise how negative and toxic she is.
Yeah, me too. Divorced my father and had a restraining order against him where he couldn't see me then later asks me where was my father?, then got married to someone else and blamed me for that marriage ending, then gets a companion she was with for 8 years who got stage 4 cancer and died.. She claims I did black magic and killed him! This coming from a woman who cursed her second husband who insidiously cursed him causing him to perish! It's ironic I've been witness to seeing her suffer for all the self serving shit she's done! Honestly, I pray and wish to god, I die and leave this plane to never incarnate again! I feel like i want to die!
Grateful for this message today! I’m a 52 “stay at home” daughter trying to help my 84 year old mom age in place. So many layers to our relationship and so much intertwined energy and emotion! Russell is such a comfort and support to me. Thanks so much!
Same with my Mother she is 83. Trying to see her differently by cutting the cord and seeing her for who she really is with all her flaws. She can't help but be who she is as I can't help being who I am. It is sort of a way for me to acknowledge she did birth me and I can't change that but I can change how I see her.
So many layers to being a 52 year old stay at home mother. Things will be better if your mother will just die....right? Take care of that hubby. That's the relationship you need to worry about.
*No one gets the "privilege" to poison your life.* You are the most important person in your life. Extract yourself from toxic premises regardless of the source.
Yes please remove yourself from difficult situations (because those aren’t relationships) for your health and personal growth. Beware of emotional vampires!
Hi Russell, I want to thank you for all of your work on addiction. It is helping my nephew through his rehab from heroin and fentanyl addiction. He really enjoys your short videos and has been learning a lot from them. He has been clean since the end of January and has reached the six month part. He has had some tough times, since coming out of residential rehab and finds your videos particularly helpful, as well as, speaking with his sponsor, counsellor, friends from rehab, his mom, and myself. A few days ago we talked about toxic family members and how to put them into perspective and deal with them appropriately (especially in our heads, as we both need to do it), in order to remain clean. We talked about what you mentioned in this video, as he is just starting to realize how it helped to bring on the addiction. We also talked about the importance of positive family support, as he realizes what he did when he was on the drugs and was in shock. He has mine and his mom's support for as long as he needs it. He noted that almost everyone in the residential treatment centre watch your videos.
Every time I try to break free from toxic family members, my mum uses emotional blackmail to say I should be there for them. She sees how distressed I am after spending time with my family. I have had to take days off work with such severe depression. I take weeks putting myself together again. Yet she doesn't care.
Thank you so very much for sharing this Russell. I’m someone who grew up in a challenging family life. Both of my parents had different issues, but I have come to understand that they were both trying their best even if their frustrations manifested in anger and manipulation. Maybe it’s because they have both passed away that I can have some distance (and gratitude to therapy) to have moved on from this. I still struggle with my own lack of confidence, but this is something I am striving to improve - your videos help me with much of this. I’m in my 40s and have found the courage to break away from both sides of my blood family, as their toxicity is staggering. Some casual acquaintances will never understand how I can do this but I know I must. The tribe I choose to love as my own, and I call them my family, are truly fantastic people who love and nurture and I will be forever grateful for having them in my life. Thank you for all the insightful knowledge you share. Particularly for saying that those of us who need to are right to remove ourselves from toxicity. Thank you for this.
Well said Russell' I have extracted myself from toxic members of my family, however I have agreed to a dinner I am not happy to attend, But I am a the beginning of a new chapter of my life where I will create my own tribe and stay away from toxic people family or not. I had a chat with you once in a meeting a few years back when I was doing a chair at Hinde st. You kind of agreed with me when I mentioned finding my own path. Anyway good advice on toxic family cause I was feeling guilty about walking away from them. Not anymore' Thanks.
Have you ever watched Kitty on That 70s Show? Whenever she was uncomfortable or awkward she just laughed a fake but funny laugh. Now I'm imagining doing that at my next family gathering! Hahaha
We are all living amongst toxic people in one way or another. It's more important in knowing how to detach one self from its toxic effects. Took me years to learn this. Initial problem would be, defining the meaning of toxic within its social toxic society .
I come from a dysfunctional family that treated me like a scapegoat. I’m the youngest and although I only moved 30 miles away, they never visited me. Not once. My mother is getting old and I’m having a lot of guilt for lack of closeness as she ages and a sister in law takes care of her. But what are my obligations when I still have so much hurt, and lasting lifelong pain, from the trauma caused? I find myself feeling anger towards them all for making me now feel guilty about this as well. Believe me, friends, if you don’t deal with this stuff when you’re young it doesn’t just magically go away as you get older. I’m now having it all dredge back up again as I face my parents mortalities and my own feelings of never having resolved those issues with them
@@robertsimpson5136 I was the youngest, by far, in my large family. 11 years younger than the oldest child, and 4 years younger than 2nd oldest child. Did I deserve to be made the scapegoat because I was clearly an accident, born after the core family that was more wanted? Yes I was literally the weakest due to having been born after the others and being unplanned, therefore being treated like a burden, not given the resources or love that the other children got. So you’re saying I somehow deserved to be treated like a burden and when I ever had any totally normal childhood needs, being treated like I was being a selfish brat, that’s ok? What exactly are you trying to actually say?
Thank you for this Russell. This video was the last little push I needed to strengthen my resolve to leave my toxic family. My loyal nature really didn't want to but sometimes it's necessary when that family dysfunction persists. I was deeply affected by this toxicity in my personal life and my spiritual practice. There was so much negative association that I even recently changed my name, using my other given names to formulate a more favourable and untainted identity. Not that anyone should have to do this but for me it is the fresh start that I have needed for a long time. I would rather go through the temporary pain of starting all over again from the ground up than the familiar and ongoing pain and negative associations of a toxic family and even friends. To anyone who feels it is time to leave their family, the struggle you will face is most understandable. Don't be afraid to feel and face that pain. As you start to move away you will naturally feel guilty and you will grieve the loss of your family. It will take time to distance or leave them completely and it will take time to heal. Let that be okay and be easy on yourself about it. Embrace the fullness of WHO YOU ARE and be in joyful anticipation of the life that you have always dreamed of for yourself. Know that this beautiful, brand new life is brimming with the opportunity, love and support you deserve. It is ready and waiting just for you. Thank you again, Russell. I always look forward to hearing your insights. It's so nice to feel a connection with like minded individuals. Namaste. JC
Thank you for sharing this. I have contemplated changing my name too but I think it might be best to move away and start fresh. Its hard because I worked for my father for 10 years who owns a large business in town (I managed the company) it has been about 8 months and I am still not back up on my feet but I finally feel rested, the panic attacks I started having are gone and, the desire to get going again has started! I already feel better than I have in a decade. I will be "in joyful anticipation of the life I have dreamed of for myself"
Even the most loving parents can be toxic sometimes. We need to create boundaries with them, too. I've told mine that I will do what makes me happy and I am not following anyone's foot steps. 🙂
I accept that I have to take care of myself. I think, for me, at least, that my inner child can't believe that my family members treated me as they did and that thinking has extended to my adult experiences, like, at my job, at the moment, and that makes it hard for me to move on, sometimes. Denial, still.
-Invading your personal space -Gaslighting -Blame you for everything, even though you're absent most of the times Worst of all, stuck with them during quarantine
my parents allowed my brother to physically abuse me. and I realized since they refused to protect me that I have the ability to control myself and carry one. I wave a wonderful support system. I take responsibility of creating my life. My parents infantized me and it took me late in life to understand I am enough. I can do anything.
I'm always amazed by how the topics of your videos almost always seem to come at the perfect time based on something I am currently experiencing or thinking about. And it's interesting that they are often by request from people. Makes me think we just might be living in a collective consciousness after all.
Russel, this time and almost every time I watch one of your videos I am just utterly amazed by the clarity of your throught steam and the exact words that you choose carefully to voice your deepest parts of your brain. You also look so humble and have such a great humour, you are a magnificent "specimen" of human kind. Every time i finish one of your videos I just shake my head left and right, just being amazed and happy by what I've seen and heard. I just can't believe you! Haha... It's such a loving feeling and one of admire. Thank you so, so much. Your mere existence brings me joy and peace.
RUN AWAY from negative , toxic people , plastic people and you will be HAPPY . My own experience . Is your Mother Toxic , nasty ? RUN AWAY FROM HER as well .
What if your still a teenager and live with them😭😭 I rarely socialize with them cos we end up arguing 90% of the time. I've accepted that we're so different in terms of mindsets and how we live our lives with the actions we take and relationships we have, but living with them and hearing them trash my viewpoint every chance they get and put me down especially with a selfish hypocritical attitude just gets so hard sometimes. Its gotten to the point I want to convince my dad to let me study abroad for uni so I at least get some time away from them.
Hold on tight as you can to you! I was once there myself, don't go back to them once you are free like I did for so many years hoping one day they would actually care, actually value me and actually love me, I had to face the hardest part they never would do those things.. It took me 35 years of my life to leave them behind, to hurt with how much I loved them, I am a free person now for 5 years at 40 this year.. It won't really ever go away but You can get away and with time and love towards yourself you will find you're truth and will be able to finally live it! I'm right here, I know this game, And most of all I understand :)
I have spent nearly 20 years helping and supporting my family only to be disrespected abused and insulted and used as a scapegoat for everything that goes wrong for them !! Since my father passed it has got worse and worse ...I've wasted years and sacrificed my career and relationships ....you trust family 100% I do not understand how anyone can backstab someone who's saved them time and again !! I work as a psychic medium and have a wide experience and one thing I have learned is the love from the spirit is the ultimate ' real ' love !! Do not expect that people will love you or care about you at the same level as you love them .....or you may possibly waste your life with your loyalty .
Thank you for making this video. I think there are so many people who have dealt with or who are dealing with family dynamics that are not the best for them, and I do like the idea of editing one's own life and identity.
Coming from a millionaire that's pretty 'rich' I have to say. From birth I was abused almost every day, until the age of 12 when I left to live on the streets. I'm coming up to sixty now and have a house and a car, but my mental energy is almost dead, physically I am overweight, I have nightmares about those young days and these keep me from doing anything close to 'being whatever I aspire to be', in a non-toxic environment I might have become an engineer or writer, but they destroyed my childhood and from that I never knew the word 'structure', all I saw was cold, empty vessels, living out their lives in a never-ending loop of getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed, getting up....but, my view is that we are infinite consciousness, experiencing itself subjectively. Once this body dies, it will be returned to whence it came, and another experience will kick in, all I can hope for is that in the next installation of this so-called 'life', I might have a more loving experience.
The biggest disappointment to me is relatives don't love each other. You don't see these people but once a year and then it's all bitching, yelling, sometimes hitting.
I believe you are having trouble with this one. We are born to our parents, brothers and sisters for a reason. It isn't just random. Our task is to learn and grow, forgive and accept, let go and let be.
Splintered relationship with my mother all my life and no father ever. She remarried and had 2 daughters. I called my step father Dad since I was 5. I was 12 years older than my half sisters. But one day my worst fear of being pushed out of the family actualised. I always had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that my mother wanted me out of her life so she could press reset on hers. She didn’t like my step father making calls to parent me even though I think he wanted to. I realised My half Siblings were choosing not to be a part of my daughters life, no matter how hard I tried to encourage them to be Aunts to our daughter they just didn’t show up. I made excuses as much as I could until my daughter asked why they never come to see her, she was feeling sad about it which touched on something raw for me and my own beliefs of belonging to that family. I asked my mother and step father ( the father of the sisters) for help with it we were told they would see what they could do about it and then did nothing. We confronted them eventually about it and they more or less told us to deal with it ourselves. What was the use when we had already asked the sisters time and time again without even a response half the time. Since we have left the family altogether as we couldn’t explain to our daughter why her Aunts didn’t ever contact her. And we realised we were being treated like a silo to the real Christmas they shared without us and other family events. My mother always came to us to drop the presents off a week before and then go celebrate with the rest of the family at their home. We couldn’t be in a family anymore where my mother didn’t align with the importance of our daughter having a family as a unit. we simply didn’t want to be in a family with sisters that couldn’t be bothered with our child in the end. My mother showed her true colours finally I realised I was not afraid to walk away from someone who didn’t want me. She’d remarried and moved on. I always thought she wanted me out of her life as a child but being my mother couldn’t believe it would possibly be true but she did and she was a narcissist beyond belief to hide this horrid reality from me all the years making excuses as to why she was too busy for me . It made me question my own truth and sensibility, in the end it all bubbles to the surface and this truth regarding my child, set me free finally from it all but it has been really hard raising my baby without a family better though to live in the light than struggle in the darkness.
Immediate family members (blood and related through marriage) were always toxic. Everyone could see it. I was convinced and manipulated to the point where I believed I was the problem and needed to go to therapy. Over the years, I have spoke to three therapists and when I would mention about my supposed family, it wasn't me who was the problem after all. I had been told again that I needed counselling/ therapy so I went to the doctor (who knew me for years and knew members of my family as well) and said that I didn't need counselling and that I was actually OK. That's it, I don't want anything else to do with them. As they had figured out for themselves. I only have the power of the universe to guide me, but thankfully, I have a good crew of people who have my back. Remember, have your ride or die crew with you, because they will keep you right. Peace! Xx
It's half past four on a Sunday and yet another week has passed where I've suffered for nothing & achieved no goals whatsoever. I'm not exaggerating when I say I have severe anxiety & depression. I know those terms get thrown around but I am diagnosed. Help me.
Watching this as I sit in my car with my belongings in it. I have left my home. Now they can make all mess they want. I was the bad person. Single mom Paying all the bills, cleaning & cooking for my mom, 27 year old son, 22 year old daughter-in-law and 13 year old daughter. I am going to live in my car somewhere. Have a good life!
I agree with you. I have people who I have become friends with are more my family then the family I was delt with. My Mom is a women I don't and never cared to know. I was born to the wrong family. I hate my family And I have friends that I am more closer too. Birth family stinks, they seem to think they have a right to control you. Keep up the shows. Your awesome
So true. Whilst hardest thing I ever did. I walked away from a Latin family nucleus that sucked the life out of me as the youngest “least knowledgeable “ “ least valuable “ part. I did that after a huge argument but sooo grateful to have done it. As dynamic is better and I’m not affected by the negativity and jealousy disguised as humour. Soo great advice
I always felt my plans when discussed with my parents, brought negative energy and my plans would not turn out for the best as I hoped. As if I would have never divulge my plans felt it would have worked out positively. Now I know I have to extract myself from them. Thank you.
In the midst of a mental and emotional shitstorm at the minute and this videos are helping enormously...had four years of sobriety and lost it last week. Thank you Russell, these are helping me as I get back in the saddle x
I went no contact with my mother and 11 siblings over 8 years ago. I've had people who I've told the story to say I should write a book about it, but suffice to say they were abusive. All those siblings headed up by a narcissistic mother. I have never regretted my decision.
You can call the mailman abusive. You can call the puppy who won't bring you the stick....abusive. The mother and ALL 11 siblings......see.....if it weren't you, you would have been able to connect with a few. You must be very lonely. I hope you don't have children. They would get a horrible message from you about "family".
I distanced myself from my abusive parents. Then they alienated me from the family I love. It’s often a source of pain for me. I cried all day today because of it😢
Great video, Russ. I miss hearing your podcast. Sadly I’m too poor for continued enlightenment. Perhaps one day they will be available for the poor and the huddled masses to discover again. Here’s hoping.
ian1856 Right, it’s poor people’s faults they are poor. All those starving millions should just read _The Secret_ and they’d have food and houses and medicine. It’s not a systemic problem, poverty is a choice. And if you can convince yourself that’s true, you don’t have to feel bad about the advantages you have, or do anything to help those who are suffering. Why see the world or it’s people when finding an excuse for ignoring them is so much less work? And if you can disguise that excuse as enlightenment? Bonus.
@@ian1856 there is always something you can do to _change_ your situation. Change is not synonymous with _improve._ Almost everyone who is born poor will remain poor. Almost everyone who is born rich will remain rich. Most poor people aren't wallowing in misery, they are struggling to make their lives better. For most of them, that struggle will not change the fact that they are poor. Poor people are only victims insofar as those with wealth and comfort have convinced themselves that the poor "just aren't trying hard enough." They've convinced themselves of this because living with the knowledge that their comfort comes at the literal expense of millions of suffering people would mean they have to acknowledge their complicity in a system that exploits the majority for the profit of a tiny few. That you don't realize (or won't admit) that this arrangement is deliberate and is hurting people doesn't change that fact that it _is_ hurting people.
Too poor for continued enlightenment? Bruh you do realize enlightenment comes from yourself. In fact enlightenment teaches you how to be full without material needs. Once you realize, like all animals, you are born with everything you need to survive, then you can start filling in the details.
RUSSEL!!! MR. BRAND!!! how are you making all of these incredibly insightful videos in such a short period of time ??? you do an amazing job & you continue to make me think outside of the box and deep into self improvement 🤔❤️❤️ i love you & never stop plssss
As far as I know he practices Transcendental Meditation, a powerful (and scientifically proven) technique for removing stress from the body and mind, which in turn creates better brain function and access to higher consciousness. It's also the most effortless technique in the world. Everyone should have a try. ✌🏼💞
My parents and siblings harass me. They have no respect and are very narcissistic! Very cold and unempathetic people gives me cold feelings i hate it. Same with alot of the people i was too nice too..... Need some positive support in life... i ALWAYS FEEL LIKE A LONESOME COYOTE with no emotional support to comfort me. Feel like i never can actually get what i want. Noone relates
We are all at the mercy of others when it comes to close relationships. As you rightly say it is easier living in a tribe where every man is your father and every woman your mother. In our western society we live in pods surrounded by “Others” who are often potential threats rather than supports. The end result is that we end up living in fear which is far from ideal. This fear breeds resentments which just escalate into conflict and social violence. Enjoyed watching this video.
Peace and Blessings Russ, i AM - NOW... a Subscriber... A WISE man once said, as a child i lived with my relatives, as an Adult I Chose my Family. We are only human Be in's , Struggling to find our way through our personal Journeys. This EGOIC Journey is possibly the Toughest for us all to overcome, Thankfully I have Learned that Forgiveness is a Key that Unlocks doors to Higher Dimensions, IF - The HIGHER SELF is the GOAL of the Journey - then FORGIVE us All for we Know not what we Do... Learning to Forgive myself made it possible to forgive Others, and i hope that Others find it with IN their Hearts to Forgive Me. Stay Here and Now, Much LOVE...
Before simply extracting ourselves from negative relationships I suggest having a few beers with negative relative. Whatever is bothering you both is bound to come out eventually. Then it could even make your relationship stonger. Don't be so hasty to turn your back on family. Especially in the social media age when it's easy to get paranoid about how others act toward us online. It's not real life. Go and knock on their door or pick up the phone.
I have recently cut off communication with my father, who was emotionally abusive to me as a child and physically abusive to my mother, and actually felt guilty for not calling him on Father’s Day. Then I remember that he had no desire to be my father and I in return have no desire in being his son.
Russell, I love how you trailed off into your trademark trance at the end, with hypnotic effect I’ll add. Felt myself pulled in, swallowed, calmed, my focus sharpened. What devilry is this? ;-) And thanks for covering this topic too. It’s really helpful.
I have been trying to break free from the toxic family I am in for the past year unfortunately to no avail. Because I am limited financially, I’ve had to plot and plan my “escape”. I liken it to getting out of a gang or an organized crime family. Once I get free, I don’t want them to ever find me or try to hurt me again. I realize that part of it is my own fault for giving them chance after chance, thinking, “ it could be worse” or “ it’s not that bad”. But there are starting to be days that I don’t want to wake up anymore and I’m tired of running this race. I know now that it’s okay to leave. I just have to figure out how much I can leave behind, how much I can live without and how far I need to go so they will leave me alone. Thank you for this great advice.
Once I moved out into my own place I blossomed into my true self. Now I’m back at home with my family for some time and it’s toxic. I’m so grateful that I will be moving out next year (2023) with my daughter so we can start a new life for ourselves, one that is peaceful, healthy, and empowering.
I can relate to having some toxic family members, I am starting more and more to see sides of them that are horrible. It has taken me a long time to see it.
Articulate of a difficult and complex dilemma if trauma and toxicity is always within close proximity ...it’s very necessary to extract from these cases...the depth of family...it’s always vital to establish and maintain healthy boundaries for self, for others, in any sense of relation, familial or otherwise
“Re write your life…” I like that. Start a new narrative for your life. Run from the toxic family. You don’t have to stay around for any abusive relationship-blood related or not.
About 4 years ago I lost my tempter at my little brother. He locked me into the house when I was sick. I jumped out the window and chased him down the street and got him in a headlock for about 10 seconds and told him not to do that again. Every since then my brother and my sister won't talk to me and they throw a tantrum whenever I come over to the family house. I live in Ireland, but for the last two years I've lived in Australia, and I was hoping for a fresh start when I got back, but they're still sour when I come to the house and they make it hard for me to see my mother. I'm 31 now, my brother is 19 and my sister is 24. I just wanna fix things, but I feel it's too far gone now. What's my best course???
Great video! The first question I ask my clients... is why do they want to pro- create? Whenever there is resistance it is for a reason. Psychical manifestation of abundance created from poverty lack consciousness.... is an enigma.
It's a great question, and one I've asked people, including myself, plenty of times...which is why I don't have children as of this point. However, I'm not sure I fully understand the response you gave in your last sentence (or at least don't want to speculate). Care to elaborate?
Israel Rosario Jr. Basically following tribal systemic belief systems of procreation, creates confusion, which is in opposition to evolution. If you don’t know who you are. How can you possibly help someone else self realize?
@@soulfulishgirl816 that's true. Thanks for the clarification. It's been my experience that parents are rarely the ones who help their children self-realize. In fact, they're often the biggest hindrances to self-realization. Just speaking anecdotally, with a firm belief based on significant life experience, self-realization is part of a person's individual life's journey and it either takes a trained, objective person to help you along this path or your own honest introspection based on your life's experiences over time. The other thing that I don't overlook is our genetic impulse to procreate as a species' survival instinct...that's probably woven into our societies' constructs. To me, it's important to take a step back and move away from reactive tendencies if we really want to be free from what we're touching on here.
I was told I was being selfish & petty when I turned my back on my extremely dysfunctional family. After years of living with rampant addiction, emotional abuse, lies and manipulation, lack of trust and respect for privacy, I had my say at the last family 'get-together' I got guilted into going to. I told a roomful of people that while I wished them the best, I could no longer play a role in their drama. I dropped that baggage at the door on my way out and never looked back. Self preservation took me to a higher place, a better life and it wiped my slate clean. I now have a loving husband and a very small circle of devoted friends - we hold each other up, and I am eternally grateful for that.
I wish I was as strong as you.
@@zan7466 I second that.
This is beautiful
❤️
This was just gold to read
It's so important to remove yourself from toxic relationships of any kind. I stayed connected with toxic family members for years until it just about killed me and certainly destroyed my life for a while. Once removed, I literally bloomed into the person I wanted to be, without the constant drama and negativity hounding me at every turn. Just remember, you can love someone just as well from a distance as you can face to face, that part doesn't have to change. My 'tribe' are my close friends, people I have chosen to have in my life because they are loving, caring human beings... I wouldn't have it any other way.
sks bc your comments seem to make sense to me and this is how I would choose to live. The only fly in the ointment is I feel guilty when I try to remove myself when those toxic members of my family seem to really need me. However, thanks for your comments, they remind me that deep down I do want to remove myself from them.
Thank you sister! Your story helps me. ♡ I wish you keep enjoying life with that freedom. :)
@@TomTom-df9ph "seem" to need your help is what they want you to think (when they're truly toxic)
But do you not find that you unconsciously attract the same type of people in the world as those toxic family members so you end up playing the same role and playing out the same patterns as you did before without meaning too? This is what I have found over and over again when I try to remove myself from toxic relationships with family members I then tend to meet people and have relationships with people who end up mirroring those old relationships that I tried to get away from. It's never obvious at the beginning that it's just going to play out the same way but it always ends up to be more or less the same thing. It's so frustrating it drives me crazy.
Tom Tom p
I’ve let go of my siblings and never felt happier. They’ve hurt me enough and they’ve lost me for ever. Buh-bye.
Happinosis me too. Sixteen years ago and counting.
Amen!
O my God same here just got rid of them 5 days ago.
Good for you, hun! Be proud and know you are loved.
I only speak to one out of three. These quotes have always helped me. I hope they help you.
Judge me by the people I avoid.
You only owe people the same respect they give you.
What you allow is what will continue.
Take care💗
Life is too short to be living or being involved with toxic people.
With that sentiment though are you not in danger of becoming one - putting yourself so squarely in the judgement seat? Just asking
@@Rafael-kg1tq this is exactly why we cannot live without a general God and a very clear idea of what is right and wrong.
@Richard Foran Judgment is mine sayeth the Lord
Richard Foran Theses are high powered people that are just people..the world was created good,it just man that makes it otherwise.
Not the fault of our lord.
What people do ,it is by secondary design...
You say about trump n Putin...they are bad.
But you’ve not died in any nuclear war yet.
@@calum66 in some cases yes surely. Needs close examination
Unfortunately, trauma starts at a very young age ---- this makes it difficult for children to leave their toxic family and, therefore, they live in a toxic environment. As these children grow older, this is when they experience their childhood pain.
♥️
Gosh this is so true. I am now just dealing with trauma from my childhood after moving back to my hometown. It’s awful. I’m only 29.
That is an understatement.......It took me until my 30s before I was finally able to cut myself free and they stopped at nothing to suck me back in. I caved a few times as siblings died young and I went back to the funerals......not for them but for me. As hard as it was - the alternative was carrying the pain of their pain with me and that I did not want or need. So there were 8 of us and now just 4 and two in their 70s and two of us in our early 60s and I can say, I will never return again......
36 and dealing with it.
Yes but my blood pressure is high, that's when I know it's time to cut ties
Being an adult is awesome. People aren't allowed to hit you and do whatever they want because you can leave. If you have a family member or friend or lover who hits you or is mentally abusive you can simply leave the situation. I don't put up with any form of abuse from anyone. Even in the workplace I have the power to say no or leave. When I was growing up I couldn't get away from someone beating me and had to deal with that plus mental abuse which can be just as bad. I never realized how much that stress destroyed me 24/7 until I became an adult and suddenly no one had the right to be in my life or associate with me. Suddenly it was my choice who interacted me with. It was like I lost 500 pounds, it was so weird the first year of freedom. No one was allowed to hit me or terrorize me. They were also surprised because they would try to convince me that because we are blood related I have to continue to let them do whatever they want and take it. Now they have learnt that if they want to interact with me for any reason they have to be on their best behavior because I can cut off any interaction from them instantly.
@Will.J You're horrible. What a disgusting and uncaring thing to say to someone who is dealing with surviving abuse! I actually want to tattoo 'Ignorant Jerk' on your forehead.
老外Rafael Me too, can’t wait.
@@lemonwedge5209 Agreed but when people are under the age of 18 they are sort of owned by their parents and have to take it. I mean technically now kids can report their parents for abuse but it's not that easy when you're young. You dont know a world outside the one your parents and family create until your teens. Even then they can be manipulative and make you think what they're doing is okay. It's amazing how we can be fooled into thinking something really messed up is okay. Not to be cheesy but leaving them was like breaking out of jail and seeing grass for the first time. I grew up with a drug addicted family who were using heroin and alcohol and they were violent. I somehow kept it together enough not to get into drugs. I definitely have some PTSD from them just because there were so many times I thought I might die but I've stayed clean and have a job and I'm happy now.
@Will.J I only wish I could have the opportunity to see you try. I guarantee you cant even throw a punch.
Adulthood is way better than childhood. The older I got, the more choices I made and the less relatives could hurt me.
Family is an accident of birth & then you go out into the world to find your real Family ~
Wow, I never once thought about that, Thanks for your words man.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
truth!
I strongly agree.
Yes!
My blood pressure rose due to them, uncomfortably high. I became snappy, aggressive and all the things that are not me at all. If you cant be your true self around someone, it's a red flag. Time to leave!
I can relate. I snap at everything they say. All the resentment just pours out when I talk to them. Desperately waiting for covid to get over so I can move out.
Same thing. I am the worst person when around my mom. I have so much resentment that I cannot control.
Same as a kid there’a not much you can do other than wait to be 18 AND GET THE HELL OUT. If I carry on like this I know it will have a huge effect on my future. But what hurts me the most is that I don’t love my parents as a 13 year old
Your Blood Pressure rose for MEDICAL reasons. You just use it as one more reason to feel oppressed. STOP IT.
My mother said that I did that to her and changed her. She was different around her friends and I made her like that..... But she was the abusive one.. abused me growing up..... And is very emotionally disconnected. Isn't there for me emotionally and plays games with me when I ask for help here and there. She wasn't just strict....... She was physical and emotionally abusive so she blamed me for her issue but she was the messed up one. That's just my mother.
Detoxifying myself from my hateful family was the best decision I ever made. Though painful but with time physically seeing the positive manifestations within myself was only a message I’d made the right decision.
Negative family can withhold you from achieving spiritual enlightenment. Family flaws can also guide you, to become the person you would like to become. Flaws and negativity I feel are two different things that get mistaken as the same.
“We are the children of children & we live as we are shown.” Forgive the toxic person, forgive yourself & move on to do better for the next generation.
Soozie Kissmecheek easier said than done but love this
Soozie Kissmecheek 🤝
Suzanna 2014, life is not easy. Today sucks for me, for example.
But whenever I hear “easier said than done” by someone. I have notice that they usually have not tried, before saying that.
If it needs to be done, it should be done. And if you failed, a least you tried.
No one can take that away from you.
Exactly...try and break the cycle and not just repeat 🌈 xxxxxxxxxxx
@Prayn Mantis, does your son know the truth of your condition?
My nephew gave me a Mother's day car once where he wrote, "There are some cultures that don't have the term Aunt. They are 'other mothers.'" Families don't mean blood.
I love this!
Your nephew gave you a car!! Wow, very lucky
I have a literal toxic brother I can’t even describe his “evilness”. It’s such a frightening thing knowing how the whole family and the environment can turn into a whole toxic area just because of one person. I’m looking forward to the day when I will be moving out. Brothers and sisters with the same problem... keep going and stay strong and sometimes cry because of your frustration and anger...let if out and then again focus on YOUR life and YOUR well-being.
Have the same problem here. Bot i can't leave because i fear of my mother's wrll being..
Me too...my brother is an abusive psychopath..he even tortured animals as a child..always having this evil smirk while manipulating family members against each other... i somehow survived but i have severe ptsd until this day
Same I can't wait to move out also. Praying to God to guide me through out all life💕
Same, too much evil 🙈
I’ve always been very close to my sisters until I realized how much they were never there for me unlike myself. When I finally started going against them, then I’m the one who’s being selfish and disrespectful. What’s more is that it really sucks when your whole family says the same thing.
For the longest time, I’ve always felt that I’m the one who’s wrong but no matter how much I changed, I was always going to be selfish to them.
It hurts to be completely misunderstood by your own family
Much love to you! I have been going through the same. Just know it does get better with time. Wishing you peace and happiness in your journey.
You're not wrong. They are gaslighting you for choosing not to deal with their sh*t. You are doing the right thing. You can't treat someone like sh*t and expect them to keep taking it. It doesn't work that way.
The realization that they will endlessly paint you into the selfish one ALONG WITH the realization that you know yourself better than anyone else…. Is what helps me tremendously in dealing with the same things as you. Stay strong in yourself, if they don’t want to learn about you and figure they know you already then leave it be. Give yourself that love you wish would have been reciprocated ❤️
Yesss!
Its uncanny how i pray for answers and then you come out with a video that relates to my prays. 🙏🏻
😂 right, there's barely any coincidences left LOL✨
I've been having the same thing with Russel's videos. I truly appreciate it on a spiritual level.
Its nice
Did your prayers involve paedophilia?
just dont go thinkin hes jesus.hes just a very naughty boy
It's a beautiful relief to say, thank you but NO. Cleansing the toxic souls from your life is liberating! Don't be afraid to draw the line, forgive and move forward 🌺Namaste
My mother left me in the incubator in the hospital without visiting, until the hospital rang to tell her she’d forgotten something. It went downhill from there. Humour is a lifesaver, thank you Russell for your wisdom.
How are you doing now if I may ask?
I needed this so bad. The guilt trip I keep getting for trying to lead my authentic life rather than obeying my family has worn me down. They keep shaming me saying blood is forever and I’m sinning. I obviously disagree with that statement but this video reassures that I’m not a bad person for wanting to step away from my abusive family.
The guilt trip they are doing is called gaslighting. Life is too short to take unnecessary sh*t.
One of my favourite books is "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach, which has this quote: "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof."
Some of my favorite family members have been the toxic ones. So easy to start drama on a boring day. I always get to be the hero cuz I'm the "Nice guy" (i.e. the Mediator). I mean, I've been toxic, but I've learned that that toxic people are the victims, or they certainly were at some point. So get comfortable with yourself and laugh at the anger and provocations of other. Rise above, without being a victim. Because if you stay the victim, you're going to become toxic yourself.
this comment will forever change my perspective for the better, thank you.
I find your comment very inconsiderate of the number of people raised in toxic families that have committed suicide or died by illnessees.. by the way you describe your family it seems you're probably an abuser yourself and definitely a serious dissassociator...
Your favorites have more POWER to mess with your head. Interpersonal Relationships involve a LOT of power jockeying. Get better at it. You've just accepted losing those little relationship skirmishes. Of course "you've been toxic". Everyone is from time to time. They probably don't carry the skirmish home with them. You play them over and over and over. THAT is the problem.
*Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes. Friends, family, limit yourself from them. Your family is who you choose them to be.*
This really resonated deeply. "Your family is who you choose them to be." #Thankful
Yes, one can choose to "create" family outside of "biological" but sooner or later one must deal with "biological" origins.
Sweet Tee glad to hear it!
Limit yourself from internet gurus
@@saltydog8493 Otherwise you might be named a feminist or ugly. Beware. Use with caution.
Rejected by my mum and dad. My 2 sisters now have the role. Look man , family doesn't mean you stay around in total dysfunction. It starts from within. Go and thrive
Don't you wish you'd had a traditional structural Family? That was all you ever wanted. Sometimes things don't work out the way we would wish. Move forward and make your happy life. You don't have to blame anyone including yourself. Blame buys you nothing.
My sister is a malignant narcissist. She has literally gaslighted me. Abused me for many years. So I no longer talk to her.
We must have the same sister.
I have a similar brother. He is a lawyer and they are a special brand of coldness. He's never offered me legal advice but yet has volunteered to help my parents be the executer of their will which means he will damage me again.
I have one too. She will always have a pissy attitude then try to say it's you whose the problem. Her and her boyfriend totally fit each other
cheeky etc. ...Good! Stay away forever. She will never change.
Kendyl Bigelow exactly same
I am the result of a dysfunctional family unit. I'm the scapegoat....iv been healing, however, I carry shame and resentment.
Leanne Jones I relate
Leanne Jones Been the whipping post all my life since childhood. Over 50 yrs now. Still learning to let it go, forgive and move on. Even though the toxic behaviour continues, and it’s painful. I relate to you
We come from the same family and yet when financial, practical or emotional help is needed, somehow I become the go to sibling. I wish I could change my name and move to another country.
Totally relate to this
Seek for counselling and break that cycle 😍
I clicked because of my toxic mother
Same. Check out Friends S1E14. I'm not a fan of the show, but I started watching anyway. Reminds me so much of my NPD mother n her inability to realise how negative and toxic she is.
Same here. My mother is like Olivia Soprano.
Yes my toxic mom
Yeah, me too. Divorced my father and had a restraining order against him where he couldn't see me then later asks me where was my father?, then got married to someone else and blamed me for that marriage ending, then gets a companion she was with for 8 years who got stage 4 cancer and died.. She claims I did black magic and killed him! This coming from a woman who cursed her second husband who insidiously cursed him causing him to perish! It's ironic I've been witness to seeing her suffer for all the self serving shit she's done! Honestly, I pray and wish to god, I die and leave this plane to never incarnate again! I feel like i want to die!
ME TOO
Grateful for this message today! I’m a 52 “stay at home” daughter trying to help my 84 year old mom age in place. So many layers to our relationship and so much intertwined energy and emotion! Russell is such a comfort and support to me. Thanks so much!
Same with my Mother she is 83. Trying to see her differently by cutting the cord and seeing her for who she really is with all her flaws. She can't help but be who she is as I can't help being who I am. It is sort of a way for me to acknowledge she did birth me and I can't change that but I can change how I see her.
So many layers to being a 52 year old stay at home mother. Things will be better if your mother will just die....right? Take care of that hubby. That's the relationship you need to worry about.
Easy when you're living on your own, not quite the same thing when you're living with them.
@Tosin EXACTLY! Both you guys comments are so RELATABLE.
@Tosin I can't wait to move!
*No one gets the "privilege" to poison your life.*
You are the most important person in your life.
Extract yourself from toxic premises regardless of the source.
O'SSÉIN - Master Your Mind With Me wow. Very powerful. Thank you
How would I ever make it without you ole wise one
Elena D. Spiritualism for narcissists…
You know not everyone can? That in itself is a privilege, in the minority but it is still a privilege to have this liberty.
serina delmar not sure what you are referring to.
I stopped talking to mine years ago. Problem solved. 🤷🏻♀️
@movingonandup773 Do you have other relationships currently? Have you reviewed what needs healing in yourself?
@movingonandup773 If you're trying that's what matters. Love yourself. Do your best to do good and be true to you.
@movingonandup773 I love that quote. I do my best. Good luck to you.
What about when you die? They get to control what happens to you.
That is good! I cut off my toxic sisters and their families.
I extracted myself ages ago and never looked back
Can you please explain how I feel surrounded by a lot of negativity at home
Do you miss them?
What about when you die? They get to control what happens to you.
@@Arcania9516 my wife & child are my family. Life goes on
@@r3dm4n3601980 I see.
I have never got married or had kids, don't plan to.
Live free and find your REAL-SELF the ALL-IS.!!!
Everything else is a distraction.
Exactly!
Yes please remove yourself from difficult situations (because those aren’t relationships) for your health and personal growth. Beware of emotional vampires!
Do you actually think someone can just remove themselfs?
Yeah sure mate every teen/child nowdays has a hideout or a place to go.
"Extract yourself"--I like it. Thanks for doing this, Russell.
Hi Russell, I want to thank you for all of your work on addiction. It is helping my nephew through his rehab from heroin and fentanyl addiction. He really enjoys your short videos and has been learning a lot from them. He has been clean since the end of January and has reached the six month part. He has had some tough times, since coming out of residential rehab and finds your videos particularly helpful, as well as, speaking with his sponsor, counsellor, friends from rehab, his mom, and myself. A few days ago we talked about toxic family members and how to put them into perspective and deal with them appropriately (especially in our heads, as we both need to do it), in order to remain clean. We talked about what you mentioned in this video, as he is just starting to realize how it helped to bring on the addiction. We also talked about the importance of positive family support, as he realizes what he did when he was on the drugs and was in shock. He has mine and his mom's support for as long as he needs it. He noted that almost everyone in the residential treatment centre watch your videos.
Well done to you all and sending positive vibes your Nephew
Every time I try to break free from toxic family members, my mum uses emotional blackmail to say I should be there for them.
She sees how distressed I am after spending time with my family. I have had to take days off work with such severe depression. I take weeks putting myself together again. Yet she doesn't care.
stop all contact with toxic family
Thank you so very much for sharing this Russell. I’m someone who grew up in a challenging family life. Both of my parents had different issues, but I have come to understand that they were both trying their best even if their frustrations manifested in anger and manipulation. Maybe it’s because they have both passed away that I can have some distance (and gratitude to therapy) to have moved on from this. I still struggle with my own lack of confidence, but this is something I am striving to improve - your videos help me with much of this.
I’m in my 40s and have found the courage to break away from both sides of my blood family, as their toxicity is staggering. Some casual acquaintances will never understand how I can do this but I know I must.
The tribe I choose to love as my own, and I call them my family, are truly fantastic people who love and nurture and I will be forever grateful for having them in my life.
Thank you for all the insightful knowledge you share. Particularly for saying that those of us who need to are right to remove ourselves from toxicity. Thank you for this.
All I can say is thank you for these wonderful videos. They have hugely helped me recently.
Popeye . Oh really, how come you are on this site tuning in to the comments?
Well said Russell' I have extracted myself from toxic members of my family, however I have agreed to a dinner I am not happy to attend, But I am a the beginning of a new chapter of my life where I will create my own tribe and stay away from toxic people family or not. I had a chat with you once in a meeting a few years back when I was doing a chair at Hinde st. You kind of agreed with me when I mentioned finding my own path. Anyway good advice on toxic family cause I was feeling guilty about walking away from them. Not anymore' Thanks.
Have you ever watched Kitty on That 70s Show? Whenever she was uncomfortable or awkward she just laughed a fake but funny laugh. Now I'm imagining doing that at my next family gathering! Hahaha
Family is often a very complicated topic. Thanks for the video Russell!
Weird how you entertained me from the mad lad dfc days, mad shagger days and now have inspired me in your sage days. What's next Rus?
These words of wisdom should not be taken for granted, a lot of suffering goes into reaching this level of awareness. Thank you Russel.
Russell Brand never ceases to surprise us. He is the embodiment of a wordsmith, philosopher, and comedian.
We are all living amongst toxic people in one way or another.
It's more important in knowing how to detach one self from its toxic effects.
Took me years to learn this.
Initial problem would be, defining the meaning of toxic within its social toxic society .
Yes its not the person that is toxic its the situation. I hate the implied demonization of others but agree that leaving a situation at times is best.
I love knowing you're a father with two daughters. You have so much wisdom to offer them, which is a way of service to the world. xo
I come from a dysfunctional family that treated me like a scapegoat. I’m the youngest and although I only moved 30 miles away, they never visited me. Not once. My mother is getting old and I’m having a lot of guilt for lack of closeness as she ages and a sister in law takes care of her. But what are my obligations when I still have so much hurt, and lasting lifelong pain, from the trauma caused? I find myself feeling anger towards them all for making me now feel guilty about this as well. Believe me, friends, if you don’t deal with this stuff when you’re young it doesn’t just magically go away as you get older. I’m now having it all dredge back up again as I face my parents mortalities and my own feelings of never having resolved those issues with them
The scapegoat is usually the weakest personality.
@@robertsimpson5136 I was the youngest, by far, in my large family. 11 years younger than the oldest child, and 4 years younger than 2nd oldest child. Did I deserve to be made the scapegoat because I was clearly an accident, born after the core family that was more wanted? Yes I was literally the weakest due to having been born after the others and being unplanned, therefore being treated like a burden, not given the resources or love that the other children got. So you’re saying I somehow deserved to be treated like a burden and when I ever had any totally normal childhood needs, being treated like I was being a selfish brat, that’s ok? What exactly are you trying to actually say?
Oh my gosh, after struggling for so long, I’m so glad I came across this video. I really needed this. Thank you x
Thank you for this Russell. This video was the last little push I needed to strengthen my resolve to leave my toxic family. My loyal nature really didn't want to but sometimes it's necessary when that family dysfunction persists. I was deeply affected by this toxicity in my personal life and my spiritual practice. There was so much negative association that I even recently changed my name, using my other given names to formulate a more favourable and untainted identity. Not that anyone should have to do this but for me it is the fresh start that I have needed for a long time. I would rather go through the temporary pain of starting all over again from the ground up than the familiar and ongoing pain and negative associations of a toxic family and even friends.
To anyone who feels it is time to leave their family, the struggle you will face is most understandable. Don't be afraid to feel and face that pain. As you start to move away you will naturally feel guilty and you will grieve the loss of your family. It will take time to distance or leave them completely and it will take time to heal. Let that be okay and be easy on yourself about it. Embrace the fullness of WHO YOU ARE and be in joyful anticipation of the life that you have always dreamed of for yourself. Know that this beautiful, brand new life is brimming with the opportunity, love and support you deserve. It is ready and waiting just for you.
Thank you again, Russell. I always look forward to hearing your insights. It's so nice to feel a connection with like minded individuals.
Namaste.
JC
Thank you for sharing this. I have contemplated changing my name too but I think it might be best to move away and start fresh. Its hard because I worked for my father for 10 years who owns a large business in town (I managed the company) it has been about 8 months and I am still not back up on my feet but I finally feel rested, the panic attacks I started having are gone and, the desire to get going again has started! I already feel better than I have in a decade. I will be "in joyful anticipation of the life I have dreamed of for myself"
Even the most loving parents can be toxic sometimes. We need to create boundaries with them, too. I've told mine that I will do what makes me happy and I am not following anyone's foot steps. 🙂
I accept that I have to take care of myself. I think, for me, at least, that my inner child can't believe that my family members treated me as they did and that thinking has extended to my adult experiences, like, at my job, at the moment, and that makes it hard for me to move on, sometimes. Denial, still.
-Invading your personal space
-Gaslighting
-Blame you for everything, even though you're absent most of the times
Worst of all, stuck with them during quarantine
On repeat : I can’t allow myself to be compliant to negative relationships. Excellent advice. Works for me.
my parents allowed my brother to physically abuse me. and I realized since they refused to protect me that I have the ability to control myself and carry one. I wave a wonderful support system. I take responsibility of creating my life. My parents infantized me and it took me late in life to understand I am enough. I can do anything.
I'm always amazed by how the topics of your videos almost always seem to come at the perfect time based on something I am currently experiencing or thinking about. And it's interesting that they are often by request from people. Makes me think we just might be living in a collective consciousness after all.
Russel, this time and almost every time I watch one of your videos I am just utterly amazed by the clarity of your throught steam and the exact words that you choose carefully to voice your deepest parts of your brain. You also look so humble and have such a great humour, you are a magnificent "specimen" of human kind.
Every time i finish one of your videos I just shake my head left and right, just being amazed and happy by what I've seen and heard. I just can't believe you! Haha... It's such a loving feeling and one of admire. Thank you so, so much. Your mere existence brings me joy and peace.
RUN AWAY from negative , toxic people , plastic people and you will be HAPPY . My own experience . Is your Mother Toxic , nasty ? RUN AWAY FROM HER as well .
Having negative siblings for me is bad for my mental health I just feel now or never I want be happy and leaving Is the best for everyone
What if your still a teenager and live with them😭😭 I rarely socialize with them cos we end up arguing 90% of the time. I've accepted that we're so different in terms of mindsets and how we live our lives with the actions we take and relationships we have, but living with them and hearing them trash my viewpoint every chance they get and put me down especially with a selfish hypocritical attitude just gets so hard sometimes. Its gotten to the point I want to convince my dad to let me study abroad for uni so I at least get some time away from them.
Hold on tight as you can to you! I was once there myself, don't go back to them once you are free like I did for so many years hoping one day they would actually care, actually value me and actually love me, I had to face the hardest part they never would do those things.. It took me 35 years of my life to leave them behind, to hurt with how much I loved them, I am a free person now for 5 years at 40 this year.. It won't really ever go away but You can get away and with time and love towards yourself you will find you're truth and will be able to finally live it! I'm right here, I know this game, And most of all I understand :)
Valentino...are you doing any better? Please let me know. Thanks..🤔❤
I have spent nearly 20 years helping and supporting my family only to be disrespected abused and insulted and used as a scapegoat for everything that goes wrong for them !! Since my father passed it has got worse and worse ...I've wasted years and sacrificed my career and relationships ....you trust family 100% I do not understand how anyone can backstab someone who's saved them time and again !! I work as a psychic medium and have a wide experience and one thing I have learned is the love from the spirit is the ultimate ' real ' love !! Do not expect that people will love you or care about you at the same level as you love them .....or you may possibly waste your life with your loyalty .
*Love begins with oneself*
Unconditional and without any compromising
Stop spamming
O'SSÉIN - 🤔 - thank you 😊
Thank you for making this video. I think there are so many people who have dealt with or who are dealing with family dynamics that are not the best for them, and I do like the idea of editing one's own life and identity.
Corey Anderson me too
Coming from a millionaire that's pretty 'rich' I have to say. From birth I was abused almost every day, until the age of 12 when I left to live on the streets. I'm coming up to sixty now and have a house and a car, but my mental energy is almost dead, physically I am overweight, I have nightmares about those young days and these keep me from doing anything close to 'being whatever I aspire to be', in a non-toxic environment I might have become an engineer or writer, but they destroyed my childhood and from that I never knew the word 'structure', all I saw was cold, empty vessels, living out their lives in a never-ending loop of getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed, getting up....but, my view is that we are infinite consciousness, experiencing itself subjectively. Once this body dies, it will be returned to whence it came, and another experience will kick in, all I can hope for is that in the next installation of this so-called 'life', I might have a more loving experience.
The biggest disappointment to me is relatives don't love each other. You don't see these people but once a year and then it's all bitching, yelling, sometimes hitting.
I believe you are having trouble with this one. We are born to our parents, brothers and sisters for a reason. It isn't just random. Our task is to learn and grow, forgive and accept, let go and let be.
I needed to hear some wisdom. It can be difficult to escape the gravity of emotion caused by toxic family members.
Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf
Get out as early as you can
And don't have any kids yourself.
Splintered relationship with my mother all my life and no father ever. She remarried and had 2 daughters. I called my step father Dad since I was 5. I was 12 years older than my half sisters. But one day my worst fear of being pushed out of the family actualised. I always had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that my mother wanted me out of her life so she could press reset on hers. She didn’t like my step father making calls to parent me even though I think he wanted to. I realised My half Siblings were choosing not to be a part of my daughters life, no matter how hard I tried to encourage them to be Aunts to our daughter they just didn’t show up. I made excuses as much as I could until my daughter asked why they never come to see her, she was feeling sad about it which touched on something raw for me and my own beliefs of belonging to that family. I asked my mother and step father ( the father of the sisters) for help with it we were told they would see what they could do about it and then did nothing. We confronted them eventually about it and they more or less told us to deal with it ourselves. What was the use when we had already asked the sisters time and time again without even a response half the time. Since we have left the family altogether as we couldn’t explain to our daughter why her Aunts didn’t ever contact her. And we realised we were being treated like a silo to the real Christmas they shared without us and other family events. My mother always came to us to drop the presents off a week before and then go celebrate with the rest of the family at their home. We couldn’t be in a family anymore where my mother didn’t align with the importance of our daughter having a family as a unit. we simply didn’t want to be in a family with sisters that couldn’t be bothered with our child in the end. My mother showed her true colours finally I realised I was not afraid to walk away from someone who didn’t want me. She’d remarried and moved on. I always thought she wanted me out of her life as a child but being my mother couldn’t believe it would possibly be true but she did and she was a narcissist beyond belief to hide this horrid reality from me all the years making excuses as to why she was too busy for me . It made me question my own truth and sensibility, in the end it all bubbles to the surface and this truth regarding my child, set me free finally from it all but it has been really hard raising my baby without a family better though to live in the light than struggle in the darkness.
Definitely have to own your own emotions surrounding relationships. You can control how trapped you feel.
Immediate family members (blood and related through marriage) were always toxic. Everyone could see it. I was convinced and manipulated to the point where I believed I was the problem and needed to go to therapy. Over the years, I have spoke to three therapists and when I would mention about my supposed family, it wasn't me who was the problem after all. I had been told again that I needed counselling/ therapy so I went to the doctor (who knew me for years and knew members of my family as well) and said that I didn't need counselling and that I was actually OK. That's it, I don't want anything else to do with them. As they had figured out for themselves. I only have the power of the universe to guide me, but thankfully, I have a good crew of people who have my back. Remember, have your ride or die crew with you, because they will keep you right. Peace! Xx
It's half past four on a Sunday and yet another week has passed where I've suffered for nothing & achieved no goals whatsoever. I'm not exaggerating when I say I have severe anxiety & depression. I know those terms get thrown around but I am diagnosed. Help me.
Watching this as I sit in my car with my belongings in it. I have left my home. Now they can make all mess they want. I was the bad person. Single mom Paying all the bills, cleaning & cooking for my mom, 27 year old son, 22 year old daughter-in-law and 13 year old daughter.
I am going to live in my car somewhere. Have a good life!
I agree with you. I have people who I have become friends with are more my family then the family I was delt with. My Mom is a women I don't and never cared to know. I was born to the wrong family. I hate my family And I have friends that I am more closer too. Birth family stinks, they seem to think they have a right to control you.
Keep up the shows. Your awesome
So true. Whilst hardest thing I ever did. I walked away from a Latin family nucleus that sucked the life out of me as the youngest “least knowledgeable “ “ least valuable “ part. I did that after a huge argument but sooo grateful to have done it. As dynamic is better and I’m not affected by the negativity and jealousy disguised as humour. Soo great advice
I always felt my plans when discussed with my parents, brought negative energy and my plans would not turn out for the best as I hoped. As if I would have never divulge my plans felt it would have worked out positively. Now I know I have to extract myself from them. Thank you.
In the midst of a mental and emotional shitstorm at the minute and this videos are helping enormously...had four years of sobriety and lost it last week. Thank you Russell, these are helping me as I get back in the saddle x
I went no contact with my mother and 11 siblings over 8 years ago. I've had people who I've told the story to say I should write a book about it, but suffice to say they were abusive. All those siblings headed up by a narcissistic mother. I have never regretted my decision.
You can call the mailman abusive. You can call the puppy who won't bring you the stick....abusive. The mother and ALL 11 siblings......see.....if it weren't you, you would have been able to connect with a few. You must be very lonely. I hope you don't have children. They would get a horrible message from you about "family".
I distanced myself from my abusive parents. Then they alienated me from the family I love. It’s often a source of pain for me. I cried all day today because of it😢
Russell, very sage advice, most eloquently articulated for anyone wise enough to listen.
Great video, Russ. I miss hearing your podcast. Sadly I’m too poor for continued enlightenment. Perhaps one day they will be available for the poor and the huddled masses to discover again. Here’s hoping.
ian1856 Right, it’s poor people’s faults they are poor. All those starving millions should just read _The Secret_ and they’d have food and houses and medicine. It’s not a systemic problem, poverty is a choice. And if you can convince yourself that’s true, you don’t have to feel bad about the advantages you have, or do anything to help those who are suffering. Why see the world or it’s people when finding an excuse for ignoring them is so much less work? And if you can disguise that excuse as enlightenment? Bonus.
@@ian1856 there is always something you can do to _change_ your situation. Change is not synonymous with _improve._ Almost everyone who is born poor will remain poor. Almost everyone who is born rich will remain rich. Most poor people aren't wallowing in misery, they are struggling to make their lives better. For most of them, that struggle will not change the fact that they are poor. Poor people are only victims insofar as those with wealth and comfort have convinced themselves that the poor "just aren't trying hard enough." They've convinced themselves of this because living with the knowledge that their comfort comes at the literal expense of millions of suffering people would mean they have to acknowledge their complicity in a system that exploits the majority for the profit of a tiny few. That you don't realize (or won't admit) that this arrangement is deliberate and is hurting people doesn't change that fact that it _is_ hurting people.
Too poor for continued enlightenment? Bruh you do realize enlightenment comes from yourself. In fact enlightenment teaches you how to be full without material needs. Once you realize, like all animals, you are born with everything you need to survive, then you can start filling in the details.
RUSSEL!!! MR. BRAND!!! how are you making all of these incredibly insightful videos in such a short period of time ??? you do an amazing job & you continue to make me think outside of the box and deep into self improvement 🤔❤️❤️ i love you & never stop plssss
As far as I know he practices Transcendental Meditation, a powerful (and scientifically proven) technique for removing stress from the body and mind, which in turn creates better brain function and access to higher consciousness. It's also the most effortless technique in the world. Everyone should have a try. ✌🏼💞
My parents and siblings harass me. They have no respect and are very narcissistic! Very cold and unempathetic people gives me cold feelings i hate it. Same with alot of the people i was too nice too..... Need some positive support in life... i ALWAYS FEEL LIKE A LONESOME COYOTE with no emotional support to comfort me. Feel like i never can actually get what i want. Noone relates
I really dig what you're doing. Cheers mate
We are all at the mercy of others when it comes to close relationships. As you rightly say it is easier living in a tribe where every man is your father and every woman your mother. In our western society we live in pods surrounded by “Others” who are often potential threats rather than supports. The end result is that we end up living in fear which is far from ideal. This fear breeds resentments which just escalate into conflict and social violence. Enjoyed watching this video.
Peace and Blessings Russ, i AM - NOW... a Subscriber... A WISE man once said, as a child i lived with my relatives, as an Adult I Chose my Family. We are only human Be in's , Struggling to find our way through our personal Journeys. This EGOIC Journey is possibly the Toughest for us all to overcome, Thankfully I have Learned that Forgiveness is a Key that Unlocks doors to Higher Dimensions, IF - The HIGHER SELF is the GOAL of the Journey - then FORGIVE us All for we Know not what we Do... Learning to Forgive myself made it possible to forgive Others, and i hope that Others find it with IN their Hearts to Forgive Me. Stay Here and Now, Much LOVE...
"Dickwad Auntie" is just one of those that threw me off I'm glad I wasn't taking a drink at the time! 😂😂😂 hilarious!
it’s sad when families grow apart
that’s a great ideal in the hispanic culture to be there for everyone extended family support systems ❤️
Before simply extracting ourselves from negative relationships I suggest having a few beers with negative relative. Whatever is bothering you both is bound to come out eventually. Then it could even make your relationship stonger. Don't be so hasty to turn your back on family. Especially in the social media age when it's easy to get paranoid about how others act toward us online. It's not real life. Go and knock on their door or pick up the phone.
I have recently cut off communication with my father, who was emotionally abusive to me as a child and physically abusive to my mother, and actually felt guilty for not calling him on Father’s Day. Then I remember that he had no desire to be my father and I in return have no desire in being his son.
Russell, I love how you trailed off into your trademark trance at the end, with hypnotic effect I’ll add. Felt myself pulled in, swallowed, calmed, my focus sharpened. What devilry is this? ;-)
And thanks for covering this topic too. It’s really helpful.
I have been trying to break free from the toxic family I am in for the past year unfortunately to no avail. Because I am limited financially, I’ve had to plot and plan my “escape”. I liken it to getting out of a gang or an organized crime family. Once I get free, I don’t want them to ever find me or try to hurt me again. I realize that part of it is my own fault for giving them chance after chance, thinking, “ it could be worse” or “ it’s not that bad”. But there are starting to be days that I don’t want to wake up anymore and I’m tired of running this race. I know now that it’s okay to leave. I just have to figure out how much I can leave behind, how much I can live without and how far I need to go so they will leave me alone. Thank you for this great advice.
"Meaningless, nebulous flesh splat" - what a turn of phrase!
Described my current situation to well
Once I moved out into my own place I blossomed into my true self. Now I’m back at home with my family for some time and it’s toxic. I’m so grateful that I will be moving out next year (2023) with my daughter so we can start a new life for ourselves, one that is peaceful, healthy, and empowering.
It's like you're in my mind , and you nail it everytime. - Must be the 'Collective Thought'.
Again, Thanks for doing this stuff.. #KeepGoing! 🕊
I can relate to having some toxic family members, I am starting more and more to see sides of them that are horrible. It has taken me a long time to see it.
Thank you Russel I love your videos and your use of language!
Articulate of a difficult and complex dilemma if trauma and toxicity is always within close proximity ...it’s very necessary to extract from these cases...the depth of family...it’s always vital to establish and maintain healthy boundaries for self, for others, in any sense of relation, familial or otherwise
'Nebulous Flesh Splat' is a great name for a band.
K3ith Price That makes my day! Hope the band does Punk Rock!!!! : )..
“Re write your life…” I like that. Start a new narrative for your life. Run from the toxic family. You don’t have to stay around for any abusive relationship-blood related or not.
Wow! Thank you for going into this. Important for a lot of people i feel
About 4 years ago I lost my tempter at my little brother. He locked me into the house when I was sick. I jumped out the window and chased him down the street and got him in a headlock for about 10 seconds and told him not to do that again.
Every since then my brother and my sister won't talk to me and they throw a tantrum whenever I come over to the family house.
I live in Ireland, but for the last two years I've lived in Australia, and I was hoping for a fresh start when I got back, but they're still sour when I come to the house and they make it hard for me to see my mother.
I'm 31 now, my brother is 19 and my sister is 24.
I just wanna fix things, but I feel it's too far gone now.
What's my best course???
Great video! The first question I ask my clients... is why do they want to pro- create? Whenever there is resistance it is for a reason. Psychical manifestation of abundance created from poverty lack consciousness.... is an enigma.
It's a great question, and one I've asked people, including myself, plenty of times...which is why I don't have children as of this point. However, I'm not sure I fully understand the response you gave in your last sentence (or at least don't want to speculate). Care to elaborate?
Israel Rosario Jr. Basically following tribal systemic belief systems of procreation, creates confusion, which is in opposition to evolution. If you don’t know who you are. How can you possibly help someone else self realize?
@@soulfulishgirl816 that's true. Thanks for the clarification. It's been my experience that parents are rarely the ones who help their children self-realize. In fact, they're often the biggest hindrances to self-realization. Just speaking anecdotally, with a firm belief based on significant life experience, self-realization is part of a person's individual life's journey and it either takes a trained, objective person to help you along this path or your own honest introspection based on your life's experiences over time. The other thing that I don't overlook is our genetic impulse to procreate as a species' survival instinct...that's probably woven into our societies' constructs. To me, it's important to take a step back and move away from reactive tendencies if we really want to be free from what we're touching on here.