As a raging narcissistic myself, I'd have to say would likely not work on a true narcissist. When people invest in tactics that they perceive are "standing up to me" I note them and try to irritate the person even more. It tells me they are so upset by my behavior that they are actively researching methods on how to combat me, which is flattening. The real way to get someone like me to stop bothering you is to ignore me. I hate being ignored. It's a feeling of being powerless because not only can I not get the reaction I'm looking for, I can't get any reaction at all.
I've done this in the workplace in the past and found it useful. I've found that toxic types view warm friendly facial expressions as weakness but a blank stare with no expression earns some common respect. Thanks for this video!
Dammit I wish I had done this to my toxic ex-manager. I did stop smiling/acknowledging her all together & she sort of backed off but this would've been the cherry on top. She obviously couldn't handle the work setting, I was ecstatic when she put her 2 weeks in. LoL
From what I can gather is predators don't generally prey on other predators. Your technique is broadcasting that you are a bigger predator than they are. Good tool to have. Thanks Sacha.
I'm going to disagree with this video. Playing a stare down game is what they want. I say build boundaries, and don't give them the time of day. Pretend you are the Saint of Killers lol
I had someone give me that stare at work and I was trying to get a passenger ticketed so I couldn't comply with your advice and I know that this is good advice. I merely said. " that stare does not impress me so go try it on a pigeon"!! Who has time for that garbage in a fast-paced environment??! I was impressed with myself because I am an empath
I find it also helps to visualize them as the child they once were while looking at them. Not with sympathy for who they are now (i.e. no sympathy for their decision to become an abuser), but with empathy for that sad abandoned child in them, as which they started on this path. It drives them absolutely crazy because this is exactly what they're desperately hiding all the time: their vulnerability. An attack, they can live with. Stonewalling or grey rock, they don't like but it doesn't trigger them. But looking right through all of their bullshit into the eyes of the abandoned child, that's their kryptonite. Always keep in mind that narcs are essentially _failed C-PTSD sufferers_ who are too weak to consciously confront their trauma.
+chris *Always keep in mind that narcs are essentially failed C-PTSD sufferers who are too weak to consciously confront their trauma.* // Wow, this is a very interesting way of describing the internal mechanisms of narcissism, articulated in a way I have never heard before. As always!! ...thank you for sharing!! :-)
This stuff is so freaky. Makes my heart pound in my chest. I was thinking maybe this might not be the best approach...? These people are dangerous. Don't engage them. Get away if u can. It's complicated at work...maybe just ignore them ?
I told my manager to stop traiangulating yesterday, there is bound to be repercussions from her narc injury but I am not tolerating any of the numerous narc behaviors anymore. They can sack me if they want, the Health system is run by narcs it's outrageous. Fawning to them all the time is soul distroying and tiring.
+Healing Vibe oh, I'm sorry you have to deal with a crappy manager :-( /// *the Health system is run by narcs it's outrageous* ......yep, that was my experience whilst employed in the 'health industry.'
Sacha Slone The Health system is crappy especially the mental health system, I don't at this stage know what is worse being an educated empath in a narcissistic world or an uneducated empath with rose tinted glasses on.
+Healing Vibe Holy Crap! Way to go! !! ! If you stand your ground - I guarantee they'll try to flip the script on you and start claiming they're victims. It's like watching someone go through their mental inventory of projected emotions when you confront a narc. - The first time you do it - it's always a trip...
+Healing Vibe Yes, and the wellness industry as well...full of deeply unwell people. I've been smeared and even physically attacked by two seperate women and another one tried to frame me for something I didn't do to get me fired...because I took her favourite room on my first day on the job and didn't know it was her favourite room! A month later she was fired for the exact thing she tried to set me up for.
I did this with a person who was hiding behind a bush ready to pounce on me at night once. I could see him there and knew before hand that there was someone waiting for me, as I heard someone make a bird call to someone else when I was walking home one night. I walked into a house that had lights on and tried to pretend I lived there and my key was jammed and banged on the door and no one answered. I turned around and the guy was standing there...he knew I'd seen him so he came out and faced me and we had this stare off that went on for about 30 seconds. I showed no fear and just looked him in the eye and was very quiet, and eventually he ran off down the alley and I heard him get into a car and drive off...and I bolted home after that, but it was totally instinctual to do this at the time. It's interesting how well it works.
Yes! Fight fire with fire..I had a boss who would sit at a desk and hold her hand up to the side of her face and spread her fingers in order to stare at me sideways. Very creepy. I would sit there and stare right back with no emotion and watch her start to squirm because her plan to intimidate me wasn't working. Wanted so bad to say" I see you " like you would with a child playing peek a boo, cause that's how she acted. Only with her it was done with mean intentions, lol.
Another similar technique is to stare them between the eyes- right in the 'third' eye point. It's a little less hard to pull off but very effective and kind of 'nails' them :)
Oh my I have read in a book about paranormal gifts when you exactly do just that, staring at their 'third eye spot', it makes them lose power. And what does a narcissist not want to lose?? Power!! Good to know it works!!! woohoo!! I must try that one.
I LOVE your active fight-back strategies! I am in complete and total agreement with you. There are appropriate ways to mirror narcissistic behavior, and this is one of them, particularly when there aren't many witnesses and/or when you have enough cover to say "gosh, I don't know what [narcissist] is talking about."
What do you do if the narc comes into the room and totally ignores you and engages with others in the room, like you're invisible, without even making eye contact but they know you're staring at them like "Hello?!" And after they were just pleasant and cordial to you earlier that day, but when others were around of course. It's almost like they're punishing you for thinking you are worth their time.
+Bonnie Irvin I suggest you match and extend the exact same kind of passive aggressive manipulative treatment you are receiving. The next time the manipulative bully tries to engage with you, mirror his/her behaviour, give him/her a taste of his/her own medicine. The next time he/she asks you a question or says hello, ignore him, don't make eye contact, and don't answer. If/when the bully ask you, 'what's wrong.' Reply, "What?" Make her/him repeat himself. And then reply, " I don't understand what you're talking about." Keep pretending like you have absolutely no idea what they are talking about, as if they are hallucinating :-p :-D If you have your cell phone with you, pull that out, and start looking at your phone while they are talking. Stay calm and let them 'overreact' to your dismissiveness. :-D Start treating the bully as if he/she doesn't exists. Go grey rock with the bully, don't give the bully any emotion, just blank neutral expressions and always start doing something else when they talk to you. Always be dismissive and never say hi back or smile back at them. They will become very frustrated and irritated. If the bully does get upset, keep telling him/her (use a soft voice) to 'calm down' and to 'relax.' .'... this is very condescending.
+Bonnie Irvin this happened to me recently, I offered some of my time to a charity and the area manager of this particular charity didn't know who I was and she greeted me with charm and interest. Once I explained I was a volunteer, she continued to tell me how wonderful, blah blah.. the next day when she came into the room and stood right next to me addressed the workers in the room and didn't acknowledge my existence at all. I had become nobody of any worth.
I remember I did this with a girl I had gotten into a fight with in middle school when we were later in high school--the only person I ever got into a full fledged fight with in my school years. I saw her talking about me and being really underhanded, something she had been doing back in middle School more directly and tormenting me with name calling until one day she stopped on my feet that day back in middle school (or at least one of her Goonies did), only this time years later I just instinctively started her down until she got quiet. I was really passive and I don't feel I stood up for myself enough in my youth. I was suffering abuse at home that manipulated me into the fear of not just suspension but also physical abuse if I ever got into a fight, whether it was self defense or not. The crazy thing was these abusers also had me in self defense classes. It was mind fuckery, but even then I couldn't help but snap a few times. Many people can't, I don't think.
I know I am really bad at this, right now I practice just relaxing my face... I actually do face stretches and massage my face until I feel like I can maintain a relaxed face, the stare will take time. That probably sounds weird but I think a relaxed face is key in general. thanks for the video !
Hey Sacha There's another component to this and it's what Narc's do as far as I know - and I think ppl need to know. When ppl play stare games they are not staring into your eyes - they fix at a point just between the eyes. Note that it is even more effective if the bully is wearing glasses. In the interests of "light side" vs "dark side " techniques it is MORE DRAINING to actually do it with honest eye contact but it is more draining. If you are having an off day have the "between the eyes" technique as a back up. It is extremely likely that the Narcissist is using the lazy dishonest "dark side" staring "between the eyes" technique - they don't I SUSPECT - have the NERVE or resources to maintain this psychotic glare except in the most extreme cases - I am happy to be corrected on that though. One things for sure - if the persons Narc - and they know this technique - and they want to unnerve you - THEY ARE USING IT. It's more *honest* to do the "Real" and make ACTUAL EYE CONTACT - but one might question why should one dignify what is almost certainly a "FAKE" assault with a "FAKE" and costly defense.
I worked with a guy who tormented me for a long time on an escelating scale, as time went on it got worse. I ended up working with the guy years later and when he gave me the first "little" poke I offered him to take it outside (where i'd kick his ass). He never bothered me again.
Pfsif Trouble is when you are a guy and they are a girl, you can't beat their ass. I am dealing with a bitch lead and shall confront her real soon; and not bring down my stare
One thing that I have found interesting is making the narc bully think they're playing right into my hands. Every time I do that, that person leaves me alone for a few hours. Even if it makes me look a bit nuts, it's worth it.
Great idea. I also like the idea of using technology and the law. Regardless of whether they are a boss or worker or whether they are abusing by themselves or have the backing of bosses or co-workers, recording them and then taking your recording to the police, lawyer or government body that deals with worker abuse will most times make these pusillanimous, sick weaklings shit their pants and crumble away like a potato chip that has been dipped in diarrhea.
Hmmmm...about that, I really don't think any LE agency, lawyer or gov't body has any interest or time to listen to recordings just on the basis that someone is a bully or a narc. As much as I wish I could scare the shit out of my narcs at work....this strategy wouldn't be one of them. I work for a LE agency. Oh well, back to staring them down and grounding/blocking and redirecting their negative energy back on them.
Thank you! I'll try it, the thing is I have problems in watching at people's eyes at times (Asperger), and I usually end up being the one who will stop making eye contact... but I will try hard to try this and see :)
+Maestra Ana I always practice with a friend or in the mirror. I'm a highly sensitive person and I can freeze up very quickly, this is why I have a couple 'memorized' phrases I use with emotional abusers, that way I don't have to think of something on the spot. Counter manipulation does not come naturally to us, because our brains are not wired this way, and this is why I suggest targets practice beforehand, lol! For me, It's like being in a play and I have to learn my lines, lol!
+Maestra Ana Draining is the perfect word, this is exactly how I feel when I am forced to counter manipulate. This is why it is so important to be surrounded with virtuous people of high quality! :-)
Uugg experiences in four companies already. At some point the narcissist of the office gets to you when they see you doing a good work or just when they see some competition even if you are just minding your own business - and my experience tells me that there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do... nothing depends on you, they have their own weird perceptions. Now Im just waiting for things to change as there are a lot of projects coming and going and people are allowed to change careers. If not, I would be gone already.
the only problem with this technique is they can take their aggression and tactics to another level ..so the stare is a challenge you have to be ready to behave unprofessionally if they choose to take it there....Grey rock is probably better, just no response or communicate to them professionally and if that doesn't work take it to management and hopefully they're supportive
Awesome advice as usual, a confident and really positive person like yourself, brings those qualities out in other people. Your Great, Best Wishes Andy
Thanks Sasha for this video. you really have some great knowledge , I developed the Narcissistic Stare by hanging round them and yes your right they more often than not will back down, your body language has to that way as well if they try to wind, you up as well. That deep stare an also be hypnotic as well if you can adjust the tone of your voice and slowing down the way you talk ;-)
Sorry. I don't agree. You are playing their game, and they are PROFESSIONAL at it... we are AMATEURS unless you too are a narc. I had a lady give me a cold stare OVER THE RIM of her reading glasses. So I simply made a joke out of it. I said... "OOOH ! That's an evil look.... it's the OVER THE RIM evil look!" and I just laughed. I just let them know that they are not intimidating me. If I tried to OUTSTARE them..... then they would win that game. If I could out-stare a narc, I would worry about what kind of person I am.
Wow, I'm sorry you internalized the stare game that way. Staring down a narc successfully does NOT change who you are and it certainly DOESN'T make you one of them. The stare game isn't the end all unfortunately...so it's just one out of many techniques to utilize. Learn ways to protect your aura, your energy when dealing with these sick/unhealed people.
The narc @ my job has caused 33 people to quit their job & 1 suicide & thousands of lost in revenue & many altercations but they will not fire her she breaks expensive chairs due to her weight450+lbs in the 18 yrs ive been working there i just ignore her & throw her under ther bus when she goofs up & show the customes our policy & watch the rest as she gets chewed up by them & then argue like 2 umpires at a baseball game, & @ 1 point when we had a survey i found 300 pages of bad reviews about her in the dumpster which she had a porter throw out but i retrieved them & return ed them back to the main desk the look on her face was demonic i didn't want to leave cause i knew she would grab them & throw it away again but i was called away of course she had it thrown far away from building so no one could find it, ive asked is she the bosses daughter all say no cause she causes many problems there & is untouchable & shes waaay beyond narcissist shes 100% pure unfiltered cold evil , ive kept my job only cause many know my true performance@ work & like i said throwing her under the bus daily untill one day she will meet her match or worse & its gotten close where a customer jumped over the counter to puncher her but she backed away, as cruel as it may sound I'd like to witness her ass get beatdown thats when i let her see me & not interfere cause karma always makes her rounds with time..
I used to do this to ths one kid in my class from across the room I stared at him for the whole class hahahahahahahah He was giving me the finger and sank looks and was trying to flash me hahahaha
Mirror sunglasses make things tricky for a narc, their eyes are back at them, they struggle with not knowing how to process the situation. They don't blink, no startle responses, always a good test for the disorder, did you notice that they are amused by startling others, jumping out, standing right behind you 'startling' you translates to narc fun. Maybe make a film about the startle reflex, lack of contagious yawning all subtle, most offices have an annoying clown like this.
I have a psychopathic ex boss and staring at her gives me beyond the heebee jeebees. I don't know what it is but there is something INSANE about her. She's like the Predator or a Reptilian LOL. Seriously. She even said she had six toes and had surgery to remove one lol. So how do I handle that??? I have a serious face normally. but then when I laugh and smile I have a very happy like pleasant face. Soooo...she doesn't necessarily give stink eye, just a weird kind of look and half a smile. Actually in her case I think it gets to her when I ignore her. so there are some other aholes at work ..I guess I'll have to that with them.
+Eliza Raffles I worked with a woman once who had eyes like a reptile...a lizard in fact. It was creepy as and even weirder because she completely believed that the world is being controlled by shapeshifting reptilian aliens from another dimension. She was that insane. She ended up physically attacking me in the workplace one day after I asked her a simple question in a civilised way. Apparently my whistling in the morning annoyed her so much and she could not let go of it all day and asking her about a discrepancy I noticed that involved her sent her into a rage. She ended up getting me fired by twisting the story around and got to keep her job, when she actually was the one who was completely off the hook in crazy land! It was ok though, I found a much better place to work after that where there were no crazy staff members. But her eyes were so creepy and I cannot look at her face on facebook now when I go to show people...she scares me that much.
This won’t work with my Narc coworker since we work from our homes. But I can say he doesn’t call me anymore like he used to bitching and moaning about his life like a 12 yo child. He just sends me emails now and they’re short and sweet.....no more small talk like before and no more looking for pity party
+Sacha Slone I really would love a video on their music tastes. I, being an empath, can tell a lot by people by what they choose to listen to and I knew from the beginning an ex narc's music tastes were a red flag. I hate to say this so boldly because I always doubt if I'm being silly, but his music was always woe is me...bob Dylan is a favorite. Where the singer is basically dogging every other person. They love sad, depressing music. Not that I don't when I'm sad, it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone but they almost get a high off it. Also tho...ur music as the is BS and shallow. And then sometimes Ive found they don't even like music as music is a source of healing. What's ur thoughts?? Vid plz!! It's a great topic I think would help many
Kaise pagal aur ghatiya logo se pala padta hai kam mai..?? I have experienced that evil eye...no matter, GOD will take care of them... By the way really helpful video...
I'll be honest - I enjoy faux-folding with Narcs., as part of my strategies - I like to bait them in by feigning weakness.. (ha). Definitively, not for everyone... - You (Sacha) are good at explaining the caveats and the responsibilities of your explanations/strategies! Way to Go!
+EcceSignumRex Have you ever made a list of the Narcissist Vocabulary words and their meanings? .... *faux-folding* ! I would thoroughly enjoy a YT video with a slide show of the words you know /you've made up. I think it would be educational and hilarious. I was watching Daredevil on netflix last night and someone said it's not part of 'their narrative,' I think they were referring to the Punisher ....The narc narrative ... too funny.
Sacha Slone That's a great idea .. I guarantee it'd become one of those YT-memes with npd channels .. Everyone would want to put together a 'Narc Dictionary' ... - I came up with most of my ideas independently - on occasion I discover that they already existed :( // on OTHER occasions I discover that they're new! When I really started to apply myself on a daily basis to ''thinking and science'' - - I couldn't help but think: Even the wackiest behavior has to have some source/some pattern. I have more formal ways of saying it - but, I think that's a good description in this context. Working off of the idea that IF things exist they must be definable - - i flushed out ideas like ''narrative''.. to describe the logic of behavioral systems/interactions. - I GETS long-winded ... (ha)
As a raging narcissistic myself, I'd have to say would likely not work on a true narcissist. When people invest in tactics that they perceive are "standing up to me" I note them and try to irritate the person even more. It tells me they are so upset by my behavior that they are actively researching methods on how to combat me, which is flattening. The real way to get someone like me to stop bothering you is to ignore me. I hate being ignored. It's a feeling of being powerless because not only can I not get the reaction I'm looking for, I can't get any reaction at all.
I've done this in the workplace in the past and found it useful. I've found that toxic types view warm friendly facial expressions as weakness but a blank stare with no expression earns some common respect. Thanks for this video!
+Narcissists Happen
It still baffles me that toxic people view kindness as a sign of stupidity.
Dammit I wish I had done this to my toxic ex-manager. I did stop smiling/acknowledging her all together & she sort of backed off but this would've been the cherry on top. She obviously couldn't handle the work setting, I was ecstatic when she put her 2 weeks in. LoL
They really do too. Once I see this in a person they get the Dickhead label.
I’ve done the stare to my narc, she stares down at me. I stare back her, she looks away after 2 seconds. She’s a very weak individual.
I told a narcissist co worker who was trying to give me a hard time," don't worry it will soon be over,he had no idea what to say
If anything by not giving her any eye contact is what kills the narcissist at my job. She hates when I don't look at her.
From what I can gather is predators don't generally prey on other predators.
Your technique is broadcasting that you are a bigger predator than they are.
Good tool to have.
Thanks Sacha.
I'm going to disagree with this video. Playing a stare down game is what they want. I say build boundaries, and don't give them the time of day. Pretend you are the Saint of Killers lol
I had someone give me that stare at work and I was trying to get a passenger ticketed so I couldn't comply with your advice and I know that this is good advice. I merely said. " that stare does not impress me so go try it on a pigeon"!! Who has time for that garbage in a fast-paced environment??!
I was impressed with myself because I am an empath
omg I do this to my narcissistic co worker and IT WORKS
I always wonder if the NPD/sociopath thinks 'we' are a fellow sociopath or NPD or do they understand that we are educated targets standing our ground?
I find it also helps to visualize them as the child they once were while looking at them. Not with sympathy for who they are now (i.e. no sympathy for their decision to become an abuser), but with empathy for that sad abandoned child in them, as which they started on this path. It drives them absolutely crazy because this is exactly what they're desperately hiding all the time: their vulnerability. An attack, they can live with. Stonewalling or grey rock, they don't like but it doesn't trigger them. But looking right through all of their bullshit into the eyes of the abandoned child, that's their kryptonite.
Always keep in mind that narcs are essentially _failed C-PTSD sufferers_ who are too weak to consciously confront their trauma.
+chris
*Always keep in mind that narcs are essentially failed C-PTSD sufferers who are too weak to consciously confront their trauma.* // Wow, this is a very interesting way of describing the internal mechanisms of narcissism, articulated in a way I have never heard before. As always!! ...thank you for sharing!! :-)
My mom had a mother who got sick-- she can even speak about it or allow herself to care about others... she is a Narc caused by CPTSD.
This stuff is so freaky. Makes my heart pound in my chest. I was thinking maybe this might not be the best approach...? These people are dangerous. Don't engage them. Get away if u can. It's complicated at work...maybe just ignore them ?
I told my manager to stop traiangulating yesterday, there is bound to be repercussions from her narc injury but I am not tolerating any of the numerous narc behaviors anymore. They can sack me if they want, the Health system is run by narcs it's outrageous. Fawning to them all the time is soul distroying and tiring.
+Healing Vibe
oh, I'm sorry you have to deal with a crappy manager :-( ///
*the Health system is run by narcs it's outrageous* ......yep, that was my experience whilst employed in the 'health industry.'
Sacha Slone The Health system is crappy especially the mental health system, I don't at this stage know what is worse being an educated empath in a narcissistic world or an uneducated empath with rose tinted glasses on.
They both hurt
+Healing Vibe
Holy Crap! Way to go! !! ! If you stand your ground - I guarantee they'll try to flip the script on you and start claiming they're victims. It's like watching someone go through their mental inventory of projected emotions when you confront a narc. - The first time you do it - it's always a trip...
+Healing Vibe Yes, and the wellness industry as well...full of deeply unwell people. I've been smeared and even physically attacked by two seperate women and another one tried to frame me for something I didn't do to get me fired...because I took her favourite room on my first day on the job and didn't know it was her favourite room! A month later she was fired for the exact thing she tried to set me up for.
show your boundaries ... it works !
Yeah, but I've noticed in my own experience, that could actually challenge them to push harder.
I did this with a person who was hiding behind a bush ready to pounce on me at night once. I could see him there and knew before hand that there was someone waiting for me, as I heard someone make a bird call to someone else when I was walking home one night.
I walked into a house that had lights on and tried to pretend I lived there and my key was jammed and banged on the door and no one answered. I turned around and the guy was standing there...he knew I'd seen him so he came out and faced me and we had this stare off that went on for about 30 seconds. I showed no fear and just looked him in the eye and was very quiet, and eventually he ran off down the alley and I heard him get into a car and drive off...and I bolted home after that, but it was totally instinctual to do this at the time. It's interesting how well it works.
+Luci Bloom sorry this made me laugh the part of hin hiding behind a bush, is that truth? really? sick
Maestra Ana It happened. I know most people think it's a myth that devils hide behind bushes in alleys waiting, but it happens.
Luci Bloom
:-O
Luci Bloom carry a loud whistle on your key ring noise frightens them off it's not something predators expect to happen
Good on you. There are too many evil shits like that around.
Thanks, no expression on your face. Thank god that I work for myself nowadays with people I want to work with. 😝💙
Yes! Fight fire with fire..I had a boss who would sit at a desk and hold her hand up to the side of her face and spread her fingers in order to stare at me sideways. Very creepy. I would sit there and stare right back with no emotion and watch her start to squirm because her plan to intimidate me wasn't working. Wanted so bad to say" I see you " like you would with a child playing peek a boo, cause that's how she acted. Only with her it was done with mean intentions, lol.
+Nomore Tears
That's great you had the knowledge and confidence to stick up for yourself! :-)
I did this the other day naturally, it totally worked.
That a 100% great way of ticking off a narc - but I feel it's just going to start crap
I agree, you have to be an adult, not a child. Plus, it is always better to kill them with a big, wide smile.
But you get crap off a Narc anyway. They are just complete tossers so you have to throw shit at them.
Trte Mrte That’s the absolute best way to deal with a narc. They are just not worth playing their silly games
Another similar technique is to stare them between the eyes- right in the 'third' eye point. It's a little less hard to pull off but very effective and kind of 'nails' them :)
Oh my I have read in a book about paranormal gifts when you exactly do just that, staring at their 'third eye spot', it makes them lose power. And what does a narcissist not want to lose?? Power!! Good to know it works!!! woohoo!! I must try that one.
Silvia Kratzer nice I've read that before
I LOVE your active fight-back strategies! I am in complete and total agreement with you. There are appropriate ways to mirror narcissistic behavior, and this is one of them, particularly when there aren't many witnesses and/or when you have enough cover to say "gosh, I don't know what [narcissist] is talking about."
What do you do if the narc comes into the room and totally ignores you and engages with others in the room, like you're invisible, without even making eye contact but they know you're staring at them like "Hello?!" And after they were just pleasant and cordial to you earlier that day, but when others were around of course. It's almost like they're punishing you for thinking you are worth their time.
+Bonnie Irvin
I suggest you match and extend the exact same kind of passive aggressive manipulative treatment you are receiving. The next time the manipulative bully tries to engage with you, mirror his/her behaviour, give him/her a taste of his/her own medicine.
The next time he/she asks you a question or says hello, ignore him, don't make eye contact, and don't answer. If/when the bully ask you, 'what's wrong.' Reply, "What?" Make her/him repeat himself. And then reply, " I don't understand what you're talking about." Keep pretending like you have absolutely no idea what they are talking about, as if they are hallucinating :-p :-D If you have your cell phone with you, pull that out, and start looking at your phone while they are talking. Stay calm and let them 'overreact' to your dismissiveness. :-D
Start treating the bully as if he/she doesn't exists. Go grey rock with the bully, don't give the bully any emotion, just blank neutral expressions and always start doing something else when they talk to you. Always be dismissive and never say hi back or smile back at them. They will become very frustrated and irritated. If the bully does get upset, keep telling him/her (use a soft voice) to 'calm down' and to 'relax.' .'... this is very condescending.
+Sacha Slone I'll give it a try, thanks!
+Sacha Slone Awesome advice; will apply! 😊 Already smiling! Amen.
+Bonnie Irvin this happened to me recently, I offered some of my time to a charity and the area manager of this particular charity didn't know who I was and she greeted me with charm and interest. Once I explained I was a volunteer, she continued to tell me how wonderful, blah blah.. the next day when she came into the room and stood right next to me addressed the workers in the room and didn't acknowledge my existence at all. I had become nobody of any worth.
I remember I did this with a girl I had gotten into a fight with in middle school when we were later in high school--the only person I ever got into a full fledged fight with in my school years. I saw her talking about me and being really underhanded, something she had been doing back in middle School more directly and tormenting me with name calling until one day she stopped on my feet that day back in middle school (or at least one of her Goonies did), only this time years later I just instinctively started her down until she got quiet. I was really passive and I don't feel I stood up for myself enough in my youth. I was suffering abuse at home that manipulated me into the fear of not just suspension but also physical abuse if I ever got into a fight, whether it was self defense or not. The crazy thing was these abusers also had me in self defense classes. It was mind fuckery, but even then I couldn't help but snap a few times. Many people can't, I don't think.
I know I am really bad at this, right now I practice just relaxing my face...
I actually do face stretches and massage my face until I feel like I can maintain a relaxed face, the stare will take time. That probably sounds weird but I think a relaxed face is key in general.
thanks for the video !
Some Narcissists OWN the Company and/or Business.
Hey Sacha
There's another component to this and it's what Narc's do as far as I know - and I think ppl need to know. When ppl play stare games they are not staring into your eyes - they fix at a point just between the eyes. Note that it is even more effective if the bully is wearing glasses. In the interests of "light side" vs "dark side " techniques it is MORE DRAINING to actually do it with honest eye contact but it is more draining. If you are having an off day have the "between the eyes" technique as a back up. It is extremely likely that the Narcissist is using the lazy dishonest "dark side" staring "between the eyes" technique - they don't I SUSPECT - have the NERVE or resources to maintain this psychotic glare except in the most extreme cases - I am happy to be corrected on that though. One things for sure - if the persons Narc - and they know this technique - and they want to unnerve you - THEY ARE USING IT. It's more *honest* to do the "Real" and make ACTUAL EYE CONTACT - but one might question why should one dignify what is almost certainly a "FAKE" assault with a "FAKE" and costly defense.
I worked with a guy who tormented me for a long time on an escelating scale, as time went on it got worse. I ended up working with the guy years later and when he gave me the first "little" poke I offered him to take it outside (where i'd kick his ass). He never bothered me again.
Y USE VIOLENCE?!
Pfsif Trouble is when you are a guy and they are a girl, you can't beat their ass. I am dealing with a bitch lead and shall confront her real soon; and not bring down my stare
futuramabender20 Some times violence shows the Narcissist that you are the type of person that should not be messed with.
One thing that I have found interesting is making the narc bully think they're playing right into my hands. Every time I do that, that person leaves me alone for a few hours. Even if it makes me look a bit nuts, it's worth it.
Fricken right on. As soon as Sacha said “animal kingdom” I thought of the look that lions get when they are about to launch at their prey.
Great idea. I also like the idea of using technology and the law. Regardless of whether they are a boss or worker or whether they are abusing by themselves or have the backing of bosses or co-workers, recording them and then taking your recording to the police, lawyer or government body that deals with worker abuse will most times make these pusillanimous, sick weaklings shit their pants and crumble away like a potato chip that has been dipped in diarrhea.
Hmmmm...about that, I really don't think any LE agency, lawyer or gov't body has any interest or time to listen to recordings just on the basis that someone is a bully or a narc. As much as I wish I could scare the shit out of my narcs at work....this strategy wouldn't be one of them. I work for a LE agency. Oh well, back to staring them down and grounding/blocking and redirecting their negative energy back on them.
Thank you! I'll try it, the thing is I have problems in watching at people's eyes at times (Asperger), and I usually end up being the one who will stop making eye contact... but I will try hard to try this and see :)
+Maestra Ana
I always practice with a friend or in the mirror. I'm a highly sensitive person and I can freeze up very quickly, this is why I have a couple 'memorized' phrases I use with emotional abusers, that way I don't have to think of something on the spot. Counter manipulation does not come naturally to us, because our brains are not wired this way, and this is why I suggest targets practice beforehand, lol! For me, It's like being in a play and I have to learn my lines, lol!
Sacha Slone
My God, this already sounds draining... hahahaha but yes I will practice too, thank you for your time :)
+Maestra Ana
Draining is the perfect word, this is exactly how I feel when I am forced to counter manipulate. This is why it is so important to be surrounded with virtuous people of high quality! :-)
Sacha Slone
I need to have more hopes to get those people :( I am trying to be one myself so I can attract some :)
Sacha Slone ✔️
Uugg experiences in four companies already. At some point the narcissist of the office gets to you when they see you doing a good work or just when they see some competition even if you are just minding your own business - and my experience tells me that there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do... nothing depends on you, they have their own weird perceptions. Now Im just waiting for things to change as there are a lot of projects coming and going and people are allowed to change careers. If not, I would be gone already.
No emotion being key
Thank You for watching!
the only problem with this technique is they can take their aggression and tactics to another level ..so the stare is a challenge you have to be ready to behave unprofessionally if they choose to take it there....Grey rock is probably better, just no response or communicate to them professionally and if that doesn't work take it to management and hopefully they're supportive
I absolutely love your personality ❤
what if they don't break eye contact either?
Awesome advice as usual, a confident and really positive person like yourself, brings those qualities out in other people. Your Great, Best Wishes Andy
Yes! Thank you so much! Such a learning experience!😌🙏
Thank You for watching!
don't listen to this fool. You gonna end up in a fight and losing your job.
every time I try to stare someone down I start laughing?
And Let's call that toxic person Tina. LOL
That is my tormenting"toxic" Bosses name.😣😣
Thank you for your advice, Sacha!
I've got a stare like a cat 😂
Thanks Sasha for this video. you really have some great knowledge , I developed the Narcissistic Stare by hanging round them and yes your right they more often than not will back down, your body language has to that way as well if they try to wind, you up as well. That deep stare an also be hypnotic as well if you can adjust the tone of your voice and slowing down the way you talk ;-)
Sorry. I don't agree. You are playing their game, and they are PROFESSIONAL at it... we are AMATEURS unless you too are a narc. I had a lady give me a cold stare OVER THE RIM of her reading glasses. So I simply made a joke out of it. I said... "OOOH ! That's an evil look.... it's the OVER THE RIM evil look!" and I just laughed. I just let them know that they are not intimidating me. If I tried to OUTSTARE them..... then they would win that game. If I could out-stare a narc, I would worry about what kind of person I am.
Thank you for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it! :-)
Wow, I'm sorry you internalized the stare game that way. Staring down a narc successfully does NOT change who you are and it certainly DOESN'T make you one of them. The stare game isn't the end all unfortunately...so it's just one out of many techniques to utilize. Learn ways to protect your aura, your energy when dealing with these sick/unhealed people.
The narc @ my job has caused 33 people to quit their job & 1 suicide & thousands of lost in revenue & many altercations but they will not fire her she breaks expensive chairs due to her weight450+lbs in the 18 yrs ive been working there i just ignore her & throw her under ther bus when she goofs up & show the customes our policy & watch the rest as she gets chewed up by them & then argue like 2 umpires at a baseball game, & @ 1 point when we had a survey i found 300 pages of bad reviews about her in the dumpster which she had a porter throw out but i retrieved them & return ed them back to the main desk the look on her face was demonic i didn't want to leave cause i knew she would grab them & throw it away again but i was called away of course she had it thrown far away from building so no one could find it, ive asked is she the bosses daughter all say no cause she causes many problems there & is untouchable & shes waaay beyond narcissist shes 100% pure unfiltered cold evil , ive kept my job only cause many know my true performance@ work & like i said throwing her under the bus daily untill one day she will meet her match or worse & its gotten close where a customer jumped over the counter to puncher her but she backed away, as cruel as it may sound I'd like to witness her ass get beatdown thats when i let her see me & not interfere cause karma always makes her rounds with time..
I used to do this to ths one kid in my class from across the room I stared at him for the whole class hahahahahahahah He was giving me the finger and sank looks and was trying to flash me hahahaha
+Giulio
I wish I had that kind of confidence as a kid! :-) That's awesome :-)
I struggle with shame. This strategy seems very dangerous. But thanks
I thought she was going to suggest we gave them a wedgie. I'm a bit disappointed.
Mirror sunglasses make things tricky for a narc, their eyes are back at them, they struggle with not knowing how to process the situation.
They don't blink, no startle responses, always a good test for the disorder, did you notice that they are amused by startling others, jumping out, standing right behind you 'startling' you translates to narc fun.
Maybe make a film about the startle reflex, lack of contagious yawning all subtle, most offices have an annoying clown like this.
I made it long enough to type this. You got that
Oh yes, you have to know your Narcissist ... night
If you don't blink then your eyes will start watering then what ?
Brilliant!
+Steve America
:-)
I have a psychopathic ex boss and staring at her gives me beyond the heebee jeebees. I don't know what it is but there is something INSANE about her. She's like the Predator or a Reptilian LOL. Seriously. She even said she had six toes and had surgery to remove one lol. So how do I handle that??? I have a serious face normally. but then when I laugh and smile I have a very happy like pleasant face. Soooo...she doesn't necessarily give stink eye, just a weird kind of look and half a smile. Actually in her case I think it gets to her when I ignore her. so there are some other aholes at work ..I guess I'll have to that with them.
+Eliza Raffles I worked with a woman once who had eyes like a reptile...a lizard in fact. It was creepy as and even weirder because she completely believed that the world is being controlled by shapeshifting reptilian aliens from another dimension. She was that insane. She ended up physically attacking me in the workplace one day after I asked her a simple question in a civilised way. Apparently my whistling in the morning annoyed her so much and she could not let go of it all day and asking her about a discrepancy I noticed that involved her sent her into a rage. She ended up getting me fired by twisting the story around and got to keep her job, when she actually was the one who was completely off the hook in crazy land! It was ok though, I found a much better place to work after that where there were no crazy staff members. But her eyes were so creepy and I cannot look at her face on facebook now when I go to show people...she scares me that much.
+Luci Bloom is the evil you saw in her
This won’t work with my Narc coworker since we work from our homes. But I can say he doesn’t call me anymore like he used to bitching and moaning about his life like a 12 yo child. He just sends me emails now and they’re short and sweet.....no more small talk like before and no more looking for pity party
wow! cant wait to try!!!
+Sacha Slone I really would love a video on their music tastes. I, being an empath, can tell a lot by people by what they choose to listen to and I knew from the beginning an ex narc's music tastes were a red flag. I hate to say this so boldly because I always doubt if I'm being silly, but his music was always woe is me...bob Dylan is a favorite. Where the singer is basically dogging every other person. They love sad, depressing music. Not that I don't when I'm sad, it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone but they almost get a high off it. Also tho...ur music as the is BS and shallow. And then sometimes Ive found they don't even like music as music is a source of healing. What's ur thoughts?? Vid plz!! It's a great topic I think would help many
My co-worker narcissist hates the song, "Happy" by Pharell Williams. She made up some weird excuse about why she hated it. LOL
What would a Human Resources Dept say about this tactic?
I wish someone would dare stare me down.
Kaise pagal aur ghatiya logo se pala padta hai kam mai..?? I have experienced that evil eye...no matter, GOD will take care of them... By the way really helpful video...
This lady is giving very dangerous advice. Stand your ground sure but staring down your co-worker?
I am just going to show them your crazy face :)
Beat his ass. That's how
Thanks for your advice :-)
Why are you yelling?
People suck.
Sacha u r the very very best
+Ann Thomson
Thank you! :-)
Pack mentality.
Basically do an "Abed" from Community College.
Sounds like a waste of time tbh
Thank you
+Malcom X
you are welcome :-)
Clint Eastwood style?
I'll be honest - I enjoy faux-folding with Narcs., as part of my strategies - I like to bait them in by feigning weakness.. (ha). Definitively, not for everyone...
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You (Sacha) are good at explaining the caveats and the responsibilities of your explanations/strategies! Way to Go!
+EcceSignumRex
Have you ever made a list of the Narcissist Vocabulary words and their meanings? .... *faux-folding* ! I would thoroughly enjoy a YT video with a slide show of the words you know /you've made up. I think it would be educational and hilarious. I was watching Daredevil on netflix last night and someone said it's not part of 'their narrative,' I think they were referring to the Punisher ....The narc narrative ... too funny.
Sacha Slone
That's a great idea .. I guarantee it'd become one of those YT-memes with npd channels .. Everyone would want to put together a 'Narc Dictionary' ...
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I came up with most of my ideas independently - on occasion I discover that they already existed :( // on OTHER occasions I discover that they're new! When I really started to apply myself on a daily basis to ''thinking and science'' - - I couldn't help but think: Even the wackiest behavior has to have some source/some pattern. I have more formal ways of saying it - but, I think that's a good description in this context. Working off of the idea that IF things exist they must be definable - - i flushed out ideas like ''narrative''.. to describe the logic of behavioral systems/interactions.
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I GETS long-winded ... (ha)
Am I stalking you?
Your amazing
+Asher Cohen
Thank you :-)
lol
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