#1: Mom and Her Experience with Hospice

Video Transcript:
Hello. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately. My mother passed away three weeks ago, on December 6, 2024. Wow, it’s been such an experience. I’m truly grateful that I was with her all the way until she passed.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. When I was studying to become a mental health counselor in graduate school, I took a class on death and dying. It really stuck with me, and I found it fascinating to study. I developed a lot of compassion for people at the end of their lives. I believe they deserve so much support because, when you're facing death, there’s so much uncertainty. You wonder, What will happen when I die? What does death look like? Where do I go?
We often say, "You go to heaven," or "You go to the other side." But do we really know that for sure? Do we see it, or believe it ourselves? Not really. People talk about what the Bible says, but talking about death still scares so many people. It's part of our culture in America-we don’t talk about it. The word “death” makes us uncomfortable because we don’t have any guarantees. No one really knows for sure what happens after death.
The scientists still don’t have proof. I remember reading about a neurologist who wrote a book about his near-death experience. I can’t recall his name, but he was a scientist who went to heaven and then returned to earth. When he shared his story, people said, “Finally, you’re a scientist with evidence.” But even then, many scientists remained skeptical.
So, I’m planning to post videos about hospice, dying, death, and embalming. Today, I want to share about my mom and her experience with hospice. She was in hospice care for three years. Then, she was cut off from the program because she gained one pound. Hospice care, as you may know, is often for those who are expected to die soon. They stop certain medications, except for comfort care-like morphine and Tylenol. When my mom gained that pound, they measured her arm to see if it had decreased in size. Insurance would only continue if she was deteriorating. So, she was removed from hospice for a year, until she resumed hospice care in October 2023.
For those of you thinking about becoming a caregiver, it’s a big decision. Should you become a caregiver? Well, that’s up to you. Some people are ready to make that commitment. But I want to be honest with you-you won’t know when the person will die. I thought my mom’s hospice would be a short-term thing, maybe just two weeks, but she lived much longer than that. She never said she wanted to go to heaven. She enjoyed being with us, and we gave her all the love we could. She decided she didn’t want to leave yet.
I was blessed with patience, but it wasn’t easy. You never know how long someone will hang on.
Now, what do we call someone who works with someone who is dying? A caregiver? I don’t really see myself as a caregiver, because it feels more like being an advocate-making sure the person is always comfortable and supported. A caregiver is usually someone who helps temporarily, as needed. But what I did for my mom wasn’t just about helping her physically. It was about making sure she felt safe, loved, and comfortable.
If you have questions about being a caregiver, feel free to reach out to me. I’d be happy to talk more about what that role really entails. It’s not an easy job. You don’t get paid for it, there are no tax write-offs, and you don’t get anything in return. But the experience is so important for your soul. The things you do for others-especially in their time of need-shape your soul in ways you can’t imagine. It’s not about being selfish with your life. It’s about your willingness to offer help, to give of yourself. It’s a rich experience, and it can change you.