Thank you for giving me the vocabulary I needed. Intimacy is not the same as sex. This is what I’ve been trying to grasp. I couldn’t put it in words. Thank you.
Okay but, when I tell my partner that I'd like to be "X" way, that just sets them up for disappointment bc I've never been able to change anything in my life, just build different coping mechanisms. Then it's this constant cycle of me disappointing them.....
Putting it on the ADHD/high desire person to raise the desire of the lower desire person is asking too much. The low desire person is having their needs met. The high desire person (ADHDer) is already working overtime in the relationship! Making them work even harder seems very unfair to me. I think you need to flip the question and ask; What can the lower desire person do to change to meet the higher desire person's needs? High desire persons will NEVER get their needs met if you let the lower desire person control and have total say over what happens. I know because my desire is vastly higher for touch and sex than what my wife needs or wants. Even after telling her that, she still does not get there for me. I don't dare make suggestions for improvement for her. She would dismiss it quickly and change the subject! And sex is sex...Anything else...is NOT sex. (And not just intercourse or the other same old same old that she wants or needs...) Sex is touch.
This is me and my husband, though we both have ADHD. There does have to be a middle ground where both partners work to meet, i agree. Thank you for this insight.
How about a carrot, with a bend in it for a snack …. Arg …. That add during the Olympics. So glad our kids learned something other than just athletics during the Olympics.
Thank you for giving me the vocabulary I needed. Intimacy is not the same as sex. This is what I’ve been trying to grasp. I couldn’t put it in words. Thank you.
Okay but, when I tell my partner that I'd like to be "X" way, that just sets them up for disappointment bc I've never been able to change anything in my life, just build different coping mechanisms. Then it's this constant cycle of me disappointing them.....
Yay, thanks for continuing the talk, very excited to broaden my understanding.
Putting it on the ADHD/high desire person to raise the desire of the lower desire person is asking too much. The low desire person is having their needs met. The high desire person (ADHDer) is already working overtime in the relationship! Making them work even harder seems very unfair to me.
I think you need to flip the question and ask; What can the lower desire person do to change to meet the higher desire person's needs? High desire persons will NEVER get their needs met if you let the lower desire person control and have total say over what happens. I know because my desire is vastly higher for touch and sex than what my wife needs or wants. Even after telling her that, she still does not get there for me. I don't dare make suggestions for improvement for her. She would dismiss it quickly and change the subject!
And sex is sex...Anything else...is NOT sex. (And not just intercourse or the other same old same old that she wants or needs...) Sex is touch.
Thanks so much for sharing your POV! We're glad you are here.
This is me and my husband, though we both have ADHD. There does have to be a middle ground where both partners work to meet, i agree. Thank you for this insight.
Thanks for the very informative film
Glad you enjoyed it!
I'm done- I'm going to sleep... Wait, I found this crushed Adderall...
Or, thanks for helping me finally get some good sleep.
How about a carrot, with a bend in it for a snack …. Arg …. That add during the Olympics. So glad our kids learned something other than just athletics during the Olympics.
Yes, it's problematic, that's why I have an open relationship with my wife. Surprisingly, my wife's idea was and it works great.