That probably happened because you are a nice person. A nice person in the sense that you treat strangers with a level of respect that not all people deserve, some people don't deserve that baseline respect that usually everyone in your circle does...
being an indian immigrant to Canada and having had similar questions asked, my experience has taught me different people come from different places, Ive come to understand that most people mean well,and I stopped classifying everything as racist etc unless if it was explicit, obvious. I could always tell when someone was racist vs someone being curious but unable to verbalize it well. 2 totally different things. City culture vs country culture etc. A lot of city folk have a hard time understanding people that don't live in major cities, just because they dont appear as sophisticated, they are more direct and blunt.
This is such an accurate and great comment. The term racism is used inaccurately. I think the rep was more socially inept than racist. Racism is an effort to harm someone, physically, financially, emotionally. Yes he seemed dumb in her story. He didn’t seem racist.
When I hear you talk about your self doubts, I think of Charles Bukowski: "“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” Your videos are great and I like the mix of topics that you discuss.
As a guy in the massage field for 10 years, yeah I've been in similar situations. While not as common, women being creeps is also kinda common. I had one lady who was a friend of the boss always joke too personally with me. She always talked about her boobs when it had nothing to do with what we were talking about etc. I told a coworker eventually all the other details that I'm leaving out too and she said "switch the genders, if she was a guy that would be sexual harassment". Fortunately the problem fixed itself, she also harassed the physical therapist who was married. When he responded to her eventually with "no, we're not friends. We're professional acquaintances" she did not like it. She came and complained to me and I reaffirmed what the physical therapist said, and she eventually complained to her friend the boss about some supposed slight. But my boss knew her, my boss was awesome. She didn't put up with her friend's crap. I never had to work with that client again.
@@desireer6915 thank you. It feels good to have that acknowledged. I was in a bad mood but your message popped up in my notifications at the right time. Thanks
My worst experience as an architect was working for Kirst Feddersen (Larry Ellison's yacht designer). I've heard that doctors have a God complex, but apparently this is also true of certain architectural pros. He was hopelessly fragile, and would become combative if / when I expressed any knowledge or understanding of a designer, project, or concept that he was either unfamiliar with, or which he felt I was unworthy of exposure to by virtue of my lack of credentials or education. He hated my embrace of Buckminster Fuller and sustainable design, and he would constantly say things like "How do you even know about that?". Classist, arrogant, credentialist- He refused to beleive that there was such a thing as an autodidact and insisted on 'proper channels' of learning. The irony being that he hired me based on my portfolio and was happy to use my lack of degree to justify paying me slave wages.
Oh man - that guy sounds like a real winner! It's the exact opposite where I work, most guys will intentionally limit their interactions with female co workers for fear that we will be viewed as trying to 'hit on them'. Most guys are pretty self aware and don't want to come across on any level like the guy in this video
This was so funny! I have pretty major doubt and insecurity issues that currently make me feel that I could never make it as an architect someday. It’s nice to hear such a relatable story from someone as successful as you are. Thank you for sharing.
Hahah I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I am constantly dealing with my insecurities and sometimes I have to remind myself that I... know stuff!! It does get better with time and experience. :)
I get what you are saying in the video, but the part where u said "what type of Asian are you? Korean right?" ....... you said he was being racist. I am an Asian living abroad and have often had them ask my nationality/origin and often they were right about my place of origin .... is that racist? Why do you think he was racist? Was it because it was inappropriate to make such a comment in the work environment?
It's racist when an overweight unattractive white man asks. If he had been a handsome man(or whatever gender she's into), the story would've been 180 degrees different. I've had international people ask me my background before. It's not racist in any way. They're curious, as they should be. The deal here is he wasn't attractive. Look at the thumbnail. She's body-shaming him. "It's ok when we do it though".
First of all, I love your impression of this person, hilarious, LOL. At the same time, living in the U.S. south, I deal with these type of ignorant and/or purposefully racist people on a regular basis; it's a common trait to be accepting of it down here because the people in the industry are typically "good ol' boys." Many of us minorities in the south feel like we have to stay silent for various reasons, usually financial, but for me, it's eating away at my soul dealing with it. There's so much to address about this topic, but not on a comment section. Glad you shared your experiences and I hope it helps others to share theirs and speak out about it so we build a better culture in our industry. Plus, I've been looking forward to new content from this channel. Thanks and take care.
Hahah thanks. Apparently I have a knack for impressions? 😅And I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I can't imagine having to work with ignorant / purposely racist people on a daily basis, especially in a professional setting. No one should have to work in an environment where they feel silenced or undervalued, but unfortunately it is the case in a lot of cases. A lot of times, it seems like it's the case with places with deeply rooted history / culture. I hope you find a way to address the issue, become immune to it, or find a new work environment that appreciates you for who you are. Anyways, thanks for the thoughtful response as always. Take care Tom!
@@igorbuttos9044 people like you are the reason male SA victims aren’t taken seriously. Not at all surprised by the other disgusting comments you’ve left on here. I hope you get the wisdom to change someday but I think it’s unlikely.
Thank you x 1000 for making this video- your story matters and your insight is very valuable. Especially when you mention that there’s no point in beating yourself up about a situation that you had no control over. Appreciate you!
Thank you so much!! Absolutely, it's something I have to keep telling myself, it seems to come easily for some people. 😭 It was hard making this video because I know there's women who've gone through much much worse but I'm glad you could relate!! 😊
Understandable, and I definitely relate - being blatantly objectified by my appearance brings on a flood of emotions and I find it difficult to remain objective, but hearing you reinforce the importance of doing so really hit deep. You’re serving self-help realness in this video! ❤️
I believe you did well to distance yourself from that guy if he made you uncomfortable. He sounds like he doesn't have a lot of social skills. However, I feel it's divisive to call him racist simply because he tried to guess your background; also the fact that you mentioned that he was white wasn't really necessary. We do a lot better to try to help everyone out, not just women and minorities. It doesn't matter which sex we are, or our race, we are all people. (But he does sound like he was a tool.)
Love this video! It's very important that we put these stories out there! I sometimes find that company reps are more 'friendly' to female architects thinking a little flirting might get them the job. Totally hate it! Anyways, love your channel :)
I wonder if it works for some female architects..?! Honestly I find the whole product rep / designer relationship kind of insane. Just hire based on the quality of the product!
That's not racism... Racism would be if he wouldn't offer you his custom because you were Asain. Racism would be if your colleague defended and supported his behavior to not offer his custom because you are Asian. He was being an idiot but he wasn't being racist to you. Do not misuse the term racism. You're being unhelpful to people who don't understand racism and you're being insulting to people who suffer racism.
I appreciate you sharing your story. As a Puerto Rican who relocated to Arizona, where political tension is constantly in the air, I can attest to the challenges of adapting, even after two decades. Engaging in extensive reading and self-education has allowed me to enhance my self-awareness and develop empathy, even when dealing with individuals whose perspectives or behaviors differ greatly from my own. This process has ultimately fostered resilience and contributed to my overall mental well-being.
Also as much as the hate for us asian and the traditional norms that are inappropriate are getting less and less the sea of of people starting to love and accept us and our own cultural differences is getting more and more apparent. Just less hate in the world in general is great 👍.
Yes I totally agree, this situation was definitely an anomaly. I've rarely experienced blatant ignorance / racism in my workplace, and I do think it's getting better for asians and minorities (although the current situation in the US seems to say otherwise 😭)
I've found your channel a couple of days ago, and I instantly watched all your videos and subscribed. Keep up the good work Dami! Love your way of explaining things ❤️
Thanks for sharing your experience. When I was interning for this one project management company, I had to do daily rounds of site inspection. It really annoyed me when the workers would catcall me and my fellow interns, who also happened to be female. It's difficult to be taken seriously in this industry as young women, but you're totally right. More and more women are taking on leadership roles, and I'm sure even now, we can make a difference by not condoning this kind of behavior.
That's terrible. Sorry you had to go through that. I'm working for a female boss at my current job and it's really inspiring to see how she takes no bs. I'm guessing the experience gave you a pretty thick skin as well?
Horrifying and hilarious experience Dami! So many female architects have experiences like these. Thank you for sharing this video. Your delivery was so perfect. You... "NAILED IT!"
Kelly!! Yes, a truly horrifying, hilarious and learning experience. I'm glad you were there to witness it. 😂 *Hey everyone this is that female architect I was talking about* 😄
Be cautious. As an asian woman myself that our professional and personal moral senses are shared with understanding. But be very cautious as the world is not what we used to know or be educated about. Take care
Yeah, I had to deal with that I feel like its worse when you're working. People touching me saying you talk so good, oh so your a good one, and aperenlty having an hourglass figer under a shirt and blue jeans 👖 is to sexual. I would always feel like It was me, I needed to not play a stereotypes, and I had to hide my body with extra layers. Now I'm like child please its definitely them and not me I can't do anything about the stereotypes people already have and I feel like being a young woman and working people feel free to be disrespectful or act like your dum. I'm happy you came to the Same realization of its not your fault he's unprofessional.
Omg girl you've put up with a lot. I have friends who have hourglass figures and feel they need to layer up, and I feel so so sad that the work environment is the way it is. I think I've become more comfortable in the last year or two just wearing things that feel more me and also speaking up when someone says something that makes me uncomfortable, but it really depends on the situation. I wish we could all be in healthy work environments but til then, it's a nice piece of mind knowing it's not our responsibility or burden to teach other people how to behave or be proper human beings.
Wow, thank you for sharing this! Navigating the ISMS I just as important a part of the process as everything else you talk about on this channel. These experiences shape the culture within the industry in ways that we often don't vocalize. Things only being to change when we bring them to light. Sharing stories like these are transformative.
The correct response to the situation would have been your boss calling the representatives employer, and talking about the situation. Without that individual having to face any of the consequences of their actions it simply leaves them open to do it again to somebody else, and not learn from their mistakes. Each of us has different things that we consider bad or “ the worst“, however, I think you will find the average persons worst experience to be considerably worse than a rude representative. That’s not to diminish your experience or criticize your reaction to it in anyway, only to say that on the scale of worst experiences possible that was objectively rather minor.
It's no more racist than her labeling him as "this big white dude" then showing an offensive caricature of an oafish looking European man. Most of this is just a cringeworthy story from a possibly closeted Millennial who doesn't understand interpersonal communication. If this were reversed, and it was an unattractive asian woman hitting on a young European man, no one would have any problem with it. The story wouldn't even stand out as remarkable in anyway, even with the background question. You wouldn't call out that she's from Calgary, suggesting she's ignorant and/or racist. You'd just laugh about it and move on. The other irony of her story is asians, specifically Chinese, come from ~100% racially homogenous cultures. They are acutely aware of race and typically insular when they immigrate into a European area. This woman seems integrated, but her pearl clutching over the guy asking her background is somewhat ironic to me considering Chinese attitudes to other races. Don't think that they leave those ideas behind in China when they get to The West.
@@austntexan The irony in responding to a video like this by making a bunch of assumptions rooted in stereotype and ignorance while not knowing if her family and heritage are even Chinese is so absurdly ignorant. Maybe she's Canadian? Cause she lives in Canada and speaks English like a native speaker with a native accent? Maybe, just maybe, the point is that it doesn't matter where her ancestry is from and that's also not an appropriate situation nor way in which to ask.
I cracked up at your impression of that man😂😂 Sadly you're right. It's so true, sometimes (especially us women in design) we are so shocked and in disbelief at what is being said to us, that we don't even respond with right words & actions that we would normally do! 1 experience I vividly remember is when I was at an event, and a middle-aged lighting supplier kept on complimenting my appearance and even touched my shoulder at one point! It's a no from me, bye m8😑🤮 You could see his female colleagues in the background feeling uneasy too. Why he thought that was the correct way to introduce his brand to me.. I do not know. I thought it was some weird sales tactic from the 80's or something😂. To this day it baffles me that he thought that would be the way to get business? Like you said, that's the way to LOSE a client, not get them on board lol😅 Great video as usual Dami, loved the boss energy in this one✨ Jacqueline ☺️✌️
Haha thanks Jacqueline. I guess more of us have to really spell it out and let them know that it's not a comfortable situation for us... but at the same time, training ourselves to be comfortable to speak out. It's a learning curve for all of us 🥲
Hmmm I'm kind of on the fence on this one. I've been working with a lot of blue collar workers lately, and some of the older ones would say exactly the kind of thing the salesman in this story said to you, and they would mean no offense in doing so. Much of the older generation of blue collar workers, especially the ones who grew up outside of our city bubbles, find it totally normal and acceptable to ask out women in many different contexts, and view it, if anything, as a compliment to the woman's attractiveness. Also, asking "what kind of Asian are you?" and expressing enthusiasm after 'nailing it' may sound super crass by today's standards, but in that guy's world, he probably thought he was being supportive for showing interest and somewhat-worldly and inclusive for correctly guessing what your ethnicity is. I personally would lean away from claiming that exchange was racist. I think it's best to give people on the other side of this cultural divide the benefit of the doubt, and laugh things like this off, like you did. I just know so many people after my recent work who would make the exact same mistakes this guy made in conversation with you, but would really have nothing but positive things to say about you despite how they came across.
Yeah I know what you mean, and I'm pretty good at distinguishing btw intentionally hurtful comments and innocent yet politically incorrect comments. Usually if it's the latter, it affects me exactly zero percent and I usually laugh it off, I mean my grandma has said many equally insensitive things to my friends who are not korean / white just because they were totally foreign to her lol. Maybe I shouldn't paint this guy as a racist but he was in his 30s, interacts with lots of different people, so I feel like he should know better! There's also a lot of younger women who are insecure and fresh in the field (like I was) who would feel hurt and mortified by comments like that. It diminishes all the good interactions you've had with this person and turns you into an object of curiosity. And all because this person refuses to learn basic social etiquette! Not cool. Honestly even for thr older blue collar men, if they're still working in the field, I think it's their responsibility to learn what's OK to say and what's not. The line on what's acceptable is constantly moving, I know it's tricky, but it's moving so that everyone feels treated like an equal. 🌈
@@DamiLeeArch Cultural differences.... I also dont think that guy was racist... i hope you understand what i mean, my english is not my mother language. I also get what you mean, that guy had to be totally "neutral", the etiquette that you ment.
Glad to find some compassion for the guy in these comments. Totally wrong guy for a sales job but we all have our own journey to follow. So glad Demi had help processing the experience on the spot.
The guy was clearly a clumsy oaf, and one should never flirt in this type of business situation. That said, I'm a big white guy, myself. I've had people ask me if I'm German or Dutch or whatever. It never occurred to me that it was out of line. My wife is Korean. I have a sister-in-law who is Vietnamese. I've got lots of nieces, nephews, in-laws, etc. who are Asian. We've had the conversation before, and I don't recall anyone in my family considering it racist to be asked about their ethnic background. I have four boys who are half-Asian. They have friends of all races, and they talk and joke about their ethnic differences amongst themselves all the time, especially those with immigrant parents. I really don't understand when genuine curiosity became offensive. I feel like it all has to do with how one approaches the subject.
My worst experiance as a design student is there's this group project where we have to design and build a furniture piece (a sofa). What my group did was they took a pinterest image and built it. That too a very famous design, van severen's duo seat + lamp. I've send them over 5 designs and some other students have sent multiple designs they just straightaway ignored them without explanations (i get that my designs might not be 100% perfect but at least they could have point out the flaws) anyway i told them to at least swap the materials and colours. No they've used the same colours too. The only difference was they replaced the leather seat with a fabric one (that too because leather is expensive). I'm so pissed off. I mean what's the point of being an interior designer if you're going to copy someone else's designs 100%. Plus they didn't even research the original design and it doesn't have it's original quality.
Recently came across a client who was an absolute bully and one of the most dominant thoughts was whether they targeted me because I was an easy target i.e. I put out weak energy which they went after. I literally went down the path of beating myself up for similar reasons you gave. Thank you for this
My experiences are different. As a white man I had a half Asian co worker word vomit on me that she was rescued from a poorer Asian country. Adopted as an infant and that her mother was a prostitute. All could muster was "well I'm glad you're over here". Was I professional in that situation?
You have amazing emotional intelligence. I can tell the situation made you uncomfortable when you retell it but you definitely “nailed it” in handling that idiot. No scene was made that could make an uncomfortable situation a tense and maybe violent one. You were able to laugh it off and you kept your dignity. Awesome.
This is the best reflection on a workplace jerk I've ever heard. The one issue that I am unsure about is dumping the company. On one hand, if the company doesn't self-police and sends guys like this out, they deserve to loose business. On the other, if this company has good products and is generally responsible, I'm not sure if they deserve to loose business because a screwball got loose. You need to remember that sales guys are changed as often as underwear. Still, it's not the customer's job to educate the safes staff. I guess is depends on the criticality of the product and the relationship between your firm and this supplier.
"Korean right? Nailed it!" has to go down in history as one of the most bizarre sentences anyone has ever said. I felt bad for laughing but it's just NEVER something I'd expect someone to say.
How does one inquire about an asian's ethnicity without being rude? I struggle with this because I am learning Japanese and when I meet an asian person I immediately want to know where they're from.
@@rampe5610 That doesn't work though cause they can take offense at you implying they're "from" somewhere else and not "american"/"british"/whatever country you're currently in. IE they could be born and raised in london and by asking them where they're "from" you're implying they're an outsider and not "really" a londoner.
Im in New York, a very diverse city lol! anyway, I always ask "What part of the City are you from?" specifically. Most people usually love to volunteer their background, or just realize you don't want to accidentally offend and choose to help you out.
A - you can figure it out easily if you get to know the person (eg their name, if they’re a native English speaker, etc). B - going around and randomly fishing for ethnically Japanese people so you can practice Japanese with them is rude in itself. There are places to find language exchange partners who are interested in that specifically. Otherwise actually get to know some Japanese people first and then ask if they or anyone they can recommend would be interested in language exchange or tutoring. Presuming anyone who’s ethnically Japanese automatically speaks Japanese or wants to give you free language practice is annoying (and potentially offensive to American born Asians) and should be handled carefully and politely.
I'm not a woman, but I'd just say to him, "I'm not interested".... I'd be direct when they get obvious with their intent. That's just me but what if the situation is reversed, a woman hitting on a man? Can I get objectified (dehumanised) ? I hope that the woman won't see me as a giant hitachi, use me and leave me a slobbering mess. Like...What the hell...she didn't even buy me a drink first or even asked me If I wanted it. Then again if there's mutual attraction... Well...Hello Kitty...
I think Architects are mostly cocooned in an highly insulated culture and environment without knowing it. It is an ivory tower that architects rarely climb down from. Trust me I was once in it now I am out of it and once you are out of it you realised just how different the real world operates differently from most architectural firms or social circles. Dami, you need to climb down from your ivory tower your "worst experience" is just nothing more than someone who is only slightly insensitive maybe even slightly offensive. I remember what it is like to be in the architectural circle - it is enlightening like in an upper class social circle. But that's also why I believe architecture in general is so far detached from reality nowadays.
It appears you are projecting your experiences onto Dami. Instead, maybe it could be more productive to talk about how this behavior is not tolerable in any workplace.
Well, the opposite is happening too. As a male, I would say I am a genuinely interested and friendly person when meeting people and nothing more to it but often I get the feedback reaction as if I am trying to hookup, especially ones think they are a trophy. So, I started with a serious look at the first meet. What is wrong with people, I mean woman. 😂
I am personally a kind of thin male but there’s something off about the video thumbnail belly picture and some of the comments you have in there which to me sounded like stereotyping people. I know body shaming is a bit more loose in males but I think males must have feelings too (probably, not sure) 🤔. Anyway, I was here for the informative videos, a bit confused now. Maybe a simple advice or learning moment related to dude’s behavior would have been enough.
I truly dont see the big deal. You and your co worker laughed about it. I am a 63 year old black guy. I went to a private high school that was a trade school. Every nationality was represented there and we all laughed and blended together. All kinds of characters and we did not walk on egg shells when we talked and joked with each other. My professional world was no different. We come across all kinds of personalities and we can get upset or take charge of the situations with anger or humor. You would not have to lecture to him about how to talk to other people. I understand also that different norms and different times have a lot to do with how people perceive things, which is why comic clubs dont dare use the same humor about people that was used 25 - 30 years ago.
My friend warned me if I went down south and if I told them I was Puerto Rican they would most likely ask, "What kind of Mexican is that?" I have spoken to some people down south about that and they would agree that they would.
Gross. I kind of hate and avoid vendors if I can. I let the GC deal with it. I may put up with window/ door and window companies. But I’m pretty set in that front too now. Thanks for sharing your awkward experience. I am replying/following now from my architecture RUclips page. Take care!
It happens a lot female architects are often taken as interior designers because Somehow ‘women are suppose to work in interior design’ especially if you are considered as attractive your look makes you less smart and less hard working friendly chat can be mistaken as flirtatious and ‘inviting’ to some men
As a Peruvian in Montreal, I found retarded when a French Canadian Architect called me Mexican and then he performed "La Cucaracha". Until now I don't know if he was trying to be nice or racist.
I just marvel at sensitivity and mental fragility of tender Americans. In the old world, ethnic/religious stereotypes are commonplace. Unless you belong to a dominant group, over your lifetime you’ll be a butt of many jokes and slurs, some of them being quite crude and offensive. This is especially true if one had a chance to grow up in a colony and to observe the imperial arrogance of central government and population. Eventually you develop thick skin, otherwise you will not survive in this society. This is not by any means to disapprove the normal and very human reaction to accidentally bumping into a foul-mouth bastard. This is just my musing and sort of envy that I could never afford in my life being this sensitive.
@@flexydex8754 Yea she has a later extremely racist video about a project in Saudi Arabia where she uses the architecture as an excuse to go into a racist rant. I unsubscribed there and then!
Really love your personality and willingness to balance your career with youtube! I do have a question about the financial situation for architecture students. For lower income families such as myself, what percentage of money for tuition do you recommend should be saved before attending the college/university? Do you recommend a job during or before college to pay for the rest of the tuition?
My experience is If possible try to get into an office (and learn CAD drawing and materials from professionals who work you admire) before doing the University step-up. It helps if you have seen what architects do as a job at the fine detail level.... Also perhaps look into the shorter 3 year courses as I found the 5 year course are draining on funds with those extra 2 years. In my experience real jobs provide you with industry knowledge while earning an income that you can apply to your studies. It is better to break the ice earlier, then if your path and ambition remains to design and achieve beautiful buildings and spaces you will go into further education with this sense of purpose, even during your mid twenties. Prepare to ease off on the amount of time working because architecture studio-time can be a big time commitment, but with some office skills you can still collaborate and pick up jobs. In my case, after spending 5 years in Architecture school I went to Tokyo to learn from an architect I admired, and quickly learnt I did not enjoy the work culture and type of jobs I was doing, so jumped into Landscape architecture in Kyoto which I found more intuitive, healthier, and suited my pre-existing skill set. Also if you worked for a year (or two) and have a CV you might find some of the product suppliers/manifacturers scholarships could help you. That could be an advantage. I wish you well with your ambitions!
Yes to everything@@stopato5772 said. Try to work for the department of architecture if they have any openings. They pay relatively well and t'll be easier to balance work / school since it's close to where you'll be 24/7. Also keep an eye out for grants / scholarships and have a general system in place to make the applications easier. I also took a year off btw my Bach and masters to work full time, and yes took the shortest amount of years possible, which here in Canada was 6 years, but I know u can go through an accredited program in less in the US. Lastly, if cost was a concern, that would be my primary basis for choosing the school, not the reputation of the program. Starting salary is relatively same wherever you go, and more debt will eat into your salary. Hope it helps 😊
Hey Dami! I can definitely relate. It’s a very rare thing to see girls in the stem classes at my school (which isn’t a coincidental thing.) I still remember when I was about to go into high school, the counselor was telling our class that there was a HUGE gap in the male to female ratio, although the applications were about equal (im hoping to get into the classes next year 🤞)
Yeah that's unfortunate, I can imagine that being pretty hard. But but it also means that you're going to be paving the path for younger girls to get into the field! :) That alone, can be the source of great motivation and form a part of your identity. For me, although I make these videos for everyone, I particularly think about making them for young girls because I can see myself being that person. When I'm feeling lazy, I channel what a role model would do, and it makes me motivated to get to work. It just makes the whole process much more enjoyable imo.
Girls have been heavily promoted and encouraged to enter STEM/STEAM classes for at least the last 15 years. If the m/f applications are 50/50 and the participation ratios are unbalanced, that means girls are dropping the classes, and that's ok. It's also ok that boys/men tend to gravitate toward STEM/STEAM and make up the majority of students.
Very interesting video! I'm sorry this situation happened, it is not appropriate at all! Honestly, in my line of work, it is often the female "rep" that tries to use flirting to get what they want so I kinda know where you are coming from, I have been in a few awkward situations like this... very interesting to see a female perspective on handling it. I think, for a guy, sitting down and explaining what was inappropriate is not even a consideration... guys don't explain things. Honestly, also, I don't think explaining to a guy why it is inappropriate would get you very far either. Just better to get out of the scenario and leave it be. I really enjoyed your point of view and have really learnt something today! Thanks!!!
I don't know any women who do that. I think you're misreading them and banking on a very old, outdated, archaic and untrue stereotype about women. What you need to understand is that women are as intelligent and capable as men in every respect, and often moreso, and *we don't have to sleep our way to the top.* You're just projecting your own fantasies about women wanting to sleep with you onto the women you've worked with. They aren't in it to sleep with anyone. They're in it because they're excellent at what they do, they're actually interested in the work itself, they're gifted in it... And I have to suspect that, based on how you're psychologically handling your own professional career this way, well, you're not and you know it. Reminder: *Women don't have to sleep with anyone to get anywhere* and all of us women already know it. That's why we don't do that.
A few years ago I was in a restaurant (in Albania) having lunch with a client and friend. The owner of the restaurant was an acquaintance of my friend and he sat down at the table proposing to give him the renovation project for the restaurant. So far so good. The point is that while he was presenting his thoughts on the renewal, he also spoke to me about his past outside of Albania. And to make a long story short for you, I tell you that he told me that he could no longer travel outside the country because in some situations he had to use a weapon to resolve situations. I was left woow… woow Ok how do I answer them to this ..ehh Somehow I came out by telling him that unfortunately I'm very busy with long-term projects and I couldn't do his
5:55 So simply being curious about somebody's cultural heritage is racist? that does not compute. (the guessing part and "nailed it "were indeed stupid,) 8:52 in my view you were both unprofessional . You could have contacted the manufacturer and asked to send a different sales rep the next time, the quality and price of the product is in no way connected to the rep being a complet oaf
Hahah, unfortunately you're the only one! I'll make one when I come across a really inspiring art deco building one of these days. *There is one I have in mind actually* 😆
Hi mam im an architecture student really like your content its really helpful will you pls make a video regarding how to make your design unique and develop a thoughtful concept
I hope the “big white dude” came to realize his racist mis-steps and stopped his sloppy attempts to be charming. Clearly losing the account will go a long way to make him regret his mistakes.
I'm surprised to hear this coming from some of my male audience because it undermines my simple desire to be treated equally and professionally in a work environment. Most women just want to be able to do our jobs well when we're at work without having sexual advancements thrown at us.
@@DamiLeeArch Okay so why have the thumbnail be an unflattering photo of a beer belly with your cringing face next to it? According to the video, the guy didn’t even ask you out. And what’s so offensive about asking someone their ethnicity?
@@DamiLeeArch I agree on the unwanted sexual advances part. We still need a long way to go to address this issue in an individual level before we even begin to tackle different environments (work or otherwise). My criticism Dami is going to be aimed at the racism aspect. Going on how you described the situation, I can see it being unprofessional (at best) or creepy (at worst). That’s my two cents and love the ending 😂
@@Albert-th9hs i feel like if somebody asked "So, what kind of white are you?" or just used any generalized grouping it does not feel very good. Moreover, asking someone's ethinicity in a professional setting where that isn't even a subject both parties talked about is just weird. Your assumption or doubt that a person would take less or more offence at something obviously offensive directed at them based on physical appearence kinda reveals more of what type of a person you must be.
Thank you Dami for being courageous, not like you are not, doing a video on those type of people. Being an Asian architect myself and living among other people with different nationalities, I’m immune to these kind of ignorant people with racial comments but like you said the problem is not us, it’s them! Nicely put. Btw, love to watch all your videos. Keep it up & stay safe! Cheers!
Yeah for sure, you can't internalize any of this! It's great to hear that you've become immune, I'm still working on that. It's not easy! Maybe lots of meditation? Hahah anyways, thanks for watching and sharing!!
Love all your videos ❤ so helpful and insightful. I'm always looking for inspiration and stories as I'm trying to navigate my way in work in this industry.
You can't control what other people think, feel or do, he is the problem, not you. I have a prepared statement of "that's incredibly unprofessional, please leave." But I only developed it after going through similar situations. There's a lot of bigoted freaks out there unfortunately. Just be yourself!
You're not going to convince an ignorant person that they are ignorant. Vocalizing your discomfort wouldn't have achieved much unfortunately. Break down the situation had you followed through with what you were thinking. No matter how nicely you would have explained to him his offense, no matter how rational, he would only hear you say "You're an ignorant asshole". He would instantly despise you and might even seek some sort of revenge for hurting his pride. Your co-workers might see you offending a supplier and think you unprofessional in dealing with people, even if they are offensive. I think what you did was spot on. You made nothing more the situation and have to be comforted in the fact that dharma has cost this man's company millions for keeping him as an employee. The world is a shitty place full of shitty people. You can fix them, but as shitty as it is you do have to exist with them. You don't have to do business with them, talk with them or let them interact with you, but nothing you will ever do or say will change them. Being an outspoken woke Karen was trendy for a while and is more acceptable in some place than others, but that is quickly devolving into insufferable behavior that is identical to what they started fighting against. We all think about what we should have done or should have said, but rarely is that better than what we actually did in reality. The world handles stupid in its own way, sometimes its just best to let nature do what it does.
can't tell if you rejected the product hi was selling because it was bad or because the guy was an ass! just phone the company to send another rep.. hi will get the message later! this is common behavior in the selling business !
Do most architects have your type of personality or are they more flamboyant. I see their personality at least the ones I know, as intelectuals.... Just wondering if there are common traits, either good or bad ones...
I hate racism and really believe in treating women with love and respect. But isn't there another side to this story? In architecture and all design we have to empathize with the users and customers. Put ourselves in another person's shoes and try to imagine a space and experience from their point of view. So for the sake of balance in this story. What if we try to empathize with this guys? As a thought experiment 🙂 He is clearly socially awkward and is having problems reading people. He is also a traveling salesman where he most likely spends a lot of time alone. Based on the story he is trying to impress Dami by telling her how good he is at his job. This is most likely him trying to sound confident and at the same time trying to hide his own insecurities. He tries to help Dami by giving her the samples. When she said no he might mistakenly think that she is just polite. Based on the videos on this channel she has a kind and happy personality, and with is low social competence it is not hard to understand that he might misunderstand her signals. But he clearly finds her charming and want to get to know her. Totally ignorant to the signals he then doubles down and say that he wants to hang out if she is in his home town. We can then choose to think that he is a pervert, but what if he genuinely wanted to get to know her? If he was a rasist he would not ask to hang out would he? Then he comes up with this brilliant idea of trying to understand her culture, hoping that it might show that he is interested in getting to know her. He then definately messes up everything, but he doesn't seem to understand, it seems like he is actually super happy with himself. He was able to identify and relate to her background, maybe building his confidence that he would be able to get to know her more. Is he in the right? No. Is he a rasist? I really do not think so. Is he looking for friendship and possibly relationship? Definately. Might he be looking for "action"? Possibly, we will never know. Now is it unprofessional? Maybe, but he is not making a blatant pass at her. He is just very clumsy in his social interaction in my opinion. But to me he sounds more lonely and insecure than a creep. Like most of us are in today's society. Using a business setting where people are not coworkers to try to make contact with a charming person can't be wrong in an of itself. But he definately need some help learning to read people and know when to back down. We should treat each other with respect and at all times try to see things through their perspective. Especially when we have platforms where we can affect others with our opinions and viewpoints. We are all looking for love and companionships, even though it might be hidden behind a lot of baggage. Just wanted to give another perspective to this story. The truth is always hidden somewhere in the confusing middle 🙂
Love this, and totally agree with you. It's super important to try to feel present in situations like these and engage the other person who is harassing or disrespectful. I've had to do that myself a few times to a coworker who was harassing me.
Hey, I enjoy your videos a lot!!! ☺️ Quick question, does most of your working day consist of sitting in the office or are you moving around sometimes?
I would say it's 70 / 30 - office vs moving around, on most days. Also depends on the phase of the projects I'm working on. If there's lots of things under construction, I have to go to site at least once every week / two. Sometimes we have remote client meetings, although that's been drastically reduced due to covid.
Racist? Him asking you what your background is, is racist? That's going too far imo. It does seem unprofessional, but saying he's objectifying and racist? No, that's the kind of thing that needs to stop in modern work places. There's a huge distinction between the intention of an actual racist or sexist, and someone who's just overly friendly or says things before they think.
I'm with the you Dammy! Everytime I' m on the construction site in my hometown in Georgia, I' m asked workers" Where is a real architect? "Cause they allways expect a men to be an architect and are'n used to see a woman))) At first it got me fill stupid but now I simply laught at that!
@@DamiLeeArch I feel bad for the guy. I know so many good men who are completely out of the politically correct loop who would think they are being inclusive for saying that, despite coming across as super crass by today's standards. He probably didn't see being asian as a big deal, but still wanted to show interest and inclusivity, but ultimately failed hard. I mean, he was asking you out. When he said "I knew it!" it may have been because he finds that many korean women are beautiful.
Love that you’re using your platform to highlight rampant issues like this. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼I work in technology and biotech, and you can’t imagine how many times I felt uncomfortable or heard astonishingly inappropriate things said point blank to my face. LOVE your impression of this monkey 🙈
Wow! Someone said something 'inappropriate' 'point blank to your face', its such a shame they didn't recognize their inferior social status and refrain from sharing their whiteness. I agree, people should be forced to publicly affirm statements which go against their conscience, they should shut up and pull a 2nd mask over their face.
![[TF2] The Russian Bear Trap](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YFNSwz2_rOA/mqdefault.jpg)
How do you cope with uncomfortable situations at work?
HAHAHHA I'AM ENJOYING. The Way you Do Story Telling. I'am So Exited to Watch another story.
That probably happened because you are a nice person. A nice person in the sense that you treat strangers with a level of respect that not all people deserve, some people don't deserve that baseline respect that usually everyone in your circle does...
…resigning
Punch that person in the nose.. if it's a female, I just ignore
@@Y.asmin12 losers quit.
"What kind of asian are you?"
"The kind that wants you to leave her alone."
End conversation.
being an indian immigrant to Canada and having had similar questions asked, my experience has taught me different people come from different places, Ive come to understand that most people mean well,and I stopped classifying everything as racist etc unless if it was explicit, obvious. I could always tell when someone was racist vs someone being curious but unable to verbalize it well. 2 totally different things. City culture vs country culture etc. A lot of city folk have a hard time understanding people that don't live in major cities, just because they dont appear as sophisticated, they are more direct and blunt.
This is such an accurate and great comment. The term racism is used inaccurately. I think the rep was more socially inept than racist. Racism is an effort to harm someone, physically, financially, emotionally. Yes he seemed dumb in her story. He didn’t seem racist.
When I hear you talk about your self doubts, I think of Charles Bukowski: "“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
Your videos are great and I like the mix of topics that you discuss.
As a guy in the massage field for 10 years, yeah I've been in similar situations. While not as common, women being creeps is also kinda common. I had one lady who was a friend of the boss always joke too personally with me. She always talked about her boobs when it had nothing to do with what we were talking about etc. I told a coworker eventually all the other details that I'm leaving out too and she said "switch the genders, if she was a guy that would be sexual harassment". Fortunately the problem fixed itself, she also harassed the physical therapist who was married. When he responded to her eventually with "no, we're not friends. We're professional acquaintances" she did not like it. She came and complained to me and I reaffirmed what the physical therapist said, and she eventually complained to her friend the boss about some supposed slight. But my boss knew her, my boss was awesome. She didn't put up with her friend's crap. I never had to work with that client again.
Im glad your experience had a happy ending! It's not good for anyone to harrass anyone, no matter who they are! Im glad something was don about it.
@@desireer6915 thank you. It feels good to have that acknowledged. I was in a bad mood but your message popped up in my notifications at the right time. Thanks
My worst experience as an architect was working for Kirst Feddersen (Larry Ellison's yacht designer). I've heard that doctors have a God complex, but apparently this is also true of certain architectural pros. He was hopelessly fragile, and would become combative if / when I expressed any knowledge or understanding of a designer, project, or concept that he was either unfamiliar with, or which he felt I was unworthy of exposure to by virtue of my lack of credentials or education. He hated my embrace of Buckminster Fuller and sustainable design, and he would constantly say things like "How do you even know about that?". Classist, arrogant, credentialist- He refused to beleive that there was such a thing as an autodidact and insisted on 'proper channels' of learning. The irony being that he hired me based on my portfolio and was happy to use my lack of degree to justify paying me slave wages.
Oh man - that guy sounds like a real winner! It's the exact opposite where I work, most guys will intentionally limit their interactions with female co workers for fear that we will be viewed as trying to 'hit on them'. Most guys are pretty self aware and don't want to come across on any level like the guy in this video
This was so funny! I have pretty major doubt and insecurity issues that currently make me feel that I could never make it as an architect someday. It’s nice to hear such a relatable story from someone as successful as you are. Thank you for sharing.
Hahah I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I am constantly dealing with my insecurities and sometimes I have to remind myself that I... know stuff!! It does get better with time and experience. :)
@@DamiLeeArch completely agree!!
I get what you are saying in the video, but the part where u said "what type of Asian are you? Korean right?" ....... you said he was being racist.
I am an Asian living abroad and have often had them ask my nationality/origin and often they were right about my place of origin .... is that racist?
Why do you think he was racist? Was it because it was inappropriate to make such a comment in the work environment?
It's racist when an overweight unattractive white man asks. If he had been a handsome man(or whatever gender she's into), the story would've been 180 degrees different. I've had international people ask me my background before. It's not racist in any way. They're curious, as they should be. The deal here is he wasn't attractive. Look at the thumbnail. She's body-shaming him. "It's ok when we do it though".
First of all, I love your impression of this person, hilarious, LOL. At the same time, living in the U.S. south, I deal with these type of ignorant and/or purposefully racist people on a regular basis; it's a common trait to be accepting of it down here because the people in the industry are typically "good ol' boys." Many of us minorities in the south feel like we have to stay silent for various reasons, usually financial, but for me, it's eating away at my soul dealing with it. There's so much to address about this topic, but not on a comment section. Glad you shared your experiences and I hope it helps others to share theirs and speak out about it so we build a better culture in our industry. Plus, I've been looking forward to new content from this channel. Thanks and take care.
Hahah thanks. Apparently I have a knack for impressions? 😅And I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I can't imagine having to work with ignorant / purposely racist people on a daily basis, especially in a professional setting. No one should have to work in an environment where they feel silenced or undervalued, but unfortunately it is the case in a lot of cases. A lot of times, it seems like it's the case with places with deeply rooted history / culture. I hope you find a way to address the issue, become immune to it, or find a new work environment that appreciates you for who you are. Anyways, thanks for the thoughtful response as always. Take care Tom!
@@DamiLeeArch the guy thought you were hot...how is that undervaluing you?
@@igorbuttos9044 yeah but there’s a time a place, work isn’t it.
@@aayushdas19 Damn I wouldnt some rich cougar eyeing me off at work...networking baby
@@igorbuttos9044 people like you are the reason male SA victims aren’t taken seriously. Not at all surprised by the other disgusting comments you’ve left on here. I hope you get the wisdom to change someday but I think it’s unlikely.
Thank you x 1000 for making this video- your story matters and your insight is very valuable. Especially when you mention that there’s no point in beating yourself up about a situation that you had no control over. Appreciate you!
Thank you so much!! Absolutely, it's something I have to keep telling myself, it seems to come easily for some people. 😭 It was hard making this video because I know there's women who've gone through much much worse but I'm glad you could relate!! 😊
Understandable, and I definitely relate - being blatantly objectified by my appearance brings on a flood of emotions and I find it difficult to remain objective, but hearing you reinforce the importance of doing so really hit deep. You’re serving self-help realness in this video! ❤️
I believe you did well to distance yourself from that guy if he made you uncomfortable. He sounds like he doesn't have a lot of social skills. However, I feel it's divisive to call him racist simply because he tried to guess your background; also the fact that you mentioned that he was white wasn't really necessary. We do a lot better to try to help everyone out, not just women and minorities. It doesn't matter which sex we are, or our race, we are all people. (But he does sound like he was a tool.)
Love this video! It's very important that we put these stories out there! I sometimes find that company reps are more 'friendly' to female architects thinking a little flirting might get them the job. Totally hate it! Anyways, love your channel :)
I wonder if it works for some female architects..?! Honestly I find the whole product rep / designer relationship kind of insane. Just hire based on the quality of the product!
@@DamiLeeArch Omg yes fr!!!
Regular viewer here!
welcome back ^^
That's not racism... Racism would be if he wouldn't offer you his custom because you were Asain. Racism would be if your colleague defended and supported his behavior to not offer his custom because you are Asian. He was being an idiot but he wasn't being racist to you. Do not misuse the term racism. You're being unhelpful to people who don't understand racism and you're being insulting to people who suffer racism.
We found him!
I appreciate you sharing your story. As a Puerto Rican who relocated to Arizona, where political tension is constantly in the air, I can attest to the challenges of adapting, even after two decades. Engaging in extensive reading and self-education has allowed me to enhance my self-awareness and develop empathy, even when dealing with individuals whose perspectives or behaviors differ greatly from my own. This process has ultimately fostered resilience and contributed to my overall mental well-being.
Also as much as the hate for us asian and the traditional norms that are inappropriate are getting less and less the sea of of people starting to love and accept us and our own cultural differences is getting more and more apparent. Just less hate in the world in general is great 👍.
Yes I totally agree, this situation was definitely an anomaly. I've rarely experienced blatant ignorance / racism in my workplace, and I do think it's getting better for asians and minorities (although the current situation in the US seems to say otherwise 😭)
I agree.
I've found your channel a couple of days ago, and I instantly watched all your videos and subscribed. Keep up the good work Dami! Love your way of explaining things ❤️
Thank you!! 😊
I did the same 😅
Thanks for sharing your experience. When I was interning for this one project management company, I had to do daily rounds of site inspection. It really annoyed me when the workers would catcall me and my fellow interns, who also happened to be female. It's difficult to be taken seriously in this industry as young women, but you're totally right. More and more women are taking on leadership roles, and I'm sure even now, we can make a difference by not condoning this kind of behavior.
That's terrible. Sorry you had to go through that. I'm working for a female boss at my current job and it's really inspiring to see how she takes no bs. I'm guessing the experience gave you a pretty thick skin as well?
Horrifying and hilarious experience Dami! So many female architects have experiences like these. Thank you for sharing this video. Your delivery was so perfect. You... "NAILED IT!"
Kelly!! Yes, a truly horrifying, hilarious and learning experience. I'm glad you were there to witness it. 😂 *Hey everyone this is that female architect I was talking about* 😄
@@DamiLeeArch the senior architect ? no way 😂
Be cautious. As an asian woman myself that our professional and personal moral senses are shared with understanding. But be very cautious as the world is not what we used to know or be educated about. Take care
She may have acted like a 403 as well
Yeah, I had to deal with that I feel like its worse when you're working. People touching me saying you talk so good, oh so your a good one, and aperenlty having an hourglass figer under a shirt and blue jeans 👖 is to sexual. I would always feel like It was me, I needed to not play a stereotypes, and I had to hide my body with extra layers. Now I'm like child please its definitely them and not me I can't do anything about the stereotypes people already have and I feel like being a young woman and working people feel free to be disrespectful or act like your dum. I'm happy you came to the Same realization of its not your fault he's unprofessional.
Omg girl you've put up with a lot. I have friends who have hourglass figures and feel they need to layer up, and I feel so so sad that the work environment is the way it is. I think I've become more comfortable in the last year or two just wearing things that feel more me and also speaking up when someone says something that makes me uncomfortable, but it really depends on the situation. I wish we could all be in healthy work environments but til then, it's a nice piece of mind knowing it's not our responsibility or burden to teach other people how to behave or be proper human beings.
@DamiLee Nailed it! 👍
it is real that yours is the crystal generation even the winds offends you.
Wow, thank you for sharing this! Navigating the ISMS I just as important a part of the process as everything else you talk about on this channel. These experiences shape the culture within the industry in ways that we often don't vocalize. Things only being to change when we bring them to light. Sharing stories like these are transformative.
The correct response to the situation would have been your boss calling the representatives employer, and talking about the situation. Without that individual having to face any of the consequences of their actions it simply leaves them open to do it again to somebody else, and not learn from their mistakes.
Each of us has different things that we consider bad or “ the worst“, however, I think you will find the average persons worst experience to be considerably worse than a rude representative. That’s not to diminish your experience or criticize your reaction to it in anyway, only to say that on the scale of worst experiences possible that was objectively rather minor.
Funny 😄. FYI... Italians Canadians ask other Italian Canadians which part of Italy 🇮🇹 their parents come from.
how is it racist asking someone about their background? the question was out of place but it deff is not a racist question.
It's no more racist than her labeling him as "this big white dude" then showing an offensive caricature of an oafish looking European man.
Most of this is just a cringeworthy story from a possibly closeted Millennial who doesn't understand interpersonal communication. If this were reversed, and it was an unattractive asian woman hitting on a young European man, no one would have any problem with it. The story wouldn't even stand out as remarkable in anyway, even with the background question. You wouldn't call out that she's from Calgary, suggesting she's ignorant and/or racist. You'd just laugh about it and move on.
The other irony of her story is asians, specifically Chinese, come from ~100% racially homogenous cultures. They are acutely aware of race and typically insular when they immigrate into a European area.
This woman seems integrated, but her pearl clutching over the guy asking her background is somewhat ironic to me considering Chinese attitudes to other races. Don't think that they leave those ideas behind in China when they get to The West.
@@austntexan The irony in responding to a video like this by making a bunch of assumptions rooted in stereotype and ignorance while not knowing if her family and heritage are even Chinese is so absurdly ignorant.
Maybe she's Canadian? Cause she lives in Canada and speaks English like a native speaker with a native accent? Maybe, just maybe, the point is that it doesn't matter where her ancestry is from and that's also not an appropriate situation nor way in which to ask.
It's not racist. Simple.
How is it appropriate in the workplace? I can understand if it's someplace random but this is at work.
As a fellow Yellow I understand the scenario fully.
I cracked up at your impression of that man😂😂 Sadly you're right. It's so true, sometimes (especially us women in design) we are so shocked and in disbelief at what is being said to us, that we don't even respond with right words & actions that we would normally do! 1 experience I vividly remember is when I was at an event, and a middle-aged lighting supplier kept on complimenting my appearance and even touched my shoulder at one point! It's a no from me, bye m8😑🤮 You could see his female colleagues in the background feeling uneasy too. Why he thought that was the correct way to introduce his brand to me.. I do not know. I thought it was some weird sales tactic from the 80's or something😂. To this day it baffles me that he thought that would be the way to get business? Like you said, that's the way to LOSE a client, not get them on board lol😅 Great video as usual Dami, loved the boss energy in this one✨
Jacqueline ☺️✌️
Haha thanks Jacqueline. I guess more of us have to really spell it out and let them know that it's not a comfortable situation for us... but at the same time, training ourselves to be comfortable to speak out. It's a learning curve for all of us 🥲
Love your videos, fellow architect here. All the way here from the Philippines.
Thank you, and welcome to the channel 😄
He casually hit on you and asked about your family background. The only thing racist is this video.
Hmmm I'm kind of on the fence on this one. I've been working with a lot of blue collar workers lately, and some of the older ones would say exactly the kind of thing the salesman in this story said to you, and they would mean no offense in doing so.
Much of the older generation of blue collar workers, especially the ones who grew up outside of our city bubbles, find it totally normal and acceptable to ask out women in many different contexts, and view it, if anything, as a compliment to the woman's attractiveness.
Also, asking "what kind of Asian are you?" and expressing enthusiasm after 'nailing it' may sound super crass by today's standards, but in that guy's world, he probably thought he was being supportive for showing interest and somewhat-worldly and inclusive for correctly guessing what your ethnicity is. I personally would lean away from claiming that exchange was racist.
I think it's best to give people on the other side of this cultural divide the benefit of the doubt, and laugh things like this off, like you did. I just know so many people after my recent work who would make the exact same mistakes this guy made in conversation with you, but would really have nothing but positive things to say about you despite how they came across.
Yeah I know what you mean, and I'm pretty good at distinguishing btw intentionally hurtful comments and innocent yet politically incorrect comments. Usually if it's the latter, it affects me exactly zero percent and I usually laugh it off, I mean my grandma has said many equally insensitive things to my friends who are not korean / white just because they were totally foreign to her lol.
Maybe I shouldn't paint this guy as a racist but he was in his 30s, interacts with lots of different people, so I feel like he should know better! There's also a lot of younger women who are insecure and fresh in the field (like I was) who would feel hurt and mortified by comments like that. It diminishes all the good interactions you've had with this person and turns you into an object of curiosity.
And all because this person refuses to learn basic social etiquette! Not cool. Honestly even for thr older blue collar men, if they're still working in the field, I think it's their responsibility to learn what's OK to say and what's not. The line on what's acceptable is constantly moving, I know it's tricky, but it's moving so that everyone feels treated like an equal. 🌈
@@DamiLeeArch Cultural differences.... I also dont think that guy was racist... i hope you understand what i mean, my english is not my mother language. I also get what you mean, that guy had to be totally "neutral", the etiquette that you ment.
Glad to find some compassion for the guy in these comments. Totally wrong guy for a sales job but we all have our own journey to follow. So glad Demi had help processing the experience on the spot.
The guy was clearly a clumsy oaf, and one should never flirt in this type of business situation. That said, I'm a big white guy, myself. I've had people ask me if I'm German or Dutch or whatever. It never occurred to me that it was out of line. My wife is Korean. I have a sister-in-law who is Vietnamese. I've got lots of nieces, nephews, in-laws, etc. who are Asian. We've had the conversation before, and I don't recall anyone in my family considering it racist to be asked about their ethnic background. I have four boys who are half-Asian. They have friends of all races, and they talk and joke about their ethnic differences amongst themselves all the time, especially those with immigrant parents. I really don't understand when genuine curiosity became offensive. I feel like it all has to do with how one approaches the subject.
6:08 I almost choked myself while drinking my lemon soda, that was awkward but really funny hehe
😂😂😂
My worst experiance as a design student is there's this group project where we have to design and build a furniture piece (a sofa). What my group did was they took a pinterest image and built it. That too a very famous design, van severen's duo seat + lamp. I've send them over 5 designs and some other students have sent multiple designs they just straightaway ignored them without explanations (i get that my designs might not be 100% perfect but at least they could have point out the flaws) anyway i told them to at least swap the materials and colours. No they've used the same colours too. The only difference was they replaced the leather seat with a fabric one (that too because leather is expensive). I'm so pissed off. I mean what's the point of being an interior designer if you're going to copy someone else's designs 100%. Plus they didn't even research the original design and it doesn't have it's original quality.
Now this is a channel I'm willing to turn the notifications bell on for!
woohoo!! thank you :)
Recently came across a client who was an absolute bully and one of the most dominant thoughts was whether they targeted me because I was an easy target i.e. I put out weak energy which they went after. I literally went down the path of beating myself up for similar reasons you gave. Thank you for this
My experiences are different. As a white man I had a half Asian co worker word vomit on me that she was rescued from a poorer Asian country. Adopted as an infant and that her mother was a prostitute. All could muster was "well I'm glad you're over here". Was I professional in that situation?
You have amazing emotional intelligence. I can tell the situation made you uncomfortable when you retell it but you definitely “nailed it” in handling that idiot. No scene was made that could make an uncomfortable situation a tense and maybe violent one. You were able to laugh it off and you kept your dignity. Awesome.
Your vendor bro impersonation is hilarious.
At least it wasn’t worse! He didn’t try speaking random Korean words at you.
Really enjoy your content. Enjoy sharing it with my daughter, a young professional navigating a career herself.
You’re fantastic. Thank you for the relatable story. 🙏
Thanks for listening 😊
@@DamiLeeArch You're very welcome. Great content and personality. Really caters to my love of architecture and design. 😊
This is the best reflection on a workplace jerk I've ever heard. The one issue that I am unsure about is dumping the company. On one hand, if the company doesn't self-police and sends guys like this out, they deserve to loose business. On the other, if this company has good products and is generally responsible, I'm not sure if they deserve to loose business because a screwball got loose.
You need to remember that sales guys are changed as often as underwear. Still, it's not the customer's job to educate the safes staff. I guess is depends on the criticality of the product and the relationship between your firm and this supplier.
"Korean right? Nailed it!" has to go down in history as one of the most bizarre sentences anyone has ever said. I felt bad for laughing but it's just NEVER something I'd expect someone to say.
Thank you for making me feel less alone
How does one inquire about an asian's ethnicity without being rude? I struggle with this because I am learning Japanese and when I meet an asian person I immediately want to know where they're from.
Just ask them where they are from politely, not racist to ask. Simple.
@@rampe5610 That doesn't work though cause they can take offense at you implying they're "from" somewhere else and not "american"/"british"/whatever country you're currently in.
IE they could be born and raised in london and by asking them where they're "from" you're implying they're an outsider and not "really" a londoner.
Im in New York, a very diverse city lol! anyway, I always ask "What part of the City are you from?" specifically. Most people usually love to volunteer their background, or just realize you don't want to accidentally offend and choose to help you out.
A - you can figure it out easily if you get to know the person (eg their name, if they’re a native English speaker, etc).
B - going around and randomly fishing for ethnically Japanese people so you can practice Japanese with them is rude in itself. There are places to find language exchange partners who are interested in that specifically.
Otherwise actually get to know some Japanese people first and then ask if they or anyone they can recommend would be interested in language exchange or tutoring.
Presuming anyone who’s ethnically Japanese automatically speaks Japanese or wants to give you free language practice is annoying (and potentially offensive to American born Asians) and should be handled carefully and politely.
I'm not a woman, but I'd just say to him, "I'm not interested".... I'd be direct when they get obvious with their intent. That's just me but what if the situation is reversed, a woman hitting on a man? Can I get objectified (dehumanised) ? I hope that the woman won't see me as a giant hitachi, use me and leave me a slobbering mess. Like...What the hell...she didn't even buy me a drink first or even asked me If I wanted it. Then again if there's mutual attraction... Well...Hello Kitty...
I think Architects are mostly cocooned in an highly insulated culture and environment without knowing it. It is an ivory tower that architects rarely climb down from. Trust me I was once in it now I am out of it and once you are out of it you realised just how different the real world operates differently from most architectural firms or social circles. Dami, you need to climb down from your ivory tower your "worst experience" is just nothing more than someone who is only slightly insensitive maybe even slightly offensive. I remember what it is like to be in the architectural circle - it is enlightening like in an upper class social circle. But that's also why I believe architecture in general is so far detached from reality nowadays.
It appears you are projecting your experiences onto Dami. Instead, maybe it could be more productive to talk about how this behavior is not tolerable in any workplace.
Well, the opposite is happening too. As a male, I would say I am a genuinely interested and friendly person when meeting people and nothing more to it but often I get the feedback reaction as if I am trying to hookup, especially ones think they are a trophy. So, I started with a serious look at the first meet. What is wrong with people, I mean woman. 😂
BTW, always enjoyed your videos, cheers.
Has Dami ever considered that her firm hired her in the first place because shes pretty?
I am personally a kind of thin male but there’s something off about the video thumbnail belly picture and some of the comments you have in there which to me sounded like stereotyping people. I know body shaming is a bit more loose in males but I think males must have feelings too (probably, not sure) 🤔. Anyway, I was here for the informative videos, a bit confused now. Maybe a simple advice or learning moment related to dude’s behavior would have been enough.
I truly dont see the big deal. You and your co worker laughed about it. I am a 63 year old black guy. I went to a private high school that was a trade school. Every nationality was represented there and we all laughed and blended together. All kinds of characters and we did not walk on egg shells when we talked and joked with each other. My professional world was no different. We come across all kinds of personalities and we can get upset or take charge of the situations with anger or humor. You would not have to lecture to him about how to talk to other people. I understand also that different norms and different times have a lot to do with how people perceive things, which is why comic clubs dont dare use the same humor about people that was used 25 - 30 years ago.
My friend warned me if I went down south and if I told them I was Puerto Rican they would most likely ask, "What kind of Mexican is that?"
I have spoken to some people down south about that and they would agree that they would.
Gross. I kind of hate and avoid vendors if I can. I let the GC deal with it. I may put up with window/ door and window companies. But I’m pretty set in that front too now.
Thanks for sharing your awkward experience.
I am replying/following now from my architecture RUclips page. Take care!
Hahah yeah I didn't want to use such a harsh term but yeah "gross" kind of fits the circumstance. 😁
It happens a lot female architects are often taken as interior designers because Somehow ‘women are suppose to work in interior design’ especially if you are considered as attractive your look makes you less smart and less hard working friendly chat can be mistaken as flirtatious and ‘inviting’ to some men
As a Peruvian in Montreal, I found retarded when a French Canadian Architect called me Mexican and then he performed "La Cucaracha".
Until now I don't know if he was trying to be nice or racist.
I just marvel at sensitivity and mental fragility of tender Americans. In the old world, ethnic/religious stereotypes are commonplace. Unless you belong to a dominant group, over your lifetime you’ll be a butt of many jokes and slurs, some of them being quite crude and offensive. This is especially true if one had a chance to grow up in a colony and to observe the imperial arrogance of central government and population. Eventually you develop thick skin, otherwise you will not survive in this society.
This is not by any means to disapprove the normal and very human reaction to accidentally bumping into a foul-mouth bastard. This is just my musing and sort of envy that I could never afford in my life being this sensitive.
So the guy liked you and tried to be helpful and just was a bit awkward about it. And your reaction is to ruin him and his company????
and call him racist 🤦♀while calling him "a big white guy"🤦♀🤦♀
@@flexydex8754 Yea she has a later extremely racist video about a project in Saudi Arabia where she uses the architecture as an excuse to go into a racist rant. I unsubscribed there and then!
@@Samtagri the old saying "beauty is only skin deep", seems fitting.
9:13 Perhaps an even _better_ way would be to send him a link to this video.
Really love your personality and willingness to balance your career with youtube!
I do have a question about the financial situation for architecture students.
For lower income families such as myself, what percentage of money for tuition do you recommend should be saved before attending the college/university?
Do you recommend a job during or before college to pay for the rest of the tuition?
My experience is If possible try to get into an office (and learn CAD drawing and materials from professionals who work you admire) before doing the University step-up. It helps if you have seen what architects do as a job at the fine detail level.... Also perhaps look into the shorter 3 year courses as I found the 5 year course are draining on funds with those extra 2 years. In my experience real jobs provide you with industry knowledge while earning an income that you can apply to your studies. It is better to break the ice earlier, then if your path and ambition remains to design and achieve beautiful buildings and spaces you will go into further education with this sense of purpose, even during your mid twenties. Prepare to ease off on the amount of time working because architecture studio-time can be a big time commitment, but with some office skills you can still collaborate and pick up jobs. In my case, after spending 5 years in Architecture school I went to Tokyo to learn from an architect I admired, and quickly learnt I did not enjoy the work culture and type of jobs I was doing, so jumped into Landscape architecture in Kyoto which I found more intuitive, healthier, and suited my pre-existing skill set.
Also if you worked for a year (or two) and have a CV you might find some of the product suppliers/manifacturers scholarships could help you. That could be an advantage. I wish you well with your ambitions!
Thank you so much for your advice! Much appreciated!
Yes to everything@@stopato5772 said. Try to work for the department of architecture if they have any openings. They pay relatively well and t'll be easier to balance work / school since it's close to where you'll be 24/7. Also keep an eye out for grants / scholarships and have a general system in place to make the applications easier. I also took a year off btw my Bach and masters to work full time, and yes took the shortest amount of years possible, which here in Canada was 6 years, but I know u can go through an accredited program in less in the US. Lastly, if cost was a concern, that would be my primary basis for choosing the school, not the reputation of the program. Starting salary is relatively same wherever you go, and more debt will eat into your salary. Hope it helps 😊
Taking a year off before studying to major sounds like a great idea and suggestion!
Could you clarify what department of architecture is for me?
It is so hard to think of what to do because you are so shocked. No matter how many times it happens.
I came from a town where everyone was like that guy.
It wouldn't have occurred to me that they can be avoided in America.
Hey Dami! I can definitely relate. It’s a very rare thing to see girls in the stem classes at my school (which isn’t a coincidental thing.) I still remember when I was about to go into high school, the counselor was telling our class that there was a HUGE gap in the male to female ratio, although the applications were about equal (im hoping to get into the classes next year 🤞)
Yeah that's unfortunate, I can imagine that being pretty hard. But but it also means that you're going to be paving the path for younger girls to get into the field! :) That alone, can be the source of great motivation and form a part of your identity. For me, although I make these videos for everyone, I particularly think about making them for young girls because I can see myself being that person. When I'm feeling lazy, I channel what a role model would do, and it makes me motivated to get to work. It just makes the whole process much more enjoyable imo.
@@DamiLeeArch That’s such a great way to think of it. I’m very excited to be a role model similar you :)
Girls have been heavily promoted and encouraged to enter STEM/STEAM classes for at least the last 15 years. If the m/f applications are 50/50 and the participation ratios are unbalanced, that means girls are dropping the classes, and that's ok. It's also ok that boys/men tend to gravitate toward STEM/STEAM and make up the majority of students.
I'm going to start using "NAIL IT!" whenever I get something right.
Very interesting video! I'm sorry this situation happened, it is not appropriate at all! Honestly, in my line of work, it is often the female "rep" that tries to use flirting to get what they want so I kinda know where you are coming from, I have been in a few awkward situations like this... very interesting to see a female perspective on handling it. I think, for a guy, sitting down and explaining what was inappropriate is not even a consideration... guys don't explain things. Honestly, also, I don't think explaining to a guy why it is inappropriate would get you very far either. Just better to get out of the scenario and leave it be. I really enjoyed your point of view and have really learnt something today! Thanks!!!
I don't know any women who do that. I think you're misreading them and banking on a very old, outdated, archaic and untrue stereotype about women. What you need to understand is that women are as intelligent and capable as men in every respect, and often moreso, and *we don't have to sleep our way to the top.* You're just projecting your own fantasies about women wanting to sleep with you onto the women you've worked with. They aren't in it to sleep with anyone. They're in it because they're excellent at what they do, they're actually interested in the work itself, they're gifted in it... And I have to suspect that, based on how you're psychologically handling your own professional career this way, well, you're not and you know it. Reminder: *Women don't have to sleep with anyone to get anywhere* and all of us women already know it. That's why we don't do that.
A few years ago I was in a restaurant (in Albania) having lunch with a client and friend. The owner of the restaurant was an acquaintance of my friend and he sat down at the table proposing to give him the renovation project for the restaurant. So far so good. The point is that while he was presenting his thoughts on the renewal, he also spoke to me about his past outside of Albania. And to make a long story short for you, I tell you that he told me that he could no longer travel outside the country because in some situations he had to use a weapon to resolve situations. I was left woow… woow
Ok how do I answer them to this ..ehh
Somehow I came out by telling him that unfortunately I'm very busy with long-term projects and I couldn't do his
Experience Teaches 😊
.
Now Your Creep Sensor will activate if you come across individual like this in the future ⭐
Hahah yes my creep sensor will on high alert!
But what’s the problem if he asked you what kind of Asian are you? (Genuine question from an Asian).
5:55 So simply being curious about somebody's cultural heritage is racist? that does not compute. (the guessing part and "nailed it "were indeed stupid,)
8:52 in my view you were both unprofessional . You could have contacted the manufacturer and asked to send a different sales rep the next time, the quality and price of the product is in no way connected to the rep being a complet oaf
Great video ❤️
Btw I am still waiting for the Art Deco in architecture video 😂
Hahah, unfortunately you're the only one! I'll make one when I come across a really inspiring art deco building one of these days. *There is one I have in mind actually* 😆
as an Asian person I felt “what kind of asian are you” deep in my soul
Hi mam im an architecture student really like your content its really helpful will you pls make a video regarding how to make your design unique and develop a thoughtful concept
hi!! That seems to be a popular request. I'm finding it hard to make a video about the design process but I will try my best!
Omg! I laugh so much at the way you imitated him. Thanks for sharing your experience. I am going through this same thing right now.
I hope the “big white dude” came to realize his racist mis-steps and stopped his sloppy attempts to be charming. Clearly losing the account will go a long way to make him regret his mistakes.
that's.... idk... that's like something that would fly in highschool but not in the office wtf
Would it be racist if someone asked “what kind of European are you? Belgian?”
Yes.
@@stickynorth you are a snowflake
3:01 Who would have thunk Mikey from Recess would grow up to be such a frustrating client…
Yup. Similarsies. It was in a diner in the middle of nowhere Georgia, so can't really blame her haha.
I can't help but suspect that the main reason you found the situation uncomfortable is because you thought the man was physically unattractive.
I'm surprised to hear this coming from some of my male audience because it undermines my simple desire to be treated equally and professionally in a work environment. Most women just want to be able to do our jobs well when we're at work without having sexual advancements thrown at us.
@@DamiLeeArch Okay so why have the thumbnail be an unflattering photo of a beer belly with your cringing face next to it? According to the video, the guy didn’t even ask you out. And what’s so offensive about asking someone their ethnicity?
@@DamiLeeArch I agree on the unwanted sexual advances part. We still need a long way to go to address this issue in an individual level before we even begin to tackle different environments (work or otherwise).
My criticism Dami is going to be aimed at the racism aspect. Going on how you described the situation, I can see it being unprofessional (at best) or creepy (at worst).
That’s my two cents and love the ending 😂
@@Albert-th9hs i feel like if somebody asked "So, what kind of white are you?" or just used any generalized grouping it does not feel very good. Moreover, asking someone's ethinicity in a professional setting where that isn't even a subject both parties talked about is just weird. Your assumption or doubt that a person would take less or more offence at something obviously offensive directed at them based on physical appearence kinda reveals more of what type of a person you must be.
@@illegalhunter7 Well you’d be wrong because no white person has ever been offended by being asked what nationality they are.
Thank you Dami for being courageous, not like you are not, doing a video on those type of people. Being an Asian architect myself and living among other people with different nationalities, I’m immune to these kind of ignorant people with racial comments but like you said the problem is not us, it’s them! Nicely put. Btw, love to watch all your videos. Keep it up & stay safe! Cheers!
Yeah for sure, you can't internalize any of this! It's great to hear that you've become immune, I'm still working on that. It's not easy! Maybe lots of meditation? Hahah anyways, thanks for watching and sharing!!
Love all your videos ❤ so helpful and insightful. I'm always looking for inspiration and stories as I'm trying to navigate my way in work in this industry.
You can't control what other people think, feel or do, he is the problem, not you. I have a prepared statement of "that's incredibly unprofessional, please leave." But I only developed it after going through similar situations. There's a lot of bigoted freaks out there unfortunately. Just be yourself!
I think it's time for me to include that statement into my language. Hopefully the next generation won't have to :S
The way you shared the story is sooo cute
He did exactly the right thing. Perfect. You handled it as a professional.
You're not going to convince an ignorant person that they are ignorant. Vocalizing your discomfort wouldn't have achieved much unfortunately. Break down the situation had you followed through with what you were thinking. No matter how nicely you would have explained to him his offense, no matter how rational, he would only hear you say "You're an ignorant asshole". He would instantly despise you and might even seek some sort of revenge for hurting his pride. Your co-workers might see you offending a supplier and think you unprofessional in dealing with people, even if they are offensive. I think what you did was spot on. You made nothing more the situation and have to be comforted in the fact that dharma has cost this man's company millions for keeping him as an employee. The world is a shitty place full of shitty people. You can fix them, but as shitty as it is you do have to exist with them. You don't have to do business with them, talk with them or let them interact with you, but nothing you will ever do or say will change them. Being an outspoken woke Karen was trendy for a while and is more acceptable in some place than others, but that is quickly devolving into insufferable behavior that is identical to what they started fighting against. We all think about what we should have done or should have said, but rarely is that better than what we actually did in reality. The world handles stupid in its own way, sometimes its just best to let nature do what it does.
can't tell if you rejected the product hi was selling because it was bad or because the guy was an ass! just phone the company to send another rep.. hi will get the message later! this is common behavior in the selling business !
Do most architects have your type of personality or are they more flamboyant. I see their personality at least the ones I know, as intelectuals.... Just wondering if there are common traits, either good or bad ones...
I love how honest u are...can relate to it..tnx
I hate racism and really believe in treating women with love and respect. But isn't there another side to this story? In architecture and all design we have to empathize with the users and customers. Put ourselves in another person's shoes and try to imagine a space and experience from their point of view.
So for the sake of balance in this story. What if we try to empathize with this guys? As a thought experiment 🙂 He is clearly socially awkward and is having problems reading people. He is also a traveling salesman where he most likely spends a lot of time alone.
Based on the story he is trying to impress Dami by telling her how good he is at his job. This is most likely him trying to sound confident and at the same time trying to hide his own insecurities.
He tries to help Dami by giving her the samples. When she said no he might mistakenly think that she is just polite. Based on the videos on this channel she has a kind and happy personality, and with is low social competence it is not hard to understand that he might misunderstand her signals.
But he clearly finds her charming and want to get to know her. Totally ignorant to the signals he then doubles down and say that he wants to hang out if she is in his home town.
We can then choose to think that he is a pervert, but what if he genuinely wanted to get to know her? If he was a rasist he would not ask to hang out would he?
Then he comes up with this brilliant idea of trying to understand her culture, hoping that it might show that he is interested in getting to know her. He then definately messes up everything, but he doesn't seem to understand, it seems like he is actually super happy with himself. He was able to identify and relate to her background, maybe building his confidence that he would be able to get to know her more.
Is he in the right? No. Is he a rasist? I really do not think so. Is he looking for friendship and possibly relationship? Definately. Might he be looking for "action"? Possibly, we will never know.
Now is it unprofessional? Maybe, but he is not making a blatant pass at her. He is just very clumsy in his social interaction in my opinion. But to me he sounds more lonely and insecure than a creep. Like most of us are in today's society. Using a business setting where people are not coworkers to try to make contact with a charming person can't be wrong in an of itself. But he definately need some help learning to read people and know when to back down.
We should treat each other with respect and at all times try to see things through their perspective. Especially when we have platforms where we can affect others with our opinions and viewpoints. We are all looking for love and companionships, even though it might be hidden behind a lot of baggage.
Just wanted to give another perspective to this story. The truth is always hidden somewhere in the confusing middle 🙂
There are lots of different people in the world. Great people skills are very important.
Love this, and totally agree with you. It's super important to try to feel present in situations like these and engage the other person who is harassing or disrespectful. I've had to do that myself a few times to a coworker who was harassing me.
Not worth your time or energy to get worked up about someone who enjoys harassing people! Remember what Michelle said, when they go low, we go high 😁
I've heard Studio Ghibli changed from advertising to architecture.
You're hilariously courageous! 😀
Hey, I enjoy your videos a lot!!! ☺️ Quick question, does most of your working day consist of sitting in the office or are you moving around sometimes?
I would say it's 70 / 30 - office vs moving around, on most days. Also depends on the phase of the projects I'm working on. If there's lots of things under construction, I have to go to site at least once every week / two. Sometimes we have remote client meetings, although that's been drastically reduced due to covid.
As a big white dude, I like Asian women, but I try really hard not to be a big jerk about ir
It's like a gameshow:
WHICH TYPE OF ASIAN... ARE YOU?
Dah-da da da, dada da-da
Racist? Him asking you what your background is, is racist? That's going too far imo. It does seem unprofessional, but saying he's objectifying and racist? No, that's the kind of thing that needs to stop in modern work places. There's a huge distinction between the intention of an actual racist or sexist, and someone who's just overly friendly or says things before they think.
I'm with the you Dammy! Everytime I' m on the construction site in my hometown in Georgia, I' m asked workers" Where is a real architect? "Cause they allways expect a men to be an architect and are'n used to see a woman))) At first it got me fill stupid but now I simply laught at that!
I'm curious. Would you have felt differently if instead of being awkward, he was charming and attractive?
No way, nothing pleasant about someone who says "what kind of asian are you" lol
Personally, if I found him attractive, the attraction would be gone as soon as he said that
@@DamiLeeArch I feel bad for the guy. I know so many good men who are completely out of the politically correct loop who would think they are being inclusive for saying that, despite coming across as super crass by today's standards.
He probably didn't see being asian as a big deal, but still wanted to show interest and inclusivity, but ultimately failed hard. I mean, he was asking you out. When he said "I knew it!" it may have been because he finds that many korean women are beautiful.
@@DamiLeeArch Politically incorrect response, "definitely not a Cock asian...". Awesome storytelling. Unfortunately it's too common.
Love that you’re using your platform to highlight rampant issues like this. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼I work in technology and biotech, and you can’t imagine how many times I felt uncomfortable or heard astonishingly inappropriate things said point blank to my face. LOVE your impression of this monkey 🙈
Wow! Someone said something 'inappropriate' 'point blank to your face', its such a shame they didn't recognize their inferior social status and refrain from sharing their whiteness.
I agree, people should be forced to publicly affirm statements which go against their conscience, they should shut up and pull a 2nd mask over their face.