After 10 years on my own, I have realized it is better to be alone than lower my standards and settle for less. Happiness comes from within. Reading a good book, getting out in nature, going to the beach, buying some flowers, cooking a nice meal are all things that can be done independently and still be enjoyable.
Absolutely right, Stephanie! I realize now that I have compromised my standards throughout my life where guys are concerned, always taking up with, rooting for, and staying with the underdog, always believing they would eventually do better because they just needed to live up to their potential. What a crock! It’s up to me now to figure out how I ever came up with this lame-brained way of thinking and conducting myself. Only in doing so can I change the eventual outcome of my life. Wish I would have realized this YEARS sooner! It would have made my life so much better, and the lives of those affected negatively by my misguided actions.
Thank you for this message, as a woman in her 30s the social pressure is so hard. It’s good to be reminded to please wait for someone to actually meet my standards. After several narcissistic relationships and years of me enabling grown men I can no longer settle for the bare minimum
Well, I settled at age 31 - no one better was coming along, I thought this one was going to be on the same page as me. He wasn't, was behaving interested in my activities just to get the ring on my finger. And I was too naive to not see that how different he was wasn't going to lead anywhere good. So have been single now since I was 39 and now 66 - wasn't prepared to settle for second best again.
Be willing to eliminate anything from your life that is not excellence. When you “settle”, your subconscious will gnaw at you in perpetuity until you level up. This can be very deep and involves integrating your shadow. Shadow work is imperative to becoming the best version of yourself. There are thousands of videos and books on this subject. It’s not a joke. Stop settling for mediocre from yourself and from others in your life. Stephanie, I can’t put into words how much you have done for me and my journey. If you are reading this, please know that you are genuinely appreciated!
Wise words. I'm trying to get myself to move to a better area, but it's hard - more expensive, not sure if it will be okay, and fighting with my internal self that settles for second best.
My only problem with this advice is there are people that same putting unrealistic expectations on themselves and will never be satisfied with people coming to them and they will keep waiting for that "the one" only to realize how much time they've wasted to find someone matching a image made in their mind then they will look back at the people they've rejected willing to finally compromise and settle down. Life is lived in the present moment, not in the future nor some conditional reality.
It's tricky to see what's real, isn't it? I'm finally facing how much I settled for a second best which just doesn't vibe with who I am. I need to get over it and level up where I'm living, and am working on my daily habits to express my best. On the other hand, I've seen so many women with ridiculous standards for what they want in a man when they have none of the qualities to attract such a man.
Always on point .my mother said son iv watched you grow to be a really good man but youve always wanted to be needed rather than loved youve got it back to front .
Word!, her advice is partially true. Having standards, setting clear boundaries and shared values and all that jazz is basic. But ppl who think that LTR can thrive without compromise and HARD work on both sides are deluding themselves.
I am not ready yet. I'd like to build up a sturdy foundation in myself and my life first. I am not looking or waiting. But of course I'm a human being with feelings, wants and needs, that is not gone. I'm learning to embrace and feel. For now, I need my standards to be really high. Not even for now, I need healthier standards. It is acceptable to be alone. I like being alone. And loneliness will pass the more I spend time by myself and open up more to the right people, as my radar improves. There is no such thing as "The one". But I believe in the right love for every fase of my life.
I think it's possible to have such ridiculously high standards thats born from a place of hurt and pain, that we need to heal before entering into a serious relationship. Imagine being with someone and they make a mistake (God forbid), or some flaw comes out, & you're so all about your high standards that you throw that person out because "they didn't meet my standards", when you yourself could be hyper vigilant because you haven't done work to heal yourself 🙏🏼 I think that's what you said if you can't find what you're looking for after a year, start looking at compromising 👍🏼 I think standards, like boundaries, should have some flex, because we should be able to extend grace to others, just as there should be grace for ourselves. We all make mistakes, we're human. It's possible in our own hurt and pain we can throw some really good person for us away because we're too rigid in our own boundaries or standards, 🤷🏻 it's very important to do the healing work in ourselves, cuz everything we see is thru that lens of our heart and mind, based on what work we've done to heal from what's happened to us. Just my opinion 👍🏼
Exactly. Didn’t have a chance in relationships in 4+ years. I had lost sleep back then. Kept waking up in panic that I’d stay alone for the rest of my life. So I settled and had a baby. And if not superhappy I’m not suicidal any more. It’s rough out there. If you have at least a kid maybe it’s easier to not compromise. But I didn’t have anyone at all. High standards is great but real life is not a psychology text book.
I will not compromise my relationship with God, my "high standard" is having a relationship with Jesus and doing good to others, no matter what. I will wait for the right man of God❤
totally, Steph. totally :) thank you for reiterating and reassuring that compromising or lowering ones standard for the sake of convenience, instant gratification, or short term satisfaction (usually very marginal if not monotonous) is for sure no bueno :) i have been divorced and 'single' for many years now, since maybe 10 or so years, and the more that time passes, the more i raise my standards and become content that they will likely never be met / matched, and also how stupid and irritating most people are :) thank you for the pep talk :)
Funny thing is, I asked the Universe to bring me someone that *they* (not what *I* ) think is a really good fit for me. Let’s just say I learned a very valuable lesson playing Russian roulette with the Universe 😅
Actually some peoples standards are way too high. Even my own standards are sometimes higher than they should be. Being able to recognize that is a sign of being healthy. Unhealthy people with unrealistic standards usually cause more problems. Narcissistic people are a prime example of having standards that are too high. Edit: look at the standards of the typical young woman today. Those standards are placed on men and yet as soon as men place standards on women they are shunned and ridiculed.
I think it should've been phrased as standards for how someone treats you and their personality. And I think people that watch this channel tend to settle.
@@Growordecay … There’s nothing wrong with settling as long as the person you are with meets enough of your standards required for a healthy relationship. Healthy people don’t require a lot. Narcissistic people who settle end up in relationships where they are definitely not happy (as if they ever are) but don’t or can’t be alone so they will get whatever they can just to get by in life.
@@garrimic3 Oh I agree with that. But to me that's not really settling. Settling for me was being with a comorbid BPD/NPD that was not able to contribute to a two sided relationship When you hear people talk about "they've gotta have this income, this look like this" etc, or has to take care of all my needs that's rather narcissistic and superficial. Real relationships require sacrifice from both parties What you said in the second paragraph is something to think about. Interesting
@@garrimic3 I don't think people should settle, but should be realistic especially as they age. It's pretty common for people to look for all these qualities instead of embodying them themselves. Projecting idealized versions instead
That person does NOT exist brothers. Only in movies and songs. I was quickly replaced by my ex and my children after 17 years together. I now have to learn to live alone and battle depression and suicidal thoughts every hour. Work on yourselves, your career and your relationship with God. "Love" is a romantic delusion. Love yourself. Rent what you need as you go. 💪🏼
Sometimes we think those types of people don’t exist but they do they’re just hiding and healing themselves. But it’s crazy out there you’re dealing with mental disorders, personality disorders, behavioral disorders, it’s a big mixing bowl and that’s why you have to have high standards.
Thank you so much… this is the Vivian/idiot person. I can’t be sure yet if that was you contacting or another with a language of symbols or characters. I would love to get you some info. If you could contact me the same way I would know it was you and not Wacky-Town people fishing.
If people have super high standards and expectations in relationships; then They have no business being in relationships. Sorry. That is simply unrealistic and quite narcissistic because that person will never be good enough no matter how well they treat you.
I will not compromise my relationship with God, my "high standard" is having a relationship with Jesus and doing good to others, no matter what. I will wait for the right man of God❤
I will not compromise my relationship with God, my "high standard" is having a relationship with Jesus and doing good to others, no matter what. I will wait for the right man of God❤
After 10 years on my own, I have realized it is better to be alone than lower my standards and settle for less. Happiness comes from within. Reading a good book, getting out in nature, going to the beach, buying some flowers, cooking a nice meal are all things that can be done independently and still be enjoyable.
❤ wonderful reminder thank you
Absolutely right, Stephanie! I realize now that I have compromised my standards throughout my life where guys are concerned, always taking up with, rooting for, and staying with the underdog, always believing they would eventually do better because they just needed to live up to their potential. What a crock! It’s up to me now to figure out how I ever came up with this lame-brained way of thinking and conducting myself. Only in doing so can I change the eventual outcome of my life. Wish I would have realized this YEARS sooner! It would have made my life so much better, and the lives of those affected negatively by my misguided actions.
Thank you for this message, as a woman in her 30s the social pressure is so hard. It’s good to be reminded to please wait for someone to actually meet my standards. After several narcissistic relationships and years of me enabling grown men I can no longer settle for the bare minimum
Well, I settled at age 31 - no one better was coming along, I thought this one was going to be on the same page as me. He wasn't, was behaving interested in my activities just to get the ring on my finger.
And I was too naive to not see that how different he was wasn't going to lead anywhere good.
So have been single now since I was 39 and now 66 - wasn't prepared to settle for second best again.
Be willing to eliminate anything from your life that is not excellence.
When you “settle”, your subconscious will gnaw at you in perpetuity until you level up. This can be very deep and involves integrating your shadow. Shadow work is imperative to becoming the best version of yourself. There are thousands of videos and books on this subject. It’s not a joke.
Stop settling for mediocre from yourself and from others in your life.
Stephanie, I can’t put into words how much you have done for me and my journey. If you are reading this, please know that you are genuinely appreciated!
Wise words. I'm trying to get myself to move to a better area, but it's hard - more expensive, not sure if it will be okay, and fighting with my internal self that settles for second best.
My only problem with this advice is there are people that same putting unrealistic expectations on themselves and will never be satisfied with people coming to them and they will keep waiting for that "the one" only to realize how much time they've wasted to find someone matching a image made in their mind then they will look back at the people they've rejected willing to finally compromise and settle down. Life is lived in the present moment, not in the future nor some conditional reality.
It's tricky to see what's real, isn't it? I'm finally facing how much I settled for a second best which just doesn't vibe with who I am. I need to get over it and level up where I'm living, and am working on my daily habits to express my best.
On the other hand, I've seen so many women with ridiculous standards for what they want in a man when they have none of the qualities to attract such a man.
I tried liking this video twice. I appreciate the message.
Always on point .my mother said son iv watched you grow to be a really good man but youve always wanted to be needed rather than loved youve got it back to front .
Actually a Jewish Rabbi said we have to be needed, not loved.
I listened to this over and over .. Making sure i hear this....
I'm Waiting, I've made Enough Mistakes!
I agree same for me
Boundaries
Improved standards yes, also a clear understanding of own & others boundaries/values. Better to be kind by clearly setting preferences directly.
Word!, her advice is partially true. Having standards, setting clear boundaries and shared values and all that jazz is basic. But ppl who think that LTR can thrive without compromise and HARD work on both sides are deluding themselves.
I am not ready yet. I'd like to build up a sturdy foundation in myself and my life first. I am not looking or waiting. But of course I'm a human being with feelings, wants and needs, that is not gone. I'm learning to embrace and feel. For now, I need my standards to be really high. Not even for now, I need healthier standards. It is acceptable to be alone. I like being alone. And loneliness will pass the more I spend time by myself and open up more to the right people, as my radar improves. There is no such thing as "The one". But I believe in the right love for every fase of my life.
I love this advice. So many years I’ve not done this. It was always about helping fix the wounded. No more.
I think it's possible to have such ridiculously high standards thats born from a place of hurt and pain, that we need to heal before entering into a serious relationship. Imagine being with someone and they make a mistake (God forbid), or some flaw comes out, & you're so all about your high standards that you throw that person out because "they didn't meet my standards", when you yourself could be hyper vigilant because you haven't done work to heal yourself 🙏🏼 I think that's what you said if you can't find what you're looking for after a year, start looking at compromising 👍🏼
I think standards, like boundaries, should have some flex, because we should be able to extend grace to others, just as there should be grace for ourselves. We all make mistakes, we're human. It's possible in our own hurt and pain we can throw some really good person for us away because we're too rigid in our own boundaries or standards, 🤷🏻 it's very important to do the healing work in ourselves, cuz everything we see is thru that lens of our heart and mind, based on what work we've done to heal from what's happened to us.
Just my opinion 👍🏼
Love Steph she’s amazing ❤ great work lady
I compromised with my ex. He usually only gave the bear minimum while I always gave 100%. No more ever again!
Exactly. Didn’t have a chance in relationships in 4+ years. I had lost sleep back then. Kept waking up in panic that I’d stay alone for the rest of my life. So I settled and had a baby. And if not superhappy I’m not suicidal any more. It’s rough out there. If you have at least a kid maybe it’s easier to not compromise. But I didn’t have anyone at all. High standards is great but real life is not a psychology text book.
Thanks love your nose really beautiful
I will not compromise my relationship with God, my "high standard" is having a relationship with Jesus and doing good to others, no matter what. I will wait for the right man of God❤
totally, Steph. totally :) thank you for reiterating and reassuring that compromising or lowering ones standard for the sake of convenience, instant gratification, or short term satisfaction (usually very marginal if not monotonous) is for sure no bueno :) i have been divorced and 'single' for many years now, since maybe 10 or so years, and the more that time passes, the more i raise my standards and become content that they will likely never be met / matched, and also how stupid and irritating most people are :) thank you for the pep talk :)
IKR... I met my husband when I was 51 we lived in different countries for four years until we completed the long immigration process!
They need to be equivalent and alike. 😊
I didnt foklow those standards and wasnt happy.
As long as you don't think perfection exists
Well, i haven't found the person right for me yet, and it's been 27 years of saying no to what didn't seem up to standard yet...
Amen!
Hopefully one day I’ll see you in the streets God bless you sister Amen
Yep 10 years alone this month . Get a pet
Independence is an amazing feeling, being lonely is no reason to settle.
Funny thing is, I asked the Universe to bring me someone that *they* (not what *I* ) think is a really good fit for me. Let’s just say I learned a very valuable lesson playing Russian roulette with the Universe 😅
Actually some peoples standards are way too high. Even my own standards are sometimes higher than they should be.
Being able to recognize that is a sign of being healthy. Unhealthy people with unrealistic standards usually cause more problems. Narcissistic people are a prime example of having standards that are too high.
Edit: look at the standards of the typical young woman today. Those standards are placed on men and yet as soon as men place standards on women they are shunned and ridiculed.
I think it should've been phrased as standards for how someone treats you and their personality. And I think people that watch this channel tend to settle.
@@Growordecay … There’s nothing wrong with settling as long as the person you are with meets enough of your standards required for a healthy relationship. Healthy people don’t require a lot.
Narcissistic people who settle end up in relationships where they are definitely not happy (as if they ever are) but don’t or can’t be alone so they will get whatever they can just to get by in life.
@@garrimic3 Oh I agree with that. But to me that's not really settling. Settling for me was being with a comorbid BPD/NPD that was not able to contribute to a two sided relationship
When you hear people talk about "they've gotta have this income, this look like this" etc, or has to take care of all my needs that's rather narcissistic and superficial. Real relationships require sacrifice from both parties
What you said in the second paragraph is something to think about. Interesting
@@garrimic3 I don't think people should settle, but should be realistic especially as they age. It's pretty common for people to look for all these qualities instead of embodying them themselves. Projecting idealized versions instead
I just want a women who is honest and genuine.
Then you need to be those things.
❤
What shud this wait look like
That person does NOT exist brothers. Only in movies and songs. I was quickly replaced by my ex and my children after 17 years together. I now have to learn to live alone and battle depression and suicidal thoughts every hour. Work on yourselves, your career and your relationship with God. "Love" is a romantic delusion. Love yourself. Rent what you need as you go. 💪🏼
Sometimes we think those types of people don’t exist but they do they’re just hiding and healing themselves. But it’s crazy out there you’re dealing with mental disorders, personality disorders, behavioral disorders, it’s a big mixing bowl and that’s why you have to have high standards.
It’s definitely not acceptable. If we meet someone later who seem Nice suitable but not too much our taste, should we try the relation?
If you only knew how much I needed this right this moment
What if it's been 4 years+
😂
🎉
❤
Then four years and/or more have passed. How did you spend your energy? What needs to change?
Thank you so much… this is the Vivian/idiot person. I can’t be sure yet if that was you contacting or another with a language of symbols or characters. I would love to get you some info. If you could contact me the same way I would know it was you and not Wacky-Town people fishing.
If people have super high standards and expectations in relationships; then They have no business being in relationships. Sorry. That is simply unrealistic and quite narcissistic because that person will never be good enough no matter how well they treat you.
Cat lady.
I will not compromise my relationship with God, my "high standard" is having a relationship with Jesus and doing good to others, no matter what. I will wait for the right man of God❤
❤
I will not compromise my relationship with God, my "high standard" is having a relationship with Jesus and doing good to others, no matter what. I will wait for the right man of God❤
❤
❤❤❤❤