I had a huge circle of "friends" who loved me when i was 23, carefree party girl. Then once sh*t got real and my mom was diagnosed with cancer she was battling on and off for 2 years, they all left. It was during winter 2020 when they were all going out & i stayed home to keep my mom safe that they all turned on me. I'd ask if they'd video call me during sleepovers because i missed them and got nothing. They started getting mad at me and blowing up on me for inconsequential things. I firmly believe they thought i was exaggerating how sick my mom was until my mom passed away. Then they were crying crocodile tears at her wake before fking off from my life forever. We are better off without people who can't hold compassion and space for us in tough times.
They're not friends and they don't care. In fact they're probably laughing at her as they watch this video. Typical American behavior. People here don't care about anyone but themselves. She should have stayed in Canada. There is no real friendship here in the US. Just convenient acquaintances based on money. This is the sad truth and why I am looking to leave.
@@coupleofbeers31 the US is a bad place to be depends on who you’re asking and encountered. America is a society that has a more individualistic approach on relationships so they tend to put themselves first. In a more diverse area such as California, more times than not, you have ppl coming from all over the world with a more collectivist approach. They tend to look out for themselves and others. I can’t attest for everyone but I know that there are good people everywhere scattered, hidden like a needle in haystacks. This isn’t to dismiss being ghosted due to having cancer but everything to do with a mindset of feeling superior than the other and the stigma surrounding “poor health” and disability of any extent. In this case, these so called friends are simply being human and are passive aggressive about her condition and such behavior applies everywhere in the world. I truly hope that these folks will not pursue a career in customer service and particularly in healthcare. It sucks no matter how you approach it when a person is made to feel and believe they’ve been ostracized. So sorry to hear what you have gone through. At the same time, no one should ever make you feel a certain way without your permission. Continue to stand tall. 🙂
My son's intellectually disabled and audhd and I tell him he inspires me every day because he does 🤷♀️ If little mate can't understand something that's being taught to him, he asks me to keep trying to teach him in different ways so it "stays in his brain". If that ain't something to be inspired by, I don't know what is. I think anyone that experiences hardship who carries on the best they can and moves through the world with grace and humility and who doesn't moan about their situation every 5 minutes is a total inspiration. If you're that kind of person, you inspire me to be better too ❤ Just to give another point of view
Too many friendships nowadays seem so fickle. People just want to hang out and not necessarily build bonds that last through easy and hard times. It feels like the world is turning into this selfish superficial materialistic boring consumer-oriented subspace that excludes anything/anyone that disturbs its peace. And I'm over it.
Im insanely loyal and this was hard lesson to learn growing up, not everyone feels the same way. Another was realizing I can pick my friends, Im not obligated to be friends with everyone. Fair weather friends arent really friends, sometimes it just takes a while to identify them. Often you just need to listen; does this person talk only about themselves? Would they do this favor to me, if the roles were reversed? Are we equal? Sometimes it’s so obvious, especially when you are the one in need. And it still sucks, oh absolutely!
Friends also reject mental illness. Anxiety and depression. I lost everyone including my own kids. I'm completely alone. I don't even have a power of attorney. 🙏🙏🙏
So true. Not only ignored, but when I had the strength to share it, I found myself constantly ridiculed 🥲 i never talked about it at all, just shared my diagnosis so it might help explain some difficulties and that I wanted them to know I was still trying. That trust being shattered is painful. They see weakness and they exploit it. I’ll never understand how cruel people can be, especially “friends”
Found out my friend had cancer. I hadn't seen her for 8 years. I immediately coordinated a visit, I buy her her favorite perfume and cashmere hats, I buy her good food, send her money so she can see her grandkids...I don't want her stressing about anything I can help with. I drive 5 hours there and back once a month. But, I am a nurse and I've been around cancer, but I would never ghost someone like this, but maybe cause I've been ghosted and the feeling sucks.
My daughter has leukemia. When we started telling friends and family so they would know to be careful and to understand why we were taking extra precautions, a lot of her friends parents and even family members started ghosting us. I called one mother and asked why her daughter was no longer friends with my daughter. The answer I got was weird and basically amounted to the mother thinking her child could get leukemia from my child. Trying to explain that's not how leukemia works fell on deaf ears. Fortunately, my daughter has made so many friends at the hospital and my husband and I have found support groups to help us. Support is everything, and the fact that many people will just run rather than stay with a friend is really disheartening and sad.
"I just feel like i should focus on myself and my own personal journey. It seems like we need different things." How my best friend of five years responded when i told her i had cancer.
Some friend eh? You deserve better and I hope you've found new supporters. I've got cancer and am hurt by some friends' silence. Not knowing what to say to us is a selfish, weak excuse. Keep battling on!
@@alacrity28Dear Lord, what a body blow. You clearly don't need that. Blood is not thicker than water...I hope you find support from those with more water to them. You take care.
I feel for you… I don’t have cancer but have a chronic disease and I lost all but one friend after my diagnosis. People are strange and I’m living my best life now 🤷♀️😂.
I was born disabled and developed many chronic diseases so I was like you only had a couple of friends. Now I have cancer at 32 and they’re gone too. 💔
I was born disabled&sick so I didn’t have many friends to begin with. Now I have cancer at 32 and it feels like I have no friends left. I have my partner and carers but it isn’t the same. 💔 Thank you for this, I know I am not alone. 🙏
@@nothankyoudontwantalastnam847 Aww thank you. My cancer was apparently stable at my last appointment and I am currently on maintenance but I do feel new lumps. I can't tell if they are just enlarged lymph nodes from autoimmune disease or if it's more cancer. I am about to have a major abdominal surgery so I will have it checked out afterwards. I am doing okay otherwise! Thank you for your comment. 🥰
It isn’t only Cancer! Anything which brings a change, gives rise to being unavailable or lacking in energy for activities, will bring rejection, from some. Little by little, people tire of their support for an unending disease. Terry some odd years after I began having symptoms from diseases which bring chronic issues, I am alone most days. It’s become common to me and it’s ok, now. I’m in my seventies, now, and don’t really fit anywhere. Even family only come around on special holidays, if then. The depressive atmosphere, I understand. They could bring joy with them and it wouldn’t be depressive! Bring your own joy! byoj! Share it!
Wow…my friend did some bad things to me , but they hit me up a year later letting me know they were diagnosed with cancer and needed a support system I immediately was there for her I didn’t care about our fight, I just wanted to be there for her ! People are so mean and inconsiderate!
Generally I don't comment, but I had cancer at 13 and I lost all my friends too. I couldn't be mad at them though. They were kids like me and they didn't understand what was happening. I've never heard anyone else speak about this or that it was an actual thing with a name. I'm so so glad to see the attention called to it. I love your videos and adore watching you speak. And I'm not sure how to wrap this up because I don't generally comment, but just... thank you for what you do in general but especially for having this talk.
I thought I was the only one to experience such. Yep. My friends and all of my cousins. I was told I'd began to "walk too slow". They're all gone. EVERY one.
And their walk is the dance of inhumanity. You go at your own speed. Cancer slows us down in so many ways, but we are still our fabulous selves. You stay strong hon and remember they are the losers.
@@micheleandrew9612 I never could've known just how much one day I'd highly appreciate other people who I've never met in person bc our shared experiences give us a deep, profound understanding that we mutually can relate to. Your words are so spot on. It has taken me some time to grasp this & truly make it my reality, but... every second of getting here today has been worth it. THANK YOU!
😞 that is so brutal. I can understand that for younger children and teens, but young adults should know better. But yes, ultimately, you have to be your own cheerleader and not forget your own worth.
Hey guyanese young lady. Thanks for your speech. I am also from Guyana 🇬🇾 and I can only understand how you felt. People are coward. They are afraid of life. I experienced it after an event in my life. I am better without those people. As a child I could remember how lonely my mother was while dying for cancer. She is free from this world. ❤💯🇬🇾
Life is better spent alone and true to yourself than surrounded by people who will never care. People will come and go but your dignity lasts forever. You are incredible Petal, and I hope you've made better friends, you deserve it!
Ppl are heartless human beings. I was basically on my own dealing with my cancer with my 2 children in a new place. Husband deployed and no family and friends. Coworkers were the worst, till this day still. I can forgive but not forget. Blessed the ones who showed support 🙏
This is so heart breaking. I can tell the hurt and emotion in her voice even if she had this memorized. This is a sensitive subject that not many are brave enough to cover because of the hurt associated with it or just how confusing it is that "hey I'm getting better physically" but I'm feeling a bit lonely and depressed because everyone is leaving for some reason.
I couldn't imagine that cancer ghost was a thing. I'm flabbergasted 😮. I had 1 friend diagnosed, she only told us after she was out of the woods...i make sure to regularly check on her so she knows i care
Hi Petal, I don’t know if it’s whiny for me to say but I feel like modern day friendships are very selfish and the only reason people keep others around is to keep the stuff coming. I wish people would just realize that it’s ok to just care about and check in with another human being.
I've heard of this way too often in cases where someone had an accident, or their medical condition took a drastic turn. This is not a new thing. It's been going on for a long, long time. Doesn't mean it hurts less. It hurts all right, and would be bewildering and awful to experience. My heart goes out to Petal. I'm so proud of where she is in her life now, though.
Beautiful talk. I saw your IG post and watched right away. It happens with bipolar, and that goes without saying and is easily ‘justified’, unlike ghosting someone for getting diagnosed with cancer. Love your YT videos!
I was born disabled and sick with chronic illnesses so never had a lot of friends. I was diagnosed bipolar/borderline/cptd/ocd at 28 and had a few bipolar friends left until I got cancer last year at 32 and now they’re gone too. 💔
Sad; but it similar to how people were treated during the AIDS pandemic. Of course, not everyone is like that. There's some caring, supportive people out there.
Hi Petal, I was so happy to read your article in the WVU Alumni Magazine! Glad to see you doing well since my retirement in 2022. God Bless you, you have survived and stayed as sweet as I the Petal I remember in my class. Congratulations on talking out for patients! I am so proud of you. Healthcare needs to address these and so many more issues. Thanks for being a spokesperson! Keep up the good work! Take care, Professor Gilleland❤🩹
The older I get I believe most people are selfish or don’t truly know how to communicate their feelings. But I find it funny when something happens to them they need support and help smh
Well Done Petal. Tbh, I've had a dream of setting up a BPD support group in my town (because none exist at mo), & doing so would Definitely change my life. Thanks for your encouragement 🙏. Y'all please send me pos vibes so I can action this 'pipe dream' 🤞
The reminders of death thing just makes me think of how I could see people looking at a cancer diagnosis as a flag, "okay, this person may die on me, I'm not prepared to handle that kind of heartbreak." Never mind some aspects to stuff like the death positivity movement is having an acceptance that it's usually random, in the grand scheme of it. Nobody really knows when their number's up, let alone that of their closest/fondest. Death has no sense for fairness. It's always a dice roll to get invested in another human being as it is, and cancer is a /known/ modifier to someone's chances... a /known/ variable that which is simultaneously comforting (for the one throwing up the wall; and it is semi-irrational - given how many unknown unknowns MUST exist in a given person's mortality) and callous (for the one getting isolated; which is a far more concrete consequence). It's a prompt for anticipated grief - even in more benign presentations or long periods of remission. A specter that it can return. (Which, honestly/obviously can /not/ be more keenly felt than in the person who is actually living with cancer or a history thereof, here. It's just one of those uncomfortable moments where you can really understand both sides of that painful coin.)
Petal, you are such a gifted speaker! How you got through this difficult topic amazes me 💗 I just ‘discovered’ your channel & subscribed because you have a nice vibe ☮️ I’m wishing you all the very best 🥰
I couldn't imagine not having spent the last 2 years, months, weeks, days with my beautiful friend who passed from Cancer 5 years ago now. I'm so grateful for every second of time with him I managed to squeeze out. The ones that stay are the ones worthy of you Petal 🙏💚
I came because I really like Petal's content, but also this happened to my mother when she got diagnosed with young-onset Alzheimer's disease. People she had considered close friends could not be there for her. Avoiding people we love who are sick and dying does not protect us from sickness and death - it just robs us of time with those loved ones and usually manifests as regret later.
Never felt so seen, thank you petal. I went into Ceptic shock and was in the hospital for 6 months with 4 in isolation. Crazy to see the messages diminish and never to return a day at a time
This! Thank you Petal! I don’t have cancer but I have seizures. I got a new job and obviously my brain isn’t the same as yours so I got sick and my hearing was lost and I had to admit to my work about my condition. People do not know how to deal and even after being told I was loved and was doing great I was fired(for bs reasons). Nobody wants to be around the seizure girl. Haven’t had a seizure in two years after working so hard and working with doctors but nobody cares, I’m just seizure girl.
I cant even comprehend this is a thing. I have felt excluded too,and felt lonely,something wrong with me,was i unlikable.but with a cancer diagnosis sound more lonely,more scary. Thanks for speaking out,calling out the people who did this.i daresay,in thier lives,you are probably not the 1st or last person these particular people will abandon. To me it feels like a personality trait (flaw even).
Maybe it’s not just cancer ghosting, maybe it’s people not wanting to associate with bad events, either out of ignorance or avoiding ‘bad energy’ or not empathizing with the situation or just not wanting to come close for fear of contamination.I shed off most people that I considered to be my friends when I suddenly lost my sister in 2022. Maybe I expected too much when I hoped that they would show up for me like I had done for them when they needed me. I mean, people moved on with their lives like nothing had happened to me, some cut me off entirely probably out of the guilt of not showing up for me and some expected to pick up conversations when we met like nothing ever happened. Literally trying to water down the pain and trauma that I went through after coming face to face with death. I learnt that no one really cares. If you are going through sh**, you are basically on your own. Thank God for those who show up for you and remember to return their kindness when their time comes. ❤
I can't imagine isolating someone in their most vulnerable moments, thats so upsetting. Hugs to you Petal, you're such an amazing person and content creator. I just discovered your channel a few days ago and I've already binge watched almost all your videos ❤
In 7th grade, when we were 12, one of my best friend was diagnosed with cancer. She had a brain tumour and was in a coma for a week after the emergency brain surgery. I never visited her in the hospital, it scared me. She died when we were 15, I had almost completely stopped talking yo her because the other girls in the friend group didnt want yo be friends anymore. So i stopped reaching out to her, she had them, but she didnt ask to stop being friwnds. I tjink about it all the time and feel awful, i know I was young, but man if I could change anything id visit her more
I love petal! I hope she is doing well even though I see her on RUclips! 8 feel her pain about the fact that friends are ghosting her because I was ghosted because of ptsd! No as colossal as cancer but it still hurt! Stay strong petal ❤
People carry their own trauma and it manifests in ways that are selfish...they haven't dealt with their own demons. Just focus on the ones that are around now ❤️
I understand the pain she went through, and i also understand the friends that opted out. I've been in a similar situation with friends while i suffered a chronic illness that had me completely debilitated. As a result, i always check on my people.
omg- this is just awful- u did not deserve that and i am so sorry that you had to go through that at such a young age. Thank you for taking the time to tell your story to the world because the world desrves to hear yourr story! Gods blessings sweetheart!
Just coming here as a fellow Petal subscriber. I didn't know her journey with cancer until she posted about this talk. Not sure exactly when I started following her but it was definitely during her infancy as a creator, and I felt so happy to have found her. I only knew that she was a knowledgeable, well researched, and eloquently spoken youtuber who was passionate about patient advocacy. It's mind boggling to think that she was going through something this harrowing at the same time. I cannot wait to see what's next for her and her career!
So thankful for you Petal and for your RUclips channel. 🖤 I don’t have cancel but I have multiple chronic illnesses, autoimmune conditions, mental health issues and disabilities, that have piled on over the years and have now left me mostly bed bound. But I am still fun and a social butterfly. My wife left me. Most of my friends ghosted me. The reason? I am too much work, too much responsibility, too much of an inconvenience, I can’t go out and do anything exciting anymore (wrong - I go to concerts in my wheelchair once a month), etc. Thankfully I have a few good friends who have stayed by my side and I feel so grateful for them.
I am sorry this happened to you. I enjoy viewing your videos and always say to myself that if I were a young woman, I would like to be your friend (I’m a senior). It must have been hurtful. Everyone needs somebody.
I'd totally hang with you if I still lived in WV! Basketball games were fun and I mostly went alone too 😅 thank you for reminding us to be kind to others.
The moment I saw one of your videos I was hooked. There is just something about the careful way you curate your incredibly informative content, your voice and energy resonates with me and so many others. This is why you skyrocketed your channel in 5 short months to such incredible heights. You may have lost some fair weather friends, but you have gained an army of supporters who truly adore you as a person. I have never been that fortunate in regards to friendship and I think in general, life can be a rather lonely place for some. Thank you for being the bright light you are ✨
This video helped me recognize what to do if somebody I love has to go thru something as such. Thank you for your insight. Love the videos on the channel btw!
Sorry you were treated this way:( Also sounds like friendships in general these days unfortunately. Minimal effort and ghosting seem to be spreading more:(
Sorry your friends didn't support you. I had a friend that turned out to be a user and manipulator. Sometimes it takes an extreme event to show us who our friends really are. I don't miss her and I am glad she showed her true colours and not make me waste more time on someone who was a shell of a human being. I am sure you will find true friends along your new path💚
THATS PETALLLL??? I watch her all the timeee
Me too!! 😮
Me too
I had a huge circle of "friends" who loved me when i was 23, carefree party girl. Then once sh*t got real and my mom was diagnosed with cancer she was battling on and off for 2 years, they all left. It was during winter 2020 when they were all going out & i stayed home to keep my mom safe that they all turned on me. I'd ask if they'd video call me during sleepovers because i missed them and got nothing. They started getting mad at me and blowing up on me for inconsequential things. I firmly believe they thought i was exaggerating how sick my mom was until my mom passed away. Then they were crying crocodile tears at her wake before fking off from my life forever. We are better off without people who can't hold compassion and space for us in tough times.
I hope the "friends" watch this & are ashamed of themselves...
Don't even deserve that title😢
They're not friends and they don't care. In fact they're probably laughing at her as they watch this video. Typical American behavior. People here don't care about anyone but themselves. She should have stayed in Canada. There is no real friendship here in the US. Just convenient acquaintances based on money. This is the sad truth and why I am looking to leave.
@@coupleofbeers31 the US is a bad place to be depends on who you’re asking and encountered. America is a society that has a more individualistic approach on relationships so they tend to put themselves first. In a more diverse area such as California, more times than not, you have ppl coming from all over the world with a more collectivist approach. They tend to look out for themselves and others. I can’t attest for everyone but I know that there are good people everywhere scattered, hidden like a needle in haystacks. This isn’t to dismiss being ghosted due to having cancer but everything to do with a mindset of feeling superior than the other and the stigma surrounding “poor health” and disability of any extent. In this case, these so called friends are simply being human and are passive aggressive about her condition and such behavior applies everywhere in the world. I truly hope that these folks will not pursue a career in customer service and particularly in healthcare. It sucks no matter how you approach it when a person is made to feel and believe they’ve been ostracized.
So sorry to hear what you have gone through. At the same time, no one should ever make you feel a certain way without your permission. Continue to stand tall. 🙂
Same
@@coupleofbeers31 hun, we don't choose to live in the us. We just live here, don't liken every single American to the shallow ones.
i love you for saying that nobody should have to be an inspiration. i’m developmentally disabled and i hate being expected to be an “inspiration.”
„You‘re life isn’t hard enough yet, entertain me!“
- people insisting on „inspiring“ stories about other people struggling to put food on the table
I feel this, as a blind person. I really, really do not like, or want, to be called an inspiration... It makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
"You're such an inspiration!" Really? Great! Because I certainly don't inspire myself 🤣😭
@@cronchyskull You should start asking those people what you inspired them to do, lol.
My son's intellectually disabled and audhd and I tell him he inspires me every day because he does 🤷♀️ If little mate can't understand something that's being taught to him, he asks me to keep trying to teach him in different ways so it "stays in his brain". If that ain't something to be inspired by, I don't know what is. I think anyone that experiences hardship who carries on the best they can and moves through the world with grace and humility and who doesn't moan about their situation every 5 minutes is a total inspiration. If you're that kind of person, you inspire me to be better too ❤ Just to give another point of view
Too many friendships nowadays seem so fickle. People just want to hang out and not necessarily build bonds that last through easy and hard times. It feels like the world is turning into this selfish superficial materialistic boring consumer-oriented subspace that excludes anything/anyone that disturbs its peace. And I'm over it.
Im insanely loyal and this was hard lesson to learn growing up, not everyone feels the same way. Another was realizing I can pick my friends, Im not obligated to be friends with everyone. Fair weather friends arent really friends, sometimes it just takes a while to identify them. Often you just need to listen; does this person talk only about themselves? Would they do this favor to me, if the roles were reversed? Are we equal? Sometimes it’s so obvious, especially when you are the one in need. And it still sucks, oh absolutely!
Bang on!
Friends also reject mental illness. Anxiety and depression. I lost everyone including my own kids. I'm completely alone. I don't even have a power of attorney. 🙏🙏🙏
Sending positive thoughts your way
I’ve been through it too and it hurts so badly. Sending hugs and prayers your way…..
❤
So true. Not only ignored, but when I had the strength to share it, I found myself constantly ridiculed 🥲 i never talked about it at all, just shared my diagnosis so it might help explain some difficulties and that I wanted them to know I was still trying. That trust being shattered is painful. They see weakness and they exploit it. I’ll never understand how cruel people can be, especially “friends”
Found out my friend had cancer. I hadn't seen her for 8 years. I immediately coordinated a visit, I buy her her favorite perfume and cashmere hats, I buy her good food, send her money so she can see her grandkids...I don't want her stressing about anything I can help with. I drive 5 hours there and back once a month. But, I am a nurse and I've been around cancer, but I would never ghost someone like this, but maybe cause I've been ghosted and the feeling sucks.
I’m sorry this happened to her. Bad enough she had to battle cancer, but to have people she trusted turn on her. This world can be so cruel.
My daughter has leukemia. When we started telling friends and family so they would know to be careful and to understand why we were taking extra precautions, a lot of her friends parents and even family members started ghosting us. I called one mother and asked why her daughter was no longer friends with my daughter. The answer I got was weird and basically amounted to the mother thinking her child could get leukemia from my child. Trying to explain that's not how leukemia works fell on deaf ears. Fortunately, my daughter has made so many friends at the hospital and my husband and I have found support groups to help us. Support is everything, and the fact that many people will just run rather than stay with a friend is really disheartening and sad.
I found my real friends after experiencing symptoms of a chronic illness. People planning things without you is the most isolating experience ever.
"I just feel like i should focus on myself and my own personal journey. It seems like we need different things." How my best friend of five years responded when i told her i had cancer.
My sister told me she couldn’t support me when I told her I had a rare tumor and was starting chemo. I understand how it feels
Some friend eh? You deserve better and I hope you've found new supporters. I've got cancer and am hurt by some friends' silence. Not knowing what to say to us is a selfish, weak excuse. Keep battling on!
@@alacrity28Dear Lord, what a body blow. You clearly don't need that. Blood is not thicker than water...I hope you find support from those with more water to them. You take care.
I feel for you… I don’t have cancer but have a chronic disease and I lost all but one friend after my diagnosis. People are strange and I’m living my best life now 🤷♀️😂.
I was born disabled and developed many chronic diseases so I was like you only had a couple of friends. Now I have cancer at 32 and they’re gone too. 💔
@@iShereei’m so sorry ur going through this please know you’re not alone
@@santi-z5g thank you ❤️❤️
I’m also ill. I recognize this.
Me too it’s so hard I’m so glad it’s talked about
They aren’t friends at that point they are just people you used to know. They don’t deserve that title.
Some people have shown me their real colors after losing my mom. Now i don't just trust anyone
I was born disabled&sick so I didn’t have many friends to begin with. Now I have cancer at 32 and it feels like I have no friends left. I have my partner and carers but it isn’t the same. 💔 Thank you for this, I know I am not alone. 🙏
Sending hugs to you ❤❤❤
@@taiwoabiose6382 thank you kind stranger ❤️❤️
❤❤
i know its been 6 months but i hope you're doing better
@@nothankyoudontwantalastnam847 Aww thank you. My cancer was apparently stable at my last appointment and I am currently on maintenance but I do feel new lumps. I can't tell if they are just enlarged lymph nodes from autoimmune disease or if it's more cancer. I am about to have a major abdominal surgery so I will have it checked out afterwards. I am doing okay otherwise! Thank you for your comment. 🥰
I wish Petal was my friend.Anyone would be privileged to be her friend ❤
Quite.
It isn’t only Cancer! Anything which brings a change, gives rise to being unavailable or lacking in energy for activities, will bring rejection, from some. Little by little, people tire of their support for an unending disease. Terry some odd years after I began having symptoms from diseases which bring chronic issues, I am alone most days. It’s become common to me and it’s ok, now. I’m in my seventies, now, and don’t really fit anywhere. Even family only come around on special holidays, if then. The depressive atmosphere, I understand. They could bring joy with them and it wouldn’t be depressive!
Bring your own joy! byoj! Share it!
Well said!
Wow…my friend did some bad things to me , but they hit me up a year later letting me know they were diagnosed with cancer and needed a support system I immediately was there for her I didn’t care about our fight, I just wanted to be there for her ! People are so mean and inconsiderate!
Not you. You are wonderfully forgiving and a good soul
@@micheleandrew9612 thank u I’m not perfect but I’m glad I have compassion
Generally I don't comment, but I had cancer at 13 and I lost all my friends too. I couldn't be mad at them though. They were kids like me and they didn't understand what was happening. I've never heard anyone else speak about this or that it was an actual thing with a name. I'm so so glad to see the attention called to it.
I love your videos and adore watching you speak. And I'm not sure how to wrap this up because I don't generally comment, but just... thank you for what you do in general but especially for having this talk.
I think it’s mainly the fear of watching someone you once knew and loved deteriorate in front of your eyes
I could tell you were nervous Petal but you smashed it. I coukd never do that. Youre strength and bravery is incredible. Best wishes
I don’t know how people can be so cruel.i have met so much cruelty from fake people myself.Petal you are a beautiful soul ❤
I had no idea Petal Palmer did a Ted Talk. I'm here from her RUclips channel. Sorry to hear this happened to her
I thought I was the only one to experience such. Yep. My friends and all of my cousins. I was told I'd began to "walk too slow". They're all gone. EVERY one.
And their walk is the dance of inhumanity. You go at your own speed. Cancer slows us down in so many ways, but we are still our fabulous selves. You stay strong hon and remember they are the losers.
@@micheleandrew9612 I never could've known just how much one day I'd highly appreciate other people who I've never met in person bc our shared experiences give us a deep, profound understanding that we mutually can relate to. Your words are so spot on. It has taken me some time to grasp this & truly make it my reality, but... every second of getting here today has been worth it. THANK YOU!
Mhmm quick way to find out who your real friends are is to be sick they start disappearing real quick
I was like "dang she looks looks familiar, OH ITS PETAL"
As a medical doctor, I always learn from you Petal about how to be a better practitioner. Thank you.
😞 that is so brutal. I can understand that for younger children and teens, but young adults should know better.
But yes, ultimately, you have to be your own cheerleader and not forget your own worth.
Hey guyanese young lady. Thanks for your speech.
I am also from Guyana 🇬🇾 and I can only understand how you felt.
People are coward. They are afraid of life.
I experienced it after an event in my life.
I am better without those people. As a child I could remember how lonely my mother was while dying for cancer. She is free from this world.
❤💯🇬🇾
Life is better spent alone and true to yourself than surrounded by people who will never care. People will come and go but your dignity lasts forever. You are incredible Petal, and I hope you've made better friends, you deserve it!
How true.
Ppl are heartless human beings. I was basically on my own dealing with my cancer with my 2 children in a new place. Husband deployed and no family and friends. Coworkers were the worst, till this day still. I can forgive but not forget. Blessed the ones who showed support 🙏
I have seen this happen. People feel uncomfortable & no longer have same things in common. It's heartless, but it happens.
This is so heart breaking. I can tell the hurt and emotion in her voice even if she had this memorized. This is a sensitive subject that not many are brave enough to cover because of the hurt associated with it or just how confusing it is that "hey I'm getting better physically" but I'm feeling a bit lonely and depressed because everyone is leaving for some reason.
6:12 Ohh man I think being alone is worse than lonely too.
I couldn't imagine that cancer ghost was a thing. I'm flabbergasted 😮.
I had 1 friend diagnosed, she only told us after she was out of the woods...i make sure to regularly check on her so she knows i care
This is freaking SICK! I’d be driving’s them to appointments !
Hi Petal, I don’t know if it’s whiny for me to say but I feel like modern day friendships are very selfish and the only reason people keep others around is to keep the stuff coming. I wish people would just realize that it’s ok to just care about and check in with another human being.
Yes this ‼️
I've heard of this way too often in cases where someone had an accident, or their medical condition took a drastic turn. This is not a new thing. It's been going on for a long, long time.
Doesn't mean it hurts less. It hurts all right, and would be bewildering and awful to experience. My heart goes out to Petal. I'm so proud of where she is in her life now, though.
Came from Petal Palmers RUclips channel. So sorry to hear that you were ghosted. I understand the feeling.
Beautiful talk. I saw your IG post and watched right away. It happens with bipolar, and that goes without saying and is easily ‘justified’, unlike ghosting someone for getting diagnosed with cancer. Love your YT videos!
I was born disabled and sick with chronic illnesses so never had a lot of friends. I was diagnosed bipolar/borderline/cptd/ocd at 28 and had a few bipolar friends left until I got cancer last year at 32 and now they’re gone too. 💔
PETAL ❤🔥 Thank you so much for sharing your story
Same thing happens when you have a chronic illness.
Agreed.
My mother's husband did the same. I was so upset with him
Many many friends used to come over for party. When I got sick with cancer, slowly friends disappeared.
Sad; but it similar to how people were treated during the AIDS pandemic. Of course, not everyone is like that. There's some caring, supportive people out there.
I remember- at first people were terrified of it because they didn't understand anything about it.
That's true. I remember attitudes of some people in the 80s, alas.
Hi Petal, I was so happy to read your article in the WVU Alumni Magazine! Glad to see you doing well since my retirement in 2022. God Bless you, you have survived and stayed as sweet as I the Petal I remember in my class. Congratulations on talking out for patients! I am so proud of you. Healthcare needs to address these and so many more issues. Thanks for being a spokesperson! Keep up the good work! Take care, Professor Gilleland❤🩹
Wow…. No words for those people.
The older I get I believe most people are selfish or don’t truly know how to communicate their feelings. But I find it funny when something happens to them they need support and help smh
Yes... as ye sow, so shall ye reap. I don't know why I've gone all biblical, it just seems appropriate 😅
I’m currently dealing with this problem
Me too. We are still our fabulous selves, if friends forget this, we can either remind them, or forget them. Take care.
Please know that you deserve so much more and that you will find people who cherish you someday
Never knew this was a thing. So sad to think people would treat their friends like this
It’s a thing and this also happens to anyone with chronic illness.
Well Done Petal. Tbh, I've had a dream of setting up a BPD support group in my town (because none exist at mo), & doing so would Definitely change my life. Thanks for your encouragement 🙏. Y'all please send me pos vibes so I can action this 'pipe dream' 🤞
👏👏👏👏👏aplauding you, for speaking u for all of us who have been “ghosted”! 🙏🦋🙏🦋🙏
You are better off without the fake friends .❤
The reminders of death thing just makes me think of how I could see people looking at a cancer diagnosis as a flag, "okay, this person may die on me, I'm not prepared to handle that kind of heartbreak."
Never mind some aspects to stuff like the death positivity movement is having an acceptance that it's usually random, in the grand scheme of it. Nobody really knows when their number's up, let alone that of their closest/fondest. Death has no sense for fairness. It's always a dice roll to get invested in another human being as it is, and cancer is a /known/ modifier to someone's chances... a /known/ variable that which is simultaneously comforting (for the one throwing up the wall; and it is semi-irrational - given how many unknown unknowns MUST exist in a given person's mortality) and callous (for the one getting isolated; which is a far more concrete consequence).
It's a prompt for anticipated grief - even in more benign presentations or long periods of remission. A specter that it can return. (Which, honestly/obviously can /not/ be more keenly felt than in the person who is actually living with cancer or a history thereof, here. It's just one of those uncomfortable moments where you can really understand both sides of that painful coin.)
this happened to me too. you definitely learn who your true friends are when you go through cancer.
Petal, you are such a gifted speaker! How you got through this difficult topic amazes me 💗 I just ‘discovered’ your channel & subscribed because you have a nice vibe ☮️ I’m wishing you all the very best 🥰
But she smacks her lips alot tho when she speaks. It's distracting...
They were never your friends to begin with.
I couldn't imagine not having spent the last 2 years, months, weeks, days with my beautiful friend who passed from Cancer 5 years ago now. I'm so grateful for every second of time with him I managed to squeeze out.
The ones that stay are the ones worthy of you Petal 🙏💚
I came because I really like Petal's content, but also this happened to my mother when she got diagnosed with young-onset Alzheimer's disease. People she had considered close friends could not be there for her. Avoiding people we love who are sick and dying does not protect us from sickness and death - it just robs us of time with those loved ones and usually manifests as regret later.
Never felt so seen, thank you petal. I went into Ceptic shock and was in the hospital for 6 months with 4 in isolation. Crazy to see the messages diminish and never to return a day at a time
I'm so sorry that happened to you Petal. Sending hugs
Same.❤️
This! Thank you Petal! I don’t have cancer but I have seizures. I got a new job and obviously my brain isn’t the same as yours so I got sick and my hearing was lost and I had to admit to my work about my condition. People do not know how to deal and even after being told I was loved and was doing great I was fired(for bs reasons). Nobody wants to be around the seizure girl. Haven’t had a seizure in two years after working so hard and working with doctors but nobody cares, I’m just seizure girl.
You are not alone you are seen. Sending love & hugs for you. You are more than the seizures... Keep going
@@queenemma4250 thank you very much 💗
Wow this is raw. I hope you are feeling well petal! We appreciate you
TWO PETAL PALMER VIDEOS IN TWO DAYS 🎉🎉🎉 YOU ARE BRILLIANT
I cant even comprehend this is a thing. I have felt excluded too,and felt lonely,something wrong with me,was i unlikable.but with a cancer diagnosis sound more lonely,more scary. Thanks for speaking out,calling out the people who did this.i daresay,in thier lives,you are probably not the 1st or last person these particular people will abandon. To me it feels like a personality trait (flaw even).
Thanks petal I’m behind you 100 💯 percent. I’m a retired nurse so I can get what you’re going through. 💜💜💜💕💕💕
Maybe it’s not just cancer ghosting, maybe it’s people not wanting to associate with bad events, either out of ignorance or avoiding ‘bad energy’ or not empathizing with the situation or just not wanting to come close for fear of contamination.I shed off most people that I considered to be my friends when I suddenly lost my sister in 2022. Maybe I expected too much when I hoped that they would show up for me like I had done for them when they needed me. I mean, people moved on with their lives like nothing had happened to me, some cut me off entirely probably out of the guilt of not showing up for me and some expected to pick up conversations when we met like nothing ever happened. Literally trying to water down the pain and trauma that I went through after coming face to face with death. I learnt that no one really cares. If you are going through sh**, you are basically on your own. Thank God for those who show up for you and remember to return their kindness when their time comes. ❤
Thank you for making this. I experienced the same thing with chronic illness. It is so lonely and hard.
I can't imagine isolating someone in their most vulnerable moments, thats so upsetting. Hugs to you Petal, you're such an amazing person and content creator. I just discovered your channel a few days ago and I've already binge watched almost all your videos ❤
You are fantastic!! Your channel is amazing.
To be clear, I mean petal palmers page ♥️
In 7th grade, when we were 12, one of my best friend was diagnosed with cancer. She had a brain tumour and was in a coma for a week after the emergency brain surgery. I never visited her in the hospital, it scared me. She died when we were 15, I had almost completely stopped talking yo her because the other girls in the friend group didnt want yo be friends anymore. So i stopped reaching out to her, she had them, but she didnt ask to stop being friwnds.
I tjink about it all the time and feel awful, i know I was young, but man if I could change anything id visit her more
Many Chronic debilitating pain illnesses...are abandoned by "loved ones😢
It's deplorable! Sadly oh so common.
❤. 🕊️🙏✨
I love petal! I hope she is doing well even though I see her on RUclips! 8 feel her pain about the fact that friends are ghosting her because I was ghosted because of ptsd! No as colossal as cancer but it still hurt! Stay strong petal ❤
People carry their own trauma and it manifests in ways that are selfish...they haven't dealt with their own demons. Just focus on the ones that are around now ❤️
I wonder how her family treated her, hopefully they were loving and supportive.
Shout out to Petal's amazing channel and all the wonderfully presented information they provide!
I understand the pain she went through, and i also understand the friends that opted out. I've been in a similar situation with friends while i suffered a chronic illness that had me completely debilitated. As a result, i always check on my people.
petal power!!!
omg- this is just awful- u did not deserve that and i am so sorry that you had to go through that at such a young age. Thank you for taking the time to tell your story to the world because the world desrves to hear yourr story! Gods blessings sweetheart!
Love you Petal
They also cut off for things like stillbirth
Just coming here as a fellow Petal subscriber. I didn't know her journey with cancer until she posted about this talk. Not sure exactly when I started following her but it was definitely during her infancy as a creator, and I felt so happy to have found her. I only knew that she was a knowledgeable, well researched, and eloquently spoken youtuber who was passionate about patient advocacy. It's mind boggling to think that she was going through something this harrowing at the same time. I cannot wait to see what's next for her and her career!
I lost a friend to cancer, and maybe it's because we both were still children at the time, but I can't imagine doing this
So thankful for you Petal and for your RUclips channel. 🖤
I don’t have cancel but I have multiple chronic illnesses, autoimmune conditions, mental health issues and disabilities, that have piled on over the years and have now left me mostly bed bound. But I am still fun and a social butterfly.
My wife left me. Most of my friends ghosted me. The reason? I am too much work, too much responsibility, too much of an inconvenience, I can’t go out and do anything exciting anymore (wrong - I go to concerts in my wheelchair once a month), etc. Thankfully I have a few good friends who have stayed by my side and I feel so grateful for them.
im so sorry you had to go through this Petal, we love you so much! Fellow physics student here too, im doing Medical Physics xxx
So sorry for what u went through I know how it feels when the doctor tell you u have cancer. I also cry when she told me
Petal: you are fantastic! So strong and amazing ❤ only good things will happen to you ❤
I am sorry this happened to you. I enjoy viewing your videos and always say to myself that if I were a young woman, I would like to be your friend (I’m a senior). It must have been hurtful. Everyone needs somebody.
Love your RUclips videos. Happy to see your voice expanding to others.
I'd totally hang with you if I still lived in WV! Basketball games were fun and I mostly went alone too 😅 thank you for reminding us to be kind to others.
Love her channel. It's so sad that people back away during the most vulnerable times.
The moment I saw one of your videos I was hooked. There is just something about the careful way you curate your incredibly informative content, your voice and energy resonates with me and so many others. This is why you skyrocketed your channel in 5 short months to such incredible heights. You may have lost some fair weather friends, but you have gained an army of supporters who truly adore you as a person. I have never been that fortunate in regards to friendship and I think in general, life can be a rather lonely place for some. Thank you for being the bright light you are ✨
💗❣💗 you are strong and amazing
Yep, happened to me, my own family did it to me.
Shocking, just shocking. I hope you have other supporters. You deserve them!
This video helped me recognize what to do if somebody I love has to go thru something as such. Thank you for your insight. Love the videos on the channel btw!
My sister cut me off during my chemo treatment.
She was no help then. Has she heard about Karma? I hope she begs for your forgiveness. You deserve that much hon.
News flash…they weren’t ur real friends
Petal, You are a True Inspiration not to mention a Very Special Person ❤️
Sorry you were treated this way:( Also sounds like friendships in general these days unfortunately. Minimal effort and ghosting seem to be spreading more:(
Sorry your friends didn't support you. I had a friend that turned out to be a user and manipulator. Sometimes it takes an extreme event to show us who our friends really are. I don't miss her and I am glad she showed her true colours and not make me waste more time on someone who was a shell of a human being. I am sure you will find true friends along your new path💚
I experienced the exact same when I was diagnosed in college. Great talk!