I once visited a Pakistani man as part of a local mosque's community effort to chit-chat with people who may have lost touch with Islam. The man was well-to-do financially and had married a Christian woman. We talked to him by calling him outside his house. As soon as his wife overheard that we were talking about Islam, she started calling him back inside. The calls got louder and angrier every minute ! We were barely able to speak to him for 10 minutes before he apologized and went back inside. I got the first hand taste that day of how much one has to sacrifice in order to marry someone from a completely different culture. Its nearly impossible for both people to keep their distinct cultures and be married as well. One person almost always has to give up their culture. Later in life that sacrifice causes lots of misgivings and I know so many people who called it quits only due to those misgivings after decades of letting their own culture go.
We as a Canadian parents always involve in our community and me and my husband are active members of different associations and we always have gatherings with like minded families but one of my daughters married with a Palestinian boy and second got married with Guyanese boy (Indian background) . Both families are very nice and religious. Even we are typical Pakistani family from Karachi, Alhamdulillah kids are happy so we are happy. I told them the person you choose should be good Muslim and human being
Great topic, I agree that community building is key to exposure to our culture. It takes effort on part of parents but it should help . But kids can be unpredictable in terms of their heart so we hope and pray they choose well whoever they may be.
A positive and healthy home environment, anchored by the values of religiously practicing parents, plays a pivotal role in shaping children. Core values are naturally passed down through daily interactions, while community engagement serves as a complementary influence. If your home fosters happiness, health, and strong values, you can rest assured about your child's foundation for growth.
If preserving one’s own culture is the top priority, it may be worth considering whether moving to a country with a fundamentally different local culture is the right choice. Many immigrants relocate primarily for economic opportunities and a better quality of life, and these advantages often come at the cost of having to adapt to new cultural norms. If the price of better opportunities is exposure to-and engagement with-a culture that may initially feel uncomfortable or foreign, then it is a trade-off many choose to make. However, it’s important to recognize that superficial interactions, such as having a colleague or friend from a different cultural or religious background, do not equate to a deep understanding or meaningful integration of that culture. Genuine cross-cultural exchange requires more than surface-level connections; it often involves an openness to learning, evolving, and embracing unfamiliar practices or ideas. Raising children who are free from the weight of the values or traditions of the home culture-while still respecting them-is perhaps the most significant form of cultural assimilation. It allows the next generation to grow up with the freedom to navigate and integrate multiple cultural identities, without feeling burdened or conflicted by the customs they were born into. In this sense, the real challenge for immigrants is not simply adjusting to a new environment but finding a balance between maintaining their cultural heritage and integrating into a broader, often more diverse society. It’s a delicate process that requires both personal growth and a willingness to engage meaningfully with the host culture, not just on a surface level.
Desi parents have to understand that children are not their personal property. Let them decide on their own please (especially if your children are raised in a Western country).
First priority should be a religion, second should be a culture but that's not very important like the first one, we must follow the Quran and the authentic hadeeth of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w to understand what is more important in marriage as prophet s.a.w said man can marry a woman for 3 reasons, first beauty, second wealth and third a religion, choose the last one so you can prosper in this world and the hereafter also.
Ofcourse the child would be affected when you are in other country! One must be open for the child to have their own identity. Let them be happy. Also, parents must think about all aspects when they move and have not moved in first place if they arnt accepting or open minded about other cultures.
@@NorthAmerican-Desi Our daughter is dating a white American and it’s fine for us. After all it’s her life. As far as religion goes, Hindus pray to the gods of every religion. That’s how we are very pluralistic in our life and thinking.
I think that marrying outside of culture VS marrying out of religion are completely different things, the latter being almost unacceptable. I wouldn't mind if my desi son/daughter married a Japanese/Indian/Balkan/French/American/Nigerian/Sudanese/Indonesian/Syrian/Egyptian Muslim, not one bit. When I see mixed Muslim couples on Instagram/Tiktok shorts, it's heartwarming, and dil se Masha Allah nikalta hai. But when you cross a limit set by the Creator Himself: boy marrying a polytheist, or a girl marrying anyone other than a Muslim, something which actually means that the Nikkah is not valid, then personally, I'll not accept that. They can still do whatever they like, but they will likely be cut off from the family.
I once visited a Pakistani man as part of a local mosque's community effort to chit-chat with people who may have lost touch with Islam. The man was well-to-do financially and had married a Christian woman. We talked to him by calling him outside his house. As soon as his wife overheard that we were talking about Islam, she started calling him back inside. The calls got louder and angrier every minute ! We were barely able to speak to him for 10 minutes before he apologized and went back inside. I got the first hand taste that day of how much one has to sacrifice in order to marry someone from a completely different culture. Its nearly impossible for both people to keep their distinct cultures and be married as well. One person almost always has to give up their culture. Later in life that sacrifice causes lots of misgivings and I know so many people who called it quits only due to those misgivings after decades of letting their own culture go.
We as a Canadian parents always involve in our community and me and my husband are active members of different associations and we always have gatherings with like minded families but one of my daughters married with a Palestinian boy and second got married with Guyanese boy (Indian background) . Both families are very nice and religious.
Even we are typical Pakistani family from Karachi, Alhamdulillah kids are happy so we are happy.
I told them the person you choose should be good Muslim and human being
Thanks for sharing
Great topic, I agree that community building is key to exposure to our culture. It takes effort on part of parents but it should help . But kids can be unpredictable in terms of their heart so we hope and pray they choose well whoever they may be.
A positive and healthy home environment, anchored by the values of religiously practicing parents, plays a pivotal role in shaping children. Core values are naturally passed down through daily interactions, while community engagement serves as a complementary influence. If your home fosters happiness, health, and strong values, you can rest assured about your child's foundation for growth.
If preserving one’s own culture is the top priority, it may be worth considering whether moving to a country with a fundamentally different local culture is the right choice. Many immigrants relocate primarily for economic opportunities and a better quality of life, and these advantages often come at the cost of having to adapt to new cultural norms. If the price of better opportunities is exposure to-and engagement with-a culture that may initially feel uncomfortable or foreign, then it is a trade-off many choose to make.
However, it’s important to recognize that superficial interactions, such as having a colleague or friend from a different cultural or religious background, do not equate to a deep understanding or meaningful integration of that culture. Genuine cross-cultural exchange requires more than surface-level connections; it often involves an openness to learning, evolving, and embracing unfamiliar practices or ideas. Raising children who are free from the weight of the values or traditions of the home culture-while still respecting them-is perhaps the most significant form of cultural assimilation. It allows the next generation to grow up with the freedom to navigate and integrate multiple cultural identities, without feeling burdened or conflicted by the customs they were born into.
In this sense, the real challenge for immigrants is not simply adjusting to a new environment but finding a balance between maintaining their cultural heritage and integrating into a broader, often more diverse society. It’s a delicate process that requires both personal growth and a willingness to engage meaningfully with the host culture, not just on a surface level.
So so well said thanks for sharing
EXCELLENT POINT. So parents are the ones who have proceeded on this part of their children lives. Rest is luck & fate. Finito
Desi parents have to understand that children are not their personal property. Let them decide on their own please (especially if your children are raised in a Western country).
Why pressurize the kids ! Don't understand desi's being one.
First priority should be a religion, second should be a culture but that's not very important like the first one, we must follow the Quran and the authentic hadeeth of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w to understand what is more important in marriage as prophet s.a.w said man can marry a woman for 3 reasons, first beauty, second wealth and third a religion, choose the last one so you can prosper in this world and the hereafter also.
Ofcourse the child would be affected when you are in other country! One must be open for the child to have their own identity. Let them be happy. Also, parents must think about all aspects when they move and have not moved in first place if they arnt accepting or open minded about other cultures.
Agree
It may be a problem for Muslims from South Asia but for Hindus it’s not a big thing. Our religion, culture & way of life is very pluralistic
Yes I agree…. it’s a bigger concern for muslims… true that…
@@NorthAmerican-Desi Our daughter is dating a white American and it’s fine for us. After all it’s her life. As far as religion goes, Hindus pray to the gods of every religion. That’s how we are very pluralistic in our life and thinking.
I think that marrying outside of culture VS marrying out of religion are completely different things, the latter being almost unacceptable. I wouldn't mind if my desi son/daughter married a Japanese/Indian/Balkan/French/American/Nigerian/Sudanese/Indonesian/Syrian/Egyptian Muslim, not one bit. When I see mixed Muslim couples on Instagram/Tiktok shorts, it's heartwarming, and dil se Masha Allah nikalta hai.
But when you cross a limit set by the Creator Himself: boy marrying a polytheist, or a girl marrying anyone other than a Muslim, something which actually means that the Nikkah is not valid, then personally, I'll not accept that. They can still do whatever they like, but they will likely be cut off from the family.
Boys have huge advantage they can marry ahle Kitab
Girls are SOL