Thank you for not editing. It’s important to me to see other people like myself. I spent the first 68 years of my life not knowing why I am the way I am and thinking I was broken and alone. Thanks to your channel I now know I am neither broken nor alone.
My Biggest Holiday Time Stressor: The expectation that I can deviate from my routines/not take breaks/ tolerate more because "Its just for this week" or "you don't get to see them very often". It makes me feel like my sensory needs are viewed as just personal preferences that I can ignore when convenient. I end up constantly playing defense for my own boundaries which is exhausting and disregulating in its own right.
I made Xmas real simple for myself years ago: I try to ignore it as much as possible! My husband and I are in our 60s, we don't have children or grandchildren, we're not religious and have no use for the relentless commercialism. I prefer the peace of staying home. Had a lot of years of stress from all this and I give myself permission to skip it if I choose.
One of my biggest holiday stressors is obligation: obligation to get gifts for people I don't know super well, obligation to attend large social gatherings, obligation to pretend to like gifts which I don't want. The intensity of normal familial obligation gets ratcheted up so severely this time of year.
for real! on Thanksgiving i drew a breath, opened my parents' door and waled straight into a room full of 7 people shouting 10 different conversations at max volume and it took some willpower not just to turn around and leave immediately
@@Dancestar1981I have the engage ones and I like them but I don’t really like conversing with them, only because it’s harder to gauge how loud I’m talking which makes me feel self conscious if I’m too loud or quiet
I dont do parties when it comes to Christmas. I do my faith side of things as a Christian autistic person. I would rather be at church with church family than a party with alcohol. Church is apart of Christmas day for my family
THIS. Being a people pleaser is unbearable around Christmas. I always end up spending way more than I'd planned because I get so anxious over the possibility that people won't like their presents.
Yes yes yes. I do love buying presents for a few select people each year, but gifts in general are very stressful. I got the idea from Elyse Myers' channel this year to have all of the adults in my family buy our own gift to bring for a Christmas present show and tell. I'm super excited to try it! Everyone will get something they really want, we wont waste money getting each other things we dont want, and we will all get to learn something about the interests of our loved ones. Big wins all around, in my opinion 🎉
When I was a kid I always had this huge question in my head during holidays: "Why on earth do we all have to do this??? Why does everybody have to keep suffering, just because of social norms???" (later realized neurotypicals are not suffering...) I stopped attending holiday gatherings once I became an adult, and it has been so great!!
Ten years ago I could not reinvent myself for the umpteenth millionth time. Spent so much of my life changing myself to make other people “feel” comfortable around me and to fit into “the system”. Doing nothing but pleasing others is no way to live.
I tend to panic buy. That is getting ANY present at the last moment as I can’t decide what to get even though I’ve been thinking about it all non stop. Exhausting 😢
My biggest holiday stressors (which I can't separate) are food and question related. I get asked SO many questions, and it's overwhelming so fast and I go to a pretty dark place. Questions like: what do you want to do, which type, what do you want to eat, this brand or that brand, this flavor or that flavor, hot or cold. There are so many smells and tastes I'm not used to, I can't even take in the questions anymore and my brain literally can't process that I'm being asked a questions anymore. I just sit there and stare at them. And if I don't respond, I just get asked even more questions. And I can't say I'm stressed, because then I get a million more questions about how and why, and what do I need, and although that sounds useful it's not because I'm already exhausted - at that point, nothing really helps.
My biggest stressor is decorating and meal planning. The older I get the more difficult it becomes. I'm almost at the point I just don't want to celebrate at all anymore. It just feels like a huge chore now.
Honestly, your thumbnail made feel so validated! I had been saying for years, to my mom, friends and family, "I can't hear you, it's too bright" or "I can't see, it's loud", and everyone looked at me funny. After my diagnosis last year, everything just made sense!
Add to holiday stress - a home renovation which is going to spill into the Christmas season with no access to my normal stuff, clutter EVERYWHERE, etc. Therapy is going to be very needed during this time.
Another excellent video! My biggest holiday stressor is most definitely feeling like I have to smile and listen to people’s stories when I really want to sit off to the side and just observe.
Biggest holiday stressor: the expectation that I constantly be in the "holiday spirit." I struggle with seasonal depression, and it's hard enough to be functional without the added pressure to be cheerful. Also: Thank you so much for this video. It was well-timed for me - I finally came out to my family as nonbinary, and their response was very dismissive. So the first part especially, about not sticking yourself in a box for others' comfort, really hit home. Thanks again.
I'm writing this for a second time. You seemed so calm in this video, ergo, calming to me. For me, hearing a lot of voices talking at once. My brain jams fast, and I have a hard time forming my thoughts to contribute to a conversation. My mind seems to try and keep track of the other voices as well, not so much what is being said, but the tones, inflections and energies swirling around. When I try to add my thoughts on something, even if it is something simple, I have a hard time getting the words out. The hosts' house has some cats, but the only that stayed near to the gathering was sitting on a cat tree (not sure if that is what they are called), looking a little annoyed, but patiently looking over the party. That's where I think I would fit in. I've always been one to be off to the side at gatherings, quietly listening and observing. Then, going outside to clear my head and decide whether or not to go back in or leave or be occupied with something else.
Yes! This. I can't pick one voice from 2 or more much less the voices flying around in various directions. Not unlike when I'm in a crowd and people are moving around in various different and confusing directions.
My biggest stressor is trying to simultaneously find something to add to the conversation I've been listening to for the past 10 min while also avoiding oversharing about a topic that's come up that I happen to be passionate about
One of my major stressors at holidays was my ex-in-laws’ way of doing potluck meals. They would all bring 4-5 dishes each so every family meal had at least 50 food options. When hosting at our house, it would take hours to clean up and I was left completely exhausted. So happy to have just had my first holiday without that turmoil 🎉
Oh, the challenge for me is all the additional executive functioning required for the celebrations....good God, I hardly have any on days when I'm not exhausted...organizing the meals, planning the food, getting the food, and then trying to organize the cooking times, and just for one meal, getting the hannakah candles and little daily presents and figuring when does hannakah start and then, ohmygod, Xmas, parties, alcohol, teacher gifts, wrapping paper....I'm in bed by the day after thanksgiving.
My biggest holiday stressor is dealing with crowds in the stores and on the road, especially when I'm trying to get my basic household shopping done. Gift giving is right up there too. Wish we could just skip the gift exchange.
Shopping for basic needs during the holidays is a nightmare for me too! I try to avoid it as much as possible. Yesterday I had no choice because I was out of groceries. By some miracle I made it (drinking two Black Rifle coffees probably helped short-term lol), but I did end up overspending and forgetting that I was planning to save some money for future bills, so yeah. It sucks. I feel you on the gift giving too. My family has kind of relaxed about it more recently, but in the past it was a huge source of stress. Still a bit stressful now.
@@mrandisg In the past I've done as much bulk shopping as I could in advance so my shopping list was much smaller. Unfortunately this year I was unable to do that. I'll try to stock up in the next week or so to limit future trips for the rest of December. Good luck to you!
My holiday stressors are the holiday meals when all I want to do is stay home & eat simple nibbly foods. But my sibling lives in another state, so me & my family are it for dinner at my parents. Also how crowded it is at the grocery store. I am so thankful for the in-store shoppers who do my shopping for me!
My biggest holiday stressor is worrying about getting gifts that everyone will LOVE and making sure the grandkids’ gifts “even out.” I really driveway myself crazy with this.
Large crowds of people are a big stressor for me especially with people that I only see once per year at Christmas. I love seeing all my family, but the crowds are daunting.
A holiday time stressor that seems to be getting worse for me each year is doing the cooking. I love cooking, but even with giving myself some accommodations I feel like each holiday I get more overwhelmed in the kitchen. Not only am I stressed over the cooking, I'm also stressed over the fact that something I enjoy seems to be getting more stressful.
The biggest stress for me comes from all the social pressure to participate in holiday activities when I do not share the beliefs, values, or traditions of the dominant society. It's all just TOO MUCH. The only tradition I enjoy is a sunrise hike in the woods with a few loved ones on Winter Solstice/Yule morning. We've been doing it for about 25 years, and it's really special.
My biggest holiday stressor is that my relatives think it’s fun to bring their dogs to family events. There are always dogs running around, barking and chewing on loud squeaky toys.. It feels chaotic & when everyone is focused on the pets, I never get quality time with the people I’d like to see. Thank you for your channel! You’ve helped me deal with so many difficult issues.. I really appreciate you! 💕
@@MomontheSpectrumplus the dogs get overstimulated and children - food on table dog height - other dogs Not safe too much for all. Embrace the boundary
Just wanted to say thank you again.. I watched this video Thanksgiving night & you inspired me to talk to my family & set boundaries.. My in-laws told me they’re going to board their dog in a kennel for Christmas & ask the rest of the family to leave their dogs at home. They really care about me.. they just didn’t know how much the dogs overwhelmed me. 🙏💕
My biggest holiday stressor is that it is a big family gathering, but also afterwards the topic of conversation wherever you go is what did you do and what did you get. Very stressful to answer that politely and with executive functioning issues even remembering what you did and got. After the convo finishes, I then feel bad because I will remember more things and that they didn't get mentioned too.
3:55 don't feel bad about that example, as an Autistic parent this is incredibly relatable. At a certain age the other adults in our lives start expecting stuff from us like cooking certain meals for particular family events or holidays just because it's a tradition. Stuff like that can definitely be frustrating for a bunch of reasons if you're Autistic, I feel like the 30+ Autistic experience isn't really well discussed.
I'm the cook in my family... and having other people in the kitchen with me can be overwhelming, that means I'm usually cooking on my own. So one of my biggest stressors is getting the holiday dinner ready in a reasonable time while making sure everyone has at least one dish they really like.
I was diagnosed with severe inattentive ADHD and autism two years ago, and it's crazy to think that as it's now exactly a week until I turn 40 all these things you're mentioning Taylor are going 'ding,ding,ding'. Even though it has taken this long I thank God that I now know why I always felt alone and like I never belonged. It may have taken a severe burnout causing hospitalization, but I now feel free and like a whole new person. I still go through the many everyday motions of things, but know how to cope. Please keep up the very inspirational work you do. God bless you and your family.
The main reason why the holidays stress me out is due to the near changes, and the fear of the unknown as we come close to the end of the year. I have so many questions running through my mind. What good things will happen next year? Will I make any new friends? Who will we lose? What not so good things could happen?” Because I know we’re all getting older, and nothing lasts forever. Thankfully I have quite the toolbox of coping skills to help with this. So I’m not too worried about spiraling out of control.
My main stressor during the holidays is helping my son regulate, he is really struggling today. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving, Taylor and friends! 💞🦃
My stressor: where I am right now, we have a guest that stays with us for every holiday, and guests are really really hard for me. They ruin the night time ritual and add way more noise so I can't sleep at all, leading to many meltdowns. There is also asking them not to touch my safe foods or having to be alone in the bedroom almost the whole time.
For a long time I felt obliged to host family members who exhausted me and left me severely sleep-deprived, with serious impacts on my health. I asked them not to stay again ever. If someone harms your health because they don't work around your health needs, you have absolutely ZERO obligation to let them stay with you. They can pay for accommodation somewhere else!
@@jillianoldfield2300 Sadly its not up to me, I live with my partner and mother in law, and she doesn't really care about my needs in many ways (like bringing in animals I'm highly allergic to). its just the only place we can live and therefore am gonna have to deal with a meltdown a day while her guest is here.
This is a great video, my biggest stressor is the crowds and the music full blast and people getting in my space….i love the giveaway the purple one ❤ I am subscribed and 👍 liked
❤❤my biggest stressor in the holidays is ...mmm i feel like there are many and it's hard to choose ...but...yess i feel moments its mandatory to be with everyone, like unwrapping gifts and meals. I tend to retreat as soon as possible to breathe mentally before I can come back.
Really loved this video. I know I repeat this, but, these unedited videos make me to realize that we are being understood. And, you do pretty good at presenting logically.
One huge stressor for me is moving. Since holidays are times to visit family, which can be a major stressor in itself depending on what happens and how everyone acts, im not always at home in my own bed. This reduces my feeling of having a safe space to retreat to especially since everyone else sleeps right outside where i stay. Because of how many people are there i have to use an air mattress which is less comfortable and more unfamiliar.
Your entire comment gave me a flashback of Christmas 2015. I live in Colorado, a high percentage of my family lives in North Carolina. That year, I traveled to NC to be with my family for Christmas but mostly because it was anticipated to be my grandfather’s last Christmas (it was, he passed not even 9 months later). There were SO MANY people at my relative’s home! Not nearly enough beds or spaces to put them. I ended up stuck with a very leaky air mattress placed in front of the door to the master bedroom because it was the only space in the house where it would fit. I didn’t get much sleep that night. After a few hours when everyone had gone to bed, I went downstairs and slept on the couch.
My biggest holiday stressor is definitely figuring out the expectations of the people who expect to see me in certain contexts around the holidays, ie which family members and when, and how much interaction they assume they’ll have from me. I definitely do the people pleasing thing but it’s built up over the years and I can’t always keep up all the different days of commitments anymore. Learning to focus only on the people who are willing to learn about my neurotype so I’m not the only one taking on the weight, as you said!
One of my biggest holiday stressors is being overstimulated with decor everywhere. There’s so many sights and sounds and smells and textures etc. to take in all at once.
my biggest holiday stressor is that in our big family everyone wants to meet up and do a big holiday get-together. this leads to partys and meal invitings every day from december the 24th up to the end of the year. so I always start into the new year totally stressed out.
Boundaries appear to be the theme. I just finished the Therapy in a Nutshell video on boundaries. One of the biggest stressful aspects of the holidays is the aspects of having a family member with major health conditions getting their needs met, and making sure my voice and needs are met. A second is dealing with all the people that I do not meet their expectations.
Newly diagnosed here! I’ve gotten so much peace from knowing and channels like this really helped push me to seek the diagnosis so thank you! Holidays have always been awful for me. I think every single Christmas I would have a breakdown and be sent to my room. And I would always wonder why all this was happening. I would look forward to the holidays, but then get so overwhelmed. I think my main holiday stressor as an adult is remembering the sad memories of holidays past and being worried how I handle future events socially. I’m burned out so I’m barely able to mask anymore and it seems my origin family is absolutely fed up with me at this point. So blessed to have my husband though, he’s so supportive ❤
My main stressor is I have an awful time figuring out what to get for my loved ones, especially since my disability check only goes so far. Another is *fast* flashing lights.😳🤬 Have a great weekend, Taylor
Trigger warning: holiday rant. The last several years that I spent time with my family on the holidays, I had long been wishing we would commit to doing a gifts-free Christmas and celebrate the love, goodwill, and connection that seem to me to be what Christmas is most about, just once. I really struggle with the consumerism of the holidays and the high-intensity buying, driving, parties, food spreads, drinking - AND ALL OF THE INCREASED ENGAGING IN EXCITEMENT-ADDICTION BEHAVIORS, and the UNCONSCIOUSNESS, BOUNDARY VIOLATIONS, and g R a T i N g NOISINESS and sensory abrasive ess that ensues due to increased CHECKING OUT by way of ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION. I hate it. I want nothing to do with any of it. And it has been so horribly lonely spending the holidays alone for the last 5+ years, even though doing so spared me the dysfunction and sloppiness of people disappearing into two-dimensional caricatures of themselves. Sorry. Bit of a rant.
My biggest stressor is last minute shoppers. I work in retail and other people are so stressed with getting last minute things and they take it out on the people trying to help them.
One of my main holiday stressers is a lot of people and too much noise. I have sound sensitivity so I get really overwhelmed with being around a lot of people and a lot of noise. Sometimes I step outside for a little bit to get away from all the noise and people. 🙂
My holiday stressors are that the social rules are different and there are lots of exceptions in routine too. I usually find myself waiting for the end of the season just so things can get “back on track” 😄
I went undiagnosed for ADHD until I was 50...but because of my 2 children and YT channels like yours, I now know I was born autistic as well. This will be the first Christmas in 61 years (I'm almost 62) that all the squidgy feels I've had around holidays - and more broadly, people's religious BELIEFS around them - are making sense. I believe it's ok to be kind to people throughout the year and have always given gifts when I need a pick me up and someone else might also...from a song shared with that specific person in mind to a DSLR for my sister because...I could see she needed it, working full time from our parents home while also taking care of them both. Knowing who I am and just learning to be ok with myself makes me hopeful this will be my least anxious holiday ever, and the start of ratcheting back the expectations of my familiars for holidays to come. I hope you all arrive whole in 2025.
This made me laugh so hard which is wrong but I feel you. I have my faves and I love my blood relatives just because but my husband’s family are actually wonderful and my own family avoidance strategies w my immed fam are appropriate because of their draining approach to life overall. My holiday isn’t a day I want to sacrifice to folks who spoil it for everyone by covert and overt domination behaviors or unwillingness/ inability to co- create joyful times. Yeah, no. I feel you! Happy holidays are sometimes much happier w our chosen family including if that is our cat or our favorite book or whatever.
@julialaynemcclain1562 Amen, Sister! 🙌🏼 Chosen family it is. Also, Christmas 🎄 sometimes equals forced cohabitation under one roof, often one room, around one table ... Nah! Too much. As too often it rises in misunderstandings, clashes, etc. Etc. The only beef I want at a Christmas table is a "rare" one, if ya know what I mean (excuse me, all the vegans and vegetarians 🙏🏼)
Hi Taylor, My biggest stressor is when I go to a work holiday party and feel that I have to carry on a “fake” conversation during the holiday dinner. What I mean by fake is small talk, and acting as if I’m interested in what others are saying when I do not know them. Many employees I have not seen before as they are from a different worksite. I rather just sit alone and eat a delicious meal. I will usually end up sitting alone if I can when eating, or if that privacy is not available due to overcrowding, tell the other person that I will talk to you after I am finished eating. Almost always the other party will not have that later conversation. And I get to dine in peace! Yes, as you mentioned boundary setting is so important, especially as one who really enjoys his own company, not forced social interactions as directed by social etiquette.
Growing up in a religious, cult-like, geographically isolated community, with unknown and unrecognized ADHD and ASD, the mayor holidays three times a year were so full of stressors that it is a minor miracle that I even survived with my sanity intact and without a criminal record. Every Easter, Pentecost and Christmas there were at least three, sometimes four big family gatherings, with at least 30-80 people present. (By the way, a small wedding had 150 guests, average around 300 and big over 500!) There were gender stereotypes enforced in the seating, multiple conversations in close proximity, adults being dismissive of/with the children, mobbing and bullying, interrogation by gossipy relatives, traditions in contradiction of biblical laws and principles, ridicule for questioning traditions, in short a whole boatload of emotional abuse. More often than not, I felt not only alone, but extremely lonely, while in the midst of the crowd. One coping mechanism was to find a book to read. Another was to retreat to the family car and pretend to be a pilot flying to different places around the world. As I got older, I started fighting my parents to avoid going. Later I would make music compilations on cassettes to listen to while hidden in the car. Reading has always been a favorite escape from the harsh reality of life. And let us not forget the extreme commercialization surrounding at least Easter and Christmas. When Christmas decorations come out at the end of October and the carols start blaring from every store at the same time, by the time that December rolls around, I am sick and tired of anything to do with Christmas! The excesses of food and drink during the “festive” season just added insult to injury for me. Eventually I was able to demonstrate with the Bible itself, that the holidays as celebrated were actually in violation of God's Law. So I have been able to finally “divorce” myself from all those celebrations.
You look so pretty in that color! Thanks for mentioning the weighted small pillows! Ill be looking into them. I was looking at weighted stuffed animals the other day
biggest holiday stressor is learning everything you just shared how it applies so much to my daughter.. and i’m feeling emotional now because.. it’s not her fault. i would like to buy maybe so i can get a lavender and the cream colored one❤❤❤ i love it. wow and setting boundaries.. still trying to figure that out. while my 19 year old has been shut down for days. and now maybe i can back off ands let her be .. i got lost on the meditation sorry
I think you're doing great simply by being here to try to learn about something affecting a person you care about. Take what works for you from this video and leave what doesn't - it's OK if the meditation part made you a little lost.
Gift giving is my biggest stressor! I second, third and fourth guess myself with every gift. I’m also a bit shy about actually presenting the gift. The whole thing makes me sweat😢
My biggest holiday stressor is being expected to wear uncomfortable clothes and 'socialize' with everyone (which apparently just means I need to be out and seen by everyone, but don't/shouldn't need to talk) when I would much rather wear my comfy clothes (in my bedroom) and work on my special interests until I am absolutely needed to come out (ie - meals/holiday dinner). Another stressor would be all the sounds of people eating and slurping their drinks loudly!
Biggest stressor: Self-imposed "shoulds" - "I should send Christmas cards and I should write a personal note in each one," "I should spend time with estranged relatives during the holidays," "I should be better at choosing gifts for friends and loved ones," etc.
OMG...you hit the nail on the head. I used to love Christmas, when I was a kid and when my kids were, well, kids. But both of my kids are young adults and moved out, and we are now empty nesters who live near ONLY my husband's family...I love them all, very very much, but every family gathering is a giant bottle of anxiety for me because when I get nervous or when I feel pressured to converse, I talk SO MUCH. I'm always, ALWAYS late, and even when I'm on time, I'm still late...yesterday, my husband told me we were meeting there at 2...I got there at 1:59...it was a miracle! But, he got the time wrong, and by the time he texted me, it was too late. So even though I pushed myself hard to get there on time, I was still late, which is so embarrassing. Now, at MY family dinners, you get there when you get there (nobody is ever late because the start time is "some time after 2," or other ambiguous times, which is perfect for me and probably spoiled me a bit. And at our gatherings, we don't really all just sit around a table from start to finish, so there's no pressure to be the one leading a conversation. Everyone sort of splits off, and you just either hang out quietly (nobody says, "Are you okay? You're being so quiet!"), or you sit and chat with whoever you choose. I'm from Colorado, and my husband is from Georgia where we live now. Our cultures are so different, so there's a lot of pressure there. And I'm so bad at gift giving. Picking out something for someone gives me so much anxiety, and even receiving gifts is hard because there's so much pressure to not only react well but also to reciprocate. Ugh. I do wish I could enjoy the holidays again, but I just dread it every year. Until I figured out I'm a middle aged woman with autism and ADHD, I thought maybe I've just gotten weirder in my old age. But now I realize I'm just...different. I appreciate all of your suggestions. I wish I could use them, and maybe I'll get better at advocating for myself someday. Anyway, happy holidays to you! You did fine, by the way! No edits are great. Love ya! ❤
my biggest holiday stressor is navigating interaction with my partners family. I often struggle with wanting to withdraw into a different part of the house to avoid all of the interactions on big holidays.
I have so many holiday stressors that it's hard to pick one! But if I had to pick just one I would say the gift aspect is the worst. Both knowing what to get, and I absolutely hate opening in front of people. I hate it so much that I chose not to do a wedding shower before I got married.
My biggest holiday stressor has to be thinking about how I deal with navigating family trauma. Do I see my family again because it's Christmas? Or do i set boundaries and skip this year?
We live on the other side of the country from our family. My biggest stressor is the expectation, from both sides of the family, is that I will provide an amazon list of things for both my kids and then I will be expected to wrap all said gifts once they arrive because "amazon wrapping is too expensive." Both of my kids also have their birthdays on christmas and a few dats after, so I am doing the same for biethday gifts at the same time. Its maddening and also it makes me sad that my kids grandparents dont take the time to get to know their grand kids enough to be able to pick out a gift. So i literally spend all year currating their amazon lists.
I feel that I don’t typically talk about things people are interested in so I find one of my holiday stressors to be feeling misunderstood on what I’m trying to communicate. Or people tend to talk over me so I end up repeating myself because I think no one is listening. I often feel alone in a room full of people. I’m also not the best gift giver off the bat, I usually plan to buy my gifts months in advance so that I can just see the “perfect” item for that person and hoard it until the next occasion that gift giving is appropriate like birthdays or Christmas. I often feel like I have to be a different person to make it easier for everyone else to enjoy the holidays so it’s generally a stressful time. I tend to put more pressure on myself than I need to and it’s a big work in progress. I love the topics you’ve posted about lately in your long form and short form content, thanks for allowing a space to vent and share these experiences. I hope everyone else is doing their best to give themselves grace during these months🙏🏼✨
Biggest holiday stressor...everyone asking me, "What are you going to do now?" 😢 For context, I've been struggling to secure a permanent job for basically all of my adulthood. I've gotten good experience in seasonal/temp work, but have been having a hard time finding something permanent I can actually handle. I've been trying my best, truly. It stresses me out beyong words to have extended and close family ask me this question every holiday season. I don't know. That's my answer. Now I want to cry 😞
I work so hard trying to understand and support others, but I don't have many in my life that do the same. Holidays with many present at one time can be overwhelming, but it's expected, so we do what we have to do while remembering the secret promises to ourselves that our quiet alone times, where we can be ourselves and relax, are coming soon!
The simpler i increasingly make it, the fewer people i share this time with the better, the easier, the happier. Im also sprnging time w the most important people. Quality over quantity.
One of my biggest holiday stressors is commitments. Having to do certain things during the month, it just gets to be too much. Not fun and I get tired. Thank you for this video!
My biggest holiday stressor is the small talk that is required at gatherings-specifically family dinner, our business Christmas party, and school events. Even limiting to those things that I “have to” do is hard. Getting ready before them-hair, makeup, what to wear adds to stress. Then, I have recently lost 40 pounds so I am uncomfortable responding to conversation around that subject. For Thanksgiving this year, I decided to help myself by taking my diamond painting project with me for after dinner. I planned in my mind ahead of time where I was going to set up camp. My mother in law has a small table in the corner of her living room to the outside of the sofas where everyone typically gathers to talk. Allowing myself to be outside the circle, but still near enough to participate in the conversation if I wanted to allowed me to actually show up more authentically. I didn’t have to make eye contact or retreat within to feel safe. I just sat and worked on my beautiful project…alone but not. It was a great accommodation for myself.
My biggest holiday stressor is the feeling of obligation and guilt, mostly to my immediate family. This year I decided to let all that go; I spent Thanksgiving at home with my dog.
We live near to my husband family since 2.002 and we only celebrated with them until 2.004! That was enough for me. Since then my family is only us ;4 persons and 3 pets. The holidays dinners and meals are a little specials but at the same hour as normally and in pajamas, no noise, no drunk people yelling or smoking... I buy our gifts months in advance and i enjoy doing it. I hate buy presents in december people lights and sounds are too overwhelming and i dont do that.I do love Christmas decorations . If i am too sensitive remembering my missing loved ones I read a big book and disappear for hours. If you are passing hard times with gatherings remember you can change it whenever you want! Boundaries are good, self care is very important.Happy holidays to you all in your terms.❤
I think that if you're going to have a party where people are expected to bring gifts, it would be rude to not open the gifts. I am autistic too and hate being the center of attention, but people look forward to seeing your joy at opening their gifts.
If someone questions why you do a tradition differently, you can always just turn the question back at them. Traditions are fundamentally arbitrary. If an NT offers a reason for why they celebrate in the "traditional" way, it's basically guaranteed to be a retcon. Like, they aren't celebrating that way because it's the "best" way for them; they're doing it because that's what their parents did.
Thank you for not editing. It’s important to me to see other people like myself. I spent the first 68 years of my life not knowing why I am the way I am and thinking I was broken and alone. Thanks to your channel I now know I am neither broken nor alone.
My Biggest Holiday Time Stressor: The expectation that I can deviate from my routines/not take breaks/ tolerate more because "Its just for this week" or "you don't get to see them very often". It makes me feel like my sensory needs are viewed as just personal preferences that I can ignore when convenient. I end up constantly playing defense for my own boundaries which is exhausting and disregulating in its own right.
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
So well put! You have explained Christmas stress in a nutshell! 😊❤
Yes. All of that.
This, 100%
I made Xmas real simple for myself years ago: I try to ignore it as much as possible! My husband and I are in our 60s, we don't have children or grandchildren, we're not religious and have no use for the relentless commercialism. I prefer the peace of staying home. Had a lot of years of stress from all this and I give myself permission to skip it if I choose.
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
"We do it differently" is a perfect response to "We've always done it this way"
Also, "what if we tried it a different way?"
My biggest stressor is having to make conversation people… small talk.
One of my biggest holiday stressors is obligation: obligation to get gifts for people I don't know super well, obligation to attend large social gatherings, obligation to pretend to like gifts which I don't want. The intensity of normal familial obligation gets ratcheted up so severely this time of year.
Yes!
Buying presents is the worse. This is why I like Thanksgiving better than Christmas. It's basically the same holiday without the obligatory gifts.
I only buy books. Always. No matter for whom. No stress, no big considerations. NYT Best Sellers list. That´s it.
Mine is the sound of 20+ people and all the small children talking at once at an extra long dinner table.
😂😂❤
It can be tough I find it tough has anyone tried those ear loops, do they work?
for real! on Thanksgiving i drew a breath, opened my parents' door and waled straight into a room full of 7 people shouting 10 different conversations at max volume and it took some willpower not just to turn around and leave immediately
YESSSSSSS this!!!!! Then I get to the point I want everyone to leave... and can't get away.
@@Dancestar1981I have the engage ones and I like them but I don’t really like conversing with them, only because it’s harder to gauge how loud I’m talking which makes me feel self conscious if I’m too loud or quiet
I dont do parties when it comes to Christmas. I do my faith side of things as a Christian autistic person. I would rather be at church with church family than a party with alcohol. Church is apart of Christmas day for my family
Forced social/family gatherings are the biggest holiday stresser for me.
my main holiday stressors is family members who ask intrusive questions and it always being way too loud
Stressor for me, staying within budget for everything but trying to make people happy.
THIS. Being a people pleaser is unbearable around Christmas. I always end up spending way more than I'd planned because I get so anxious over the possibility that people won't like their presents.
Yes yes yes. I do love buying presents for a few select people each year, but gifts in general are very stressful. I got the idea from Elyse Myers' channel this year to have all of the adults in my family buy our own gift to bring for a Christmas present show and tell. I'm super excited to try it! Everyone will get something they really want, we wont waste money getting each other things we dont want, and we will all get to learn something about the interests of our loved ones. Big wins all around, in my opinion 🎉
Love this!
Family just came home and the noise was overwhelming, so I'm hiding in my room. Perfect timing on this!
My biggest stressor during the holidays is to cook for others to make them happy/fulfill their expectations when I need alone time.
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
My biggest stressor is my family being pretty loud and preparing for large group holiday gatherings.😅
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
When I was a kid I always had this huge question in my head during holidays: "Why on earth do we all have to do this??? Why does everybody have to keep suffering, just because of social norms???" (later realized neurotypicals are not suffering...) I stopped attending holiday gatherings once I became an adult, and it has been so great!!
Ten years ago I could not reinvent myself for the umpteenth millionth time. Spent so much of my life changing myself to make other people “feel” comfortable around me and to fit into “the system”. Doing nothing but pleasing others is no way to live.
My biggest holiday time stressor is figuring out what gifts to buy for people. AND the fear of forgetting to get someone a gift.
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
I gave up on this element
I tend to panic buy. That is getting ANY present at the last moment as I can’t decide what to get even though I’ve been thinking about it all non stop. Exhausting 😢
Wait you buy people gifts? Unless someone tells me exactly what they want I never buy anything.
My biggest holiday stressors (which I can't separate) are food and question related. I get asked SO many questions, and it's overwhelming so fast and I go to a pretty dark place. Questions like: what do you want to do, which type, what do you want to eat, this brand or that brand, this flavor or that flavor, hot or cold. There are so many smells and tastes I'm not used to, I can't even take in the questions anymore and my brain literally can't process that I'm being asked a questions anymore. I just sit there and stare at them. And if I don't respond, I just get asked even more questions. And I can't say I'm stressed, because then I get a million more questions about how and why, and what do I need, and although that sounds useful it's not because I'm already exhausted - at that point, nothing really helps.
My biggest stressor is decorating and meal planning. The older I get the more difficult it becomes. I'm almost at the point I just don't want to celebrate at all anymore. It just feels like a huge chore now.
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
You're right, it IS a huge chore!
3 words: Outside Christmas Lights. Blech!!!!
Honestly, your thumbnail made feel so validated! I had been saying for years, to my mom, friends and family, "I can't hear you, it's too bright" or "I can't see, it's loud", and everyone looked at me funny. After my diagnosis last year, everything just made sense!
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
Add to holiday stress - a home renovation which is going to spill into the Christmas season with no access to my normal stuff, clutter EVERYWHERE, etc. Therapy is going to be very needed during this time.
Another excellent video! My biggest holiday stressor is most definitely feeling like I have to smile and listen to people’s stories when I really want to sit off to the side and just observe.
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
My biggest stressor during the holidays is stores being busier than usual. People, Parking and traffic!
Mine too
Biggest holiday stressor: the expectation that I constantly be in the "holiday spirit." I struggle with seasonal depression, and it's hard enough to be functional without the added pressure to be cheerful.
Also: Thank you so much for this video. It was well-timed for me - I finally came out to my family as nonbinary, and their response was very dismissive. So the first part especially, about not sticking yourself in a box for others' comfort, really hit home. Thanks again.
Right? Bah humbug 😆
I'm writing this for a second time. You seemed so calm in this video, ergo, calming to me.
For me, hearing a lot of voices talking at once. My brain jams fast, and I have a hard time forming my thoughts to contribute to a conversation. My mind seems to try and keep track of the other voices as well, not so much what is being said, but the tones, inflections and energies swirling around. When I try to add my thoughts on something, even if it is something simple, I have a hard time getting the words out.
The hosts' house has some cats, but the only that stayed near to the gathering was sitting on a cat tree (not sure if that is what they are called), looking a little annoyed, but patiently looking over the party. That's where I think I would fit in. I've always been one to be off to the side at gatherings, quietly listening and observing. Then, going outside to clear my head and decide whether or not to go back in or leave or be occupied with something else.
I love this allegory. I can relate to the cat on the cat tree.
Yes! This. I can't pick one voice from 2 or more much less the voices flying around in various directions. Not unlike when I'm in a crowd and people are moving around in various different and confusing directions.
Great comment. Thank you for putting words to this experience.
My biggest stressor is trying to simultaneously find something to add to the conversation I've been listening to for the past 10 min while also avoiding oversharing about a topic that's come up that I happen to be passionate about
Yes!
One of my major stressors at holidays was my ex-in-laws’ way of doing potluck meals. They would all bring 4-5 dishes each so every family meal had at least 50 food options. When hosting at our house, it would take hours to clean up and I was left completely exhausted. So happy to have just had my first holiday without that turmoil 🎉
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
Oh, the challenge for me is all the additional executive functioning required for the celebrations....good God, I hardly have any on days when I'm not exhausted...organizing the meals, planning the food, getting the food, and then trying to organize the cooking times, and just for one meal, getting the hannakah candles and little daily presents and figuring when does hannakah start and then, ohmygod, Xmas, parties, alcohol, teacher gifts, wrapping paper....I'm in bed by the day after thanksgiving.
My biggest holiday stressor is dealing with crowds in the stores and on the road, especially when I'm trying to get my basic household shopping done. Gift giving is right up there too. Wish we could just skip the gift exchange.
God yes
Shopping for basic needs during the holidays is a nightmare for me too! I try to avoid it as much as possible. Yesterday I had no choice because I was out of groceries. By some miracle I made it (drinking two Black Rifle coffees probably helped short-term lol), but I did end up overspending and forgetting that I was planning to save some money for future bills, so yeah. It sucks. I feel you on the gift giving too. My family has kind of relaxed about it more recently, but in the past it was a huge source of stress. Still a bit stressful now.
@@mrandisg In the past I've done as much bulk shopping as I could in advance so my shopping list was much smaller. Unfortunately this year I was unable to do that. I'll try to stock up in the next week or so to limit future trips for the rest of December. Good luck to you!
My holiday stressors are the holiday meals when all I want to do is stay home & eat simple nibbly foods. But my sibling lives in another state, so me & my family are it for dinner at my parents.
Also how crowded it is at the grocery store. I am so thankful for the in-store shoppers who do my shopping for me!
My biggest holiday stressor is worrying about getting gifts that everyone will LOVE and making sure the grandkids’ gifts “even out.” I really driveway myself crazy with this.
I feel for you, I feel exactly the same way and it's highly anxiety inducing. I really dislike this time of year.
By far, my biggest holiday stressor is shopping. Being in traffic, in the stores, surrounded by the crowds & noise.
Large crowds of people are a big stressor for me especially with people that I only see once per year at Christmas. I love seeing all my family, but the crowds are daunting.
A holiday time stressor that seems to be getting worse for me each year is doing the cooking. I love cooking, but even with giving myself some accommodations I feel like each holiday I get more overwhelmed in the kitchen. Not only am I stressed over the cooking, I'm also stressed over the fact that something I enjoy seems to be getting more stressful.
The biggest stress for me comes from all the social pressure to participate in holiday activities when I do not share the beliefs, values, or traditions of the dominant society. It's all just TOO MUCH.
The only tradition I enjoy is a sunrise hike in the woods with a few loved ones on Winter Solstice/Yule morning. We've been doing it for about 25 years, and it's really special.
My biggest holiday stressor is that my relatives think it’s fun to bring their dogs to family events. There are always dogs running around, barking and chewing on loud squeaky toys.. It feels chaotic & when everyone is focused on the pets, I never get quality time with the people I’d like to see. Thank you for your channel! You’ve helped me deal with so many difficult issues.. I really appreciate you! 💕
Ohhhh yes I FEEL YOU on this one! I love dogs but not in stressful or especially social situations. Only adds to my sensory overwhelm!
No pets allowed for people time 😊 just say no thanks ❤
@@MomontheSpectrumplus the dogs get overstimulated and children - food on table dog height - other dogs Not safe too much for all. Embrace the boundary
Just wanted to say thank you again.. I watched this video Thanksgiving night & you inspired me to talk to my family & set boundaries.. My in-laws told me they’re going to board their dog in a kennel for Christmas & ask the rest of the family to leave their dogs at home. They really care about me.. they just didn’t know how much the dogs overwhelmed me. 🙏💕
My biggest holiday stressor is that it is a big family gathering, but also afterwards the topic of conversation wherever you go is what did you do and what did you get. Very stressful to answer that politely and with executive functioning issues even remembering what you did and got. After the convo finishes, I then feel bad because I will remember more things and that they didn't get mentioned too.
3:55 don't feel bad about that example, as an Autistic parent this is incredibly relatable. At a certain age the other adults in our lives start expecting stuff from us like cooking certain meals for particular family events or holidays just because it's a tradition. Stuff like that can definitely be frustrating for a bunch of reasons if you're Autistic, I feel like the 30+ Autistic experience isn't really well discussed.
I'm the cook in my family... and having other people in the kitchen with me can be overwhelming, that means I'm usually cooking on my own. So one of my biggest stressors is getting the holiday dinner ready in a reasonable time while making sure everyone has at least one dish they really like.
I was diagnosed with severe inattentive ADHD and autism two years ago, and it's crazy to think that as it's now exactly a week until I turn 40 all these things you're mentioning Taylor are going 'ding,ding,ding'.
Even though it has taken this long I thank God that I now know why I always felt alone and like I never belonged.
It may have taken a severe burnout causing hospitalization, but I now feel free and like a whole new person.
I still go through the many everyday motions of things, but know how to cope.
Please keep up the very inspirational work you do.
God bless you and your family.
My biggest holiday stressor is holiday parties. I've learned to leave before I get overwhelmed, which makes them a little easier.
The main reason why the holidays stress me out is due to the near changes, and the fear of the unknown as we come close to the end of the year. I have so many questions running through my mind. What good things will happen next year? Will I make any new friends? Who will we lose? What not so good things could happen?” Because I know we’re all getting older, and nothing lasts forever. Thankfully I have quite the toolbox of coping skills to help with this. So I’m not too worried about spiraling out of control.
My main stressor during the holidays is helping my son regulate, he is really struggling today. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving, Taylor and friends! 💞🦃
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
The to-do list of all the birthdays, noisy gatherings, gift buying, extra house cleaning…. It’s a very busy month.
my biggest holiday stressors are family interactions and affording gifts.
My stressor: where I am right now, we have a guest that stays with us for every holiday, and guests are really really hard for me. They ruin the night time ritual and add way more noise so I can't sleep at all, leading to many meltdowns. There is also asking them not to touch my safe foods or having to be alone in the bedroom almost the whole time.
May your happiness know no bounds. I hope you and your family are doing well. May your day be filled with happiness and joy... Stay safe😘💝❤️
For a long time I felt obliged to host family members who exhausted me and left me severely sleep-deprived, with serious impacts on my health. I asked them not to stay again ever. If someone harms your health because they don't work around your health needs, you have absolutely ZERO obligation to let them stay with you. They can pay for accommodation somewhere else!
Ask them to stay elsewhere. They don't have the right to hurt your health.
@@jillianoldfield2300 Sadly its not up to me, I live with my partner and mother in law, and she doesn't really care about my needs in many ways (like bringing in animals I'm highly allergic to). its just the only place we can live and therefore am gonna have to deal with a meltdown a day while her guest is here.
My biggest holiday stressor is either the noise or deciding what gifts to buy for my family.
This is a great video, my biggest stressor is the crowds and the music full blast and people getting in my space….i love the giveaway the purple one ❤ I am subscribed and 👍 liked
Holiday stressor... Yes? All of it. All of the holiday is a stressor. Travel, food, people, expectations, preparation, reactions, ....
❤❤my biggest stressor in the holidays is ...mmm i feel like there are many and it's hard to choose ...but...yess i feel moments its mandatory to be with everyone, like unwrapping gifts and meals. I tend to retreat as soon as possible to breathe mentally before I can come back.
Holiday parties are a HUGE stressor. So much noise, smells, bright lights. It always ends with me shutting down with a migraine.
Really loved this video. I know I repeat this, but, these unedited videos make me to realize that we are being understood. And, you do pretty good at presenting logically.
One huge stressor for me is moving. Since holidays are times to visit family, which can be a major stressor in itself depending on what happens and how everyone acts, im not always at home in my own bed. This reduces my feeling of having a safe space to retreat to especially since everyone else sleeps right outside where i stay. Because of how many people are there i have to use an air mattress which is less comfortable and more unfamiliar.
Your entire comment gave me a flashback of Christmas 2015. I live in Colorado, a high percentage of my family lives in North Carolina. That year, I traveled to NC to be with my family for Christmas but mostly because it was anticipated to be my grandfather’s last Christmas (it was, he passed not even 9 months later). There were SO MANY people at my relative’s home! Not nearly enough beds or spaces to put them. I ended up stuck with a very leaky air mattress placed in front of the door to the master bedroom because it was the only space in the house where it would fit. I didn’t get much sleep that night. After a few hours when everyone had gone to bed, I went downstairs and slept on the couch.
I don't have a problem with the Holidays. I just know my limits. Party, rest routine.
Love the simplicity of this! Thanks for sharing!
My biggest holiday stressor is definitely figuring out the expectations of the people who expect to see me in certain contexts around the holidays, ie which family members and when, and how much interaction they assume they’ll have from me. I definitely do the people pleasing thing but it’s built up over the years and I can’t always keep up all the different days of commitments anymore. Learning to focus only on the people who are willing to learn about my neurotype so I’m not the only one taking on the weight, as you said!
One of my biggest holiday stressors is being overstimulated with decor everywhere. There’s so many sights and sounds and smells and textures etc. to take in all at once.
my biggest holiday stressor is that in our big family everyone wants to meet up and do a big holiday get-together. this leads to partys and meal invitings every day from december the 24th up to the end of the year. so I always start into the new year totally stressed out.
Boundaries appear to be the theme. I just finished the Therapy in a Nutshell video on boundaries. One of the biggest stressful aspects of the holidays is the aspects of having a family member with major health conditions getting their needs met, and making sure my voice and needs are met. A second is dealing with all the people that I do not meet their expectations.
not saying this isn’t interesting but books like the skin radiance recipe by mrs d make this look like child’s play
Newly diagnosed here! I’ve gotten so much peace from knowing and channels like this really helped push me to seek the diagnosis so thank you! Holidays have always been awful for me. I think every single Christmas I would have a breakdown and be sent to my room. And I would always wonder why all this was happening. I would look forward to the holidays, but then get so overwhelmed. I think my main holiday stressor as an adult is remembering the sad memories of holidays past and being worried how I handle future events socially. I’m burned out so I’m barely able to mask anymore and it seems my origin family is absolutely fed up with me at this point. So blessed to have my husband though, he’s so supportive ❤
My main stressor is I have an awful time figuring out what to get for my loved ones, especially since my disability check only goes so far. Another is *fast* flashing lights.😳🤬
Have a great weekend, Taylor
Trigger warning: holiday rant.
The last several years that I spent time with my family on the holidays, I had long been wishing we would commit to doing a gifts-free Christmas and celebrate the love, goodwill, and connection that seem to me to be what Christmas is most about, just once. I really struggle with the consumerism of the holidays and the high-intensity buying, driving, parties, food spreads, drinking - AND ALL OF THE INCREASED ENGAGING IN EXCITEMENT-ADDICTION BEHAVIORS, and the UNCONSCIOUSNESS, BOUNDARY VIOLATIONS, and g R a T i N g NOISINESS and sensory abrasive ess that ensues due to increased CHECKING OUT by way of ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION. I hate it. I want nothing to do with any of it. And it has been so horribly lonely spending the holidays alone for the last 5+ years, even though doing so spared me the dysfunction and sloppiness of people disappearing into two-dimensional caricatures of themselves. Sorry. Bit of a rant.
I think my biggest stressor is all the planning , shopping and schedule disruption.
Yes on the schedule disruption
My biggest stressor is last minute shoppers. I work in retail and other people are so stressed with getting last minute things and they take it out on the people trying to help them.
One of my main holiday stressers is a lot of people and too much noise. I have sound sensitivity so I get really overwhelmed with being around a lot of people and a lot of noise. Sometimes I step outside for a little bit to get away from all the noise and people. 🙂
I have found I just disinvite myself from family gatherings THEN I feel left out BUT it’s of my own making. Go figure.😩
This is my biggest holiday stressor as stated/described above.
Same but its because im hiding in my room
thanks for not editing. so much better for my sensory needs.
My holiday stressors are that the social rules are different and there are lots of exceptions in routine too.
I usually find myself waiting for the end of the season just so things can get “back on track” 😄
I went undiagnosed for ADHD until I was 50...but because of my 2 children and YT channels like yours, I now know I was born autistic as well. This will be the first Christmas in 61 years (I'm almost 62) that all the squidgy feels I've had around holidays - and more broadly, people's religious BELIEFS around them - are making sense. I believe it's ok to be kind to people throughout the year and have always given gifts when I need a pick me up and someone else might also...from a song shared with that specific person in mind to a DSLR for my sister because...I could see she needed it, working full time from our parents home while also taking care of them both. Knowing who I am and just learning to be ok with myself makes me hopeful this will be my least anxious holiday ever, and the start of ratcheting back the expectations of my familiars for holidays to come. I hope you all arrive whole in 2025.
My family! I completely avoid them
This made me laugh so hard which is wrong but I feel you. I have my faves and I love my blood relatives just because but my husband’s family are actually wonderful and my own family avoidance strategies w my immed fam are appropriate because of their draining approach to life overall. My holiday isn’t a day I want to sacrifice to folks who spoil it for everyone by covert and overt domination behaviors or unwillingness/ inability to co- create joyful times. Yeah, no. I feel you! Happy holidays are sometimes much happier w our chosen family including if that is our cat or our favorite book or whatever.
@julialaynemcclain1562 Amen, Sister! 🙌🏼 Chosen family it is. Also, Christmas 🎄 sometimes equals forced cohabitation under one roof, often one room, around one table ... Nah! Too much. As too often it rises in misunderstandings, clashes, etc. Etc. The only beef I want at a Christmas table is a "rare" one, if ya know what I mean (excuse me, all the vegans and vegetarians 🙏🏼)
Hi Taylor,
My biggest stressor is when I go to a work holiday party and feel that I have to carry on a “fake” conversation during the holiday dinner. What I mean by fake is small talk, and acting as if I’m interested in what others are saying when I do not know them. Many employees I have not seen before as they are from a different worksite. I rather just sit alone and eat a delicious meal. I will usually end up sitting alone if I can when eating, or if that privacy is not available due to overcrowding, tell the other person that I will talk to you after I am finished eating. Almost always the other party will not have that later conversation. And I get to dine in peace!
Yes, as you
mentioned boundary setting is so important, especially as one who really enjoys his own company, not forced social interactions as directed by social etiquette.
Growing up in a religious, cult-like, geographically isolated community, with unknown and unrecognized ADHD and ASD, the mayor holidays three times a year were so full of stressors that it is a minor miracle that I even survived with my sanity intact and without a criminal record. Every Easter, Pentecost and Christmas there were at least three, sometimes four big family gatherings, with at least 30-80 people present. (By the way, a small wedding had 150 guests, average around 300 and big over 500!)
There were gender stereotypes enforced in the seating, multiple conversations in close proximity, adults being dismissive of/with the children, mobbing and bullying, interrogation by gossipy relatives, traditions in contradiction of biblical laws and principles, ridicule for questioning traditions, in short a whole boatload of emotional abuse. More often than not, I felt not only alone, but extremely lonely, while in the midst of the crowd. One coping mechanism was to find a book to read. Another was to retreat to the family car and pretend to be a pilot flying to different places around the world. As I got older, I started fighting my parents to avoid going. Later I would make music compilations on cassettes to listen to while hidden in the car. Reading has always been a favorite escape from the harsh reality of life.
And let us not forget the extreme commercialization surrounding at least Easter and Christmas. When Christmas decorations come out at the end of October and the carols start blaring from every store at the same time, by the time that December rolls around, I am sick and tired of anything to do with Christmas! The excesses of food and drink during the “festive” season just added insult to injury for me.
Eventually I was able to demonstrate with the Bible itself, that the holidays as celebrated were actually in violation of God's Law. So I have been able to finally “divorce” myself from all those celebrations.
Belts making biscuits was soo cute! 😻
Yeahhh he’s the best 🐈
My holiday time stressor is when a large group of people are talking at the same time and when they stay too late.
Clarified my " I hate Christmas" internal struggle
You look so pretty in that color! Thanks for mentioning the weighted small pillows! Ill be looking into them. I was looking at weighted stuffed animals the other day
biggest holiday stressor is learning everything you just shared how it applies so much to my daughter.. and i’m feeling emotional now because.. it’s not her fault. i would like to buy maybe so i can get a lavender and the cream colored one❤❤❤ i love it. wow and setting boundaries.. still trying to figure that out. while my 19 year old has been shut down for days. and now maybe i can back off ands let her be .. i got lost on the meditation sorry
I think you're doing great simply by being here to try to learn about something affecting a person you care about. Take what works for you from this video and leave what doesn't - it's OK if the meditation part made you a little lost.
Gift giving is my biggest stressor! I second, third and fourth guess myself with every gift. I’m also a bit shy about actually presenting the gift. The whole thing makes me sweat😢
My biggest holiday stressor is being expected to wear uncomfortable clothes and 'socialize' with everyone (which apparently just means I need to be out and seen by everyone, but don't/shouldn't need to talk) when I would much rather wear my comfy clothes (in my bedroom) and work on my special interests until I am absolutely needed to come out (ie - meals/holiday dinner). Another stressor would be all the sounds of people eating and slurping their drinks loudly!
Unedited is good.
Biggest stressor: Self-imposed "shoulds" - "I should send Christmas cards and I should write a personal note in each one," "I should spend time with estranged relatives during the holidays," "I should be better at choosing gifts for friends and loved ones," etc.
OMG...you hit the nail on the head. I used to love Christmas, when I was a kid and when my kids were, well, kids. But both of my kids are young adults and moved out, and we are now empty nesters who live near ONLY my husband's family...I love them all, very very much, but every family gathering is a giant bottle of anxiety for me because when I get nervous or when I feel pressured to converse, I talk SO MUCH. I'm always, ALWAYS late, and even when I'm on time, I'm still late...yesterday, my husband told me we were meeting there at 2...I got there at 1:59...it was a miracle! But, he got the time wrong, and by the time he texted me, it was too late. So even though I pushed myself hard to get there on time, I was still late, which is so embarrassing. Now, at MY family dinners, you get there when you get there (nobody is ever late because the start time is "some time after 2," or other ambiguous times, which is perfect for me and probably spoiled me a bit. And at our gatherings, we don't really all just sit around a table from start to finish, so there's no pressure to be the one leading a conversation. Everyone sort of splits off, and you just either hang out quietly (nobody says, "Are you okay? You're being so quiet!"), or you sit and chat with whoever you choose. I'm from Colorado, and my husband is from Georgia where we live now. Our cultures are so different, so there's a lot of pressure there. And I'm so bad at gift giving. Picking out something for someone gives me so much anxiety, and even receiving gifts is hard because there's so much pressure to not only react well but also to reciprocate. Ugh. I do wish I could enjoy the holidays again, but I just dread it every year. Until I figured out I'm a middle aged woman with autism and ADHD, I thought maybe I've just gotten weirder in my old age. But now I realize I'm just...different. I appreciate all of your suggestions. I wish I could use them, and maybe I'll get better at advocating for myself someday.
Anyway, happy holidays to you! You did fine, by the way! No edits are great. Love ya! ❤
my biggest holiday stressor is navigating interaction with my partners family. I often struggle with wanting to withdraw into a different part of the house to avoid all of the interactions on big holidays.
To be honest, I quite enjoy the Christmas hustle and bustle.
I have so many holiday stressors that it's hard to pick one! But if I had to pick just one I would say the gift aspect is the worst. Both knowing what to get, and I absolutely hate opening in front of people. I hate it so much that I chose not to do a wedding shower before I got married.
My biggest holiday stressor has to be thinking about how I deal with navigating family trauma. Do I see my family again because it's Christmas? Or do i set boundaries and skip this year?
We live on the other side of the country from our family. My biggest stressor is the expectation, from both sides of the family, is that I will provide an amazon list of things for both my kids and then I will be expected to wrap all said gifts once they arrive because "amazon wrapping is too expensive." Both of my kids also have their birthdays on christmas and a few dats after, so I am doing the same for biethday gifts at the same time. Its maddening and also it makes me sad that my kids grandparents dont take the time to get to know their grand kids enough to be able to pick out a gift. So i literally spend all year currating their amazon lists.
I feel that I don’t typically talk about things people are interested in so I find one of my holiday stressors to be feeling misunderstood on what I’m trying to communicate. Or people tend to talk over me so I end up repeating myself because I think no one is listening. I often feel alone in a room full of people. I’m also not the best gift giver off the bat, I usually plan to buy my gifts months in advance so that I can just see the “perfect” item for that person and hoard it until the next occasion that gift giving is appropriate like birthdays or Christmas. I often feel like I have to be a different person to make it easier for everyone else to enjoy the holidays so it’s generally a stressful time. I tend to put more pressure on myself than I need to and it’s a big work in progress.
I love the topics you’ve posted about lately in your long form and short form content, thanks for allowing a space to vent and share these experiences. I hope everyone else is doing their best to give themselves grace during these months🙏🏼✨
Biggest holiday stressor...everyone asking me, "What are you going to do now?" 😢
For context, I've been struggling to secure a permanent job for basically all of my adulthood. I've gotten good experience in seasonal/temp work, but have been having a hard time finding something permanent I can actually handle. I've been trying my best, truly. It stresses me out beyong words to have extended and close family ask me this question every holiday season.
I don't know. That's my answer. Now I want to cry 😞
I hear you, respect you, and deeply sympathise ❤
@jillianoldfield2300 Thank you ❤️ You are so kind.
I work so hard trying to understand and support others, but I don't have many in my life that do the same. Holidays with many present at one time can be overwhelming, but it's expected, so we do what we have to do while remembering the secret promises to ourselves that our quiet alone times, where we can be ourselves and relax, are coming soon!
The simpler i increasingly make it, the fewer people i share this time with the better, the easier, the happier. Im also sprnging time w the most important people. Quality over quantity.
One of my biggest holiday stressors is commitments. Having to do certain things during the month, it just gets to be too much. Not fun and I get tired. Thank you for this video!
My biggest holiday stressor is the small talk that is required at gatherings-specifically family dinner, our business Christmas party, and school events. Even limiting to those things that I “have to” do is hard. Getting ready before them-hair, makeup, what to wear adds to stress. Then, I have recently lost 40 pounds so I am uncomfortable responding to conversation around that subject. For Thanksgiving this year, I decided to help myself by taking my diamond painting project with me for after dinner. I planned in my mind ahead of time where I was going to set up camp. My mother in law has a small table in the corner of her living room to the outside of the sofas where everyone typically gathers to talk. Allowing myself to be outside the circle, but still near enough to participate in the conversation if I wanted to allowed me to actually show up more authentically. I didn’t have to make eye contact or retreat within to feel safe. I just sat and worked on my beautiful project…alone but not. It was a great accommodation for myself.
My biggest holiday stressor is the feeling of obligation and guilt, mostly to my immediate family. This year I decided to let all that go; I spent Thanksgiving at home with my dog.
We live near to my husband family since 2.002 and we only celebrated with them until 2.004! That was enough for me. Since then my family is only us ;4 persons and 3 pets. The holidays dinners and meals are a little specials but at the same hour as normally and in pajamas, no noise, no drunk people yelling or smoking... I buy our gifts months in advance and i enjoy doing it. I hate buy presents in december people lights and sounds are too overwhelming and i dont do that.I do love Christmas decorations . If i am too sensitive remembering my missing loved ones I read a big book and disappear for hours. If you are passing hard times with gatherings remember you can change it whenever you want! Boundaries are good, self care is very important.Happy holidays to you all in your terms.❤
I think that if you're going to have a party where people are expected to bring gifts, it would be rude to not open the gifts. I am autistic too and hate being the center of attention, but people look forward to seeing your joy at opening their gifts.
😂oh man- well showing up at my mothers house and she expected me to cook and didn’t tell me.
If someone questions why you do a tradition differently, you can always just turn the question back at them. Traditions are fundamentally arbitrary. If an NT offers a reason for why they celebrate in the "traditional" way, it's basically guaranteed to be a retcon. Like, they aren't celebrating that way because it's the "best" way for them; they're doing it because that's what their parents did.
My biggest stressor is already knowing in advance how overwhelming this time of year is and there being nothing I can do about it.
I hear ya! 😊