As a recovered addict I love John’s comment “one night, when he’s spun up, he’ll have a moment of clarity” that’s so true. We addicts do not have moments of clarity when we’re hurting and fiending for our next hit. it’s once we’re full of it we start to reflect and feel terrible again
That hit that sends you into outerspace and then it stops and the floodgates open and reality suddenly comes crashing in. And then you need someone to help and you reach out to someone. Then two weeks of torture and pain. 😂 - good job on getting sober for everyone who did it and for those awesome people who didn't judge, didn't block us and when we reached out for help when that moment came - said I am here for you I love all of you because you save lives.
As someone who grew up as the good kid, it's a lot of pressure. Sometimes that pressure builds up and you just want to let loose and be the crazy, irresponsible one. When finally you let go, you can go too far.
I feel that, it’s hard to be prudent about letting loose when you have no practice with it. I certainly would have rathered being a bit worse when I was younger and the errors didn’t have as grave on consequence as opposed to what I ended up doing
As a gay guy I can tell many of us get shunned and live on the edge of the heteronormative society that rules the world, alone and isolated, especially in small towns. Many of us grow up craving intimacy and contact with people, then we become adults and mistake sex for intimacy. Drugs come along to numb yourself to a discomfort that had grown with you all along. It's all very sad since there are also so very few people who can relate and give actual advice about it.
Mistaking intimacy for sex is a heterosexual problem as well. Hook up culture in general speaks to that. There is a general epidemic of people being lonely and engaging in self destructive behaviours
@@actaemazantor9558 the quality of your relationship with your parents can have a significant impact on your romantic relationships:    Expectations Your family serves as a template for how you expect to be treated in relationships.  Communication and interpersonal skills Your family teaches you how to communicate and interact with others, which can help you form healthy partnerships.  Trust Your early family bonds help you learn to trust and rely on others.  Attachment style Your relationship with your parents can influence your attachment style, which can impact your romantic relationships.  Modeling Your parents can be models for your adult relationships, both healthy and unhealthy.  Conflict styles Your parents' relationship with you and each other can influence your conflict styles.  Expressions of affection Your parents' relationship with you can influence how you express affection in your romantic relationships.
Trying to feel “liberated and free” as they say. I live in NY and everytime I visit NYC I see something I didn’t want to see. I’m going to being working there for 3 months in summer 2025 too😭 I KNOW I won’t get lost in the sauce but I know I’m going to witness some stuff. I’m just praying for my own safety, it’s a wicked city.
first freedom, and whenever a spring is popped loose, it bounces wildly. the son is also not considering long-term consequences because biologically and psychologically, he hasn't developed impulse control until age 30yo. Always get your child to see the consequence of poor decisions rather than shelter them from life's cruel consequences. In the 20-30's, these sightings and examples will be lasting impressions to guide them toward a wise path. That stated, I do recall a time when I juggled four significant others (I couldn't break hearts and we all had an understanding)--no drug-filled parties and no baby oil, though.
Finding Comfort in the Wrong Crowd. O. Amen. What a Title for a book. Respectfully submitted for your consideration Gregg Oreo Long Beach CA États Unis
I’m 28 and moved to NY last year. This city will change you, for better or worse. In my case I began to feel a crippling anxiety from all the stimuli and lack of sunlight, to the point I lost my job this past September. I pray for this guy and his mom, and hope he can push through this difficult time in his life.
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
As someone who had a classmate who died this way (came out as gay in a religious home in a small town after always being the “good kid” and cannonballed into drugs and partying), I had John’s same answer - just remind him that you’re his safe place, and hope he comes home before he destroys himself. He’s totally immersed in the party scene and riding on that high, but that will take him downhill really fast, and he will end up depressed and need help.
They accepted him though so this is his personal problem . Sounds to me like he ran into the wrong crowd that said follow me to the darkness .. I find it hard to believe that being gay is the sole reason he is on this path
@@Kroh13 They may have accepted him, but now he’s wanting more than acceptance; he’s wanting to embrace a whole new lifestyle. The party life, especially in a big city like NYC and especially for LGBT+ members, is really enticing for someone just starting out in adult life looking to socialize with others like him. I found the similarities between this kid’s story and the guy I grew up with uncanny, so I doubt it’s rare.
@@Kroh13 being loved and accepted at home is different than being accepted in school/your social group. Many kids growing up get to dip their toes into having relationships in high school where the proverbial training wheels are still on and you have support at home. If he didn’t get to experience that, and is making his first real social friend group/relationships away from his support group, it could be VERY easy for him to get pulled down a path he didn’t actually want since he didn’t know what is “normal” or how to enforce his boundaries without losing his first real friend group.
@@Kroh13 She might not be entirely truthful but even if we take her word for it there's still more to being accepted. I can tell you from my personal experience, I'm in my mid 20s and g ay. I have a very small family but they did accept me. That's good and all but despite that, ever since I was a kid, I've known how the majority of society feels about my kind. Losing all of my friends in high school was the first part of my soul being crushed. Every day, hearing or reading the vile things people think about me. To most people, we are viewed as nothing more than subhuman and a blight on this earth. To most, we are "deviant, satanic, evil, nasty degenerates that are a harm to all kids, all families and the fabric of the nation as a whole". For me, I've accepted the reality I live in years ago and I know there's no changing that, and I've engaged in destructive patterns of my own. I'm 320lbs and am starting to have liver issues. Doctors said if I don't change my habits and lose weight, it will get worse and become an irreversible problem, with no cure, that will lead to d eath. But guess what? Knowing how people view me and knowing i do not have a place in this society, I really don't care. Food is the only thing that gives me comfort. And the few family members I have does not make up for all of that.
My friend has a 23 year old son who has a gambling and drug addiction. She has been estranged from him for 13 years. The son's choice, not hers as her husband polluted their son's mind against her. Despite constantly reaching out to him, he refused a relationship with his mum. She divorced her husband, the father of her son and daughter, because he was physically violent towards her. Her 21 year old daughter lives with her. The daughter is a wonderful human being with a wise head on young shoulders. She is studying biomedicine. Her brother also refused contact with his sister. Last year, the son reached out to his mum, wanting a relationship. My friend's heart is shattered. She doesn't know what to do. She is afraid to have her son stay with her and her daughter and his sister because of his addictions and violent behaviour when high. But she also knows that he is sleeping rough. She is doing all that she can to get him help and into emergency accommodation. I cannot imagine the grief, worry and anguish that encompass her heart.
As a gay man in NYC, let’s hope her son is not a handsome, muscular man. Because it’ll be way harder to extricate himself from this manic self-destruction when all these other handsome men, also spiraling out of control, get their hooks on him and drag him down with them. A lot of these crazy orgy parties only invite the young, handsome ones. Sometimes being homely or ugly, where the gay guys constantly ignore you, comes with hidden blessings. Lol.
I agree that NYC can absolutely perpetuate the debauchery. Like you said, if you’re remotely handsome, it can suck you in and make it very hard to separate. I know what that is like. A gay man, handsome, tall, good body. NYC was a playground. Luckily, I didn’t get into substances and too much recklessness. But it’s wayyy tooo easy. I understand this
I'm one of the ugly gays so I guess there is some bright side after all, although the loneliness is completely real. I just don't have the constant people trying to use my body to fill that gap. Instead I need to fill it with friendship, or seeking a long term companion. Definitely sucks like hell when you can't be yourself. This dude doesn't realize how lucky he is. My family is religious and they 100% told me they'd send me to conversion therapy when I tried to come out when I was younger. Now I can't even be myself, can't talk to my family about heart break, can't be open and feel like I have to constantly hide myself. The anxiety is so high.
Bingo. Beauty can be a curse. Looks good from the outside but everyone really hates you and is jealous but wants you in bed. People are sometimes openly hostile, and you know why and it sucks so bad. Accuse you of thing u didn't or would ever do. Stab u in the back. ARE AFRAID TO DATE U. Unpleasant feeling. AND if you're charming it's even worse. With beauty comes responsibility.
I just worry about the danger of fentanyl being in basically all of the drugs nowadays. He might not have luxury of hitting rock bottom before its too late
As someone who has up until very recent been involved in purchasing lots of drugs if you're outside of LA you really don't have to worry about fent being in anything it's mostly just fear mongering, especially weed but with acid you have to worry about other things that aren't fent that are much more dangerous and can completely mess up your mind since there are so many different psychedelics which is why I recommend buying a test kit they sell them relatively cheap online so you can tell exactly what you're putting in your body
One of John’s best answers in a long time. My adult son isn’t going through anything like this, but he’s struggling in his own way to find his path and this is a really good reminder of how important it is to just be there in their lives and make sure they know they can always come to you. The time for teaching and judging is over, and adults won’t take advice from anyone until they’re ready to ask for it. Especially sons.
I just LOVE John’s heart at 15:43 “have your son call me, I’ll do anything and everything I can to help him out.” Praying for this sweet mama and I hope her son gets back on track! ❤️
I am now retired but I used to teach high school English and I would often speak to my students about the dangers of using drugs and almost without exception they would tell me "Everybody does drugs" and my standard answer was, "No. Everyone does NOT do drugs. Possibly everyone that YOU hang out with does drugs and that just means that you need to find new people to hang out with." I think that is also true of this lady's son. If EVERYONE in his circle is swapping and swinging and cheating, he clearly needs to find another circle. I agree with her when she said she didn't believe him when he told her EVERYONE was doing this. No. They are not. That's what people say to try to excuse their own bad behavior. I wish her good luck with him and hopefully he will get himself back under control before it's too late.
He is rebelling big time. Something about his life is fuelling his behaviour. He’s doing whatever he can to relieve his distress. He is slowly expunging himself and that’s so hard for him and his loved ones. I hope he will accept some serious counselling because he truly needs it.
My experience is that a lot of gay men who've had childhoods that filled them with shame and forced them to hide who they were for fear of hatred and violence go through a period of extreme behavior when they finally escape. Hopefully he will figure out that he's moving to a different sort of prison if he's heading down the path of drugs, and John is exactly right that he needs to know his parents are there for him when that happens.
I watched only half of the video and I believe the mom is not being 100% honest or left out some details. She made it clear he grew up in a religious household, and that she didn't "hate" on him when he came out at 15. I think what happened is when he came out at 15 the parents did the "hate the sin not the sinner" belief that they forced on him so they got him to think there is still something wrong with him, and probably never had a boyfriend in high school or never took one to a school dance because a dance or taking one to a date, his parents got him to believe he is somehow "discriminating" against Christians if he did that. So he played it safe only because at the time he cares about what his parents think. So when he was finally out of the house(don't know what age that happened) that was when he finally started going through gay puberty. After going through the gay puberty he finally stopped caring what his parents think and just wants to have sex with hot guys, heterosexual adults also do the same thing but when a gay adult does it, people tend to exaggerate it or that it's much way worst. I don't blame the son for blocking his parents.
I feel for this mom. There are a lot of things I did as a youth no one in my family knows about. I even survived a suicide attempt. I grew up and got past it. Much later in life I went through a rough patch with my son and truly thought I would lose him. He grew up and got past it. My mom couldn't have stopped me and I couldn't stop my son. BUT I always knew Mom was there if things got to be too much and my husband and I were here for my son when he needed us. We are both finer than a frog's hair now. Hang in there.
How about you leave? And if you’re gone - stay that way? These fake hetero relationships with the pushy over involved female?? That’s the FAR bigger departure from tradition here And the REAL source of Americas problems, here Not bros being bros
The best advice John could’ve gave. My mom gave up on me when I was struggling. She kicked me out and I was homeless for 3 months before a stranger took me in. She seems like such a good mother..
I am shocked that the doctor did not discuss the real deep seed issue here. This is a person has been suppressed most of his life. He feared coming out to a religious family. He was bullied in school. He now has freedom. He is just acting out from all his frustration that he has held inside of him. How do I know about what he is going through, I experienced it myself, but on a little different level.
I watched only half of the video and I believe the mom is not being 100% honest or left out some details. She made it clear he grew up in a religious household, and that she didn't "hate" on him when he came out at 15. I think what happened is when he came out at 15 the parents did the "hate the sin not the sinner" belief that they forced on him so they got him to think there is still something wrong with him, and probably never had a boyfriend in high school or never took one to a school dance because a dance or taking one to a date, his parents got him to believe he is somehow "discriminating" against Christians if he did that. So he played it safe only because at the time he cares about what his parents think. So when he was finally out of the house(don't know what age that happened) that was when he finally started going through gay puberty. After going through the gay puberty he finally stopped caring what his parents think and just wants to have sex with hot guys, heterosexual adults also do the same thing but when a gay adult does it, people tend to exaggerate it or that it's much way worst. I don't blame the son for blocking his parents.
@@missourigreen051 Yeah it's probably something like that. The problem is the psychological damage of low self worth and shame doesn't go away its just operating at a deeper level. Huge portions of the gay community are in this situation so the behaviors exhibited and encouraged in much of that community can often be self destructive as a result of these deep unhealed psychological wounds. He may be in very real danger. But you're right parents of gays that are religious like to feel good about themselves and tell themselves stories about how they accepted their child. It's almost always bullshit. They literally aren't capable of knowing what true acceptance is because they usually don't even accept their own authentic selves due to the abusive programming they received in their childhood.
As a young 24 yr gay man. It’s a tough world out there for everybody but it’s extra tough when you gotta navigate heteronormativity in everyday life. It’s both a blessing and a curse. I get to live and watch society unfold, however I also have to find my part in a society not built for me. You always carry around a sense of being different when your gay. It’s very easy to fall into drugs and alcohol with all the guys around you who want to share.
and then AS a gay man we have to deal with the CLOWN show of the woke culture, when all you wanna do is live a somewhat normal life and everyone lumps you in with the tik tok freak shows.
I’ve lived a life… I’ll leave it at that without getting into the nitty gritty. But I’ve been on both sides of this. But my parents ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS made sure that I knew they loved me and that I was always welcome home and they prayed for me for decades because of the life I was living. Hannah, don’t give up! Keep loving your son, pray for him, and make sure he knows you’re there for him no matter what. It’s the Greek word agape, which means unconditional love. I’m praying for you, your son, and your family. ❤
This is heartbreaking, I hope he gets the help he needs before things go too far. Society has fooled many people into thinking a life of debauchery is acceptable. He is broken and needs a complete medical and spiritual intervention.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, Mama. I've been there. I was out of control in my 20s as well, but left the self destruction in my late 20s. In retrospect, I'm terribly remorseful for how my actions affected my Mom. I truly hope he respects himself enough one day to create boundaries within himself. It took hitting rock bottom for me, but everyone is different. Much love. ❤️❤️❤️ Dr. Delony is wise. He gives great advice.
@@charlesrichards9803it can definately be described as a lifestyle because it comes with its own set of politics and beliefs. Theres also a hive mind concept that attacks anyone who thinks diffetently.
How did you even have a lot of friendships with self-destructive people? And what form exactly did your offers to help take? Adults almost never are interested in hearing advice or judgement unless they ask for it, so if your offers to help took the form of "I know what's best for you," then you might want to reconsider your approach since you apparently find yourself in this situation a lot. Just realized I was offering unsolicited advice...sorry. This post got ironic pretty quickly.
@@greenAbbot people change as they age, I found going into my 20’s a number of people decided to either go down the drugs route or joined communities where drugs/very risky sexual behaviour was the ‘norm’ (e.g. unprotected sex with completely strangers, chemsex etc). My advice would often be in the form of them bringing up a topic and me expressing my concern for their safety.
My neighbor and his wife are swingers who are out of control. To each their own, but they were recently arrested at an adult movie theatre for having sex with multiple strangers, and it made the news. She called my wife and said that she sometimes goes to these "places," blindfolds herself, and will have sex with eight men on her lunch hour! My wife is a Christian and thinks she can save the world, but I feel different. They have three kids from 7-15, and their risky behavior is putting their health, as well as possibly putting the custody of their kids at risk. I don't know if they are on drugs, but I think we need to cut off all contact with them, period!
This behaviour is really unacceptable regardless of people's identity and circumstance. Yes people have sexual independence and liberty but good God some people are fucking sick. And to be proud and unashamed of it afterwards 😐 your story about your neighbors is so freaking gross.
What's heartbreaking is how you can tell the mom is a GREAT mom. It's hard and painful for her, but she loves him so much that she is willing to push through all of that to protect her son. That is a beautiful.
My youngest son did this when he was in his early 20s. He ended up HIV+ and an addict. He's spent 30 years trying to overcome, often failing. But we always celebrate the wins. He can't hold decent jobs because the addiction overcomes his resolve. HIV keeps his immune system down. He's constantly under a doctor's care for one thing or the other. The only thing you can do for your son is love him and assure him constantly that he is loved. But you do have to set standards for your home, or you will become his slave. My son has been homeless a couple of times. But wherever he decides to be clean again, I do what I can to help him. He's been clean now for 5 years. But he confesses that he is still often tempted. It becomes a one-day-at-a-time life. Recreational drugs are made to addict whomever , and it only takes sleeping with the wrong person one time to ruin their lives. But he's an adult, and you can't ground him to his room.
Here's what the religious-but-tolerating, had my son at age 17 mom doesn't understand about her 25 y/o gay son, who recently moved to New York to work a prestigious but demanding job: Gay culture praises youth. At 25 years old, her son is already a mature man by gay standards. After 30, he will see his prospects for Grade A tail drop significantly. He spent his teen years in a conservative town where he had to put sexual exploration on the backburner. Then he went off to college, where his family's aspirations for him inspired him to study hard to get the good grades necessary for landing a prestigious job in New York. Not a lot of time for sexual experimentation in the meantime. Now he's 25, living independently and he tells himself: It's now or never. Orgies? He loves them. Polyamory? He loves that too. After many years of having to fulfill the duties assigned to him by his parents and society, he's finally allowed to cut loose and make up for ten years of sexual repression before he gets too old to really enjoy it. That's what his mother doesn't get. She's right on the drugs issue though. That's a real danger to his future if he isn't careful enough and that's where her primary focus of concern should lie.
You’re right. He’s a kid stuck in a candy store and it’s hard to get the kid out of the candy store. You can only hope he starts to realize the bad consequences of staying in the candy store too long.
Nailed it. The mother has no idea that her son is acting like that because of the circumstances he was born into. I wish this doctor would have went into detail like you did. Though, I am glad he told her to tell her son her story. So many parents like to act like their upbringing was perfect.
Well-written. It's a very fascinating thing, most heterosexual men can only dream of such availability of sex. But if you stay at the party (or the candy store) too long, it can catch up with you, especially when you get older. No need to be moralistic about it, but if you have five sex partners a week for ten years, your brain and body will eventually find it difficult to manage without it. I notice it now in my late 20s with some friends who never have a committed relationship or whose relationships are at most the length of teenage romances because they can't seem to make human connections after all these temptations. The darker side of the gay scene is often lonely, offended or mentally disturbed older men, who stayed "too long" and are pestering people half or a third their age on dating sites.
@@pa3997 Good points. Traditional heterosexual societal norms urge people to find a partner, live with them monogamously and provide a stable home for children. For gay men who don't decide to adopt or lab-order children, that norm is technically invalid. But pair bonding abilities do degrade a bit with each additional sexual partner, so the ability to find long-term relationships certainly doesn't improve. And yet, there's that certain allure of unspoiled young adulthood. It signals youth, strength, vitality and fertility. That's why both gay and straight men of many ages still rate potential partners in their early- to mid-20s as the most desirable age-bracket. Gay men are still men, after all. But while straight men over the age of 30 can make themselves more appealing to provider-seeking younger women by amassing wealth, influence, prestige and power, the same principle doesn't work with gay men over 30. Most 25 y/o gay men that get to choose between a 20 y/o college kid and a 40 y/o banker as a one night stand would probably choose the first option. It's a rather sad state of affairs for older gay men. They still crave guys in their 20s - but usually it's non-reciprocal. Nature be naturing.
It's hard to say what "most" gay men are like these days. Men are men. You see a fair share of gay men acting "sexually liberated" because they think everyone else should be. But a fair number of them are boring. Prudish. Few partners. You need statistics to say what most people are, not photos.
As a gay man, I can relate to what this is all about. I, myself, am a recovering alcoholic. I enjoyed myself when I was younger and was quite promiscuous (like alot of gay men). Having 3 "boyfriends" at the same time, may sound shocking to this poor mother, but, tbh, they are just probably casual sex partners, which is something that I have certainly encountered, in my youth (not now, I am 67 haha). I can understand how mom is worried, but. your son is 25, he is an adult, and he is living his life. It may not be the life you, yourself will lead, or, indeed other members of your family wish to lead, but at the end of the day, it is HIS life, isn't it? I become sober (and wiser) when I got older. My family worried about my alcohol problem, but it was my choice and, eventually, my choice to enter rehab and sort that out. Mom, can only be there, if her son reaches out to her and support him, if he ASKs for help. Tough to do when you feel somebody you love is going wrong, but it really is all you can do.
it sounds like he got violated and blames himself and is now trying to take back control of his body and person by doing reckless things. next time you see him, take his hand and tell him he is so much greater than what happened to him, if he breaks down and start crying then you know how to move forward and help him. sounds like to me he just needs reminding of his power to find peace but what do i know, im just some person on the internet.
Sounds less likely than him being “the good boy” all his life to compensate for reflexive gay shame and then getting to the city where the culture seems to afford every missed, longed for, self-denied and previously unimaginable opportunity.
"Bad company corrupts good character." It happens to great people. It doesnt mean the parents failed, it doesnt mean he always had these desires in him. (Although, yes, both of these can be true for some people, sure). But sometimes its just WHO you hang out with that everything goes wrong. Especially if you feel fully accepted for the first time.
PNP (party and play) is a VERY VERY dangerous activity. Im gay and i know it. Its so much more prevalent with gay communities than straight. Besides, gay relationship tend to be more sexual in nature since we dont have a chance of getting pregnant: sex often equates to pleasure. For the mom, John's advice is very very good. You can't push the kid away. But neither can you judge him since thats not what can help him. I would say though, encourage him to find some other hobbies and activities can often be beneficial, such as cycling, swimming, rock climbing etc.. And he will meet other people devoted to other activities. Now since he is in New York, another thing i want to mention is that New York may not be the right place for him. His job may not be the best Job either, doesn't matter the pay. For ex, high end financial workers often resort to sex/party/drugs to cater to the high end clienteles. Hunter Biden is not the first, nor the last degenerates in the elite class... With that being said, hope her son gets away from the PNP styles asap. So he can develop true love for life itself.
No. I dont believe so. One can choose who to have sex with. But the body knows deep down which gender/sex it attracts to. With that being said, being gay is not the issue here. Being healthy is TOTALLY a choice. And you can choose to be healthy and disciplined and strive for more or look the other way.@@dmbgator86
It's unfortunate that we live in a world that conditions people that hedonism means happiness. Until people accept that what they want and what feels good isn't always what is best for you then you cant move past it. Its all about what you value people are willing to sacrifice morality for excitement
I’m sorry but I’m laughing at this. Orgies and multiple boyfriends are not gonna killl anyone. Just tell him to be careful and mind her own business! Get outta his sex life
@@duane_313 I basically agree, but there's nuance. When it takes up so much time that you can't get enough sleep, it's a problem. When one of your 3 boyfriends doesn't get enough attention and hurts emotionally for it, it's a problem. If you don't actively protect yourself from STDs, you can get sick. What I'm saying is that a sexually intense lifestyle can be managed, but it's not easy, and does come with risk.
@@duane_313 It's would be a black man saying this dumb ish. Aids rates in ATL are comparable to Africa because of how sexually deviant blk men are lmfaoooo
There's a lot of missing info here. If he's going about this in a "safe" way then he's just living his life. While I don't condone going crazy if he's on prep and uses protection and is only doing the "party" drugs, then he's living life. If he's turned into a druggy then he needs help. But from her description, he's just being a young gay man.
Doing drugs and having casual sex with tons of people is not normal behavior for anyone, just because he’s gay does not make it normal, I am gay and this behavior is a huge reason our community suffers much larger issues than necessary, particularly societal stigmas. It is very much a trauma based reaction, and also an environmental issue, these behaviors become normalized by people within the community who are all hurt and traumatized. It is not normal. Gay or not.
Acting blasé about the whole thing is not the way to go about this. He’s doing extremely dangerous things with the drugs, orgies, etc. He could end up with AIDS, an std, overdose from a drug laced with Fentanyl, etc. If this were my son, I’d sit him down & tell him what he’s doing can ruin or end his life. These are not games to play as he thinks he’s doing.
No one is suggesting acting blasé. But as John stated very clearly, he already knows everything you’d “sit him down and tell him”. He’s got all the information he needs; what he’s doing now is rebelling against the repression and shame of his childhood, and Mom lecturing him like he’s 10 would just give him one more thing to rebel against.
"Extremely dangerous" is a bit of an assumption on your part. You don't know what risks he's taking. He might be protecting himself from HIV/STDs with condoms and PREP. Our country's drug policies make it really hard to do drugs safely, but some are safer than others. As long as he's making risk-aware decisions, he's far more likely to come out of this period of his life okay. Until you KNOW what risks he's taking, projecting your anxieties on him is not a way to constructively engage him with your concerns.
@@robertkirchner7981 I agree with this comment. Why are we acting like having sex is hurting anyone as long as they’re engaging in safe sex practices? What I see is a young gay man who grew up in a religious home probably feeling like he was not accepted by his community. He now has the freedom to be himself and is reacting in a way that is common in the gay community. I don’t condone the drugs but an open relationship is extremely common in the gay community these days. Why are we shaming people for this? It’s his life. He’s an adult. If he’s on prep and other preventative measures let him live his life.
But JohnNN! We're a religious household! I had my kids at 17 out of wedlock, I made seriously bad choices, I'm an overbearing mom! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY MY KiD IS GOING DOWN A WRONG PATH...(If I had a penny for Everytime I heard that..) I'd be a billionaire.
@flipsideof45 what I'm getting at is people don't truly believe in God, they use God as a feel good distraction, their are consequences to actions, and people lack awareness and accountability. It's a tale as old as time. Acceptance & awareness is needed, she doing things out of fear and not love and that's the biggest driver for the downfall of families.
Random gay guy pov: 2:20 sadly I feel like In major cities this is the norm for gay guys who are attractive and successful. It feels like “finding the one” is a thing of the past for a lot of gay (not all) so a lot of us engage in risky S parties or group events (most of the time unprotected) and substances are so common/normalized in the gay community and it should not be.
Second random gay guy pov. It's a complex puzzle. I live in a small city, nothing like a NYC. I was a good friends with a gent who very much matched this description in his twenties. He had a good, loving, ongoing relationship with his mama. He seemed outgoing and cheerful. He got HIV and had an an alcohol problem. His heart stopped at age 31 or so due to the interaction of the alcohol and HIV meds. How could this have been prevented? What's a parent to do? I don't know. Offer unconditional love. Talk about safety and moderation. Even then it seems like kind of a crapshoot.
I feel like his big issue was putting this stuff online, literally this whole ordeal could have been skirted if he had common sense not to post his drug use and details of sexual escapades on the internet
exactly that ! I'm gay and live in a big city. All of what is said he does, i have seen or been exposed too at some point. Experiencing it and discovering things (that they are healthy or not) is a thing...but sharing it all on social media seem wild to me.
It sounds like someone who felt repressed and shamed his entire childhood and is now leaning heavily into "Look at me--I'm free of you all!" So posting it online is probably part of that. I hope it's just a phase, and John's advice to just let him know he can always come home is exactly what he needs. If he feels like this is all part of escaping his parents' judgement and repression, he's got a lot more incentive to continue.
I’m gay and live in NYC. I dip my toes into this world once in a while, when I want to be wild and crazy. But the I return to reality, fulfilling all my job duties, being a normal friend and son and brother. I’ve never worried my mom or siblings or relatives, for one. At these things I definitely don’t touch the drugs. I’ve heard too many horror stories. Alcohol is sufficient for me. This is all to say-posting this stuff on social media is very concerning. It means he’s spiraling out of control. It means he doesn’t give a damn. It sounds almost suicidal. Which is deeply concerning.
As a young man i feel very similarly to this guy, grew up and wasn't receptive to the love my parents tried to give me. Now i have all this trauma from working for love and being a "nice guy"/people pleaser. I think i might still come out but i know all i want in life is to be loved for who i am not what i can do. Hopefully have a solid connection with someone and not do all the stupid things out there.
I see a lot of people with grave responses, and I do appreciate the risk. For the mom if she didn’t listen and does read the comments, most gay guys I knew from school that came out later went through at least a brief period of going crazy at the clubs and parties and gay drug/sex culture at those clubs for a bit. I don’t think this is out of the ordinary, but your concern is warranted. I do think most young men make it out the other side and continue their successful life and settle down, but addiction and disease it definitely a major concern. I’m 30 btw so I’m talking about watching friends from hs and college (none came out until 21 or older) and how they acted from like 22 to now. All of them for at least a couple of months did this kind of behavior some for a get years, some still do. But some of them have settled down and have a bf they live with and a good job and are crushing it.
Yeah, having three boyfriends and going to sex parties does not necessarily mean your life is "out of control" if you have the character to handle it safely and the self awareness to get out if it starts to hurt your life. But these skills are rare. I know I don't have them, which is why I always stayed away from drugs and was at best moderately slutty back when I wanted to be far more so. My advice to the mom would be to first acknowledge to her son that he may have trauma that he hadn't discussed with her. So many of us learned early that being accepted in our families was conditional on just not talking about things that make them uncomfortable, which when you're gay can be most things. Second I would urge her to emphasize that she wants to know he is taking care of his own wellbeing, and that she is open to helping if he needs it. She should absolutely NOT begin from the premiss that the things that he does that make HER feel icky are ipso facto a problem (though they might be at some point if they aren't already). He might not be the "monster" she says he is. If she starts from the premiss that his life has "devolved into chaos" (has she asked HIM if he feels like his life is chaos?) all she's giving him is judgement, not support, and he'll know it.
@ I tend to agree with that. And, I do think sexuality aside, I would be concerned if my straight son was acting like this too. I was trying to temper the fear, because I liken it to people who go to college and drink and are promiscuous when they were neither in high school. It’s freedom being away from your parents. Here, you move to a big city and it’s the first time your not one of a single digit number of gays, you can actually go to a place where you are the majority and not judged at all. With That new found freedom, a lot of people push the boundaries to see what they are comfortable with, before scaling back a bit after the novelty wears off.
I just want to note at 1:10 she said “he’s just been a monster” then says he’s taking drugs/sex. That doesn’t sound like a monster, that sounds like someone who needs help.
That is just the way Christian parents talk. My mum uses this kind of language. In my mind I’m like “muummm please” but then I remember she has been surrounded by this people for 30/40 years. She can’t help it
Jesus it doesn't have to be that. It could be, but, the brutal sense of total rejection a gay person endures in a religious household is plenty traumatic all by itself. She said they were accepting when he came out, well, maybe they tried to be, but people like to tell themselves stories that make them feel like a good person, maybe they put on a show of acceptance but children can see right to the heart of their parents. Whether they were genuinely accepting when he came out or not, the damage was done in early childhood when he was taught subconsciously that he is fundamentally wicked and unacceptable. Now he acts in accordance with his self worth that was programmed in early development. The mother feels tremendous guilt, you can hear it in her voice. She will do what she can, but it is ultimately his journey. He will find himself or perish.
New York is very depressing for most people & most ppl will live fast / crash. New York isn't the dream it's painted as. Just search in "Lonely in NY or leaving NY", same story every time. Exciting then depressing.
It looks a little bit like the "I didn't have a teenager hood" syndrome. Parents look like they were quite openminded and not restrictive but it could be that he didn't have the occasion to experiment being a teen where he lived, becoming the perfect prays for bad intentioned people who would drag him down. Some people experience it in their 40's which is even worst. Hard to say...
My change came in a brief moment of clarity in my late 20’s when a voice in my head said “this is not who you are”. And a follow up moment of clarity was when i lost a good job because i was out of control. All things work together. Train up a child in the way he should go….and that truth will stick in our souls for the time when it is needed.
The son is an ADULT. People spend far too much time and energy taking on other people's problems. He's a grown man. He and only he, can fix himself. I have two grown boys. Both on their own, successful, independent men. Let your son know you're just a phone call away and always there for him. Then, move on and live your life.
@@lorirogers9304 My kids are successful because I was not a hovering, helicopter parent. My kids are successful because I instilled in them, a sense of self worth and confidence. I gave them the ability to make decisions early on when they were very young, with me guiding them so that they would have the tools needed to make those and bigger life decisions on their own once they became adults.
The unfortunate reality is he is not incorrect when he says “everyone is doing it”, by this I mean the amount of people within the gay community that participate in this behavior is incredibly alarming, and as a gay man not really having had to hide my identity my whole life, and having a fair bit of support from my family, and friends when I came out very young, THAT is something that brings me so much shame to be a part of this community. The hollowness of rampant open relationships and flagrant nonchalant attitudes towards sex, the vacuous nature of my community, the rampant recreational drug use. It’s quite alarming, and embarrassing. And they think it’s normal behavior because all of their friends are doing it. I have like no friends here in NYC because I refuse to be around drug users and radically sexualized people. It’s so sad to see.
Only the strongest survive in NYC. He’ll either get it together…or not. Most of us (gays) who make it here stop drinking and get a place in the Hamptons. And to be honest, he won’t last too long in the city being a mess…you’re competing against the smartest folks in the world who ALL go to the gym daily at 5 am 😂
He’s a kid that just discovered the candy store and it’s hard for the kid to leave the candy store. Hopefully he moderates before something bad happens.
Poor kid...he got entangled with the wrong crowd. He probably is a young naive good looking guy so the predators notice him. It happen to me even these days...but now I can recognize when soe one is being friendly from the heart or they want something in return. Is so hard when you are young and attractive and you move to a city full of other attractive young guys and a city so full of temptations. The best way to save this kid is for his mother to be with him without judgement but to be there so she can catch him in time and he can trust her to talk to her and whe the crisis comes (cuz it will come) to go to her. The other way is for him to meet a nice guy but that's harder.
@@Brandon-qr6rg having a dad in your life has nothing to do with your sexual preference. I know my dad sure has nothing to do with who I’m sexually attracted to. Gross. That makes you the weirdo for thinking that way. Gay people aren’t a phenomenon of only single parents.
She should get herself on Amtrak and take the 2.5 hours train ride to NYC and take him out and talk to him about her concerns. She can park on the street for free on behind the train station for free and take the shuttle to Amtrak station. I live in the same county she does very easy to take the train to Penn station . She might be scared and anxious but he will come to see his mommy.
Gays and straights, as a society we no longer value marriage and family life. Hook up culture, picky women who only want beautiful millionaires, incel men who hate women, absent fathers without a sense responsibility, gays who feel like they don’t belong in society and move about in a culture where monogamous partnerships aren’t celebrated. As a society we’ve become self-serving, egotistical, narcissistic. We need to go back to selflessness, love, duty, sacrifice and family. How? I don’t know. But we must try, if we want to survive.
I'm a gay man in his 30's...I didn't go down the path this young man has but I also have an older brother who had his own drug problems at a young age and I never wanted that for myself. The gay (male) community itself is very sex driven even more than their heterosexual counterparts. There are very few monogamous relationships nowadays. Few men are actually looking for meaningful monogamous relationships. Some of the same factors apply as here like most ( heterosexuals) superficiality, money driven ( if you don't make a lot of money then you're not worthy of dating), and they want to live an affluent lifestyle ect. There's plenty of open relationships because they know that they are not going to be solely happy having sex with the same body for the rest of their life and their philosophy is if you're going to look and fantasize about other men while being in a relationship then what's the point of monogamy. So they look for financial stability, lifestyle and fun.
I'm still going through this as a gay man 21 years in. I've slowed down but only because of connections to get it. I can't have sober sex nor really want to. I could write a book. I've been sober 1 month.
Not all gay men are promiscuous, but many do seem to be. Some really do couple up, others have the revolving bedroom door. Even so, the drugs are the extremely worrying element in all this.
To be fair, many people seem to be promiscuous. I’ve heard the term “hoe phase” thrown about to describe a period of sexual exploration in the early to mid twenties where people have many partners. In many circles male conquest of women and racking up a body count is seen as a measure of masculinity and strength. In many of these circles, drug use is prevalent. Think 90s Wall Street, cocaine, strippers and prostitutes. I think saying many gay men seem to be promiscuous suggests that many people who are not gay men do not also seem to be promiscuous. Many gay men probably deal with the experiences that drive promiscuity and drug use such as, unstable senses of self, low self esteem, rejection, unstable interpersonal relationships from a young age or during prime times of development, and developmental early adulthood trauma.
All I needed to hear was moved to nyc. I live here and I’m assuming he affiliates with certain groups after hearing his relationship status and they party and go insanely wild and believe it’s just a part of being young and that anyone who tells them otherwise is “phobic” against them. Good luck to him as I was born and raised here and know how tough this city is for natives, let alone non natives
My family is/was religious. My cousin came out with full support of everyone the Catholic and Lutheran sides. He died a few years ago because he let his lifestyle spiral out of control. Finding out my younger, early 30s cousin was in hospice was brutal and heartbreaking. I had to watch my aunt and uncle bury their son. This woman’s story means so much to me and I hope she knows what she’s going through is scary because it can end very, very badly.
@@crazeekids9744 Huh? You think the family shouldn’t support him for being gay? We didn’t tell him to drink and drug himself into dying. How fucking callous are you?
Sometimes acceptance and support upon coming out after a whole childhood/adolescence of unobserved or buried trauma and developmental disadvantage related to being gay isn’t enough. As a family you’d hope it would be, but unfortunately only other gay men will ever really know what it’s like to experience and hopefully surmount that. In the 80s, before attitudes had even widely liberalized, AIDS demolished not just any inchoate aspirations for a community of higher wisdom and healthy mentorship-it traumatized survivors and subsequent generations. Now the community is captured by a wholly political/corporate transgenderism that has hijacked the gay population while having nothing meaningful in common with it. So gay men as a demographic are in bad shape. I’m sorry for your loss.
@@umamicashflow1809 You're right, except that you can't blame trans people for the demise of community among gay men. From the 50s to the 80s gay men and lesbians built a community under far more challenging conditions than we face today. AIDS destroyed it along with much of the talent that built it. . We could build it again, but us old folks are too tired, and young folks don't know our history to see how it was done. And, of course, hookup apps have replaced the common spaces we used to share. There's nowhere left to go to just "be" with other gay men anymore. As for "healthy mentorship", we try. We try to get books into school libraries that could function to give gay kids models for living as gay adults ethically and positively, but paranoid religionists think we're trying to convert straight kids (talk about projection!) and have those books banned. One thing we can be fairly certain of is that few of us were equipped by our parents to live our gayness in healthy ways. I doubt Hanna's "religious household" did much to provide their son with positive gay role models.
Unless there’s specific issues from having 3 boyfriends and attending regular sex parties, it’s hard to understand why the son is doing these things. While there’s a lot of red flags, it’s also conflicting because we can’t jump to conclusions. This discussion needs to be had with the son in the room or else we are just asking for him to change without understanding what’s influencing him to do these things.
Nothing wrong with gay orgies either in and of themselves, its the self-destructive drug use and risk of infection that tends to go along with those patterns of behavior that concern the mother here I think. If he wasn't on drugs and was in some sort of exclusive sex club where everyone was guaranteed to not have an infectious disease I don't think she would care in the slightest.
Then don’t complain when republicans talk about “The Sanctity of Marriage “… i have never in my damn gay life have ever met a monogamous gay couple, ever.
@@jonnyfendi2003that's mostly because poly relations are more out there (extroverts). Monogamous couples may not be on apps and may not be in the same circles as poly folks.
What about the situation when you’ve invited them back into your house and they’re still doing drugs, drinking ect? Isn’t the answer “you’re choosing not to live at my house when you partake in those things”? How many times do you kick someone out and let them back in? I’ve got family members in this situation and it’s just so hard and I wish there was an answer
Freedom yes, but I agree with Dr. Delony - this kind of behaviour is 'freedom' but not safe. Dr. Delony's advice is spot on -- a person who knows he can always make the healthy choice, often does. And he can live in New York as a safe person in a fun way. He can value himself if he wants.
When he says “everyone is living this way”, believe him. He’s a homosexual, and the behavior being described here is extremely common among homosexuals. That is the community he is involved in where “this is what everyone does” is something that would be very easy for him to perceive.
How do you know this? Are you gay? Have a lot of gay friends? Are you doing studies on the sexual habits of gay men and have data you're privy to? Sounds like a whole lot of conjecture coming from your end and absolutely zero data. Just say you don't approve of the gay lifestyle if that's what you mean. At least you'll have some integrity at that point in that you're being honest and not just blatantly spreading lies.
It's his life at the end of the day. There are far, far worse things than polyamory and recreational drugs ... depending on the drug of course. Monogamy isn't the only way to live a good life.
It's possible he's not spiralling at all and is just living a different lifestyle. It's normal these days to go to "sex parties" and be in a throuple. Not saying it's for everyone but it's definitely in the mainstream more than you might think
Just because everyone does something doesn't mean its the right thing to do (especially if they know its affecting the person execute daily activities), people do this thing called normalizing so that people feel okay and accepted doing something even though they know in their psyche its not the right thing, which is why they resort to seeking people who are doing the same thing to not feel bad about themselves. I think as humans we can all relate to this we're not perfect. But ultimately, two wrongs doesn't make a right. Nice try though. The people they hangout with are only there to enforce your behavior. I say this out of experience. Not saying your personal lifestyle is wrong and I hope you're truly happy and dont ever have to change your friends to be accepted. But taking everything not just the 3 boyfriend, this is a mother who has been supportive and has had a great relationship with her son to having to block her. His psyche is obviously telling him he knows he's falling out of line with himself and he recognizes his mother is recognizing this and its making him feel uncomfortable and in his eyes "not supportive". But she has been but between the things that he is doing, her mother as supportive as she has been, there are somethings that she recognizes will only lead him on a path of spiraling down and this has nothing with just having a relationship with 3 men because had she the opportunity to see this thrive in person she would be supportive but as a mother herself she is taking everything into consideration of his whole being. I hope this helps you understand where the mother is coming from. Also, not trying to start an argument just trying to help you understand her concerns.
As a momma who lost her twin girls. My one and only chance to have children. I didn’t meet the right person until my early 30’s. We got pregnant during our engagement, but 7 months in I lost both of them. 16 days apart. Lindsey Emily was born on February 1st 2019. Her sister, and identical twin, Anita Beatrice was born on the 17th ❤ I got to hold them both! …after they passed. The kicker was the nurse saying “if you weren’t at a small rural hospital and went to ‘a city 1 1/2hrs away’ hospital you’d probably be going home with two beautiful babies”. WHY? Why did she say that? I mean, that added to the whole pile of guilt added to all the emotions I was ALREADY feeling after a month in the hospital and two angel babies. I was in there a month bc the last week was just doing tests to figure out what happened. And why. No dr figured it out, no one had a clue. Until one night my night nurse had JUST come on shift …by now I knew MOST of them on a first name basis and even knew what was going on in their lives, as they usually came to my room to have lunch and keep me company (ALL the L&D nurses were AMAZING! Unlike the emergency room nurse that made that comment to me. They made me feel like I wasn’t alone). My-now ex-finance NEVER came to visit! Anyway, she came on and told me she’d suggested the dr run a test (I didn’t know what it was for-at the time), but he didn’t. She asked me if SHE could run it and put it in the drs requests, bc she had a strong feeling. I said yes, and another pelvic exam and swab were done. A week after being discharged, with no clue why I lost BOTH of the girls, I was called into my family drs office. Turns out I had cervical stage 4 cervical cancer. After MORE tests (Oh My Goodness! ALL the tests!) I found out I also had uterine cancer. I was immediately scheduled for an emergency radical hysterectomy. The surgeon found out (while she was in there TRYING to get to healthy tissue…) I had cervical, uterine, ovarian & bladder cancer. It had spread everywhere in my pelvic area! Thus, my body was a “hostile environment” for those two precious babies. 😢 ….Oh My Goodness the guilt! Even though I had a pelvic exam and Pap test done every single year!!! Anyway, my point was: I could NEVER imagine having those two precious girls for over TWENTY YEARS & then having to say goodbye! Never!!! So IF ANYONE is dealing with this, please remember MY story & go to your child with kindness and compassion EVEN in these profoundly cruel situations. That’s your baby! Take the chance. Make emends. Love each other. Just think, NO ONE loves any person as much as their mother! Be a momma bear, even if you have to be tough on them… do it with empathy and compassion. I’m SO sorry to this Momma, but hopefully she takes the advice NOT to go to the comment section. This is to ALL the moms going through ANYTHING with any child of any age. I’m now 41 in a VERY happy & loving relationship and have 3 PRECIOUS step kids! 2 boys… 7&9 and my sweet sweet girl who is about to be 12 in May. Things don’t always “get better” I, myself never healed, I feel the pain of my loss every day. But! Even though the pain doesn’t “go away” but it does “change”! I live a very happy life (these are the happiest years of my life!) with my family and of course it still hurts. But it no longer rules my life. And for that I’ll be forever grateful to this sweet sweet man who showed me that I COULD heal from this! Sorry for the novel. I guess I needed to tell their story. Which happens still & probably always will, just less in frequency. So thank you for reading this all the way through. I’ll always be telling the story of my kiddos, I’m a mom… 🤷♀️ ❤ Thanks Dr. John ❤
As a gay man I have never lived that distrusting lifestyle. I met my partner at 27 and spent 34 years together until his passing away. That lifestyle sleeping around will never end good. My partner and I were both construction workers.
I went through this and I had a great time. The drugs were fun, the sex was amazing and the memories are still with me. I made some wonderful friends. I was always in control of everything that was happening. I never got an STD, never arrested, never OD'ed. No regrets. It all must look totally crazy to the straight world.
@@biomagic8959 No luck involved. It was like being in a roller coaster but I was steering it. You look at the gay community and think they're heading to some hedonistic disaster. Get over yourself; you're just jealous. Every individual has to find their own way in life and the young man in this story in on that path.
@@philblane5752 you are beyond delusional. you had zero control, it's just your way of rationalizing what you went through. reality is you could have been raped, oded or contracted numerous stds. you've just been lucky and dodged it all. there are others who haven't been this lucky.
I don’t know how old you are, but there is a fentanyl epidemic… Going on right now… That is the most concerning thing here there are no pure drugs on the street anymore. Everything and I mean everything is contaminated with fentanyl and I can guarantee it was not that way when you were on the party scene. This is a recent epidemic past 10 to 15 years. There is no more cocaine. There is no more pure anything on those streets. It’s literal Russian roulette.
As a recovered addict I love John’s comment “one night, when he’s spun up, he’ll have a moment of clarity” that’s so true. We addicts do not have moments of clarity when we’re hurting and fiending for our next hit. it’s once we’re full of it we start to reflect and feel terrible again
I’ve heard that exact thing before from another addict. So interesting. Congrats on your sobriety.
Always recovering, never recovered 🙌 every day we fight. Take care
Congratulations on your sobriety.!
Forgive Yourself- Ken Reid podcast 🌞
That hit that sends you into outerspace and then it stops and the floodgates open and reality suddenly comes crashing in. And then you need someone to help and you reach out to someone. Then two weeks of torture and pain. 😂 - good job on getting sober for everyone who did it and for those awesome people who didn't judge, didn't block us and when we reached out for help when that moment came - said I am here for you I love all of you because you save lives.
💯 true
As someone who grew up as the good kid, it's a lot of pressure. Sometimes that pressure builds up and you just want to let loose and be the crazy, irresponsible one. When finally you let go, you can go too far.
I feel that, it’s hard to be prudent about letting loose when you have no practice with it. I certainly would have rathered being a bit worse when I was younger and the errors didn’t have as grave on consequence as opposed to what I ended up doing
As a gay guy I can tell many of us get shunned and live on the edge of the heteronormative society that rules the world, alone and isolated, especially in small towns. Many of us grow up craving intimacy and contact with people, then we become adults and mistake sex for intimacy. Drugs come along to numb yourself to a discomfort that had grown with you all along. It's all very sad since there are also so very few people who can relate and give actual advice about it.
Mistaking intimacy for sex is a heterosexual problem as well. Hook up culture in general speaks to that. There is a general epidemic of people being lonely and engaging in self destructive behaviours
I think this is a social problem . Many gays live conservative life and choose families and one person ! Gays can choose to get around the block too !
Why does he have intimacy problems When he learned intimacy from his mom
@@cupidok2768 because intimacy with your mother is way different from what intimacy is, as companionships and relationships, with your peers.
@@actaemazantor9558 the quality of your relationship with your parents can have a significant impact on your romantic relationships:



Expectations
Your family serves as a template for how you expect to be treated in relationships.

Communication and interpersonal skills
Your family teaches you how to communicate and interact with others, which can help you form healthy partnerships.

Trust
Your early family bonds help you learn to trust and rely on others.

Attachment style
Your relationship with your parents can influence your attachment style, which can impact your romantic relationships.

Modeling
Your parents can be models for your adult relationships, both healthy and unhealthy.

Conflict styles
Your parents' relationship with you and each other can influence your conflict styles.

Expressions of affection
Your parents' relationship with you can influence how you express affection in your romantic relationships.
He is probably lost in a new city. A city that never sleeps. He is probably finding comfort in the wrong crowd.
Trying to feel “liberated and free” as they say. I live in NY and everytime I visit NYC I see something I didn’t want to see. I’m going to being working there for 3 months in summer 2025 too😭 I KNOW I won’t get lost in the sauce but I know I’m going to witness some stuff. I’m just praying for my own safety, it’s a wicked city.
I bet it’s a older guy influencing him
first freedom, and whenever a spring is popped loose, it bounces wildly. the son is also not considering long-term consequences because biologically and psychologically, he hasn't developed impulse control until age 30yo. Always get your child to see the consequence of poor decisions rather than shelter them from life's cruel consequences. In the 20-30's, these sightings and examples will be lasting impressions to guide them toward a wise path.
That stated, I do recall a time when I juggled four significant others (I couldn't break hearts and we all had an understanding)--no drug-filled parties and no baby oil, though.
Finding Comfort in the Wrong Crowd. O. Amen. What a Title for a book. Respectfully submitted for your consideration Gregg Oreo Long Beach CA États Unis
True
I’m 28 and moved to NY last year. This city will change you, for better or worse. In my case I began to feel a crippling anxiety from all the stimuli and lack of sunlight, to the point I lost my job this past September. I pray for this guy and his mom, and hope he can push through this difficult time in his life.
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
Hi, I know what you mean. When I first visited NYC ( I had been in US for one year from Italy) I felt like I could not go around for museums and galleries and shopping after 6pm. Too much going on, had to jump back on the bus to the hotel. Go live in PA like Pittsburgh or Harrisburg, enough vibe and culture,
As someone who had a classmate who died this way (came out as gay in a religious home in a small town after always being the “good kid” and cannonballed into drugs and partying), I had John’s same answer - just remind him that you’re his safe place, and hope he comes home before he destroys himself. He’s totally immersed in the party scene and riding on that high, but that will take him downhill really fast, and he will end up depressed and need help.
What does being gay have to do with anything here?
They accepted him though so this is his personal problem . Sounds to me like he ran into the wrong crowd that said follow me to the darkness .. I find it hard to believe that being gay is the sole reason he is on this path
@@Kroh13 They may have accepted him, but now he’s wanting more than acceptance; he’s wanting to embrace a whole new lifestyle. The party life, especially in a big city like NYC and especially for LGBT+ members, is really enticing for someone just starting out in adult life looking to socialize with others like him. I found the similarities between this kid’s story and the guy I grew up with uncanny, so I doubt it’s rare.
@@Kroh13 being loved and accepted at home is different than being accepted in school/your social group. Many kids growing up get to dip their toes into having relationships in high school where the proverbial training wheels are still on and you have support at home. If he didn’t get to experience that, and is making his first real social friend group/relationships away from his support group, it could be VERY easy for him to get pulled down a path he didn’t actually want since he didn’t know what is “normal” or how to enforce his boundaries without losing his first real friend group.
@@Kroh13 She might not be entirely truthful but even if we take her word for it there's still more to being accepted. I can tell you from my personal experience, I'm in my mid 20s and g ay. I have a very small family but they did accept me. That's good and all but despite that, ever since I was a kid, I've known how the majority of society feels about my kind. Losing all of my friends in high school was the first part of my soul being crushed. Every day, hearing or reading the vile things people think about me. To most people, we are viewed as nothing more than subhuman and a blight on this earth. To most, we are "deviant, satanic, evil, nasty degenerates that are a harm to all kids, all families and the fabric of the nation as a whole". For me, I've accepted the reality I live in years ago and I know there's no changing that, and I've engaged in destructive patterns of my own. I'm 320lbs and am starting to have liver issues. Doctors said if I don't change my habits and lose weight, it will get worse and become an irreversible problem, with no cure, that will lead to d eath. But guess what? Knowing how people view me and knowing i do not have a place in this society, I really don't care. Food is the only thing that gives me comfort. And the few family members I have does not make up for all of that.
A friends brother fell hard into drugs at 24, his parents cut him off. His last post before he died was asking for help because he had nowhere to go.
Heartbreaking
My friend has a 23 year old son who has a gambling and drug addiction. She has been estranged from him for 13 years. The son's choice, not hers as her husband polluted their son's mind against her. Despite constantly reaching out to him, he refused a relationship with his mum. She divorced her husband, the father of her son and daughter, because he was physically violent towards her.
Her 21 year old daughter lives with her. The daughter is a wonderful human being with a wise head on young shoulders. She is studying biomedicine. Her brother also refused contact with his sister.
Last year, the son reached out to his mum, wanting a relationship. My friend's heart is shattered. She doesn't know what to do. She is afraid to have her son stay with her and her daughter and his sister because of his addictions and violent behaviour when high. But she also knows that he is sleeping rough. She is doing all that she can to get him help and into emergency accommodation. I cannot imagine the grief, worry and anguish that encompass her heart.
@@niram4107 advise her to only let him come home if he’s clean and sober, otherwise he’s kicked out
Jeah, sometimes those people ask for help, people help and after that the person who ask for help goes back to their old life...
As a gay man in NYC, let’s hope her son is not a handsome, muscular man. Because it’ll be way harder to extricate himself from this manic self-destruction when all these other handsome men, also spiraling out of control, get their hooks on him and drag him down with them. A lot of these crazy orgy parties only invite the young, handsome ones. Sometimes being homely or ugly, where the gay guys constantly ignore you, comes with hidden blessings. Lol.
Thank you for sharing your experience on this topic being a gay man in NYC. We appreciate your insight
I agree that NYC can absolutely perpetuate the debauchery. Like you said, if you’re remotely handsome, it can suck you in and make it very hard to separate. I know what that is like. A gay man, handsome, tall, good body. NYC was a playground. Luckily, I didn’t get into substances and too much recklessness. But it’s wayyy tooo easy. I understand this
We latino gay's in nyc stay away from the Chelsea, Fire iland gays. We know they be like that!
I'm one of the ugly gays so I guess there is some bright side after all, although the loneliness is completely real. I just don't have the constant people trying to use my body to fill that gap. Instead I need to fill it with friendship, or seeking a long term companion. Definitely sucks like hell when you can't be yourself. This dude doesn't realize how lucky he is. My family is religious and they 100% told me they'd send me to conversion therapy when I tried to come out when I was younger. Now I can't even be myself, can't talk to my family about heart break, can't be open and feel like I have to constantly hide myself. The anxiety is so high.
Bingo. Beauty can be a curse. Looks good from the outside but everyone really hates you and is jealous but wants you in bed. People are sometimes openly hostile, and you know why and it sucks so bad. Accuse you of thing u didn't or would ever do. Stab u in the back. ARE AFRAID TO DATE U. Unpleasant feeling. AND if you're charming it's even worse. With beauty comes responsibility.
He's not going to stop until he's ready. Been there, it's HIS decision.
lolll u didn’t listen to the whole video. He told her not to look at the comments bc of people who have bad advice. Found one lol
Whoever made the thumbnail deserves a raise… I ran to this video
ME TOO LMFAO
Homophobes
Yeah but the guy has 2 boyfriends, not three.
@@clovemartin he knew homophobic Christians who praise a fake god are his main audience. Bastard
@@supernotnatural loser
Having been in her son’s shoes, I cannot tell you how spot on this advice is. Exactly the right message at exactly the right time.
❤
I just worry about the danger of fentanyl being in basically all of the drugs nowadays. He might not have luxury of hitting rock bottom before its too late
As someone who has up until very recent been involved in purchasing lots of drugs if you're outside of LA you really don't have to worry about fent being in anything it's mostly just fear mongering, especially weed but with acid you have to worry about other things that aren't fent that are much more dangerous and can completely mess up your mind since there are so many different psychedelics which is why I recommend buying a test kit they sell them relatively cheap online so you can tell exactly what you're putting in your body
One of John’s best answers in a long time. My adult son isn’t going through anything like this, but he’s struggling in his own way to find his path and this is a really good reminder of how important it is to just be there in their lives and make sure they know they can always come to you. The time for teaching and judging is over, and adults won’t take advice from anyone until they’re ready to ask for it. Especially sons.
I just LOVE John’s heart at 15:43 “have your son call me, I’ll do anything and everything I can to help him out.” Praying for this sweet mama and I hope her son gets back on track! ❤️
On the show $
I am now retired but I used to teach high school English and I would often speak to my students about the dangers of using drugs and almost without exception they would tell me "Everybody does drugs" and my standard answer was, "No. Everyone does NOT do drugs. Possibly everyone that YOU hang out with does drugs and that just means that you need to find new people to hang out with."
I think that is also true of this lady's son. If EVERYONE in his circle is swapping and swinging and cheating, he clearly needs to find another circle. I agree with her when she said she didn't believe him when he told her EVERYONE was doing this. No. They are not. That's what people say to try to excuse their own bad behavior. I wish her good luck with him and hopefully he will get himself back under control before it's too late.
He is rebelling big time. Something about his life is fuelling his behaviour. He’s doing whatever he can to relieve his distress. He is slowly expunging himself and that’s so hard for him and his loved ones.
I hope he will accept some serious counselling because he truly needs it.
Most homosexuals live a high risk lifestyle. Little to do with rebellion or whatever environment they came from.
My experience is that a lot of gay men who've had childhoods that filled them with shame and forced them to hide who they were for fear of hatred and violence go through a period of extreme behavior when they finally escape. Hopefully he will figure out that he's moving to a different sort of prison if he's heading down the path of drugs, and John is exactly right that he needs to know his parents are there for him when that happens.
I watched only half of the video and I believe the mom is not being 100% honest or left out some details. She made it clear he grew up in a religious household, and that she didn't "hate" on him when he came out at 15. I think what happened is when he came out at 15 the parents did the "hate the sin not the sinner" belief that they forced on him so they got him to think there is still something wrong with him, and probably never had a boyfriend in high school or never took one to a school dance because a dance or taking one to a date, his parents got him to believe he is somehow "discriminating" against Christians if he did that. So he played it safe only because at the time he cares about what his parents think. So when he was finally out of the house(don't know what age that happened) that was when he finally started going through gay puberty. After going through the gay puberty he finally stopped caring what his parents think and just wants to have sex with hot guys, heterosexual adults also do the same thing but when a gay adult does it, people tend to exaggerate it or that it's much way worst. I don't blame the son for blocking his parents.
I feel for this mom. There are a lot of things I did as a youth no one in my family knows about. I even survived a suicide attempt. I grew up and got past it. Much later in life I went through a rough patch with my son and truly thought I would lose him. He grew up and got past it. My mom couldn't have stopped me and I couldn't stop my son. BUT I always knew Mom was there if things got to be too much and my husband and I were here for my son when he needed us. We are both finer than a frog's hair now. Hang in there.
As someone that lives in NY, get him out of the city. You find what you're open to there and that's either great or horrifying.
NYC is a wicked city.
I visited once.
Was glad to board the return flight home.
How about you leave?
And if you’re gone - stay that way?
These fake hetero relationships with the pushy over involved female??
That’s the FAR bigger departure from tradition here
And the REAL source of Americas problems, here
Not bros being bros
@@SherriFlemming🙄
@Foghorn. Are you sad?
@@SherriFlemmingNope. Having a great day. Are you sad?
Broke my legs running towards the comments lmaooo
Homophobe
What do you mean?
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sitting here thinking 🤔 about what they're doing with all that semen produced 😂
😂😂😂🤭
Just emphasize safety, momma. I know its difficult right now, but until things change focus on the harm reduction standpoint. Safety safety safety.
I am a psychiatrist and gay. I did all that from 1992-1997. It’s normal he will grow out of it if he doesn’t pass away
The best advice John could’ve gave. My mom gave up on me when I was struggling. She kicked me out and I was homeless for 3 months before a stranger took me in. She seems like such a good mother..
I am shocked that the doctor did not discuss the real deep seed issue here. This is a person has been suppressed most of his life. He feared coming out to a religious family. He was bullied in school. He now has freedom. He is just acting out from all his frustration that he has held inside of him. How do I know about what he is going through, I experienced it myself, but on a little different level.
That's not freedom, that's another form of imprisoned
My twin sister said…. 6 months in NYC feels like a month everywhere else. She moved out of the state. From that day I wanted a small town.
This is literally every Friday, Saturday, Sunday at the bathhouse…
And at age 30 he can wear diapers until his end...
My hearth aches for the mom, that young man wont live for long on that path.
People on Prep think they are invincible
Agree my best friend is on it and sometimes when he talks to me about the things he does to his body I’m like what ! I can’t believe it
First time watcher, I’ve just gotta say that the host gave some amazing advice here, I am very impressed with both the logic and the empathy shown.
Poor mom, I hope her son gets the help he needs.
Fatherless behavior
@@cooliipie gay in a religious household behavior.
I watched only half of the video and I believe the mom is not being 100% honest or left out some details. She made it clear he grew up in a religious household, and that she didn't "hate" on him when he came out at 15. I think what happened is when he came out at 15 the parents did the "hate the sin not the sinner" belief that they forced on him so they got him to think there is still something wrong with him, and probably never had a boyfriend in high school or never took one to a school dance because a dance or taking one to a date, his parents got him to believe he is somehow "discriminating" against Christians if he did that. So he played it safe only because at the time he cares about what his parents think. So when he was finally out of the house(don't know what age that happened) that was when he finally started going through gay puberty. After going through the gay puberty he finally stopped caring what his parents think and just wants to have sex with hot guys, heterosexual adults also do the same thing but when a gay adult does it, people tend to exaggerate it or that it's much way worst. I don't blame the son for blocking his parents.
@@missourigreen051 Yeah it's probably something like that. The problem is the psychological damage of low self worth and shame doesn't go away its just operating at a deeper level. Huge portions of the gay community are in this situation so the behaviors exhibited and encouraged in much of that community can often be self destructive as a result of these deep unhealed psychological wounds. He may be in very real danger. But you're right parents of gays that are religious like to feel good about themselves and tell themselves stories about how they accepted their child. It's almost always bullshit. They literally aren't capable of knowing what true acceptance is because they usually don't even accept their own authentic selves due to the abusive programming they received in their childhood.
As a young 24 yr gay man. It’s a tough world out there for everybody but it’s extra tough when you gotta navigate heteronormativity in everyday life. It’s both a blessing and a curse. I get to live and watch society unfold, however I also have to find my part in a society not built for me. You always carry around a sense of being different when your gay. It’s very easy to fall into drugs and alcohol with all the guys around you who want to share.
NEVER has it been an easier time to be gay in 1st world countries.
and then AS a gay man we have to deal with the CLOWN show of the woke culture, when all you wanna do is live a somewhat normal life and everyone lumps you in with the tik tok freak shows.
@no_onein2024 lol. I'm straight and had a good laugh. 👍
Speak for yourself perpetual victim. Do you need a safe-space?
Where in the US... maybe.
Still a lot throw away their kids for being gay.
So don't lie.@@GUITARTIME2024
I’ve lived a life… I’ll leave it at that without getting into the nitty gritty. But I’ve been on both sides of this. But my parents ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS made sure that I knew they loved me and that I was always welcome home and they prayed for me for decades because of the life I was living.
Hannah, don’t give up! Keep loving your son, pray for him, and make sure he knows you’re there for him no matter what. It’s the Greek word agape, which means unconditional love.
I’m praying for you, your son, and your family. ❤
This is heartbreaking, I hope he gets the help he needs before things go too far. Society has fooled many people into thinking a life of debauchery is acceptable. He is broken and needs a complete medical and spiritual intervention.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, Mama. I've been there. I was out of control in my 20s as well, but left the self destruction in my late 20s. In retrospect, I'm terribly remorseful for how my actions affected my Mom. I truly hope he respects himself enough one day to create boundaries within himself. It took hitting rock bottom for me, but everyone is different. Much love. ❤️❤️❤️ Dr. Delony is wise. He gives great advice.
Fatherless behavior
Be nice. Or youll be in her shoes. Be kind. Truth but be nice. Truth sucks and deliver it kindly. @cooliipie
I think its more prominent in the gay male community than you think. Just saying.
It’s a predictable byproduct of that lifestyle
@@WolverineIncognitobeing gay is not a lifestyle…. PNP etc is a choice/ lifestyle/ addiction problem
@@charlesrichards9803it can definately be described as a lifestyle because it comes with its own set of politics and beliefs. Theres also a hive mind concept that attacks anyone who thinks diffetently.
@@timothy2491 sure, just ask the conservative MAGA gays.
@@umamicashflow1809 for example, yourself. I didnt mention anybody but you had a knee-jerk reaction.
I’ve ended quite a few friendships because of this behaviour. It’s awful to watch someone self destruct and be called shitty names when you offer help
How did you even have a lot of friendships with self-destructive people? And what form exactly did your offers to help take? Adults almost never are interested in hearing advice or judgement unless they ask for it, so if your offers to help took the form of "I know what's best for you," then you might want to reconsider your approach since you apparently find yourself in this situation a lot. Just realized I was offering unsolicited advice...sorry. This post got ironic pretty quickly.
@@greenAbbot people change as they age, I found going into my 20’s a number of people decided to either go down the drugs route or joined communities where drugs/very risky sexual behaviour was the ‘norm’ (e.g. unprotected sex with completely strangers, chemsex etc).
My advice would often be in the form of them bringing up a topic and me expressing my concern for their safety.
My neighbor and his wife are swingers who are out of control. To each their own, but they were recently arrested at an adult movie theatre for having sex with multiple strangers, and it made the news. She called my wife and said that she sometimes goes to these "places," blindfolds herself, and will have sex with eight men on her lunch hour! My wife is a Christian and thinks she can save the world, but I feel different. They have three kids from 7-15, and their risky behavior is putting their health, as well as possibly putting the custody of their kids at risk. I don't know if they are on drugs, but I think we need to cut off all contact with them, period!
This behaviour is really unacceptable regardless of people's identity and circumstance. Yes people have sexual independence and liberty but good God some people are fucking sick. And to be proud and unashamed of it afterwards 😐 your story about your neighbors is so freaking gross.
OH MY SWEET LORD. 3 kids? i'm going to vomit.
What's heartbreaking is how you can tell the mom is a GREAT mom. It's hard and painful for her, but she loves him so much that she is willing to push through all of that to protect her son.
That is a beautiful.
My youngest son did this when he was in his early 20s. He ended up HIV+ and an addict. He's spent 30 years trying to overcome, often failing. But we always celebrate the wins. He can't hold decent jobs because the addiction overcomes his resolve. HIV keeps his immune system down. He's constantly under a doctor's care for one thing or the other.
The only thing you can do for your son is love him and assure him constantly that he is loved. But you do have to set standards for your home, or you will become his slave.
My son has been homeless a couple of times. But wherever he decides to be clean again, I do what I can to help him.
He's been clean now for 5 years. But he confesses that he is still often tempted. It becomes a one-day-at-a-time life.
Recreational drugs are made to addict whomever , and it only takes sleeping with the wrong person one time to ruin their lives.
But he's an adult, and you can't ground him to his room.
Here's what the religious-but-tolerating, had my son at age 17 mom doesn't understand about her 25 y/o gay son, who recently moved to New York to work a prestigious but demanding job:
Gay culture praises youth. At 25 years old, her son is already a mature man by gay standards. After 30, he will see his prospects for Grade A tail drop significantly.
He spent his teen years in a conservative town where he had to put sexual exploration on the backburner. Then he went off to college, where his family's aspirations for him inspired him to study hard to get the good grades necessary for landing a prestigious job in New York. Not a lot of time for sexual experimentation in the meantime.
Now he's 25, living independently and he tells himself: It's now or never. Orgies? He loves them. Polyamory? He loves that too. After many years of having to fulfill the duties assigned to him by his parents and society, he's finally allowed to cut loose and make up for ten years of sexual repression before he gets too old to really enjoy it.
That's what his mother doesn't get.
She's right on the drugs issue though. That's a real danger to his future if he isn't careful enough and that's where her primary focus of concern should lie.
I guess you forgot that HIV is still very much a thing and people still die from it regardless of the drugs they have now.
You’re right. He’s a kid stuck in a candy store and it’s hard to get the kid out of the candy store. You can only hope he starts to realize the bad consequences of staying in the candy store too long.
Nailed it. The mother has no idea that her son is acting like that because of the circumstances he was born into. I wish this doctor would have went into detail like you did. Though, I am glad he told her to tell her son her story. So many parents like to act like their upbringing was perfect.
Well-written. It's a very fascinating thing, most heterosexual men can only dream of such availability of sex. But if you stay at the party (or the candy store) too long, it can catch up with you, especially when you get older. No need to be moralistic about it, but if you have five sex partners a week for ten years, your brain and body will eventually find it difficult to manage without it. I notice it now in my late 20s with some friends who never have a committed relationship or whose relationships are at most the length of teenage romances because they can't seem to make human connections after all these temptations. The darker side of the gay scene is often lonely, offended or mentally disturbed older men, who stayed "too long" and are pestering people half or a third their age on dating sites.
@@pa3997
Good points. Traditional heterosexual societal norms urge people to find a partner, live with them monogamously and provide a stable home for children.
For gay men who don't decide to adopt or lab-order children, that norm is technically invalid. But pair bonding abilities do degrade a bit with each additional sexual partner, so the ability to find long-term relationships certainly doesn't improve.
And yet, there's that certain allure of unspoiled young adulthood. It signals youth, strength, vitality and fertility. That's why both gay and straight men of many ages still rate potential partners in their early- to mid-20s as the most desirable age-bracket. Gay men are still men, after all.
But while straight men over the age of 30 can make themselves more appealing to provider-seeking younger women by amassing wealth, influence, prestige and power, the same principle doesn't work with gay men over 30.
Most 25 y/o gay men that get to choose between a 20 y/o college kid and a 40 y/o banker as a one night stand would probably choose the first option.
It's a rather sad state of affairs for older gay men. They still crave guys in their 20s - but usually it's non-reciprocal.
Nature be naturing.
He moved to one of the worst cities in the world. I’m so sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Yeah most gay men are into hookups and open relationships these days. Her son will learn his lessons with time.
It's hard to say what "most" gay men are like these days.
Men are men. You see a fair share of gay men acting "sexually liberated" because they think everyone else should be.
But a fair number of them are boring. Prudish. Few partners.
You need statistics to say what most people are, not photos.
Nothing wrong with either.
@ There’s a LOT wrong with open relationships and meaningless hookups. Gaslighters like you will of course advocate for it but I know that you know 😀
@byefelicia8632 No gaslighting necessary. Hookups and open relationships are a personal choice. Nothing wrong with either.
@ Then why are you putting your personal choices on me?
I FINALLY know who John reminds me of. Sealy Booth from Bones and Nick from CSI
YES!!!!!! (which means totally hot lol)
@ Lol and that like “Don’t worry. I’ll handle this.” Energy
As a gay man, I can relate to what this is all about. I, myself, am a recovering alcoholic. I enjoyed myself when I was younger and was quite promiscuous (like alot of gay men). Having 3 "boyfriends" at the same time, may sound shocking to this poor mother, but, tbh, they are just probably casual sex partners, which is something that I have certainly encountered, in my youth (not now, I am 67 haha). I can understand how mom is worried, but. your son is 25, he is an adult, and he is living his life. It may not be the life you, yourself will lead, or, indeed other members of your family wish to lead, but at the end of the day, it is HIS life, isn't it? I become sober (and wiser) when I got older. My family worried about my alcohol problem, but it was my choice and, eventually, my choice to enter rehab and sort that out. Mom, can only be there, if her son reaches out to her and support him, if he ASKs for help. Tough to do when you feel somebody you love is going wrong, but it really is all you can do.
This is like the Prodigal Son story. The father never chased him down but he always left the door open to come home.
Im lowering my cortisol by working out and listening to this video
it sounds like he got violated and blames himself and is now trying to take back control of his body and person by doing reckless things. next time you see him, take his hand and tell him he is so much greater than what happened to him, if he breaks down and start crying then you know how to move forward and help him. sounds like to me he just needs reminding of his power to find peace but what do i know, im just some person on the internet.
😢
This is sensible idea
Sounds less likely than him being “the good boy” all his life to compensate for reflexive gay shame and then getting to the city where the culture seems to afford every missed, longed for, self-denied and previously unimaginable opportunity.
"Bad company corrupts good character." It happens to great people. It doesnt mean the parents failed, it doesnt mean he always had these desires in him. (Although, yes, both of these can be true for some people, sure). But sometimes its just WHO you hang out with that everything goes wrong. Especially if you feel fully accepted for the first time.
PNP (party and play) is a VERY VERY dangerous activity. Im gay and i know it. Its so much more prevalent with gay communities than straight. Besides, gay relationship tend to be more sexual in nature since we dont have a chance of getting pregnant: sex often equates to pleasure.
For the mom, John's advice is very very good. You can't push the kid away. But neither can you judge him since thats not what can help him.
I would say though, encourage him to find some other hobbies and activities can often be beneficial, such as cycling, swimming, rock climbing etc.. And he will meet other people devoted to other activities.
Now since he is in New York, another thing i want to mention is that New York may not be the right place for him. His job may not be the best Job either, doesn't matter the pay. For ex, high end financial workers often resort to sex/party/drugs to cater to the high end clienteles. Hunter Biden is not the first, nor the last degenerates in the elite class... With that being said, hope her son gets away from the PNP styles asap. So he can develop true love for life itself.
Wow you are really going to bring up Hunter and not the Trumps?
@@grod805 relax
@@grod805can we not turn this into a political debate, nobody cares
Do you believe that being gay is a choice?
No. I dont believe so. One can choose who to have sex with. But the body knows deep down which gender/sex it attracts to. With that being said, being gay is not the issue here. Being healthy is TOTALLY a choice. And you can choose to be healthy and disciplined and strive for more or look the other way.@@dmbgator86
Hannah, i am adding you and your family to my prayers.
Some ppls rock bottom can be six feet under. This might be the case here.
I hope not but it may
Exactly!
Let’s pray that he can find the strength to push past this phase of his life
It's unfortunate that we live in a world that conditions people that hedonism means happiness. Until people accept that what they want and what feels good isn't always what is best for you then you cant move past it. Its all about what you value people are willing to sacrifice morality for excitement
🙏🏼
The devil has been telling that lie a long time and people still believe it.
I’m sorry but I’m laughing at this. Orgies and multiple boyfriends are not gonna killl anyone. Just tell him to be careful and mind her own business! Get outta his sex life
@@duane_313 I basically agree, but there's nuance. When it takes up so much time that you can't get enough sleep, it's a problem. When one of your 3 boyfriends doesn't get enough attention and hurts emotionally for it, it's a problem. If you don't actively protect yourself from STDs, you can get sick.
What I'm saying is that a sexually intense lifestyle can be managed, but it's not easy, and does come with risk.
@@duane_313
It's would be a black man saying this dumb ish. Aids rates in ATL are comparable to Africa because of how sexually deviant blk men are lmfaoooo
There's a lot of missing info here. If he's going about this in a "safe" way then he's just living his life. While I don't condone going crazy if he's on prep and uses protection and is only doing the "party" drugs, then he's living life. If he's turned into a druggy then he needs help. But from her description, he's just being a young gay man.
Doing drugs and having casual sex with tons of people is not normal behavior for anyone, just because he’s gay does not make it normal, I am gay and this behavior is a huge reason our community suffers much larger issues than necessary, particularly societal stigmas.
It is very much a trauma based reaction, and also an environmental issue, these behaviors become normalized by people within the community who are all hurt and traumatized. It is not normal. Gay or not.
Acting blasé about the whole thing is not the way to go about this. He’s doing extremely dangerous things with the drugs, orgies, etc. He could end up with AIDS, an std, overdose from a drug laced with Fentanyl, etc. If this were my son, I’d sit him down & tell him what he’s doing can ruin or end his life. These are not games to play as he thinks he’s doing.
No one is suggesting acting blasé. But as John stated very clearly, he already knows everything you’d “sit him down and tell him”. He’s got all the information he needs; what he’s doing now is rebelling against the repression and shame of his childhood, and Mom lecturing him like he’s 10 would just give him one more thing to rebel against.
"Extremely dangerous" is a bit of an assumption on your part. You don't know what risks he's taking. He might be protecting himself from HIV/STDs with condoms and PREP. Our country's drug policies make it really hard to do drugs safely, but some are safer than others. As long as he's making risk-aware decisions, he's far more likely to come out of this period of his life okay. Until you KNOW what risks he's taking, projecting your anxieties on him is not a way to constructively engage him with your concerns.
@@robertkirchner7981 I agree with this comment. Why are we acting like having sex is hurting anyone as long as they’re engaging in safe sex practices? What I see is a young gay man who grew up in a religious home probably feeling like he was not accepted by his community. He now has the freedom to be himself and is reacting in a way that is common in the gay community. I don’t condone the drugs but an open relationship is extremely common in the gay community these days. Why are we shaming people for this? It’s his life. He’s an adult. If he’s on prep and other preventative measures let him live his life.
Exactly I ended up with 3 different STDs when I had only 4 boyfriends back in 2019 and I left it all behind since.
But JohnNN! We're a religious household! I had my kids at 17 out of wedlock, I made seriously bad choices, I'm an overbearing mom! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY MY KiD IS GOING DOWN A WRONG PATH...(If I had a penny for Everytime I heard that..) I'd be a billionaire.
Exactly the reason why John advised her NOT to read the comments.
@flipsideof45 what I'm getting at is people don't truly believe in God, they use God as a feel good distraction, their are consequences to actions, and people lack awareness and accountability. It's a tale as old as time. Acceptance & awareness is needed, she doing things out of fear and not love and that's the biggest driver for the downfall of families.
I’ve done some wild things. But never once have I posted about it on social media.
He's crying out for help.
Random gay guy pov: 2:20 sadly I feel like In major cities this is the norm for gay guys who are attractive and successful. It feels like “finding the one” is a thing of the past for a lot of gay (not all) so a lot of us engage in risky S parties or group events (most of the time unprotected) and substances are so common/normalized in the gay community and it should not be.
Second random gay guy pov.
It's a complex puzzle.
I live in a small city, nothing like a NYC.
I was a good friends with a gent who very much matched this description in his twenties.
He had a good, loving, ongoing relationship with his mama.
He seemed outgoing and cheerful.
He got HIV and had an an alcohol problem. His heart stopped at age 31 or so due to the interaction of the alcohol and HIV meds.
How could this have been prevented? What's a parent to do?
I don't know. Offer unconditional love. Talk about safety and moderation.
Even then it seems like kind of a crapshoot.
I feel like his big issue was putting this stuff online, literally this whole ordeal could have been skirted if he had common sense not to post his drug use and details of sexual escapades on the internet
Literally lol. For all we know, he does this once or twice a year.
I’m still wondering how he has his job and how his boss hasn’t discovered any of this. But eventually they might or a coworker will snitch.
exactly that ! I'm gay and live in a big city. All of what is said he does, i have seen or been exposed too at some point. Experiencing it and discovering things (that they are healthy or not) is a thing...but sharing it all on social media seem wild to me.
It sounds like someone who felt repressed and shamed his entire childhood and is now leaning heavily into "Look at me--I'm free of you all!" So posting it online is probably part of that. I hope it's just a phase, and John's advice to just let him know he can always come home is exactly what he needs. If he feels like this is all part of escaping his parents' judgement and repression, he's got a lot more incentive to continue.
I’m gay and live in NYC. I dip my toes into this world once in a while, when I want to be wild and crazy. But the I return to reality, fulfilling all my job duties, being a normal friend and son and brother. I’ve never worried my mom or siblings or relatives, for one. At these things I definitely don’t touch the drugs. I’ve heard too many horror stories. Alcohol is sufficient for me. This is all to say-posting this stuff on social media is very concerning. It means he’s spiraling out of control. It means he doesn’t give a damn. It sounds almost suicidal. Which is deeply concerning.
As a young man i feel very similarly to this guy, grew up and wasn't receptive to the love my parents tried to give me. Now i have all this trauma from working for love and being a "nice guy"/people pleaser. I think i might still come out but i know all i want in life is to be loved for who i am not what i can do. Hopefully have a solid connection with someone and not do all the stupid things out there.
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders to be able to recognize the stupid things you sound very mature, I think you'll be fine.
I see a lot of people with grave responses, and I do appreciate the risk. For the mom if she didn’t listen and does read the comments, most gay guys I knew from school that came out later went through at least a brief period of going crazy at the clubs and parties and gay drug/sex culture at those clubs for a bit. I don’t think this is out of the ordinary, but your concern is warranted. I do think most young men make it out the other side and continue their successful life and settle down, but addiction and disease it definitely a major concern. I’m 30 btw so I’m talking about watching friends from hs and college (none came out until 21 or older) and how they acted from like 22 to now. All of them for at least a couple of months did this kind of behavior some for a get years, some still do. But some of them have settled down and have a bf they live with and a good job and are crushing it.
Yeah, having three boyfriends and going to sex parties does not necessarily mean your life is "out of control" if you have the character to handle it safely and the self awareness to get out if it starts to hurt your life. But these skills are rare. I know I don't have them, which is why I always stayed away from drugs and was at best moderately slutty back when I wanted to be far more so.
My advice to the mom would be to first acknowledge to her son that he may have trauma that he hadn't discussed with her. So many of us learned early that being accepted in our families was conditional on just not talking about things that make them uncomfortable, which when you're gay can be most things. Second I would urge her to emphasize that she wants to know he is taking care of his own wellbeing, and that she is open to helping if he needs it.
She should absolutely NOT begin from the premiss that the things that he does that make HER feel icky are ipso facto a problem (though they might be at some point if they aren't already). He might not be the "monster" she says he is. If she starts from the premiss that his life has "devolved into chaos" (has she asked HIM if he feels like his life is chaos?) all she's giving him is judgement, not support, and he'll know it.
@ I tend to agree with that. And, I do think sexuality aside, I would be concerned if my straight son was acting like this too. I was trying to temper the fear, because I liken it to people who go to college and drink and are promiscuous when they were neither in high school. It’s freedom being away from your parents. Here, you move to a big city and it’s the first time your not one of a single digit number of gays, you can actually go to a place where you are the majority and not judged at all. With That new found freedom, a lot of people push the boundaries to see what they are comfortable with, before scaling back a bit after the novelty wears off.
I just want to note at 1:10 she said “he’s just been a monster” then says he’s taking drugs/sex. That doesn’t sound like a monster, that sounds like someone who needs help.
That is just the way Christian parents talk. My mum uses this kind of language. In my mind I’m like “muummm please” but then I remember she has been surrounded by this people for 30/40 years. She can’t help it
That’s her take. She’s allowed to speak of him however she wants.
How is it that we all see ourselves in these calls. Powerful
This poor lady. I hope it gets better.
I have seen this so many times that I would suspect there is a very very high likelihood he was sexually abused by someone very early in life.
@Zach-o6v Armchair psychotherapist
Doesn’t mean that at all. Wow someone who isn’t having sex with the same person from age 18 to 40 and bored with it forever after…
@@obsidyenneg4333 no, just 25+ year of experience working with young people.
Jesus it doesn't have to be that. It could be, but, the brutal sense of total rejection a gay person endures in a religious household is plenty traumatic all by itself. She said they were accepting when he came out, well, maybe they tried to be, but people like to tell themselves stories that make them feel like a good person, maybe they put on a show of acceptance but children can see right to the heart of their parents. Whether they were genuinely accepting when he came out or not, the damage was done in early childhood when he was taught subconsciously that he is fundamentally wicked and unacceptable. Now he acts in accordance with his self worth that was programmed in early development. The mother feels tremendous guilt, you can hear it in her voice. She will do what she can, but it is ultimately his journey. He will find himself or perish.
There is no such correlation. Don't cook up theories.
New York is very depressing for most people & most ppl will live fast / crash. New York isn't the dream it's painted as. Just search in "Lonely in NY or leaving NY", same story every time.
Exciting then depressing.
Thank you Dr. John for airing this. Many gay men suffer with this lifestyle and relationship with their parents. Thank you, so much.
It looks a little bit like the "I didn't have a teenager hood" syndrome. Parents look like they were quite openminded and not restrictive but it could be that he didn't have the occasion to experiment being a teen where he lived, becoming the perfect prays for bad intentioned people who would drag him down. Some people experience it in their 40's which is even worst. Hard to say...
John's making all the moms cry today.
Up yours
My change came in a brief moment of clarity in my late 20’s when a voice in my head said “this is not who you are”. And a follow up moment of clarity was when i lost a good job because i was out of control. All things work together. Train up a child in the way he should go….and that truth will stick in our souls for the time when it is needed.
I feel for this mum. It's hard being a parent to an adult child that is making poor decisions...
Greetings from Athens, Greece 🇬🇷 💙
How's the economy in Greece now?Any better ?
@FortuneSeek3rz Better for some, but very bleak for others. Alot of our youth choose to work abroad .
@@dimitragalanaki1098 Gia Sou you guys hv beautiful language
The son is an ADULT. People spend far too much time and energy taking on other people's problems. He's a grown man. He and only he, can fix himself. I have two grown boys. Both on their own, successful, independent men. Let your son know you're just a phone call away and always there for him. Then, move on and live your life.
I agree.
Easy for you to say when your kids are successful
@@lorirogers9304 My kids are successful because I was not a hovering, helicopter parent. My kids are successful because I instilled in them, a sense of self worth and confidence. I gave them the ability to make decisions early on when they were very young, with me guiding them so that they would have the tools needed to make those and bigger life decisions on their own once they became adults.
“Move on and live your life” ☠️ Someone’s parents didn’t care for them beyond childhood it seems. Don’t do that to your own kids if you ever have any.
@@robperto your lack of reading comprehension is astounding
Accept him, don't except the behavior. 💔 Go get him. Get him out of the burning building!
The unfortunate reality is he is not incorrect when he says “everyone is doing it”, by this I mean the amount of people within the gay community that participate in this behavior is incredibly alarming, and as a gay man not really having had to hide my identity my whole life, and having a fair bit of support from my family, and friends when I came out very young, THAT is something that brings me so much shame to be a part of this community. The hollowness of rampant open relationships and flagrant nonchalant attitudes towards sex, the vacuous nature of my community, the rampant recreational drug use. It’s quite alarming, and embarrassing. And they think it’s normal behavior because all of their friends are doing it. I have like no friends here in NYC because I refuse to be around drug users and radically sexualized people. It’s so sad to see.
Only the strongest survive in NYC. He’ll either get it together…or not. Most of us (gays) who make it here stop drinking and get a place in the Hamptons. And to be honest, he won’t last too long in the city being a mess…you’re competing against the smartest folks in the world who ALL go to the gym daily at 5 am 😂
He’s a kid that just discovered the candy store and it’s hard for the kid to leave the candy store. Hopefully he moderates before something bad happens.
Poor kid...he got entangled with the wrong crowd. He probably is a young naive good looking guy so the predators notice him. It happen to me even these days...but now I can recognize when soe one is being friendly from the heart or they want something in return. Is so hard when you are young and attractive and you move to a city full of other attractive young guys and a city so full of temptations. The best way to save this kid is for his mother to be with him without judgement but to be there so she can catch him in time and he can trust her to talk to her and whe the crisis comes (cuz it will come) to go to her. The other way is for him to meet a nice guy but that's harder.
This a why fathers are important to have in a child’s life.
But she mentioned her husband, so there is a father in his life.
@@janiceNgom09 I’m talking about being gay
@@Brandon-qr6rg having a dad in your life has nothing to do with your sexual preference. I know my dad sure has nothing to do with who I’m sexually attracted to. Gross. That makes you the weirdo for thinking that way. Gay people aren’t a phenomenon of only single parents.
Yes!
@@aimes9524 being gay is a sin and a loving father and mother can help prevent that.
She should get herself on Amtrak and take the 2.5 hours train ride to NYC and take him out and talk to him about her concerns. She can park on the street for free on behind the train station for free and take the shuttle to Amtrak station. I live in the same county she does very easy to take the train to Penn station . She might be scared and anxious but he will come to see his mommy.
Gays and straights, as a society we no longer value marriage and family life. Hook up culture, picky women who only want beautiful millionaires, incel men who hate women, absent fathers without a sense responsibility, gays who feel like they don’t belong in society and move about in a culture where monogamous partnerships aren’t celebrated. As a society we’ve become self-serving, egotistical, narcissistic. We need to go back to selflessness, love, duty, sacrifice and family. How? I don’t know. But we must try, if we want to survive.
I'm a gay man in his 30's...I didn't go down the path this young man has but I also have an older brother who had his own drug problems at a young age and I never wanted that for myself. The gay (male) community itself is very sex driven even more than their heterosexual counterparts. There are very few monogamous relationships nowadays. Few men are actually looking for meaningful monogamous relationships. Some of the same factors apply as here like most ( heterosexuals) superficiality, money driven ( if you don't make a lot of money then you're not worthy of dating), and they want to live an affluent lifestyle ect. There's plenty of open relationships because they know that they are not going to be solely happy having sex with the same body for the rest of their life and their philosophy is if you're going to look and fantasize about other men while being in a relationship then what's the point of monogamy. So they look for financial stability, lifestyle and fun.
I'm still going through this as a gay man 21 years in. I've slowed down but only because of connections to get it. I can't have sober sex nor really want to. I could write a book. I've been sober 1 month.
Not all gay men are promiscuous, but many do seem to be. Some really do couple up, others have the revolving bedroom door. Even so, the drugs are the extremely worrying element in all this.
To be fair, many people seem to be promiscuous. I’ve heard the term “hoe phase” thrown about to describe a period of sexual exploration in the early to mid twenties where people have many partners. In many circles male conquest of women and racking up a body count is seen as a measure of masculinity and strength. In many of these circles, drug use is prevalent. Think 90s Wall Street, cocaine, strippers and prostitutes.
I think saying many gay men seem to be promiscuous suggests that many people who are not gay men do not also seem to be promiscuous. Many gay men probably deal with the experiences that drive promiscuity and drug use such as, unstable senses of self, low self esteem, rejection, unstable interpersonal relationships from a young age or during prime times of development, and developmental early adulthood trauma.
All I needed to hear was moved to nyc. I live here and I’m assuming he affiliates with certain groups after hearing his relationship status and they party and go insanely wild and believe it’s just a part of being young and that anyone who tells them otherwise is “phobic” against them. Good luck to him as I was born and raised here and know how tough this city is for natives, let alone non natives
He won't stop until he hits rock bottom. Contracting AIDS or overdosing on drugs is a real possibility on the journey he is on now.
His parents are a failure whether they like it or not
Idk man, most of the gay guys I know are very open sexualky and like to party, but they all take ARVs so they're definitely not going to contract HIV.
no one gets AIDS now
He probably takes HIV prophylaxis.
My family is/was religious. My cousin came out with full support of everyone the Catholic and Lutheran sides. He died a few years ago because he let his lifestyle spiral out of control. Finding out my younger, early 30s cousin was in hospice was brutal and heartbreaking. I had to watch my aunt and uncle bury their son. This woman’s story means so much to me and I hope she knows what she’s going through is scary because it can end very, very badly.
That’s why we shouldn’t lie to our kids or support every decision they make.
@@crazeekids9744 Huh? You think the family shouldn’t support him for being gay? We didn’t tell him to drink and drug himself into dying. How fucking callous are you?
Sometimes acceptance and support upon coming out after a whole childhood/adolescence of unobserved or buried trauma and developmental disadvantage related to being gay isn’t enough. As a family you’d hope it would be, but unfortunately only other gay men will ever really know what it’s like to experience and hopefully surmount that. In the 80s, before attitudes had even widely liberalized, AIDS demolished not just any inchoate aspirations for a community of higher wisdom and healthy mentorship-it traumatized survivors and subsequent generations. Now the community is captured by a wholly political/corporate transgenderism that has hijacked the gay population while having nothing meaningful in common with it. So gay men as a demographic are in bad shape. I’m sorry for your loss.
@@umamicashflow1809 You're right, except that you can't blame trans people for the demise of community among gay men. From the 50s to the 80s gay men and lesbians built a community under far more challenging conditions than we face today. AIDS destroyed it along with much of the talent that built it. . We could build it again, but us old folks are too tired, and young folks don't know our history to see how it was done. And, of course, hookup apps have replaced the common spaces we used to share. There's nowhere left to go to just "be" with other gay men anymore. As for "healthy mentorship", we try. We try to get books into school libraries that could function to give gay kids models for living as gay adults ethically and positively, but paranoid religionists think we're trying to convert straight kids (talk about projection!) and have those books banned. One thing we can be fairly certain of is that few of us were equipped by our parents to live our gayness in healthy ways. I doubt Hanna's "religious household" did much to provide their son with positive gay role models.
Unless there’s specific issues from having 3 boyfriends and attending regular sex parties, it’s hard to understand why the son is doing these things. While there’s a lot of red flags, it’s also conflicting because we can’t jump to conclusions. This discussion needs to be had with the son in the room or else we are just asking for him to change without understanding what’s influencing him to do these things.
There is nothing wrong w/ a triad relationship.
He is a grown man.
Nothing wrong with gay orgies either in and of themselves, its the self-destructive drug use and risk of infection that tends to go along with those patterns of behavior that concern the mother here I think. If he wasn't on drugs and was in some sort of exclusive sex club where everyone was guaranteed to not have an infectious disease I don't think she would care in the slightest.
Then don’t complain when republicans talk about “The Sanctity of Marriage “… i have never in my damn gay life have ever met a monogamous gay couple, ever.
@@jonnyfendi2003that's mostly because poly relations are more out there (extroverts). Monogamous couples may not be on apps and may not be in the same circles as poly folks.
This is very common within that lifestyle. Very very promiscuous. Hopefully he will snap out of it without any diseases and unharmed by substances.
What about the situation when you’ve invited them back into your house and they’re still doing drugs, drinking ect? Isn’t the answer “you’re choosing not to live at my house when you partake in those things”? How many times do you kick someone out and let them back in? I’ve got family members in this situation and it’s just so hard and I wish there was an answer
Freedom yes, but I agree with Dr. Delony - this kind of behaviour is 'freedom' but not safe. Dr. Delony's advice is spot on -- a person who knows he can always make the healthy choice, often does. And he can live in New York as a safe person in a fun way. He can value himself if he wants.
When he says “everyone is living this way”, believe him. He’s a homosexual, and the behavior being described here is extremely common among homosexuals. That is the community he is involved in where “this is what everyone does” is something that would be very easy for him to perceive.
Unfortunately correct
Source: social media
@@kamarwashingtonUNFORTUNATELY WRONG BIT!
@@rikard.hyep. Christian retards
How do you know this? Are you gay? Have a lot of gay friends? Are you doing studies on the sexual habits of gay men and have data you're privy to?
Sounds like a whole lot of conjecture coming from your end and absolutely zero data.
Just say you don't approve of the gay lifestyle if that's what you mean. At least you'll have some integrity at that point in that you're being honest and not just blatantly spreading lies.
It's his life at the end of the day. There are far, far worse things than polyamory and recreational drugs ... depending on the drug of course. Monogamy isn't the only way to live a good life.
He'll find out in due time where this lifestyle leads.
All hope is not lost, Dr is correct love him. Make sure he knows he is worthy. All my prayers.
Love without conditions attached.
he can only save himself. you can only be there with words of encouragement and love (even if from a distance). then hope he makes it.
But can he come home? Is her husband accepting to that.
I understand her concern, but he is a grown man now and he is out in the big world making his own decisions. She needs to let the reigns go!
It's possible he's not spiralling at all and is just living a different lifestyle. It's normal these days to go to "sex parties" and be in a throuple. Not saying it's for everyone but it's definitely in the mainstream more than you might think
Just because everyone does something doesn't mean its the right thing to do (especially if they know its affecting the person execute daily activities), people do this thing called normalizing so that people feel okay and accepted doing something even though they know in their psyche its not the right thing, which is why they resort to seeking people who are doing the same thing to not feel bad about themselves. I think as humans we can all relate to this we're not perfect. But ultimately, two wrongs doesn't make a right. Nice try though. The people they hangout with are only there to enforce your behavior. I say this out of experience. Not saying your personal lifestyle is wrong and I hope you're truly happy and dont ever have to change your friends to be accepted. But taking everything not just the 3 boyfriend, this is a mother who has been supportive and has had a great relationship with her son to having to block her. His psyche is obviously telling him he knows he's falling out of line with himself and he recognizes his mother is recognizing this and its making him feel uncomfortable and in his eyes "not supportive". But she has been but between the things that he is doing, her mother as supportive as she has been, there are somethings that she recognizes will only lead him on a path of spiraling down and this has nothing with just having a relationship with 3 men because had she the opportunity to see this thrive in person she would be supportive but as a mother herself she is taking everything into consideration of his whole being. I hope this helps you understand where the mother is coming from. Also, not trying to start an argument just trying to help you understand her concerns.
True but drugs???
@@Lucien234-i2zdrugs are extremely normal as well
As a momma who lost her twin girls. My one and only chance to have children. I didn’t meet the right person until my early 30’s. We got pregnant during our engagement, but 7 months in I lost both of them. 16 days apart. Lindsey Emily was born on February 1st 2019. Her sister, and identical twin, Anita Beatrice was born on the 17th ❤ I got to hold them both! …after they passed. The kicker was the nurse saying “if you weren’t at a small rural hospital and went to ‘a city 1 1/2hrs away’ hospital you’d probably be going home with two beautiful babies”. WHY? Why did she say that? I mean, that added to the whole pile of guilt added to all the emotions I was ALREADY feeling after a month in the hospital and two angel babies. I was in there a month bc the last week was just doing tests to figure out what happened. And why. No dr figured it out, no one had a clue. Until one night my night nurse had JUST come on shift …by now I knew MOST of them on a first name basis and even knew what was going on in their lives, as they usually came to my room to have lunch and keep me company (ALL the L&D nurses were AMAZING! Unlike the emergency room nurse that made that comment to me. They made me feel like I wasn’t alone). My-now ex-finance NEVER came to visit! Anyway, she came on and told me she’d suggested the dr run a test (I didn’t know what it was for-at the time), but he didn’t. She asked me if SHE could run it and put it in the drs requests, bc she had a strong feeling. I said yes, and another pelvic exam and swab were done. A week after being discharged, with no clue why I lost BOTH of the girls, I was called into my family drs office. Turns out I had cervical stage 4 cervical cancer. After MORE tests (Oh My Goodness! ALL the tests!) I found out I also had uterine cancer. I was immediately scheduled for an emergency radical hysterectomy. The surgeon found out (while she was in there TRYING to get to healthy tissue…) I had cervical, uterine, ovarian & bladder cancer. It had spread everywhere in my pelvic area! Thus, my body was a “hostile environment” for those two precious babies. 😢 ….Oh My Goodness the guilt! Even though I had a pelvic exam and Pap test done every single year!!!
Anyway, my point was: I could NEVER imagine having those two precious girls for over TWENTY YEARS & then having to say goodbye! Never!!! So IF ANYONE is dealing with this, please remember MY story & go to your child with kindness and compassion EVEN in these profoundly cruel situations. That’s your baby! Take the chance. Make emends. Love each other. Just think, NO ONE loves any person as much as their mother! Be a momma bear, even if you have to be tough on them… do it with empathy and compassion.
I’m SO sorry to this Momma, but hopefully she takes the advice NOT to go to the comment section. This is to ALL the moms going through ANYTHING with any child of any age. I’m now 41 in a VERY happy & loving relationship and have 3 PRECIOUS step kids! 2 boys… 7&9 and my sweet sweet girl who is about to be 12 in May. Things don’t always “get better” I, myself never healed, I feel the pain of my loss every day. But! Even though the pain doesn’t “go away” but it does “change”! I live a very happy life (these are the happiest years of my life!) with my family and of course it still hurts. But it no longer rules my life. And for that I’ll be forever grateful to this sweet sweet man who showed me that I COULD heal from this!
Sorry for the novel. I guess I needed to tell their story. Which happens still & probably always will, just less in frequency. So thank you for reading this all the way through. I’ll always be telling the story of my kiddos, I’m a mom… 🤷♀️
❤ Thanks Dr. John ❤
As a gay man I have never lived that distrusting lifestyle. I met my partner at 27 and spent 34 years together until his passing away. That lifestyle sleeping around will never end good. My partner and I were both construction workers.
I went through this and I had a great time. The drugs were fun, the sex was amazing and the memories are still with me. I made some wonderful friends. I was always in control of everything that was happening. I never got an STD, never arrested, never OD'ed. No regrets. It all must look totally crazy to the straight world.
basically you just got lucky
@@biomagic8959 No luck involved. It was like being in a roller coaster but I was steering it. You look at the gay community and think they're heading to some hedonistic disaster. Get over yourself; you're just jealous. Every individual has to find their own way in life and the young man in this story in on that path.
@@philblane5752 you are beyond delusional. you had zero control, it's just your way of rationalizing what you went through. reality is you could have been raped, oded or contracted numerous stds. you've just been lucky and dodged it all. there are others who haven't been this lucky.
I don’t know how old you are, but there is a fentanyl epidemic… Going on right now… That is the most concerning thing here there are no pure drugs on the street anymore. Everything and I mean everything is contaminated with fentanyl and I can guarantee it was not that way when you were on the party scene. This is a recent epidemic past 10 to 15 years. There is no more cocaine. There is no more pure anything on those streets. It’s literal Russian roulette.
I want to see Dave handle this same call lmao
Why
What's your household income. Including your 3 boyfriends.
@@futurefunk88eddins96 lmao
Just have an envelope for the drugs and an envelope for the date nights...
@@LeonardHollinsJrwould it kill you to accept a joke?