Yes I have definitely always done this and of course it just comes naturally as an infj, I have definitely not mastered the change yet but I think for a while now I am at least aware of when I am neglecting my own needs at the moment that it's happening and I am able to sometimes going the right direction the next time it happens so hopefully I will keep moving toward the right direction. I think probably the thing I need to do most is to continuing focus on optimal physical energy, I can feel mentally strong a lot of the time, but I need to make sure still that I most importantly just take action with some of that energy instead of just using it to battle my own thoughts of a fear of doing so. Great advice as always! 😀
Yes. But I am on the journey to keeping a lid on the Self sabotage, I found your channel at the perfect time. I look forward to starting 1 on 1 classes with you this year. Thanks for all you do, I wish you all the best in all you are doing
For years I have been, but setting boundaries by any means necessary has made me as healthy as I have felt in my life. Addicted to this and will continue to keep this going
You cannot hold any healthy relationship if you always hide behind. You got to show your self, what you like, what you dislike and what you want from your potential partner. If you don't respect your self no one will do that to you.
I know several people might think I'm "self-sabotaging" but these people don't know me very well or what I'm doing. INFJs overshare things sometimes and that's the mistake I made and why I became a target to certain people. Now I'm practicing more restraint and focusing on my goals, and it's done my mental health good. It's not wise to share too much about yourself, and especially on social media. Some people take advantage of you when you do things like that. This doesn't mean I won't share anything again. I will, but in my own way and timing. But when others don't know what's really going on, they make assumptions and think all kinds of things about you. But, you know, they'll see when things begin changing before their eyes. God's blessed me with so many good ideas conjured up from my intelligence, it's crazy, and I've just been quietly prepping and getting things in line. Just saying.
Same with me- I've noticed these exact same issues about 'oversharing' too soon and somehow attracting a target as a result. I hope your ideas and work come to successful fruition!
Same with me too. My oversharing is who I am and I use ti as a way to have quick connections with people and help them. If someone wants to say something about me, thats none of my business. Making my own path keeps me the strength I need to look any one in the eye and say "Hello, this is me and who might you be?"
Because of you i took a big step and stood up for myself on my new job last week! It felt uncomfortable and i felt my new co-workers might not like me, but i knew if i didnt i would not be respected going forth. This video reaffirms that! Thank you, Wenzes!☺
How did it go? 3 years ago when I discovered/accepted that I was an INFJ I did the same at my long-time job, giving an ultimatum and quitting, not willing to wait endlessly for someone to finally realize they never delivered what I needed. This was only the 4th time I left a job mostly unapreciated, unheard and uncared for. 3 years later and a pandemic in between, I am still unemployed and honestly ready to retire in my early 30s on government-benefits.
Yes! I feel deprived that my needs are not met and I feel ashamed. I once had a friend who asked me to stop for errands whenever we got together. She didn't drive but lived within walking distance from the stores. I would sit in my car for about 30 minutes and was starting to feel annoyed. I felt so used afterwards.. After awhile I changed my tune and asked her if she would take care of her own errands. She got so mad and didn't like it but I didn't care: I felt so good I expressed myself and told her how I felt. I didn't see much of her anymore and it was just as well!
I grew up wanting to be more open and assertive when communicating what I wanted - and I ended up getting called selfish and egotistical - usually by people who had no trouble communicating their wants. This may not happen to all INFJs, but I wouldn't be surprised if it does.. I liked it when you shared how you began to take steps to do things that you wanted to do - like listening to your own music, and being more open about which restaurant you preferred - all of which seem like they're small steps - but in my opinion, are actually significant ones. I'm sure that a lot of us identify. Taking action is always a challenge for us and we have to learn to do it strategically often bit by bit. I know that because I've been doing a lot of it this past week and a half. But it's been better, knowing I stepped out and did things that I didn't think I could.
I've always been very quiet even with relatives on my Dad's side, and they said they thought I was suck up, when they found out I did a hard drug bender after HS.... some people in my schools thought the same, but anyone I actually talked to knew I wasn't. It was when I realized that quiet makes people think stuck up... weirdos. Quiet means quiet to me.
IT IS BETTER TO STOMP LIKE SHREK INTO A ROOM THEN PRETEND WE ARE MICE! It is so important to practice diplomatic boundaries socially over and over right from the beginning before power struggles and social head games takeover. And I know if I just walk into a group of people and assume they will be moral, polite and caring, then I am setting myself up for a disastrous confrontation because I cannot hold my breath forever or keep my anger at injustice suppressed. STAND UP FOR JUSTICE! SO BE LOUD! BE BOLD!
Like two weeks ago, I just wrote a huge sign that covers a third of my mirror that says "STOP THINKING AND START DOING❤️❤️❤️". I'm doing.....and not feeling guilty about it.
Your channel is so helpful! I finally feel like I am able to relate myself to what is being said. It takes someone who has been there to understand. I have had more than one therapist mistake what I am trying to communicate and what we end up talking about is exactly what I am already doing and I end up feeling hopeless because I just dont seem to be on the same page with anyone. Thank you!! I am really glad your channel exists!!
Thank you for this video, I currently ended my friendship month ago because it was so overwhelming for me and after that I think that was good move. When I couldn't meet expectations for him, he was immediately so upset on me and I couldn't say what's wrong and I tried to not destroy harmony between us. At this moment I totally forgot about our relationship and I feel free, without toxicity, finally I started thinking about myself and now I'm thinking more about prioritizing my needs over the others.
How did I turn my life around? In my early twenties I started to see things in my life and around me in patterns. Little did I know just how powerful this ability was at the time, but the same things or if not similar problems kept coming up over time and I kind of realised that I've been here in this situation before. It was like the scenery in life had changed but the game of life so to speak had not. This is where I knew that I needed to learn from the situation and make the right decision and stand up for myself no matter what the cost. What I was actually doing was taking my self worth back from arseholes around me, and that included pigheaded boss's too. This was the best thing I could've done for myself. To set up a new pattern of behaviour when these situations arose again, this time I could not only see them, but I could act on them and make the choice no matter what the cost. Yes this takes faith, but more often than not it worked in my favour, and I could still walk away knowing that I made the right decision . If it didn't work in my favour that's fine too because I just moved onto bigger and better thing's. The trick here is to make the world work for you not the other way around.
I suspect my self-sabotage comes from my unwillingness to embrace the core principles and dominant traits of our society, civilization and even our human specie. I can understand why so many revolutionaries where intuitive feelers but I cannot see how their effort and sacrifices have made the world a better place.
Same bro. I think you have to be the change you want to see. In my case after all the bullying, isolation, failing to fit in society etc. I lost my business a few years ago because I wasn't willing to play dirty and compromise my beliefs. Comment edit: Just removed my long story but the main points were: 1. Be the change you want to see no matter how small the difference. 2. Find yourself a purpose and something that brings meaning to you and others around you 3. When you find what you want, go at it 110% and just speak from your heart. If your intentions are clear people will get it 4. Try not to please everyone, the ones that like you for you will stick around. 5. A true leader follows his/her own path no matter how modest and even if it means being alone, that's the revolution you want to see first, you'll work it out from there.
@@KibatheMalinois we dont need everyone, just the right ones! so instead of collapsing into desperate loneliness, we keep moving away from toxic situations and people that are not good for us and looking for the right people and tribe, keep moving - fantastic advice!
@Bobby3003, what @zm1611 said is so good. Be the change you want to see, because the change chain effect starts with you. Mankind in general is very prone to evil mindedness. So inevitably, when we pick up on the injustice of it all, we are each faced with coming to terms on how we will use the short time we have left on this planet. But the thing is, self sabotage is nothing more than turning the evil upon ourselves so that we are incapable of being the change that we are meant to be. Suffering makes us resilient, but the next step is allowing your heart and your hand to move with compassion, for yourself and for others. Be a light that stands against darkness.
Wow. This channel is interesting. Glad I found it. I had no idea what an INFJ meant when I took the test but it's good to know I am not alone. Lol. Looking forward to learning lots more. Thanks.
Thank you for this video and for all that you do for the INFJ community. I have only recently started this transition of dealing with my own self sabotage issues so I was grateful for the advice and the knowledge that I ain't the only one who has found themselves in this position. I no longer want to be my own worst enemy but I know I have a long road ahead of me to get to where I want to be. Thank you for giving me the confidence that I am finally doing the right thing for me going forward.
OMG I feel so lucky to have found your channel…the relief is incredible. I didn’t even know I was an INFJ but now I get it, and your suggestions are so practical and right-on. Can’t thank you enough!
That’s 100% true .. few weeks ago i had to work in a team project which I obviously see as a burden .. literally just me and 2 of the group put real effort in it I even took time of my off days to work on it while everyone is counting on the other to finish it and when the supervisor asked who thinks worth a promotion I said I do But baam they made a vote and I didn’t get it so no more when I feel I need my time (while i’m doing my part of the work) I’m having it
"Let's get a little bit too far "in demanding that our needs are met .Just to calibrate where we are and find the right medium. That is the take away for me today. My queen.
This hit me so hard! I have been working on my self-sabotage issues recently and the anxiety and feelings of guilt coming up are intense!!!!!! Your videos are helping me so much, thank you 🙂
This is where things go wrong for me sometimes dealing with people but I have improved on this aspect a lot and if I am doing something I am really good at or passionate about and I know my value in terms of the time, work, service, effort, cost incurred etc. I make sure to let the person know that I am aware of what I am putting in just to remind myself first. Social situations might get me sometimes because I find it difficult to react to certain situations in a pinch and sometimes I can self sabotage in multiple ways during interactions.
3 years ago when I discovered/accepted that I was an INFJ (and suddenly everything made sense) I gave an ultimatum at my job and eventually quit, not willing to wait endlessly for someone to finally realize they never delivered what I needed, specially after doing so much for everyone else (even to my own detriment) for so long. This was the 4th time I left a job mostly unapreciated, unheard and uncared for after doing so much for others. 3 years later and a pandemic in between, I am still unemployed and honestly ready to retire in my early 30s on government-benefits. I used to be extremely driven but I have simply given up on people (and it also doesn't help that I completely hate the toxicity of the city in which I live). If/when I move I am willing to give people another chance but I have mostly given up on all my professional goals given than they didn't depend on just me but also on others and I just gave up on people.
As an INFJ you are a ridiculus good problem solver you will figure this out. A small tip: find something where you can help people, but you shouldnt get to invested in their fellings (i work in retail now helping people find the right product😃) .
My friend is an INFJ-A and could use this information to great benefit. They have taught others how to treat them by saying to so many that they can message them anytime ask anything and after spending hours or days at the grindstone working on something for someone else for nothing in return, they often have contributed nothing and may just change their mind and all the effort is now wasted. This friend won't sleep for days or gets and average of 3-4 hours of sleep on a good week. I know this is very painful to them because they do tell me and sat they are not complaining. They barely eat, smoke, neglect any time for themselves much less quiet time and meditation. They have had very poor romantic relationships that were unfulfilling and literally very depleting. They are the most wonderful person I have met and would do anything to help someone to their own detriment but seems to take pride in how little they need to do so much (very little food, sleep, or time to unwind) and performs at an extremely high and polished level. an attractive person through and through. So here is where I need your help. would it be wise for me to send this video to them and dose this sound like it would help in a real and effective way. I am concerned that it may seem that I think they are broken and incapable when that is farthest from the truth. I have tried to share some things with them in the past and it didn't seem to land well most times. I am an INFP so I do get a lot of what they are about but obviously not all. Should I be concerned that I will offend them if I have done some research and attempt to present this to them. most of these things are things I have said in some form or another but is confirmed in my opinion after watching this video. please help and advise
You should talk about some of these things first in conversation and then offer some of these points in a receptive way ion that moment but relate it through their situation. Just a little. I'm willing to bet that person has found these videos by now, but you should never hold back how you feel when your coming from a place of love. especially if this person is like this. I believe they would understand even if they didn't see it right away (seems like they would but idk) Your a good friend! The world is blessed to have people like you and your friend you speak of!
Do I feel Iam my own worst enemy sometimes? Yes. It's the "taking credit for my idea or work" issue. That happened more so in the past than right now. yet recently, some people have attempted to take credit for my ideas & such as a result of their laziness. They aren't "go getters" or "sharp troops", yet they want recognition and credit for being one. It's everywhere unfortunately, and us INFJ's have just gotta dig inside of ourselves and speak up when needed.
It is so important to practice diplomatic boundaries socially over and over right from the beginning before power struggles and social head games takeover. (I know a guy who writes his bosses reports with no credit!!!) And I know if I just walk into a group of people and assume they will be moral, polite and caring, then I am setting myself up for a disastrous confrontation because I cannot hold my breath forever or keep my anger suppressed. It is better to stomp like shrek into a room then pretend we are mice. First, dont share great ideas as they form in your mind despite your passion to do so! TELL EVERYONE ITS YOUR IDEA AT MEETINGS first, PUT YOUR NAME ON IT BEFORE HANDING IT OUT OR SHARING IT! Then those social sharks cannot steal your brilliance! To survive this world and thrive we have to continually create powerful personal boundaries.
Subconsciously keeping us humble. Without confidence I question everything of myself. When confident looking back it feels as if I'm carried through the hardship. I apologize for punctuation. Tango Yankee Captain, Josh
I feel like that all the time... But I'm trying to work on it. It's such a burden sometimes, that it feels overwhelming. I've come a long way, but I'm still seeming to not achieve the things I want. It's like no matter how hard I try, there are a handful of things (the things I truly want out of life) that just seem to NEVER manifest, or find their way to me. 🤦🏼
In my experience you have to stop the "wanting" and start the "accepting". Let it pass. It took me years but I stayed fast. If I "want" instead of "need" than I am focusing the wrong part of my intuition.
Im crying because of relief? i didnt know i needed to hear those ... thank u ♡ its been so rough for me last month. n i knew that i was doing the worst to myself. n yet idk why i keep doing those. maybe to measure other people's limitations? maybe i wanted to see how far i can go like this. hmm. thanks anyways..♡
Thanks for your video. I think “demand” could be replaced with “request” for a healthy approach, as “demands”. Sharing one’s desires is such a healthy step! Demanding it isn’t. I welcome knowing what someone would like but demanding something is never fun to give or receive. Wanted to share this as a terminology preference for consideration.
Near 35k subs and I bet I couldn't find not one of you withing 200 miles. It's a self putty in my feelers kind of day. Feeling isolated and uncarred for real heavy the past few days. The path is darkening and I'm feeling lost here again.
As the saying goes, 'takes all kinds to make the world'. If you are born a square peg, you self-access and learn to live the best of life as such; so to being a round peg. You don't dwell in self-doubt and anxieties trying to fit into a round peg as a square one or vice-versa. If situations and people go against your grain, the most logical action will be to remove them or remove yourself away from it for survival.
How do you do this when you've grown up being called ' SELFISH' ALL your life and I'm 57 yrs old now. How do you break the cycle?? I also deal with massive anxiety...uuugh !!
Others opinions of us aren't our business. We can make it our business and validate what they say in their framing of us as a reasonable thing to discuss or we can accept who we are and banish all other thoughts as you would a thief in the night.
I take on board what you say, and I would even proffer such advice to persons of most of the 15 other Myers-Briggs prime personality types. However, reflectively and pragmatically, I wonder if such courses of action actually detract from, and may even diminish, our very core beings as INFJs if applied to our own type. Rather than seek to detract from our inherent INFJ-ness, we should 'celebrate'* those very qualities. Putting others first is sacrosanct to me: to not do so would now be anathema as I approach 60-years of age. It would make me, 'not' me. What I and all of us INFJs can do is: be the best version of our unique selves. By being our best us, we can better help others. That does include reflecting upon what you say in this video but deploying the techniques in a manner that enhances, rather than diminishes, our very being. Thus, as is Wenzes' credo, we are "...creating an Epic Life on Your Terms." [* to actually 'celebrate' such would perhaps be anathema to being INFJ too - a detraction of our cool, calm collectedness].
The thing is.. putting others first can be either a positive or a negative. Without Balancen the strength soon becomes a liability, one that drains us and steals all our momentum..
Make sure you don't give to others more than we give to ourselves...I get that, the problem is...HOW DO I INPRINT IT IN ME because I keept forgetting :( I need to slap a note over my forehead or somth lol
You have to allow others to decide their own level of involvement in your life. Realize your help is a gift and if they don't treat it right you can take it away before they break it.
I did this test for fun and got INFJ. Honestly it may have some relevance but I feel walking around calling ourselves INFJ's is if little practical use. It feels like all the empaths. In reality I believe most people just over estimate their capacity and merely think that because they have a decent inclination to empathy that this makes them an "empath" The other thing is none of them could even list their speech, intention, deed, attitude mindset, perceptions in any meaningful way nor describe concisely and precisely their qualities. So there willingness to try to empathize but there's also capability and frankly people are not as skilful as they think. But more to the point, we would benefit greater from understanding the principles and laws in which we emanate and function and learning how to accord with them This, at its root is a distinguishing differences between humility - diffidence - ego Focus on a sense of self and a name is ego. Focus on our nature and how to accord with Wholesome states is respect and love for our being.
She is a person who is honest with herself about who she is, flaws and all. This allows her to analyze her situations and use those situations as learning tools to further advance the idea she has of herself which is built by her sub conscience. It is a thing most people seem to not do because they think others cause their problems instead of realize that they have the power to stop reacting in a way which does not produce the desired results to benefit all around her. Short answer, no, She is not a which. She just has developed a keen sense of perception by paying close attention to her actions and others actions.
What about if we have stood up for ourselves and no one listens?... the people around me (mostly family members) dont respect my boundaries no matter what I do. Is this a reason to cut my family off?....real question. The person I'm talking about is in my immediate family and I understand her Psychology. She has CPTSD too but isnt one to face self improvement. I've tried....I feel bad abandoning her during her self sabotage...but it makes me self sabotage....IDK what to do...
I have had to cut people whom I love out of my life because I love them and when they are around it makes it real hard to see why I love them. When my love becomes a feeling that only hurts me and causes them to be able to guilt trip me into allowing them to control me, I tell them my boundaries and allow them to decide their own level of involvement. If they don't want to see you for who you are and what you do than the answer is something hard to do. Especially for someone who would rather sacrifice themselves for the people they love, if we think it will save them. Its up to you, Lauren, to know when you have put in enough effort and decide when it is time to choose your happiness over allowing someone to give you their torment.
For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. -2 Timothy 3:2
Normal is only a perception. People like to analyze things they see, feel and hear to the point where they find the common ground in them. Unfortunately, since we all can not hear what each other are thinking, we do not see the common thoughts so we begin to look at ourselves as different than others because we do not understand why they make those decisions which can seem common to us but a lot of people don't realize they even are doing it, whatever it may be.
The problem I have with you is, your too stinking cute, to focus on what your saying. Truthfully I have learned much from you. Thank you for this- what I call-ministry. Really getting me through hardest time of my life.
Ook. ... 3rd video watched (starting from 3rd oldest in videos section, to this one that is in the present - newest on chanel) So I why I am beginning to feel as if you are implying that other people are more or less you and when you are interacting with them you are doing so mostly as if you are interacting with yourself. Well I am sorry but I am 1.92cm (because that`s the measurement system on my side of the ocean) 105kg blond male with green eyes and you being shorter possibly twice as little weight, possibly colored red hair, blue eyed female is definitely not me.
She isn't speaking to you just because you saw the video silly. Only Like minded people will truly understand her points and they seem to have not washed ashore in the waves which you connect with, my friend. Keep searching though. If you want to find yourself by listening to others descriptions of their lessons than you will find it. Keep hope my friend.
I took the test to determine I was a INFJ a while ago and recently I came around a video about OCD.The symptoms and behavior described I identified with heavy. Are there any possible links between INFJ and OCD?
The only link is trauma. Infjs tend to want to do things very well, making our perfect idealist visions into a reality, having harmony within and without. However, Life is far from perfect and not even capable of it. When you mix unresolved trauma (a rancid, amalgamation of different fears), or cptsd, into the mix with this deep internal hardwired longing.. well... However, it would be a mistake to reason that one's personality is the primary basis for any mental disease. In other words, one's personality type isn't the reason for developing disease, just as having teeth isn't the reason one develops cavities. One cannot reasonably say "I have teeth, therefore, inevitably they will rot" The outcome is up to the individual. Isaiah 26:3-4 AMP You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages].
Do you feel you are your own worst enemy sometimes?
I've always been my own worst enemy - "Only perspective has changed this"
"I'm my own worst enemy" has been one of my life mottos
Yes I have definitely always done this and of course it just comes naturally as an infj, I have definitely not mastered the change yet but I think for a while now I am at least aware of when I am neglecting my own needs at the moment that it's happening and I am able to sometimes going the right direction the next time it happens so hopefully I will keep moving toward the right direction. I think probably the thing I need to do most is to continuing focus on optimal physical energy, I can feel mentally strong a lot of the time, but I need to make sure still that I most importantly just take action with some of that energy instead of just using it to battle my own thoughts of a fear of doing so. Great advice as always! 😀
Yes. But I am on the journey to keeping a lid on the Self sabotage, I found your channel at the perfect time. I look forward to starting 1 on 1 classes with you this year. Thanks for all you do, I wish you all the best in all you are doing
For years I have been, but setting boundaries by any means necessary has made me as healthy as I have felt in my life. Addicted to this and will continue to keep this going
You cannot hold any healthy relationship if you always hide behind. You got to show your self, what you like, what you dislike and what you want from your potential partner. If you don't respect your self no one will do that to you.
I know several people might think I'm "self-sabotaging" but these people don't know me very well or what I'm doing. INFJs overshare things sometimes and that's the mistake I made and why I became a target to certain people. Now I'm practicing more restraint and focusing on my goals, and it's done my mental health good. It's not wise to share too much about yourself, and especially on social media.
Some people take advantage of you when you do things like that. This doesn't mean I won't share anything again. I will, but in my own way and timing. But when others don't know what's really going on, they make assumptions and think all kinds of things about you. But, you know, they'll see when things begin changing before their eyes. God's blessed me with so many good ideas conjured up from my intelligence, it's crazy, and I've just been quietly prepping and getting things in line. Just saying.
Same with me- I've noticed these exact same issues about 'oversharing' too soon and somehow attracting a target as a result.
I hope your ideas and work come to successful fruition!
@@racheldove748 Thank you! Same to you :)
Same with me too. My oversharing is who I am and I use ti as a way to have quick connections with people and help them. If someone wants to say something about me, thats none of my business. Making my own path keeps me the strength I need to look any one in the eye and say "Hello, this is me and who might you be?"
Yep
I share absolutely nothing on social media! Best off avoided most of time
Because of you i took a big step and stood up for myself on my new job last week! It felt uncomfortable and i felt my new co-workers might not like me, but i knew if i didnt i would not be respected going forth. This video reaffirms that! Thank you, Wenzes!☺
How did it go?
3 years ago when I discovered/accepted that I was an INFJ I did the same at my long-time job, giving an ultimatum and quitting, not willing to wait endlessly for someone to finally realize they never delivered what I needed. This was only the 4th time I left a job mostly unapreciated, unheard and uncared for.
3 years later and a pandemic in between, I am still unemployed and honestly ready to retire in my early 30s on government-benefits.
There are so many jobs out there.
Yes! I feel deprived that my needs are not met and I feel ashamed. I once had a friend who asked me to stop for errands whenever we got together. She didn't drive but lived within walking distance from the stores. I would sit in my car for about 30 minutes and was starting to feel annoyed. I felt so used afterwards.. After awhile I changed my tune and asked her if she would take care of her own errands. She got so mad and didn't like it but I didn't care: I felt so good I expressed myself and told her how I felt. I didn't see much of her anymore and it was just as well!
I grew up wanting to be more open and assertive when communicating what I wanted - and I ended up getting called selfish and egotistical - usually by people who had no trouble communicating their wants. This may not happen to all INFJs, but I wouldn't be surprised if it does..
I liked it when you shared how you began to take steps to do things that you wanted to do - like listening to your own music, and being more open about which restaurant you preferred - all of which seem like they're small steps - but in my opinion, are actually significant ones.
I'm sure that a lot of us identify. Taking action is always a challenge for us and we have to learn to do it strategically often bit by bit. I know that because I've been doing a lot of it this past week and a half. But it's been better, knowing I stepped out and did things that I didn't think I could.
I've always been very quiet even with relatives on my Dad's side, and they said they thought I was suck up, when they found out I did a hard drug bender after HS.... some people in my schools thought the same, but anyone I actually talked to knew I wasn't.
It was when I realized that quiet makes people think stuck up... weirdos. Quiet means quiet to me.
Totally resonates as an INFJ. Thank you
'If you don't put the oxygen mask on yourself first, that is self-sabotage' - Thank you! This is the message I needed this morning! ✨
IT IS BETTER TO STOMP LIKE SHREK INTO A ROOM THEN PRETEND WE ARE MICE!
It is so important to practice diplomatic boundaries socially over and over right from the beginning before power struggles and social head games takeover. And I know if I just walk into a group of people and assume they will be moral, polite and caring, then I am setting myself up for a disastrous confrontation because I cannot hold my breath forever or keep my anger at injustice suppressed. STAND UP FOR JUSTICE! SO BE LOUD! BE BOLD!
I'm important and on the INFJ road to healing, health, wealth and happiness!!
Like two weeks ago, I just wrote a huge sign that covers a third of my mirror that says "STOP THINKING AND START DOING❤️❤️❤️". I'm doing.....and not feeling guilty about it.
Good for you! That's awesome!
Your channel is so helpful! I finally feel like I am able to relate myself to what is being said. It takes someone who has been there to understand. I have had more than one therapist mistake what I am trying to communicate and what we end up talking about is exactly what I am already doing and I end up feeling hopeless because I just dont seem to be on the same page with anyone. Thank you!! I am really glad your channel exists!!
Thank you for this video, I currently ended my friendship month ago because it was so overwhelming for me and after that I think that was good move. When I couldn't meet expectations for him, he was immediately so upset on me and I couldn't say what's wrong and I tried to not destroy harmony between us. At this moment I totally forgot about our relationship and I feel free, without toxicity, finally I started thinking about myself and now I'm thinking more about prioritizing my needs over the others.
This is so unbelivibly true i cried
Freelancing from home now avoids those dynamics. Couldn't go back to an office company
I was thinking I'm good at reading people however you make me feel like a baby. I need a hug. on the serious note your work is exceptional
How did I turn my life around? In my early twenties I started to see things in my life and around me in patterns. Little did I know just how powerful this ability was at the time, but the same things or if not similar problems kept coming up over time and I kind of realised that I've been here in this situation before. It was like the scenery in life had changed but the game of life so to speak had not. This is where I knew that I needed to learn from the situation and make the right decision and stand up for myself no matter what the cost. What I was actually doing was taking my self worth back from arseholes around me, and that included pigheaded boss's too. This was the best thing I could've done for myself. To set up a new pattern of behaviour when these situations arose again, this time I could not only see them, but I could act on them and make the choice no matter what the cost. Yes this takes faith, but more often than not it worked in my favour, and I could still walk away knowing that I made the right decision . If it didn't work in my favour that's fine too because I just moved onto bigger and better thing's.
The trick here is to make the world work for you not the other way around.
I suspect my self-sabotage comes from my unwillingness to embrace the core principles and dominant traits of our society, civilization and even our human specie.
I can understand why so many revolutionaries where intuitive feelers but I cannot see how their effort and sacrifices have made the world a better place.
Same bro. I think you have to be the change you want to see. In my case after all the bullying, isolation, failing to fit in society etc. I lost my business a few years ago because I wasn't willing to play dirty and compromise my beliefs.
Comment edit: Just removed my long story but the main points were:
1. Be the change you want to see no matter how small the difference.
2. Find yourself a purpose and something that brings meaning to you and others around you
3. When you find what you want, go at it 110% and just speak from your heart. If your intentions are clear people will get it
4. Try not to please everyone, the ones that like you for you will stick around.
5. A true leader follows his/her own path no matter how modest and even if it means being alone, that's the revolution you want to see first, you'll work it out from there.
@@KibatheMalinois we dont need everyone, just the right ones! so instead of collapsing into desperate loneliness, we keep moving away from toxic situations and people that are not good for us and looking for the right people and tribe, keep moving - fantastic advice!
@Bobby3003, what @zm1611 said is so good. Be the change you want to see, because the change chain effect starts with you. Mankind in general is very prone to evil mindedness. So inevitably, when we pick up on the injustice of it all, we are each faced with coming to terms on how we will use the short time we have left on this planet. But the thing is, self sabotage is nothing more than turning the evil upon ourselves so that we are incapable of being the change that we are meant to be. Suffering makes us resilient, but the next step is allowing your heart and your hand to move with compassion, for yourself and for others. Be a light that stands against darkness.
I am at this same place of self sabotage. It's time.... again! I'm putting me first. Thanks for the reminder 😊
Wow. This channel is interesting. Glad I found it. I had no idea what an INFJ meant when I took the test but it's good to know I am not alone. Lol. Looking forward to learning lots more. Thanks.
Thank you for this video and for all that you do for the INFJ community. I have only recently started this transition of dealing with my own self sabotage issues so I was grateful for the advice and the knowledge that I ain't the only one who has found themselves in this position. I no longer want to be my own worst enemy but I know I have a long road ahead of me to get to where I want to be. Thank you for giving me the confidence that I am finally doing the right thing for me going forward.
On a similar journey, have you seen Wenzies on RUclips for INFJ? She’s great
I agree! Believe the pillers, live the pillers. It works.
Very cool, Thank you 😌
The layers... 😵🥴😆😅😶😶🌫️🤦🏼♀️🤯🥰💖🤲🗝🌌
From the depths of my soul
Thank you💖🙏
OMG I feel so lucky to have found your channel…the relief is incredible. I didn’t even know I was an INFJ but now I get it, and your suggestions are so practical and right-on. Can’t thank you enough!
I began to challenge my codependency and procrastination issues, during quarantine and through 2022. Best decision I ever made
I decided to be unrecognizable to people, just to heal
And I'm okay with people rejecting my changes, just to harp on old memories of me.
That’s 100% true .. few weeks ago i had to work in a team project which I obviously see as a burden .. literally just me and 2 of the group put real effort in it
I even took time of my off days to work on it while everyone is counting on the other to finish it and when the supervisor asked who thinks worth a promotion I said I do
But baam they made a vote and I didn’t get it so no more when I feel I need my time (while i’m doing my part of the work) I’m having it
"Let's get a little bit too far "in demanding that our needs are met .Just to calibrate where we are and find the right medium. That is the take away for me today. My queen.
This hit me so hard! I have been working on my self-sabotage issues recently and the anxiety and feelings of guilt coming up are intense!!!!!! Your videos are helping me so much, thank you 🙂
I've been on this road for some time now. You're videos resonate with actions I've already taken. 👊😎. Smart lady.
This is where things go wrong for me sometimes dealing with people but I have improved on this aspect a lot and if I am doing something I am really good at or passionate about and I know my value in terms of the time, work, service, effort, cost incurred etc. I make sure to let the person know that I am aware of what I am putting in just to remind myself first. Social situations might get me sometimes because I find it difficult to react to certain situations in a pinch and sometimes I can self sabotage in multiple ways during interactions.
3 years ago when I discovered/accepted that I was an INFJ (and suddenly everything made sense) I gave an ultimatum at my job and eventually quit, not willing to wait endlessly for someone to finally realize they never delivered what I needed, specially after doing so much for everyone else (even to my own detriment) for so long. This was the 4th time I left a job mostly unapreciated, unheard and uncared for after doing so much for others.
3 years later and a pandemic in between, I am still unemployed and honestly ready to retire in my early 30s on government-benefits. I used to be extremely driven but I have simply given up on people (and it also doesn't help that I completely hate the toxicity of the city in which I live). If/when I move I am willing to give people another chance but I have mostly given up on all my professional goals given than they didn't depend on just me but also on others and I just gave up on people.
As an INFJ you are a ridiculus good problem solver you will figure this out. A small tip: find something where you can help people, but you shouldnt get to invested in their fellings (i work in retail now helping people find the right product😃) .
My friend is an INFJ-A and could use this information to great benefit. They have taught others how to treat them by saying to so many that they can message them anytime ask anything and after spending hours or days at the grindstone working on something for someone else for nothing in return, they often have contributed nothing and may just change their mind and all the effort is now wasted. This friend won't sleep for days or gets and average of 3-4 hours of sleep on a good week. I know this is very painful to them because they do tell me and sat they are not complaining. They barely eat, smoke, neglect any time for themselves much less quiet time and meditation. They have had very poor romantic relationships that were unfulfilling and literally very depleting.
They are the most wonderful person I have met and would do anything to help someone to their own detriment but seems to take pride in how little they need to do so much (very little food, sleep, or time to unwind) and performs at an extremely high and polished level. an attractive person through and through.
So here is where I need your help. would it be wise for me to send this video to them and dose this sound like it would help in a real and effective way. I am concerned that it may seem that I think they are broken and incapable when that is farthest from the truth. I have tried to share some things with them in the past and it didn't seem to land well most times. I am an INFP so I do get a lot of what they are about but obviously not all. Should I be concerned that I will offend them if I have done some research and attempt to present this to them. most of these things are things I have said in some form or another but is confirmed in my opinion after watching this video.
please help and advise
You should talk about some of these things first in conversation and then offer some of these points in a receptive way ion that moment but relate it through their situation. Just a little. I'm willing to bet that person has found these videos by now, but you should never hold back how you feel when your coming from a place of love. especially if this person is like this. I believe they would understand even if they didn't see it right away (seems like they would but idk)
Your a good friend! The world is blessed to have people like you and your friend you speak of!
I don't care what others think of me. They don't know me anyway so in all likelihood they are projecting.
Like wow... Spot on.. Glad I found you.. It feels good to know I wasn't being so weird... Thank you so much wenzy.
Spot on!!!
Thank you for sharing!❤️
I love your music in the car analogy.
Do I feel Iam my own worst enemy sometimes? Yes. It's the "taking credit for my idea or work" issue. That happened more so in the past than right now. yet recently, some people have attempted to take credit for my ideas & such as a result of their laziness. They aren't "go getters" or "sharp troops", yet they want recognition and credit for being one. It's everywhere unfortunately, and us INFJ's have just gotta dig inside of ourselves and speak up when needed.
It is so important to practice diplomatic boundaries socially over and over right from the beginning before power struggles and social head games takeover. (I know a guy who writes his bosses reports with no credit!!!) And I know if I just walk into a group of people and assume they will be moral, polite and caring, then I am setting myself up for a disastrous confrontation because I cannot hold my breath forever or keep my anger suppressed. It is better to stomp like shrek into a room then pretend we are mice. First, dont share great ideas as they form in your mind despite your passion to do so! TELL EVERYONE ITS YOUR IDEA AT MEETINGS first, PUT YOUR NAME ON IT BEFORE HANDING IT OUT OR SHARING IT! Then those social sharks cannot steal your brilliance! To survive this world and thrive we have to continually create powerful personal boundaries.
Thank you for this video. It touched me very much! 🌹
Subconsciously keeping us humble. Without confidence I question everything of myself. When confident looking back it feels as if I'm carried through the hardship. I apologize for punctuation. Tango Yankee Captain, Josh
Wow this hits me
I feel like that all the time... But I'm trying to work on it. It's such a burden sometimes, that it feels overwhelming.
I've come a long way, but I'm still seeming to not achieve the things I want. It's like no matter how hard I try, there are a handful of things (the things I truly want out of life) that just seem to NEVER manifest, or find their way to me. 🤦🏼
In my experience you have to stop the "wanting" and start the "accepting". Let it pass. It took me years but I stayed fast. If I "want" instead of "need" than I am focusing the wrong part of my intuition.
Love this so much! I needed to hear this to get back to my life dreams.
Im crying because of relief? i didnt know i needed to hear those ... thank u ♡
its been so rough for me last month. n i knew that i was doing the worst to myself. n yet idk why i keep doing those. maybe to measure other people's limitations? maybe i wanted to see how far i can go like this. hmm. thanks anyways..♡
I believe so. It can be tough but you know what your doing. You got this!
I can't keep the house perfect when my soul cries out for minimalism.
Thanks for your video. I think “demand” could be replaced with “request” for a healthy approach, as “demands”. Sharing one’s desires is such a healthy step! Demanding it isn’t. I welcome knowing what someone would like but demanding something is never fun to give or receive. Wanted to share this as a terminology preference for consideration.
Great suggestion. And amazing video, Wenzes!
Demand with tact.
Near 35k subs and I bet I couldn't find not one of you withing 200 miles. It's a self putty in my feelers kind of day. Feeling isolated and uncarred for real heavy the past few days. The path is darkening and I'm feeling lost here again.
I know the feeling. It seems there are many of us but so far apart.
Thank you ✨
You look so pretty in this video!
As the saying goes, 'takes all kinds to make the world'.
If you are born a square peg, you self-access and learn to live the best of life as such; so to being a round peg.
You don't dwell in self-doubt and anxieties trying to fit into a round peg as a square one or vice-versa.
If situations and people go against your grain, the most logical action will be to remove them or remove yourself away from it for survival.
How do you do this when you've grown up being called ' SELFISH' ALL your life and I'm 57 yrs old now. How do you break the cycle?? I also deal with massive anxiety...uuugh !!
Step by step
"Selfish" can translate to "not willing to do what other people want when they want it". It is good to be "selfish" at times. It is about balance.
Others opinions of us aren't our business. We can make it our business and validate what they say in their framing of us as a reasonable thing to discuss or we can accept who we are and banish all other thoughts as you would a thief in the night.
@@CloningIsTooGoodForSheep Agreed. That would be the persons framing of you. We don;'t have to recognize what they say.
Isaiah 44:2 KJV
Nice. Thank you!
I take on board what you say, and I would even proffer such advice to persons of most of the 15 other Myers-Briggs prime personality types.
However, reflectively and pragmatically, I wonder if such courses of action actually detract from, and may even diminish, our very core beings as INFJs if applied to our own type.
Rather than seek to detract from our inherent INFJ-ness, we should 'celebrate'* those very qualities. Putting others first is sacrosanct to me: to not do so would now be anathema as I approach 60-years of age. It would make me, 'not' me.
What I and all of us INFJs can do is: be the best version of our unique selves. By being our best us, we can better help others. That does include reflecting upon what you say in this video but deploying the techniques in a manner that enhances, rather than diminishes, our very being. Thus, as is Wenzes' credo, we are "...creating an Epic Life on Your Terms."
[* to actually 'celebrate' such would perhaps be anathema to being INFJ too - a detraction of our cool, calm collectedness].
The thing is.. putting others first can be either a positive or a negative. Without Balancen the strength soon becomes a liability, one that drains us and steals all our momentum..
You look great today Wenza
Ouch lol 😆 😅 😬 🙃 🤣
Make sure you don't give to others more than we give to ourselves...I get that, the problem is...HOW DO I INPRINT IT IN ME because I keept forgetting :( I need to slap a note over my forehead or somth lol
You have to allow others to decide their own level of involvement in your life. Realize your help is a gift and if they don't treat it right you can take it away before they break it.
I did this test for fun and got INFJ. Honestly it may have some relevance but I feel walking around calling ourselves INFJ's is if little practical use.
It feels like all the empaths. In reality I believe most people just over estimate their capacity and merely think that because they have a decent inclination to empathy that this makes them an "empath"
The other thing is none of them could even list their speech, intention, deed, attitude mindset, perceptions in any meaningful way nor describe concisely and precisely their qualities.
So there willingness to try to empathize but there's also capability and frankly people are not as skilful as they think.
But more to the point, we would benefit greater from understanding the principles and laws in which we emanate and function and learning how to accord with them
This, at its root is a distinguishing differences between humility - diffidence - ego
Focus on a sense of self and a name is ego. Focus on our nature and how to accord with Wholesome states is respect and love for our being.
Whats in a name? Its not the name that is the point. We can call ourselves a potatoes but that doesn't mean we own a couch...get it?
Are you a witch like how are you so accurate about everything and so related to my life
She is a person who is honest with herself about who she is, flaws and all. This allows her to analyze her situations and use those situations as learning tools to further advance the idea she has of herself which is built by her sub conscience. It is a thing most people seem to not do because they think others cause their problems instead of realize that they have the power to stop reacting in a way which does not produce the desired results to benefit all around her. Short answer, no, She is not a which. She just has developed a keen sense of perception by paying close attention to her actions and others actions.
What about if we have stood up for ourselves and no one listens?... the people around me
(mostly family members) dont respect my boundaries no matter what I do. Is this a reason to cut my family off?....real question. The person I'm talking about is in my immediate family and I understand her Psychology. She has CPTSD too but isnt one to face self improvement. I've tried....I feel bad abandoning her during her self sabotage...but it makes me self sabotage....IDK what to do...
I have had to cut people whom I love out of my life because I love them and when they are around it makes it real hard to see why I love them. When my love becomes a feeling that only hurts me and causes them to be able to guilt trip me into allowing them to control me, I tell them my boundaries and allow them to decide their own level of involvement. If they don't want to see you for who you are and what you do than the answer is something hard to do. Especially for someone who would rather sacrifice themselves for the people they love, if we think it will save them. Its up to you, Lauren, to know when you have put in enough effort and decide when it is time to choose your happiness over allowing someone to give you their torment.
If you think I'm sad today, you should have seen how lonely I was yesterday.
That thumbnail!😆😆😆
For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred.
-2 Timothy 3:2
Just have to say that you’re so beautiful , wenzes 🌸
Do you offer the coachings also in german?
What’s a normal life to you answer
Normal is only a perception. People like to analyze things they see, feel and hear to the point where they find the common ground in them. Unfortunately, since we all can not hear what each other are thinking, we do not see the common thoughts so we begin to look at ourselves as different than others because we do not understand why they make those decisions which can seem common to us but a lot of people don't realize they even are doing it, whatever it may be.
Neg+Neg=?
The problem I have with you is, your too stinking cute, to focus on what your saying. Truthfully I have learned much from you. Thank you for this- what I call-ministry. Really getting me through hardest time of my life.
You’re beautiful I could live with you
Ook. ... 3rd video watched (starting from 3rd oldest in videos section, to this one that is in the present - newest on chanel)
So I why I am beginning to feel as if you are implying that other people are more or less you and when you are interacting with them you are doing so mostly as if you are interacting with yourself.
Well I am sorry but I am 1.92cm (because that`s the measurement system on my side of the ocean) 105kg blond male with green eyes and you being shorter possibly twice as little weight, possibly colored red hair, blue eyed female is definitely not me.
She isn't speaking to you just because you saw the video silly. Only Like minded people will truly understand her points and they seem to have not washed ashore in the waves which you connect with, my friend. Keep searching though. If you want to find yourself by listening to others descriptions of their lessons than you will find it. Keep hope my friend.
Infj girl doing makeup, link here: ruclips.net/video/305ErYyngwM/видео.html
I took the test to determine I was a INFJ a while ago and recently I came around a video about OCD.The symptoms and behavior described I identified with heavy.
Are there any possible links between INFJ and OCD?
The only link is trauma.
Infjs tend to want to do things very well, making our perfect idealist visions into a reality, having harmony within and without. However, Life is far from perfect and not even capable of it.
When you mix unresolved trauma (a rancid, amalgamation of different fears), or cptsd, into the mix with this deep internal hardwired longing.. well...
However, it would be a mistake to reason that one's personality is the primary basis for any mental disease. In other words, one's personality type isn't the reason for developing disease, just as having teeth isn't the reason one develops cavities. One cannot reasonably say "I have teeth, therefore, inevitably they will rot"
The outcome is up to the individual.
Isaiah 26:3-4 AMP
You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.
So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages].
I have undiagnosed OCD (intrusive thoughts, compulsions and all) and also believe myself to be an INFJ - so perhaps?