Per usual most people still don't get what niko is saying 😂and still hold unto these fantasy ideas that were placed into them. But to the people who can actually listen and look at things from a logical perspective or at least a different perspective can understand what he is saying. W niko once again, literally never missed with a point
To be fair, in this particular video I think the people disagreeing so far with actual points are valid. The things I discuss and advise here can be harmful to a friendship and a person if not treated with caution. I welcome the disagreements, I am not immune to being wrong or having an invalid opinion. Maybe someone might even change my mind about this.
@@nikoyaps Yeah I think some of what people said who disagreed made sense. But I feel like they either don't understand what you were saying or don't really understand what a friend is. I'm glad you have an open mind but I just can't see how establishing something for what it is, is manipulation. But pretending to be a platonic friend and actively trying to make another person believe you DON'T have feelings isn't manipulation. If what you presented was ruining a friendship, how so? How can a friendship be made up of one person who is s3xually attracted to the other. You aren't ruining a friendship, because the friendship isn't there. The only way a friendship can be a established in that scenario is if the guy or girl oses interest and genuinely sees the girl or guy as a friend. The dictionary defines a friend as a mond exclusive of sexual attraction. No friendship, if one or both like each other. It is impossible. This is long asl but I think this is a very important topic, and I don't like people painting your view in a bad light like saying it is "manipulative" when it just objectively isn't that
Actually yeah much of this advice is up to interpretation, and I interpreted it as, “If someone doesn’t like you, treat them worse until they’re pissed but miss you”.
@@sumtinqueso5790my interpretation is treat them on how they want to be treated, they want u as a friend? just be a friend, as their significant other? treat them like that
Man if you have to play all of these games she's just not worth it bro. Just confess your feelings and if she doesn't feel the same way it saves you a LOT of time and stress and gives you proper closure.
@@yurrrr2005 You missed the point. What I'm getting at is a woman who doesn't want you is in fact not worth the effort. A woman who genuinely wants you will be easy to talk to, will find time in her schedule to be able to spend time with you, and will be generally flirtatious/playful or at least open and reciprocal to such advances. If you have to play all of these games it's just going to be a lot of stress and mental gymnastics which are just a massive waste of time and effort.
@@GigaNietzsche ohh okay, i see your point. but i still think it was a poor choice of words, because if you did persist a woman who was disinterested and didn’t want you, you’d just be a weird creep edit: my point is that it’s not a matter of “is it worth it” when persisting someone who doesn’t like you back.
@@yurrrr2005 No it's a perfectly fine choice of words you're just overthinking it, nitpicking, and overcomplicating things. The context of this discussion is how guys will try to "Navigate the friendzone" in hopes that one day she will recognize that you've been a solid guy and give you a chance. My point is simply that it's an awful strategy which will lead to your time and energy being wasted.
This can work sometimes but ultimately its better to not play games and just talk to other people, focus on yourself and put time and effort into someone who wants you back initially
I think although the idea behind his advice is kind of misguided, it is still a good thing to do. I mean, once you put yourself in the friendzone (you confess, other person wants to just be friends) you do have to make a choice. Are you willing to keep being their friend or are you unable to do so? Your decisions then should be focusing squarely on you, but either way you should accept that the relationship you wanted will not happen. Moving on from that is not easy, but entertaining the thoughts that you may end up changing their mind somehow will be costing you more time and headache in the long run.
This is called playing mind games. Which is a horrible foundation for a relationship. If someone doesn’t want you, they don’t want you. Find someone else, you could even keep your friend if you want. If they see you searching for other people and they decide they DO want a relationship then that’s nice. Don’t try and manufacture their jealousy. Chase after someone with intention and not as a puzzle piece as for some “get the girl” master plan.
Exactly this. Love niko and i trust that he has good intentions, wanting to help people with good advice but this advice is presented in the bad way Yes, do all that he said, choose yourself but not because you want to manipulate them to want you but because it's healthy It entirely defeats the purpose of choosing yourself if you're still doing it to win someone over I believe niko just presented it wrong but you put it nicely, thank you
The “friend zone” is real until it isn’t. It’s a thing until you stop entertaining them after you know they’re not interested, and go focus on yourself. And when you pop back up looking/feeling the best you ever have, and not worrying about them anymore, then the friend zone will suddenly disappear lol. Nothing beats the friend zone like time and appearance does.
My best Relationship (up to now) started as a friendship. We never even intentionally shared romantic stuff. But the evening I wanted to confess to her, she was faster to confess to me xD. Even now that the relationship already ended some years ago, we are just best friends again. And we are both very happy about that we are still so close.
And that is how it should be. I never understood why some people believe that you can't start a relationship with a friend. Like, are you supposed to date a total stranger, rather than someone who you know and share interests with? In my opinion, your partner should be your best friend, not only a "sexual desire" (as relationships are often viewed now). People got this whole thing twisted
@@zerouxd7365 i mean that's what a relationship starts with, mutual interest. Without it, there is no "relationship", even if you might get together with said person, it will always be one sided.
Also a “friendzone” friend isn’t the same as a normal friend 90% of the time, they are calling you a friend because they don’t want to say no, a lot of the time they won’t hang out with you or let you open up / act like a real friend. So it’s not worth it, unless they actually act like a friend and try to hear you out, spend time with you, support and have fun.
For a lot of people it's much worse to be friends with someone when they want more, than just ending the friendship. They simply can't emotionally detach, and it's very difficult for them to pursue relationship with someone else, while they're still "friends".
Hii I’m a girl and love your channel but I don’t think this information is completely right 😭 and this may be long but I think a lot of people might benefit from knowing this. Yes it is possible to have this outcome BUT mostly that’s not the case. If you suddenly start treating a girl differently cuz they didn’t want to be in a relationship with you, a lot of us are weirdly put off. It hurts cuz this person only wanted us for a relationship and we lost a friend and that sucks, but we move on. It won’t lead to a relationship. There is a case however as u described, some girls start seeing it as an ego play. You become a quest, and they want your attention back cuz they liked having the control over you and now they dont. So they’ll pursue u, and now they MIGHT get into a relationship with you, but as soon as that happens, they might lose interest just as fast as they got it. The quest is complete and they didn’t really like you for you, otherwise they’d date you early on. The relationship will turn toxic. The only way to TRULY get out of the friendzone and make them like you for you, is to continue being normal with them. Don’t expect much, pursue other romantic interests as well, don’t rely on their reciprocation. Don’t act like their boyfriends ofc and focus on your life too. Treat them like a normal friend. They might just fall for how you are as a person. However, it’s not guaranteed cuz they just might not and that’s okay. Forcing a connection means there was never going to be a connection anyways. Take care guys and good luck!
Well, i feel like if I don’t do anything, then nothing will happen at all. She’s contempt with herself, doesn’t talk to anyone, doesn’t want to either. She doesn’t want friends. She talks to me tho, although I have to initiate anything and everything 99% of the time.
I disagree. If you continue being normal with a girl who put you in the friend zone it communicates that you’re okay with a platonic relationship. If you wanna date someone and they dont wanna date you, you should just leave. It’s not an ego thing but a self respect thing; don’t give your time to people who don’t have the same level of interest as you do in them
This is a fair point, when the conquest "ends" the relationship can end as well. There is never a guarantee that if you get the person that you'll be able to keep them. It's sort of a high risk high reward situation. But as you can see you are also confirming a lot of what I'm saying. Throughout the video I use the word "might" because there is no guarantee that any of this will work. I somewhat agree with your second paragraph. If you go the normal friend route and pursue other romantic interests the friend can also start to see you as more of a romantic interest as well. But this still requires a change in the dynamics in the first place. It requires for you to change how you go about creating a connection because clearly the original way is not working. And if no connection happens, then of course move on. Thanks for your comment!
@@the_lord7961That’s correct! I didn’t say that you have to continue being friendly with them and it’ll be a guarantee that they’d like you. Ofc it would communicate u want them as a friend but humans are naturally just assessing possible mates. So if they are in your life as a friend, they might assess you as a potential partner at one point. Ofc it’s not a guarantee but maybe they’re down and upset and you have this quality of being there for ur friends. She WILL notice that at one point and think “okay, he’s so caring and he expects nothing back, what a gentleman tbh, he’s just genuinely nice”. Like u get what Im saying? Ofc there could be a possibility that she’d assess u and think, Hmm nah not my type still. But this is the most probable way of getting out of there once ur in. Ofc it’s best to not get into it in the first place and throw around flirty remarks here and there but once uve already established the friend status, u have to either confess or just continue being a friend and hope for the best but u never know if it’ll turn out the way u want it to.
@@iDrippyTkHmm seems like that’s her personality type. I don’t think you’d ever know what she truly feels unless you confess but it could risk losing the friendship. She doesn’t seem all that interested but maybe that’s just who she is, she just doesn’t like initiating. And if that’s the case, then she’d probably not confess either.
@@megahasbeentakenanims Wrong in every way. There is no situation where the "negatives" outweigh the positives of being high value. If it does, then you can just get another option.
"I dont wanna compete with other men for a girl" With that attitude, yes, she will come to you once she is 35 and had 5 other relationships with the guys who did wanna compete. Then she will settle for you.
@@julius43461 it doesnt have to be just her. There are other girls out there. I would advise u to date multiple of them. But remember, always be kind. There are less kind hearted women these days as they are men. If u are a kind person, u should choose wisely. Just choose someone u can have a laugh with. Life’s simple.
This advice can get you into the worst relaionships, based only on fear and insecurities. Actual attraction is very obvious and doesn't increase with time. Its just hard to know this if you have never seen it.
Yeah the story he described doesn't sound like a beginning of a great healthy relationship, if I heard this story from a friend I'd be like "yea they breaking up soon"
After you confess your feelings and if they reject you, I see no point in trying anymore because they're never going to unconditionally care for you. They made it clear that they just want your validation or presents without any responsibilities of a relationship
usually i agree with a lot of your takes, but 9/10 times this is not going to work at all, either youll lose a friend, or get into a probably very toxic relationship because its completely built on manipulation lol
This isn't manipulation, people wanna throw that around where it doesn't make sense. All he's suggesting is you limit your interactions with the person since they dont see you the same way. Through the time apart they'll either realize they actually like you or realize they don't like you like that. Giving space in a frienship to let feelings settle isn't manipulation. Especially if the person already knows you loke them. Actual manipulation would be planting seeds in their mind where they think of you as more than a friend. Matter of fact if we're just throwing the word manipulation around, flirting can be labeled as a form of acceptable manipulation.
I have to disagree because manipulation doesn't include telling someone the truth or intentions to why they are being treated the way they are. You shouldn't treat someone like that if they don't mean that much to you. It sounds like you just know what you want and won't just be the "mice" guy
As someone who was in this situation, where my friend wanted to date me and i said he was just my meme dealer friend, this video is half accurate. A lot of people who reject someone, wont really care what they do with their lives and who they do it with (so long as they aren't going down a shitty life route, its normal to care about a friends wellbeing). Yuh some girls will get jealous when you leave them behind but also, some just wont care. This is a really good video, men and people of other genders SHOULD put themselves out there and improve themselves when faced with rejection BUT this shouldn't be done with the person who rejected you in mind. Making a play to better yourself at a visible distance from someone who rejected you, just to try and get them attracted to you DOES make you seem like an ass tbf. It also means, you haven't taken the rejection well and you're loosely clinging onto the fact that maybe you could turn that person around. Simply put... self improvement to help you get over that wall is great! Self improvement to be in hopes to manipulate that wall like butter towards your goal is not so great. Get over the wall to fulfil YOURSELF! Not to manipulate
"You don't want them as a friend, you want them as a girlfriend" Your partner is meant to be your best friend. You literally can't spell "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" without "friend". That kind of sentence is what leads to abusive relationships. The best way for you to get a relationship to happen is literally just be as active in their life as you would be in the life of any of your friends, and let a connection form naturally. Also, the idea of "giving them the boy/girlfriend treatment when they don't deserve it" is dumb. You should always listen to your friends' problems and be there for them when they need you, just as they should do the same to you. What do you think a friend is?
Obviously there are overlaps between friends and romantic partners, as you said it's in the name. But still there is a major difference and as such they should be treated differently. Also they don't have to be your "best friend" and in many cases nor should they be. It's good to have certain people fulfil certain needs that others don't/ There are many cases where the friend role is not always met in the way you need by your romantic partner. Regardless. what I meant by that statement is that you need to be in the mindset of adressing this person in more romantic rather than platonic ways.
that might work on disney channel, but we live in the the real world. You literally can't be friends with someone you are sexually attracted to because that isn't platonic. A platonic relationship is literally the definition of a friendship. So it is either two people pretending not to like each other, one person pretending they don't like the other person, or worst case both knowing one of them likes the other but they both pretend to be friends. Which benefits the girl 99% of the time more than the guy, niko is showing guys how to be smart with women. It isn't manipulation, it is going about relationships in a way you actually get what you want instead of doing a pretend act 24/7 while also giving away your time.
@@nikoyaps I agree, there's nothing wrong with admiring someone in a romantic way, but you can't genuinely want someone to be your partner for life without an underlying want to have them around, romantic or not. If you would drop someone you're romantically interested in out of your life if they don't reciprocate your feelings, would you really want to be with them forever? Ideally, a romantic partnership is a friendship, the most solid friendship you can have. It's one where you two are guaranteed to never leave each other and feel comfortable being the most vulnerable and affectionate versions of yourselves around each other. If you value other relationships above your relationship with your supposed partner, they aren't going to be your partner for long. So, yes, they should be your *best* friend (though since there's a difference between that and your best non-romantic friend, we assign them the label of "partner"). Very basically, you should treat your partner just the same as you would treat your platonic friends, but more.
I mean... 'giving them the ... when they don't deserve it' makes perfect sense. There still is a significant abyss from how much time you'd invest into a friend than what you'd do to a potential partner. If you feel like you're trying too hard and not getting what you want (them acknowledging that you are their exclusive partner and that what you two share is special, as opposed to simple friend/acquaintance status), then pulling your investment back is perfectly logical. See it like this: you asked them out, they said no. You moved on. Maybe you didn't move on completely, and are still expecting some reaction from them (as it was described in this video, where he prefers to show that he isn't to be dragged around by their needs and whims if they aren't committed... and who would, honestly? If I am single, and I have to bear to listen a woman complaining about her boyfriends... isn't that just torture?), but you should really start looking at alternative options if the one you have outright refused you.
I like the reassurance of "it's fine if you like someone romantically but not as a friend" and the advice to flirt with more women to improve your skills but the way you present the "free trial boyfriend" strategy makes it seem pretty manipulative. I feel hurt when others play with my feelings when they mean good, and i wouldn't do that to someone else, especially not someone im interested in. Good video, but i don't agree with this advice
Yeah when he brought up the "free trial boyfriend" thing I was veeeery skeptical about what he was saying. I don't think he has a bad or malicious intent with what he is saying but I couldn't help but feel like when he was saying stuff like 5:27 "'why can't it just be me?' well it can just be you, okay [...] but in order for it to be you, you have to employ what I like to call: the free trial boyfriend method," that something was amiss and hearing that just gave me huge "how to get a woman in 10 days" grifter red flags. I don't think that's what this guy was trying to do at all but I feel there's something he's saying that is not a good thing and if I analyze it I will surely find it. I feel self conscious about this stuff actually, RUclipsrs rattling off their opinions, because I used to be the kind of person who would just listen to RUclipsrs spout their thoughts without really analyzing it but in doing so I would soak up whatever beliefs or ideas they were spouting and then I would be the next to go off and spout dumb to maybe even dangerous shit without knowing. I'm glad to have had friends that helped me realize some of the crazy shit I was saying and taking in and now I kind of fixate on analyzing what I and others say as to not make the same mistake again, here's hoping. No shade to Niko but when he was spouting all this off I couldn't help but feel like, "I've heard this bullsh*t before! I don't know where but I have!." I haven't gotten through all of the video yet and it's like I agree with some points but after that "free trial boyfriend method" thing I'm kinda on high alert and hopefully I can spend time thinking and analyzing and hopefully even vocalize whatever it is that concerns me with what is being said.
One thing that's really nagging at me is the stuff he says here at: 6:26, "but she doesn't want to date you she just likes having that attention, she just likes having a person who she can just, have at her disposal whenever she wants." Is that it assumes a persons motives. I cannot put into words why assuming a person or persons motives is wrong, I'm more of a visual thinker, but when I think of assuming a persons motives I just see an inverted magnifying glass... as if in trying to understand something more by assuming you fixate on all of the wrong ideas and take the wrong conclusions from the things that you can see and even if these crazy conclusions were true what good does that do you? I was watching a Lucid stream a while ago and another guest RUclipsr who I also watch, WheezyTF2, was just spouting some crazy fucking Andrew Tate shit about how women date based on money or that having a lot of money makes getting women easier or some shit and saying shit like "it's biological that women seek men for resources," and everyone on that stream was just like "woah woah woah!" I don't think Wheezy understood or meant what he said because when Lucid was confronting him on this like, "what do you mean by this? How do you know this?" Shit like that, Wheezy realized that he had no real basis on what he was saying other than that's just what other people on the fucking internet were saying and basically retracted all that he said. I can't find the words for what exactly is wrong at the heart with this assuming motives thing but I can see the result, baseless accusations that even if they had some sort of kernel of truth these ideas point into a direction that encourages bad ideas and bad actions so why invite these ideas in when they have an undercurrent of badness? If it _really_ is true that "it's biological that women seek men for resources" how does that help? Often it seems that idea promotes treating women as items even if the people saying it don't realize that. It's crazy man the shit we say without realizing it. I hope to god I am aware of my dumb shit ideas lol.
I think I just realized what it is about this video and its "advice" that rubs me the wrong way. I was perusing through the comments and I saw one comment where part of it read as follows: "In my experience girls don’t fall for guys bc they’re 'nice' to them." This was in response to a comment where part of it read this: "The only way to TRULY get out of the friendzone and make them like you for you, is to continue being normal with them." What I think is bothering me with this video is how it perpetuates an implicit idea that _you're supposed to date me._ I don't think that's what Niko and the commenter I quoted is saying consciously but subconsciously I think there's something going on there. And I know I made a whole stink about not assuming peoples motives but I cannot help but think when people bring up how "nice" they are to women that they feel owed that persons affection. And with this video too talking about the "free trial boyfriend..." _hOw YoU cAn GeT a GiRl In 3 tO 5 BuSiNeSs DaYs!_ I feel that there's an underlying, even if unintentional, message of being owed a persons affection. I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy and reading too much into things.
@@AghziSo why try to get them to like you if they don't, it won't work and would just make things worse. Drop trying to change how they feel and move on, try to talk to other people and make friends with new people and you might end up liking someone else. You don't have to be friends with that person anymore and it ultimately depends on if you want to or not. Moving on is hard and I've been there but trying desperately doesn't help make things better because if they only view you as a friend then it's most likely not going to change.
Idk man. If I would use this method I would feel like a psychopath. I would never see it as an option to play a crazy game like that to gain a relationship. If uk what I mean. If i would be a girl is this case and that happens to me I would feel very betrayed and would never ever again see him as an option for a relationship bc I don't wanna be with a person in a relationship that has such a mindset like going to such length to play a ''psycho-game'' to get what they want. But I mean ikd no one has figured it out ig. if u wanna go with that method go ahead but be aware that things can also go incredibly wrong.
i agree with this comment it seems very manipulative, It just depends on the personality of both sides to be honest, me personally in my current relationship we spent a few months as friends with the relation slowly turning into less and less * friends * convos and such, id personally move on if i had to deal with a * friendzone * relation and be honest to her telling her i would have wished for more but i do not wish to continue a friendship if she declined.
yeah, i just put this video in the background then i hear some crazy manipulation tactics. And its crazy cause there actually ARE some manipulation tactics that resemble this. Give someone good treatment then ghost them, then treat them good again, and repeat the cycle. Its a way to make someone depend on you.
This reminds me of another similar manipulative tactic that employs the forbidden fruit effect. the more you make it seem like they can't have you, the more they want you. I noticed a few aspects of it in this method as well, although the one it reminds me of is for pre proposition, they have no idea you have feelings, thats when the forbidden fruit effect works its magic.
Pls pls pls do not take this information to heart guys!! No means no!!! You only need to be told once... then LEAVE it! This is a really really dangerous video and it's absolutely not how real life relationships work!! Romantic or otherwise. Niko is usually chill like that but this is NOT it. He's right in saying that the friend zone isn't real. There is no friend "zone" - you either respect each other, or you don't. You can't have this one-sided interest where you're plotting and scheming to try and "win them over". It's not good for your OWN mental health, let alone the connections your going to end up burning away in the process. Stay away from echo-chamber, chronically online relationship talk like this! Particularly ones that focus heavily on baseless hypothetical scenarios where the subject acts exactly how this person needs them to in order for their "strategy" to work. Tips and anecdotes are helpful, but not everyone is right all the time. (This applies to me too) This isn't hate, and maybe Niko is pulling from genuine real-life experience, but to anyone who is thinking of taking this on-board, I just recommend otherwise. Explicit, truthful, abundant communication is VITAL to a working, healthy relationship. And no means no! Get over it or let it go. Keep it simple, life is hard enough, and games are exhausting. It's good to see a lot of other comments also challenging this video in a respectful way. Good stuff.
I understand your point niko but not everybody is this way at all and many people would see this as being manipulative, It depends on peoples personality and mind games after being declined are honestly not worth it and can be seen as extremely manipulative to the point you might just have your reputation with the people you know go downhill, Id just rather slowly try turn it into a less friendly relationship from the start after we learn things about each other, if you get declined it is not the end of the world, this comment is all my opinion however and anyone can do it how they wish
Here’s another thing that’s very important, preceding all of this: *a relationship created in loneliness is always doomed to fail.* If you can’t love yourself first, there’s nothing a relationship can do to actually make yourself feel better. This goes for both people. Get comfortable being single and spending time on yourself FOR YOU. You’ll know when the time is right to engage with others.
@@Seinsmelledgotta side with you on this one. Sitting down twirling your fingers wont get you anything. This delusion about "when the time is right" *will make you single for life.*
Not op but while the advice above is true to some extent its completely dismissive of how it feels to be single. Especially when everyone around you is getting into relationships. Loneliness sucks but even if you focus on yourself you're still looking at hypotheticals. You're doing something in the hope that someone notices you. Essentially what you're suggesting is a vortex of failure.
started talking to this girl, i start walking her home after some weeks, we talked daily, waved to each other as we walked passed and stuff, confessed to her a month later, immediately says she likes me back. the day before i was going to give her this hand wrote 1500 word letter that went over my best memories with her and eventually asked her to be my gf, she starts straight out ignoring me without me having a clue why. this carries on for a week or two. i confront her asking did something happen? and she says um can we just be friends? me being a gentlemen i say yeah sure because what she said basically translates to i never want to speak to you again, which is what happened. anyway, a week after she 'friendzoned' me she starts dating this other guy. and according to her best friend I was the one taking things too fast. moral of the story dont date in highschool, confess sure, then just live your life. sorry for the yap
That sounds like she was sort of put off by the whole concept of a relationship, and the best friend stuff is just the consequence of her being hurt by the whole thing. I know she was ultimately the one that decided to end the friendship here, but it will have hurt a bit too. So that "taking things too fast" thing sounds empty considering she quite literally agreed. Don't take it to heart.
@@kurosade3623 i know very little from her side but it was like this one thing 💀. me, her and her best friend were hanging out at lunch and her best friend started teasing us and was like 'do you think shes cute?' and i just said 'yeah' and apparently that was taking things too fast. all my friends say that I DID NOT take things too fast at all throughout our entire relationship. in fact i probably took it much slower than normal (never asked for her phone number and talked for about 20 minutes a day irl). til this day i still dont know why she started randomly ignoring me. anyway its fine ive moved on and since she started dating someone a WEEEK after our entire 'situation' it proves how little i meant to her in the first place. ive also found out through some friends that have been observing her that she not much of a prize to date yk (gossipping, shit talking students and teachers, fake personality ect).
The thing that happened to me was that I was way too fucking dense. So dense in fact that she was already my best friend when I realized that "oh shit, I like this girl more than just a friend." So when I confessed, she said that she can only see me as a friend and that really hurt me. Not knowing my own intentions permanently hurt my relationship with this girl, we talked less frequently and now I feel like we drifted apart. I do still think that we are friends, but I just fucked up our entire relationship by confessing when I was already one of her best friends.
As a girl the “friendzone” is bs like seriously id much rather date my bestie (and i am lmfao). Anytime a friendship where they admitted to me that they liked me while i was single i did rethink it even if i did reject them, even finding feelings for them because i saw them in that new light. Rejection isn’t the end persay just the ball is no longer in your court but the other persons. Also try not to force anything cuz attraction wont happen randomly so maybe try not to manipulate yknow? 😭
Your advice is great for many scenarios, but I keep telling myself, "I'd rather have her as a friend than not have her in my life." I mean, 4 years of friendship isn't something I want to just throw away accidentally. So what I'm doing now is kinda just meeting her in the middle. I no longer eagerly send messages, etc. I'm kinda just leaving the ball way over in her court.
I normally agree with alot of your videos, but i would have to disagree with alot of the points you made in this video. any good relationship, platonic or romantic ,is based on a certain level of trust and trying to play mind games with people by trying to make them jealous isnt going to build up trust between two people. Its going to hurt the relationship in the long run.
@@scegex6500 well if you get along I would presume that you could be friends with them but on the off chance you don't, just let them down lightly and say "hey I don't think this is gonna work out" and hopefully you guys can move on with your lives, trying to change someone's mind isn't gonna work in most cases
So you just try emotionally manipulate your friend that not even interested in you... I really wonder if it ever worked for anyone. As a girl it just doesn't sound realistic. Maybe case I'm asexual. But I'm still romantic. Still tho this aloof/manipulation sounds quite weird. I still have no idea how you can be a romantic couple and NOT be friends. It's like wanting a burger without buns.. it's just a patty, it won't work. If a guy I fancied started suddenly distancing from me saying he's not interested in being close I would just take it as it and forget about him. Idk Also flirting with other people just to get your "partner's" attention... Isn't it the oldest lame trick? It's kinda gross. Anyways why risking loosing a friend that does not fancy you when you can always find someone else.. like for real. There still plenty of people that would reciprocate your feelings if you liked them I'm sure.
good take! If they wont even endear the idea of a date if you’ve known each other for years and are good friends they simply aren’t even meant to be your future husband/wife anyways and you shouldn’t be chasing them
Niko you need more credit for this with this gold mine of advice. good advice to people that need help or guide people to a better life. I appreciate you Niko your the g.
Why even bother wasting your time persuing relationships? I see this as a massive waste of time and potential danger. They will break your heart, waste your time, you'll be worrying about the other person. Such a headache. JUST DON'T DATE and problem solved.
I kind of feel you. I'm currently single but I don't purse anyone. If I find someone I vibe with that's gonna be awesome but also I don't need it to be happy. I can't imagine spending so much time on something I don't really need and when I see people constantly going on dates, constantly looking for someone it comes of as desperate.
@@eggi4443 I agree with you. Same here. Unfortunately biology made us social creatures and long periods of loneliness destroy our body. I had better moments while being alone, but I also had worse moments. I don't know how long will I be able to last being alone until I go crazy. Let me tell you this, it requires GIGANTIC amounts of discipline to force yourself to be alone, but also not go crazy and not fall into addictions. I'm talking about various forms of self pleasure. Right now I am unfortunately running out of that discipline and I fear I might go insane one day. This prolonged period of loneliness might just make me go nuts. We are not supposed to be alone for a long time and when we do bad things happen. So do you understand what I'm saying here?
@@EricBateman0 not being in a relationships doesn't mean you have to be lonely. I have a couple of really close friends that'd I'd die for and the only time when I feel lonely is when my depression gets worse (unrelated issues). relationships are a nice addition but it's definitely not gonna save you if your social circle isn't that good. one person won't fix your loneliness. at least that's how I feel, everyone is different
@@eggi4443 I believe you might be right. But I don't have friends. My one friend from college basically abandoned me because I wasn't treating him right, I believe that was the reason and my friends from middle school are just not worth it, they are snakes, liars, not to be trusted. So that leaves me alone. And a thick layer of hate towards people in general grows within me day by day and I can't help it. It's a coping mechanism. I understand what's happening to me, I am aware, but I cannot help that. I believe I will eventually become an "incel" which is a person who hates women because none of them want him. Hopefully that won't happen, but it's very likely to happen, so I'll try my best to resist that transition into a broken shell of my older self. But also the thing is, when I do have a chance to meet someone new, I don't want it. But at the same time I do feel lonely. Now I don't have an answer to that. It's a mystery to me. Why do I feel lonely and want people, but at the same time want to isolate myself and not be around people?
Bro, I was listening to you talking like a podcast, and I really appreciate what you're doing. It's like a chill Minecraft session with life talks. I love it. Keep it up!
I love how with each video we can see just how much you've progressed with the world. I can proudly say I've been here since the house was first being built.
I think this method you describe is a natural thing that happens when you do care deeply for someone and want that genuine connection. Eventually, you will expose your feelings and put down on the table what your intentions are. What is unnatural is living a life that is a lie to yourself. People tend to give advice of being "authentic", but the least authentic thing to do is to not show that side of yourself that yearns for love. Have fun, flirt, get into deep talks, be a bunch of goofy mfs, cringe, cry, support, shit talk, and care. However, don't sacrifice time with everything else for that person if they aren't willing to do the same for you. I currently have this type of problem already where there is a girl at work who is a complete goober, but I saw that insecure side and comforted her. She's smart, hilarious, bit of a tease, and tough. I usually come around her office and we look at memes, talk about books, grab coffee, talk shit, show art, etc. Basically, I gravitate towards her whenever I see her. The only problem why I haven't done nothing is because I know that if we were to get together: 1. Keep it hidden from the job for obvious reasons 2. Broke AF so can't do much (I work a bunch but gotta beat college debt :) So, all I'm saying is if you have that opportunity to show that person what you truly feel without any anxiety from other outside factors, don't be afraid to do it. If they feel the same, you've won! If not, take the risk and employ Niko's method. If you feel like that method is too much of a gamble for losing someone you feel connected to, there is no shame in changing those feelings into a genuine friendship for life, but it would have to take work to do.
It’s also important to note that their feelings could change over time. Some people may end up being on your list for a long time, it doesn’t have to be for less than 10 years or so.
It’s really a misnomer. What we call the friend zone should be called the pet zone because that’s how people in there get treated like. Being an emotional tampon, hearing complaints about the people she/he chose over of you and just overall being a utility.
People says you can't be educated and play video games, but you are absolute king, Niko you know what you are talking about, and I agree with all you said. You are the only guy who I can watch you and understand clearly. Are you some sort of genius or scientist who also plays minecraft? Because I have feeling like that
I think I've never been in love with someone, just want attention like everyone. Try to ask yourself if you really are in love or not. I know this takes a while to find an answer but it's worth it
well, this sound like a solid piece of advise. with around a 50/50 chance of working it's probably worth thinking about how she would probably react, if you're almost sure she won't get back, maybe it might be worth to just let the friendship die the natural way and move on. thanks for the advise, next i have to figure out how to ask someone out (introvert moment right here)
This just sounds "strategic" in a way, just using pure psychology to win someone over... I prefer to find relationships through friends and if it doesnt work out it doesnt work out, you still have a good friend.
I've learned it in the hard way that becoming a friend of a girl, who you love more than as a friend but she's already committed in a relationship is the worst possible thing you can do. It was not just putting myself into the friendzone, but forcing myself to constantly be reminded of the very fact, that even if I become the best friend of her, I won't achieve anything with it, at least the thing I really wanted. Even tho we had a short period of time where we got much closer and what I would call here the "free trial boyfriend", we both realised it can end up her cheating her bf, so we ended our friendship. It was surely a tough lesson to me, but I needed it, because now I know what not to do when you're looking for a partner. Also, thank you for this video, it surely helped be realise some things in this topic. (and also enjoyed the minecraft gameplay, I have many, many memories with it)
I’m in a happy relationship as of now, and I thank my old self for not pursuing my Girlfriend as a friend, and instead as someone I can be partners with… I listen to your videos alot and this is really the only time I commented, and I just wanted to thank you for being my company for idk how long :))
Feel your points, and maybe thats me being a girl but it does sounds a bit manipulative, generally to take more care of yourself and just focus on yourself is totally fine and healthy. I feel like in this given situation you talked about with You and Melisa, its probably better to just take a break and move on. Personally i prefer to get to know someone well and get flirty with them if you like them a bit more, see how they react how they flirt back, and if things develop I try to be pretty open and honest about how I feel. Maybe its just me, if you ask 100 people youre probably gonna get like 60 approaches and do things so, to each their own.
If you've told her your feelings and she says no, there are no "drastic measures" you can take, there is no decision of "do you want to stay friends or actually make it a relationship". She said no already. Wtf kinda logic is that. Coming back around again and trying to flirt when a girl already told you no is exactly the type of thing that's gonna get you a reputation of being an incel and a creep. Nice advice you're giving out lmao
The friendzone does exist. I know it does because there’s this girl who likes me and I don’t like her back, she’s a great girl but I don’t see myself with her at all besides friendship
the friendzone is when a person have romantic feelings for the other but the other only have platonic feelings for the first. you can "get out" of the friendzone by one: doing what the vid say and try to manipulate the other person to think that they have to be your partner or else they will loose you as a friend (i wouldn't recomend this as its often more detremental for both people involved and morally disgusting behaviour). second: you can accept that they're not interested in you in that way and either leave the friendship as its not what you were searching for. or you can stop thinking of them as a potential partner and have a normal friendship.
Okay I understand you're giving these guys a solution for when they get themselves stuck in the friend zone but I feel it's important to stress that they need to figure out what they want from the beginning and make a decision. Do they want friendship or a relationship. Once they decide, they need to pursue that whether it works out or not. Don't deceive yourself.
videos hit different when your going threw a situation like this or something else and some how, some way, the video finds you and you as the person click it and now get to understand what you gotta do to move on in the dark forerest (sounded better and badEss in my head lol)
12:04 - 12:21 THIS. Niko cooked a 5 star meal, and devoured it. I'm so happy that I saw this vid. I'm subbing. There's nothing wrong for wanting a girl ONLY for a relationship. Just how it isnt wrong to want a boy only for a friend.
I unintentionally did end the free-boyfriend trail method, we didn't spoken for while after that. Neither did she bother to contact me after that. It ended up with a block from her. After I tried to reestablished friendly contact. It's that she didn't contact me at all. Like after giving her a final favor and ask her why she called for me? She didn't speak to me for weeks.
I disagree that it's okay to only want someone as a partner and not care as a friend. If you only love someone as a partner and not love them as the person they are no matter what you are to them then that's conditional and conditional love isn't real love.
When I say do "do not care as a friend," I don't mean that you shouldn't love them as the person they are. I mean to love them romantically and not platonically. Romantic partnership and friendship share many of the same qualities but differ in some was as well
I deployed the free trial boyfriend method on a girl this winter. Kept being frank with her about this only being a friendship but treated her like a boyfriend would. She liked it but also it affected her when I resorted to acting just like a friend. Her being just out of a long time crush on a boy certainly didn't help the mood swings I gave her. She didn't want a boyfriend, and she didn't want me to stop acting like one. Ultimately she felt let down, the free trial boyfriend method led her to fall in an even worse state than before. Please, do not actually take this for real as it messes the other person up
She doesn't want a boyfriend right? Then she shouldn't be so bothered about the fact that you stopped treating her like one. You gave her what she wanted. You give what you get.
@@nikoyaps perhaps that’s what’s she wanted but was too uncomfortable or had such a bad experience that she couldn’t push herself to do that and then started projecting her frustration with herself on him.
@@nikoyaps she felt let down because this is literally manipulation!!! having someone who you can rely on and trust then they just start acting like they don’t care as much anymore before going back to how they were acting before is emotionally exhausting!!!! even if she didn’t want a boyfriend doesn’t mean she didn’t want someone to trust, be bestfriends with, etc. i know if i guy did that to me i’d be so emotionally exhausted because one minute they seem to get along with me really well then they start acting like acquaintances, it makes it look like they don’t like you anymore after creating a good bond. (sorry if that was repetitive/long)
There was a similar case with me, at the moment we have been dating for 3 months, but we met 5 years ago at her middleschool graduation (she is currently 22 and I recently turned 21). She had a long relationship (7 or 8 years) until the end of last year (2023) and ended up breaking up with the boy who was actually my friend, yes, detail that he WAS my friend, he isn't anymore for some reasons, but that's beside the point. When we started talking this year, which was at the end of January, we had no plans of hooking up or dating, we made that clear to each other... but then a big question came, we went out and we felt really good in each other's presence, which is a great thing, we ended up kissing on that first date and went out a few more times until she had to travel to finish college. During our outings she told me about a guy who had been her friend for a long time and who was her ultimate crush, that always got me off the hook, even if we didn't have anything yet, because think with me, whoever talks to a girl HAVING interest on her and are cool when she comments about another guy? basically at that time I was in the friendzone because guess what? She started going out with this guy and even kissed him, yeah, I found out about it from her, I decided to keep talking to her because she's a good person, but when I mentioned it to friends and some colleagues at work , they had negative reactions immediately, because imagine being flirting with a guy (me) and kissing another, the people I mentioned this said not to send her any more messages, so at that moment I was thoughtful, because imagine this whole situation, it really was "easier" to have given up, but I wanted to continue just because she's a good person. In the end, everything is going well so far, as time passes, I come from time to time to update this comment, I gave a general summary, so that's it, at the moment we are dating and everything is fine (I hope it continues).
@@zkdragonvn6002 This is so bad, man, I can't even imagine what it must be like... I hope everything continues to be well and that you are also doing well.
If its difficult to understand, heres what hes saying Don't treat her like a partner, treat her like a friend. You dont need to go no-contact or start hating her or go Tate mode, its simply that they dont get the partner package without the commitment. Theres nothing wrong with being friends anyway if thats what you both prefer. But they dont get the partner attention without the partner commitment
I think ,,I wish I had a boyfriend like you, but not you" means you're just ugly/short. What other reason would she have to say that to you instead of becoming your girlfriend? If your story is not a personal experience, I'm not sure I will be able to believe it works Edit: I watched the whole video. I take what I said back
While I may not agree with all the terms and actions niko has put forward, it is still far from being manipulative and toxic. You have to remember, if you are with someone 100% of the time with late night talks, constant messaging and going out, you eventually cross into deeper territory. As, normally, with friends, you will most likely start talking about more mature topics, as in relationships, corny flirty jokes and more stuff that resembles a romantic relationship. Once you confess to that person, the relationship dynamic immediately takes a turn, no matter the answer. If they say "no", corny flirts, sensitive 18+ topics are out of discussion and all the other stuff get's slowly thrown out of the window. In the beginning it will be like nothing changed, but it will slowly start getting awkward. Who wants to discuss 18+ stuff with someone when know they like them, but they don't reciprocate that feeling? Eventually, the atmosphere becomes different, naturally, because, despite you wanting to leave your feelings aside and continue as normal, they know what you felt and don't feel comfortable. And since you can't continue the discussions you were so used to having while friends, it's harder to continue being friends. You start drifting apart slowly due to lack of interest in either party and the cycle repeats with the next person. Now, if they say "yes", you hit the jackpot. My advice to that would be to keep it the same. They like you because they know you. If you try to push for things quickly when nobody is ready, you lose no matter what. If you also push for stuff way too quickly, despite both parties feeling ready, a burnout is imminent. On the other side, if you take things way too slowly, the other person feels awkward, since you aren't on the same page. Even correcting it will cause some problems in the mid term, since the beginning of any relationship is the most crucial one. Relationships are a delicate thing, much more than we give credit for. Losing a potential partner, or a long lived frienship is more common than people assume. And it's normal. People change, and so do we. We have to adapt to change, learn from our mistakes, remember our rights and move on.
i understand all of this, trust me. But, that being said, the problem with this method is that now melissa is going to be your gf only as a way to try to keep all the attention and other aspects of a best friend. basically, she's doing it for selfish reasons or at the very best, it's a relationship of needs and not wants.
I havent gone through the video but i do agree with the initial sentiment with a bit of a caveat. Make sure you CAN be friends with someone you want to pursue romantically. If you can't normally hang out with who you're trying to date, the relationship will run dry rather quickly.
Yeah I pretty much agree with this like if you never shoot your shot or make it clear that's what you're doing you can't really expect someone to interpret it that way.
Sees a video saying the friend zone isn't real "This is great, a video talking about how the friend zone is usually a tool used by men to blame women for not being in a relationship with them and acting like their wants and desires are irrelevant because they owe them something due to their romantic feelings" The video: emotionally manipulate your friend, don't see her as a human being and completely disregard her desires. No doesn't mean no, it just means try harder. Play weird mind games. Me: god dammit.
Find a woman who actively wants a relationship and has similar values to you and is looking for something similar. You'll likely have way more success. Turning friendships into relationships can work, but it has to organically happen. Also, you'd be surprised how refreshing it is to many women to hear your intentions up front.
Completely true as I'm not willing to spend time and money and effort to get nothing in return from people who don’t have the same level of interest as I do in them
Tldr just move on. I see why people are saying this is manipulative since you called it a “method” and you’re only distancing yourself to make her jealous. If you just purse other girls then you’ll genuinely have less time for the original girl you were interested in since you’ll be going on dates and stuff like that and you might find a girl better than her. I feel like this is a better and more genuine approach than trying to make her jealous.
I am a male hairstylist. I am around mostly women all day. Here is the truth, if you are attractive to them your not a creep, if your not you are. They prefer the tough bad boys. this never changes. they settle for the nice guy when they want to have kids or need someone to support them and thier kids. Be honest and direct. do not play games, when you asked them out; say i'd like to take you on a date. it already shows them what you want. its and interview for both of you. decide how much you are willing to compromise on and what you wont before you even ask an other person out. focus on yourself. your friends (remember friends either pay for themselves or they pay everyother time.) set your boundaries and stick to them. make yourself desireable, have hobby, be physically in shape. have friends (you do not need a lot of fake people. but real friends) do not just date one person till you are ready to commit. because the other person isn't. Most of the women and older teens date more than one guy until they are ready to commit. but most importantly be honest. If you want to date someone tell them that. if they want to be just friends and you don't be honest. and be prepared to walk away. because that might be the only option you have. that's also a good rule with friends, set your boundaries and if they constantly cross those lines, walk away from them as well.
It’s also possible the person of interest just doesn’t find you as someone who they’d be attracted to in a girlfriend or boyfriend relationship. Sure, you could rework your entire frame of being to gamble on the chance that you somehow manage to become that person they’d want, but at the end of the day it’s not worth it and too exhausting as opposed to finding someone who finds you attractive for who you are as relationship material for them. It’s all too often the people who we’re interested in we call ‘friends’ aren’t even that great of friends to begin with. Unless you’ve been hanging out with them for years like a childhood friend it’s probably always just been an acquaintanceship that you imagined was going to turn into a blossoming relationship, but in reality they just aren’t interested in that way.
3:42 to fix this issue: be upfront with the next girl you like and tell her that you like her and like to pursue her as a romantic partner (don’t say exactly that) but the point is saying that upfront means you cut through all the confusion. So, instead of “confessing your love” years into knowing a girl you have to say that at the beginning of you knowing her
Hay Niko! I love your video so so much. They are in depth and I can see that you put effort in there. You are giving us very solid advices that nobody else have ever gives me. Please keep going! You are like my cyber best friend now. Thank you!
Cant help but think is manipulation, or atleast how you approach it. Of you approach people, make new friends, attend more activities just in the goal of her coming back then that is manipulation
I never had an issue with friendzone. I did get "friendzoned" once but guess what? I moved on and we're still good friends because I want them in my life and at the end of the day having them in any way is way better than being delusional and/or burning bridges as a result. Appreciate your friends. love your friends. This will lead you to being happy despite not being in a relationship. Having close and reliable friends is just as important as family or partners. And if you really love someone, you want to be on good terms with them.
At 17:00, this man is describing my young adult life. I got over it in like, minutes, but damn, it did hurt when the girl spent so much time with her boyfriend and none with the guy who was always there for her, no matter what.
Per usual most people still don't get what niko is saying 😂and still hold unto these fantasy ideas that were placed into them. But to the people who can actually listen and look at things from a logical perspective or at least a different perspective can understand what he is saying. W niko once again, literally never missed with a point
To be fair, in this particular video I think the people disagreeing so far with actual points are valid. The things I discuss and advise here can be harmful to a friendship and a person if not treated with caution. I welcome the disagreements, I am not immune to being wrong or having an invalid opinion. Maybe someone might even change my mind about this.
@@nikoyaps Yeah I think some of what people said who disagreed made sense. But I feel like they either don't understand what you were saying or don't really understand what a friend is. I'm glad you have an open mind but I just can't see how establishing something for what it is, is manipulation. But pretending to be a platonic friend and actively trying to make another person believe you DON'T have feelings isn't manipulation. If what you presented was ruining a friendship, how so? How can a friendship be made up of one person who is s3xually attracted to the other. You aren't ruining a friendship, because the friendship isn't there. The only way a friendship can be a established in that scenario is if the guy or girl oses interest and genuinely sees the girl or guy as a friend. The dictionary defines a friend as a mond exclusive of sexual attraction. No friendship, if one or both like each other. It is impossible.
This is long asl but I think this is a very important topic, and I don't like people painting your view in a bad light like saying it is "manipulative" when it just objectively isn't that
Actually yeah much of this advice is up to interpretation, and I interpreted it as, “If someone doesn’t like you, treat them worse until they’re pissed but miss you”.
@@Electricc__might not be “manipulation” but its still fucked and makes u come off petty imo
@@sumtinqueso5790my interpretation is treat them on how they want to be treated, they want u as a friend? just be a friend, as their significant other? treat them like that
Man if you have to play all of these games she's just not worth it bro. Just confess your feelings and if she doesn't feel the same way it saves you a LOT of time and stress and gives you proper closure.
you're right
is it that she’s not worth it or that she just doesn’t want you?
@@yurrrr2005 You missed the point. What I'm getting at is a woman who doesn't want you is in fact not worth the effort. A woman who genuinely wants you will be easy to talk to, will find time in her schedule to be able to spend time with you, and will be generally flirtatious/playful or at least open and reciprocal to such advances. If you have to play all of these games it's just going to be a lot of stress and mental gymnastics which are just a massive waste of time and effort.
@@GigaNietzsche ohh okay, i see your point. but i still think it was a poor choice of words, because if you did persist a woman who was disinterested and didn’t want you, you’d just be a weird creep
edit: my point is that it’s not a matter of “is it worth it” when persisting someone who doesn’t like you back.
@@yurrrr2005 No it's a perfectly fine choice of words you're just overthinking it, nitpicking, and overcomplicating things. The context of this discussion is how guys will try to "Navigate the friendzone" in hopes that one day she will recognize that you've been a solid guy and give you a chance. My point is simply that it's an awful strategy which will lead to your time and energy being wasted.
When life gives you Niko, listen up
Niko is love
Niko is life
Real
Came for the gameplay stayed for the advice
@@Rogue-ln4gy same
Hey @niko it's roman. Let's go bowling
This can work sometimes but ultimately its better to not play games and just talk to other people, focus on yourself and put time and effort into someone who wants you back initially
Yeah, I usually like his advice but this seems manipulative.
yea
” If you chase a butterfly it’ll eventually get away, but if you build a garden all the butterflys will come to you.”
I think although the idea behind his advice is kind of misguided, it is still a good thing to do.
I mean, once you put yourself in the friendzone (you confess, other person wants to just be friends) you do have to make a choice. Are you willing to keep being their friend or are you unable to do so?
Your decisions then should be focusing squarely on you, but either way you should accept that the relationship you wanted will not happen. Moving on from that is not easy, but entertaining the thoughts that you may end up changing their mind somehow will be costing you more time and headache in the long run.
@@sumtinqueso5790well he's human after all; he still got those up and down sides
This is called playing mind games. Which is a horrible foundation for a relationship. If someone doesn’t want you, they don’t want you. Find someone else, you could even keep your friend if you want. If they see you searching for other people and they decide they DO want a relationship then that’s nice. Don’t try and manufacture their jealousy. Chase after someone with intention and not as a puzzle piece as for some “get the girl” master plan.
Exactly this.
Love niko and i trust that he has good intentions, wanting to help people with good advice but this advice is presented in the bad way
Yes, do all that he said, choose yourself but not because you want to manipulate them to want you but because it's healthy
It entirely defeats the purpose of choosing yourself if you're still doing it to win someone over
I believe niko just presented it wrong but you put it nicely, thank you
The “friend zone” is real until it isn’t. It’s a thing until you stop entertaining them after you know they’re not interested, and go focus on yourself. And when you pop back up looking/feeling the best you ever have, and not worrying about them anymore, then the friend zone will suddenly disappear lol. Nothing beats the friend zone like time and appearance does.
time and disappearance
@@snorttroll4379 both lol. Disappearance for them to miss you, and appearance for them to be shocked when you pop up again.
you summed this up perfectly, I don't see not even one flaw in your explanation.
My best Relationship (up to now) started as a friendship. We never even intentionally shared romantic stuff. But the evening I wanted to confess to her, she was faster to confess to me xD.
Even now that the relationship already ended some years ago, we are just best friends again. And we are both very happy about that we are still so close.
this is so sweet ❤
the good ending
And that is how it should be. I never understood why some people believe that you can't start a relationship with a friend. Like, are you supposed to date a total stranger, rather than someone who you know and share interests with? In my opinion, your partner should be your best friend, not only a "sexual desire" (as relationships are often viewed now). People got this whole thing twisted
@@hekii1 keep in mind that they were interested in each other brother, and not all people have this luck
@@zerouxd7365 i mean that's what a relationship starts with, mutual interest. Without it, there is no "relationship", even if you might get together with said person, it will always be one sided.
People need to realize that having a friend is still nice
its not nice that that isnt what u really wanted
if it wasnt your interest, you shouldnt force yourself to stay friends
Also a “friendzone” friend isn’t the same as a normal friend 90% of the time, they are calling you a friend because they don’t want to say no, a lot of the time they won’t hang out with you or let you open up / act like a real friend. So it’s not worth it, unless they actually act like a friend and try to hear you out, spend time with you, support and have fun.
@@kelechi_77 well that’s totally on them then
For a lot of people it's much worse to be friends with someone when they want more, than just ending the friendship.
They simply can't emotionally detach, and it's very difficult for them to pursue relationship with someone else, while they're still "friends".
13:37 "why is mike not talking to me that much anymore, oh he's talking this bitch Alyssa."
As someone named michael who dated an alyssa wtf
BAAHAHAHAH
lmao
he is in your walls
I mean the timestamp is 1337
LOL
Hii I’m a girl and love your channel but I don’t think this information is completely right 😭 and this may be long but I think a lot of people might benefit from knowing this.
Yes it is possible to have this outcome BUT mostly that’s not the case. If you suddenly start treating a girl differently cuz they didn’t want to be in a relationship with you, a lot of us are weirdly put off. It hurts cuz this person only wanted us for a relationship and we lost a friend and that sucks, but we move on. It won’t lead to a relationship. There is a case however as u described, some girls start seeing it as an ego play. You become a quest, and they want your attention back cuz they liked having the control over you and now they dont. So they’ll pursue u, and now they MIGHT get into a relationship with you, but as soon as that happens, they might lose interest just as fast as they got it. The quest is complete and they didn’t really like you for you, otherwise they’d date you early on. The relationship will turn toxic.
The only way to TRULY get out of the friendzone and make them like you for you, is to continue being normal with them. Don’t expect much, pursue other romantic interests as well, don’t rely on their reciprocation. Don’t act like their boyfriends ofc and focus on your life too. Treat them like a normal friend. They might just fall for how you are as a person. However, it’s not guaranteed cuz they just might not and that’s okay. Forcing a connection means there was never going to be a connection anyways. Take care guys and good luck!
Well, i feel like if I don’t do anything, then nothing will happen at all. She’s contempt with herself, doesn’t talk to anyone, doesn’t want to either. She doesn’t want friends. She talks to me tho, although I have to initiate anything and everything 99% of the time.
I disagree. If you continue being normal with a girl who put you in the friend zone it communicates that you’re okay with a platonic relationship. If you wanna date someone and they dont wanna date you, you should just leave. It’s not an ego thing but a self respect thing; don’t give your time to people who don’t have the same level of interest as you do in them
This is a fair point, when the conquest "ends" the relationship can end as well. There is never a guarantee that if you get the person that you'll be able to keep them. It's sort of a high risk high reward situation. But as you can see you are also confirming a lot of what I'm saying. Throughout the video I use the word "might" because there is no guarantee that any of this will work.
I somewhat agree with your second paragraph. If you go the normal friend route and pursue other romantic interests the friend can also start to see you as more of a romantic interest as well. But this still requires a change in the dynamics in the first place. It requires for you to change how you go about creating a connection because clearly the original way is not working. And if no connection happens, then of course move on. Thanks for your comment!
@@the_lord7961That’s correct! I didn’t say that you have to continue being friendly with them and it’ll be a guarantee that they’d like you. Ofc it would communicate u want them as a friend but humans are naturally just assessing possible mates. So if they are in your life as a friend, they might assess you as a potential partner at one point. Ofc it’s not a guarantee but maybe they’re down and upset and you have this quality of being there for ur friends. She WILL notice that at one point and think “okay, he’s so caring and he expects nothing back, what a gentleman tbh, he’s just genuinely nice”. Like u get what Im saying? Ofc there could be a possibility that she’d assess u and think, Hmm nah not my type still. But this is the most probable way of getting out of there once ur in. Ofc it’s best to not get into it in the first place and throw around flirty remarks here and there but once uve already established the friend status, u have to either confess or just continue being a friend and hope for the best but u never know if it’ll turn out the way u want it to.
@@iDrippyTkHmm seems like that’s her personality type. I don’t think you’d ever know what she truly feels unless you confess but it could risk losing the friendship. She doesn’t seem all that interested but maybe that’s just who she is, she just doesn’t like initiating. And if that’s the case, then she’d probably not confess either.
Real talk. As a girl I genuinely hope no one ever tries this shit on me holy fuck
Im a guy and this advice aint it
*it WILL happen.*
Dont try and be friends with guys,i wouldnt even want my daughter to have guy friends
Im not gonna play these games. I dont wanna compete with other men for a girl. A girl will come to you, just stay strong men
No she will not unless you're an extremely high value man. Truth hurts.
@@IamMortui being extremely high value sometimes makes it harder.
@@megahasbeentakenanims Wrong in every way. There is no situation where the "negatives" outweigh the positives of being high value. If it does, then you can just get another option.
"I dont wanna compete with other men for a girl" With that attitude, yes, she will come to you once she is 35 and had 5 other relationships with the guys who did wanna compete. Then she will settle for you.
@@julius43461 it doesnt have to be just her. There are other girls out there. I would advise u to date multiple of them. But remember, always be kind. There are less kind hearted women these days as they are men. If u are a kind person, u should choose wisely. Just choose someone u can have a laugh with. Life’s simple.
This advice can get you into the worst relaionships, based only on fear and insecurities.
Actual attraction is very obvious and doesn't increase with time. Its just hard to know this if you have never seen it.
Yeah the story he described doesn't sound like a beginning of a great healthy relationship, if I heard this story from a friend I'd be like "yea they breaking up soon"
After you confess your feelings and if they reject you, I see no point in trying anymore because they're never going to unconditionally care for you. They made it clear that they just want your validation or presents without any responsibilities of a relationship
true
usually i agree with a lot of your takes, but 9/10 times this is not going to work at all, either youll lose a friend, or get into a probably very toxic relationship because its completely built on manipulation lol
So true
oml somebody who also sees this as blatant manipulation lol
This isn't manipulation, people wanna throw that around where it doesn't make sense. All he's suggesting is you limit your interactions with the person since they dont see you the same way. Through the time apart they'll either realize they actually like you or realize they don't like you like that. Giving space in a frienship to let feelings settle isn't manipulation. Especially if the person already knows you loke them.
Actual manipulation would be planting seeds in their mind where they think of you as more than a friend. Matter of fact if we're just throwing the word manipulation around, flirting can be labeled as a form of acceptable manipulation.
I have to disagree because manipulation doesn't include telling someone the truth or intentions to why they are being treated the way they are. You shouldn't treat someone like that if they don't mean that much to you. It sounds like you just know what you want and won't just be the "mice" guy
Nice*
Out of respect for yourself, her, her future partner, just move on.
fr
“All according to plan” ahh advice
But seriously the more you think about this, the more sick it seems to treat is as a game and “plan your next move”
Isn't that how dating works?
@@daeve915 not always
real as a girl this is like nightmare fuel to me
@@TeenWithACarrotIDK if you don't treat it like that you're going to get shafted consistently
As someone who was in this situation, where my friend wanted to date me and i said he was just my meme dealer friend, this video is half accurate. A lot of people who reject someone, wont really care what they do with their lives and who they do it with (so long as they aren't going down a shitty life route, its normal to care about a friends wellbeing). Yuh some girls will get jealous when you leave them behind but also, some just wont care. This is a really good video, men and people of other genders SHOULD put themselves out there and improve themselves when faced with rejection BUT this shouldn't be done with the person who rejected you in mind. Making a play to better yourself at a visible distance from someone who rejected you, just to try and get them attracted to you DOES make you seem like an ass tbf. It also means, you haven't taken the rejection well and you're loosely clinging onto the fact that maybe you could turn that person around.
Simply put... self improvement to help you get over that wall is great! Self improvement to be in hopes to manipulate that wall like butter towards your goal is not so great. Get over the wall to fulfil YOURSELF! Not to manipulate
boyzz listen to this man, he knows what he is talking abt
This is actually game
"You don't want them as a friend, you want them as a girlfriend"
Your partner is meant to be your best friend. You literally can't spell "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" without "friend". That kind of sentence is what leads to abusive relationships. The best way for you to get a relationship to happen is literally just be as active in their life as you would be in the life of any of your friends, and let a connection form naturally.
Also, the idea of "giving them the boy/girlfriend treatment when they don't deserve it" is dumb. You should always listen to your friends' problems and be there for them when they need you, just as they should do the same to you. What do you think a friend is?
Obviously there are overlaps between friends and romantic partners, as you said it's in the name. But still there is a major difference and as such they should be treated differently. Also they don't have to be your "best friend" and in many cases nor should they be. It's good to have certain people fulfil certain needs that others don't/ There are many cases where the friend role is not always met in the way you need by your romantic partner.
Regardless. what I meant by that statement is that you need to be in the mindset of adressing this person in more romantic rather than platonic ways.
that might work on disney channel, but we live in the the real world. You literally can't be friends with someone you are sexually attracted to because that isn't platonic. A platonic relationship is literally the definition of a friendship. So it is either two people pretending not to like each other, one person pretending they don't like the other person, or worst case both knowing one of them likes the other but they both pretend to be friends. Which benefits the girl 99% of the time more than the guy, niko is showing guys how to be smart with women. It isn't manipulation, it is going about relationships in a way you actually get what you want instead of doing a pretend act 24/7 while also giving away your time.
@@nikoyaps I agree, there's nothing wrong with admiring someone in a romantic way, but you can't genuinely want someone to be your partner for life without an underlying want to have them around, romantic or not. If you would drop someone you're romantically interested in out of your life if they don't reciprocate your feelings, would you really want to be with them forever?
Ideally, a romantic partnership is a friendship, the most solid friendship you can have. It's one where you two are guaranteed to never leave each other and feel comfortable being the most vulnerable and affectionate versions of yourselves around each other. If you value other relationships above your relationship with your supposed partner, they aren't going to be your partner for long. So, yes, they should be your *best* friend (though since there's a difference between that and your best non-romantic friend, we assign them the label of "partner").
Very basically, you should treat your partner just the same as you would treat your platonic friends, but more.
@@Nitrolord I agree and disagree with some of your points here but we don't have to agree in every way. I appreciate the conversation!
I mean... 'giving them the ... when they don't deserve it' makes perfect sense. There still is a significant abyss from how much time you'd invest into a friend than what you'd do to a potential partner. If you feel like you're trying too hard and not getting what you want (them acknowledging that you are their exclusive partner and that what you two share is special, as opposed to simple friend/acquaintance status), then pulling your investment back is perfectly logical.
See it like this: you asked them out, they said no. You moved on.
Maybe you didn't move on completely, and are still expecting some reaction from them (as it was described in this video, where he prefers to show that he isn't to be dragged around by their needs and whims if they aren't committed... and who would, honestly? If I am single, and I have to bear to listen a woman complaining about her boyfriends... isn't that just torture?), but you should really start looking at alternative options if the one you have outright refused you.
Interesting video, tho it does feel like glazing at that point. Respect people opinion if they dont like you, you cant force it.
Fair, if you still are getting a negative response, then move on
I like the reassurance of "it's fine if you like someone romantically but not as a friend" and the advice to flirt with more women to improve your skills but the way you present the "free trial boyfriend" strategy makes it seem pretty manipulative. I feel hurt when others play with my feelings when they mean good, and i wouldn't do that to someone else, especially not someone im interested in. Good video, but i don't agree with this advice
Yeah when he brought up the "free trial boyfriend" thing I was veeeery skeptical about what he was saying. I don't think he has a bad or malicious intent with what he is saying but I couldn't help but feel like when he was saying stuff like 5:27 "'why can't it just be me?' well it can just be you, okay [...] but in order for it to be you, you have to employ what I like to call: the free trial boyfriend method," that something was amiss and hearing that just gave me huge "how to get a woman in 10 days" grifter red flags.
I don't think that's what this guy was trying to do at all but I feel there's something he's saying that is not a good thing and if I analyze it I will surely find it. I feel self conscious about this stuff actually, RUclipsrs rattling off their opinions, because I used to be the kind of person who would just listen to RUclipsrs spout their thoughts without really analyzing it but in doing so I would soak up whatever beliefs or ideas they were spouting and then I would be the next to go off and spout dumb to maybe even dangerous shit without knowing.
I'm glad to have had friends that helped me realize some of the crazy shit I was saying and taking in and now I kind of fixate on analyzing what I and others say as to not make the same mistake again, here's hoping. No shade to Niko but when he was spouting all this off I couldn't help but feel like, "I've heard this bullsh*t before! I don't know where but I have!."
I haven't gotten through all of the video yet and it's like I agree with some points but after that "free trial boyfriend method" thing I'm kinda on high alert and hopefully I can spend time thinking and analyzing and hopefully even vocalize whatever it is that concerns me with what is being said.
One thing that's really nagging at me is the stuff he says here at: 6:26, "but she doesn't want to date you she just likes having that attention, she just likes having a person who she can just, have at her disposal whenever she wants." Is that it assumes a persons motives.
I cannot put into words why assuming a person or persons motives is wrong, I'm more of a visual thinker, but when I think of assuming a persons motives I just see an inverted magnifying glass... as if in trying to understand something more by assuming you fixate on all of the wrong ideas and take the wrong conclusions from the things that you can see and even if these crazy conclusions were true what good does that do you?
I was watching a Lucid stream a while ago and another guest RUclipsr who I also watch, WheezyTF2, was just spouting some crazy fucking Andrew Tate shit about how women date based on money or that having a lot of money makes getting women easier or some shit and saying shit like "it's biological that women seek men for resources," and everyone on that stream was just like "woah woah woah!" I don't think Wheezy understood or meant what he said because when Lucid was confronting him on this like, "what do you mean by this? How do you know this?" Shit like that, Wheezy realized that he had no real basis on what he was saying other than that's just what other people on the fucking internet were saying and basically retracted all that he said.
I can't find the words for what exactly is wrong at the heart with this assuming motives thing but I can see the result, baseless accusations that even if they had some sort of kernel of truth these ideas point into a direction that encourages bad ideas and bad actions so why invite these ideas in when they have an undercurrent of badness? If it _really_ is true that "it's biological that women seek men for resources" how does that help? Often it seems that idea promotes treating women as items even if the people saying it don't realize that. It's crazy man the shit we say without realizing it. I hope to god I am aware of my dumb shit ideas lol.
That's what I'm saying
I think I just realized what it is about this video and its "advice" that rubs me the wrong way. I was perusing through the comments and I saw one comment where part of it read as follows: "In my experience girls don’t fall for guys bc they’re 'nice' to them." This was in response to a comment where part of it read this: "The only way to TRULY get out of the friendzone and make them like you for you, is to continue being normal with them."
What I think is bothering me with this video is how it perpetuates an implicit idea that _you're supposed to date me._ I don't think that's what Niko and the commenter I quoted is saying consciously but subconsciously I think there's something going on there. And I know I made a whole stink about not assuming peoples motives but I cannot help but think when people bring up how "nice" they are to women that they feel owed that persons affection. And with this video too talking about the "free trial boyfriend..." _hOw YoU cAn GeT a GiRl In 3 tO 5 BuSiNeSs DaYs!_ I feel that there's an underlying, even if unintentional, message of being owed a persons affection. I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy and reading too much into things.
some of it did feel a little master male manipulator kinda business yeah...
this just sounds like manipulation
how
its technically not, as SHE or HE rejected you, which means she or he doesn't really want you/need you.
@@AghziSo why try to get them to like you if they don't, it won't work and would just make things worse. Drop trying to change how they feel and move on, try to talk to other people and make friends with new people and you might end up liking someone else. You don't have to be friends with that person anymore and it ultimately depends on if you want to or not. Moving on is hard and I've been there but trying desperately doesn't help make things better because if they only view you as a friend then it's most likely not going to change.
@@vietanh266lmao yea thats what im saying, maybe i was vague, my bad
@@Aghzi oh well it's alright
Idk man. If I would use this method I would feel like a psychopath. I would never see it as an option to play a crazy game like that to gain a relationship. If uk what I mean. If i would be a girl is this case and that happens to me I would feel very betrayed and would never ever again see him as an option for a relationship bc I don't wanna be with a person in a relationship that has such a mindset like going to such length to play a ''psycho-game'' to get what they want. But I mean ikd no one has figured it out ig. if u wanna go with that method go ahead but be aware that things can also go incredibly wrong.
i agree with this comment it seems very manipulative, It just depends on the personality of both sides to be honest, me personally in my current relationship we spent a few months as friends with the relation slowly turning into less and less * friends * convos and such, id personally move on if i had to deal with a * friendzone * relation and be honest to her telling her i would have wished for more but i do not wish to continue a friendship if she declined.
Yes, I agree
yeah, i just put this video in the background then i hear some crazy manipulation tactics. And its crazy cause there actually ARE some manipulation tactics that resemble this. Give someone good treatment then ghost them, then treat them good again, and repeat the cycle. Its a way to make someone depend on you.
I agree, man and woman should work together or just tell the truth from the get go😊
I agree. Maybe to a certain extent its ok but only very little. It would just feel like im treating a woman as an object or an achievement
This reminds me of another similar manipulative tactic that employs the forbidden fruit effect. the more you make it seem like they can't have you, the more they want you. I noticed a few aspects of it in this method as well, although the one it reminds me of is for pre proposition, they have no idea you have feelings, thats when the forbidden fruit effect works its magic.
If you use this tactic I hope you end up alone and you probably will.
Pls pls pls do not take this information to heart guys!! No means no!!! You only need to be told once... then LEAVE it! This is a really really dangerous video and it's absolutely not how real life relationships work!! Romantic or otherwise. Niko is usually chill like that but this is NOT it.
He's right in saying that the friend zone isn't real. There is no friend "zone" - you either respect each other, or you don't. You can't have this one-sided interest where you're plotting and scheming to try and "win them over". It's not good for your OWN mental health, let alone the connections your going to end up burning away in the process.
Stay away from echo-chamber, chronically online relationship talk like this! Particularly ones that focus heavily on baseless hypothetical scenarios where the subject acts exactly how this person needs them to in order for their "strategy" to work. Tips and anecdotes are helpful, but not everyone is right all the time. (This applies to me too)
This isn't hate, and maybe Niko is pulling from genuine real-life experience, but to anyone who is thinking of taking this on-board, I just recommend otherwise.
Explicit, truthful, abundant communication is VITAL to a working, healthy relationship. And no means no! Get over it or let it go. Keep it simple, life is hard enough, and games are exhausting.
It's good to see a lot of other comments also challenging this video in a respectful way. Good stuff.
He literally just said to not be friends with someone you never really saw as just a friend. I think the one chronically online is you bro
I understand your point niko but not everybody is this way at all and many people would see this as being manipulative, It depends on peoples personality and mind games after being declined are honestly not worth it and can be seen as extremely manipulative to the point you might just have your reputation with the people you know go downhill, Id just rather slowly try turn it into a less friendly relationship from the start after we learn things about each other, if you get declined it is not the end of the world, this comment is all my opinion however and anyone can do it how they wish
Hello pczm
@@hallrules Hello
Here’s another thing that’s very important, preceding all of this: *a relationship created in loneliness is always doomed to fail.*
If you can’t love yourself first, there’s nothing a relationship can do to actually make yourself feel better. This goes for both people. Get comfortable being single and spending time on yourself FOR YOU. You’ll know when the time is right to engage with others.
yeah no thats not how it works
@@Seinsmelledgotta side with you on this one. Sitting down twirling your fingers wont get you anything. This delusion about "when the time is right" *will make you single for life.*
@@Seinsmelled elaborate
Not op but while the advice above is true to some extent its completely dismissive of how it feels to be single. Especially when everyone around you is getting into relationships. Loneliness sucks but even if you focus on yourself you're still looking at hypotheticals. You're doing something in the hope that someone notices you. Essentially what you're suggesting is a vortex of failure.
as a girl, if i guy did that to me i’d be super uncomfortable. this is literally a manipulation tactic
Don't listen to this guy. He is obviously a person who spouts nonsense. And he probably hasn't done any of the things he says to do
started talking to this girl, i start walking her home after some weeks, we talked daily, waved to each other as we walked passed and stuff, confessed to her a month later, immediately says she likes me back. the day before i was going to give her this hand wrote 1500 word letter that went over my best memories with her and eventually asked her to be my gf, she starts straight out ignoring me without me having a clue why. this carries on for a week or two. i confront her asking did something happen? and she says um can we just be friends? me being a gentlemen i say yeah sure because what she said basically translates to i never want to speak to you again, which is what happened. anyway, a week after she 'friendzoned' me she starts dating this other guy. and according to her best friend I was the one taking things too fast. moral of the story dont date in highschool, confess sure, then just live your life. sorry for the yap
That sounds like she was sort of put off by the whole concept of a relationship, and the best friend stuff is just the consequence of her being hurt by the whole thing. I know she was ultimately the one that decided to end the friendship here, but it will have hurt a bit too. So that "taking things too fast" thing sounds empty considering she quite literally agreed. Don't take it to heart.
@@FloxyCola yeah i wont, thanks man.
What were you doing that was considered to fast
@@kurosade3623 i know very little from her side but it was like this one thing 💀. me, her and her best friend were hanging out at lunch and her best friend started teasing us and was like 'do you think shes cute?' and i just said 'yeah' and apparently that was taking things too fast. all my friends say that I DID NOT take things too fast at all throughout our entire relationship. in fact i probably took it much slower than normal (never asked for her phone number and talked for about 20 minutes a day irl).
til this day i still dont know why she started randomly ignoring me. anyway its fine ive moved on and since she started dating someone a WEEEK after our entire 'situation' it proves how little i meant to her in the first place. ive also found out through some friends that have been observing her that she not much of a prize to date yk (gossipping, shit talking students and teachers, fake personality ect).
The thing that happened to me was that I was way too fucking dense. So dense in fact that she was already my best friend when I realized that "oh shit, I like this girl more than just a friend." So when I confessed, she said that she can only see me as a friend and that really hurt me. Not knowing my own intentions permanently hurt my relationship with this girl, we talked less frequently and now I feel like we drifted apart. I do still think that we are friends, but I just fucked up our entire relationship by confessing when I was already one of her best friends.
As a girl the “friendzone” is bs like seriously id much rather date my bestie (and i am lmfao). Anytime a friendship where they admitted to me that they liked me while i was single i did rethink it even if i did reject them, even finding feelings for them because i saw them in that new light. Rejection isn’t the end persay just the ball is no longer in your court but the other persons. Also try not to force anything cuz attraction wont happen randomly so maybe try not to manipulate yknow? 😭
this is just gonna drain the hell out of you if you don't grow up and take no as an answer
Your advice is great for many scenarios, but I keep telling myself, "I'd rather have her as a friend than not have her in my life." I mean, 4 years of friendship isn't something I want to just throw away accidentally. So what I'm doing now is kinda just meeting her in the middle. I no longer eagerly send messages, etc. I'm kinda just leaving the ball way over in her court.
That’s kind of what he’s saying..just don’t do the full boyfriend act..
I normally agree with alot of your videos, but i would have to disagree with alot of the points you made in this video. any good relationship, platonic or romantic ,is based on a certain level of trust and trying to play mind games with people by trying to make them jealous isnt going to build up trust between two people. Its going to hurt the relationship in the long run.
what do you suggest is the better method if you dont want her as a friend?
@@scegex6500 well if you get along I would presume that you could be friends with them but on the off chance you don't, just let them down lightly and say "hey I don't think this is gonna work out" and hopefully you guys can move on with your lives, trying to change someone's mind isn't gonna work in most cases
The friend zone is just a nice way of saying no.
So you just try emotionally manipulate your friend that not even interested in you... I really wonder if it ever worked for anyone. As a girl it just doesn't sound realistic. Maybe case I'm asexual. But I'm still romantic. Still tho this aloof/manipulation sounds quite weird. I still have no idea how you can be a romantic couple and NOT be friends. It's like wanting a burger without buns.. it's just a patty, it won't work.
If a guy I fancied started suddenly distancing from me saying he's not interested in being close I would just take it as it and forget about him. Idk
Also flirting with other people just to get your "partner's" attention... Isn't it the oldest lame trick? It's kinda gross. Anyways why risking loosing a friend that does not fancy you when you can always find someone else.. like for real. There still plenty of people that would reciprocate your feelings if you liked them I'm sure.
good take!
If they wont even endear the idea of a date if you’ve known each other for years and are good friends they simply aren’t even meant to be your future husband/wife anyways and you shouldn’t be chasing them
@@Noahvolex I'd rather spend MY YOUNG doing fun with a girl that actually likes me rather than wasting my time to pursue a love that's faster than me.
Niko you need more credit for this with this gold mine of advice. good advice to people that need help or guide people to a better life. I appreciate you Niko your the g.
found your channel today, and i loved it, keep it up man, i actaually did something similar to that method before so i really understand the idea
Good stuff, I talk about life and different life challenges in my channel
In one word, Manipulation
exactly
lol ig
Lol I was thinking the same
only if thats your intention
how?
this video should've been renamed to "how to socially manipulate somebody into dating you"
Right like how does he not see this is love bombing at its finest
I dont even have friend zone problems or anything but the title was just interesting
Why even bother wasting your time persuing relationships? I see this as a massive waste of time and potential danger. They will break your heart, waste your time, you'll be worrying about the other person. Such a headache. JUST DON'T DATE and problem solved.
I kind of feel you. I'm currently single but I don't purse anyone. If I find someone I vibe with that's gonna be awesome but also I don't need it to be happy. I can't imagine spending so much time on something I don't really need and when I see people constantly going on dates, constantly looking for someone it comes of as desperate.
@@eggi4443 I agree with you. Same here. Unfortunately biology made us social creatures and long periods of loneliness destroy our body. I had better moments while being alone, but I also had worse moments. I don't know how long will I be able to last being alone until I go crazy. Let me tell you this, it requires GIGANTIC amounts of discipline to force yourself to be alone, but also not go crazy and not fall into addictions. I'm talking about various forms of self pleasure. Right now I am unfortunately running out of that discipline and I fear I might go insane one day. This prolonged period of loneliness might just make me go nuts. We are not supposed to be alone for a long time and when we do bad things happen. So do you understand what I'm saying here?
@@EricBateman0 not being in a relationships doesn't mean you have to be lonely. I have a couple of really close friends that'd I'd die for and the only time when I feel lonely is when my depression gets worse (unrelated issues). relationships are a nice addition but it's definitely not gonna save you if your social circle isn't that good. one person won't fix your loneliness. at least that's how I feel, everyone is different
@@eggi4443 I believe you might be right. But I don't have friends. My one friend from college basically abandoned me because I wasn't treating him right, I believe that was the reason and my friends from middle school are just not worth it, they are snakes, liars, not to be trusted. So that leaves me alone. And a thick layer of hate towards people in general grows within me day by day and I can't help it. It's a coping mechanism. I understand what's happening to me, I am aware, but I cannot help that. I believe I will eventually become an "incel" which is a person who hates women because none of them want him. Hopefully that won't happen, but it's very likely to happen, so I'll try my best to resist that transition into a broken shell of my older self. But also the thing is, when I do have a chance to meet someone new, I don't want it. But at the same time I do feel lonely. Now I don't have an answer to that. It's a mystery to me. Why do I feel lonely and want people, but at the same time want to isolate myself and not be around people?
Bro, I was listening to you talking like a podcast, and I really appreciate what you're doing. It's like a chill Minecraft session with life talks. I love it. Keep it up!
Dude. The first 2 minutes helped me sooo much. Omg so eye opening for the last 7 years
I love how with each video we can see just how much you've progressed with the world. I can proudly say I've been here since the house was first being built.
Thanks nico. You’ve helped me alot recently, I’ve been struggling with my friends and some other stuff. Thanks.
I think this method you describe is a natural thing that happens when you do care deeply for someone and want that genuine connection. Eventually, you will expose your feelings and put down on the table what your intentions are. What is unnatural is living a life that is a lie to yourself. People tend to give advice of being "authentic", but the least authentic thing to do is to not show that side of yourself that yearns for love. Have fun, flirt, get into deep talks, be a bunch of goofy mfs, cringe, cry, support, shit talk, and care. However, don't sacrifice time with everything else for that person if they aren't willing to do the same for you. I currently have this type of problem already where there is a girl at work who is a complete goober, but I saw that insecure side and comforted her. She's smart, hilarious, bit of a tease, and tough. I usually come around her office and we look at memes, talk about books, grab coffee, talk shit, show art, etc. Basically, I gravitate towards her whenever I see her. The only problem why I haven't done nothing is because I know that if we were to get together: 1. Keep it hidden from the job for obvious reasons 2. Broke AF so can't do much (I work a bunch but gotta beat college debt :)
So, all I'm saying is if you have that opportunity to show that person what you truly feel without any anxiety from other outside factors, don't be afraid to do it. If they feel the same, you've won! If not, take the risk and employ Niko's method. If you feel like that method is too much of a gamble for losing someone you feel connected to, there is no shame in changing those feelings into a genuine friendship for life, but it would have to take work to do.
W comment
This comment is better then the video
It’s also important to note that their feelings could change over time. Some people may end up being on your list for a long time, it doesn’t have to be for less than 10 years or so.
It’s really a misnomer. What we call the friend zone should be called the pet zone because that’s how people in there get treated like. Being an emotional tampon, hearing complaints about the people she/he chose over of you and just overall being a utility.
People says you can't be educated and play video games, but you are absolute king, Niko you know what you are talking about, and I agree with all you said. You are the only guy who I can watch you and understand clearly. Are you some sort of genius or scientist who also plays minecraft? Because I have feeling like that
Watching this at 1 AM, I have never felt so enlightened. Banger video as per usual. Love your content man! ❤
this is a pretty risky thing to do, and it might work only for specific people, but it’s worth it if you end up succeeding.
I think I've never been in love with someone, just want attention like everyone.
Try to ask yourself if you really are in love or not.
I know this takes a while to find an answer but it's worth it
well, this sound like a solid piece of advise. with around a 50/50 chance of working
it's probably worth thinking about how she would probably react, if you're almost sure she won't get back, maybe it might be worth to just let the friendship die the natural way and move on.
thanks for the advise, next i have to figure out how to ask someone out (introvert moment right here)
never knew shi could be so real I already have a girlfriend but I get your point who knew Minecraft content could get so real new sub 🙌🏾
This just sounds "strategic" in a way, just using pure psychology to win someone over... I prefer to find relationships through friends and if it doesnt work out it doesnt work out, you still have a good friend.
I've learned it in the hard way that becoming a friend of a girl, who you love more than as a friend but she's already committed in a relationship is the worst possible thing you can do. It was not just putting myself into the friendzone, but forcing myself to constantly be reminded of the very fact, that even if I become the best friend of her, I won't achieve anything with it, at least the thing I really wanted. Even tho we had a short period of time where we got much closer and what I would call here the "free trial boyfriend", we both realised it can end up her cheating her bf, so we ended our friendship. It was surely a tough lesson to me, but I needed it, because now I know what not to do when you're looking for a partner.
Also, thank you for this video, it surely helped be realise some things in this topic. (and also enjoyed the minecraft gameplay, I have many, many memories with it)
I’m in a happy relationship as of now, and I thank my old self for not pursuing my Girlfriend as a friend, and instead as someone I can be partners with… I listen to your videos alot and this is really the only time I commented, and I just wanted to thank you for being my company for idk how long :))
Minecraft therapist again, I like watching the videos niko. Yooo
Feel your points, and maybe thats me being a girl but it does sounds a bit manipulative, generally to take more care of yourself and just focus on yourself is totally fine and healthy. I feel like in this given situation you talked about with You and Melisa, its probably better to just take a break and move on.
Personally i prefer to get to know someone well and get flirty with them if you like them a bit more, see how they react how they flirt back, and if things develop I try to be pretty open and honest about how I feel. Maybe its just me, if you ask 100 people youre probably gonna get like 60 approaches and do things so, to each their own.
If you've told her your feelings and she says no, there are no "drastic measures" you can take, there is no decision of "do you want to stay friends or actually make it a relationship". She said no already. Wtf kinda logic is that.
Coming back around again and trying to flirt when a girl already told you no is exactly the type of thing that's gonna get you a reputation of being an incel and a creep. Nice advice you're giving out lmao
The friendzone does exist. I know it does because there’s this girl who likes me and I don’t like her back, she’s a great girl but I don’t see myself with her at all besides friendship
i dont think people get that no means no
the friendzone is when a person have romantic feelings for the other but the other only have platonic feelings for the first.
you can "get out" of the friendzone by one: doing what the vid say and try to manipulate the other person to think that they have to be your partner or else they will loose you as a friend (i wouldn't recomend this as its often more detremental for both people involved and morally disgusting behaviour).
second: you can accept that they're not interested in you in that way and either leave the friendship as its not what you were searching for. or you can stop thinking of them as a potential partner and have a normal friendship.
Okay I understand you're giving these guys a solution for when they get themselves stuck in the friend zone but I feel it's important to stress that they need to figure out what they want from the beginning and make a decision. Do they want friendship or a relationship. Once they decide, they need to pursue that whether it works out or not. Don't deceive yourself.
videos hit different when your going threw a situation like this or something else and some how, some way, the video finds you and you as the person click it and now get to understand what you gotta do to move on in the dark forerest (sounded better and badEss in my head lol)
12:04 - 12:21 THIS. Niko cooked a 5 star meal, and devoured it. I'm so happy that I saw this vid. I'm subbing.
There's nothing wrong for wanting a girl ONLY for a relationship. Just how it isnt wrong to want a boy only for a friend.
You’re right the friendzone doesn’t exist. They don’t treat you like a friend, they treat you like an item
ruclips.net/video/7jeMp7qdS2U/видео.htmlsi=9kz3Ha08AQC_rrCV
Facts
I unintentionally did end the free-boyfriend trail method, we didn't spoken for while after that. Neither did she bother to contact me after that. It ended up with a block from her. After I tried to reestablished friendly contact.
It's that she didn't contact me at all. Like after giving her a final favor and ask her why she called for me? She didn't speak to me for weeks.
Came by curiosity, stayed for the gameplay
Not sure about all the advices tho
Me who doesn't have a crush right now and has never been in this situation: This video is perfect for me.
I disagree that it's okay to only want someone as a partner and not care as a friend. If you only love someone as a partner and not love them as the person they are no matter what you are to them then that's conditional and conditional love isn't real love.
When I say do "do not care as a friend," I don't mean that you shouldn't love them as the person they are. I mean to love them romantically and not platonically. Romantic partnership and friendship share many of the same qualities but differ in some was as well
you missed the point
If in the friend zone then don’t fight to get out. Move on. There are others out there
I deployed the free trial boyfriend method on a girl this winter. Kept being frank with her about this only being a friendship but treated her like a boyfriend would. She liked it but also it affected her when I resorted to acting just like a friend. Her being just out of a long time crush on a boy certainly didn't help the mood swings I gave her. She didn't want a boyfriend, and she didn't want me to stop acting like one. Ultimately she felt let down, the free trial boyfriend method led her to fall in an even worse state than before. Please, do not actually take this for real as it messes the other person up
She doesn't want a boyfriend right? Then she shouldn't be so bothered about the fact that you stopped treating her like one. You gave her what she wanted. You give what you get.
@@nikoyaps ikr, you’re speaking facts
@@nikoyaps perhaps that’s what’s she wanted but was too uncomfortable or had such a bad experience that she couldn’t push herself to do that and then started projecting her frustration with herself on him.
@@nikoyaps she felt let down because this is literally manipulation!!! having someone who you can rely on and trust then they just start acting like they don’t care as much anymore before going back to how they were acting before is emotionally exhausting!!!! even if she didn’t want a boyfriend doesn’t mean she didn’t want someone to trust, be bestfriends with, etc. i know if i guy did that to me i’d be so emotionally exhausted because one minute they seem to get along with me really well then they start acting like acquaintances, it makes it look like they don’t like you anymore after creating a good bond.
(sorry if that was repetitive/long)
I love the Minecraft gameplay and I'm hooked but listening to Niko is 10x better than simple Minecraft gameplay in the back
There was a similar case with me, at the moment we have been dating for 3 months, but we met 5 years ago at her middleschool graduation (she is currently 22 and I recently turned 21). She had a long relationship (7 or 8 years) until the end of last year (2023) and ended up breaking up with the boy who was actually my friend, yes, detail that he WAS my friend, he isn't anymore for some reasons, but that's beside the point. When we started talking this year, which was at the end of January, we had no plans of hooking up or dating, we made that clear to each other... but then a big question came, we went out and we felt really good in each other's presence, which is a great thing, we ended up kissing on that first date and went out a few more times until she had to travel to finish college. During our outings she told me about a guy who had been her friend for a long time and who was her ultimate crush, that always got me off the hook, even if we didn't have anything yet, because think with me, whoever talks to a girl HAVING interest on her and are cool when she comments about another guy? basically at that time I was in the friendzone because guess what? She started going out with this guy and even kissed him, yeah, I found out about it from her, I decided to keep talking to her because she's a good person, but when I mentioned it to friends and some colleagues at work , they had negative reactions immediately, because imagine being flirting with a guy (me) and kissing another, the people I mentioned this said not to send her any more messages, so at that moment I was thoughtful, because imagine this whole situation, it really was "easier" to have given up, but I wanted to continue just because she's a good person. In the end, everything is going well so far, as time passes, I come from time to time to update this comment, I gave a general summary, so that's it, at the moment we are dating and everything is fine (I hope it continues).
Hope it going well for ya or else it gonna fck you up pretty hard after bro .Trust me i've been in this situation before
@@zkdragonvn6002 This is so bad, man, I can't even imagine what it must be like... I hope everything continues to be well and that you are also doing well.
If its difficult to understand, heres what hes saying
Don't treat her like a partner, treat her like a friend.
You dont need to go no-contact or start hating her or go Tate mode, its simply that they dont get the partner package without the commitment. Theres nothing wrong with being friends anyway if thats what you both prefer. But they dont get the partner attention without the partner commitment
"You dont need to go no-contact"
Just did that.
Now she's not even looking in my direction.
And very well. I am not begging for anyone's attention.
I think ,,I wish I had a boyfriend like you, but not you" means you're just ugly/short. What other reason would she have to say that to you instead of becoming your girlfriend? If your story is not a personal experience, I'm not sure I will be able to believe it works
Edit: I watched the whole video. I take what I said back
Hahaha
At least you admitted to commenting early/before watching the video (I too also tend to do that)
@MonkeMan2.0 Haha, well, otherwise it's just an unnecessary comment, and now it's a bit funny
so glad i got recommended this page . love the content bro
While I may not agree with all the terms and actions niko has put forward, it is still far from being manipulative and toxic.
You have to remember, if you are with someone 100% of the time with late night talks, constant messaging and going out, you eventually cross into deeper territory. As, normally, with friends, you will most likely start talking about more mature topics, as in relationships, corny flirty jokes and more stuff that resembles a romantic relationship. Once you confess to that person, the relationship dynamic immediately takes a turn, no matter the answer. If they say "no", corny flirts, sensitive 18+ topics are out of discussion and all the other stuff get's slowly thrown out of the window. In the beginning it will be like nothing changed, but it will slowly start getting awkward. Who wants to discuss 18+ stuff with someone when know they like them, but they don't reciprocate that feeling?
Eventually, the atmosphere becomes different, naturally, because, despite you wanting to leave your feelings aside and continue as normal, they know what you felt and don't feel comfortable. And since you can't continue the discussions you were so used to having while friends, it's harder to continue being friends. You start drifting apart slowly due to lack of interest in either party and the cycle repeats with the next person.
Now, if they say "yes", you hit the jackpot. My advice to that would be to keep it the same. They like you because they know you. If you try to push for things quickly when nobody is ready, you lose no matter what. If you also push for stuff way too quickly, despite both parties feeling ready, a burnout is imminent. On the other side, if you take things way too slowly, the other person feels awkward, since you aren't on the same page. Even correcting it will cause some problems in the mid term, since the beginning of any relationship is the most crucial one.
Relationships are a delicate thing, much more than we give credit for. Losing a potential partner, or a long lived frienship is more common than people assume. And it's normal. People change, and so do we. We have to adapt to change, learn from our mistakes, remember our rights and move on.
You have the greatest commentary Niko, such chill content that hits deep. Keep it up man, you're the best :D
I listen to you as i build in Minecraft keep the content going when you have time :)
i understand all of this, trust me. But, that being said, the problem with this method is that now melissa is going to be your gf only as a way to try to keep all the attention and other aspects of a best friend. basically, she's doing it for selfish reasons or at the very best, it's a relationship of needs and not wants.
I did sum similar 2 years ago and im still with her now, the key was being upfront and honest with her
I havent gone through the video but i do agree with the initial sentiment with a bit of a caveat. Make sure you CAN be friends with someone you want to pursue romantically. If you can't normally hang out with who you're trying to date, the relationship will run dry rather quickly.
Yeah I pretty much agree with this like if you never shoot your shot or make it clear that's what you're doing you can't really expect someone to interpret it that way.
Whenever I see that Niko uploaded a new vid, I stop everything else, and start listening. I mean, you know how I mean it.
Sees a video saying the friend zone isn't real
"This is great, a video talking about how the friend zone is usually a tool used by men to blame women for not being in a relationship with them and acting like their wants and desires are irrelevant because they owe them something due to their romantic feelings"
The video: emotionally manipulate your friend, don't see her as a human being and completely disregard her desires. No doesn't mean no, it just means try harder. Play weird mind games.
Me: god dammit.
Agreed and some people think friendships between men/women can exist and are working when 1 of them is 100% into it
Find a woman who actively wants a relationship and has similar values to you and is looking for something similar.
You'll likely have way more success. Turning friendships into relationships can work, but it has to organically happen.
Also, you'd be surprised how refreshing it is to many women to hear your intentions up front.
Completely true as I'm not willing to spend time and money and effort to get nothing in return from people who don’t have the same level of interest as I do in them
Tldr just move on.
I see why people are saying this is manipulative since you called it a “method” and you’re only distancing yourself to make her jealous.
If you just purse other girls then you’ll genuinely have less time for the original girl you were interested in since you’ll be going on dates and stuff like that and you might find a girl better than her. I feel like this is a better and more genuine approach than trying to make her jealous.
I've seen this method in real life it feels manipulative really but it depends on how u wanna pursue the girl
I've seen this method in real life it feels manipulative really but it depends on how u wanna pursue the girl
I am a male hairstylist. I am around mostly women all day. Here is the truth, if you are attractive to them your not a creep, if your not you are. They prefer the tough bad boys. this never changes. they settle for the nice guy when they want to have kids or need someone to support them and thier kids.
Be honest and direct. do not play games, when you asked them out; say i'd like to take you on a date. it already shows them what you want. its and interview for both of you. decide how much you are willing to compromise on and what you wont before you even ask an other person out.
focus on yourself. your friends (remember friends either pay for themselves or they pay everyother time.) set your boundaries and stick to them. make yourself desireable, have hobby, be physically in shape. have friends (you do not need a lot of fake people. but real friends) do not just date one person till you are ready to commit. because the other person isn't. Most of the women and older teens date more than one guy until they are ready to commit.
but most importantly be honest. If you want to date someone tell them that. if they want to be just friends and you don't be honest. and be prepared to walk away. because that might be the only option you have. that's also a good rule with friends, set your boundaries and if they constantly cross those lines, walk away from them as well.
It’s also possible the person of interest just doesn’t find you as someone who they’d be attracted to in a girlfriend or boyfriend relationship. Sure, you could rework your entire frame of being to gamble on the chance that you somehow manage to become that person they’d want, but at the end of the day it’s not worth it and too exhausting as opposed to finding someone who finds you attractive for who you are as relationship material for them. It’s all too often the people who we’re interested in we call ‘friends’ aren’t even that great of friends to begin with. Unless you’ve been hanging out with them for years like a childhood friend it’s probably always just been an acquaintanceship that you imagined was going to turn into a blossoming relationship, but in reality they just aren’t interested in that way.
3:42 to fix this issue: be upfront with the next girl you like and tell her that you like her and like to pursue her as a romantic partner (don’t say exactly that) but the point is saying that upfront means you cut through all the confusion.
So, instead of “confessing your love” years into knowing a girl you have to say that at the beginning of you knowing her
Hay Niko! I love your video so so much. They are in depth and I can see that you put effort in there. You are giving us very solid advices that nobody else have ever gives me. Please keep going! You are like my cyber best friend now. Thank you!
I appreciate you!!
Cant help but think is manipulation, or atleast how you approach it. Of you approach people, make new friends, attend more activities just in the goal of her coming back then that is manipulation
I never had an issue with friendzone. I did get "friendzoned" once but guess what? I moved on and we're still good friends because I want them in my life and at the end of the day having them in any way is way better than being delusional and/or burning bridges as a result. Appreciate your friends. love your friends. This will lead you to being happy despite not being in a relationship. Having close and reliable friends is just as important as family or partners. And if you really love someone, you want to be on good terms with them.
At 17:00, this man is describing my young adult life. I got over it in like, minutes, but damn, it did hurt when the girl spent so much time with her boyfriend and none with the guy who was always there for her, no matter what.