I HAVE THE LONGEST COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO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No problem! Here's the information about the Mercedes CLR GTR: The Mercedes CLR GTR is a remarkable racing car celebrated for its outstanding performance and sleek design. Powered by a potent 6.0-liter V12 engine, it delivers over 600 horsepower. Acceleration from 0 to 100 km/h takes approximately 3.7 seconds, with a remarkable top speed surprising 320 km/h.🥇 Incorporating adventure aerodynamic features and cutting-edge stability technologies, the CLR GTR ensures exceptional stability and control, particularly during high-speed maneuvers. 💨 Originally priced at around $1.5 million, the Mercedes CLR GTR is considered one of the most exclusive and prestigious racing cars ever produced. 💰 Its limited production run of just five units adds to its rarity, making it highly sought after by racing enthusiasts and collectors worldwide. 🌎 so is this long enough or is spamming oooooo cool too
Am I going to be famous? I do not know. It depends if I end up famous. If I end up famous, it will most likely be because I (Me) at some point in their life got famous. However, if I did not get, as quoted, "famous," then I would most likely not end up famous.
OPENING SEQUENCE: A FAIRYTALE BOOK Voiceover: Shrek Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) (Page is ripped out.) CUT TO: OUTDOOR TOILET. Voiceover: Shrek Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (Toilet flush, Shrek bursts out from toilet.) (Music plays: Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play.) CUT TO: DAYTIME. THE SWAMP. CREDIT ROLL. Montage of various Shrek activities. In a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre.. CUT TO: NIGHT. THE SWAMP. It’s night time, the men from town have lit torches and are running into the swamp. They arrive at Shrek’s home. MAN 1 Think it's in there? MAN 2 All right. Let's get it! MAN 1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN 3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN 1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (He waves the torch at Shrek.) (Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch.) MAN 1 Right! (The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly, the men roar loudly back. His long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark.) SHREK (Whispers to Man 1.) This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to run away. He laughs.) And stay out! (He looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) CUT TO: DAYTIME. THE FOREST. There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. We see Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, the seven dwarves, Gipetto and Pinocchio, and the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over! (Breaks the broom in half.) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! Sit down there! Be quiet! LITTLE BEAR (Crying.) This cage is too small. DONKEY Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (His nose grows.) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! (Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table.) HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella. (Donkey just looks up at her.) HEAD GUARD Well? OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (Pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan’s hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. ) DONKEY Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! The pixie dust begins to wear off.
DONKEY Uh-oh. He begins to sink to the ground. He hits the ground with a thud. Donkey takes of running. HEAD GUARD Seize him! HEAD GUARD After him! GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Donkey looks scared when he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? Shrek looks behind the guard and the guard turns to see that all other men have deserted him. The guard runs off, too. Shrek laughs and begins walking back to his cottage. Donkey follows. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin' to... Shrek turns around and Donkey is gone. SHREK me? Shrek turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him. SHREK Whoa! DONKEY Yes. I was talkin' to you! Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREK Oh, that's great. Really. DONKEY Man, it's good to be free. SHREK Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly. DONKEY Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! Man! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time... Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand. DONKEY ...then I ate some rotten berries. Man, I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. SHREK Why are you following me? DONKEY I'll tell you why. (Singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith... SHREK Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends. DONKEY Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. SHREK Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? DONKEY (Looks all the way up at Shrek.) Uh ...really tall? SHREK No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY Nope. SHREK Really? DONKEY Really, really. SHREK Oh. DONKEY Man, I like you. What's you name? SHREK Uh, Shrek. DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Shrek and Donkey come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage. DONKEY Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? SHREK That would be my home. DONKEY Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. Shrek walks past all the “keep out” & “beware” signs he has erected.
DONKEY I guess you don't entertain much, do you? SHREK I like my privacy. DONKEY You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that big awkward silence, you know. Big awkward silence. DONKEY Can I stay with you? SHREK Uh, what? DONKEY Can I stay with you, please? SHREK (Sarcastically) Of course! DONKEY Really? SHREK No. DONKEY Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. (Pause while he looks at Shrek.) Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! SHREK Okay! Okay! But one night only. DONKEY Ah! Thank you! Donkey runs inside Shrek’s cottage. CUT TO: INT. DAYTIME. SHREK’S COTTAGE. SHREK What are you...? Donkey hops up onto a confortable armchair. SHREK Ah, No! No! DONKEY This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. SHREK Oh! DONKEY Where do, uh, I sleep? SHREK (Irritated) Outside! DONKEY Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. (Sniffs.) Here I go. Good night. CUT TO: EXT. DAYTIME.SHREKS COTTAGE. Donkey has his head down, walking out of Shrek’s cottage. He looks sad. Behind him, Shrek slams the door. Donkey sighs. CUT TO: INT. DAYTIME. SHREK’S COTTAGE. Shrek can hear Donkey outside. Donkey I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. (Sings) I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me... CUT TO: INT. NIGHT. SHREK’S COTTAGE. It’s dinnertime. Shrek places an eyeball in a martini and takes a drink. He sits himself down and pulls from his ear a candle made out of earwax, which he lights. Donkey looks in through a window. He is eating when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff. SHREK (To Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside. DONKEY (From the window) I am outside. There is another noise and Shrek turns. He sees several shadows moving. He finally sees the 3 blind mice on his table. BLIND MOUSE 1 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? BLIND MOUSE 2 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. GORDO (Bouncing on a slug.) What a lovely bed. SHREK Gotcha. Shrek grabs Gordo the mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder. GORDO I found some cheese. Gordo the mouse bites Shrek's ear. Shrek grabs the 3 mice. SHREK Ow! GORDO Blah! Awful stuff. BLIND MOUSE 1 Is that you, Gordo? GORDO How did you know? SHREK Enough! What are you doing in my house? He gets bumped from behind so he drops the mice. SHREK Hey! Shrek turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table. SHREK Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. DWARF Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. SHREK Huh? Shrek marches into the bedroom. He throws back the curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is lying in bed. BIG BAD WOLF What? Shrek drags the wolf to his front door by his collar. CUT TO: EXT. NIGHT. SHREK’S COTTAGE. Shrek opens the door and is stunned to see all the fairy tale creatures in his swamp. SHREK I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy? He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land. SHREK Oh, no. No! No!
Montage of various fairy tale creatures: 3 Bears, Pied Piper with rats, elves, fairies and witches. SHREK What are you doing in my swamp? Everyone falls silent. Gasps. Three good fairies hide inside a tent. SHREK All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hurry up! Hurry up! THE DWARVES Hey! Quickly. Come on! Dwarves run inside the house. SHREK No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. Shrek gives chase, but they shut the door on him. He can’t get in. SHREK Oh! (Turns to look at Donkey). DONKEY Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us. SHREK What? PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here. SHREK (Flabbergasted.) By who? LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice. SHREK (Heavy sigh.) All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers. DONKEY Oh, I do. I know where he is. SHREK Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? DONKEY Me! Me! SHREK Anyone? DONKEY Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! Donkey is bouncing high into the air. Shrek is deliberately ignoring him. SHREK (Sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! Pause. Then the crowd goes wild, clapping and cheering. SHREK Oh! (To Donkey) You! You're comin' with me. DONKEY All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! DONKEY (Singing.) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again. SHREK What did I say about singing? DONKEY Can I whistle? SHREK No. DONKEY Can I hum it? SHREK All right, hum it. Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'. CUT TO: DULOC - TORTURE CHAMBER Footsteps through a medieval castle. A masked man pours milk into a glass. Lord Farquaad is coming down the corridor. Guards part to let him through. The masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man by dunking him in the milk. Lord Farquaad walks in. FARQUAAD That's enough. He's ready to talk. The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs evilly and walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered. FARQUAAD (He picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs and plays with them.) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster. FARQUAAD I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad’s eye.) FARQUAAD I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll... (he pretends to pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons) GINGERBREAD MAN No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. FARQUAAD All right then. Who's hiding them? GINGERBREAD MAN Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man. FARQUAAD Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? GINGERBREAD MAN Well, she's married to the muffin man. FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man! FARQUAAD She's married to the muffin man.
The door opens and the Head Guard bursts in. HEAD GUARD My lord! We found it. FARQUAAD Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. They hang up whatever it is and remove the covering sheet. It is the Magic Mirror. The guards gasp. GINGERBREAD MAN (In awe.) Ahhhh... FARQUAAD Magic mirror... GINGERBREAD MAN Don't tell him anything! Farquaad whacks him into a trash can, closing the lid. GINGERBREAD MAN No! FARQUAAD Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? MIRROR Well, technically you're not a king. FARQUAAD Uh, Thelonius. Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist. FARQUAAD You were saying? MIRROR (Nervous.) What I mean is you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. FARQUAAD Go on. MIRROR (Chuckles nervously) So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! (Music plays: Love Potion, Herb Alpert) Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. (Shows picture of Cinderella.) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! (Picture of Snow White.) And last, but certainly not least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows picture of Princess Fiona) So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? GUARDS Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! FARQUAAD Three? One? Three? THELONIUS Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! FARQUAAD Okay, okay, uh, number three! MIRROR Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona! Music Plays: “If you like Pina Coladas...” The guards clap and cheer. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go... MIRROR But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. FARQUAAD I'll do it. MIRROR Yes, but after sunset... FARQUAAD Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. (Smiles evilly.) CUT TO: EXT. DAYTIME. DULOC PARKING LOT (LANCELOT SECTION) Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 floors high. DONKEY But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. SHREK So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. DONKEY Uh-huh. That's the place. SHREK Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? He laughs; groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. They walk through the parking lot. DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. MAN Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. SHREK Hey, you! The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek. SHREK Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - Shrek sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc. CUT TO: EXT.DAYTIME. DULOC VILLAGE They look around but all is quiet. SHREK It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? DONKEY Hey, look at this! (Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing.) WOODEN CHARACTERS Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town! Here we have some rules. Let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine! DuLoc is a perfect place! Please keep off of the grass! Shine your shoes, wipe your... face, DuLoc is, DuLoc is, DuLoc is a perfect place. Suddenly a camera snaps Donkey and Shrek's picture. It prints out like a photobooth. DONKEY Wow! Let's do that again! Donkey prepares to run over and pull the lever again. He is stopped by Shrek grabbing his tail. No. no. no, no, no, no. They hear a trumpet fanfare, and follow the sound, heading over to the arena. SHREK FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself...
Donkey hums the DuLoc theme song as they walk the tunnel to the arena. SHREK All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. DONKEY Sorry about that. The crowd in the arena cheers. CUT TO: INT.DAYTIME.THE ARENA. Farquuad is addressing his knights and the crowd. FARQUAAD That champion shall have the honor -- no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make. Crowd cheers. Farquaad notices Shrek. FARQUAAD Let the tournament begin! FARQUAAD Oh! What is that? Ugh, it's hideous! Shrek turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad. SHREK Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have him! MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. Shrek bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer. Shrek drinks the beer. CROWD Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (Holds up a mug of beer.) Can't we just settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All right then. SHREK Come on! Shrek takes the mug, smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer and beer floods out, drenching the knights, turning ground to mud. Shrek picks up a spear. Donkey climbs onto a large beer barrel and rolls it over the top of knights. Various fight scenes happen. DONKEY Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd. SHREK Yeah! A knight tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time and sees him. WOMAN The chair! Give him the chair! Shrek smashes a chair over a knight’s back. Finally all the knights are beaten. Donkey kicks one in the helmet. The ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild. SHREK Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs) The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek. HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order, sir? FARQUAAD No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! SHREK What? FARQUAAD Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. SHREK Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. FARQUAAD Your swamp? SHREK Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! FARQUAAD Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. SHREK Exactly the way it was? FARQUAAD Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. SHREK And the squatters? FARQUAAD As good as gone. SHREK What kind of quest? CUT TO: EXT.DAYTIME.SUNFLOWER FIELD. Donkey and Shrek are now walking away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion. DONKEY Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? SHREK You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. DONKEY I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. Shrek holds out his onion. SHREK Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? DONKEY Uh, no, not really, no. SHREK For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. DONKEY Example? SHREK Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
Bruh what you talking abooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooout i got the longest one cuh.
I HAVE THE LONGEST COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMENT
I HAVE THE LONGEST COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMENT
powerpoint ahh edit
real
"become famous" with 32 subs
I HAVE THE LONGEST
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U can be in my video
No problem! Here's the information about the Mercedes CLR GTR:
The Mercedes CLR GTR is a remarkable racing car celebrated for its outstanding performance and sleek design. Powered by a potent 6.0-liter V12 engine, it delivers over 600 horsepower.
Acceleration from 0 to 100 km/h takes approximately 3.7 seconds, with a remarkable top speed surprising 320 km/h.🥇
Incorporating adventure aerodynamic features and cutting-edge stability technologies, the CLR GTR ensures exceptional stability and control, particularly during high-speed maneuvers. 💨
Originally priced at around $1.5 million, the Mercedes CLR GTR is considered one of the most exclusive and prestigious racing cars ever produced. 💰
Its limited production run of just five units adds to its rarity, making it highly sought after by racing enthusiasts and collectors worldwide. 🌎 so is this long enough or is spamming oooooo cool too
I tried to type the entire bee movie script but youtube didn't let me 😢
Sorry for u 😢
There is no way I'm gonna be popular
Also nice edit keep going❤💯
Ty ❤
Bro I can't wait to become famous!!!
You are
longest comment.
Am I going to be famous? I do not know. It depends if I end up famous. If I end up famous, it will most likely be because I (Me) at some point in their life got famous. However, if I did not get, as quoted, "famous," then I would most likely not end up famous.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO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OPENING SEQUENCE: A FAIRYTALE BOOK
Voiceover: Shrek
Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) (Page is ripped out.)
CUT TO: OUTDOOR TOILET.
Voiceover: Shrek
Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (Toilet flush, Shrek bursts out from toilet.) (Music plays: Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play.)
CUT TO: DAYTIME. THE SWAMP. CREDIT ROLL.
Montage of various Shrek activities. In a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre..
CUT TO: NIGHT. THE SWAMP.
It’s night time, the men from town have lit torches and are running into the swamp. They arrive at Shrek’s home.
MAN 1
Think it's in there?
MAN 2
All right. Let's get it!
MAN 1
Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
MAN 3
Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.
SHREK
Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
MEN
No!
SHREK
They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
Actually, it's quite good on toast.
MAN 1
Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (He waves the torch at Shrek.)
(Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch.)
MAN 1
Right!
(The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly, the men roar loudly back. His long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark.)
SHREK
(Whispers to Man 1.) This is the part where you run away.
(The men scramble to run away. He laughs.) And stay out!
(He looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.)
CUT TO: DAYTIME. THE FOREST.
There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. We see Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, the seven dwarves, Gipetto and Pinocchio, and the three little pigs.
GUARD
All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
HEAD GUARD
Next!
GUARD (taking the witch's broom)
Give me that! Your flying days are over! (Breaks the broom in half.) HEAD GUARD
That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
GUARD
Get up! Come on! Sit down there! Be quiet!
LITTLE BEAR
(Crying.) This cage is too small.
DONKEY
Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
OLD WOMAN
Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope)
DONKEY
Oh!
HEAD GUARD
Next! What have you got?
GIPETTO
This little wooden puppet.
PINOCCHIO
I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (His nose grows.)
HEAD GUARD
Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
PINOCCHIO
Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!
(Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table.) HEAD GUARD
Next! What have you got?
OLD WOMAN
Well, I've got a talking donkey.
HEAD GUARD
Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
OLD WOMAN
Oh, go ahead, little fella. (Donkey just looks up at her.)
HEAD GUARD
Well?
OLD WOMAN
Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
HEAD GUARD
That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
OLD WOMAN
No, no, he talks! He does. (Pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk.
I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
HEAD GUARD
Get her out of my sight.
OLD WOMAN
No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan’s hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. )
DONKEY
Hey! I can fly!
PETER PAN
He can fly!
3 LITTLE PIGS
He can fly!
HEAD GUARD
He can talk!
DONKEY
Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!
The pixie dust begins to wear off.
DONKEY
Uh-oh.
He begins to sink to the ground. He hits the ground with a thud.
Donkey takes of running.
HEAD GUARD
Seize him!
HEAD GUARD
After him!
GUARDS
He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn!
Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Donkey looks scared when he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek.
HEAD GUARD
You there. Ogre!
SHREK
Aye?
HEAD GUARD
By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility.
SHREK
Oh, really? You and what army?
Shrek looks behind the guard and the guard turns to see that all other men have
deserted him. The guard runs off, too. Shrek laughs and begins walking back to his cottage. Donkey follows.
DONKEY
Can I say something to you?
Listen, you was really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!
SHREK
Are you talkin' to...
Shrek turns around and Donkey is gone.
SHREK
me?
Shrek turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.
SHREK
Whoa!
DONKEY
Yes. I was talkin' to you!
Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam!
They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
SHREK
Oh, that's great. Really.
DONKEY
Man, it's good to be free.
SHREK
Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom
with your own friends? Hmm?
DONKEY
But, uh, I don't have any friends.
And I'm not goin' out there by myself.
Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea!
I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly.
DONKEY
Oh, wow! That was really scary.
If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work,
your breath certainly will get the job done,
'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! Man!
You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...
Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.
DONKEY
...then I ate some rotten berries.
Man, I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. SHREK
Why are you following me?
DONKEY
I'll tell you why.
(Singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith...
SHREK
Stop singing!
Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends. DONKEY
Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. SHREK
Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? DONKEY
(Looks all the way up at Shrek.)
Uh ...really tall?
SHREK
No! I'm an ogre! You know.
"Grab your torch and pitchforks."
Doesn't that bother you?
DONKEY
Nope.
SHREK
Really?
DONKEY
Really, really.
SHREK
Oh.
DONKEY
Man, I like you. What's you name?
SHREK
Uh, Shrek.
DONKEY
Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?
You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right.
Shrek and Donkey come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.
DONKEY
Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that?
SHREK
That would be my home.
DONKEY
Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful.
You know you are quite a decorator.
It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
Shrek walks past all the “keep out” & “beware” signs he has erected.
DONKEY
I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
SHREK
I like my privacy.
DONKEY
You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that big awkward silence, you know.
Big awkward silence.
DONKEY
Can I stay with you?
SHREK
Uh, what?
DONKEY
Can I stay with you, please?
SHREK
(Sarcastically) Of course!
DONKEY
Really?
SHREK
No.
DONKEY
Please! I don't wanna go back there!
You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. (Pause while he looks at Shrek.)
Well, maybe you do.
But that's why we gotta stick together.
You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
SHREK
Okay! Okay! But one night only.
DONKEY
Ah! Thank you!
Donkey runs inside Shrek’s cottage.
CUT TO: INT. DAYTIME. SHREK’S COTTAGE. SHREK
What are you...? Donkey hops up onto a confortable armchair.
SHREK
Ah, No! No!
DONKEY
This is gonna be fun!
We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. SHREK
Oh!
DONKEY
Where do, uh, I sleep?
SHREK
(Irritated) Outside!
DONKEY
Oh, well, I guess that's cool.
I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. (Sniffs.) Here I go. Good night.
CUT TO: EXT. DAYTIME.SHREKS COTTAGE.
Donkey has his head down, walking out of Shrek’s cottage. He looks sad. Behind him, Shrek slams the door. Donkey sighs.
CUT TO: INT. DAYTIME. SHREK’S COTTAGE.
Shrek can hear Donkey outside.
Donkey
I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey.
I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside.
(Sings) I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me...
CUT TO: INT. NIGHT. SHREK’S COTTAGE.
It’s dinnertime. Shrek places an eyeball in a martini and takes a drink. He sits himself down and pulls from his ear a candle made out of earwax, which he lights. Donkey looks in through a window. He is eating when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff.
SHREK
(To Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside.
DONKEY
(From the window) I am outside.
There is another noise and Shrek turns. He sees several shadows moving. He finally sees the 3 blind mice on his table.
BLIND MOUSE 1
Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? BLIND MOUSE 2
It's not home, but it'll do just fine. GORDO
(Bouncing on a slug.) What a lovely bed. SHREK
Gotcha.
Shrek grabs Gordo the mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder.
GORDO
I found some cheese. Gordo the mouse bites Shrek's ear.
Shrek grabs the 3 mice.
SHREK
Ow!
GORDO
Blah! Awful stuff.
BLIND MOUSE 1
Is that you, Gordo?
GORDO
How did you know?
SHREK
Enough!
What are you doing in my house?
He gets bumped from behind so he drops the mice.
SHREK
Hey!
Shrek turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table.
SHREK
Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.
DWARF
Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
SHREK
Huh?
Shrek marches into the bedroom. He throws back the curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is lying in bed.
BIG BAD WOLF
What? Shrek drags the wolf to his front door by his collar.
CUT TO: EXT. NIGHT. SHREK’S COTTAGE.
Shrek opens the door and is stunned to see all the fairy tale creatures in his swamp.
SHREK
I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?
He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land.
SHREK
Oh, no. No! No!
Montage of various fairy tale creatures: 3 Bears, Pied Piper with rats, elves, fairies and witches.
SHREK
What are you doing in my swamp? Everyone falls silent. Gasps. Three good fairies hide inside a tent.
SHREK
All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hurry up! Hurry up! THE DWARVES
Hey! Quickly. Come on!
Dwarves run inside the house.
SHREK
No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. Shrek gives chase, but they shut the door on him. He can’t get in.
SHREK
Oh!
(Turns to look at Donkey).
DONKEY
Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.
PINOCCHIO
Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
SHREK
What?
PINOCCHIO
We were forced to come here.
SHREK
(Flabbergasted.) By who?
LITTLE PIG
Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice.
SHREK
(Heavy sigh.) All right.
Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers.
DONKEY
Oh, I do. I know where he is.
SHREK
Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?
DONKEY
Me! Me!
SHREK
Anyone?
DONKEY
Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
Donkey is bouncing high into the air. Shrek is deliberately ignoring him.
SHREK
(Sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things.
Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now
and get you all off my land and back where you came from!
Pause. Then the crowd goes wild, clapping and cheering.
SHREK
Oh!
(To Donkey) You! You're comin' with me.
DONKEY
All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends,
off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! DONKEY
(Singing.) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again. SHREK
What did I say about singing?
DONKEY
Can I whistle?
SHREK
No.
DONKEY
Can I hum it?
SHREK
All right, hum it.
Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'.
CUT TO: DULOC - TORTURE CHAMBER
Footsteps through a medieval castle. A masked man pours milk into a glass. Lord Farquaad is coming down the corridor. Guards part to let him through. The masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man by dunking him in the milk. Lord Farquaad walks in.
FARQUAAD
That's enough. He's ready to talk.
The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs evilly and walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered.
FARQUAAD
(He picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs and plays with them.) Run, run, run, as fast as you can.
You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. GINGERBREAD MAN
You are a monster.
FARQUAAD
I'm not the monster here. You are.
You and the rest of that fairy tale trash,
poisoning my perfect world.
Now, tell me! Where are the others? GINGERBREAD MAN
Eat me!
(He spits milk into Farquaad’s eye.)
FARQUAAD
I've tried to be fair to you creatures.
Now my patience has reached its end!
Tell me or I'll...
(he pretends to pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons) GINGERBREAD MAN
No, no, not the buttons.
Not my gumdrop buttons.
FARQUAAD
All right then. Who's hiding them? GINGERBREAD MAN
Okay, I'll tell you.
Do you know the muffin man?
FARQUAAD
The muffin man?
GINGERBREAD MAN
The muffin man.
FARQUAAD
Yes, I know the muffin man,
who lives on Drury Lane? GINGERBREAD MAN
Well, she's married to the muffin man. FARQUAAD
The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN
The muffin man! FARQUAAD
She's married to the muffin man.
The door opens and the Head Guard bursts in.
HEAD GUARD
My lord! We found it.
FARQUAAD
Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. They hang up whatever it is and remove the covering sheet. It is the Magic Mirror. The guards gasp.
GINGERBREAD MAN
(In awe.) Ahhhh...
FARQUAAD
Magic mirror...
GINGERBREAD MAN
Don't tell him anything! Farquaad whacks him into a trash can, closing the lid.
GINGERBREAD MAN
No!
FARQUAAD
Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? MIRROR
Well, technically you're not a king. FARQUAAD
Uh, Thelonius.
Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist.
FARQUAAD
You were saying?
MIRROR
(Nervous.) What I mean is you're not a king yet.
But you can become one.
All you have to do is marry a princess.
FARQUAAD
Go on.
MIRROR
(Chuckles nervously)
So, just sit back and relax, my lord,
because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes.
And here they are!
(Music plays: Love Potion, Herb Alpert)
Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime.
Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters.
Please welcome Cinderella. (Shows picture of Cinderella.) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy.
Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! (Picture of Snow White.)
And last, but certainly not least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from
a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off.
She's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas
and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows picture of Princess Fiona)
So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? GUARDS
Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! FARQUAAD
Three? One? Three?
THELONIUS
Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! FARQUAAD
Okay, okay, uh, number three!
MIRROR
Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona!
Music Plays: “If you like Pina Coladas...” The guards clap and cheer.
FARQUAAD
Princess Fiona. She's perfect.
All I have to do is just find someone who can go... MIRROR
But I probably should mention the
little thing that happens at night. FARQUAAD
I'll do it.
MIRROR
Yes, but after sunset...
FARQUAAD
Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men.
We're going to have a tournament. (Smiles evilly.)
CUT TO: EXT. DAYTIME. DULOC PARKING LOT (LANCELOT SECTION)
Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 floors high.
DONKEY
But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. SHREK
So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. DONKEY
Uh-huh. That's the place.
SHREK
Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?
He laughs; groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. They walk through the parking lot.
DONKEY
Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
MAN
Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
SHREK
Hey, you!
The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek.
SHREK
Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -
Shrek sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.
CUT TO: EXT.DAYTIME. DULOC VILLAGE
They look around but all is quiet.
SHREK
It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?
DONKEY
Hey, look at this! (Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing.)
WOODEN CHARACTERS
Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town! Here we have some rules. Let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine! DuLoc is a perfect place! Please keep off of the grass! Shine your shoes, wipe your... face,
DuLoc is, DuLoc is, DuLoc is a perfect place.
Suddenly a camera snaps Donkey and Shrek's picture. It prints out like a photobooth.
DONKEY
Wow! Let's do that again!
Donkey prepares to run over and pull the lever again. He is stopped by Shrek grabbing
his tail.
No. no. no, no, no, no.
They hear a trumpet fanfare, and follow the sound, heading over to the arena.
SHREK
FARQUAAD
Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself...
Donkey hums the DuLoc theme song as they walk the tunnel to the arena.
SHREK
All right.
You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. DONKEY
Sorry about that.
The crowd in the arena cheers.
CUT TO: INT.DAYTIME.THE ARENA.
Farquuad is addressing his knights and the crowd.
FARQUAAD
That champion shall have the honor -- no, no - -
the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon.
If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful,
the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.
Crowd cheers.
Farquaad notices Shrek.
FARQUAAD
Let the tournament begin!
FARQUAAD
Oh! What is that? Ugh, it's hideous!
Shrek turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad.
SHREK
Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
FARQUAAD
Indeed. Knights, new plan!
The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have him!
MEN
Get him!
SHREK
Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
Shrek bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer.
Shrek drinks the beer.
CROWD
Go ahead! Get him!
SHREK
(Holds up a mug of beer.) Can't we just settle this over a pint? CROWD
Kill the beast!
SHREK
No? All right then.
SHREK
Come on!
Shrek takes the mug, smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer and beer floods out,
drenching the knights, turning ground to mud. Shrek picks up a spear. Donkey climbs onto a large beer barrel and rolls it over the top of knights. Various fight scenes happen.
DONKEY
Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
Shrek comes over and bangs a man's
head up against Donkeys.
Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd.
SHREK
Yeah!
A knight tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time and sees him.
WOMAN
The chair! Give him the chair!
Shrek smashes a chair over a knight’s back. Finally all the knights are beaten. Donkey kicks one in the helmet. The ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild.
SHREK
Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much!
I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs)
The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek. HEAD GUARD
Shall I give the order, sir?
FARQUAAD
No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! SHREK
What?
FARQUAAD
Congratulations, ogre.
You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. SHREK
Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. FARQUAAD
Your swamp?
SHREK
Yeah, my swamp!
Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! FARQUAAD
Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me,
and I'll give you your swamp back. SHREK
Exactly the way it was? FARQUAAD
Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. SHREK
And the squatters?
FARQUAAD
As good as gone.
SHREK
What kind of quest?
CUT TO: EXT.DAYTIME.SUNFLOWER FIELD.
Donkey and Shrek are now walking away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion.
DONKEY
Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon
and rescue a princess just so Farquaad
will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? SHREK
You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. DONKEY
I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress,
grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
Shrek holds out his onion.
SHREK
Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated
an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
DONKEY
Uh, no, not really, no.
SHREK
For your information,
there's a lot more to ogres than people think. DONKEY
Example?
SHREK
Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
I can beat you in drift paradise🥶
U sure
@@REALPOPCATYT maybe😂
Bruh what you talking abooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooout i got the longest one cuh.
Me to!
ᅟ
I HAVE THE LONGEST COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMENT
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I HAVE THE LONGEST COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMENT