I dropped a therapist 10 minutes into a first session for asking "why do you think you need so much validation?" I account for tone, inflection, body language, the words a person chooses to communicate the thought. If she had a curious or conversational tone, it would not have bothered me. But all the non-verbal cues came off as judgemental and really got my hackles up.
I had a therapist say, "are you always this impulsive" to something I was nervous to share, never spoke to here again! Then another one who answer the phone in session, bye!
Hey everyone!!! I hope your week has been a good one :) I might be a bit slow to respond in comments as we're handling "life" stuff on this end... We'll be back up and running in the coming week!
The career answer is really good. When I was dating someone in college and they were in med school there was a woman in their class in her mid fifties. I really don’t want to think there is such a thing as too late for a dream as long as you’re breathing and still dream.
Great podcast as always! One comment is there was an editing quirk where, “I’m finished, Honey!” Made it into the theme at the end. It startled me but was also really cute to see the human side. Hope your move goes well!
35:40 I feel that! Being 2 months postpartum with an eating disorder that has skyrocketed since getting pregnant is overwhelming. I stay off social media to not get discouraged at the progress I’m doing, it’s slow but healthy this time. Eating disorders effin’ suck!!!
I’m a high school student and I will be starting my college career path this upcoming fall and I feel so relieved to have the opportunity to learn so much from you. I’m currently in therapy and find it difficult to speak and open up. Today’s podcast was super helpful. Thank you for all that you do.
I dissociate all the time in therapy, but my therapist and I have become fairly good at catching it early and getting me back. Dissociation is tricky because it sometimes feels like a nice break from reality.
About being overwhelmed by daily duties, for me, there are two things: 1. feeling judged by others 2. being overwhelmed by guilt and shame in relationships (family, friends, former partners...) leading to the loss of healthy sleeping and eating routines. About being an adult, I must say that while it is true that I mainly do manage by daily life, can travel by my own, having Asperger, I cannot be excpected to be an adult to the same extent that is expected from the society. After all, I have never had a job, there are special help to get etc. But of course, others don't always understand this and I don't know how to deal with that.
Hi Kati, thank you sooo much for answering my question! I'm the totally overwhelmed hobo! I think the thing that stresses me out like you suggested is feeling responsible 24/7. Thank you for giving me some things to ponder over in my journal. I think I will also call my doctor and ask them about anti depressants to maybe get me out of the hole so I can start building from there. Thank you so much again and love from the UK xxx
@Questionn #2 This was my story. I tried the education program, but the way my struggles and how my disability affects my learning, it wasn’t the best fit. I eventually switched careers and became real curious about my new role. Yesterday, I graduated from college and I have a job. Please don’t give up!! Like Kati said” There are still ways to do what you love.” Ps. I told my mentors from education program about my job and they were THRILLED for me!!
Not gonna lie, the comments about “oh just get a sitter or split time with your partner” are pretty unhelpful when you’re a single mother (her dad is dead, there’s no time off) struggling to just keep the lights on.
I am so glad that feeling the need to have a personal obi-wan is kinda normal (?) 😊 (Someone who can guide as a mentor) i just thought it meant not having had enough guidance from caretakers in childhood.
I hope your move is going well - as always a great podcast and I really love the "I'm finished honey!" at the end. This could, in variations, become a recurring theme for the podcast.
Love the podcast! Just a small suggestion: when you interject your own thoughts about the question while reading it, it might be a good idea to look at the camera to make it easier to tell what's part of the question and what isn't
I prefer making notes on paper, too! For instance, my weekly goal list is always written by hand. I draw boxes in front of each goal and put an X or a check mark in each box when I complete it. It always makes me feel good. LOL. I have resisted putting a gold star next to completed tasks. 😜
Hey, thank you for this amazing episode! I actually just wanted to say that it's amazing you're taking a break in July, I'm so happy for you! and I hope you'll enjoy your time away, relax and have a chance to focus on other things besides youtube🤍
Trans patient here... I wish you had spent more time researching and learning up on things trans before wading into your answer. The dynamic you speculated on DOES happen. However, these people should generally not transition. The vast majority of people who transition are satisfied with the process and find it vastly improved their mental health. But there’s a small group of people who detransition because transition was not right for them. And some of these people go on to speak out about transition and in general make life harder for the trans community. Almost to a T, they describe a pattern of childhood abuse that led them to dislike their birth gender. The appropriate treatment for them is to address the childhood trauma, and not transition. One job of a gender therapist is to distinguish the two and help guide patients to what’s right for them (by holding a safe space, etc, not by telling them what to do). The RUclipser Dr Z is such a therapist and has a lot of really insightful thing to say about these issues. She also lives in LA.
Totally agree, I also just want to emphasize that TERF's and other anti-trans groups often use the examples of trauma in an attempt to invalidate the entire trans community. These groups imply that gender dysphoria or being trans is solely or usually the result of trauma and bad parenting, therefore, trans people should have their psychological issues addressed instead of pursuing medical transition. Although a proper understanding of what is driving gender dysphoria is always prudent, this argument is often used in practice to bar trans individuals from accessing healthcare, leading to an enormous amount of suffering and death in a community that has some of the highest suacide statistics of any community.
Agree. Her answer was so sad to me. As a trans person who also lived through CSA, having my gender dysphoria "blamed" on my CSA just makes me feel re-victimized. I have tons of trauma in my life and it's given me a lot of issues, but treating my gender dysphoria is an entirely separate issue and has been amazing. When I brought up the same question to my therapist - back when I was still questioning - she pointed out that enough people are abused that if this were something that happens as a result of CSA, there'd be way more trans folx.
I apologize if this is the wrong space for this question. I was wondering if there is any non-social media way to contact you? Other than youtube I actively avoid social media sites and I was hoping you had a way for people like myself to ask questions.
A pause of two minutes is not normal, but a one of ten seconds is perfecly normal. When that happens it simply means that I needed a pause to think. That does not mean that I am not open. But when I haven't managed to tell something for an entire 45 or 60 minutes session - that is problematic. Sometimes it is because of shame, on other occassions there simply is not enough time, but it is also common that it is because I feel distracted and stressed out by questions - questions that feel like I am being strangled.
Hello kati just clicked on the new podcast was looking for it yesterday anyway glad its here now. Been waiting and needing this podcast this week to add. You look nice in your top I'm looking forward to the question s and your answers ❤
I have never felt that attachment to a psychotherapist. To my working therapist, yes and of course to my friends etc., yes. But I do send my music to my therapist.
Hey everyone, I'm somehow so happy about this podcast and zhr community so I just wanted to say that I hope you're all doing well to everyone who's scrolling down these comments! I'm wishing you all an amazing day ❤ We're all in this together 🌻
However, I do miss many of these "help persons" as individuals. But of course, I can't have friends; I always need to share my life with them and they avoid me. I have never had friends where I am not the only one who takes initiatives except for two. And they seldom share their life with me either.
Hi Katie, Thanks so much for your videos and podcasts. Q. Please explain to me WHY we are forced to FORGIVE? It does my 'heads' in thats the neew rage, confusion, pain, amnesia, I ask my doctor gp Australia, please organize an operation for me to have my skull opened in order for my brain to breathe and exhale while expanding or stretching because I have pressure, I jjfeel left and right spliting! IKR /also I feel brain communicating left side right side I hear it as well,. therer's not enoygh room ir or is this a common sensation that D.I.D. Perslonalities explain how they change, etc. Havfent figuredd it out yet but truing to talke notes, frugging writing I have done recently changeds style'look'emotions. please if you are able to see this please will you help cope 3 peeps=not good. Im stuch living with a conversaational narcissist, plus wow is me, grandios , show off when has money=must buy most $ , gift giver-kinda, the verbal abuse, emotional, reality gone for me, shit no cant say for the third time=i am ocd autistic cfs cptsd agoraphobic anxiety painful chest pain while having a panic attack, today it was different my eyes absolutely ouchie-blurry with the forehead hurting, ringing ears, wait off track,. hasimotos' thyroiditis low blood pressssure compressed disc L1 on the nerve now causing oh so very hurtfyk l oaibnn.......crippling me over , my feet can start fires from the heat radiating off them and the big toes ouchie ,,,theres more, im so overwhelming overwhelmed dairy lactose intolerant, scared to the point of i nearly gave up friday week ago did feel really sad or depressed i dyslexic a stutter here and there,, sjocial anxiety high chjould be empathic so not fun when have no connection yet .........noooooooooooooooooo gaslit ignored yelled at insulted very loud and scary loud abusive hate threatening my security by he demanding i hleave his house safe nope no help through domestic violence because we are platonic lodger landlord relationship. he has given me the 'death look' twice now last 6months been here nearly 4. thank y9ou kati love ya big hugs to you which boomerang back to me...??????????
How do I as a patient deal with words already uttered by suppotive friends and aquantances? If people already tell me something again and again, which of course feels extremely bad, what does does it mean that my therapist tell me the same things making me even more confused?
This is probably a silly question but at the 1:02:19 Mark when you say you can't get a patient to come back because they have dissociated. What does this look like? Do they know they are dissociating?
Hello, hope you're having a good day! You're from UK if I remember correctly..? I've been there a few times and hope to go back and see more when the pandemic is over 😊
Just about question 2 - the legal aspect. Where I live it is illegal not to hire based on a disability - and work places beyond a certain amount of people (not sure number maybe 10) needs to have people with disabilities working at the company and the workplace has to accessible to them! There some (not many) cases when it is legal - when the disability is significant to that specific job. Someone with a speech issue that teaches children - the children cant/have difficulty understanding the teacher - the speech is important aspect of teaching. If the children cant easily understand they wont learn the subject meaning that they need to learn. A person who is blind can not be a driving instructor (and that is not considered against the law) or a person who is deaf cant work in company as a tela-marketing. A psychologist who others cant understand the way they speak at all times - will that work? (a little different as the psychologist job is to listen and not talk a lot - but still they do talk during the sessions).
I got a book about CPTSD. Couldn't even finish it. CPTSD is just so broad that it becomes useless, it's far too easy to diagnose people with it. Typical psychology BS.
@tuna Sure, reading books can help you find stuff about yourself. But going around and creating labels for every single problematic experience in life becomes counter productive. You have folks saying "my" depression, and "my" anxiety. It's now something you now "have". We are pathologizing basic (albeit painful) human experiences and of course pumping people full of drugs in the process. But I agree, focus on what's causing pain and work from that.
I dropped a therapist 10 minutes into a first session for asking "why do you think you need so much validation?"
I account for tone, inflection, body language, the words a person chooses to communicate the thought. If she had a curious or conversational tone, it would not have bothered me. But all the non-verbal cues came off as judgemental and really got my hackles up.
I had a therapist say, "are you always this impulsive" to something I was nervous to share, never spoke to here again! Then another one who answer the phone in session, bye!
Sometimes you have to hear the truth
Hey everyone!!! I hope your week has been a good one :) I might be a bit slow to respond in comments as we're handling "life" stuff on this end... We'll be back up and running in the coming week!
No worries Kati and Sean I hope you have a great move.
Congratulations Kati for your new home 🏡 😊☺️🌞
No worries at all!! 😊
Trying to cope
I SAW THAT CPTSD TOPIC AND GOT HYPEDDDD.
Thanks for all you guys do 💗💗💗
P
The career answer is really good. When I was dating someone in college and they were in med school there was a woman in their class in her mid fifties. I really don’t want to think there is such a thing as too late for a dream as long as you’re breathing and still dream.
Great podcast as always! One comment is there was an editing quirk where, “I’m finished, Honey!” Made it into the theme at the end. It startled me but was also really cute to see the human side. Hope your move goes well!
I heard that too. So cute!
Thank you for the response I am having the conversation tonight!!!
35:40 I feel that! Being 2 months postpartum with an eating disorder that has skyrocketed since getting pregnant is overwhelming. I stay off social media to not get discouraged at the progress I’m doing, it’s slow but healthy this time.
Eating disorders effin’ suck!!!
I’m a high school student and I will be starting my college career path this upcoming fall and I feel so relieved to have the opportunity to learn so much from you. I’m currently in therapy and find it difficult to speak and open up. Today’s podcast was super helpful. Thank you for all that you do.
I dissociate all the time in therapy, but my therapist and I have become fairly good at catching it early and getting me back. Dissociation is tricky because it sometimes feels like a nice break from reality.
About being overwhelmed by daily duties, for me, there are two things: 1. feeling judged by others 2. being overwhelmed by guilt and shame in relationships (family, friends, former partners...) leading to the loss of healthy sleeping and eating routines.
About being an adult, I must say that while it is true that I mainly do manage by daily life, can travel by my own, having Asperger, I cannot be excpected to be an adult to the same extent that is expected from the society. After all, I have never had a job, there are special help to get etc. But of course, others don't always understand this and I don't know how to deal with that.
Hi Kati, thank you sooo much for answering my question! I'm the totally overwhelmed hobo! I think the thing that stresses me out like you suggested is feeling responsible 24/7. Thank you for giving me some things to ponder over in my journal. I think I will also call my doctor and ask them about anti depressants to maybe get me out of the hole so I can start building from there. Thank you so much again and love from the UK xxx
@Questionn #2 This was my story. I tried the education program, but the way my struggles and how my disability affects my learning, it wasn’t the best fit. I eventually switched careers and became real curious about my new role. Yesterday, I graduated from college and I have a job. Please don’t give up!! Like Kati said” There are still ways to do what you love.”
Ps. I told my mentors from education program about my job and they were THRILLED for me!!
Not gonna lie, the comments about “oh just get a sitter or split time with your partner” are pretty unhelpful when you’re a single mother (her dad is dead, there’s no time off) struggling to just keep the lights on.
I know your heart is in the right place, but sometimes it’s far more complicated than just planning ahead.
Katie I appreciate how open you are as you are coaching me on how to be a good therapist .❤
1:24:06 "All finished, honey!"
That was a cute ending to this video^^
I am so glad that feeling the need to have a personal obi-wan is kinda normal (?) 😊 (Someone who can guide as a mentor)
i just thought it meant not having had enough guidance from caretakers in childhood.
I hope your move is going well - as always a great podcast and I really love the "I'm finished honey!" at the end. This could, in variations, become a recurring theme for the podcast.
Love the podcast! Just a small suggestion: when you interject your own thoughts about the question while reading it, it might be a good idea to look at the camera to make it easier to tell what's part of the question and what isn't
I've had therapists that ask me "why" all the time...I've had alot of bad therapists.
Thank you so much for answering my question!!
I prefer making notes on paper, too! For instance, my weekly goal list is always written by hand. I draw boxes in front of each goal and put an X or a check mark in each box when I complete it. It always makes me feel good. LOL. I have resisted putting a gold star next to completed tasks. 😜
Your awesome and thank you so much for helping so many peeps!!❤❤
Hey,
thank you for this amazing episode! I actually just wanted to say that it's amazing you're taking a break in July, I'm so happy for you! and I hope you'll enjoy your time away, relax and have a chance to focus on other things besides youtube🤍
Trans patient here... I wish you had spent more time researching and learning up on things trans before wading into your answer. The dynamic you speculated on DOES happen. However, these people should generally not transition. The vast majority of people who transition are satisfied with the process and find it vastly improved their mental health. But there’s a small group of people who detransition because transition was not right for them. And some of these people go on to speak out about transition and in general make life harder for the trans community. Almost to a T, they describe a pattern of childhood abuse that led them to dislike their birth gender. The appropriate treatment for them is to address the childhood trauma, and not transition. One job of a gender therapist is to distinguish the two and help guide patients to what’s right for them (by holding a safe space, etc, not by telling them what to do). The RUclipser Dr Z is such a therapist and has a lot of really insightful thing to say about these issues. She also lives in LA.
Totally agree, I also just want to emphasize that TERF's and other anti-trans groups often use the examples of trauma in an attempt to invalidate the entire trans community. These groups imply that gender dysphoria or being trans is solely or usually the result of trauma and bad parenting, therefore, trans people should have their psychological issues addressed instead of pursuing medical transition. Although a proper understanding of what is driving gender dysphoria is always prudent, this argument is often used in practice to bar trans individuals from accessing healthcare, leading to an enormous amount of suffering and death in a community that has some of the highest suacide statistics of any community.
Agree. Her answer was so sad to me. As a trans person who also lived through CSA, having my gender dysphoria "blamed" on my CSA just makes me feel re-victimized. I have tons of trauma in my life and it's given me a lot of issues, but treating my gender dysphoria is an entirely separate issue and has been amazing. When I brought up the same question to my therapist - back when I was still questioning - she pointed out that enough people are abused that if this were something that happens as a result of CSA, there'd be way more trans folx.
Kati I've watched you since the being of your youTube career. You are incredible
Wow that was exactly what I needed to hear this week! Should have listened earlier
kati! your questions in the description box don’t quite match the ones you are talking about!
I noticed that too, was so confusing.. ?
Sean here... I put the wrong description in! Should be fixed now :)
Sean here... I put the wrong description in! Should be fixed now :)
I apologize if this is the wrong space for this question. I was wondering if there is any non-social media way to contact you? Other than youtube I actively avoid social media sites and I was hoping you had a way for people like myself to ask questions.
A pause of two minutes is not normal, but a one of ten seconds is perfecly normal. When that happens it simply means that I needed a pause to think. That does not mean that I am not open. But when I haven't managed to tell something for an entire 45 or 60 minutes session - that is problematic. Sometimes it is because of shame, on other occassions there simply is not enough time, but it is also common that it is because I feel distracted and stressed out by questions - questions that feel like I am being strangled.
Yay! I am so ready for this! And definitely this topic! Congratulations on finding the house!!!🥰🥰
Thank God for this, today has been so overwhelming.
Thanks for the great podcast! Good luck in the move. Let us know when you get there. 😊
Hello kati just clicked on the new podcast was looking for it yesterday anyway glad its here now. Been waiting and needing this podcast this week to add. You look nice in your top I'm looking forward to the question s and your answers ❤
HI Kati. just curious, how would you deal with a situation if a client asked you out on a date?
I just signed up for the workshop, that sounds amazing! Thank you Kati! How many people are going to be there approximately?
Hi Anna, we won’t know until we get closer to the date. 🤗🤗
I'm having trouble matching the qs to the description
Sean here... I put the wrong description in! Should be fixed now :)
I have never felt that attachment to a psychotherapist. To my working therapist, yes and of course to my friends etc., yes. But I do send my music to my therapist.
Hey everyone, I'm somehow so happy about this podcast and zhr community so I just wanted to say that I hope you're all doing well to everyone who's scrolling down these comments! I'm wishing you all an amazing day ❤ We're all in this together 🌻
However, I do miss many of these "help persons" as individuals.
But of course, I can't have friends; I always need to share my life with them and they avoid me. I have never had friends where I am not the only one who takes initiatives except for two. And they seldom share their life with me either.
Thanks ❤️
Hi Katie,
Thanks so much for your videos and podcasts.
Q. Please explain to me WHY we are forced to FORGIVE?
It does my 'heads' in thats the neew rage, confusion, pain, amnesia, I ask my doctor gp Australia, please organize an operation for me to have my skull opened in order for my brain to breathe and exhale while expanding or stretching because I have pressure, I jjfeel left and right spliting! IKR /also I feel brain communicating left side right side I hear it as well,. therer's not enoygh room ir or is this a common sensation that D.I.D. Perslonalities explain how they change, etc. Havfent figuredd it out yet but truing to talke notes, frugging writing I have done recently changeds style'look'emotions. please if you are able to see this please will you help cope 3 peeps=not good. Im stuch living with a conversaational narcissist, plus wow is me, grandios , show off when has money=must buy most $ , gift giver-kinda, the verbal abuse, emotional, reality gone for me, shit no cant say for the third time=i am ocd autistic cfs cptsd agoraphobic anxiety painful chest pain while having a panic attack, today it was different my eyes absolutely ouchie-blurry with the forehead hurting, ringing ears, wait off track,. hasimotos' thyroiditis low blood pressssure compressed disc L1 on the nerve now causing oh so very hurtfyk l oaibnn.......crippling me over , my feet can start fires from the heat radiating off them and the big toes ouchie ,,,theres more, im so overwhelming overwhelmed dairy lactose intolerant, scared to the point of i nearly gave up friday week ago did feel really sad or depressed i dyslexic a stutter here and there,,
sjocial anxiety high chjould be empathic so not fun when have no connection yet .........noooooooooooooooooo gaslit ignored yelled at insulted very loud and scary loud abusive hate threatening my security by he demanding i hleave his house safe nope no help through domestic violence because we are platonic lodger landlord relationship. he has given me the 'death look' twice now last 6months been here nearly 4.
thank y9ou kati love ya big hugs to you which boomerang back to me...??????????
Always helpful Kati
How do I as a patient deal with words already uttered by suppotive friends and aquantances? If people already tell me something again and again, which of course feels extremely bad, what does does it mean that my therapist tell me the same things making me even more confused?
paper!!!
This is probably a silly question but at the 1:02:19 Mark when you say you can't get a patient to come back because they have dissociated. What does this look like? Do they know they are dissociating?
Hope to say hello and meet someone new here like other times always feel comfortable and welcome here
Hello, hope you're having a good day! You're from UK if I remember correctly..? I've been there a few times and hope to go back and see more when the pandemic is over 😊
I love your tanktop! Can you share where it is from?
Hello Katie ☺️
Love the answers, as always, but that vignette on the video was a bit over the top this time, imo... xD
Hello everyone here how are you doing hows things going in your country
30:04 You need $$$ for a vacation lol Broke people don't get breaks.
0:56, aw, poor blue eyes.
Just about question 2 - the legal aspect. Where I live it is illegal not to hire based on a disability - and work places beyond a certain amount of people (not sure number maybe 10) needs to have people with disabilities working at the company and the workplace has to accessible to them!
There some (not many) cases when it is legal - when the disability is significant to that specific job.
Someone with a speech issue that teaches children - the children cant/have difficulty understanding the teacher - the speech is important aspect of teaching. If the children cant easily understand they wont learn the subject meaning that they need to learn. A person who is blind can not be a driving instructor (and that is not considered against the law) or a person who is deaf cant work in company as a tela-marketing.
A psychologist who others cant understand the way they speak at all times - will that work? (a little different as the psychologist job is to listen and not talk a lot - but still they do talk during the sessions).
I got a book about CPTSD. Couldn't even finish it. CPTSD is just so broad that it becomes useless, it's far too easy to diagnose people with it. Typical psychology BS.
@tuna Sure, reading books can help you find stuff about yourself. But going around and creating labels for every single problematic experience in life becomes counter productive. You have folks saying "my" depression, and "my" anxiety. It's now something you now "have". We are pathologizing basic (albeit painful) human experiences and of course pumping people full of drugs in the process. But I agree, focus on what's causing pain and work from that.
what was the book?
@tuna I agree and thank you for expressing that.
If you're an expert and this is bs then why waste time watching the video?
@@izzizeev2815 Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving"