Living a Life Without External Structure -- The Value and Difficulties
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 28 ноя 2024
- www.wildtruth.net It isn’t easy to live without a great deal of external structure, and consequently requires dedication to inner structure: a personal relationship with one’s own self, one’s life purpose, one's mission, even one's art…
A beautiful soul with a beautiful heart called Daniel!
When traumatic events occur in life, they bring down the external structures in which we had placed our self identify, self worth and sense of security.
Healing makes us ground ourselves within us because external structures have already collapsed and can no longer be relied on.
When we rebuild external structures after healing from trauma, we continue to stay grounded within ourselves rather than be defined by external structures. And that feels powerful.
I often wonder ‘what are people ‘doing’ that keeps them so busy?’ Like where are all these people driving to or talking to on the phone. Everyone looks so important and determined - to what, I do not know.
When people run in circles it's..
Freedom is addictive. Once I detached myself from the external structure that was imposed to me by my biological family, growth happened and inner work started. Otherwise I was stuck in too many dysfunctional relationships and hardly had time to even think on the track of self care self love and self development
Society imposes structure on children. The most notable example of this is forced public schooling until age 16. Government, fueled by power mongers, structures every aspect of your life in developed Western nations. It's only when you are an adult that you have any ability to reduce the amount of structure in your life. Usually, it's not until you're middle aged that you realize how much structure was imposed on you, without you even realizing it. As a result, most people habitualize and are addicted to structure. Many times, it's terminal and lasts throughout their remaining days. Lots of people get depressed when you remove structure.
@The Real Deal While I do believe people can benefit from structure, or "ordered liberty," I think much of the structure in the Western World today is negative and only really benefits the 1%. Sure, there are benefits the masses get from this order, but they pay dearly for those benefits. The masses pay so dearly for them, in fact, that I'm reluctant to even call them "benefits".
As far as modern "education" goes...much of it is worthless and serves mostly to waste people's time and turn them into obedient slaves. The masters have created a credentialing system where it takes most people seventeen-to-twenty-three years to qualify for a job that takes maybe four years of base education + six months of job training to effectively perform. The lion's share of the "education" is learning/memorizing worthless trivia that you might be able to use at dinner parties.
@@the_gilded_age_phoenix8717 damn right
External structures feel to me a lot like the adult version of what a helpless baby needs... society and culture being the parental figure who is in charge of dictating how the adult baby should live.
Baby needs a diper, baby isn’t expected to have full bowel control. Adult baby needs a diploma, marriage certificate and income stubs; adult baby isn’t expected to follow his own path.
The metaphor was inspired by my parents who insist I don’t want to grow up into an adult like my peers because all those external structures proved to be ill fitting to the growth needs of my soul...
Much respect and appreciation for this, Daniel! I chose freedom over the fiction of stability a long time ago. I have no interest in the stresses of having a regular job, house, kids, car, etc. I do what I want, and never fear failing anyone. People with conventional lives may think I'm a loser, but I'm totally winning by my own measure of success.
You have just defined a decent human being, especially the last sentence
I'm on the same path without external structures, but I'm finding it difficult to find stability over financial conditions without a job or a regular career. I'll just plug along, I guess and see where it takes me.
@@stevanoottokunstruggling so much with a regular jobs systems and yet think it's nice to play the game and see what could come out of it while managing space for freedom if such a thing is actually possible
I really resonate with this. I have no real external structure in my life either. Of course, there are upsides and downsides with both scenarios, but for me, real meaning and purpose cannot arise while you are a) still impacted by unresolved trauma, and b) still in toxic families, or relationships. I didn't exactly 'choose' to lead an life without the structure you name. I've literally 'found myself' living on the outskirts of 'normal' life, and realise I'm happy to be here. People with external structures have no time, or even avoid self inquiry, or truly knowing themselves. And while that definitely makes for an 'easier' life, the cost of that is astronomical! I'm an artist, singer songwriter, spoken word poet, and more. I have the 'luxury' of time, and a genuine interest to learn about and express myself. That is my identity, my structure, driven by a desire to live a more authentic, meaningful existence. Artists are an essential ingredient in any culture. That necessarily involves a different kind of life altogether.
I can really relate to what you are saying. To all you folks who are struggling with this mode of being, I have found that internally imposed structure, ie regular sleep / food schedule, helps keep me balanced while I do inner work. Otherwise I can get pretty overwhelmed.
I work just enough to survive as I see structured work and buying more stuff with my money as running away from my true self. In reality we need a lot less material things than we think to live a fulfilled life. Thanks for your videos - you are an inspiration.
I totally feel you. But after a long time, I want to consciously bring back structures because it’s very tiring to be in existential thoughts and feelings all the time.. I want to consciously bring in more bondage for myself hahaha
I know. Been there, done that.
You're definitely right about the business of life inherently gobbling up all the ability self reflect on the internal journey. When I was grieving my mothers death, I took 6 months off work. I began creating and drawing, sketching... just creating. Then, I went back to work and it all dried up. :(((
I used to be afraid of what I might find if I explored deep inside myself... now I'm afraid of what might happen if I dont.
I've done what you did, now resolved my internal questions, and I'm ready to go outside to embrace an external structure where I can be of use, find fulfillment.
I think you can learn a lot from yourself as long as you stay open.
There's so much information you absorb without having time to organize and make sense of, that a lack of structure really is the key sometimes, especially when you got a few epiphinies about yourself and people in general that you need to have before you can solve certain problems.
Still, without a sense of community, or at least someone in your life that can't be replaced, it becomes very hard (in my opinion) to find meaning in jack shit. Even art (in some cases)
Daniel I am so glad you made this video. I come from a similar place lacking structure, and have to balance freedom with pace. Thanks always, I love your content.
Ooh I love that… freedom with pace 💙 the rhythms of movement in chosen dance & directions … with space to choose directions and expressions, rest & rejuvenation too… makes me think of how structure can be like a prison OR like a beautiful boat, which is structure but also protection and MORE freedom too! 🌊⛵️🌊
I'm 15 and it's remarkable how much i relate to your videos. I have ADHD - I don't think the name of the condition is right, or a lot of the info out there about it, but the evidence that i have it is practically screaming at me and I embrace it because it makes me pretty damn awesome at doing some things.
The structure of my life is comfroting to me in a lot of ways, but I've been interested in philosophy and psychology for the last couple of years and journalling non stop - and I am long past seeing the ultimate goal as my career, my beauty or my money but insead meaning.
My next hurdle is finding the ability to value meaning if I literally only have myself to back it up. But part of worrying a rational amount aboyt how others percieve me is because of the structure, some of which I will hopefully be able to shed soon.
I'm okay with going against the grain but if i didn't rely on people like you to almost miraculously understand what I was going through then I might have just told myself I was stupid - although maybe not because my brain is never quiet enough to accept an idea as collonial as that - but i would have focussed on the wrong things and I'm glad that somehow I've discovered this now and not in my middle age - and I thought it might be interesting for you to hear as well.
I was around the same age when I began my self-discovery journey. I also have some sort of ADHD but can lose myself in my design work for hours. It’s been a superpower for me looking back, and less of a burden (only when thinking about committing to the structured cookie-cutter life).
You have one remarkable journey ahead of you, if you allow yourself patience and grace. Discover for value system and let that be what guides you.
I've been without external extructure almost all my life, both for being in a disfunctional familly/social circle and also because I have mental health problems. I'm 30 now. I don't know how it is for other people but for me is the most painfull, hardest mad-driving thing I can imagine. I don't know if I would be capable of having a normal life one day (job, house, etc) but definatelly this loner existence is almost hell for me.
Same here
It made me smile while listening to you - it all sounds so familiar!!! I'm older than you, Daniel, also a loner, chose a life which is a little off the norm. Going through self-healing. Sometimes I long for a relationship but I fear a more structured life would take away from me all that I cherish: freedom, being within myself, contemplating existential issues, disovering creativity within me - all things that you mention in your video! True, I do have some structure - a home in the country, and I think it would be much harder and even unsafe sometimes for a woman to be fully 'structuraless'. I love your channel!
I feel this. Thank you for your comment. I feel it is more difficult to be a woman without structure. The menstrual cycle alone makes the whole lack of comfort/convenience worse, not to mention the possibilities of pregnancy/miscarriage/abuse. And yet, I am very free and have found a home (I rent) every time I have sought one. A home in the country sounds awesome 👏🏻 I do feel overwhelmed when I think of my lack of structure, security in the face of death, and yet, the consequences of plugging into the external structure seem awful (coffee addiction, disassociation, working all the time -either with kids or at a recognized job, no time to just be alive). I’d like to build my own external structure instead of becoming a part of society’s game plan, unless that’s what I truly wanted.
@@sarahtrammell9546hope you can find a way
What an interesting topic! I am an artist and have struggled for much if my life with 'time management'. When I am painting, I get so immersed in it I lose track of time. Sometimes that is wonderful but wasn't when my kids were at home and I had to fit into their needs which involve keeping track of time, schedules, to do lists etc! They didn't need a mother with her head in the clouds so I had to be careful when I allowed myself that time to get lost in my artwork. I could keep on top of things do with my kids, when they were the focus, but struggled when I was on my own. My fantasy was to live a life that did not involve schedules, time management etc. I wanted days where I could bounce and settle where I needed as the day went on, rather than being pulled in one direction or another. Now that I am older, I find when I have too many aimless days like that can be hard too because I am not doing what needs done, like making doctor apps. paying bills, shopping for food. :) I work part time which suits well....just enough regimented days to keep me social, non isolated, but time to create and be unstructured too. Being an artist for me feels like I am always just a bit off beat w the rest of the world. I have come to accept that about myself but wish health insurance benefits were more affordable for people who are self employed. If not for that, I could just meander happily thru life enjoying beautiful things! :)
Loved this! I’ve broken down a lot of my external structure this last year and I discovered so much about myself. It was extremely painful, as you said, but what I gained made it so much more worth it. Funny enough, I discovered my artistic ability in that time and it is now one of the most important things in my life. I didn’t even know who I truly was until I discovered my art. Thanks so much for your brilliant insight! Also, I second the podcast idea!
You are right, it is definitely not easy to live without external structure (I have been self-employed for most of my life, doing different things like graphic design, translations, teaching, etc., or even not having any job at all for a while). It puts a lot of emphasis on self-discipline in order to get things done, since nothing immediately pressures you to do things. On the other hand, it also gives lots of opportunities to really search and investigate deeper aspects of life. It has led me to art at first, then to having spiritual experiences. Most people have external schedules all their life, not that it is bad, but as you say, its not their conscious choice, but just something they mechanically follow and they can not imagine what would happen if they didn’t have it.
What you do Daniel takes time also, and you've built it in yourself, you take it everywhere.
Love ❤️ you Daniel. I’m in the exact same place. My toxic upbringing caused me to be repelled by the structured life of marriage,children status etc. it all looked like one huge trap to me because i never wanted to replicate the same mess my parents created. I went totally no contact with my 6 younger siblings and parents many years ago. Long story but ill keep it brief so nuff Said.
I always blamed myself for not having much external structure.
Well I'd have it, but had to keep coming out of structure, for my own safety, because structure usually means a power structure. Within power structures I was usually the vulnerable and bullied one.
Whether a structure is positive or negative, depends very much on how much power you have in it.
And yes, I became an artist. To deal with my internal world.
Most structures and routines are very deadnening.
In recent years I've discover I'm actually a very developed person.
I've lived the structured and unstructured life ; theyare equally hard …
One gives you too much time to think and the other no time to think
I'm trying to shoot for semi structure by adding routine activity in a random way
Lol
😀
I love my alone time more than anything.. having unstructured freedom is the best way for me to connect with creativity and self reflect and all that good stuff.
And I can then offer a more balanced healthier me to the world.. Win Win
It’s true, many people are terrified to live solo, & do everything alone.. for so many reasons !! One of them is that, it does feel good to be with people you enjoy & like !! It’s a form of nourishment, actually. ~ When I had my isolation moments & life stages; they were awful & terrible & painful to the core. ~ At the current time, I am going through an 8 year period of maximum solitude while maintaining a job & an assortment of casual relationships. ~ It’s true, I am making great progress in my personsl development; but at some point all this existential ~ ness by itself, has to come to an end, because nature doesn’t like a vacuum. ~ The space we desire & hunger for, is within. ~ And, at some point one can ask, is it freedom one seeks, or fear of being contained somehow. In other words, it’s human to connect & build relationships & structures.. no worries ..it could be so fun !!
Daniel - I really like this video. I think people unconsciously create external structure but then become slaves to it and it becomes very difficult or impossible to change. For example, if you have kids, you are responsible for them for 18-21 years, sometimes longer these days. If you are married, it is supposed to be for life. I like the idea of consciously creating external structure but carefully with an eye on the long term and what that will mean. Also, if there's another person involved, (girlfriend, boyfriend, etc) it's important to discuss this with them. A lot of people are just looking for traditional stability (house, work, car, vacations, etc.)
I will also say that many people need at least some structure to lead productive lives. It's a skill to know how to structure your day/week/month/year in the absence of external structure. My experience is very few have that skill.
Totally agree that it's a skill to structure your own time (life) and it's a skill that is not really taught and developed in children who, instead, are taught obedience and submitting to externally imposed (time) structures. I'm struggling a lot with structuring my time since I've become free from external structures. I'd say that a great artist is someone who not only has particular talent which has been developed into mastery but it also a person who is capable of structuring their own time.
I live a life without external structure and its extremely difficult! It often puts me into misery. I noticed that I can grieve my trauma better when there is the comforting security of structures. We are like children in that way. Longterm we just need it like we need healthy sleep. Sure some people are made for a less structured life comparing to others but we all need it in some form
I live a somewhat unstructured life, but now I can posit that I must be strong to do this. What structure I do have comes from my writing "projects". You always seem to have something interesting and thoughtful to say, and it's always about me.
I feel so normal now that I heard you talk about your unstructured life ! Thank you for sharing .
Hi Daniel,
It is true... Not having a structure can be terrifying. More than 10 years ago, I left my corporate job in a top company and not long later finding myself in Thailand staying among the hilltribes and forest monasteries. Prior to leaving the job, I was having depression from years of bottled grief and was totally burnt out. That year, amongst the hill tribes and monastery, I found my healing. But that year without external structure was tough. Supressed emotion and trauma came out. It was terrifying. However, it gives a feeling of peace and satisfaction like no other material acquisition could ever do once we could succeasful deal with these repressed feelings.
Thanks for sharing about your experience. It is very encouraging.
Wow. I dream of doing something like this. Leaving the country and going toward, following my soul. Maybe become a monk or find enlightenment. Or something else who know. Feel alive. Live. Feel life outside of “this”. Leave this all behind. Either way, it’s scary- but one way is like chosen for me before I got a say. And seems quite cheap on the layout and “rewards” compared to the cost.😂 god my future or graduating college does NKT excited me in the slightest. Everybody else is so excited and anxious to “graduate!”. But I’m like for what, to start and begin the rest of my career / “life”, even earlier?💀 what is EXCITING about it? How is everybody not feeling this? What are they excited for? To start working? To start the beginning of what they’ll be doing (to survive) for the rest of their lives?
@@sperez3275 you have wisdom beyond your years and usually the very few who comprehend life like you do would feel very alone.
However, living abroad is not a bed of roses or filled with peace. Where there are humans, they would bound to be problems, politics, misunderstanding and even bullying. It happens everywhere even in the most established center and organization. Eventually we will realize that we cannot change the way people behave or think, we can only control our responses to them. This itself is part of our own practice.
After I left the corporate world, I did go back again to work because I was tired of being broke. But I learned to save money and I changed my ways of thinking. I thought of the other employees all who came to work to have money to feed their families and make an honest living, and that my job did help to make their working life easier. We can work in corporate and not sell our soul.
Eventually I had to resign again to my mom's full time caregiver. If I had not worked in a higher paying job, I would not have the financial means and savings to go without a job as my mom's medical expenses are high.
No matter how, the reality of life is most of us need to have money to survive. But we can exist in the material world without sacrificing our principles and values if we are determined enough. The obstacles and challenges can be the path of practice that leads to enlightenment. Hopefully you can find meaning and purpose in the path and direction that you choose 🙏
I find myself blowing the bowl
I'd like to thank you for this video. I've been going thru a lot of doubt and pain in my life. I didn't really know what caused it. Your videos are really interesting. I hope you can keep making these!
such an awesome channel! keep up the great work...
big hug
I can so relate. I dont have kids and have never wanted them, still dont. I also examined myself as you have and it was very difficult. Now I am so much lighter. I live w my boyfriend but no plans for marriage. I work from home and spend time w my German Shepherds. I do prefer having a solid home life but still have lots of time to think. I'm wondering what I'll do next, too. Good topic.
Your setup seems ideal for lots of people.
I didn't think I wanted kids, but turns out that it's pretty wonderful. Wouldn't have guessed from the anti-family and anti-kids ideas in our culture, and certainly not from having grown up in a very dysfunctional family. As a minimalist I still have a lot of freedom and time.
I'm in the same boat you are in, Daniel. I chose it early on. However, since I have ADHD, I definitely do better with structure. Trying to make this life work for me has not been easy.
It's uncommon, but it is happening. I'm in a similar place at 39. Traveled and tried many things after graduating from college, and now choosing structure based on the person I've grown into being and knowing.
Another structureless explorer here. This life style is the only one that suits me, no matter how many times I tried to 'fit in' social boxes, they'd always be too tight for me.
Your open honesty "kills me ( meaning in a refreshing way)."
The broadening of the definition- "Artist" has encompassed musicians, filmmakers, etc. By that token, I see these videos are your canvas and you're as creative as all hell ... I think it's that internal structure self-examination.
💙❤️
The sad thing is that my father treated me badly and and was never around yet my half sister he was around for and supported her through out her life she is the golden child who would always listen to him now she’s in college and lives in a dorm. 🤷♀️ to this day I try with my father but each time he manages to disappoint me with neglect and gas lighting so he’s dead to me and I’m pretty sure I’ve told him that. He doesn’t want to listen to you either or read your books to do better because he doesn’t want to look at his own pain it would suffocate him and it’s too scary and same with my mother who literally takes the positive approach and who is also neglectful. I already have a hard enough time getting out of victim mode as it is so best for me is to stop talking to my parents
Interesting subject and food for thought.
I must say I never really liked external structure very much and did the minimum I could get away with (a job to survive). However once I had a child I became “plugged in” to the whole social/educational/social services/medical system in a way that was often an anathema to me. A more permanent home became a priority too (especially as I was often I’ll). I was glad when my son grew up and the whole “education” thing was over.
On a related question it’s interesting to note how different people deal with retirement and that particular loss of structure and role.
Yes. And yes.
Bless u, fellowtraveler. 😊
I had similar situation so I really feel you. From my experience, it's the best time to learn "unconditional self-love", and after that experience, like you said, one can reach to the state of full non-attachment to the external structure whether it's going well or not.
I don't think people with external structure is happier tho. They have their worry and stress too. Just different level.
I also don't think it's wrong being surrounded by several external structure unconsciously. This is most people do but doesn't mean they are any worse or stupid. Sometimes it's the timing, sometimes they don't have other options (especially work for money..)
Just comparing the surface doesn't help, it's even harmful. Only because you compare, you will have this identity crisis. That's why I said it's good opportunity to learn self acceptance (without comparing).
;)
Another brilliantly insightful perspective. Thank you Daniel !
Just discovered this beautiful man and his voice.
For me, at seventy-two, an entire life with the option for structure or no structure has shown that it's a question of degree and of balance. No, I was not independently wealthy! and have always worked enough in the world to take care of myself. The rest of my work - I love to work! - is of my own making, tending to things that matter in terms of beauty and usefulness. It is its own reward. It is important to add that I am frugal in lifestyle and require much less money than the average person. Owning my time and energy is of far greater worth to me than money or the unnecessary things it can buy. And still, I own my modest home no mortgage; the old truck still runs well, and thrift stores are wonderful. Structure is a part-time job that is healthy for my freedom-loving psyche which enjoys having a specific place and time to be three days a week. Being my own authority is beyond price.
Thank you to all the thoughtful commentators on Daniel's site.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, I experimented with this idea of no external structure myself when I was just out of high school, so it's been on my mind and it's interesting that you've explored it too
I'm becoming more and more addicted to your videos every time.
Hey Daniel! I just found your channel but I cannot believe they overlap in your experiences and what I have been processing through. I burned out as a youth advocate and then went down the rabbit whole of no contact with my family. I also had a traumatic brain injury two years ago and ever since then I decided I move into my vehicle and work part time doing delivery driving. I cannot express how much I love the freedom and it has allowed me to heal. Yet the void can also be daunting and scary. I feel this stage of my development has been so valuable. I don’t know that many people take the time to do this unless they are forced to by some unfortunate circumstance. I wanted to say how much I appreciate your videos particularly around going no contact with toxic family members and issues you had with the mental health system. I am so grateful there are others who understand, even if those people are on RUclips! :)
I‘m totally in that process of what I want and existential questing now. I’m 30 and luckily in the position of giving me some months off without structure. So I can face these questions but at the same time I’m struggling with wasting my time at social media and Netflix. I’m so grateful that I found that video because it encourages me to go within and these questions. Actually I want to become a therapist and am afraid of heading years of so much external structure. Eventually this external structure thing is also the reason “I’m not ready for kids”, because I want to stay connected with me and therefore need a lot of free time. Very interesting topic.
This video is exactly what I needed to hear.
I am 24, and this is my life right now. Right now, after fixing all the broken in my head, at least as far as I can being in the position I am in, I am finally trying to build that structure. I have no idea what I am doing. But I know further searching inward at this point will yield no purpose. Only externally absorbing information and experiences will further my inward journey at this stage.
In regard of the partner, it's important to find the one with similar values if possible. If you work remotely and from anywhere, best to pick one that works in a similar manner so you can travel together etc.
Daniel I totally relate to what you are saying and find it very comforting to hear someone express so beautifully much of what I have been experiencing for the past 10 years. I have been in deep contemplation, reviewing my childhood, healing past emotional trauma and now feel torn between continuing to honour my preference for lack of structure or beginning to introduce more structure. Like you, I'd want to introduce structure because it's a natural next stage but I tend to feel uncertain a lot of the time about whether I need to be more accepting of myself, or to make hard choices that would actually be healthy for me (find a job and structure).
When you described the difference between yourself and your friend it sounds like the difference between an intuitive (you) and a sensor (your friend). I've found it very helpful to know I'm an intuitive in the MBTI system of personality and that's why I don't really fit in to the sensor world. I'm an INFJ which is both great an awful in the way you described (when you spoke of loving your introspection and finding it really hard at times). If you are an INFJ you are in the right job as they are natural counsellors. Also, I've found the psychospiritual Enneagram typology very illuminating in describing my true self and ego patterns - during my contemplation it has been an incredible road map. Thank you for your channel.
This couldn’t be more appropriate in my life right now. Thank you for sharing!
Relate to so much of this, Daniel. I too am probably about your age with somewhat similar familial issues and living a life without much structure. In my case, it was more inadvertent due to health issues but i too have found that it has allowed me to contemplate and connect dots much in the same way. I coincidentally have also hitchhiked around Yellowstone (though as a woman I look back on that as a risk I probably should not have taken!) and continue to find so much peace and joy being out by myself in beautiful landscapes in nature. I could write much more if I had the time but just wanted to share my appreciation for and connection with what you are putting out into the world
I'm a natural loner, so I understand you and the concept of "life without external structure". If you live this lifestyle (some are born into it, some choose it and some are forced into it by society) as a man, the main issue you'll encounter is women will likely not be attracted to you. They, by nature, value "providers" with a stable, consistent income that have social status. So, if you don't have that structured, titled job, with the right amount of clout, you'll likely end up alone (without a woman and without many, if any, "friends"). Men usually befriend other men that have women or money; if you don't have either of these things, they'll also consider you a "loser". So, what you're left with is a lot of free time to ponder philosophical issues and entertainment options. You'll essentially live in you own mind/world and society will either hate you or ignore you. You won't have "social value," most people will let you know this and eventually this will wear on you.
From my experience, that is most likely to be false: you will tho, as a matter of fact not attracted a certain kind of womens ... and it is fine. Pretty much the same regarding 'other men', some will not find anything worth in the way you live your life.. and it is also... fine! Reading your message, you seem to have particular trait and seem to have some unresolved issues with the more 'structured' group follower... Your message send a lot of signs of a wound relate to rejection. Rejection is a natural response to anything new or different. Jung talks about 'misoneism' in (man and his symbols). I would suggest reading about visual artist Cy Twombly, and /or listen to vintage delta blues/ reggae to begin a dialogue with yourself in a interesting way. Bless you!
Goddamn this rings true to all "losers" out there including me lol.
I mean losers in the society's perspective of course( we're happy in our own ways).
That moment when you realize that you have mostly been an outcast, and life structures have never work for you.
External structure helps me to stay on track instead of drowning in depression, procrastination and ending up doing nothing/ wasting my time.
I hear you.
Unfortunately this 'structure' is many times artificial and empty. It’s like a program, that makes zs going.
When I was 25, I met this depth psychologist who was on the edge of retiring and started taking weekly, private consultation hours to have someone in my life that I trusted when exploring my self, healing from my own traumas and facing particular individuation challenges. It was a win-win: he had a lot of time and little money (as he’d always favored dealing with people and their pains - besides his many own - rather than prescribing them psychopharmaceuticals just because he could as a psychiatrist) and I was curious to learn more about who I am.
I had just finished master’s degrees in the social sciences / humanities and so I had def. been reflecting a lot in my life, however, once I started introspecting properly, getting in touch with my inner child more and thus overcame my dissociations and schizoid-rational tendencies, everything in the external world that was providing external structure started to fade from my mind. It is not that it automatically faded from my life as well - and I do appreciate when it comes, and I can live comfortably, but it is equally fine if it goes away or if I have to push it away because I know that I need to move on. I am 28 now and I start getting a glimpse of what freedom might be.
Hey Julian
I know this is 3 years later reply. But your comments strucks me as very familiar. I too have schizoid adaption and dissociation.
I was intrigued by your comment to question if we as primary schizoids have unstructured external world due to the structured internal world? Like we project the opposite to world? Nothing satisfy us ? We are entertained in the split ?
I know lots of men who live without wife/girlfriends/kids and they are not looking in deep into their childhood wounds instead they are busy manipulating vulnerable women into casual sexual relationships. At least you are truly evolving and helping others in the process by being vulnerable n intellectually stimulating, all the power to you. Lately I watched a movie called "That Awkward Moment" which is about emotional attachments n the hook up culture. Can you please watch it and perhaps you could do a video on the phenomenon of some men these days being manipulative of women for the sake of casual sex.
You are a blessing to humanity and to me , who is trying to make sense of his life without structure..
You posted this a while ago, however I just watched it. I really relate to this - my life is very similar to yours - and I feel that there is value in not filling my life with distractions and things which take me away from being in relationship with myself and the truth of who I am. I am not bound by the way society wants me to live my life and can create life to be more reflective of the truth of who I am. It's true, I also appreciate some structure and I believe we can create that for ourselves - it's important to build some kind of structure to hold the flow of life, however this can be by choice.
Like you, I have also faced trauma and the pain of being 'alone'. It has been and is challenging at times - although I do feel that these challenges are what helps me to grow as an individual.
Recently I have started a relationship and am living in one place for now - I feel grounded again, a lot more than I have over the past number of years - plugging in as you say - however I feel much more connected with myself now - and I am making choices in accordance with who I am and what I truly value. This is a continuous process of unfolding.
Very good points! 😀
I enjoy this video. I have had many such explorations in my own life and have built a framework to help which will be published soon. Much of what you say is about feeling lost without structure. If you let external mechanisms (society, mortgage, job, etc. ect.) define your existence you are basically a slave - this is a strong word and I use it purposefully. Yet we must have structure and purpose, however this must come from what you said at the end. It must come from internal reflection. Then you can reflect on how it fits into the external mechanisms. An inside out approach will leave you far happier than the other way around. Very interesting videos, thanks for sharing.
It's funny how so many of the comments equate lack of external structure with loneliness or solitude. Every office job I worked, it filled my days, to the point I would only have a couple of hours a day to spend with people I cared about. I was surrounded by people at work, but the minute I quit the job those people all evaporated, they were just illusions of connections. Now I have no external structure, but have more time to spend with people, as well as more time to chill on my own.
I feel having the growth in consciousness as a primary in life is in fact a vocation and can not be escaped. The chips must fall as they will and sometimes that is a hard place.
Thank you so much for sharing. This is exactly my situation; I'm already an artist and I block myself from feeling like I can create because I don't have the external structure to reassure me I'm doing things right. I don't want them but I feel guilt/lack of support.
Very useful indeed for those of us who resist or just live without structure - long periods of contemplation and solitude are necessary for serious and honest healing.
Yes, I am 65 and retired less than 6 months ago so I am dealing with unstructured life at this time. I'm having a hard time adjusting but am looking forward to finally dealing with the existential questions and working through a long-delayed self-nurturing process. I have a long history of depression and just discovered a possible connection with SPD. Thank you for your videos and best of health in your future!
you are simply amazing ! your honesty is so healing . you are speaking for so many who are just like you and helping to give us validation for taking the unorthodox journey inward that is often wrought with such perplexity and existential crisis as to how to exist in this world .. thank you for doing what you do .. i stumbled upon you randomly and am forever grateful i found you to mirror my experience of this life and feel more sane ...
It must depend on your personality. I need the stability of a home and a routine and relationships that are safe. I've had it all ripped away from me and I cannot function at all.
This was so good. I love the space I create for art to grow.
What a wise man! Thank you Daniel! :)
You come across as an incredibly likeable soul
Ya, indeed. 💙
Ur an amazing man Daniel ! Im a gypsy girl with no external structure also ! I did have a work accident though and it is challenging for me to have too much time on my hands and I struggle with addiction !
This is where I’m at in life. I’ve been building a business I don’t care about, no husband or kids and have moved around a lot. Now, I’m unable to find my “why”. Nothing seems right. For the past year I’ve been debating moving out into the middle of nowhere in New York to build a hobby farm. Nature and art seem to be the only things that make me feel alive. They’re the only things that feel right in this world. Everything else seems artificial, forced, meaningless and damaging to ourselves and the world. I wish I could go back to a time when I walked around blindly, consuming mindlessly and never questioning the meaning of everything. Ignorance really is bliss.
I hear you, Jenn.
I feel u.
It hurts to live with open eyes, ears, heart. It’s painfull when you are honest and sincere... a d there are not a lot of brave souls around to conect to.
😊🍀
This was really insightful and helpful to me. I am not like you because my lack of external structure hasn't ever been from choice or from the strength to look inwards. My life trajectory has always been off the beaten path without me particularly thinking about it that way or wanting it so. But it's affirming and comforting to listen to someone who has been at various stages and is accepting of the challenges and benefits it brings. You have a very thoughtful channel and I'll be working through it with glee. Thank you.
I’m giving you a great big warm HUG right now. Thank you for being so open. You are definitely is helping others.
Listened to the video once ago - I'm a creative person and it's a song to my ears!!!
Wow, Daniel, my man. Your videos are always so inspiring and touching to me. They remind me of the person I am. I was raised Mormon, a religion based on hierarchy, patriarchy, and dependence on the organization. I realized it was BS in my teens, which meant at 18, I couldn't stay with them anymore. So I hit the road. I left California and spent a lot of time in New York, and then traveled the country a bit more. Zero structure in my life, extremely existential, finding meaning in my artistic creations and occult endeavors. But when I returned to California, I met a girl. And now we're living in a house. We cook together, make art together, write together. She almost answers my existential questions in a way no one else has.
I wish your videos had more views- it unfortunately looks like the 21st century doesn't value these deep inner thoughts. My family doesn't understand how intellectually isolated they are by the external structures of Mormonism. My grandma's lived in the same house since 1980- I could never do that. But your videos excite me, and give me hope that people still listen with an open mind.
Being is a plane of existence. I enjoy it very much.
Ty, for your honesty, Daniel🙏🏼. I've had both lives, and you are right ...alot comes up, and I'm so grateful for my strength; I didn't see it that way until listening to this video. I now have some more balance and realize that I do well with a bit more structure and a bit less of a "structure-less existence." Thanks again for your work! 💯
I do what you do. I am individuated and we investigate who I am. The most important thing to me is the relationship I have with my self. It’s painful but meaningful to me.
Same here. ❤🤗
As someone who lives simply ~ no TV or internet (iPad at a coffee place sometimes) or many external structures, I can relate.
Would you ever consider doing a LIVE stream of your music? I have really enjoyed what you have in your videos.
I only have a phone with wifi but it’s good enough to hear. That would be wonderful😊
Wow sounds just like most of the people at my work. I have no husband, no kids, and work as a janitor. I do have my own apartment though
When the love bug bites...a lot of your questions are answered for you ...find the one for you ...and the rest is history...The one that cares for you !! and loves you...more than anything else...and you feel the same...about her...click...you got the right one...it is a wonderful feeling...to be in love...with that special person...nothing else matters !!
I never thought of it that way...sir...may I ask what you would require to be interested in a marriage partner ? or suggest ?
Dear Daniel, you are a fine jewel and having a nice friend, someone who is a bit the same and also a little bit or somewhat different, can complement you vice versa and the hobbies you two have can be very healphy and fun to acompany each other in ..... ? Let's surprise you yourself for believing it to come into your life as a wonderful gift you can be ALSO for the other partner and go it slow (not too slow) to build your world together one day at the time. TAKE YOUR TIME .... AND BELIEVE YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE IN A PARTNERSHIP AND DO (MORE) NICE AND GOOD THINGS TOGETHER WALKING ETC.- SOMETHING OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - THINGS TO GO TO AND SEEING : MUSEUA ETC. ART-STUFF? You can win-over all your followers - they love to hear en see you with all the meaningful items in all your enlightning video's!! And it is for you yourself also meaningful to have the real contact(s) and interactions with someone/others who you're interacting with...?!
You are great and I lover to see and hear you the next time.
Greetings from Holland
You are a good man
OMG, I was thinking of posting a question to you about how to live with less or structure. Careerwise things have been very scary for me for years. But then I see that you already have a video on this. :)
as an empath HSP codependent i agree. Im likeon a journey controlled by God himself. I see the program and it stings most the time attracting narcissistic predators my whole life. Yes very strong indeed. Not to mention i lost mydaughter to menengitis.
You're sort of a cross between Mr. Rogers and Jason Silva--and I mean that in a really good way. Thank you for sharing your thought stream.
And artistry! I have become an artist since my life has become this way.
This is me, no external structure. Thanks for this video. For some of us, those who want to ponder existence, this is a good thing. This is a wonderfully provocative video, so there would be a lot of writing from me on this. Rather than do that now, I will just leave this hint or suggestion about how much one could write. Thanks again.
great reflexion
Yes ❤
It's good to watch your videos the day they come out.
From what I've read, many hunter-gatherers have a good deal of free, unstructured time: much more than we typically do. That also applies to mountain gorillas, who reportedly spend only 4% of their time in social behaviour, and probably other primate species. Life without an external structure may be hard for us because we depend on these large technological and social structures around us, while it would be much more bearable if we were to live off nature. (1)
(2) "Love your view on things! Keep the videos coming" "Your voice is soothing" ....: Apparently Daniel's videos can take the role of a parental replacement.
Hello Dan, thank you for the monologue. Have been listening to you daily as well as the videos you have on your blog. Very necessary and helpful.
You are super insightful and this helps me to have my own insights. Thank you for your willingness and courage to be open truthful and helpful to others. I appreciate your videos and after seeing two, I'm a subscriber. I feel like you have what I want. The ability to reflect, empower and heal from within. Thank you.
I've realised just as it was happening, but at the time I couldn't afford to have a say on it. My parents tied me to them by putting the first apartament they could afford for themselves into my name once I turned 18, not only that, it was all to be a secret from the rest of the family, my friends and colleagues at school and anyone I could have possibly dated. The same with rushing me to find a job, and ending up having to accept a job in the same state company my mom works at, where she is the equivalent of my boss in a different department, so not only mustn't I shame and disappoint her at home, but also at work as well. I got envied by people I told this to, as if I had some sort of privilege that everyone aspires to, but it all made me feel less and less free. Not only that but I started telling some co-workers I'm dying on the inside...
Relateable
Haha, you also sound like me when thinking about why I make RUclips videos
I’m the most unplugged person I know, which in itself is a hurdle.
I also think you seem strong - & good example for someone like Jaunty here.
I can relate to this video! Daniel thank you so much for uploading this and all your videos. They are insightful and help me feel less alone. For me and I imagine for others as well.
Not sure if any value to you or someone else, but for me it is most definitely the case of externally plugging in because of internal resolution, insight and growth. At one point in my life I realized I couldn’t really do otherwise since it wouldn’t he authentic and real to me.
As to you Daniel. I wish you all the best. I believe you’ll (for lack of other words) manifest your balance of comfort and freedom, to me you seem to be well on your way! Thanks for speaking out and sharing!
Daniel, i really love your sharing... so insightful and fresh... i also got my MSW in 96 and worked in the field for 5 years but always dreamed of working in high tech which i've done for the past 20 years... for me, whenever i was single, i felt TOO free; like there were too many options that it felt too wild and free without any reference point that a relationship always seems to provide. i'm 48 now and have had girlfriends pretty much since i was 5 years old! ha! like your friend, i have all the trappings of a typical married w/ 2 kids, yada yada but for me what captures my attention and energy the most is my spiritual meditation practice. the relief, ease, clarity, and insights from meditation have made it possible for me to juggle all the duties with mostly a sense of ease and joy that i don't believe would be possible without a committed daily meditiation (vipassana) practice... i'd love to get your take on folks you know or have worked with that meditate and how their practice has impacted their life and make it possible for them to live with ease despite a mountain of responsibilities/burdens/duties...
Vipassana. 👍