Jordan Etherington Unless of course the woman is having her period, which will attract bears anyway, and she uses honey to attract bees to scare the bears away.
phuk gugle There have been studies since the 80's proving him wrong, we shouldn't have to any more. Polar bears are the exception in this, not the rule.
Crimson Ace Monster's Ball with Halle Berry was a hilarious sex scene. Frist she lost her son so she is sad and Billy Bob Thorton plays a racist who has sex with her as she cries and shouts make me feel good make me feel good. And its a very graphic and unintentionally hilarious sex scene. They even made fun of it on American Dad.
Jason Boyd so he got the honey lube knowledge the same way he got the wolf boner knowledge then. in fact he probably got both pieces of knowledge at the same time
So the Coppola Dracula movie did take quite a few liberties from the original Dracula story written by Bram Stoker, however, it is still the closest adaptation of that book ever made to date. And that sex scene pretty much happens the way it happened in the book, baby and all. In the book, Johnathan Harker was explicitly told by Dracula, not to fall asleep anywhere in the castle other than his bedroom, and that he couldn't guaranty his safety if he broke this rule. Well he does, because being a contract lawyer is really dull, and he falls asleep in the library. When the vampiresses appear he assumes that he's dreaming, partly due to the surrealness of it, but also because he can't move. He also explains that he was uncontrollably aroused, and also disgusted with himself for having these feelings that betray his wife Mina. Then Dracula shows up, scolds them, gives them a baby to eat, and sends them away with an ominous remark that they can have Harker after he has what he needs from him. (He's essentially buying up property in London so he can move there and take over the world) Most of the big differences between the movie and book happen when Dracula gets to London, where the movie depicts Dracula elaborately romancing Mina away from Johnathan. Which pretty much never happened. But I can see why Coppola would do that, because Dracula as a character pretty much doesn't exist for the second two thirds of the book. It's all told from the POV of the characters hunting him but rarely interacting with him. But that sex scene... is totally legit.
Taniseth You said it perfectly. Coppola's version is pretty much the closest film adaptation of Stoker's novel. Keanu is one of the weakest links in the film with that British//Surfer Dude accent of his.
+Taniseth I always liked Langella as Dracula - he was the Disco King, the dangerous irresistable lover, the sensuous vampire - and the scene where Van Helsing has to kill his daughter Mina in the old mine was grievously terrible - but everyone has their favorite
My question is, during the sex orgy/rave, where are all the children, and I don't know, people over 30? Were they all suddenly put on guard Duty, and thrown out into the wilderness? thanks Daniel. I never noticed that before.
Honey may make a terrible lube, but coconut oil does work as an edible lube. Obviously, don't use it if you or any of the other people involved in sexy times are allergic to coconut, and don't use it with latex condoms because coconut oil is oil and will cause the latex to deteriorate. You can use it with polyisoprene condoms, though. Also, you should probably double check this information before you use coconut oil as lube because to you I'm just some person on the internet and you have no way of being sure that I know what I'm talking about.
You really need to include the sex scene from 'Damage,' where Jeremy Irons is holding Juliette Binoche by the ears and banging her head on the floor in time to the bonking. The entire movie theatre I was in burst out laughing at that one when I went to see it with my husband!
Daniel. Why exactly *do* you know so much about canine genitals? I know why *I* know about them, but I can't help but wonder if it's the same reason you do, lmao.
"Let's have him take a bite out of an apple so he looks like more of an asshole." Ding! Considering the recent collaboration between Cracked and Cinemasins, this was all I could think of.
So many hilarious lines in this one! Also, I would really appreciate seeing Dan break down the similarities between 9 & a Half weeks and 50 Shades of Gray. Sure, it means he'd have to watch 50 Shades, but sometimes sacrifices must be made!
For those curious about the use of spurs in intimate activities, but who sadly do not live in 19th century Mexico, I suggest checking your local adult toy store for something called a "wartenberg wheel." It's essentially a spur with a handle. It has legitimate medical uses, but you also see them used as sex toys.
popodono that book was my LIFEEE though! read it omg it was the one book in my ap english lit class that was really easy to read. it kept me on my toes the whole time! 10/10 would recommend.
"‘Are we to have nothing tonight?’ said one of them, with a low laugh, as she pointed to the bag which he had thrown upon the floor, and which moved as though there were some living thing within it. For answer he nodded his head. One of the women jumped forward and opened it. If my ears did not deceive me there was a gasp and a low wail, as of a half smothered child. The women closed round, whilst I was aghast with horror. But as I looked, they disappeared, and with them the dreadful bag. There was no door near them, 58 Dracula and they could not have passed me without my noticing. They simply seemed to fade into the rays of the moonlight and pass out through the window, for I could see outside the dim, shadowy forms for a moment before they entirely faded away. Then the horror overcame me, and I sank down unconscious." - CHAPTER 3, BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA -- www.planetebook.com/ebooks/Dracula.pdf
Daniel, I super love your videos, everything you do on this channel. Your mannerisms, your voice, just the way you break things down. I enjoy everything you do please never stop making videos, I love you. Amen
I miss him too, but I found out that he's a writer for Last Week Tonight now, when they used a photo of him, which I thought was a stock photo at first, until I saw his name pop up in the credits!
"These candles are going to burn the dorm to the ground." I almost died laughing. My first night at college the girl in the room above mine at the dorm had her boyfriend over and they lit a bunch of candles. They left the room afterward and forgot to blow all of them out. Add in an open window and you can guess what happened. Ahhhhh, memories!
1:20 thats atually the point of both the film and the book also he is a man in the Victorian era... you know, the time when a healthy relationship consist in sending latter for 3 years before holding hands ... of course he is HAVING the best sex of his life and the scene is in the film because its part of the book
+Philip kelton (pkelton) um. I do not recall any lady vamp orgies in Bram Stoker's book...I wouldn't have liked it so much if that sort of thing was explicitly in there...
Alexandra Rathsman its all subtext , when dracula's wifes attack jonathan harker he get all aroused and start cheating on Mina with the three woman but the thing is .. he doesn't admits it to himself . he writes the whole event as a "the Devil Made made do it " as a way of reconciling what he was doing with his own morality and views of himself again this i really retrograde age people in the Victorian age where extreamly sexually repressed and had really unhealthy conservative ideas about sexuality and relationships Dracula in away represents a extreme break of this walls of social expectations and because the whole story is written by people in denial of their own feelings dracula is described as being a complete monster but you can see parallels in the conversation of the character and the vampire they are fighting
OH MY GOD YOU SAID THE GRIPPING HAND ... Although on reflection I shouldn't be surprised that Dan is a fan of Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle's excellent book, "The Mote in God's Eye". Everyone go read it now.
Alright, for the record, that must be Selma's butt not Antonio's. Why? Do you see any hair on that butt? Seriously, Antonio has dark hair, and unless he body shaves including his entire butt, that close up, you would see dark hair. Also, during the filming of this he was pretty thin. Look at the rest of the scenes, and tell me his butt would be that round. Whereas, Selma has a womanly round figure, and that is what you see in this scene. But(t), I could be wrong.
Maybeeeee...., but seriously, if he had a chance to do this scene I'm pretty sure he would have tried to convince the director that he could do his own "stunts".
"Have you ever got sap on your hand & tried to get it off its f*cking impossible. .....next day at work when your coworkers smell you they're going to think you f*cked a box of Golden Grahams." Man this sh*t was beyond funny.
I know its funny to most people, Cracked, but it's actually really insensitive to use Boner Fever as a punchline. I'm not trying to take anyone's sense of humor away, but as a victim of Perpetual Boner Fever (PBF) life is always hard...really, unnaturally hard. I can't stand in lines without prodding those in front of me or stand to pee unless I am at least 4 feet away from the average toilet. imagine taking up to 3 minutes of extreme caution every time you want to wear something with a zipper, or the pain of accidentally rolling onto your stomach during sleep. It isn't something to be taken lightly. Maybe in the future more tact and respect will be shown to our kind. Not trying to be stiff or anything.
Ryan McIntyre honey is a fab antibacterial (the really expensive Mellua(sp?) is recommended as an infection killing alternative to medicinal creams), but natural yoghurt is the best treatment for yeast infection, especially thrush. HTH!
It was never my intention when I started this show to have to dispense this information. Putting honey in your vagina can cause a yeast infection. I literally laughed until tears welled up
I knew I loved Dan, after my first After Hours episode last week, but hearing it called "Yakety Sax" and not "The Benny Hill Theme" made me so happy. Take me now, Dan, take me now! ...I might need professional help.
Okay B, I seriously doubt you guys at cracked will read this... But I've got a good topic for you. So, while watching '16 Candles' again as a 29 year old... I realized how messed up that guy is she's got that obsessive crush on. He totally sends his drunk girlfriend home with the geeky kid he barely knows and actually gives him permission to date rape her cuz she's wasted. He hasn't even broken up w the chick and he sends her away to get ruined sexually so he can deflower the much less attractive red head he's never spoken too... Seriously, take a look at that movie again. I'm sure you can do a whole episode about all the ways that movie is just wrong. Including the obvious racism (against Long Duck Don, not any blacks because there are none at the high school.) Would love to see what other observations you make of that film.
back again almost a decade later. I was expecting a joke about how those desparado candles ar the real reason the store caught fire. it wasn't hte neemy she left too many on haha
I know this is an old episode and that these Writers / Actors are no longer on the team. However, Daniel, if you are listening, I will be your awkward nerdy wife any day!
that weird Dracula sex scene was based on one from the book, that is why it is there Dan. admittedly the one in the book is much less ridiculous. in the book Jonathan falls asleep in a part of the castle I wasn't supposed to visit and has what he thinks is a dream, in which three incredibly beautiful women with no shadows talk about sharing him between them("there are kisses for all of us") and just as one has her mouth pressed against his neck(he isn't objecting because of the mesmerizing hotness and he thinks it is a dream) Dracula appears tares the woman away chastises them for touching him and gives them a bundle implied to be a baby or small child to feed on.
If 3 naked vampires rise out of a bed my logical conclusion would either be I'm in a dream, in which case I'm not even going to question it, or I'm about to get eaten, in which case I'd fruitlessly struggle against the undead that are molesting me. So maybe he thought it was a dream or it slightly was a dream or something like that.
On Bram Stroker's Dracula, you forgot to mention the Lucy Westerna-werewolf/Dracula scene much later in the movie. I haven't seen a more disturbing sex scene in a movie again until the Kyle McLaughlin/Elizabeth Berkley pool sex scene in Showgirls teen wolf, I'd do it
Dude the Vampire baby eating scene was in the original Dracula novel which given the time period it was written most likely was beyond shocking and done to establish a sense of horror. Of course that being said the move made it kind of shlockie.
Will you ever do a list of unintentionally hilarious seduction scenes? 'Cause the scene from Shoot 'Em Up, when Monica Belluci falls for Clive Owen after watching him clean his gun in the bathtub is hella weird.
I can't believe I've been in the internet for as long as I have, and only found the Cracked channel on RUclips a couple weeks ago. I have the same thought process while watching movies.
Dan forgot the most significant health risk to using honey as lube. The constant risk of bears smelling it and attacking your junk!
Jordan Etherington Plus, Pooh stuck in the woman's vagina. How many times has he gotten his head trapped in an actual honey pot?
Jordan Etherington Unless of course the woman is having her period, which will attract bears anyway, and she uses honey to attract bees to scare the bears away.
Studeb prove him wrong guys. Yea thats right you CAN'T.
phuk gugle There have been studies since the 80's proving him wrong, we shouldn't have to any more. Polar bears are the exception in this, not the rule.
Bear's smell menstruation, add that with honey and you got double trouble
I'm glad he mentioned the yeast infection thing. That always bugs me in sex scenes where certain foods are used. Just gross, not sexy.
Oh & pretty sure it's Salma's butt.... I think.
+Lori Burnip That is definitely not a man's butt so I think you're right.
+Marcus Jones Bandaras might just have a ladys ass. u never know
YES!!! Don't put food in your vagina. That's not where it belongs.
Also,wouldn't screwing a werewolf count as beastiality?
"I don't know too much about women, but I do know a lot about dog penises."
-Daniel O'Brien
+John Eisenmann we should go to his amazon page and leave that as a review.
+John Eisenmann I still cannot stop laughing
7:21 that's the good part.
+John Eisenmann Can someone please get on printing that out and framing it? It belongs in a fine art museum.
+daniel green Me too!
It was Dan's butt.
AgentWashingtub It was -Dan's- Soren's butt.
TakeThisification It was -Dan's- -Soren's- my butt. Don't you ever forget it.
krneel128 There was no butt, just an owl crossed with a bungee cord.
SupraViperhead That means it's the butt of a great magician who likes the ladies, and the ladies like-a him, too.
SupraViperhead Yes, but I choose to believe there is no butt.
Right behind After Hours, this is my favourite Cracked show.
***** O'Brian for chief of Cracked.....wait.
Crimson Ace Lately I've been enjoying this one more than AH. But I agree, they're the best.
Dispatches from Space is a great short, tho.
Agreed
Crimson Ace Monster's Ball with Halle Berry was a hilarious sex scene. Frist she
lost her son so she is sad and Billy Bob Thorton plays a racist who has
sex with her as she cries and shouts make me feel good make me feel
good. And its a very graphic and unintentionally hilarious sex scene.
They even made fun of it on American Dad.
The one hosted by Jack O'Brien is better...are Dan and Jack brothers?
"You're weird at sex and you should know that forever. Welcome to high school."
Also,wouldn't screwing a werewolf count as beastiality?
Only cool preppy kids do bestiality, duh! :D
I need this on a shirt
+Sarah Acree (Sarah Acorn) ys hy
It isn't highschool if at least one person doesn't say this to you ;D
The good old, very weird days..
"Oh no my BOOONER!"
-Daniel "D.O.B" O'Brien, June 24th, 2015
+ADDMcGee25 That made me laugh so fucking hard for a solid 30 minutes. The way he says it, fucking priceless.
+ADDMcGee25 Dan's had a lot of time to work on that delivery, reaching back to Agents of Cracked in the body-switching episode.
I'm still fucking laughing about that 😂😂😂
I fear Dan's knowledge on what happens if you use honey for lube was gained first hand.
Jason Boyd so he got the honey lube knowledge the same way he got the wolf boner knowledge then.
in fact he probably got both pieces of knowledge at the same time
vandersnoff NO. WHY. NO.
Jason Boyd Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.
+William DiDucca I'll bet he felt better afterward after he stopped screaming in terror
Spurs
Will
Always
Invigorate
My Butt.
Greg D
Damned Michael!
Greg D I mean, if spurs work on horse butts to invigorate them, why wouldn't they work on people?
Sppppppurr
So the Coppola Dracula movie did take quite a few liberties from the original Dracula story written by Bram Stoker, however, it is still the closest adaptation of that book ever made to date. And that sex scene pretty much happens the way it happened in the book, baby and all.
In the book, Johnathan Harker was explicitly told by Dracula, not to fall asleep anywhere in the castle other than his bedroom, and that he couldn't guaranty his safety if he broke this rule. Well he does, because being a contract lawyer is really dull, and he falls asleep in the library. When the vampiresses appear he assumes that he's dreaming, partly due to the surrealness of it, but also because he can't move. He also explains that he was uncontrollably aroused, and also disgusted with himself for having these feelings that betray his wife Mina. Then Dracula shows up, scolds them, gives them a baby to eat, and sends them away with an ominous remark that they can have Harker after he has what he needs from him. (He's essentially buying up property in London so he can move there and take over the world)
Most of the big differences between the movie and book happen when Dracula gets to London, where the movie depicts Dracula elaborately romancing Mina away from Johnathan. Which pretty much never happened. But I can see why Coppola would do that, because Dracula as a character pretty much doesn't exist for the second two thirds of the book. It's all told from the POV of the characters hunting him but rarely interacting with him.
But that sex scene... is totally legit.
Taniseth Exactly what I was about to post. Thank you.
Taniseth You said it perfectly. Coppola's version is pretty much the closest film adaptation of Stoker's novel. Keanu is one of the weakest links in the film with that British//Surfer Dude accent of his.
Taniseth It may be totally legit, but it's totally weird as well.
+Taniseth And the brunette is Monica Bellucci.
+Taniseth I always liked Langella as Dracula - he was the Disco King, the dangerous irresistable lover, the sensuous vampire - and the scene where Van Helsing has to kill his daughter Mina in the old mine was grievously terrible - but everyone has their favorite
"I'm gonna bite that dick."
"You better not!"
My question is, during the sex orgy/rave, where are all the children, and I don't know, people over 30? Were they all suddenly put on guard Duty, and thrown out into the wilderness? thanks Daniel. I never noticed that before.
Where do they normally go on parental date nights? Anybody with kids just had the grandparents stay home and watch the kids, of course
It was your butt, Daniel. We know you just edited that in there, you're not fooling anyone.
I am actually a 19 year old college student and can confirm 100% that you sometimes get yeast infections.
Micah Welsch Stop using honey then.
Micah Welsch Why didn't you stop using honey after the first time someone go a yeast infection?
Micah Welsch 60% of the time it gives you infection all the time.
+Antonio Miller It's made with bits of real honey, so you know it's good.
+Micah Welsch
...
*vomits*
"THE MORE YOU KNOW"
Where's the room, that sex scene was hilarious.
That might have been intentional though
david taylor not really, i saw some interviews...it's meant to be a serious character-driven drama.
Peyton Long Hilarious? It was downright painful to watch!
Peyton Long I feel like The Room is too easy. It'd be on every "Unintentionally Hilarious Scene" list, including Sports, Small Talk, and Suicide
Oh hi Peyton!
Babies can really stretch the frugal vampires' food dollar.
+Dave R Babies taste best!
Dave R mix them with a nice bordelaise some coriander and garlic and fun for the whole family...except the baby.
I'm surprised the weird pool sex scene from Showgirls isn't on this list. She seriously almost drowns herself??
That was hilarious
Yeah the guy pours most of a bottle of champagne on her head and into the pool which you know had to fuck up the PH on the water
Yeah, but Showgirls is meant to be weird, silly and campy.
mabusestestament No, I really don't think it is...
Honey may make a terrible lube, but coconut oil does work as an edible lube. Obviously, don't use it if you or any of the other people involved in sexy times are allergic to coconut, and don't use it with latex condoms because coconut oil is oil and will cause the latex to deteriorate. You can use it with polyisoprene condoms, though. Also, you should probably double check this information before you use coconut oil as lube because to you I'm just some person on the internet and you have no way of being sure that I know what I'm talking about.
+Marcus Jones WHOA
What does coconut oil have to do with honey? They are two incredibly different things.
Both things you could smear on your body and eat....
garfreeek that is true.
Also,wouldn't screwing a werewolf count as beastiality?
please keep making these- you have some of the best videos on youtube!
Personally, I'd like him to finally make the scrotum episode.
The director's butt got spurred, it was a very hidden cammio.(me nor spell check know how to spell camio)
JonesyMcDanes it's cameo
Roberta Tallienne camel toe*
Lucas Farnham I'm pretty sure it is camel toe.
Lucas Farnham you're thinking of missile toe
Evan Bohn mistletoe.
Dan is so cute. I'm not even gay I just want to turn him into a puppy and snuggle with him.
Nite Hawk he sure is cuddly material, I agree. So cute.....
Nite Hawk yea youre a little gay
That's half the reason I watch these videos. I just want him to cuddle me and call me "honey."
Oh my God, I've seen 9 1/2 Weeks so many times and I didn't know that scene was implying they used honey for lube. I can't unlearn this.
"I know a lot about dog penises." -Daniel O'Brien
You really need to include the sex scene from 'Damage,' where Jeremy Irons is holding Juliette Binoche by the ears and banging her head on the floor in time to the bonking. The entire movie theatre I was in burst out laughing at that one when I went to see it with my husband!
God I swear I am subscribed to here just because of Daniel - please never stop doing this
Daniel. Why exactly *do* you know so much about canine genitals? I know why *I* know about them, but I can't help but wonder if it's the same reason you do, lmao.
Man, remember when Mickey Rourke was attractive?
TakeThisification When was that?
UnderGrowth "9 1/2 Weeks" Mickey Rourke (i.e., 1980s Mickey Rourke)
UnderGrowth He didn't always look like a baseball mitt.
No
TakeThisification I always confuse young Mickey Rourke with young Bruce Willis.
how does he know what fingers taste like after playing guitar? I mean, he's exactly right, but I'm just really surprised that he knows that.
royalparadigm so funny! I learned the hard way how nasty it is- now I make my husband wash his hands before he comes near me- he plays nonstop.
"I don't know a lot about women, but I know a lot about dog penises."
-Daniel O'Brian.
"Let's have him take a bite out of an apple so he looks like more of an asshole." Ding!
Considering the recent collaboration between Cracked and Cinemasins, this was all I could think of.
It was the anonymous butt of a movie stunt model. They didn't zoom the camera out because that person looks nothing like Selma Hayek...probably...
Dude, how is Watchmen not on this list?
Daniela Serodio More awkward than hilarious but a good shout.
Andrew Hanley It's also sort of intended to be that way. Like, that's intended to not be sexy, mind-blowing sex.
All I know was that it was the worst.
Daniela Serodio who fucks the watchmen?
It was awkward as fuck but I guess it was supposed to be with two impotent sex crazed superheroes.
So many hilarious lines in this one! Also, I would really appreciate seeing Dan break down the similarities between 9 & a Half weeks and 50 Shades of Gray. Sure, it means he'd have to watch 50 Shades, but sometimes sacrifices must be made!
For those curious about the use of spurs in intimate activities, but who sadly do not live in 19th century Mexico, I suggest checking your local adult toy store for something called a "wartenberg wheel." It's essentially a spur with a handle. It has legitimate medical uses, but you also see them used as sex toys.
They are also VERY sharp. Do NOT push hard when using it.
Also used to produce even stitching holes in leather
the dracula scene was in the book. baby included and all
Indeed.
See, this is why I refuse to watch that movie/read that book.
popodono that book was my LIFEEE though! read it omg it was the one book in my ap english lit class that was really easy to read. it kept me on my toes the whole time! 10/10 would recommend.
That scene was ABSOLUTELY different in the book.
"‘Are we to have nothing tonight?’ said one of them, with
a low laugh, as she pointed to the bag which he had thrown
upon the floor, and which moved as though there were some
living thing within it. For answer he nodded his head. One
of the women jumped forward and opened it. If my ears did
not deceive me there was a gasp and a low wail, as of a half
smothered child. The women closed round, whilst I was
aghast with horror. But as I looked, they disappeared, and
with them the dreadful bag. There was no door near them,
58 Dracula
and they could not have passed me without my noticing.
They simply seemed to fade into the rays of the moonlight
and pass out through the window, for I could see outside
the dim, shadowy forms for a moment before they entirely
faded away.
Then the horror overcame me, and I sank down unconscious." - CHAPTER 3, BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA -- www.planetebook.com/ebooks/Dracula.pdf
Daniel, I super love your videos, everything you do on this channel. Your mannerisms, your voice, just the way you break things down. I enjoy everything you do please never stop making videos, I love you. Amen
I miss him too, but I found out that he's a writer for Last Week Tonight now, when they used a photo of him, which I thought was a stock photo at first, until I saw his name pop up in the credits!
There's one rule of sex and food. Do NOT mix sex and food.
"These candles are going to burn the dorm to the ground." I almost died laughing. My first night at college the girl in the room above mine at the dorm had her boyfriend over and they lit a bunch of candles. They left the room afterward and forgot to blow all of them out. Add in an open window and you can guess what happened. Ahhhhh, memories!
"Look forward to that episode coming in...never!"
So simple, so good!
My crush on Dan knows no bounds.
haha same
Same.
Dan.. Thanks for always putting my heart thoughts into words
1:20 thats atually the point of both the film and the book
also he is a man in the Victorian era...
you know, the time when a healthy relationship consist in sending latter for
3 years before holding hands ... of course he is HAVING the best sex
of his life
and the scene is in the film because its part of the book
My thoughts exactly. Being prude & jaded isn't a healthy mix.
+Philip kelton (pkelton) um. I do not recall any lady vamp orgies in Bram Stoker's book...I wouldn't have liked it so much if that sort of thing was explicitly in there...
Alexandra Rathsman
its all subtext , when dracula's wifes attack jonathan harker
he get all aroused and start cheating on Mina with the three woman
but the thing is .. he doesn't admits it to himself . he writes the whole event as a
"the Devil Made made do it " as a way of reconciling what he was doing with his own morality and views of himself
again this i really retrograde age
people in the Victorian age where extreamly sexually repressed and had really unhealthy conservative ideas about sexuality and relationships
Dracula in away represents a extreme break of this walls of social expectations
and because the whole story is written by people in denial of their own feelings
dracula is described as being a complete monster
but you can see parallels in the conversation of the character and the vampire they are fighting
But doesn't honey also contain antibiotics? Oh wait I just checked, yeast is a fungus not bacteria. So, yeah, don't use honey as lube.
I always enjoy Dan's take on things. Any things, really.
And his commentary is always enjoyably awkward.
OH MY GOD YOU SAID THE GRIPPING HAND
... Although on reflection I shouldn't be surprised that Dan is a fan of Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle's excellent book, "The Mote in God's Eye".
Everyone go read it now.
James B. O'Hearn And then go not read "The Gripping Hand" unless you want to be really disappointed.
The first book was good. The second book was extremely disappointing. I feel like their editors must have insisted they do it or something
James B. O'Hearn I know RIGHT! I love those books.
Why would anyone think "honey is good lube" anyway? It's sticky, it's just going to cause extra friction.
Alright, for the record, that must be Selma's butt not Antonio's. Why? Do you see any hair on that butt? Seriously, Antonio has dark hair, and unless he body shaves including his entire butt, that close up, you would see dark hair. Also, during the filming of this he was pretty thin. Look at the rest of the scenes, and tell me his butt would be that round. Whereas, Selma has a womanly round figure, and that is what you see in this scene. But(t), I could be wrong.
Maybe he shaved, or some stunt guy put hes butt out. lol
Maybeeeee...., but seriously, if he had a chance to do this scene I'm pretty sure he would have tried to convince the director that he could do his own "stunts".
the cellulon triptometer he sure can lol, but who knows were that thing came from, the risk of germs!!!
9 1/2 shades of Gray.
Janice Columbus That's the edited for TV version, right?
Tony Jensen Jr.
LOL! Clever!
No Showgirls?
The ultra-rare sighting of "on the gripping hand" in the wild. Bravo!
I wonder how many people caught that. I had to rewind to make sure I didn't imagine it.
Definitely worth a like.
"And you can do dirty underground subway toilet orgy."
LOL, I lost it.
i feel like if daniel went to clubs where women were he'd be able to tell the difference between dancing and sex
"...and on the gripping hand..." Nice reference, sir!
"Have you ever got sap on your hand & tried to get it off its f*cking impossible.
.....next day at work when your coworkers smell you they're going to think you f*cked a box of Golden Grahams." Man this sh*t was beyond funny.
not gonna lie, that Matrix sex scene reminded me alot of Eyes Wide Shut
I know its funny to most people, Cracked, but it's actually really insensitive to use Boner Fever as a punchline. I'm not trying to take anyone's sense of humor away, but as a victim of Perpetual Boner Fever (PBF) life is always hard...really, unnaturally hard. I can't stand in lines without prodding those in front of me or stand to pee unless I am at least 4 feet away from the average toilet. imagine taking up to 3 minutes of extreme caution every time you want to wear something with a zipper, or the pain of accidentally rolling onto your stomach during sleep. It isn't something to be taken lightly. Maybe in the future more tact and respect will be shown to our kind. Not trying to be stiff or anything.
"on the gripping hand" Niven reference FTW!
the post script Teen Wolf Sex Scene comment had me in stiches
. "You're weird at sex and you should know that forever. Welcome to High School. "
"I know 19 year old college students watch this..." you're right Daniel we do
"Fifty Shades of Grey" is only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he lived in a trailer park it would be an episode of "Criminal Minds."
That was Salma Hayek's butt. It was perfection.
+Brad Harris I think it was a spur of the moment decision.
What about J Lo and Ben Affleck?... "It's turkey time!" That's not fucking sexy...
I tried to like this a second time when you pointed out that honey is not lube. Honey is sticky for gods sake!
The scene from Dracula was in the movie because it was in the book
not as boner bitey, but still in the book.
"On the gripping hand" ??? been reading A Mote in Gods Eye have we?
That PSA about honey causing yeast infections make you an ally to women in my book.
well actually honey is a treatment for yeast infection i know this why? im a bisexual with a honey fetish im not even making this up
Ryan McIntyre honey is a fab antibacterial (the really expensive Mellua(sp?) is recommended as an infection killing alternative to medicinal creams), but natural yoghurt is the best treatment for yeast infection, especially thrush. HTH!
TMI !!!!
Lol I feel like most of this video is just "hi I'm Dan and sex is weird" I love it!
0:37 more like scary oldman.
It was never my intention when I started this show to have to dispense this information. Putting honey in your vagina can cause a yeast infection.
I literally laughed until tears welled up
I thought the Desperado sex scene was really nice actually.
Ha, "on the gripping hand". Awesome. :-)
2:50-2:54 just makes me think of when DOB and BOD hooked up in Agents of Cracked
Has anyone ever told you you're like a nerdy Chris Pratt?
"On the gripping hand" Wow. Slow clap.
Actually pin-wheels, as they are called, are a typical mainstay of S/m.
Thank you for the Gripping hand reference.
Five years late, but I just wanted to tell Daniel his “The Mote in God’s Eye” reference was truly appreciated.
I knew I loved Dan, after my first After Hours episode last week, but hearing it called "Yakety Sax" and not "The Benny Hill Theme" made me so happy. Take me now, Dan, take me now! ...I might need professional help.
Nice "on the Gripping Hand" reference.
"Gripping Hand" reference for the win!
Okay B,
I seriously doubt you guys at cracked will read this... But I've got a good topic for you.
So, while watching '16 Candles' again as a 29 year old... I realized how messed up that guy is she's got that obsessive crush on. He totally sends his drunk girlfriend home with the geeky kid he barely knows and actually gives him permission to date rape her cuz she's wasted. He hasn't even broken up w the chick and he sends her away to get ruined sexually so he can deflower the much less attractive red head he's never spoken too...
Seriously, take a look at that movie again. I'm sure you can do a whole episode about all the ways that movie is just wrong. Including the obvious racism (against Long Duck Don, not any blacks because there are none at the high school.)
Would love to see what other observations you make of that film.
back again almost a decade later. I was expecting a joke about how those desparado candles ar the real reason the store caught fire. it wasn't hte neemy she left too many on haha
Great nerd reference to The Gripping Hand!
Shoot Em Up from 2007 with Clive Owen, has to win for most hilarious sex scene...was kinda intentional but still it's a must see.
I know this is an old episode and that these Writers / Actors are no longer on the team. However, Daniel, if you are listening, I will be your awkward nerdy wife any day!
that weird Dracula sex scene was based on one from the book, that is why it is there Dan. admittedly the one in the book is much less ridiculous. in the book Jonathan falls asleep in a part of the castle I wasn't supposed to visit and has what he thinks is a dream, in which three incredibly beautiful women with no shadows talk about sharing him between them("there are kisses for all of us") and just as one has her mouth pressed against his neck(he isn't objecting because of the mesmerizing hotness and he thinks it is a dream) Dracula appears tares the woman away chastises them for touching him and gives them a bundle implied to be a baby or small child to feed on.
If 3 naked vampires rise out of a bed my logical conclusion would either be I'm in a dream, in which case I'm not even going to question it, or I'm about to get eaten, in which case I'd fruitlessly struggle against the undead that are molesting me. So maybe he thought it was a dream or it slightly was a dream or something like that.
On Bram Stroker's Dracula, you forgot to mention the Lucy Westerna-werewolf/Dracula scene much later in the movie. I haven't seen a more disturbing sex scene in a movie again until the Kyle McLaughlin/Elizabeth Berkley pool sex scene in Showgirls
teen wolf, I'd do it
Dude the Vampire baby eating scene was in the original Dracula novel which given the time period it was written most likely was beyond shocking and done to establish a sense of horror.
Of course that being said the move made it kind of shlockie.
"...and on the gripping hand."
I understood that reference!
+Liesmith Wow, "The Mote in God's Eye", "Avengers", AND "American Gods" all referenced in one post. Bravo.
Love the gripping hand reference!
On the gripping hand!!!!!! I thought i was the only Motie on earth. You sir have earned yourself a subscrition.
It was SOREN'S ASS in Desperado. I don't know why he was there but he was.
Will you ever do a list of unintentionally hilarious seduction scenes? 'Cause the scene from Shoot 'Em Up, when Monica Belluci falls for Clive Owen after watching him clean his gun in the bathtub is hella weird.
I actually busted out laughing during the bit about honey and lube... I could not stop laughing.
The spurred seems like an impromptu Wartnburg wheel, so I'm pretty sure it was meant to be a bdsm thing.
Why exactly is sap so hard to get off? I remember going camping and getting it all over my hand after leaning on a tree, it damn near ruined my day.
I can't believe I've been in the internet for as long as I have, and only found the Cracked channel on RUclips a couple weeks ago. I have the same thought process while watching movies.
"They're gonna assume you fucked a box of Golden Grams" OH MY GOD