If you ever become a scapegoat, the best thing to do is walk away from those people and block them out of your life. Having experience with this I learned you can't rationalize with those who scapegoat you and in the long run you end up becoming bitter towards them or just as toxic. Doesn't matter if it's family, friends or a job just leave and move on. You can find another family, new friends and another job and you will be better off if you block and find new people and a new job. Your self esteem and happiness don't depend on this negative and miserable energy.
You are right but these situations can be a teacher so it may not be wise to run from these unconscious people, it's dialema where individuals need to decide when to leave and when to stay.
@@weedylock I guess every person has to make their own decision. My only point is no one should be anyone's punching bag. People scapegoat others because they feel bad about their own lives and do not want to acknowledge that their lives are bad because of their own choices. Not the scapegoat. The scapegoat is not the problem, but that's not the point. The scapegoat is there to be a punching bag so others can avoid the truth. Rarely can you rationalize with people who do not want to face the truth or fix their own lives. Sometimes they will listen and do self reflection and change their ways. But again, I think that's rare because some people just lack empathy for others. Also I think people should have to work hard to earn back the trust and relationship with the person they scapegoated if that is even a possibility. In the meantime, the scapegoat should do their best to preserve their own sanity and mental health and sometimes that means distancing themselves from certain people or cutting off those relationships entirely. Scapegoats should also seek out professional therapy services and the support of good and positive relationships because scapegoating can affect someone's mental health. Just my two cents because I've been there before in relationships, friendships, with family and in jobs. I've been scapegoated frequently throughout my life. And it wasn't until I set boundaries or cut people off or found another job that I was able to really enjoy my life fully and just breath. I was always respectful and kind about how I ended those relationships and jobs, but I did end them and went no-contact as I refuse to be held hostage as a scapegoat anymore. I have now been even told that I am quick to set boundaries on negative situations and I should give people a second chance. But Maya Angelou once said "when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time."
@@9395gb You are right if you are with roxic people you should leave as soon as you realise who they are, no point in dealing with their negativity if it can not be avoided.
This dynamic is at play in a lot of dysfunctional families as well. Just ask anyone who has dared to speak out about child abuse how their family and extended family reacted. Often the abuser is defended and protected and the victim is scapegoated. People will do anything to avoid ugly truths and they often make the world even uglier in the process.
Right, which is why this video is dangerous. This video argues that what you are saying is true, but also that the reverse is true. If the perpetrator/(s) are held accountable in the dysfunctional family then they too are scapegoated. I would argue no they are not. They are rightly held accountable for their abusive behavior. Power dynamics are completely ignored in this video when it argues that guilt or innocence doesn't matter. What should matter is the wellbeing of the victim and reducing the suffering of the victim. If justice is served, then the perpetrators are removed from their ability to abuse so the victims can get relief. The criticism, trial, jail sentence etc. is handed down those punishments can also serve as a cathartic release or relief for the victim. This video just leaves one to shrug one's shoulders and say, "oh well, we are all collectively guilty, so, what can you do?"
I disagree on one point: Scapegoats aren't always chosen subconsciously. There are sociopaths out there who gladly throw the innocent to the wolves for power and wealth.
@@kenonerboy Not everyone has the position of power and/or platform in order to make someone public enemy #1 over literally nothing. You can have people accused and convicted in the court of public opinion in twenty minutes.
I agree that the choosing is not always “subconscious”. Especially within sick, dysfunctional families who do not want to look at their own individual behaviors nor attempt authentic self inventories.🦋
Either way, the scapegoat is about to embark on what could be described as one of the darkest, bleakest, scariest journeys a person can embark on. They are about to grieve years and years and years of abuse, rejection, abandonment, and betrayal, from the people who were meant to love them. Grieving an entire family is one of the darkest, bleakest, scariest journey’s a person can endure. It is often filled with horror, depression, shame, guilt, and condemnation of self. Those that condone and or participate in scapegoating ARE THE DEVILS AND LUCIFERS OF MANKIND.
That journey you speak of is known as the dark night of the soul. It's a place few go and few come out of. But once you make it out, life holds a new light to it. Maybe this is what they call enlightenment. ❤️
Well said!!! Yeshua was scapegoated, yet many claim to worship him, then turn around and scapegoat others. With the endocrine disruptor soup that the AMA/Big Pharma fed to pregnant women/developing babies in the womb for several decades in the the mid to late 20th Century, causing all sorts of genital, sexual, reproductive, gender identity anomalies, autoimmune health issues, mental/emotional health issues, and mutating DNA for generations to come, our culture should have no problem....and doesn't....identifying those who are different....and excluding them....
Exactly. That’s it in a nutshell. When it finally dawned on me that I was my family’s garbage can I put my house up for sale, closed my business and moved 3 states away. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been
@@steevo8754 You don't have to move that far. I wouldn't want to be their neighbor, but for me back then it was enough to move a (single digit) few miles away. And I even would have taken close to a mile.
My mom was a workplace scapegoat She was blamed for everything that went wrong at her old nursing home job The most satisfying thing about all of it though was when me and my grandfather finally convinced her to leave You see the thing about the scapegoat is they're often an integral piece of what keeps the structure together They got lawsuits for negligence when my mom left because no one would clean the shitty underwear No one would move them to a different position on the bed to stop their skin from being damaged No one would come and check on them when they were hollering nurse And to top it all off they called her back begging her to return But by this time she had a job in the same field that paid better with a boss that treated her better The best thing you can do as a scapegoat is leave because they need you a whole hell of a lot more than you need them A dysfunctional family needs a scapegoat to stop them from tearing each other apart and so they can have the catharsis of not holding themselves accountable for any of their actions or its consequences A workplace will use a scapegoat to try and make the person get defensive and work harder to try and prove their innocence but this hard work only goes to take the workload off of those undeserving without this person over working themselves this workplace is inefficient
Wow! What amazing storytelling, reflection and invaluable analysis. Some very important things have fallen into place for me now. I want to thank you properly, wholeheartedly. I was the problem child of the family. Decades later, when there was a very challenging situation with our aging parents, I became the scapegoat among we 4 siblings. I thought 2 sisters would share my genuine concern about the narcissist sister using, abusing, neglecting, and causing distress to my parents. Finally she took my mother (who had dementia), to the bank and had her withdraw a large sum of money. I thought the doctor sister would share my concerns about the wellbeing of my parents, and want to work towards resolving the problem. She and the 4th sister didn't care about the abuse occurring. In fact, those 2 sisters turned on me! I see now that I, a nurse, am not only the truthteller, and the empath, but also the very strong one- seen as a rival by the doctor sister. I believe she originally became a doctor for status and prestige. As time went on, she was strongly backed by my highly abusive, very weak sister. My father ( and mother) selected me to be a trustee and execeter. This caused the doctor to suffer narcissistic rage. Her revengefulness went on, and on, for years, and at the deepest level of vengefulness. I, the caring sister, was cut off by all 3 sisters. I imagined 2 of them getting on well. But other people didn't think there was "warmth" between them. And it seems that the 2 I thought were extremely close, didn't actually see much of eachother. It seems the rich doctor was too tight to assist either sister, even though she wasted at least 200,000k - especially on a lot of lawyers. I believe now, that I helped to stop some turmoil between them. I also feel I am what the 2 weaker sisters needed in their lives. I care so much, I support the wellbeing of people in their suffering. More importantly, I practise unconditional love, am relatively selfless, and rather forgiving. I was also the nicest aunt. They lost out. People tell me I am not missing much with them gone. I don't miss the coldness of the doctor, the extreme abuse and manipulation of her butch, feminist, traumatizing sidekick. And I don't miss the retardation, extreme narcissism, and tantrums of the truly narc sister. I am not perfect, but I am very different to my 3 sisters- mainly due to my empathy and speaking out. I am so, so proud of my scapegoat role. I have compassion, forgiveness, speak the truth, and have always been more spiritually inclined. I am inclined to selfreflect and gradually grow. I have less of a victim mentality and feel stronger than ever before. My comment is really long. But I know my experience as a scapegoat will strike a chord with others.
Why did your mother let herself be convinced by you and her father in the first place? She was complaining a lot to you both, as I can see from all the information you've provided for her, but wasn't able to decide for herself ? After all she've been through, you described her as a strong, tough woman. What's your part in all this story?
The narcissist loves when the scapegoat messes up. The narcissist forgives or excuses their own bad behavior, even claiming they had a good reason for their own evil behavior, but holds against the scapegoat any and all their flaws as though all they have is flaws about everything.
@@tobyiy the devil was the ultimate narcissist and he influences those who do not know Jesus Christ. It is only through Christ Who lives in believers that helps the believer resist sin, anger and hate because Christ is love.
Exactly!!! scapegoating by people is one thing, but scapegoating by hypocrates who would do the worst version of the things they are accusing you for and thus have no right to call those people out like they are heroes is just sickening
@@gwendolynwehage6336 interestingly enough- Jesus Christ was obviously the scapegoat of his time. Society (esp. the religious leaders) scapegoated him all the way to the cross. And Christians became scapegoats through history….. Since then, “the devil” has become the ultimate scapegoat (esp. in the Judeo-Christian community) anytime anyone experiences something negative…. Whose fault is it….. the devil. Textbook scapegoating. I’m just pointing out that it is interesting the way we humans do things….
There's an irony here. The term narcissism is itself often scapegoating. At this moment in time the 168 likes demonstrate it! Example: You have an individual who is confident in the workplace and manages to get their way often. As this relative (strong emphasis on relative) success undermines others, they'll often default to labelling to satisfy their perceived weakness.
I find whenever I’m happy and contented in a social situation it triggers the dysfunctional around me and they’ll start ‘baiting’. I used to defend myself; now I recognise the situation by either showing up the other person or shifting my attention to the kind people around me.
@@jimparsons4312fighting darkness with darkness. (That sounds an alarm bell, as it sounds a bit psychopathic, in the sense of playing dark games by wielding the said darkness.)
@@GMC-qo9xi yes! It’s not like i seek it out. It’s only when I rarely communicate with them. I see what your saying though. I can’t go completely no contact tho so I make it tolerable with this game 😂😂😂
Omg you put it perfectly. They test you fr, and for what. People are weird and cruel. Being calm through it sets them off too. You’re right, the only way to “win” (protect your sanity) is to not give them any attention. Not worth your time!!
Makes sense. Anything genuine or useful threatens insecure people. ~ Especially when seen as shown up by someone they consider inferior for some reason (eg. Age). Be genuine and loyal to wise people and you'll have the same in return. Often for life. Cheers.
Throughout my life i have been a victim of scapegoating, these narcissistic people only cared about themselves and were full of arrogance. People need to practice empathy and humbleness.
It's also easier to gather up all our worst instincts into a tidy buzzword than to accept the reality that people aren't what we wish they were, and that's never going to change
People blame acts of child mol^station on anime and general fiction instead of the failure to actually provide people the proper therapy that person needed before a moment of weakness. The anime scapegoat always angers me.
I have been scapegoated all my life, in my family, at school and in countless work places where I ended up leaving. I was a punch bag in sexual relationships and some so called friendhsips. I left them all including my family. By the grace of God I married a kind and supportive husband 14 years ago. His brother stayed at our home for a while. Although he was an in-law, he was the brother I never had. He was a lot more kinder and understanding than my real brothers who constantly put me down and bullied me. When my brother in-law passed away in 2016 I was heart broken. I grieved alot more for him than for my parents and oldest brother when they passed. There are some good people out there but there are a lot of nasty evil people and I always found some in the work place. That is why I no longer work, my husband supports me. The Lord knows I did not set out to be a kept woman, but I trust very few people.
3:23 - Scapegoating feels good and it feeds empowerment too. I am glad to have chanced upon this video and allowed myself to be as open to this topic as possible. Our minds demand alot of self-gratification which is a very detrimental thing, if not kept in check.
Nah Empaths are different which is why narcissist hate us our self control is like extremely in tact im 23 been celibate for a year and plan staying that way we embody love all that self pleasure don’t really desire us fr
Theory of Scapegoating - According to Girard, the primary means for avoiding total escalation came through what he calls the scapegoat mechanism, in which conflict is resolved by uniting against an arbitrary other who is excluded and blamed for all the chaos.
This is also a discussion about tribalism. We like to believe that everyone in our circle is infallible and are entitled to having our way. Which is why whenever something doesn't go our way we want someone on the outside to blame for it. There is even a sense of cowardice when we blame a scapegoat. Taking responsibility for our faults means we have face the consequences. Typically we have no control over the consequences, so it makes sense that we want to avoid them at all costs.
It is the black sheep of the family. That everybody points their finger at. When in truth, this particular child is the least of family member to blamed.
Scapegoats and black sheeps usually born into very disfunctional narcissistic families. They are the ones with empathy and love, and of course they stand out. The family needs someone to point their finger to shift their own sins so they don't have to look at themselves. I am 68 yrs old and my narcissist family always did everything to destroy me even though i left them at age 19. Till the day today they keep stirring crap into my life even though i never ever had any bad intention or even wished harm to them. There's a spiritual aspect of these narcissist/empath(scapegoat) relationships...
People will never understand what it’s like until they become a scapegoat themselves. It’s only then that they can gain the empathy needed too realize the true issue and solution, which is within all of us. We are all to blame and we all play a part.
Eli, I agree with most of your statement, but certainly NOT with "We are all to blame and we all play a part." I played no part except being a helpless victim in my family's abuse, until I was old enough to go to court to become an emancipated minor at aged 16, and then working my way through highschool and taking care of myself for the rest of my life. What "part" do you wish to assign "blame" to people like me, who were born into extreme and dysfunctional family systems? Enlighten me! I deserve "blame" for being born into that family and being the only one to speak out? Please explain. Or do you perhaps believe that this was "karma" from a "past life" where I now am "getting what I deserve?" I am shocked at the callousness of your final sentence. When someone is murdered by another, do you also say "We are all to blame and we all play a part?"
@@CatherineSTodd What I meant by this statement is that we all play a part in the bigger grand scheme of things. I was not at all trying to apply that to abuse and I absolutely agree and understand abuse is never your fault. I was a scapegoat in an abusive family as well. But scapegoat rolls can come in many forms, not just in abusive families. When it comes to society as a whole and the bigger picture, that’s where we all play a part. You’re making a lot of assumptions about what I said. When it comes to the example you gave of murder, the act of murdering is only at fault by the murderer, of course. But take Jeffrey Dahmer for instants. The justice system and his family members also had a part to play because they enabled his actions. They didn’t stop him when they could have.
@@Xplreli : I don't beieve I am making a "lot of assumptions" about what you said. You again used the example of "Jeffrey Dahmer for instants. The justice system and his family members also had a part to play because they enabled his actions. They didn’t stop him when they could have." OK, but where is the "we all play a part" in Dahmer's and his behavior, or his family's behavior? You said "we all play a part" and I am asking you what part does the victim play in being killed and eaten by Dahmer? It is your statement saying "we all are to blame and we all play a part" that I am questioning. That's not a "lot of assumptions." it's a very clear statement. I can agree that you may have not meant exactly what you said, but that doesn't mean I made "assumptions" in error. All we can do is read what you wrote. Add detail to your statements so your meaning is clear if better understanding is what you want; don't blame people for the words that you wrote. For that's all we have to go on. For instance, you could say "society plays a part" and go on with your examples of that. Yet you go on to clearly say "We are all to blame and we all play a part." SORRY, I am not to blame for what other people do and I certainly don't play a part in their bad actions, even though abusive people teach us that we are to blame and it's "always our fault." That's where the largest error in your statement lies. Look at what you wrote instead of telling me I am "making a lot of assumptions." Your statements are clear as a bell, and it is easy enough for you to correct them instead of telling me I am wrong responding to your own words. Doesn't work that way and that's quite abusive behavior on your own part, whether you intend it to be or not. People who have been scapegoated and abused often take on the same behaviors of the abusers when they don't even realize it. Take a look at this conversation and you might see what I mean. Blame yourself all you want, blame everyone in society if you want, blame Dahmer and his family if you want, but don't blame me! Because I won't accept it and I will walk away as I am doing now, simply shaking my head. SMH. Live and learn, live and learn, and eventually we all might finally "get it." Adios amigo, and good luck to you.
I feel like this is one of those videos where everyone is going to identify the scapegoats other people use, but forget to identify their own. That's not the point folks!
@@madisondampier3389 Ya know, I wanted to snap back and say that's not what I meant, but you're right. Blaming people for not catching their biases is a kind of scapegoating.
@@tuckerbugeater I'm not sure that's really the same point as what I was making? I was more trying to encourage individuals to look at their own scapegoating behaviour. I suppose if whichever race you belong to is being scapegoated, you still might in turn make a scapegoat of that society and explain poor life outcomes in context of that social attitude.
“People," Geralt turned his head, "like to invent monsters and monstrosities. Then they seem less monstrous themselves. When they get blind-drunk, cheat, steal, beat their wives, starve an old woman, when they kill a trapped fox with an axe or riddle the last existing unicorn with arrows, they like to think that the Bane entering cottages at daybreak is more monstrous than they are. They feel better then. They find it easier to live.” -Andrzej Sapkowski
Hi - scapegoats happen in families, too. That was my role. “We don’t thing we have any [scapegoats] of our own…” unless _we_ are the scapegoat ourselves, and what a horrible feeling that is.
Burgis didn't mention the family scapegoat once. By the way, for anyone who missed it, the whole video scapegoats anyone who isn't a "progressive." The video was so overtly biased that it literally engages in scapegoating while lecturing us on it.
I think a good way to start with avoiding scapegoating is to take on personal responsibility. I try to be honest with myself about my feelings and to transparently communicate my thoughts to others, so that I don't look for the blame in other people but start by looking at my own actions. The next step might be to accept the complexity of the world. Rarely is it only one person or group who bears the full responsibility for certain events. This is uncomfortable because there is no one to blame, yet it is more honest and probably also produces better results. Viewed from this perspective, taking a more calm and collected approach can lead to less innocent scapegoats, a more efficient form of communication with others, and a better functioning society as a whole.
@@KAT-dg6el asking bad people to act nice is like asking criminals to not do crime. underlining issues need be solved in those people lives. and most people need to be open to receiving such help, which comes back to the individual and their desire to help themselves. its a viscous cycle. i don't think personal responsibility , in the way being spoken of here, is a burden a child should shoulder. The injustice children suffer under bad parentage is a complex situation far greater than a few youtube comments can even try to discuss because of its emotional components. I'm sorry if you or anyone you know is going through this. i believe the personal responsibility line is for those that are ready to acknowledge they are in a society. That other people are effected by their actions. That words matter, that actions have consequences, and that the wellbeing of the people around themselves is just as important as their own well being. That we are all in this together so we should act accordingly. That when you see an injustice, you should act as if that injustice is being done to you as well.
Reminds me of the two types of people that try and rank up in video games, those that scape goat avoid self blame and wallow in low ranks, those that look inward at how to improve will rise.
@@Kongajinken i see where you are going with your analogy... i just don't think its appropriate here. life should not be a grind. where a video game is opt-in, live is not. someone that loves a grind fest vs a casual, those are just different styles of enjoyment. neither is superior. there is no scapegoat there unless you want to make casuals into some victim-class. being a get-good-bro is far from what personal responsibility is about. and certainly not what this video explains about scapegoating.
I've tried to communicate to the ones I love about these things I have been thru in order to find understanding because knowledge is power it helps the whole situation. But I finally stopped because I realize if anyone really cared enough they would listen and educate themselves so the relationships wouldn't be lost. But that happens sometimes and I realize the longer families and friends are apart the less likely the chance is for a coming together and healing. These are just some of my thoughts. Thanks for listening ☺️
Many people who scapegoat within families have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are addicted to the chemicals generated in them when they hurt & distress others. They may use devious means to do this. Knowing this can help when trying to understand what is occurring.
If you think it's Earth shaking to gather up all the worst instincts and actions of people into one buzz word, you're in for future earthquakes my friend Just a tip from a random guy on the internet: the explanation for people's behavior can be summed up in a few sentences, that person is full of s***. And you should keep that in mind
My 6th grade teacher had not only had pets but a designated scapegoat. A kid just moved to our school. She made him look ridiculous and bad. I was shocked to see how she could make him appear bad and get the class to laugh at him. She gave him all D's. I looked at his face and saw the pain. Once, a classmate tattled on him for writing into his desk (like who didn't do that?). She sent him to the principal. I stood up and said, "That wasn't very nice what you did to David." She was furious with me. I still don't know why kids fall into hate-filled people like that. P.S. at the end of the school year, the new principal kicked her out of the school.
I’m mentally Ill & as I can see you all are as well however my illness has gotten the best of me & has made me into a scapegoat & it sucks because I’m not this way I’m sweet I’m docile but the world has made me this way
I think he touches on a very important point here: "Scapegoats don't necessarily need to be innocent". The question is not if someone has transgressed against our selves or our perceived groups, but how the actions or lack of actions we are responsible for contribute or are in association with the action that took place. In a way we should be thankful to those who expose our flaws and weaknesses and should be ready to help them as much as they have inadvertently helped us.
He highlighted a serial killer as a scapegoat. So we should just leave serial killers be free because if we don't need to kill them to be safe then why do we need to cage them? He uses scapegoats to remove responsibility from people that have caused harm. Scapegoats were not players that did drugs to win, that is someone actively doing harm to the sport. Scapegoats were accusing a woman of being a witch because she had nicer clothes than you. It was about taking the innocent and causing harm to them, he is clearly deflecting responsibility for people causing harm which is very dangerous in today's society.
@@chiquita683 I think I understand what you're saying. You're worried that if we see those who break the rules as victims, they will be free to act as they please without reprocation. The idea is not to leave the problem unaddressed however, but it's rooted in understanding that that person is not the obvious end of the inquiry of why they acted the way they did. Some might be able to be reformed some might not, but every one of them are a product of underlying causes that we all directly or indirectly are responsible for. Let's put it this way. If a small mouse chews through a wall in your house it would not serve you to be mad at the mouse. The structure of the house had not been solid enough, which was the responsibility of the builder. The choice of looking for such faults in the house you were buying or thinking of renting rests in you. Access to other options for animals in your area rests on the govnt. Animal instinct for search of best available food is hardwired through evolution and there the fault is in everything interacting with that drive outside of the organism. The mouse has done an action and only a fool would let it run free in the house. But only a fool stop the mouse, hate it, and then think that the problem is solved not that it has stopped. If anything, this one mouse did you a favour by showing the hidden faults you were unawared of. Humans are extremely much more complicated but the principles are the same. No one is arguing that a murderer should not be made to stop murdering by limiting their freedoms. But rather that we should be thankful for the chance they provided for making obvious what the underlying societal issues we are ignoring. It's in understanding that in the same circumstances you too could've been in their place that you might be able to reform their future actions. If this is not possible, then it at least gives you sympathy for their humanity and gives you fuel to find and help fix the problems that produced the actions of this person. I always find interesting that people say "they got away with it" or "there was nothing wrong with them psychologically" in relation to murderers. As if any of us in our right mind would find murdering enjoyable. Finding the markers that lead to someone having this relation to murder is much more important of a target of our resources and time than spending solely in punishing and hating the person who ends up doing the action. Illicit or permormance-enhancing drugs are another point you bring up and an interesting subject of competition and our societal relation to the concept of failure. I think there too we are using scapegoats but I've rambled already for too long. I hope I've made myself clear enough on the subject.
Psychopathy is incurable, we can inquire all we want but we can’t stop them from committing the crime nor can’t we alter their brains. So the question arises, when are we going to inform people of psychopathy? When are we going to stop the media sensationalizing capital punishment? When are we going to start screening people for psychopathy? When are we going to protect children from abusers and psychopathic parents so we can stop the cycle of dysfunction. This information is available, but our law makers do not think 💭 it’s important, and again who is scapegoat here? It’s easy to blame it all on drugs and illegal immigrants.
@@Here4TheHeckOfItScapegoaters are so delusional they engage in scapegoating while lecturing us on it. Which is what Burgis and Big Think did herre. The whole video is a lesson in Orwellian DOUBLESPEAK.
My mom is the narcissist and my sis is the golden child and I’m the scapegoat: every tine I talk to either of them I’m baited at least twice and accused of exaggerating, lying and being foolish with my money. When I ask a real/ deeper question it’s usually not answered/ when I give a present (bday and Christmas only)! it’s most likely met with disgust unless it is cash. Why do I stay? Breaking off completely would disrupt the family too much so I just fake it. What’s funny now is I’ve gray rocked them and only partake to do my own psychological study on them 🤣🤣 it’s actually hilarious and truly doesn’t hurt any more.I’m actually going so far as to bait them by feeding them bad information to see what they do. It’s great. Try it!
I'm the scapegoat of the hinshaws, mother's side, I'm the scapegoat of the McCluskys. Mother's side. I'm the scapegoat of the chapman's. And I left them all behind two decades ago
👏 I’m getting ready to do the same thing. Those people can stay stuck and live a miserable life. I have made new friends that I call family and they are much better people.
Thank God *someone* understands! First time I've read it put just like this,and I have experienced this for my whole entire life even now, at 72 years of age. I can assure you, IT NEVER ENDS. And the hurtful attacks keep on coming till the day you die. What do these people get out of it, living a lie? Even after the original abuser has died? THEY become the abusers, that's what they have earned and apparently what they wanted and what they deserve. I will never understand it, but I hope God will protect me and "show me The Way."
I understand being in my mid sixties... even after the narcissistic parents /parent dies the siblings/mob blame you for everything still including the death of the parents. Pure insanity. Back out and unfortunately you can rest assured the next generation has been picked a few immediate family and extended family scapegoats....but don't stick around or your life of Hell around them will never end. Praying for you Catherine.
@@lynndurbin9476 : THANK YOU and everything you said is right on target. I disconnected a good while ago and thank God I did. Thanksgiving and Christmas is lonely but now I make sure to plan something wonderful to do or to go, so it's worked out fine. Gracias, amiga! You hit the nails on the head with naming them "the mob." It never changes no matter how hard one tries, so just move away and let God take over. I hope and pray.
Any time you hear the phrase “human nature” , run, don’t walk to the nearest exit. Plug your ears and shout “la la la” on the way out to prevent infection.
I'm not too worried about serial killers being scapegoated. I'm worried about all the innocents that are, from those in society to the innocent scapegoats in the family.
I've been starting to recognize scapegoating more and more. Usually, it starts with people thinking in "black and white terms". I thought that by showing them they were going for a "black and white" thing, they,d understand and stop, but no, I realized there's not much I can do. I've been scapegoated so often in my life that it's almost like my way of life now. I challenge a lot of assumptions that people have, and they never truly can reply to my challenges. I am instead made into a scapegoat, with accusations that don't make sense in any way and are full of "black and white thinking", such as "you never show any kindness" "you always think you're the victim", etc. And trust me, when I challenge assumptions, it's not like "you are wrong for thinking that" or "you're being irrational". It's just me asking "why did you come to that conclusion?" which results in them essentially often times going "you are being dense" and then blaming me for their own assumptions.
I suppose scapegoating could be done on oneself as well... seems I've seen that on numerous occasions. Why does blame have to be transferred anywhere, why does it even have to be a thing?
I believe I was scapegoated 1) Because I was a girl, their third girl. My parents were stationed in the middle-east in the mid-fifties when I was born. When the Arab’s my dad would stop and have tea with occasionally heard he had another baby ‘girl' they made him a special tea to drink so he would conceive a boy and sure enough it worked! Just days before my first birthday my little brother was born. Unwanted & quickly replaced, I was only two months old when the plot to conceive a ‘boy' was put in play. 2) Because I was different, born in a foreign country, fair skinned, blue eyes, thick wavy blond hair (until I was four), and a huge smile. Mom told me that had it not been for the ‘outside’ attention I got on my appearance I would’ve been completely ignored. What a cruel thing for a mother to say to her daughter who's feeling neglected! I believe there was perhaps some jealousy on her part, and definitely on my siblings’ part (olive skin, brown eyes, thin hair). 3) I was hospitalized when I was 5 for a sudden, unexpected, limb paralysis. Separated from ‘the family’ and basically tortured with needles, alone in a dark scary room, feeling abandoned, defective and replaced with the baby mom had in the same hospital while I was still ‘incarcerated’ there. While I was at the hospital a Japanese woman who was in a room nearby would sneak across the hallway when the nurses weren’t looking and come to my room to comfort me when I was crying. I remember how she held me, kissed my head, rocked me and sang quietly to me. I never experienced that kind of tender motherly love before, but now that I had experienced it I knew in my soul it was how it was supposed to be and that it was missing in my household. 4) I was my dad, the enabler’s, favorite and opposed my mom who constantly berated and criticized him while all the other sibling’s were in mom’s corner. I was also my grandpa’s favorite and so was my mom who was scapegoated by her mom - same dynamic passed down to me.
Scapegoating isn't subconscious or unconscious. It can be, but it has more to do with rallying around an easy victim. If the true problem is initiated violence, they will initiate violence against an arbitrary third party. If the true problem is poverty, they will scapegoat the rich. If the true problem is feeling rejected, some people will scapegoat the other gender. Often the act is a projection of the problem itself, and can even indicate the solution by reversing the thought concessions by the scapegoating individuals and instigators. Scapegoating is very conscious, the tribalism that can come with it can be subconscious or unconscious. People with weak ethical inhibition are more subject to scapegoating. The best way I can describe it is this-if you have a dangerous but protected villain who is causing terrorism, the best thing would be to find a discerning feature about them (usually superficial) and scapegoat those with the same features. Instead of doing something productive, especially when you cannot, you rally around an easier target and avoid the conflict that can arise by dealing with real problem actors. Scapegoating is how the weak and stupid avoid the sense of their own futility in a crisis. The mimetics are simply a deferral of criticality crossed with a desire to punish. This is why when mobs form they are stupid and fickle, or why mobs are not democratic but escalate quickly-in the worst case people dissociate into the mob, which is an escalation of the illusion that you represent the entirety of the people behind you.
Every human being is capable of scapegoating because of the self serving bias, which is an individual's tendency to attribute positive events to their character, but attribute negative results or events to external factors unrelated to themselves and their faults.
I feel scared, anxious, and agitated listening to this. And yes, I’d agree that how we choose our scapegoats are unconscious. Perhaps one of our greatest challenges in life is to bring those unconscious choices up into our conscious minds and really examine them. Scapegoating is very condoned in society; invisible in that we ignore the fact that we engage in it, and condoned in that we don’t call it out.
This happens too often in dysfunctional and toxic companies. A team member is consciously or unconsciously chosen to take the blame for a disproportionate amount of the company's short-comings. Bad managers love to promote this idea because then they won't have to take accountability for anything that goes wrong. And colleagues jump on board for the same reason. I've seen people who left companies broken and distraught, and are then still scapegoated and bad-mouthed months after they left. They didn't even need to be working for the company anymore to still be blamed for all that's wrong.
We feel like something good has been done when a prisoner has been executed… Yeah, like sometimes you can do something so horrible that it’s not a matter of keeping society safe but of punishment.
@@KAT-dg6el Problem is it costs more taxpayer money to execute someone than keep them in prison for life. All the appeals granted to someone on death row are very expensive. Also we sometimes execute the wrong people.
@@KAT-dg6el My main point is that executing people in the USA is too expensive. My second point is that some people are innocent. The National Academy of Sciences say 4.1 percent on death row are probably innocent.
To the *incredible person* seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
we don't mimic desires, that is a fundamentally wrong aspect. We aren't taught to want love, we learn how to get are needs met by how we adapt to our parents.
Great point, I agree. More often than not, it's intentional. I'm being scapegoated, illegally surveilled, harassed, my property is being destroyed, and bullied by my neighbors and the government for exercising my first amendment rights. I'm being used as an example to the community of what happens to innocent human beings for going against the grain.
I was feeling really hurt by being scapegoated. But I didn't focus on it much cuz it was the inability to even talk with my kids after I had a mental collapse and ended up homeless. I lost my entire life and kids and family and community. I realized I hadn't been setting a good example for my kids as I had been helpless and dependent. I put up with treatment I never should have and didn't say anything so that a me and my ex wouldn't fight in front of the kids. So I vowed to change the example even though I had to choose it after it was seemingly too late and I was already slipping into homelessness that ended up lasting for years. My vow turned out to be one of the best things I've ever done for myself. Refusing to become dependent on anyone and working to get myself out of my mess on my own inadvertently resolved issues I had been ignorant of until I was actually already inadvertently addressing them. I realized that I hadn't individuated, differentiated, and so I hadn't obtained autonomy. I also realized I had borderline personality disorder. But I realized these things after I had left the relationship I had gotten into on the streets. When I left that relationship it was symbolic of my vow to make it out on my own and become empowered and independent. And it signified the ending of my borderline personality disorder. I had never ever been able to end a relationship. Until I ended this one and moved to a homeless shelter. At the shelter I was able to immerse myself into self help videos and that's where I learned how sick I really had been. In dysfunctional families everyone is always talking about breaking cycles. They usually are adamant that they have broken the cycle without having done anything to back that up. I believe scapegoating isn't the shunned role that we assume it is. I think it's a chosen and honorable role that not many are strong enough to ensure. Because the scapegoat gets removed from everything familiar and has to learn how to live in a totally unfamiliar place. All alone. That is significant if you understand the unconscious mind and all the behaviour that happens in it that we can't possibly even be conscious of in a typical familiar setting. When you are in a new place you don't revert to the unconscious minds programmed behaviour because you remain alert and conscious when things are not familiar. The scapegoat can heal the entire family if they are willing to carry this responsibility. And it's in your best interest that you be willing. There is talk of finding new families and never looking back and that's your choice. I think it's very stupid. After all. You are your own mother before you are born. And you identify as your mother prior to individuation. So to believe family can be discarded and new family can be chosen is simply not true. I've become very close with my mom in my internal relationship with her. I now understand how different things were. They were much harder and she had way more kids. And I realized I had been judging her with the perspective of what my life was like which wasn't all that hard. My mom is shunning me so I am healing myself in her honor. As well as in honor of my children. I want to take my family out of this karmic loop and that can only be done by literally changing the patterned behaviours and responses. So I changed my resentment and anger to one of compassion and understanding and acceptance. I am working hard on everything. From how I listen. To how I respond with a thoughtful and responsible manner. I work on any negative views I have of people and practice seeing them as human and not condemning them by their behaviors. I look at where life has brought me and I am seeing all the experiences that life chose for me actually taught me valuable lessons and ended up being better for me than anything I ever chose for myself. I still judge my circumstance and get mad sometimes. And then I remind myself to keep trying to learn as much as possible from whatever I am experiencing I am no longer so arrogant to go around judging things as good or bad. If it's the way it is then that's the way it's supposed to be. I am no longer chasing or pursuing anything. Anything I'm meant to experience will naturally come to me. So being a scapegoat for me has allowed me to be responsible for reframing my perspectives and rebuilding my family bonds even if it's in my mind. The last thing that is important to understand. You can't hate your parents and love yourself. And if you don't have self love your children will reject you or themselves or both. 😊
Scapegoating is as ugly as survival. Groups that lack this mechanism to maintain cohesion probably died out because they couldn't compete with more cohesive groups that practice scapegoating. This is not a binary 'good' vs 'evil' question. A certain amount of scapegoating in society is normal and even necessary. However, too much of it will sow division and chaos.
My partner became the workplace scapegoat because he tried to make a moral choice that didn’t align with the company's shitty ethics. He was bullied, ostracised, ridiculed and eventually fired. Years later he's still traumatized from it.
Scapegoat tried to confront us. The scapegoat is trying to attack! The scapegoat tried distancing: Aw what a coward! Can't face the countless crimes they've had committed
Scapegoating and status are both products of mimetic desire ! I found that mimetic desire is the most powerful concept to understand human behaviour. But it takes time to really get how deep and universal it is... It requires a solid book of René Girard and a large cup of team 😅
@@rosemarywoodhouse4832 i think that all social animals have it because desire conects a group, if they all desire different things group will fall apart, just my hypothesis not sure tho maybe someone smarter can confirm this
@@rosemarywoodhouse4832 probably keeping group together because it gives bigger chance of survival for individual as a wild animal idk would this apply for humans but for wild animals surely does
Wish this wasn't just a concise video, definitely a topic we'll need more understanding of, Humans have practiced different forms of rituals for years, I wonder if all we did was evolve the practice of human ritual in a more socially collective way, and shockingly this is the first time I'm realizing that it isn't really necessary to sentence people to death.
I grew up under a brutally abusive, narcissistic Father before psychology had developed any clinical awareness or terminology for the phenomenon. The long-term, psychological/emotional damage to my family members has been incalculable and ruinous. This brutal, wide-spread social phenomenon now falls within two categories: psychological and criminal, but for most of our society's history, it's been pretty much, "business as usual."
I have tried many times to get a handle on Rene Girard. Here are some of my unanswered questions: 1. Humans and primates are mimetic, no only their desire, but the whole process of entering primate society is mimetic. So? 2. An psychologically injured parent will make a newborn the scapegoat. Long before this baby is capable of breaking any of societies codes. How does this fact work with his theories?
I've come up with the same theory long ago. I don't know the particulars of his own, but I can answer for myself. 1. It's about realizing that what makes us "good" and "altruistic" is the exact same process that makes us "evil" and "unjust". Lots of people take pride in their empathy, not realizing it also contributes in them making human sacrifices. So the more you think you are good with great values, the more you are likely to be a terrible person. It just goes together. 2. The baby breaks the codes of the parent, by being an annoyance or not being perfect in the values the person cherishes. But also something that is not in the video, the scapegoat is there to hold the family together, so everything will be blamed on it. If someone is in a bad mood, it's the baby, if someone cheats, it's the baby, etc. The baby can be totally innocent. Innocents make the best scapegoats. At another level, it's how narcissists, check each others. If a narcissist does something bad, they will deny responsibility, but if you accuse a third innocent party, the narcissist will get the message of not doing whatever the accusation is. And it works because of the mimicking, the empathy with the scapegoat. If OJ Simpson does something bad, being a narcissist, he does not care because he believes he can get away with it through a crafted image of "good". So he will never take responsibility for his actions because he believes in his image and there is no reason others would not and would not mimic it and come to the realization is that he is innocent. So by taking him and making him a scapegoat, it tells all the others like him not to do the same thing and think they will get away with it, no matter how great the image is. But it works with people that actually are innocent even better. Babies are of course the best. If the scapegoater is able to do that to a baby, they can do the same to anybody. So it puts other narcissists in check. It's all about mimicking and image management.
They're rightfully accused because they ARE the ones who work with the FED/OSHA to ruin our lives thanks to record levels of stagflation/mandates and horrible pay/working conditions.
@@SimGunther Say thank you to incompetent socialist policies. yeah lets blame Bezos, Musk , and Steve Jobs for hiring many employees, and making lives relatively better with the technology they provided us. Damn they are soo evil...
@@yeiddi Yes, the very same neoliberal "galaxy brain" heroes that broke through the barriers of the soycialism to make their billions are the same people who are creatingAuthoritarian measures to block small business from having any success. Who would've thought that the Neoliberals who ask for the market to be free are also the ones fixing the market with supposedly "soycialist policies" that are actuallyAuthoritarian andFascist? So you should actually be thanking lobbying and economicBlackmail for allowing this whole mess to be made!
Here's the thing. In nuclear families, only dysfunctional families need a scapegoat. Functional, heathy families do not. In dysfunctional families, a scapegoat is created to carry the sins of parent/s who would rather not be responsible for themselves. On purpose?Sometimes, Im sure. The video acts as if a scapegoat provides a necessary role in society. I disagree. They may be convenient for a perpetual lie, but that doesn't make them crucial to society, or a family system. The more the phenomenon of the scapegoat is discussed, the easier it will be to call out toxic families who sacrifice an innocent child for their own sins. I say, sooner the better.
Being someone who often is thinking outside of norms, I can see it. People think they would never be so savage, but on some level they are. They think they only want to do what is good and right. It is the lie People tell themselves daily. Like you said, guilt isn't the intrest in this action. Justice isn't either. They want to feel better. Jesus has a good answer to a complicated question. This was informative indeed.
TRUE STORY: I have been the victim of several NARCs… they continue to appear. The WORST is my own lil sister… I figured it out only days ago. She helped me move and took EVERYTHING from me… she GIFTED all to my parents!
Great information and very well presented. Thank you for such an absolutely incredible description of what many of us have been unable to describe for so long.
“If we continue these considerations to the bitter end, then the conclusion is not in doubt. As long as humankind recklessly proceeds in the fateful delusion of being biologically fated for triumph, nothing essential will change. As its numbers mount and the spiritual atmosphere thickens, the techniques of protection must assume an increasingly brutal character. And humans will persist in dreaming of salvation and affirmation and a new Messiah. Yet when many saviours have been nailed to trees and stoned on the city squares, then the last Messiah shall come. Then will appear the man who, as the first of all, has dared strip his soul naked and submit it alive to the outmost thought of the lineage, the very idea of doom. A man who has fathomed life and its cosmic ground, and whose pain is the Earth’s collective pain. With what furious screams shall not mobs of all nations cry out for his thousandfold death, when like a cloth his voice encloses the globe, and the strange message has resounded for the first and last time: “- The life of the worlds is a roaring river, but Earth’s is a pond and a backwater. - The sign of doom is written on your brows-how long will ye kick against the pin-pricks? - But there is one conquest and one crown, one redemption and one solution. - Know yourselves-be infertile and let the earth be silent after ye.” And when he has spoken, they will pour themselves over him, led by the pacifier makers and the midwives, and bury him in their fingernails. He is the last Messiah. As son from father, he stems from the archer by the waterhole.”
It was Judas who was nailed to the cross. There was no next day hanging, people didn’t kill the selves that way. That’s a west European idea added later.
Nah the group in power before Christianity saw the threat in Christianity during the ancient rome times...just like the powers before ancient rome was in power
There is a lot of good content here. There are a few caveats though. Those who are on the margins of society being scapegoated should be viewed differently than those who are in power who are scapegoated. Those socially excluded scapegoats actually bear very little responsibility for what goes wrong - they have no decision making control. But those in power, often sought that power on purpose, strategically, and for the very sake of maintaining that power over others. The decisions of those in power often directly impact society and therefore those in power should shoulder more of the blame. They don't just have control over their life outcomes, but the outcomes of millions of people. With great power comes great responsibility. Holding those in power responsible for the corrupt ways they gain and maintain that power is part of accountability. They should not be shielded from accountability, especially when they preach accountability. They get the credit when things go right. Therefore, they should get the credit when things go wrong. We should not treat victims the same as the perpetrators. POC, jewish people, women, immigrants, and the disabled are often scapegoated. They often did noting wrong except exist. Totalitarians and Authoritarians on the other hand misplaced blame - they are perpetrators pretending to be victims. They have all the power and control and abuse that power to cause suffering on a massive scale. To equate the two is to blame the victim, and it's also innacurate. The term scapegoating only makes sense if the person or group being scapegoated didn't actually do the misdeeds, but is suffering the consequences of the misdeeds of others. So guilt matters. Scapegoating the guilty is just accountability.
I totally agree with you, critical thinking doesn’t come naturally to everyone. So the speaker raises important points like addressing tribalism and groupthink but he misses a lot of points especially when he throws corrupt politicians like Bush and serial killer like Bundy in the mix. As an example I don’t believe Bushes are scapegoats, they are one of the richest and most influential families in the United States. Moreover, Bushes pushed for wars the U.S. invaded Iraq the country that has nothing to do with nine eleven, and how did they explain the unnecessary deaths and destruction? They said oh well we made a mistake. Politicians have immunity based on their connection to Elites, the compromising information they have on each other and of course wealth and resources that they hijacked. Some examples just inappropriate for scapegoat definition because if they would be average pedestrians, they would be in jail long ago. Similar story with OJ Simpson he got away with a crime because of his influence and wealth.
So that's why a goat is symbolically attached to the Devil and in the word scapegoat but on a grand scale. Not a coincidence. "The Family" scapegoat propped up for the necessary chaos then blamed in the end so people feel free of their BS and move forward. Like a Wreck it Ralph needed for the necessary destruction then it's flipped on him and hes blamed for it all and tossed off a roof and ostracized. Life imitates art. Reminds me of that Geico commercial where Rick the Goat causes the chaos in that peanut butter factory and they say to find a scapegoat to blame everything on.
If you came to this conclusion, you haven't understood what the main point here. The video ends on a note that scapegoating comes from power structures. Power structures wouldn't blame scapegoating, that makes no sense, they are the one doing the scapegoating.
![Kodak Black - Versatile 4 [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/VcP_1Ua__vY/mqdefault.jpg)
If you ever become a scapegoat, the best thing to do is walk away from those people and block them out of your life. Having experience with this I learned you can't rationalize with those who scapegoat you and in the long run you end up becoming bitter towards them or just as toxic.
Doesn't matter if it's family, friends or a job just leave and move on. You can find another family, new friends and another job and you will be better off if you block and find new people and a new job. Your self esteem and happiness don't depend on this negative and miserable energy.
You are right but these situations can be a teacher so it may not be wise to run from these unconscious people, it's dialema where individuals need to decide when to leave and when to stay.
@@weedylock I guess every person has to make their own decision. My only point is no one should be anyone's punching bag. People scapegoat others because they feel bad about their own lives and do not want to acknowledge that their lives are bad because of their own choices. Not the scapegoat. The scapegoat is not the problem, but that's not the point. The scapegoat is there to be a punching bag so others can avoid the truth.
Rarely can you rationalize with people who do not want to face the truth or fix their own lives. Sometimes they will listen and do self reflection and change their ways. But again, I think that's rare because some people just lack empathy for others. Also I think people should have to work hard to earn back the trust and relationship with the person they scapegoated if that is even a possibility.
In the meantime, the scapegoat should do their best to preserve their own sanity and mental health and sometimes that means distancing themselves from certain people or cutting off those relationships entirely. Scapegoats should also seek out professional therapy services and the support of good and positive relationships because scapegoating can affect someone's mental health.
Just my two cents because I've been there before in relationships, friendships, with family and in jobs. I've been scapegoated frequently throughout my life. And it wasn't until I set boundaries or cut people off or found another job that I was able to really enjoy my life fully and just breath. I was always respectful and kind about how I ended those relationships and jobs, but I did end them and went no-contact as I refuse to be held hostage as a scapegoat anymore.
I have now been even told that I am quick to set boundaries on negative situations and I should give people a second chance. But Maya Angelou once said "when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time."
@@9395gb You are right if you are with roxic people you should leave as soon as you realise who they are, no point in dealing with their negativity if it can not be avoided.
so true. I should have left that job way earlier. Now I have PTSD and a ruined reputation.
@@9395gb be my guru, please.
This dynamic is at play in a lot of dysfunctional families as well. Just ask anyone who has dared to speak out about child abuse how their family and extended family reacted. Often the abuser is defended and protected and the victim is scapegoated. People will do anything to avoid ugly truths and they often make the world even uglier in the process.
EversoTRUE!!!
Unfortunately way too true. It's horrible.
Right, which is why this video is dangerous. This video argues that what you are saying is true, but also that the reverse is true. If the perpetrator/(s) are held accountable in the dysfunctional family then they too are scapegoated. I would argue no they are not. They are rightly held accountable for their abusive behavior. Power dynamics are completely ignored in this video when it argues that guilt or innocence doesn't matter. What should matter is the wellbeing of the victim and reducing the suffering of the victim. If justice is served, then the perpetrators are removed from their ability to abuse so the victims can get relief. The criticism, trial, jail sentence etc. is handed down those punishments can also serve as a cathartic release or relief for the victim. This video just leaves one to shrug one's shoulders and say, "oh well, we are all collectively guilty, so, what can you do?"
Absolutely! That is sooo common & I’ve unfortunately had to live that reality. Talk about kicking a person when they’re down 🙄
well said!
I disagree on one point: Scapegoats aren't always chosen subconsciously. There are sociopaths out there who gladly throw the innocent to the wolves for power and wealth.
I think the ordinary man can do the same
@@kenonerboy Not everyone has the position of power and/or platform in order to make someone public enemy #1 over literally nothing. You can have people accused and convicted in the court of public opinion in twenty minutes.
@@kenonerboy to mobilize the masses? not so much
I agree that the choosing is not always “subconscious”. Especially within sick, dysfunctional families who do not want to look at their own individual behaviors nor attempt authentic self inventories.🦋
yes! This video ignores that the pursuit of power is often strategic. Those in power know exactly what they are doing.
Either way, the scapegoat is about to embark on what could be described as one of the darkest, bleakest, scariest journeys a person can embark on. They are about to grieve years and years and years of abuse, rejection, abandonment, and betrayal, from the people who were meant to love them. Grieving an entire family is one of the darkest, bleakest, scariest journey’s a person can endure. It is often filled with horror, depression, shame, guilt, and condemnation of self. Those that condone and or participate in scapegoating ARE THE DEVILS AND LUCIFERS OF MANKIND.
That journey you speak of is known as the dark night of the soul. It's a place few go and few come out of. But once you make it out, life holds a new light to it. Maybe this is what they call enlightenment. ❤️
Well said!!! Yeshua was scapegoated, yet many claim to worship him, then turn around and scapegoat others.
With the endocrine disruptor soup that the AMA/Big Pharma fed to pregnant women/developing babies in the womb for several decades in the the mid to late 20th Century, causing all sorts of genital, sexual, reproductive, gender identity anomalies, autoimmune health issues, mental/emotional health issues, and mutating DNA for generations to come, our culture should have no problem....and doesn't....identifying those who are different....and excluding them....
Scapegoats are determined before 1:40 in the womb
Exactly. That’s it in a nutshell. When it finally dawned on me that I was my family’s garbage can I put my house up for sale, closed my business and moved 3 states away. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been
@@steevo8754 You don't have to move that far. I wouldn't want to be their neighbor, but for me back then it was enough to move a (single digit) few miles away. And I even would have taken close to a mile.
My mom was a workplace scapegoat
She was blamed for everything that went wrong at her old nursing home job
The most satisfying thing about all of it though was when me and my grandfather finally convinced her to leave
You see the thing about the scapegoat is they're often an integral piece of what keeps the structure together
They got lawsuits for negligence when my mom left because no one would clean the shitty underwear
No one would move them to a different position on the bed to stop their skin from being damaged
No one would come and check on them when they were hollering nurse
And to top it all off they called her back begging her to return
But by this time she had a job in the same field that paid better with a boss that treated her better
The best thing you can do as a scapegoat is leave because they need you a whole hell of a lot more than you need them
A dysfunctional family needs a scapegoat to stop them from tearing each other apart and so they can have the catharsis of not holding themselves accountable for any of their actions or its consequences
A workplace will use a scapegoat to try and make the person get defensive and work harder to try and prove their innocence but this hard work only goes to take the workload off of those undeserving without this person over working themselves this workplace is inefficient
Excellent comment Thankyou
Wow! What amazing storytelling, reflection and invaluable analysis.
Some very important things have fallen into place for me now.
I want to thank you properly, wholeheartedly.
I was the problem child of the family. Decades later, when there was a very challenging situation with our aging parents, I became the scapegoat among we 4 siblings.
I thought 2 sisters would share my genuine concern about the narcissist sister using, abusing, neglecting, and causing distress to my parents. Finally she took my mother (who had dementia), to the bank and had her withdraw a large sum of money.
I thought the doctor sister would share my concerns about the wellbeing of my parents, and want to work towards resolving the problem. She and the 4th sister didn't care about the abuse occurring. In fact, those 2 sisters turned on me!
I see now that I, a nurse, am not only the truthteller, and the empath, but also the very strong one- seen as a rival by the doctor sister. I believe she originally became a doctor for status and prestige.
As time went on, she was strongly backed by my highly abusive, very weak sister.
My father ( and mother) selected me to be a trustee and execeter. This caused the doctor to suffer narcissistic rage. Her revengefulness went on, and on, for years, and at the deepest level of vengefulness.
I, the caring sister, was cut off by all 3 sisters.
I imagined 2 of them getting on well. But other people didn't think there was "warmth" between them. And it seems that the 2 I thought were extremely close, didn't actually see much of eachother.
It seems the rich doctor was too tight to assist either sister, even though she wasted at least 200,000k - especially on a lot of lawyers.
I believe now, that I helped to stop some turmoil between them.
I also feel I am what the 2 weaker sisters needed in their lives.
I care so much, I support the wellbeing of people in their suffering. More importantly, I practise unconditional love, am relatively selfless, and rather forgiving.
I was also the nicest aunt.
They lost out.
People tell me I am not missing much with them gone.
I don't miss the coldness of the doctor, the extreme abuse and manipulation of her butch, feminist, traumatizing sidekick. And I don't miss the retardation, extreme narcissism, and tantrums of the truly narc sister.
I am not perfect, but I am very different to my 3 sisters- mainly due to
my empathy and speaking out.
I am so, so proud of my scapegoat role.
I have compassion, forgiveness, speak the truth, and have always been more spiritually inclined.
I am inclined to selfreflect and gradually grow.
I have less of a victim mentality and feel stronger than ever before.
My comment is really long. But I know my experience as a scapegoat will strike a chord with others.
Poor patients😢😢😢
@@jacobbaker4545 they got moved to a new company my mom kept up on them
She got along with the one's who could still understand their surroundings
Why did your mother let herself be convinced by you and her father in the first place? She was complaining a lot to you both, as I can see from all the information you've provided for her, but wasn't able to decide for herself ? After all she've been through, you described her as a strong, tough woman. What's your part in all this story?
The narcissist loves when the scapegoat messes up. The narcissist forgives or excuses their own bad behavior, even claiming they had a good reason for their own evil behavior, but holds against the scapegoat any and all their flaws as though all they have is flaws about everything.
if only we could get rid of the narcissist, then all our problems would be solved ;D
@@tobyiy the devil was the ultimate narcissist and he influences those who do not know Jesus Christ. It is only through Christ Who lives in believers that helps the believer resist sin, anger and hate because Christ is love.
Exactly!!! scapegoating by people is one thing, but scapegoating by hypocrates who would do the worst version of the things they are accusing you for and thus have no right to call those people out like they are heroes is just sickening
@@gwendolynwehage6336 interestingly enough- Jesus Christ was obviously the scapegoat of his time. Society (esp. the religious leaders) scapegoated him all the way to the cross. And Christians became scapegoats through history…..
Since then, “the devil” has become the ultimate scapegoat (esp. in the Judeo-Christian community) anytime anyone experiences something negative…. Whose fault is it….. the devil. Textbook scapegoating.
I’m just pointing out that it is interesting the way we humans do things….
💯
when there's a Narcissist, there's a scapegoat.
A scapegoat is their means to existence! Good point!
I act like a black sheep however.
Like magnets to steel
A video on Scapegoating that Scapegoats anyone who isn't a "progressive."
Then again, psychotic arrogance and self-awareness don't go together.
There's an irony here. The term narcissism is itself often scapegoating. At this moment in time the 168 likes demonstrate it!
Example: You have an individual who is confident in the workplace and manages to get their way often. As this relative (strong emphasis on relative) success undermines others, they'll often default to labelling to satisfy their perceived weakness.
I find whenever I’m happy and contented in a social situation it triggers the dysfunctional around me and they’ll start ‘baiting’.
I used to defend myself; now I recognise the situation by either showing up the other person or shifting my attention to the kind people around me.
Good advice!
The baiting is real - I turned the table and am now baiting them to see how horrible they are. It’s kinda funny
@@jimparsons4312fighting darkness with darkness. (That sounds an alarm bell, as it sounds a bit psychopathic, in the sense of playing dark games by wielding the said darkness.)
@@GMC-qo9xi yes! It’s not like i seek it out. It’s only when I rarely communicate with them. I see what your saying though. I can’t go completely no contact tho so I make it tolerable with this game 😂😂😂
Omg you put it perfectly. They test you fr, and for what. People are weird and cruel. Being calm through it sets them off too. You’re right, the only way to “win” (protect your sanity) is to not give them any attention. Not worth your time!!
Most of the wisest kids at school are treated as skapegoats
It's crazy how it happens this way, and not to mention horribly wrong.
Makes sense. Anything genuine or useful threatens insecure people. ~ Especially when seen as shown up by someone they consider inferior for some reason (eg. Age).
Be genuine and loyal to wise people and you'll have the same in return. Often for life. Cheers.
That makes me feel better, about myself.
Throughout my life i have been a victim of scapegoating, these narcissistic people only cared about themselves and were full of arrogance. People need to practice empathy and humbleness.
also stay away from others if they are this incompetent
Same
It's easier to blame others than take responsibility for your failures
Ayn Rand speaks.
I blame no one person or thing, only situation and circumstance
It's also easier to gather up all our worst instincts into a tidy buzzword than to accept the reality that people aren't what we wish they were, and that's never going to change
Ted Bundy agrees.
People blame acts of child mol^station on anime and general fiction instead of the failure to actually provide people the proper therapy that person needed before a moment of weakness.
The anime scapegoat always angers me.
I have been scapegoated all my life, in my family, at school and in countless work places where I ended up leaving. I was a punch bag in sexual relationships and some so called friendhsips. I left them all including my family. By the grace of God I married a kind and supportive husband 14 years ago. His brother stayed at our home for a while. Although he was an in-law, he was the brother I never had. He was a lot more kinder and understanding than my real brothers who constantly put me down and bullied me. When my brother in-law passed away in 2016 I was heart broken. I grieved alot more for him than for my parents and oldest brother when they passed.
There are some good people out there but there are a lot of nasty evil people and I always found some in the work place. That is why I no longer work, my husband supports me. The Lord knows I did not set out to be a kept woman, but I trust very few people.
Smart woman….
Your story sounds JUST like mine
3:23 - Scapegoating feels good and it feeds empowerment too. I am glad to have chanced upon this video and allowed myself to be as open to this topic as possible. Our minds demand alot of self-gratification which is a very detrimental thing, if not kept in check.
Nah Empaths are different which is why narcissist hate us our self control is like extremely in tact im 23 been celibate for a year and plan staying that way we embody love all that self pleasure don’t really desire us fr
This touches on desire but misses the central component of perceived scarcity causing unsustainable hypercompetitiveness
People have a natural propensity to hate. People also covet. Hypercompetiveness is very subjective and more of an individual characteristic.
@@deborahdean8867its not
@hangukhiphop: What a silly and pretentious word salad.
"The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions."
Dwight D. Eisenhower.
Brilliant!
Yes. Scapegoating is the cowardly approach always.
Psychological splitting and projection. A driver of creating scapegoats, both on an individual and societal level.
Theory of Scapegoating - According to Girard, the primary means for avoiding total escalation came through what he calls the scapegoat mechanism, in which conflict is resolved by uniting against an arbitrary other who is excluded and blamed for all the chaos.
I love that explanation
This is also a discussion about tribalism. We like to believe that everyone in our circle is infallible and are entitled to having our way. Which is why whenever something doesn't go our way we want someone on the outside to blame for it.
There is even a sense of cowardice when we blame a scapegoat. Taking responsibility for our faults means we have face the consequences. Typically we have no control over the consequences, so it makes sense that we want to avoid them at all costs.
😊 Rabi Rami Shapiro! ❤
It is the black sheep of the family. That everybody points their finger at. When in truth, this particular child is the least of family member to blamed.
Thank you for stating this truth. You described it so well, which was meaningful for me
Scapegoats and black sheeps usually born into very disfunctional narcissistic families. They are the ones with empathy and love, and of course they stand out. The family needs someone to point their finger to shift their own sins so they don't have to look at themselves. I am 68 yrs old and my narcissist family always did everything to destroy me even though i left them at age 19.
Till the day today they keep stirring crap into my life even though i never ever had any bad intention or even wished harm to them. There's a spiritual aspect of these narcissist/empath(scapegoat) relationships...
People will never understand what it’s like until they become a scapegoat themselves. It’s only then that they can gain the empathy needed too realize the true issue and solution, which is within all of us. We are all to blame and we all play a part.
Eli, I agree with most of your statement, but certainly NOT with "We are all to blame and we all play a part." I played no part except being a helpless victim in my family's abuse, until I was old enough to go to court to become an emancipated minor at aged 16, and then working my way through highschool and taking care of myself for the rest of my life.
What "part" do you wish to assign "blame" to people like me, who were born into extreme and dysfunctional family systems? Enlighten me! I deserve "blame" for being born into that family and being the only one to speak out? Please explain.
Or do you perhaps believe that this was "karma" from a "past life" where I now am "getting what I deserve?" I am shocked at the callousness of your final sentence. When someone is murdered by another, do you also say "We are all to blame and we all play a part?"
@@CatherineSTodd What I meant by this statement is that we all play a part in the bigger grand scheme of things. I was not at all trying to apply that to abuse and I absolutely agree and understand abuse is never your fault. I was a scapegoat in an abusive family as well. But scapegoat rolls can come in many forms, not just in abusive families. When it comes to society as a whole and the bigger picture, that’s where we all play a part. You’re making a lot of assumptions about what I said. When it comes to the example you gave of murder, the act of murdering is only at fault by the murderer, of course. But take Jeffrey Dahmer for instants. The justice system and his family members also had a part to play because they enabled his actions. They didn’t stop him when they could have.
@@Xplreli : I don't beieve I am making a "lot of assumptions" about what you said. You again used the example of "Jeffrey Dahmer for instants. The justice system and his family members also had a part to play because they enabled his actions. They didn’t stop him when they could have."
OK, but where is the "we all play a part" in Dahmer's and his behavior, or his family's behavior? You said "we all play a part" and I am asking you what part does the victim play in being killed and eaten by Dahmer?
It is your statement saying "we all are to blame and we all play a part" that I am questioning. That's not a "lot of assumptions."
it's a very clear statement. I can agree that you may have not meant exactly what you said, but that doesn't mean I made "assumptions" in error. All we can do is read what you wrote. Add detail to your statements so your meaning is clear if better understanding is what you want; don't blame people for the words that you wrote. For that's all we have to go on. For instance, you could say "society plays a part" and go on with your examples of that.
Yet you go on to clearly say "We are all to blame and we all play a part."
SORRY, I am not to blame for what other people do and I certainly don't play a part in their bad actions, even though abusive people teach us that we are to blame and it's "always our fault." That's where the largest error in your statement lies.
Look at what you wrote instead of telling me I am "making a lot of assumptions." Your statements are clear as a bell, and it is easy enough for you to correct them instead of telling me I am wrong responding to your own words. Doesn't work that way and that's quite abusive behavior on your own part, whether you intend it to be or not.
People who have been scapegoated and abused often take on the same behaviors of the abusers when they don't even realize it. Take a look at this conversation and you might see what I mean.
Blame yourself all you want, blame everyone in society if you want, blame Dahmer and his family if you want, but don't blame me!
Because I won't accept it and I will walk away as I am doing now, simply shaking my head. SMH. Live and learn, live and learn, and eventually we all might finally "get it." Adios amigo, and good luck to you.
@@CatherineSToddSadly, we all do. Ive gone through abuse in my life and now I'm called the abuser. We truly are all to blame, the others yes.
Jeffrey Dahmer's Family didn't know he was going around killing people. What are you talking about?@@Xplreli
If they (narc mother/family) could blame me for my sister’s cancer they would. Absurd.
Over three years no contact
Praise God!
I feel like this is one of those videos where everyone is going to identify the scapegoats other people use, but forget to identify their own. That's not the point folks!
And those people are your scapegoats, maybe this time rightfully so?
@@madisondampier3389 Ya know, I wanted to snap back and say that's not what I meant, but you're right. Blaming people for not catching their biases is a kind of scapegoating.
@@kristiangregory4860 What happens if you're being scapegoated for being a certain race? Societies don't let these feelings of rage slip away.
@@tuckerbugeater I'm not sure that's really the same point as what I was making? I was more trying to encourage individuals to look at their own scapegoating behaviour. I suppose if whichever race you belong to is being scapegoated, you still might in turn make a scapegoat of that society and explain poor life outcomes in context of that social attitude.
“People," Geralt turned his head, "like to invent monsters and monstrosities. Then they seem less monstrous themselves. When they get blind-drunk, cheat, steal, beat their wives, starve an old woman, when they kill a trapped fox with an axe or riddle the last existing unicorn with arrows, they like to think that the Bane entering cottages at daybreak is more monstrous than they are. They feel better then. They find it easier to live.” -Andrzej Sapkowski
Hi - scapegoats happen in families, too. That was my role. “We don’t thing we have any [scapegoats] of our own…” unless _we_ are the scapegoat ourselves, and what a horrible feeling that is.
Burgis didn't mention the family scapegoat once. By the way, for anyone who missed it, the whole video scapegoats anyone who isn't a "progressive." The video was so overtly biased that it literally engages in scapegoating while lecturing us on it.
I think a good way to start with avoiding scapegoating is to take on personal responsibility. I try to be honest with myself about my feelings and to transparently communicate my thoughts to others, so that I don't look for the blame in other people but start by looking at my own actions. The next step might be to accept the complexity of the world. Rarely is it only one person or group who bears the full responsibility for certain events. This is uncomfortable because there is no one to blame, yet it is more honest and probably also produces better results. Viewed from this perspective, taking a more calm and collected approach can lead to less innocent scapegoats, a more efficient form of communication with others, and a better functioning society as a whole.
@@KAT-dg6el asking bad people to act nice is like asking criminals to not do crime. underlining issues need be solved in those people lives. and most people need to be open to receiving such help, which comes back to the individual and their desire to help themselves. its a viscous cycle.
i don't think personal responsibility , in the way being spoken of here, is a burden a child should shoulder. The injustice children suffer under bad parentage is a complex situation far greater than a few youtube comments can even try to discuss because of its emotional components. I'm sorry if you or anyone you know is going through this.
i believe the personal responsibility line is for those that are ready to acknowledge they are in a society. That other people are effected by their actions. That words matter, that actions have consequences, and that the wellbeing of the people around themselves is just as important as their own well being. That we are all in this together so we should act accordingly. That when you see an injustice, you should act as if that injustice is being done to you as well.
Reminds me of the two types of people that try and rank up in video games, those that scape goat avoid self blame and wallow in low ranks, those that look inward at how to improve will rise.
@@Kongajinken i see where you are going with your analogy... i just don't think its appropriate here.
life should not be a grind.
where a video game is opt-in, live is not.
someone that loves a grind fest vs a casual, those are just different styles of enjoyment. neither is superior. there is no scapegoat there unless you want to make casuals into some victim-class. being a get-good-bro is far from what personal responsibility is about. and certainly not what this video explains about scapegoating.
@@KAT-dg6el well said.
I've tried to communicate to the ones I love about these things I have been thru in order to find understanding because knowledge is power it helps the whole situation. But I finally stopped because I realize if anyone really cared enough they would listen and educate themselves so the relationships wouldn't be lost. But that happens sometimes and I realize the longer families and friends are apart the less likely the chance is for a coming together and healing. These are just some of my thoughts. Thanks for listening ☺️
Many people who scapegoat within families have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are addicted to the chemicals generated in them when they hurt & distress others. They may use devious means to do this.
Knowing this can help when trying to understand what is occurring.
Is that chemical Dopamine? Dopamine Resistance, so they loose self control?
- I just want to let anyone who’s reading this, and going through a tough time know that it’s going to be okay. You’ll get through it! ✨
No
Thanks for letting me know I'm all alone and won't get help from anyone else but myself. Cool story.
I 80k have 888
Gosh I am even posting random stuff now without touching the keyboard
*"You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool your own mind" - David Allen*
No narcisist ever told themselves lol
Some do, at least it seems that way.
@@XeLRUclips deadass lol unless maybe their brain develops or got damage in a unique way that we cant yet understand.
Who else feels like the black sheep of their family?
I got slandered into being the black sheep!
💯
Became one on purpose, can't stand them.
Me
This is profound...earth shaking in the way our minds operate.
Thank you for your incisive explanation of this not so easy topic.
If you think it's Earth shaking to gather up all the worst instincts and actions of people into one buzz word, you're in for future earthquakes my friend
Just a tip from a random guy on the internet: the explanation for people's behavior can be summed up in a few sentences, that person is full of s***. And you should keep that in mind
Jesus Christ was the ultimate (and perfect, totally innocent) Scapegoat.
My 6th grade teacher had not only had pets but a designated scapegoat. A kid just moved to our school. She made him look ridiculous and bad. I was shocked to see how she could make him appear bad and get the class to laugh at him. She gave him all D's. I looked at his face and saw the pain. Once, a classmate tattled on him for writing into his desk (like who didn't do that?). She sent him to the principal. I stood up and said, "That wasn't very nice what you did to David." She was furious with me. I still don't know why kids fall into hate-filled people like that.
P.S. at the end of the school year, the new principal kicked her out of the school.
I wonder what her motive was for treating that poor boy so terribly😢
I’m mentally Ill & as I can see you all are as well however my illness has gotten the best of me & has made me into a scapegoat & it sucks because I’m not this way I’m sweet I’m docile but the world has made me this way
I think he touches on a very important point here: "Scapegoats don't necessarily need to be innocent".
The question is not if someone has transgressed against our selves or our perceived groups, but how the actions or lack of actions we are responsible for contribute or are in association with the action that took place.
In a way we should be thankful to those who expose our flaws and weaknesses and should be ready to help them as much as they have inadvertently helped us.
He highlighted a serial killer as a scapegoat. So we should just leave serial killers be free because if we don't need to kill them to be safe then why do we need to cage them? He uses scapegoats to remove responsibility from people that have caused harm. Scapegoats were not players that did drugs to win, that is someone actively doing harm to the sport. Scapegoats were accusing a woman of being a witch because she had nicer clothes than you. It was about taking the innocent and causing harm to them, he is clearly deflecting responsibility for people causing harm which is very dangerous in today's society.
@@chiquita683 I think I understand what you're saying. You're worried that if we see those who break the rules as victims, they will be free to act as they please without reprocation.
The idea is not to leave the problem unaddressed however, but it's rooted in understanding that that person is not the obvious end of the inquiry of why they acted the way they did. Some might be able to be reformed some might not, but every one of them are a product of underlying causes that we all directly or indirectly are responsible for.
Let's put it this way. If a small mouse chews through a wall in your house it would not serve you to be mad at the mouse. The structure of the house had not been solid enough, which was the responsibility of the builder. The choice of looking for such faults in the house you were buying or thinking of renting rests in you. Access to other options for animals in your area rests on the govnt. Animal instinct for search of best available food is hardwired through evolution and there the fault is in everything interacting with that drive outside of the organism.
The mouse has done an action and only a fool would let it run free in the house. But only a fool stop the mouse, hate it, and then think that the problem is solved not that it has stopped. If anything, this one mouse did you a favour by showing the hidden faults you were unawared of.
Humans are extremely much more complicated but the principles are the same. No one is arguing that a murderer should not be made to stop murdering by limiting their freedoms. But rather that we should be thankful for the chance they provided for making obvious what the underlying societal issues we are ignoring. It's in understanding that in the same circumstances you too could've been in their place that you might be able to reform their future actions. If this is not possible, then it at least gives you sympathy for their humanity and gives you fuel to find and help fix the problems that produced the actions of this person.
I always find interesting that people say "they got away with it" or "there was nothing wrong with them psychologically" in relation to murderers. As if any of us in our right mind would find murdering enjoyable. Finding the markers that lead to someone having this relation to murder is much more important of a target of our resources and time than spending solely in punishing and hating the person who ends up doing the action.
Illicit or permormance-enhancing drugs are another point you bring up and an interesting subject of competition and our societal relation to the concept of failure. I think there too we are using scapegoats but I've rambled already for too long. I hope I've made myself clear enough on the subject.
@@todayisokay4075 That is such an extremely good way of explaining it. thank you! I was kind of getting lost at the slight differences.
@@Akemaste thank you so much. I'm so glad my explanation helped.
Psychopathy is incurable, we can inquire all we want but we can’t stop them from committing the crime nor can’t we alter their brains. So the question arises, when are we going to inform people of psychopathy?
When are we going to stop the media sensationalizing capital punishment?
When are we going to start screening people for psychopathy?
When are we going to protect children from abusers and psychopathic parents so we can stop the cycle of dysfunction.
This information is available, but our law makers do not think 💭 it’s important, and again who is scapegoat here?
It’s easy to blame it all on drugs and illegal immigrants.
You forgot to add at the end : to thrive and feel better about themselves!
Looking through my moms parenting books makes me feel like an experiment and its kinda f*cked
Sad how delusional we can allow ourselves to be
Perception is a very powerful thing.
Yeah - people who scapegoat are delusional.
Delusional is how humans cope and most people have not been shown or taught the importance of emotional intelligence
@@Here4TheHeckOfItScapegoaters are so delusional they engage in scapegoating while lecturing us on it. Which is what Burgis and Big Think did herre. The whole video is a lesson in Orwellian DOUBLESPEAK.
My mom is the narcissist and my sis is the golden child and I’m the scapegoat: every tine I talk to either of them I’m baited at least twice and accused of exaggerating, lying and being foolish with my money. When I ask a real/ deeper question it’s usually not answered/ when I give a present (bday and Christmas only)! it’s most likely met with disgust unless it is cash. Why do I stay? Breaking off completely would disrupt the family too much so I just fake it. What’s funny now is I’ve gray rocked them and only partake to do my own psychological study on them 🤣🤣 it’s actually hilarious and truly doesn’t hurt any more.I’m actually going so far as to bait them by feeding them bad information to see what they do. It’s great. Try it!
It only means one thing, you're the easier target, a weaker link than someone else. If not you than someone else will take that place. That's it.
I'm the scapegoat of the hinshaws, mother's side, I'm the scapegoat of the McCluskys. Mother's side. I'm the scapegoat of the chapman's. And I left them all behind two decades ago
👏 I’m getting ready to do the same thing. Those people can stay stuck and live a miserable life. I have made new friends that I call family and they are much better people.
Thank God *someone* understands! First time I've read it put just like this,and I have experienced this for my whole entire life even now, at 72 years of age. I can assure you, IT NEVER ENDS. And the hurtful attacks keep on coming till the day you die.
What do these people get out of it, living a lie? Even after the original abuser has died? THEY become the abusers, that's what they have earned and apparently what they wanted and what they deserve. I will never understand it, but I hope God will protect me and "show me The Way."
I understand being in my mid sixties... even after the narcissistic parents /parent dies the siblings/mob blame you for everything still including the death of the parents. Pure insanity. Back out and unfortunately you can rest assured the next generation has been picked a few immediate family and extended family scapegoats....but don't stick around or your life of Hell around them will never end. Praying for you Catherine.
@@lynndurbin9476 : THANK YOU and everything you said is right on target. I disconnected a good while ago and thank God I did. Thanksgiving and Christmas is lonely but now I make sure to plan something wonderful to do or to go, so it's worked out fine. Gracias, amiga! You hit the nails on the head with naming them "the mob." It never changes no matter how hard one tries, so just move away and let God take over. I hope and pray.
Any time you hear the phrase “human nature” , run, don’t walk to the nearest exit. Plug your ears and shout “la la la” on the way out to prevent infection.
The narc gets off on harming and they do it on purpose. They're sadistic!
I'm not too worried about serial killers being scapegoated. I'm worried about all the innocents that are, from those in society to the innocent scapegoats in the family.
This is just simply brilliant! no blame no credit- just owning self-responsibility even is hard work but it's really transformational
the narcissistic to blame
You can not heal without pointing out the enemy
I've been starting to recognize scapegoating more and more. Usually, it starts with people thinking in "black and white terms". I thought that by showing them they were going for a "black and white" thing, they,d understand and stop, but no, I realized there's not much I can do.
I've been scapegoated so often in my life that it's almost like my way of life now. I challenge a lot of assumptions that people have, and they never truly can reply to my challenges. I am instead made into a scapegoat, with accusations that don't make sense in any way and are full of "black and white thinking", such as "you never show any kindness" "you always think you're the victim", etc.
And trust me, when I challenge assumptions, it's not like "you are wrong for thinking that" or "you're being irrational". It's just me asking "why did you come to that conclusion?" which results in them essentially often times going "you are being dense" and then blaming me for their own assumptions.
I suppose scapegoating could be done on oneself as well... seems I've seen that on numerous occasions. Why does blame have to be transferred anywhere, why does it even have to be a thing?
I believe I was scapegoated 1) Because I was a girl, their third girl. My parents were stationed in the middle-east in the mid-fifties when I was born. When the Arab’s my dad would stop and have tea with occasionally heard he had another baby ‘girl' they made him a special tea to drink so he would conceive a boy and sure enough it worked! Just days before my first birthday my little brother was born. Unwanted & quickly replaced, I was only two months old when the plot to conceive a ‘boy' was put in play.
2) Because I was different, born in a foreign country, fair skinned, blue eyes, thick wavy blond hair (until I was four), and a huge smile. Mom told me that had it not been for the ‘outside’ attention I got on my appearance I would’ve been completely ignored. What a cruel thing for a mother to say to her daughter who's feeling neglected! I believe there was perhaps some jealousy on her part, and definitely on my siblings’ part (olive skin, brown eyes, thin hair).
3) I was hospitalized when I was 5 for a sudden, unexpected, limb paralysis. Separated from ‘the family’ and basically tortured with needles, alone in a dark scary room, feeling abandoned, defective and replaced with the baby mom had in the same hospital while I was still ‘incarcerated’ there. While I was at the hospital a Japanese woman who was in a room nearby would sneak across the hallway when the nurses weren’t looking and come to my room to comfort me when I was crying. I remember how she held me, kissed my head, rocked me and sang quietly to me. I never experienced that kind of tender motherly love before, but now that I had experienced it I knew in my soul it was how it was supposed to be and that it was missing in my household.
4) I was my dad, the enabler’s, favorite and opposed my mom who constantly berated and criticized him while all the other sibling’s were in mom’s corner. I was also my grandpa’s favorite and so was my mom who was scapegoated by her mom - same dynamic passed down to me.
Scapegoating isn't subconscious or unconscious. It can be, but it has more to do with rallying around an easy victim. If the true problem is initiated violence, they will initiate violence against an arbitrary third party. If the true problem is poverty, they will scapegoat the rich. If the true problem is feeling rejected, some people will scapegoat the other gender. Often the act is a projection of the problem itself, and can even indicate the solution by reversing the thought concessions by the scapegoating individuals and instigators.
Scapegoating is very conscious, the tribalism that can come with it can be subconscious or unconscious. People with weak ethical inhibition are more subject to scapegoating. The best way I can describe it is this-if you have a dangerous but protected villain who is causing terrorism, the best thing would be to find a discerning feature about them (usually superficial) and scapegoat those with the same features. Instead of doing something productive, especially when you cannot, you rally around an easier target and avoid the conflict that can arise by dealing with real problem actors.
Scapegoating is how the weak and stupid avoid the sense of their own futility in a crisis. The mimetics are simply a deferral of criticality crossed with a desire to punish. This is why when mobs form they are stupid and fickle, or why mobs are not democratic but escalate quickly-in the worst case people dissociate into the mob, which is an escalation of the illusion that you represent the entirety of the people behind you.
Every human being is capable of scapegoating because of the self serving bias, which is an individual's tendency to attribute positive events to their character, but attribute negative results or events to external factors unrelated to themselves and their faults.
I feel scared, anxious, and agitated listening to this. And yes, I’d agree that how we choose our scapegoats are unconscious. Perhaps one of our greatest challenges in life is to bring those unconscious choices up into our conscious minds and really examine them. Scapegoating is very condoned in society; invisible in that we ignore the fact that we engage in it, and condoned in that we don’t call it out.
We all seem to get sucked into it. It's so easy to do.
I have been scapegoated most of my life because i am introverted.
The trick is not to give a shit about them.
Scapegoating isn't a choice and most do it secretly.
This happens too often in dysfunctional and toxic companies. A team member is consciously or unconsciously chosen to take the blame for a disproportionate amount of the company's short-comings. Bad managers love to promote this idea because then they won't have to take accountability for anything that goes wrong. And colleagues jump on board for the same reason. I've seen people who left companies broken and distraught, and are then still scapegoated and bad-mouthed months after they left. They didn't even need to be working for the company anymore to still be blamed for all that's wrong.
We feel like something good has been done when a prisoner has been executed… Yeah, like sometimes you can do something so horrible that it’s not a matter of keeping society safe but of punishment.
Exactly. Its called JUSTICE and its literally a divine concept.
@@wintermatherne2524 "Divine" its human concept too
@@Slikarxxx lmao I love these comments
@@KAT-dg6el Problem is it costs more taxpayer money to execute someone than keep them in prison for life. All the appeals granted to someone on death row are very expensive. Also we sometimes execute the wrong people.
@@KAT-dg6el My main point is that executing people in the USA is too expensive. My second point is that some people are innocent. The National Academy of Sciences say 4.1 percent on death row are probably innocent.
To the *incredible person* seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
Thank you x I will🙏❣🌎
Don't overblame...? So blame yourself but not too much...? 😳
this is just chillingly vicious
we don't mimic desires, that is a fundamentally wrong aspect. We aren't taught to want love, we learn how to get are needs met by how we adapt to our parents.
A means of diverting attention from real matters of dissent
Great point, I agree. More often than not, it's intentional. I'm being scapegoated, illegally surveilled, harassed, my property is being destroyed, and bullied by my neighbors and the government for exercising my first amendment rights. I'm being used as an example to the community of what happens to innocent human beings for going against the grain.
I was feeling really hurt by being scapegoated. But I didn't focus on it much cuz it was the inability to even talk with my kids after I had a mental collapse and ended up homeless.
I lost my entire life and kids and family and community.
I realized I hadn't been setting a good example for my kids as I had been helpless and dependent. I put up with treatment I never should have and didn't say anything so that a me and my ex wouldn't fight in front of the kids.
So I vowed to change the example even though I had to choose it after it was seemingly too late and I was already slipping into homelessness that ended up lasting for years.
My vow turned out to be one of the best things I've ever done for myself. Refusing to become dependent on anyone and working to get myself out of my mess on my own inadvertently resolved issues I had been ignorant of until I was actually already inadvertently addressing them.
I realized that I hadn't individuated, differentiated, and so I hadn't obtained autonomy. I also realized I had borderline personality disorder.
But I realized these things after I had left the relationship I had gotten into on the streets.
When I left that relationship it was symbolic of my vow to make it out on my own and become empowered and independent. And it signified the ending of my borderline personality disorder.
I had never ever been able to end a relationship. Until I ended this one and moved to a homeless shelter. At the shelter I was able to immerse myself into self help videos and that's where I learned how sick I really had been.
In dysfunctional families everyone is always talking about breaking cycles. They usually are adamant that they have broken the cycle without having done anything to back that up.
I believe scapegoating isn't the shunned role that we assume it is. I think it's a chosen and honorable role that not many are strong enough to ensure.
Because the scapegoat gets removed from everything familiar and has to learn how to live in a totally unfamiliar place. All alone.
That is significant if you understand the unconscious mind and all the behaviour that happens in it that we can't possibly even be conscious of in a typical familiar setting. When you are in a new place you don't revert to the unconscious minds programmed behaviour because you remain alert and conscious when things are not familiar.
The scapegoat can heal the entire family if they are willing to carry this responsibility. And it's in your best interest that you be willing.
There is talk of finding new families and never looking back and that's your choice. I think it's very stupid.
After all. You are your own mother before you are born. And you identify as your mother prior to individuation. So to believe family can be discarded and new family can be chosen is simply not true.
I've become very close with my mom in my internal relationship with her. I now understand how different things were. They were much harder and she had way more kids. And I realized I had been judging her with the perspective of what my life was like which wasn't all that hard.
My mom is shunning me so I am healing myself in her honor. As well as in honor of my children.
I want to take my family out of this karmic loop and that can only be done by literally changing the patterned behaviours and responses.
So I changed my resentment and anger to one of compassion and understanding and acceptance. I am working hard on everything. From how I listen. To how I respond with a thoughtful and responsible manner. I work on any negative views I have of people and practice seeing them as human and not condemning them by their behaviors.
I look at where life has brought me and I am seeing all the experiences that life chose for me actually taught me valuable lessons and ended up being better for me than anything I ever chose for myself.
I still judge my circumstance and get mad sometimes. And then I remind myself to keep trying to learn as much as possible from whatever I am experiencing
I am no longer so arrogant to go around judging things as good or bad. If it's the way it is then that's the way it's supposed to be.
I am no longer chasing or pursuing anything. Anything I'm meant to experience will naturally come to me.
So being a scapegoat for me has allowed me to be responsible for reframing my perspectives and rebuilding my family bonds even if it's in my mind.
The last thing that is important to understand. You can't hate your parents and love yourself. And if you don't have self love your children will reject you or themselves or both. 😊
More people need to watch this yo!!!!
Many won't get it or care because they don't think they do it.
All narcissists ignored this video.
Are you kidding? A narcissist made this video. That's why he engaged in scapegoating while lecturing us on it.
[00:07] uncom
[00:28] Blame transfer 1
[02:49] Fundamental truth
Everybody gangsta until humanity scapegoats a little girl that can turn into a Titan.
Great topic that it would seem we could all have a better understanding of.
You've given me a lot to think about. Thank you.
Blame is better to give than recieve.
Scapegoating is as ugly as survival. Groups that lack this mechanism to maintain cohesion probably died out because they couldn't compete with more cohesive groups that practice scapegoating.
This is not a binary 'good' vs 'evil' question. A certain amount of scapegoating in society is normal and even necessary. However, too much of it will sow division and chaos.
“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you." - John 15:18
My partner became the workplace scapegoat because he tried to make a moral choice that didn’t align with the company's shitty ethics. He was bullied, ostracised, ridiculed and eventually fired. Years later he's still traumatized from it.
It’s often done to hide the truth that includes the instigator
Scapegoat tried to confront us.
The scapegoat is trying to attack!
The scapegoat tried distancing:
Aw what a coward! Can't face the countless crimes they've had committed
It appears that status, as described in the book The Status Game, has a more accurate description of the human behaviour of scapegoating.
Scapegoating and status are both products of mimetic desire !
I found that mimetic desire is the most powerful concept to understand human behaviour.
But it takes time to really get how deep and universal it is...
It requires a solid book of René Girard and a large cup of team 😅
@@Premieres5 Do animals have mimetic desire within them or is it just humans?
@@rosemarywoodhouse4832 i think that all social animals have it because desire conects a group, if they all desire different things group will fall apart, just my hypothesis not sure tho maybe someone smarter can confirm this
@Mikrotalasna Pecnica So is what is more important - what they are desiring or keeping the group together?
@@rosemarywoodhouse4832 probably keeping group together because it gives bigger chance of survival for individual as a wild animal idk would this apply for humans but for wild animals surely does
Wish this wasn't just a concise video, definitely a topic we'll need more understanding of, Humans have practiced different forms of rituals for years, I wonder if all we did was evolve the practice of human ritual in a more socially collective way, and shockingly this is the first time I'm realizing that it isn't really necessary to sentence people to death.
I was the scapegoat of a narcissist family system…. Went No contact
Narcissists make Scapegoats. They know they do this.
Love this channel's content
I bet you do
With out scapegoats is what if the world without justice worries and feminist, questions when u be accountable
I grew up under a brutally abusive, narcissistic Father before psychology had developed any clinical awareness or terminology for the phenomenon. The long-term, psychological/emotional damage to my family members has been incalculable and ruinous. This brutal, wide-spread social phenomenon now falls within two categories: psychological and criminal, but for most of our society's history, it's been pretty much, "business as usual."
I have tried many times to get a handle on Rene Girard. Here are some of my unanswered questions:
1. Humans and primates are mimetic, no only their desire, but the whole process of entering primate society is mimetic. So?
2. An psychologically injured parent will make a newborn the scapegoat. Long before this baby is capable of breaking any of societies codes. How does this fact work with his theories?
I've come up with the same theory long ago. I don't know the particulars of his own, but I can answer for myself.
1. It's about realizing that what makes us "good" and "altruistic" is the exact same process that makes us "evil" and "unjust". Lots of people take pride in their empathy, not realizing it also contributes in them making human sacrifices. So the more you think you are good with great values, the more you are likely to be a terrible person. It just goes together.
2. The baby breaks the codes of the parent, by being an annoyance or not being perfect in the values the person cherishes. But also something that is not in the video, the scapegoat is there to hold the family together, so everything will be blamed on it. If someone is in a bad mood, it's the baby, if someone cheats, it's the baby, etc. The baby can be totally innocent. Innocents make the best scapegoats. At another level, it's how narcissists, check each others. If a narcissist does something bad, they will deny responsibility, but if you accuse a third innocent party, the narcissist will get the message of not doing whatever the accusation is. And it works because of the mimicking, the empathy with the scapegoat.
If OJ Simpson does something bad, being a narcissist, he does not care because he believes he can get away with it through a crafted image of "good". So he will never take responsibility for his actions because he believes in his image and there is no reason others would not and would not mimic it and come to the realization is that he is innocent. So by taking him and making him a scapegoat, it tells all the others like him not to do the same thing and think they will get away with it, no matter how great the image is. But it works with people that actually are innocent even better. Babies are of course the best. If the scapegoater is able to do that to a baby, they can do the same to anybody. So it puts other narcissists in check. It's all about mimicking and image management.
reasonable points auditory. The images were extremely confusing
I believe scapegoat and bad luck are highly correlated. The is just a masterpiece. ❤
Scapegoat: one of Yu-Gi's best cards.
In case you didn't notice in 2021, the authorities at the top, and the 1%, are considered the scapegoats for our current situation.
They're rightfully accused because they ARE the ones who work with the FED/OSHA to ruin our lives thanks to record levels of stagflation/mandates and horrible pay/working conditions.
@@SimGunther Say thank you to incompetent socialist policies. yeah lets blame Bezos, Musk , and Steve Jobs for hiring many employees, and making lives relatively better with the technology they provided us. Damn they are soo evil...
@@yeiddi Yes, the very same neoliberal "galaxy brain" heroes that broke through the barriers of the soycialism to make their billions are the same people who are creatingAuthoritarian measures to block small business from having any success. Who would've thought that the Neoliberals who ask for the market to be free are also the ones fixing the market with supposedly "soycialist policies" that are actuallyAuthoritarian andFascist?
So you should actually be thanking lobbying and economicBlackmail for allowing this whole mess to be made!
@@SimGunther true true
If you have billions of dollars, and you don't pay taxes, you're not helping.
Here's the thing. In nuclear families, only dysfunctional families need a scapegoat. Functional, heathy families do not. In dysfunctional families, a scapegoat is created to carry the sins of parent/s who would rather not be responsible for themselves. On purpose?Sometimes, Im sure.
The video acts as if a scapegoat provides a necessary role in society. I disagree. They may be convenient for a perpetual lie, but that doesn't make them crucial to society, or a family system.
The more the phenomenon of the scapegoat is discussed, the easier it will be to call out toxic families who sacrifice an innocent child for their own sins. I say, sooner the better.
Being someone who often is thinking outside of norms, I can see it. People think they would never be so savage, but on some level they are. They think they only want to do what is good and right. It is the lie People tell themselves daily.
Like you said, guilt isn't the intrest in this action. Justice isn't either. They want to feel better. Jesus has a good answer to a complicated question.
This was informative indeed.
Amazing when u rlly think about stuff..
TRUE STORY:
I have been the victim of several NARCs… they continue to appear. The WORST is my own lil sister… I figured it out only days ago. She helped me move and took EVERYTHING from me… she GIFTED all to my parents!
Great information and very well presented. Thank you for such an absolutely incredible description of what many of us have been unable to describe for so long.
Great video. Really makes it clear and tangible, something we don’t want you to see about ourselves.
Jesus Christ is the ultimate scapegoat!
I think _The Last Messiah_ from the essay by the same name by Peter Wessel Zapffe is the ultimate (innocent) scapegoat.
“If we continue these considerations to the bitter end, then the conclusion is not in doubt. As long as humankind recklessly proceeds in the fateful delusion of being biologically fated for triumph, nothing essential will change. As its numbers mount and the spiritual atmosphere thickens, the techniques of protection must assume an increasingly brutal character.
And humans will persist in dreaming of salvation and affirmation and a new Messiah. Yet when many saviours have been nailed to trees and stoned on the city squares, then the last Messiah shall come.
Then will appear the man who, as the first of all, has dared strip his soul naked and submit it alive to the outmost thought of the lineage, the very idea of doom. A man who has fathomed life and its cosmic ground, and whose pain is the Earth’s collective pain. With what furious screams shall not mobs of all nations cry out for his thousandfold death, when like a cloth his voice encloses the globe, and the strange message has resounded for the first and last time:
“- The life of the worlds is a roaring river, but Earth’s is a pond and a backwater.
- The sign of doom is written on your brows-how long will ye kick against the pin-pricks?
- But there is one conquest and one crown, one redemption and one solution.
- Know yourselves-be infertile and let the earth be silent after ye.”
And when he has spoken, they will pour themselves over him, led by the pacifier makers and the midwives, and bury him in their fingernails.
He is the last Messiah. As son from father, he stems from the archer by the waterhole.”
It was Judas who was nailed to the cross. There was no next day hanging, people didn’t kill the selves that way. That’s a west European idea added later.
Or, at least, supposed to be the last scapegoat.
Nah the group in power before Christianity saw the threat in Christianity during the ancient rome times...just like the powers before ancient rome was in power
The only thing wrong with the scapegoat concept is when an innocent person is blamed, else it serves as a perfect deterrent in the society.
Loved the ending. ❤
'Who is your scapegoat?' Hadn't thought of that yet.. 🤔
There is a lot of good content here. There are a few caveats though. Those who are on the margins of society being scapegoated should be viewed differently than those who are in power who are scapegoated. Those socially excluded scapegoats actually bear very little responsibility for what goes wrong - they have no decision making control. But those in power, often sought that power on purpose, strategically, and for the very sake of maintaining that power over others. The decisions of those in power often directly impact society and therefore those in power should shoulder more of the blame. They don't just have control over their life outcomes, but the outcomes of millions of people. With great power comes great responsibility. Holding those in power responsible for the corrupt ways they gain and maintain that power is part of accountability. They should not be shielded from accountability, especially when they preach accountability. They get the credit when things go right. Therefore, they should get the credit when things go wrong. We should not treat victims the same as the perpetrators. POC, jewish people, women, immigrants, and the disabled are often scapegoated. They often did noting wrong except exist. Totalitarians and Authoritarians on the other hand misplaced blame - they are perpetrators pretending to be victims. They have all the power and control and abuse that power to cause suffering on a massive scale. To equate the two is to blame the victim, and it's also innacurate. The term scapegoating only makes sense if the person or group being scapegoated didn't actually do the misdeeds, but is suffering the consequences of the misdeeds of others. So guilt matters. Scapegoating the guilty is just accountability.
I totally agree with you, critical thinking doesn’t come naturally to everyone. So the speaker raises important points like addressing tribalism and groupthink but he misses a lot of points especially when he throws corrupt politicians like Bush and serial killer like Bundy in the mix.
As an example I don’t believe Bushes are scapegoats, they are one of the richest and most influential families in the United States. Moreover, Bushes pushed for wars the U.S. invaded Iraq the country that has nothing to do with nine eleven, and how did they explain the unnecessary deaths and destruction?
They said oh well we made a mistake. Politicians have immunity based on their connection to Elites, the compromising information they have on each other and of course wealth and resources that they hijacked.
Some examples just inappropriate for scapegoat definition because if they would be average pedestrians, they would be in jail long ago.
Similar story with OJ Simpson he got away with a crime because of his influence and wealth.
A good point well made.
But when you push someone too far till they do the deed, is that not the same as achieving the scapegoat status?
Is transferring blame really natural to humans or is it a learned response?
❤ very insightful, and a lot deeper than most of what’s being said on this topic
So that's why a goat is symbolically attached to the Devil and in the word scapegoat but on a grand scale. Not a coincidence. "The Family" scapegoat propped up for the necessary chaos then blamed in the end so people feel free of their BS and move forward. Like a Wreck it Ralph needed for the necessary destruction then it's flipped on him and hes blamed for it all and tossed off a roof and ostracized. Life imitates art. Reminds me of that Geico commercial where Rick the Goat causes the chaos in that peanut butter factory and they say to find a scapegoat to blame everything on.
Amazing video with a deep meaning!
Good points, but is all scapegoating bad?
Is scapegoating always to blame? Should scapegoating be the new scapegoating?
Not all scapegoating should be bad but looking at humanity's average sense of responsibility it is.
If you came to this conclusion, you haven't understood what the main point here.
The video ends on a note that scapegoating comes from power structures. Power structures wouldn't blame scapegoating, that makes no sense, they are the one doing the scapegoating.