@@thelazyidiotsclub806 nah he tried to upload it today at like 3-7AM (i was asleep idk exactly when) and it got took down instantly because the thumbnail was uncensored
fun fact, the ad featured in the thumbnail was an actual multi part minecraft series that was on youtube for several years. it was not clickbait, it was actual minecraft 🌽 that was on youtube for FAR too long. i saw it myself when i was about 8 or 9 and it messed me up permanately, its off youtube now luckily. it was a futuristichub video, of course.
oh yea i remember that, me and my friend stumbled across the old touch me blind challenge vids or whatever and we watched it FULL BLAST, we were like 8 T_T, WE GOT COOKED
Having been a customer support agent at an MC server hosting company, I can confirm Brandon's experience on Livechat is a regular occurrence and we're just used to it
4:47 That one the quiz got wrong (not sure about the other questions). The brewing stand potions always were and, from what I know, still are red for any potion you put into it. The only versatility on this block's texture is the amount of potions being based of the amount of potions inside it EDIT: My bad. I rewatched the video, and the quiz actually got it right. I just swapped the answers from Chuck and the quiz actual right option in my mind. "Red" was actually in green (which is kinda ironic)
@@fifamobilefan471 Oh wait, now I saw the video again. The quiz was right. The answer was actually "red", I thought the "depends on the potion" was the quiz answer XDD
The fact that they took down a video that used images from RUclips advertisements which were promoted to kids, even though these ads probably weren't taken down likewise, really shows what RUclips as a platform has become.
I remember specifically that Undead mobs heal from the effects of instant damage, so you would think that it works the same for poison, but no, Undead mobs are JUST immune to poison.
Any ad that has SlipperyT’s Jenny, or FuturisticHub involved is, and will ALWAYS be something you shouldn’t delve into XD Also, RUclips having to take down a video, with one of their *_OWN ADS_* being shown on the thumbnail, or in the video at all, while uncensored, truly says a lot about the state of ads being displayed on YT’s platform, and even they themselves indirectly thinks the ads they show are messed up to an extent.💀
I am going to say, although it was a bit expensive, Bisect does a lot of discounts, and I used it for a modded server with my friends. The staff there was actually really helpful when the server was having issues
The fact that I know the video of the thumbnail and know it WAS on youtube at some point truly goes to show how unantended I and many people were as kids
3:05 🤓um actually stardew valley creator Eric "ConcernedApe" actually had some trouble with a stardew valley quiz devs don't always know everything about their game like the playerbase does
Literally the reason why people use ad blocker so they never have their eye removed permanently. But no. RUclips doesn't allow those types of things but let us suffer by seeing weird ah ads.
RUclips when ads show quite slightly explicit pictures to promote shitty scams : i sleep RUclips when a youtuber play a copyrighted song for 0.1 : real shit?
Btw just saying, ads are not URL checked, and when you click it you go through a ip grabber very quickly and then it sends you to website like the servers list and stuff. It really evil
dang you made me feel unexpectedly old by saying "school's old ass macbooks" because my school didn't have em but just classic olllllllld fashioned computers
A part of Ulysses: Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him on the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned: -Introibo ad altare Dei. Halted, he peered down the dark winding stairs and called out coarsely: -Come up, Kinch! Come up, you fearful jesuit! Solemnly he came forward and mounted the round gunrest. He faced about and blessed gravely thrice the tower, the surrounding land and the awaking mountains. Then, catching sight of Stephen Dedalus, he bent towards him and made rapid crosses in the air, gurgling in his throat and shaking his head. Stephen Dedalus, displeased and sleepy, leaned his arms on the top of the staircase and looked coldly at the shaking gurgling face that blessed him, equine in its length, and at the light untonsured hair, grained and hued like pale oak. Buck Mulligan peeped an instant under the mirror and then covered the bowl smartly. -Back to barracks! he said sternly. He added in a preacher’s tone: -For this, O dearly beloved, is the genuine Christine: body and soul and blood and ouns. Slow music, please. Shut your eyes, gents. One moment. A little trouble about those white corpuscles. Silence, all. He peered sideways up and gave a long slow whistle of call, then paused awhile in rapt attention, his even white teeth glistening here and there with gold points. Chrysostomos. Two strong shrill whistles answered through the calm. -Thanks, old chap, he cried briskly. That will do nicely. Switch off the current, will you? He skipped off the gunrest and looked gravely at his watcher, gathering about his legs the loose folds of his gown. The plump shadowed face and sullen oval jowl recalled a prelate, patron of arts in the middle ages. A pleasant smile broke quietly over his lips. -The mockery of it! he said gaily. Your absurd name, an ancient Greek! He pointed his finger in friendly jest and went over to the parapet, laughing to himself. Stephen Dedalus stepped up, followed him wearily halfway and sat down on the edge of the gunrest, watching him still as he propped his mirror on the parapet, dipped the brush in the bowl and lathered cheeks and neck. Buck Mulligan’s gay voice went on. -My name is absurd too: Malachi Mulligan, two dactyls. But it has a Hellenic ring, hasn’t it? Tripping and sunny like the buck himself. We must go to Athens. Will you come if I can get the aunt to fork out twenty quid? He laid the brush aside and, laughing with delight, cried: -Will he come? The jejune jesuit! Ceasing, he began to shave with care. -Tell me, Mulligan, Stephen said quietly. -Yes, my love? -How long is Haines going to stay in this tower? Buck Mulligan showed a shaven cheek over his right shoulder. -God, isn’t he dreadful? he said frankly. A ponderous Saxon. He thinks you’re not a gentleman. God, these bloody English! Bursting with money and indigestion. Because he comes from Oxford. You know, Dedalus, you have the real Oxford manner. He can’t make you out. O, my name for you is the best: Kinch, the knife-blade. He shaved warily over his chin. -He was raving all night about a black panther, Stephen said. Where is his guncase? -A woful lunatic! Mulligan said. Were you in a funk? -I was, Stephen said with energy and growing fear. Out here in the dark with a man I don’t know raving and moaning to himself about shooting a black panther. You saved men from drowning. I’m not a hero, however. If he stays on here I am off. Buck Mulligan frowned at the lather on his razorblade. He hopped down from his perch and began to search his trouser pockets hastily. -Scutter! he cried thickly. He came over to the gunrest and, thrusting a hand into Stephen’s upper pocket, said: -Lend us a loan of your noserag to wipe my razor. Stephen suffered him to pull out and hold up on show by its corner a dirty crumpled handkerchief. Buck Mulligan wiped the razorblade neatly. Then, gazing over the handkerchief, he said: -The bard’s noserag! A new art colour for our Irish poets: snotgreen. You can almost taste it, can’t you? He mounted to the parapet again and gazed out over Dublin bay, his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly. -God! he said quietly. Isn’t the sea what Algy calls it: a great sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Epi oinopa ponton. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks! I must teach you. You must read them in the original. Thalatta! Thalatta! She is our great sweet mother. Come and look. Stephen stood up and went over to the parapet. Leaning on it he looked down on the water and on the mailboat clearing the harbourmouth of Kingstown. -Our mighty mother! Buck Mulligan said. He turned abruptly his grey searching eyes from the sea to Stephen’s face. -The aunt thinks you killed your mother, he said. That’s why she won’t let me have anything to do with you. -Someone killed her, Stephen said gloomily. -You could have knelt down, damn it, Kinch, when your dying mother asked you, Buck Mulligan said. I’m hyperborean as much as you. But to think of your mother begging you with her last breath to kneel down and pray for her. And you refused. There is something sinister in you.... He broke off and lathered again lightly his farther cheek. A tolerant smile curled his lips. -But a lovely mummer! he murmured to himself. Kinch, the loveliest mummer of them all! He shaved evenly and with care, in silence, seriously. Stephen, an elbow rested on the jagged granite, leaned his palm against his brow and gazed at the fraying edge of his shiny black coat-sleeve. Pain, that was not yet the pain of love, fretted his heart. Silently, in a dream she had come to him after her death, her wasted body within its loose brown graveclothes giving off an odour of wax and rosewood, her breath, that had bent upon him, mute, reproachful, a faint odour of wetted ashes. Across the threadbare cuffedge he saw the sea hailed as a great sweet mother by the wellfed voice beside him. The ring of bay and skyline held a dull green mass of liquid. A bowl of white china had stood beside her deathbed holding the green sluggish bile which she had torn up from her rotting liver by fits of loud groaning vomiting. Buck Mulligan wiped again his razorblade. -Ah, poor dogsbody! he said in a kind voice. I must give you a shirt and a few noserags. How are the secondhand breeks? -They fit well enough, Stephen answered. Buck Mulligan attacked the hollow beneath his underlip. -The mockery of it, he said contentedly. Secondleg they should be. God knows what poxy bowsy left them off. I have a lovely pair with a hair stripe, grey. You’ll look spiffing in them. I’m not joking, Kinch. You look damn well when you’re dressed. -Thanks, Stephen said. I can’t wear them if they are grey. -He can’t wear them, Buck Mulligan told his face in the mirror. Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can’t wear grey trousers. He folded his razor neatly and with stroking palps of fingers felt the smooth skin. Stephen turned his gaze from the sea and to the plump face with its smokeblue mobile eyes. -That fellow I was with in the Ship last night, said Buck Mulligan, says you have g. p. i. He’s up in Dottyville with Connolly Norman. General paralysis of the insane! He swept the mirror a half circle in the air to flash the tidings abroad in sunlight now radiant on the sea. His curling shaven lips laughed and the edges of his white glittering teeth. Laughter seized all his strong wellknit trunk. -Look at yourself, he said, you dreadful bard! Stephen bent forward and peered at the mirror held out to him, cleft by a crooked crack. Hair on end. As he and others see me. Who chose this face for me? This dogsbody to rid of vermin. It asks me too. -I pinched it out of the skivvy’s room, Buck Mulligan said. It does her all right. The aunt always keeps plainlooking servants for Malachi. Lead him not into temptation. And her name is Ursula. Laughing again, he brought the mirror away from Stephen’s peering eyes. -The rage of Caliban at not seeing his face in a mirror, he said. If Wilde were only alive to see you! Drawing back and pointing, Stephen said with bitterness: -It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked lookingglass of a servant. Buck Mulligan suddenly linked his arm in Stephen’s and walked with him round the tower, his razor and mirror clacking in the pocket where he had thrust them. -It’s not fair to tease you like that, Kinch, is it? he said kindly. God knows you have more spirit than any of them. Parried again. He fears the lancet of my art as I fear that of his. The cold steel pen. -Cracked lookingglass of a servant! Tell that to the oxy chap downstairs and touch him for a guinea. He’s stinking with money and thinks you’re not a gentleman. His old fellow made his tin by selling jalap to Zulus or some bloody swindle or other. God, Kinch, if you and I could only work together we might do something for the island. Hellenise it. Cranly’s arm. His arm. -And to think of your having to beg from these swine. I’m the only one that knows what you are. Why don’t you trust me more? What have you up your nose against me? Is it Haines? If he makes any noise here I’ll bring down Seymour and we’ll give him a ragging worse than they gave Clive Kempthorpe.
Idk how this was worse than last time lol. Subscribe so my ad history doesn't get audited by the FBI.
I’m sorry for your suffering
FIRST
@@SgRulzyou failed lol
I know😭@@JimmyMorrison-hi5gy
why reupload
The fact that youtube had to take down the video because of a thumbnail that shows one of THEIR ads is crazy bro, happy you managed to upload this.
No the other one is still up.
@@thelazyidiotsclub806 nah he tried to upload it today at like 3-7AM (i was asleep idk exactly when) and it got took down instantly because the thumbnail was uncensored
e also posted it at like 9:00 pm yesterday
Peak moderazation
video is still there
RUclips allowing these inapproriate ads and then going to ban you if you slightly swear on the platform is such an ironic thing.
because the ads make them a lot of money
@@jojoboy123GODDAMN RIGHT, THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY.
@@Nafiur1312 seconds ago
Only on youtube
your everywhere and I hate it
the most surprising thing in this video is that customer service was an actual person with beliefs, thoughts and emotions
and bisect hosting is also a legit service
He even used the skull emoji correctly
Bro loves his job 100% hope hes getting paid well
i heavily doubt he has a wife since hes working for this
Fr. I thought it was AI at first😭
fun fact, the ad featured in the thumbnail was an actual multi part minecraft series that was on youtube for several years. it was not clickbait, it was actual minecraft 🌽 that was on youtube for FAR too long. i saw it myself when i was about 8 or 9 and it messed me up permanately, its off youtube now luckily. it was a futuristichub video, of course.
welp
Hol up what
oh yea i remember that, me and my friend stumbled across the old touch me blind challenge vids or whatever and we watched it FULL BLAST, we were like 8 T_T, WE GOT COOKED
Nahh same, i still remember the ones I watched☠️
@@Jok.r Nahhhh 💀
brandon needs an award for being the most chill customer service employee
@@cdgbdrhvnh he didn’t?
@@cdgbdrhvnh WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH GOD
yessirrrr
@@BirdGWwhat did he comment I think the original comment was taken down
@@LowEffortContent-what did he comment? He deleted the original comment
Having been a customer support agent at an MC server hosting company, I can confirm Brandon's experience on Livechat is a regular occurrence and we're just used to it
bro i always thought they were bots or sum
@@tyundraiimeh sum are but a lot arnt
They allow literal porn and scam ads but when a youtuber says the F word they get demonetized, what a great platform.
fr ive seen A LITERAL NSFW ANIMATION OF JENNY MOD BUT ZOOMED IN.. jesus
@@MeIsSmogeeyou gotta be making lots of money for RUclips and apparently be pretty controversial to be a RUclips favourite
RUclips age restricting your video with an ad that’s ALREADY in their site is the most RUclips thing they could do.
Its obvious the video got taken down
fr man
@@justahammerFellow Rickroll
Bro is spitting facts
RUclips is not for kids, and they need to stop treating it like it is. If kids wanna use youtube then they should use youtube kids.
RUclips: "Our ad service isn't bad or malicious-"
Literally every ad that pops up:
13:48 “Any furry friends here?”
Chuck Nasty: “Alright, I think this is a good time to leave”
Press F to pay respects to Chunk Nasty's PC
F×3938
F
F
F
F
That customer service guy was really chill lmao
Dont wanna be that guy, but HOLY SHIT 85 LIKES
I would quit 😂
181 likes
he fact that youtube had to take down the video because of a thumbnail that shows one of THEIR ads is crazy bro, happy you managed to upload this.
Yeah they allow literall Minecraft 🌽 but show there dumbass mistake and oh buddy get demonetized
They allow Minecraft🌽 but not a RUclipsr to mention there mistake fitting for youtube
plot twist: he made a second part to this because he secretly enjoyed the ads in the first part and wanted an excuse to click on more of them
@kikabo6008wait “he asked”?
@@someguyakanoahwbro what?
4:47 That one the quiz got wrong (not sure about the other questions). The brewing stand potions always were and, from what I know, still are red for any potion you put into it. The only versatility on this block's texture is the amount of potions being based of the amount of potions inside it
EDIT: My bad. I rewatched the video, and the quiz actually got it right. I just swapped the answers from Chuck and the quiz actual right option in my mind. "Red" was actually in green (which is kinda ironic)
I'm pretty sure Skeletons also don't take damage from poison...
@@chaosdigger6563 Yeaa, I think the quiz got that wrong too
@@ChromaAqui im not sure, but I think that the quiz meant what you said, and the correct answer was red because of that
@@fifamobilefan471 Oh wait, now I saw the video again. The quiz was right. The answer was actually "red", I thought the "depends on the potion" was the quiz answer XDD
The fact that they took down a video that used images from RUclips advertisements which were promoted to kids, even though these ads probably weren't taken down likewise, really shows what RUclips as a platform has become.
the am i gay ad on 5:54
Fax
Bro that minecraft quiz at 4:00 is WRONG... Skeletons ARE immune to poison.
They are immune to both poison and drowning, 10th grade english didn't teach Jake that apparantly
I knew it, i knew it there is no way in hell my 13 years of minecraft fooled me into believing skeletons are fucking immune to poison
I remember specifically that Undead mobs heal from the effects of instant damage, so you would think that it works the same for poison, but no, Undead mobs are JUST immune to poison.
No way in hell it was incorrect, why would you add in TWO RIGHT ANSWERS AND ONLY ONE IS CORRECT?
At this point chuck is slowly losing his sanity
@@compositeboson123❤😩🥰
@@compositeboson123ja
this website isnt big enough for 2 yahyas who are chucknasty fans 😠
@@ya_hya YOU i know you you were in echo's stream
@@compositeboson123sa
11:35 😭 better luck next time lil bro
omg i thought this was an actual ad. The placing on the home page was exactly where the ads normally were 💀
then why click 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
@@priyanthabandara9190 because i saw it was a chuck nasty video, you think im THAT down bad 💀💀💀
@@cvoopr Seeing how many people watch p, wouldn't be surprised anymore
Fun fact:
I got an ad once showing the offline dinosaur game saying play online games now💀
3:12 As a fellow human from Saskatchewan, I did not think that anyone would ever have a hard time pronouncing the name of our province.
yo that customer service is W bro 😂
Any ad that has SlipperyT’s Jenny, or FuturisticHub involved is, and will ALWAYS be something you shouldn’t delve into XD
Also, RUclips having to take down a video, with one of their *_OWN ADS_* being shown on the thumbnail, or in the video at all, while uncensored, truly says a lot about the state of ads being displayed on YT’s platform, and even they themselves indirectly thinks the ads they show are messed up to an extent.💀
0:39: Bro what was that laugh 💀?
literally 87% of internet users use it for laughing, bts isn't special if they shit in a toilet
Bro at my school, if you put a music video on RUclips there's always an add in the top right saying "attractive women seeking companionship"💀💀💀
1:02 love the grox alright bet
"Brandon was a nice person, but he had one problem, he was too naive"
-Brandons Wifes POV while telling him shes working but playing mc all day
ngl brandon is chill af
Google Ads, should be sued for this, especially youtube themselves.
"Time to stop harassing customer support" this make me laugh
Chuck trying to pronounce Saskatchewan is quite funny as a Canadian. I never think about how difficult some of our city names are to Americans
“The Duper Trooper” just destroyed the fruity smp because it was so Pay-to-win (he’s the Batman of Minecraft servers 😂)
I am going to say, although it was a bit expensive, Bisect does a lot of discounts, and I used it for a modded server with my friends. The staff there was actually really helpful when the server was having issues
9:31 I got nothing to say
Lol
funny thing is last time they Restricted his video for the ads shown in the video, WHICH the yotube THEMSELVES allowed to show,
How Ironic isn't it?
4:51 why does it look like the iron golem hit Jonesy's balls
The fact that I know the video of the thumbnail and know it WAS on youtube at some point truly goes to show how unantended I and many people were as kids
A moment of silence for this man. he sacrificed his mental health for our entertainment.
Brandon deserved better than a free server for his wife
YOOOO THATS ME AT 7:30
hello
Runner L
Wow you got so much health!
@@KaramBitEditz chill
@@g_man769 nah
I love how your editing style manages to stay in the year 2018, amazing
3:05 🤓um actually stardew valley creator Eric "ConcernedApe" actually had some trouble with a stardew valley quiz devs don't always know everything about their game like the playerbase does
0:02 this ad is everywhere
Posting this glorious video in November gotta be a crime
3:48 "crotch" 💀
😂😂😂
Bro at 2:13 he makes the most true statement. I got deep respect.
We need to get Chuck Nasty an ad blocker😂
Your Auto-Correct changed it to "add blocker"
@@MCCamels tnx
youtube ads can have the most inappropriate picture but youtubers cant say "shit" without getting demonitised
That lgbt server is famous for using their players like wallets
“Bro you can’t beat up your wife”
“Ofc I can, I have over 5 million power in rise of kin-“
0:07 well uh that was unexpected
Yet another reason I will never regret having YT premium, I haven't seen an ad in like 6 years
the censored ad showed really quickly: 9:47
Ayo sus 🤨
Bro i saw it
Not futuristichub 😭🔫
Make sure to set the video to 720p60 or 1080p60, and use 0.25x playback speed to get a better shot at pausing on the correct framr
You are so funny, I had a blast... with that employees mom at work.
8:09 ncs invincible
Literally the reason why people use ad blocker so they never have their eye removed permanently.
But no. RUclips doesn't allow those types of things but let us suffer by seeing weird ah ads.
4:30 moto gang for sure bro
Nah it's gang clan
Respect this guy for going through these cringy apps
10:23 WAIT THAT'S IGEBM'S BLOG I KNOW HIM (I'm a member on PlanetMinecraft, but i make skins and resource packs instead of blogs)
U know this dude?
@@winzigerflashendeckel6894 yeah, we interact often
That last server might get shut down due to events correlated with me…
Chuck, thank you so much, you are such a great RUclipsr! Your videos are great! Have a good day!
2:03 I’m surprised you got results videoes in french and (3:13) I realized you didn’t travel in Canada
Big respect for wasting your braincells just for entertaining us❤
"bro when did I become a bee keeper" Killed me
RUclips when ads show quite slightly explicit pictures to promote shitty scams : i sleep
RUclips when a youtuber play a copyrighted song for 0.1 : real shit?
Fr as well as
I respect that hustle Brandon
Btw just saying, ads are not URL checked, and when you click it you go through a ip grabber very quickly and then it sends you to website like the servers list and stuff. It really evil
every website does that, ip grabber is common.
6:23 Is that illegal?!?
Probably yeah
C. Notch 😊
B. Scotch 😐
D. Splotch 🤨
A. Crotch 💀💀💀💀💀💀
How does this masterpiece not have a billion views yet
cantolupe moment 8:02
the part when he said Alrightt bett.. Made me laugh
same
Deja vu at its finest
I just realized the server chuck was playing at 6:27 was based off solo leveling the anime
3:12 As a Canadian, I can confirm that is the easiest name to pronounce 😂
RUclips taking down someone’s vid because of their own ads is the most RUclips thing they could’ve done
Saskatchewan is a goated province. Regina is beautiful
Regina? more like V-
(I’m so unfunny akfkqkncnqm)
@@ZeKingSG Virgin V*gina Fan vs Chad Regina Enjoyer 💀
ok lowkey that one server where you pick ur class and just fight looked kinda fun ngl
its always a good day when chuck nasty uploads
0:06 fairly certain this was out on RUclips, before swiftly being taken down and the youtuber being banned of the platform
0:44 Nice supra you got their villager
Crazy those ads are put infront of children...
Barely any of these r bad💀
I like pandas
Me too
That customer support guy was actually funny asl 😂
terraria servers are already free 💀 1:10
Him: Searches minecraft
RUclips: ah yes. Here is an ad with a Panzerkampfwagen VIII Maus
classic chuck top tier content
6:01 minewind isn't a girl only server, I remember me and a friend playing on it for a bit, it's just a standard anarchy server
0:49 this is the most unhinged customer support I’ve ever seen
I think bro is starting to enjoy it
in 11:07 it is not a metaphor but a simile.
I have literally gotten that "wife spends too much time in the bathroom" one
10:09 its a simili not a metaphor because it uses like or as
brandon got it rough bro 💀
Seriously
12:51 i remember seeing that this was p2w and someone duped because they were p2w.
True
zman1064 my beloved
dang you made me feel unexpectedly old by saying "school's old ass macbooks" because my school didn't have em but just classic olllllllld fashioned computers
A part of Ulysses:
Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him on the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:
-Introibo ad altare Dei.
Halted, he peered down the dark winding stairs and called out coarsely:
-Come up, Kinch! Come up, you fearful jesuit!
Solemnly he came forward and mounted the round gunrest. He faced about and blessed gravely thrice the tower, the surrounding land and the awaking mountains. Then, catching sight of Stephen Dedalus, he bent towards him and made rapid crosses in the air, gurgling in his throat and shaking his head. Stephen Dedalus, displeased and sleepy, leaned his arms on the top of the staircase and looked coldly at the shaking gurgling face that blessed him, equine in its length, and at the light untonsured hair, grained and hued like pale oak.
Buck Mulligan peeped an instant under the mirror and then covered the bowl smartly.
-Back to barracks! he said sternly.
He added in a preacher’s tone:
-For this, O dearly beloved, is the genuine Christine: body and soul and blood and ouns. Slow music, please. Shut your eyes, gents. One moment. A little trouble about those white corpuscles. Silence, all.
He peered sideways up and gave a long slow whistle of call, then paused awhile in rapt attention, his even white teeth glistening here and there with gold points. Chrysostomos. Two strong shrill whistles answered through the calm.
-Thanks, old chap, he cried briskly. That will do nicely. Switch off the current, will you?
He skipped off the gunrest and looked gravely at his watcher, gathering about his legs the loose folds of his gown. The plump shadowed face and sullen oval jowl recalled a prelate, patron of arts in the middle ages. A pleasant smile broke quietly over his lips.
-The mockery of it! he said gaily. Your absurd name, an ancient Greek!
He pointed his finger in friendly jest and went over to the parapet, laughing to himself. Stephen Dedalus stepped up, followed him wearily halfway and sat down on the edge of the gunrest, watching him still as he propped his mirror on the parapet, dipped the brush in the bowl and lathered cheeks and neck.
Buck Mulligan’s gay voice went on.
-My name is absurd too: Malachi Mulligan, two dactyls. But it has a Hellenic ring, hasn’t it? Tripping and sunny like the buck himself. We must go to Athens. Will you come if I can get the aunt to fork out twenty quid?
He laid the brush aside and, laughing with delight, cried:
-Will he come? The jejune jesuit!
Ceasing, he began to shave with care.
-Tell me, Mulligan, Stephen said quietly.
-Yes, my love?
-How long is Haines going to stay in this tower?
Buck Mulligan showed a shaven cheek over his right shoulder.
-God, isn’t he dreadful? he said frankly. A ponderous Saxon. He thinks you’re not a gentleman. God, these bloody English! Bursting with money and indigestion. Because he comes from Oxford. You know, Dedalus, you have the real Oxford manner. He can’t make you out. O, my name for you is the best: Kinch, the knife-blade.
He shaved warily over his chin.
-He was raving all night about a black panther, Stephen said. Where is his guncase?
-A woful lunatic! Mulligan said. Were you in a funk?
-I was, Stephen said with energy and growing fear. Out here in the dark with a man I don’t know raving and moaning to himself about shooting a black panther. You saved men from drowning. I’m not a hero, however. If he stays on here I am off.
Buck Mulligan frowned at the lather on his razorblade. He hopped down from his perch and began to search his trouser pockets hastily.
-Scutter! he cried thickly.
He came over to the gunrest and, thrusting a hand into Stephen’s upper pocket, said:
-Lend us a loan of your noserag to wipe my razor.
Stephen suffered him to pull out and hold up on show by its corner a dirty crumpled handkerchief. Buck Mulligan wiped the razorblade neatly. Then, gazing over the handkerchief, he said:
-The bard’s noserag! A new art colour for our Irish poets: snotgreen. You can almost taste it, can’t you?
He mounted to the parapet again and gazed out over Dublin bay, his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly.
-God! he said quietly. Isn’t the sea what Algy calls it: a great sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Epi oinopa ponton. Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks! I must teach you. You must read them in the original. Thalatta! Thalatta! She is our great sweet mother. Come and look.
Stephen stood up and went over to the parapet. Leaning on it he looked down on the water and on the mailboat clearing the harbourmouth of Kingstown.
-Our mighty mother! Buck Mulligan said.
He turned abruptly his grey searching eyes from the sea to Stephen’s face.
-The aunt thinks you killed your mother, he said. That’s why she won’t let me have anything to do with you.
-Someone killed her, Stephen said gloomily.
-You could have knelt down, damn it, Kinch, when your dying mother asked you, Buck Mulligan said. I’m hyperborean as much as you. But to think of your mother begging you with her last breath to kneel down and pray for her. And you refused. There is something sinister in you....
He broke off and lathered again lightly his farther cheek. A tolerant smile curled his lips.
-But a lovely mummer! he murmured to himself. Kinch, the loveliest mummer of them all!
He shaved evenly and with care, in silence, seriously.
Stephen, an elbow rested on the jagged granite, leaned his palm against his brow and gazed at the fraying edge of his shiny black coat-sleeve. Pain, that was not yet the pain of love, fretted his heart. Silently, in a dream she had come to him after her death, her wasted body within its loose brown graveclothes giving off an odour of wax and rosewood, her breath, that had bent upon him, mute, reproachful, a faint odour of wetted ashes. Across the threadbare cuffedge he saw the sea hailed as a great sweet mother by the wellfed voice beside him. The ring of bay and skyline held a dull green mass of liquid. A bowl of white china had stood beside her deathbed holding the green sluggish bile which she had torn up from her rotting liver by fits of loud groaning vomiting.
Buck Mulligan wiped again his razorblade.
-Ah, poor dogsbody! he said in a kind voice. I must give you a shirt and a few noserags. How are the secondhand breeks?
-They fit well enough, Stephen answered.
Buck Mulligan attacked the hollow beneath his underlip.
-The mockery of it, he said contentedly. Secondleg they should be. God knows what poxy bowsy left them off. I have a lovely pair with a hair stripe, grey. You’ll look spiffing in them. I’m not joking, Kinch. You look damn well when you’re dressed.
-Thanks, Stephen said. I can’t wear them if they are grey.
-He can’t wear them, Buck Mulligan told his face in the mirror. Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can’t wear grey trousers.
He folded his razor neatly and with stroking palps of fingers felt the smooth skin.
Stephen turned his gaze from the sea and to the plump face with its smokeblue mobile eyes.
-That fellow I was with in the Ship last night, said Buck Mulligan, says you have g. p. i. He’s up in Dottyville with Connolly Norman. General paralysis of the insane!
He swept the mirror a half circle in the air to flash the tidings abroad in sunlight now radiant on the sea. His curling shaven lips laughed and the edges of his white glittering teeth. Laughter seized all his strong wellknit trunk.
-Look at yourself, he said, you dreadful bard!
Stephen bent forward and peered at the mirror held out to him, cleft by a crooked crack. Hair on end. As he and others see me. Who chose this face for me? This dogsbody to rid of vermin. It asks me too.
-I pinched it out of the skivvy’s room, Buck Mulligan said. It does her all right. The aunt always keeps plainlooking servants for Malachi. Lead him not into temptation. And her name is Ursula.
Laughing again, he brought the mirror away from Stephen’s peering eyes.
-The rage of Caliban at not seeing his face in a mirror, he said. If Wilde were only alive to see you!
Drawing back and pointing, Stephen said with bitterness:
-It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked lookingglass of a servant.
Buck Mulligan suddenly linked his arm in Stephen’s and walked with him round the tower, his razor and mirror clacking in the pocket where he had thrust them.
-It’s not fair to tease you like that, Kinch, is it? he said kindly. God knows you have more spirit than any of them.
Parried again. He fears the lancet of my art as I fear that of his. The cold steel pen.
-Cracked lookingglass of a servant! Tell that to the oxy chap downstairs and touch him for a guinea. He’s stinking with money and thinks you’re not a gentleman. His old fellow made his tin by selling jalap to Zulus or some bloody swindle or other. God, Kinch, if you and I could only work together we might do something for the island. Hellenise it.
Cranly’s arm. His arm.
-And to think of your having to beg from these swine. I’m the only one that knows what you are. Why don’t you trust me more? What have you up your nose against me? Is it Haines? If he makes any noise here I’ll bring down Seymour and we’ll give him a ragging worse than they gave Clive Kempthorpe.
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