Narcissists have the same agenda across the world because this is a Spiritual battle and there are spiritual entities behind the people that rule the nations, and they are on the same page.
The route out is rejection of the demon narcissist-rejection of the evil - I was baited - refusing to be exploited any longer - humble forgiveness of myself - never looking back - BRILLIANT!!!
In recovery I learned narcissists are weak but had me believing I was even weaker. I believe the level of narcissism in society is unhealthy and encourages silence of the victims while endorsing narcissists’ behavior.
This is amazing! I have been coming to this exact realization myself, recently. After 7 years of being in a ‘relationship’ with who I am 100% sure is a man with undiagnosed NPD, and having gone through about 9 breakups in 7 years, I finally walked for good. Just told him, simply, “We’re just too different “. To which he replied “the door is always open. No regrets “. Got my things, blocked and deleted him. Two months now. Listening to all kinds of Narcissism RUclips videos to stay strong. I realized I am a big part of the problem- the main part, actually. There is no narcissistic ‘relationship’ for us if I refuse to participate. I am owning my guilt, and working on forgiving myself. Next is to stop watching narcissism-related videos and move on. I am still too involved in this toxic mess as long as I keep bathing in this information. I have the gist of what has happened, where I went wrong, and where I need to go from here. Trying to find my way back to my old self- but much IMPROVED because of my hard learned lessons. Time to work on myself.
I hope so much you find the road ahead full of beauty and good things and good people. I hope so much good things for you, and that you find your way well. That's enough years to have lived something that wasn't every going to really work out well. We do learn in relationship to "other" so i hope you find good people to connect with and recognise what is good and not so good well enough. No promises... we just do our best to navigate. Hope you be your own best friend now best you can.
And also remember..even if he acted like he didnt care that you left- he is most likely thinking about you 24/7 and going crazy about you not coming back to him. He will maybe eventually start to pull you back in. Fun fact- in the beginning you think they are in controll but it was you all the time. Dry this mf out. 💪
There is so much about this video I could praise, but for brevity's sake I just wanted to say thank you for being honest with people. It's a rare person who will tell their audience that one of the best things for said audience is to stop consuming the product they produce. (In this context, to stop watching videos about narcissism.) The title of this one caught my eye, and I'm glad I watched it, but I very rarely watch videos about narcissism any more. A few years ago, I would lose hours, day after day, trying to decode the narcissist and understand the experience I went through. I'm not saying I regret that time spent or that it wasn't helpful. It was very helpful, necessary even. But the goal should be to get off the narcissism carousel. Narcissism ran my life for many years before I had a name for it, then it took more years as I tried to understand it. Now, I'm not letting it take anymore of my time. I know now that it's less about understanding who the narcissist is, than understanding who I am. It's far more important to cultivate a healthy sense of self, strong boundaries and good values, then to keep spending time and energy digging for a treasure that isn't there. Totally corny, but we've been looking for treasure in the wrong place. It isn't in the narcissist, but it is in you. ❤
Thank you for this simple idea that I just need to move through all of the narcissistic terminology and focusing on my past emotional abuse. I need to work on me. I did find the videos to be a learning tool for me in the beginning. However, now I feel as though I’ve had enough and they are just making me sad; stuck in what happened in…the…past. Today, I’m moving forward for myself and my sanity❤
Thank you. I ran from narcissistic parents to a monster narcissistic psychopath. They really are weak, broken, traumatized children con artists and now I will pray and ask God for forgiveness. You are right. I found my spirituality this year when my mom stabbed me so hard in the back. My ex has already swung me through the mud but I’m back up; showered and here to shine. Thanks for the video!
The biggest gift I got from "worst", most painful narcissistic relationships was me seeing that I was equally an atrocious narcissist. At first I thought it was just a trauma bond or my codependency, but I am an equal part in the circumstance.
This literally caused a complete sense of calm in me . I’ve been round and round with videos breaking down “what a narcissist is” And “how to recover from narcissistic abuse” for 4 Years! Truly feeling like the only thing I gained was a working understanding and also at times a feeling of being re-traumatized and anxious But this? This makes such complete sense , explains the guilt and shame I have been struggling to offload . Shines light on my own culpability . So that I can own it and move on. Thank you for the missing piece ..I feel like I can breathe
I was deleting narcissistic videos from my history because it was getting so overwhelming and it felt like I was surrounded by monsters. It was translating to social media, and even though I got out of a toxic relationship, it felt like I was still in it because the algorithm kept pushing the videos, and even just the titles would make me uneasy. I watch so much other stuff, but it really is overwhelming and while I'm healing I want to see healing things, but only the fear portion is pushed. So thank you for saying something
Yeah, got to a point that youtube for narcissistic abuse felt like a really suffocating place for the mind, instead of solace it was meant to be. It felt like the videos started giving me mind fog😅
Have to say I never understood the words “love bombing” but I sure do understand baiting. Throw out love. There never was love. Baiting hits home. It’s exactly what he did. Great video. Thank you!!
Baiting and love bombing are different. You can be baited without any real idealized perception or sense of love towards you. It's just manipulation to intentionally use you. Love bombing is real for them as it's projected from their idolized perception and emotions towards you based on how you make them feel. They are reacting unintentionally from the idealization of what they perceive of you and the feelings they have towards you. These can be used by anyone with a cluster b disorder
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549 have cluster b, and i don't "use" love bombing, i just follow my emotions and they are that intense at times that i cant help but to love someone to death and beyonde :d it's the same feeling like you really need to pet that cute dog or cat, you dont "use" anything you cant help it to feel that way and beeing kind and embracing towards them = the same way you die of sweetness seeing somone and its hard not to cuddle, talk to them, wanting to know everything about them, etc etc it's actually a weakness on my part, so far it only got abused by others
@@merlinsteindorf-elsner1150 that's love bombing. Feeling like it's been used or abused could just be the devaluation of that person over the perception you originally had being distorted.
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549nah it's not, google lovebombing and you will get the negative description that its used for emotional manipulation, fear of connection or "against victims without selfworth" only after i get over my fear of connection im even able to show those strong emotions, and i definitly dont like woman with meek personalities...i even suspect i attract narcissists, while overthinking if i am to selfish i dont "use" my love - it's like saying your mother uses her love baking you a pie or a friend uses love to invite you to a party, they do it because they like you, not some ulterior motive not that love bombing doesnt exists, just the point that you cant know if it's in bad intention or if the opposite is just strongly emotional
I did kneel and ask God for forgiveness and God helped me walk away from the narcissist! I had asked myself a few times over the years, why are you staying in this relationship? I finally figured out that I was trauma bonded! On the road to recovery and healing!
I've done some praying as well, and left it in God's hands. The narc dumped me and a couple other friends, because she couldn't control us and get supply from us any more. It is disappointing on the one hand, but on the other, a great relief. One of us had been trauma-bonded, and I'm not sure she can deal with all the emotions yet and it's been a few months. But this other friend and I are really glad the narc is out of our lives. And none of her flying monkeys will wreck our friendship. The narc in my life did a bunch of love-bombing, which she didn't realize I was very uneasy about. I was not attached to her so much as wanting to help her out. But of course, that desire disappeared over time when the narc kept saying and doing such stupidly arrogant and reckless things. And one of her coercion tactics when I wasn't giving her her own way was threatening to leave Christianity. And she did this over freaking Star Wars of all things! She's a Star Wars addict, and she acts like her mission in life is to spam the whole universe with Star Wars crap. So because I wouldn't be available every time she wanted me, and I refused to talk Star Wars, she threatened to quit Christianity. Well then, she's not much of a Christian. She knows no loyalty to anything but her own whims, and Star Wars. Really sad, and sick.
One of the twists that kept me caught in it was the fear of abandonment. BUT... It was that my empathic heart couldn't leave the narcissist because then I would be guilty of inflicting the pain of abandonment (my overriding fear) on this person I love who's toxic and hurting me. *cue the door-slam 😊 They're out of my life and what a relief!❤
I never felt love bombed. I felt masterfully manipulated, guilted, and bullied into a relationship. I was one year out of losing my boyfriend to a heart attack. The narcissist jumped on my vulnerability. You are helping me so much, I’m getting closer to being set free and out if this loop.
“What if our map of narcissism is not correct” - I was literally thinking about this earlier today. I see everything around us as a reflection of what’s within us. Healing 🌿 is an inside job. Balancing narcissistic energy ⚖️ around us is an inside job. World peace ☮️ is an inside job.
I m one year from the discard and I find myself watching narcissistic videos to help me cope with the fact that the devil has access to my innocent child. I honestly don’t see how I can come out of watching these videos until my child is older. I am one year out and utterly shocked at how paralyzed I have been from the experience of narcissistic abuse. BUT I can totally see how that too is part of the narcissistic abuse cycle and I am praying everyday to God to help me get out! Thank you so much for this excellent counsel.
You helped your child develop narcissism. Instead of holding them accountable for their actions, you pass them off to a third entity, a 'demon' that doesn't exist. You've likely done this most of your life, which is why they developed narcissism in the first place.
I love you Richard Grannon. I'm not love bombing you, I appreciate that you see that it's love leveraging and now it makes much more sense to me. I'm a licensed attorney, so I'm obviously not stupid; nevertheless, I stayed in a narcissistic relationship for 23 years. I stopped cosigning BS, saying no, and my abuser finally discarded me. I'm still struggling with forgiving myself six years later for allowing and participating in my own abuse.
Excellent, thank you. Toward the end there was a nugget that I feel a need to explore, which is the idea of becoming _dependent upon being angry at the narcissist._ That might be the sickest trap of all - staying in the relationship in order to get regular doses of addictive anger and resentment.
A kind of love bombing can be done by a non narcissist when really madly in love. ' Love leveraging ' describes the narcissist seduction much better indeed.
hmmm my experience with narcissists as an adult arose because of my own lust. but childhood exposure was not the result of a flaw in myself. i was a child. but i see you are right about adults who are 'victims' of a "narcissist" having a flaw in their character that allows the 'abuse'. it is empowering to think this way
Trying to diagnose NPD in modern America is like a marine biologist trying to determine if the fish are drowning in the local coral reef; it has so deeply permeated our society that its tendrils are omnipresent in American relationships.
This exactly describes what I saw as I watched someone go through seemingly endless sessions of alcoholics anonymous. I couldn’t figure out exactly why it seemed so convoluted a process, but Richard just described it perfectly. I couldn’t believe that they actually had them repeating the phrase “I am an alcoholic” seemingly ascribing them that identity in perpetuity. It seemed so cultlike! They use secretive phrases like referring to the meeting rooms as “the rooms“. And surrounding these meetings, are government-funded “programs” waiting to scarf these poor people up into very substandard types of “recovery” programs, most of which prove to be absolutely atrocious as they employ, it seems, anyone willing to work there.
Right?! My friend went to AA since 12 because his Dad brought him, one night when I was asking why he drank so much while still going to AA regularly (while dreading it all week) and he threw up his arms and said: “Because. I. Am. Powerless!” (One of their steps is accepting they’re powerless as you prob know). The cult-like approach making them dependent upon the program is amazingly effective and has kept him locked right in a non-belief of his own self. Repeatedly saying: “I am an alcoholic” when I met him. I always was like: “Dude, you’re Owen. You’re you.”
Thank you for saying this. AA is a narcissistic cult that preys on people with drinking problems and nothing to do with any sort of ‘recovery’. I lost years of my life to it and it took far more from me than booze ever did
Support groups are ironically, honey pots for narcissists. Particularly the covert type. They're fertile ground for them to collect people under the sponsor ship model or dominate the group in the guise of service.
As someone who has attended quite a few of these meetings, I agree with what you say. It is cult-like. And if someone is as obsessed with not drinking as he was with drinking, there's still a problem.
Thank you! What you said (~ minute 6) reminded me of Eric Berne, Games People Play: The players (of the various games) know all the roles and can switch among them; and the challenge is to "break up the game"
“Artificially intelligence hive mind”- that’s one way to put it.. there’s also something spiritual, called demons/dementors (Harry Potter) And that’s actually a perfect explanation if you dive into that. Artificial intelligence I guess is more of a worldly, clinical way of describing it. Love your knowledge and perspectives Richard! It’s definitely unorthodox at times. Nonconformist. Rarity in clinical practice. Thank you !!
The A.I./hive mind/damaged concept of 'evil', seems far more credible to me. Thus, if there ARE demonic beings, they are even more damaged.. Temporarily..
Recently had someone come back into my life that I had to cut dead and block within weeks. I have learnt so much that now I was not even tempted to acquiesce to him and actually to even care. Just ten years ago I would have tried to appease and soothe. Not this time and I thank this person for showing me exactly who they are and have always been early on. Started reading Marie France Hirigoyen and have been consuming Richard’s content. Today I feel a bit indestructible and it feels amazing. Thanks all and stay safe and strong 💪
This is excellent! A friend of mine has stayed with his wife for a long time out of obligation and he has lost himself in trying to just stay silent to keep the peace. She has rules for him in taking it for granted he will allow her to do anything she wants, but she has a totally different standard for him. At age 61, he is finally finding himself and learning to say no to her and learning to be his own person. It is not easy for him because of his sheer goodness. He is a very ethical man, a good man, and an acts of services type - he has suffered in silence with her for over 30 years. I shall share this video with him - it is excellent! Thank you! As a close relative, I also must distance myself from her, and I have found myself entangled in the question of whether we are right or not about her - can she prove to be Ok and capable or healing or not. I’ve been dealing with this question for months because I want to be fair to her and to him. The time is coming to end this drama.
My brother is an attorney married to a narcissist. He refuses to leave bc they have 3 children, one with Autism. His wife is doing everything she can to ruin his life and has now effectively isolated him from family. She is freeloading while he is essentially enslaved. My brothers is a bright man but has been trauma bonded and brainwashed by this woman. I fear for his safety but myself and our family must go no contact as long as that woman is around bc she has tried to abuse my elderly parents on several occasions. I hope one day he gets free.
Finally I got the answer I was seeking! Our personal greed is the cause of all this. Deep down I knew I am partially to blame for all this mess, but couldn't figure it out. You opened my eyes to an entire new perspective on this. Thank you Richard!
I believe that some narcissists want to discover your dreams. Then they deliver the dream bit by bit, it feels like they support you and your dreams. Then they sabotage you, devalue you, isolate and trap you. Then discard you and you realise or they tell you they never loved you. You were future faked. Next they try to destroy you.
The truth is, we were flattered during the love bombing. It is not about guilt, but being honest to yourself. We had romantic ideas about love, but we didn't know what love is. The narc deconstruct us and we deconstruct them. It is mutual. One cannot be without the other.
Your ego plays a huge role in these relationships. Love bombing convinces a person that they have achieved some kind of elevated status in the narcissist perception. They reflect an idealized version of the other person back to them this is very intoxicating for people. In the idealisation a narcissist imitates the other person and takes on their qualities, preferences, beliefs, philosophies etc. it's part of not having a stable identity. That's not all mirroring is with narcissists. In the same way that narcissists are looking for an idealized image of themselves to be reflected back to them by others, they endeavor to do the same thing. Narcissists see and Define themselves using the ways that others interact with and regard them. This reflection is what's often called narcissistic Supply. Other people are containers of reflections of the narcissist that tell them who and what they are in any given moment. Even though the reflection is contained within another person the other person themselves actually has very little to do with it in the end. Everything is still about what the narcissistic personality believes. These are people who exist moment by moment and whatever existed outside of this moment is now being seen through the emotional lens they are using this very second and interpreted according to that. You cannot make someone believe things they believe are wrong if they see evidence for those things. Narcissists can be very convincing likely because they are also receiving an idealized reflection from the other person of themselves. They often invest quite heavily in this relationship or this situation. They may even legitimately believe in it for a time. it's intoxicating because people often feel that someone finally sees them for who they really are or how they've always wanted to be seen. This perceived realization of the idealized self is very attractive to the human ego and in some ways it's almost impossible to resist with both the narcissist and someone's own ego working against them. It can be extremely difficult to maintain a grounded realistic perception of the situation. It's almost impossible especially when somebody doesn't know what's going on. It's also very Insidious in the sense that many people might not realize it's happening until it stops. It doesn't necessarily feel natural or normal to people but it does feel very good and this can contribute to people overlooking or ignoring any red flags they might be seeing or any gut instinct that they might be feeling. The fall from that perceived elevated status can be very devastating and is often extremely painful and confusing. Narcissists offer a fantasy of themselves of relationships and perhaps most especially of the other person. When most people describe what the narcissist was like they don't usually recount any characteristics or traits that the narcissists themselves actually had. It's almost always and exclusively things related to the way the narcissists treated or related to them. Narcissist often treat other people as if they are very important and very very special. When they stop doing that the absence is felt at once and people may become very upset, hurt, confused. Many times narcissistic personalities don't just stop treating someone as if they are special, they may start behaving as if they feel the person is totally worthless or perhaps instead of behaving as as if the person is so good and wonderful they now expect the person to do every horrible cruel shady manipulative thing under the sun. This flip from white to black is very painful and to be thought of and treated so horribly after being thought of and treated so wonderfully is extremely devastating and disorienting and confusing and painful for people. it's made even more Terrible by the fact that the person can't even figure out why it's happening if any explanation is offered by The Narcissist it often doesn't make any sense. with lower functioning personalities the reasoning might even sound paranoid or delusional and crazy. Narcissists offer a fantasy because essentially they live in one. They don't see you for who you are they don't see themselves for who they are. They don't really see anything as it really is. This is how deep and all-encompassing this can be. People aren't just pathologically narcissistic about some things or sometimes. There are definitely situations where it can be easier to see but if someone pathologically narcissistic they're narcissists all the time and it affects pretty much every aspect of their functioning always. This doesn't mean they can't seem "normal" but it does mean that seeming normal is all it is. It's kind of like if three or four really small little children were inside an adult suit trying to all work together at walking around pretending to be a real grown-up. This really can only go so far. Idealization means to see a thing in a way that is not realistic. When you fall in love with a narcissist you're falling in love with yourself. We fall in love not just with the idealized unrealistic image that the narcissist presents to us of themselves but also with the idealized unrealistic image the Narcissist presents to us of ourselves. It happens subconsciously in many respects and it's very powerful to have seen yourself in this idealized way and then have it not only stop but be destroyed, pulverized, even completely erased is devastating for people on a very deep level. This affects peoples ego on a very deep fundamental level, This means their core sense of self and self-image are directly involved. This is one of the reasons these relationships are so devastating and damaging in this exact area for people. The human ego is in constant pursuit of realizing its ideal self and the input from narcissist can imply to people that they have in fact done that and/or that someone else sees it. To have this taken away hurts terribly in a visceral way and it creates an immediate sense for many people that I had this perfect ideal thing and now I've lost it. The reality is that all people really had was a fantasy and therefore they haven't actually lost anything except that. This doesn't stop people from trying to get back to that, sometimes for years. Pursuing a fantasy is fruitless and painful. The very attraction of a fantasy is that it's not real. It's an idealized version of something and by definition cannot be realized because it's imaginary, it's not reality. Pursuing a relationship with a narcissist is chasing a fantasy of them, of relationships, of yourself that's not who they are and it's not who you are. You are not perfect or the most amazing thing in the world or whatever and neither are they. And that's okay, you don't need someone to see you in an idealized way in order for for you to be okay or to be good. You don't need an idealized self at all. They need that to survive because they have nothing else, you don't have that problem. When we can see ourselves as we actually are and can truly accept ourselves for who we really are the fantasies offered by narcissists are no longer as attractive as they once were. We don't need ideal love or ideal relationships or an ideal self of any kind. We can realize that Who We Are who we really are is perfectly fine.
" It is mutual" This is simply not true. Evil person has hidden evil agenda. and they use pathological lying and misreading reality. Normal people do not have that.
@@janx8695 "Your ego plays a huge role in these relationships" Nope. Broken and traumatized parts due to ACoA and ACE play a huge role why we are unable to get unstuck from angry and aggressive predators and evil monsters. - No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness Richard C. Schwartz After the binge, however, the critic returned with a vengeance, now attacking her for having binged. This, of course, triggered the young one again and my client was caught once more in that terrible cycle. - The big insight was that giving a troubled person a psychiatric diagnosis and seeing that as the sole or main cause of their symptoms was unnecessarily limiting, pathologizing, and could become self-reinforcing. When you tell a person they are sick and ignore the larger context in which their symptoms make sense, not only do you miss leverage points that could lead to transformation, but you also produce a passive patient who feels defective. - nocebo effect) is equally real and powerful. For example, if you believe a sugar pill will make you sick, you’ll probably get sick. there is ample evidence that our negative expectations of others have a strong negative impact on their behavior or performance. negative expectations become self-fulfilling prophesies that further reinforce the negative views, and so on. - inner world: Going to war against protector parts only makes them stronger Listening to them and loving them, however, helps them heal and transform. no longer trying to kill the messenger and instead listening to the message - This view-that people have a sinful, aggressive, selfish, impulsive nature that must be controlled by their rational minds -also leads to a profound sense of disconnection from other people and disdain for oneself. - What if you identified with your Self rather than your exiles? And what if you saw the Self in everyone around you? - Each part is often shocked to learn that they share the desire to keep the person safe, but their ideas about how to do that are totally different. - Those burdens impair our ability to function in the world. - that message: “Just get over it,” for example, or “Stop being so sensitive.” For these young parts, that’s just adding insult to injury - These delightful inner children are hurt and then abandoned, and we no longer have access to their wonderful qualities. Instead, we assume that it’s part of becoming an adult to no longer feel intense joy, awe, and love. - Even when they are exiled, their burdens can exert an unconscious effect on our self-esteem, choice of intimate partner, career, and so on. - They’re behind the overreactions that seem mysterious to us and leave us perplexed as to why certain small things hit us so hard. - These exiles are what Freud famously called the Id, and he mistakenly assumed they were merely primitive impulses. - Managers other parts of you will have to leave their valuable roles to become protectors. It’s like your adolescent parts are pressed into military or police service. These are the parts that become inner critics. Managers are parentified inner children. they are ill-equipped Other managers don’t want us to feel good about ourselves for fear that we’ll take risks and get hurt. Mainly, they want to keep us small, because the safest place to be is below the radar. there are managers who want to belong and to please everyone. - Firefighters resort to desperate measures with little regard for the collateral damage suicide is an option for some firefighters if other solutions don’t work. giving your system waves of anxiety or shame - Self sees, feels, and acts to change injustice, so to not do any of that we need illegal drugs or prescription medications, constantly available media entertainment, all-consuming jobs, and spiritual bypasses - I still need my firefighters to keep me from fully absorbing what’s happening in the world and devoting all my time and energy to activism. - exiles, managers, and firefighters-do not describe the essence of your parts. They’re simply the roles these parts were forced into by what happened to you. - We all have burdens that are committed to keeping us safe and homeostatic. - We don’t go to exiles without permission from protectors. - Protectors are maintained by the burdens they carry and by where they are frozen in the past. - a firefighter might want to use its energy for something healthy and playful rather than on getting you drunk - We all have burdens that are committed to keeping us safe and homeostatic. - instead of polarizing the part and initiating a reinforcing feedback loop, try getting curious instead. In my experience, the part just needs to be understood, reassured, and loved. - manager-the one who blamed her for what happened - our culture (in general) and psychotherapy (specifically) have made the terrible mistake of assuming that you shake in terror is just a panic attack, and that that’s all they are-destructive impulses, emotions, thought patterns, or mental diseases When you understand that you are not sick or defective and instead see that you merely have a part playing an extreme role, you’ll feel relieved and comforted. - It turned out that the terror was a protector who made a “never again” decision during that time-it would never again let that little girl (the exile it protected) get into that kind of position. - ask them, “What do you want to do now?” because they all have a natural desire to do something productive inside of you - If your parts are really trusting you to do this, then by now you should be experiencing some of the qualities we’ve been talking about -clarity, the absence of thought, spaciousness, present centeredness, a sense of well-being, connectedness, being in your body, confidence, and so on. - it’s rare for someone to be in a state of pure Self - ego in IFS terms is a cluster of managers who are trying to run your life The Self also isn’t your observing ego or witness
Richard, you have a new fan! It's not often I'm taken aback by psychology videos these days, I've been there, worn the Tshirt, lived it, ate it, and spat it out a few years ago, seen most decent videos on Narcs on RUclips probably, same old.... you know... but your explanation is striking, excellent. I look at people and figure where their mindset is at, from bottom up, Apathy/Victim, Conflict, Responsibility, Compassion, Peace, Joy , No judging, I come across stuff that reaches the peace level, but higher there seams to be a dearth of content. I'm pretty much generally at the top, monetary pretty poor, but I do have ADHD. I can easily think through to no judging, a simple example would be say an alcoholic will often be judged, but if you can think and understand that it is simply not within his or her capability, that is a non-judgmental view, how society deals with the issue is a wider question.
I love Love Bombing, in a new job where I was already 2 months the grandma (a scientist in biology) said, it's bi-polar, because I was 100% positive and happy, loving energy, always giving to feel others happy, then I was happy. Never replied, and nodded thinking, two months being positive is not the rage of my capacity, knew perfectly well what she meant, that I was out from the depressive/sad/ordinary/seriously/approved/average are. There was no free time to explain her where I share my darkness and filter out (without hurting anyone in the real life world).
Brilliant. It also helps to know, that they are not only con artists, but also great cowards. They flee immediately as soon as the situation becomes dicey. When confronted with the absolute truth about their behavour, they could not do other than to agree. And therefor, they make a run for it. It's just difficult to FIND this absolute truth.
Dear Richard, Thank you for the eloquent presentation! You truely nailed it! And me too- on the cross of bad descions! I have been searching for THIS needle in the haystack for 3 years now and you found it for us. The truth is reveiled. At last my nasty victim entitlement is knocked off the narcissistic pedestal 🙏 The dam has broken. The ride has been educational and enlightening but always entertaining🤣 I was very close to finding the right words myself, after all the self-studying I have accomplished without a phd. It feels like beautiful serendipity when I tuned into your video today with the catchy title- "We got it wrongl". You pushed me across the goal line on a very normal Friday. How amazing! I am incredibly grateful for ALL the qualified help I have found on the tube(You Tube). When you seek you shall find. How true. I am humble to the goodness of life. I am ready now. A thousand thanks.
Dear Richard, could you speak more about this "hive mind." I had an experience using psychedelics that helped me break free from a narcissistic relationship. In the same experience I also saw this global narcissistic mind that has existed for millennia all over the world. It almost seemed like demon possession or an interdimensional energy that has found a human host. Please teach us more and thank you!!
Your explanation of love leveraging is so spot on. My ex was certainly love bombing in the beginning, but more importantly he found out how much I desperately wanted to feel safe and he put himself in the role of protector. The shift from protector to someone I needed protection from was slow and I didn't realize it until the very end when he left and my body wasn't on edge all the time.
A thousand thanks for this video. You have nailed it. This NPD thing is much deeper than what’s generally presented, and I think more variable. The advice to “leave, run, heal afterwards!” isn’t always possible. I’m turning 81, he is 90. It’s a 2nd marriage, I was fooled mightily in the beginning, then saddled with a sick man for the ensuing 20 years [he’s healthy now], struggling to see a pattern but never grasping the whole picture, now I do, mostly. My obstacles to leaving have always been mainly conscience-based. My sustaining motivation is a belief that there is a higher way, spiritually or philosophically, to survive this and grow. I aim for autonomy, peace, some degree of friendship and respect. Actual relationship - forget it!
There’s a lot more people with NPD than we’re told, most are undiagnosed. They don’t seek out diagnosis because they don’t cause harm to themselves, they harm people around them.
Been away for a while and haven't seen Richard speak for a couple of years. You can get out, healed and happy, but the reckoning with the ego and it's world of sin (past) guilt (now) and fear ( future) is paramount.
Spot on something to see someone actually say this. I see this in my practice daily. People sprouting the same verbal anecdotes as if reading a script/ thank you for doing this as it is brave and honest love your authenticity
yes! being humble in those moments with ourselves (+x*) is the key point of really starting and continuing to taking ourselves AND the higher forces REALLY seriously. Something that narcissist AND victims cant ever do. THIS is outgrowing the ability to "get cought" by the narc or any kind of demon is all about!
So accurate. As you were explaining love baiting and how we got into that diabolical contract, it sure took me back in time. And yes, I can now see clearly what role I played in all of this. It took me years in therapy to finally see it. I'm still trying to forgive myself for allowing much of what happened. I'm sure that narcissitic "relationship" shaved years off my life. It was just too damaging. And more than anything it saddens me that it took such an awful experience to learn so many valuable life lessons.
So true! I have thought this as I was in a relationship with a malignant narcissist and as I extricated myself. I will never excuse his behaviors to me and others AND I can see how to fell for his love leveraging, love that phrase. He knew my way of living and was supremely confident that I would never divorce him. Thank God I got the courage to do so.
Thank you for talking about the "choosing" myth. It's not your choice even if they make you feel like it is. All the manipulation and lies take your free will away (and that's exactly the point)
I love this ❤ Thank you for summing up so well what Sam V has been saying about the community 🎉 It is not victim blaming to point out that the power now lies with the victim to stop being one. It is only the victim that can stop the cycle for the abuser will never make that move ever. Another one will just come along. And the conscious needs to be adressed and spoken to. Like «Hey I get what you are saying, but consider this». The inner dialouge needs to change and then the conscious actually does as well! I am living through it, and can testify to it. Now I was not baited on «greed» since I grew up with narc parents, but I was baited on need. And yes, baiting is a much more on point description then love bombing. I never really felt bombed with love.. but baited? Oh absofreakinloutly. Everything was conditional and the condition was that my father was the baby of the family and should remain one. I was parentified both towards my parent/s and siblings from a young age. Now none of it was my fault but did I feel guilty? Heck yeah I felt guilty when I told my dad «I need you to be MY parent» and stoped being his… and other family members made sure to rub it in as well, as it was my responability to fix him. No sir no mam. I have done a job I never applied for and now I am ending that contract. So what now? i have to stand my ground because they still walk around crying victim and manipulate ppl into believing they are and flying monkeys do come some times. I am one of the lucky ones though and have a few people with me in the fight ❤ The only solution for me going forward is to do the ucomforable things that my conscious does not want but my head knows is right for me and slowly see my conscious become less and less traumatized and sick. Because in the end what a narcissist does is to damage your conscious and after this kind og abuse you can’t really trust your conscious to know what to do and you HAVE TO seek wisdom and learn to listen to your body! Your body hides the truths your conscious rejects..
So much truth here. One of my best friends was in a narcissistic relationship with her ex-husband which frankly left her with many narcissistic traits herself. I had to walk away because she was so utterly engrossed in the victim narratives and unable to take any responsibility whatsoever. Even though (knowing them both) I know she did many things that were not stellar herself. I came to the conclusion that “narcissistic abuse” has become yet another buzz phrase for our times. People aren’t getting better in these so-called communities, they’re simply entrenching themselves in narratives and constantly confirming their own biases. It’s been devastating to watch and I sincerely hope my friend comes out the other side 😔
Ah-ha! I see what you are saying. It's been knocking on my brain for a long time and the way you just stated it finally makes sense! I was stuck in a 13 year marriage because I just HAD to convince my ex husband to AGREE with me, to GIVE ME PERMISSION!! I felt like I had to earn my freedom. I chose to be with him, even though I really didn't love him or was even attracted to him. I chose it because I got something out of it. And knowing and owning that selfish choice gives me way more power to change than to just accept that I'm powerless. I chose to abandon myself. So, yeah, that happened. I just made a bad choice, but it's not who I am. OK, now let's move forward. I can make a new choice.
I agree. Unless you are a child of a narcisistic parent, you have somehow signed the contract with the evil by giving in to the skillfully crafted seduction they have presented you with. They always come as your friend but there is some little evil you should overlook and If you do, you have agreed to do it vountarily. Evil enters as a needle and grows as a tree.
Yeah. Consuming narc content on the regular means you're still rumminating about it. It's part of the healing process, but more like the preparation for it, not the actual healing.
Honesty: these are absolutely valid points, it brings the whole issue further. I wish for you and everybody listening to you, that one time in the future you'll be able to tell all of that out of healed position. With your newborn child in your arm and a loving wife on your side... It is much more how you say it and who is behind the words.
Hi from Melbourne Australia,🤓 I must admit, I've done exactly what you've stated. After leaving my creature in 2000, I'd had been blaming him for years, (2007)7 Years later I got told I'd brought him with me, more therapy, it wasn't until I had left therapy, took responsibility and stood on my own feet. And really looked at my life, it took many years more(2021) I forgave him and myself,(my whole body shivered) now (2024) I could walk past him in the street, no feelings as if I don't know him. I'm happy within myself, happy with the people who are in my life, I also wished him well for his life. The lesson's I've learnt has taught me to stand proud as a man who has lived life 🤓.
I'm too naive, that is my weakness. I believe people have the same heart that I do. Same morals. Speak what they speak, without mind games. This last one was NPD. Never encountered one in my 53yrs. Wow. Eye opening. 18mths just about broke me, but I knew something was wrong, after trying and trying until I was depleted and stopped it all. Ive been 2mths free. I have stopped ruminating and I have complete detachment. See him for what he is and have no contact. Or if there is contact, for communal things, its short, to the point and i dont entertain him. I thank you for my journey cause I couldn't figure it out on my own XO. I am humble now, I did give too much. I didn't listen to that voice inside. I will never shut that down again. I read somewhere, when the devil can't get to you, he'll send a narcissist
I picked up on this after a few days of binge watching videos about being screwed-up and seeking to learn how to understand my situation. One thing at which I recoiled instinctively is the whole "empath as innocent victim" narrative. I don't know that someone broken enough to be successfully preyed-upon and destroyed is a person who "would have succeeded" or "never done anything wrong" had they not met the narcissist, or "who understands - and relates thoroughly to - the other and that's why they were hurt so badly". A self-labelled "empath" is a person indulging in the vice of singularity, someone who thinks they're rather special and even a "cut above" the rest of us. It's easy to make lots of money by feeding into someone's sense of being an "elite" member of the human race. It's actually Marketing 101 level stuff : make them feel like part of an "exclusive" club, a "VIP".
You’re content is so helpful, really digs deep. I was a victim of covert narcissism by a spiritual leader. I left my family to follow her, thinking I was doing the right thing for God. Everything and everyone was cut out from me, and I was financially drained. Thank you for this. And I thank God for having found this channel.
this man has it down, and does indulge in comedy, he put me on the road years ago and i am still dodging thankyou for this wisdom, doing great because of you, will prevail
For the first Time Someone talk about Narsissism in a way so I understand it and can relate it to myself and my experienses. I`m so releved that someone are talking about Narsissism as I have seen it. It helps me a long step against healing. Thank You Mr Bannon, you have been a god educater and an eyeopener. From Norway
Shared. On every platform, shared. Everyone needs to watch this. Out of all the videos I have seen by all the people addressing this subject, this is the key. Funny side note: I'm born and raised in Alabama.
Its a spiritual dilemma not a psychological condition ....narcissist is just a word ..You're dealing with people who are damaged on a spectrum of pure possessed evil ..
WWWWWWOW.. THAAAAANK you! SOOO much.. THIS is HHHHUGE, you're so very! Right.. I actually hear what your sharing here, what an eye opening revelation.. Finally something tat makes sense, I'm going to listen to it again, because this here is solid gold, I have felt stuck, I have felt as though there was no hope, I'm 60 and terrified to even THINK about the possibility of being able to have a successful relationship.. Im no where near ready.. However this new perspective you just shared here, yeah you are FAR from "insane" or even sounding like it.. I'm so geateful.. thank you for this insight, this other perspective, because I've been feeling lije I'm on a hampster wheel i can't seem to come off of and REALLY want to. Praying all survivors here find what they need to heal, and find hope along your journey to heal💗💐 I read, in one of the countless articles I've read this past 2.5 years, and found very useful.. "you will never get closure from the narcissist, his(or her) disrespect to you, let that! Be your closure" Thank you again for this brilliant! Golden nugget.
You are absolutely correct/ brilliant/ insightful/ visionary. When I left the covert narcissist in my life ( I am a Catholic) after 30 years. Before that being brought up by an overt grandiose narcissist, I addressed the covert and after good bye I said that the narcissist has a spiritual demonic issue connected to the 7 deadly sins mainly to the sin of pride and the starting solution is to go to an exorcist priest. That the narcissist should go to confession. It boils down to a humble and contrite heart just like the psalm of king David. The danger of falling again into narcissism/ codependency is perpetual threat but the solution is always in confession. One of the problems with covert narcissists is that they go for their preferred victim that is far from their surroundings and use novelty to their advantage. That’s why they keep relocating.
Excellent analysis! So practical and true! I believe this myself from my own experience and dislike being commodified by therapists who have a vested interest in keeping you down. In their own way they're feeding on the illness. This is exactly how it works. However I'd add a caveat: it's possible to avoid repeating the pattern of entering into narcisisstic toxic relationships. This is the easier part IMO. The hard bit is normalising and not being limited to thinking "I dodged a bullet there..." and calling that success. It's a form of success but living well and being functional, and having an active sense of relaxation and sense of humour, now that is much harder. Pathologising us and telling us we have this or that problem when we are being fully present and honest and soul searching, is actually a type of predatory behaviour. Misguided by nevertheless predatory. I usually end up firing analysts because what I need is emotional support. Not to indulge me but to guide me. It's what we all need in some form but most people are overwhelmed by the issues involved.
the concept of evil exisiting but can only effect us if we chose and invite it in is profound for me. legend and mythology are so important to our development. to see the good in people is a wonderful trait but we must also be able to see the evil and have enough self awareness to let it know that we know. then i feel we can engage with people and form relationships rather than hiding from everybody in fear for being coned again.
The narc boss wants you to only be an extension of himself, like a prosthetic limb. If you value your work and your job, you must indulge that shit to a degree, and fight and counter it at every turn to maintain agency. Do not let the bad guy win.
I think this is gonna be *it*. I've been sort of sensing this coming for a while We've got the map upside down. And probably looking at the wrong side Theres something we've all missed. Sonething fundamental. I can *feel* it... And I think - for a lot of us- it's going to be hard to accept. Because we're probably going to have to have more compassion for the narcissist after this. Because it's a *compulsion*. And a *survival mechanism*. And we're gonna have to realize that we're just the collateral damage that lies in the wake of the Narcissist's misfortunes- which offends our *egos*. I'm hoping this announcement means Rich has cracked something we've never heard before. It's been feeling like it's just out of reach
I think a sign that one is healing from a narc relationship is finding that one doesn't eagerly click on every short available. I stumbled across this one and it was our Richard saying what I'd deduced myself. The constant immersion is like brainwashing. These shorts are important though. A chance to realise that yes ,they really did dump on you from a great height, and no, you are not crazy. Just injured. And the supporting comments for each other is an enormous help too. But overexposure just reopens the wounds. Its like picking a scab. Painful, but weirdly satisfying. In my own case, id fallen pregnant at 40. He was supposed to be going back to his own country. Came to visit to discuss his involvement etc. i was unwell and had jad to stop my antidepressants, so not processing well at all. Also, very emotional and tearful, as is often the case with pregnancy. And tired. I thought hed taken a couple of weeks off work, but he'd actually transferred north to a job near me. And he wasn't going back. He was going to stay and "look after me". Stunned, I began to say this was not on the table , and i didnt want him to move in. But I was not firing on all cylinders, was huge and couldnt get him to leave . Baby was born. He seemed ro fall in love with her. Still awash with hormones, sentimentality happened and I thought I'd give it a go. It didnt work. But by now i was scared of him and he threatened suicide. And he was nuts. And I was trapped. Because now, the cptsd had decided to say hello. And the crashing fatigue was so intense I was diagnosed with narcolepsy. It was all i could do to stand between. Between him and our daughter. I was the buffer. 3 years ago I broke down. And then so did my immune system. 4 months in hospital.i stayed till she went to uni then fled to a safe house. I did not invite him in. Just after breakdown, diagnosis adhd. Ritalin happened. And I woke up. And he doubled down on the torture. But I made it out and im alive. Which I wouldnt have been if I'd stayed . We don't always invite and share the fantasy . It's been hell. I've just completed the first part of a college course to gain entry to university. Sometimes, we don't comply. Sometimes, it absolutely IS all them. At university, ill probably major in psychology. But psychiatry is calling, as is sociology and behavioural sciences. It's a work in progress. I've got no money, I'm disabled, I've been badly mucked around by the medical people. Misprescribed, misdiagnosed and absolutely everything that could trigger me and everything that could go wrong, did. But I'm going back to school. And I dont care that I'm 61. Generational abuse has to be checked and preferably stopped. Unlikely, true. But I want to help change the paradigms . I believe that can be done. I still need anxiety medication, and I'm in pain from nerve damage from an epidural abscess (when my immune system gave up under the stress). I've been a virtual basket case due to interference by one doctor with my psychiatrists prescriptions. Its take around four years to sort that one out. But I'm so much better. I believe there is a way and I'm going to try to start building the path so its easier for others to find their way. Its going to be interesting. 🖖
Bang on the point and puts words to what went through my mind before I went no contact, literally woke with the realisation that I needed to choose me and Love me, not the narc. Still working on myself however I have gone a long way in 6 months and thank you Richard, your videos have been a huge push in the right direction.
Thank you you have put into words exactly how I feel and think about the whole narcissistic abuse cycle. This video makes absolute total sense. Your realism and honesty on the subject has really helped me to make sense and come to terms with my narcissistic experiences. Currently in recovery and giving the finger to evil from now on. 😉
From my experience and also being duped into one of these "friendships" (I've been out now for a while), I would say the common denominator of most people that fall for the trap is some type of childhood insecurity that was caused by either one or both of the parents during early childhood. For those that were adopted some type of neglect, abuse or just feeling disposed of puts them at risk to believing the lie. People with a very strong sense of self that have been raised by good parents and lots of love tend to be more immune to the narcissists trickery. In my case I have a very mentally ill mother but was not aware of how messed up she was until I became much older. Richard nailed this on so many levels!
Oh wow. My mother too was very disturbed. I didn't realize the damage she was doing to me, just with her gloomy conversation. It took me 72 years to learn. Now I recognize when to run away from that kind of energy.
you are absolutely right. i was blank. so i needed to understand the principles. to get better. but the key was understanding more than just that you been wronged. i had to lift my spirit and communication skills. and i had to forgive and not blame. i was close to blaming my whole family but now i isolated the source of all the misery. and that took understanding of evil and how it infects people. you cant blame people who are alright and maybe not as strong or motivated as you an just call them flying monkeys. when you change. you will get a better picture of where you they stand. dont judge others too soon. and if you wont work with them then leave. but disconnecting is the only power you have. but if you want change educate yourself. im not a narcissist. but if theres so many narcissists out there, you better learn to navigate. be realistic. dont decide to confront a problem with the intent of getting compensated. you have to be smart an think a solution, or just argue your point and evolve. nobody respect that someones motive is just being treated different with nothing to gain but blame. be a believer. i just got through this that i wasted my life about. i loved the stuff i learned. but you need more than just knowing. its not just being aware. i realized i was right, but i needed very sharp skills to aproach my brother and explain anything. hes smart and he seems fine. why would he let me mess it up. i grew and i exploded in the process. what is words if you dont have anything to show. im poor as a result of abuse. thats as real as you need to know. then work out a strategi. and if you dont see the big picture. then you spend to much time blaming and being victim. thats what you dont want. and nobody will give you that. just dont try and change the world without putting in the work. you have to be almost christian about it. i found god in my process. and its not simple. and i dont have the ansver. i just hope to inspire someone. remember theres stuff you dont know, and dont see when you focus on yourself entirely.
Richard, you have the best perspective and alternative but true view as always. Thank you for talking on so many different aspects of this problem, that seemengly almost no one else addresses openly! 🙏🏻
I couldn't agree more. I am a therapist and cousellor and I never felt at home with the general narrative surrounding narcissism. Thank you for your clarity.
Man, I sure do wish you were a neighbor so i could come over for a chat and some direction. I have appreciated having a place on RUclips to come and hear I'm not alone, what to do, and how to handle the hell I have faced with my girl. The narcissist. I'm not alone. Thank you Richard for devoting your time to us that has endured so much pain. I'm aware now and working on me to be better for those who truly love me so i can love back. I wish you all here good days ahead. Cheers!!!
Richard for me you are the best. Unbelievable how right to point you're here with this explanation. Sometimes it's really look like this will only change with death
Can you stand on your own moral courage? Excellent point Richard! And absolutely love leveraging!!! I wasn't really love bombed...slightly...but I really appreciate your focus on love leveraging...it's far more accurate!
It’s the same everywhere, because it’s the paradigm of fear. Anyone who carries unprocessed trauma, will do this. The only difference between empaths and narcs, is how they dealt with the wound. Narcs went out to take energy from others.. empaths use manipulation in a slightly different way. At least narcs are more overt.. empaths are less so 😄
Wonderful. On point. Lovebombing is just part of the problem-exactly! Go deeper. It’s love-leveraging. Stand on your own moral integrity. So how does one get out of the narcissistic cycle and not keep re-entering narcissistic relationships? Is it that breaking co-dependency helps getting out of the recycling Narc relationships? It seems that by humbling oneself and asking for forgiveness, especially from oneself, for making the choice one chooses not to, again, make the choice with a Narc who baited one with the 7 deadly sins.
Hi Richard this is the most important message you’ve given us. It hit straight to my heart and I feel the truth. My life was taken over by a narcissist. It damaged my children. And we still feel the trauma even though the person that hurt us is long dead. I accept my part in what happened and you’re right, it was all to do with lust. One of the deadly sins. Thank you for your honesty.
Narcissists have the same agenda across the world because this is a Spiritual battle and there are spiritual entities behind the people that rule the nations, and they are on the same page.
It's not the good conscience and morality that kept us in there. It was fear, lack of critical thinking and courage.
Trauma bonding also makes your pre frontal cortex go mushy, thus the inability to think critically and take decisions to stop the abuse and leave
The route out is rejection of the demon narcissist-rejection of the evil - I was baited - refusing to be exploited any longer - humble forgiveness of myself - never looking back - BRILLIANT!!!
In recovery I learned narcissists are weak but had me believing I was even weaker.
I believe the level of narcissism in society is unhealthy and encourages silence of the victims while endorsing narcissists’ behavior.
This is amazing! I have been coming to this exact realization myself, recently. After 7 years of being in a
‘relationship’ with who I am 100% sure is a man with undiagnosed NPD, and having gone through about 9 breakups in 7 years, I finally walked for good. Just told him, simply, “We’re just too different “. To which he replied “the door is always open. No regrets “. Got my things, blocked and deleted him. Two months now. Listening to all kinds of Narcissism RUclips videos to stay strong. I realized I am a big part of the problem- the main part, actually. There is no narcissistic ‘relationship’ for us if I refuse to participate. I am owning my guilt, and working on forgiving myself. Next is to stop watching narcissism-related videos and move on. I am still too involved in this toxic mess as long as I keep bathing in this information. I have the gist of what has happened, where I went wrong, and where I need to go from here. Trying to find my way back to my old self- but much IMPROVED because of my hard learned lessons. Time to work on myself.
Find your way forward to your new self. We are never the same again. ❤ onward and upward we go. 🎉
I hope so much you find the road ahead full of beauty and good things and good people. I hope so much good things for you, and that you find your way well. That's enough years to have lived something that wasn't every going to really work out well. We do learn in relationship to "other" so i hope you find good people to connect with and recognise what is good and not so good well enough. No promises... we just do our best to navigate. Hope you be your own best friend now best you can.
I hope your new love story is with yourself!!! hope that bright light within and keep shining...your amazing!!
Beautiful said❤
And also remember..even if he acted like he didnt care that you left- he is most likely thinking about you 24/7 and going crazy about you not coming back to him. He will maybe eventually start to pull you back in. Fun fact- in the beginning you think they are in controll but it was you all the time. Dry this mf out. 💪
There is so much about this video I could praise, but for brevity's sake I just wanted to say thank you for being honest with people. It's a rare person who will tell their audience that one of the best things for said audience is to stop consuming the product they produce. (In this context, to stop watching videos about narcissism.) The title of this one caught my eye, and I'm glad I watched it, but I very rarely watch videos about narcissism any more. A few years ago, I would lose hours, day after day, trying to decode the narcissist and understand the experience I went through. I'm not saying I regret that time spent or that it wasn't helpful. It was very helpful, necessary even. But the goal should be to get off the narcissism carousel. Narcissism ran my life for many years before I had a name for it, then it took more years as I tried to understand it. Now, I'm not letting it take anymore of my time. I know now that it's less about understanding who the narcissist is, than understanding who I am. It's far more important to cultivate a healthy sense of self, strong boundaries and good values, then to keep spending time and energy digging for a treasure that isn't there. Totally corny, but we've been looking for treasure in the wrong place. It isn't in the narcissist, but it is in you. ❤
Exactly ❤️❤️❤️
Well said!
Yep
True ~ everyday day begins and ends with you ☯ own it
Thank you for this simple idea that I just need to move through all of the narcissistic terminology and focusing on my past emotional abuse. I need to work on me. I did find the videos to be a learning tool for me in the beginning. However, now I feel as though I’ve had enough and they are just making me sad; stuck in what happened in…the…past. Today, I’m moving forward for myself and my sanity❤
Thank you. I ran from narcissistic parents to a monster narcissistic psychopath. They really are weak, broken, traumatized children con artists and now I will pray and ask God for forgiveness. You are right. I found my spirituality this year when my mom stabbed me so hard in the back. My ex has already swung me through the mud but I’m back up; showered and here to shine. Thanks for the video!
The biggest gift I got from "worst", most painful narcissistic relationships was me seeing that I was equally an atrocious narcissist. At first I thought it was just a trauma bond or my codependency, but I am an equal part in the circumstance.
It takes a lot of maturity to admit that one is also just as bad.
This literally caused a complete sense of calm in me . I’ve been round and round with videos breaking down “what a narcissist is”
And “how to recover from narcissistic abuse” for 4 Years!
Truly feeling like the only thing I gained was a working understanding and also at times a feeling of being re-traumatized and anxious
But this? This makes such complete sense , explains the guilt and shame I have been struggling to offload . Shines light on my own culpability . So that I can own it and move on. Thank you for the missing piece ..I feel like I can breathe
I was deleting narcissistic videos from my history because it was getting so overwhelming and it felt like I was surrounded by monsters. It was translating to social media, and even though I got out of a toxic relationship, it felt like I was still in it because the algorithm kept pushing the videos, and even just the titles would make me uneasy. I watch so much other stuff, but it really is overwhelming and while I'm healing I want to see healing things, but only the fear portion is pushed. So thank you for saying something
Yeah, got to a point that youtube for narcissistic abuse felt like a really suffocating place for the mind, instead of solace it was meant to be. It felt like the videos started giving me mind fog😅
Have to say I never understood the words “love bombing” but I sure do understand baiting. Throw out love. There never was love. Baiting hits home. It’s exactly what he did. Great video. Thank you!!
Baiting and love bombing are different. You can be baited without any real idealized perception or sense of love towards you. It's just manipulation to intentionally use you. Love bombing is real for them as it's projected from their idolized perception and emotions towards you based on how you make them feel. They are reacting unintentionally from the idealization of what they perceive of you and the feelings they have towards you. These can be used by anyone with a cluster b disorder
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549 have cluster b, and i don't "use" love bombing, i just follow my emotions and they are that intense at times that i cant help but to love someone to death and beyonde :d
it's the same feeling like you really need to pet that cute dog or cat, you dont "use" anything you cant help it to feel that way and beeing kind and embracing towards them = the same way you die of sweetness seeing somone and its hard not to cuddle, talk to them, wanting to know everything about them, etc etc
it's actually a weakness on my part, so far it only got abused by others
@@merlinsteindorf-elsner1150 that's love bombing. Feeling like it's been used or abused could just be the devaluation of that person over the perception you originally had being distorted.
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549nah it's not, google lovebombing and you will get the negative description that its used for emotional manipulation, fear of connection or "against victims without selfworth"
only after i get over my fear of connection im even able to show those strong emotions, and i definitly dont like woman with meek personalities...i even suspect i attract narcissists, while overthinking if i am to selfish
i dont "use" my love - it's like saying your mother uses her love baking you a pie or a friend uses love to invite you to a party, they do it because they like you, not some ulterior motive
not that love bombing doesnt exists, just the point that you cant know if it's in bad intention or if the opposite is just strongly emotional
I did kneel and ask God for forgiveness and God helped me walk away from the narcissist! I had asked myself a few times over the years, why are you staying in this relationship? I finally figured out that I was trauma bonded! On the road to recovery and healing!
Unfortunately, God checks every box fro being a high-level narcissist, which is in a way just switching to a new narc to control your life.
I've done some praying as well, and left it in God's hands.
The narc dumped me and a couple other friends, because she couldn't control us and get supply from us any more.
It is disappointing on the one hand, but on the other, a great relief. One of us had been trauma-bonded, and I'm not sure she can deal with all the emotions yet and it's been a few months.
But this other friend and I are really glad the narc is out of our lives. And none of her flying monkeys will wreck our friendship.
The narc in my life did a bunch of love-bombing, which she didn't realize I was very uneasy about. I was not attached to her so much as wanting to help her out. But of course, that desire disappeared over time when the narc kept saying and doing such stupidly arrogant and reckless things.
And one of her coercion tactics when I wasn't giving her her own way was threatening to leave Christianity. And she did this over freaking Star Wars of all things!
She's a Star Wars addict, and she acts like her mission in life is to spam the whole universe with Star Wars crap.
So because I wouldn't be available every time she wanted me, and I refused to talk Star Wars, she threatened to quit Christianity.
Well then, she's not much of a Christian.
She knows no loyalty to anything but her own whims, and Star Wars.
Really sad, and sick.
One of the twists that kept me caught in it was the fear of abandonment.
BUT... It was that my empathic heart couldn't leave the narcissist because then I would be guilty of inflicting the pain of abandonment (my overriding fear) on this person I love who's toxic and hurting me.
*cue the door-slam 😊
They're out of my life and what a relief!❤
I never felt love bombed. I felt masterfully manipulated, guilted, and bullied into a relationship. I was one year out of losing my boyfriend to a heart attack. The narcissist jumped on my vulnerability. You are helping me so much, I’m getting closer to being set free and out if this loop.
“What if our map of narcissism is not correct” - I was literally thinking about this earlier today. I see everything around us as a reflection of what’s within us. Healing 🌿 is an inside job. Balancing narcissistic energy ⚖️ around us is an inside job. World peace ☮️ is an inside job.
love the line "world peace is an inside job" would make a great t shirt.
As above, so below, as within , so without
New Age nonsense that will keep you trapped thinking that the evil around you is somehow a reflection of you. Total deception.
I m one year from the discard and I find myself watching narcissistic videos to help me cope with the fact that the devil has access to my innocent child. I honestly don’t see how I can come out of watching these videos until my child is older. I am one year out and utterly shocked at how paralyzed I have been from the experience of narcissistic abuse. BUT I can totally see how that too is part of the narcissistic abuse cycle and I am praying everyday to God to help me get out! Thank you so much for this excellent counsel.
God will help you get out. He s always faithful
You helped your child develop narcissism. Instead of holding them accountable for their actions, you pass them off to a third entity, a 'demon' that doesn't exist. You've likely done this most of your life, which is why they developed narcissism in the first place.
@@blinkyy1088 my child is not a narcissist. I rebuke the very thought in Jesus name.
@@InHisService772 I am religious myself, but people who play pretend to ignore their problems instead of facing reality are pitiful.
I love you Richard Grannon. I'm not love bombing you, I appreciate that you see that it's love leveraging and now it makes much more sense to me. I'm a licensed attorney, so I'm obviously not stupid; nevertheless, I stayed in a narcissistic relationship for 23 years. I stopped cosigning BS, saying no, and my abuser finally discarded me. I'm still struggling with forgiving myself six years later for allowing and participating in my own abuse.
It s not your fault. You never learnt what healthy love and boundaries is from your parents
Excellent, thank you. Toward the end there was a nugget that I feel a need to explore, which is the idea of becoming _dependent upon being angry at the narcissist._ That might be the sickest trap of all - staying in the relationship in order to get regular doses of addictive anger and resentment.
A kind of love bombing can be done by a non narcissist when really madly in love. ' Love leveraging ' describes the narcissist seduction much better indeed.
hmmm my experience with narcissists as an adult arose because of my own lust. but childhood exposure was not the result of a flaw in myself. i was a child. but i see you are right about adults who are 'victims' of a "narcissist" having a flaw in their character that allows the 'abuse'. it is empowering to think this way
I love saying no and I can recognize a bully pretty quickly. Without guidance and prayer, this would not have been consistently a way to be.
Trying to diagnose NPD in modern America is like a marine biologist trying to determine if the fish are drowning in the local coral reef; it has so deeply permeated our society that its tendrils are omnipresent in American relationships.
This exactly describes what I saw as I watched someone go through seemingly endless sessions of alcoholics anonymous. I couldn’t figure out exactly why it seemed so convoluted a process, but Richard just described it perfectly. I couldn’t believe that they actually had them repeating the phrase “I am an alcoholic” seemingly ascribing them that identity in perpetuity. It seemed so cultlike! They use secretive phrases like referring to the meeting rooms as “the rooms“. And surrounding these meetings, are government-funded “programs” waiting to scarf these poor people up into very substandard types of “recovery” programs, most of which prove to be absolutely atrocious as they employ, it seems, anyone willing to work there.
Right?! My friend went to AA since 12 because his Dad brought him, one night when I was asking why he drank so much while still going to AA regularly (while dreading it all week) and he threw up his arms and said: “Because. I. Am. Powerless!” (One of their steps is accepting they’re powerless as you prob know). The cult-like approach making them dependent upon the program is amazingly effective and has kept him locked right in a non-belief of his own self. Repeatedly saying: “I am an alcoholic” when I met him. I always was like: “Dude, you’re Owen. You’re you.”
Thank you for saying this. AA is a narcissistic cult that preys on people with drinking problems and nothing to do with any sort of ‘recovery’. I lost years of my life to it and it took far more from me than booze ever did
I know about 20 people that are sober because of AA. It works
Support groups are ironically, honey pots for narcissists. Particularly the covert type. They're fertile ground for them to collect people under the sponsor ship model or dominate the group in the guise of service.
As someone who has attended quite a few of these meetings, I agree with what you say. It is cult-like. And if someone is as obsessed with not drinking as he was with drinking, there's still a problem.
This gives the solution that a million videos could not. This is brilliant! Well said.
Thank you! What you said (~ minute 6) reminded me of Eric Berne, Games People Play: The players (of the various games) know all the roles and can switch among them; and the challenge is to "break up the game"
“Artificially intelligence hive mind”- that’s one way to put it.. there’s also something spiritual, called demons/dementors (Harry Potter)
And that’s actually a perfect explanation if you dive into that.
Artificial intelligence I guess is more of a worldly, clinical way of describing it.
Love your knowledge and perspectives Richard! It’s definitely unorthodox at times. Nonconformist. Rarity in clinical practice. Thank you !!
The A.I./hive mind/damaged concept of 'evil', seems far more credible to me. Thus, if there ARE demonic beings, they are even more damaged..
Temporarily..
Recently had someone come back into my life that I had to cut dead and block within weeks. I have learnt so much that now I was not even tempted to acquiesce to him and actually to even care. Just ten years ago I would have tried to appease and soothe. Not this time and I thank this person for showing me exactly who they are and have always been early on.
Started reading Marie France Hirigoyen and have been consuming Richard’s content. Today I feel a bit indestructible and it feels amazing. Thanks all and stay safe and strong 💪
This is excellent! A friend of mine has stayed with his wife for a long time out of obligation and he has lost himself in trying to just stay silent to keep the peace. She has rules for him in taking it for granted he will allow her to do anything she wants, but she has a totally different standard for him. At age 61, he is finally finding himself and learning to say no to her and learning to be his own person. It is not easy for him because of his sheer goodness. He is a very ethical man, a good man, and an acts of services type - he has suffered in silence with her for over 30 years. I shall share this video with him - it is excellent! Thank you! As a close relative, I also must distance myself from her, and I have found myself entangled in the question of whether we are right or not about her - can she prove to be Ok and capable or healing or not. I’ve been dealing with this question for months because I want to be fair to her and to him. The time is coming to end this drama.
My brother is an attorney married to a narcissist. He refuses to leave bc they have 3 children, one with Autism. His wife is doing everything she can to ruin his life and has now effectively isolated him from family. She is freeloading while he is essentially enslaved. My brothers is a bright man but has been trauma bonded and brainwashed by this woman. I fear for his safety but myself and our family must go no contact as long as that woman is around bc she has tried to abuse my elderly parents on several occasions. I hope one day he gets free.
@@LN-jr6njpray to God. Can t your brother, who is a lawyer take custody
Finally I got the answer I was seeking! Our personal greed is the cause of all this. Deep down I knew I am partially to blame for all this mess, but couldn't figure it out. You opened my eyes to an entire new perspective on this. Thank you Richard!
I believe that some narcissists want to discover your dreams. Then they deliver the dream bit by bit, it feels like they support you and your dreams. Then they sabotage you, devalue you, isolate and trap you.
Then discard you and you realise or they tell you they never loved you.
You were future faked. Next they try to destroy you.
The truth is, we were flattered during the love bombing. It is not about guilt, but being honest to yourself. We had romantic ideas about love, but we didn't know what love is.
The narc deconstruct us and we deconstruct them. It is mutual. One cannot be without the other.
Your ego plays a huge role in these relationships. Love bombing convinces a person that they have achieved some kind of elevated status in the narcissist perception. They reflect an idealized version of the other person back to them this is very intoxicating for people. In the idealisation a narcissist imitates the other person and takes on their qualities, preferences, beliefs, philosophies etc. it's part of not having a stable identity. That's not all mirroring is with narcissists. In the same way that narcissists are looking for an idealized image of themselves to be reflected back to them by others, they endeavor to do the same thing.
Narcissists see and Define themselves using the ways that others interact with and regard them. This reflection is
what's often called narcissistic Supply. Other people are containers of reflections of the narcissist that tell them who and what they are in any given moment. Even though the reflection is contained within another person the other person themselves actually has very little to do with it in the end. Everything is still about what the narcissistic personality believes. These are people who exist moment by moment and whatever existed outside of this moment is now being seen through the emotional lens they are using this very second and interpreted according to that. You cannot make someone believe things they believe are wrong if they see evidence for those things.
Narcissists can be very convincing likely because they are also receiving an idealized reflection from the other person of themselves. They often invest quite heavily in this relationship or this situation. They may even legitimately believe in it for a time. it's intoxicating because people often feel that someone finally sees them for who they really are or how they've always wanted to be seen. This perceived realization of the idealized self is very attractive to the human ego and in some ways it's almost impossible to resist with both the narcissist and someone's own ego working against them. It can be extremely difficult to maintain a grounded realistic perception of the situation. It's almost impossible especially when somebody doesn't know what's going on. It's also very Insidious in the sense that many people might not realize it's happening until it stops. It doesn't necessarily feel
natural or normal to people but it does feel very good and this can contribute to people overlooking or
ignoring any red flags they might be seeing or any gut instinct that they might be feeling. The fall from that
perceived elevated status can be very devastating and is often extremely painful and confusing.
Narcissists offer a fantasy of themselves of relationships and perhaps most especially of the other person.
When most people describe what the narcissist was like they don't usually recount any characteristics or traits
that the narcissists themselves actually had. It's almost always and exclusively things related to the way the
narcissists treated or related to them. Narcissist often treat other people as if they are very important and very
very special. When they stop doing that the absence is felt at once and people may become very upset, hurt, confused. Many times narcissistic personalities don't just stop treating someone as if they are special, they may
start behaving as if they feel the person is totally worthless or perhaps instead of behaving as as if the person
is so good and wonderful they now expect the person to do every horrible cruel shady manipulative thing under the sun. This flip from white to black is very painful and to be thought of and treated so horribly after being thought
of and treated so wonderfully is extremely devastating and disorienting and confusing and painful for people.
it's made even more Terrible by the fact that the person can't even figure out why it's happening if any explanation is
offered by The Narcissist it often doesn't make any sense. with lower functioning personalities the reasoning
might even sound paranoid or delusional and crazy.
Narcissists offer a fantasy because essentially they live in one. They don't see you for who you are they don't see themselves for who they are. They don't really see anything as it really is. This is how deep and all-encompassing this can be. People aren't just pathologically narcissistic about some things or sometimes. There are definitely
situations where it can be easier to see but if someone pathologically narcissistic they're narcissists all the
time and it affects pretty much every aspect of their functioning always. This doesn't mean they can't seem "normal" but it does mean that seeming normal is all it is. It's kind of like if three or four really small little children were inside an adult suit trying to all work together at walking around pretending to be a real grown-up. This really can only go so far.
Idealization means to see a thing in a way that is not realistic. When you fall in love with a narcissist you're falling in love with yourself. We fall in love not just with the idealized unrealistic image that the narcissist presents to us of themselves but also with the idealized unrealistic image the Narcissist presents to us of ourselves. It happens subconsciously in many respects and it's very powerful to have seen yourself in this idealized way and then have it not only stop but be destroyed, pulverized, even completely erased is devastating for people on a very deep level. This affects peoples ego on a very deep fundamental level, This means their core sense of self and self-image are directly involved. This is one of the reasons these relationships are so devastating and damaging in this exact area for people. The human ego is in constant pursuit of realizing its ideal self and the input from narcissist can imply to people that they have in fact done that and/or that someone else sees it. To have this taken away hurts terribly in a visceral way and it creates an immediate sense for many people that I had this perfect ideal thing and now I've lost it. The reality is that all people really had was a fantasy and therefore they haven't actually lost anything except that.
This doesn't stop people from trying to get back to that, sometimes for years. Pursuing a fantasy is fruitless and painful. The very attraction of a fantasy is that it's not real. It's an idealized version of something and by definition cannot be realized because it's imaginary, it's not reality. Pursuing a relationship with a narcissist is chasing a fantasy of them, of relationships, of yourself that's not who they are and it's not who you are. You are not perfect or the most amazing thing in the world or whatever and neither are they. And that's okay, you don't need someone to see you in an idealized way in order for for you to be okay or to be good. You don't need an idealized self at all. They
need that to survive because they have nothing else, you don't have that problem.
When we can see ourselves as we actually are and can truly accept ourselves for who we really are the fantasies
offered by narcissists are no longer as attractive as they once were. We don't need ideal love or ideal relationships
or an ideal self of any kind. We can realize that Who We Are who we really are is perfectly fine.
@@janx8695 I love that! The very attraction of a Fantasy is, that it is not real ❤️
So, who is or was the narcissist to me? 🤔
" It is mutual"
This is simply not true.
Evil person has hidden evil agenda. and they use pathological lying and misreading reality.
Normal people do not have that.
@@janx8695 "Your ego plays a huge role in these relationships"
Nope.
Broken and traumatized parts due to ACoA and ACE play a huge role why we are unable to get unstuck from angry and aggressive predators and evil monsters.
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No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness
Richard C. Schwartz
After the binge, however, the critic returned with a vengeance, now attacking her for
having binged. This, of course, triggered the young one again and my client was caught once more in that terrible cycle.
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The big insight was that giving a troubled person a psychiatric diagnosis and seeing that as the sole or main cause of their symptoms was unnecessarily limiting, pathologizing, and could become self-reinforcing.
When you tell a person they are sick and ignore the larger context in which their symptoms make sense, not only do you miss leverage points that could lead to transformation, but you also produce a passive patient who feels defective.
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nocebo effect) is equally real and powerful. For example, if you believe a sugar pill will make you sick, you’ll probably get sick.
there is ample evidence that our negative expectations of others have a strong negative impact on their behavior or performance.
negative
expectations become self-fulfilling prophesies that further reinforce the negative views, and so on.
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inner world: Going to war against protector parts only makes them stronger
Listening to them and loving them, however, helps them heal and transform.
no longer trying to kill the messenger and instead listening to the message
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This view-that people have a sinful, aggressive, selfish, impulsive nature that must be controlled by their rational minds -also leads to a profound sense of disconnection from other people and disdain for oneself.
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What if you identified with your Self rather than your exiles? And what if you saw the Self in everyone around you?
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Each part is often shocked to learn that they share the desire to keep the person safe, but their ideas about how to do that are totally different.
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Those burdens impair our ability to function in the world.
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that message: “Just get over it,” for example, or “Stop being so sensitive.” For these young parts, that’s just adding insult to injury
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These delightful inner children are hurt and then abandoned, and we no longer have access to their wonderful qualities. Instead, we assume that it’s part of becoming an adult to no longer feel intense joy, awe, and love.
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Even when they are exiled, their burdens can exert an unconscious effect on our self-esteem, choice of intimate partner, career, and so on.
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They’re behind the overreactions that seem mysterious to us and leave us perplexed as to why certain small things hit us so hard.
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These exiles are what Freud famously called the Id, and he mistakenly assumed they were merely primitive impulses.
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Managers
other parts of you will have to leave their valuable roles to become protectors. It’s like your adolescent parts are pressed into military or police service.
These are the parts that become inner critics.
Managers are parentified inner children.
they are ill-equipped
Other managers don’t want us to feel good about ourselves for fear that we’ll take risks and get hurt.
Mainly, they want to keep us small, because the safest place to be is below the radar.
there are managers who want to belong and to please everyone.
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Firefighters
resort to desperate measures with little regard for the collateral damage
suicide is an option for some firefighters if other solutions don’t work.
giving your system waves of anxiety or shame
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Self sees, feels, and acts to change injustice, so to not do any of that we need illegal drugs or prescription medications, constantly available media entertainment, all-consuming jobs, and spiritual bypasses
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I still need my firefighters to keep me from fully absorbing what’s happening in the world and devoting all my time and energy to activism.
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exiles, managers, and firefighters-do not describe the essence of your parts. They’re simply the roles these parts were forced into by what happened to you.
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We all have burdens that are committed to keeping us safe and homeostatic.
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We don’t go to exiles without permission from protectors.
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Protectors are maintained by the burdens they carry and by where they are frozen in the past.
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a firefighter might want to use its energy for something healthy and playful rather than on getting you drunk
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We all have burdens that are committed to keeping us safe and homeostatic.
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instead of polarizing the part and initiating a reinforcing feedback loop, try getting curious instead. In my experience, the part just needs to be understood, reassured, and loved.
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manager-the one who blamed her for what happened
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our culture (in general) and psychotherapy (specifically) have made the terrible mistake of assuming that you shake in terror is just a panic attack, and that that’s all they are-destructive impulses, emotions, thought patterns, or mental diseases
When you understand that you are not sick or defective and instead see that you merely have a part playing an extreme role, you’ll feel relieved and comforted.
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It turned out that the terror was a protector who made a “never again” decision during that time-it would never again let that little girl (the exile it protected) get into that kind of position.
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ask them, “What do you want to do now?” because they all have a natural desire to do something productive inside of you
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If your parts are really trusting you to do this, then by now you should be experiencing some of the qualities we’ve been talking about -clarity, the absence of thought, spaciousness, present centeredness, a sense of well-being, connectedness, being in your body, confidence, and so on.
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it’s rare for someone to be in a state of pure Self
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ego in IFS terms is a cluster of managers who are trying to run your life
The Self also isn’t your observing ego or witness
Richard, you have a new fan! It's not often I'm taken aback by psychology videos these days, I've been there, worn the Tshirt, lived it, ate it, and spat it out a few years ago, seen most decent videos on Narcs on RUclips probably, same old.... you know... but your explanation is striking, excellent.
I look at people and figure where their mindset is at, from bottom up, Apathy/Victim, Conflict, Responsibility, Compassion, Peace, Joy , No judging, I come across stuff that reaches the peace level, but higher there seams to be a dearth of content.
I'm pretty much generally at the top, monetary pretty poor, but I do have ADHD.
I can easily think through to no judging, a simple example would be say an alcoholic will often be judged, but if you can think and understand that it is simply not within his or her capability, that is a non-judgmental view, how society deals with the issue is a wider question.
I love Love Bombing, in a new job where I was already 2 months the grandma (a scientist in biology) said, it's bi-polar, because I was 100% positive and happy, loving energy, always giving to feel others happy, then I was happy. Never replied, and nodded thinking, two months being positive is not the rage of my capacity, knew perfectly well what she meant, that I was out from the depressive/sad/ordinary/seriously/approved/average are. There was no free time to explain her where I share my darkness and filter out (without hurting anyone in the real life world).
Brilliant. It also helps to know, that they are not only con artists, but also great cowards. They flee immediately as soon as the situation becomes dicey. When confronted with the absolute truth about their behavour, they could not do other than to agree. And therefor, they make a run for it. It's just difficult to FIND this absolute truth.
Dear Richard, Thank you for the eloquent presentation! You truely nailed it! And me too- on the cross of bad descions! I have been searching for THIS needle in the haystack for 3 years now and you found it for us. The truth is reveiled. At last my nasty victim entitlement is knocked off the narcissistic pedestal 🙏 The dam has broken.
The ride has been educational and enlightening but always entertaining🤣 I was very close to finding the right words myself, after all the self-studying I have accomplished without a phd. It feels like beautiful serendipity when I tuned into your video today with the catchy title- "We got it wrongl". You pushed me across the goal line on a very normal Friday. How amazing! I am incredibly grateful for ALL the qualified help I have found on the tube(You Tube). When you seek you shall find. How true. I am humble to the goodness of life. I am ready now.
A thousand thanks.
❤ you said it best ❤
Ditto from me Richard.
Even the day is Friday 😂
Raised by a liar, surrounded by liars, and robbed by liars while in the hospital, they'll never know the peace of being honest.
Dear Richard, could you speak more about this "hive mind." I had an experience using psychedelics that helped me break free from a narcissistic relationship. In the same experience I also saw this global narcissistic mind that has existed for millennia all over the world. It almost seemed like demon possession or an interdimensional energy that has found a human host. Please teach us more and thank you!!
Your explanation of love leveraging is so spot on. My ex was certainly love bombing in the beginning, but more importantly he found out how much I desperately wanted to feel safe and he put himself in the role of protector. The shift from protector to someone I needed protection from was slow and I didn't realize it until the very end when he left and my body wasn't on edge all the time.
I like this take on the subject Richard. Once you take back your power, you really do see how naked is the emperor.
A thousand thanks for this video. You have nailed it. This NPD thing is much deeper than what’s generally presented, and I think more variable. The advice to “leave, run, heal afterwards!” isn’t always possible. I’m turning 81, he is 90. It’s a 2nd marriage, I was fooled mightily in the beginning, then saddled with a sick man for the ensuing 20 years [he’s healthy now], struggling to see a pattern but never grasping the whole picture, now I do, mostly. My obstacles to leaving have always been mainly conscience-based. My sustaining motivation is a belief that there is a higher way, spiritually or philosophically, to survive this and grow. I aim for autonomy, peace, some degree of friendship and respect. Actual relationship - forget it!
There’s a lot more people with NPD than we’re told, most are undiagnosed. They don’t seek out diagnosis because they don’t cause harm to themselves, they harm people around them.
Been away for a while and haven't seen Richard speak for a couple of years. You can get out, healed and happy, but the reckoning with the ego and it's world of sin (past) guilt (now) and fear ( future) is paramount.
Spot on something to see someone actually say this. I see this in my practice daily. People sprouting the same verbal anecdotes as if reading a script/ thank you for doing this as it is brave and honest love your authenticity
yes! being humble in those moments with ourselves (+x*) is the key point of really starting and continuing to taking ourselves AND the higher forces REALLY seriously. Something that narcissist AND victims cant ever do. THIS is outgrowing the ability to "get cought" by the narc or any kind of demon is all about!
Narcissism is a egregore...a singular entity, that gives itself to us all, to feed on us.
Have a great day!
@@steffenirgens7022 lol
@steffenirgens7022 free range prison system. The inmates are the guards...a perpetual motion "machine"
So accurate. As you were explaining love baiting and how we got into that diabolical contract, it sure took me back in time. And yes, I can now see clearly what role I played in all of this. It took me years in therapy to finally see it. I'm still trying to forgive myself for allowing much of what happened. I'm sure that narcissitic "relationship" shaved years off my life. It was just too damaging. And more than anything it saddens me that it took such an awful experience to learn so many valuable life lessons.
So true! I have thought this as I was in a relationship with a malignant narcissist and as I extricated myself. I will never excuse his behaviors to me and others AND I can see how to fell for his love leveraging, love that phrase. He knew my way of living and was supremely confident that I would never divorce him. Thank God I got the courage to do so.
Very profound. IMO narcissists are cowards so scared to even see themselves. Love this video and you! 😊
Sooooooo Good! Straight to the point! Evil is evil and Good is Good! 🔥🔥🔥
Thank you for talking about the "choosing" myth.
It's not your choice even if they make you feel like it is. All the manipulation and lies take your free will away (and that's exactly the point)
I love this ❤ Thank you for summing up so well what Sam V has been saying about the community 🎉 It is not victim blaming to point out that the power now lies with the victim to stop being one. It is only the victim that can stop the cycle for the abuser will never make that move ever. Another one will just come along. And the conscious needs to be adressed and spoken to. Like «Hey I get what you are saying, but consider this». The inner dialouge needs to change and then the conscious actually does as well! I am living through it, and can testify to it. Now I was not baited on «greed» since I grew up with narc parents, but I was baited on need. And yes, baiting is a much more on point description then love bombing. I never really felt bombed with love.. but baited? Oh absofreakinloutly. Everything was conditional and the condition was that my father was the baby of the family and should remain one. I was parentified both towards my parent/s and siblings from a young age. Now none of it was my fault but did I feel guilty? Heck yeah I felt guilty when I told my dad «I need you to be MY parent» and stoped being his… and other family members made sure to rub it in as well, as it was my responability to fix him. No sir no mam. I have done a job I never applied for and now I am ending that contract. So what now? i have to stand my ground because they still walk around crying victim and manipulate ppl into believing they are and flying monkeys do come some times. I am one of the lucky ones though and have a few people with me in the fight ❤ The only solution for me going forward is to do the ucomforable things that my conscious does not want but my head knows is right for me and slowly see my conscious become less and less traumatized and sick. Because in the end what a narcissist does is to damage your conscious and after this kind og abuse you can’t really trust your conscious to know what to do and you HAVE TO seek wisdom and learn to listen to your body! Your body hides the truths your conscious rejects..
So much truth here. One of my best friends was in a narcissistic relationship with her ex-husband which frankly left her with many narcissistic traits herself. I had to walk away because she was so utterly engrossed in the victim narratives and unable to take any responsibility whatsoever. Even though (knowing them both) I know she did many things that were not stellar herself. I came to the conclusion that “narcissistic abuse” has become yet another buzz phrase for our times. People aren’t getting better in these so-called communities, they’re simply entrenching themselves in narratives and constantly confirming their own biases. It’s been devastating to watch and I sincerely hope my friend comes out the other side 😔
The truth we all need and how to be set free is in Gods word!!!!
Really good; solid. Clarity, simplicity. Violated my own moral code. Need to think about why I allowed that to happen.
Ah-ha! I see what you are saying. It's been knocking on my brain for a long time and the way you just stated it finally makes sense! I was stuck in a 13 year marriage because I just HAD to convince my ex husband to AGREE with me, to GIVE ME PERMISSION!! I felt like I had to earn my freedom. I chose to be with him, even though I really didn't love him or was even attracted to him. I chose it because I got something out of it. And knowing and owning that selfish choice gives me way more power to change than to just accept that I'm powerless. I chose to abandon myself. So, yeah, that happened. I just made a bad choice, but it's not who I am. OK, now let's move forward. I can make a new choice.
I agree. Unless you are a child of a narcisistic parent, you have somehow signed the contract with the evil by giving in to the skillfully crafted seduction they have presented you with. They always come as your friend but there is some little evil you should overlook and If you do, you have agreed to do it vountarily. Evil enters as a needle and grows as a tree.
I think when we start understanding cultural narcissism and the role it plays in capitalism, patriarchy and so on -- THAT is the key!!!
You are TALKING!!! I'm on my healing journey and find myself saying "Alright, no more narcissism content"
Yeah. Consuming narc content on the regular means you're still rumminating about it. It's part of the healing process, but more like the preparation for it, not the actual healing.
Honesty: these are absolutely valid points, it brings the whole issue further.
I wish for you and everybody listening to you, that one time in the future you'll be able to tell all of that out of healed position.
With your newborn child in your arm and a loving wife on your side...
It is much more how you say it and who is behind the words.
The road to self discovery is never easy 🙏❤️
Not seen anything from Richard for ages and here he is throwing truth bombs around.
Much love to you sir
Hi from Melbourne Australia,🤓
I must admit, I've done exactly what you've stated.
After leaving my creature in 2000, I'd had been blaming him for years, (2007)7 Years later I got told I'd brought him with me, more therapy, it wasn't until I had left therapy, took responsibility and stood on my own feet.
And really looked at my life, it took many years more(2021) I forgave him and myself,(my whole body shivered) now (2024) I could walk past him in the street, no feelings as if I don't know him.
I'm happy within myself, happy with the people who are in my life, I also wished him well for his life.
The lesson's I've learnt has taught me to stand proud as a man who has lived life 🤓.
I'm too naive, that is my weakness. I believe people have the same heart that I do. Same morals. Speak what they speak, without mind games. This last one was NPD. Never encountered one in my 53yrs. Wow. Eye opening. 18mths just about broke me, but I knew something was wrong, after trying and trying until I was depleted and stopped it all. Ive been 2mths free. I have stopped ruminating and I have complete detachment. See him for what he is and have no contact. Or if there is contact, for communal things, its short, to the point and i dont entertain him. I thank you for my journey cause I couldn't figure it out on my own XO. I am humble now, I did give too much. I didn't listen to that voice inside. I will never shut that down again. I read somewhere, when the devil can't get to you, he'll send a narcissist
I picked up on this after a few days of binge watching videos about being screwed-up and seeking to learn how to understand my situation.
One thing at which I recoiled instinctively is the whole "empath as innocent victim" narrative. I don't know that someone broken enough to be successfully preyed-upon and destroyed is a person who "would have succeeded" or "never done anything wrong" had they not met the narcissist, or "who understands - and relates thoroughly to - the other and that's why they were hurt so badly". A self-labelled "empath" is a person indulging in the vice of singularity, someone who thinks they're rather special and even a "cut above" the rest of us. It's easy to make lots of money by feeding into someone's sense of being an "elite" member of the human race. It's actually Marketing 101 level stuff : make them feel like part of an "exclusive" club, a "VIP".
Exactly
This is...difficult to read. I want to tell you that you are wrong. But I can't. I think you are on to something.
You’re content is so helpful, really digs deep. I was a victim of covert narcissism by a spiritual leader. I left my family to follow her, thinking I was doing the right thing for God. Everything and everyone was cut out from me, and I was financially drained. Thank you for this. And I thank God for having found this channel.
Know who you are, have your boundaries, and be free of all this. "No man is free who is not a master of himself"
This is why I take the time to listen to you. You have the ability to sort it out on a deeper level. I very much appreciate you.
You go RG! Spiritual Awakening is the way forward..
Its not purely narcissism, its a combined personality disorder, in which narcissistic Tendences play an important role.
this man has it down, and does indulge in comedy, he put me on the road years ago and i am still dodging thankyou for this wisdom, doing great because of you, will prevail
For the first Time Someone talk about Narsissism in a way so I understand it and can relate it to myself and my experienses. I`m so releved that someone are talking about Narsissism as I have seen it. It helps me a long step against healing.
Thank You Mr Bannon, you have been a god educater and an eyeopener. From Norway
Amazing! Finally a video after which i feel motivated and hopeful!
Shared. On every platform, shared. Everyone needs to watch this. Out of all the videos I have seen by all the people addressing this subject, this is the key.
Funny side note: I'm born and raised in Alabama.
Its a spiritual dilemma not a psychological condition ....narcissist is just a word ..You're dealing with people who are damaged on a spectrum of pure possessed evil ..
WWWWWWOW.. THAAAAANK you! SOOO much.. THIS is HHHHUGE, you're so very! Right.. I actually hear what your sharing here, what an eye opening revelation.. Finally something tat makes sense, I'm going to listen to it again, because this here is solid gold, I have felt stuck, I have felt as though there was no hope, I'm 60 and terrified to even THINK about the possibility of being able to have a successful relationship.. Im no where near ready.. However this new perspective you just shared here, yeah you are FAR from "insane" or even sounding like it.. I'm so geateful.. thank you for this insight, this other perspective, because I've been feeling lije I'm on a hampster wheel i can't seem to come off of and REALLY want to.
Praying all survivors here find what they need to heal, and find hope along your journey to heal💗💐
I read, in one of the countless articles I've read this past 2.5 years, and found very useful..
"you will never get closure from the narcissist, his(or her) disrespect to you, let that! Be your closure"
Thank you again for this brilliant! Golden nugget.
You are absolutely correct/ brilliant/ insightful/ visionary.
When I left the covert narcissist in my life ( I am a Catholic) after 30 years. Before that being brought up by an overt grandiose narcissist, I addressed the covert and after good bye I said that the narcissist has a spiritual demonic issue connected to the 7 deadly sins mainly to the sin of pride and the starting solution is to go to an exorcist priest. That the narcissist should go to confession. It boils down to a humble and contrite heart just like the psalm of king David. The danger of falling again into narcissism/ codependency is perpetual threat but the solution is always in confession. One of the problems with covert narcissists is that they go for their preferred victim that is far from their surroundings and use novelty to their advantage. That’s why they keep relocating.
I could be verbose, but I'll just say that this is an amazing video. I struggle so much with my conscience in this hell that I live in....
Excellent analysis! So practical and true! I believe this myself from my own experience and dislike being commodified by therapists who have a vested interest in keeping you down. In their own way they're feeding on the illness.
This is exactly how it works. However I'd add a caveat: it's possible to avoid repeating the pattern of entering into narcisisstic toxic relationships. This is the easier part IMO. The hard bit is normalising and not being limited to thinking "I dodged a bullet there..." and calling that success. It's a form of success but living well and being functional, and having an active sense of relaxation and sense of humour, now that is much harder. Pathologising us and telling us we have this or that problem when we are being fully present and honest and soul searching, is actually a type of predatory behaviour. Misguided by nevertheless predatory. I usually end up firing analysts because what I need is emotional support. Not to indulge me but to guide me. It's what we all need in some form but most people are overwhelmed by the issues involved.
the concept of evil exisiting but can only effect us if we chose and invite it in is profound for me. legend and mythology are so important to our development. to see the good in people is a wonderful trait but we must also be able to see the evil and have enough self awareness to let it know that we know. then i feel we can engage with people and form relationships rather than hiding from everybody in fear for being coned again.
The narc boss wants you to only be an extension of himself, like a prosthetic limb. If you value your work and your job, you must indulge that shit to a degree, and fight and counter it at every turn to maintain agency. Do not let the bad guy win.
I think this is gonna be *it*. I've been sort of sensing this coming for a while
We've got the map upside down. And probably looking at the wrong side
Theres something we've all missed. Sonething fundamental. I can *feel* it...
And I think - for a lot of us- it's going to be hard to accept.
Because we're probably going to have to have more compassion for the narcissist after this.
Because it's a *compulsion*. And a *survival mechanism*. And we're gonna have to realize that we're just the collateral damage that lies in the wake of the Narcissist's misfortunes- which offends our *egos*.
I'm hoping this announcement means Rich has cracked something we've never heard before. It's been feeling like it's just out of reach
I think a sign that one is healing from a narc relationship is finding that one doesn't eagerly click on every short available. I stumbled across this one and it was our Richard saying what I'd deduced myself. The constant immersion is like brainwashing. These shorts are important though. A chance to realise that yes ,they really did dump on you from a great height, and no, you are not crazy. Just injured. And the supporting comments for each other is an enormous help too. But overexposure just reopens the wounds. Its like picking a scab. Painful, but weirdly satisfying.
In my own case, id fallen pregnant at 40. He was supposed to be going back to his own country. Came to visit to discuss his involvement etc. i was unwell and had jad to stop my antidepressants, so not processing well at all. Also, very emotional and tearful, as is often the case with pregnancy. And tired. I thought hed taken a couple of weeks off work, but he'd actually transferred north to a job near me. And he wasn't going back. He was going to stay and "look after me".
Stunned, I began to say this was not on the table , and i didnt want him to move in. But I was not firing on all cylinders, was huge and couldnt get him to leave . Baby was born. He seemed ro fall in love with her. Still awash with hormones, sentimentality happened and I thought I'd give it a go. It didnt work. But by now i was scared of him and he threatened suicide. And he was nuts. And I was trapped. Because now, the cptsd had decided to say hello. And the crashing fatigue was so intense I was diagnosed with narcolepsy. It was all i could do to stand between. Between him and our daughter. I was the buffer. 3 years ago I broke down. And then so did my immune system. 4 months in hospital.i stayed till she went to uni then fled to a safe house.
I did not invite him in.
Just after breakdown, diagnosis adhd. Ritalin happened. And I woke up.
And he doubled down on the torture. But I made it out and im alive. Which I wouldnt have been if I'd stayed .
We don't always invite and share the fantasy . It's been hell.
I've just completed the first part of a college course to gain entry to university.
Sometimes, we don't comply. Sometimes, it absolutely IS all them.
At university, ill probably major in psychology. But psychiatry is calling, as is sociology and behavioural sciences. It's a work in progress.
I've got no money, I'm disabled, I've been badly mucked around by the medical people. Misprescribed, misdiagnosed and absolutely everything that could trigger me and everything that could go wrong, did.
But I'm going back to school. And I dont care that I'm 61. Generational abuse has to be checked and preferably stopped. Unlikely, true. But I want to help change the paradigms . I believe that can be done.
I still need anxiety medication, and I'm in pain from nerve damage from an epidural abscess (when my immune system gave up under the stress). I've been a virtual basket case due to interference by one doctor with my psychiatrists prescriptions. Its take around four years to sort that one out.
But I'm so much better.
I believe there is a way and I'm going to try to start building the path so its easier for others to find their way.
Its going to be interesting.
🖖
Bang on the point and puts words to what went through my mind before I went no contact, literally woke with the realisation that I needed to choose me and Love me, not the narc. Still working on myself however I have gone a long way in 6 months and thank you Richard, your videos have been a huge push in the right direction.
Thank you you have put into words exactly how I feel and think about the whole narcissistic abuse cycle. This video makes absolute total sense. Your realism and honesty on the subject has really helped me to make sense and come to terms with my narcissistic experiences. Currently in recovery and giving the finger to evil from now on. 😉
From my experience and also being duped into one of these "friendships" (I've been out now for a while), I would say the common denominator of most people that fall for the trap is some type of childhood insecurity that was caused by either one or both of the parents during early childhood. For those that were adopted some type of neglect, abuse or just feeling disposed of puts them at risk to believing the lie. People with a very strong sense of self that have been raised by good parents and lots of love tend to be more immune to the narcissists trickery. In my case I have a very mentally ill mother but was not aware of how messed up she was until I became much older. Richard nailed this on so many levels!
Oh wow. My mother too was very disturbed. I didn't realize the damage she was doing to me, just with her gloomy conversation. It took me 72 years to learn. Now I recognize when to run away from that kind of energy.
GOD YOU R SO RIGHT EVERY SINGLE THING U SAY ITS AS IF YOU WERE THERE WATCHING HIM
you are absolutely right. i was blank. so i needed to understand the principles. to get better. but the key was understanding more than just that you been wronged. i had to lift my spirit and communication skills. and i had to forgive and not blame. i was close to blaming my whole family but now i isolated the source of all the misery. and that took understanding of evil and how it infects people. you cant blame people who are alright and maybe not as strong or motivated as you an just call them flying monkeys. when you change. you will get a better picture of where you they stand. dont judge others too soon. and if you wont work with them then leave. but disconnecting is the only power you have. but if you want change educate yourself. im not a narcissist. but if theres so many narcissists out there, you better learn to navigate. be realistic. dont decide to confront a problem with the intent of getting compensated. you have to be smart an think a solution, or just argue your point and evolve. nobody respect that someones motive is just being treated different with nothing to gain but blame. be a believer. i just got through this that i wasted my life about. i loved the stuff i learned. but you need more than just knowing. its not just being aware. i realized i was right, but i needed very sharp skills to aproach my brother and explain anything. hes smart and he seems fine. why would he let me mess it up. i grew and i exploded in the process. what is words if you dont have anything to show. im poor as a result of abuse. thats as real as you need to know. then work out a strategi. and if you dont see the big picture. then you spend to much time blaming and being victim. thats what you dont want. and nobody will give you that. just dont try and change the world without putting in the work. you have to be almost christian about it. i found god in my process. and its not simple. and i dont have the ansver. i just hope to inspire someone. remember theres stuff you dont know, and dont see when you focus on yourself entirely.
"can you stand on your own moral integrity" and "do you have moral courage?" they are the real issues. I'm proud of you RG
I have never been love bombed. Not once, not ever. Maternal narcissist sole parent. Love is the bait, and it never has to be actually delivered.
Thanks for knowledge, This is the best episode ever. They call love bombing because easily to explain. But no one really understand what it means.
Richard, you have the best perspective and alternative but true view as always. Thank you for talking on so many different aspects of this problem, that seemengly almost no one else addresses openly! 🙏🏻
I couldn't agree more. I am a therapist and cousellor and I never felt at home with the general narrative surrounding narcissism. Thank you for your clarity.
Man, I sure do wish you were a neighbor so i could come over for a chat and some direction. I have appreciated having a place on RUclips to come and hear I'm not alone, what to do, and how to handle the hell I have faced with my girl. The narcissist. I'm not alone. Thank you Richard for devoting your time to us that has endured so much pain. I'm aware now and working on me to be better for those who truly love me so i can love back. I wish you all here good days ahead. Cheers!!!
Richard for me you are the best. Unbelievable how right to point you're here with this explanation. Sometimes it's really look like this will only change with death
Can you stand on your own moral courage? Excellent point Richard! And absolutely love leveraging!!! I wasn't really love bombed...slightly...but I really appreciate your focus on love leveraging...it's far more accurate!
It’s the same everywhere, because it’s the paradigm of fear. Anyone who carries unprocessed trauma, will do this. The only difference between empaths and narcs, is how they dealt with the wound. Narcs went out to take energy from others.. empaths use manipulation in a slightly different way. At least narcs are more overt.. empaths are less so 😄
Wonderful. On point. Lovebombing is just part of the problem-exactly! Go deeper. It’s love-leveraging.
Stand on your own moral integrity. So how does one get out of the narcissistic cycle and not keep re-entering narcissistic relationships? Is it that breaking co-dependency helps getting out of the recycling Narc relationships? It seems that by humbling oneself and asking for forgiveness, especially from oneself, for making the choice one chooses not to, again, make the choice with a Narc who baited one with the 7 deadly sins.
as a christian i was conditioned from birth to love satan and forgive him. but, as an adult in growth- i realized that god does not even do that.
Why do you need to 'love' satan and 'forgive' him?
that is the point. we should not.@@adimeter
@@cebu7777 Oh, sorry. Thank you.
satans' biGGest weapon is CONFUSION@@adimeter
Because of my father’s absence I blindly agreed to stay in a relationship that was abusive. I see exactly what you are saying about supply vs leverage
Hi Richard this is the most important message you’ve given us. It hit straight to my heart and I feel the truth. My life was taken over by a narcissist. It damaged my children. And we still feel the trauma even though the person that hurt us is long dead. I accept my part in what happened and you’re right, it was all to do with lust. One of the deadly sins. Thank you for your honesty.