"Science doesn't care about your labels or identities. If you've got hearing loss, you've got it." Very well said, and I really needed to hear this as someone who is HoH with severe hearing loss. Thank you for making this video, Rikki, it's very affirming to me and so many others.
I'm hard of hearing. I've been mainstreamed my whole life and really could relate to this. I had no idea deaf culture existed until recently. I feel like I'm too deaf for the hearing world but too hearing for the deaf world.
that's a common feeling for many of us, I think that we need to stop judging and accept each other, there is no too deaf or too hearing thing! a change of attitude often helps and the right people.
@@donia20252 Being Deaf is a spectrum. And we ALL have extremely similar personalities, experiences, characteristics...... I have been studying these things for a few years now, and I am stunned at how people who have never met have so many behavioral similarities, with the common experience of being deaf in a hearing world; even those who have never experienced Deaf culture. Language accessibility SHAPES our brains and behaviors. Science is beginning to be available that is proving this. It's not about the ability to use speech, it's about language access! ANY language!
@@kimberlymiller2895 I agree! Sadly, the professions and government do not realise this worldwide problem for deaf babies who experienced language deprivation because they condemned sign language
I have always felt alone in that middle ground between the hearing world and the Deaf world. I do take some comfort in knowing there are others in the same position, but I hope we can find belonging somewhere, somehow. We need a group for those of us in limbo! And we can practice our beginner ASL together!
I'm also in limbo and totally agree with you about the need for a group! If I made one on Facebook and called it deaf/hearing limbo, would you join it?
Okay, cool! I made it and you can access it here: facebook.com/groups/1724309661222331/ it's really basic and I haven't added pictures or anything, but it exists!
i was fully hearing for the first 20 years of my life (well my ear stopped working a week before my birthday) I try to learn dutch Sign Language people are really surprised when I tell them there is grammar in sign language. it's a language !!
my favorite comment is "what do you mean words go in a different order?". Trying to explain the difference between SEE (Sign Exact English) and ASL is always a bit of a chore. Honestly though I would rather answer questions so people can get information rather than have people making assumptions and not understand. The more people understand the easier it can be on us
As someone who can hear, I never quite understood why there a different Sign Languages. Is it because of cultural differences or do they go back to different inventors? And is there something equivalent for sign language to English being the major language franca for hearing people from different countries?
The various sign languages largely came into existence independently of each other, much like the oral-auditory languages did before population migrations. And one part of history that you don't often hear about in modern society is that for a very long period of time deaf people were considered "unteachable" because hearing people didn't understand that you can't process information that you can't hear - This in turn lead to a very large scale isolation of the language development for sign languages, even after means of communication for hearing people were modernized, because there was simply no interest for helping the "unteachable" communicate.
I'm not deaf, I have autism, but through a quirk, special education for autists and deaf children is organized in the same schools. I was always surprised at how closed the deaf community is, it's a real shame.
I'm stuck in the middle as well, it has really devastated me since I am very vulnerable to being told off by others, I admit it, that is because I have been bullied by people all my life. This caused me to be scared to learn ASL and scared to socialize in hearing world... If join deaf community, they might reject me and I will be alone without friends. If I stay in hearing world, if I make friends, I will lose them when I go completely deaf. It is very scary...
I'm honestly kind of terrified to try and get into the Deaf community. I'm learning ASL, but I don't ever get to use it, so it's a slow process. Being stuck between both worlds is really hard. You're very inspiring, and I always look forward to your videos. Thank you for being so open about your life. It helps people!
Nicholle Snavely Just use it whenever you speak and if someone asks why you're doing it if you can hear just say your practicing because that's what you're doing lol
Hello, Nicholle. Yeah, I know what you mean. I have been through it. A long story short. I was born and grew up in Mexico and obviously my first language is Spanish. It was until I was 20 when I moved to the US, and started practically learn English since the beginning. Now, I'm much better speaking English. 2 years ago, I started to try getting into the deaf community and was a pain in the ass because I was getting lost more and more. I got zero experience with the deaf community, and I was really pressured to make friends with a lack of skill in sign language. Few times, I started thinking to give up on it, but my strong desire to surpass beyond my limits, determination, and work harder to be less isolated inspired me to be much better!
This is something I seriously relate to. I've always called it being in limbo, floating somewhere between being fully blind and being sighted. Some people tell me I'm lucky to have some vision, and while I know that, I also know that in a lot of ways my life would be so much easier if I was totally blind. It's a shitty position to be in.
I empathize with Rikki, too. I have Spina Bifida and have never used any mobility devices. While I don't have experiences with my fellow SB people who *have* used a device or two treating me like crap, I sometimes will get able people ignoring my disability and sometimes then I feel like life would be easier if I "looked disabled." Keep on being you and don't ever stop learning about yourself, Rikki! People like The Balmaholic and I may not understand completely, but your fellow in limbo-ers (is that a term? It is now!) have your back!!! As they say, you do you :-).
This resonates with me so much, thank you for this video. I grew up always having 'moments' where I was like "what are you saying, speak louder please". But never did I, or anyone else, realize I might have a very minor hearing loss. I was never tested, it just wasn't a thought, hindsight is 20/20, and it makes sense now. However a year ago (at 22), I very suddenly lost almost all my hearing in one ear, and quite a bit in the other...and I am slowly losing it all. I went from "pretty much a hearing person" to "severely hard of hearing or deaf" ... I often feel like because I didn't grow up with the struggles that many HoH/Deaf faced, that I won't be welcomed into the Deaf community. I am actively trying to learn ASL and participate in my local Deaf community...but I don't feel accepted.. I feel just like you said "too hearing for the deaf community, too deaf for the hearing world" :/ I have a 100% hearing family (including my husband and toddler son). So I feel so torn between the two worlds. And I often break down about it too. :(
I'm in my 30s, grew up hearing/mainstream, but after brain injury, I'm deaf. To be thrust into this state of being too deaf to get along, but I can still hear NOISE just not speech. I feel like I've suddenly been thrown to Russia.
you are not alone! I had tinnitus for about a year but after brain surgery, I had several instances of complete hearing loss. Then, like u, I have times where I hear noise but cannot hear voices or understand what they are saying. My kids get easily and frustrated.
This is my fear for my daughter. She is profoundly Deaf but we are adopting her from foster care. Before she moved with us at almost 2 she was completely deprived of language, no one even tried. The state decided she should have a cochlear implant, I was so resistant, but in foster care it's the states choice. She's had her CI for a year now and she still understands sign better than anything spoken, but that's what matters. I get so worried about her being pushed out of the Deaf Community bc of the CI...ugh. I'm hearing but even before her watched documentaries, etc and educated myself about Deaf Culture, I'm still learning sign (as is my husband) and we want her to go to Deaf School (are going to move to make it possible) after she's adopted and we can make that choice, but still...everything you're saying is exactly what I fear for her and why I wouldn't have gotten the CI if it was my choice.
ditzyblonde53 My husband and I want to adopt a deaf child. We're not sure what to expect or how to go about it. All I know is I went to HS with mainstreamed Deaf kids. They had interpreters though, and ASL was taught as a foreign language. I had a conversation with a girl who said her parents never learned to sign and how she always felt isolated at home. I thought that was so awful! That inspired me to go to school to become an interpreter but mostly my desire to adopt a deaf child. I wanted to be able to give something to a deaf child that others don't get. It's so unfair and horrible. :/
I think she would really aspire more in the Deaf schools, I'am HOH forced to live normally and tested and therapy, family drama....etc, etc. which is what the medical system forces upon us. In the Deaf culture, they aspire to greater mountains of who and what they are.
Love your videos. I'm a HOH lawyer with hearing aids and bluffing hard every day. Thank goodness for emails and high tech. The law encourages getting everything in writing, which makes my life so much easier. My hearing is deteriorating but gonna keep fighting to remain in the legal field. Gotta represent!
Hey Rikki I was brought up mainstream too. I lost my hearing in September of 2014. I am now deaf but even my brother said oh you're not deaf and made fun of me. I leaned asl and now fluent in it after two years. Thank you for making your videos I love them!
I only just found your channel today (about ten videos ago, lol), but I'm in tears just being able to relate when you mentioned the identity crisis issue and being sort of in limbo or in between... Please keep doing what you do, and thank you for all the videos you've contributed for the deaf community.
Rikki, thanks for putting this video together. I so relate to it. I have been in HOH limbo all my life but didn't know it until about 8 years ago. I'm now 54! I still remember telling my Mom there was something seriously wrong with me. It was so hard to follow conversations. I was 6 years old. I exhibited signs of autism. Nowadays the first thing they check when a kid appears to be autistic is their hearing. No kidding...take away the ability to 'belong' and a kid will grow up withdrawn, fearful, isolated and socially awkward. I never got checked out, my Mom just labeled me 'shy'. She made it sound like a character flaw. I often wonder how I survived. I sincerely hope no kid ever, ever has to go through that.
I'm hard of hearing and grew up in the mainstream. I'm constantly in the middle being the two. With my hearing getting worse, I'm trying to learn ASL but when I try, a lot of the people get mad for messing up. It sometimes gets to the point where I feel like giving up on trying. I love your videos. They help a lot. I don't feel so alone.
I'm learning sign language and people tell me "you're hearing why are you learning this language?" What they don't know is I'm losing my hearing and I have a deaf friend. It's so hard people think I'm ignoring them but really I just can't hear them half the time😭😫
Izzy Katie Honestly, a language is a language--of course SL has its roots in Deaf culture, but some people teach themselves a whole new language in hopes that they can travel to a new country someday. They're also asked "Why?" but the answer "Just because" would prob be enough haha. The more languages someone knows=the better! Your world opens up! :)
I have Meniere's disease. 95 percent deaf in my right ear and 25 per cent in my left. In the process of relearning ASL (I studied it as teen growing up).
I have MD too. I haven't lost a lot of my hearing yet but I still struggle with understanding people. I have tried learning ASL online and I just started taking a class. Good luck :)
I'm in the middle of getting my "finalized" diagnosis for m.d. i have sensorineural mild reverse loss in my left ear. So i keep wondering do i even fit in the hoh category and should i start getting involved in the D/deaf and hoh community .
I think I'm in limbo too; I have a condition called APD (Auditory Processing Disorder) which means that the brain and the ears don't always coordinate properly, so I won't catch certain sounds, chunks of vocal sentences, chunks of orders. My hearing is fine, however, I don't really fit into the hearing world and because I'm not even partially deaf, I don't fit into the deaf world. But I still like learning sign language (Auslan), and thanks for mentioning Auslan (Australian Sign Language)!
I feel this way too, except that the way it works for me is super complicated. My problems with hearing, speech, and communication don't fit into the shiny boxes of hearing or Deaf. Since the problem with my hearing in in the way my brain processes sound and speech, hearing aids or cochlear implants won't do anything for me. I have many problems with speech processing, especially in noisy rooms where you can see lips moving but you have no idea what the person is saying, just like my hard of hearing grandfather. I also need people to look at me when they speak to be able to try and understand them, and if someone calls my name and I can't see them or clerks in stores try to talk to me when I can't see them, it's likely I won't know they were trying to talk to me. I've watched captioned television and online video my whole life, I lipread to help with understanding speech, but because my ears are physically fine I'm not considered hard of hearing. Even the medical community can't agree on who I belong to; the psychologist says it's not a learning disability and the audiologist says it's not a hearing disorder exactly either. I identify in many ways with the Deaf and hard of hearing community and am learning ASL, but I don't know if they identify with me.
As a teacher of EFL and a learner of foreign languages, I'm firmly of the opinion that anyone who berates someone else for making mistakes in a language that they're trying to learn and understand and making an attempt to communicate in, especially when _they_ don't speak the learner's native language, is a total asshole.
You nailed my life in the first 5 minutes of this video. After 25+ years in the hearing world with a hearing deficiency now falling into the profound range, I am now beginning the transition to the deaf world. Thanks for reaching out.
Thank you for posting this! I was born deaf and over the years my hearing has progressively gotten worse so that I'm profoundly deaf. However, I grew up as the only deaf person in an all hearing family. None of my family ever learned to sign. I was forced to go to mainstream classes and take 19 years of speech therapy to learn to speak and lip read. I never got to learn sign language until 7th or 8th grade only and I learned SEE there because of 1 other student whom was deaf. After that, I grew up never having met another deaf person nor never having seen the Deaf community. I'm now 36 years old and still have never seen another deaf person or the Deaf community in person. There's none around here as far as I know. So, I understand the middle line there. I have felt so robbed all my life of a culture I should have been able to be a part of. I joined a Deaf community on FB hoping to learn more about the culture I should have been allowed to grow up in, but I feel like I'm not being embraced into it. Anyways, I LOVE your message here about those of us the system has failed and how people push us away because we are in the grey areas. I try all the time to fight the system and find ways to make efforts to push forward changes we need, but it feels so much like no one listens or no one cares. Keep up the great work!
I have been in your shoes, Rikki. I grew up in an all-hearing family, no sign language and mainstreamed from pre-K-12 and went all hearing university. I learned ASL at.age 18. Though I loved ASL and interpreters while taking courses at the universities. I'm in my early 50's now. It took me years to be accepted in the Deaf community. They said I'm not Deaf whereas my audiogram indicate that I am. They said I'm HOH because I talk l, use my speech. Speech has nothing to do with hearing. Even though I have been accepted, It's still a constant "war" with this who-I-am identity issue when I meet new Deaf friends. I am Deaf and I will not get into argument with the other Deaf. who disagree. They obviously don't know me.
I'm moderate deaf according to the Audiologist, but slowly moving down to severe stage. I wear two hearing aids. ( I don't wear them as much as I should due to living right across from the freight train tracks in which trains pass by blowing their horns right in front or near the house, so I don't wear hearing aids at all at home and I forget to wear them when out and about) I'm also an Aspie so I also had trouble understanding the English language and it's grammer as a kid. I know basic signs and of course my boyfriend knows the basics too ( I taught him that) anyways, I feel the same way as you and others. I can't understand English and when I speak it's more of butchered grammer. I can get ASL better than speaking. there are many days where I get frustrated with the Hearing world that I rather be deaf then I know I will miss my music, my bf's voice and any kids I have. I just feel so stuck in between both worlds. somehow ASL is better as it doesn't have such complicated grammer like spoken English does. anyhow why can't we all get along? be like First Contact. Live long and Prosper....
Hi! I am 30 years old and I am losing my hearing kinda fast in my left ear ( it started 9 months ago and its getting really worse). My right ear is not 100 percent good, so I am starting to think I am going deaf in a couple of years. I am really angry since my hearing started to decline, and I am not sure how I am going to live like that. Being deaf really sucks.
I've recently discovered you. It's amazing to see someone who understands my frustrations. I'm 'hard of hearing' from birth (although they didn't discover it until age 3). Wear hearing aids, can function about 90-95% of the time in the hearing world. But that 5%.. the people with no patience. I never got bullied so much as anger directed at me for not hearing. Like I was inconvenient because I ask people to repeat themselves. Just hearing the words come out of someone else's mouth makes me feel so happy. I'm also inspired to see someone my age (25) talking about this. I recently read an article about how when people enter the "hearing loss" phase of life, they're often much older, so it's really cool to see people my age with similar attributes to me. You seem like someone I would be happy to be friends with :) I've been learning ASL for 5-6 years now. Still not fluent, but fairly conversational as long as the other person understands that I read at about 3/4 - 1/2 speed. I've been feeling that bit about "should I really continue this?" I've recently moved, so I don't know anyone, much less people my age, who signs. It's frustrating. Signing is easier to understand even if I don't know as much. But who to sign with? /rant
Never met a deaf person till I was 29 years old. 50/50 hearing, parent didn't know till kindergartener. Now older hearing is getting worst, sisters never accepted me as deaf or HOH. Very much alone in this world but do have best friends who understand me and my rotten family.
I have APD so I can hear but I can not understand sounds and people talking. I cant stand it because it is very very hard for me to function in the hearing world but I am not at all accepted in the deaf world, I have no idea where I belong
OMG! Me too! Yeah, I understand where you're coming from there. I 'sound' normal so people would never know unless I told them, to get around in the hearing world I use what sounds I processed, some lip reading, context, how well I know the person, etc. Do you use any of these?
Yeah because you don't need to rely on hearing things, rather seeing things. What sign language are you leaning? I'm learning Auslan which is Australian Sign Language.
I am learning American sign language (spoken in English speaking Canada) and Quebec Sign Language which is spoken in French speaking Canada (which is where I am lol)
In the U.K. Things for the deaf and blind are more widely available and we tend to have people at schools who have training in sign language (BSL) and other methods of communication and we get frowned upon if we make fun of all do not help the blind or deaf. We're a weird bunch of people but for some reason we treat everyone better and try to make more things easier for everyone and we make an effort for equality between everyone it don't matter if you're black,wight,yellow,blue,hearing,non hearing,have sight or even don't have site there's plenty of room for you and there's plenty of laws that mean your going to be more equal here than any where else and we expect and enforce almost all of the laws and rules that we pass. We don't usually enforce the stoped ones though. Love work that your doing to educate and bring equality to those who are deaf. I also love your videos they give such insight into the lives of those who are deaf or hard of hearing and I would love to learn ASL and BSL (America sign language and British sign language) but don't know where to turn any tips you can give.
You hit the nail squarely on the head, hun. And what you said about wanting to give up. I am 51 years old, and only recently decided that I am embracing my identity as Deaf regardless of what either "side" thinks of me. It's NOT THEIR CHOICE. I am who I am. I am Deaf, and have been since very young childhood, possibly birth. It just was not figured out until I was in school where my hearing was finally tested. Written English is my first language, I have complete access. I speak English fluently (and rapidly, lol), but as you said, I can't always understand it. And it's EXHAUSTING. I was never given a choice to be included in Deaf culture, I wasn't even aware that there were other people like me, alive (I idolized Hellen Keller) until I was 19 years old and I met a Deaf gal the same age as I who was from Australia who was in the states. She introduced me to the local (ish, I live very rural - this community is an hour and a half drive from home) Deaf community. And I got such a mixed reception, mostly negative, that when my friend had to go back to Australia, I just gave up, and stayed with the community that I was familiar with. At least I was used to their rejection and abuse. It was normal. To be shunned from both directions was more than I could take. It STILL makes me nervous to try and be involved in the Deaf community. I am completely surrounded by hearing family and friends. I tried several times to learn ASL, but without support from anyone, it felt pointless, and so I kept letting it go. Even today, not a single person in my hearing family has enough interest to break out of their comfort zones to learn with me. They have better things to do with their time. But, I finally have determination to do this. For me. I am earning my degrees in counseling, and I intend to make myself available for folks like us, who have been stuck in the middle, rejected on both sides as a whole, complete, REAL human being instead of broken, incomplete, bastardized. Some of us will know ASL, even if we have to use a hybrid of spoken English and signs. However we can create access to understanding and compassion, WE SHOULD BE DOING IT. Stay strong, you are doing AMAZING.
I feel like this is similar to like how within an ethnic community (ex. Asians), there are people who grew up not knowing how to speak the language (ex. American-born Chinese who learned English as first language) and they are considered less Asian or less Chinese because they grew not learning some parts of the culture. There's definitely a divide there. People are just weird and like to focus on differences too much.
I feel so stupid asking this, but can I even call myself hard of hearing if I'm deaf in one ear, but my hearing in the other is pretty good (I need things repeated to me often and I can't have my right ear face a wall or away from people, or I won't understand them clearly). I remember when I was in school, we always had yearly hearing tests and my mom would get calls saying "hey, your kid flunked his hearing test" and every time, like clock work she would tell them "well no shit, he's deaf in his left ear". Most people don't know that I can't hear unless I tell them or someone does so for me. I've yet to meet an asshole who was a dick about it, which I guess is a good thing. I wish I could relate more, and I feel like I don't belong in the community because I have most of my hearing in tact and I wasn't raised or brought into ASL like many people were---unless you count activity books for kids when I was like five, which never stuck.
omg I understand you so much. I am deaf in one ear and that's my right ear. I have been trying to learn asl Bc my doctor think that as I get older my good ear might gradually go deaf but he says it's not a guarantee if that'll happen and so I just thought why not learn asl so that I could be prepared for what might come. My parents and friends and relatives they all don't understand me they think learning asl is stupid they think Bc I have a little of my hearing that I don't need to learn asl. But I am not going to listen to them Iam going to continue learning. I love asl! But honestly it's so hard to understand people and it's just a struggle everyday to lip read and try to understand what people are saying. And I feel alone a lot Bc I feel like don't belong anywhere Iam deaf but not entirely deaf....well yet. I do like to consider myself hard of hearing to others and I hope that that's ok Bc I don't want offend anyone by identifying myself as hard of hearing teen and anyway after watching this video I feel a lot better and especially reading some of there comments I feel like Iam not alone anymore. And I want to say thank u rikki so much for your videos I honestly appreciate them so much especially the captions I mean your just an awesome and an incredible person!!:) keep doing what your doing and I know your going to go places!!
Read Paul Stanley's autobiography, he was born without an ear on one side. (the lead singer of Kiss). Phil Collins I think is deaf on one side, Rob Lowe (actor) has always been deaf on one side, since he had the mumps as a young child. Bill Clinton HOH, Chris Martin lead singer of coldplay HOH, Halle Berry, Jodie Foster, Whoopi Goldberg all HOH. Pierre Trudeau (Justin Trudeau's Dad) was HOH.
I'm with you. I also grew up mainstreamed, and my first language was English. I just happened to switch to sign language interpreters instead of cued speech interpreters when I was 12. Being stuck between two worlds is a very lonely existence. :/
Awwsome!!!!!! Video...Oh my goodness. You have so much pluck and resilience Rikki! I am so awed by your honesty and hard work. This was simply a joy to watch. You described what you have going on so clearly and yeah - limbo is exactly the word you were looking for! Spot on. Can't wait to watch more!!!
Thank you so much, this resonated with me deeply. Being in the "in-between" is a difficult place to live... especially attempting to become a part of the Deaf Community when it sometimes feels like you aren't welcome... Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this video.
Your videos are so great. I don't know any deaf or hoh people so sometimes I feel totally alone just making a huge amount of effort just to keep up with people around me, specially in loud places. Your videos make me feel like I'm not alone :)
Hey Rikki, I found your channel through Molly & I've been binge watching your videos all night! You are an incredible young woman & I feel like I have learnt so much from you these past few hours, so many things I'm ashamed I didn't know before : but that's the beauty of RUclips! I'm so happy to be a new subscriber & I'm excited for all the success the future has in store for you ❤️
I was thinking I'm living between the world then I see u realise the video about this issue. Glad you talked about. Even if I'm wearing cochlear implant I'm still hard of hearing, I can't hear 100% naturally. Because we speak they can forget easily that we are HOH. Learning ASL is useless and hard when you live with hearing people and 0 deaf people.
This is exactly why I am learning sign for my son. I want him to be able to communicate with both hearing and deaf people. He was born with bilateral profound hearing loss. He is getting the copular implants because a hearing aid will not help with speech. I want him to have a choice to use sign or speak if he wants to.
I’m technically hard of hearing but honestly your title fits me so well! Too deaf for my hearing peers and family but not deaf enough for the deaf community. I’ve had hearing loss for 6 yrs now and I’m still trying to adjust and love myself with this new part of me. Thanks for your videos, they help me not feel so alone 💗💗💗
Even more in the weird limbo area: partial mutism. I still regularly communicate in ASL, I still need interpreters sometimes (to voice for me), but my hearing is totally fine. It's so rare that someone actually has mutism - not deafness - that I basically don't exist, even from the perspective of interpreter services, relay operators, etc.
Thank you very very very much. I appreciate this a lot. I had sudden hearing lost two weeks ago plus I’m learning English still. I really really. Like it means a lot. Thank u
I am 60 yrs old and I understand you and can relate to your experience...I know that I don't fit in a hearing world and a deaf world...I grew up in oral and mainstream with the hearing class...I struggle for many years trying to find out which one will be better for me to fit in...but I ended up being alone in the middle...Now I don't let it bother me because I found which I fit in...I fit in God's world...He accepts me for who I am...I am a child of God...so now I will say that I fit in God's world...I am at content...
When I was a Kid all the doctors said I am too stubborn for a hearing Test. Finally when I was 9 years old my Mum wanted a Doctor to Test me with a hearing Test where I dont have to participate and guess what, Turns out I can Not hear High pitched or very Low voices and in between I can hear about 55-60%. The Doc said I should thank the Lord that I can speak normally with my hearing disability. I got hearing Aids and it was hard adjusting to life in School and all. Still to this day people get so upset sometimes if they have to repeat things over and over and when I apologize and remind them that I just cant do anything about it they usually then apologize to me for forgetting that I am not trying to be rude. I can't speak sign language and I am so glad that my hearing has Not gotten worse. Thanks for this Video! I have been planning to talk about my Story but thought nobody would ever watch it but now I really want to Film it ;) hugs from Berlin, Germany
Oh, tell it, Rikki! What you said in this video, all of it, is so, so true. (I'm legally blind.) I found your videos through Jackson Bird's video on #NoMoreCraptions . I grew up legally blind, too blind for normally-sighted kids, not always blind enough for the blind and impaired community. Yes, most of the partially and fully handicapped community do understand and accept, but yes, sometimes it can be difficult too. You don't always fit in either place. -- Great stuff, Rikki. Thanks so much.
its so refreshing to find a youtube video with accurate captions, cause sometimes in those community ones people think its funny to add extra things that detract from the purpose of the captions. Once i was watching a video and about halfway through the captions just turned into "POTATO POTATO POTATO" needless to day I was pissed. Captions are for little secrets for you to hide, people actually use them.
Also, I really get the whole not fitting in thing. As I've gotten older, my hearing has been getting worse. I have a mild, borderline moderate (eventually moderate if I continue on the same trend of hearing loss). My first language is technically ASL (when I was a toddler that's how I communicated), but I communicate in English now. Sometimes I get these reactions from people like "You're deaf? C a n y o u h e a r m e?" or something like that, as people don't really notice my aids. But sometimes I feel like I'm just kidding myself into thinking I belong in the hearing world, but that I'm too hearing for the deaf world, even though I've always had one foot in both cultures??? Its just kinda weird??? But going to highschool has really helped with this feeling, as my friends are really inclusive and helpful when I can't hear them for shit cause of loud background noise or teachers talking into my fm. They've been getting better about the whole "don't cover your mouth when you're talking to me because yes I have hearing aids but that doesn't mean I hear like you, and I don't care if you have food in your mouth seriously stop being polite" thing. Happy im not the only one!
I'm just discovered your channel a few days ago I really like it. I've had hearing lose all my life from small ear canals and tons and tons of ear infections I have a hole in my right ear drum with so much scaring tissue on both of my ear drums. I always had to listen carefully when people speak but I'm sensitive to loud sounds interesting. I've have bad ear pressure that goes from left to right then splits in both ears. As I've hit the age of 38 it's getting worse so I've decided to learn sign language. I always felt out of place being a Scorpio and out of place being hoh but thanks to great people like you and the hoh and deaf community I'm accepting myself as I truly am . Keep up the good work I'm learning so much and I know being hard of hearing I'm not alone
Ohmygod, I'm so glad I found this video. My 25-year-old son is a "middle". He has the same hearing loss you have but has never signed. In fact he refuses to identify as deaf and wouldn't even take ASL classes with me when he was a kid. But hearing kids can really be assholes and he didn't have very many friends growing up. In fact, all of his friends growing up were in his deaf classes at school. So he can totally relate to not being accepted by either community. I've tried to get him to engage in the deaf community but he pretty much refuses. Sometimes I blame myself for not sending him to deaf schools but he just didn't want to do that. He wanted to go to school with hearing kids. But then they all ignored him. Klusterfuk. I've tried to tell him he could live in both worlds successfully but he's not buying it so he's pretty isolated. I seriously do not know what to do.
Hello Marlynne, I am a 20 year old college student whom is hard of hearing. I am from Mexico and born out of hearing parents. My culture is not often exposed to deaf community/hard of hearing so it is taboo over there. My parents sent me to a mainstream school when we arrived to the USA. It is kind of funny because the school district advised my parents for me to go to a BIGGER CITY and in a deaf school. Sometimes I wonder how life would be different. My parents also sent me to speech therapy because they were trying to prepare me for mainstream. However now, as a college student, I don't care if I lose my hearing because I accepted my identity so much, that I am taking ASL classes and interning out in the NDC which I reccomend you to check out! NDC is the National Deaf Center for Postsecondary Outcomes, which we have videos and maybe it can answers some of your questions and guidance towards your son. I will be honest, my parents are so worried about me and growing up, but I believe this journey is about A C C E P T A N C E , if your son has hard time accepting, it will be a tough job on making this situation better. Unfortunately, despite my success in accepting myself, I don't have much friends either, in high school I grew up friendless,so I am not your typical college student that goes back home and hang out with friends, lol. My thing of social isolation is not good, and I am trying to change it by learning ASL and creating friends with the Deaf community, but it is hard. I believe that as a hard of hearing, making friends is one of the hardest social aspects that one can do. I hope I helped you in "answering" in my perspective, and have a lovely day!
Rikki, Thanks for posting this, it is extremely helpful. You are quite correct, those of us in the hearing community have no idea about a lot of things in the deaf/Deaf world. Even now, online biographies of AGBell usually have a very short description of his "oralism" philosophy, with a link to a fuller explanation. An explanation that very few of us had ever heard, and find appalling. But I think there is hope. Here in the mountain west, the local deaf organization has classes on ASL. Currently, they are running two sections, and the one I'm in easily has 30 people (I had guessed it might be about five or so). This includes what appears to be two families with several children (one deaf? I don't know details). Many people are learning ASL, and essays like this give us an understanding of what to expect. And hopefully, how to help.
Did you know we have a deaf person working as a receptionist at the white house? She is fully deaf. I enjoy your vlogs and i am hard of hearing myself. I am also fluent in ASL. But i do DEPEND on my speech more. I never hardly sign in public and only around deaf people. I can completely understand where you are coming from.
I know this issue kind of slows down the progress of getting the services we need for every D/deaf and HOH person. I like how you are speaking up about this and helps other people who may feel the same.
Okay, obviously the video is a few years old, but I am so glad right now to have come across your channel. This video, you're totally right on the spot, I have dealt with myself the same way. I have never heard of that term Mainstream, but I fall in that category too. Loving all your videos.
I have a severe to profound hearing loss and have very strong hearing aids. I want to fit in and learn more about deaf culture, I don't sign though. I grew up in a hearing world. I know a few deaf people but not a lot.
Thank you, this video was very helpful. Three years ago I lost half my hearing so I guess that makes me HOH. I have a genuine interest in learning ASL and Deaf culture but I also have a little bit of fear, because I am not deaf or Deaf, and just learning the difference. I genuinely want to learn and I want to believe that would matter. But will it to everyone? Again, there is some fear. But I've spent 3.5 years since that hearing loss trying to function in the hearing world, 2 of it working full time and that REALLY did not go well. Thank you also for telling me that bit about Alexander Graham Bell. I had no idea and will look it up and learn more.
i had hearing loss which just seems to be getting worse. totally relate to this video.... i love you talk about health - it's like what i do on my channel xxx lots of love
My Grandmother was deaf. As was my Grandfather. Including most of his family.. They met at the Oakland School for the deaf. In the 1920s. The Oakland school trained the men in the carpender's trade. Visiting Grandma's house at a early age, was filled in a room of people talking on their hands. Hang in there. I'm on your side.
Since I was 3, I've had total loss in one ear and it started with 25% loss in the other, of course as I got older that loss increased. I wasn't brought up in deaf culture, I acquired language early so my speech is "normal" to the hearing, and often people forget that I'm d, HOH, D, whatever. My solution throughout life was always to find people who were amazing, and I'm lucky in having a few close friends for over 30 years now. They know to sit more to my left, to repeat without impatience, etc. The Deaf community is completely alien to me, I'm just now learning about it all at my age, but after all of these years, I'm naturally antisocial now as it is, so the thought of socializing with people who wouldn't consider me "deaf enough" is offputting enough that I just don't normally communicate with the Deaf community (or anyone, generally, anymore). My 10 ear surgeries over the course of my life (so far) and constant medical interventions to fight off the choleateatomas mean, pretty much, that they don't get to tell me who and what I am. I'm sure I'm not the only one who lives in mostly social isolation except for a few very close and wonderful friends because of all of this. I cried when I was younger too. Now I value my alone time, and as you get older, no matter how you decide to go through life, people who do not give a damn about your ears are THE most important, whether they're hearing or not. Learn ASL, be happy, and ignore the assholes on both sides. Life's WAY too short to worry about them. Do your thing, and know you have a lot of people rooting for you!
I feel really connected to this video. I grew up mainstrem. Cuz i speak people tell me i'm not deaf. I Say i'm deaf people tell me no because i don't sign.
I wasn't born with my hearing loss, mine was brought about after an illness when I was a preteen. So I grew up completely oral, hearing, English speaking child with no connection to the Deaf Community or knowledge of signing. After I recovered and realized that the damage was permanent, I felt super alone. I didn't know a single person with the same issues and I felt bad because I often had the 'deer-in-the-headlights' looks around the hearing people I once knew... My grades began to fail because I couldn't hear the teachers when they turned to face the board and spoke. When I found out about the Deaf community, I still felt alone because I wasn't fluent in ASL and so I couldn't understand them either. I felt as though the Deaf community was for the deaf and people like me resided in some hearing/deaf limbo. So yeah, I totally understand this....
Love your mention of airports. I once kept a loaded plane sitting on the tarmac for 20 minutes while they paged me repeatedly over the PA. So funny. Boy did I get nasty looks when I got on the plane.It was for a mining job ,thing was I faked my hearing test by reading the testers body language.I knew when he pressed the keyboard although his back was to me. He told me I had the hearing of a two year old . You also would read people same way I bet. Bottom line for me , I lost that job . Not to worry.
My dad taught us some ASL before we were able to speak cuz he was an interpreter at the NTID in Rochester, NY. My grandma was so worried that I would not be able to speak (she was wrong!) But interestingly enough, I started having tinnitus last year. After having brain surgery, on several occasions I have lost my hearing completely. My dr said he wants to send me to an audiologist to get checked out. it really is nice having some sign language that I have taught my husband and kids just in case it happens again. if nothing else, my dad can always help me communicate with them via Skype or we resort to texts. Deaf culture is something very unique and can absolutely make you feel excluded. Growing up with a dad that interpeted all over the place: at NTID, at church, at theaters, at meetings, at schools, etc. I can understand on some level a little of being on the outside, even though I would attempt to communicate, if nothing else by finger spelling. You can guess how that went over, despite the fact that finger spelling is frequently used in the Rochester deaf community's ASL. I think that it is almost a defense mechanism that they feel ostracized (and rightly so!) by mainstream culture they feel the need to flip it and exclude those that don't fit into their "box" of what hearing impaired should be.
There are always unhappy people not being satisfied enough. I'm a deaf person, using ASL to communicate and I don't talk at all but I don't sign that well enough. they criticize me for signing with too much pidgin. Just... whatever. I am what makes me, and just suck it up and deal with it.
I agree with you. I am not at all deaf in any way but I have been studying deaf culture and American sign language for a few years now. since I was a sophomore in high school. it fascinates me! it is so amazing how ignorant some people are. I have learned a lot about how to talk to deaf people about how to approach them and the difference between big D and little d and Alexander graham bell and all of that stuff. I love watching your videos
I don't think there was a single thing you said that didn't echo my own life and experiences. I am severely to profoundly deaf with a speech pathologist for a mom if you can imagine that! I've survived limbo by becoming introverted. Books and written words are my lifelines. I haven't found a Deaf community that I connect with, and my ASL is sad, to say the least. I don't have a progressive loss, but I'm losing the last tiny remains of my hearing just due to normal aging and maybe because I wear very powerful hearing aids? My audiologist has told me that hearing aids won't do anything for me eventually. That's so incredibly scary because at that point I will become isolated from even my family. I don't want a CI, so I know that eventually, I need to commit to becoming fluent in ASL and to hope that my family is willing to take that step with me.
I can agree with this video and I can agree and now I am looking to do ASL classes and will pay for the classes and I hope my mum and brother will learn for my sake because it is hard being HOH and not understanding what people say to my face thank you so much for this video Rikki
Being a person that has recently become pretty HOH due to illness, I want to express how ISOLATING it is, not being able to understand some of what everyone says, because you can’t hear certain pitches of speech. Literally every conversation gets a little bit lost, you stop connecting with people as much because you just do the “smile and nod” thing about stuff you’ve had them repeat twice and still don’t understand. And if two other people are having a conversation that they are trying to share with you, but not being clear enough or looking at you, I personally just kind of give up sometimes and go back to what I was doing. It’s cut me out of a lot of my life with people. Also, as someone who grew up hearing in a hearing family, and someone who has adhd (which comes with rejection sensitivity disorder, fun times!) i worry A LOT about trying to be included or a part of the Deaf community. Like if i try to respectfully become a part of it, will Deaf people be like “not deaf enough”? Or because I can still participate in the hearing world, or am not fluent in asl will I get snubbed or treated like I’m trying to take their culture without being part of it? I know most people won’t, and I haven’t even found a local Deaf group to dip my toes into yet. But it’s a worry I have, because I know hat people can be a**holes. Thanks for your video! I love how honest and up front you are! ❤️❤️❤️
I grew up mainstream, I'm 41 years old and I'm becoming more and more aware that what little hearing I have, is going to be gone entirely at some point. It's frustrating knowing that I struggled through four years of Spanish when I should have struggled through 4 years of ASL in high school. Now I'm 41, I know like 3 signs, all of them crude, and am still stuck in limbo of being hard of hearing. Just today, my neighbor caught my attention from her 3rd story window by nailing me with a grape. I wasn't mad, we have that sort of relationship where she can throw grapes at me all day long and I'll find it funny, but it is a reminder that just a few years ago she could have got my attention by calling out. All the obnoxious hand gestures people used when they were frustrated when I couldn't hear them, all reminders of my limitations and insulting to the extreme. The loud voices.. All that crap... meh. Whatever.
i relate to this so much! i do the "voice-off" thing in public sometimes even though i speak just fine, just because it really seems that for some (many?) hearing people, a deaf person who can speak just doesnt compute, it's so frustrating... how many times have i said to a hearing person who was speaking to me "i'm sorry i'm deaf, i can't understand you" and they... kept speaking... why...?? meanwhile if i sign "i'm deaf", they try gesturing/miming or writing things down. it's so weird! (and the "you speak so well!!" thing is so baffling... i was a teenager when i started losing my hearing, come on...) this was the longest comment ever, sorry. anyway, i love your videos!
I'm taking a Deaf Issues and Resources class at the moment and we recently covered Alexander Graham Bell. I lost whatever regard that I had for him and his thoughts and beliefs made me actually feel quite sick. The fact that he pushed for oralism so hard and believed that Deaf people who signed were in some way less than, simply appalled me. Also, I discovered that he actually believed in euthanization and sterilization of Deaf individuals shocked me. I am not sure how he was able to have those beliefs and yet still absolutely adore his mother, have a loving relationship with his Deaf wife (correspondence between the two shows that they did indeed have this type of relationship), and have a close friendship with Helen Keller (yes I do know that she was predominantly oral, but she was still a Deaf individual). What really killed me is that he actually saw himself as helping the Deaf individuals. I'm not sure how he came to that conclusion, but he did. Ugh totally had to rant that one out because his beliefs and work surprised me greatly.
I don't have a disability like this but I find it very cool for people who can't her or can't see well can have their language and own way of life and hope to Learn more about it
Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing communities are not alike, every individual is different, and many factors need to be considered, background, cultural, language skills, communication access etc. I believe Sign Langauge is a given gift and an opportunity for us to achieve and fit in a community of sign languages, for education access using sign language interpreters, making friends, and remember not all deaf are alike. it took me a long time to find my true friends in the Deaf world, not much different to this world.
oh god yeah. I've seen this shit happening to deaf friends who are "in the limbo", who are new to deaf culture, who are new to ASL. I even had an ASL interpreter telling a deaf friend that she can't use 'deaf' to label herself b/c she's not "involved enough in the deaf community." I still got so mad thinking about that to this day.
I’m only halfway through this video, Rikki, and I think I understand the point you’re trying to make: The ears and the mouth/vocal cords aren’t the same thing. Having ears that don’t work or don’t work well (being deaf or HOH) doesn’t alter the vocal cords’ ability to function. The function of each of those organs are independent of each other. Some deaf/Deaf people can - and do - speak orally, for whatever reason, just like there are probably hearing people who many not physically be able to speak. And hearing people who have close relatives who are deaf may actually find themselves part of a fully Deaf family, as the usual mode of communication among ALL family members - hearing and deaf - would be sign language. Are these relatives of deaf people whose ears do work any less Deaf - do they have any less of a place in the Deaf culture and community - just because they can rely on their ears, too, to determine what’s going on around them instead of just their eyes? No.
I'm hard of hearing, and a lot of people tell me that "they forget" or "didn't know". Bc I "speak so well" but at the same time they always bring to my attention when I slur my words or don't pronounce something correctly. It's exhausting trying to make sure I'm talking correctly when it's hard to hear around me let alone myself. At the same time, even my family members seem to forget to look at me when they are talking to me, or to speak louder, things like that. So I've never felt apart of the "hearing world" at the same time, I grew up speaking, I hardly know any sign language. I've tried learning, but even then, it's it consistently used bc I don't need it, therefore what little I know is choppy and im so worried that I'm not doing it correctly. I went to a camp called Dpan, it's a music camp for kids who are Deaf, and hard of hearing. I only went once, and it was fun, I made friends. But I was also aware I was not a part of the deaf community either. I felt like I was shoved into limbo. I couldn't hear enough for hearing people, but I could hear too much for deaf people. Like I said the experience was amazing, and by the end of the week my ASL was so much better, I could actually carry on a conversation, only bc I was the only person there who didn't rely on it, I met so many nice people who helped me. I followed two people around like a lost puppy, and they would translate and help me when I fell behind. And if I messed up, they corrected me right away. But I completely understand that limbo feeling. And it feels so good to know that there are others out there.
my great aunt went deaf when she was 2. she went to a deaf school Ann's the school told her family not to learn sign language so she was oral and didn't really use sign language either.
For me unless I tell people I am Hoh people are like huh??? I didn't know that part of that is that I did speak well I did not lose my hearing until age three or at least that's what I've been told but in the last three years it has been getting progressively worse and I've found out about deaf culture and I have wanted to learn asl I'm slowly getting accustomed
I don't really speak about it with anyone, but there are certain things I can't hear very well. I use subtitles on my TV and phone often because it's sometimes difficult to understand. Soft-spoken classmates are a pain because I have to keep asking "what? What? What?" When others can understand them clearly. It kind of gets embarrassing. We watched a video in History today giving us directions to this breakout thing we had to solve and I didn't understand a word it said. The voice was fuzzy and almost... I don't know, but it was difficult for me to understand on top of not being able to hear it well. I had to ask my group partners what it said at the end. This one kid said something. It was a big word that I couldn't understand. I still don't know what he was saying because I eventually stopped asking "what?". It's getting more and more difficult for me.
This has been going on all over the world for a long time. The deaf community put up walls if you are not "in" with them. Maybe things will change but its been 30 years and I'm still waiting.....
I’m finding so many people are unkind ....I used to have a very mild hearing loss & I was a medical & educational interpreter. I did Deaf/Blind Interpreting too.. my parents were very abusive. I have lots of scar tissue and hearing loss from ear drums that ruptured over & over again. But then in 2002, I was in a MVA & I was injured & became moderate Deaf right ear and severe Deaf in left ear. I talk and my family won’t even try to sign. I taught my daughters when they were small & they remember some. I’m teaching my granddaughters now.. but because I talk -hearing ppl are so mean & Deaf mostly are kind because I’m ASL but still I don’t fit in anywhere. Once in Musically I put a --#Deaf-- and a bunch of hearing ppl got mad and one Deaf girl who also talks and signs got really nasty and said “--#Deaf- really???”?ugghh I hate being in between ...but Deaf are much more kind mostly... thank you Rikki! Hugs
I genuinely agree with and the gap... But now a days people are a lot more excepting on both sides... When my teacher finally figured out in 2nd grade that I was hard of hearing, my life changed a lot and never felt accepted either way... Hell my 1st grade teacher labelled as unteachable, seriously unteachable... My 2nd grade teacher noticed I was reading her lips most of the... Eventually it was found out I had crystalized polyps on the inside and outside of my ear drum of my left ear, eventually to find out I had cholesteotoma? roughly cancer that was eating its way to my brain... I have no anvil, hammer and reconstructed cochlea, I also have a synthetic ear drum... Finally ended up with 2 sets of tubes in my right ear... Im 95% dead in my left ear and 30-35% in my right ear... I was never taught sign language, I know a few signs that I learned from books... I was told when I was 7 I would be deaf by the time I hit 30, well im 39, yes I've lost some more hearing over the years but not to drastic sense that the doctors said... I seriously watch body language and lips for stuff my ears couldn't hear and it is sooooo frustrating... And I honestly know what it's like to fit in either way, too many times have I felt like crap because I didn't fit inany category and was made fun of either way :/
hello everyone iam hearing iam 20 but i have grown up in a speical education class this is a song i wrote about labels This is a song i wrote Labels are what people give you when they are scared of what ypur capable of. First verse. When people meet you they are quick to give you labels like you have speical needs and it crushes a young child cause it makes them feel like their not normal and they dont get the access to things that other people do woah labels are what people give you when they are scared of what your capable of. Yeah i have unrecognized potential and iam going to use it. You can put all the labels you want on me cause i know who i really am and iam proud of that and they have made me stronger yeah when you tell me no it fires up my determination to new hights. Woah labels are what people give you when they are scared of what your capaple of.yeah 2nd verse. Once you have had labels all your life they just become words and it makes you want to do what you want do so much more. Yeah labels are like when you said there too many pathways that arent a choice for me cause i was in the special needs class at school woah labels are what people give you when they are scared of what you are capable of. Yeah. When you get labels it doesnt mean your any diffrent you can still do anything that everyone else does yeah labels are what people give you when they are capable of. Yeah Chrous. When you get lables tell them to get educated instead of judging woah labels are what people when they are scared of what your capable of. Just remember nobodys perfect theres no such thing as a perfect person so when people give you labels tell them that they are a hypocrite cause they arent perfect either. Labels are what people give you when they are scared of what your capable of. Yeah. So you have to prove them wrong its such a amazing feeling when you do. Dont let people who give you these mean labels celebrate your success cause they dont have a right to if they cant support you in the hard times then they have no right to be there in the awesome times. When you smash the labels woah i had friends who were sick and in wheelchairs ask me why iam in speical needs class and i couldnt tell them i have no idea. Woah because i have had labels put on me. Woah its soo sad i couldnt answer them.woah but now i see it does hurt that labels are people give you when they are scared of what your capable of.woah yeah 3rd verse. I just want to let you know my dreams have come true since i realized that labels are people Give you when they are scaeed of what people give ypu when they are scared of what your capable of.Yeah you told me that my dreams cant happen cause iam dreaming to big now iam going to show you that you are so wrong labels are what people give you when they are scared of what your capable of.yeah.they dont want you do better than them but thats the best thing to do when they give you lables are what people give you when they are scared of what your capable of. Yeah Chorusx2
I'm the Visually Impaired equivalent. Too blind to be "visually Impaired, but not blind enough to be "blind". I use speech and magnification together because I need them both not just one. I'm blind enough for a cane but not dark glasses... I could go on
i was born deaf and raised in a Hearing family, went to a Hearing school, didn't know ANYTHING about Deaf Community/Culture until i was 14. I have a channel bringing awareness as well if you want to check it out! I loved this video!!!
I'm HOH and my hearing gets progressively worse over time. I've been told hearing aids will only speed the process. My family has known since I was in elementary school but I was educated through mainstream means and it was alright for the most part, I made it through school. As I get older it gets harder though. I wish I learned ASL. I still want to learn but have such a hard time finding resources. I don't know where to find courses.
I'm too sighted for the blind community and too blind for the sighted world... These problems are everywhere, and it needs to change 😐
"Science doesn't care about your labels or identities. If you've got hearing loss, you've got it." Very well said, and I really needed to hear this as someone who is HoH with severe hearing loss. Thank you for making this video, Rikki, it's very affirming to me and so many others.
Great video Rikki, I loved this!.
Hi molly I love your vidoes can you please reply also please tell Gallup I said hi also sorry if I spelled his name worng
Hello Molly.
I'm hard of hearing. I've been mainstreamed my whole life and really could relate to this. I had no idea deaf culture existed until recently. I feel like I'm too deaf for the hearing world but too hearing for the deaf world.
Yeah, me too. we are in the same situation. Wanna be my friend? Needs friends who can talk to related things. What do you think?
that's a common feeling for many of us, I think that we need to stop judging and accept each other, there is no too deaf or too hearing thing! a change of attitude often helps and the right people.
@@donia20252 Being Deaf is a spectrum. And we ALL have extremely similar personalities, experiences, characteristics...... I have been studying these things for a few years now, and I am stunned at how people who have never met have so many behavioral similarities, with the common experience of being deaf in a hearing world; even those who have never experienced Deaf culture. Language accessibility SHAPES our brains and behaviors. Science is beginning to be available that is proving this. It's not about the ability to use speech, it's about language access! ANY language!
@@kimberlymiller2895 I agree! Sadly, the professions and government do not realise this worldwide problem for deaf babies who experienced language deprivation because they condemned sign language
I have always felt alone in that middle ground between the hearing world and the Deaf world. I do take some comfort in knowing there are others in the same position, but I hope we can find belonging somewhere, somehow. We need a group for those of us in limbo! And we can practice our beginner ASL together!
I'm also in limbo and totally agree with you about the need for a group! If I made one on Facebook and called it deaf/hearing limbo, would you join it?
Cara Wieland Yeah, I would! :)
Okay, cool! I made it and you can access it here: facebook.com/groups/1724309661222331/ it's really basic and I haven't added pictures or anything, but it exists!
Alison C I'm in the same place. .
@@brieandhoney26, great idea! I joined the group on Facebook.
Found this 4 years after the fact, but damn. You nailed this!
i was fully hearing for the first 20 years of my life (well my ear stopped working a week before my birthday) I try to learn dutch Sign Language people are really surprised when I tell them there is grammar in sign language. it's a language !!
my favorite comment is "what do you mean words go in a different order?". Trying to explain the difference between SEE (Sign Exact English) and ASL is always a bit of a chore. Honestly though I would rather answer questions so people can get information rather than have people making assumptions and not understand. The more people understand the easier it can be on us
As someone who can hear, I never quite understood why there a different Sign Languages. Is it because of cultural differences or do they go back to different inventors? And is there something equivalent for sign language to English being the major language franca for hearing people from different countries?
The various sign languages largely came into existence independently of each other, much like the oral-auditory languages did before population migrations. And one part of history that you don't often hear about in modern society is that for a very long period of time deaf people were considered "unteachable" because hearing people didn't understand that you can't process information that you can't hear - This in turn lead to a very large scale isolation of the language development for sign languages, even after means of communication for hearing people were modernized, because there was simply no interest for helping the "unteachable" communicate.
I'm not deaf, I have autism, but through a quirk, special education for autists and deaf children is organized in the same schools. I was always surprised at how closed the deaf community is, it's a real shame.
WOW, you too? I'am so surprised.
I'm stuck in the middle as well, it has really devastated me since I am very vulnerable to being told off by others, I admit it, that is because I have been bullied by people all my life. This caused me to be scared to learn ASL and scared to socialize in hearing world... If join deaf community, they might reject me and I will be alone without friends. If I stay in hearing world, if I make friends, I will lose them when I go completely deaf. It is very scary...
I'm honestly kind of terrified to try and get into the Deaf community. I'm learning ASL, but I don't ever get to use it, so it's a slow process. Being stuck between both worlds is really hard. You're very inspiring, and I always look forward to your videos. Thank you for being so open about your life. It helps people!
Nicholle Snavely Hi there!
There's a board on Reddit called DeafSkype where you can practice with a fluent user :)
Oh cool, thanks!
Nicholle Snavely Just use it whenever you speak and if someone asks why you're doing it if you can hear just say your practicing because that's what you're doing lol
Hello, Nicholle. Yeah, I know what you mean. I have been through it. A long story short. I was born and grew up in Mexico and obviously my first language is Spanish. It was until I was 20 when I moved to the US, and started practically learn English since the beginning. Now, I'm much better speaking English. 2 years ago, I started to try getting into the deaf community and was a pain in the ass because I was getting lost more and more. I got zero experience with the deaf community, and I was really pressured to make friends with a lack of skill in sign language. Few times, I started thinking to give up on it, but my strong desire to surpass beyond my limits, determination, and work harder to be less isolated inspired me to be much better!
This is something I seriously relate to. I've always called it being in limbo, floating somewhere between being fully blind and being sighted. Some people tell me I'm lucky to have some vision, and while I know that, I also know that in a lot of ways my life would be so much easier if I was totally blind. It's a shitty position to be in.
I empathize with Rikki, too. I have Spina Bifida and have never used any mobility devices. While I don't have experiences with my fellow SB people who *have* used a device or two treating me like crap, I sometimes will get able people ignoring my disability and sometimes then I feel like life would be easier if I "looked disabled." Keep on being you and don't ever stop learning about yourself, Rikki! People like The Balmaholic and I may not understand completely, but your fellow in limbo-ers (is that a term? It is now!) have your back!!! As they say, you do you :-).
This resonates with me so much, thank you for this video.
I grew up always having 'moments' where I was like "what are you saying, speak louder please". But never did I, or anyone else, realize I might have a very minor hearing loss. I was never tested, it just wasn't a thought, hindsight is 20/20, and it makes sense now.
However a year ago (at 22), I very suddenly lost almost all my hearing in one ear, and quite a bit in the other...and I am slowly losing it all. I went from "pretty much a hearing person" to "severely hard of hearing or deaf" ...
I often feel like because I didn't grow up with the struggles that many HoH/Deaf faced, that I won't be welcomed into the Deaf community. I am actively trying to learn ASL and participate in my local Deaf community...but I don't feel accepted.. I feel just like you said "too hearing for the deaf community, too deaf for the hearing world" :/
I have a 100% hearing family (including my husband and toddler son). So I feel so torn between the two worlds. And I often break down about it too. :(
I'm in my 30s, grew up hearing/mainstream, but after brain injury, I'm deaf. To be thrust into this state of being too deaf to get along, but I can still hear NOISE just not speech. I feel like I've suddenly been thrown to Russia.
you are not alone! I had tinnitus for about a year but after brain surgery, I had several instances of complete hearing loss. Then, like u, I have times where I hear noise but cannot hear voices or understand what they are saying. My kids get easily and frustrated.
Piper Tipurts I suffered a tbi in a car accident and acquired 2 hearing aids! I know how it feels and I’m sorry
This is my fear for my daughter. She is profoundly Deaf but we are adopting her from foster care. Before she moved with us at almost 2 she was completely deprived of language, no one even tried. The state decided she should have a cochlear implant, I was so resistant, but in foster care it's the states choice. She's had her CI for a year now and she still understands sign better than anything spoken, but that's what matters. I get so worried about her being pushed out of the Deaf Community bc of the CI...ugh. I'm hearing but even before her watched documentaries, etc and educated myself about Deaf Culture, I'm still learning sign (as is my husband) and we want her to go to Deaf School (are going to move to make it possible) after she's adopted and we can make that choice, but still...everything you're saying is exactly what I fear for her and why I wouldn't have gotten the CI if it was my choice.
ditzyblonde53 My husband and I want to adopt a deaf child. We're not sure what to expect or how to go about it. All I know is I went to HS with mainstreamed Deaf kids. They had interpreters though, and ASL was taught as a foreign language. I had a conversation with a girl who said her parents never learned to sign and how she always felt isolated at home. I thought that was so awful! That inspired me to go to school to become an interpreter but mostly my desire to adopt a deaf child. I wanted to be able to give something to a deaf child that others don't get. It's so unfair and horrible. :/
I think she would really aspire more in the Deaf schools, I'am HOH forced to live normally and tested and therapy, family drama....etc, etc. which is what the medical system forces upon us. In the Deaf culture, they aspire to greater mountains of who and what they are.
Love your videos. I'm a HOH lawyer with hearing aids and bluffing hard every day. Thank goodness for emails and high tech. The law encourages getting everything in writing, which makes my life so much easier. My hearing is deteriorating but gonna keep fighting to remain in the legal field. Gotta represent!
Hey Rikki I was brought up mainstream too. I lost my hearing in September of 2014. I am now deaf but even my brother said oh you're not deaf and made fun of me. I leaned asl and now fluent in it after two years. Thank you for making your videos I love them!
I only just found your channel today (about ten videos ago, lol), but I'm in tears just being able to relate when you mentioned the identity crisis issue and being sort of in limbo or in between... Please keep doing what you do, and thank you for all the videos you've contributed for the deaf community.
Thank you, Celeste!
Rikki, thanks for putting this video together. I so relate to it. I have been in HOH limbo all my life but didn't know it until about 8 years ago. I'm now 54! I still remember telling my Mom there was something seriously wrong with me. It was so hard to follow conversations. I was 6 years old. I exhibited signs of autism. Nowadays the first thing they check when a kid appears to be autistic is their hearing. No kidding...take away the ability to 'belong' and a kid will grow up withdrawn, fearful, isolated and socially awkward. I never got checked out, my Mom just labeled me 'shy'. She made it sound like a character flaw. I often wonder how I survived. I sincerely hope no kid ever, ever has to go through that.
I'm hard of hearing and grew up in the mainstream. I'm constantly in the middle being the two. With my hearing getting worse, I'm trying to learn ASL but when I try, a lot of the people get mad for messing up. It sometimes gets to the point where I feel like giving up on trying. I love your videos. They help a lot. I don't feel so alone.
I'm learning sign language and people tell me "you're hearing why are you learning this language?" What they don't know is I'm losing my hearing and I have a deaf friend. It's so hard people think I'm ignoring them but really I just can't hear them half the time😭😫
Izzy Katie Honestly, a language is a language--of course SL has its roots in Deaf culture, but some people teach themselves a whole new language in hopes that they can travel to a new country someday. They're also asked "Why?" but the answer "Just because" would prob be enough haha. The more languages someone knows=the better! Your world opens up! :)
Southpaw I totally agree I love learning languages especially sign language
I have Meniere's disease. 95 percent deaf in my right ear and 25 per cent in my left. In the process of relearning ASL (I studied it as teen growing up).
I have MD too. I haven't lost a lot of my hearing yet but I still struggle with understanding people. I have tried learning ASL online and I just started taking a class. Good luck :)
I'm in the middle of getting my "finalized" diagnosis for m.d. i have sensorineural mild reverse loss in my left ear. So i keep wondering do i even fit in the hoh category and should i start getting involved in the D/deaf and hoh community .
I think I'm in limbo too; I have a condition called APD (Auditory Processing Disorder) which means that the brain and the ears don't always coordinate properly, so I won't catch certain sounds, chunks of vocal sentences, chunks of orders. My hearing is fine, however, I don't really fit into the hearing world and because I'm not even partially deaf, I don't fit into the deaf world. But I still like learning sign language (Auslan), and thanks for mentioning Auslan (Australian Sign Language)!
I am partially sighed and partially hearing. I was mainstreamed. I totally relate to what you are saying.
I feel this way too, except that the way it works for me is super complicated. My problems with hearing, speech, and communication don't fit into the shiny boxes of hearing or Deaf. Since the problem with my hearing in in the way my brain processes sound and speech, hearing aids or cochlear implants won't do anything for me. I have many problems with speech processing, especially in noisy rooms where you can see lips moving but you have no idea what the person is saying, just like my hard of hearing grandfather. I also need people to look at me when they speak to be able to try and understand them, and if someone calls my name and I can't see them or clerks in stores try to talk to me when I can't see them, it's likely I won't know they were trying to talk to me. I've watched captioned television and online video my whole life, I lipread to help with understanding speech, but because my ears are physically fine I'm not considered hard of hearing. Even the medical community can't agree on who I belong to; the psychologist says it's not a learning disability and the audiologist says it's not a hearing disorder exactly either. I identify in many ways with the Deaf and hard of hearing community and am learning ASL, but I don't know if they identify with me.
As a teacher of EFL and a learner of foreign languages, I'm firmly of the opinion that anyone who berates someone else for making mistakes in a language that they're trying to learn and understand and making an attempt to communicate in, especially when _they_ don't speak the learner's native language, is a total asshole.
You nailed my life in the first 5 minutes of this video. After 25+ years in the hearing world with a hearing deficiency now falling into the profound range, I am now beginning the transition to the deaf world. Thanks for reaching out.
Thank you for posting this! I was born deaf and over the years my hearing has progressively gotten worse so that I'm profoundly deaf. However, I grew up as the only deaf person in an all hearing family. None of my family ever learned to sign. I was forced to go to mainstream classes and take 19 years of speech therapy to learn to speak and lip read. I never got to learn sign language until 7th or 8th grade only and I learned SEE there because of 1 other student whom was deaf. After that, I grew up never having met another deaf person nor never having seen the Deaf community. I'm now 36 years old and still have never seen another deaf person or the Deaf community in person. There's none around here as far as I know. So, I understand the middle line there. I have felt so robbed all my life of a culture I should have been able to be a part of. I joined a Deaf community on FB hoping to learn more about the culture I should have been allowed to grow up in, but I feel like I'm not being embraced into it. Anyways, I LOVE your message here about those of us the system has failed and how people push us away because we are in the grey areas. I try all the time to fight the system and find ways to make efforts to push forward changes we need, but it feels so much like no one listens or no one cares. Keep up the great work!
I have been in your shoes, Rikki. I grew up in an all-hearing family, no sign language and mainstreamed from pre-K-12 and went all hearing university. I learned ASL at.age 18. Though I loved ASL and interpreters while taking courses at the universities. I'm in my early 50's now. It took me years to be accepted in the Deaf community. They said I'm not Deaf whereas my audiogram indicate that I am. They said I'm HOH because I talk l, use my speech. Speech has nothing to do with hearing. Even though I have been accepted, It's still a constant "war" with this who-I-am identity issue when I meet new Deaf friends. I am Deaf and I will not get into argument with the other Deaf. who disagree. They obviously don't know me.
I'm moderate deaf according to the Audiologist, but slowly moving down to severe stage. I wear two hearing aids. ( I don't wear them as much as I should due to living right across from the freight train tracks in which trains pass by blowing their horns right in front or near the house, so I don't wear hearing aids at all at home and I forget to wear them when out and about) I'm also an Aspie so I also had trouble understanding the English language and it's grammer as a kid. I know basic signs and of course my boyfriend knows the basics too ( I taught him that) anyways, I feel the same way as you and others. I can't understand English and when I speak it's more of butchered grammer. I can get ASL better than speaking. there are many days where I get frustrated with the Hearing world that I rather be deaf then I know I will miss my music, my bf's voice and any kids I have. I just feel so stuck in between both worlds. somehow ASL is better as it doesn't have such complicated grammer like spoken English does.
anyhow why can't we all get along? be like First Contact. Live long and Prosper....
Hi! I am 30 years old and I am losing my hearing kinda fast in my left ear ( it started 9 months ago and its getting really worse). My right ear is not 100 percent good, so I am starting to think I am going deaf in a couple of years. I am really angry since my hearing started to decline, and I am not sure how I am going to live like that. Being deaf really sucks.
I've recently discovered you. It's amazing to see someone who understands my frustrations. I'm 'hard of hearing' from birth (although they didn't discover it until age 3). Wear hearing aids, can function about 90-95% of the time in the hearing world. But that 5%.. the people with no patience. I never got bullied so much as anger directed at me for not hearing. Like I was inconvenient because I ask people to repeat themselves.
Just hearing the words come out of someone else's mouth makes me feel so happy. I'm also inspired to see someone my age (25) talking about this. I recently read an article about how when people enter the "hearing loss" phase of life, they're often much older, so it's really cool to see people my age with similar attributes to me. You seem like someone I would be happy to be friends with :)
I've been learning ASL for 5-6 years now. Still not fluent, but fairly conversational as long as the other person understands that I read at about 3/4 - 1/2 speed. I've been feeling that bit about "should I really continue this?" I've recently moved, so I don't know anyone, much less people my age, who signs. It's frustrating. Signing is easier to understand even if I don't know as much. But who to sign with?
/rant
Never met a deaf person till I was 29 years old. 50/50 hearing, parent didn't know till kindergartener. Now older hearing is getting worst, sisters never accepted me as deaf or HOH. Very much alone in this world but do have best friends who understand me and my rotten family.
I have APD so I can hear but I can not understand sounds and people talking. I cant stand it because it is very very hard for me to function in the hearing world but I am not at all accepted in the deaf world, I have no idea where I belong
OMG! Me too! Yeah, I understand where you're coming from there. I 'sound' normal so people would never know unless I told them, to get around in the hearing world I use what sounds I processed, some lip reading, context, how well I know the person, etc. Do you use any of these?
yeah I pretty much use all of those plus I am learning sign which seems to be the most helpful thing for me.
Yeah because you don't need to rely on hearing things, rather seeing things. What sign language are you leaning? I'm learning Auslan which is Australian Sign Language.
I am learning American sign language (spoken in English speaking Canada) and Quebec Sign Language which is spoken in French speaking Canada (which is where I am lol)
Oh nice! I am in Australia so I am learning Auslan. :)
In the U.K. Things for the deaf and blind are more widely available and we tend to have people at schools who have training in sign language (BSL) and other methods of communication and we get frowned upon if we make fun of all do not help the blind or deaf. We're a weird bunch of people but for some reason we treat everyone better and try to make more things easier for everyone and we make an effort for equality between everyone it don't matter if you're black,wight,yellow,blue,hearing,non hearing,have sight or even don't have site there's plenty of room for you and there's plenty of laws that mean your going to be more equal here than any where else and we expect and enforce almost all of the laws and rules that we pass. We don't usually enforce the stoped ones though.
Love work that your doing to educate and bring equality to those who are deaf. I also love your videos they give such insight into the lives of those who are deaf or hard of hearing and I would love to learn ASL and BSL (America sign language and British sign language) but don't know where to turn any tips you can give.
You hit the nail squarely on the head, hun. And what you said about wanting to give up. I am 51 years old, and only recently decided that I am embracing my identity as Deaf regardless of what either "side" thinks of me. It's NOT THEIR CHOICE. I am who I am. I am Deaf, and have been since very young childhood, possibly birth. It just was not figured out until I was in school where my hearing was finally tested. Written English is my first language, I have complete access. I speak English fluently (and rapidly, lol), but as you said, I can't always understand it. And it's EXHAUSTING.
I was never given a choice to be included in Deaf culture, I wasn't even aware that there were other people like me, alive (I idolized Hellen Keller) until I was 19 years old and I met a Deaf gal the same age as I who was from Australia who was in the states. She introduced me to the local (ish, I live very rural - this community is an hour and a half drive from home) Deaf community. And I got such a mixed reception, mostly negative, that when my friend had to go back to Australia, I just gave up, and stayed with the community that I was familiar with. At least I was used to their rejection and abuse. It was normal. To be shunned from both directions was more than I could take. It STILL makes me nervous to try and be involved in the Deaf community.
I am completely surrounded by hearing family and friends. I tried several times to learn ASL, but without support from anyone, it felt pointless, and so I kept letting it go. Even today, not a single person in my hearing family has enough interest to break out of their comfort zones to learn with me. They have better things to do with their time. But, I finally have determination to do this. For me. I am earning my degrees in counseling, and I intend to make myself available for folks like us, who have been stuck in the middle, rejected on both sides as a whole, complete, REAL human being instead of broken, incomplete, bastardized. Some of us will know ASL, even if we have to use a hybrid of spoken English and signs. However we can create access to understanding and compassion, WE SHOULD BE DOING IT. Stay strong, you are doing AMAZING.
I feel like this is similar to like how within an ethnic community (ex. Asians), there are people who grew up not knowing how to speak the language (ex. American-born Chinese who learned English as first language) and they are considered less Asian or less Chinese because they grew not learning some parts of the culture. There's definitely a divide there. People are just weird and like to focus on differences too much.
This, even in non-English speaking countries, not knowing certain dialects makes you a freak.
I feel so stupid asking this, but can I even call myself hard of hearing if I'm deaf in one ear, but my hearing in the other is pretty good (I need things repeated to me often and I can't have my right ear face a wall or away from people, or I won't understand them clearly).
I remember when I was in school, we always had yearly hearing tests and my mom would get calls saying "hey, your kid flunked his hearing test" and every time, like clock work she would tell them "well no shit, he's deaf in his left ear". Most people don't know that I can't hear unless I tell them or someone does so for me. I've yet to meet an asshole who was a dick about it, which I guess is a good thing.
I wish I could relate more, and I feel like I don't belong in the community because I have most of my hearing in tact and I wasn't raised or brought into ASL like many people were---unless you count activity books for kids when I was like five, which never stuck.
omg I understand you so much. I am deaf in one ear and that's my right ear. I have been trying to learn asl Bc my doctor think that as I get older my good ear might gradually go deaf but he says it's not a guarantee if that'll happen and so I just thought why not learn asl so that I could be prepared for what might come. My parents and friends and relatives they all don't understand me they think learning asl is stupid they think Bc I have a little of my hearing that I don't need to learn asl. But I am not going to listen to them Iam going to continue learning. I love asl! But honestly it's so hard to understand people and it's just a struggle everyday to lip read and try to understand what people are saying. And I feel alone a lot Bc I feel like don't belong anywhere Iam deaf but not entirely deaf....well yet. I do like to consider myself hard of hearing to others and I hope that that's ok Bc I don't want offend anyone by identifying myself as hard of hearing teen and anyway after watching this video I feel a lot better and especially reading some of there comments I feel like Iam not alone anymore. And I want to say thank u rikki so much for your videos I honestly appreciate them so much especially the captions I mean your just an awesome and an incredible person!!:) keep doing what your doing and I know your going to go places!!
Read Paul Stanley's autobiography, he was born without an ear on one side.
(the lead singer of Kiss). Phil Collins I think is deaf on one side, Rob Lowe (actor) has always been deaf on one side, since he had the mumps as a young child. Bill Clinton HOH, Chris Martin lead singer of coldplay HOH, Halle Berry, Jodie Foster, Whoopi Goldberg all HOH. Pierre Trudeau (Justin Trudeau's Dad) was HOH.
Holy shit, that's amazing. I didn't know that abut all of them :O
@@janicehastings1281 ah
I am 45 yrs old and still feel stuck in the middle, so frustrating, thanks for verbalising what's in my head!
I'm with you. I also grew up mainstreamed, and my first language was English. I just happened to switch to sign language interpreters instead of cued speech interpreters when I was 12. Being stuck between two worlds is a very lonely existence. :/
Awwsome!!!!!! Video...Oh my goodness. You have so much pluck and resilience Rikki! I am so awed by your honesty and hard work. This was simply a joy to watch. You described what you have going on so clearly and yeah - limbo is exactly the word you were looking for! Spot on. Can't wait to watch more!!!
Thank you so much, this resonated with me deeply. Being in the "in-between" is a difficult place to live... especially attempting to become a part of the Deaf Community when it sometimes feels like you aren't welcome...
Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this video.
Your videos are so great. I don't know any deaf or hoh people so sometimes I feel totally alone just making a huge amount of effort just to keep up with people around me, specially in loud places. Your videos make me feel like I'm not alone :)
Hey Rikki, I found your channel through Molly & I've been binge watching your videos all night!
You are an incredible young woman & I feel like I have learnt so much from you these past few hours, so many things I'm ashamed I didn't know before : but that's the beauty of RUclips! I'm so happy to be a new subscriber & I'm excited for all the success the future has in store for you ❤️
Thank you for sharing your life and story. You inspire me.
I was thinking I'm living between the world then I see u realise the video about this issue. Glad you talked about. Even if I'm wearing cochlear implant I'm still hard of hearing, I can't hear 100% naturally. Because we speak they can forget easily that we are HOH. Learning ASL is useless and hard when you live with hearing people and 0 deaf people.
This is exactly why I am learning sign for my son. I want him to be able to communicate with both hearing and deaf people. He was born with bilateral profound hearing loss. He is getting the copular implants because a hearing aid will not help with speech. I want him to have a choice to use sign or speak if he wants to.
I’m technically hard of hearing but honestly your title fits me so well! Too deaf for my hearing peers and family but not deaf enough for the deaf community. I’ve had hearing loss for 6 yrs now and I’m still trying to adjust and love myself with this new part of me. Thanks for your videos, they help me not feel so alone 💗💗💗
Even more in the weird limbo area: partial mutism. I still regularly communicate in ASL, I still need interpreters sometimes (to voice for me), but my hearing is totally fine.
It's so rare that someone actually has mutism - not deafness - that I basically don't exist, even from the perspective of interpreter services, relay operators, etc.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! This video is the story of my life, titled "Where Do I Fit In"!
Thank you very very very much. I appreciate this a lot. I had sudden hearing lost two weeks ago plus I’m learning English still. I really really. Like it means a lot. Thank u
I am 60 yrs old and I understand you and can relate to your experience...I know that I don't fit in a hearing world and a deaf world...I grew up in oral and mainstream with the hearing class...I struggle for many years trying to find out which one will be better for me to fit in...but I ended up being alone in the middle...Now I don't let it bother me because I found which I fit in...I fit in God's world...He accepts me for who I am...I am a child of God...so now I will say that I fit in God's world...I am at content...
When I was a Kid all the doctors said I am too stubborn for a hearing Test. Finally when I was 9 years old my Mum wanted a Doctor to Test me with a hearing Test where I dont have to participate and guess what, Turns out I can Not hear High pitched or very Low voices and in between I can hear about 55-60%. The Doc said I should thank the Lord that I can speak normally with my hearing disability. I got hearing Aids and it was hard adjusting to life in School and all. Still to this day people get so upset sometimes if they have to repeat things over and over and when I apologize and remind them that I just cant do anything about it they usually then apologize to me for forgetting that I am not trying to be rude. I can't speak sign language and I am so glad that my hearing has Not gotten worse.
Thanks for this Video! I have been planning to talk about my Story but thought nobody would ever watch it but now I really want to Film it ;)
hugs from Berlin, Germany
Oh, tell it, Rikki! What you said in this video, all of it, is so, so true. (I'm legally blind.) I found your videos through Jackson Bird's video on #NoMoreCraptions . I grew up legally blind, too blind for normally-sighted kids, not always blind enough for the blind and impaired community. Yes, most of the partially and fully handicapped community do understand and accept, but yes, sometimes it can be difficult too. You don't always fit in either place. -- Great stuff, Rikki. Thanks so much.
its so refreshing to find a youtube video with accurate captions, cause sometimes in those community ones people think its funny to add extra things that detract from the purpose of the captions. Once i was watching a video and about halfway through the captions just turned into "POTATO POTATO POTATO" needless to day I was pissed. Captions are for little secrets for you to hide, people actually use them.
Also, I really get the whole not fitting in thing. As I've gotten older, my hearing has been getting worse. I have a mild, borderline moderate (eventually moderate if I continue on the same trend of hearing loss). My first language is technically ASL (when I was a toddler that's how I communicated), but I communicate in English now. Sometimes I get these reactions from people like "You're deaf? C a n y o u h e a r m e?" or something like that, as people don't really notice my aids. But sometimes I feel like I'm just kidding myself into thinking I belong in the hearing world, but that I'm too hearing for the deaf world, even though I've always had one foot in both cultures??? Its just kinda weird??? But going to highschool has really helped with this feeling, as my friends are really inclusive and helpful when I can't hear them for shit cause of loud background noise or teachers talking into my fm. They've been getting better about the whole "don't cover your mouth when you're talking to me because yes I have hearing aids but that doesn't mean I hear like you, and I don't care if you have food in your mouth seriously stop being polite" thing. Happy im not the only one!
I'm just discovered your channel a few days ago I really like it. I've had hearing lose all my life from small ear canals and tons and tons of ear infections I have a hole in my right ear drum with so much scaring tissue on both of my ear drums. I always had to listen carefully when people speak but I'm sensitive to loud sounds interesting. I've have bad ear pressure that goes from left to right then splits in both ears. As I've hit the age of 38 it's getting worse so I've decided to learn sign language. I always felt out of place being a Scorpio and out of place being hoh but thanks to great people like you and the hoh and deaf community I'm accepting myself as I truly am . Keep up the good work I'm learning so much and I know being hard of hearing I'm not alone
Ohmygod, I'm so glad I found this video. My 25-year-old son is a "middle". He has the same hearing loss you have but has never signed. In fact he refuses to identify as deaf and wouldn't even take ASL classes with me when he was a kid. But hearing kids can really be assholes and he didn't have very many friends growing up. In fact, all of his friends growing up were in his deaf classes at school. So he can totally relate to not being accepted by either community. I've tried to get him to engage in the deaf community but he pretty much refuses. Sometimes I blame myself for not sending him to deaf schools but he just didn't want to do that. He wanted to go to school with hearing kids. But then they all ignored him. Klusterfuk. I've tried to tell him he could live in both worlds successfully but he's not buying it so he's pretty isolated. I seriously do not know what to do.
Hello Marlynne, I am a 20 year old college student whom is hard of hearing. I am from Mexico and born out of hearing parents. My culture is not often exposed to deaf community/hard of hearing so it is taboo over there. My parents sent me to a mainstream school when we arrived to the USA. It is kind of funny because the school district advised my parents for me to go to a BIGGER CITY and in a deaf school. Sometimes I wonder how life would be different. My parents also sent me to speech therapy because they were trying to prepare me for mainstream. However now, as a college student, I don't care if I lose my hearing because I accepted my identity so much, that I am taking ASL classes and interning out in the NDC which I reccomend you to check out! NDC is the National Deaf Center for Postsecondary Outcomes, which we have videos and maybe it can answers some of your questions and guidance towards your son. I will be honest, my parents are so worried about me and growing up, but I believe this journey is about A C C E P T A N C E , if your son has hard time accepting, it will be a tough job on making this situation better. Unfortunately, despite my success in accepting myself, I don't have much friends either, in high school I grew up friendless,so I am not your typical college student that goes back home and hang out with friends, lol. My thing of social isolation is not good, and I am trying to change it by learning ASL and creating friends with the Deaf community, but it is hard. I believe that as a hard of hearing, making friends is one of the hardest social aspects that one can do. I hope I helped you in "answering" in my perspective, and have a lovely day!
Rikki, Thanks for posting this, it is extremely helpful. You are quite correct, those of us in the hearing community have no idea about a lot of things in the deaf/Deaf world. Even now, online biographies of AGBell usually have a very short description of his "oralism" philosophy, with a link to a fuller explanation. An explanation that very few of us had ever heard, and find appalling.
But I think there is hope. Here in the mountain west, the local deaf organization has classes on ASL. Currently, they are running two sections, and the one I'm in easily has 30 people (I had guessed it might be about five or so). This includes what appears to be two families with several children (one deaf? I don't know details). Many people are learning ASL, and essays like this give us an understanding of what to expect.
And hopefully, how to help.
Alexander Graham Bell disliked this video.
Did you know we have a deaf person working as a receptionist at the white house? She is fully deaf. I enjoy your vlogs and i am hard of hearing myself. I am also fluent in ASL. But i do DEPEND on my speech more. I never hardly sign in public and only around deaf people. I can completely understand where you are coming from.
I know this issue kind of slows down the progress of getting the services we need for every D/deaf and HOH person. I like how you are speaking up about this and helps other people who may feel the same.
Okay, obviously the video is a few years old, but I am so glad right now to have come across your channel. This video, you're totally right on the spot, I have dealt with myself the same way. I have never heard of that term Mainstream, but I fall in that category too.
Loving all your videos.
I have a severe to profound hearing loss and have very strong hearing aids. I want to fit in and learn more about deaf culture, I don't sign though. I grew up in a hearing world. I know a few deaf people but not a lot.
I am totally in your wheelhouse. English first, learned SEE and then ASL. Still born of 2 worlds. Nice job, thank you.
Thank you, this video was very helpful. Three years ago I lost half my hearing so I guess that makes me HOH. I have a genuine interest in learning ASL and Deaf culture but I also have a little bit of fear, because I am not deaf or Deaf, and just learning the difference.
I genuinely want to learn and I want to believe that would matter. But will it to everyone?
Again, there is some fear. But I've spent 3.5 years since that hearing loss trying to function in the hearing world, 2 of it working full time and that REALLY did not go well.
Thank you also for telling me that bit about Alexander Graham Bell. I had no idea and will look it up and learn more.
i had hearing loss which just seems to be getting worse. totally relate to this video.... i love you talk about health - it's like what i do on my channel xxx lots of love
Sending hugs
My Grandmother was deaf. As was my Grandfather. Including most of his family.. They met at the Oakland School for the deaf.
In the 1920s. The Oakland school trained the men in the carpender's trade.
Visiting Grandma's house at a early age, was filled in a room of people talking on their hands.
Hang in there. I'm on your side.
Since I was 3, I've had total loss in one ear and it started with 25% loss in the other, of course as I got older that loss increased. I wasn't brought up in deaf culture, I acquired language early so my speech is "normal" to the hearing, and often people forget that I'm d, HOH, D, whatever.
My solution throughout life was always to find people who were amazing, and I'm lucky in having a few close friends for over 30 years now. They know to sit more to my left, to repeat without impatience, etc.
The Deaf community is completely alien to me, I'm just now learning about it all at my age, but after all of these years, I'm naturally antisocial now as it is, so the thought of socializing with people who wouldn't consider me "deaf enough" is offputting enough that I just don't normally communicate with the Deaf community (or anyone, generally, anymore). My 10 ear surgeries over the course of my life (so far) and constant medical interventions to fight off the choleateatomas mean, pretty much, that they don't get to tell me who and what I am.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who lives in mostly social isolation except for a few very close and wonderful friends because of all of this. I cried when I was younger too. Now I value my alone time, and as you get older, no matter how you decide to go through life, people who do not give a damn about your ears are THE most important, whether they're hearing or not.
Learn ASL, be happy, and ignore the assholes on both sides. Life's WAY too short to worry about them. Do your thing, and know you have a lot of people rooting for you!
I feel really connected to this video. I grew up mainstrem. Cuz i speak people tell me i'm not deaf. I Say i'm deaf people tell me no because i don't sign.
I wasn't born with my hearing loss, mine was brought about after an illness when I was a preteen. So I grew up completely oral, hearing, English speaking child with no connection to the Deaf Community or knowledge of signing. After I recovered and realized that the damage was permanent, I felt super alone. I didn't know a single person with the same issues and I felt bad because I often had the 'deer-in-the-headlights' looks around the hearing people I once knew... My grades began to fail because I couldn't hear the teachers when they turned to face the board and spoke. When I found out about the Deaf community, I still felt alone because I wasn't fluent in ASL and so I couldn't understand them either. I felt as though the Deaf community was for the deaf and people like me resided in some hearing/deaf limbo. So yeah, I totally understand this....
Love your mention of airports. I once kept a loaded plane sitting on the tarmac for 20 minutes while they paged me repeatedly over the PA. So funny. Boy did I get nasty looks when I got on the plane.It was for a mining job ,thing was I faked my hearing test by reading the testers body language.I knew when he pressed the keyboard although his back was to me. He told me I had the hearing of a two year old . You also would read people same way I bet. Bottom line for me , I lost that job . Not to worry.
My dad taught us some ASL before we were able to speak cuz he was an interpreter at the NTID in Rochester, NY. My grandma was so worried that I would not be able to speak (she was wrong!) But interestingly enough, I started having tinnitus last year. After having brain surgery, on several occasions I have lost my hearing completely. My dr said he wants to send me to an audiologist to get checked out. it really is nice having some sign language that I have taught my husband and kids just in case it happens again. if nothing else, my dad can always help me communicate with them via Skype or we resort to texts.
Deaf culture is something very unique and can absolutely make you feel excluded. Growing up with a dad that interpeted all over the place: at NTID, at church, at theaters, at meetings, at schools, etc. I can understand on some level a little of being on the outside, even though I would attempt to communicate, if nothing else by finger spelling. You can guess how that went over, despite the fact that finger spelling is frequently used in the Rochester deaf community's ASL. I think that it is almost a defense mechanism that they feel ostracized (and rightly so!) by mainstream culture they feel the need to flip it and exclude those that don't fit into their "box" of what hearing impaired should be.
There are always unhappy people not being satisfied enough. I'm a deaf person, using ASL to communicate and I don't talk at all but I don't sign that well enough. they criticize me for signing with too much pidgin. Just... whatever. I am what makes me, and just suck it up and deal with it.
I agree with you. I am not at all deaf in any way but I have been studying deaf culture and American sign language for a few years now. since I was a sophomore in high school. it fascinates me! it is so amazing how ignorant some people are. I have learned a lot about how to talk to deaf people about how to approach them and the difference between big D and little d and Alexander graham bell and all of that stuff. I love watching your videos
I don't think there was a single thing you said that didn't echo my own life and experiences. I am severely to profoundly deaf with a speech pathologist for a mom if you can imagine that! I've survived limbo by becoming introverted. Books and written words are my lifelines. I haven't found a Deaf community that I connect with, and my ASL is sad, to say the least.
I don't have a progressive loss, but I'm losing the last tiny remains of my hearing just due to normal aging and maybe because I wear very powerful hearing aids? My audiologist has told me that hearing aids won't do anything for me eventually. That's so incredibly scary because at that point I will become isolated from even my family. I don't want a CI, so I know that eventually, I need to commit to becoming fluent in ASL and to hope that my family is willing to take that step with me.
I can agree with this video and I can agree and now I am looking to do ASL classes and will pay for the classes and I hope my mum and brother will learn for my sake because it is hard being HOH and not understanding what people say to my face thank you so much for this video Rikki
Being a person that has recently become pretty HOH due to illness, I want to express how ISOLATING it is, not being able to understand some of what everyone says, because you can’t hear certain pitches of speech. Literally every conversation gets a little bit lost, you stop connecting with people as much because you just do the “smile and nod” thing about stuff you’ve had them repeat twice and still don’t understand. And if two other people are having a conversation that they are trying to share with you, but not being clear enough or looking at you, I personally just kind of give up sometimes and go back to what I was doing. It’s cut me out of a lot of my life with people.
Also, as someone who grew up hearing in a hearing family, and someone who has adhd (which comes with rejection sensitivity disorder, fun times!) i worry A LOT about trying to be included or a part of the Deaf community. Like if i try to respectfully become a part of it, will Deaf people be like “not deaf enough”? Or because I can still participate in the hearing world, or am not fluent in asl will I get snubbed or treated like I’m trying to take their culture without being part of it?
I know most people won’t, and I haven’t even found a local Deaf group to dip my toes into yet. But it’s a worry I have, because I know hat people can be a**holes.
Thanks for your video! I love how honest and up front you are! ❤️❤️❤️
I grew up mainstream, I'm 41 years old and I'm becoming more and more aware that what little hearing I have, is going to be gone entirely at some point. It's frustrating knowing that I struggled through four years of Spanish when I should have struggled through 4 years of ASL in high school.
Now I'm 41, I know like 3 signs, all of them crude, and am still stuck in limbo of being hard of hearing.
Just today, my neighbor caught my attention from her 3rd story window by nailing me with a grape. I wasn't mad, we have that sort of relationship where she can throw grapes at me all day long and I'll find it funny, but it is a reminder that just a few years ago she could have got my attention by calling out.
All the obnoxious hand gestures people used when they were frustrated when I couldn't hear them, all reminders of my limitations and insulting to the extreme.
The loud voices..
All that crap...
meh.
Whatever.
i relate to this so much!
i do the "voice-off" thing in public sometimes even though i speak just fine, just because it really seems that for some (many?) hearing people, a deaf person who can speak just doesnt compute, it's so frustrating... how many times have i said to a hearing person who was speaking to me "i'm sorry i'm deaf, i can't understand you" and they... kept speaking... why...?? meanwhile if i sign "i'm deaf", they try gesturing/miming or writing things down. it's so weird!
(and the "you speak so well!!" thing is so baffling... i was a teenager when i started losing my hearing, come on...)
this was the longest comment ever, sorry. anyway, i love your videos!
At times like that... I want to have a friend like me which we can understand ourselves. It will be so nice *.*
I'm taking a Deaf Issues and Resources class at the moment and we recently covered Alexander Graham Bell. I lost whatever regard that I had for him and his thoughts and beliefs made me actually feel quite sick. The fact that he pushed for oralism so hard and believed that Deaf people who signed were in some way less than, simply appalled me. Also, I discovered that he actually believed in euthanization and sterilization of Deaf individuals shocked me. I am not sure how he was able to have those beliefs and yet still absolutely adore his mother, have a loving relationship with his Deaf wife (correspondence between the two shows that they did indeed have this type of relationship), and have a close friendship with Helen Keller (yes I do know that she was predominantly oral, but she was still a Deaf individual). What really killed me is that he actually saw himself as helping the Deaf individuals. I'm not sure how he came to that conclusion, but he did. Ugh totally had to rant that one out because his beliefs and work surprised me greatly.
same!!! the sounds change sending love ~~~
I don't have a disability like this but I find it very cool for people who can't her or can't see well can have their language and own way of life and hope to Learn more about it
Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing communities are not alike, every individual is different, and many factors need to be considered, background, cultural, language skills, communication access etc. I believe Sign Langauge is a given gift and an opportunity for us to achieve and fit in a community of sign languages, for education access using sign language interpreters, making friends, and remember not all deaf are alike. it took me a long time to find my true friends in the Deaf world, not much different to this world.
oh god yeah. I've seen this shit happening to deaf friends who are "in the limbo", who are new to deaf culture, who are new to ASL. I even had an ASL interpreter telling a deaf friend that she can't use 'deaf' to label herself b/c she's not "involved enough in the deaf community." I still got so mad thinking about that to this day.
I am the only person who is deaf in one ear at my school and no one else understands me (I was born deaf in one ear)
I’m only halfway through this video, Rikki, and I think I understand the point you’re trying to make: The ears and the mouth/vocal cords aren’t the same thing. Having ears that don’t work or don’t work well (being deaf or HOH) doesn’t alter the vocal cords’ ability to function. The function of each of those organs are independent of each other. Some deaf/Deaf people can - and do - speak orally, for whatever reason, just like there are probably hearing people who many not physically be able to speak. And hearing people who have close relatives who are deaf may actually find themselves part of a fully Deaf family, as the usual mode of communication among ALL family members - hearing and deaf - would be sign language. Are these relatives of deaf people whose ears do work any less Deaf - do they have any less of a place in the Deaf culture and community - just because they can rely on their ears, too, to determine what’s going on around them instead of just their eyes? No.
I'm hard of hearing, and a lot of people tell me that "they forget" or "didn't know". Bc I "speak so well" but at the same time they always bring to my attention when I slur my words or don't pronounce something correctly. It's exhausting trying to make sure I'm talking correctly when it's hard to hear around me let alone myself. At the same time, even my family members seem to forget to look at me when they are talking to me, or to speak louder, things like that. So I've never felt apart of the "hearing world" at the same time, I grew up speaking, I hardly know any sign language. I've tried learning, but even then, it's it consistently used bc I don't need it, therefore what little I know is choppy and im so worried that I'm not doing it correctly. I went to a camp called Dpan, it's a music camp for kids who are Deaf, and hard of hearing. I only went once, and it was fun, I made friends. But I was also aware I was not a part of the deaf community either. I felt like I was shoved into limbo. I couldn't hear enough for hearing people, but I could hear too much for deaf people. Like I said the experience was amazing, and by the end of the week my ASL was so much better, I could actually carry on a conversation, only bc I was the only person there who didn't rely on it, I met so many nice people who helped me. I followed two people around like a lost puppy, and they would translate and help me when I fell behind. And if I messed up, they corrected me right away. But I completely understand that limbo feeling. And it feels so good to know that there are others out there.
my great aunt went deaf when she was 2. she went to a deaf school Ann's the school told her family not to learn sign language so she was oral and didn't really use sign language either.
For me unless I tell people I am Hoh people are like huh??? I didn't know that part of that is that I did speak well I did not lose my hearing until age three or at least that's what I've been told but in the last three years it has been getting progressively worse and I've found out about deaf culture and I have wanted to learn asl I'm slowly getting accustomed
I know that feeling as well, being a partially deaf person . The struggle is real lolol
I don't really speak about it with anyone, but there are certain things I can't hear very well. I use subtitles on my TV and phone often because it's sometimes difficult to understand. Soft-spoken classmates are a pain because I have to keep asking "what? What? What?" When others can understand them clearly. It kind of gets embarrassing. We watched a video in History today giving us directions to this breakout thing we had to solve and I didn't understand a word it said. The voice was fuzzy and almost... I don't know, but it was difficult for me to understand on top of not being able to hear it well. I had to ask my group partners what it said at the end. This one kid said something. It was a big word that I couldn't understand. I still don't know what he was saying because I eventually stopped asking "what?". It's getting more and more difficult for me.
This has been going on all over the world for a long time. The deaf community put up walls if you are not "in" with them. Maybe things will change but its been 30 years and I'm still waiting.....
I’m finding so many people are unkind ....I used to have a very mild hearing loss & I was a medical & educational interpreter. I did Deaf/Blind Interpreting too.. my parents were very abusive. I have lots of scar tissue and hearing loss from ear drums that ruptured over & over again. But then in 2002, I was in a MVA & I was injured & became moderate Deaf right ear and severe Deaf in left ear. I talk and my family won’t even try to sign. I taught my daughters when they were small & they remember some. I’m teaching my granddaughters now.. but because I talk -hearing ppl are so mean & Deaf mostly are kind because I’m ASL but still I don’t fit in anywhere. Once in Musically I put a --#Deaf-- and a bunch of hearing ppl got mad and one Deaf girl who also talks and signs got really nasty and said “--#Deaf- really???”?ugghh I hate being in between ...but Deaf are much more kind mostly... thank you Rikki! Hugs
I have the ability to swing between both worlds. am deaf but I'm like you. but am fluent in sign :-) keep it up.
I genuinely agree with and the gap... But now a days people are a lot more excepting on both sides... When my teacher finally figured out in 2nd grade that I was hard of hearing, my life changed a lot and never felt accepted either way... Hell my 1st grade teacher labelled as unteachable, seriously unteachable... My 2nd grade teacher noticed I was reading her lips most of the... Eventually it was found out I had crystalized polyps on the inside and outside of my ear drum of my left ear, eventually to find out I had cholesteotoma? roughly cancer that was eating its way to my brain... I have no anvil, hammer and reconstructed cochlea, I also have a synthetic ear drum... Finally ended up with 2 sets of tubes in my right ear... Im 95% dead in my left ear and 30-35% in my right ear... I was never taught sign language, I know a few signs that I learned from books... I was told when I was 7 I would be deaf by the time I hit 30, well im 39, yes I've lost some more hearing over the years but not to drastic sense that the doctors said... I seriously watch body language and lips for stuff my ears couldn't hear and it is sooooo frustrating... And I honestly know what it's like to fit in either way, too many times have I felt like crap because I didn't fit inany category and was made fun of either way :/
hello everyone iam hearing iam 20 but i have grown up in a speical education class this is a song i wrote about labels
This is a song i wrote Labels are what people give you when they are scared of what ypur capable of.
First verse. When people meet you they are quick to give you labels like you have speical needs and it crushes a young child cause it makes them feel like their not normal and they dont get the access to things that other people do woah labels are what people give you when they are scared of what your capable of. Yeah i have unrecognized potential and iam going to use it. You can put all the labels you want on me cause i know who i really am and iam proud of that and they have made me stronger yeah when you tell me no it fires up my determination to new hights. Woah labels are what people give you when they are scared of what your capaple of.yeah
2nd verse. Once you have had labels all your life they just become words and it makes you want to do what you want do so much more. Yeah labels are like when you said there too many pathways that arent a choice for me cause i was in the special needs class at school woah labels are what people give you when they are scared of what you are capable of. Yeah. When you get labels it doesnt mean your any diffrent you can still do anything that everyone else does yeah labels are what people give you when they are capable of. Yeah
Chrous. When you get lables tell them to get educated instead of judging woah labels are what people when they are scared of what your capable of. Just remember nobodys perfect theres no such thing as a perfect person so when people give you labels tell them that they are a hypocrite cause they arent perfect either. Labels are what people give you when they are scared of what your capable of. Yeah. So you have to prove them wrong its such a amazing feeling when you do. Dont let people who give you these mean labels celebrate your success cause they dont have a right to if they cant support you in the hard times then they have no right to be there in the awesome times. When you smash the labels woah i had friends who were sick and in wheelchairs ask me why iam in speical needs class and i couldnt tell them i have no idea. Woah because i have had labels put on me. Woah its soo sad i couldnt answer them.woah but now i see it does hurt that labels are people give you when they are scared of what your capable of.woah yeah
3rd verse. I just want to let you know my dreams have come true since i realized that labels are people Give you when they are scaeed of what people give ypu when they are scared of what your capable of.Yeah you told me that my dreams cant happen cause iam dreaming to big now iam going to show you that you are so wrong labels are what people give you when they are scared of what your capable of.yeah.they dont want you do better than them but thats the best thing to do when they give you lables are what people give you when they are scared of what your capable of. Yeah
Chorusx2
I'm the Visually Impaired equivalent. Too blind to be "visually Impaired, but not blind enough to be "blind". I use speech and magnification together because I need them both not just one. I'm blind enough for a cane but not dark glasses... I could go on
i was born deaf and raised in a Hearing family, went to a Hearing school, didn't know ANYTHING about Deaf Community/Culture until i was 14. I have a channel bringing awareness as well if you want to check it out! I loved this video!!!
I totally relate to this.. I understand where your coming from
I'm HOH and my hearing gets progressively worse over time. I've been told hearing aids will only speed the process. My family has known since I was in elementary school but I was educated through mainstream means and it was alright for the most part, I made it through school. As I get older it gets harder though. I wish I learned ASL. I still want to learn but have such a hard time finding resources. I don't know where to find courses.
Saland Findles most junior colleges have beginning ASL classes.