If It's Delicious And Light: TSW Adverts & Gus Honeybun, 1992

Bedknobs and Broomsticks comes to an end after at least twenty minutes too many, and we start off with yet more bloody laundry. This time it's Persil, with a fat scientist dancing around in a vaguely Beckettian cavern of washing machines, while singing a re-written version of "Reet Petite". That song actually made me hate this advert, because I had been genuinely frightened as a three-year-old by the nightmarish video for the 1986 reissue, which featured a claymation Wilson capering around and occasionally shapeshifting in an even more Beckettian landscape, with musical staves hanging in the air, bushes made of little singing mouths, and a terrifying effigy rolling his r's and at one point MELTING HIS FACE INTO A BABY'S FACE in the middle of it.
Then there's a corny but strangely likeable advert for Delight, a range of low-fat, low-cholesterol business that seems to have died out with the 20th Century, although I could be wrong. It's bloody hard to Google.
Next it's Rice Krispies, and Snap, Crackle and Pop, except it's COMPLETELY WRONG because Snap, Crackle and Pop are NOT BLOODY SUPERHEROES, they're little Keebler elf pixie whatever men. In their original configuration as pixies, they had (and have, having reverted a few years later) individual personalities. Not these guys. Here they're apparently beating up Robbie Rotten's dad, which serves him right for being such a rubbish villain. Although I have to wonder where Superman is, given that this is apparently Metropolis. A far more disturbing version had the Dim Patrol here played by actual pre-pubescent boys in rubber wigs. With the same voices. I don't know which version came first, but I'd wager it was the uncanny valley-tastic live action one because a) it's easier to comp in some animation over the top of extant footage than it is to remount and reshoot that entire scene for live-action shooting, and b) this version's shorter.
Next, a simpering woman explains gum disease with a tomato. She doesn't explain how similar a tomato is to the human gum. Those bouncy necks were soon pretty much standard on all decent toothbrushes.
Then there's an archetypal poncey perfume advert which seems to have been shot on film slathered in honey. It's from Vanderbilt, as is pointed out over and bloody over. Vanderbilt.
Then Chris Barrie voices for Smarties - which in the UK are little round discs of chocolate in thin sugary shells - and their latest promotion, Gruesome Greenies. Now, according to Robin Carmody ("it brings me the same kind of joy I always strive for in my writing"), this is from 25th May 1992. Why did they do a spooky-themed promotion in May, rather than, say, October? Only Smarties have the answer.
The final advert is for Burger King Kids' Club, their incorrect answer to McDonaldland. In contrast to that lot, BK have by now pretty much given up and gone home as far as the concept and characters are concerned, with literally every appearance they ever made consisting of this advert with a different promotional toy in the middle. All the "You Got It"s - the chain's main slogan at the time - smack of increasing desperation. I can't shake the feeling that the voice artist collapsed on the ground weeping at the end of the session.
That's the last advert, but there's also a rather unusual Gus Honeybun Birthday slot in which they've somehow managed to break the magic button, meaning at least one kid has to settle for bunny hops. An apparently drunk Gus' foil is the adorable Sally Meen, who had the misfortune of joining TSW in 1990. Later she joined GMTV as a weathergirl, and spent two years as the glamour stooge in Jim Davidson's Generation Game, which is a terrible thing to happen to anyone.
Once the birthdays are out of the way, Sally introduces the still relatively new (to us - it had only been on three years) Home and Away, which gets as far as the first bar of the theme tune before giving up. And that's the end of that tape. Having had a VCR for three years, we apparently still hadn't figured out that you can record things after other things. Vanderbilt.

[@ggeudraco]

That Gus Honeybun was indeed on the eccies that day!
Anyway, I recall sending off for and receiving that 'greenies pouch' from Smarties, and it really was as useless as you can imagine. You could put in coins or just make it do that beak face, but the depth inside that vinyl rubber thing was far too small and you'd just end up with crushed Smarties.
The Burger King Kids Club had a lot more pep than any of the McDonald's characters, and were a lot more...diverse. You had the geek, the one who loved photography, the [mostly 90s stereotype] black dude, the disabled one [fast speed wheelchair]. I'm pretty sure the reason why the other one wears a visor is because he's blind and it was built by the geek to help him see, but I may be so very wrong. The voice also sounds like Izzy from Digimon [Mona Marshall].

[@applemask]

The current South Park lady. Could be.

[@danielleslater2317]

@@applemask I don't remember the RK elves being superheroes.

[@uhegbu]

Remember the Rice Krispies advert very well. The Vanderbilt one dates from the 1980s onwards.

[@neonatalpenguin]

That Rice Krispies advert is set in 2014. That's only three years away. How prescient.

[@danmcdaid8608]

neonatalpenguin and now the past!

[@docmagnus88]

@col2006ie I was going to ask if Gus was always like that. He seemed a bit more demented than when I first saw him on the ITV in the Face program for TSW.

[@danielamofah3091]

TX - Monday 25th May 1992.

[@Diamondblade2008]

Regarding your comment on Delight, I read somewhere a long time ago (albeit vaguely) that the brand was bought by Clover, though I could be wrong.

[@applemask]

@docmagnus88 He was always a bit manic, but this is more hyper than usual. The puppet also appears to be falling apart. He wasn't a very well-made puppet.