I was adopted at 6 weeks from a children's hospital. When my adoptive mother died it tore me apart. After 5 sessions of EMDR nearly a decade later my life has changed radically for the better. We know so much more today than in the 70's, 80's and 90's! Thank you.
What you said really spoke To me as an adoptee. Everything you said about adult adoptees is spot on!! I was relinquished by parents, while they kept my older brother and sister. It’s taken a long time for me to feel deserving of being enough. I also heard the words “you should be grateful you were adopted”. The memory of an adult saying that to a 12 year old and my nine year old adopted brother haunts me to this day. Who talks to a child that wayp
Finding them is meaningful if they wish to reunite and if all goes well. However, it doesn’t resolve the trauma of the initial separation and the missed years. No one should go into a reunion thinking this is what will heal me. It doesn’t meet that early need of that baby to continue to be with its mother to whom it clung for survival. This loss was interpreted by the child as an existential loss, the loss of beloved protector, leaving the child to think it had to now fend for itself somehow. This abandonment cannot be undone by a later appearance of the first mother when the child has become an adult.
This was true for me even after being in reunion for 40 years with both my bio parents. The damage was engraved in my nervous systemBUT healing from it is possible and part of my journey. @@cherwynambuter7873
Nancy, Thank you so much for writing this insightful book. If it was not for this book, I would not have continued in establishing a relationship with my biological family but instead , I would have run. Abandoned. It has been so helpful .
They were NEVER my parents and they WILL never be my parents. She told me when I was 15 that she always felt that she had been raising another woman's child.
Thank you for identification xxx Please could someone advise me where to start to be able to study in a form of therapy to help adoptees like myself work through this without falling as far as I did 😌
There is so much healing that can be done. I know. If you work with a trauma informed therapist & learn how to heal your attachment style, reprogramming old ineffective subconscious programming, change limiting beliefs, heal core wounds…figure out who you really are, becoming empowered. It’s absolutely possible. I wish you peace, connection and healing.
Would you have Nancy’s contact? Or could you give her mine? I would love to translate her book into my own language as I think it would help so many! Its the only book that is relevant for adoptions
And always having to leave family history blank when filling out medical forms. And when people ask about your ethnicity. Not knowing your cultural or religious identity.
And let me give yall some context on something Social convention and the law dictate that my adopters at will can remove themselves from my birth certificate but I cannot. And not only at fifteen dispite years of trying my best to please her did she tell me that she always felt she had been raising another woman's child but it only took me 4.5 months for me to learn how to please my real 94 year old Grandma with dementia and congestive heart failure and i never truely won Kathys reguard or affection after 33 years of trying and I gave up on her completely when she stood by like a pompus judgemental horses behind and let the state of Florida angela Corey and Judge Gooding tear up my family and toss my children to her. It felt to me like she was making out like although I get pregnant more easily than her she's better than me because she got just handed over with almost no oversight or investigation two generations of my family. So no that poor excuse of a woman NEVER was my mother and never will be my mother.
That doesn’t mean a baby isn’t traumatized from separation. A baby is disturbed by a dangerous mother because a “dangerous” mother can not show up and be a consistent source of safe attachment… safety, coregulation, reassurance, etc. A baby has no concept of the mother being dangerous..only that they are not getting attachment needs met. The baby then is doubly traumatized. It is not an either/or situation. The baby is traumatized due to the separation, regardless. It is not that adoption cures the separation. It doesn’t. Adoption may provide a safer environment…but it does not ameliorate the trauma.
You really do seem like a nice lady, however how exactly do you expect s couple of covert narcissistists with fertility trauma who believe with every cell of their body that children have to be taught to constantly fight their inherant original sin and wanted and dreamed of a child they could turn into whatever they wanted for ten years to allow someone else's child to be themselves? That is not a realistic possibility THAT is a complete mess. And by the way when I asked too many questions at 9 ten years old I was used by the corrupt social worker called Delores Delgadeo to manipulate a young mother in the hospital into giving up her baby i didn't not know that was what really happened that day until I found out on my 42nd birthday that me ànd another one of Delores clients purchases were taken to st pauls hospital to see where we were born and i found out that I was born at the hospital Kennedy finnished dying at and while we were asked to visit a woman there to try and make her "feel" better. I have always enjoyed making anyone feel better if I feel they don't deserve to feel bad or if I feel moved to do so. So I am both very angry and miserable about that one at 45 five years old. I wish to apologize to that mamma and her baby and that other little girl for being an idiot. I am sorry.
My twin spent some time with our birth mother, and they committed suicide within 3 months of each other as a result. You are being naive and destructive.
I was adopted at 6 weeks from a children's hospital. When my adoptive mother died it tore me apart. After 5 sessions of EMDR nearly a decade later my life has changed radically for the better. We know so much more today than in the 70's, 80's and 90's! Thank you.
I agree 💯. Nature is stronger than nurture.
What you said really spoke
To me as an adoptee. Everything you said about adult adoptees is spot on!! I was relinquished by parents, while they kept my older brother and sister. It’s taken a long time for me to feel deserving of being enough. I also heard the words “you should be grateful you were adopted”. The memory of an adult saying that to a 12 year old and my nine year old adopted brother haunts me to this day. Who talks to a child that wayp
Can you find biological relatives?
Finding them is meaningful if they wish to reunite and if all goes well. However, it doesn’t resolve the trauma of the initial separation and the missed years. No one should go into a reunion thinking this is what will heal me. It doesn’t meet that early need of that baby to continue to be with its mother to whom it clung for survival. This loss was interpreted by the child as an existential loss, the loss of beloved protector, leaving the child to think it had to now fend for itself somehow. This abandonment cannot be undone by a later appearance of the first mother when the child has become an adult.
Covert narcissists with fertility trauma who needed therapy not to buy babies
@@cherwynambuter7873this was true for m
This was true for me even after being in reunion for 40 years with both my bio parents. The damage was engraved in my nervous systemBUT healing from it is possible and part of my journey. @@cherwynambuter7873
Im in one of those blacked out screens lol
Nancy, Thank you so much for writing this insightful book. If it was not for this book, I would not have continued in establishing a relationship with my biological family but instead , I would have run. Abandoned. It has been so helpful .
They were NEVER my parents and they WILL never be my parents. She told me when I was 15 that she always felt that she had been raising another woman's child.
I appreciate the empathy you show that I have NEVER seen out of an adopter but you are NOT a mother to anyone you did not make
I would really like to know if Nancy would have reunited her adopted daughter to her biological mother , if she had not given birth to her own child.
Thank you for identification xxx Please could someone advise me where to start to be able to study in a form of therapy to help adoptees like myself work through this without falling as far as I did 😌
Interesting. I feel empty, a little wrong, pressure on my chest. How do I cope with that?
Sorry you feel like that. Hopefully you will resolve that sometime in this life time.
There is so much healing that can be done. I know. If you work with a trauma informed therapist & learn how to heal your attachment style, reprogramming old ineffective subconscious programming, change limiting beliefs, heal core wounds…figure out who you really are, becoming empowered. It’s absolutely possible.
I wish you peace, connection and healing.
Mine was a closed adoption in 1960. Tried to contact my biological mother, to no avail.
Snap. Same with me
Would you have Nancy’s contact? Or could you give her mine? I would love to translate her book into my own language as I think it would help so many! Its the only book that is relevant for adoptions
NOT BEING ALLOWED TO EVEN KNOW YOUR REAL NAME.. So many missing years and missing information about your true family history.. etc etc
Your true family are the people that raised you. Birth parents will always be birth parents.
And always having to leave family history blank when filling out medical forms.
And when people ask about your ethnicity.
Not knowing your cultural or religious identity.
And let me give yall some context on something Social convention and the law dictate that my adopters at will can remove themselves from my birth certificate but I cannot. And not only at fifteen dispite years of trying my best to please her did she tell me that she always felt she had been raising another woman's child but it only took me 4.5 months for me to learn how to please my real 94 year old Grandma with dementia and congestive heart failure and i never truely won Kathys reguard or affection after 33 years of trying and I gave up on her completely when she stood by like a pompus judgemental horses behind and let the state of Florida angela Corey and Judge Gooding tear up my family and toss my children to her. It felt to me like she was making out like although I get pregnant more easily than her she's better than me because she got just handed over with almost no oversight or investigation two generations of my family. So no that poor excuse of a woman NEVER was my mother and never will be my mother.
AdoptionHappyHour: I thought it was a joke title.
Is it disturbing to the baby when the mother is a dangerous person to children .
That doesn’t mean a baby isn’t traumatized from separation.
A baby is disturbed by a dangerous mother because a “dangerous” mother can not show up and be a consistent source of safe attachment… safety, coregulation, reassurance, etc. A baby has no concept of the mother being dangerous..only that they are not getting attachment needs met.
The baby then is doubly traumatized. It is not an either/or situation. The baby is traumatized due to the separation, regardless. It is not that adoption cures the separation. It doesn’t. Adoption may provide a safer environment…but it does not ameliorate the trauma.
Mother is dangerous then father step in
Aunts uncles grandparents cousins
No stranger adoption
Adoption happy hour is an oxymoron
I can’t tell you on a parent who’s already proved irresponsible.
You really do seem like a nice lady, however how exactly do you expect s couple of covert narcissistists with fertility trauma who believe with every cell of their body that children have to be taught to constantly fight their inherant original sin and wanted and dreamed of a child they could turn into whatever they wanted for ten years to allow someone else's child to be themselves? That is not a realistic possibility THAT is a complete mess. And by the way when I asked too many questions at 9 ten years old I was used by the corrupt social worker called Delores Delgadeo to manipulate a young mother in the hospital into giving up her baby i didn't not know that was what really happened that day until I found out on my 42nd birthday that me ànd another one of Delores clients purchases were taken to st pauls hospital to see where we were born and i found out that I was born at the hospital Kennedy finnished dying at and while we were asked to visit a woman there to try and make her "feel" better. I have always enjoyed making anyone feel better if I feel they don't deserve to feel bad or if I feel moved to do so. So I am both very angry and miserable about that one at 45 five years old. I wish to apologize to that mamma and her baby and that other little girl for being an idiot. I am sorry.
My twin spent some time with our birth mother, and they committed suicide within 3 months of each other as a result.
You are being naive and destructive.