Craziest (Legal) Ways People Tried to Get Away with Crimes

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  • Опубликовано: 10 дек 2024

Комментарии • 1 тыс.

  • @BenjaminProtasio
    @BenjaminProtasio Год назад +625

    I hear the craziest way to avoid criminal prosecution is to just repeat the word "allegedly" over and over. Seems to work so far...

    • @imnotyourfriendbuddy1883
      @imnotyourfriendbuddy1883 Год назад +32

      no, allegedly keeps civil suits away

    • @Ravendarkwytch
      @Ravendarkwytch Год назад +30

      @@imnotyourfriendbuddy1883allegedly it does

    • @levilandes1719
      @levilandes1719 Год назад +22

      ​@@imnotyourfriendbuddy1883You are allegendly correct.

    • @AcornElectron
      @AcornElectron Год назад +12

      It works. Legally binding. No defamation, no slander or libel (closed captions and auto subtitles create a nightmare for RUclipsrs), no civil lawsuits from alleged bellends, nothing.
      Keep up the alleged good work fella and always, stay safe!

    • @imnotyourfriendbuddy1883
      @imnotyourfriendbuddy1883 Год назад +4

      @@AcornElectron
      "i said he was allegedly a sticky finger bandit because allegedly he is one" -Paf McAfee
      Brett Favre dropped the suit after Pat said he had no information that wasn't already public, lol.

  • @asiabryant207
    @asiabryant207 Год назад +96

    Simon saying not to play with knives IMMEDIATELY being followed by him playing with a knife was comedic gold

  • @zioming
    @zioming Год назад +14

    2:14 Reminds me of that joke:
    During a court trial:
    - Did you kill him?
    - No.
    - And do you know what the penalty for perjury is?
    - Less than for murder.

  • @Redkrovvy
    @Redkrovvy Год назад +169

    Simon brandishing a knife and stabbing it into his own table is the type of chaotic BDE I did not expect and I’m here for it! 😂😂❤

    • @cleverusername9369
      @cleverusername9369 Год назад +1

      This is well said

    • @tapiocaweasel
      @tapiocaweasel Год назад +1

      This is well said

    • @ApatheticXer
      @ApatheticXer Год назад +5

      I figured he was stabbing it into a prop like a block of wood out of camera. Nope.

    • @ReLockCo
      @ReLockCo Год назад +6

      What's a BDE LoLz

    • @KevinG3699
      @KevinG3699 Год назад +4

      ​@ReLockCo I have the same question. My first guess is Bring Dinner Edward, but that wouldn't make contextual sense.

  • @NextEevolution
    @NextEevolution Год назад +133

    I was eagerly anticipating that "oh, dear... cringe" clip at the beginning but seeing Simon play with his knife just after saying don't play with knives was gold. And seeing Sam use the meme later was absolutely spectacular

    • @duncancurtis5108
      @duncancurtis5108 Год назад +1

      Only if that godawful 70s tank top was twirling to the Birdie Song like Rodders at the Club 18 30.

    • @chlorineismyperfume
      @chlorineismyperfume Год назад +3

      This episode just rolls well!

  • @bradlevantis913
    @bradlevantis913 Год назад +21

    I like how Dave led Simon down a path of good fun, only to lead him to the Casual Criminalist door

  • @bob_._.
    @bob_._. Год назад +146

    Simon, my wife had a mild allergy to cats but would become immune to individual cats in a few days.
    Sentences are doubled for hate crimes, so a life sentence becomes "double life" which can effect parole eligibility.
    I read about a guy who bought a very expensive box of cigars and had them insured. About a year later he filed an insurance claim, stating the cigars had been destroyed in a series of small fires. The insurance company paid the claim but then had the guy charged with 24 counts of insurance fraud by arson.

    • @goosenotmaverick1156
      @goosenotmaverick1156 Год назад +4

      It's kind of similar concept to "aggravating factors" from my understanding, yes?

    • @goosenotmaverick1156
      @goosenotmaverick1156 Год назад +10

      Also, so cigar guy smoked them. Lol

    • @deesteesllc
      @deesteesllc Год назад +6

      Was this cigar guy named Brad paisley? Where’d u read about it, the cigar song lyric video? Lol

    • @JootjeJ
      @JootjeJ Год назад +2

      I need about a month or so to get used to new cats.

    • @pokeydot1975
      @pokeydot1975 Год назад +1

      Didn't Simon tell us the cigar fraud story?

  • @demial4
    @demial4 Год назад +29

    I'm going to assume that's not how Simon tells his kids not to play with knives. Just us, his adult children.

  • @adiemuller5422
    @adiemuller5422 Год назад +44

    Simon is suffering along with all of us, but his suffering makes me feel better

  • @fordchancellor8173
    @fordchancellor8173 Год назад +125

    Casual criminalist was created for those of us that want Simon to keep trying to make death funny.

  • @anonymousrex5207
    @anonymousrex5207 Год назад +47

    I have been practicing criminal law for over 15 years and the ridiculous and crazy versions of events that defendants (and lawyers) come up with to explain away evidence are always hilarious, as well as often embarrassingly dumb. Sadly, the only thing that's worse than some of the stupid things people come up with as a defense, is how stupid the jury is to believe it.

    • @Democlis
      @Democlis Год назад +7

      Im forced to believe that at least a few of those insanely ridiculous explanations were true, sometimes people are dumb and make dumb decisions that seems almost cartoonish in hindside.

    • @redqueeen2950
      @redqueeen2950 Год назад +5

      Some times there are stories so dumb, that you actually believe it, because the alternative is so complicated. Or the stupidity is so complicated or advanced that it just makes sense. If someone hundred prosent stand behind a stupid reason, and is believable, people will think "its so stupid, why would someone lie and be so dumb about it, if they lied they would have come up with a more believable lie".
      Human brain is funny

    • @Brett_S_420
      @Brett_S_420 Год назад +5

      ​@@redqueeen2950And that is how Trump has supporters.

    • @geoffreyentwistle8176
      @geoffreyentwistle8176 Год назад

      Yeah, it unfortunately makes sense that the better move is to fully ban it as a defense, rather than relying on it being too ridiculous to believe, just because I would expect it to get used so often that it might find a jury that's actually sympathetic to the defense. Once that happens, it's no longer just ridiculous - it has a PRECEDENT... XP

  • @RavenFilms
    @RavenFilms Год назад +28

    Simon, here’s a tip for your wife on the cat.
    True looking for an cat that sheds less allergens is good, also know that for many people who have cat allergies (myself included, with 4 cats), tend to acclimate to them after a few weeks.
    I have no problems with my kitties but whenever I get a new one or go to someone’s house who has one, my allergies will act up again.
    If she finds it a problem with the cat you get, wait a few weeks before giving up on it. Take some allergy medicine and wash hands thoroughly after petting and she may recover in 3-6 weeks. Your kitty will thank you for it, as rehoming is always very stressful.

    • @midnite_rambler
      @midnite_rambler Год назад +8

      I can vouch for this too. I also have a mild cat allergy, yet have owned cats all my life. An antihistamine for a few days is worth it.
      Cats are amazing.

    • @RavenFilms
      @RavenFilms Год назад +7

      @@midnite_rambler They sure are! 😻
      I ended up having to adopt a family members cat who I was very allergic to for years. It was a rough first month, but after that, as long as I didn’t snuggle my face on her and didn’t touch my face after petting, I was good for the remaining 7 years I had her.
      Scratches always itched something fierce though!
      (I REALLY hope Simon sees this thread)

    • @KougajiCalling
      @KougajiCalling Год назад +1

      My friend has cats and she always makes sure that they are very clean. It helps keep allergens down.

    • @OncleClara
      @OncleClara Год назад

      Same here! I’m allergic but I get immune to my own cats within 2 - 3 weeks. If they sleep on your bed just make sure to wash your sheets maybe 2 times a week for the first couple of weeks on a hot wash as well.

    • @Nirrrina
      @Nirrrina Год назад

      There's also a food you can get which will reduce the allergens cats produce.

  • @nathanrood865
    @nathanrood865 Год назад +14

    Simon playing 5 finger stab really reminds me of the epic blazes of yesteryear! Love it!

  • @jessovenden
    @jessovenden Год назад +38

    My second husband had a sickening collection of these images.
    Allegedly.
    When I stumbled across them he said it was research for a screenplay he was writing. I was so horrified that it took me a couple of years to report him to Interpol. His other abuse had ground me down to where I didn’t trust my own eyes. Gaslighting does some dreadful things.
    One image in particular, the first one I saw, is seared into my brain. I wish I had just called the police, but his only friend was the local sheriff. I should have done more.
    Allegedly.
    Sorry to share this but in case anyone thought “I’m writing a book..” is a real excuse, or even that nobody would say that, or even that nobody is stupid enough to believe it.. well it does really happen.

    • @mookinbabysealfurmittens
      @mookinbabysealfurmittens Год назад +19

      He was friends with the local sheriff! There was very little you could even safely do at all. What he did was horrible, with those images but also what he did to you. Gaslighting - and the rest of abusers' tactics, like a set - really changes the way you think about everything. Never mind the ridiculous irl OP intrinsic to sheriffs. You were lucky to get out. And I'm glad you did.

    • @jessovenden
      @jessovenden Год назад +16

      @@mookinbabysealfurmittens Thank you. You just lightened my load of vicarious guilt a good bit. You’re very kind and you seem to understand. I actually expected condemnation for not somehow acting immediately. I just couldn’t.

    • @projectjupiter5523
      @projectjupiter5523 Год назад +3

      I am so sorry you were stuck with such an awful and abusive person. well done for reporting him, you did an amazingly positive thing in doing so, regardless of how long it took and mustn't blame yourself. it is completely understandable that being with an abusive manipulative POS like that would make it difficult to even think of distrusting his lies or reporting him, especially considering the fact that he had the police on his side, which made reporting him hard and made you even less likely to see him for the monster he truly was (as surely he wouldn't be friends with the sheriff is he was a bad person, you may have thought). what you did was incredibly tough but absolutely the right thing and you should be proud of yourself for working up the courage to help the children who are victimised for such material, not guilty that your toxic and precarious former marriage put so many psychological and practical obstacles in your path to justice. well done again and i hope you're able to heal from all of the harm that man put you through and are far, far away from him.

    • @jessovenden
      @jessovenden Год назад

      @@projectjupiter5523 Thank you so much. It was horrifying but at least I reported him. Nothing happened to him though, I don’t think he was even questioned.
      And there’s something else, I live on the other side of the world now.
      I had a baby girl, and he never got a chance to do anything to her. She’s an adult now. I kept in touch with certain members of his family who are good people for her sake, so there’s that too.
      Thank you again. You seem to know what I went through? Or you are very empathetic. xx

    • @horrormoviereactions
      @horrormoviereactions 7 месяцев назад +2

      You were a victim, not a co-conspirator. You were brave to get away and speak up. Give yourself credit and a little bit of grace for those things. What an awful situation to find yourself in. I'm so glad you're no longer trapped by your relationship and I hope you are supported and loved.

  • @lilpaws9555
    @lilpaws9555 Год назад +23

    The cup thing is actually a felony. Felony food tampering and sexual assault. That’s what waiters get charged for if they spit in your food.

  • @xXScissorHandsXx
    @xXScissorHandsXx Год назад +37

    Simon's rant at 20 min was worth the crazed tales in itself 😅

    • @owenshebbeare2999
      @owenshebbeare2999 Год назад +1

      An alternative word might work, but seems unlikely.

    • @OncleClara
      @OncleClara Год назад

      We all tune in at least 79% just for Simons rants.

  • @EpicgamerwinXD6669
    @EpicgamerwinXD6669 Год назад +21

    I know the quote in thumbnail seems ridiculous, but true story, when I was little I had trouble beating this one boss in a video game, and after failing multiple times, I paused the game for a bathroom break. Before I was finished though I heard the game’s audio startup again, and when I got back, I found that my cat was standing on one of the buttons on the controller, and one of the analog sticks. But here’s the best part, not only did my cat unpause the game, I also got back to the tv just in time to watch her beat the boss. Yes, seriously.

    • @CharizardMaster69
      @CharizardMaster69 Год назад

      bruh, that wasn’t a cat, you had a fuckin animporph.

    • @rachelb4398
      @rachelb4398 Год назад +7

      Yeah, I thought that story was ridiculous, too, until I noticed my cat walking across my keyboard and doing some strange things: turning the desktop display sideways, changing the name of my downloads folder to "LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"--still can't figure out how he did that one. I thought it was so funny that I didn't rename it, and it still has that label!

    • @__carmine
      @__carmine Год назад +5

      My now deceased cat managed to call one of my mom's coworkers by walking on her phone

    • @TitularHeroine
      @TitularHeroine Год назад +2

      ​@@rachelb4398😂😂😂

  • @operator.k
    @operator.k Год назад +10

    Speaking of destroying plants. I use to play in a band with a guy who grew his own supply before legalization here on Canada. he was also a volunteer fire fighter. He grew his stuff in the wooded area behind his place and came home one day to a call where they had to burn his plants. someone found them riding on an ATV and reported them. Poor guy. The fire department knew they were his and saved the task of burning them for him.

  • @ignitionfrn2223
    @ignitionfrn2223 Год назад +51

    4:10 - Chapter 1 - Young lad tells court that he was carrying a knife in order to help his grandmother
    8:55 - Chapter 2 - It's not mine , it belongs to my friend
    11:00 - Chapter 3 - Doctor does something unspeakable
    14:50 - Chapter 4 - Florida man involved in illegal pornography
    18:55 - Chapter 5 - The lgbtq+ panic defence
    - Chapter 6 -
    PS: I love the 1st chapter when you left the knife stuck into the table🤣

  • @scloftin8861
    @scloftin8861 Год назад +90

    The LGBTQ+ panic defense is the last resort of a lawyer who knows they're losing.

    • @ve2vfd
      @ve2vfd Год назад +26

      It should be the "Please disbar me now" defense.

    • @milamber82
      @milamber82 Год назад +3

      Is the LGBTQ+ panic defence good against Ninja`s?

    • @TitularHeroine
      @TitularHeroine Год назад +12

      ​@@milamber82As one such person I can confirm, I have never lost a fight to a ninja, and never has there been a ninja assassination attempt against me that succeeded.

    • @rapchee
      @rapchee Год назад +6

      unfortunately, it worked for decades

    • @mtevilone
      @mtevilone Год назад

      That was not the defense the lawyers came up with. The drug deal, which is what it was about, came from the lawyers.

  • @Im-Not-a-Dog
    @Im-Not-a-Dog Год назад +22

    Depending on where it happened and where hes being put on trial, but the Coffee Guy could be getting "Biological/Chemical Assult".
    A guy here in Sacramento hit our mayor(Kevin Johnson, former NBA player)) in the face with a whipped cream pie as he came out of a building. Not only did the man get his ass beat by the mayor, he was charged with Biological/Chemical Assult simply because there was no way of being sure what was actually in the "cream pie".(This was also pretty close to the 911 Attack and Anthrax Threats so chem/bio weapons and whatnot were a really big issue at the time.)

  • @WilliamDuckett
    @WilliamDuckett Год назад +11

    Seeing Simon's face light up at "did she have big boobs?! I didn't notice" is the funniest shit I've seen today

  • @TheLoneTerran
    @TheLoneTerran Год назад +13

    Simon, according to Cornell University's website, back-to-back life sentences like the two men got in the last entry is used to postpone limit when a prisoner is able to apply for parole. In the US, someone serving a life sentence can apply for parole after ten years in many states and in California, can apply for parole after seven years. They may have been sentenced in the way they were because their state may not having 'life sentence without the possibility of parole'. And extra info, states have to ratify the laws on their own instead of a blanket ban from the Federal level because many crimes are tried at the state level and do not have Federal level involvement.

  • @pheenix135
    @pheenix135 Год назад +13

    Simon, thank you for your asides, they really made that doctor story more... palatable.

  • @adiemuller5422
    @adiemuller5422 Год назад +6

    "It's not a Hate Crime; I just did crime out of hate"

  • @Infodumptruck
    @Infodumptruck Год назад +6

    Pro Quinoa Tip: You have to RINSE quinoa before cooking, otherwise it's horribly bitter. Some people don't know and think that's how it's supposed to taste.

    • @mikeysrose
      @mikeysrose 5 месяцев назад

      I was listening to this in my car, and I made a WTF face at that part and said, out loud, "It doesn't taste like dust. It tastes like rice."

  • @whyjnot420
    @whyjnot420 Год назад +28

    An interesting note about lying: Something that comes up quite often with people that have ADHD is a significantly less lying. Not no lying, not cannot lie, but a tendency to not move to that step in the thought process. To lie you need to think of the truth, then obfuscate it in your mind. These are 2 distinct steps, people who have ADHD will often not move to that 2nd step and just answer or speak truthfully.
    Speaking from personal experience, I have pissed off a LOT of people because of this. The times it is a real issue are with those little white lies that are the grease which allows society to function. Still though, I prefer candor over lies. Thus I will continue as I am.

    • @InteriorDesignStudent
      @InteriorDesignStudent Год назад +7

      My daughter has ADHD and is a compulsive liar.

    • @whyjnot420
      @whyjnot420 Год назад +1

      @@InteriorDesignStudent So? Are you dumb enough to think I was making blanket statements about every single person with ADHD in the history of the world or something?

    • @Stonegolem6
      @Stonegolem6 Год назад +7

      Chronic truthfulness is typically more associated with autism than with adhd. The impulsive nature of kids with adhd often leads to coping behaviors to avoid trouble for it, and one common one is lying.

    • @whyjnot420
      @whyjnot420 Год назад +3

      @@Stonegolem6 You aren't entirely wrong, but you are also missing the point. The lack of moving to that stage of lie, is often very small things, the kinds of things that don't mean enough for most people that they don't consider them "bad" lies. The more serious things are, the more time there is to think, the more there is likely to be lying.
      An obvious type of question would be those of phatic expressions. Where an answer to the question is not actually what is required. Stereotypical examples being asked how the weather is or how you are feeling. Those aren't questions about the environment or your health. They are meant as indications of how a social interaction will go.
      Obviously we all answer those like they are questions at times. I am just using phatic expressions as an example of the type of little question that is not meant to be answered literally.
      You can very much be a pathological liar (in case there is doubt, this does not mean "always lies") about things that matter, but be 110% honest with questions that don't matter. Those are not mutually exclusive. Granted given both of those are extremes, I doubt that many people have both tendencies, but it makes my point.

    • @DystopianOverture
      @DystopianOverture Год назад

      Ehhhh, I've come across fellow ADHDers who are chronic liars a lot more than I like to admit. I am similar to you, my mouth has ran off before my brain has the chance to stop me. Which had lead me to be super honest to the point of being rude by accident.

  • @goosenotmaverick1156
    @goosenotmaverick1156 Год назад +41

    The Matthew Shepherd case really was some fucked up stuff. Absolute insanity what happened to him. I have a friend that grew up nearby and was a scary thing for her growing up.

    • @robertsears8323
      @robertsears8323 Год назад

      That P0S Matthew got what he deserved. And SOON all of them will get the same.
      The world has no place for that kind of evil.

    • @pokeydot1975
      @pokeydot1975 Год назад +6

      That case had me crying for days...😢

    • @goosenotmaverick1156
      @goosenotmaverick1156 Год назад +4

      @@pokeydot1975 our area was surprisingly progressive at the time (I don't live anywhere near Wyoming, but it is a beautiful part of the country) and it shook everyone up, it got hectic for a while too. Scary world we live in and it's only getting worse

    • @annajosullivan
      @annajosullivan Год назад +3

      @@pokeydot1975it still makes me cry.

    • @mookinbabysealfurmittens
      @mookinbabysealfurmittens Год назад +2

      Absolutely abhorrent what happened. And still does. But at least Fred Phelps is dead. (And unfortunately, his granddaughter who alleges to have "changed" has not, and still throws around f-bombs like the US military with actual bombs. Don't believe her; it's easy to see through the facade.)
      The "angels" at his funeral really were. I'll cry if I think about it much longer.

  • @darlenefraser3022
    @darlenefraser3022 Год назад +15

    “I know a thing or two about cringe!”
    You GO, Simon! Love the cringe!
    😊

  • @TxCstevo
    @TxCstevo Год назад +5

    Simon: " I, I can think of lies I've told today, well I can't now"
    Me: So that was a fucking lie. 😂😂😂

  • @Allison-p2c
    @Allison-p2c Год назад +24

    My ex husband rang me and said they were still on the golf course and wouldn't be home for another couple of hours. I rang 1471 and he had rang me from the pub. His friends were in hysterics! It was hilarious. I genuinely didn't care that he'd went to the pub for a couple with his mates. His mates gave him so much stick for months 🤣🤣🤣

    • @Loralanthalas
      @Loralanthalas Год назад +3

      The day he learned the fear of god. 😂😂😂 poor guy. That's absolute gold though.

    • @nmxsanchez
      @nmxsanchez Год назад +2

      Couldn't help but notice that ex part in your story

    • @Gos1234567
      @Gos1234567 Год назад +1

      He doesn’t own a mobile phone?

    • @Allison-p2c
      @Allison-p2c Год назад +2

      @@Gos1234567 this was years ago, before everyone had mobiles

    • @Allison-p2c
      @Allison-p2c Год назад +2

      @@nmxsanchez yes, but that wasn't why we divorced 😉

  • @abigailblackstock4928
    @abigailblackstock4928 Год назад +1

    Omg... And I thought he was scatterbrained on the Casual Criminalist. This is my first Brain Blaze, are they all like this? This is glorious!

  • @MorganHorse
    @MorganHorse Год назад +16

    Usually when Simon talks about animals it’s disappointing but liking cats and wanting to name one Jean Luc is wonderful.

    • @aceundead4750
      @aceundead4750 Год назад +4

      I feel having a cat name Jean Luc would require getting a second cat and naming it Q

    • @134StormShadow
      @134StormShadow Год назад +1

      ​@@aceundead4750 dont forget Spot 🤔🐈

  • @pamelamays4186
    @pamelamays4186 Год назад +12

    If that doctor does end up in prison, PLEASE don't give him a job in the kitchen, especially making coffee.🤢🤮

    • @ReLockCo
      @ReLockCo Год назад +2

      I'm gonna puke.......
      😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @ReLockCo
      @ReLockCo Год назад +1

      Hey my last name is May, that's cool if your is too LoLz

  • @rhov-anion
    @rhov-anion Год назад +5

    I always liked "QUILTBAG" as an easy-to-say acronym for the rainbow spectrum, since it's only two syllables and includes more groups: Queer, Uncertain, Intersex, Lesbian, Trans, Bisexual, Asexual, Gay. Plus there's the idea that we are quilted together, little unique pieces that form a beautiful design.

    • @TitularHeroine
      @TitularHeroine Год назад +2

      I like that! And I had the impression of the bag having quilting supplies in it, to always be adding -- welcoming -- new unique swatches to the colorful design.

    • @blackc1479
      @blackc1479 Год назад +2

      Never heard that one, but I like it.👍

  • @bchin4005
    @bchin4005 Год назад +1

    Excellent cat meme edits for the "the cat did it" segment, Sam! Thank you!

  • @cynthiasimpson931
    @cynthiasimpson931 Год назад +5

    One of my Facebook friends had her cat order a book on Amazon. She had opened up the page for the book on Amazon, then went to get a cup of coffee, and when she came back her cat was laying on her keyboard and had ordered the book she'd been looking at. Definitely sounds like something a cat will do.

    • @Nirrrina
      @Nirrrina Год назад +1

      Oh yeah cats will definitely do that. Mine likes to 'help' with my crafting. I used to say she was going to get something glued to her but. But then it happened.

  • @LesCalvin3
    @LesCalvin3 Год назад

    Yes, Simon. Yes, Dave. Every once in a while, it is the channel for it.
    Thank you, guys.

  • @TheGrinningViking
    @TheGrinningViking Год назад +3

    "That feels very a-salty"
    - Simon, dude.

  • @michellecoleman5577
    @michellecoleman5577 Год назад +2

    22:28 OMG this is exactly why I stopped using dictation to text my friend after she pointed out that what VoiceOver was reading didn't actually look the way it sounded. Way too much of a pain in the ass to go check all the spelling and weird mistakes so I just learned how to use iOS' typing in braille feature.

  • @evilwelshman
    @evilwelshman Год назад +29

    I think the rationale for explicitly banning/outlawing the "LGBTQ panic" panic is as follows - Unless explicit banned, lawyers can make it without professional repercussions while neither the prosecution nor the judge would be allowed to forbid this line of argument on that basis alone. Subsequently, jurors (particularly those who may be biased against LGBTQ people) could then be influenced by this even if explicitly told that their findings cannot be based on this argument. Basically, such a law would be there to stop certain stupid jurors from being stupid.

    • @jonnunn4196
      @jonnunn4196 Год назад

      And it does nothing to stop a creative lawyer. There's a whole host of other phrases that could be used that don't explicitly reference sexual orientation starting with "didn't like the way he looked at me"

    • @geoffreyentwistle8176
      @geoffreyentwistle8176 Год назад

      I figure the ban is to avoid even the remote chance that such an argument sways a jury enough to make it a precedent for future cases... If it's used enough, eventually SOME group of jurors could buy it, and make life worse down the road...

  • @censusgary
    @censusgary Год назад +24

    Back in the mid-20th century, people were sometimes acquitted of murder on the grounds that the killing was a defense against homosexual advances. I haven’t heard of that defense being accepted in recent decades, though. As the script here explains, Mathew Shepard’s killers attempted to use such a defense, but with no success. They were (rightly) convicted of murder, and are serving life sentences.

    • @KS-PNW
      @KS-PNW 6 месяцев назад

      Shepard was killed because he owed the cartel tens of thousands of dollars. His sexuality had nothing to do with it, one of the biggest myths in American criminal justice. Heck one of his killers is gay.

  • @KevinG3699
    @KevinG3699 Год назад +4

    Omg simon playing the knife game had me laughing so hard. Then his casual, "Don't do that at home." Had me rolling.

  • @Onewheelordeal
    @Onewheelordeal Год назад +2

    You can always tell someone is a proper Whistler afficionado if their favorite channel is Brain Blaze, tho we never forget Business Blaze

  • @jacquelynsmith2351
    @jacquelynsmith2351 Год назад +26

    My bf just blames everything on the hedgehog... sometimes the cat

    • @ZiptieCycles
      @ZiptieCycles Год назад +6

      Maybe don't have a criminal hedgehog in the house

    • @darlenefraser3022
      @darlenefraser3022 Год назад +1

      😂😂😂

    • @biofoot7874
      @biofoot7874 Год назад +1

      Hedgehogs are crafty little devils!

    • @thehumanconsensus
      @thehumanconsensus Год назад +1

      I understand him. Hedgehogs are mischievous. Those teeth will shred everything and they manage to fit where cats can't.... And the trails they leave... (remembers cleaning up after they got behind the washer)

    • @coolphoton1234
      @coolphoton1234 Год назад +1

      You know, I know a song about a hedgehog...

  • @markredacted8547
    @markredacted8547 Год назад +1

    Dave = LEGEND
    I'm down with the SPARROW+ crowd! 🤣🤣

  • @EvilBlackCat
    @EvilBlackCat Год назад +6

    They deserved double life. It's the saddest story and breaks my heart whenever it's mentioned.

  • @BorderlineBinge
    @BorderlineBinge Год назад +14

    "Gay panic defense" is what most textbooks call it "queer panic defense" is also an easier way to say it, cheers! Great episode as always Dave!

    • @InteriorDesignStudent
      @InteriorDesignStudent Год назад +1

      Weird. Queer and gay are not synonymous.

    • @_NewtonMeter
      @_NewtonMeter Год назад +5

      Also "Trans panic defense"

    • @robertsears8323
      @robertsears8323 Год назад

      @@InteriorDesignStudent But they are ALL pure evil monsters.

    • @InteriorDesignStudent
      @InteriorDesignStudent Год назад +4

      It's sickening.

    • @mookinbabysealfurmittens
      @mookinbabysealfurmittens Год назад

      ​@@InteriorDesignStudentVery sickening. I wish this "villain du jour" shite would just stop. Putting a target on people for political gain, especially already marginalised people, it's just... It's sick.

  • @darkermatter125.35
    @darkermatter125.35 Год назад +5

    Simon's inner Brit coming out as he waves a knife around and spouts off EXACTLY what what kind of knives you can carry around in the U.K. lol.
    -I say, as someone from the US, where I can both carry around a gigantic knife and unbelievably irresponsible guns in my city. I don't think I can carry a sword here, but you can in other states.

  • @ClipsFromMaine
    @ClipsFromMaine Год назад +2

    This script, Dave, indeed! Simon made me laugh, and the editor had me rolling, but read the room Dave… “this isn’t Casual Criminalist” 😂 Did Danny finally die in the basement? I’ve been away a while.

  • @paulroberts3639
    @paulroberts3639 Год назад +11

    No Simon the Gay panic defence needs to be outlawed because US judges agree with it. Conservative, Christian Judges are very common there. They won’t just dismiss such a defence.

    • @battlesheep2552
      @battlesheep2552 Год назад

      I recall that the gay Panic defense has never worked. Do you know of any case where it has?

    • @colintimp1372
      @colintimp1372 Год назад

      But they'll toss the "the Devil made me do it" defense; as well as the "God told me to do it" defense.

    • @squizzy9959
      @squizzy9959 Год назад

      When they defend pedos and pride parades chant were coming for your children not to mention trying to teach kink/bdsm to kids? It’s a bit of a gray area. And yes all that is true

    • @sindrek8
      @sindrek8 Год назад +1

      ​​@squizzy9959 Since when does Christianity defend pride parades?

    • @ashkitt7719
      @ashkitt7719 Год назад +3

      @@squizzy9959 Source: Trust me bro.

  • @jamesleatherwood5125
    @jamesleatherwood5125 Год назад +1

    HAHAHAHA! Jean-Luc Picat!!!!! You totally should get that cat, Simon!

  • @Plaprad
    @Plaprad Год назад +5

    Simon missed an opportunity here. Imagine if anytime the camera shifted throughout the knife section and yet another bandage was on his hand everytime. Funny gag and important safety PSA.
    Glad I'm not in the UK though. I usually have a six inch blade on me anytime I'm out.

  • @InteriorDesignStudent
    @InteriorDesignStudent Год назад +8

    Matthew Shepherd's parents negotiated with prosecutors to get his killers two consecutive life sentences instead of the death sentence. I am guessing the second one if for carrying out a hate crime in addition to the murder.

    • @captainspaulding5963
      @captainspaulding5963 Год назад

      Unless you are sentenced to Life Without the Possibility of Parole, a life sentence is 15 years before eligible for release

    • @InteriorDesignStudent
      @InteriorDesignStudent Год назад

      @@captainspaulding5963 No, it's 25 minimum.

  • @williebauld1007
    @williebauld1007 Год назад +9

    NEVER write down your crimes, CasCrim rule No1 👌👍

  • @adiemuller5422
    @adiemuller5422 Год назад +3

    The cat at 17:28 should not have made me laugh this hard

  • @cmcculloch1
    @cmcculloch1 Год назад +2

    Jesus Sam, that cat/FBI meme just made me burst out laughing! 🤣🤣

  • @golasticus
    @golasticus Год назад +5

    "But on the plus side kids are quite nice, especially mine..." says Simon while in a video talking about lies 🤣

  • @middleneckfarms
    @middleneckfarms Год назад

    Thanks!

  • @RTSBOWL
    @RTSBOWL Год назад +3

    Panning out to show the knife in the table.
    Total power move 5:24
    Proceeds to play with knife 🤦 6:57

  • @orioncrawford9618
    @orioncrawford9618 Год назад +10

    The reason we need to outlaw it is because some judges will accept it in their court

    • @The_Blazement
      @The_Blazement Год назад

      we need better judges then

    • @orioncrawford9618
      @orioncrawford9618 Год назад

      @@The_Blazement i don't disagree but we already so back logged to cases that we can't afford to fire them,hell many have life time appointments

  • @falldown7xstandup8x
    @falldown7xstandup8x Год назад +3

    So early thank you for so much information entertainment Simon been around since before the beard

  • @reallife3338
    @reallife3338 Год назад +2

    LMFAO, he's stabbed the table😂😂😂😂😂 love it! You are now an honorary American🎉😂😂😂😂

  • @SoManyRandomRamblings
    @SoManyRandomRamblings Год назад +3

    23:49 Simon look at what is goimg on in the U.S. court system right now......and yes, they need to ban stupid stuff rather than just expecting it being stupid to keep it from happening.

  • @tomgarnham6232
    @tomgarnham6232 Год назад +2

    I believe the guy with the cat. The cat just made a typo. He was looking for 'kitty' porn! 😂

  • @michaelblaszkiewicz7283
    @michaelblaszkiewicz7283 Год назад +3

    Someone had a slighty long sharp piece of metal.
    CRIME OF THE CENTURY!

  • @EvHervey
    @EvHervey Год назад +1

    Chapman was sentenced two weeks ago:
    "He was sentenced to a 12-month community order and ordered to carry out 200 hours of unpaid work, at Gloucester Crown Court earlier."
    -BBC

  • @hdervish2497
    @hdervish2497 Год назад +4

    I think a life sentence in the US is 70 years. A double life sentence simply means no parole ever, even if you're 90

  • @RHCole
    @RHCole Год назад +1

    Oh, I needed this today.

  • @amyvonwolfenstein3254
    @amyvonwolfenstein3254 Год назад +4

    Thank you Dave!! The finale was perfecto🎉 ally level up + +20

  • @starrywizdom
    @starrywizdom Год назад +1

    Dave's intro has me singing the refrain to Simon & Garfunkle's "The Boxer", which is appropriate every time you catch someone telling porkies. It has a pretty tune, but the words go "Lie lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie, lie lie lie, lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie, lie lie lie, lie lie!"
    If your quinoa tastes like sawdust, you're preparing it wrong. However, "Meth & Feta Mean Withdrawal" is accidentally hilarious! Who wouldn't get mean when deprived of crumbly Greek sheep cheese?
    Dave wants to raise his kids in a world where "I hate people who are like this person!" is not a mitigating circumstance for having murdered the person in question, & I'm HERE for it.

  • @slashteam8440
    @slashteam8440 Год назад +3

    Here in America you can conceal carry a gun with the license. Open. Carry any gun without a license but you can't have a knife over 3 in in public

  • @cybernedlytedlythewise7499
    @cybernedlytedlythewise7499 Год назад +1

    “It’s a powerful death knife” holds up a basic skinning knife

  • @terryenby2304
    @terryenby2304 Год назад +3

    16:28 my dog taps my iPad, usually just starting and stopping your videos though 😅
    She is hypoallergenic and although I tend to get a bit allergic to her during Hayfever seasons when my system is already super sensitive, the rest of the year it’s not bad! However, living in houses with dogs before has made me really sick.

  • @TheKalaxis
    @TheKalaxis Год назад +2

    I predict that doctor is gonna have a sticky ending 😂

  • @duncanglen3452
    @duncanglen3452 Год назад +5

    I gotta say that I'm loving Dave's work here 👏👏

  • @lindabodewes7824
    @lindabodewes7824 Год назад +1

    My ex was once showing me pictures from their childhood Christmas. Saying, look how cool this tree is. I was like. You know what kind of tree that is? Nope, none what so ever. Just a kid standing next to a massive decorated cannabis plant.

  • @jacobv6505
    @jacobv6505 Год назад +27

    honestly, im all for a new episode featuring whacky hijinks in the course of committing small crimes, family friendly crimes, plz dave we need some happy crimes! plz dave!

    • @dictatorofthecheese
      @dictatorofthecheese Год назад +1

      Totally agree. I'm okay with the occasional dark brain blaze because I like seeing Simon squirm. But so long as it's one episode out of every 10.

    • @colintimp1372
      @colintimp1372 Год назад +3

      Just look up "Florida Man." It'll keep you busy for weeks.

    • @Meggzilla
      @Meggzilla Год назад +1

      I like happy crime and minor mischief

    • @mschaefer4656
      @mschaefer4656 Год назад +3

      My parents drove us to a newly plowed field, then had my sister and I grab as many big rocks as we could, as fast as we could, and run them back and toss them in the back of our van. They said we were "helping" the farmer. We thought it was a super fun night, hopping over the furrows and competing to find the biggest rocks.
      Realized later that we were stealing the rocks so they could build a rock terrace around the garden. They had no idea who owned the field.
      In my father's defense, he grew up on a farm and rocks damage plows. So we were "helping" the farmer in a sense, as well as trespassing and stealing. Family fun!

    • @Meggzilla
      @Meggzilla Год назад +4

      @@mschaefer4656 So you ALLEGEDLY grew up in a family of bandits... Highwaymen from such a young age. I love this story. Please don't take my nonsense serious. I do truly love this story, that was true, but everything before that is pure silliness... I want more stories tbh

  • @Joy-TheLazyCatLady2
    @Joy-TheLazyCatLady2 Год назад +12

    My cat bought an ebook from Amazon. I returned it immediately because well, he can't read and it wasn't anything I wanted to read. 🤷🏻‍♀️

  • @greenockscatman
    @greenockscatman Год назад +1

    Now it's crimes on the brain channel and business in the crime channel, the fun never stops!

  • @harrypothead42024
    @harrypothead42024 Год назад +6

    If the doctor coffee cup thing happened where I live he would be charged with forcible oral copulation

  • @adastra9306
    @adastra9306 Год назад +2

    So early 😳 Good timing, great for evening chill

  • @andyv16012
    @andyv16012 Год назад +7

    Talking about adult responsibilities, the first thing I told my Daughters on their 18th Birthdays was: You're an adult now, life is going to be full of sh!t you don't want to do.

  • @MastinoNapoletano420
    @MastinoNapoletano420 Год назад +1

    Simon...I see we both have a love of knives. I have a similar one to the one you stabbed the table with. I love the handle on that one.

  • @Joy-TheLazyCatLady2
    @Joy-TheLazyCatLady2 Год назад +5

    I saw a story about a night office cleaner caught peeing in water bottles and other containers that people left on their desks. Someone put a camera in the office and caught him with the evidence in his hands.

    • @O4FUXACHE
      @O4FUXACHE Год назад +1

      In UK, this sort of thing would be prosecuted as " Administering a noxious substance" . . .

  • @MP-yh7jv
    @MP-yh7jv Год назад +1

    I love the fact that where i live in Idaho, not only can i openly carry just about any sized knife into just about anywhere i can also openely carry a firearm in public and most places and no one cares here. This area also has very low firearm or knife crime.

  • @Av8r0214
    @Av8r0214 Год назад +7

    Yo Simon you might be able to get by just using an Antihistamine if your wife has a minor allergy. My girlfriend is/was (not totally sure) slightly allergic to cats too. So she used to take citrizine (generic allergy medications) for it and after a while we noticed she had stopped using them and was totally fine. Not sure if it was something to do with what kind of cat he is (he’s a mix so I can’t say for sure what breed) but he certainly sheds and it seems like she just kinda acclimated to it over time.

    • @JootjeJ
      @JootjeJ Год назад +2

      A lot of people get used / immune to individual cats if they live with them. Takes me about a month or so when we get a new cat. Put another cat on my lap and I'm as bad as always.

    • @ApatheticXer
      @ApatheticXer Год назад +2

      I agree with using antihistamines. There are also shampoos for dogs and cats to reduce dander. Contrary to popular belief, there are no "hypoallergenic" cats or dogs. It's a myth perpetrated by breeders. Simon, I hope you win out and get a kitty!

    • @pokeydot1975
      @pokeydot1975 Год назад

      The hair isn't what causes the allergy, it's the dander.

    • @wmdkitty
      @wmdkitty Год назад +1

      @@pokeydot1975 It's neither, actually. It's a protein found in the cat's saliva that triggers the reaction.

    • @ApatheticXer
      @ApatheticXer Год назад +1

      @@JootjeJ One of my cats caused both me and my ex-husband to itch, even though we'd never tested positive for cat allergies. I used some anti-allergy wipes on her. I lost her at the age of 18. A little itchiness didn't keep me from loving her 🙂

  • @Colenol13
    @Colenol13 Год назад +1

    simon - "i'd call it jean-luc"
    thinks to myself "jean-luc picard of the USS Enterprise"

  • @cleverusername9369
    @cleverusername9369 Год назад +3

    So are we gonna just not talk about the fact that Simon just so happened to have an enormous knife with a gut hook at hand and that he proceeded to violently stab his own desk?

  • @redwood76
    @redwood76 Год назад

    Thank you for the laughs. You make my world a brighter Place...

  • @ClockworkEngineer
    @ClockworkEngineer Год назад +5

    We need to ban that defense in the US because we have jury trials here.

    • @ClassicRiki
      @ClassicRiki Год назад

      Yeah and you wouldn’t want any straight person to be able to defend themselves against sexual assault by a gay person right. Obviously let’s not kill people though

    • @ashkitt7719
      @ashkitt7719 Год назад +1

      1) I assumed trial by jury was a thing in most, if not all, democracies. 2) Unless you're not a fan of democracy (which I do encounter sometimes online, not exclusively from the Right) what would be the better alternative aside from, well, vigilante justice I guess...?

    • @joeycampbell940
      @joeycampbell940 Год назад

      As more states ban the defense im waiting for the womens prisons to fill up. They use that same defense all the time to excuse attacking any man they disagree with.

    • @sindrek8
      @sindrek8 Год назад

      ​@ashkitt7719 Not all democracies, or even most that I can think of at the moment, have a trial by jury. Most of the time its a judge.

    • @ashkitt7719
      @ashkitt7719 Год назад

      @@sindrek8 Yeah I did some research and saw that but as another commenter mentioned, a lot of judges in the US are conservative Christians anyway, so you won't be getting good judges.

  • @kelliesaunders4905
    @kelliesaunders4905 Год назад +2

    The story about the young man Sheppard always breaks my heart.

  • @jetcitykitty
    @jetcitykitty Год назад +3

    My friend stabbed me 14 times with my own knife. True story 😅

  • @Polyfusia
    @Polyfusia Год назад +1

    The Matthew Shepherd case broke my heart. There's a documentary about it. That kid was a good kid and what happened to him is incomprehensible.

  • @seanfraustus
    @seanfraustus Год назад +4

    No wonder Simon keeps going on about eating dogs. He's a cat guy!

  • @owenshebbeare2999
    @owenshebbeare2999 Год назад +2

    Hang on, if cats can sense evil, would they then team up with said evil person? Teamwork!

  • @RECTALBURRITO
    @RECTALBURRITO Год назад +4

    You get sanctioned for lying, sometimes.

    • @Sammael251
      @Sammael251 Год назад +1

      Your name is amazing.

    • @ReLockCo
      @ReLockCo Год назад +1

      I could go for a burrito...

  • @thexyouman
    @thexyouman Год назад +2

    This is definitely the channel for it
    This episode was fire

  • @Cpixie13
    @Cpixie13 Год назад

    "Don't play with knives!" .... Immediately begins to play with his knife.😂

  • @_ginock_
    @_ginock_ Год назад +3

    Simon has never read the script right? So he had a knife lying around??