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If He DOESN'T VALUE YOU, Do This To Get Him To CHANGE! | Matthew Hussey
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- Опубликовано: 23 сен 2016
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I post new dating advice for women every Sunday.
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This really bothers me, so maybe you can help…
Why do so many women allow guys to get away with treating them so carelessly??
Is it because she’s scared of losing him? Or she’s worried he’ll get annoyed if she’s too honest about her feelings?
If you’ve ever been one of those women who is always waiting for him to change his behavior, this video will transform your relationships with men forever...
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Someone one told me "if you have a feeling that something is wrong... then something probably is". Trust your gut ladies- quit justifying things that you shouldn't.
true always go with your gut sometimes the person we are with isn't right for us but then again someone can come into your llife and be right for you and just the circumstances that surround those two people can be wrong.
Thank you so much for your wise words.:)
so true. intuition isn't trusted enough. it's there for a reason. thank you for this reminder 😊
sjpizzle fo shizzle exactly.
***** exactly Mark I often tell people I have a sixth sense about things. I don't know if I feel certain things far more than others but for whatever reason if I feel something is not right it is not. If I feel like I am gonna bump into someone I normally do.. If we are talking about using our gut in terms of a relationship then for sure we must do that. Unfortunately it seems to me like people don't know how to have healthy relationships they may only want to go out with the sexiest person in the room or are out to get something from you but if you feel the relationship is not right and not healthy then it normally isn't.
“Why does he treat you casually”
“Because you are allowing them”
Damn this hit home
soccerchick9841 it surely did
I discovered this video on Covert attractor audit - there are many useful videos there that will help out
You have to put in a decent effort if you want to fuck me and want more , unfortunatley you women are dissapointing
Same. 💯🤯
soccerchick9841 yes the answer to this in my life is to to let him go .. is so hard to let them go .. even knowing what he will let me go without thinking
Don't ever try to change a man, you will only make yourself miserable. When he says who he is, believe him the first time.
Once he said he thought maybe he was gay and a borderline sociopath I knew it to be true. You’re right believe him. Caught him looking at the assistant pastor intensely and it was really creepy. Even the assistant pastor kept standing by him. I swear their was something going on. 🤷♀️🤦🏽♀️🤔 church men are the worst
Yeah and then RUN
Well said
Maybe don't bother with total douchebags in the first place.
yep, people don't change
Leaving isn't scary, staying with someone who does not deserve you is scary
💯💯💯
Practice what you preach pretty much!!!!
Right
@@jpskhunterpittman6456 Love that quote......glad you thought to mention it.....
Being an ugly chick has a lot to do with it! 🥴 gotta take what I can get!
Quit trying to figure out why a man is treating you badly and start trying to out why you tolerate that crap.
Wish I could like this comment multiple times
Low self esteem is why.
Yes I've been in that kind of relationship for almost 7 years... now it ended and I'm trying to see the worth that I never could see in myself and I know I have. It wasn't him it was me all along.
Because of pass trauma in their life and perhaps many people betrayed him so they find it hard to trust people so they use you the genuine woman as a punching bag...
Bella Bijou Hear hear! My mom was in a bad relationship and divorced my dad. She gave him a second chance to build a family but then he blew it by becoming even worse, getting physically abusive as well as mentally abusive. She got out and took us away from him. She’s a survivor and taught me you don’t take shit from anyone and stand up for yourself.
Oddly enough I started using her own advice on her later when she became mentally and emotionally abusive to me without knowing it because she was stressed out as a single mom.
Today we are both in a better place and have mended out relationship because of God and his forgiveness and mercy.
It took 21.5 years (15- 37) but we found a way back to each other and forgiving each other and relearning each other. I finally have my mom’s respect and she finally has earned mine.
It’s sad how you could love somebody so much that you allow almost everything that they say or do. You sacrifice so much of your own happiness just for them to disrespect you..
It doesnt make sense. And we as women are more hurt in the long run...i sometimes question why i let myself go over someone who didn't in the end compromise to what we agreed to in the first place...it hurts me...
and they say they don't understand us smh 🤦🏻♀️
😔
It’s true
Lisa G true
"Love shouldn't be painful."
Remember that. Always.
It should bc that’s how a relationship works. It’s okay to have bad days with ur partner, yes u can get hurt but the most important thing is that u solve ur problems.
he literally has a tattoo that says Love is Pain lol
Of course love can be painful because it matters so much.
How can you be with someone yet feel so alone 😐
In this kind of situation you need someone powerful to help you and I know someone
@@clemzydrizzy6278 are they therapist
Yeah!
@@clemzydrizzy6278 what does he do?
I keep asking this question.
I am worth more. I just walked away. It's killing me but I value myself too much to put myself through this anymore.
❤️❤️❤️
I agree ☝️ me too.
You go girl! You will thank yourself later
What if you see that he changed? What if he truly realizes works on himself read books, write journals, analyzes what went wrong, and lets you know that he is here for you and leaves the choice to you, would you take him back?
I'm asking because I'm working on myself after messing up and my wife and I are currently separated, I immensely love her.
When you are emotionally dependent you're trapped, it's the worst mental prison in my opinion
Losing your mind over someone that doesn't care about losing you
L. aposdif So true 😔
L. aposdif how true!! I can relate to what you said.. I was feeling this all along but I didn't now how to express the feeling..
I’d rather come down from years of being on drugs. It’s literally the worst. You could give them one of your organs to save their life and they would act like, “Oh yeah her? she just gave me a kidney and a piece of her liver but I deserved it! If it weren’t for me needing her organs she was useless, I had to share my air with her, she’s so selfish!”
Sara Dellabella yes ❤️
Blah blah blah... all of you stop being a needy bitches! Wake up no one deserves your fucking hearts! Be strong.
He’s not valuing you? You aren’t valuing you, darling. It’s an inside job. Most of the misery in this world is caused by not being there for yourself.
In that case, men are at fault when women treat them badly.
Internal work, Eish this is so true. It hit home. Thank you 🙏🏾
Thanks for the reminder
This hurts
I love that, it's so true. Thank you for those wise words.
I actually tell my partner how I feel everytime he takes me for granted. But he has this freaking skill of making me feel like it's my fault that our arguments started. Or I'm just overreacting. Or that he shows like he understands me but does the same mistake again.
I know I have to leave him. I know it hurts. I just need the strength I need to tell him that it's over.
theamiel baldo oh my god yes
It’s called Narcissism
Yes. I totally agree with your comment. And the cause Is his friends. He always chooses his friends over me. He doesn’t see my POV. His friends are always right. I can put up with stubbornness but not with an unreasonable person who looks dumb by doing so
Omg this is exactly the same for me .
Updatee
Is anybody else scared that we leave the guy and he absolutely doesn’t care ?
Yes all the time I'm also scared that if I leave him I'm going to end up with some one worse I just got out of a physical abusive relationship and now I'm finding myself in a mentally abusive relationship. Every man I've ever been with has hit me and if it wasn't my boyfriend it was my family members I feel like no matter what I do nobody will ever treat me right no matter how hard I try. I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out because I feel I don't deserve to live despite what anyone says. I feel like the more I stand up for myself the more shitty I get treated or I'm always getting shut down.
Sabrina Lopez i feel you. My boyfriend and i have actually gotten so so much better since i postet the comments. I talked with him and i know he loves me. I showed him how i felt about the way he acted and now he’s doing everything to not making me feel like that again. But when i was feeling Hurt i was feeling like i was slowly dying inside. Love sucks so much tbh....i want You to know that you are worth it and that u shouldn’t accept a toxic relationship. Try to talk to your boyfriend and if he won’t change to make you happy then leave him...there is always a community like us here in the comments who are there to listen!
@@anni2837 thank you I'm glad to know there's other people who go through this and find a resolution it gives me hope that I don't have to just throw away years ive spent with him💜
If you leave and he doesn't care, is that really someone you want? 💕
@@atme365 honestly no but how do you know if he really doesnt care or if hes just playing the role to make him out to be some type of way
Sitting in my bfs bathroom bailing my eyes out thinking, yes I need to leave I can’t do this anymore, do this for urself.
Girl you can do it! It’s like ripping off a band aid, doing it quickly is best and hurts less!
Been there girlie. Stay strong. You got this. You are worth more.
Aww😖
Wow me this morning.
I hope you left
I was hospitalized and he didn't even call me. And when my mother asked him to call me, the guy misbehaved.
I left. Period.
What an asshole !
What an asshole!
Wow what a piece of shit. You deserve better. He showed his true colors
What a pig he is
How do we end up with such bad people? I know ! Its because they act perfect at first then become assholes after we fall in love with them
Mature love also means letting go if it's not your place to stay... however it hurts so bad 😔
Dr David can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me restore back my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex Also Dr David always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
➕2 3 4 9 0 3 0 0 2 4 3 6 4,,,,,,
Text him on Whatzapp now
And I assure you he will definitely going to help you in any area you want
I hope you don't find someone stupid enough to believe this.
YOU teach people HOW to treat YOU.period (YOU decide what YOU will accept or tolerate)
Maxi van Joy BAMN!💥
@@harreybay8012 sorry
Amen...
Very true
@Debster's Tired Wow, she didn't say that...at all. No one deserves to be raped. Please seek treatment.
The moment we chose to say no to a relationship that doesnt meet our standards anymore is the day we put ourselves first. When they say they are too busy at work for a single text or call in the day, bullshit!
Alyson Robinson I’m totally in that situation. I’m being stupid...I keep justifying him. I need to leave him.
Alyson Robinson 4
He does not call anymore , he calls me names . I love him . He knows I adore him . He hurts me everyday. My grandmother died and he never gave me emotional support . He was out eating with friends .
It sucks that so many of us are in the same situation... whats wrong with these guys?
He contacted me via Facebook this morning saying that I will be lonely without him and that I'm a cheater . I ignored his text messages because he ignored mine a lot before. In my heart , I want him back, but, i'am sure t he messed up with a hooker or something and regretted it. He always creates fights when its the holiday,probably to go with hoes and be free. I don't understand his behavior for he said 2 days ago that i should look for a new man.
The Love Paradox: If you want them they don’t want you, if you don’t want them they want you. In other words no matter what you do you can’t even have them.
This is so 😩😩😩
No, that’s called an immature relationship dynamic. A mature one is reciprocal.
I understood this to mean that "People want what they cant have."
No, don't get in that mindset. Get in the mindset that you do want them but yourself is more important and that of course they want you. Just, you have a life that you love to live and they are hardly in the picture, untill they step forward and do something about it.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
He doesn’t value me and whenever I tell him how I feel, he doesn’t comment or respond. He just okay and starts to talk about something else! It’s horrible. I ended it but I keep breaking the no contact and we talk again because I miss him. This time I’m not going back. I’m going to just focus on me. Wish me luck ❤️
Try hard girl...i know how bad you feel and how hurt you are...this time will pass ..happy or sad...it will pass...
كنت سأنجب منك قبيلة Shukran. It means a lot. I hope the best for you ❤️
Go lady go x
Amira Kaced You are valuable and precious
Byrian Collins awwwww you made my day thank you so much 😊 as are you ❤️
Matthew, you've really changed my life. My baby's father abandoned me and our baby at the hospital a few days before I gave birth prematurely. After our baby died, he wasn't there. He's continued to insult and lie to me. Despite all that, I never could bring myself to cut off ties. I knew something was off. I used to be a level-headed, strong woman. Maybe there was a part of me that was waiting for him to change. Waiting for that apology that deep down inside, I know will never come.
"Never test your pain threshold at the expense of your self-worth." My new mantra.
He came back a few more times and just a couple of days ago, he came back for a booty call. I'm glad I found this video right before I was about to get out the front door to meet him for another "session." This video brought me to tears. For the first time, since I met him, I said no. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love what you do for women around the world. You're like the big brother I wish I had. :)
Ellesa Sabasaje You should definitely follow Sarah Rae Vagas on RUclips then! She's a real inspiration and I'm sure her videos will help you through this hard time. Remember dear, it's his loss, not yours. :)
Ellesa Sabasaje every thing happens for a reason at the time you lost your child you might be thinking why did it happen to me only?God knew you deserve a better life and that tragedy might be a way to open your eyes. Goodluck
i love that quote thanks so much. i really should live by that...
Ellesa Sabasaje ... and hes like the dad i wish i had growing up - THE ONE who should warn his daughters about men like this 💔
+Ellesa Sabasaje I am so sorry for your loss of your baby. Also, for your loss of the relationship. It sounds to me like he never cared for you, never respected you and your needs. I have been through 2 marriages and divorces with abusive, Narcissistic men. I had 3 children in the first marriage, he left me with NOTHING after 17 years. He even took away my 3 children. He did not love them or want them, it was to hurt me, and to keep him from paying child support. He abused our children. After the divorce, (he had been cheating on me and seeing a new woman), he and his new wife treated my kids like in 'Cinderella". They were made to stay in the basement, do most of the work, no money, no help for them. And then, kicked them out of their home- 1 by 1. I had remarried, and it was another abuser. My daughter came to live with me and my new husband. He treated her very badly. My second one when she got kicked out had to go to my mother and father.( I had not realized anything yet). My mother did such a Number on my daughter, treating her the same as me, abusing her, but in a Covert Narcissist way---that is--- pretending to love and care while secretly Destroying you. She convinced my daughter she could not do any careers she wanted to do, same as she did to me. She took her fragile, broken, rejected, and abandoned little grand daughter and had no mercy! My mother did the same things to me. She is a very evil woman. I believe that narcissistic personality disorder is actually a SPIRITUAL CONDITION. I believe these people are evil. They purposely hurt and destroy other people, usually their children or spouse. If your parents are like this, don't let them near your children! They will hurt them too! I hope things get better for you, Ellesa. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless.
Been dating this guy for a few months, who is good for me in many ways. But can't commit (yet). Been telling myself he just needs more time. Now I ended things cause I want someone who is sure about me and is not afraid to commit. I miss him so much!
He keeps sending me messages and songs but I told him to leave me alone. Hardest thing ever! But also makes me proud of myself and feel strong. Always keep choosing yourself ladies ❤️
Dear I will introduce you to the same Spiritualist who restored my broken relationship, he can bring your ex back just fine he's good.
What'sapp him;
Awwww. Hugs Elise. I'm so proud of you. Don't let yourself settle for breadcrumbs. If he is not ready, thank you, Next. The universe will give you what you need at the right time.
Learning about attachment theory, healing my own attachment style, and recognizing the other insecure attachment styles at a distance has saved me from ever putting up with someone not valuing me again. Don't try to fix it. Don't wait on them to do better. Don't try to "work on it" with them. It's not worth it. Heal yourself and the right person will show up for you. Women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men.
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you.And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr James, he helped me restore my broken relationship. Also Dr James always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek help thanks.
Message him on Whatsapp
±2349029353859⏯⏯
WHAT'SAPP HIM
Amen!🙏❤️
Amen!
He texts me when he wants then ignores me. He plays a lot of games & I know I shouldn't talk to him. I need to value myself more. I gain my confidence & say forget him & then he calls for a dinner date & I go automatically. He texts after ignoring mine & I text back immediately. I have to disappear for awhile & never return. He won't change. God help me love myself again. 🙏🏿
Well my suggestion is to give what's given...double...if he contacts you, take double time to return the call---he calls Monday, hit him back Wednesday...if he text at 4 pm..answer 4pm the next day...when he questions it say "Oh yeah, I saw I missed your call/text...that's it.
Doc Jones thank you 🙏🏾
Girl I’m going to be honest with you. Been through this multiple times. He’s playing games with you because you like to play them. Give him a taste of his own medicine, if he doesn’t come around after that he doesn’t deserve you. Answering him when he keeps leaving you on read only feeds his ego. There’s more fish in the sea! Good luck 😉
Well said I feel the same
GIRL I GET THIS!!! I hope it got better for you, I hope you love yourself again! I hope it gets better for me. Message me if you need/want to talk!! :)
Today I'm going to take scary decision .I'm going to ignore him as he did .
Isha Dhaliwal How did it go???
Stop playing mind games. Go for guys who don't play mind games. Even if you don't like them initially, you might start liking them. If you don't, you can always break up without any mind games. Life is simple, people like you complicate it. You know why he started ignoring you? Because somebody ignored him first. So now he wants to do the same to you. Now you are doing the same to him and most likely do it to the next guy who likes you. And the cycle repeats. Stop this madness and give guys who don't play games a chance. If it doesn't work out it's fine. But don't waste your and other people's time playing games.
WA A or stop going for men who play mind games? Ever thought about that before calling all men shit? Shy guys in your friendzone (intentionally or unintentionally put by you) are dying to get a chance to treat you good. So don't call all men shit.
Thats what I'm doing right now 😔 been already 3 weeks and he still didn't even msg me yet even though he's the one who did me wrong
Yass you go girl!!💪
I humiliated myself enough and just respectfully will never bother him ever again. I was just an option and allowed him to put me in that position. Lesson learned and I know what to do in the future with other potential people.
Hello I can recommend you to someone that helped me get my ex back recently
Contact him on WhatsApp
*+1:81:6:3:4:3:8:3:0:7
Who
The best thing about this is now you have learnt from your experience and will be careful and not accept any disrespect from anyone queen good luck.
I was that person that kept going back...the so called-chemistry was just too good and when I was with him, it felt amazing. But when we were apart, he barely responded to my text, we live 2hrs apart and did not get to see each other very often, so it was hard. He took trips with his family, ignored my emails, he said he wasn't ignoring me, just too busy with work...And I became increasingly more depressed, more lonely, to the point I had a mental breakdown. And it took that mental breakdown to realize I deserve better, I need to stop giving into him every time and start giving to myself, knowing what I needed and deserved...I started to get happy on my own.
omg im in this state right now, i feel like a crazy person.
Same happening with me ,
Been there, done that, it is awful to have someone with that much power over you. You did the right thing, You will find you again, it just takes some time.
I think I'll start re-watching this video over and over again every time I feel confused
SAMEEEE GIRLLLLL
Same
See so clear then the confusion pops in r head. Ughhh
We accept the love we think we deserve
emma Woods The perks of being a wallflower. Damn, you hit me hard😭
True
That is the realest sh** I've heard so far
I totally agree, the sooner you walk away when you have that gut feeling,, the better! That's how you take your power back, WALK AWAY
*uck it- walked away a couple of hours ago! I deserve so much better- he’s too busy to spend time with me... now he has all the time he wants and needs to do whatever he needs to do 🙄
Hello to whom it may concern I can recommend you to someone great and powerful who helped me restore back my broken relationship
Text on whrsapp
+(233)815-689-6436
Sorted it- law of attraction- I need nothing else
@@zubieM yes text him he can also render you help
Matthew whoever you will marry will be the luckiest woman on earth!
Not lucky but earned. She earned that valuable men, like matthew, because she learn how to be kind, hard worker, figure out to resolve problem in tough situation etc. Matthew wasn't bored with this skills, he learn them. So not "lucky" but "earned".
How about they would both be lucky? He's a catch but you know he's not gonna settle either.
"she" being Matthew. I love, love, love Matthew, but, if you think he's straight, you must be very, very young!
really I didn't know he came out as gay. where's the video? or did he tell u this in person?
Seriously Matthew 😍
*spoiler alert*
He won’t change. So if you’re unhappy, just end the relationship. I did a month ago, and am feeling much better than in the relationship (especially towards the end of it). I still love him, and think a lot about us, but then again I can’t forget how he treated me and made me feel and at the end of the day, I think it’s the best thing I could’ve done.
Going through same thing
If you did the best and he couldn’t do his best or would not attempt to you’re better off. We all choose to be who we choose to be and there are people who motivate us to be better. If he could not be motivated and challenged to be a better man because of knowing you and vice versa then it wasn’t a good compatibility.
A healthy relationship is when both parties are willing to be humble and open and flexible. Your future partner should be building you up not tearing you down, be a person who you would be proud of, and someone who shares their life and a common goal or mission w/ you.
There are times in your life that you have to know, just because I love them, does not mean I should have them in my life. It is a hard pill to swallow, but better than looking back on your life and see how much time you wasted.
I'm also in this situation
*love* is shit
He speaks the truth ! You need someone to respect you for being just you.
Finally told the guy I was seeing I wasn't happy and he left me hanging and didn't care to make it better so I now can move forward knowing I made the best decision.
If he ignores you or is too busy to text or call you. Ask him why but don’t be aggressive. Stay calm and let him know that you are busy and have other priorities in life, if he is too busy then that’s ok with you. Act calm and carry on as if you’re not too bothered. You also need to Ignore his texts and calls sometimes and don’t rush to answer. Be cool about things. If things don’t improve move on. Remember you had a life before meeting him!
I agree with you my ex was the same way she is a. Brain cancer survivor and she said she wanted to be my wife and have children and more but she never and I mean texts me me and if she does it's only about SEX. Example my ex and my best friend were in a group chat and she would text her back in SECONDS. But would take hours or even days to text me back. Her stepmom is also very protective and controlling. In her life. I asked her why she doesn't text or talk to me and her answer was because of her brain cancer since part of her brain was taken out. And that she would try harder. All lies and to make it worse she stopped talking to my best friend because she was my best friend and started getting jealous that we spent so much time together ps we all went to a college that was really restrictive and me and my best friend couldn't take it so we left. And would spend time together in order to see our friends again.
Tony Walker How are things going now?
This is cool
Lmbo yessss I love you for saying that. You had a life before
Correct
I'd just like to say this video was what slapped me awake and made me realize I was putting everything into someone who had made me one of their last priorities.
Maddy Harvey Geez that's awful.
Maddy Harvey same story dude!
Me too girly
Maddy, me too. How are you doing after a year's gone by?
Maddy Harvey kkjj
The love for myself will always be bigger and stronger than for any man!!
Second to that.
This isn't dating advice; it's life advice. This applies to friends, acquaintances, coworkers, bosses... you name it. Set your bar high and be prepared to walk away if you need to. No one is worth your self-respect.
I wish I saw this months ago when my (now) ex was starting to treat me more and more disrespectfully. It might have given me the confidence to break up, but maybe not. I just broke up with him after almost 6 months of being together. I had those gut instincts all along, but continued to make excuses for him all the time. Every excuse Matthew said, I used. His job, his upbringing. I even tried to tell him that I didn't like the things that he was doing, but he didn't try to change anything. He didn't think he was doing anything wrong. He disrespected me so much the day I broke up with him, that I couldn't possibly justify it anymore, just like Matthew said. The reality of it hit me like a ton of bricks. He wasn't remorseful at all. He made excuses and tried to blame everything on me being "needy". Fuck that. All I ever wanted was respect. Still, I was devastated even though I knew he was the one at fault and that I shouldn't be caring so much about someone so shitty. I'm still getting over it, slowly but surely. I know I deserve so much better and am so much better than what he made me feel. I'm focusing on myself right now and will be for awhile, but now I have more confidence to find someone who won't treat me like he did. I want to find someone who will give me 100% and that when they say they love me, actually act like it. I refuse to be taken for granted anymore. I deserve to be treasured. I feel like I know now even more to trust my instincts and not ignore those red flags. And even with that growing confidence, do I still feel lonely and anxious sometimes? Absolutely. To anyone reading this, if you're going through or went through the same thing, you're not alone. We will get better. We will find someone who treats us how we deserve to be treated. Don't settle for less.
gg2020 thank you!
I have been in same situation and always ignored those signs but now I know that it won’t take me anywhere and finally respected myself and distanced myself from him for my own happiness and peace fullness . When I was reading through ur comment I felt I was reading my own story . I realised there are a lot many ppl going through this pain
Thank you! I really needed to read something like this :)
thanks bb i feel your pain
This helped me a lot! I have currently been dating someone for almost a year and have done exactly what you did, he also had told me I was being too "needy" but I think I am going to break things off, this video along with what you said has opened my eyes to the reality of our relationship that I constantly try to sugar coat because I still love him. Wise words doll, thanks!
I’m living in the aftermath of doing the right thing and cutting the person out that didn’t value me. I’m not going to lie, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Ima Go Apesht stay strong sister! It WILL get better, promise 🙂
Same here. Did it a while ago. Still hard but moving on ☺
this is why im scared
Francine Anyah hey im going through this right now and it’s hard but also freeing at the same time. I know it was the right choice. the fact that you’re even on this video means you know what the right choice is too. Stay strong love
Jamie Rose aww thank you. ur reply really touched me ♥️ stay strong too, we deserve the best.
Last year your videos helped me get through a difficult break up Yet here I am again trying to get out of a toxic relationship
I'm in the same boat. From abusive relationship to toxic and emotionally neglectful. I am going to therapy and hoping I can get some help to better manage my heart and life in order to not keep going through the same thing. It's frustrating and I'm depressed as hell from all of this, but I keep telling myself that it will help eventually. I just wish it was sooner then later.
Lichie me tooo
Me too😓
The best form of therapy for me was doing things I’ve always wanted to, take back control of your own life. Take yourself on a hike, to the movies, one a road trip, spend time with friends and family, get a pet, take art classes, try rock climbing lol just be careful! Truely learn to love who you are & who you’ll become, be proud of yourself. Then you’ll find your soulmate and they’ll love you exactly for who you are. Good luck ❤😊
I haven't dated in years, and I have no intention to ever pursue such a thing anymore, it's simply not worth it.. But I love watching your videos! Come to think of it, this kind of advice does apply to various walks of life, not only romantic relationships.
No wonder you aren't married. You are too aware, hence you require someone on the same level. Awesome human being, thanks Matt.
Mena Seifollahi I'm the same way
Mena Seifollahi 9
Im same way same name too😎👊🏻
same here
Mena Seifollahi yesss
an eye opener
im so sad right now
Me too
me too :(
Mente dispersa, very sorry girls! Hang in there! This video made me happy because it reassured me I can get better, and it helped me realize what to do in a boggling situation, and gave me courage.
Don't be sad , be glad your in control of your happiness not someone else , be strong n pray girl it works
i wanted to write a similar comment but then i saw yours. i'm really down right now too i feel ya
If there is no connection, no good feeling. Throw him away instantly. Have an abundant mindset that there are abundant of good guys out there. Have goals what exactly you want and pursue that.
Edit: Learn and follow the red flags. They will tell you alot about your future.
This edit is spot on. I needed that. Thank you.
This video helped me a lot, just broke up with a guy after a 6 months of a Christian relationship cause he didn’t keep his promise of setting a date for us to get married, neither proposed me. I valued myself and left him.
"I'm so broken that i let him disrespect me."
Eventually there will be a breaking point when you'll say enough is enough
you are not alone. Just learn from it and don't let it happen again.
Yes, that's what's really hard to deal with. Letting someone devalue you and mistreat you. Life lessons 💯
Smell of desperation is strong & some men love it
I am taken for so granted because I made him feel so safe in the relationship. Also I don’t have any friends , so I don’t have anyone else to hangout with . So I just continue in the relationship
Why everyone’s comment here is so me😭
This is so me 💔
I'm the same!
We should gang up and suggest each other in problems
Same x
💔 I never thought I would go through this. This video has helped me gain some clarity on how I’ve been feeling. Thank you.
Same
We are the opposite I didn’t value my ex partner and treated him quite consistently poorly, he was a sweetheart but was so taken for granted. Now I’ve 100% repented and all , asking for forgiveness from him and the Universe. In the wake of this relationship, it’s awe-spiring how blind I was. But again everyone deserves a second chance. As long as you have learned a real lesson, your pain has been worthwhile.
I literally saw this video at the perfect time
Ditto
Same
omg me too! I'm so mad at myself
omg! yessss same here
Me too🙆
WOW!!! Took me 6 years of on-off-on-off-on-off until I finally said to myself ENOUGH! I'm outta here! So this video is so validating for me. I'm only 3 months out, but I am never going back again. Great video, and so affirming. Thank you.
I am in an on and off relationship for almost 5 years now. This video and your comments helped me realized I am wasting my time with my bf. I should do the right thing now and be firm with my decision. I'm crying right now.
I am in the exact same position as you. 6 years of on and off and so so so much disrespect. I don't even recognize myself anymore. Being pregnant just is another justification of why I should stay in this crappy relationship one more day
Still staying away?
I can't wait to get to that point
Hey Penny , I'm in the off phase and he has convinced me to improve himself..should I give him the chance?
That is true .if you don't value yourself then another person will not value you either. If you walk away and they don't care if they lose you then they never held you in high regard in the first place .
Your needs are not selfish, your needs are just as important as his. If you want a marriage, children, romance, if you want him to not be a workaholic, those are normal needs. Don't settle for less.
This made me cry. Everything you described is my current situation. You're so right about acting out on your gut feeling. What a wake up call.
I'm going through the same in a marriage
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kimberly 1 year on, what ended up happening ?
Same with me
My boyfriend has slipped into this...he was great before but he's definitely taking me for granted. I'm not putting up with being bailed on, even if he always checks in with me everyday.
There is the period at the beginning that is the romantic period but if it doesn't slide into quiet kindness and companionship then it kind isn't worth holding on to. As someone who was married and divorced, no one wants to end up being a buddy or a roommate.
Yep, you are very right. I actually just ended it with him. I had to move on.
Currently In The Same Situation And I Have A 9 Month Old Baby With Significant Other , Sometimes iCant Help But Feel iStay Because iLong For The Same Father Son Relationship Between Them That iDo Between Him & I But Sometimes iFeel Like It Would Be Better To Move On, Trying To Grip On To A Speeding Rope Will Only Burn Your Hands 😔✌
I’m so glad you brought this up ! I walked away as he said he was just friends with ex , turned out mr innocent nice guy was playing with his ex! I high valued myself & I walked soon as I was gone she dumped him ….. she played him ! I did leave & it wasn’t easy but I’m so happy I did leave because I have grown & found my value & now I’m no longer needy & men I date are respecting me if they want to be in my life
It is so unfair to be trated with disrespect, only because you love him and are so kind to forgive him! He really doesn't realize what an amazing woman you are for loving him that much. He will surely regret it later.
it's just so hard sometimes though, ya know?
It'll be harder and even worse if you go on like this ma'am!
I agree with this video
Think about how easy it should have been when you look back though. If he wants you enough he won't let you walk away x
girl!!!! smh smh
I know 😭
This has came at exactly the right time for me! Today I made the decision to leave and now I am preparing myself for how to have that conversation. After a few months, the same issues are still there and I realise now that if things were going to change, he would at least be making the effort. I am feeling more like his mother than his girlfriend and I am starting to resent him. My instinct that something wasn't right came a while back when I found that after 2 nights together I could not wait to have some time away. We went more than a week apart and I realised I was not missing him as much as I ought to be and I was putting off seeing him. I cut him slack because I did love him and I kept thinking of the good things he did but when I realised he didn't value me enough to make an effort after raising one of my major issues in the relationship enough to even try, after raising it yet again. In fact he even ignored me completely - that was it for me. The more time you invest in the wrong man, the more you are saying no to the right man. My time is far too precious to be in an unhappy relationship. I was much happier when I was single - if that alone doesn't tell me it's not the right relationship for me then nothing will. Don't settle. Our time could be up at any moment. Don't waste that time waiting on someone to value you. Leave and start valuing yourself and investing in YOU!
You are saying out exactly my feelings! way to go girl! if nothing works out, atleast you will be there for yourself. do not ever ever let a man bring you down, even for a second. smile, laugh, spend me time and acquire new skill sets. be with your female friends, enjoy life. Am doing the same. love and blessings your way!! from India 😀
Well said...how long were you with him and how are things now? I have to say I am going through the BIG D after 6 years of a relationship. I had a good 3 years prior to getting married and moving as he began a new career working with higher profile Narcissistic money hungry pricks. They say you are the reflection of the five closest people you spend your time with. I did not fall in the top 5. Well money and status become value over virtue and commitment, in my case . We were married in the same house together for 15 months" minus 5 trips back to my home town during that time. I left it for good after trying every option and turning over every stone. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Sadly, it was not anything I ever expected to happen and I am just now about to go through the finalization. It took 4 sessions of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy before I quickly got a reality check that I had no self identity, self worth nor did I know it was abuse bc I was seriously brainwashed. It took me a year to laugh again and find myself and learned so much more. It pains me to the core and I have forgiven him. I know that it's a deep loss I grieve unfortunately bc we had the same goals and hopes for a family and it was our second marriage and we were going to have it right this time until the changes took place. I can't help him and I have been able to show compassion bc there are many different other serious factors that affect our circumstances bc I understand it now after learning more about disorders. I am a completely different woman and I am very aware of my personal value and personal beliefs which is what I learned from all of this. I really believe I was lucky to show him unconditional love despite the fact that he stopped treating me like he had, that's who I married and have known and I have been separated from him for two and a half years. he is not happy and I can't get it through to him because he is not capable of insight and I felt so unbelievably guilty bc I have so much love for the man I am grieving to this day. I have never been so torn but I think about giving love to the people who need it more than anything in the world is a gift I was to share abd he was the one I chose to invest in. I don't regret any of my time and effort because I was myself and I am not going to carry around hate and bitteemess or become a hater. Anyways, I had to share my story. I don't have to hide anything, I have a something that I want to do or see change in the world bc I was lucky to have a family that thought me well and I want to help others who haven't seen or felt the same.
Good Night.
Tennille-Rose Kelly.. I don't knw my story is different... my guy has bcm more responsible for his family.. financial... money now all is in his head..we r now 9 yr relationship.. no.girl issue or cheating is here..bt he changedd bcz of family pressure.. . bt sometimes I feel I don't get back same love I give him..I don't knw wht to do...
Tennille-Rose Kelly I can relate to this so much... :(
Tennille-Rose Kelly I'm literally getting ready to go meet my boyfriend now, to do the exact same thing that you did, and a similar story too! You only grounded my decision to do this today. I think that when someone really wanted to compromise in a relationship, especially after seeing their S.O so bothered by it, they would do so right away. Mine didn't, and it's only been a few days since our talk. It speaks to how they really value you in a relationship, and I guess somewhere along the way, my value tp him changed. Anyway, thanks for this!
I literally cried listening to this. I won't go into details. However, I will say, Thank you for such a great, detailed & informative commentary. 🙏😊
Um people don’t change. Only you can change. Get rid of anyone who doesn’t respect you
Please never stop making videos.
yesss
we accept the love we think we deserve
khl1987......Brilliant!*
Stuck In love :)
khl1987 from The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Yep it's my Low self-esteem I need to learn to treat myself good to be good to myself
hey there good night
"Eventually, he does something so bad, he lies about something so big, or he cheats, or he does something so deeply disrespectful that your cognitive dissonance won't even allow it anymore. You can't reconcile the idea that you are a mentally stable person and would still allow this behaviour to go on. You reach a pain threshold and you leave"
AMEN. This exact section stood out to me too. Mine lied and betrayed me by flirting with my classmates behind my back on FB and in front of me. I gave him months to "make it up to me", only for hom to grow cold and distant until I asked him to move out and felt completely rejected, unwanted, and alone. He acted like the break up was HIS idea, a result of his excellent communication and insight. Tried to take credit for my strength to end it. He always had to one up me, remind me HE was the prize.
Yesss and thank God for that wake up call. There's some things we can no longer overlook.
I feel our instincts always give us the clear signs. It's our mind trying to project our fantasies because it's afraid to death to accept the reality. Instincts come from a place beyond our logical mind.
or sometimes they are not interested in making you happy. "you are too sensitive", "here we go again", etc.
oooh boy-- major red flags
Exactly. Sometimes we allow it, other times people are manipualticd to naive people, and other times, they are narcissistic. Not always BC it is our fault.
Eileen Moenne same words...here we go again..or "your just a jealous girl"
I needed this today. I’m letting a man who isn’t in love me drive me crazy.
Me too and all it’s doing is making me be treated like the bad guy. Instead of understanding I’m just tired of begging for the same shit , things that are supposed to be normal and reoccurring naturally in a relationship
Not you alone the same is having I been 5 yrs in this but verbal abuse is so bad . He mocks me he intentionally come at my weakness.
Me too...realy he drove me crazy
This is so true. Whenever I stayed and it turned out badly I can look back to a time early in the relationship when I stopped listening to my intuition. Whenever I do listen, I get great results and feel better about myself
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We were in a situationship for 4 months and I wasn't getting much of him, he would say that he likes me but I wanted more ,I deserve more so I told him finally and he was acting soooo fine with what I was saying. He even told me that he was thinking the same and he wants the best for me and he respects me and that's it. It was all over, I tried several times but he wouldn't fight to keep me so he let me go... And I left!!
This can apply to friendships too.
Absolutely!
Eponine Thenardier I was just thinking that. have been stuck in bad friendship merry-go-round my whole life. Iv allowed myself to be treated so disposabley in all relationships ; family; work; especially friends. and ujust get recycled in tosomething more disposable. had my last straw this year. have cut most them out my life now and realised I'm worthy of better. but still long process but good things take time.
sowutsurpoint good for you! I've had some 'friends' mistreat me and it feels like it's what you deserve but no. You have to tell yourself it's a reflection of them, not you.
Eponine Thenardier Cause Friendships are relationships also.
9175rock Yes they are
I was crying watching this video . .. he was inside my mind . literally he just knew everything I was thinking and feeling
now am reading this .. 1 week after I wrote it ... am totally more happy and more satisfied .. 100% moved on and he has no longer any attach to me .. he need to prove himself .. otherwise .. bye bye ^_^
thank you matthew you really helped
It's been a year now
I really hope you got over it ♥️
I value the compassion with which you deliver this message. It is a great source of comfort to me, and makes me feel just that little less foolish. Thank you Matthew. ✌🏻
It is so painful now to leave...
because given so much space,time ,shown love...once interest is over just ignoring,avoiding,behaving as if not existing..
When i was done
I am so done
I left
Blocked calls
Blocked family, his friends...
The hard part is getting him out of my head
Trying to be patient and get my me back
This came at the perfect time for me.... i have been in love with someone for a while and keep holding on but he doesnt value me. I feel like giving up on love all together for now because I am just not in a good space in my own life, how can I be ready for a relationship when I don't value myself right now? I feel ashamed because I keep giving this may have chance after chance, he does not share his life with me and he never talks about what he does, but he told me how much she loves me and he treats me so good when he's with me, but he barely makes time for me anymore, I need to really reevaluate how I value myself as you said, it's time to move on... however, I am sick of the games and dating in general. I'm divorced and now 35 going on 36 and it seems men are worse than they were when they are in their 20s!!! 😔
He sounds like a narcissist.
Maybe..... 😕
Thank you!
I'm in this position too
Candy Q i am so sorry! It sucks. Since I posted this, I have decided to move on from him and he keeps begging for forgiveness but I have made up my mind and I feel strong.
Ladies! I was stuck in a casual relationship gor almost 12 years. Little by little it got so bad. The level of disrespect it got to was diplorable. My chest still hurts where my heart used to be. I realize i wasted the most important years of my life on someone who never cared about me even as a basic human being. It makes me sick!
I broke up yesterday and i watched this video on and on to remember his words
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I just removed the same person you described from my life and I've never felt stronger and prouder ever before. Thank you for this.
Tell me how you did it..because i can ignore his texts but i can't get him out of my head.
Be brave and walk away, respect and value you ,it's amazing feeling. Love yourself.
On 3rd june, i asked my ex boyfriend to come and meet me at a cafe for a talk.
He came and I express how dissapointed i am with his shitty attitude while crying. He just staring at my face, i can see the guilt in his eyes and face expression and after a long pause all he can say is "i am sorry.."
it is excruciating to hear that, knowing he just say it but will never do anything to fix his mistakes.
After i got back home, i consider a lot of things and after almost 4 years of relay, i decided to end our relationship.. i texted him and he just left me on seen until now.
Here i am , all alone by myself, still trying my best to get over this breakup and focus on just me and my life. :)
What Matthew is saying is actually very true. Speaking from experience I had it happen to me and it took me a long time to realize my value and self worth. It sucks and took me years because I was going through the same pattern with each relationship and now I said I will NEVER let myself do that again. Leave him and don't ever look back, it will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself and for your self growth. I didn't purchase this program, this is me speaking from experience.
I was happy and confident before the relationship, with good self esteem. So I resent that people say most women were that way to begin with
Emma agreed
Emma i completely understand what your saying before i met this guy i was skinnier my skin was clearer i ate more healthy i worked out all the time i was confident and he broke me down completely to a different person but now i have to rebuild myself
I’ve always been a confident progressive woman and always been independent and stable. For the first time in my life I’ve started questioning myself and become stagnant. My partner tricked me into falling in love and feeling secure then he began this obvious disinterest in me. I tried to figure out what happened and discovered he had a horrible porn addiction that he bonded to instead of me. Two yrs later he still has not regained interest in me. I feel tricked and betrayed and like I’m not enough now. I’ve never dealt this way or been taken for granted by a man I love so much.
A lot of women (and some men) have no boundaries and high tolerance for abuse. Women are taught early to be nice, not assertive and not demanding. Could you imagine if a man was taught that? He would be considered weak.
Eva bag
MY PARENTS. This behavior has been set from the day they met. Dad demanded, Mom cowered. Took me 4 miserable abusive relationships to realize I was worth so much more, to start saying no, and demanding more...your videos were a great part of that change. It's been quite a while since I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship (unless we are still counting my dad - even then, I call him on his shit). Keep this up. It's so important.
Wauw. I'm proud of you. Well done!
When this happens it destroys your trust in any man. Once your trust is destroyed by someone very special and dear to you. Trusting is hard to do.
Great video, Matthew. The first time around when I was much younger my mother forced my hand to marry someone I had no business marrying. I was pregnant at the time. Many years later... the second time around, I did it to myself. Finally I left. I am proud of myself. I wish I felt I could have done this year's ago. Never settle.
Narcissists generally don't recognize their poor behavior to others, but nobody should accept for themself what they wouldn't want for someone else that they love. Positive affirmation to say to yourself every day, "I am enough" 😊. Love yourself, be well.
Right Matthew. Love yourself enough that you can decide to walk away when you know you are already being devalued.
Really hit home this one. Been single a long time and for a confident woman i have let men treat me appallingly. I am recognising this now.....thankfully
It's so painful to read about so many women out there who can go any limits for their person to be happy, even if that limit is to value their ownself less.... I've been there not once but many times! And more power to every woman who is strong enough to love a person so much upto a point where you forget what self love is...❤
My father was a terrifying man. When I was old enough to start dating seriously, I had no idea I was ALLOWED to expect better behavior from people. Got me in bad scrapes. I know better now. A lot due to the Hussey team. Thanks, Matt. I don't exaggerate when I say your info saved the course of my future. ❤️
I was the same. I accepted bad behaviour because that's all I was given as a child. My family treated me badly. Took me a while to realise i should be treated with respect. Mind you I have a fire in my belly that didn't give those dates an easy time when they did disrespect me! ha! I am pleased to say. These videos changed my life too.
Loved the video. Ended my relationship. Best thing that could have happened.
Erick Guerra but it's really hard for me to end mah relation... i can't... it's pain...
How was it? Like what did you do afterwards
Actually it's men that usually end up going back to exs and women they previously dated because they never deal with their emotions. Men are impulsive and not dealing with your emotions and taking time in between relationships to be single and grieve catches up badly with men.
i am with someone that says he loves me but everytime we have an argument, he never takes the initiative to fix things even if he's wrong, i always try to make peace. i broke up with him but he didn't even try to stop me, he let me go without a fight...i am soo hurt i've been crying since
. what do i do?
Sorry hun, but this my honesty might hurt, sting Abit. Please note thar my intention is to bring your awareness to self honesty. If you are leaving because you want him to stop from leaving, the that emotional abuse, manipulative behavior on your part. You are manipulative playing games and he see right through your B's that you were never going anywhere, just seeking his reaction/ attention. That why you feel hurt, the manipulation on your part didn't work. Find a therapist and get to the core of your issues with your self. Someone thought you that you have to be manipulative to get what you want/ needs met.
You also don't want to stay with something who won't fight for the relationship. It is a dead end and they will only hurt you more by dragging your feelings out. Even if it hurts like hell there is someone out there who will treat you better. Getting some counsel on what the other person replied is good too. It is better to learn about ourselves and become more well rounded in order to avoid getting so hurt by those we are in love with or close to if that makes sense. And to avoid hurting them as well.
Why are you crying for him to get back to you, you the one broke it off.
I feel you dear 😭😭
Actually needed this .... Guys I am totally going through the WORST right now !!! I got with a guy and he left me because he says we “ argue too much” but I kept telling myself and him we can get through it !!!! I just want him too see my value and how good of a woman I am ! I literally did everything I could for him ... together or not we’ve been broken up for a month now and he keeps telling me he wants no relationship because he want to focus on him ... but I never cheated on him , never hurt him , never did anything !!! Literally just us exchanging words and having disagreements! I’m hurt I just don’t know what to do ! I feel like I lost my bestfriend !
I know of someone who can actually help you secure your life with him forever
Girl ! You deserve a "MaN" not this tiny weird kid. If he says he doesn't want you ? Then walk away. I understand what you are going through, I had been through the same. You said you are a good woman , how can a blind person see something? Get your head high, go out and celebrate who you are. Love will find you eventually. Never undervalue yourself. You are the most beautiful , good hearted, kind and caring woman ! You are a gem girl !
This video just explained me. I stayed in a relationship like that for 10 months and just got out of it 5 days ago and I couldn't be happier. Always found excuses for his behavior even when he cheated on me. The second time he cheated was when I just couldn't do it anymore. But it made me value myelf more than before, I realized I deserve way better
sorry to hear about what you have gone through. I have noticed with a lot of my friends they stay in relationships that aren't quite right for them and it is not even because they have no respect for themselves but it is hard leaving someone and being on your own at times. I met a really nice guy once and we got on so well always had a laugh and one day I stopped hearing from him. I really hope you manage to take your time and heal from the relationship you were in.
Aaaw, thank you!
Well, for me it was more because I was so in love with him. He did treat me really well in the beginning, and when you see that kind side of them you always hope everything will go back to how it was in the beginning. It's very difficult to let go of someone you still love, but they hurt you and being with the person hurts more than being without them sometimes
Dumle Jack I totally get what you are saying here cause it is very hard to let go of someone you once loved and you want to make things work. I really hope you meet a guy who treats you right. Relationships are not easy and it seems like the way people treat each other in relationships are very different these days in comparison to when were parents and grandparents were dating. Were all different but for me I have had to realise that I need to work hard and be successful and keep buys and if a man comes along then great but if he doesn't I will be ok on my own but I do want to have kids at some point.
EXACTLY!!!
I'm proud of you!
I want to break this cycle. I pay attention to my instincts but I still keep giving them benefit of doubts. :(
anony885 same!!! I have a major problem... a big heart...
I am particularly understanding knowing that I shouldn't be
Thanks matthew for this video. The last august I left my 10-years-relationship and in january I hit rock bottom. I‘m still struggling, but doing a lot better now. Your videos help me a lot to find my strength and worth again. For a very long time, I thought that I‘m the only one struggling with that things and felt very lonely. Since january I‘m very interested in psychology, relationships etc and read a lot and watch a lot of videos. And I realised that I‘m definitely not the only one struggling, and don‘t get me wrong, I don‘t wish this kind of problems to anyone, but it feels good not to be the only one. Thank you for your amazing work.
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I have a great apology for my guts right now....
Me too