My parents used to run a bible study in my house. One night I overheard a girl talking to my mother about how she doesn't find the guy she was dating in church that attractive, however the more time she spent with him and the more she got to know him and how he carried his faith as a christian the more she found him attractive. During that the time when this conversation took place, I had backsliden away from God, and did not fully understood what she meant. A year ago I met a girl I was not attracted to at all, simply because she didnt meet the "type" that I was attracted to. However the more time I spent with her the more her personality just made me want to be closer to her. I started to appreciate little quirks of hers that I did not pay attention to before, and she really grew on me. My point is, attraction has some degree of importantance of course. However God made me realise lately that a person's physical appearance is just flesh. A flesh that they were born with and had no control over. It is something that will get old and rot away but their spirit and their heart is what truly counts. In the end of the day, i want to be in a God centered relationship with a woman who loves God as much as i do. Physical attraction used to be high in my list, but that is no longer the case. A spiritually fruitful woman who loves God with all her heart tops my list now.
well I've known a guy for years but he never grew on me and he is an amazing person and a believer but I feel repulsed by even the mere THOUGHT of him touching me in any way.
Rule of thumb: If you have to force physical attraction, don't waste theirs or your time. The guilt that comes with meeting a nice guy that I simply am not physically attracted to, but has other inner attributes that mesh well feels like settling. It's settling because it's as if I'm never going come across such a person again, so I might as well snag on to it. No, that is risky and the last thing you want to do is lead a guy/girl on and waste their time. Remember, men and women can just be friends.
Exactly, no need to waste your time or theirs. Never settle. As the former pastor at my church said, it's better to be single forever than to be with the wrong person.
@@alissamclaughlin1949 Statistically women absolutely need to reduce the importance they put on superficial criteria and settle if they want a good man. They also need to ask "what do the men I want... want"? Then work to get closer to that. A single, high earning, responsible, good looking, educated, romantic, well groomed, 6 foot +, chivalrous, Jesus following man who also caters to modern christian feminist perspectives is as rare as a metallic turqouise unicorn walking through town. Never settling is equal to remaining alone unless you personally are in the top1- 3% of most desireable women.
Being on the shy-side and 36 years old, I figured I needed to lower my standards somewhat and focus more on personality. I was finally introduced to a woman who was VERY personable, a devout Catholic, and family-oriented (all important qualities to me). We dated for 8 months. However I was 0% attracted to her. She weighed at least 60 lbs more than me and was very HOMELY (and made NO effort to improve her looks or health). I prayed and prayed that I would become at least "somewhat" attracted to her but it just wasn't happening, yet I still held on. I later realized her "sincere" personality was really a "put-on to win me over" and not genuine at all! ...and that made it EASY for me to wash my hands! Lesson Learned: You need to be at least 1% attracted to your significant-other, no matter what.
I do believe that the most important thing is personality and character, but I know I could not spend the rest of my life making love with someone I did not find attractive and I am sure he would feel the same.
would help if you were paid to perform each time ?? A very smart girl once told me that many woman who stop having sex with their husband’s are totally surprised when a divorce happens to them, but this is no surprise to her, because the husbands often go to her when the wife stops having sex with them. Grin and bare it for ten minutes ladies to keep your man happy. Keep your family together !!
I was dating a Christian guy (many months) for his values and because he was family oriented. However, his personality traits were not attractive and there was no physical attraction either. I was trying to convince myself not to be too picky, but if you're not attracted to someone, it just doesn't work
just go on christian forums and see what happens to people who didn't nit pick, they wonder what they're even doing in those marriages. If you will have sex with a person there MUST be attraction.
What I've learned is that what I'm attracted to is healthy looking people because I place a value on diet and exercise I'm attracted to others who do the same. It's a matter of knowing she or he will bring health and fitness as a value and legacy to your children and their children. So obesity is not just a characteristic someone has it's also a value they've adopted and unfortunately it's linked to legacy and impact for the kingdom of God
I don't expect my future wife to have a super model body (Sure, that would be a plus to be honest), but at least a healthy body as well. So yeah, I agree with you.
@@GenXer82no this is a catholic fabrication that is not in the bible. However it is biblical to take care of the body because it’s the temple of the Lord.
I find it very interesting when the people that tell you that "Looks or physical attraction aren't that important" usually have very attractive wives. Same thing goes for money. The person that tells you that "Money isn't that important" usually make over 100k a year. You'd never hear a homeless person tell you that money isn't that important
Attraction is just the first step but you need more to be in a relationship. Just like you need money to a certain extent after that it is just a heap. The thing is people cannot differentiate between needs and want. Desire has no end.
may be it's because , they have realized that those things don't matter after all. e.g, i have an attractive wife but i do know my marriage isn't the best, they speak out of experience.
@@Keldren. that is an anomaly, doesnt count. There will always be exceptions to everything but you cannot purposely date ppl you dont find attractive just to see if the rare exception takes place.
I’m not too big on looks but I at least want my spouse to be someone of my preference and attractive enough that I’m able to wake up to her every morning.
@@ShadowWarrior88 Your not alone brother. Im 18, and I want to grow with God first and hopefully around 20 I wanna start dating. I pray everyday about it.
Couple things from someone likely much older than most of this audience: 1) There was a guy, back in high school that I almost thought was "unattractive," but after spending a little time with him and getting to know him, I was falling in-love with him. His humor and intelligence were amazing and drew me in. And he actually was not unattractive, physically. I just hadn't been able to notice before then. 2) A leading psychologist out there says that if there is not physical attraction, then that aspect becomes VERY significant, but if there is physical attraction, it is more like 10% of the relationship. 3) A woman who is a very successful matchmaker (possibly a PhD., as well - I don't remember) put it succinctly: "If your body doesn't want his/her body, it's not going to work!" 4) I will add: Physical attraction comes from more than just physicality. You can't be physically attracted to someone who you think is a jerk. It is an overall feeling of warmth, but with some visual aspects thrown in, as well. But you deserve to be desired physically and your partner does, too. It isn't fair to the person if you're not attracted to them. Let them be with someone who totally is.
Attraction is important, I have many 'types', and although I have some work to do on myself - if someone isn't attracted to how I look I can sense it and I'm not going to stick around.
You just need to be with someone who will find you attractive. I have dated a really good looking guy and thought it would make me settle turned out i wasnt attracted to him. And he is really like so goodlooking 9 /10 but i could not bring myself to marry that guy at all. I just wasnt attracted it felt like we were also on a different planet eventhough he is a christian too. I just didnt connect no matter how good looking he is. He isnt just my vibe and type and his looks didnt make up for it. A year later i met a guy who isnt really that good looking but he fits my preference that i have been looking for. And his personality just suits me well felt like i belong to him really felt comfortable and i was so attracted to him eventhough my friends thinks he is "okay looking". There was a diffetent out this world connection that i cant even describe. I really believe its not really about looks it's more of "type". "beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder"
I didn't really think physical attraction was important until I experienced some things in a short relationship/ friendship I had. There was this guy I was talking to. Emotionally, he was very loving and caring and everything I would want in a husband but I was physically repulsed by him. I know that sounds horrible. I tried to look past it but I just couldn't. The thought of being with him turned my stomach. I hope he finds someone who truly loves him and is attracted to him in every way.
D B I wouldn't say it was a lack of attraction because emotionally, he was a very attractive guy and honestly if I could look past his physical appearance, I knew things could work but I couldn't and that's very unusual for me. Usually I can become physically attracted to someone I'm emotionally attracted to, even if they're not conventionally attractive, but with him I just couldn't. I felt it would be unfair to continue in a relationship because if it were the other way round, it would break my heart to find out that someone was with me out of obligation and wasn't in any way physically attracted to me.
K OK gotcha. Interesting what you said about your usually becoming physically attracted to someone you're emotionally attracted to. Reminds me of a close female friend of mine of many years; I realized she was potentially interested, and we really seemed (and still seem) to have an "emotional chemistry" with each other. I guess that's a kind of "emotianal attraction"? I feel she understands me far better than any other woman I've in one way or another considered, and there's just this mutual liking between us. But I've never felt *physically* attracted to her... And I've felt guilty about that because it made me think that perhaps I'm really just shallow. Plus I haven't found anyone else who's interested and we have that mutual chemistry, etc. Happily (for her) she is now married, and I'm genuinely happy for her, and No I don't feel the slightest hint of jealousy. But I still do wonder if I made a "mistake" in my not being physically attracted to someone with whom I seemed to be so emotionally compatible with and connected to :). Blessings.
@Jan Thomp thank you for that, really. That is good insight for me. I realize then that it also works the other way too, i.e. that.if there's someone I really admire and am atrracted to (and there is) but she doesn't feel the same for me, maybe I should just accept that God has another plan, for both of us. May be a challenge to "swallow", but thanks for that.
How old is your RUclips channel? I think your channel should go viral. Very wise how God has blessed you with intellectuality and help others with advice in any kind. 💛💛
Hello from South Korea! I have been struggling with these questions for a long time and your advices are very helpful to set my mind in a godly way. Thank you so much and I will buy your book on Amazon soon. :)
I’m in a situation like this now. My friend is a wonderful person. He’s there for me at all times. All I have to do is call him, but I’m not attracted to him. I’ve been knowing him for over 7 year’s, but I don’t feel anything for him. I’ve been trying to look past it because he’s a great hardworking guy. He keep pushing it on me that God brought me to him to take care of me. I feel obligated to be with him because he does so much for me. I feel trapped because my mom want me to be with him.
I think the older you become, the more you realise the important things in life, because you already know that concentrating on superficial things doesn't get you anywhere. I've had 3 serious relationships before (lasting more than a year) and I initially was not physically attracted to any of those guys! I always had a physical type but I always landed up with the opposite! So what I'm saying is, you need to give people a chance, because you never know what's going to blossom from there
Not being attracted to someone has nothing to do with their looks. It’s the chemistry and just something about them that attracts you to them, not just looks
Attraction is not just limited to one’s physical appearance. There are many attributes: Personality. Intelligence. Humor. Character/integrity. Common interests. Physical health. And more. None of us are perfect and we need to learn to accept certain flaws that are frivolous and reject others that are negative character traits. Not every person looks like a supermodel and we need to admit it, but embrace many other strong qualities we possess with confidence.
I agree because once the wife becomes pregnant may not get that Supermodel's body back. I am not saying that they should use that as an excuse to let yourself go either. Just be realistic. Pregnancy does change the woman's body. I am just saying...
my Ex-fiance I initially was attracted to her intellectually, physically she was attractive, but had some 'flaws'. But as I got to know her more the more I started craving time with her and wanting her :-) just been real, I thought at first she was too skinny and too short, but over time the attraction grew very strong, so strong that we didn't do it God's way, and now we are no longer together. However attraction is a peculiar thing. Ive been super attracted to a woman, then turned off after I talked to her and got to know her values, how her mind works :-/
I know I've been in a relationship where I didn't think they were that attractive and then I got to KNOW her and she BECAME beautiful to me ❤ we didnt last long but still ❤
I used to put physical attractiveness in second or third place for years to find a partner . As I've gotten older , I've realized the importance of physical attraction. Especially for a woman,we tend to allow emotional attraction cloud his physical attraction. I can't tell you the amount of women I know who are in marriages but have no physical attraction to their husbands at all and aren't necessarily the happiest .
Well #1) I believe we in the world today have a taste of everything we want to from partner to partner. Then we think we can find that in one person. 2) 80/20 rule Usually if you find someone who has invested in their spiritual Intellectual and emotional life they may not be as invested in their physical looks and fun. Or you find someone who's all invested in their physical and sensual world and not as invested in their Emotional intellectual and spiritual world. 3) A lot of women or men now a days prioritize their Emotional and financial Over the physical. No one in the world has it all it's a gift from God to us lol 4) A lot of times that Sexual , sensual attraction is lust, infatuation not as much love.
I think people either go for financial security and emotional attraction and kindness(friend)/ For fun and physical attractiveness.( stud) Make a choice you usually don't get both They don't come in the same package now I Won't say that you don't get some fun and some attractiveness like the guy said in the video but you're not turned on to them in that lustful seductive way.
@Back Bay Man52 but you also have to take into account whether you're a looker too, wanting a model like wife and not being that for her isn't making much sense either.
Thank you for sharing this...as I was listening I realised that just like I always pray and desire that a godly man would love me for who I am and not what I look like, then I also need to be cultivating that same attitude too, because I don't want to say no to God's gift of a wonderful husband just because he's not my usual "type". I've learned from the past too that attraction can 100% grow the closer you get to someone, also that just because a man is super hot and exactly my type doesn't mean he's got the Godly qualities I'm looking for in a husband. My sister said to me a while ago, "I think you need to go for someone who's not you usual type", and the older I get the more I realise that just like our hearts will lead us astray so can our eyes. Also if God is putting me with someone then I believe 100% that He can make sparks fly like never before because it will be a God-filled love.
You have to be physically attracted to your partner, or else your relationship is DOOMED to fail. Guys are visually-stimulated that's why your girl has to be attractive, or else you'll be checking out other girls. However, connection and compatibility are the most important and what makes the relationship work in the long-run
Archangel 01 or else he will Check out other girls? Men who check out other girls have gorgeous wives and gf’s. The issue isn’t that their wife or gf isn’t attractive. The issue is they have a lust problem. I’m 40 years old- I’ve seen this happen for over 20 years.
I also have an ideal body type and the way that she styles herself is important to me too. I would compromise on appearance in body type though because I'm not really every womans type either and this is my point. Be physically attracted enough to want to be with each other. Then develop a relationship with them. The more time you spend bonding with them on a mentally and emotionally the more of a foundation you're laying down. Eventually you'll find out that the mental and emotional attraction you both feel for each other is more appealing than the intial physical attraction and in fact, it's likely to enhance it because now it's not just one aspect of a person but the whole being, the whole person. I'm glad I found this video Mark. I've been asking the same question for a few weeks now. Be blessed y'all.
I don't care if they wear sandals on there feet and walk on water , if I'm not attracted lm not attracted. If you force something generally it will break. physically unattractive people are not going to get better looking with age either , I would rather start out with someone I'm attracted to then not , because they'll be no physical intimacy in the marriage ( maybe in the begining because you /they feel obligated to ) that's going to fade then end completely in time, and then end up in a roommate situation. that's not fair for either one of you.
In the past when someone I didn’t find attractive did grow on me, it didn’t feel forced. It just happened naturally as I got to know them and it happened quickly. I don’t want it to feel forced where even after getting to know a guy and I see that he’s a great person, that I still am not attracted to him.
Hey Mark, so I am in a wheelchair but I still really desire a godly spouse in my life. I am by no means put off by the fact that I am in a wheelchair more so I just feel at times a little discouraged at the fact that me being in this condition it may be setting a bad representation of who I am… I did used to play football and baseball, unfortunately when I was 15 years old I overdosed and things have not been the same since leaving me in this condition and I just am not quite sure how to go about seeking someone who would love me being that I definitely require much more attention than your average individual… Either way I appreciate all that you do Mark I thank you for all that you do and I pray ask and give thanks for all the lives that you will continue to change with your ministry in the services.
I think a relationship is build with these two things that first is physically attraction and second is emotionally attachment with these things (care,respect,trust)
I can't say I agree with the physical attraction increasing with a good relationship, some people just don't work that way with each other no matter how good their relationship is.
and if you read around in forums it does NOT happen. if there is something it might grow but if there is NONE get out of that before hurting the other person and wasting your time
My Pastor taught us long ago that GOD may have a man with thick glass and checker board pants on that would treat you good and love the way the bible speaks. Some people miss out on the one because we look for Mr. Universe or Miss America. I told GOD what I wanted. Being specific. I found out the one he had for me wasn't what I wanted. It was his choice for my life. We is Mr. Wonderful and we are planning our wedding.
I absolutely agree; while character should ideally be the first and foremost priority, we should all strive to obtain the best of both worlds since marriage is for a lifetime.
Not only as a believer do I not need the full package (in relationships character and appearance) in life but I renounce to the world that promotes the full package; please give me character in myself and my potential mate and we're good, Lord! This thought hopefully helps someone realize that God's best doesn't always line up with what we want.
The end of the video is spot on! Apply the Golden rule to yourself. If you are imposing high physical standards on others, then the same needs to be apply to you. If it offends you, then maybe you’re demanding too much of others! You can only expect what you can also give.
I think you said it in a nutshell. It's all about having a proper balance. I love what you said about judging others the way you want to be judged. If you're purely focused on outward things, you will be judged by your outward appearance. Great things to apply and pray about. I like to consider the whole package -godliness, attraction, and compatibility. All of it is important ..but I loved how you emphasized character and personality. I completely agree. I would also hope that the Spark would be there as well not because he fits a stereotype. I'm not looking for a stereotype. I just want to be attracted as well with the other qualities and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Samuel Charles Yeah, I think it needs to be ‘love God, love themselves and then love me’. If you want your significant other to put your needs before their own that’s co-dependency
Good man, well intentioned, but I disagree. The word says that "God will give you the desires of your heart." The word says that " all things beleiving, you will receive." The word say's "that if you ask anything in Jesus' name (according to his will), he will do it." So that goes for everything. Yes, you can ask God to bless you with a mate that you find physically attractive. If you prefer a certain height say so. A certain hair color, say so. The lord gave us taste, and that is not wrong. It is not what we ask, but why. This goes for any prayer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a physical preference. The word says so long as that does not "overshadow" the other things God wants to be in your decision making. So yes, beauty is fleeting (applied to man and woman) but that means looks should not outweigh character, not that you have to rationalize your lack of attraction to someone and be with someone your not really into. THAT would be wrong. Because your heart will not be fully in it, and your keeping that person from finding someone whose would be! If someone is not your type, then that's ok. Everyone has taste! Never feel condemned for that. Respect them and move on. There is no harm or disrespect in that. And that individual can move to find someone they find attractive. Yes, the Lord says to treat others how you would like to be treated. So, wouldn't you want to be with someone who fully approved an loved you for who you are, or you'd rather someone secretly not be attracted to you and be with you in attempt to be "holy" but ignoring their lack of attraction to you? That is not right. Think this through, with the scriptures, and come to your own conclusion. God Bless!
Brandon M Going into your comment I honestly thought it was going to focus solely on physical attraction, and how unattractive people aren’t worth our time (courtesy of some of the comments that came before). But I find your comment to be very respectful and well balanced. On the whole, I do agree with you, brother. I also believe, however, that as we grow, God will change our preferences over time to be more in line with the kind of woman He has for us. Attraction is very important, but you may find yourself attracted to someone who you didn’t think was your type. Not because you have to overlook their physical appearance, but because when you see them, you’ll think, “Oh wow! I had no idea that type of person could ever be so physically attractive!” (Ie “That’s a hot blonde! I’m usually not into blondes but my goodness, she’s hot!”) Hopefully my example made sense. God’s grace and peace be with you, brother.
I totally agree i love God with my whole heart but if you dont really love or find someone your really into .unless God changes your heart or says this is the one .not forcing it cause its wrong .when they could potentially find soneone who does .its not all about looks but got to have some kind of attraction or no its not happening .
So is it wrong to pray that your future spouse has a certain for example type of hair? I have noticed that to me the most important is the face. I dont mind height, weight or anything else, just the face. I cant be attracted to someone if I dont like the face.
No worries brother, The great matchmaker knows the face you like!! He will hook you up real good!! Keep preparing yourself, making sure you will also be a man of worth and great value! " Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies" Proverbs 31:10
Songs of Solomon is one of the most under-discussed books in the Bible! Physical attraction is important, but people have different tastes! As long as you don't neglect your looks, someone will find you attractive, and vice versa.
Thank you so much for this video. I must admit, I have been very superficial. I’ve been praying and asking God to help me in this area. I’m dating a guy who loves and respects me. My children, family and friends love him. He’s consistent, responsible, a Christian, reliable and trustworthy just to name a few. However he wasn’t what I call “cool” or very confident. I have not been the most kind. Lord help me.
Dont use him let him find someone who does love him if u dont .resecpt him enough to find real love from the person God sends him .unless God says your it, let him go.he deserves real love not forced love .
Some people are flat out gorgeous; other people have more of an "acquired" beauty that grows on you. I think a lot of it depends on what you are used to seeing. It is interesting though how a person's personality can make him or her more or less attractive.
This is the best video I've seen regarding physical attraction. I absolutely love points 1 and 5. I have found that just going on a date or two is helpful. Some I have been able to find a lot more attractive and others...just not 🤷♀️ The fifth principle was one I can relate to the most. One I struggle with is I usually don't like chubby guys but wait a minute...Guess who's chubby too?! This girl, LOLs! Yes, I am offended if say 66% of guys just think I'm unattractive but hey, I'll never know if I'm mostly attractive or unattractive to men. I may never know! Idk if I want to! I'm 5'4 and 175 pounds, blonde, blue eyes, and a cute face ;)))) In the end, I did find one particular fella attractive although he was slightly chubby. That's because I emphasized on principals 1 and 5. Of course I used all the others, but these actually helped me a lot. Btw, I am a devout Christian so all the others are extremely important, but I just wanted to emphasize on 1 and 5.
My husband married me because he was attracted to my personality but he was not very attracted to my body because I am overweight. We are mature Christians and love each other but his physical attraction hasn’t grown. Four years down the road and 2 children later he still isn’t physically attracted to me and I love him but I desperately want to be physically attractive to him. I’m doing my best to loose the weight but I so wish he loved my body and that sexual acts wasn’t such a chore to him. I feel so hopeless in this. All I can do is hope to loose the weight and pray that once I do o won’t have loose skin and he will finally find me physically attractive
I think I’m the only one in this world that thinks physical attraction isn’t important. I was once ugly lol i was an ugly duckling as a kid and teen. I always thought from then when I blossomed that looks won’t matter to me. I know what it feels like to be not attractive to people. I’m sad I am not attracted to my bf but I try look past it. I know it is true love because when we’re together I am happy and we love being with each other and enjoy each other’s company. Plus he is the only one that helps bring me back to God whenever I fall. I just feel that there’s no one else out there that’s right for me. I doubt our relationship watching these videos and articles on google. seems like almost every resource says physical attraction is important.. but I just feel that it’s worth it to try make my relationship work
Hi Lala, I felt it important to write to you my humble opinion: It looks like you are spiritually dependant on your boyfriend. If so, then you should know that it is an unhealthy situation. The only one you should be dependant on spiritually is God alone. If you feel a necessity to stay with your boyfriend because he is the only one that can lift you up spiritually, you better recalculate your way. God is your solution.
Thanks for the video! I think commitment to each other is the most important. If you get married thinking that physical attraction will help keep you together and then an accident happens and the person loses their beauty, it could lead to a struggle. Physical attraction and romance are nice and all, but they are not necessary! If someone puts too much emphasis on this, it can lead to dissatisfaction.
@@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger Physical attraction is a factor for many Christian marriages, but I think it is over emphasized in our society. I'm a homosexually oriented Christian. I do not pursue men because I want to follow my Savior's commandments. I want a wife and a family. If I married a person I was physically attracted to, it would be a man. I know several other Christian couples in which the husband is homosexually oriented and the wife is heterosexual. They have wonderful marriages. If physical attraction is considered a necessary factor, then it discourages homosexuals from even considering Christianity. Christ wants all to come unto Him, and no where in the Bible does it say that a couple must have physical feelings for each other. I appreciate your suggestions in this video, but I think that that factor is not doctrinally sound. I do not say this to quarrel, I just wish to share my personal conviction.
I am in a relationship with my current girlfriend. Everything has been great. She is a Christian and godly woman. She has been nothing but nice, affectionate, attentive, and overall just a great girlfriend. The problem is that I'm not in love with her. I care about her because I see the value in her, which is to say it is a lot, she is truly a great woman. I'm just not crazy about her. I wasn't all that attracted to her when we met but I decided to give it a shot because she was very nice, a godly woman, humble and sweet. I thought that I would probably start falling for her over time, but that hasn't happened. My feelings have grown but I'm not in love. We've been together for 4 months now and I don't know what to do. There are days where I think it will be alright, but then there are others where I'm just not sure what I feel. I don't want to hurt her feelings and I fear that if I let her go, that spark that is missing with her is maybe not that important and if I decide to break up I may be letting go of a great blessing.
I am in the same boat, but we have been dating for a year now. Everything is perfect but I am not into her physically at all. I gave it a year and it hasn't changed. Is this important for Christians or should we just ignore it?
@@marsuvesblack9645 God is not a God of confusion. He wont lead you to someone you are not really sure of. If it's not progressing better end things with as sooner than later. Do not waste her time because honestly she could just find someone who would love and find her 100% attractive. It's just not fair to her at all. I had been in that situation before dated a guy who wasnt into me. I felt it at first that he wasnt really emotionally invested to me but we still went on with our relationahip thinking his feelings would progress or he could at least learn to love me. But man im telling it aint gonna happened. Things turned sour in our relationship and he ended up blaming me for everything that it was my fault that i forced him to be with him. One thing i learned from it is "you cannot teach someone to love you". Love should not be forced. If you two are meabt for each other in the first place, both of you should at least be on the same boat
I was really confused about what to do at the time of writing that. An update, I broke up with her... I finally understood that there wasn't peace in my heart. I knew that I wasn't going to have that "head over toes" feeling for her and I either needed to accept that or let her go. I realized that she deserves better than commitment, she deserved someone that loved her. And finally, I realized that I was wasting her time if I already knew I couldn't love her as I would like someone to love me. So, I planned the breakup... It was so so so difficult, after it, I felt like the worst person in the world. I was heartbroken for breaking her heart... But then, peace came, it came when realized I wanted her to find someone that could truly love her as she deserves to be loved and I was ok with fact that it wasn't me.
I'm in the same spot right now. I was always told that physical attraction should be at the bottom of the list, when the personality is great the attraction will follow, love is a choice etc etc. We are together for 4 months and Its very hard, because the guy is so awesome and It's not his fault at all, but this healthy, peaceful relationship isn't 100% fulfilling for me because of that. I wonder if it makes sense to work on that part or our relationship is doomed to fail from the start. I'm scared I'm not able to pour into him the same way as he does into me and I'm gonna make him miserable. Whatever will happen, he's gonna suffer. I'm devastated because this is so unfair to him and this is my fault.
Proverbs 31 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. *One caveat I'm not that attractive lol but God's Word doesn't change!
She doesnt havr to be a supermodel for guys to date her. His point is he has to be at least find that woman attractive regardless of what she looks like in order to start a relationship with her.
And as a woman, i dont have to be obsessed with how i look in order for guys to like me. Its still important to take care of our body to look presentable but it shouldnt be just the only thing a woman has. She also have to work more on her personality and her relationahp with God. I used to be so obsessed with how j look, but i realized that it isnt about that. Yiu can take care of yourself and work on your relationship with God. Juat make sure you do not rely only on looks to get a guy to propose on you
My prayer is that God would send me someone who blows me away the way Rachel did to Jacob. If it was good enough for him, then its good enough for me. But i also pray with the wisdom that God knows what i want and what i need in a wife better than I do. Since he knows that, i believe he would send someone that would blow me away whatever her physical attributes might be. Im trusting that he will never disappoint, so im just leaving it at that.
22, went on my very first date. I was that person who always said character is more important than looks. But I was wrong it also matters. I WASN'T PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM. Also, he isn't that spiritually matured yet. It's a no for now
In my youth I was more attracted to a woman’s physical characteristics. As a man I am more attracted to a woman’s intellectual characteristics now. And to me that is what makes her beautiful.
@@Dancediva240 No, because that’s apart of her intelligence. If she’s intelligent then she’d have the wherewithal to take care of her health. Peace and blessings.
You should be called Solomon! So full of wisdom. Shame he ended up like he did! ...wonder if he's in heaven? I agree with everything u say. God bless you! Your wife is so lucky. God bless you. X
When you look up the word "attraction" it's defined as " the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure or liking someone or something." Things like appeal, attractiveness, desirability, allure, magnetism, charisma, charm and beauty. Sounds simple right - NOT - LOL! But attraction is not monolithic and define attraction to our personal appeal and probably more fundamental then we make it (if) we don't over-spiritualize it. We see this played out in everyday life about particular things that draw your attention. Men and women are drawn by the beauty of there own interpretation. The fact that we are questioning attraction for someone can be a telling sign that may need to more explore the relationship deeper. Being overly critical of attraction or types can be delusional if that is our method of measurement. I have struggled many times by minimizing or denying the physical chemistry for the heart, personal chemistry, and there love for God. At the end of the day, there has to be some level of hubba hubba else they are "just friends." Certainly, they're exceptions but just my humble thoughts - yours?
In accordance with this whole message and song of solomon 4:7, 2 corinthians 6:14-18, matthew 6:24, 1 john 3:10 I bind myself to be physical attracted to my godly spouse and my husband to me while binding to hell every lack of physical attraction between me and my god-ordained spouse, while binding every unequal yoke and common share with feeling physical attracted to ungodly men in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and hallelujah!
After a few decades (yes I said decades) of being involved with unequally yoked women who for the most part were attractive to me physically, I can tell you that without that equal spiritual yoke, it is spiritually draining and will not work I don't care how attractive and smart/interesting they are. The dilemma now is being as old as I am, trying to find a woman who is A. equally yoked B. with a personality and interests similar to mine ANNNND.... C. one that has the physical attraction. Basically it's about as easy as capturing a leprechaun riding a unicorn.😊
I don’t care about people who fell out of attraction then cry about it . I’m in a relationship that I’ve never felt attraction , I thought I could live like that . Now 15/20 yrs later I’m so tired of not having fun or being attracted
Love your videos...so a question. If God has already show you and confirm multiple times His purpose to u through dreams and visions and other people,His plan for u and the individual.Should i let the person know? We are both believers and there is a lot of the same values and of cause a lot of chemistry.wish i could elaborate.but will glean from your response...God bless u and keep up the good work.
patrice dean great question. The Bible says when a dream, vision, or prophecy is from the Lord, people will know it's really from God if it comes true (Deuteronomy 18:22) Therefore to tell someone of your vision of the two of you being together may put them in an odd spot because they do not have a way to confirm or disagree with the validity of your vision. Therefore my recommendation is that you pursue this person normally without sharing your visions, and then if your vision comes true in reality it would be acceptable to tell it then. If you tell the person before it comes true, it may come off as manipulative and too much pressure. But you have to do what you feel is right, God bless!
Guys, never fall into the shaming trap of “you shouldn’t judge women based on their looks”. Females, Christian or not, will judge you up and down for the most ridiculous things: height, weight, age, income, education, hairline and a myriad of other things. Hold the same standard for them. This is why you should save your $, eat right, workout and be financially responsible; so you have a platform to talk from.
Going by the way you talk about women, you really do not seem like a Christian man. Which means that a true Christian woman wouldn't be checking for you in the first place. The same goes for any man who thinks that way (and vice versa for women who think so negatively about men). In any case, I hope you somehow manage to get over whatever insecurities and bitterness towards women that you have.
elle19ism typical response from a toxic western female. You offer nothing new in terms of dialogue or ideas. You’re as vapid as your words. Save it as we’re building an army of men who are done with the crap you push.
I personally feel that everyone is entitled to their own preferences when it comes to dating .. for me he doesn’t have to be the most handsome man in the world but as long as I’m attracted to him that’s all that matters. I’ve had crushes on men who I thought was the cutest thing walking , but a few people I knew around me thought he looked like road kill lmaoooo 💀.. everyone’s taste is different 🤷🏽♀️ looks aren’t the only thing that seals the deal (personality &% morals matter also ) but at the same token why be w/ someone you aren’t physically attracted to?
I will say this. In my mind I had a clean slate, til I was with my first girlfriend. That had the effect that I equate to what baby birds experience, in “Imprinting” on my brain what was attractive. Since then I’ve noticed as I have experienced time with other women, my brain/body/psyche adapts to what that person brings to the table. SO what I’m saying is, you will grow to love the person and their traits they have as you grow to love the person’s heart and mind,& spirit. Those attractions will most likely come. Just my opinion 👍🏼
I would say it has a great contributory factor In a relationship.. So they say my dad and I agreed that he is very much in love with my mom.. Her looks,, modesty aside has a beautiful face like that of an actress... Face that could launch a thousand smiles...
I agree with you, Mark. I think physical attraction is important, but what is more important is the heart, the personality and Jesus. Everyone was made in the image of God, so I do think it is rude if you don't like someone because they don't look a certain way. That said, being physically attracted to the person is good, just as long as it doesn't go too far.
I answer part of that in this video ruclips.net/video/_Ne4Hi4z7mY/видео.html As for the unbelieving part, I would just be careful with that dynamic. Its natural for guys and girls to like each other, so being good friends with the non believers from the opposite sex presents a lot of risk. This article may help with that: applygodsword.com/how-to-avoid-the-1-danger-for-an-unmarried-christian/
I just ask them the right questions. What’s your relationship with God? Do you believe in sex before marriage? Most of the time I’ll get “I go to church” and that they believe you can have sex before marriage or they might say they can wait but once I get my answers I let them know this ain’t gonna work 🤷🏽♀️. And they took it pretty well
as you matured...physical thing is not a big deal anymore..as long as that person is matured enough, knows how to value you and is God fearing....i am more of personality than looks....
HI Mark i like what u sed in about 6 minutes in the vid.. luke 6 vs 31 that good to stay balanced on phisical attraction. i think i like the opposites atraction laws.
I can see what you're saying. I'm naturally attracted to the facial features of Asian women, but I'm not gonna run myself into a dead end looking for someone from that heritage.
I've seen examples of physical attraction working in strange ways. One such example was a couple who started coming to the church i attended growing up. She wasn't a perfect 10 by any means but still a nice looking woman. Her husband on the other hand had been huge his whole life. Close to 500 pounds. One of my first initial thoughts was that he was out of her league. I dont know what attracted her to him but i remember her mentioning that she started dating him after ending a 5 year relationship with another man. They are both really happily married and have a son and he looks like a whole new man now because he's shed over 200 pounds after gastric bypass surgery. The point is that something made her look past all of that. It hasn't happened often, but for unknown reasons once in a while i might find myself strangely attracted to a woman who might be a little on the plain side. And ive often seen men with women and women with men and wondered how in the world did they ever wind up with each other. Anyone else know of any such examples?
Yes this happens. I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Basically what one attracts to is different than what another attracts to. And then two, I think people are also not just attracting or gravitating to the physical but the person's aura or a common thread they may share. Three some people gravitate or choose to be with the person whether the person is typically unattractive or attractive. Maybe this person provided empathy and an escape from the previous pain and relationship. Maybe this person has their stuff together. Maybe the person sees what someone else cant. And maybe the person has a quality about themselves their mate wished he/she had his/herself. Just thoughts.
Good points aside from "maybe he's too tall". Right... that's a common problem. You can easily observe the statistics that women swipe left 90-95% of the time. One common filtering criteria is "6' or taller". Only 14.5% of men are 6'+ in the US. 3.9% are 6'2" or taller. Subtract out all those who are gay, in prison, married, and not believers and you are looking at a very small percentage.
If I’m not physically attached to a women it’s extremely difficult for me to even entertain the idea of dating her. I have tried and i just can’t seem to get into the idea of dating her. I don’t know if it’s wrong or not but it’s completely organic and not something i can seem to control or manipulate.. just wondering what are your thoughts?
I'm a woman and I feel exactly the same as you. And as women it's worse for us because we are made to feel ashamed that we value looks over character. But no! You're not wrong in how you think at all. Imagine if a woman knew you were dating her only cos she is nice, how it would crush her. Imagine the roles reversed and how crushed you would be to learn that.
Once my exams finish in two weeks, I'm going to meet a man I met through Christian Mingle....problem is, I'm not even remotely physically attracted to him :/ *Sigh* We shall see what happens. Part of me is scared I'll end up settling down with someone simply because I'm so afraid of ending up alone and childless.
Attraction is what gets you TO the door, personality/character is what gets you THRU the door, and Godliness is what KEEPS you inside!!!
Very wel said! 👏
Go head!!!! You betta work, M. H.👌🏽
👏👏👏
You nailed it.
My sis said the exact same thing, that’s crazy
My parents used to run a bible study in my house. One night I overheard a girl talking to my mother about how she doesn't find the guy she was dating in church that attractive, however the more time she spent with him and the more she got to know him and how he carried his faith as a christian the more she found him attractive.
During that the time when this conversation took place, I had backsliden away from God, and did not fully understood what she meant.
A year ago I met a girl I was not attracted to at all, simply because she didnt meet the "type" that I was attracted to. However the more time I spent with her the more her personality just made me want to be closer to her. I started to appreciate little quirks of hers that I did not pay attention to before, and she really grew on me.
My point is, attraction has some degree of importantance of course. However God made me realise lately that a person's physical appearance is just flesh. A flesh that they were born with and had no control over. It is something that will get old and rot away but their spirit and their heart is what truly counts. In the end of the day, i want to be in a God centered relationship with a woman who loves God as much as i do. Physical attraction used to be high in my list, but that is no longer the case. A spiritually fruitful woman who loves God with all her heart tops my list now.
BigBoy Toys if I am not attracted to a man, he cannot be my husband.
@@gabrielamartinyuk6438 I agree, you have to be attracted to the person in some way, it doesn't have to be just physical attraction.
@@gabrielamartinyuk6438 Then what are you attractive to physically in men?
well I've known a guy for years but he never grew on me and he is an amazing person and a believer but I feel repulsed by even the mere THOUGHT of him touching me in any way.
That's beautiful!
Rule of thumb: If you have to force physical attraction, don't waste theirs or your time. The guilt that comes with meeting a nice guy that I simply am not physically attracted to, but has other inner attributes that mesh well feels like settling. It's settling because it's as if I'm never going come across such a person again, so I might as well snag on to it. No, that is risky and the last thing you want to do is lead a guy/girl on and waste their time. Remember, men and women can just be friends.
Exactly, no need to waste your time or theirs. Never settle. As the former pastor at my church said, it's better to be single forever than to be with the wrong person.
I needed this thank you
@@alissamclaughlin1949 I agree 100+%.
THIS THE ONE!! Going through this guilt now. Thank you
@@alissamclaughlin1949 Statistically women absolutely need to reduce the importance they put on superficial criteria and settle if they want a good man. They also need to ask "what do the men I want... want"? Then work to get closer to that. A single, high earning, responsible, good looking, educated, romantic, well groomed, 6 foot +, chivalrous, Jesus following man who also caters to modern christian feminist perspectives is as rare as a metallic turqouise unicorn walking through town. Never settling is equal to remaining alone unless you personally are in the top1- 3% of most desireable women.
Being on the shy-side and 36 years old, I figured I needed to lower my standards somewhat and focus more on personality. I was finally introduced to a woman who was VERY personable, a devout Catholic, and family-oriented (all important qualities to me). We dated for 8 months. However I was 0% attracted to her. She weighed at least 60 lbs more than me and was very HOMELY (and made NO effort to improve her looks or health). I prayed and prayed that I would become at least "somewhat" attracted to her but it just wasn't happening, yet I still held on. I later realized her "sincere" personality was really a "put-on to win me over" and not genuine at all! ...and that made it EASY for me to wash my hands! Lesson Learned: You need to be at least 1% attracted to your significant-other, no matter what.
1% 😂😂
@Mary Teresa i guess anything is better than 0%, even next to zero😂😂😂😂😂
Yours is a real cautionary tale for ppl who try to settle. Im glad you shared it.
@GenXer82 How and when did you realize her "sincere personality" was just a charade to win you?
I agree that you should at least be 1% attracted but it looks like the way you actually learned your lesson was through praying
I do believe that the most important thing is personality and character, but I know I could not spend the rest of my life making love with someone I did not find attractive and I am sure he would feel the same.
I agree completely. Are looks everything? Certainly not. Is physical attraction important? Of course
Plot twist
If you marry a hot guy who becomes ugly is it ok to no longer be interested?
would help if you were paid to perform each time ?? A very smart girl once told me that many woman who stop having sex with their husband’s are totally surprised when a divorce happens to them, but this is no surprise to her, because the husbands often go to her when the wife stops having sex with them. Grin and bare it for ten minutes ladies to keep your man happy. Keep your family together !!
@@samesaw that's horrible advice "grin and bear it for ten minutes"????
why not sit down and figure how to make sex better
@@EdwardEstacado that inner beauty lasts forever, but physical beauty fades after time.
It doesn’t matter how attractive the person is, what’s important is that the person IS attracted to them...
It cannot be measured, either it is or isn't the full package of good character and appearance
I was dating a Christian guy (many months) for his values and because he was family oriented. However, his personality traits were not attractive and there was no physical attraction either. I was trying to convince myself not to be too picky, but if you're not attracted to someone, it just doesn't work
God can change us from the inside bc what you consider as your typical type God can renew your mind to what is best for you.
Hahahahaha. I LOVE IT. "The more you nick pick your going to be single for a long time!" Soooooooo TRUE
just go on christian forums and see what happens to people who didn't nit pick, they wonder what they're even doing in those marriages. If you will have sex with a person there MUST be attraction.
true lol but im not settling
I can’t either. I honestly think I’d rather be single then marry someone I am never attracted to.
What I've learned is that what I'm attracted to is healthy looking people because I place a value on diet and exercise I'm attracted to others who do the same. It's a matter of knowing she or he will bring health and fitness as a value and legacy to your children and their children. So obesity is not just a characteristic someone has it's also a value they've adopted and unfortunately it's linked to legacy and impact for the kingdom of God
Gluttony is a sin! ...so you're right on!
I don't expect my future wife to have a super model body (Sure, that would be a plus to be honest), but at least a healthy body as well. So yeah, I agree with you.
@@GenXer82no this is a catholic fabrication that is not in the bible. However it is biblical to take care of the body because it’s the temple of the Lord.
I find it very interesting when the people that tell you that "Looks or physical attraction aren't that important" usually have very attractive wives. Same thing goes for money. The person that tells you that "Money isn't that important" usually make over 100k a year. You'd never hear a homeless person tell you that money isn't that important
Attraction is just the first step but you need more to be in a relationship. Just like you need money to a certain extent after that it is just a heap. The thing is people cannot differentiate between needs and want. Desire has no end.
Exactly!
may be it's because , they have realized that those things don't matter after all. e.g, i have an attractive wife but i do know my marriage isn't the best, they speak out of experience.
To me What's interesting about that is that they were kind of saying the truth
@@Keldren. that is an anomaly, doesnt count. There will always be exceptions to everything but you cannot purposely date ppl you dont find attractive just to see if the rare exception takes place.
I’m not too big on looks but I at least want my spouse to be someone of my preference and attractive enough that I’m able to wake up to her every morning.
Can that be a racial prefrence with a person with Christ like traits?
JESUS IS LORD of course, that’s exactly what I’m looking for
@@ShadowWarrior88 Your not alone brother. Im 18, and I want to grow with God first and hopefully around 20 I wanna start dating. I pray everyday about it.
Couple things from someone likely much older than most of this audience: 1) There was a guy, back in high school that I almost thought was "unattractive," but after spending a little time with him and getting to know him, I was falling in-love with him. His humor and intelligence were amazing and drew me in. And he actually was not unattractive, physically. I just hadn't been able to notice before then. 2) A leading psychologist out there says that if there is not physical attraction, then that aspect becomes VERY significant, but if there is physical attraction, it is more like 10% of the relationship. 3) A woman who is a very successful matchmaker (possibly a PhD., as well - I don't remember) put it succinctly: "If your body doesn't want his/her body, it's not going to work!" 4) I will add: Physical attraction comes from more than just physicality. You can't be physically attracted to someone who you think is a jerk. It is an overall feeling of warmth, but with some visual aspects thrown in, as well. But you deserve to be desired physically and your partner does, too. It isn't fair to the person if you're not attracted to them. Let them be with someone who totally is.
Attraction is important, I have many 'types', and although I have some work to do on myself - if someone isn't attracted to how I look I can sense it and I'm not going to stick around.
The same I can tell about myself 😊
Totally agree. Well put.
To all people who were dumped cause they weren't attractive enough :) Love you all!
You just need to be with someone who will find you attractive. I have dated a really good looking guy and thought it would make me settle turned out i wasnt attracted to him. And he is really like so goodlooking 9 /10 but i could not bring myself to marry that guy at all. I just wasnt attracted it felt like we were also on a different planet eventhough he is a christian too. I just didnt connect no matter how good looking he is. He isnt just my vibe and type and his looks didnt make up for it. A year later i met a guy who isnt really that good looking but he fits my preference that i have been looking for. And his personality just suits me well felt like i belong to him really felt comfortable and i was so attracted to him eventhough my friends thinks he is "okay looking". There was a diffetent out this world connection that i cant even describe. I really believe its not really about looks it's more of "type". "beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder"
I didn't really think physical attraction was important until I experienced some things in a short relationship/ friendship I had. There was this guy I was talking to. Emotionally, he was very loving and caring and everything I would want in a husband but I was physically repulsed by him. I know that sounds horrible. I tried to look past it but I just couldn't. The thought of being with him turned my stomach. I hope he finds someone who truly loves him and is attracted to him in every way.
K ouch..... But it is what it is.... May I ask what "repulsed" you? Was it really "repulsion" or just lack of attraction?
D B I wouldn't say it was a lack of attraction because emotionally, he was a very attractive guy and honestly if I could look past his physical appearance, I knew things could work but I couldn't and that's very unusual for me. Usually I can become physically attracted to someone I'm emotionally attracted to, even if they're not conventionally attractive, but with him I just couldn't.
I felt it would be unfair to continue in a relationship because if it were the other way round, it would break my heart to find out that someone was with me out of obligation and wasn't in any way physically attracted to me.
K OK gotcha. Interesting what you said about your usually becoming physically attracted to someone you're emotionally attracted to. Reminds me of a close female friend of mine of many years; I realized she was potentially interested, and we really seemed (and still seem) to have an "emotional chemistry" with each other. I guess that's a kind of "emotianal attraction"?
I feel she understands me far better than any other woman I've in one way or another considered, and there's just this mutual liking between us. But I've never felt *physically* attracted to her... And I've felt guilty about that because it made me think that perhaps I'm really just shallow. Plus I haven't found anyone else who's interested and we have that mutual chemistry, etc.
Happily (for her) she is now married, and I'm genuinely happy for her, and No I don't feel the slightest hint of jealousy. But I still do wonder if I made a "mistake" in my not being physically attracted to someone with whom I seemed to be so emotionally compatible with and connected to :). Blessings.
I completely understand you, the same thing has happened to me several times.
@Jan Thomp thank you for that, really. That is good insight for me. I realize then that it also works the other way too, i.e. that.if there's someone I really admire and am atrracted to (and there is) but she doesn't feel the same for me, maybe I should just accept that God has another plan, for both of us. May be a challenge to "swallow", but thanks for that.
How old is your RUclips channel? I think your channel should go viral. Very wise how God has blessed you with intellectuality and help others with advice in any kind. 💛💛
Hello from South Korea! I have been struggling with these questions for a long time and your advices are very helpful to set my mind in a godly way. Thank you so much and I will buy your book on Amazon soon. :)
Hello from north North Korea!
My brother 😅
I’m in a situation like this now. My friend is a wonderful person. He’s there for me at all times. All I have to do is call him, but I’m not attracted to him. I’ve been knowing him for over 7 year’s, but I don’t feel anything for him. I’ve been trying to look past it because he’s a great hardworking guy. He keep pushing it on me that God brought me to him to take care of me. I feel obligated to be with him because he does so much for me. I feel trapped because my mom want me to be with him.
Hey, If you're not feeling it don't do it. Your mom and him will get over it.
Dont do it cause not fair to him or u .and will hurt him more later can't force it.
Do him a favor and end the relationship
Yes. End the relationship and keep him in good graces
Don’t do it
I think the older you become, the more you realise the important things in life, because you already know that concentrating on superficial things doesn't get you anywhere. I've had 3 serious relationships before (lasting more than a year) and I initially was not physically attracted to any of those guys! I always had a physical type but I always landed up with the opposite! So what I'm saying is, you need to give people a chance, because you never know what's going to blossom from there
Charly B I think people need to stop saying good looks is superficial.
But, there is a fine line between giving someone a fair chance and leading them on.
@@irenageorgieva8011 i agree completely!
Not being attracted to someone has nothing to do with their looks. It’s the chemistry and just something about them that attracts you to them, not just looks
Attraction is not just limited to one’s physical appearance. There are many attributes:
Personality.
Intelligence.
Humor.
Character/integrity.
Common interests.
Physical health.
And more.
None of us are perfect and we need to learn to accept certain flaws that are frivolous and reject others that are negative character traits. Not every person looks like a supermodel and we need to admit it, but embrace many other strong qualities we possess with confidence.
I agree because once the wife becomes pregnant may not get that Supermodel's body back. I am not saying that they should use that as an excuse to let yourself go either. Just be realistic. Pregnancy does change the woman's body. I am just saying...
my Ex-fiance I initially was attracted to her intellectually, physically she was attractive, but had some 'flaws'. But as I got to know her more the more I started craving time with her and wanting her :-) just been real, I thought at first she was too skinny and too short, but over time the attraction grew very strong, so strong that we didn't do it God's way, and now we are no longer together. However attraction is a peculiar thing. Ive been super attracted to a woman, then turned off after I talked to her and got to know her values, how her mind works :-/
This is true, physical attraction follows our emotions and feelings towards someone.
very interesting comment.
dude short and skinny is PERFECT.... my kryptoniiiiite
@@Keldren. yeah fr short and petite with blonde hair🤌
I know I've been in a relationship where I didn't think they were that attractive and then I got to KNOW her and she BECAME beautiful to me ❤ we didnt last long but still ❤
I used to put physical attractiveness in second or third place for years to find a partner .
As I've gotten older , I've realized the importance of physical attraction. Especially for a woman,we tend to allow emotional attraction cloud his physical attraction. I can't tell you the amount of women I know who are in marriages but have no physical attraction to their husbands at all and aren't necessarily the happiest .
Well #1) I believe we in the world today have a taste of everything we want to from partner to partner. Then we think we can find that in one person. 2) 80/20 rule Usually if you find someone who has invested in their spiritual Intellectual and emotional life they may not be as invested in their physical looks and fun. Or you find someone who's all invested in their physical and sensual world and not as invested in their Emotional intellectual and spiritual world. 3) A lot of women or men now a days prioritize their Emotional and financial Over the physical. No one in the world has it all it's a gift from God to us lol 4) A lot of times that Sexual , sensual attraction is lust, infatuation not as much love.
I think people either go for financial security and emotional attraction and kindness(friend)/ For fun and physical attractiveness.( stud)
Make a choice you usually don't get both They don't come in the same package now I Won't say that you don't get some fun and some attractiveness like the guy said in the video but you're not turned on to them in that lustful seductive way.
Definitely agree with this!
@Back Bay Man52 but you also have to take into account whether you're a looker too, wanting a model like wife and not being that for her isn't making much sense either.
@@xxxmmm3812 the OP never said she wants a model, just someone they find attractive
Attraction is what gets you TO the door, personality/character is what gets you THRU the door, and Godliness is what keeps you INSIDE!!!
M. H best answer , plain and simple ! Thank you
Thank you for sharing this...as I was listening I realised that just like I always pray and desire that a godly man would love me for who I am and not what I look like, then I also need to be cultivating that same attitude too, because I don't want to say no to God's gift of a wonderful husband just because he's not my usual "type". I've learned from the past too that attraction can 100% grow the closer you get to someone, also that just because a man is super hot and exactly my type doesn't mean he's got the Godly qualities I'm looking for in a husband. My sister said to me a while ago, "I think you need to go for someone who's not you usual type", and the older I get the more I realise that just like our hearts will lead us astray so can our eyes. Also if God is putting me with someone then I believe 100% that He can make sparks fly like never before because it will be a God-filled love.
Physical attraction can come from non physical traits.
I agree Anna Blomqvist
True
Anna Anna amen
Sometimes I agree in some circumstances I would be slow to judge those it does not happen for.
Anna Anna exactly! Like manners , tidiness, character .
You have to be physically attracted to your partner, or else your relationship is DOOMED to fail. Guys are visually-stimulated that's why your girl has to be attractive, or else you'll be checking out other girls. However, connection and compatibility are the most important and what makes the relationship work in the long-run
Archangel 01 well said 👌
Archangel 01 or else he will
Check out other girls? Men who check out other girls have gorgeous wives and gf’s. The issue isn’t that their wife or gf isn’t attractive. The issue is they have a lust problem. I’m 40 years old- I’ve seen this happen for over 20 years.
@@gabrielamartinyuk6438 That's true, but it's much harder to keep your eyes off other women if you don't find your girl attractive.
Archangel 01 who marries someone they’re not attracted to? I’ve never heard of that...
women care about it just as much, it isn't just men and its stupid to state it so
I also have an ideal body type and the way that she styles herself is important to me too. I would compromise on appearance in body type though because I'm not really every womans type either and this is my point. Be physically attracted enough to want to be with each other. Then develop a relationship with them. The more time you spend bonding with them on a mentally and emotionally the more of a foundation you're laying down. Eventually you'll find out that the mental and emotional attraction you both feel for each other is more appealing than the intial physical attraction and in fact, it's likely to enhance it because now it's not just one aspect of a person but the whole being, the whole person.
I'm glad I found this video Mark. I've been asking the same question for a few weeks now. Be blessed y'all.
I don't care if they wear sandals on there feet and walk on water , if I'm not attracted lm not attracted. If you force something generally it will break. physically unattractive people are not going to get better looking with age either , I would rather start out with someone I'm attracted to then not , because they'll be no physical intimacy in the marriage ( maybe in the begining because you /they feel obligated to ) that's going to fade then end completely in time, and then end up in a roommate situation. that's not fair for either one of you.
My point
True
In the past when someone I didn’t find attractive did grow on me, it didn’t feel forced. It just happened naturally as I got to know them and it happened quickly. I don’t want it to feel forced where even after getting to know a guy and I see that he’s a great person, that I still am not attracted to him.
Hey Mark, so I am in a wheelchair but I still really desire a godly spouse in my life. I am by no means put off by the fact that I am in a wheelchair more so I just feel at times a little discouraged at the fact that me being in this condition it may be setting a bad representation of who I am… I did used to play football and baseball, unfortunately when I was 15 years old I overdosed and things have not been the same since leaving me in this condition and I just am not quite sure how to go about seeking someone who would love me being that I definitely require much more attention than your average individual… Either way I appreciate all that you do Mark I thank you for all that you do and I pray ask and give thanks for all the lives that you will continue to change with your ministry in the services.
I think a relationship is build with these two things that first is physically attraction and second is emotionally attachment with these things (care,respect,trust)
Hi Mark, It's me, Jacqueline. Thank you!!!!! I truly needed this!!!! 😇 Keep up the good work! 😇God bless! 😇
Hey Jacqueline, glad this was helpful to you! God bless :)
I’ve always believed that physical attraction is not the most important thing but it is the first thing
I believe the beautiful look may come from the inside out . But only wise people will taste the beauty, not a superficial beauty.
Well put
All good points especially the last one “treat others the way you want to be treated”
I FEEL THAT "THE ONE WHO SAVED MY SOUL",IS MY"SOUL MATE"
I can't say I agree with the physical attraction increasing with a good relationship, some people just don't work that way with each other no matter how good their relationship is.
Sometimes attraction never comes but sometimes it does grow. You are right, there is no one size fits all answer :)
and if you read around in forums it does NOT happen. if there is something it might grow but if there is NONE get out of that before hurting the other person and wasting your time
@@xxxmmm3812 yes the forums!! Where ppl will actually tell you that they are in love with someone but dont find them hot. Bizarre i tell you!🤦♀️🤦♀️
My Pastor taught us long ago that GOD may have a man with thick glass and checker board pants on that would treat you good and love the way the bible speaks. Some people miss out on the one because we look for Mr. Universe or Miss America. I told GOD what I wanted. Being specific. I found out the one he had for me wasn't what I wanted. It was his choice for my life. We is Mr. Wonderful and we are planning our wedding.
lol most people aren't looking for a model but there has to be some attraction otherwise it is just a friendship with some very awkward sex
I wouldn't waste my time on someone that I thought wasn't attractive. There are more people in the sea. What do you think?
I absolutely agree; while character should ideally be the first and foremost priority, we should all strive to obtain the best of both worlds since marriage is for a lifetime.
100 percent right
I wouldn't either, it is what it is.
Not only as a believer do I not need the full package (in relationships character and appearance) in life but I renounce to the world that promotes the full package; please give me character in myself and my potential mate and we're good, Lord! This thought hopefully helps someone realize that God's best doesn't always line up with what we want.
The end of the video is spot on! Apply the Golden rule to yourself. If you are imposing high physical standards on others, then the same needs to be apply to you. If it offends you, then maybe you’re demanding too much of others! You can only expect what you can also give.
I think you said it in a nutshell. It's all about having a proper balance. I love what you said about judging others the way you want to be judged. If you're purely focused on outward things, you will be judged by your outward appearance. Great things to apply and pray about. I like to consider the whole package -godliness, attraction, and compatibility. All of it is important ..but I loved how you emphasized character and personality. I completely agree. I would also hope that the Spark would be there as well not because he fits a stereotype. I'm not looking for a stereotype. I just want to be attracted as well with the other qualities and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
This is really great advice man! Great video. My only requirements for a potential mate are love God love me and love yourself
Thank you brother, God bless! And those are some good requirements :)
Yes you are right and I think that if you really love God and yourself, you automatically attract your partner.
that is naive, marriage is also sexual and how are you not going to be repulsed if theres NO sexual attraction
Samuel Charles Yeah, I think it needs to be ‘love God, love themselves and then love me’. If you want your significant other to put your needs before their own that’s co-dependency
Jane Erstić Not only naive, but an oversimplification and a better-than-thou fake supreme attitude
It's so refreshing to hear someone who is actually giving biblical advises on sexual topics!!
Good man, well intentioned, but I disagree. The word says that "God will give you the desires of your heart." The word says that " all things beleiving, you will receive." The word say's "that if you ask anything in Jesus' name (according to his will), he will do it." So that goes for everything. Yes, you can ask God to bless you with a mate that you find physically attractive. If you prefer a certain height say so. A certain hair color, say so. The lord gave us taste, and that is not wrong. It is not what we ask, but why. This goes for any prayer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a physical preference. The word says so long as that does not "overshadow" the other things God wants to be in your decision making. So yes, beauty is fleeting (applied to man and woman) but that means looks should not outweigh character, not that you have to rationalize your lack of attraction to someone and be with someone your not really into. THAT would be wrong. Because your heart will not be fully in it, and your keeping that person from finding someone whose would be! If someone is not your type, then that's ok. Everyone has taste! Never feel condemned for that. Respect them and move on. There is no harm or disrespect in that. And that individual can move to find someone they find attractive. Yes, the Lord says to treat others how you would like to be treated. So, wouldn't you want to be with someone who fully approved an loved you for who you are, or you'd rather someone secretly not be attracted to you and be with you in attempt to be "holy" but ignoring their lack of attraction to you? That is not right. Think this through, with the scriptures, and come to your own conclusion. God Bless!
best comment
Brandon M Going into your comment I honestly thought it was going to focus solely on physical attraction, and how unattractive people aren’t worth our time (courtesy of some of the comments that came before). But I find your comment to be very respectful and well balanced. On the whole, I do agree with you, brother. I also believe, however, that as we grow, God will change our preferences over time to be more in line with the kind of woman He has for us. Attraction is very important, but you may find yourself attracted to someone who you didn’t think was your type. Not because you have to overlook their physical appearance, but because when you see them, you’ll think, “Oh wow! I had no idea that type of person could ever be so physically attractive!” (Ie “That’s a hot blonde! I’m usually not into blondes but my goodness, she’s hot!”)
Hopefully my example made sense. God’s grace and peace be with you, brother.
I totally agree i love God with my whole heart but if you dont really love or find someone your really into .unless God changes your heart or says this is the one .not forcing it cause its wrong .when they could potentially find soneone who does .its not all about looks but got to have some kind of attraction or no its not happening .
well said Brandon! thank you!
Well said
So is it wrong to pray that your future spouse has a certain for example type of hair? I have noticed that to me the most important is the face. I dont mind height, weight or anything else, just the face. I cant be attracted to someone if I dont like the face.
True
No worries brother, The great matchmaker knows the face you like!! He will hook you up real good!! Keep preparing yourself, making sure you will also be a man of worth and great value! " Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies" Proverbs 31:10
Songs of Solomon is one of the most under-discussed books in the Bible! Physical attraction is important, but people have different tastes! As long as you don't neglect your looks, someone will find you attractive, and vice versa.
Physical appearance will get my attention. However, in a committed relationship, appearance is a bonus to personality.
Thank you so much for this video. I must admit, I have been very superficial. I’ve been praying and asking God to help me in this area. I’m dating a guy who loves and respects me. My children, family and friends love him. He’s consistent, responsible, a Christian, reliable and trustworthy just to name a few. However he wasn’t what I call “cool” or very confident. I have not been the most kind. Lord help me.
Dont use him let him find someone who does love him if u dont .resecpt him enough to find real love from the person God sends him .unless God says your it, let him go.he deserves real love not forced love .
Do not force what is not there you will end up hurting him unintentionally
It is not the main focus.Beauty comes from the heart.Everyone grows old and having someone with a beautiful heart is far more attractive.
Some people are flat out gorgeous; other people have more of an "acquired" beauty that grows on you. I think a lot of it depends on what you are used to seeing. It is interesting though how a person's personality can make him or her more or less attractive.
This is the best video I've seen regarding physical attraction. I absolutely love points 1 and 5. I have found that just going on a date or two is helpful. Some I have been able to find a lot more attractive and others...just not 🤷♀️ The fifth principle was one I can relate to the most. One I struggle with is I usually don't like chubby guys but wait a minute...Guess who's chubby too?! This girl, LOLs! Yes, I am offended if say 66% of guys just think I'm unattractive but hey, I'll never know if I'm mostly attractive or unattractive to men. I may never know! Idk if I want to! I'm 5'4 and 175 pounds, blonde, blue eyes, and a cute face ;)))) In the end, I did find one particular fella attractive although he was slightly chubby. That's because I emphasized on principals 1 and 5. Of course I used all the others, but these actually helped me a lot. Btw, I am a devout Christian so all the others are extremely important, but I just wanted to emphasize on 1 and 5.
I'm happy to stay single..thank you very much!!
Elisabeth Thunderberry that's what they all say... then they hit the wall.
My husband married me because he was attracted to my personality but he was not very attracted to my body because I am overweight. We are mature Christians and love each other but his physical attraction hasn’t grown. Four years down the road and 2 children later he still isn’t physically attracted to me and I love him but I desperately want to be physically attractive to him. I’m doing my best to loose the weight but I so wish he loved my body and that sexual acts wasn’t such a chore to him. I feel so hopeless in this. All I can do is hope to loose the weight and pray that once I do o won’t have loose skin and he will finally find me physically attractive
If you guys read Esther book, you will know how important the beauty can play the role . Read the Bible .
So wise thanks for sharing your thoughts 💭 we are fearfully and wonderfully made....
You give very sound advice. I've learned a lot from your videos. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and God bless.
You are welcome and God bless to you too
Love your videos and you channel...very helpful, real and informative. God bless
Thanks Breanna Williams! So glad to hear this :)
I think I’m the only one in this world that thinks physical attraction isn’t important. I was once ugly lol i was an ugly duckling as a kid and teen. I always thought from then when I blossomed that looks won’t matter to me. I know what it feels like to be not attractive to people. I’m sad I am not attracted to my bf but I try look past it. I know it is true love because when we’re together I am happy and we love being with each other and enjoy each other’s company. Plus he is the only one that helps bring me back to God whenever I fall. I just feel that there’s no one else out there that’s right for me. I doubt our relationship watching these videos and articles on google. seems like almost every resource says physical attraction is important.. but I just feel that it’s worth it to try make my relationship work
you will end up divorced, being with him and not enjoying sex will end badly. very badly.
Hi Lala, I felt it important to write to you my humble opinion: It looks like you are spiritually dependant on your boyfriend. If so, then you should know that it is an unhealthy situation. The only one you should be dependant on spiritually is God alone. If you feel a necessity to stay with your boyfriend because he is the only one that can lift you up spiritually, you better recalculate your way. God is your solution.
He's telling the truth and i accept it. So do 689 people
Thanks for the video! I think commitment to each other is the most important. If you get married thinking that physical attraction will help keep you together and then an accident happens and the person loses their beauty, it could lead to a struggle. Physical attraction and romance are nice and all, but they are not necessary! If someone puts too much emphasis on this, it can lead to dissatisfaction.
Yes, its a factor but it should not be the main factor.
@@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger Physical attraction is a factor for many Christian marriages, but I think it is over emphasized in our society. I'm a homosexually oriented Christian. I do not pursue men because I want to follow my Savior's commandments. I want a wife and a family. If I married a person I was physically attracted to, it would be a man. I know several other Christian couples in which the husband is homosexually oriented and the wife is heterosexual. They have wonderful marriages. If physical attraction is considered a necessary factor, then it discourages homosexuals from even considering Christianity. Christ wants all to come unto Him, and no where in the Bible does it say that a couple must have physical feelings for each other. I appreciate your suggestions in this video, but I think that that factor is not doctrinally sound. I do not say this to quarrel, I just wish to share my personal conviction.
I am in a relationship with my current girlfriend. Everything has been great. She is a Christian and godly woman. She has been nothing but nice, affectionate, attentive, and overall just a great girlfriend. The problem is that I'm not in love with her. I care about her because I see the value in her, which is to say it is a lot, she is truly a great woman. I'm just not crazy about her. I wasn't all that attracted to her when we met but I decided to give it a shot because she was very nice, a godly woman, humble and sweet. I thought that I would probably start falling for her over time, but that hasn't happened. My feelings have grown but I'm not in love. We've been together for 4 months now and I don't know what to do. There are days where I think it will be alright, but then there are others where I'm just not sure what I feel. I don't want to hurt her feelings and I fear that if I let her go, that spark that is missing with her is maybe not that important and if I decide to break up I may be letting go of a great blessing.
I am in the same boat, but we have been dating for a year now. Everything is perfect but I am not into her physically at all. I gave it a year and it hasn't changed. Is this important for Christians or should we just ignore it?
@@marsuvesblack9645 God is not a God of confusion. He wont lead you to someone you are not really sure of. If it's not progressing better end things with as sooner than later. Do not waste her time because honestly she could just find someone who would love and find her 100% attractive. It's just not fair to her at all. I had been in that situation before dated a guy who wasnt into me. I felt it at first that he wasnt really emotionally invested to me but we still went on with our relationahip thinking his feelings would progress or he could at least learn to love me. But man im telling it aint gonna happened. Things turned sour in our relationship and he ended up blaming me for everything that it was my fault that i forced him to be with him. One thing i learned from it is "you cannot teach someone to love you". Love should not be forced. If you two are meabt for each other in the first place, both of you should at least be on the same boat
I was really confused about what to do at the time of writing that. An update, I broke up with her...
I finally understood that there wasn't peace in my heart. I knew that I wasn't going to have that "head over toes" feeling for her and I either needed to accept that or let her go. I realized that she deserves better than commitment, she deserved someone that loved her. And finally, I realized that I was wasting her time if I already knew I couldn't love her as I would like someone to love me. So, I planned the breakup... It was so so so difficult, after it, I felt like the worst person in the world. I was heartbroken for breaking her heart...
But then, peace came, it came when realized I wanted her to find someone that could truly love her as she deserves to be loved and I was ok with fact that it wasn't me.
@@skriver4471 My paternal grandmother used to tell me that you can't make somebody love you, she even said either they do or they don't!
I'm in the same spot right now. I was always told that physical attraction should be at the bottom of the list, when the personality is great the attraction will follow, love is a choice etc etc. We are together for 4 months and Its very hard, because the guy is so awesome and It's not his fault at all, but this healthy, peaceful relationship isn't 100% fulfilling for me because of that. I wonder if it makes sense to work on that part or our relationship is doomed to fail from the start. I'm scared I'm not able to pour into him the same way as he does into me and I'm gonna make him miserable. Whatever will happen, he's gonna suffer. I'm devastated because this is so unfair to him and this is my fault.
Proverbs 31
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
*One caveat I'm not that attractive lol but God's Word doesn't change!
She doesnt havr to be a supermodel for guys to date her. His point is he has to be at least find that woman attractive regardless of what she looks like in order to start a relationship with her.
And as a woman, i dont have to be obsessed with how i look in order for guys to like me. Its still important to take care of our body to look presentable but it shouldnt be just the only thing a woman has. She also have to work more on her personality and her relationahp with God. I used to be so obsessed with how j look, but i realized that it isnt about that. Yiu can take care of yourself and work on your relationship with God. Juat make sure you do not rely only on looks to get a guy to propose on you
My prayer is that God would send me someone who blows me away the way Rachel did to Jacob. If it was good enough for him, then its good enough for me. But i also pray with the wisdom that God knows what i want and what i need in a wife better than I do. Since he knows that, i believe he would send someone that would blow me away whatever her physical attributes might be. Im trusting that he will never disappoint, so im just leaving it at that.
Amen Brother Benjamin🙏🏽 Agreed, Jesus is in our midst
22, went on my very first date. I was that person who always said character is more important than looks. But I was wrong it also matters. I WASN'T PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM. Also, he isn't that spiritually matured yet. It's a no for now
In my youth I was more attracted to a woman’s physical characteristics. As a man I am more attracted to a woman’s intellectual characteristics now. And to me that is what makes her beautiful.
so if she is 200 pounds you still gonna love her just for her intellect and ignore her size??
@@Dancediva240 No, because that’s apart of her intelligence. If she’s intelligent then she’d have the wherewithal to take care of her health.
Peace and blessings.
You should be called Solomon! So full of wisdom. Shame he ended up like he did! ...wonder if he's in heaven? I agree with everything u say. God bless you! Your wife is so lucky. God bless you. X
Baby Acorns haha, i keep telling my wife that same thing and she just keeps rolling her eyes at me jk! God bless
I think Solomon ended up in Heaven because if his Book of Ecclesiastes provides any indication, he repented from his misconducts.
I totally agree with you, Baby Acorns.
.
Thank you for all these videos. Much needed during this season
All good points, thanks for sharing!
huh!!!point 5 is on point. kudos bro
So glad it was helpful!
When you look up the word "attraction" it's defined as " the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure or liking someone or something." Things like appeal, attractiveness, desirability, allure, magnetism, charisma, charm and beauty. Sounds simple right - NOT - LOL! But attraction is not monolithic and define attraction to our personal appeal and probably more fundamental then we make it (if) we don't over-spiritualize it. We see this played out in everyday life about particular things that draw your attention. Men and women are drawn by the beauty of there own interpretation. The fact that we are questioning attraction for someone can be a telling sign that may need to more explore the relationship deeper. Being overly critical of attraction or types can be delusional if that is our method of measurement. I have struggled many times by minimizing or denying the physical chemistry for the heart, personal chemistry, and there love for God. At the end of the day, there has to be some level of hubba hubba else they are "just friends." Certainly, they're exceptions but just my humble thoughts - yours?
In accordance with this whole message and song of solomon 4:7, 2 corinthians 6:14-18, matthew 6:24, 1 john 3:10 I bind myself to be physical attracted to my godly spouse and my husband to me while binding to hell every lack of physical attraction between me and my god-ordained spouse, while binding every unequal yoke and common share with feeling physical attracted to ungodly men in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and hallelujah!
thank you I have been trying to look for this answer for so long.
After a few decades (yes I said decades) of being involved with unequally yoked women who for the most part were attractive to me physically, I can tell you that without that equal spiritual yoke, it is spiritually draining and will not work I don't care how attractive and smart/interesting they are. The dilemma now is being as old as I am, trying to find a woman who is
A. equally yoked
B. with a personality and interests similar to mine ANNNND....
C. one that has the physical attraction.
Basically it's about as easy as capturing a leprechaun riding a unicorn.😊
Incredibly important!
I don’t care about people who fell out of attraction then cry about it . I’m in a relationship that I’ve never felt attraction , I thought I could live like that . Now 15/20 yrs later I’m so tired of not having fun or being attracted
I had physical attraction to this guy younger than me, but what attracts me most is this light feeling I get when I'm with him. I don't know what. 🤔
NoFap
Love your videos...so a question. If God has already show you and confirm multiple times His purpose to u through dreams and visions and other people,His plan for u and the individual.Should i let the person know? We are both believers and there is a lot of the same values and of cause a lot of chemistry.wish i could elaborate.but will glean from your response...God bless u and keep up the good work.
patrice dean great question. The Bible says when a dream, vision, or prophecy is from the Lord, people will know it's really from God if it comes true (Deuteronomy 18:22) Therefore to tell someone of your vision of the two of you being together may put them in an odd spot because they do not have a way to confirm or disagree with the validity of your vision. Therefore my recommendation is that you pursue this person normally without sharing your visions, and then if your vision comes true in reality it would be acceptable to tell it then. If you tell the person before it comes true, it may come off as manipulative and too much pressure. But you have to do what you feel is right, God bless!
Guys, never fall into the shaming trap of “you shouldn’t judge women based on their looks”. Females, Christian or not, will judge you up and down for the most ridiculous things: height, weight, age, income, education, hairline and a myriad of other things. Hold the same standard for them. This is why you should save your $, eat right, workout and be financially responsible; so you have a platform to talk from.
Daniel Shelly Well said! 👍👍
Daniel Shelly
hahahaha hairline...really. we are not all that shalow.
Maryanne Nginya females who claim to not be shallow are usually low value women most men wouldn’t want to be seen in public with.
Going by the way you talk about women, you really do not seem like a Christian man. Which means that a true Christian woman wouldn't be checking for you in the first place. The same goes for any man who thinks that way (and vice versa for women who think so negatively about men). In any case, I hope you somehow manage to get over whatever insecurities and bitterness towards women that you have.
elle19ism typical response from a toxic western female. You offer nothing new in terms of dialogue or ideas. You’re as vapid as your words. Save it as we’re building an army of men who are done with the crap you push.
Amen! The last point was particularly spot on!
Love this video!!! Always such a blessing!
I personally feel that everyone is entitled to their own preferences when it comes to dating .. for me he doesn’t have to be the most handsome man in the world but as long as I’m attracted to him that’s all that matters. I’ve had crushes on men who I thought was the cutest thing walking , but a few people I knew around me thought he looked like road kill lmaoooo 💀.. everyone’s taste is different 🤷🏽♀️ looks aren’t the only thing that seals the deal (personality &% morals matter also ) but at the same token why be w/ someone you aren’t physically attracted to?
I will say this. In my mind I had a clean slate, til I was with my first girlfriend. That had the effect that I equate to what baby birds experience, in “Imprinting” on my brain what was attractive. Since then I’ve noticed as I have experienced time with other women, my brain/body/psyche adapts to what that person brings to the table. SO what I’m saying is, you will grow to love the person and their traits they have as you grow to love the person’s heart and mind,& spirit. Those attractions will most likely come. Just my opinion 👍🏼
Thanks for sharing your wisdom with is. It's so helpful :)
sap galvan, my pleasure! So glad it has been helpful :)
I would say it has a great contributory factor In a relationship.. So they say my dad and I agreed that he is very much in love with my mom.. Her looks,, modesty aside has a beautiful face like that of an actress... Face that could launch a thousand smiles...
I agree with you, Mark. I think physical attraction is important, but what is more important is the heart, the personality and Jesus. Everyone was made in the image of God, so I do think it is rude if you don't like someone because they don't look a certain way. That said, being physically attracted to the person is good, just as long as it doesn't go too far.
Pastor Mark, Im a Christian woman. How do you friendzone unbelieving men in a christian way?
I answer part of that in this video ruclips.net/video/_Ne4Hi4z7mY/видео.html
As for the unbelieving part, I would just be careful with that dynamic. Its natural for guys and girls to like each other, so being good friends with the non believers from the opposite sex presents a lot of risk. This article may help with that:
applygodsword.com/how-to-avoid-the-1-danger-for-an-unmarried-christian/
I just ask them the right questions. What’s your relationship with God? Do you believe in sex before marriage? Most of the time I’ll get “I go to church” and that they believe you can have sex before marriage or they might say they can wait but once I get my answers I let them know this ain’t gonna work 🤷🏽♀️. And they took it pretty well
How do you friend zone a non Christian man? Tell him, "get thee behind Satan".
I really enjoy this channel and the advice you give.
Thanks, this is so helpful and appropriate.
Amen, I'm so glad :)
as you matured...physical thing is not a big deal anymore..as long as that person is matured enough, knows how to value you and is God fearing....i am more of personality than looks....
HI Mark i like what u sed in about 6 minutes in the vid.. luke 6 vs 31 that good to stay balanced on phisical attraction. i think i like the opposites atraction laws.
Great advice brother.
I can see what you're saying. I'm naturally attracted to the facial features of Asian women, but I'm not gonna run myself into a dead end looking for someone from that heritage.
@The Icarus Crisis That's why it's good to be attracted to more than one type of woman and that's including, but not limited to, skin color!
I've seen examples of physical attraction working in strange ways. One such example was a couple who started coming to the church i attended growing up. She wasn't a perfect 10 by any means but still a nice looking woman. Her husband on the other hand had been huge his whole life. Close to 500 pounds. One of my first initial thoughts was that he was out of her league. I dont know what attracted her to him but i remember her mentioning that she started dating him after ending a 5 year relationship with another man. They are both really happily married and have a son and he looks like a whole new man now because he's shed over 200 pounds after gastric bypass surgery. The point is that something made her look past all of that. It hasn't happened often, but for unknown reasons once in a while i might find myself strangely attracted to a woman who might be a little on the plain side. And ive often seen men with women and women with men and wondered how in the world did they ever wind up with each other. Anyone else know of any such examples?
Yes this happens. I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Basically what one attracts to is different than what another attracts to. And then two, I think people are also not just attracting or gravitating to the physical but the person's aura or a common thread they may share. Three some people gravitate or choose to be with the person whether the person is typically unattractive or attractive. Maybe this person provided empathy and an escape from the previous pain and relationship. Maybe this person has their stuff together. Maybe the person sees what someone else cant. And maybe the person has a quality about themselves their mate wished he/she had his/herself. Just thoughts.
For me attractiveness is just first step, but if we are two different worlds, it can make very attractive girl completely unattractive to me... 😊
Good points aside from "maybe he's too tall". Right... that's a common problem. You can easily observe the statistics that women swipe left 90-95% of the time. One common filtering criteria is "6' or taller". Only 14.5% of men are 6'+ in the US. 3.9% are 6'2" or taller. Subtract out all those who are gay, in prison, married, and not believers and you are looking at a very small percentage.
inside out beauty is everlasting
If I’m not physically attached to a women it’s extremely difficult for me to even entertain the idea of dating her. I have tried and i just can’t seem to get into the idea of dating her. I don’t know if it’s wrong or not but it’s completely organic and not something i can seem to control or manipulate.. just wondering what are your thoughts?
I'm a woman and I feel exactly the same as you. And as women it's worse for us because we are made to feel ashamed that we value looks over character. But no! You're not wrong in how you think at all. Imagine if a woman knew you were dating her only cos she is nice, how it would crush her. Imagine the roles reversed and how crushed you would be to learn that.
Once my exams finish in two weeks, I'm going to meet a man I met through Christian Mingle....problem is, I'm not even remotely physically attracted to him :/ *Sigh* We shall see what happens.
Part of me is scared I'll end up settling down with someone simply because I'm so afraid of ending up alone and childless.
don't settle it will be even worse. if there is no attraction it is nothing but a friendship.
plz don't , don;t settle, it is not good.
It’s crazy the 3 things he named Christian, bears good fruit and generally attracted to them I can barely find