If she cooked something fast, she would be a bad wife. If she did something elaborate, she would have expensive taste again. If someone has it against you, no matter what you do, you will never win. Husband just didn't realized that MIL would have never liked his wife.
She could cure cancer and MIL would just say "What took you so long?". The real problem was ripping off the "Mommy bandaid" and dealing with the noise.
What really ticked me off was the part where he suggested a quickie before they went to go cook for all the uninvited guests. After not even checking on her the night before when that was supposed to be when they had ALL the sex. That’s so disrespectful.
literally everything she did. she did it for him. not once, possibly rarely did i hear one thing she did for her self. If I was OP I’d drop the momma’s boy there and then
@Ares Lictor Touching sentiment, but a bit naive. I learned the hard way, toxic people don't change. They just get better at fooling you. OP needs to remain on her guard.
@@DrownedInExile I agree. For him to have watched her put in so much effort to help him and his career and then turn around and join in on his family's mocking her is unforgivable.
@Ares Lictor Or maybe we all have different ideas about relationships and what a dealbreaker I'd because we're all different people. Not only did she do SO MUCH for him he sided with his MOTHER and thought her an airheaded shopaholic that he had to "manage". I could never get past someone who is supposed to be my partner and have my back be so easily pushed into thinking that way about me.
Damn if I'm a man and had her as a wife I would never ask more. She does so many things for him, treat him like a King and her husband treat her like that😭😭😭😭 I'm so hurt for her
I am shocked they didn't end up getting divorced. The in-laws crashing the anniversary vacation was bad enough, but him saying he was embarrassed of her, and negging their sex life just to watch her try and fix it, that sounded like a deal breaker. What an asshole.
I was pretty infuriated on OP's behalf too. At the same time I feel like OP was too generous. It's the great tragedy of generosity, people squander it on the undeserving. See also, people don't value things they didn't earn.
@@DrownedInExile I was going to suggest that OP figures what that nice vacation, food, and alcohol cost,then for every birthday and Christmas send cards to the extended family saying "I was going to send gifts, but decided that since you enjoyed the vacation so much that I paid for and you were not invited to, whatever gift costs I would have bought you has been deducted from the vacation cost. It will continue to be until I am paid back for what was to be a private time for my husband." If the husband falls back inti his old ways, do the same thing, or have the remainder part of divorce proceeding. And OP should keep her finances separate, unless they set up third account for shared expenses only.
This is a two sided marriage, she Gives & he Takes! They need more communication! When family members joke about the things she did, She needs to point out the Reason for it! "To further your sons career, Not to play dolls!" "To further your sons career, Not to shop for myself!" Remind her husband of how far he's gotten Because of Her, yet he can't even tell his mom that it's a Romantic Getaway (no kids, no in-laws) OP needs a better husband! I made my comment Before finishing the video
Seriously, he invited them in to protect OP from ridicule? That is some of the laziest gaslighting I’ve ever heard of! That’s like saying you robbed someone to prevent them from buying something stupid!
It's been done. A couple of Christmases ago, a redditor told the tale of how her mum cancelled OP's purchase of a drawing tablet from a Black Friday sale to make sure that OP had enough money to buy her (the mum) something nice for Christmas. OP was a student and as a result her account required a parent to sign alongside for the card that held her dispersment funds and required authorisationfor purchases past a certain amount. She had extra due to some money she'd won. Mum pretended to not know why the transaction was rejected and everything until Monday when the bank was able to point out the fact that she was the one who refused the transaction rather than the bank or the seller site.
The ridicule's stupid, too, since it was based on something OP did for her husband's job. That's like mocking someone for spending all his time on the computer when he's in IT, or mocking a biologist who frequently does field research overseas for "taking big overseas vacations all the time." If OP's husband wants to avoid his mother mocking OP, the solution is for him to explain to his family (repeatedly, if necessary) why those expenses were for work rather than for pleasure. Every time his mother makes a comment or a social media post about OP's spending, repeat the explanation of how it was part of his job. If repeating the same explanation over and over is demeaning to his mother, that's her problem for not listening the first time (or for setting aside the truth in favor of her own narrative that she finds more amusing, which is common in mockery).
he didnt invite his mother, she just went to the house after he told her where they were staying for their anniversary vacation. she said that it was too big of a house and that it would be a waste for just 2 people to stay in. please learn to read.
@@nohomo4774 An actual adult giving his mother detailed info on their anniversary is already suspect as all hell. Him just casually letting them inside is already neck deep into divorce territory.
@@nohomo4774it doesn’t matter if he didn’t explicitly invite her. When she mentioned that it would be wasteful for only two people to be there, he should have shut that down. Then, when she did show up with other family members in tow, he should have told them to leave. OP has nothing to prove to her MIL because, honestly, if she wanted to have a romantic weekend with her husband, FOR THEIR ANNIVERSARY, that’s nobody’s damn business.
For a while, then when he found out his mother was talking about lining up dates for him and his wife joked about who his mother should choose for him next. And that some how became 'Op iS a LEsBiAn'. Suddenly hes remembered why he had her at arms length before his Father's death. Now is he really changed? Time will tell and OP is gonna take the ride, I hope he has just for her sake and the kids. And if he contacts his mother once that she doesn't miss a beat on it and drops him.
I’ll be damned, a husband who actually is receptive to counseling and puts in work to be better for his wife after recognizing that he’s treated her like shit. He’s lucky she didn’t kick him to the curb.
Sounds like the mention of divorce made him realize that if he didn’t get his crap together and put a stop to his toxic mother’s bullying, he’d lose the one he loved the most.
Better late than never, I guess? Still think OP should've realized what a lazy mama's boy he is *before* marriage and it shouldn't have taken *threatening divorce* for him to realize what a piece of crap he'd been. This sort of shit is part of the reason pre-marriage counseling is a thing in the Catholic church. Hell, Mom took a bunch of questions from the pre-marriage course to one of her early (like, within the first five) dates with Dad and started effectively a *job interview* with him. According to Mom, she was hoping he'd be scared off. Dad's reaction was more like "*shnort* Dat my kinda woman!"
Give it half a year before he relapse back into his old ways. I just don't believe after everything he did and his reactions to OP trying to communicate her POV with him that this has been a bit somewhat understanding on his part. The guy claims he dislikes his mother but let her meddling go so far as to damage his marriage. He even voluntarily gave their travel to her without her asking him.
If my husband gave me this kind of crap, letting his family hijack a vacation, insisting it's my job to obey them until I've 'redeemed myself' for transgressions they've made up in their heads AND insist we both need to apologize....it'd be the last time he gets laid.
Or maybe do get laid… six feet under. I’m so appalled by the increasingly bigger and bigger asshole that that man is. I really wish for OP to actually wake up and leave him because each and every single thing he said was increasingly unforgivable by itself, let alone the string it is. I can’t even curse out of third-hand fury.
So she spends years making him look good, literally updating his wardrobe for him so he looks better at work like he wanted, make him look good at a celebration dinner for his work by putting together gifts for the guests, when he complains about their sex life she takes up work outs that would benefit him and literally hurt her and she needed physico therapy for, and in return he, what, let’s his family make assumptions that she’s a shopaholic and flighty and just bad with money then agrees with them and forgets how those things were for HIM because mommy dearest said something
It should’ve been over the moment he admitted she was the butt of the family’s jokes. Marriage counseling can do a lot, but it can’t reverse all those years of contempt the whole family has for her.
"She's not mean she's just wants what she wants doesn't consider other people's feelings and cries when she's told no" uhhhh yah OP that IS being mean....
Oh, she's mean all right! Constantly criticizing OP, badmouthing her behind her back, and twisting situations to make her the butt of the family jokes IS mean. MIL's also entitled, self-centered, overbearing, petty, and immature. She needs to work her crap out in therapy, stop using her adult children as her emotional support "animals" and caretakers, and live her own damned life! Visiting and spending time together is cool. Expecting your married, adult children to have a bedroom set aside for you to occupy as the fancy strikes you in their homes for the rest of your life is entitled af and an unreasonable ask, especially since she didn't even ask! And it's not all because MIL's grieving either. She pulled her crap before FIL died. It's just amped up because of her loss.
So her husband was cool with his wife being a joke in his family? After listening to the first update I'm like why is she with this guy? 🤦🏾♂️ Alright glad they worked things out
@@FuzzyColors2012 She's going to regret giving up on a marriage where their problems were so minor. No drugs, no booze, no cheating, just a ruthless MIL guilt-tripping her son.
@@johnpauljones9310 he also looked down on her, did not appreciate her, what she brought to the household, helped his career, didn’t defend her, let his family treat her like trash, and conveniently forgot she did so much for him and their family. Fuck that guy! She won’t regret it, she will be a strong independent woman who will make her self happy cuz he isn’t doing it!
It’s NEVER an in-law problem!!! It’s always a partner problem!!!! WOW… poor MIL, you moved 8 hours away!!! And left her…. How rude, you should have made it 24 hours by plane and boat and train….and taxi.
"He does so much for the family" so much, in fact, that he's willing to let his family come and crash your vacation, gorge themselves on damn near all the _expensive_ alcohol you bought as well as the potentially expensive food, and then basically let them keep him hostage for _two days_ despite _knowing_ you were extremely upset by their behavior and the fact that they essentially hijacked your vacation so they got a free one and you worked your ass off and paid for the entire thing just to be able to use _none of it_ simply because his mommy is incapable of calling an uber or whatever the hell it was that brought them there to begin with and he's incapable of not being a pushover, especially since I bet my _soul_ that this "man" absolutely indulged himself with everything _you_ paid for despite _you_ not being there. Yeah, he does a _lot_ for the family, just not you. Edit: "They made such a long drive" so did you and your wife, aka the only reason that vacation was even happening 🤔 Edit 2: "I was embarrassed of you and for you" there would be divorce papers before he even finished that sentence Edit 3: What a pathetic little man to be embarrassed by his own wife simply because his wittle mommy thinks she "spends too much". She sure as hell didn't mind Op spending a lot when she was benefitting from it 🙄 Edit 4: "Your money spending is embarrassing but how dare you try to take it from me"
The more the guys talks, the more I lose respect for him. She “spends to much money” then why the heck is that person using the thing that OP “spent too much on”. Oh if I was in a relationship like this, I would get out because not only is he condoning the fact that his own wife (the mother of his children) being made to be the laughing stock of his family, rather than standing up for her, he agrees with them (being brainwashed by them) and is even embarrassed that she spends her own money. God if it were me, I would have told them to leave, and if they didn’t, I would have called and cancelled the whole trip because how dare people who make fun of me for my spending utilize that which I paid for out of pocket. Husband is on very thin ice for me, and I am not even half way done with the dang story yet! Edit: Not even further in and I am getting more upset at this waste of space. He tells her what she isn’t good at and complains about it. But when she puts in the work to “improve” herself she is made to be the laughing stick when she is the only one putting in ANY effort. No wonder their intimate relationship has dwindled, he does nothing but complain about what she is and what she isn’t. Edit 2: Going further into this, it seems that he just likes being miserable and as a result wants to make his significant other miserable. I get that poking fun at something/someone close is fun (I mean my family do it with each other all the time, one being my sister’s height. But it is okay as we all know that it is just a joke and we always stop before the joke goes too far), but what he is doing is consistently putting her down and making fun of things she isn’t comfortable with. But the moment she is okay with doing those things in a place where she is comfortable doing them, suddenly it is her fault again for thinking that those things were not a joke. It sounds more and more like he is just a person who likes being miserable and will always find something else to complain about. Heck she said, “okay you have a problem with my spending. Well let’s separate finances so that you don’t have to worry about how much I spend.” But instead of welcoming this change or being understanding, he shuts down as it would be taking away something he can complain about.
Yeah, personally, I'd have left, gone to divorce lawyer and changed the locks. He was embarrassed by and for her. She "spends" too much money. She thrifted a better work wardrobe. Thrifting is hard work. But she's the family joke. Definitely would have gone for divorce. Dude is not a good guy. I bet he was shocked she wanted a divorce. Abusers are always surprised when the victims break away. In my family, we're always teasing. If hubby and I start "arguments", then the girls pop popcorn and we get comments from the peanut gallery, while they giggle. Our arguments are us poking a finger at each other and saying stuff like: you, what, hey, and how old are you again? Like I said, lots of giggling.
@@furrypupsangel5446 "I mean my family do it with each other all the time, one being my sister’s height. But it is okay as we all know that it is just a joke and we always stop before the joke goes too far" Stop joking about your sister's height. I guarantee you that she is NOT amused and does NOT see it as a joke. Just tell her that you are going to stop because you realize how hurtful it is, and you will see such a look of relief on her face.
I'm sorry, but if my wife planned an elaborate trip like that, and my in-laws tried to crash my vacation, I would have yelled at them to gtfo!!! Good on OP for leaving.
I’d have not answered the door ? Or maybe 🤔**HE** should have answered the door in the NuDe and been like sup ? Why are you here ? If the teenager hadn’t had been there bc gross 🤮 but I mean If it’s supposedly all his mommy’s fault and all ?
@@The.S.M.Evans.91 You aren't a momma's boy. Just one of many many of the husband's flaws. I hope things work out, but I can't say I have much confidence. I feel like OP should kick him out or move out for an extended period.
After Update 1: This man has some serious nerve. OP needs to cut tail and divorce. Between the lack of respect from his family and him thinking so little of OP that he'd take the negative version presented by his toxic mother as whole truth, he clearly doesn't see OP as an adult. After Final Update: I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worse. Like, how do you admit to letting your family treat your SO like a joke for who knows how long and "managing" your partner like you manage your mother. Hopefully this isn't just a honeymoon phase before it's back to the same nonsense. Either way, best of luck and much strength to OP.
I share your lack of confidence. The husband's offences were serious enough to warrant kicking him out, or moving out for several months at least. Give OP some time to focus on herself, and consider if this marriage is even worth the trouble.
I couldn't stay if I were her. How poorly he thinks of her, and the generous helpful stuff she did to help him in his work became the butt of family jokes. He criticised literally the very fabric of her self. That would have killed any love I had right there if that was me.
Even if this weren’t an anniversary present, I’m just weirded out that he asked for a quickie while her in-laws are in the house. He’s either got no awareness or no sense of shame O_e
He just wanted OP to do yet another thing sexually for him that he could insult her about later and watch her analyze why she was so awful at sex. Since that his turn on. ???
Was listening to the description of MIL taking pictures of OP's recycling, calling it a mess, and mocking how she helps her husband at work by doing all the shopping for him. So I had to pause, go back, and check the previous description to make sure I heard right about how OP thinks MIL is "a bit immature and self-involved. She's not mean, she just wants what she wants," No, OP.... she's bullying you. At best, she's jealous because you're taking care of your husband better than she ever did and it's caused some resentment... at worst she thinks your not good enough for her son and is actively trying to sabotage your relationship. The husband is a manchild who can't think for himself because his mother probably never let him. (editing after hearing more) Oh.... nevermind, he learned from his mother how to be a bully
There's no way you can fix a partner who knows you're on a romantic anniversary trip for two, without kids, and then thinks you'll get turned on by the thought of making breakfast for all his uninvited guests. People only change if they want to.
After the first update: Oh look, raging narcissists! The MIL and the husband! 🤬 OP is an amazing wife, and she deserves better! I'm over here yelling "DIVORCE!" Next update: Wow, yeah, his mom is a narcissist for sure, and a b*tch. After final update: Well, let's hope that he's sincerely trying to make the marriage work. Maybe now that he's away from his mother he'll be the husband and father he should have been all along. I don't know if he's just panicked about losing control over OP and lovebombing/acting like he's trying to change, or if he's sincere.
He's an incredibly lucky man. After all that bullshit he put her through, she STILL stayed with him. She clearly sees something we don't. He doesn't deserve her.
@@peteranon8455 she said she makes decent money for herself, and yes, she has two kids so she'll never be entirely free of him, but being apart from him most of the time is much better than staying with him imo.
No he doesn't deserve her. I'm glad she's stopped lifting a finger to help him with anything at least. But I still think she should have moved out or kicked him out for several months at least. His offences were that severe.
OP is way more patient than would have been with a person that admitted everything he admitted to her about his abuse, his manipulation, his sheer unbridled joy at watching himself harm her and his shame of her. Holy. Carp.
Hubby was "shocked" his mommy and extended famil showed up, but during the arguments later says it was too big a place and having the party crashers there meant they'd get "more bang for the buck?" He damned well **knew** mommy n sibs were joining them! He was only shocked about the time they chose to show up.
I call shenanigans on the husband being shocked. He okayed everyone showing up on his anniversary trip. I'm getting ready to go on an anniversary trip and as much as I like my in-laws if any of them are in the condo I am going to be pissed for the next week. After the update: The fact that MIL's so open about getting rid of OP is even more shocking. OP might be better off just letting this guy go because unless he's willing to walk away and stay away from that toxic family, she's always going to have to deal with it. He's also really hard to read and thinks that he has to manage her. Not endearing traits.
I don't think that's the final update. Soon MIL will be moving to the same city and this will start all over again. The MINUTE he started this nonsense that was the end. Now they're just roommates with benefits. Bummer for OP.
OP, what does this man do for you? Because you enlisted 3 times where you spend your monney and work on this man to make him happy, and what does he do? He says that he you spend too munch and only remembers what his mother says about you. This relationship sounds so exausting and one sided, apart from the fact that the husband sounds spineless.
I hope we get more updates because he doesn't deserve her. It's insane how lucky that negligent and mean husband is. It's upsetting, she's way out of his league as a spouse. I wish for her a spouse that appriciate and give her his world.
Jesus Christ, this poor woman. She sounds like an amazing wife and this guy is purposefully destroying her self-esteem to "keep her on her toes??" How is that not abusive? He sounds like an even bigger problem than his mother. The things he has been doing to her are not forgivable, she needs to cut her losses and get out of there.
I'm just going to kiss the ground my MIL walks on.. She is absolutely AMAZING and I love her like she's my own!! I feel so bad for people that have spouses that have no backbone or understanding what a marriage is.. Vows include, "LEAVE THY MOTHER AND FATHER AND YOU AND SPOUSE BECOME ONE!" This isn't funny at all, it's frustrating AND, it's the 3rd leading cause for divorce...
This! My hubby would never do this, but if he invited his family on a romantic trip and my MiL found out, she would be appalled first and then disappointed in him.
The guy KNEW his kids weren't gonna be there, so how should this be considered a "family vacay"? Allowed his family to stay and eat/drink what OP provided? Did MIL anf family offer to split costs??
Oh my God I can't even believe you stayed when the husband started helping his mother pick a room. I would have been out getting divorce papers right then and there. The nerve of that dude and then he wanted you to have a quickie with him? There's no way he would ever touch me after that. This absolutely infuriates me and the fact that he has any sort of nerve to be upset at you instead of looking at himself and realizing what the hell he just did would turn me off of him forever.
OP thought she was part of a team, while he thought she was just one of the satellites orbiting around him. He is the star of his play, while she is supporting cast. I know that kind of "relationship" well. It rarely works out, because even after acknowledging that dynamic, the self-centered spouse STILL won't become a team player.
I enjoyed it, but I'm disappointed with OP, she needed a true distance from her husband to really know and understand what she wanted. The husband has always been angry or annoyed with every decision she had/has and she always compromise with him, not him doing the same. If she had suggested the move, he'd have objected it.
@@roseappiah2985 agreed he will always do the opposite and be upset with the opposite of whatever she puts out there if she says let's go to the park he'll be upset if she says let's not go to the park he'll be upset he's just intent on being upset
BRAVO to OP for immediately taking action and ditching her useless spineless husband! He doesn't care about all the effort OP put in, just wants to screw her whenever he pleases? Nasty! OP has nothing to apologize for. The only way I can see OP fixing this, is drastic action. Moving out or kicking husband out. Show him that taking her for granted will have consequences. Post-updates: OMG this just gets worse and worse! Husband is a manipulative mommy-boy AH, and his parade of excuses are just pathetic! Of course he's now pissed that OP separated finances, because he might lose his personal secretary and bangmaid. I LOL'ed at OP sassing back the MiL! Glad the husband finally took actions, and super-glad OP's stopped coddling him. But I still think this isn't enough. His offences were severe enough that OP should have moved out for an extended period. Hope things work out, but not much confidence.
Send his family a bill for your ruined vacation and don't forget the food and drinks they ate, if they do this again walk around naked the whole time, why would you stay married to this awful man and his family, record mil
Honestly his criticisms and watching her try to fix it for him being a turn on is a huge red flag, he likes manipulating her and seeing her put in the effort and doesn't appreciate it. Plus he may be like the one guy who would repeatedly claim his partner smelled bad because his dad told him that by criticizing her like that would make her too insecure to ever leave him, criticizing her for things he never wanted just so he could complain and make her feel less than and always trying to make up for what she lacked. I don't know if that is a forgivable act.
The first story is so depressing. Op is one of the most thoughtful, considerate and generous partners I’ve ever heard of. And her husband more than just doesn’t like her, he’s actively abusing her through passive manipulation and humiliation. It’s absolutely disgusting
Her son gave her every detail of his getaway to the very last detail of where to find him. He must have sent her his location. No way. No waaayyyy!!!! No apologies allowed from you. She’d/he’d/both have to pay for what you put out in funds.
Her husband allowed years of toxic behavior against his wife, his actions included, and now suddenly wants to put her first. I don’t have faith this relationship will survive and I also don’t have faith op will do anything about it. She’ll further fall out of love and stay for the kids only to realize she wasted her time with this guy. To me he was emotionally gaslighting her. No respect. His dad dies and now he is anti mom. Yet he was no better than her all along the marriage. Op chose the wrong guy but if anything good comes out of reading about these life experiences is that people out there will take better analytical views of their lives and relationships and take action before it’s too late. To not end up like her who does so much and get nothing in return. We have only one life and youth is short, best to spend with the right person.
Yeah he'll backtrack for few months until he feels threat of divorce is gone and goes back to his old ways most likely. Cool if he doesn't but I have my doubts
I agree. OP should have kicked him out or moved out for an extended period, several months. Husband's offences were that severe. If he doesn't face sufficient consequences, he'll revert.
Since OP's inlaws think she expends too much, she should make one last big expense in the marriage and hire the best lawyer money can get to rip her trash husband apart on the divorce
I’m so pissed off of OP’s husband like why couldn’t he correct his mother and family by telling them she isn’t a wasteful person, but that goes to show you how he didn’t appreciate OP
Next time mother-in-law jokes about OP's dressing up husband and being a shopaholic, OP should tell everyone why she did what she did and that she wouldn't have saved a year to rent that big house on private land if she'd known that hubby's complaining about not being able to have sex outdoors was a lie to "keep her on her toes" in their sex life. Oh, and by the way, she wants to be paid for that.
something that will forever be a aggregator for me is when ppl r ungrateful. this whole story my mouth was on the ground. legit selective memory and not standing up for ur spouse like hey ur ken doll comment was uncalled for cause she boosted my confidence and made me look really professional and nice or hey it’s her money and she is getting healthier for it. MIL is a bee with an itch and the husband is pathetic. i’m happier that they r happier but dang effective communication really is keep and getting away from toxic ppl.
Even after the move mentioned in the last update, if I were OP, if the husband still expects "affection", he can get it with a tube of KY and his hand. I hope OP kept her seperate accounts in case the husband falls back into old habits and stupidly invites MIL to the new house.
My god, I was not expecting such a change from Op's ex. When I found out he doesn't oppose the joke his family makes at her expense, I was disgusted. Come to find out he actually WANTS to put in some effort to save his marriage? I'm still skeptical, but surprised.
What a wham bam thank you man he is. I would not save for another trip. And I would never ever look at sex as special with him.. Divorce this mama's boy. So he can marry her.
9:25 OH NO! This man baby practically invites his mOmMyyyy to his romantic anniversary yet he has the AUDACITY to be embarrassed of Op???? Yeah no, I would be wanting to divorce before this but that would have been the nail in the coffin. I could not love someone like this anymore.
It saddens me when an OP stays with their toxic spouse who's gaslit & belittled them for kicks, simply because toxic spouse has put their crazy on hold until things get comfortable again. There was really no coming back from what he did during their anniversary trip & throughout their marriage. Letting his mother, who treats his wife poorly, crash their anniversary and then expecting his wife to jump through more hoops for his mother & family by doing all their cooking? NOPE. I'd have been out of that marriage.
Took the wildfire burning his porch for him to realize it was time to run. I've never seen someone so oblivious and detached, and OP has the patience and dedication of biblical measure to even consider continuing with them. I wish them growth, though, as it seems he's learning from standing near the edge. MIL can go bite a rock, as well.
You will never please this husband. He is trying to manage you. What awful guy.. He doesn't appreciate you. He must be very insecure. Because, he is playing games with your love. Get rid of him.
I'm glad that they're communicating better and moved away from MIL for the sake of their ability to parent their kids together, but I think the marriage might be beyond repair if OP can't find joy in her husband's presence in her life. Props for putting in the effort to try "dating" again, but I think this might be too little too late. He killed her attraction to him with one sentence and there's no indication that it can be revived.
This dude is the _worst._ This woman is a gem, hard working, devoted, considerate, supportive, she’s a real catch and this guy SO unappreciative. He’s wishy-washy, he doesn’t defend his wife to his own family, let’s them talk shit about her constantly, he criticises her over damn near everything, does things that bother her just to get a ride out of her, demands things so he can watch her spin her wheels to try and please him and then claims he didn’t actually want it to begin with, rendering her genuine effort completely wasted. I hope for OPs sake that he either steps the FUCK up and start acting like someone worthy of her efforts or that she calls it quits and leave his ass so she can find someone she deserves.
The husband seemed worse every update that honestly, I have mixed feelings about the last one. I need a further update down the road to see if the husband did come through for OP.
This video made me sick about how husband and his family are tearing down OP's self esteem. This is classic triangulation and I hope OP can get a support system to ensure she can see this as a toxic environment.
When her husband told her they got more bang for their buck sharing the cabin with his family...my thought was...Dude. NO. There was no bang at all for her bucks. Edit: Dear god. She changed so many things about herself and he just kept picking at her. Does he even love her at all? Or like her? He's just a bully.
Yup. Hubby's a loser. Complains their intimate life is dying. Then invites mommy as a +1 when his wife tries to rekindle it. And wouldn't you know it, expects her to serve them as their maid during the trip too. This guy has enough friction to power a turbine. He's a real piece of crap. Destroying your wife's love and attraction for you is an impressive and shameful feat. Dude really doesn't deserve that second chance. He had better appreciate it until he screws up again.
I wouldn't put much on and ask them if they came to watch. If that wouldn't work I would ask them to leave and to take my hubby with them if he said anything to support them. OP will be back with similar story in a few months. Someone as bad as her husband won't change for long. He will ba back to his old self in no time
I’m not going to bash OP for trying to make the marriage work, but that despicable husband was so manipulative, disrespectful, selfish. despicable, emotionally abusive, and appalling that for anyone with boundaries and self-respect, it probably should have just been instant divorce… But she’s stronger than me, because I could never accept that behavior back into my life.
Poor OP you put so much thought and time into this and hubby steamrolled it before it even started. Sounds like he told mil where exactly they were going and hinted for them to come along.
Oh, if that had been my family, they would have gotten so CUSSED OUT and the DOOR SLAMMED in their faces and would have gone to NC after that! HOW DARE THEM!
Sir, this is one of my favorite stories you have read for us so far. OP stood up for herself and her partner acquiesced and now they are both facing the same direction. What a beautiful story of redemption.
I heard of this and still fault for OP for staying longer with ‘mommy’s widdle baby boy’. I’m very petty so I’d send both a “fuck you” letter along with a “send me an invite to your wedding. You two make a very horrible couple”.
Honestly? I have to agree. While it seems things might be going in the right direction with that last update, I'm honestly expecting him to fall back into his old ways or for MIL to turn up on their doorstep and it all start again...
@@charondusk5608 agreed. She's inviting it at this point, which means she's not blameless. I honestly don't get why people stay unhappy in marriages like this.
To be honest, I’m not convinced this marriage can be saved. The root problem is that husband didn’t respect or appreciate OP, and I don’t get the sense that he’s changed as a person - just that he’s putting on an act long enough to convince OP not to divorce him so he can go back to treating her how he did before.
Easier to say, “leave him!” When we have no skin in the game. OP has stated he’s an excellent father to their 2 very young children, and he probably had other qualities that were just not pertinent to share. Even so, she did consider divorce. They’ve only been married for 6 years. This is probably the best thing to happen to them so early on. He had the chance to see how his lack of communication and how his immature behavior was actually pushing his wife away, and she still had enough patience to deal with him. The fact that HE brought up marriage counseling and followed through with moving away shows me that he means it. I really hope the best for these two. If they follow through with the counseling, this could be the beginnings of a very loving and life-long marriage! Best of luck to them!
Are we sure that hubby is not the one that told MIL it is ok to come? the comments of the house being to big anyway and about the money gives veeery strong vibes that he decided on his own or at least agreed when MIL asked to "join" them.
OP should not have left. If her husband refuses to ask his people to leave then you should "hey guys, I think there was a misunderstanding, this is an anniversary trip and we want some privacy" let him leave if he gets pissy. At least you get some much needed serenity Also why on earth would I want to cook for people I didnt invite on my romantic getaway?
I hope she finds a man that actually appreciates and remembers all she does for him. She gives so much and deserves someone who will actually reciprocate.
Lol that SIL killed me!!!! Just an spontaneous trip for everyone yeah sure she believed that. The lack of the no kids with them didn’t tip them off?? 🤣
If I was OP...I would have just told them they just interrupted our blissful reconnection as a husband and wife. This is NOT a family trip as the children are not with us. Please leave. This weekend is for us and us alone.
Husband told MIL the location. Exact location. He KNEW what MIL would do. Someone needs to pay back the wife for every dollar she lost! Edit 1 DIVORCE HIM let him marry his family
1st story - First, hubby has to tell his momma to stay away from your vacations. What HE should have done when they showed up uninvited was tell them to LEAVE. If OP spends her money and not family money his family can pound sand.
Another man, tripping over the umbilical cord. When will we women learn. Per, I never knew about things like that because I had the most wonderful family in laws. Now I’m reading stories about this. The next generation? His mother and his brother need to pay back the money for the lodging and for all the expensive wine.
Terrible in laws have been a thing for the entire history of humanity. We just can hear all the stories now and recognize all the red flags and appreciate when we have sane parents/in laws.
Story 1: He owes you a reimbursement for the rent and alcohol. Also, an over the top passionate display of affection in front of his family could embarrass them enough to make them leave.
First OP didn't ditch her husband on their anniversary, he did by allowing his whole family on their anniversary getaway. Her whole story is OP going above and beyond for her husband, and he's just siding with his mom mocking her for it? Christ dude. Hope he has changed after counseling because he's a fool if he doesn't work his damn hardest to keep this woman.
![OhGeesy x Lefty Gunplay - What It Iz [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/L0yzW9t2ixk/mqdefault.jpg)
The audacity that the husband still thought OP should be expected to cook for the vacation crashers just so they could “like” her!
If she cooked something fast, she would be a bad wife. If she did something elaborate, she would have expensive taste again.
If someone has it against you, no matter what you do, you will never win. Husband just didn't realized that MIL would have never liked his wife.
She could cure cancer and MIL would just say "What took you so long?". The real problem was ripping off the "Mommy bandaid" and dealing with the noise.
What really ticked me off was the part where he suggested a quickie before they went to go cook for all the uninvited guests. After not even checking on her the night before when that was supposed to be when they had ALL the sex. That’s so disrespectful.
Cooking + a quickie. Every man knows that a quiky gives the woman nothing, it us like usu g a woman's body as a hand 😅
YOU R SO RIGHT, THAT WAS MY THOUGHT. "A QUIKY BEFORE WE GO DO BREAKFAST" IS WHAT I GOT STUCK ON.
literally everything she did.
she did it for him.
not once, possibly rarely did i hear one thing she did for her self.
If I was OP I’d drop the momma’s boy there and then
I can't believe she didn't divorce him. How can she still love someone who doesn't respect her?
@Ares Lictor Touching sentiment, but a bit naive. I learned the hard way, toxic people don't change. They just get better at fooling you. OP needs to remain on her guard.
@@DrownedInExile I agree. For him to have watched her put in so much effort to help him and his career and then turn around and join in on his family's mocking her is unforgivable.
@Ares Lictor
Or maybe we all have different ideas about relationships and what a dealbreaker I'd because we're all different people. Not only did she do SO MUCH for him he sided with his MOTHER and thought her an airheaded shopaholic that he had to "manage". I could never get past someone who is supposed to be my partner and have my back be so easily pushed into thinking that way about me.
I hate divorce but i would have had the papers ready when he got home. Screw that
Damn if I'm a man and had her as a wife I would never ask more. She does so many things for him, treat him like a King and her husband treat her like that😭😭😭😭 I'm so hurt for her
What's the bet that if op divorces her husband, he going to wonder why nothing around him is being done and why his mother isn't doing anything
I am shocked they didn't end up getting divorced. The in-laws crashing the anniversary vacation was bad enough, but him saying he was embarrassed of her, and negging their sex life just to watch her try and fix it, that sounded like a deal breaker. What an asshole.
I was pretty infuriated on OP's behalf too. At the same time I feel like OP was too generous. It's the great tragedy of generosity, people squander it on the undeserving. See also, people don't value things they didn't earn.
@@DrownedInExile I was going to suggest that OP figures what that nice vacation, food, and alcohol cost,then for every birthday and Christmas send cards to the extended family saying "I was going to send gifts, but decided that since you enjoyed the vacation so much that I paid for and you were not invited to, whatever gift costs I would have bought you has been deducted from the vacation cost. It will continue to be until I am paid back for what was to be a private time for my husband." If the husband falls back inti his old ways, do the same thing, or have the remainder part of divorce proceeding. And OP should keep her finances separate, unless they set up third account for shared expenses only.
This is a two sided marriage, she Gives & he Takes! They need more communication! When family members joke about the things she did, She needs to point out the Reason for it! "To further your sons career, Not to play dolls!" "To further your sons career, Not to shop for myself!" Remind her husband of how far he's gotten Because of Her, yet he can't even tell his mom that it's a Romantic Getaway (no kids, no in-laws) OP needs a better husband!
I made my comment Before finishing the video
Seriously, he invited them in to protect OP from ridicule?
That is some of the laziest gaslighting I’ve ever heard of! That’s like saying you robbed someone to prevent them from buying something stupid!
It's been done. A couple of Christmases ago, a redditor told the tale of how her mum cancelled OP's purchase of a drawing tablet from a Black Friday sale to make sure that OP had enough money to buy her (the mum) something nice for Christmas. OP was a student and as a result her account required a parent to sign alongside for the card that held her dispersment funds and required authorisationfor purchases past a certain amount. She had extra due to some money she'd won.
Mum pretended to not know why the transaction was rejected and everything until Monday when the bank was able to point out the fact that she was the one who refused the transaction rather than the bank or the seller site.
The ridicule's stupid, too, since it was based on something OP did for her husband's job. That's like mocking someone for spending all his time on the computer when he's in IT, or mocking a biologist who frequently does field research overseas for "taking big overseas vacations all the time." If OP's husband wants to avoid his mother mocking OP, the solution is for him to explain to his family (repeatedly, if necessary) why those expenses were for work rather than for pleasure. Every time his mother makes a comment or a social media post about OP's spending, repeat the explanation of how it was part of his job. If repeating the same explanation over and over is demeaning to his mother, that's her problem for not listening the first time (or for setting aside the truth in favor of her own narrative that she finds more amusing, which is common in mockery).
he didnt invite his mother, she just went to the house after he told her where they were staying for their anniversary vacation. she said that it was too big of a house and that it would be a waste for just 2 people to stay in.
please learn to read.
@@nohomo4774 An actual adult giving his mother detailed info on their anniversary is already suspect as all hell. Him just casually letting them inside is already neck deep into divorce territory.
@@nohomo4774it doesn’t matter if he didn’t explicitly invite her. When she mentioned that it would be wasteful for only two people to be there, he should have shut that down. Then, when she did show up with other family members in tow, he should have told them to leave. OP has nothing to prove to her MIL because, honestly, if she wanted to have a romantic weekend with her husband, FOR THEIR ANNIVERSARY, that’s nobody’s damn business.
That husband is so spineless, he makes contortionists jealous.
Lol
😂
For a while, then when he found out his mother was talking about lining up dates for him and his wife joked about who his mother should choose for him next. And that some how became 'Op iS a LEsBiAn'. Suddenly hes remembered why he had her at arms length before his Father's death.
Now is he really changed? Time will tell and OP is gonna take the ride, I hope he has just for her sake and the kids. And if he contacts his mother once that she doesn't miss a beat on it and drops him.
Jellyfish and other invertebrates want to tell the husband to stay out of their lane!
👍
I’ll be damned, a husband who actually is receptive to counseling and puts in work to be better for his wife after recognizing that he’s treated her like shit. He’s lucky she didn’t kick him to the curb.
Sounds like the mention of divorce made him realize that if he didn’t get his crap together and put a stop to his toxic mother’s bullying, he’d lose the one he loved the most.
Better late than never, I guess? Still think OP should've realized what a lazy mama's boy he is *before* marriage and it shouldn't have taken *threatening divorce* for him to realize what a piece of crap he'd been. This sort of shit is part of the reason pre-marriage counseling is a thing in the Catholic church. Hell, Mom took a bunch of questions from the pre-marriage course to one of her early (like, within the first five) dates with Dad and started effectively a *job interview* with him. According to Mom, she was hoping he'd be scared off. Dad's reaction was more like "*shnort* Dat my kinda woman!"
Give it half a year before he relapse back into his old ways. I just don't believe after everything he did and his reactions to OP trying to communicate her POV with him that this has been a bit somewhat understanding on his part. The guy claims he dislikes his mother but let her meddling go so far as to damage his marriage. He even voluntarily gave their travel to her without her asking him.
@@Veep989 Exactly, it is still doomed. The truth is that he appreciates NOTHING OP does.
She should have kicked him to the curb.
If my husband gave me this kind of crap, letting his family hijack a vacation, insisting it's my job to obey them until I've 'redeemed myself' for transgressions they've made up in their heads AND insist we both need to apologize....it'd be the last time he gets laid.
Or maybe do get laid… six feet under.
I’m so appalled by the increasingly bigger and bigger asshole that that man is. I really wish for OP to actually wake up and leave him because each and every single thing he said was increasingly unforgivable by itself, let alone the string it is.
I can’t even curse out of third-hand fury.
Just might have been anyways. She didn’t even get laid on that sweet vacation! And things went down hill from then on 🤷🏼♀️
Much of his success was due to her and he was too much of an idiot to realize that.
So she spends years making him look good, literally updating his wardrobe for him so he looks better at work like he wanted, make him look good at a celebration dinner for his work by putting together gifts for the guests, when he complains about their sex life she takes up work outs that would benefit him and literally hurt her and she needed physico therapy for, and in return he, what, let’s his family make assumptions that she’s a shopaholic and flighty and just bad with money then agrees with them and forgets how those things were for HIM because mommy dearest said something
It should’ve been over the moment he admitted she was the butt of the family’s jokes. Marriage counseling can do a lot, but it can’t reverse all those years of contempt the whole family has for her.
Exactly
It also can't reverse the years of contempt the husband had for OP. He joined in on that pile on
"She's not mean she's just wants what she wants doesn't consider other people's feelings and cries when she's told no" uhhhh yah OP that IS being mean....
Nah, mean implies any amount of awareness. This is just an overgrown 2 year old throwing temper tantrums because being selfish isn’t working out.
@@rinpaisys ahh so just chaotic stupid🤣
Oh, she's mean all right! Constantly criticizing OP, badmouthing her behind her back, and twisting situations to make her the butt of the family jokes IS mean. MIL's also entitled, self-centered, overbearing, petty, and immature. She needs to work her crap out in therapy, stop using her adult children as her emotional support "animals" and caretakers, and live her own damned life! Visiting and spending time together is cool. Expecting your married, adult children to have a bedroom set aside for you to occupy as the fancy strikes you in their homes for the rest of your life is entitled af and an unreasonable ask, especially since she didn't even ask! And it's not all because MIL's grieving either. She pulled her crap before FIL died. It's just amped up because of her loss.
Just imagine the tantrum MiL would throw, if OP flipped the script and gave her a little taste of her own medicine? She's a punk-arse little beyotch.
👍
So her husband was cool with his wife being a joke in his family? After listening to the first update I'm like why is she with this guy? 🤦🏾♂️
Alright glad they worked things out
They haven't worked things out. They are working ON things, but I think she is just one speed dial away from getting divorced.
@@shells500tutubo I agree, she has grit and determination. He’ll need to work on prioritizing his marriage.
@@shells500tutubo they're good. Being away from the mother is all that was needed
I honestly think she's staying with him to spite the mother-in-law and obviously for her kids. I bet if they didn't have kids she would have walked.
@@UchuKejiMovan
Yeah, not so sure about that.
How this woman didn’t snap and end up on investigation discovery I’ll never know
Women found innocent the reason of Cher insanity drove on by her mother-in-law.
Or 48 Hours Mysteries with Paula Zahn.
W O W, the story about her revamping his work closet as a gift is devastating. She’s a great partner and he does not deserve her.
So agree, I’m so sad for OP.
She should’ve left, HE LOOKED DOWN ON HER otherwise his mother’s words would not reached him like that! “ couldn’t recall her efforts” BS
@@FuzzyColors2012 She's going to regret giving up on a marriage where their problems were so minor. No drugs, no booze, no cheating, just a ruthless MIL guilt-tripping her son.
@@johnpauljones9310 he also looked down on her, did not appreciate her, what she brought to the household, helped his career, didn’t defend her, let his family treat her like trash, and conveniently forgot she did so much for him and their family. Fuck that guy! She won’t regret it, she will be a strong independent woman who will make her self happy cuz he isn’t doing it!
@@johnpauljones9310 Why would she regret it? She's getting rid of s spineless man married to his mother's teats.
It’s NEVER an in-law problem!!! It’s always a partner problem!!!!
WOW… poor MIL, you moved 8 hours away!!! And left her…. How rude, you should have made it 24 hours by plane and boat and train….and taxi.
Don't forget nucleus Submarine
@@mindoablues Maybe Camille instead you know when you're crossing that large desert.
👍😂
Don't forget the Donkey cart
@@HealthyObbsession Up a REALLY rickety mountain. Hahahahaha😂.
"He does so much for the family" so much, in fact, that he's willing to let his family come and crash your vacation, gorge themselves on damn near all the _expensive_ alcohol you bought as well as the potentially expensive food, and then basically let them keep him hostage for _two days_ despite _knowing_ you were extremely upset by their behavior and the fact that they essentially hijacked your vacation so they got a free one and you worked your ass off and paid for the entire thing just to be able to use _none of it_ simply because his mommy is incapable of calling an uber or whatever the hell it was that brought them there to begin with and he's incapable of not being a pushover, especially since I bet my _soul_ that this "man" absolutely indulged himself with everything _you_ paid for despite _you_ not being there. Yeah, he does a _lot_ for the family, just not you.
Edit: "They made such a long drive" so did you and your wife, aka the only reason that vacation was even happening 🤔
Edit 2: "I was embarrassed of you and for you" there would be divorce papers before he even finished that sentence
Edit 3: What a pathetic little man to be embarrassed by his own wife simply because his wittle mommy thinks she "spends too much". She sure as hell didn't mind Op spending a lot when she was benefitting from it 🙄
Edit 4: "Your money spending is embarrassing but how dare you try to take it from me"
The more the guys talks, the more I lose respect for him. She “spends to much money” then why the heck is that person using the thing that OP “spent too much on”. Oh if I was in a relationship like this, I would get out because not only is he condoning the fact that his own wife (the mother of his children) being made to be the laughing stock of his family, rather than standing up for her, he agrees with them (being brainwashed by them) and is even embarrassed that she spends her own money. God if it were me, I would have told them to leave, and if they didn’t, I would have called and cancelled the whole trip because how dare people who make fun of me for my spending utilize that which I paid for out of pocket. Husband is on very thin ice for me, and I am not even half way done with the dang story yet!
Edit: Not even further in and I am getting more upset at this waste of space. He tells her what she isn’t good at and complains about it. But when she puts in the work to “improve” herself she is made to be the laughing stick when she is the only one putting in ANY effort. No wonder their intimate relationship has dwindled, he does nothing but complain about what she is and what she isn’t.
Edit 2: Going further into this, it seems that he just likes being miserable and as a result wants to make his significant other miserable. I get that poking fun at something/someone close is fun (I mean my family do it with each other all the time, one being my sister’s height. But it is okay as we all know that it is just a joke and we always stop before the joke goes too far), but what he is doing is consistently putting her down and making fun of things she isn’t comfortable with. But the moment she is okay with doing those things in a place where she is comfortable doing them, suddenly it is her fault again for thinking that those things were not a joke. It sounds more and more like he is just a person who likes being miserable and will always find something else to complain about. Heck she said, “okay you have a problem with my spending. Well let’s separate finances so that you don’t have to worry about how much I spend.” But instead of welcoming this change or being understanding, he shuts down as it would be taking away something he can complain about.
👍
If I was OP I might have made a special trip into town for some ExLax and then started cooking a feast covered in chocolate.
Yeah, personally, I'd have left, gone to divorce lawyer and changed the locks. He was embarrassed by and for her. She "spends" too much money. She thrifted a better work wardrobe. Thrifting is hard work. But she's the family joke. Definitely would have gone for divorce. Dude is not a good guy. I bet he was shocked she wanted a divorce. Abusers are always surprised when the victims break away.
In my family, we're always teasing. If hubby and I start "arguments", then the girls pop popcorn and we get comments from the peanut gallery, while they giggle. Our arguments are us poking a finger at each other and saying stuff like: you, what, hey, and how old are you again? Like I said, lots of giggling.
@@furrypupsangel5446 "I mean my family do it with each other all the time, one being my sister’s height. But it is okay as we all know that it is just a joke and we always stop before the joke goes too far"
Stop joking about your sister's height. I guarantee you that she is NOT amused and does NOT see it as a joke. Just tell her that you are going to stop because you realize how hurtful it is, and you will see such a look of relief on her face.
I'm sorry, but if my wife planned an elaborate trip like that, and my in-laws tried to crash my vacation, I would have yelled at them to gtfo!!! Good on OP for leaving.
Um in this case it would be YOUR family crashing the vacation, not your wife's. Friedan slip, much?
@@pansprayers Exactly!
I’d have not answered the door ? Or maybe 🤔**HE** should have answered the door in the NuDe and been like sup ? Why are you here ? If the teenager hadn’t had been there bc gross 🤮 but I mean If it’s supposedly all his mommy’s fault and all ?
@@amethysttyme Yeah I'm with you on that!
@@The.S.M.Evans.91 You aren't a momma's boy. Just one of many many of the husband's flaws. I hope things work out, but I can't say I have much confidence. I feel like OP should kick him out or move out for an extended period.
After Update 1: This man has some serious nerve. OP needs to cut tail and divorce. Between the lack of respect from his family and him thinking so little of OP that he'd take the negative version presented by his toxic mother as whole truth, he clearly doesn't see OP as an adult.
After Final Update: I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worse. Like, how do you admit to letting your family treat your SO like a joke for who knows how long and "managing" your partner like you manage your mother. Hopefully this isn't just a honeymoon phase before it's back to the same nonsense. Either way, best of luck and much strength to OP.
I'm not optimistic. All I heard was "I had good reasons to treat you like crap" or "it's mother's fault".
I share your lack of confidence. The husband's offences were serious enough to warrant kicking him out, or moving out for several months at least. Give OP some time to focus on herself, and consider if this marriage is even worth the trouble.
I would have left him and told him it was his lack of respect and participation in mocking me with his family that caused it. He is an AH
Yeah, I share your lack of confidence in this marriage lasting too.
I couldn't stay if I were her. How poorly he thinks of her, and the generous helpful stuff she did to help him in his work became the butt of family jokes. He criticised literally the very fabric of her self. That would have killed any love I had right there if that was me.
Even if this weren’t an anniversary present, I’m just weirded out that he asked for a quickie while her in-laws are in the house. He’s either got no awareness or no sense of shame O_e
Not just that, he asked for a quickie so they could go and cook breakfast for his entire family after.
Much like the marriage itself, he wanted a quickie so he wouldn't have to put in more than the minimum effort.
So doing it while the in-laws are there wouldn't have scared them off and leave the couple with alone time?
😈😈
He just wanted OP to do yet another thing sexually for him that he could insult her about later and watch her analyze why she was so awful at sex. Since that his turn on. ???
He did admit to asking for sex stuff he knew she wouldn't be down for. My money's on he did it again in that moment.
Was listening to the description of MIL taking pictures of OP's recycling, calling it a mess, and mocking how she helps her husband at work by doing all the shopping for him. So I had to pause, go back, and check the previous description to make sure I heard right about how OP thinks MIL is "a bit immature and self-involved. She's not mean, she just wants what she wants," No, OP.... she's bullying you. At best, she's jealous because you're taking care of your husband better than she ever did and it's caused some resentment... at worst she thinks your not good enough for her son and is actively trying to sabotage your relationship. The husband is a manchild who can't think for himself because his mother probably never let him. (editing after hearing more) Oh.... nevermind, he learned from his mother how to be a bully
MiL is bloody Narcissistic
There's no way you can fix a partner who knows you're on a romantic anniversary trip for two, without kids, and then thinks you'll get turned on by the thought of making breakfast for all his uninvited guests. People only change if they want to.
After the first update: Oh look, raging narcissists! The MIL and the husband! 🤬 OP is an amazing wife, and she deserves better! I'm over here yelling "DIVORCE!"
Next update: Wow, yeah, his mom is a narcissist for sure, and a b*tch.
After final update: Well, let's hope that he's sincerely trying to make the marriage work. Maybe now that he's away from his mother he'll be the husband and father he should have been all along. I don't know if he's just panicked about losing control over OP and lovebombing/acting like he's trying to change, or if he's sincere.
He's an incredibly lucky man. After all that bullshit he put her through, she STILL stayed with him. She clearly sees something we don't.
He doesn't deserve her.
Yeah, higher income and now two kids.
@@peteranon8455 she said she makes decent money for herself, and yes, she has two kids so she'll never be entirely free of him, but being apart from him most of the time is much better than staying with him imo.
Hate to say it but People is “bad” (afraid to use the A word) tend to stay because it’s what they are used to.
Yea she sees something that doesn’t exist🤣
No he doesn't deserve her. I'm glad she's stopped lifting a finger to help him with anything at least. But I still think she should have moved out or kicked him out for several months at least. His offences were that severe.
OP is way more patient than would have been with a person that admitted everything he admitted to her about his abuse, his manipulation, his sheer unbridled joy at watching himself harm her and his shame of her. Holy. Carp.
She’s not patient, she’s dumb. He basically admitted to loving the feeling of making her miserable and she didn’t do anything about it.
Husband played a bigger role in this than he says. No one would ask for the address without planning to show up he knew what she would do
Hubby was "shocked" his mommy and extended famil showed up, but during the arguments later says it was too big a place and having the party crashers there meant they'd get "more bang for the buck?" He damned well **knew** mommy n sibs were joining them! He was only shocked about the time they chose to show up.
For real
Or, his mother’s POV is what he goes with
What a prick of a husband. He blatantly invited them along.
Shit, I am a straight woman and I’d marry OP in a heartbeat.
OP sounds like an awesome life partner to me.
Same
@@joannediaz8978 She does, doesn't she.
Dat's true.
Right
I call shenanigans on the husband being shocked. He okayed everyone showing up on his anniversary trip. I'm getting ready to go on an anniversary trip and as much as I like my in-laws if any of them are in the condo I am going to be pissed for the next week.
After the update: The fact that MIL's so open about getting rid of OP is even more shocking. OP might be better off just letting this guy go because unless he's willing to walk away and stay away from that toxic family, she's always going to have to deal with it. He's also really hard to read and thinks that he has to manage her. Not endearing traits.
@Ares Lictor have you read the comment?
@Ares Lictor maybe you should think before you comment.
I don't think that's the final update. Soon MIL will be moving to the same city and this will start all over again. The MINUTE he started this nonsense that was the end. Now they're just roommates with benefits. Bummer for OP.
For sure. Mama’s boy is just doing what he needs to in order to maintain control.
OP, what does this man do for you? Because you enlisted 3 times where you spend your monney and work on this man to make him happy, and what does he do? He says that he you spend too munch and only remembers what his mother says about you. This relationship sounds so exausting and one sided, apart from the fact that the husband sounds spineless.
I hope we get more updates because he doesn't deserve her. It's insane how lucky that negligent and mean husband is. It's upsetting, she's way out of his league as a spouse. I wish for her a spouse that appriciate and give her his world.
Jesus Christ, this poor woman. She sounds like an amazing wife and this guy is purposefully destroying her self-esteem to "keep her on her toes??" How is that not abusive? He sounds like an even bigger problem than his mother. The things he has been doing to her are not forgivable, she needs to cut her losses and get out of there.
I'm just going to kiss the ground my MIL walks on.. She is absolutely AMAZING and I love her like she's my own!! I feel so bad for people that have spouses that have no backbone or understanding what a marriage is.. Vows include, "LEAVE THY MOTHER AND FATHER AND YOU AND SPOUSE BECOME ONE!"
This isn't funny at all, it's frustrating AND, it's the 3rd leading cause for divorce...
This! My hubby would never do this, but if he invited his family on a romantic trip and my MiL found out, she would be appalled first and then disappointed in him.
@@TheAuthorgal See! That's what mine would do too! He would not hesitate..!
“more bang for your buck” made me laugh because HELLO she got a lot LESS bang for her buck 😂 because of his awful family
The guy KNEW his kids weren't gonna be there, so how should this be considered a "family vacay"? Allowed his family to stay and eat/drink what OP provided? Did MIL anf family offer to split costs??
Oh my God I can't even believe you stayed when the husband started helping his mother pick a room. I would have been out getting divorce papers right then and there. The nerve of that dude and then he wanted you to have a quickie with him? There's no way he would ever touch me after that. This absolutely infuriates me and the fact that he has any sort of nerve to be upset at you instead of looking at himself and realizing what the hell he just did would turn me off of him forever.
Man, I wish I had a spouse like her. She sounds amazing and so energetic.
OP thought she was part of a team, while he thought she was just one of the satellites orbiting around him. He is the star of his play, while she is supporting cast.
I know that kind of "relationship" well. It rarely works out, because even after acknowledging that dynamic, the self-centered spouse STILL won't become a team player.
Good on OP for doing the right thing. Walking out. He owes OP much more than an apology. Never ever the AH.. Girl please let this idiot man go
Can't believe there's a saga for this! I'm here for the drama with my popcorn! 😏🍿
Thanks LG! 💖
Hope you enjoy it Rose!
I enjoyed it, but I'm disappointed with OP, she needed a true distance from her husband to really know and understand what she wanted. The husband has always been angry or annoyed with every decision she had/has and she always compromise with him, not him doing the same. If she had suggested the move, he'd have objected it.
@@roseappiah2985 agreed he will always do the opposite and be upset with the opposite of whatever she puts out there if she says let's go to the park he'll be upset if she says let's not go to the park he'll be upset he's just intent on being upset
He does so much for our family. I’ll bet he does what he’s supposed to do. She doesn’t owe him an apology. He’s a spineless coward.
BRAVO to OP for immediately taking action and ditching her useless spineless husband! He doesn't care about all the effort OP put in, just wants to screw her whenever he pleases? Nasty! OP has nothing to apologize for. The only way I can see OP fixing this, is drastic action. Moving out or kicking husband out. Show him that taking her for granted will have consequences.
Post-updates: OMG this just gets worse and worse! Husband is a manipulative mommy-boy AH, and his parade of excuses are just pathetic! Of course he's now pissed that OP separated finances, because he might lose his personal secretary and bangmaid. I LOL'ed at OP sassing back the MiL! Glad the husband finally took actions, and super-glad OP's stopped coddling him. But I still think this isn't enough. His offences were severe enough that OP should have moved out for an extended period. Hope things work out, but not much confidence.
Send his family a bill for your ruined vacation and don't forget the food and drinks they ate, if they do this again walk around naked the whole time, why would you stay married to this awful man and his family, record mil
Op’s husband was also negging her. Keeping her down so she doesn’t realize she could do WAY better.
Honestly his criticisms and watching her try to fix it for him being a turn on is a huge red flag, he likes manipulating her and seeing her put in the effort and doesn't appreciate it. Plus he may be like the one guy who would repeatedly claim his partner smelled bad because his dad told him that by criticizing her like that would make her too insecure to ever leave him, criticizing her for things he never wanted just so he could complain and make her feel less than and always trying to make up for what she lacked.
I don't know if that is a forgivable act.
The first story is so depressing. Op is one of the most thoughtful, considerate and generous partners I’ve ever heard of. And her husband more than just doesn’t like her, he’s actively abusing her through passive manipulation and humiliation. It’s absolutely disgusting
I'm hoping she left him after they moved.
Her son gave her every detail of his getaway to the very last detail of where to find him. He must have sent her his location. No way. No waaayyyy!!!! No apologies allowed from you. She’d/he’d/both have to pay for what you put out in funds.
Her husband allowed years of toxic behavior against his wife, his actions included, and now suddenly wants to put her first. I don’t have faith this relationship will survive and I also don’t have faith op will do anything about it. She’ll further fall out of love and stay for the kids only to realize she wasted her time with this guy. To me he was emotionally gaslighting her. No respect. His dad dies and now he is anti mom. Yet he was no better than her all along the marriage. Op chose the wrong guy but if anything good comes out of reading about these life experiences is that people out there will take better analytical views of their lives and relationships and take action before it’s too late. To not end up like her who does so much and get nothing in return. We have only one life and youth is short, best to spend with the right person.
Yeah he'll backtrack for few months until he feels threat of divorce is gone and goes back to his old ways most likely.
Cool if he doesn't but I have my doubts
I agree. OP should have kicked him out or moved out for an extended period, several months. Husband's offences were that severe. If he doesn't face sufficient consequences, he'll revert.
Since OP's inlaws think she expends too much, she should make one last big expense in the marriage and hire the best lawyer money can get to rip her trash husband apart on the divorce
I’m so pissed off of OP’s husband like why couldn’t he correct his mother and family by telling them she isn’t a wasteful person, but that goes to show you how he didn’t appreciate OP
Next time mother-in-law jokes about OP's dressing up husband and being a shopaholic, OP should tell everyone why she did what she did and that she wouldn't have saved a year to rent that big house on private land if she'd known that hubby's complaining about not being able to have sex outdoors was a lie to "keep her on her toes" in their sex life. Oh, and by the way, she wants to be paid for that.
something that will forever be a aggregator for me is when ppl r ungrateful. this whole story my mouth was on the ground. legit selective memory and not standing up for ur spouse like hey ur ken doll comment was uncalled for cause she boosted my confidence and made me look really professional and nice or hey it’s her money and she is getting healthier for it. MIL is a bee with an itch and the husband is pathetic. i’m happier that they r happier but dang effective communication really is keep and getting away from toxic ppl.
Family invasion: I would NOT have allowed them in the door. They would have slept in their car.
Even after the move mentioned in the last update, if I were OP, if the husband still expects "affection", he can get it with a tube of KY and his hand.
I hope OP kept her seperate accounts in case the husband falls back into old habits and stupidly invites MIL to the new house.
My god, I was not expecting such a change from Op's ex. When I found out he doesn't oppose the joke his family makes at her expense, I was disgusted. Come to find out he actually WANTS to put in some effort to save his marriage? I'm still skeptical, but surprised.
I’m getting more and more furious at the despicable husband the more I read. His behavior is absolutely appalling,.
What a wham bam thank you man he is. I would not save for another trip. And I would never ever look at sex as special with him.. Divorce this mama's boy. So he can marry her.
9:25 OH NO! This man baby practically invites his mOmMyyyy to his romantic anniversary yet he has the AUDACITY to be embarrassed of Op???? Yeah no, I would be wanting to divorce before this but that would have been the nail in the coffin. I could not love someone like this anymore.
The mommy should have a bill sent for their share of the rental cost
It saddens me when an OP stays with their toxic spouse who's gaslit & belittled them for kicks, simply because toxic spouse has put their crazy on hold until things get comfortable again. There was really no coming back from what he did during their anniversary trip & throughout their marriage. Letting his mother, who treats his wife poorly, crash their anniversary and then expecting his wife to jump through more hoops for his mother & family by doing all their cooking?
NOPE. I'd have been out of that marriage.
IT ONLY GETS WORSE, she’s not flexible enough?? He’s cheating on her and trying to find ways to blame her for it.
Took the wildfire burning his porch for him to realize it was time to run. I've never seen someone so oblivious and detached, and OP has the patience and dedication of biblical measure to even consider continuing with them. I wish them growth, though, as it seems he's learning from standing near the edge. MIL can go bite a rock, as well.
STORY 1 THAT would be a deal breaker for me, he literally puts his mother first.
'He wants us both to apologize to eachother and move on'. 'I'm sorry, I need these papers signed in three business days.' Like that?
You will never please this husband. He is trying to manage you. What awful guy.. He doesn't appreciate you. He must be very insecure. Because, he is playing games with your love. Get rid of him.
I'm glad that they're communicating better and moved away from MIL for the sake of their ability to parent their kids together, but I think the marriage might be beyond repair if OP can't find joy in her husband's presence in her life. Props for putting in the effort to try "dating" again, but I think this might be too little too late. He killed her attraction to him with one sentence and there's no indication that it can be revived.
This dude is the _worst._
This woman is a gem, hard working, devoted, considerate, supportive, she’s a real catch and this guy SO unappreciative. He’s wishy-washy, he doesn’t defend his wife to his own family, let’s them talk shit about her constantly, he criticises her over damn near everything, does things that bother her just to get a ride out of her, demands things so he can watch her spin her wheels to try and please him and then claims he didn’t actually want it to begin with, rendering her genuine effort completely wasted.
I hope for OPs sake that he either steps the FUCK up and start acting like someone worthy of her efforts or that she calls it quits and leave his ass so she can find someone she deserves.
The husband seemed worse every update that honestly, I have mixed feelings about the last one. I need a further update down the road to see if the husband did come through for OP.
This video made me sick about how husband and his family are tearing down OP's self esteem. This is classic triangulation and I hope OP can get a support system to ensure she can see this as a toxic environment.
When her husband told her they got more bang for their buck sharing the cabin with his family...my thought was...Dude. NO. There was no bang at all for her bucks.
Edit: Dear god. She changed so many things about herself and he just kept picking at her. Does he even love her at all? Or like her? He's just a bully.
Yup. Hubby's a loser.
Complains their intimate life is dying. Then invites mommy as a +1 when his wife tries to rekindle it. And wouldn't you know it, expects her to serve them as their maid during the trip too.
This guy has enough friction to power a turbine. He's a real piece of crap. Destroying your wife's love and attraction for you is an impressive and shameful feat. Dude really doesn't deserve that second chance. He had better appreciate it until he screws up again.
Id be horrified if my in laws randomly showed up to my vacation with my spouse, especially when we're in the middle of intimate time.
I wouldn't put much on and ask them if they came to watch. If that wouldn't work I would ask them to leave and to take my hubby with them if he said anything to support them. OP will be back with similar story in a few months. Someone as bad as her husband won't change for long. He will ba back to his old self in no time
After the first update I knew it was bad,his family and his attitude towards her showed how little he cared about her
I’m not going to bash OP for trying to make the marriage work, but that despicable husband was so manipulative, disrespectful, selfish. despicable, emotionally abusive, and appalling that for anyone with boundaries and self-respect, it probably should have just been instant divorce… But she’s stronger than me, because I could never accept that behavior back into my life.
Poor OP you put so much thought and time into this and hubby steamrolled it before it even started. Sounds like he told mil where exactly they were going and hinted for them to come along.
The wife should have absolutely demanded that her husband get full reimbursement for the trip MIL ruined FROM MIL. Ridiculous.
Oh, if that had been my family, they would have gotten so CUSSED OUT and the DOOR SLAMMED in their faces and would have gone to NC after that! HOW DARE THEM!
Dang. OP sounds like an absolute diamond, and DH is an utter idiot for taking everything she does for granted.
Sir, this is one of my favorite stories you have read for us so far. OP stood up for herself and her partner acquiesced and now they are both facing the same direction. What a beautiful story of redemption.
W. T. F. !?! "Ken" is a doll, his mother's. The marriage is done for. He killed it. Communication? Zero, as far as I can tell. He doesn't care.
I heard of this and still fault for OP for staying longer with ‘mommy’s widdle baby boy’. I’m very petty so I’d send both a “fuck you” letter along with a “send me an invite to your wedding. You two make a very horrible couple”.
Honestly? I have to agree. While it seems things might be going in the right direction with that last update, I'm honestly expecting him to fall back into his old ways or for MIL to turn up on their doorstep and it all start again...
@@charondusk5608 agreed. She's inviting it at this point, which means she's not blameless. I honestly don't get why people stay unhappy in marriages like this.
To be honest, I’m not convinced this marriage can be saved. The root problem is that husband didn’t respect or appreciate OP, and I don’t get the sense that he’s changed as a person - just that he’s putting on an act long enough to convince OP not to divorce him so he can go back to treating her how he did before.
Easier to say, “leave him!” When we have no skin in the game. OP has stated he’s an excellent father to their 2 very young children, and he probably had other qualities that were just not pertinent to share. Even so, she did consider divorce. They’ve only been married for 6 years. This is probably the best thing to happen to them so early on. He had the chance to see how his lack of communication and how his immature behavior was actually pushing his wife away, and she still had enough patience to deal with him. The fact that HE brought up marriage counseling and followed through with moving away shows me that he means it. I really hope the best for these two. If they follow through with the counseling, this could be the beginnings of a very loving and life-long marriage! Best of luck to them!
Just in time, I'm doing the dishes yayyyy. Thank you LG. LOVE FROM NEW YORK 💪😊
Honestly I'm PISSED she didn't divorce this man child.
Are we sure that hubby is not the one that told MIL it is ok to come?
the comments of the house being to big anyway and about the money gives veeery strong vibes that he decided on his own or at least agreed when MIL asked to "join" them.
The family should chip in their share of expenses. Makes you wonder what he told his mother. If he hadn’t shared with her she wouldn’t have shown up.
OP should not have left. If her husband refuses to ask his people to leave then you should "hey guys, I think there was a misunderstanding, this is an anniversary trip and we want some privacy" let him leave if he gets pissy. At least you get some much needed serenity
Also why on earth would I want to cook for people I didnt invite on my romantic getaway?
I feel so bad for OP she was litteraly bending over backwards for her husband and he used it as away to insult and be little her.
Good story - hope the happy ending continues.
I hope she finds a man that actually appreciates and remembers all she does for him. She gives so much and deserves someone who will actually reciprocate.
Lol that SIL killed me!!!! Just an spontaneous trip for everyone yeah sure she believed that. The lack of the no kids with them didn’t tip them off?? 🤣
Tell his mother she owes you for rent to the cabin for four days!
If I was OP...I would have just told them they just interrupted our blissful reconnection as a husband and wife. This is NOT a family trip as the children are not with us. Please leave. This weekend is for us and us alone.
The lying about being unhappy with the sex life thing really unsettled me..
Husband told MIL the location. Exact location. He KNEW what MIL would do. Someone needs to pay back the wife for every dollar she lost!
Edit 1
DIVORCE HIM let him marry his family
1st story - First, hubby has to tell his momma to stay away from your vacations. What HE should have done when they showed up uninvited was tell them to LEAVE. If OP spends her money and not family money his family can pound sand.
Another man, tripping over the umbilical cord. When will we women learn. Per, I never knew about things like that because I had the most wonderful family in laws. Now I’m reading stories about this. The next generation?
His mother and his brother need to pay back the money for the lodging and for all the expensive wine.
👍
Terrible in laws have been a thing for the entire history of humanity. We just can hear all the stories now and recognize all the red flags and appreciate when we have sane parents/in laws.
Story 1: He owes you a reimbursement for the rent and alcohol. Also, an over the top passionate display of affection in front of his family could embarrass them enough to make them leave.
Husband sound toxic. He manipulates OP and basically keeps putting her down like that.
First OP didn't ditch her husband on their anniversary, he did by allowing his whole family on their anniversary getaway.
Her whole story is OP going above and beyond for her husband, and he's just siding with his mom mocking her for it? Christ dude.
Hope he has changed after counseling because he's a fool if he doesn't work his damn hardest to keep this woman.