there's nobody more single than a married narcissist. and there's nobody more lonely than the spouse who's married to a narcissist. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
It gets worse. They know the end is near and they won't go out without a fight- typical. They need to make sure they cause strife, conflict, pain and confusion one more time. It's what feeds them.
It's been nearly 7 years since my 12-year marriage to a covert narc ended. While I was married his abuse turned me into a shell of my former self, destroyed my dreams and my friendships. Then I discovered what narcissism was and it all made sense. It took me 10 months to gray rock him enough so that it was his idea to leave. I had to make it his idea. If I announced I wanted a divorce he would DESTROY me and everything I owned or had worked for. I let him believe it was his idea to break up and pretended I was sooo upset about it so he would feel satisfied and finally just leave. Then two more years of pretending until the actual divorce went through. I didn't ask for anything, I just wanted to cut all ties. He was shocked to discover that I wasn't interested when he hoovered me later. Seven years later and I'm only now just able to think about maybe dating again. Marriage with a narcissist is a tsunami of total destruction and never-ceasing pain.
Took me a decade of grey rocking for him to leave, during which time he groomed a former divorce client. I thought that I was going to loose my mind in the meantime. I'm still trauma bonded though, have my good days and bad. Trying to protect my assets for myself and children
I'm 2 years out of an 18 year marriage with a covert narc. I keep feeling like "why do I still feel so overwhelmed and exhausted? why can't I consider finding someone else?" I think I need to respect how truly awful the situation I escaped was, and that I'm not even close to beginning to heal yet. Still trying to get through a property settlement, with extreme grey rocking and the emotional manipulation now comes via his lawyer.
im in the situation to waiting divorce happen. with 100 reasons im no get my way out yet. i do need any trick sharing by who had success of leaving from Narc. please share
Yes it was very exhausting that i now never think of going into any relationship with anyone....i am sick and tired of pleasing people and now i am just focusing on my healing journey with independence.
Same. Just the thought of holding a conversation with a man who isn’t a work colleague or a relative is beyond exhausting and I need to lie down. If I won the lottery I would buy a house, quit work and just stay home all day, away from everyone. That is the perfect life for me.
My marriage to one was for over 30 years as well I'm so glad I got myself out and saved my life myself!!!! These type people are real devils in human form
@@angelanicoletti3330 yes I'm so grateful to the Most High God to have led me to help myself through channels like this one. It's been long and hard I feel better mentally physically I'm trying to get my body back to normal and stronger and my fiances in order because my ex husband was the fiances but I have been working my job now for a sometime now and that's been the biggest blessing being able to provide for myself Blessing to you 🙏
I’m go glad that I’m not the only one who survived over 30 years. Folks not in a narcissistic have no idea why it takes so long to leave. Take care and continued blessings y’all❤🙏🏽.
Oh no I feel you. Mine kicked me out with 5 kids and took our 10yrs worth, cars, caravan, house and property. I am lucky to have the clothes on my back
My ex was sadistic and spiteful. My son was in the bathroom getting ready to go to work. My ex wanted to use the toilet. So he urinated in my kitchen sink. He knows how I feel about hygiene and shoes in the house. He would purposely cross my boundaries in my home. This is just one of many many things he did in my home and I wasn’t married to him. I remember him saying to me that if we did get married I would be in charge of the home. I knew then, he just wanted a cook, cleaner, sex aid and an emotional punching bag. He’s a sick bastard
Mine would start fights all the time, and he got so lazy near the end that he quit creating reasons he was mad at me. He would just start the silent treatment or name calling out of nowhere. I got pretty good at ignoring him, and then he started telling me "You love to fight!" Haaaa! He also said "I'm scared of you. You're abusive." I told him that was utter BS and it ticked me off as an actual abuse survivor that he said that. I told him that if you are being abused and are scared of someone, you avoid the person and especially fights as much as possible to avoid being abused, and that all he ever did was try to START fights. I posted this somewhere else a while back, but when I would tell him calmly that I wasn't going to participate in his fights, he would call me a hypochondriac. He has no idea what that word means. He probably just heard someone else say a big word and thought he was being impressive, while using it completely incorrectly. He was abusive, a liar, and dumb to boot. He must have done a hell of a job in the lovebombing stage, because looking back I have no clue what I ever saw in him.
This sounds like my life the last 3 years with a Christian narcissist who’s whole family babied him and everything was always my fault no one in his family cared ab what he was doing to me I got so sick of being neglected in everything that I was angry I became something I didn’t no I could become dealing with his constant games and intentional hurt he caused me. I would yell and try to justify myself and it always came back that I was the crazy one I was the problem. I’m so glad God got me out of there. I wanted to save my marriage I tried so hard but he wanted me and the kids to go saying I was the problem in the marriage and for a few weeks I was in so much pain thinking he was all I had. Now 6mos later I’m healing I’m connecting with friends again and I can finally see everything for what it was. I love myself I’m continually growing and pushing myself to be all that I can be. Gods showed me so much unconditional love through all of this.
Youre NOT alone. I was accused of being abusive for yelling at her out of frustration. She would tell her coworkers how badly I was treating her, and " get out". Meanwhile, I'm being gas lit, blame shifted, guilt tripped into submission. Ridiculed for my hobbies, my past relationships, working out, the money I make, where I live, going to church and much more. She would subtly make rude comments, I would react and she would confirm my behavior as " mean" and want out of the relationship because I was mistreating her. When I told her I was " done" she would say I was making harsh decisions that affect her because I depose of people to quickly and we should stay " friends". She didn't want to be discarded first, and wanted to keep me on the shelf as another source of supply. I wasn't settling for that especially being in love with her, and I'm NOT going back into the " friends zone " That's a hard NO !!! I'd rather be alone then used as her " boytoy" or occasional supply.
@clintonnagy1662 There is a actually a term for that, it's such a common pattern: reactive abuse. It is a toxic person's way of deliberately triggering a bad response from you, so that they can point to you as the problem.
They note that they know what bothers you and what you’re asking them to improve, then they start telling you that, “you didn’t put your dishes in the dishwasher”. Then you go look and he’s done it already then the next time he only does his dishes, but still has the same annoying habits that you’re requesting to have changed. They never change , but they exasperate the problem and does not care that it bothers you. They make it look like you owe it to them to pick up after them!
Part of the time they act like helpless, little babies and then the other part of the time they act like abusive, narcissistic parents and you're the child. In reality there are the emotional immature children
You are spot on. They either "need" you so badly to help them with something, or they are scolding you for some perceived wrong. I used to ask mine if he was going to ground me next.
It’s not a marriage. We are tricked into signing a contract with the Devil. By the time we realise it, we are already shackled and getting out is just as hellish as staying in. Sending lots of love and strength to all those who are trapped in this situation. I pray that you get out and move on 🙏🏽
Was beginning to know a friend closer, upon visiting me, he did not flush the toilet, left seat up, did not wash hands. Also, he obviously had not showered recently. I learned so much now, I did not ask, correct, object. I cut visit short, and have made great distance since. Those Red Flags hit me in the face now. Thank you, dear Danish. 🤝🕊️
In over 30 years until "Death do us part" it never got any better, just morphed into sneakier ways to gaslight, brainwash & zombify me into staying until his ever more horrifying last curtain call performance. What an eye opening experience it has been waking up from that nightmare into reality & seeing my pathetic life for what it has been! 😭
I can identify with that. Married for 22 years, then feeling guilty and being blamed for 25 years for finally leaving, until discovering these pages a few weeks ago. Whatever time we have left, we know we are good people and we deserve to enjoy ourselves. ❤
They do get sneakier the longer they are with a person. When you tell them you will no longer tolerate specific behaviors they will find ways around it to cause you more pain and anguish.
I was married for 20 yrs to a passive/aggressive covert narc. Got the divorce at 36, & now have lived alone for 35ish yrs.I am now 70 yrs old … WHERE was ALL this info back then? Suddenly seeing TONS of Narc info on YT! I am immensely grateful for sure. VERY glad to have the CORRECT VOCABULARY to describe how I lived & was treated and WHY I have lived alone in the aftermath of the abuse. Very thankful for this info. I raised our 2 kids basically by myself. I continue to be concerned for them (from a silent distance!) in their adult yrs as they navigate their own marriages. Guess I’m waiting for another shoe to drop in the event that they show previously repressed signs of trauma from the family system…. So far, so good; I pray continuously for their protection & safety…Ugh…. It NEVER ends. These evil toxic people have branded us all & their own offspring for life… there ought to be a law against this kind of abuse.
I was a married single mother who repeatedly encountered every scenario you outlined. In the end, after 33 years, I was reduced to the live-in help. Finally, he was hoist by his own petard and, politely but firmly, invited to leave. None of us can change the past, but we can embrace our future. The light at the end of the tunnel is hope.
Yes, yes, yes! 17 years of asking him to put his laundry in a basket, but the basket was on the wrong side of the room or not attractive enough for the bedroom or not the right size and then he said it was it was too dark when he got up in the morning to do it and he was too tired at night to put his laundry in a basket. And all the while I'm asking myself why is he doing this, why can't he just put his clothes in the basket instead of on the floor next to the basket, what am I doing wrong, how am I not communicating clearly? And it's this same story with the coffee pot, the farm chores, giving directions, and more. And he's constantly telling me how my brain works differently than his, so I adapt to the daily struggles and try to be empathetic and understand him better . But it never really works and I just feel worse and more unhappy. Until the time when I finally discovered he didn't love me and everything had been done on purpose!!!
Danish, I call this "death by a thousand cuts"! I left my husband of 27 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. For the first year, I was really sick. I even ended up in the hospital with sepsis. My immune system just broke with my break up! It has been almost 3 years now and of a lot of therapy, but I am healing. I appreciate all your videos, they make me feel I am not alone. Thank you for all your help through this most difficult time!
Bless you. I was in therapy for years...PTSD, anxiety, depression, physical ailments such as fibromyaligia, HBP, hair loss, mysterious rashes, tooth loss from grinding. I acquired sleep apnea as, on the nights when he actually was home, if I snored, he elbowed me HARD. I subconsciously learned to feel a snore coming and hold my breath. I overheard him tell a friend, laughing, that the key to getting me to clean really good was to make me really angry (his words weren't so nice). 40+ years married. He died a year and a half ago. I don't see myself ever being in a relationship again though I've already had offers of marriage from...OTHER narcs!
Same... And when I came out of the hospital, his first concern was not for my well-being. He literally got mad at me because of how it made him look to my family. He never even asked how I was or what I needed. 25 years later and I'm free.
You are 1000% right!!! When I married him, i was 19 years old. After 19 years i left the house, he had locked the door and the police came...he never helped me at homework, never. 5 children and my old and ill narc. mother im the same house. She betrayed me, my narc.husband triangulated against me to the children...as i must left i was totally demolated. I never thought, how evil the own members of family can be. Thanks for your true and real info
It’s a train wreck when you have children with them. Not only that, but your children can get their genetic disorder too or neurolgical abnormalities. You become stronger in yourself but it is a painful journey.
Exactly. I remain concerned with a watchful eye (from silent distance!) over my 2 adult kids … watching for signs in themselves or their marriages etc… So far so good, but who really knows - I sure didn’t!🧡
So true, I cannot believe I got into a relation like this, it's like living a nightmare everyday, the funny part, u don't realize that it's a nightmare, it's like is somthg is wrong with you. Why dint I see this coming. Really I have always thought my life was hell, literally
We were the "Unpaid Helper". One guy kept leaving my toilet seat up on purpose. I told him, "I live here, no man lives here so out the seat down". What did he do? Kept leaving my toilet seat up. I think he secretly hoped that when I invited a guy over he would notice a toilet set up . They're so slick, cunning and covert with her tactics. The fact that I had to repeat myself as if he was a child. I told Hime one day, "You act like my 8 yr old nephew" 😂😂 Horrible! But I came out alive, talk about a battle of the spirit, emotions and physical war.
My narc did something similar. He came to live with me briefly in my apartment. I sleep on expensive sheets because I love them. They are pretty and girly and they make my sleep wonderful. He would always put his carry-all bag on my bed. I asked him not to do that because I didn’t want my sheets damaged. But every day he would do it anyway. After a couple of days, I put a chair in my bedroom and told him he could put his bag there instead so my sheets wouldn’t get damaged. He still did it every day. I ended up putting his bag on the chair right in front of his face when he’d put the bag on my bed. It baffled me that he just didn’t listen. I thought he has something wrong with his memory. Little did I know back then that he was doing it deliberately just to upset me. He must have been salivating in his own head at how much supply I gave him over that one little thing. Eventually I told him to f-off out of my house and back to parents because he wasn’t welcome any more. Unfortunately I didn’t stay away at that time. That was years ago and we kept coming back together randomly over the years. Thank God I found out about narcissism and everything is done. But it was just a tiny behaviour along with the other millions of tiny behaviours that baffled the heck out of me.
I wasn't married to mine but lived with him. One day, he came up and told me that one of the toilets really needed to be scrubbed, and this was a toilet I didn't even use myself. I told him to go ahead and scrub it then. He said, "I've never scrubbed a toilet in my life!" (something he used to actually brag about frequently, as if he were above everyone else who had ever scrubbed a toilet). I said something to the effect of it being time to learn. I stood my ground, and he actually broke down and scrubbed the damn toilet. I'm sure he paid me back for that tenfold, but it felt really good in the moment! The entitlement of these people is disgusting! Here he was claiming to "love" me but thought he was too good to clean a toilet, but I wasn't and should do it for him. One little snippet from almost 7 years of pure hell.
Everything, EVERYTHING, you have just said is exactly my life to a T. I am sooooooo exhausted. Now I am trying to find a way out. But it is so difficult, as the rents have gone beyond crazy, that is if one can get a place even. Cost of living is so high. I probably would have to share to survive and who knows who I would end up sharing with....another narcissist????I might as well put up with the rotten people I am living with, at least they are family. But life is such a drag now. I have had enough!!!
Been there and done that ! Got the bumper sticker as well. Happily single for 16 years .... sadly not for my daughter who is stuck with her until she realises that she is being coerced and manipulated.
Marriage is a living hell with a narcissist. But once you know that she is a narcissist just start to collect evidence and make your move without any warning . They will get panic and make several mistakes in your favor. That is how a get my divorce in less than 5 months and now she realizes that she set me free unknowingly. Be five steps ahead of your narcissistic spouse and they act up to keep pushing back with evidence and facts . They will flee like a wounded dog
3 месяца назад+13
Very true. Everyday is another lie. Soon you can honestly tell yourself your life is a LIE. Do yourself a big favor. Get out! Run! Forget about the narcissist. They never ever truly thought about you and your interests.
And then they say”you’re not my mom”. At least that’s what I heard early on asking for help or telling him to wash his hands or lock the door. Screw safety and disease spreading. Help with any chores, only if I did something for him. Objectified and dismissed, treated as useful or worthless. So confusing.
My narc spouse says, "You can't tell me what to do," if I ask him to do anything. If I ask a question, he tells me that he feels like he's being "interrogated by the police." He's 57 years old. I'm exhausted.
@@tammyhollis1519Yes!!!! If I would ask my ex-narc: what time will you be home tonight? His answer was: ARE YOU WORKING FOR SCOTLAND YARD???!!!!!! ALWAYS ASKING QUESTIONS!!!
I'd say, 'I'm not your Mom'...he'd says my Mom wasn't my dependent ' even though I had a Master's degree and brought home a decent salary which I was stupid enough to hand over to him every week as he had me convinced I couldn't manage money. He wouldn't even let me near the checkbooks because 'you know you can't do numbers. We each have our strengths. Mine is numbers, yours is scrubbing toilets'. My Master's degree was not in scrubbing toilets.
Worst thing I ever did was to get married! You totally lose your independence and become their property! You have no rights! Don't everr get married! The lawyers will not help!
“They love to see you in pain.” Mine said he married me so”he could have things”. I was his pay check. That didn’t send me packing. But it certainly opened my eyes.
Yes , they only come back for their own ego . They will always send an accidental text to check in ( they want to see if they can still get a reaction and make you cry) and start the devalue process all over again ....
You have described my marriage to a T with my narcissist. She will not do even the simplest tasks that are asked of her unless it is about something that other people will see with their own eyes. She treats my son like a dress-up doll and is constantly trying to get us to do her chores without ever helping us. It is like living with evil. If divorce laws were even, I could take my son and leave but because of those idiotic laws, we are forced to stay with this spoiled child trapped in an adult's body.
I had an expensive washing machine that should not ever be overloaded. I asked her to please not overload the machine. Every time, she packed about five loads of laundry into the machine. It broke. There was no reason for her to do this. Whatever I politely asked her, she would automatically do the total opposite just to stick it to me. Then she would smirk.
She liked to provoke you... Because with that she got your attention. They love drama - to get attention (that´s their fuel). You shouldn´t care about the washing machine - that would be the best (because then she would have stopped to overload the machine).
Fortunately, I was never married with such kind of an individual, but you are absolutely right: they purposely try to make your life harder & to a hell because they get pleasures in your pains & don't respect your boundaries because they don't see you as an human being who has limits & can be tired of it. My former employer was like that. I worked passionately & quickly & she couldn't stand it. Hence, she always added a new task to exhaust & confuse me more & more. Then I really forgot things & almost believed I will svffer from dementia but fortunately, Danishs wonderful educational channel & videos helped me a lot to figure out that it all were just my mind's trauma responses to her horrible actions. Hence I beg you guys: Never marry them or get immediately a divorce. Otherwise, they will eff up your life completely. Thanks again, dear Danish❣️🙏❣️❤
I’m dealing with a narcissist who has a grandiose personality. He’s the father of my grandchildren and it’s painful to see how he manipulates and abuses these children. He does not work and can’t even bring my grandchildren to school on time. I have spoken to my daughter about his behavior and how he does not love or even care for my grandchildren he just wants to control and destroy them. I see the change in their behavior when they’re around him. When they come back they are so withdrawn and not acting like themselves. My grandchildren hold on to me so tight my grandson holds on to my finger and wraps his hand around it and twist my finger constantly. I ask him what’s wrong and he says nothing. Usually both of my grandchildren are the life of the party. Usually When they hear music they dance they run around socialize with other children and when they are around him they come back so withdrawn. I want to protect them at all cost but legally my hands are tied because of their mother. I do not want my grandchildren to go through or suffer the abuse their father has gone through because this sick individual thinks that his behavior and the way he treats his kids is the correct way. He see’s love, affection and stability as spoiling them and he calls them spoiled brats that are going to grow up to be horrible people.
Thank you Danish, you’re very right,these relationships are a total roller coaster ride and extremely painful and hard! My experiences have been, not only mine but, with other people’s relationships that had the same problems. Most of the marriages have failed and a few of them several times!
I finally escaped 14 years of marriage to one narcissist only to immediately find myself another one, and I've been married to this narcissist for another 14 years now. I'm counting the days until I am finally free.
Not long after we were married my husband said to me, "I want you to take over from my mother." My reply to that was, "I did not marry you to be your mother." I was deeply taken aback, but let it slide as I was crazily "in love" at that time, If I had only known what the future had in stall for me........
Thank you this because my ex narc would go on and on about wanting a 'submissive woman' Basically I was never allowed an opinion.. if I tried to say anything I was told " shut up and let me talk"
Like the narc that discarded me and came back with the accidental text. Hangs around with younger people and goes on boy's holidays.... if I asked anything I would get shouted at and screamed at that nothing is my business and that I just want to monitor everything.... no it was just a simple question...
For the first time in 13 years of being married to Narcissist Lord blessed me with alone time with my children for 6 weeks. He went to visit his family in Florida and I felt so much at ease. He is coming back today and my anxiety is literally chocking me. I pray that Lord will have mercy on me and remove him from my life completely, I need an income big enough to be fully independent from him, as I know he will make sure I suffer financially if I try to leave.
I used to say to my ex that I was an unpaid housekeeper with benefits. He was a workaholic, never spending the evenings with me and only having 1 weeks holiday a year for several years. As for the children, he once told me that I had wanted them, I should see to them. He also said that he sometimes regretted having children, I was shocked that he said that. The kids, now in their 40s, know nothing of this.
Virtually no one wants to hear this for many different reasons. I even skip the comments of those still stuck. You give the feeling of speaking with someone who really understands and is only going to give personal examples rarely for a specific purpose and validating our own experiences. Thank you!
💯 absolutely correct, story of my life!! Ever detail you’re spot on with this behaviour, really correct. Thank you Danish, I appreciate and watch all your videos.
It was beyond lack of support... Its active passive aggressive destruction. Used As an emotional, mental, financial, intimatedly neglected, punching bag.
He always leaves all his dirty plates and coffee mugs all piled up in the sink. I told him I don’t like him doing that, and that he should wash them. Even though I’ve told him many times, the situation hasn’t changed. He even said it’s not his job. I hate it that he leaves wet tissues in the kitchen sink with the dishes. 😢
I struggled with everything with her she went out of her way to make my life difficult.She knew I was lactose intolerant when she ever did cook always cream sauces .She knew I was sensitive to too much garlic she would load up meals with garlic .She had absolute contempt for me what a great marriage 😂.
My covert passive-aggressive narcissist daughter used to come in the door every day and drop her backpack and jacket on the floor right in front of the door. I used to pick them up and put them away for her and just tell her that she had done it again. She totally denied it so finally I just left them there and showed them to her. She angrily denied that she had done that and refused to pick them up and put them away. Finally she claimed that she HAD put them away and somehow they had arrived on the floor. I asked in astonishment, "So you are saying that I went into your closet and brought them out and put them here??" And she said, "Yes!!" She was 12 years old.
Danish,thank u so much ....only u can understand d pain given by a narcissistic in conjugal life.....i get so much strength to survive after listening your video....
You are so right. I left my children's father nearly 20yrs ago, as a completely broken human and I have repaired myself over the years, but I have not been able to commit the same way to anyone else. He's also a dreadful father, which is still an ongoing issue. Thanks for putting these videos out and making them so specific, often it has normalized my thoughts and feelings that I experienced during and after the relationship and even though I eventually figured out he was a narcissist, it's still hard to wrap my head around the behaviours as it just doesn't make sense to me. You have really assisted my understanding and I am very grateful
My goodness, this was me!!!! And the clothes cupboard got me!!! I would meticulously fold all his clothes, colour coordinate, work, shirts, pants etc. oh and everyday when he went to look for something , he would just trash it!!! Over and over again years and a years. No more
My ex husband now uses our daughter to torture me. We’ve been divorced for 15 years after a horrific 30 years of every kind of abuse, even almost being strangled by him. Unfortunately I never reported this until the divorce. He ignored our daughter and now gives her attention as an adult. He has convinced her that I am selfish and greedy because my mom left me her house after I cared for her for ten years. It is so painful to be treated by my daughter this way.
9 years free after 24 1/2 years married to a narcissist. He left for a girl 16 years younger than him. So glad to be free. So many of your reels ring true
Why wasn't my "item of clothing" washed? I answer it wasn't in the hamper. It took him a couple of weeks of dirty clothes to start putting his clothes in the hamper. I don't look for clothes or dishes when I do laundry or wash dishes. If he wants to act stupid then I'll treat him like he's stupid. When I do laundry if it's not in the hamper then it doesn't get washed, if your favorite cup isn't in the sink then it doesn't get washed.
Oh my, this video gave me PTSD!!! I go through this every freakin day. I told him, last week that I was tired. I got yelled at for about 4 hours that "everyone is f* tired! You're not the only one!" And yes, I totally agree they only marry you out of convenience. I see it now. I cannot wait to get away.
This and more...I've left comments on some posts describing some of it...there is so much more. Things that put my life in jeopardy like the sleep apnea stuff. He was so creative. When I had a memorial service for him, mostly so my children could grieve if they needed to, I had to sit there and listen to all his family and buddies talk about what a great guy he was. I wanted to vomit.
@@allthingsjana7870so awful. And a piece of me felt guilty about that. And angry. I should have been able to have a life, a love, ability to grieve the person I was married to and shared my life with for so very long.
@@juliasullivan7519 I agree because I.. in pain everyday. Was discarded and I allowed him back to dump it all on me blaming me fir everything. I'm not allowed an opinion. Truly awful people 😞
28 years my marriage life. I live in a orthodox country where people don’t like devorce and blame woman. Now I want to devorce my nurc and cheater husband. My son support me but my daughter and my mother still want I live with my nurc husband. They tell me God will punish him. They don’t think about my life but I have to leave my husband if I want to live.
Thanks for the support, what ever happened to good days bad days? Kidding, no scam on my part, he knows I married him to save my financial ass, somehow he doesn't like hearing that, "It worked didn't it?" Replies she! Xox 🙋🎠 🙃👒
Yes it's a harshiest environment I have been dealt with ...a really deepened statement you used here...I literally came out alive by this Narcissistic abuse by my male partner, this time wherever I am present I'm safe amd secure, UT I have to independently manage all the financial aspects at my present days lives so quite feeling overwhelmed with times stuffs amd battles at my ways...but other then than I am quite feeling happiness and enriching relationships and a quality life arround me
My ex didn’t do some of the things…I.e. I didn’t pick up after him, he did it himself. I asked him not to drink alcohol because of what I went through in my childhood…he absolutely did quit. Most of the other stuff, holy cow! I put up with his crap for less than 10 years, I am pretty strong willed. I remember having an incident with him one night, I was screaming and raging and crying then suddenly stopped…sat on the basement steps, looked at him and said…I’m not doing this anymore…you’re changing my personality…get out (something had made me put this house in my name, I had POA, military spouse, he knew I did it) he looked shocked! Then said…I can’t leave, I have no clean clothes. So I threw him a roll of quarters. He left. Shortly after he got caught in a FBI child pornography scam and we lost everything, we had 7 houses. He lost his military retirement. He was arrested, did 14 years, got out offended in child pornography again. Now is a lifetime resident of Pennsylvania state pen and remarried. What a waste of so many of my years
I recently about a month ago started figuring out that my husband is like this after about 14years of marriage and we have a daughter. So for her sake I started going silent and started working on healing myself. We live in USA and we just came to India for a vacation and my husband created such a big scene in front of my parents putting them in so much stress and pretending to try and fix things and complained about me so much to my parents. I realized that my keeping quiet didn’t go down his system very well. He hated that I could figure my life.
Mosquito primary good metaphoric example of someone who is complaining or pestering you just to get a reaction out of you so you can get in trouble and they can smile when you're in handcuffs
How To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse:
emotionalabuserecovery.com/hana
Price in Euro?
there's nobody more single than a married narcissist.
and there's nobody more lonely than the spouse who's married to a narcissist.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Well said !! Thank you 👍🏻
Cheers from the Netherlands
@hettykoster9447 beautiful! team healthy is a global phenomenon.
enjoy your narc free weekend. 😉
-cheers, steven
@@carparthero Yes it is !! Thanks I will , you too . 😊
Born in Ontario , Canada . My homeland 🇨🇦
@hettykoster9447 very nice, canadian lady.
all the best.
-steven
Absolutely!!!!
It doesn't get any better the older they get.
It gets worse. They know the end is near and they won't go out without a fight- typical. They need to make sure they cause strife, conflict, pain and confusion one more time. It's what feeds them.
It's been nearly 7 years since my 12-year marriage to a covert narc ended. While I was married his abuse turned me into a shell of my former self, destroyed my dreams and my friendships. Then I discovered what narcissism was and it all made sense. It took me 10 months to gray rock him enough so that it was his idea to leave. I had to make it his idea. If I announced I wanted a divorce he would DESTROY me and everything I owned or had worked for. I let him believe it was his idea to break up and pretended I was sooo upset about it so he would feel satisfied and finally just leave. Then two more years of pretending until the actual divorce went through. I didn't ask for anything, I just wanted to cut all ties. He was shocked to discover that I wasn't interested when he hoovered me later. Seven years later and I'm only now just able to think about maybe dating again. Marriage with a narcissist is a tsunami of total destruction and never-ceasing pain.
Took me a decade of grey rocking for him to leave, during which time he groomed a former divorce client. I thought that I was going to loose my mind in the meantime. I'm still trauma bonded though, have my good days and bad. Trying to protect my assets for myself and children
I'm 2 years out of an 18 year marriage with a covert narc. I keep feeling like "why do I still feel so overwhelmed and exhausted? why can't I consider finding someone else?" I think I need to respect how truly awful the situation I escaped was, and that I'm not even close to beginning to heal yet. Still trying to get through a property settlement, with extreme grey rocking and the emotional manipulation now comes via his lawyer.
im in the situation to waiting divorce happen. with 100 reasons im no get my way out yet. i do need any trick sharing by who had success of leaving from Narc. please share
Yes it was very exhausting that i now never think of going into any relationship with anyone....i am sick and tired of pleasing people and now i am just focusing on my healing journey with independence.
I have the same feeling. The strange thing is that after almost a year had contact with a lady and had straight the same feelings. Alone is peacefully
Ultimately, I hope you find true love ❤
Heal your body and soul.Eventually you will come out.There are better people in this world
Same. Just the thought of holding a conversation with a man who isn’t a work colleague or a relative is beyond exhausting and I need to lie down. If I won the lottery I would buy a house, quit work and just stay home all day, away from everyone. That is the perfect life for me.
I can relate as well with this
I can relate …. My 37 years of marriage was like a war , a battlefield 😞 But thankfully I came out alive 🙏🏻
My marriage to one was for over 30 years as well I'm so glad I got myself out and saved my life myself!!!! These type people are real devils in human form
@@MsTeelove07 , Congratulations..I had over 3 decades. By The Grace Of GOD HE got us through.
@@angelanicoletti3330 yes I'm so grateful to the Most High God to have led me to help myself through channels like this one. It's been long and hard I feel better mentally physically I'm trying to get my body back to normal and stronger and my fiances in order because my ex husband was the fiances but I have been working my job now for a sometime now and that's been the biggest blessing being able to provide for myself Blessing to you 🙏
I’m go glad that I’m not the only one who survived over 30 years. Folks not in a narcissistic have no idea why it takes so long to leave. Take care and continued blessings y’all❤🙏🏽.
You forgot to mention extreme financial losses in Narcissistic marriage. In short, one's entire life is gone/sacrificed.
Oh no I feel you. Mine kicked me out with 5 kids and took our 10yrs worth, cars, caravan, house and property.
I am lucky to have the clothes on my back
@@Belle-m98How are you doing? Has it got any better. I am going through something similar, but not to that extreme.
After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
I'm 37 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested Ms Claudia Vecchi Nese .
God is more than enough for us, and his mercy is new every morning.
My ex was sadistic and spiteful.
My son was in the bathroom getting ready to go to work.
My ex wanted to use the toilet. So he urinated in my kitchen sink.
He knows how I feel about hygiene and shoes in the house. He would purposely cross my boundaries in my home.
This is just one of many many things he did in my home and I wasn’t married to him.
I remember him saying to me that if we did get married I would be in charge of the home.
I knew then, he just wanted a cook, cleaner, sex aid and an emotional punching bag.
He’s a sick bastard
Yes, they are sick bastards I am currently married to this toddler 50 year old its so sad.
🫢Kitchen sink😵💫🙃
Yes, this is my life. And when I yell, out of desperation, I am the crazy one and I am the one abusing him. I am so afraid of losing my mind.
There is an expiration date on the whole scenario, and the worst case scenario is staying in until the bitter end. Please take care of yourself. ❤
Mine would start fights all the time, and he got so lazy near the end that he quit creating reasons he was mad at me. He would just start the silent treatment or name calling out of nowhere. I got pretty good at ignoring him, and then he started telling me "You love to fight!" Haaaa! He also said "I'm scared of you. You're abusive." I told him that was utter BS and it ticked me off as an actual abuse survivor that he said that. I told him that if you are being abused and are scared of someone, you avoid the person and especially fights as much as possible to avoid being abused, and that all he ever did was try to START fights. I posted this somewhere else a while back, but when I would tell him calmly that I wasn't going to participate in his fights, he would call me a hypochondriac. He has no idea what that word means. He probably just heard someone else say a big word and thought he was being impressive, while using it completely incorrectly. He was abusive, a liar, and dumb to boot. He must have done a hell of a job in the lovebombing stage, because looking back I have no clue what I ever saw in him.
This sounds like my life the last 3 years with a Christian narcissist who’s whole family babied him and everything was always my fault no one in his family cared ab what he was doing to me I got so sick of being neglected in everything that I was angry I became something I didn’t no I could become dealing with his constant games and intentional hurt he caused me. I would yell and try to justify myself and it always came back that I was the crazy one I was the problem. I’m so glad God got me out of there. I wanted to save my marriage I tried so hard but he wanted me and the kids to go saying I was the problem in the marriage and for a few weeks I was in so much pain thinking he was all I had. Now 6mos later I’m healing I’m connecting with friends again and I can finally see everything for what it was. I love myself I’m continually growing and pushing myself to be all that I can be. Gods showed me so much unconditional love through all of this.
Youre NOT alone. I was accused of being abusive for yelling at her out of frustration. She would tell her coworkers how badly I was treating her, and " get out". Meanwhile, I'm being gas lit, blame shifted, guilt tripped into submission. Ridiculed for my hobbies, my past relationships, working out, the money I make, where I live, going to church and much more. She would subtly make rude comments, I would react and she would confirm my behavior as " mean" and want out of the relationship because I was mistreating her. When I told her I was " done" she would say I was making harsh decisions that affect her because I depose of people to quickly and we should stay " friends". She didn't want to be discarded first, and wanted to keep me on the shelf as another source of supply. I wasn't settling for that especially being in love with her, and I'm NOT going back into the " friends zone " That's a hard NO !!! I'd rather be alone then used as her " boytoy" or occasional supply.
@clintonnagy1662 There is a actually a term for that, it's such a common pattern: reactive abuse. It is a toxic person's way of deliberately triggering a bad response from you, so that they can point to you as the problem.
They note that they know what bothers you and what you’re asking them to improve, then they start telling you that, “you didn’t put your dishes in the dishwasher”. Then you go look and he’s done it already then the next time he only does his dishes, but still has the same annoying habits that you’re requesting to have changed. They never change , but they exasperate the problem and does not care that it bothers you. They make it look like you owe it to them to pick up after them!
Ugh. Throw all dishes away except yours keep locked up only cook for yourself, and, LEAVE TOMORROW. 🤝
I always said, since he's already done the dishes (an attempt to shame me), that could be his job. 🙄
Part of the time they act like helpless, little babies and then the other part of the time they act like abusive, narcissistic parents and you're the child. In reality there are the emotional immature children
I know what you mean, never a partner or a teammate, but acts like either your child or your parent. 😮
You are spot on. They either "need" you so badly to help them with something, or they are scolding you for some perceived wrong. I used to ask mine if he was going to ground me next.
Yes they are. They constantly change the rules…how dare you ask them to live up to the same rules that they expect for you.
It’s not a marriage. We are tricked into signing a contract with the Devil. By the time we realise it, we are already shackled and getting out is just as hellish as staying in. Sending lots of love and strength to all those who are trapped in this situation. I pray that you get out and move on 🙏🏽
It's like being in a cult. I've been in one and in two narcissistic marriages. I'm finally catching on.
Was beginning to know a friend closer, upon visiting me, he did not flush the toilet, left seat up, did not wash hands. Also, he obviously had not showered recently. I learned so much now, I did not ask, correct, object. I cut visit short, and have made great distance since. Those Red Flags hit me in the face now. Thank you, dear Danish. 🤝🕊️
9
In over 30 years until "Death do us part" it never got any better, just morphed into sneakier ways to gaslight, brainwash & zombify me into staying until his ever more horrifying last curtain call performance.
What an eye opening experience it has been waking up from that nightmare into reality & seeing my pathetic life for what it has been! 😭
I can identify with that. Married for 22 years, then feeling guilty and being blamed for 25 years for finally leaving, until discovering these pages a few weeks ago. Whatever time we have left, we know we are good people and we deserve to enjoy ourselves. ❤
Yes, zombify is a great way to describe it.
They do get sneakier the longer they are with a person. When you tell them you will no longer tolerate specific behaviors they will find ways around it to cause you more pain and anguish.
I was married for 20 yrs to a passive/aggressive covert narc. Got the divorce at 36, & now have lived alone for 35ish yrs.I am now 70 yrs old … WHERE was ALL this info back then? Suddenly seeing TONS of Narc info on YT! I am immensely grateful for sure. VERY glad to have the CORRECT VOCABULARY to describe how I lived & was treated and WHY I have lived alone in the aftermath of the abuse. Very thankful for this info. I raised our 2 kids basically by myself. I continue to be concerned for them (from a silent distance!) in their adult yrs as they navigate their own marriages. Guess I’m waiting for another shoe to drop in the event that they show previously repressed signs of trauma from the family system…. So far, so good; I pray continuously for their protection & safety…Ugh…. It NEVER ends. These evil toxic people have branded us all & their own offspring for life… there ought to be a law against this kind of abuse.
😢😢😢
I was a married single mother who repeatedly encountered every scenario you outlined. In the end, after 33 years, I was reduced to the live-in help. Finally, he was hoist by his own petard and, politely but firmly, invited to leave.
None of us can change the past, but we can embrace our future. The light at the end of the tunnel is hope.
Real hope, not the kind they dangle over your head and then hide from you when you get close. 😂❤😮
Oh Danish, YES. All is 100% true and yes, I don't ever want to get into a relationship now because of the horrible narc marriage I endured for 15 yrs
Yes, yes, yes! 17 years of asking him to put his laundry in a basket, but the basket was on the wrong side of the room or not attractive enough for the bedroom or not the right size and then he said it was it was too dark when he got up in the morning to do it and he was too tired at night to put his laundry in a basket. And all the while I'm asking myself why is he doing this, why can't he just put his clothes in the basket instead of on the floor next to the basket, what am I doing wrong, how am I not communicating clearly?
And it's this same story with the coffee pot, the farm chores, giving directions, and more. And he's constantly telling me how my brain works differently than his, so I adapt to the daily struggles and try to be empathetic and understand him better . But it never really works and I just feel worse and more unhappy. Until the time when I finally discovered he didn't love me and everything had been done on purpose!!!
Danish, I call this "death by a thousand cuts"! I left my husband of 27 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. For the first year, I was really sick. I even ended up in the hospital with sepsis. My immune system just broke with my break up!
It has been almost 3 years now and of a lot of therapy, but I am healing. I appreciate all your videos, they make me feel I am not alone. Thank you for all your help through this most difficult time!
My husband did this. He broke me so hard I ended up in the psychiatric hospital. With all kinds of issues. From years of narcissistic abuse.
Bless you. I was in therapy for years...PTSD, anxiety, depression, physical ailments such as fibromyaligia, HBP, hair loss, mysterious rashes, tooth loss from grinding. I acquired sleep apnea as, on the nights when he actually was home, if I snored, he elbowed me HARD. I subconsciously learned to feel a snore coming and hold my breath. I overheard him tell a friend, laughing, that the key to getting me to clean really good was to make me really angry (his words weren't so nice). 40+ years married. He died a year and a half ago. I don't see myself ever being in a relationship again though I've already had offers of marriage from...OTHER narcs!
I'm so sorry 😢 I hope you are free of pain now
@allthingsjana7870 bless you.
I ended up having a nervous breakdown after I threw the narc out. We were married 18 yrs. I’m still healing 10 yrs later. Be well. ❤
Same... And when I came out of the hospital, his first concern was not for my well-being. He literally got mad at me because of how it made him look to my family. He never even asked how I was or what I needed. 25 years later and I'm free.
You are 1000% right!!! When I married him, i was 19 years old. After 19 years i left the house, he had locked the door and the police came...he never helped me at homework, never. 5 children and my old and ill narc. mother im the same house. She betrayed me, my narc.husband triangulated against me to the children...as i must left i was totally demolated. I never thought, how evil the own members of family can be. Thanks for your true and real info
It’s a train wreck when you have children with them. Not only that, but your children can get their genetic disorder too or neurolgical abnormalities. You become stronger in yourself but it is a painful journey.
Exactly. I remain concerned with a watchful eye (from silent distance!) over my 2 adult kids … watching for signs in themselves or their marriages etc… So far so good, but who really knows - I sure didn’t!🧡
This was my marriage down to the tee…I didn’t even realize how much I was compromising until it was too late
So true, I cannot believe I got into a relation like this, it's like living a nightmare everyday, the funny part, u don't realize that it's a nightmare, it's like is somthg is wrong with you. Why dint I see this coming. Really I have always thought my life was hell, literally
Its like destroying your own mental health
We were the "Unpaid Helper". One guy kept leaving my toilet seat up on purpose. I told him, "I live here, no man lives here so out the seat down".
What did he do? Kept leaving my toilet seat up. I think he secretly hoped that when I invited a guy over he would notice a toilet set up .
They're so slick, cunning and covert with her tactics. The fact that I had to repeat myself as if he was a child. I told Hime one day, "You act like my 8 yr old nephew" 😂😂
Horrible! But I came out alive, talk about a battle of the spirit, emotions and physical war.
My narc did something similar. He came to live with me briefly in my apartment. I sleep on expensive sheets because I love them. They are pretty and girly and they make my sleep wonderful. He would always put his carry-all bag on my bed. I asked him not to do that because I didn’t want my sheets damaged. But every day he would do it anyway. After a couple of days, I put a chair in my bedroom and told him he could put his bag there instead so my sheets wouldn’t get damaged. He still did it every day. I ended up putting his bag on the chair right in front of his face when he’d put the bag on my bed. It baffled me that he just didn’t listen. I thought he has something wrong with his memory.
Little did I know back then that he was doing it deliberately just to upset me. He must have been salivating in his own head at how much supply I gave him over that one little thing.
Eventually I told him to f-off out of my house and back to parents because he wasn’t welcome any more. Unfortunately I didn’t stay away at that time. That was years ago and we kept coming back together randomly over the years. Thank God I found out about narcissism and everything is done. But it was just a tiny behaviour along with the other millions of tiny behaviours that baffled the heck out of me.
I wasn't married to mine but lived with him. One day, he came up and told me that one of the toilets really needed to be scrubbed, and this was a toilet I didn't even use myself. I told him to go ahead and scrub it then. He said, "I've never scrubbed a toilet in my life!" (something he used to actually brag about frequently, as if he were above everyone else who had ever scrubbed a toilet). I said something to the effect of it being time to learn. I stood my ground, and he actually broke down and scrubbed the damn toilet. I'm sure he paid me back for that tenfold, but it felt really good in the moment! The entitlement of these people is disgusting! Here he was claiming to "love" me but thought he was too good to clean a toilet, but I wasn't and should do it for him. One little snippet from almost 7 years of pure hell.
Everything, EVERYTHING, you have just said is exactly my life to a T. I am sooooooo exhausted. Now I am trying to find a way out. But it is so difficult, as the rents have gone beyond crazy, that is if one can get a place even. Cost of living is so high. I probably would have to share to survive and who knows who I would end up sharing with....another narcissist????I might as well put up with the rotten people I am living with, at least they are family. But life is such a drag now. I have had enough!!!
Yes, so hard! My ❤ goes out to you. Praying blessings and open doors for you.
Yes this so true, my husband is a Narcissist. He literally drained the life out of me every day for 8 years.
Today is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day! Strength to all of us!! Thank you for all you do to educate and support, Danish. Bless you 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Been there and done that ! Got the bumper sticker as well. Happily single for 16 years .... sadly not for my daughter who is stuck with her until she realises that she is being coerced and manipulated.
Marriage is a living hell with a narcissist. But once you know that she is a narcissist just start to collect evidence and make your move without any warning . They will get panic and make several mistakes in your favor. That is how a get my divorce in less than 5 months and now she realizes that she set me free unknowingly. Be five steps ahead of your narcissistic spouse and they act up to keep pushing back with evidence and facts . They will flee like a wounded dog
Very true. Everyday is another lie. Soon you can honestly tell yourself your life is a LIE. Do yourself a big favor. Get out! Run! Forget about the narcissist. They never ever truly thought about you and your interests.
And then they say”you’re not my mom”. At least that’s what I heard early on asking for help or telling him to wash his hands or lock the door.
Screw safety and disease spreading. Help with any chores, only if I did something for him.
Objectified and dismissed, treated as useful or worthless. So confusing.
My narc spouse says, "You can't tell me what to do," if I ask him to do anything. If I ask a question, he tells me that he feels like he's being "interrogated by the police." He's 57 years old. I'm exhausted.
@@tammyhollis1519Yes!!!! If I would ask my ex-narc: what time will you be home tonight? His answer was: ARE YOU WORKING FOR SCOTLAND YARD???!!!!!! ALWAYS ASKING QUESTIONS!!!
I'd say, 'I'm not your Mom'...he'd says my Mom wasn't my dependent ' even though I had a Master's degree and brought home a decent salary which I was stupid enough to hand over to him every week as he had me convinced I couldn't manage money. He wouldn't even let me near the checkbooks because 'you know you can't do numbers. We each have our strengths. Mine is numbers, yours is scrubbing toilets'. My Master's degree was not in scrubbing toilets.
I had 47 years, thank you Lord for getting me out,!
Sadly so very true…. Experienced this !!
Worst thing I ever did was to get married! You totally lose your independence and become their property! You have no rights! Don't everr get married! The lawyers will not help!
“They love to see you in pain.” Mine said he married me so”he could have things”. I was his pay check. That didn’t send me packing. But it certainly opened my eyes.
They are just pure evil.
Yes, they are pure evil. My sentiments EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@joanb8489 ❤️
Yes , they only come back for their own ego . They will always send an accidental text to check in ( they want to see if they can still get a reaction and make you cry) and start the devalue process all over again ....
But they will not stop telling you how evil you are because you have made their life miserable 😂 they struggle with self awareness
That is an Absolute Fact!!
Sir I pray for you,God bless you forever.When I hear your words ,It makes me heal .
You have described my marriage to a T with my narcissist. She will not do even the simplest tasks that are asked of her unless it is about something that other people will see with their own eyes. She treats my son like a dress-up doll and is constantly trying to get us to do her chores without ever helping us. It is like living with evil. If divorce laws were even, I could take my son and leave but because of those idiotic laws, we are forced to stay with this spoiled child trapped in an adult's body.
I had an expensive washing machine that should not ever be overloaded. I asked her to please not overload the machine. Every time, she packed about five loads of laundry into the machine. It broke. There was no reason for her to do this. Whatever I politely asked her, she would automatically do the total opposite just to stick it to me. Then she would smirk.
She liked to provoke you... Because with that she got your attention. They love drama - to get attention (that´s their fuel). You shouldn´t care about the washing machine - that would be the best (because then she would have stopped to overload the machine).
@@IsabellaPiesch Good point
Fortunately, I was never married with such kind of an individual, but you are absolutely right: they purposely try to make your life harder & to a hell because they get pleasures in your pains & don't respect your boundaries because they don't see you as an human being who has limits & can be tired of it. My former employer was like that. I worked passionately & quickly & she couldn't stand it. Hence, she always added a new task to exhaust & confuse me more & more. Then I really forgot things & almost believed I will svffer from dementia but fortunately, Danishs wonderful educational channel & videos helped me a lot to figure out that it all were just my mind's trauma responses to her horrible actions. Hence I beg you guys: Never marry them or get immediately a divorce. Otherwise, they will eff up your life completely. Thanks again, dear Danish❣️🙏❣️❤
I’m dealing with a narcissist who has a grandiose personality. He’s the father of my grandchildren and it’s painful to see how he manipulates and abuses these children. He does not work and can’t even bring my grandchildren to school on time. I have spoken to my daughter about his behavior and how he does not love or even care for my grandchildren he just wants to control and destroy them. I see the change in their behavior when they’re around him. When they come back they are so withdrawn and not acting like themselves. My grandchildren hold on to me so tight my grandson holds on to my finger and wraps his hand around it and twist my finger constantly. I ask him what’s wrong and he says nothing. Usually both of my grandchildren are the life of the party. Usually When they hear music they dance they run around socialize with other children and when they are around him they come back so withdrawn. I want to protect them at all cost but legally my hands are tied because of their mother. I do not want my grandchildren to go through or suffer the abuse their father has gone through because this sick individual thinks that his behavior and the way he treats his kids is the correct way. He see’s love, affection and stability as spoiling them and he calls them spoiled brats that are going to grow up to be horrible people.
They are grown up children 😢
Correction: They physically LOOK grown up - but that’s all. It stops there. They are cases of Arrested Development.
Thank you Danish, you’re very right,these relationships are a total roller coaster ride and extremely painful and hard! My experiences have been, not only mine but, with other people’s relationships that had the same problems. Most of the marriages have failed and a few of them several times!
I finally escaped 14 years of marriage to one narcissist only to immediately find myself another one, and I've been married to this narcissist for another 14 years now. I'm counting the days until I am finally free.
Not long after we were married my husband said to me, "I want you to take over from my mother." My reply to that was, "I did not marry you to be your mother." I was deeply taken aback, but let it slide as I was crazily "in love" at that time, If I had only known what the future had in stall for me........
Thank you this because my ex narc would go on and on about wanting a 'submissive woman'
Basically I was never allowed an opinion.. if I tried to say anything I was told " shut up and let me talk"
You’ve described my ex husband. He was very adolescent in so many ways and I lived with him for 45 years!😢
Like the narc that discarded me and came back with the accidental text. Hangs around with younger people and goes on boy's holidays.... if I asked anything I would get shouted at and screamed at that nothing is my business and that I just want to monitor everything.... no it was just a simple question...
For the first time in 13 years of being married to Narcissist Lord blessed me with alone time with my children for 6 weeks. He went to visit his family in Florida and I felt so much at ease. He is coming back today and my anxiety is literally chocking me. I pray that Lord will have mercy on me and remove him from my life completely, I need an income big enough to be fully independent from him, as I know he will make sure I suffer financially if I try to leave.
I used to say to my ex that I was an unpaid housekeeper with benefits. He was a workaholic, never spending the evenings with me and only having 1 weeks holiday a year for several years. As for the children, he once told me that I had wanted them, I should see to them. He also said that he sometimes regretted having children, I was shocked that he said that. The kids, now in their 40s, know nothing of this.
Virtually no one wants to hear this for many different reasons. I even skip the comments of those still stuck. You give the feeling of speaking with someone who really understands and is only going to give personal examples rarely for a specific purpose and validating our own experiences. Thank you!
Your experience just helped me SO much! Especially since it is different from what so many people tell you. Thank you!!!
oh. this was my life.
💯 absolutely correct, story of my life!! Ever detail you’re spot on with this behaviour, really correct. Thank you Danish, I appreciate and watch all your videos.
It was beyond lack of support...
Its active passive aggressive destruction.
Used As an emotional, mental, financial, intimatedly neglected, punching bag.
He always leaves all his dirty plates and coffee mugs all piled up in the sink. I told him I don’t like him doing that, and that he should wash them. Even though I’ve told him many times, the situation hasn’t changed. He even said it’s not his job. I hate it that he leaves wet tissues in the kitchen sink with the dishes. 😢
💯💯💯💯💥 this happens before marriage.....run fast away.
Very very true.. nothing in it is worth more than our peace.. I learnt that in the journey with him..
I struggled with everything with her she went out of her way to make my life difficult.She knew I was lactose intolerant when she ever did cook always cream sauces .She knew I was sensitive to too much garlic she would load up meals with garlic .She had absolute contempt for me what a great marriage 😂.
My covert passive-aggressive narcissist daughter used to come in the door every day and drop her backpack and jacket on the floor right in front of the door.
I used to pick them up and put them away for her and just tell her that she had done it again. She totally denied it so finally I just left them there and showed them to her.
She angrily denied that she had done that and refused to pick them up and put them away.
Finally she claimed that she HAD put them away and somehow they had arrived on the floor. I asked in astonishment, "So you are saying that I went into your closet and brought them out and put them here??" And she said, "Yes!!"
She was 12 years old.
Nip it in the bud before she's a grown up 😮
The examples were much cleaner than the pit I had to deal with.
*Not caring* is their special force (and they know they have the public opinion holding their back) ...
💯💥 great video love it....teachable moment before even considering marriage.
Happy wotld narcissistic abuse awareness day
Danish,thank u so much ....only u can understand d pain given by a narcissistic in conjugal life.....i get so much strength to survive after listening your video....
100% correct sadly
“Marriage in general is exhausting”
Thanks for giving me proof never to do that again 😂😂😂😂
I'm soooo tired, exhausted.ive been in a living hell for 25 years and surprisingly I m alive.
I am sorry.. pray hard and watch you tube ( secretly)… get stronger…
You are so right. I left my children's father nearly 20yrs ago, as a completely broken human and I have repaired myself over the years, but I have not been able to commit the same way to anyone else. He's also a dreadful father, which is still an ongoing issue. Thanks for putting these videos out and making them so specific, often it has normalized my thoughts and feelings that I experienced during and after the relationship and even though I eventually figured out he was a narcissist, it's still hard to wrap my head around the behaviours as it just doesn't make sense to me. You have really assisted my understanding and I am very grateful
My goodness, this was me!!!! And the clothes cupboard got me!!! I would meticulously fold all his clothes, colour coordinate, work, shirts, pants etc. oh and everyday when he went to look for something , he would just trash it!!! Over and over again years and a years. No more
You are correct.You are explaining my situation.I have realized that I am a very strong woman.Thsnk you very much for your information.
My ex husband now uses our daughter to torture me. We’ve been divorced for 15 years after a horrific 30 years of every kind of abuse, even almost being strangled by him. Unfortunately I never reported this until the divorce. He ignored our daughter and now gives her attention as an adult. He has convinced her that I am selfish and greedy because my mom left me her house after I cared for her for ten years. It is so painful to be treated by my daughter this way.
Each and every word you say is bang on.
You literally described to a T my husband & definitely the whole reason why he married me, you nailed it completely.
9 years free after 24 1/2 years married to a narcissist. He left for a girl 16 years younger than him. So glad to be free. So many of your reels ring true
I always see your episode,yes I have married with narcissistic person,now I left that life and feel relaxed to my new life
Why wasn't my "item of clothing" washed? I answer it wasn't in the hamper. It took him a couple of weeks of dirty clothes to start putting his clothes in the hamper. I don't look for clothes or dishes when I do laundry or wash dishes. If he wants to act stupid then I'll treat him like he's stupid. When I do laundry if it's not in the hamper then it doesn't get washed, if your favorite cup isn't in the sink then it doesn't get washed.
Exactly what am doing. Now he is telling everyone how unloving and disrespectful I am.Thank God I care less about others opinions
@@draruleah4981 I'm the same. I usually say "here's a quarter to call someone who cares" 🤣
Glad that worked!
👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 your sooooo on point ---- i feel traumatized and scared now of relationships
Oh my, this video gave me PTSD!!! I go through this every freakin day. I told him, last week that I was tired. I got yelled at for about 4 hours that "everyone is f* tired! You're not the only one!" And yes, I totally agree they only marry you out of convenience. I see it now. I cannot wait to get away.
My mother,my brother and my sister do this to me daily. Unfortunately my father committed suicided because he couldn't take it
I’m so sorry 😔
@@hettykoster9447 it's okay because I'm so used to the abuse that it feels like normality
I'm so sorry 😞 😢
My mother still pretends this is normality
Don't be sorry
I was told “There’s another fine mess for you to clean up!” WTF?!?!
Whole relationship..
It is apsolutly true. I have seen this again and again in my 18 year marriage with a grandios narcissist.
Unbelievable 😮that's my house
This and more...I've left comments on some posts describing some of it...there is so much more. Things that put my life in jeopardy like the sleep apnea stuff. He was so creative. When I had a memorial service for him, mostly so my children could grieve if they needed to, I had to sit there and listen to all his family and buddies talk about what a great guy he was. I wanted to vomit.
It's awful isn't it
@@allthingsjana7870so awful. And a piece of me felt guilty about that. And angry. I should have been able to have a life, a love, ability to grieve the person I was married to and shared my life with for so very long.
@@allthingsjana7870so awful. And so painful still.
@@juliasullivan7519 I agree because I.. in pain everyday. Was discarded and I allowed him back to dump it all on me blaming me fir everything. I'm not allowed an opinion. Truly awful people 😞
Yes! Great systematic abuse -mosquito analogy.
Absolute lack...in EVERYTHING
Thank you for all the guidance
28 years my marriage life. I live in a orthodox country where people don’t like devorce and blame woman. Now I want to devorce my nurc and cheater husband. My son support me but my daughter and my mother still want I live with my nurc husband. They tell me God will punish him. They don’t think about my life but I have to leave my husband if I want to live.
Thanks for the support, what ever happened to good days bad days? Kidding, no scam on my part, he knows I married him to save my financial ass, somehow he doesn't like hearing that, "It worked didn't it?" Replies she! Xox 🙋🎠 🙃👒
Yes it's a harshiest environment I have been dealt with ...a really deepened statement you used here...I literally came out alive by this Narcissistic abuse by my male partner, this time wherever I am present I'm safe amd secure, UT I have to independently manage all the financial aspects at my present days lives so quite feeling overwhelmed with times stuffs amd battles at my ways...but other then than I am quite feeling happiness and enriching relationships and a quality life arround me
Every single word u said is 💯true 😢
My ex didn’t do some of the things…I.e. I didn’t pick up after him, he did it himself. I asked him not to drink alcohol because of what I went through in my childhood…he absolutely did quit. Most of the other stuff, holy cow! I put up with his crap for less than 10 years, I am pretty strong willed. I remember having an incident with him one night, I was screaming and raging and crying then suddenly stopped…sat on the basement steps, looked at him and said…I’m not doing this anymore…you’re changing my personality…get out (something had made me put this house in my name, I had POA, military spouse, he knew I did it) he looked shocked! Then said…I can’t leave, I have no clean clothes. So I threw him a roll of quarters. He left. Shortly after he got caught in a FBI child pornography scam and we lost everything, we had 7 houses. He lost his military retirement. He was arrested, did 14 years, got out offended in child pornography again. Now is a lifetime resident of Pennsylvania state pen and remarried. What a waste of so many of my years
I recently about a month ago started figuring out that my husband is like this after about 14years of marriage and we have a daughter. So for her sake I started going silent and started working on healing myself. We live in USA and we just came to India for a vacation and my husband created such a big scene in front of my parents putting them in so much stress and pretending to try and fix things and complained about me so much to my parents. I realized that my keeping quiet didn’t go down his system very well. He hated that I could figure my life.
That would be why we aren’t coming back
Mosquito primary good metaphoric example of someone who is complaining or pestering you just to get a reaction out of you so you can get in trouble and they can smile when you're in handcuffs
Painful but that's the truth, i wonder how many people out there keep struggling
Every thought shared by you counts
Exactly 💯 percent correct even with narcissististic parents
Life is tough as an Indian wife who had arranged marriage to a narcissistic person. Just have to die with this . Your videos help me bro. Thank you