Men are ALREADY are obsessed with me. One time these men banged on my door and were like: “ma’am we’re here to arrest you for three counts of wire fraud”. Not only that, they also put HANDCUFFS around my wrists. I was like, we’re not that far into our relationship. They were obsessed Edit: thanks to everyone who helped me figure out that they are toxic. This was a total red flag, I’ll tell them to back off tomorrow. Update: I am currently in solitary confinement. This was not the outcome I was expecting. Kinda kinky if I do say so myself…
guy pickup artists tell guys they need to pretend they're busy... girl pickup artists tell girls to pretend they're busy... the ideal couple NEVER sees each other ever
I don’t want many men to be obsessed with me. I want one man in his right mind to share a loving relationship with. We’ll simultaneously build each other up and hold each other accountable.
This is literally the premise of all good relationships, perhaps most obviously with regards to dating. But people really do be out here making content "about"... "dating"; they're not coming at it from the angle of being interested in people but almost from the mindset of overthinking a sport or a videogame. Waste of their limited time on this earth and almost certainly a waste of any audience's, as well.
Good job youre able to explain the dynamic of a healthy relationship, undoubtedly this notion is universally understood by anybody with an ounce of social awareness. The issue starts with the flawed emotional state of the human mind, irrationality, impulsivity. Sure we may have the idea in spirit but our nature can deny us that in a moments notice.
@@dunkawunka2278So condescending yet also so pessimistic. What happened to you? Guess one day some switch will flip and I'll suddenly hate the girl I've loved the past years. Welp ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's terrifying how these are actual textbook abuse tactics, and some of the people promoting them aren't even afraid to call them manipulative, as if manipulation isn't an awful thing that can cause trauma and long-term damage to a person
I want to have a woman who takes these tik toks seriously and a man who watches the sigma male pages go out on a date. And I want to observe them interacting like I'm Jane Goodall
I like the addendum to "absence makes the heart grow fonder" i think it is from Vsauce with the words "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, just like a fire is nurtured by the wind, but a candle will be blown out" because if someone is testing the waters and instead of showing interest back you ghost them no wonder they got a girlfriend or boyfriend in the meantime.
I genuinely hate how normalized and even romanticized “obsession” is. as someone who gets obsessed very quickly and easily and struggles with overcoming obsessions it’s infuriating. it’s not cute, REAL obsession ruins relationships and makes it hard to live your day to day. very much not fun or dreamy to live with.
Are you familiar with the term 'limerence'? Idk, discovering the concept and being able to name it when experiencing it really helped me. Sincerely hope things get better for you, must've been rough sometimes
I love how men's advice is: stop texting her. women's advice: stop texting him. It's literally a prisoner's dilemna on both ends, trying to figure out who's gonna be the most toxic.
I wonder if these puas, men and women, were the type of people to be more clingy and obsessive with responses which their dates pointed it out. Now they think all the opposite gender is like that when really its people in general.
As a straight(ish) man, the best advice I can give to straight girls is just make it obvious that you're interested. A lot of men are anxious about making a move for various reasons, giving them a clear green light makes our end of things so much easier.
She said it perfectly!!!! The “men’s advice” channels do the exact same thing: “work on yourself, go to the gym, immerse yourself in work and hobbies, invest your money and then the girls will be all over you and you can get a girlfriend” wouldn’t you want your own genuine life (not a contrived one in order to attract someone) so you’re not depending on that eventual relationship for all of your needs in an unhealthy way?
@@vladys5238 it’s the motivation that’s being criticised. You should have hobbies and work on yourself for your own sake. If it’s stuff you only did to attract a partner and you find one, that lack of self-value is still present. It could also lead to feelings of entitlement to relationships, which can be harmful. It could lead to feelings of resentment and disappointment if you don’t meet a partner, undermining the positivity that these improvements should bring to your life. It can undermine your platonic relationships if you are making friends as primarily a means to meeting a partner. The advice to try new hobbies and exercise is good. But the toxic mentality being attached to these things is worthy of the criticism. Not getting away from that toxic mentality can also lead people to fall back into old patterns, potentially, even if they seemed to be doing things that should improve their lives.
Chad Chad's Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss skit/edit lives rent free in my head whenever I hear anyone use those words regardless if it's being used properly or comically 😂
@YourLocalDemon it has a couple different uses based on context I believe. For instance if I hit a chair, that's the affect. The chair falling over is the effect. That's the way I understand it anyway. So in simple terms an affect is an action and the effect is the result of said action.
As someone with ADHD, I can confidently say that texting someone and then not responding for a long period of time is not going to make them obsessed with you. It’s just going to make them annoyed. Be nice and don’t ghost people ❤
When I don't hear a reply back after a couple hours after the date, just to even try to set up another one or to see if they would even be interested in another one. So I give up. I stopped dating because every guy I went out on a date with just ended up ghosting me. I don't know what I do wrong or if I'm just really that disgustingly ugly that no guy could ever find me attractive. It's to the point where even if I find a genuine guy, I wouldn't believe him about his feelings because I would assume he was lying. I was even looking for a friends with benefits situation and still nothing. Which tells me that there is something wrong with me. And I don't know what. I have tried everything from being myself to not being myself. And then to try to get them to talk to me would be impossible! Only one date ever went well and he admitted to me of being a molester. But he was a teenager so it's fine! UGH! And I listened to his story, mostly because I was in shock but also took into consideration that he was being up front and honest. But that's when he said that he was a kid and did that. It wasn't until the end of the dinner when he told me his actual age of 17. But he said that it was because someone molested him and that he didn't know better. I don't know. It just made me feel too uncomfortable and I could NEVER have or even raise children with him after admitting to me how it's ok to sexualize children. I never spoke to him after that. You tell me how you molested your cousin and then say how it's ok to sexualize children because that's the way of the world? NO NO NO! Children are innocent and need to be protected from monsters like him! Ugh, I feel so disgusted even going through the entire date instead of just getting up and walking out. And it was going so well too. The first date I ever had where the guy didn't run off almost immediately from the first site of me. Sorry if this was a little confusing to read, I tried cleaning it up but I'm getting heated again just thinking about him and how disgusting he was!
@@wintermoon7003 A good filter is to date friends of friends, kind of insurance they are not creepy guys like this one (this guy should not be roaming street omg). It seems you are not ready for dates, and that you commit self-sabotage. You describe yourself harshly, and you overanalyze your behaviour - maybe when sitting at the table it's not a dialogue of 2 but 3 persons : You, him and your internal dialogue. This is off-putting like hell ! Take the time - surround yourself with friends that don't want to date you - and the gained confidence will put you in the correct state of mind to not get hurt ! Wish you all the best !
being honest when I say these mindgames and peoples obsession with… obsession completely ruined my last relationship for me. my partner wanted me to be unhealthy obsessed with them and then got upset when i didn’t. remember, it’s not healthy to obsess over people - you should seek for mutual respect and care for one another in a relationship instead of emotional dependency.
On the flip side, I consider it a huge red flag if a guy obsesses over me. Any disregard for my boundaries or display of jealousy is a deal breaker. A person who obsesses over you never really sees you as the human you really are.
Ooof now that you mentioned it I had the same issue with my ex, he wanted me to read his mind and be jealous (yuck) and he cut all ties with all his friends and wanted to spend all his time with me and now I know I was scared of him but then I thought he must be right and I probably just didn’t know how to love
@@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195 My ex did the exact same thing. I think people develop an unhealthy ideal of what a relationship is and get mad when you don’t fit into that ideal they made up.
@@vihmaussivenitaja it mkes me wonder---what eads to this-like some disorders but dont you understand its terribleespecially if you get upset after lie 2 seconds of though-
@@vihmaussivenitaja 100%! Obsession is scary. I'm thinking of men forcing you to stay inside instead of going out with your friends and exes who stalk you when I think of obsession. No sane girl or woman wants that.
Wow,I can’t get enough of your content! My heart is shattered. Losing my 4 year relationship has left me empty and broken. I'm drowning in grief, suffocating under my own despair. My heart is barely beating..
I'm so sorry to hear that. I've been through a similar experience before, and it was a dark time. But a spiritual counselor helped me heal and find peace. Would you like me to connect you with him?
That's so kind of you to offer. I'm desperate for anything that can help me get my ex Yes, please, I'd love to connect with the spiritual counselor. What's the next step?
In Stardew Valley you can give only two presents per week, just like you should text your love interest only twice a year. Gotta keep their water supply dry 😊
Twice a year, gosh they are going to think you are desperate. It's twice every 2 years. In fact don't even text them, just follow them on social media I like their post once every blue moon. That will get their attention for sure!
You text your love interest? No thats being so desperate. You gaslight them into texting you and leave them on read. That's a surefire way to make sure they will always come back
I'll side with the woman in that case, because there is far more sax-trafffffficking than there is fake reddit findom shit but if dumb men want to give their live savings to losers nothing I say will stop them, but I hope women can be convinced not to move to Romania.
As a man, i can confirm that there is literally nothing more appealing to me than being gaslighted, made to feel inferior and never feeling secure in a relationship. Nothing screams "this is the one" like being manipulated 24/7 by the person you rely on the most. Oh, an please make your man a cheese sandwich, cause theese times are particularly rough for men i decided.
"Yes she hit me but I swear there were good parts.... even though she told me there were none and all her happiness was acting and nothings made her more miserable" 🥴
As a woman, same. Isn't it funny how many women and men are advising both our sides to just be incredibly toxic to each other? It's almost like the real division is sincere humans, versus garbage excuses for people who think manipulation is the only way to get a partner.
A quote from a man on a podcast that fits this perfectly, "If you play hard to get, you'll be hard to want." This man has his head on right with this quote. Men want honesty, loyalty, and genuine interest, not this manipulative bullshit. I also came across a guy whose girlfriend started doing this shit to him, so he did back to her and she started crying and begging him to take her back when he broke up with her over it. She told him she had been given bad advice, but he didn't take her back because the relationship was fine until she decided to follow this bullshit, tik tok advice. That is how to lose a man, not make one obsessed with you.
the first guy i ever "dated" was actually obsessed with me and it ended up sending him into a deep depression which he blamed on me. sooo i'd say obsession is not something you wanna strive for
@@wenisdead6829 maybe some introspection into how you treat and communicate with other people would be useful lol . i know theres a lot of dudes out there who get obsessed easily but if its everyone honey ,,, maybe youre the problem
@@wenisdead6829 Honestly i think its also how you treated the guy in the relationship. Usually guys who act like that only act like that because they had sex with the girl and they have no other way of obtaining sex, so they get obsessed with you. Its the guys that have multiple sleeping partners that never get emotionally obsessed with one woman. Literally the only reason why a guy would be obsessed over you is if youre his only form of physical attention, sex, emotional attention, etc. Average men have a really hard time getting sex or just a decent girl, but average women can score a guy that makes six figures. Its been like this all throughout human history all over the whole world.
I hate how some people don't treat obsession as an actual, real problem but more like a "tee hee cute quirk".There were people that were killed by other people that had an obsession for them...
It's for stupid people to flirt with obsession. They seem to use it for infatuation rather than understanding how dark obsession can get. Limerance is similar to obsession but doesn't involve approaching the person in reality. But that is also as destructive.
Also they don't realize how pathetic they are. If you respect the guy so little and he's that stupid, what does it say about you, investing so much time, energy and research into keeping him around?
Yeah, obsession, or another type of unhealthily bond you can have with others... codependency are both seriously horrible things for people to be in. You can have just as much and honestly a lot more passion with healthier forms of desire/love. People see wanting others out of jealousy, envy, or FOMO & just because other's want them as bad for the perpetrator seeking out a relationship with the object of desire in the long term but most people turn a blind eye to obsession & codependent relationships since its a lot more complex & under the surface to understand why its so bad to seek out love stemming from this.
I honestly hate how dating has been made to be like a stupid game to toy with people instead of the actual process of meeting and getting to know all kinds of different people.
guess that's what happens when we don't get therapy and hurt people in the dating process. the hurt people don't want to get hurt again and they also get angry at having been wronged. so they go on to hurt more people in an attempt to keep themselves emotionally safe. and then those people go on to hurt other people.
Same. Like how being able to attract someone is literally called game. It feels like we're all just playing mind tricks on each other and manipulating someone to see you in a specific light. "Don't say this! Say this instead! Do this! Wear this color to attract someone!" I hate how we can't even be genuine anymore. We just act out a script until we're in a relationship long enough to drop the facade. It's very sad.
people are treating relationships like a dating sim nowadays... only acting based on certain rules and not because you want someone to love you for your true self
Idk if a woman I like seems completely disinterested in me I'd get sad and anxious and eventually give up on the relationship, that's not the same as obsession. I'm not going to stick around forever when I'm obviously not wanted. While on the other hand if a woman I like DOES seem really interested and makes me feel confident and happy, I have a HUGE incentive to do the same for her to lift her up too, and to try and keep the relationship going since I'd have the impression that things are going great for both of us.
@@lefu87williford55 I know they mean something like that but it's just funny to see the word obsession being thrown around. I wouldn't go out of my way to hate on someone who does it but it makes me giggle
Yeah, obsession in the literal sense tends to be creepy, traumatizing, and if you're really unlucky it can culminate in violent crime. I know that's not what they're talking about (not to say the stuff they are talking about is healthy or okay), but I was kind of uncomfortable with that term being used.
To all girls reading this: Show him you're interested, tell him you like him and show him that you care. (Also make sure he treats you with kindness and respect)
As a guy, yes!! Thank you! And especially as someone on the autism spectrum, thank you! I’m so sick of people playing games and making things so complicated
@@robertbeisert3315lol as a guy I have seen no denographic as thick headed as women. I've asked a girl on a date, been invited to her apartment, danced with her and then witnessed her shock at my making a move. I've had all her friends telling a girl I liked her because it was so obvious and her still not believing it. My friends' anecdotes are even wilder. I'm sorry, this is not a gender thing
To make men obsessed with me, I don’t use my hand to pick up my drink at all. I just bite the rim of the cup and tilt my head back to drink. Works like a charm.
tbh this would make me ‘obsessed’ with someone if I saw them doing this, not in a romantic way just I would Have to be that persons friend lmfao ask them if they’re okay hdjdjsjs
I feel my sanity drop to 0 watching these TikToks. It puts everything into perspective. It feels like everything is so much clearer now. It feels like I don't have to worry so much. So strange that I've come to this realization watching someone react to the dumbest shit I've ever seen oml
The first time I heard about these techniques was in a self defense class, and it was a very serious topic that we were taught to catch early on in relationships- the fact that this information is so casually being spread around and encouraged is insane. Also, as someone who does obsess very easily and has had multiple very painful relationships due to people not responding, I hate that that’s being advertised as okay😭
Well self defense is keeping yourself safe, yes that can include fighting in cas e you are in danger, but you also have to recognize WHEN you are in danger or when a situation has the potential to get dangerous. As well as keeping yourself safe mentally and emotionally- abuse and assault statistically happens the most on relationships with people you trust like family friends and partners, so part of self defense is being able to recognize when someone is a person you have to defend yourself from: ie people you are in a relationship with that are using textbook manipulation tactics on you.
@@on_spikes6867 some of these strategies can be used to detect major red flags early on…although i believe that the technique on itself is looking for behavior like the one these tiktoks are encouraging, not doing it yourself cause obviously it’s a bad thing
Women are taught to: 1) Manipulate men 2) Hate men (like we’re supposed to be fragile, evil, earn more for less work, toxic masculine etc. etc.) If course you’ll cause women to turn bisexual or just hate men because they cannot stand us except by being manipulative. The last thing women need is more manipulation skills.
The desert metaphor that person was talking about is lovebombing, which is used to manipulate people in abusive relationships. People will basically manipulate their partner to be excited about any little tidbit of affection, so that it’s easier to win them back over when they’re being abused. Just the smallest bit of affection makes the person feel like they’re getting to return to the start of the relationship when they were with this seemingly perfect person who made them feel like royalty. It’s one of the most common techniques that abusers use, and it’s awful that people are teaching people on the internet (probably mostly teens) how to do it.
@@lorayjay7125 ding ding ding. thus is narcissistic behaviour. both men and women are capable of behaving this toxic but this is more of the female version of this.
It’s funny because people associate love bombing with BPD, but as someone with it, I can’t even imagine doing it because I feel so genuinely for the people I care about and always try to do my best to make them feel as good as possible. Whereas my mom, who is a narcissist (and the reason why I have BPD lmao) is the master of love bombing.
I was raised to be wary of compliments since nobody in my family compliments each other so I have a huge contempt for ppl that do it to me unless it’s like super sincere and there’s a logical reason behind it
I once dated someone that was treated badly by his mother and he felt uncomfortable with my kindness, for him it was some sortof 'silence before the storm.' One day I complimented him on working out a lot and he said; 'No, you're supposed to tell me that I have to do better. You have to be more strict with me.' I said; 'Why is that my job, I'm not your coach..'and he said; 'No, but you are my girlfriend. I want you to tell me to stop eating certain unhealthy -fast- foods and tell me to work out more.' So I said; 'Well, I don't mind motivating you, so..alright...what do you say we stop buying those chicken-and-saté-packages for the microwave?' He said; 'You can't tell me what to do!' I said; 'But you just-' He screamed; 'Don't tell me how to live my life!' and ran to the fridge to demonstratively eat the chicken right in front of my face. So, in hindsight, I think he was being rebellious to be able to overcome the lack of rebel-situations in his past with his mom. It wasn't the weirdest moment in our relationship and not the only moment he confused me with his mother, sadly. I hope he found a way (without damaging others) to move past this, like *Therapy.*
how to make someone obsessed with you: 1) emotionally manipulate them into being obsessed with you or are too scared to not pretend to be obsessed with you 2) blackmail them into dating you 3) commit tax fraud
how to make your crush obsessed with you 1. be really nice to them 2. make them laugh 3. have them enjoy spending time with you 4. don’t pressure them into a relationship, if they reciprocate then cool! otherwise you’ve just made a really great friend which is also awesome
As a disabled male who has never been loved by a woman in capitalism because of the profit motive, I can tell you easily that it is like this: 1. Be rich. 2. Be rich. 3. Be rich. 4. Be rich. 5. Oh, and be famous. Because I know dozens of disabled males in my 34 years and the only two that got married are the two that got somewhat decent full time jobs somehow. Oh, and their wives DEFINITELY don't respect them.
If someone I liked started ignoring me, I would most likely and subconsciously start distancing myself from them and cease contact altogether. It wouldn't make me obsessed, just confused and sad, but I would eventually move on. Speaking from experience.
Yeah same. I've had phenomenal role models in my parents and friends, so when a girl starts to play these games I feel disgusted and amused at the same time at her cruel naivete. Occasionally, one slips by and I realize later than I would have liked, then a short period of confusion and sadness follows and I say adios
Yup. I’d abort mission immediately. I think I chased one or two guys back in my early 20s who played these mind games, & it sucked. A lot. It made me feel like shit. So I stopped thinking “mind games=solid relationship potential”. The last guy who tried that, by the time he eventually called me again, I’d started seeing a guy who actually ACTED like he liked me, & didn’t play games.
yeah, I'd feel like I must've done something wrong or upset them, or that I'm too annoying and too much for them, if they ignored my I'd start distancing myself as well, no matter how much I love someone I couldn't handle that happening repeatedly lmao
I think the most concerning part of trends like this is the inability to distinguish between "interest" and "obsession." People THINK they want someone to be obsessed with them until that person demands attention constantly, begins overstepping boundaries, and/or goes to extremes, like potentially endangering them or their families to secure a place in their life. Obsession is not love. It is ugly and destructive, and I hate to imagine people who just want a companion ultimately putting themselves in harm's way because someone terribly misinformed them. And on the other hand, people who flock to those who manipulate them aren't in love, they're desperate for any form of acceptance, no matter how conditional. Tell people you care about them. Make plans with them. Listen to their interests. Be there for them! It's not a form of "weakness" to express interest- it's love.
Its definitely from the lack of attention and validation growing up. I feel bad for them and hope they are able to work through these issues and have those needs fulfilled (in a healthy way of course).
Finally, someone that understands the difference between love and obsession. It's not going to be nice once he gets aggressive, overprotective, incredibly jealous, and when he is more worried about you looking at another guy, than actually giving you attention.
A girl I once dated showered me with compliments, made the first move, texted me constantly, and told me she liked me. We're now engaged and have a son.
I’m a guy & I’ve never seen this channel but you’re hilarious. So glad I found a woman who isn’t afraid to express how she feels honestly & vulnerably. I do the same for her. Just feels right & so much better to not play games. Some people just love the drama.
Cults also do this. It makes you feel like you're the one who is doing something wrong. Lile you just need to try harder for someone who doesn't care about you.
psychologically speaking, they hook you then become just out of reach so you try harder, think of them more, try and 'figure it out', and then when they come back it's all good and you feel relief and then they start the cycle again. (when it's intentional) narcissists will do this, but you also get it from people who don't know what they want and also emotionally unavailable people. pretty much it's a universal red flag.
As a 6'11 man with a six figure income, multiple time consuming and dangerous hobbies, my own cult sized friend group, warrants for my arrest in three states, and a very cute dog I can attest to how accurate all these quick tips are!
Chad Chad hits the spot when she says "stop overcomplicating things... there's too many rules", like, I'm autistic and I'm already perplexed at the superfluos amount of implicit rules of every single social interaction. Also, I think overcomplicating things for the sake of it has a name, it's called being neurotic.
as another autistic person, I kinda like rules because otherwise i feel like i don’t know what i’m supposed to do😫 except for the fact that you’re supposed to just know all these “rules” without anyone ever telling you what they are😔
@@rawrostar Guattari being my uncle is more like a joke but also intellectual heritage /jk ... but yeah, noticing how dumb it is has helped a lot to stop feeling awkward at social situations hahaha
The nervous laughter some of us experienced while ChadChad overanalyzed how to stand because it brought back memories we wish we could forget. That shit hit for real.
a solid relationship is built on a solid friendship! kissing and spooning is great, but all the romantic stuff is spoilt when you aren't even good for each other platonically. people put dating on such a high horse, such an expectation to find 'the one' that they forget it should happen naturally!
oh, so I shouldn't be worried about the fact I still sometimes accidentally call my partner "friend" and we barely talk romantically? alright, cool :) for a second i thought i was confusing platonic love for romantic love since everyone seems to always be showing that if you have a partner you *have* to flirt with them
As a psychology student I can confirm the last one is true, all 4 years of education we have learned how to hold pens, glasses and other stuff too😌 Our teachers even know how to hold books😲 I hope to be like them one day🥺
The fact that all these tiktok creators promote abusive and manipulative “dating advice” worries me about how many teens and young adults are going to take it at face value and actually apply it to their real-life love lives.
yeah I actually see it a lot. I was a high school senior when tiktok was first getting really big and I remember the freshmen unironically acting like this
don't worry Lydia, you sound like an awful insufferable person that i wouldnt want to be around to begin with! So don't break your back fending off men is what i am saying. Good day!
as someone with bpd this entire thing makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is all stuff we are so frequently accused of "doing" or villainized for "doing" (even when we dont) and it's all of a sudden framed as positive and cool when it's anything but. ugh. i struggle a lot to be a good person because of these types of accusations, and when someone is actively pressing these as normal, it's so harmful.
to be fair, not all people with BPD are the same and some *do* do these things. i suspect it might be a lot of folks that have Narc traits or full blown narcissistic PD. try to just remember, though you have BPD, you are not the face of the condition, it has a lot of varying expressions and some people's experiences come from expressions quite unlike yours. so try and separate it in your head that their complaints are not something you are responsible for. if you try and be a good person, and you treat people pretty good, people will accept that and will also learn that BPD has a lot of variations. you know? my ex has it, and NARC. there were really good moments and really terrible ones too. ultimately, an ability for self reflection and working on yourself is key. it's key for everyone. therapy is helpful for just about everyone. anyway, i wish you well. keep fighting the good fight. (i know bpd is rough to have, as well.)
Man, thats a tough nut to crack with BPD. I don't care if she's a supermodel with nymphomania, soon as I get an inckling theres BPD involved I head for the hills, change my number, block her everything, leave town, and dye my hair. Anything to get as far away as possible. Gotten tormented by personality disorder people enough in life and the BDPs might be the worst of them all. No offense of course.
8:24 I know we’re all having fun here but I’m pretty sure this lady’s “pleasure/pain” system is also know as ‘love bombing’ and is an emotional abuse tactic.
oh my god I didn't know what you meant until a few moments after reading this comment I saw that lady in the video and you're so right, she absolutely is talking about love bombing and I know it's something sociopaths do for example
Thank you for this honestly. As someone who grew up in an abusive household I internalized a lot of toxic traits from my parents and never really knew what was "normal" or healthy. I think today's culture normalizes many of those toxic immature traits and for me makes them harder to unlearn.
Cishetetonomitive conditioning makes us see relationships as a zero-sum conflict. You wouldn't be with someone if you didn't want affection from them, but letting them know that gives them power over you. If you withhold affection from them, you can get them to work harder for the slightest hint that you might reciprocate just a little.
@@snkybrki No idea what cishetetonomitive conditioning is because cishetetonomitive (cisheteronormative?) isn't a word, but what I got from the second part is that even though everyone wants affection in a relationship, if you let the other know then you give them power. I suppose, because affection is something that they can choose to give to you or not. But if you don't give them any affection, they'll work harder because they want to be shown affection, and they'd think that the only reason you wouldn't show them affection is because they weren't working hard enough. In summary, don't let the other person know that you want their affection otherwise they'll know that they have power over something you want, and purposely don't give them any affection so that they'll work harder to please you, I think?? I don't know, I think I might've made it worse. Ah.
@@lefu87williford55 I think(?) you’re making a good point, but it’s hard to tell when you talk like that. Stop speaking in riddles and say it in a way the world will understand, if you actually want people to
Normally those who latch on to those frivolous labels are the ones who truly lack a sense of self so they look for it in tropes such as “that girl” or “dark feminine” etc Like girl you dont need to fit into an aesthetic to have an identity, love
Yes! As someone who took way too long to realise I was ace, the best advice I'd always give to someone who's feeling down because they get rejected/can't find someone is: forget partners for a bit, enjoy life, get hobbies, but do it for you. Better to be a fulfilled person except for a partner, than have a relationship be the only thing you've got going on. And maybe, if you're like me, you'll realise the problem wasn't that you couldn't make relationships work, it was that you were unhappy and thought a relationship would fix it, but you hated being in relationships, so you were torturing yourself.
@@lefu87williford55 it's not about waiting until you're perfect until you start a relationship, it's about working on yourself for your own sake. If you aren't happy by yourself outside of a relationship, you won't be happy in a relationship, that's what I didn't get for a long time. To quote Rupaul: "if you can't love yourself, how the hell can you love someone else"
@@lefu87williford55 that's... a little bit of projection, I think. No one was saying to ignore current boyfriends, i said if you're obsessed with how to get a partner, maybe work on yourself first, but don't do it for in order to get a partner, do it for yourself. And yes, people love people with self esteem issues, but self esteem issues aren't solved by being loved.
Год назад+213
I flirt like in the Sims 😂 "compliment their appearance" "ask if single" "deep conversation" "tell funny story" "compliment their appearance" "flirt" "flirt" "get to know" "flirt" and boom!! Now let's get married and woohoo!!! 🤣🤣🤣
@@sillypotato53 Gaslight✨Gatekeep⛓Girlboss💅 That was obviously a joke! By the way, I'm glad OP knows what's best for them. We all need some love, respect and honesty in our lives, don't we?
As someone who gets obsessed very easily, trust me girly you *do not* want someone thinking about you 24/7 until it hurts both them and you. It's not cute, it hurts lmao
when you say "obsessed", do you mean romantically or just in any way? Also, theoretically, there would be nothing wrong with you and the other person to spend all your waking time together. i understand that this is a highly unlikely scenario but it is technically possible for a human to exist who is also obsessed with you in the same way In that hypothetical case, it would be fine. Probably great even because, i assume, you must be capable of emotions way more intense than the ones i feel. Can i ask, what makes you obsessed with those specific humans? Feel free to not reply if i was too "intrusive" btw, sorry if i was
@@xancer. Thank you for replying is it possible to force oneself to be passionate about something? are you passionate? why? what makes someone or something special to the point where constant interaction doesnt become increasingly dull? or it does and thats why some people can just "get bored" of their so-called partner?
@@strangeclaims well the thing about passion is you aren’t guaranteed to feel it forever. i personally believe a strong relationship is built on trust and commitment more than anything. relationships aren’t just about how you feel in the moment. it’s what you do when you aren’t feeling super passionate that proves how strong the relationship is. people who leave because they’re “bored” aren’t ready for long term relationships. they should be romantic friendships more than anything and if you look at it that way it makes no sense to be obsessed with your friends and family or loved ones.
my mom once told me that love and dating should be easy. she told me that when she met my dad it was easy, there were no games involved and they quickly got married and still are too this day. no it’s never perfect but they truly love each other. social medias new way of love is just horrible, as someone who’s been through the whole being talked to a lot then being ignored it’s really mentally exhausting and as someone who’s extra sensitive it makes you feel horrible. if you truly like or even love someone don’t make it hard, don’t play games, make it easy on them and you’ll more than likely have a better relationship. not saying there’s a 100% chance but having a non-toxic relationship is so much better
I recently went through a tough breakup. My 7 year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been really hard for me. I still love my ex so much and can't stop thinking about him. I've tried everything to win him back, but nothing has worked. It's frustrating, and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I've been trying to move on, but I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I know it might sound strange to share this here, but I miss him a lot and just can't stop thinking about him.
I understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar situation when my 12 year relationship ended. I couldn't just let him go, so I did everything I could to win him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, and their guidance ultimately helped me to bring him back into my life.
I don't like that way of thinking, it implies that people that can't find relationships have some sort of moral or personality fatal flaw that makes it impossible for them to be in a relationship. Life is fucked up, sometimes you can be the kindest person that has ever existed and never feel loved by anyone in your entire existence.
I had a housemate who got so obsessed with me she asked to be my girlfriend 20 times, and when I moved out, she called the police and told them I'd stolen a bunch of her stuff. Anyway turns out the way to get girls OBSESSED with you is to wander around with a vacant expression, visibly scratching your junk
It also works if you are her age just walking around on valentines day in a quiet neighbourhood going a usual route, i suggest you start avoiding the area you find your first stalker in afterwards.
@Smileman-rq7zk congratulations. You tried to make a stranger who've done nothing bad to you feel bad about themselves. You can now sit in front of the mirror and smile at yourself while trying to forget how insecure and bitter you are.
@Smileman indeed they won't obsessed with her, because they will love her the healthy and heartfelt manner that she deserves. That doesn't seem to be your fate though, a bad personality isn't attractive ❤
I relate so much to the part at 9:41 that sometimes I don’t know how to walk normally. I’ve even heard someone ask “Why are you walking like that?” And it just made my heart sink 😭
The ones that basically tell you to have your own life aren't that bad. There is worse advice you could give a teenage girl who doesn't like herself and thinks her self worth is dependent on a man than "You should have friends and interests independent of any romantic relationship."
@@spiritualsnail1584 Does it though? Straight girls want boyfriends, that's just how it works lmao, yes they want to know how to make that happen. 💀 If anything it's a direct counter to the toxic "sexual competition" narrative that a lot of people spread. Like, nobody really even implied that having a boyfriend was the source of worth, they said self worth is the source of a boyfriend, which is inarguably true.
@@spiritualsnail1584 eh, depending on who's watching, that might be the best way to get through to a kid. Some young teens get really obsessed with being in a relationship and can't let it go. I don't think it's the best message, but there are worse things than tricking teenage girls into pursuing their interests and building healthy friendships.
@@Kfroguari dont know if the intention of that woman was to trick little girls into becoming independent. Thats a huge assumption. Ive met people like that and they genuinely want to make themselves appear interesting and wanted (thus they create a social group fawning over them) in order to attract more admirers. They dont even hide this, a girl i met and got close with literally told me she did this and that she just life hacked “men”. Of course this is also my own assumption but given that those women in the videos live off off date coaching and tutorials on how to make men obsessed with u im gonna say my assumption seems closer to reality
@@meli1872 I'd still say it's on the more harmless end of online dating advice. Getting hobbies, friends, a career, interests, make it more likely that the person will end up at the "I don't actually need a romantic partner to be fulfilled and happy" conclusion independently
Personally I think this is a big win for feminism, since all of these tiktok accounts prove that not only men but also women can recieve dogshit dating advice from psychos online.
And they're strangely similar. Same love bombing, same creeping touch, same push-pull strategies. They even use the same lingo. "High quality" men are seeking "high quality" women and vice versa. Thankfully I don't belong to either group so I'm safe from them
Finally someone is mocking this "be interesting by acting uninterested" garbage. Seriously. Met way too many women who acted incredibly rude only to then turn around and confess their crush when drunk. As if them being friendly somehow makes us think less of them ..
Men do it as much as women. Which is odd to me. For centuries women were taught that being passive was feminine and men naturally take the lead. But men never were told that. It wasn't charming when women did it so why do men think it's gonna work for them.
@@acegikm Absolutely not. Hard disagree. Also - men do naturally take the lead. We knew all that for generations and it worked pretty fine. Problem is that in our cultural climate, we are shamed and punished for it, yet women still rely on us risking rejection because they themselves tend to be too afraid. It's not an accident that this generation is the most self-sexualizing, yet the one having the least amount of sex. It's a bed women make themselves. A bit late to complain about that and also a bit lame.
expressing your feelings openly is a vulnerable position to put yourself in, people act this way to protect themselves from the pain of potential rejection. it's not a good strategy, social interaction always comes with a risk, but this behaviour has its reasoning behind it
@@acegikm I don't think that most men who do that do it to be manipulative. It's probably more to protect our egos or the stability of a friendship by not "letting the cat out of the bag." Personally, I'd rather just assume that my infatuation is unrequited than deal with the messiness and pain of my feelings making someone else uncomfortable.
Maybe I’m just autistic, but dating doesn’t seem that hard? I picked a cute person who made me happy, and then I was nice to her and did my best to make her happy. Five years later we’re going on our second wedding anniversary.
Good for you, but you just got extremely lucky, and I can't even emphasize how lucky. I did the same with ~9 girls now and still no luck. Try a lottery next time
@@jirivlk9862 maybe some self-reflection is in order. What went wrong? Were your values not aligned? What did they say about why the relationship ended? Why do you think the relationship ended?
Wow! So lucky. That’s awesome. For some people tho, they want to have passion, not just think they’re cute, but tho k they’re a literal goddess in looks… why am I saying this. I want someone who actually likes me.
As a man, I can say with 100% certainty that there's nothing more attractive to a guy than feeling insecure in a relationship, wondering if his interest is reciprocated, there's nothing better. 👌👌👌
Yeah you,d think it'd be clear that people wouldn't want something done to them that you don't want done to you: AND YET..... Lots of so-called coaches out there, making TONS of money off of dudes' backs. Guess logic isn't their F forte, huh!
I appreciate that chad recognizes the effort. I have to scroll through all videos in existence before selecting this one. Each day I wake up dreading my role
@@conquistadorrocket well my advice here is generally to seem less insecure you need to hold the water bottle upside down yell ooogaaaa boogaaa and like beat pacman then any man Will be instantly obsessed with you
Now I think about it, wouldn't a sexier way to hold a cup be at the bottom, with pinkie finger underneath? She was holding it normally both times and I couldn't tell the difference.
7:15 As a man, I can say this is sadly true. It's one of what makes our life so difficult. I mean like goddamn, you can't imagine how many times I've fallen in love with random people just because I eat their handmade food! I can't even go to restaurants and haven't touched grass in 30 years because my parents always buy me food from local shops!!
@@hanatemonstas4485I was gonna argue, but then I looked up the definition and you’re right. Love is “an intense feeling of deep attraction” and while, yes, obsession could fit that, it’s still not good to be obsessed with ANYONE. It’s not good love. No one should be obsessed to a toxic extent.
How to make a man or maiden or enchanting mystical unfathomable being be obsessed with you: 1.Dont listen to alpha males 2.Dont listen to tiktok 3.Watch Chad Chad
It melts my icy heart to see menstrual cups as sponsors, it means they’re finally mainstream. I’ve been using them since 2010 and I had to buy it on eBay because they didn’t sell them anywhere else.
@@absolutelyridiculous6743 that's okay, they look enormous but the new ones are very very flexible and can become as small as a tampon. The original one I used was very stiff and was _not easy_ to use. There's so many to choose from these days that are very friendly, just make sure it's medical grade silicone :) I take magnesium to reduce menstrual cramps during my period, along with a menstrual cup, I barely notice my period anymore.
Hey, this might sound weird, but I am obsessed with your stylization of representing humor, especially amongst a female commentator because most of them are not funny as you and you are fucking hilarious. I am fascinated with you and how you function because you do it such a high level it’s awesome fucking keep it up girl you’re killing it!
I’m now in therapy bc my extremely toxic ex did some of these things but ookkaayy. Literally made my self confidence drop to negative and I now have to rebuild it from basically scratch. Thanks for calling out these behaviors because they are not okay in any form and risk causing long term damage to your partner.
I was talking with my ‘friends’ today about how I just want a pure love, no obsession, no desire, just innocent feelings. They just told me that that’s not how life works and a relationship like that isn’t really possible. So… I guess i’ll just be single forever and buy a cat.
The way you put friends in quotations is telling. They gave you the honest truth and now you're questioning the relationship you have with them... Your ideals of love and your reaction to reality is juvenile, you really ought to stay single
The comment above is really unnecessarily mean. Just because you haven’t experienced romance like that doesn’t mean the person is juvenile for wanting it. And if the friends’ only argument for why it’s not possible is “that’s not how the world works” then it’s clearly not a strong one. People have said that for many things, including women’s rights to vote a century ago, and clearly they were wrong. It’s concerning that so many people think that genuine love is impossible in romantic relationships, someone isn’t wrong for desiring a healthy loving relationship
@@Izzy-er4cl a healthy relationship doesn't consist of "innocent feelings" like a teenage crush... life is full of struggle and sacrifice and the way we overcome those difficulties is what makes us stronger and closer as couples. You sound like your 15 too lol
@@zackmatulis4094 Their friends didn’t give them the “honest truth” because it’s simply not true. How many people exactly do you think live on earth? How about a country? And you’re really trying to tell me you’re convinced there’s not a *single* *other* *person* who desires the same kind of romance OP does? If so, I wouldn’t go around calling other people juvenile when you have such a childish mentality yourself. You just sound butthurt that someone else wants a kind of relationship that you personally find unappealing. Grow up.
The phrase “girlbossify manipulation” is now part of my vernacular. Thank you ChadChad for your service, you brave Modern Day Knight TM of the internet
why do you never pin any comments
Got their ass
Skill issue
Yeah, why?
Yeah, why?
@@daniellecandy4426what
Men are ALREADY are obsessed with me. One time these men banged on my door and were like: “ma’am we’re here to arrest you for three counts of wire fraud”. Not only that, they also put HANDCUFFS around my wrists. I was like, we’re not that far into our relationship. They were obsessed
Edit: thanks to everyone who helped me figure out that they are toxic. This was a total red flag, I’ll tell them to back off tomorrow.
Update: I am currently in solitary confinement. This was not the outcome I was expecting. Kinda kinky if I do say so myself…
Omg. And they didn't even buy you dinner first? RUDE
@@Garsnoos ikr, so obsessive
Omgg they need to slow down lol
Oh my god, so obsessed with you, girl. Did they get a cage for you too? Lol.
Yass queen! Slay...from prison. I heard those shanks are lethal. Slayyy!
guy pickup artists tell guys they need to pretend they're busy... girl pickup artists tell girls to pretend they're busy... the ideal couple NEVER sees each other ever
😂
Why get to know each other when you can just avoid looking at them with work
Grind baby, you are in it to be a boss not a bosom mate.
I guess I've been in a comited relationship for years now huh
ive been married for 69 years and i still dont know who im married to
@@SigFigNewton thank you!
as a person who was beaten away from chad chad with her stick, i can confirm that there are lots of people obsessed with her
omg i was there too! i was the one grabbing onto chad chad’s leg
* bonk *
She gave me a black eye w the stick... ill cherish it forever
Can also confirm! My cousin was the stick
And that lots of lube is required.
I don’t want many men to be obsessed with me. I want one man in his right mind to share a loving relationship with. We’ll simultaneously build each other up and hold each other accountable.
What the heck. You don't want the unhinged thing? That's crazy!
This is literally the premise of all good relationships, perhaps most obviously with regards to dating.
But people really do be out here making content "about"... "dating"; they're not coming at it from the angle of being interested in people but almost from the mindset of overthinking a sport or a videogame.
Waste of their limited time on this earth and almost certainly a waste of any audience's, as well.
Good job youre able to explain the dynamic of a healthy relationship, undoubtedly this notion is universally understood by anybody with an ounce of social awareness. The issue starts with the flawed emotional state of the human mind, irrationality, impulsivity. Sure we may have the idea in spirit but our nature can deny us that in a moments notice.
@@dunkawunka2278So condescending yet also so pessimistic. What happened to you? Guess one day some switch will flip and I'll suddenly hate the girl I've loved the past years. Welp ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
idk, sounds toxic to me
It's terrifying how these are actual textbook abuse tactics, and some of the people promoting them aren't even afraid to call them manipulative, as if manipulation isn't an awful thing that can cause trauma and long-term damage to a person
Yeah that whole please and pain one where she starts it by saying “this is manipulative “ that woman is a whole fucking abuser
LOUDER FOR EVERYONE!
Social media has normalized it and made it something to be proud of. It's so cringe.
I was thinking the same thing!! That clip from 8:03 especially :(
just your average alpha behavior
I never thought I’d hear Chad Chad tell me that my existential dread and loneliness is…. a skill issue
HA
It really is a skill issue
just need a better gaming chair.
sounds like her tbh
Adjective
-relating to existence.
"the climate crisis is an existential threat to the world"
😳
I want to have a woman who takes these tik toks seriously and a man who watches the sigma male pages go out on a date. And I want to observe them interacting like I'm Jane Goodall
Someone needs to make a show about this
Oh it would be so painfull to watch but the internet loves pain so it would sell for sure
I would pay to help fund this study.
I would pay big bucks for the chaos it ensues
This would make an interesting social experiment ngl
I like the addendum to "absence makes the heart grow fonder" i think it is from Vsauce with the words "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, just like a fire is nurtured by the wind, but a candle will be blown out" because if someone is testing the waters and instead of showing interest back you ghost them no wonder they got a girlfriend or boyfriend in the meantime.
Is Vsauce Hall or Oates?
I genuinely hate how normalized and even romanticized “obsession” is. as someone who gets obsessed very quickly and easily and struggles with overcoming obsessions it’s infuriating. it’s not cute, REAL obsession ruins relationships and makes it hard to live your day to day. very much not fun or dreamy to live with.
Are you familiar with the term 'limerence'? Idk, discovering the concept and being able to name it when experiencing it really helped me. Sincerely hope things get better for you, must've been rough sometimes
I had the same issue and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for BPD really helped. Wishing you well ❤
@@NWednesdayQuansah amen!
It's like how being a "stan" has been normalized despite it originally meaning an obsessed fanatic
@@averagepollinator I'm not the original commenter, but I just looked up limerence thanks to you. I gotta say it's incredibly enlightening!
"You're not allowed to girl-bossify manipulation" is the best statement I've heard in a year
624 likes and no comments-
Waiting for something?
@@Mitochondrialoi yeah, my takeout.
I love how men's advice is: stop texting her.
women's advice: stop texting him.
It's literally a prisoner's dilemna on both ends, trying to figure out who's gonna be the most toxic.
@Smileman-rq7zkyou do
I wonder if these puas, men and women, were the type of people to be more clingy and obsessive with responses which their dates pointed it out. Now they think all the opposite gender is like that when really its people in general.
@@hanatemonstas4485
That's true, men say women cheat and women say men cheat.
Truth is both gender cheat xd
That why social media doomed lots of potentially amazing relationships ,end of class ,enjoy your breaks,
That’s straight couples.
As a straight(ish) man, the best advice I can give to straight girls is just make it obvious that you're interested. A lot of men are anxious about making a move for various reasons, giving them a clear green light makes our end of things so much easier.
All they need to do is smile and say hello to me.
@@cgsec2275 You lot are a bunch of simps. Real men over-analyse how they hold a plastic cup.
ish is wild but same
fym "ish" 💀
Or even better - just make the move yourself.
She said it perfectly!!!! The “men’s advice” channels do the exact same thing: “work on yourself, go to the gym, immerse yourself in work and hobbies, invest your money and then the girls will be all over you and you can get a girlfriend” wouldn’t you want your own genuine life (not a contrived one in order to attract someone) so you’re not depending on that eventual relationship for all of your needs in an unhealthy way?
No woman anywhere wants a fat guy with no money.
It's weird how so many people in the comments section don't see this as a problem.
tbh for many depressed or anxious people trying out new hobbies and exercise is not bad advice even if the motivation is misguided
@@vladys5238 it’s the motivation that’s being criticised. You should have hobbies and work on yourself for your own sake. If it’s stuff you only did to attract a partner and you find one, that lack of self-value is still present. It could also lead to feelings of entitlement to relationships, which can be harmful. It could lead to feelings of resentment and disappointment if you don’t meet a partner, undermining the positivity that these improvements should bring to your life. It can undermine your platonic relationships if you are making friends as primarily a means to meeting a partner. The advice to try new hobbies and exercise is good. But the toxic mentality being attached to these things is worthy of the criticism. Not getting away from that toxic mentality can also lead people to fall back into old patterns, potentially, even if they seemed to be doing things that should improve their lives.
Exactly! If a relationship happens, it should happen unexpectedly, no matter how it happens (thru friends, as friends, or whatever, man)
As a heterosexual male, ive been looking for this information for YEARS
Gotta know either way
I'm a lesbian😂
Same
understandable
as a lesbian, SAME DUDE
Same, all the men keep running away from me
“Obsession is not love” THANK YOU! So so many people need to hear that.
Agreed!!
But We Probs Need Both In Life
@@Ilikemeself bro has a killing stalking pfp and a yandere sim username, ofc you'd say that 💀
@@ohno8064 No,Like actually,Obsession is a need as well as love,For me at least,But I'm the one obsessing
@@Ilikemeself honey, obsessing isn't a good thing, like I'd go far enough to say it's a bad one actually
Chad Chad's Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss skit/edit lives rent free in my head whenever I hear anyone use those words regardless if it's being used properly or comically 😂
simply calling your loneliness and misery a ‘skill issue’ is the most affective coping mechanism I’ve ever heard of. Bless you, Chad chad
Wouldn't this be "effective"?
@@CovertCrow I think they're referencing a psych term cuz I've only heard it in that context
@@CovertCrow "affective" means relating to emotions, while "effective" means producing a desired result. So yes the correct word would be effective
@@luzdani11 oh dang I never knew there was a difference
@YourLocalDemon it has a couple different uses based on context I believe. For instance if I hit a chair, that's the affect. The chair falling over is the effect. That's the way I understand it anyway. So in simple terms an affect is an action and the effect is the result of said action.
As someone with ADHD, I can confidently say that texting someone and then not responding for a long period of time is not going to make them obsessed with you. It’s just going to make them annoyed. Be nice and don’t ghost people ❤
Feeling called out but also agreeing lol
When I don't hear a reply back after a couple hours after the date, just to even try to set up another one or to see if they would even be interested in another one. So I give up. I stopped dating because every guy I went out on a date with just ended up ghosting me. I don't know what I do wrong or if I'm just really that disgustingly ugly that no guy could ever find me attractive. It's to the point where even if I find a genuine guy, I wouldn't believe him about his feelings because I would assume he was lying. I was even looking for a friends with benefits situation and still nothing. Which tells me that there is something wrong with me. And I don't know what. I have tried everything from being myself to not being myself. And then to try to get them to talk to me would be impossible! Only one date ever went well and he admitted to me of being a molester. But he was a teenager so it's fine! UGH! And I listened to his story, mostly because I was in shock but also took into consideration that he was being up front and honest. But that's when he said that he was a kid and did that. It wasn't until the end of the dinner when he told me his actual age of 17. But he said that it was because someone molested him and that he didn't know better. I don't know. It just made me feel too uncomfortable and I could NEVER have or even raise children with him after admitting to me how it's ok to sexualize children. I never spoke to him after that. You tell me how you molested your cousin and then say how it's ok to sexualize children because that's the way of the world? NO NO NO! Children are innocent and need to be protected from monsters like him! Ugh, I feel so disgusted even going through the entire date instead of just getting up and walking out. And it was going so well too. The first date I ever had where the guy didn't run off almost immediately from the first site of me. Sorry if this was a little confusing to read, I tried cleaning it up but I'm getting heated again just thinking about him and how disgusting he was!
@@wintermoon7003 A good filter is to date friends of friends, kind of insurance they are not creepy guys like this one (this guy should not be roaming street omg). It seems you are not ready for dates, and that you commit self-sabotage. You describe yourself harshly, and you overanalyze your behaviour - maybe when sitting at the table it's not a dialogue of 2 but 3 persons : You, him and your internal dialogue. This is off-putting like hell !
Take the time - surround yourself with friends that don't want to date you - and the gained confidence will put you in the correct state of mind to not get hurt ! Wish you all the best !
Hahahaha you have adhd
I didnt sign up for a call out today
being honest when I say these mindgames and peoples obsession with… obsession completely ruined my last relationship for me. my partner wanted me to be unhealthy obsessed with them and then got upset when i didn’t.
remember, it’s not healthy to obsess over people - you should seek for mutual respect and care for one another in a relationship instead of emotional dependency.
On the flip side, I consider it a huge red flag if a guy obsesses over me. Any disregard for my boundaries or display of jealousy is a deal breaker. A person who obsesses over you never really sees you as the human you really are.
Ooof now that you mentioned it I had the same issue with my ex, he wanted me to read his mind and be jealous (yuck) and he cut all ties with all his friends and wanted to spend all his time with me and now I know I was scared of him but then I thought he must be right and I probably just didn’t know how to love
@@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195 My ex did the exact same thing. I think people develop an unhealthy ideal of what a relationship is and get mad when you don’t fit into that ideal they made up.
@@vihmaussivenitaja it mkes me wonder---what eads to this-like some disorders but dont you understand its terribleespecially if you get upset after lie 2 seconds of though-
@@vihmaussivenitaja 100%! Obsession is scary. I'm thinking of men forcing you to stay inside instead of going out with your friends and exes who stalk you when I think of obsession. No sane girl or woman wants that.
Wow,I can’t get enough of your content! My heart is shattered. Losing my 4 year relationship has left me empty and broken. I'm drowning in grief, suffocating under my own despair. My heart is barely beating..
I'm so sorry to hear that. I've been through a similar experience before, and it was a dark time. But a spiritual counselor helped me heal and find peace. Would you like me to connect you with him?
That's so kind of you to offer. I'm desperate for anything that can help me get my ex Yes, please, I'd love to connect with the spiritual counselor. What's the next step?
Here’s his handle, father abulu he has been a lifesaver for me.
Thank you for this valuable information! I just looked him up online, and he seems impressive.
In Stardew Valley you can give only two presents per week, just like you should text your love interest only twice a year. Gotta keep their water supply dry 😊
This comment is underrated. Needs more likes, now xD.
@@PrairieFawnDoe ikr?
Twice a year, gosh they are going to think you are desperate. It's twice every 2 years. In fact don't even text them, just follow them on social media I like their post once every blue moon. That will get their attention for sure!
wow not me just getting off stardew before watching this video 😩
You text your love interest? No thats being so desperate. You gaslight them into texting you and leave them on read. That's a surefire way to make sure they will always come back
the pleasure/pain ocean water/desert girl is literally describing "love-bombing" which is not just "manipulative" as she's called it, it's abusive 🙃
its also a tactic used to get people to join cults, part of the BITE model
💯
It's literally a tactic used by cults.
"How to make your partner love you; abuse them"
I'll side with the woman in that case, because there is far more sax-trafffffficking than there is fake reddit findom shit but if dumb men want to give their live savings to losers nothing I say will stop them, but I hope women can be convinced not to move to Romania.
As a man, i can confirm that there is literally nothing more appealing to me than being gaslighted, made to feel inferior and never feeling secure in a relationship. Nothing screams "this is the one" like being manipulated 24/7 by the person you rely on the most.
Oh, an please make your man a cheese sandwich, cause theese times are particularly rough for men i decided.
Not the "I decided" XD
Tbh if you suffer those things you very much are entitled to a sandwich
"Yes she hit me but I swear there were good parts.... even though she told me there were none and all her happiness was acting and nothings made her more miserable" 🥴
Shout out to all the narcissists out there
As a woman, same. Isn't it funny how many women and men are advising both our sides to just be incredibly toxic to each other? It's almost like the real division is sincere humans, versus garbage excuses for people who think manipulation is the only way to get a partner.
A quote from a man on a podcast that fits this perfectly, "If you play hard to get, you'll be hard to want." This man has his head on right with this quote. Men want honesty, loyalty, and genuine interest, not this manipulative bullshit. I also came across a guy whose girlfriend started doing this shit to him, so he did back to her and she started crying and begging him to take her back when he broke up with her over it. She told him she had been given bad advice, but he didn't take her back because the relationship was fine until she decided to follow this bullshit, tik tok advice. That is how to lose a man, not make one obsessed with you.
lmfao
the first guy i ever "dated" was actually obsessed with me and it ended up sending him into a deep depression which he blamed on me. sooo i'd say obsession is not something you wanna strive for
every dude i've dated has been like this, and then when i want to talk to them, they treat me like a commodity to fawn over. very weird.
@@wenisdead6829 maybe some introspection into how you treat and communicate with other people would be useful lol . i know theres a lot of dudes out there who get obsessed easily but if its everyone honey ,,, maybe youre the problem
first girl i dated was so obsessed with me my parents pulled me outta school to get me away from her. Ih haven't been able to date since yall
@@wenisdead6829 Honestly i think its also how you treated the guy in the relationship. Usually guys who act like that only act like that because they had sex with the girl and they have no other way of obtaining sex, so they get obsessed with you. Its the guys that have multiple sleeping partners that never get emotionally obsessed with one woman. Literally the only reason why a guy would be obsessed over you is if youre his only form of physical attention, sex, emotional attention, etc. Average men have a really hard time getting sex or just a decent girl, but average women can score a guy that makes six figures. Its been like this all throughout human history all over the whole world.
@@El-de6nj i know a guy at my school and girls ''love'' him so much they fuckin stalk him and screenshot his insta stories
I hate how some people don't treat obsession as an actual, real problem but more like a "tee hee cute quirk".There were people that were killed by other people that had an obsession for them...
It's for stupid people to flirt with obsession. They seem to use it for infatuation rather than understanding how dark obsession can get. Limerance is similar to obsession but doesn't involve approaching the person in reality. But that is also as destructive.
Also they don't realize how pathetic they are. If you respect the guy so little and he's that stupid, what does it say about you, investing so much time, energy and research into keeping him around?
Yeah, obsession, or another type of unhealthily bond you can have with others... codependency are both seriously horrible things for people to be in. You can have just as much and honestly a lot more passion with healthier forms of desire/love.
People see wanting others out of jealousy, envy, or FOMO & just because other's want them as bad for the perpetrator seeking out a relationship with the object of desire in the long term but most people turn a blind eye to obsession & codependent relationships since its a lot more complex & under the surface to understand why its so bad to seek out love stemming from this.
it’s crazy they’re so ignorant
they wanna be a cute yandere sooooo bad till they’re quirkily thrown into ✨solitary confinement✨
I honestly hate how dating has been made to be like a stupid game to toy with people instead of the actual process of meeting and getting to know all kinds of different people.
guess that's what happens when we don't get therapy and hurt people in the dating process. the hurt people don't want to get hurt again and they also get angry at having been wronged. so they go on to hurt more people in an attempt to keep themselves emotionally safe. and then those people go on to hurt other people.
Same. Like how being able to attract someone is literally called game. It feels like we're all just playing mind tricks on each other and manipulating someone to see you in a specific light. "Don't say this! Say this instead! Do this! Wear this color to attract someone!" I hate how we can't even be genuine anymore. We just act out a script until we're in a relationship long enough to drop the facade. It's very sad.
Anything for likes. The algorithms have made a market for this crap.
people are treating relationships like a dating sim nowadays... only acting based on certain rules and not because you want someone to love you for your true self
Ikr I'm going to die alone🙃😢
Idk if a woman I like seems completely disinterested in me I'd get sad and anxious and eventually give up on the relationship, that's not the same as obsession. I'm not going to stick around forever when I'm obviously not wanted.
While on the other hand if a woman I like DOES seem really interested and makes me feel confident and happy, I have a HUGE incentive to do the same for her to lift her up too, and to try and keep the relationship going since I'd have the impression that things are going great for both of us.
I don't think people realize how scary obsession actually is 😭😭😭 no Megan I can promise you you don't want anyone to be literally "obsessed" with u
What they really mean is making a guy feel like no one else would tolerate him. So he thinks he could lose you at any moment and be alone forever.
@@lefu87williford55 I know they mean something like that but it's just funny to see the word obsession being thrown around. I wouldn't go out of my way to hate on someone who does it but it makes me giggle
@@kieamonarch it's abuse
Yeah, obsession in the literal sense tends to be creepy, traumatizing, and if you're really unlucky it can culminate in violent crime. I know that's not what they're talking about (not to say the stuff they are talking about is healthy or okay), but I was kind of uncomfortable with that term being used.
It's the type of thing you think it would be great if you have low self-esteem but in reality... It's just straight up creepy
To all girls reading this: Show him you're interested, tell him you like him and show him that you care. (Also make sure he treats you with kindness and respect)
As a guy, yes!! Thank you! And especially as someone on the autism spectrum, thank you! I’m so sick of people playing games and making things so complicated
And be super obvious about it. We're kinda thick.
My wife spent a year apparently trying to talk to me before we started hanging out.
@@robertbeisert3315My dad said that my mum was hinting for years before he realised 🤣
@@robertbeisert3315lol as a guy I have seen no denographic as thick headed as women. I've asked a girl on a date, been invited to her apartment, danced with her and then witnessed her shock at my making a move. I've had all her friends telling a girl I liked her because it was so obvious and her still not believing it. My friends' anecdotes are even wilder. I'm sorry, this is not a gender thing
In short, treat each other like a human being
To make men obsessed with me, I don’t use my hand to pick up my drink at all. I just bite the rim of the cup and tilt my head back to drink. Works like a charm.
omg me too, cup besties!
tbh this would make me ‘obsessed’ with someone if I saw them doing this, not in a romantic way just I would Have to be that persons friend lmfao ask them if they’re okay hdjdjsjs
Damn how did you figure out that was our trigger?
You know our weaknesses
And then I clap and bark like a seal because I’m not like other girls 🥺
I feel my sanity drop to 0 watching these TikToks. It puts everything into perspective. It feels like everything is so much clearer now. It feels like I don't have to worry so much.
So strange that I've come to this realization watching someone react to the dumbest shit I've ever seen oml
The first time I heard about these techniques was in a self defense class, and it was a very serious topic that we were taught to catch early on in relationships- the fact that this information is so casually being spread around and encouraged is insane. Also, as someone who does obsess very easily and has had multiple very painful relationships due to people not responding, I hate that that’s being advertised as okay😭
why do you talk about dating strategies in self defense? isnt that more about how to punch someone?
Well self defense is keeping yourself safe, yes that can include fighting in cas e you are in danger, but you also have to recognize WHEN you are in danger or when a situation has the potential to get dangerous. As well as keeping yourself safe mentally and emotionally- abuse and assault statistically happens the most on relationships with people you trust like family friends and partners, so part of self defense is being able to recognize when someone is a person you have to defend yourself from: ie people you are in a relationship with that are using textbook manipulation tactics on you.
@@on_spikes6867 some of these strategies can be used to detect major red flags early on…although i believe that the technique on itself is looking for behavior like the one these tiktoks are encouraging, not doing it yourself cause obviously it’s a bad thing
Women are taught to:
1) Manipulate men
2) Hate men (like we’re supposed to be fragile, evil, earn more for less work, toxic masculine etc. etc.)
If course you’ll cause women to turn bisexual or just hate men because they cannot stand us except by being manipulative. The last thing women need is more manipulation skills.
@@on_spikes6867 Self defense: both physical and emotional.
The desert metaphor that person was talking about is lovebombing, which is used to manipulate people in abusive relationships. People will basically manipulate their partner to be excited about any little tidbit of affection, so that it’s easier to win them back over when they’re being abused. Just the smallest bit of affection makes the person feel like they’re getting to return to the start of the relationship when they were with this seemingly perfect person who made them feel like royalty. It’s one of the most common techniques that abusers use, and it’s awful that people are teaching people on the internet (probably mostly teens) how to do it.
Its also a tactic commonly observed in cults so that's fun
Sounds like a narcissist to me
@@lorayjay7125 ding ding ding. thus is narcissistic behaviour. both men and women are capable of behaving this toxic but this is more of the female version of this.
It’s funny because people associate love bombing with BPD, but as someone with it, I can’t even imagine doing it because I feel so genuinely for the people I care about and always try to do my best to make them feel as good as possible. Whereas my mom, who is a narcissist (and the reason why I have BPD lmao) is the master of love bombing.
I was raised to be wary of compliments since nobody in my family compliments each other so I have a huge contempt for ppl that do it to me unless it’s like super sincere and there’s a logical reason behind it
As a man i sure do love it when women gaslight me. This advice is so very accurate. I love never knowing if im a worthwhile human being.
Ain't it great feeling guilty for wanting to be wanted?
@@lefu87williford55 I sure do love it when I'm convinced that I'm incapable of being loved.
I once dated someone that was treated badly by his mother and he felt uncomfortable with my kindness, for him it was some sortof 'silence before the storm.'
One day I complimented him on working out a lot and he said; 'No, you're supposed to tell me that I have to do better. You have to be more strict with me.'
I said; 'Why is that my job, I'm not your coach..'and he said; 'No, but you are my girlfriend. I want you to tell me to stop eating certain unhealthy -fast- foods and tell me to work out more.'
So I said; 'Well, I don't mind motivating you, so..alright...what do you say we stop buying those chicken-and-saté-packages for the microwave?'
He said; 'You can't tell me what to do!'
I said; 'But you just-'
He screamed; 'Don't tell me how to live my life!' and ran to the fridge to demonstratively eat the chicken right in front of my face.
So, in hindsight, I think he was being rebellious to be able to overcome the lack of rebel-situations in his past with his mom. It wasn't the weirdest moment in our relationship and not the only moment he confused me with his mother, sadly. I hope he found a way (without damaging others) to move past this, like *Therapy.*
@@Widdekuu91 couples counseling is great and I recommend it for everyone. He certainly needs it wherever he is now.
Don't you become instantly obsessed over someone when they casually stop texting you?
I’m a guy and i absolutely loved this video. Thank you for your sincerity throughout all the bullshit online
how to make someone obsessed with you:
1) emotionally manipulate them into being obsessed with you or are too scared to not pretend to be obsessed with you
2) blackmail them into dating you
3) commit tax fraud
Im commiting tax fraud daily and zero women is obsessed with me.
@@danieladamczyk4024 No no no, you have to commit tax fraud FOR them
@@lumintroll But this don't help me but them. That ain't fair. So i keep all the tax fraud for myself.
@@danieladamczyk4024 question: are you blackmailing them?
@@placeholderdoe Well, if you want to bring skin color into it. I don't judge people base on they skin color but content of they characters.
how to make your crush obsessed with you
1. be really nice to them
2. make them laugh
3. have them enjoy spending time with you
4. don’t pressure them into a relationship, if they reciprocate then cool! otherwise you’ve just made a really great friend which is also awesome
Actual advice ❤🎉 eureka!
-obsessed- fall in love 👍
You forgot the most important one
5. Have a life and be your own person
omg this is literally top tier manipulative girlkeep gateboss life hacks, I say from experience yall it works
As a disabled male who has never been loved by a woman in capitalism because of the profit motive, I can tell you easily that it is like this: 1. Be rich. 2. Be rich. 3. Be rich. 4. Be rich. 5. Oh, and be famous. Because I know dozens of disabled males in my 34 years and the only two that got married are the two that got somewhat decent full time jobs somehow. Oh, and their wives DEFINITELY don't respect them.
If someone I liked started ignoring me, I would most likely and subconsciously start distancing myself from them and cease contact altogether. It wouldn't make me obsessed, just confused and sad, but I would eventually move on. Speaking from experience.
Yeah same. I've had phenomenal role models in my parents and friends, so when a girl starts to play these games I feel disgusted and amused at the same time at her cruel naivete. Occasionally, one slips by and I realize later than I would have liked, then a short period of confusion and sadness follows and I say adios
Yup. I’d abort mission immediately. I think I chased one or two guys back in my early 20s who played these mind games, & it sucked. A lot. It made me feel like shit. So I stopped thinking “mind games=solid relationship potential”. The last guy who tried that, by the time he eventually called me again, I’d started seeing a guy who actually ACTED like he liked me, & didn’t play games.
YUP! This thing of "ignore them if you like them" is so confusing to me c_c
I wish I had your cool superpower, I'm so easily manipulated.
yeah, I'd feel like I must've done something wrong or upset them, or that I'm too annoying and too much for them, if they ignored my I'd start distancing myself as well, no matter how much I love someone I couldn't handle that happening repeatedly lmao
At 1:00. That whole segment being a great analogy to how these people giving relashionship advice not have been in one themselves. Loved it
I think the most concerning part of trends like this is the inability to distinguish between "interest" and "obsession." People THINK they want someone to be obsessed with them until that person demands attention constantly, begins overstepping boundaries, and/or goes to extremes, like potentially endangering them or their families to secure a place in their life. Obsession is not love. It is ugly and destructive, and I hate to imagine people who just want a companion ultimately putting themselves in harm's way because someone terribly misinformed them. And on the other hand, people who flock to those who manipulate them aren't in love, they're desperate for any form of acceptance, no matter how conditional. Tell people you care about them. Make plans with them. Listen to their interests. Be there for them! It's not a form of "weakness" to express interest- it's love.
Its definitely from the lack of attention and validation growing up. I feel bad for them and hope they are able to work through these issues and have those needs fulfilled (in a healthy way of course).
Finally, someone that understands the difference between love and obsession.
It's not going to be nice once he gets aggressive, overprotective, incredibly jealous, and when he is more worried about you looking at another guy, than actually giving you attention.
It's like Micheal Che's bit on how he wants people to like him and not love him, cause you never hear about somebody killing a person they liked
Your the type of person to send paragraphs 24/7 just for no one to read them. Shut yo bitch ass up.
You worded this perfectly
A girl I once dated showered me with compliments, made the first move, texted me constantly, and told me she liked me.
We're now engaged and have a son.
Woww congrats!
congratulations!
Awwwww, that's so wonderful! Hope you guys have many happy years
Y'all still ain't married but have a kid?
@@UmmFulaana yes, welcome to 2023
I’m glad to know men aren’t the only ones building relationships based off of narcissism 🙏 now I know to avoid absolutely everyone
Unless chad chad wanted to gaslight me…I mean I’d let her gatekeep me from my own home 😭
Love to see women entering these male-dominated jobs ❤️❤️
@@badger6882 that is hilarious😭😭
@@badger6882 facts yo 💖🌟
J remember intimacy or cherishing affection is not the same as obsession.
I’m a guy & I’ve never seen this channel but you’re hilarious.
So glad I found a woman who isn’t afraid to express how she feels honestly & vulnerably. I do the same for her. Just feels right & so much better to not play games. Some people just love the drama.
As a man myself, I can confirm this works. My DMs are filled to the brim with men obsessed with me and I feel like a queen
Cillian Murphy?
Slay male queen.
Gaslight. Gatekeep. Boyboss.
@@Random-sk6hmBoylight. Boykeep. Boyboss
@@Random-sk6hm”Guyboss” would have also been acceptable
Having men obsessed with me is my absolute nightmare
Same
Same
Same
same
I am obsessed with you
(P.S. sweet dreams 😈)
“We’re married!”
“ARE we, though?”
I was out loud cackling so hard. ❤🎉
Gaslight, gatekeeper, girl boss!
Me telling my literal husband that I like him a lot haha He's like, "I hope so??"
The bit about standing badly was pure gold
I have no idea why so many people claim that acting like you're not interested in someone will make them into you but here we are
Cults also do this. It makes you feel like you're the one who is doing something wrong. Lile you just need to try harder for someone who doesn't care about you.
@@lefu87williford55 something's wrong if they employ the same methods as CULTS do 😭
@@bbew2914 yup.
psychologically speaking, they hook you then become just out of reach so you try harder, think of them more, try and 'figure it out', and then when they come back it's all good and you feel relief and then they start the cycle again. (when it's intentional)
narcissists will do this, but you also get it from people who don't know what they want and also emotionally unavailable people.
pretty much it's a universal red flag.
It's the archaic idea that people want what they can't have and that dating is a "chase." I'd just back off lol
As a 6'11 man with a six figure income, multiple time consuming and dangerous hobbies, my own cult sized friend group, warrants for my arrest in three states, and a very cute dog I can attest to how accurate all these quick tips are!
Giga chad
andrew tate?
@@luzdani11 swear Andrew Tate is like 5'2
@@luzdani11 I thought of John wick-
AS a 12'6 man with an 8 figure income, who is himself a paragliding small instagram prison dog, I know what you mean!
It's nice to know Chad Chad is taking up new hobbies like pyromania
She’s obviously just doing it to get a man obsessed over her
@@KatherineAcosta20 ugh, classic chad Chad
@@KatherineAcosta20 god forbid women do anything /s
8:21 the way its just so TOXIC. if the guy still wants u after u showed you're toxic, its still wont be a healthy relationship
Chad Chad hits the spot when she says "stop overcomplicating things... there's too many rules", like, I'm autistic and I'm already perplexed at the superfluos amount of implicit rules of every single social interaction. Also, I think overcomplicating things for the sake of it has a name, it's called being neurotic.
important note: being neurotic it's not a mental illness or a disability, it's the product of capitalistic culture. read my uncle, Félix Guattari.
as another autistic person, I kinda like rules because otherwise i feel like i don’t know what i’m supposed to do😫 except for the fact that you’re supposed to just know all these “rules” without anyone ever telling you what they are😔
@@yungguattari4924 he’s your uncle? Wow that’s so cool! I’m also autistic so I get what ur talking about it’s sooo dumb
@@rawrostar Guattari being my uncle is more like a joke but also intellectual heritage /jk ... but yeah, noticing how dumb it is has helped a lot to stop feeling awkward at social situations hahaha
@@yungguattari4924 oh okay but still I’m glad I met you cause that guy is interesting
Let's all appreciate the effort she put into a stardew valley skit.
This literally killed me
The accuracy tho 😆
Liked this comment during the stardew valley skif
sadly the gift limitations tho ;-;
One of the best games ever ❤
The nervous laughter some of us experienced while ChadChad overanalyzed how to stand because it brought back memories we wish we could forget. That shit hit for real.
I did forget how to breathe for a moment
Me
And then someone talks to you and you say the weirdest shit imaginable and then replay it over and over for the next decade
@@cozycasasmr4510 ooph. Teenage me just caught that stray bullet right in the head.
Its me fr
her editing is just 🤌🏽
People like this only reinforce my belief that the world would be a better place if we approached dating more like making friends.
a solid relationship is built on a solid friendship! kissing and spooning is great, but all the romantic stuff is spoilt when you aren't even good for each other platonically. people put dating on such a high horse, such an expectation to find 'the one' that they forget it should happen naturally!
Don't treat that as a belief. Treat it as fact. A fact that our society has mostly chosen to forget.
SAME
Most people are pretty shitty friends too. Most of them just don't expect you to have sex with them. Most of them.
oh, so I shouldn't be worried about the fact I still sometimes accidentally call my partner "friend" and we barely talk romantically? alright, cool :) for a second i thought i was confusing platonic love for romantic love since everyone seems to always be showing that if you have a partner you *have* to flirt with them
As a psychology student I can confirm the last one is true, all 4 years of education we have learned how to hold pens, glasses and other stuff too😌 Our teachers even know how to hold books😲 I hope to be like them one day🥺
i get more and more terrified to talk to psychology majors everyday (lovingly)
@@poof9447 don't worry we don't bite🥺 (unless it's in a kinky way and that's on Freud)
@@studywithselene5490you don’t speak on behalf of all psychology majors.
I've always wanted to study psychology since my older cousin went overseas to study it and your type of humour is making me want to study it more 😅
@@studywithselene5490 purrrrrrr
The fact that all these tiktok creators promote abusive and manipulative “dating advice” worries me about how many teens and young adults are going to take it at face value and actually apply it to their real-life love lives.
Literally just saw one of my classmates post on her statis about how unhappy she is going "no contact" but how its all gonna be worth it
@@kittycatcrunchie no contact is an actual psychology term for a method of dealing with an abusive person....👀
Tbh those "tactics" were shared among teens even before social media was a thing
@@kittycatcrunchie i've actually seen teens my age and way over it act like this and it has always horrified me
yeah I actually see it a lot. I was a high school senior when tiktok was first getting really big and I remember the freshmen unironically acting like this
6:46 You cant fool me! You weren’t really swimming in that clip!
As a lesbian this is vital information for me to know. I really need to keep men away from me. Thank you
underrated
Just become fat
don't worry Lydia, you sound like an awful insufferable person that i wouldnt want to be around to begin with! So don't break your back fending off men is what i am saying. Good day!
Good comment
**starts to grip my cup tightly everywhere i go**
Dating shouldn't be a game. People that have self respect will ignore people who play dating games
Yeah, that's how abusers operate. They single out people with low self esteem, and deliberately reinforce it.
@@lefu87williford55 abusers really are the most insecure and weak people ever
Shame how people treat love like a game... a war even
as someone with bpd this entire thing makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is all stuff we are so frequently accused of "doing" or villainized for "doing" (even when we dont) and it's all of a sudden framed as positive and cool when it's anything but. ugh. i struggle a lot to be a good person because of these types of accusations, and when someone is actively pressing these as normal, it's so harmful.
to be fair, not all people with BPD are the same and some *do* do these things. i suspect it might be a lot of folks that have Narc traits or full blown narcissistic PD. try to just remember, though you have BPD, you are not the face of the condition, it has a lot of varying expressions and some people's experiences come from expressions quite unlike yours.
so try and separate it in your head that their complaints are not something you are responsible for. if you try and be a good person, and you treat people pretty good, people will accept that and will also learn that BPD has a lot of variations. you know?
my ex has it, and NARC. there were really good moments and really terrible ones too. ultimately, an ability for self reflection and working on yourself is key. it's key for everyone. therapy is helpful for just about everyone. anyway, i wish you well. keep fighting the good fight. (i know bpd is rough to have, as well.)
Fr, I do not have BPD, but I struggle with obsessing over people a lot and it’s really not cute or romance-y, it sucks.
@@d4zz. another commenter used the term limerence. Maybe you can look it up? Knowledge might help you control it.
Man, thats a tough nut to crack with BPD. I don't care if she's a supermodel with nymphomania, soon as I get an inckling theres BPD involved I head for the hills, change my number, block her everything, leave town, and dye my hair. Anything to get as far away as possible. Gotten tormented by personality disorder people enough in life and the BDPs might be the worst of them all. No offense of course.
Yup, I felt that for sure😹😿
You're right. Absinthe does make the heart grow fonder!
8:24 I know we’re all having fun here but I’m pretty sure this lady’s “pleasure/pain” system is also know as ‘love bombing’ and is an emotional abuse tactic.
This is all about abuse. The whole idea is to gaslight someone into thinking that giving them affection is a chore no one else would do.
oh my god I didn't know what you meant until a few moments after reading this comment I saw that lady in the video and you're so right, she absolutely is talking about love bombing and I know it's something sociopaths do for example
@@arsena5209 and cults
Fun
@@lefu87williford55my ex would do that lol
Thank you for this honestly. As someone who grew up in an abusive household I internalized a lot of toxic traits from my parents and never really knew what was "normal" or healthy. I think today's culture normalizes many of those toxic immature traits and for me makes them harder to unlearn.
Cishetetonomitive conditioning makes us see relationships as a zero-sum conflict. You wouldn't be with someone if you didn't want affection from them, but letting them know that gives them power over you. If you withhold affection from them, you can get them to work harder for the slightest hint that you might reciprocate just a little.
@@lefu87williford55 I'm sorry, but I didn't really get...anything of what you just said. Care to rephrase?
@@snkybrki No idea what cishetetonomitive conditioning is because cishetetonomitive (cisheteronormative?) isn't a word, but what I got from the second part is that even though everyone wants affection in a relationship, if you let the other know then you give them power. I suppose, because affection is something that they can choose to give to you or not. But if you don't give them any affection, they'll work harder because they want to be shown affection, and they'd think that the only reason you wouldn't show them affection is because they weren't working hard enough.
In summary, don't let the other person know that you want their affection otherwise they'll know that they have power over something you want, and purposely don't give them any affection so that they'll work harder to please you, I think??
I don't know, I think I might've made it worse. Ah.
@@oioioioioi994 No, that clears things up. Thanks, I just wanted to make sure that the lad was talking some crazy shit.
@@lefu87williford55 I think(?) you’re making a good point, but it’s hard to tell when you talk like that. Stop speaking in riddles and say it in a way the world will understand, if you actually want people to
Normally those who latch on to those frivolous labels are the ones who truly lack a sense of self so they look for it in tropes such as “that girl” or “dark feminine” etc
Like girl you dont need to fit into an aesthetic to have an identity, love
God this is so trueeeeee
Everyone needs to hear this
It's nice to see how similar the male and female versions of this are.
Yes! As someone who took way too long to realise I was ace, the best advice I'd always give to someone who's feeling down because they get rejected/can't find someone is: forget partners for a bit, enjoy life, get hobbies, but do it for you. Better to be a fulfilled person except for a partner, than have a relationship be the only thing you've got going on.
And maybe, if you're like me, you'll realise the problem wasn't that you couldn't make relationships work, it was that you were unhappy and thought a relationship would fix it, but you hated being in relationships, so you were torturing yourself.
What if someone is not Ace? This advice is dismissive. Life is too short to wait until you are perfect before feeling worthy of love.
@@lefu87williford55 it's not about waiting until you're perfect until you start a relationship, it's about working on yourself for your own sake.
If you aren't happy by yourself outside of a relationship, you won't be happy in a relationship, that's what I didn't get for a long time.
To quote Rupaul: "if you can't love yourself, how the hell can you love someone else"
@JhericFury people love people with self esteem problems everyday.
This advice is to be what these tick tockers pretend they are. Someone who would lose nothing if they ignored their boyfriend until he stopped trying.
@@lefu87williford55 that's... a little bit of projection, I think. No one was saying to ignore current boyfriends, i said if you're obsessed with how to get a partner, maybe work on yourself first, but don't do it for in order to get a partner, do it for yourself.
And yes, people love people with self esteem issues, but self esteem issues aren't solved by being loved.
I flirt like in the Sims 😂 "compliment their appearance" "ask if single" "deep conversation" "tell funny story" "compliment their appearance" "flirt" "flirt" "get to know" "flirt" and boom!! Now let's get married and woohoo!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Me too
Same minus the marriage 😂
Omg agree 😂
I don't need obsession. I just need love, respect, and honesty.
Love🙄Respect🤢Honesty🤮
@@noodlesandwich2945 Just wash your pants from those vomits of yours, you greasy noodle.
@@noodlesandwich2945 you good?
@@sillypotato53 Gaslight✨Gatekeep⛓Girlboss💅
That was obviously a joke! By the way, I'm glad OP knows what's best for them. We all need some love, respect and honesty in our lives, don't we?
Respect is earned
I think the whole "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" thing definitely has some merit at the very least
As someone who gets obsessed very easily, trust me girly you *do not* want someone thinking about you 24/7 until it hurts both them and you. It's not cute, it hurts lmao
it’s true
when you say "obsessed", do you mean romantically or just in any way?
Also, theoretically, there would be nothing wrong with you and the other person to spend all your waking time together.
i understand that this is a highly unlikely scenario but it is technically possible for a human to exist who is also obsessed with you in the same way
In that hypothetical case, it would be fine. Probably great even because, i assume, you must be capable of emotions way more intense than the ones i feel.
Can i ask, what makes you obsessed with those specific humans?
Feel free to not reply if i was too "intrusive" btw, sorry if i was
@@strangeclaimsno you’re missing the point. obsession always has unhealthy connotations no matter what it is. what you’re describing is passion.
@@xancer.
Thank you for replying
is it possible to force oneself to be passionate about something? are you passionate? why?
what makes someone or something special to the point where constant interaction doesnt become increasingly dull? or it does and thats why some people can just "get bored" of their so-called partner?
@@strangeclaims well the thing about passion is you aren’t guaranteed to feel it forever. i personally believe a strong relationship is built on trust and commitment more than anything. relationships aren’t just about how you feel in the moment. it’s what you do when you aren’t feeling super passionate that proves how strong the relationship is. people who leave because they’re “bored” aren’t ready for long term relationships. they should be romantic friendships more than anything and if you look at it that way it makes no sense to be obsessed with your friends and family or loved ones.
my mom once told me that love and dating should be easy. she told me that when she met my dad it was easy, there were no games involved and they quickly got married and still are too this day. no it’s never perfect but they truly love each other. social medias new way of love is just horrible, as someone who’s been through the whole being talked to a lot then being ignored it’s really mentally exhausting and as someone who’s extra sensitive it makes you feel horrible. if you truly like or even love someone don’t make it hard, don’t play games, make it easy on them and you’ll more than likely have a better relationship. not saying there’s a 100% chance but having a non-toxic relationship is so much better
To roughly quote a clip from a Drew Gooden video,”mature love is energizing, immature love is tiring”
It’s always a good day when Chad Chad uploads
you mean week?
Fr😭🫶🏽 I u chad chad
So true
Whenever I'm feeling depressed i watch chadchad
yes
I recently went through a tough breakup. My 7 year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been really hard for me. I still love my ex so much and can't stop thinking about him. I've tried everything to win him back, but nothing has worked. It's frustrating, and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I've been trying to move on, but I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I know it might sound strange to share this here, but I miss him a lot and just can't stop thinking about him.
I understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar situation when my 12 year relationship ended. I couldn't just let him go, so I did everything I could to win him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, and their guidance ultimately helped me to bring him back into my life.
Amazing! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I contact them?
Thanks for sharing this valuable information. I just looked him up online and I'm impressed.
BOTS
An INSANE concept: just be yourself, be a decent human, and the right one will come around
just be yourself bro , the real world is not a disney movie 😂
@@morgannyan2738 Ok, Adachi
@@hanatemonstas4485 touch grass
@@morgannyan2738how is saying “be yourself” related to Disney.
I don't like that way of thinking, it implies that people that can't find relationships have some sort of moral or personality fatal flaw that makes it impossible for them to be in a relationship.
Life is fucked up, sometimes you can be the kindest person that has ever existed and never feel loved by anyone in your entire existence.
I had a housemate who got so obsessed with me she asked to be my girlfriend 20 times, and when I moved out, she called the police and told them I'd stolen a bunch of her stuff.
Anyway turns out the way to get girls OBSESSED with you is to wander around with a vacant expression, visibly scratching your junk
She sounds like a stalker
uh yeah, because you ignored her. obviously thats the key to long lasting love
I do that all the time!
Maybe I should try to be even more dead behind the eyes?
u went gorilla mode 😭
It also works if you are her age just walking around on valentines day in a quiet neighbourhood going a usual route, i suggest you start avoiding the area you find your first stalker in afterwards.
I don't want men to be obsessed with me, i want them to understand me.
What wrong with you are you okay 🤨
@Smileman-rq7zk congratulations. You tried to make a stranger who've done nothing bad to you feel bad about themselves. You can now sit in front of the mirror and smile at yourself while trying to forget how insecure and bitter you are.
@Smileman indeed they won't obsessed with her, because they will love her the healthy and heartfelt manner that she deserves.
That doesn't seem to be your fate though, a bad personality isn't attractive ❤
@@daughterofCyrustheGreati guess you faced that so many times 😂😂
@@saisanjanagurram1423 Not really. I have empathy. Most humans do. Next time you meet a human ask them about it. ✌🏻
I relate so much to the part at 9:41 that sometimes I don’t know how to walk normally. I’ve even heard someone ask “Why are you walking like that?” And it just made my heart sink 😭
The ones that basically tell you to have your own life aren't that bad. There is worse advice you could give a teenage girl who doesn't like herself and thinks her self worth is dependent on a man than "You should have friends and interests independent of any romantic relationship."
Sure, but the criticism was that they said "be independent... so you can find a man", which completly destroys the message
@@spiritualsnail1584 Does it though? Straight girls want boyfriends, that's just how it works lmao, yes they want to know how to make that happen. 💀
If anything it's a direct counter to the toxic "sexual competition" narrative that a lot of people spread. Like, nobody really even implied that having a boyfriend was the source of worth, they said self worth is the source of a boyfriend, which is inarguably true.
@@spiritualsnail1584 eh, depending on who's watching, that might be the best way to get through to a kid. Some young teens get really obsessed with being in a relationship and can't let it go.
I don't think it's the best message, but there are worse things than tricking teenage girls into pursuing their interests and building healthy friendships.
@@Kfroguari dont know if the intention of that woman was to trick little girls into becoming independent. Thats a huge assumption. Ive met people like that and they genuinely want to make themselves appear interesting and wanted (thus they create a social group fawning over them) in order to attract more admirers. They dont even hide this, a girl i met and got close with literally told me she did this and that she just life hacked “men”. Of course this is also my own assumption but given that those women in the videos live off off date coaching and tutorials on how to make men obsessed with u im gonna say my assumption seems closer to reality
@@meli1872 I'd still say it's on the more harmless end of online dating advice. Getting hobbies, friends, a career, interests, make it more likely that the person will end up at the "I don't actually need a romantic partner to be fulfilled and happy" conclusion independently
Personally I think this is a big win for feminism, since all of these tiktok accounts prove that not only men but also women can recieve dogshit dating advice from psychos online.
Ah, equality!
In the end, we all equally suck 😂
Man and women we are all stuck in the same shit boat. Let's all paddle together through hell.
To where to Florida
And they're strangely similar. Same love bombing, same creeping touch, same push-pull strategies. They even use the same lingo. "High quality" men are seeking "high quality" women and vice versa. Thankfully I don't belong to either group so I'm safe from them
Finally someone is mocking this "be interesting by acting uninterested" garbage.
Seriously. Met way too many women who acted incredibly rude only to then turn around and confess their crush when drunk. As if them being friendly somehow makes us think less of them ..
Men do it as much as women. Which is odd to me. For centuries women were taught that being passive was feminine and men naturally take the lead. But men never were told that. It wasn't charming when women did it so why do men think it's gonna work for them.
@@acegikm
Absolutely not. Hard disagree.
Also - men do naturally take the lead. We knew all that for generations and it worked pretty fine.
Problem is that in our cultural climate, we are shamed and punished for it, yet women still rely on us risking rejection because they themselves tend to be too afraid.
It's not an accident that this generation is the most self-sexualizing, yet the one having the least amount of sex.
It's a bed women make themselves. A bit late to complain about that and also a bit lame.
expressing your feelings openly is a vulnerable position to put yourself in, people act this way to protect themselves from the pain of potential rejection. it's not a good strategy, social interaction always comes with a risk, but this behaviour has its reasoning behind it
@@acegikm I don't think that most men who do that do it to be manipulative. It's probably more to protect our egos or the stability of a friendship by not "letting the cat out of the bag."
Personally, I'd rather just assume that my infatuation is unrequited than deal with the messiness and pain of my feelings making someone else uncomfortable.
@@acegikm Nah women do it more.
"He'll treat you like a goddess"
God of War fan:
"He'll treat you like a princess"
Crusader Kings 3 fans:
Therapist: Girlboss Chad Chad can't hurt you, she's not real
Girlboss Chad Chad:
GASLIGHT
GATEKEEP
Maybe I’m just autistic, but dating doesn’t seem that hard? I picked a cute person who made me happy, and then I was nice to her and did my best to make her happy. Five years later we’re going on our second wedding anniversary.
Awwwww, congrats!
Wow. Good for you ❤ This is how it should be
Good for you, but you just got extremely lucky, and I can't even emphasize how lucky. I did the same with ~9 girls now and still no luck. Try a lottery next time
@@jirivlk9862 maybe some self-reflection is in order. What went wrong? Were your values not aligned? What did they say about why the relationship ended? Why do you think the relationship ended?
Wow! So lucky. That’s awesome. For some people tho, they want to have passion, not just think they’re cute, but tho k they’re a literal goddess in looks… why am I saying this. I want someone who actually likes me.
As a man, I can say with 100% certainty that there's nothing more attractive to a guy than feeling insecure in a relationship, wondering if his interest is reciprocated, there's nothing better. 👌👌👌
I knew it...
Yeah you,d think it'd be clear that people wouldn't want something done to them that you don't want done to you: AND YET.....
Lots of so-called coaches out there, making TONS of money off of dudes' backs.
Guess logic isn't their F forte, huh!
@@S0m3B0z0OnTheInternet yes it does
If I don't feel completely disrespected and unwanted, I get so bored. 😢
I appreciate that chad recognizes the effort. I have to scroll through all videos in existence before selecting this one. Each day I wake up dreading my role
9:28 as a man I can confirm that we all have the ability to detect your deepest insecurities based on how you hold a cup
oh shit. what if I'm holding a water bottle though?
@@conquistadorrocket well my advice here is generally to seem less insecure you need to hold the water bottle upside down yell ooogaaaa boogaaa and like beat pacman then any man
Will be instantly obsessed with you
Now I think about it, wouldn't a sexier way to hold a cup be at the bottom, with pinkie finger underneath? She was holding it normally both times and I couldn't tell the difference.
*aggressively sniffs cup* I smell thalassophobia
Jokes on you I just drink from it like a gangly giraffe, leave it right on the table
How to make men obsessed over you
Step 1: Be ChadChad
Step 2: What you need step 2 for, you're already done.
exactly
she got 7 man obsessed over her, that has been established in the star of the video
I peer reviewed this study and can confirm.
I was one of the guys she had to off, the way she hit me in the head with a baseball bat was so sexy ❤😍🫶
I mean if you failed step one, you're just screwed. Nothing you can do, just go home and have some soup.
7:15 As a man, I can say this is sadly true. It's one of what makes our life so difficult. I mean like goddamn, you can't imagine how many times I've fallen in love with random people just because I eat their handmade food! I can't even go to restaurants and haven't touched grass in 30 years because my parents always buy me food from local shops!!
The potlucks must have been really hard on you 😢 like I know I’m in love with whoever made this clam chowder but which soccer mom made it?????
those old ladies at churches that bring in food have me on my knees
@@reyrats Of course, too bad they never understand my pain 😔
Edit: *OUR* pain
@@rarediamond1011 Sending hugs from my parents' basement
One time I ate a bagel from a bakery, I woke up two years later as a stepdad to two twins who were separated from their twin in the foster care system
Wow, what a breath of fresh air is your channel. I really enjoy your irony and sense of humor, really dope
“ obsession is not love” exactly 👏🏻 YES! It’s crazy how many people have that twisted!
How is it not love? Its just toxic love. Not all types of love is good.
@@hanatemonstas4485I was gonna argue, but then I looked up the definition and you’re right. Love is “an intense feeling of deep attraction” and while, yes, obsession could fit that, it’s still not good to be obsessed with ANYONE. It’s not good love. No one should be obsessed to a toxic extent.
How to make a man or maiden or enchanting mystical unfathomable being be obsessed with you:
1.Dont listen to alpha males
2.Dont listen to tiktok
3.Watch Chad Chad
Your advice is incompatible, Chad Chad is the alpha male of the whole human kind
How did you create a hyperlink?
@@55CINCO55 It was on accident
It melts my icy heart to see menstrual cups as sponsors, it means they’re finally mainstream. I’ve been using them since 2010 and I had to buy it on eBay because they didn’t sell them anywhere else.
I'm terrified of them for some reason 😂
@@absolutelyridiculous6743 that's okay, they look enormous but the new ones are very very flexible and can become as small as a tampon. The original one I used was very stiff and was _not easy_ to use. There's so many to choose from these days that are very friendly, just make sure it's medical grade silicone :) I take magnesium to reduce menstrual cramps during my period, along with a menstrual cup, I barely notice my period anymore.
Buying cups on eBay sounds so scary 😭
EBAY??????
@@jcx19999 lol it wasn't used!!! But this was before Amazon was selling more than books, so there was no where else that would ship to Canada.
Hey, this might sound weird, but I am obsessed with your stylization of representing humor, especially amongst a female commentator because most of them are not funny as you and you are fucking hilarious. I am fascinated with you and how you function because you do it such a high level it’s awesome fucking keep it up girl you’re killing it!
I’m now in therapy bc my extremely toxic ex did some of these things but ookkaayy. Literally made my self confidence drop to negative and I now have to rebuild it from basically scratch. Thanks for calling out these behaviors because they are not okay in any form and risk causing long term damage to your partner.
me too
haaaa same except they were a friend
whittled away what little self-esteem i had left. keep it up man, things will be better eventually
Clearly they didn't do it right or they wouldn't be your ex 🙄 jk that's awful I'm glad you're getting help to work toward happiness
Same lol...
I was talking with my ‘friends’ today about how I just want a pure love, no obsession, no desire, just innocent feelings. They just told me that that’s not how life works and a relationship like that isn’t really possible. So… I guess i’ll just be single forever and buy a cat.
The way you put friends in quotations is telling. They gave you the honest truth and now you're questioning the relationship you have with them...
Your ideals of love and your reaction to reality is juvenile, you really ought to stay single
Are you maybe on the asexual spectrum?
The comment above is really unnecessarily mean. Just because you haven’t experienced romance like that doesn’t mean the person is juvenile for wanting it. And if the friends’ only argument for why it’s not possible is “that’s not how the world works” then it’s clearly not a strong one. People have said that for many things, including women’s rights to vote a century ago, and clearly they were wrong. It’s concerning that so many people think that genuine love is impossible in romantic relationships, someone isn’t wrong for desiring a healthy loving relationship
@@Izzy-er4cl a healthy relationship doesn't consist of "innocent feelings" like a teenage crush... life is full of struggle and sacrifice and the way we overcome those difficulties is what makes us stronger and closer as couples.
You sound like your 15 too lol
@@zackmatulis4094 Their friends didn’t give them the “honest truth” because it’s simply not true. How many people exactly do you think live on earth? How about a country? And you’re really trying to tell me you’re convinced there’s not a *single* *other* *person* who desires the same kind of romance OP does? If so, I wouldn’t go around calling other people juvenile when you have such a childish mentality yourself.
You just sound butthurt that someone else wants a kind of relationship that you personally find unappealing. Grow up.
The phrase “girlbossify manipulation” is now part of my vernacular. Thank you ChadChad for your service, you brave Modern Day Knight TM of the internet