Scary Movie Paradox Arguments
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- Опубликовано: 10 дек 2007
- A Scary Movie 3 & 4 running-gag where the 'brokeback' pair argue over several seemingly paradoxial statements.
A Paradox: A statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth. 
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That's some quantum shit right there
quantum mechanics and such
that line crack me up
I still use that line today
The Nothing Philosophy
Two guys sit on a bench in a park:
“Hey man, ya know how the Greeks had Gods for different things?”
“Yea, I know that shit crazy!”
“Well what if there’s a God of Nothing!”
“Wait! Hold on, a God of Nothing?”
“Yea! A God of Nothing!”
“Man that don’t make no sense, how can a God be a God of Nothing, he would be nothing!”
“Yea but....there would be nothing he couldn’t be.”
“Woah man, so you tellin me, he can be nothing and something at the same time!?”
“No you can’t be something and nothing at the same time man that shit would be redundant!”
“But him being the God of Nothing would mean that there’s nothing he can’t be the God of!”
“Oh my god, so that would mean that nothing is something and something could be nothing!?”
“That’s what I’m sayin fool! You could have nothing and still have something because nothing is something!”
“Alright backup a second, so if I had nothing and the God of Nothing gave me something, would I then have something or would I have nothing?”
“Man you would have nothing because if the God of Nothing gave you something, it would be nothing because he’s the God of Nothing!”
“But there’s nothing he couldn’t give me! Meaning that I would have something!”
“Hmmmm, shit, I think you just made a fact just now, that’s some real shit!”
“Exactly man! If the God of Nothing made everyone on Earth, that would mean that everyone would be something and nothing, all at the same time!”
“But man you can’t be nothing and something at the same time, I told you this!”
“☝🏻 Unless, you a Zombie!”
“DAMN! Man that’s some quantum shit right there! You should be teaching classes, you state dropping that knowledge.”
“Yea ima put that on MySpace!”
damn yea you just made a fact just now thats some real shit
why hasn't anybody written a movie with just these two characters ???
i would pay to see those two doing an hour long stand up on those sort of word conundrums.
Anderson: My cousin was servin jumbo shrimp.
Hart: Man how is a shrimp supposed to be jumbo. Its a shrimp!
Stuff like that i imagine.
BECAUSE you can be a shrimp but still be jumbo but not be a jumbo and still be a shrimp
cashchico because jumbo shrimp means more shrimp to eat.
Shakie SugarShine unless... you a jumbo
X-_Quikscopezz_ -X wow. that totally makes sense, u blog that.
Whoever wrote these paradoxes deserve some kind of Nobel prize for literary excellence.
“Cause nobody knows where you are, when they realize you ain’t there”.
What’s hilarious about these is that they actually make sense 🤣🤣
😂😂
I still don’t get this. Can anybody explain this?
@@vishybreh it means if you can't find the person at their usual place, then you would not have a clue where that person might be....
@@bryanleeyf87 bro I have no idea why I couldn’t understand that the million times when I watched, but when I read your comment it made sense lmao
So you telling me that reappear and disappear at the same time… no man you can’t disappear and reappear at the same, the bitch ani’t David copper-flied 🤣🤣🤣🤣that Line gets me everytime 🤣🤣🤣🤣
My biology teacher in highschool asked if we knew the difference between mouse and rat and I deadass gave this logic. Everyone thought I was just dumb.
I needed this laugh oh my gosh
i still think this logic is fr.
There's mice on the moons of Uranus.
@@couch.patati-patata wait, mice outside? aren't that rats?
@@couch.patati-patata That's ice.
“I never seen a mouse outside, that’s what I’m saying” 😂
That's because it's a rat fool...
Lmao 😂😂😂
Unless.... it's a zombie
LOL! The way he said it with his lips all turnt up LOL!
Damn, That's some quantum shit right there.
"The bitch aint david Copperfield"
Always gets me 🤣
ruclips.net/video/mcCZIMvCS4g/видео.htmlsi=MFCYiF5YphfJ4XIr
Usa vs russian version
"I'm going to put that on MySpace."
I feel old. :'(
''That woman raised me from birth'' ... priceless!
Invict089 that woman RAISED him from birth and he threw her DOWN the manhole xD endless paradox
Why he beat her up tho?
@@kinghyperion6849 thought she was a zombie
Haha
@@martintovar3225 I think none of them were zombies... Watch the movie
It’s 2020 and this is still some of the best film footage ever captured
Unless you a Zombie lol
@@jessycajohnson9924 u should be teaching classes
@@rishab9372 ok lol
@@jessycajohnson9924 yeah girl! That's how the Mafia works 😎
@@rishab9372 😘😘😘
“Unless your a zombie” most random ass counter in a argument that actually worked💀 oh n I feel bad for kids they don’t know what MySpace is smh
Its not random. They were already talking about zombies. And the girl he talked about heard a zombie going through trash can.
you're
When you're a zombie, your body might be here, but your personality is missing. That's how you turn up missing.
@@perehaddi8969 daym. that's some quantum shit right there !
@@RAMIR3Z0 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I like how they’re not even trying to solve the serious problem anymore and they’re just so caught up in their philosophical debate. 😂 😆
"You cant go to bed dead man, that shit would be redundant." 😭
Exactly ! You'd destroy a perfectly good mattress when decomposing. 😆
Unless.... You a zombie
@@Equinsu_Ocha69
Unless you stopped living up here... and starting living over there
@@starset4life175 My aunt shaniqua lives over there
Best line in the movie 😂
“How the hell do you wake up dead?”
😂😂😂
'Cause you alive when you go to sleep.
'So you're telling me that you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?'
@@robbirob557 You can't go to bed dead, man. That s*** would be redundant.
@@danofsteel785 cuz you can go to bed and not be dead and you can die but not be in the bed
@@mrmess171 But you are in the bed man. That's how you wake up dead in the first place, fool!
I miss the days when parody movies were actually clever instead of being wall to wall pop culture references.
That's why i love Scary Movie 3 so much. The writing was actually quite hilarious. And because it was PG-13, they couldn't rely on unfunny sex gags like the first two.
@@BigBossSquirtleimagine thinking the first 2 were unfunny when most of parody movies after the early 2000s have nothing but references and that’s it?
I like Kevin Hart in his older movies way more than his new stuff. He was just another comedian but now he’s always playing the small guy who over exaggerates every scene.
@@flapjackssyrup3905pretty much any celebrity that made it to the big stage.. See The Rock, Ryan Reynolds, Jack Black.
@@bryanleeyf87 Ryan Reynolds is at hit or miss for me. He’s had a few good movies but most of his new stuff is just as bad as all of Kevin Harts new stand up after Laugh at my Pain.
The grandma scene was insane. The beating, throwing in her head first like that in a sewer, and finally closing the lid and saying " that woman raised me from birth " , is just too much ha ha
The writer of the critically acclaimed HBO series Chernobyl co-wrote these scenes.
No wonder scary movie 3 was so good, in fact, I thought it was the best.
"How the hell do you turn up missing?"
"Because no one knows where you are till they realize you ain't there."
*And THAT is how a RBMK Reactor explodes*
Citizen Khan Unless, you a zombie
DAMN! That's some quantum shit right there
For anyone wondering the Writer is "Craig Mazin". I don't even know how he made this switch from pop-sarcastic comedy to Nail-Biting environmental drama. But to do so should be applauded.
"Why don't we stop living over here, and move over there?"
@Jason Bustos For real? I heard she got evicted.
Mr.JWinn 13 word? What for?
@@synnexLIVE Mice? I thought she had rats
Mr.JWinn 13 why don't we take our eviction and push it somewhere else?!
McLarenBMW You hella killed the vibe smh
This is how i imagine the discussions between Socrates and plato
Best part about these is they sound like natural conversations 🤣
That's some Socrates and Plato kinda philosophy
Yeah.
@@goldenyuri3556 colorised, literally, lol
It really is though
Except for the “unless you a zombie” part I didn’t get that
Plato: "So you know, he went out of the cave and learned The Truth. Then he came back"
Socrates: "Wait a minute. Back up. Where is this cave?"
Plato: "We are in it, fool. Everything here is just a shadow of the real world outside"
Socrates: "So if you go halfway out of the cave, does that mean you learned The Truth?"
Plato: "No, its only if you go all the way out of it"
Socrates: "But what if one wants to stay on the threshold?"
Plato: "Thats a paradox. You cant be here and outside the cave at the same time. Thats not how it works"
Socrates: "But if you go outside the cave and go back, it means you have learned The Truth, so aren't you technically on the threshold, since your body is in the cave, but your mind is outside it?"
Plato "...DAMN!!! That is some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that"
Socrates: "Im gonna put that on Myspace"
Plato: "You do that"
*Socrates and Plato laugh and bump their chests against each other, leading to Socrates falling onto the floor*
"So you're telling me that you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?" LMAO
you cant go to bed deadthat shit would be redundant!
Keith Carlos but you can go to bed and not be dead and you can die but not be in the bed
Matt Gerrish but you are in the bed man thats how you wake dead in the first place fool!
Keith Carlos Damn! That's some quantum shit right there man! You should be teaching classes now. You straight dropping knowledge!
Matt Gerrish JUST TELL ME WHO CAN HELP ME!!
The fact that Cindy actually gasps “No!” dramatically after Mahalik said “woke up dead!” Like, she didn’t even notice he made a paradox right there…lol.
I love the names. Its always some hood ass name. Aunt Shaniqua , Jamaal from 90th Street and Lashandra from 120th. Lmao.
The streets being some high ass numbers 😂
"My Aunt Shaniqua used to live over there... But that bitch got evicted". That line still gets me nearly 20 years later! 🤣
“But that bitch got evicted” 🤣
I realized Aunt Shaniqua is the girl (Queen Latifa) that Cindy goes to see.
Like nigga lived where 😂😂
Damn 17 years. That shit is still genius compares to the souless crap now
@@ny__bandz5396 i love that line too much i used to replay it and die everytime
“What if we stop living over here and move over there”
My aunt shaniqua lived over there
sgillman16 the Bitch got a evicted
Simple words with life changing consequences
@@1998Agee word? What for?
@@ninjagofire02 mice? I thought she had rats
"Imma put that on myspace" 😂😂😂 I feel old damn
"THAT SOME QUANTUM SHIT RIGHT THERE" - LMAO
The most logical argument is the turn up missing one 🤔😂, because you never really turn up if you are still missing 😭😭
Unless the people looking for you can't find you, then you're missing in one place, and turn up in another?
George Brown exactly because when you turn up somewhere you are there but when you are missing you are not there .
Unless you a zombie then your body can turn up, but your personality is missing
UNLESS.. you a zombie
Unless...u a zombie
"You can't go to bed dead" is one of my favorite lines from this movie.
Definitely
I quote this every day!
@MFFUniverse unless... you are a zombie. That`s shit is hilarious because it is also an answer for almost all their theories 💀
We use to relive that scene in the locker room all the time 😂
That argument about turning up missing was too deep for me to keep up with lmao
throws grandmother down the sewer "that woman raised me from birth" my favorite line
“LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY GRAND MOMMA!!” 😂😂😂
28jjman I swear that’s my favorite part and then he said that woman raised me from birth as he carelessly through her down the manhole 🕳😂😂😂😂😂😂
*throws her down the sewer
"That woman raised me from birth"
That line kills me. 😂
“That woman raised me from birth”
His grandmama is the same old woman he punch in brendas wake
“Unless...☝️ you a zombie.” 😂😂 I die every time
the finger emoji😭😭
probably the best use of that emoji I've ever seen. well done.
@@CB-rv2lj I swear 😂
That's some quantum shit
Unless ☝️ you 🫵🏽 a zombie
"But what if we stopped living over here and move over there?"
"Shit, my aunt Shaniqua used to live over there, man!"
Kevin Hart is the goat, I'm dying over here.
I used to stay 🤣🤣🤣 cus I would be like “use to live over where?!?!”
"Y'all know Jamal from 90th street?"
They could have their own movie
I agree.
I agree to.
Someone need to call Netflix and get this shit made.....now!
@@Godfather9814 yeah bro
I'm still waiting for Anthony Anderson to have an appearance/cameo in one of Kevin Hart's shows.
"You interuptin' ma show, nigga."
"This is part of the show, so how can I be interruptin' fool?"
"SHIT! You see people, that's a fact right there."
"I'm gonna put that on myspace"... and now facebook is full of "Unless you a zombie" with his picture.
2017 here
My nika, I'm back from 1892 to 1352.
u time travel?
2019 herw
2019
*How The Hell Do You Wake Up Dead?*
And
*How The Hell Do You Turn Up Missing?*
These Lines Get Me Every Time. 😂
These two need their own sitcom together 😂
Imagine if these two had their own movie! xD 10/10 would watch
9.9/10
Yes
K-Matt Let me remind you that in 4th one they had brokeback scene
K-Matt
OH MY GODD YOURE RIGHT
It'd be like Cheech and chong!!!
vanthursday
These never get old. XD
Brandon Preach it brother!
Yes i agree 😊
"SO YOU TELLING ME, THAT YOU CAN APPEAR AND DISAPPEAR AT THE SAME TIME"- 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"The bitch ain't david copperfield" is now added to my phrases of choice
"That woman raised me from birth"
“That shit would be redundant.”
This never stops being funny to me
It's 2021 and I'm still dying while watching those two Geniuses 🤣🤣🤣😂
In my opinion the black people from all the scary movies were the funniest characters...and the president too xD
Definitely. That black chick, I forget her name, fking hysterical.
Her conversation with Shorty in the 1st movie when they're getting off the bus:
"Your mother!! Hehehe hehehehe"
"Shorty you ma brotha, she yo mama too! Idiot!"
"Oh yeah... Your father then! Hehehehehe"
"So? I don't know him..." *flips hair walks away*
I pooped my pants during that scene.
Probably because the movies were directed by the Wayans who are black.
Wasnt the majority of the people in the scary movies BLACK ?
UNOgard they only directed the first two
Especially the president hahahaa
me: *changes the TV source from HDMI 1 to HDMI 2*
my grandma : 1:09
Hell nah 🤣🤣
It's funny cus it's true xDD
My grandma: 2:52
Lmao
😂😂😂 Funniest comment
Deadass, I put that “unless you a zombie” on my MySpace circa 2005
So you saying you can go to bed dead and wake up alive
“You should be teaching classes, you stay droppin’ knowledge!”
"You should be teachin classes you stay droppin knowledge" That's the part that always does me in
+The Chief I rather heard "You should be teaching classes you stay dropping out" :-)
Tchissem Massissou lol
@ It is "You stay droppin' out"
“State dropping now” is what I hear. Like he’s dropping knowledge about the ‘state’ she was in when she went to bed.
@@CGBalla1014 That doesn't even make sense as a sentence. Also , they are past the point where they are talking about the guy ( not a "her" ) waking up as a zombie , and are on to talking about how smart he is. Third , turn on the CC. Even youtube says "you stay droppin' out." . Which is paradoxical , but makes sense and goes along with what he is saying. He can "stay droppin out" because he's so smart that he doesn't need further schooling.
2:07 "I'm gonna put that on MySpace." Oh, that made me feel old.
Yo when Anna picks Kevin up I fucking lost it🤣
It's so funny because everything they're both saying makes 100% sense if you really think about it lmao
Random Hairline not the rat and mice thing 🤣 a mouse doesn't become a rat just because it goes outside??
Robert Rivas that's the point
Robert Rivas but do you ever see mice outside
nnightkingj i have seen more mice outside than inside yeah 😂
nnightkingj that's cause its a rat fool😂
How in the hell do you turn up missing?
Cause nobody know where you are when they realize you ain't there!
That's...actually a logical answer.
SirVolcy but if you turned up then you weren't missing.
SirVolcy it does but it doesn’t answer the question lmao 😂
kinda thought of it, all of their arguments are logically patterned to one another.
That shit doesn’t make sense though lmao 😂
Unless ☝️ you a zombie
The moment Kevin said: "How the hell do you wake up dead?" I knew they were starting another funny argument and that line is great xD
The co-writer of all these scenes Craig Mazin, wrote Chernobyl (series) and is also the Director, writer, creator, and Executive producer of the series Last of Us
"YOU CAN'T GO TO BED DEAD"
I'M DEAD IN THIS LINE
I beg to differ . When you’re in the bed you are already going to sleep so just before you fall asleep you die . Going to bed dead .
What if you die standing up then fall down to the bed lol
Ur pretty much dead cuz ur sleeping
How could you be dead and still be able to post a comment?
@@cooldude8437 because he didn’t wake up dead, he went to sleep dead
How do you turn up missing?
Because nobody knows where you are when they realise you aint there
UNLESS...
+hayderimran7 YOU A ZOMBIE
+Bass Aholics damn that's some plausible shit right there
+Chato Santana Imma put that on myspace
Two of the funniest side characters in movies.
Who’s back in 2022
"I'm gonna put that shite on MySpace !" 😂👌👍
Ahhh we're so old. 🤕😓😫
Anyone remember Bebo???
@@jcbanbury I'm still digesting Tik Tok. 😃
I'm so old, I know what a 3 1/2 floppy is.
FRIENDFACE
@@Harmthuria I remember SCSI & ZIP drives. 😄
“Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain’t there!”
That shit has me rolling. Lol
I still quote "Unless you a zombie" til this day
The MySpace part makes this so much funnier than it used to be.
This is some quantum shit there..
Love that line xD
Basically the entire MCU plotline xD
"the bitch aint david copperfield" kills me every time
The wake up dead blew my mind
Its 2021, and whenever someone makes a good point, I still go, "Damn! That's some quantum shit right there!"
“Shawna on 120th street she told me she heard a zombie going through her trash the other day the next morning she turned up missin” best line
Kevin hart : Back up how do you turn up missing ?
@@Venomsmash1206 because nobody knows where you are when they realize you aint there
@@Avatarof-xk5fp Woah, so you’re telling me that you can appear and disappear at the same time?
@@chaudcarte “the bitch ain’t David copperfield”
@@jaithen29 No, but you can’t be gone for one place and show in another place of time, so when you turn ya never missing and when ya missing you never turn up
"That's some plausible shit right there."
Unless.... You a zombie
When you are versed and you are from the hood
I’m gonna stop living over here and move over there.
The way she picked him up🤣
When movies actually used to be accurately humorous.
It was so smart how they delivered the scenes, they made sense, instead of random bs. Which made them intellectually funny & dumb. You actually understood the concept of it.
@@BanditLeader da faq?
“accurately humorous”
“intellectually funny”
ok
Ben Postle well is true you donkey.
They were delivered in a smart way, that’s why it was funny.
Random unplanned shit never had a point or a meaning. it’s either a hit or miss.
@@akumaghilardi2992 I agree. These days movies often tend to be funny in almost the worst moments, so it ends up not being that funny because it's simply just because they're either trying too hard or they just picked the wrong moment to be humorous.
@@goldenyuri3556 They are one of the few that know what they're doing, thankfully.
I just realized this is Kevin Heart, lol.
Hart* :D
***** Fart
Before he got famous. Hart in Scary Movie 3, 4 & his cameo in 40 yr old virgin were the best
Jonathan Parker and superhero movie
Because he’s infinitely funnier here than as a standup
These are still some of the funniest scenes I’ve ever watched in a movie man and it’s been years lmfao
Why the hell was the zombie going threw her trash😂😂
"Unless you a zombie"
the confidence in that answer was me in school before a test i know i didn't study for.
Ah, remember when Myspace was a thing? Good times.
Trevon Womack this is from 2 diff movies. That line,is from the 4th one which came out in the late 2000s
Lmao I think my old account is still up and active haha 😂
Fuck tom
@@omarzaragoza7432 he was my only friend dawg
Omar Zaragoza Someone’s been sucking off Mark.
After all these years this is still pure gold.
“YOU CANT GO TO BED DEAD MAN THAT SHIT WOULD BE REDUNDANT!!”
Love Forever Changes ftw
@@kmcorrea5805 absolutely one of the best ever 🙏🏽
*"Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there"* 😂
2:28
That's the best "damn" I've ever heard.
+Alexander Engström nope friday wins that one for sure
Craig and smokey have the best one ever nobody will ever top that
2:04
*I just realized, Mahalik won every single arguments*
does anyone else have two friends that randomly get into these arguments regardless of the situation?
I come here once a month just to laugh !! Lol the way he said "you can't go to bed dead"
Montarius Hall thatshit would be redundant
That shit would be redundant!
Man, that shit would be redundant!
0:57
Lol it’s the best part
Remember when Kevin Hart was just the short black funny guy in the last few Scary Movies and nobody knew who the hell he was. Hell I even forgot that he was the main character in Soul plane. 😂
maya summers He was also in Superhero Movie, circa 2008.
Lol yup
He was also the albino in Epic Movie.
@@tonymcneill7779 that movie was extremely underwhelming. I remember I was in 10th grade and showing everyone in my pre-engineering class the trailer on the computer, and it looked so great. Unfortunately only the trailer is great. What a waste of a movie ticket that was.
They marketed it like it was made by the exact same team as Scary Movie 3 and 4, which I thought were the 2 funniest movies ever made. We got duped big time
@@tonymcneill7779 no i think that was Jordan Peele
“No man you can’t appear and disappear at the same time, the bitch ain’t David Copperfield!” 😂 that shit gets me every time lmao 1:45
These moments are my favorite from any of the scary movies. So awesomely unexpected
That's some quantum shit right there.
Please give these guys their own movie!
I'd watch it!
"Imma put dat on MySpace!"
The font of wisdom, my friend... and sorely missed.
When my little cousin showed me her Dachshund dog for the first time: 2:14 "...big-ass rat, mayn!"
I’ll always love Anna faris. She’s seriously underrated. The first “scary movie” is all her.
Honorable mention to Shorty and Doofy/Ghostface
Love her in Mom
The first scary movie is all the Wayans
Her skills to be in a comedy and be "the smart one" in this hilarious landscape really was done so well. Whomever cast her (the wayans?) got the perfect one for the job. I do admit the wayan brothers influence in both characters and direction is how we got the better films (in my opinion), but the fact the series could hold it's own even with the "eight mile" wierdness tossed into a horror parody franchise, and 4 being just as good as 1-2 and all that. Anna Farris was this franchise. 5 doesn't exist.
Worth checking out "Smiley Face" if you're a fan of Anna 👌🏻
"Cause nobody know where you are when they realize you ain't there!"
omgg LOL
How do they make perfect sense while seemingly talking perfect nonsense... such craft can not be easily learned
This never gets old
0:46 "I heard Jamal from 90th Street. He watched that tape last week and this morning, he woke up dead" XD