I'm also a child of the 80s, with parents born in the 1950s. We girls were encouraged to reach for the stars; education, career, family etc. But, no one told the boys that this meant they would need to step up and share the household management. Many of them have just copied what the previous generation did, leaving their female partners to take the lion's share. I even admit, that as a child / young adult living at home, I also completely disregarded the immense mental load and work involved in looking after the house. My mum made it look so easy. I had home-cooked meals, a clean tidy home and clean clothes. I didn't have to think about anything. Fast forward to when I lived with my husband as an adult. I suddenly realised that lots of things were falling to me to do. And now after 2 children, I've had to call out all the things he just doesn't think of (buying gifts, organising the kids' clothes, school admin, meal planning, stocking up on essentials, keeping the bathroom clean, keeping on top.of laundry etc.)
Thank you ever so much for this. I have been trying to share out the load for a while. My two eldest push back and want pay but my husband does help out with bits. But the mental load I carry is massive!!!!!
I think I'm really lucky that my husband does understand that I take on a greater share of the mental load than him, particularly for the kids, but actually he does a lot. We meal plan together, and he cooks more than half our meals. Cars, bins, lawns, dental appointments, and I'm sure plenty I can't think of now are not my problem. I have the whole family trained to add food they finish to the shopping list, and my daughter actually wants to do the food shop with me. Cleaning is unfortunately still mostly my problem, so TOMM is a big help, 'cause you take some of the load off me there Gemma!
The resentment is real. My partner works 7 days so I feel do 95% of house work as I work 30 hours. What if I wanted to work 7 days a week and earn more for myself ? Great vid.
So true, especially at Christmas where the load goes crazy (planning, buying, wrapping presents, writing cards, baking, packing, school events, hosting etc etc!) Farideh sings that song and I felt seen 😂
I was taught to sew a cushion but not how to wire a plug...never have I ever wished I'd known how to sew a cushion, but at times it would have been handy for me to know how to wire a plug 😅
I take charge of team TOMM and my husband hoovers , he does the food shop, works shifts full time and does some of the childcare … not having a dig at him he’s great dad/hubby. Without him we wouldn’t have a roof over our head as I am a term time only mum in education . Your video is so interesting 🧐 I love baking/making home so over Christmas my hubby is off and he’s gonna look after me 😂😂
My husband is pretty good, he will do the dish washer, washing but not really the really the every week day cleaning. But when I tell friends he does somethings, they say how wonderful he is. He shobe doing these things, he makes the washing and dishes too. We both work. Have three kids and two hairy cats 😂. Why are men so praised for doing a bit of house work and we get nothing. They should be doing it 😮
Hey ladies simple solution is to raise your sons to be different and get them to help with the mental load age appropriately that way they will grow up to be good husbands or partners like my sons 😊
I'm also a child of the 80s, with parents born in the 1950s. We girls were encouraged to reach for the stars; education, career, family etc. But, no one told the boys that this meant they would need to step up and share the household management. Many of them have just copied what the previous generation did, leaving their female partners to take the lion's share. I even admit, that as a child / young adult living at home, I also completely disregarded the immense mental load and work involved in looking after the house. My mum made it look so easy. I had home-cooked meals, a clean tidy home and clean clothes. I didn't have to think about anything. Fast forward to when I lived with my husband as an adult. I suddenly realised that lots of things were falling to me to do. And now after 2 children, I've had to call out all the things he just doesn't think of (buying gifts, organising the kids' clothes, school admin, meal planning, stocking up on essentials, keeping the bathroom clean, keeping on top.of laundry etc.)
Thank you ever so much for this. I have been trying to share out the load for a while. My two eldest push back and want pay but my husband does help out with bits. But the mental load I carry is massive!!!!!
I think I'm really lucky that my husband does understand that I take on a greater share of the mental load than him, particularly for the kids, but actually he does a lot. We meal plan together, and he cooks more than half our meals. Cars, bins, lawns, dental appointments, and I'm sure plenty I can't think of now are not my problem. I have the whole family trained to add food they finish to the shopping list, and my daughter actually wants to do the food shop with me. Cleaning is unfortunately still mostly my problem, so TOMM is a big help, 'cause you take some of the load off me there Gemma!
It's so much easier when everyone chips in ❤️
The resentment is real. My partner works 7 days so I feel do 95% of house work as I work 30 hours. What if I wanted to work 7 days a week and earn more for myself ? Great vid.
Do you think you could do an episode on which chores kids can do, I have 3 kids, 1 girl 11 and 2 boys 7 and 9. Thanks 😊
So true, especially at Christmas where the load goes crazy (planning, buying, wrapping presents, writing cards, baking, packing, school events, hosting etc etc!)
Farideh sings that song and I felt seen 😂
I really enjoyed this Gemma and it really resonated with me. Thank you ❤
🤗
Great video, Gemma. We all need to talk about this more and normalise dropping/putting down/not picking up the ball!
❤️
I was taught to sew a cushion but not how to wire a plug...never have I ever wished I'd known how to sew a cushion, but at times it would have been handy for me to know how to wire a plug 😅
❤️
Hi Gemma brilliant episode. This is me all the time. The burden is real. Thanks for sharing this.
🤗
Thank you so much for the validation this video brings!
❤️
Thank you so much ❤
I take charge of team TOMM and my husband hoovers , he does the food shop, works shifts full time and does some of the childcare … not having a dig at him he’s great dad/hubby.
Without him we wouldn’t have a roof over our head as I am a term time only mum in education .
Your video is so interesting 🧐 I love baking/making home so over Christmas my hubby is off and he’s gonna look after me 😂😂
Teamwork ❤️
Hiya Gemma
My mental load recently ! As I said I am so behind so I am pottering listening to you xx ❤
❤️
I have to put the mum school group on mute as I can’t cope with it Gemma.
Not being horrible some of the mums are far to much for me xx
Did that years ago and don't miss it at all!
My husband is pretty good, he will do the dish washer, washing but not really the really the every week day cleaning. But when I tell friends he does somethings, they say how wonderful he is. He shobe doing these things, he makes the washing and dishes too. We both work. Have three kids and two hairy cats 😂. Why are men so praised for doing a bit of house work and we get nothing. They should be doing it 😮
Hey ladies simple solution is to raise your sons to be different and get them to help with the mental load age appropriately that way they will grow up to be good husbands or partners like my sons 😊