I learned this lesson as a young man and it has changed my life. Living indecisively is living with regret. Think over your choices carefully before deciding. Once you have made your choice, embrace it, accept the consequences, take responsibility for it and move forward. It will make you a stronger person.
There is a study in psychology that showed that once you choose something, the other option looks more appealing. So, regardless of what you choose, we tend to think about what we "missed" as better. When I learned that, I stopped wasting too much time deciding and stopped regretting.
But the things is sometimes we make a choice out of fear. And fear is holding us for experimenting further in life... Of course everything choice is fine. But some choices are holding you back from your great potential... And thats what makes me scared of making a decision 😅
@@Portia620 regret still remain single. there are people miserable in their marriages stuck in them all their life wastedn in misery. people have kids, even grand kids who rarely or never. There are old peopl dying alone with no people around them. Romantic relationships are not the only relationships and bonds you make in life. In the country i am living is adult adoption is legal. friendship make great communitzy as well same as having your already born in family. The only people who truly die alone and are desperate for a relationship and kids are those who dont have good coomunity to begin with dont have good and strong bond with their family (siblings, cousins, nieces, nefews etc.) those who dont have good and strong bonds with friends, dont have a community around them that is supportive (neighbours, aquintances from hobbies, co workers etc) and pets. its actuallzy harmful to only focus on one type of relationship. people need a village and a big support system as not to exhaust their bonds.
After a difficult break-up of a long relationship I decided that I was not going to what-if my life away. I made the decisions I did and I have to live with them and move forward. If that break-up didn’t happen I wouldn’t be happily married to a wonderful man and the mother of our two children. I have an incredible life and I wouldn’t change a thing. I think this is kind of the same attitude ❤
@@Meeeeeergo oh yes, he definitely learns from me. He is much better at hearing me now, compared to how he was at the beginning of our relationship. Although, I learned how to communicate with him in a way he can hear me. It's a never-ending process.
I became disabled at 42. For the last 13 years I’ve been envious of other people’s lives!!! A lot of time, because they are giving me advice in what to do!!! I’m doing me, I’m doing my best for what I have now!!! That’s good enough after hearing this!!! I don’t need to be rich, spinning my wheels all the time. I’ve been afforded to take life a little slower!!!
I'm making another youtube channel. It deals with the problems of disabilities ( the pay ) and health and fitness ( not steroids ). I just have thus channel up for comments. But if you want to add me and just post on a vid, idk my last 1 from years a ago. I'll let you know when that channel goes up. I'm an epidemiologist and corrective exercise specialist with concentrations in genetics and health informatics. I forgot to mention I almost clinically died twice. I now bench 305 lbs. I'm not saying that's you. I'm saying I've documented my dating life and wink incorporate that. I want to help others and bring awareness through my mind and body. Basically I've been the patient, live it everyday, but have taken care if patients in clinical and studied the books. However, as you know...nothing replaces that life experience. I'm trying to bring true Health and fitness back to youtube. BTW I have an ileostomy. Wish you well bro.
Decision making can be fatiguing that is for sure. But rather than twisting our fingers or rolling our hands, take a deep breath and drink some water. Make a list of pros and cons imagine results or Consequences for each choice and then make a choice. Not making a choice will leave you feeling very indifferent and not honoring yourself. Not to decide is to decide.
As a single, childfree woman in my 30s, I just smile when people tell me that I'll 'regret it' one day. I made the decision as a teen and have never regretted it. I am at peace with my choice.
Good for you! I'm turning 43 in a few days, I have a husband & two children. My daughter (14) says she wants to be child-free, my son (10) says that he wants a family and children. I support my daughter wholeheartedly! I do not believe this is the woman's sole purpose in life. When I was getting married I literally didn't think that not having children was a possibility--everybody expected you to have them: my parents, friends, etc. Once again, good for you and enjoy your decision! All the best from a viewer in Ukraine! Peace
I did! It made life SO much easier to take. My life now is nothing how I pictured it, but if it had gone as I had imagined. I would not be in the place to support my parents as I have these past years when they need it most.
I think most teachers frequently give good advice, but students tend to not care about those pieces of advice as teachers aren't respected by society (including parents).
This woman is like the mom a lot of people need. My mom told me this but I forgot it over the course of many years because shits do hit the fan time to time and you get frustrated. It's good to be reminded every now and then
That is such a good lesson to learn. Thinking about the choices not taken can lead to so much anxiety and make you miss what’s about to come around the corner for you. So moral of the story, just live your life.
Bravissima. I figured out fairly young that I didn’t want to live with regret, so I do the best I can to collect info unobsessively, then make a reasoned decision, and anytime regret seems like it might be creeping in, I remind myself that I made the best decision I could with the information I had available. All done. Anything else is a waste of time and energy.
In Islam, when you are going to make a decision, either a light or a heavy one, praying to God is a must and surrendering after we have tried our best, so that when the decision we take does not give results that match our expectations, we remain tolerant in accepting fate. That God, that is the destiny that God determines for us, so that there are no lingering/meaningful regrets due to the decisions we make
Additionally, every single experience shapes you to become the person you are now. I've been through some rough crap, but I wouldn't un-experience it. I am who I am because of it
“There is no green grass.” At times, this has been my way to cope. We bring our triggers and reactivity with us wherever we go. Accept, forgive, learn, and love.
I need that some days! Beautifully said. Thanks 🙏 In fact, there is no green grass. There isn’t such a thing as you would be happy being tied by gold chains rather than iron ones. Life is just so momentary. We don’t have any ground to stand in thoughts. We have to live in the present.
@@Zehaha2sometimes, you can water that ground all you want, and it is still never green. You can make jerks be kind loving people either. So, life is more about accepting and acknowledgment, and making peace with yourself.
At 67 this one thing I know for sure. I do not regret having my 3 daughters in my 20's and being a stay at home mother and wife! There could be no career worth more than those precious jewels in my life, whom now have give us 6 granddaughters and 1 great granddaughter. I've never wasted a minute thinking I wish I would have taken a different route in my life!
I'm the complete opposite and super happy as well! I knew at a young age I didn't want to take care of a man or kids, and didn't want to sit at home. I wanted a career and my own little peaceful space. I wanted adventure and travels. I've never regretted a second. There is no better life in my eyes. Nothing compares to my peace of mind and free time. ❤
She is correct! 👍 Someone that l used to know asked me one time after l retired : "Don't you have any regrets?" My answer was : "None." I have never had any regrets in my life. Why should l ?" (Brightest Blessings to whomever chooses to read this!) ☺️✌️❤️🦋🙏
I’ve been looking for a sign from God on making a decision on leaving my husband after domestic violence and this was truly a sign an answer. I couldn’t make a decision and I just need to. Thank you for this ❤
Please leave your abuser. Do it ASAP. DO NOT tell him, make it as quick and simple as possible. Don’t worry about possessions; gather your important documents and leave. I wish you the best.
I wish you all the best!! I've been through it all! One thing is certain, we come out stronger. One thing I like to add: I have no idea of your age or life wishes but, if you ever meet another man who you think is lovely, please give yourself time, like months at least, to get to know him well and NO SEX!! Not YET!! That's where we so often go so wrong. If he accepts that condition you'll see that he's good, if not, you'll soon discover whether he's controlling or not!! He will almost 100% show his true colours.
You Absolutely 💯 % correct! Humans spend more of their time focussing On what they could’ve should’ve or didn’t do, instead of just accepting what happened and going with it. Life is too short to have regrets, about what you did or didn’t do. Nothing will change the past and only we can change the current moment in the future. Thanks for the reminder! ❤
We all die that’s the only guarantee in life. Sometimes you need to get out of your comfort zone and just go for it. Only then you will know what the outcome will be. You will always learn something.
Its not a relief, its complete nonsense. It implies there is no such thing as a mistake which is completely untrue. We make bad and worse choices all the time, we make mistakes all the time. This mindset would imply that all crimes and bad deeds committed by people are right by virtue of them having been made
Agree with most of what Dr Ellen Langer says, except about regret. To a limited extent regret is necessary. Don’t beat yourself up with it, but we must be in a self correcting mode to look back at a nasty decision and say to ourselves, I regret having done this.
Not exactly.. realize that your choice atm didn't serve you or someone else to the greater good, recognize the actions you took to create outcome, and don't regret it.. that keeps you from fully evolving from it. There's a hang up, inner conflict- that is causing the feeling of regrets. Instead, learn from it, use a particular decision/experience, or action as a lesson to grow from. Without it occurring, your attention might not have been brought to an issue within yourself that needs a little work. That it was the not so pleasant experience that allowed you to have this new insight. Therefore, you can acknowledge your shortcoming and see why or how it came to be, how it wasn't beneficial, and what you can now do to keep that from happening again. Acknowledge, personal accountability, reflection, and new perspective/action (positive change). Depending upon what it is, the whole process may take some time to explore with self honesty and reflection. Then give gratitude, not regret, for the original experience and any suffering that occurred as a result. There are much needed lessons often found in times of suffering. But when you evolve from it, you'll have a much deeper understanding and profound appreciation that simply wouldn't exist on that level, if not for the suffering you had to first endure to bring forth fruition. Transform the regret into growth/ betterment.. being thankful for the opportunity given to do so. There's no room for regret in that equation. It allows you to also forgive yourself so that you can truly learn and grow. Often times, we forgive others, even when they aren't sorry or ask for it, as a way for us to move past an incident.. for us to heal. But sometimes we don't forgive ourselves (like when for the first time, we become aware of our actions having an unpleasant/negative impact on another person, and we weren't aware of this when the incident took place- so then comes accountability, and then remorse.)- this is where the suffering state can come into play. Then we have to reflect on why we did the action, which can be a deeply rooted issue- possibly having nothing to do with that person directly. We have to forgive ourselves to release any strands of suffering (unfinished lessons) remaining. I once had to do this process 3 times over the course of several months before fully forgiving myself. It may be harder when the other person isn't available and it's one sided. We have to find our resolution, without any help. Anyways, I kept having to revisit this process because from time to time I would think about it and feel bad about my choices\actions. Which is the subconscious trying to get your attention that issue isn't resolved afterall like you thought. I had to work through why I wasn't able to fully forgive myself.. deal with underlying issue, and then have sincere gratitude for all that prolonged suffering and original incident, because without it, I wouldn't have come out on the other side, having accomplished lessons I was obliviously ignorant of during original incident.. it caused a significant shift within me for the better, changing my perspective with myself and that of others. No regrets. Gratitude for weathering the storm that cleared the way for skies of serenity. Sorry for rambling on and on, but sometimes when someone else says something that differs from our current perspective, we can't fully comprehend what they mean, if we're not already familiar with it. So explaining the process can have it make sense and shift our perspectives with that understanding. And if not, that's ok too. Maybe the timing of message isn't in alignment with your/our current needs.
You’re absolutely correct. Regret is essential to learning and improvement. If you don’t understand that people can make mistakes, you cannot learn and that is a very very dangerous place to be
This has bothered Me my whole life. I believe You do your best to make the right decision but if it fails, learn from it. I believe we all were meant to make mistakes, there is a valuable lesson in it.
Rather than a random choice between options, I think a better twist on this is to make the best decision you can based on what you know, and what the fallout will possibly be….then stick to it without ‘buyers remorse’. In my family we call this “not looking in the rear-view mirror”.
100% Whether or not I attempted to hold my narcissistic mother accountable, she still would have smeared my name. I don't regret exposing her. It showed me what wasn't for me. ❤
I think this needs more thought…there are people who plow ahead in life and don’t think through their decisions enough but then act surprised when things don’t turn out well and in those cases, the chances of the alternative being better are much more higher and u can presume it…I have someone in my life that does this and the cleanup goes to everyone around her and she’s constantly stuck in her bad decisions. You can definitely make a bad decision, BUT if u do your best and are honest with yourself about what you can manage….then that’s all u can do. If you’ve thought it through and there’s nothing left to consider other than repeating the same thoughts in your head…THEN just randomly choose
I think her point is that there's only so much thinking you can do in your own mind. You just have to randomly pick something and go with it. If it ends up badly that's okay you just become a stronger person and move on
You missed her point my dear. You have to make a decision so instead of spending way too much time doing do simply make one and embrace it. I think that's her ultimate point
@@gildahobbs8829exactly. I am shocked by the fact that people are agreeing with her basically saying "yesh just do whatever and don't look back". She seems to be embodying it by saying dumb shit.
You’re correct and what she says is nonsense. People make bad choices all the time, prisons are full of those people. Regret is essential to life, and people need to know they make mistakes and choose the wrong things
This here! I counsel people on this all the time. Make a decision and forget about the other options and give your all to the decision you made because the other options don't exist when you move forward. ❤❤❤
A lesson I learned is to 'try the decision on' Mentally assume you made a decision one way and think about the resulting emotion. If needed, flip the decision and wear that one. It often works for big and small decisions.
This is amazing, she is wise and amazing, wise words, don't have any regrets, just make a decision, what's the worse thing that could happen? Not making a decision at all, therefore nothing changes and nothing grows
Its nonsense when you really think about it though. Im not sure you actually want to believe it because it leads to some pretty crazy conclusions, especially for those people who sit in prison
"In life, we must choose our regrets." Best damn quote I've heard on regrets (Heard Chris quoting it on his podcast) This quote changed my whole mindset on decision making and past regrets.
“Make the decision right” is so true, I learned it recently and it’s honestly one of the best things. I make a decision, and I do my best to make it work instead of regretting it.
I have spent a good portion of my adult life, not regretting but in guilt wondering what life would be if I had made a different choice. This happens to kids who were raised with guilt as a parenting tool and made to feel bad over every decision that was not theirs. I am so tired of wondering even when my current decision is not wrong by any means.
Then the issue is more internal. Dealing with that childhood trauma. You're at conflict with yourself because subconscious is trying to bring awareness to your conscious mind. But that requires a bit of self exploration and reflection to find specific issues.. and then learning how to accept, forgive (including yourself), have personal accountability for the present, and to create change within to benefit you wholly- conflict resolved and having a peaceful mind.
This was a pivotal lesson I learned young in the military. When the pressure is on, sometimes a decision just needs to be made. It’s continued to be an important tool that has shaped my life
I think im one of the minority that has this psychology naturally. I try to make good decisions, but have never regretted a decision i made - simply because that was the best i could do at that time! Literally this is always true. Even if a decision is dreadful, it is still the best you could do at that time, what else could it be? We may wish we were a better person...! Thats what we really mean by these things, well hopefully your choices still give you time to do that.
Best advice ever! My teacher and friend Yiftach Sagiv told me once... Most people are busy "making the right choice" while I shall be busy "making my choice right". The only caviat I can add to it from my experience is to make sure to have feedback systems that will protect you from becoming self-righteous like any religious person that stops looking and listening to reality. So be right and stay open! Thanks for sharing ❤
This saved me a whole lot. 30 minutes ago was just asking a close one if I’m making the right decision. And here we are, I just need to find the “rightness” in it. Thank you😊
Go hard or go home. lol I recently told my son something similar because he was caught in the middle between two women, and didn’t know who to choose, and I told him that once he chose to not ever think about the one he didn’t choose and to just tell himself that it was the happiest choice he ever made and to love her in the best way he can and to not ever look back because If he tells himself, he’s happy and he will be happy and he will make everyone else around him happy and you just simply cannot have two people sitting on the back burner waiting for you. He had to make a choice and let one go.
I recently learned that a decision I made 2 decades ago was truly the best for me. It took patience and staying the course and then eventually seeing what the other option would have become to feel gratitude for taking a leap of faith!
@@ladysantos1563If you are bored with him, he is probably bored with you. Complacency destroys marriages. Take some quiet time to think about how you felt when you fell in love with him. What were you both doing? What music did you love etc. I got how you are and I did what I'm recommending. I started sending him texts with links to music videos - love songs, dance music etc. all the things we loved. No melodrama. I went back to who I was and suddenly he did too. It worked. No more boredom and I love him more now than ever.
Embrace your choice and do what you can to get the most out of every choice you make. I’ve had great losses in my life and I struggle with the mental impact of those losses every day. But I couldn’t have had those big painful losses without massive amounts of happiness. If you’re not happy, you don’t have anything to lose. It’s true that happiness happens by accident sometimes, but it’s equally true that you often have to get out of your own way and choose happiness. I don’t ever wish I could do things over, that I could make different decisions, because I’d have to sacrifice the good things. And despite the pain of the losses, I still wake up every morning and seek out the things that make me happy 💜
Some mistakes became bigger mistakes when you strive to make a mistake the “right” mistake. If you make the mistake that you regret, admit it, face it, and consider all options. If abandoning it will not cause undue harm to others, try something else. That is freedom.
This is wonderful advice. I have people in my life who like to tell me that I'm lucky. I always answer that I am where I am as a direct result of my choices. That I have chosen this life, and it is a blessing every day to know that. That same thought helps me get through when things get hard.
"The data for a decision in any given situation is infinite. So what you do is you go through the motions of thinking what you will do about this. And then when the time comes to act, you make a snap judgement." ~ Alan Watts
Good stuff. We are presuming the other choice would've been better but we don't really know. So make your current decision work. Either that or be depressed about it.
Okay. I needed to watch this. I wasn’t going for to. Was feeling grumpy over making a choice I didn’t want to appease others. Now I’m feeling better about it. It’s all fallen apart, but there’s probably a way to make it all better. I’ll catch an early bedtime tonight and let my subconscious mind work on it. Whatever happens, this will certainly make for a good story in the future. Just hard to see it now.
This is why we need moral foundation for decision making. For example, having children is virtuous. And it is immoral and wrong to regret having children.
You should not regret what you cannot determine to be any better. Cherish your presence in the now and the decisions that have led you there. This is YOUR life.
I agree totally! That's why I pray God let it be your will & not my own! Why cause my will has never worked out, cause I know not what is good for me!!!
I learned this lesson as a young man and it has changed my life. Living indecisively is living with regret. Think over your choices carefully before deciding. Once you have made your choice, embrace it, accept the consequences, take responsibility for it and move forward. It will make you a stronger person.
Is there another of you?
Love this
Great advice!
same! and suddenly my life became great
❤
There is a study in psychology that showed that once you choose something, the other option looks more appealing.
So, regardless of what you choose, we tend to think about what we "missed" as better.
When I learned that, I stopped wasting too much time deciding and stopped regretting.
Tha nk you!
Hindsight bias
Can you share the study/ research with us so we can read it
Can you share what that tendency is called when the other option looks more appealing? Coz I face that a lot
Loss Aversion syndrome
"Do what seems wise in the moment and learn to flow on." ~ Bruce Lee
“Be water my friend”- also Bruce Lee
@@keriwebster9117 "gluhg gluhgg gluhgg gluhhg gluuuhhhhhgggg" - Mia Khalifa
@@alexinwonderland6239 😂
Mhm. ❤
"I never said that"
- Bruce Lee
Who else listened to this about 20 times over and over ❤
I love her 😍 at this moment.. she spoke directly to my life ..
I'm 50 and didn't know this. Amazing
😅😅😅
She just saved me the next 5, 10, 20, maybe even 30 years of my life to figure this out on my own, in just 30 seconds.
Don't randomly choose, get God involved, and ask him first.
And you did too. Ironically, you made the choice to stay and listen. And it was a damn fine choice.
@@Israelb7616 Now THAT has helped me tremendously!! Even in simplistic decisions!
@@Israelb7616I don't think he answers lol
Write it down by hand, and put it somewhere important, and read it at least a few times per year, and spend time thinking on it. Seriously.
“Regret is so mindless. Because the choice you didn’t make ,your presuming would’ve been better.” Very wise words!
It’s the solace that comes from accepting that just because it could have been different, doesn’t mean it would have been better.
Exactly!
But the things is sometimes we make a choice out of fear. And fear is holding us for experimenting further in life... Of course everything choice is fine. But some choices are holding you back from your great potential... And thats what makes me scared of making a decision 😅
I'm 30 and I finally realized it's not about making the right decision. It's about making a decision based on your belief and sticking with it.
Unless your stoned
“Regret is so mindless” profound 🥺
Amen! Too bad I learned this so late in life.
Until your living last years single. 🤦♀️😂.
@@Portia620 regret still remain single. there are people miserable in their marriages stuck in them all their life wastedn in misery. people have kids, even grand kids who rarely or never. There are old peopl dying alone with no people around them. Romantic relationships are not the only relationships and bonds you make in life. In the country i am living is adult adoption is legal. friendship make great communitzy as well same as having your already born in family. The only people who truly die alone and are desperate for a relationship and kids are those who dont have good coomunity to begin with dont have good and strong bond with their family (siblings, cousins, nieces, nefews etc.) those who dont have good and strong bonds with friends, dont have a community around them that is supportive (neighbours, aquintances from hobbies, co workers etc) and pets. its actuallzy harmful to only focus on one type of relationship. people need a village and a big support system as not to exhaust their bonds.
Everyone regrets FFS. You can't avoid feeling this
@@rw2266 this is also true 😀
After a difficult break-up of a long relationship I decided that I was not going to what-if my life away. I made the decisions I did and I have to live with them and move forward. If that break-up didn’t happen I wouldn’t be happily married to a wonderful man and the mother of our two children. I have an incredible life and I wouldn’t change a thing. I think this is kind of the same attitude ❤
That's what my husband always does. He never makes wrong decisions because he finds "rightness" in them. Learning from him feels really good.
How beautiful!!❤❤❤😊
There's no mistake, only happy accidents
Learning from your partner, sounds like you have a healthy relationship! ❤ I hope he gets to learn from you too 😊
@@Meeeeeergo oh yes, he definitely learns from me. He is much better at hearing me now, compared to how he was at the beginning of our relationship. Although, I learned how to communicate with him in a way he can hear me. It's a never-ending process.
That’s called coping.
I became disabled at 42. For the last 13 years I’ve been envious of other people’s lives!!! A lot of time, because they are giving me advice in what to do!!! I’m doing me, I’m doing my best for what I have now!!! That’s good enough after hearing this!!! I don’t need to be rich, spinning my wheels all the time. I’ve been afforded to take life a little slower!!!
I'm making another youtube channel. It deals with the problems of disabilities ( the pay ) and health and fitness ( not steroids ).
I just have thus channel up for comments. But if you want to add me and just post on a vid, idk my last 1 from years a ago. I'll let you know when that channel goes up.
I'm an epidemiologist and corrective exercise specialist with concentrations in genetics and health informatics. I forgot to mention I almost clinically died twice. I now bench 305 lbs. I'm not saying that's you. I'm saying I've documented my dating life and wink incorporate that. I want to help others and bring awareness through my mind and body.
Basically I've been the patient, live it everyday, but have taken care if patients in clinical and studied the books. However, as you know...nothing replaces that life experience. I'm trying to bring true Health and fitness back to youtube. BTW I have an ileostomy. Wish you well bro.
You are such a beautiful soul ❤️❤️❤️
Do you...nobody knows better than you ❤
If hard to decide there’s a reason for it. Identify it than you solve the puzzle
I get decision fatigue. This is peaceful.
Are you a Libra
@@Nusaiba89😂
Yes I want to drive my life with this motto.
Decision making can be fatiguing that is for sure. But rather than twisting our fingers or rolling our hands, take a deep breath and drink some water. Make a list of pros and cons imagine results or Consequences for each choice and then make a choice. Not making a choice will leave you feeling very indifferent and not honoring yourself. Not to decide is to decide.
@@Nusaiba89I am! Decisions are the bane of my life!
As a single, childfree woman in my 30s, I just smile when people tell me that I'll 'regret it' one day. I made the decision as a teen and have never regretted it. I am at peace with my choice.
😂
Good for you! I'm turning 43 in a few days, I have a husband & two children. My daughter (14) says she wants to be child-free, my son (10) says that he wants a family and children. I support my daughter wholeheartedly! I do not believe this is the woman's sole purpose in life. When I was getting married I literally didn't think that not having children was a possibility--everybody expected you to have them: my parents, friends, etc.
Once again, good for you and enjoy your decision! All the best from a viewer in Ukraine! Peace
Imagine having teachers like this 😢
I did! It made life SO much easier to take. My life now is nothing how I pictured it, but if it had gone as I had imagined. I would not be in the place to support my parents as I have these past years when they need it most.
I think most teachers frequently give good advice, but students tend to not care about those pieces of advice as teachers aren't respected by society (including parents).
Imagine having PARENTS like this!!!!
This woman is like the mom a lot of people need. My mom told me this but I forgot it over the course of many years because shits do hit the fan time to time and you get frustrated. It's good to be reminded every now and then
“Make the decision right”. What I needed to hear today, I’ve been feeling stressed for days now. Thank you Dr. Ellen 🥹
Outstanding...own your decisions, actions, behaviours etc ❤❤❤❤you did the best in the moment 👏 🙌 ❤❤❤❤❤hellooooooooo
That is such a good lesson to learn. Thinking about the choices not taken can lead to so much anxiety and make you miss what’s about to come around the corner for you. So moral of the story, just live your life.
Lots of people live in regrets and when she said “regret is mindless”she is so right!
“.. because the choice you didn’t take you’re presuming would have been better.” WISE WORDS!🙌🏻
That's beautiful, whatever decision you choose make the best of it
Amour fati. Love and embrace your fate. Radically accept what is real unless maybe there is something you can do to prevent unnecessary suffering. 😢
Bravissima. I figured out fairly young that I didn’t want to live with regret, so I do the best I can to collect info unobsessively, then make a reasoned decision, and anytime regret seems like it might be creeping in, I remind myself that I made the best decision I could with the information I had available. All done. Anything else is a waste of time and energy.
❤❤❤I also have this philosophy
I need to listen to this every day
"The choice you didn't take you're presuming would have been better." Whew. Amazing thought exercise. ❤
This is absolutely brilliant! An absolute game changer to stop wasting time on past decisions and move forward powerfully.
"Move forward powerfully" 🎉
Move on like yesterday never existed. Decisions Made, face it. Enjoy the ups and downs. It is called LIFE.
Goodness! Just what I needed to hear today!
So many of us with issues in letting go , needed to hear this
We can't undo yesterday, we can't control tomorrow. But what we can, is to do our best for today for a better tomorrow🌻
Omg, so trure???
I son needed to hear that tho..
In Islam, when you are going to make a decision, either a light or a heavy one, praying to God is a must and surrendering after we have tried our best, so that when the decision we take does not give results that match our expectations, we remain tolerant in accepting fate. That God, that is the destiny that God determines for us, so that there are no lingering/meaningful regrets due to the decisions we make
😢😮😮😮@@Bourdjihez-M9b😅😅😅😅😅
This lady has a wonderful energy.
This is exactly how I think about things.
To do otherwise is a huge waste of energy.
She do
Additionally, every single experience shapes you to become the person you are now. I've been through some rough crap, but I wouldn't un-experience it. I am who I am because of it
“There is no green grass.” At times, this has been my way to cope. We bring our triggers and reactivity with us wherever we go.
Accept, forgive, learn, and love.
Do you know where the grass is greener? Where you water it.
I need that some days! Beautifully said. Thanks 🙏 In fact, there is no green grass. There isn’t such a thing as you would be happy being tied by gold chains rather than iron ones. Life is just so momentary. We don’t have any ground to stand in thoughts. We have to live in the present.
@@Zehaha2sometimes, you can water that ground all you want, and it is still never green. You can make jerks be kind loving people either. So, life is more about accepting and acknowledgment, and making peace with yourself.
Sometimes there’s lush dark green grass like you’ve never seen and other times it’s a barren wasteland that is pure cope
At 67 this one thing I know for sure. I do not regret having my 3 daughters in my 20's and being a stay at home mother and wife! There could be no career worth more than those precious jewels in my life, whom now have give us 6 granddaughters and 1 great granddaughter. I've never wasted a minute thinking I wish I would have taken a different route in my life!
There probably was a career or a life worth not having them - you just won’t know.
I'm the complete opposite and super happy as well! I knew at a young age I didn't want to take care of a man or kids, and didn't want to sit at home. I wanted a career and my own little peaceful space. I wanted adventure and travels.
I've never regretted a second. There is no better life in my eyes. Nothing compares to my peace of mind and free time. ❤
I agree completely! Do it, just do it and live with the consequences, right or wrong, you will have no regrets!!!
Thats complete bullshit… we would be pretty screwed if everyone thought like that. The world would be riddled with crime
She is correct! 👍
Someone that l used to know asked me one time after l retired : "Don't you have any regrets?" My answer was : "None." I have never had any regrets in my life. Why should l ?" (Brightest Blessings to whomever chooses to read this!)
☺️✌️❤️🦋🙏
Right back at ya!
I’ve been looking for a sign from God on making a decision on leaving my husband after domestic violence and this was truly a sign an answer. I couldn’t make a decision and I just need to. Thank you for this ❤
❤❤❤
Please leave your abuser. Do it ASAP. DO NOT tell him, make it as quick and simple as possible. Don’t worry about possessions; gather your important documents and leave. I wish you the best.
I wish you all the best!! I've been through it all! One thing is certain, we come out stronger.
One thing I like to add: I have no idea of your age or life wishes but, if you ever meet another man who you think is lovely, please give yourself time, like months at least, to get to know him well and NO SEX!! Not YET!! That's where we so often go so wrong.
If he accepts that condition you'll see that he's good, if not, you'll soon discover whether he's controlling or not!!
He will almost 100% show his true colours.
Sending you love & strength!❤
I feel like leaving a terrible person is a decision you will not regret. I wish you the best of luck.
You Absolutely 💯 % correct! Humans spend more of their time focussing On what they could’ve should’ve or didn’t do, instead of just accepting what happened and going with it. Life is too short to have regrets, about what you did or didn’t do. Nothing will change the past and only we can change the current moment in the future. Thanks for the reminder! ❤
We all die that’s the only guarantee in life. Sometimes you need to get out of your comfort zone and just go for it. Only then you will know what the outcome will be. You will always learn something.
Yep. Truth. No time machine available to go back and try the other choice and see what that choice would have been.
Just live
It is such a relief to know that the choice we made was the decision right.
Its not a relief, its complete nonsense. It implies there is no such thing as a mistake which is completely untrue. We make bad and worse choices all the time, we make mistakes all the time. This mindset would imply that all crimes and bad deeds committed by people are right by virtue of them having been made
Agree with most of what Dr Ellen Langer says, except about regret.
To a limited extent regret is necessary.
Don’t beat yourself up with it, but we must be in a self correcting mode to look back at a nasty decision and say to ourselves, I regret having done this.
You don't have to beat yourself down to learn from your mistakes.
Not exactly.. realize that your choice atm didn't serve you or someone else to the greater good, recognize the actions you took to create outcome, and don't regret it.. that keeps you from fully evolving from it. There's a hang up, inner conflict- that is causing the feeling of regrets. Instead, learn from it, use a particular decision/experience, or action as a lesson to grow from. Without it occurring, your attention might not have been brought to an issue within yourself that needs a little work. That it was the not so pleasant experience that allowed you to have this new insight. Therefore, you can acknowledge your shortcoming and see why or how it came to be, how it wasn't beneficial, and what you can now do to keep that from happening again. Acknowledge, personal accountability, reflection, and new perspective/action (positive change). Depending upon what it is, the whole process may take some time to explore with self honesty and reflection. Then give gratitude, not regret, for the original experience and any suffering that occurred as a result. There are much needed lessons often found in times of suffering. But when you evolve from it, you'll have a much deeper understanding and profound appreciation that simply wouldn't exist on that level, if not for the suffering you had to first endure to bring forth fruition. Transform the regret into growth/ betterment.. being thankful for the opportunity given to do so. There's no room for regret in that equation. It allows you to also forgive yourself so that you can truly learn and grow. Often times, we forgive others, even when they aren't sorry or ask for it, as a way for us to move past an incident.. for us to heal. But sometimes we don't forgive ourselves (like when for the first time, we become aware of our actions having an unpleasant/negative impact on another person, and we weren't aware of this when the incident took place- so then comes accountability, and then remorse.)- this is where the suffering state can come into play. Then we have to reflect on why we did the action, which can be a deeply rooted issue- possibly having nothing to do with that person directly. We have to forgive ourselves to release any strands of suffering (unfinished lessons) remaining. I once had to do this process 3 times over the course of several months before fully forgiving myself. It may be harder when the other person isn't available and it's one sided. We have to find our resolution, without any help. Anyways, I kept having to revisit this process because from time to time I would think about it and feel bad about my choices\actions. Which is the subconscious trying to get your attention that issue isn't resolved afterall like you thought. I had to work through why I wasn't able to fully forgive myself.. deal with underlying issue, and then have sincere gratitude for all that prolonged suffering and original incident, because without it, I wouldn't have come out on the other side, having accomplished lessons I was obliviously ignorant of during original incident.. it caused a significant shift within me for the better, changing my perspective with myself and that of others. No regrets. Gratitude for weathering the storm that cleared the way for skies of serenity. Sorry for rambling on and on, but sometimes when someone else says something that differs from our current perspective, we can't fully comprehend what they mean, if we're not already familiar with it. So explaining the process can have it make sense and shift our perspectives with that understanding. And if not, that's ok too. Maybe the timing of message isn't in alignment with your/our current needs.
You’re absolutely correct. Regret is essential to learning and improvement. If you don’t understand that people can make mistakes, you cannot learn and that is a very very dangerous place to be
That assumes it was nasty. It's not a mistake if you learn from it.
@@nikkicalton2148 True.
Such valuable information. Exactly. Regret is a waste. Much like guilt. Or worry.
Yeah absolutely. Guilt is such a waste. I hope none of those people in prison ever feel guilty for their acts, just live your life mate!
This has bothered Me my whole life. I believe You do your best to make the right decision but if it fails, learn from it. I believe we all were meant to make mistakes, there is a valuable lesson in it.
Rather than a random choice between options, I think a better twist on this is to make the best decision you can based on what you know, and what the fallout will possibly be….then stick to it without ‘buyers remorse’. In my family we call this “not looking in the rear-view mirror”.
You still miss the point. Now you’re playing the mind games.
@@kaliplaya86 what part don’t you understand? Is it too subtle a paradigm shift for you?
@@benjigirl1971THE BURN 😂
Im gonna use this
@@kaliplaya86yup, failing listen, then commenting on their assumption.
100%
Whether or not I attempted to hold my narcissistic mother accountable, she still would have smeared my name.
I don't regret exposing her. It showed me what wasn't for me. ❤
I think this needs more thought…there are people who plow ahead in life and don’t think through their decisions enough but then act surprised when things don’t turn out well and in those cases, the chances of the alternative being better are much more higher and u can presume it…I have someone in my life that does this and the cleanup goes to everyone around her and she’s constantly stuck in her bad decisions. You can definitely make a bad decision, BUT if u do your best and are honest with yourself about what you can manage….then that’s all u can do. If you’ve thought it through and there’s nothing left to consider other than repeating the same thoughts in your head…THEN just randomly choose
I think her point is that there's only so much thinking you can do in your own mind. You just have to randomly pick something and go with it. If it ends up badly that's okay you just become a stronger person and move on
You missed her point my dear. You have to make a decision so instead of spending way too much time doing do simply make one and embrace it. I think that's her ultimate point
I agree. The way she phrased it sounds like doing research or extrapolating from experience is not a good idea or even not possible
@@gildahobbs8829exactly. I am shocked by the fact that people are agreeing with her basically saying "yesh just do whatever and don't look back". She seems to be embodying it by saying dumb shit.
You’re correct and what she says is nonsense. People make bad choices all the time, prisons are full of those people. Regret is essential to life, and people need to know they make mistakes and choose the wrong things
Wise words! I always say to people, you made the best decision at the time. My complicated life taught me that.
This here! I counsel people on this all the time. Make a decision and forget about the other options and give your all to the decision you made because the other options don't exist when you move forward. ❤❤❤
Hopefully you also remind them that this decision shouldn’t involve hurting others
I love this! Thank you 🙏
❤ Sue is so right! The decision we have already taken we should work on making it right!
A lesson I learned is to 'try the decision on' Mentally assume you made a decision one way and think about the resulting emotion. If needed, flip the decision and wear that one. It often works for big and small decisions.
This is amazing, she is wise and amazing, wise words, don't have any regrets, just make a decision, what's the worse thing that could happen? Not making a decision at all, therefore nothing changes and nothing grows
brilliant , so right whatever decision you made at that time run with it it’s where your meant to be
Its nonsense when you really think about it though. Im not sure you actually want to believe it because it leads to some pretty crazy conclusions, especially for those people who sit in prison
This is so true! Choose & the universe conspires for you either way! There is no losing really, only winning or learning
No losses... Just lessons
I think following your instinct and your heart is the better way to live despite people's opinions
I'm tired of people's opinions
"In life, we must choose our regrets." Best damn quote I've heard on regrets (Heard Chris quoting it on his podcast) This quote changed my whole mindset on decision making and past regrets.
Grateful for hearing your wisdom today!!!
“Make the decision right” is so true, I learned it recently and it’s honestly one of the best things. I make a decision, and I do my best to make it work instead of regretting it.
I have spent a good portion of my adult life, not regretting but in guilt wondering what life would be if I had made a different choice. This happens to kids who were raised with guilt as a parenting tool and made to feel bad over every decision that was not theirs. I am so tired of wondering even when my current decision is not wrong by any means.
Then the issue is more internal. Dealing with that childhood trauma. You're at conflict with yourself because subconscious is trying to bring awareness to your conscious mind. But that requires a bit of self exploration and reflection to find specific issues.. and then learning how to accept, forgive (including yourself), have personal accountability for the present, and to create change within to benefit you wholly- conflict resolved and having a peaceful mind.
I'll make my decision right. I recently turned down a job, and I've been beating myself up since. This clip confirms my situation! Thank you fo this
Helps me get on with the big decisions I just made, and all the little ones that follow as a consequence. Thank you. 😊
This was a pivotal lesson I learned young in the military. When the pressure is on, sometimes a decision just needs to be made. It’s continued to be an important tool that has shaped my life
I think im one of the minority that has this psychology naturally. I try to make good decisions, but have never regretted a decision i made - simply because that was the best i could do at that time! Literally this is always true. Even if a decision is dreadful, it is still the best you could do at that time, what else could it be? We may wish we were a better person...! Thats what we really mean by these things, well hopefully your choices still give you time to do that.
Im glad i had and have expectations for myself. The choice, the better choice made all the difference. Dont be in a hurry
“You did your best with what you had” that’s what I tell myself and tbh I have no regrets in my life. I’m at peace
Best advice ever!
My teacher and friend Yiftach Sagiv told me once... Most people are busy "making the right choice" while I shall be busy "making my choice right". The only caviat I can add to it from my experience is to make sure to have feedback systems that will protect you from becoming self-righteous like any religious person that stops looking and listening to reality. So be right and stay open!
Thanks for sharing ❤
I like this lady’s energy. She seems unapologetic and old fashioned
Choose your choice. Get behind it. The only goal should be to learn as much as you can from every experience.
God, I really needed to hear this. Thank you!!!!
Me too. Makes things feel lighter
This saved me a whole lot. 30 minutes ago was just asking a close one if I’m making the right decision. And here we are, I just need to find the “rightness” in it. Thank you😊
Thank you ! There is not a way to know that the other choice is better or not ! Very wise words ! ❤🙏
Really? Like, I think that its very clear that someone who decides to go and kill someone makes a worse choice than someone who doesn’t…
This is perspective of just letting go and living is supremely healing for indecisives
Go hard or go home. lol I recently told my son something similar because he was caught in the middle between two women, and didn’t know who to choose, and I told him that once he chose to not ever think about the one he didn’t choose and to just tell himself that it was the happiest choice he ever made and to love her in the best way he can and to not ever look back because If he tells himself, he’s happy and he will be happy and he will make everyone else around him happy and you just simply cannot have two people sitting on the back burner waiting for you. He had to make a choice and let one go.
It's a great lesson to learn. Take the risk and go for it. Life is unpredictable. Regret sure is MINDLESS.
One of the best things I have ever heard
VERY TRUE 🙏 ❤Although I heard someone say every day is a New day for life and that's why it is called the Present
This gives deeper meaning to the story of Lot's wife.
I recently learned that a decision I made 2 decades ago was truly the best for me. It took patience and staying the course and then eventually seeing what the other option would have become to feel gratitude for taking a leap of faith!
But we have God and his Holy Spirit to guide us in every decision through revelation 💙
I’ve never looked at it like that or even heard it put this way! I love this! ❤
Think 100 times before getting married, because this will impact your life, your health and your future
Yes but also you could decide to move on which would still be your decision
@@rubyChennai.. yes, but you don’t make “random” decisions like she said
I’m so bored with my husband …I am ready for change 😢
@@ladysantos1563If you are bored with him, he is probably bored with you. Complacency destroys marriages. Take some quiet time to think about how you felt when you fell in love with him. What were you both doing? What music did you love etc. I got how you are and I did what I'm recommending. I started sending him texts with links to music videos - love songs, dance music etc. all the things we loved. No melodrama. I went back to who I was and suddenly he did too. It worked. No more boredom and I love him more now than ever.
@@ladysantos1563y'all not equally yoked?
Embrace your choice and do what you can to get the most out of every choice you make. I’ve had great losses in my life and I struggle with the mental impact of those losses every day. But I couldn’t have had those big painful losses without massive amounts of happiness. If you’re not happy, you don’t have anything to lose.
It’s true that happiness happens by accident sometimes, but it’s equally true that you often have to get out of your own way and choose happiness.
I don’t ever wish I could do things over, that I could make different decisions, because I’d have to sacrifice the good things. And despite the pain of the losses, I still wake up every morning and seek out the things that make me happy 💜
Some mistakes became bigger mistakes when you strive to make a mistake the “right” mistake. If you make the mistake that you regret, admit it, face it, and consider all options. If abandoning it will not cause undue harm to others, try something else. That is freedom.
This is wise
And out of decisions that had an outcome we didn't want, great connections can happen. Those decisions are like the bridges in life.
This is wonderful advice. I have people in my life who like to tell me that I'm lucky. I always answer that I am where I am as a direct result of my choices. That I have chosen this life, and it is a blessing every day to know that. That same thought helps me get through when things get hard.
She's such a real GEM!!! She is so wise AND kind!
I need to use your philosophy starting from NOW..! ❤❤❤
And it most likely wouldn’t have been better because life is rough for everyone. Thank you for this reminder 😊
That being said make decisions based on reality for best possible outcomes.
Exactly! Nobody make "bad" decision intentionally. We always try, so there is not point in regretting and kicking themself❤
"The data for a decision in any given situation is infinite. So what you do is you go through the motions of thinking what you will do about this. And then when the time comes to act, you make a snap judgement." ~ Alan Watts
“Whichever way you choose, you will find something good”
"Regret Can Only Misery Beget ™ ©" THIS IS PROFOUND
Good stuff. We are presuming the other choice would've been better but we don't really know. So make your current decision work. Either that or be depressed about it.
Sometimes the universe speaks to you in unexpected ways.
Okay. I needed to watch this. I wasn’t going for to. Was feeling grumpy over making a choice I didn’t want to appease others. Now I’m feeling better about it. It’s all fallen apart, but there’s probably a way to make it all better. I’ll catch an early bedtime tonight and let my subconscious mind work on it. Whatever happens, this will certainly make for a good story in the future. Just hard to see it now.
This is why we need moral foundation for decision making. For example, having children is virtuous. And it is immoral and wrong to regret having children.
😂😂😂😂having children is a choice
Informed decision in big life choices is not a bad thing but once you've chosen, focus on what you are at. It decides whether it can bloom or wither.
Some things like an education course or job you just have to do it to know if it’s right for you.
Amen. Don't make decisions of of emotions, make REAListic decisions
Make an educated choice, then stick to it and don't look back.
Accept your burden, whatever that might be.
Roll with the punches.
Be grateful.
You should not regret what you cannot determine to be any better. Cherish your presence in the now and the decisions that have led you there. This is YOUR life.
I agree totally! That's why I pray God let it be your will & not my own! Why cause my will has never worked out, cause I know not what is good for me!!!
What a wonderful & gentle reminder. Thank you