Sharing a very personal/embarrassing story
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
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Sharing a story which I think it at the root of social anxiety.
For the algorithm - mensmentalhealth, self improvement, stoicism, spirituality, connection, storytime, embarrassment, socialanxiety, lonely, friends
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In school, I was called an "appendix" because I was "small and worthless". Surprise surprise, I ended up with low self-esteem and low confidence (my family also reinforced these feelings). I never tried to date anyone because "who would love a worthless and useless guy like me?" (also, I'm gay and my parents are homophobic). When I was 27, I went to therapy and discovered how my feelings were linked to my past (yes, I didn´t know) and started to work on myself and heal. I'm 31 now, and I've cut contact with my toxic family and toxic "friends", I'm surrounded by lovely people who know my story and support me, including my boyfriend. I still don´t have many IRL friends, but I'm working on improving my social skills. I am the happiest I´ve ever been in my life.
Thank you for sharing you're story. :)
Thank you for the vid! spoiling us with the new frequency!
Very brave of you to speak at such a depth of your problems. I appreciate that a lot and can tell how hard that was for you - do something to ground yourself maybe, give yourself some TLC :)
Thanks for sharing such a personal story with us. No doubt your vulnerability will help others!
Hugs, Mikey.
@@jeangenie1240Hey stranger!! What a wonderful surprise! Biggest 🤗’s and ❣️!!
I think you are a wellspoken and reflected man. I would love to have a friend like you. I found your video helpful, all the best to you.
Thank you, I appreciate the kind words
If I could get away from going to school for a year, I'd still be gone. I remember Noel Gallagher talking about how he played hooky from school for months and he only came back for dinner because his mom was a dinner lady at school. In America, nobody would graduate secondary school if it was like that.
I learned a lot in school but not from the lessons! I was a pretty shy kid when I went in and within a few years I was much more confident. The one thing I think school is good for is that it forces people together and so they have to learn to communicate.
Thank you for making the video mate, I identify with alot of things you mentioned
Your very articulate, intelligent and have a really nice persona. Thanks for the video. Really helped me.
Big respect for this mate, and keep the videos going!
Thank you, starting to into posting more regularly!
Gawd I consistently relate to you man… even the skipping school to game,
I don’t know how to say this but to be frank think I had it significantly worse though to be honest…
Do you feel that having parents that could really connect with to you might have helped? I’ve got young kids myself and really want to ensure they’re better armed for potential bullying at that age..
I think my own parents just figured food, roof and the basics was the absolute be all and end all for support in life
That's actually a question I talk about in one of my next videos. Is it a good idea to reflect on the past or look to the future?
I'm sure it would have helped massively but there's nothing I can do about it now and I know my parents were doing the best they could at the time.
Yea true... good attitude to have I think for almost any circumstance.
Hi Jay,
Have just come across your first video on my feed. Much respect for sharing.
I’m currently working towards switching my career and becoming a lifecoach. My current stage is coaching people for free. If this is something you fancy be good to have a chat!
Much respect
James
Hi James, thanks for the offer, I'm actually considering doing the same thing myself! Do you want me to drop me an email and we can have a chat
@@JayWallace Hi Jay, what’s your email?
@@Whataboutyourhouse Look in my "about" section
please stop feeling miserable , you're a great person
I don't?
Thanks for sharing - do you mind if I ask how you got counselling, through your GP/NHS? Or got help privately? Never sure what the best route to go down as I know NHS only has so many free sessions.
I'm sure Jay will get back to you with his way - however it would be remiss of me not to share as I am one in training lol... there are quite a few ways. If you are in the UK, you can probably research a counsellor or service with as little as "counselling in " and you'll probably get some helpful results.
You can ask through your GP/NHS as well of course.
I found this story very interesting.
I think we are not too far apart in age and if youd done what you did in my neck of the woods, the midlands, youd have been celebrated as a bit of a hero/jack the lad (rightly or wrongly).
Im just interested in how you wagged ("skipped" for americans) school for like a whole year and was it one of your gcse years like 10 Or 11 and did it affect your grade outcome?
All the best
hI? I'm from france and i understand you very well too. Also mate, thank you for sharing. it helps me motivate myself to see a psychiatrist.
Women/girls are known of their cruel and dirty tactics (manipulation, lies, toxic behavior). You were young and emotionally fragile to defend from that behavior ..the best way to do it is to ignore such rumours. Actually I recommend to all people, especially young ones, to get familiar with videos dedicated to how to deal with narcistic & toxic personalities. This knowledge can save your lives and arm you with useful "tools"
I feel like having some kind of social connection outside of school to anchor to like a team sport or martial arts can be a kind of a defense for kids against bullying as it can build resilience and lower the effect of cheap bullying tactics
You are telling the story like you were only one hurt in this.
Great point, thank you. I did address in another similar comment and probably should have done in the video.
So it’s about your junk or sexual acts
Hi, thanks for sharing such a personal story. The same thing happened to me this year, this girl at work invented a lie about me and because of it I'm now being pushed by the management to quit my job. I hate office politics. This is why I can never trust anyone😣😭
That sounds harsh and sorry you're going through that.
I wouldn't let it affect your judgement of everyone though. When I think with empathy, that girl was hurting too and that's why she did it. I've forgiven her now and I feel better for it
Me 98% content, 2% lonely. Guess which is hardest to live with. What helps me is counting my blessings (trite, I know) and taking joy in small pleasures. Oh, and falling into a hug with someone at every opportunity. Thank you for sharing, harrowing as it was for you. I see I have bumped into a RUclips 'friend' below, which is nice.
I felt compassion until I heard the end of the story. What if the roles would be reversed and she would fool with your friend? Wrecking your self-esteem, because you would think you are worthless and she preferred your friend? Teenage girls are vulnerable, too. Imagine how worthless she felt in the school to want to hurt you like you hurt her!
A very good point, thank you.
I didn't go into all the details of the story so perhaps I didn't give the full picture.
The reason I mentioned the story was because when I asked her about it years later, she didn't even remember it. Maybe I might have considered her point of view if it had been as traumatic for her.
Appreciate what you're saying though and thanks for sharing.
What was the nick name ? I know, dont sweat it....such experiences can be crushing at those ages.....been there...
What your claiming that is not true that she was spreading around …. well it’s probably actually true since you’re still denying it here in this video. Try to get over it.
Sometimes I wonder whether it's me who has altered someone's life trajectory in a negative way. I run the scenarios that I remember through my head and ponder, beating myself up in the process. Perhaps there's incidents that I've also forgotten? Then again, when I take an objective look at things, I can see that I've probably altered people's life in positive ways too, in ways I can remember and perhaps in ways that I never even found out about. Anyway, you seem like a relatively well-adjusted guy, don't beat yourself up too much, the way your describe yourself TO yourself is probably way more negative than the reality of things, or what people perceive looking from the outside (easier said than done I know)
i honestly was expecting something big of a deal. like no offense or anything but its not giving what it supposed to give.
Drinking oatmilk is quite embarrasing. I agree that.
The weed metaphor is great. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks, glad you liked it
Hi Jay I'm not sure how to pm so I'm gonna say this here.
Loved your first video... it put me on a bit of a journey myself...
If I can ask one thing... Please don't become one of these people that feels the need to make videos for love or attention. I can already kinda see you doing it. I checked your 18 month progress and you werent doing any better. I think you're trying to fix the void with social media validation but I can guarentee it isn't the way to do it. I'm happy to chat if you'd like. I'm not sure how to pm.
Hey thanks for the comment and glad my first video helped in some way.
I appreciate your concern. A lot has changed since that first video and I can assure you I'm in a much better place now.
This channel is just a place for me to share my thoughts.
Thanks for sharing. I have no doubt this must have been a nightmare when it happened. If it can help, I'm sure everybody you knew around that age dont remember this story about you or have no more close relation to you now in the present. Sometimes overthinking is a bi***. I find that going to the gym, vitamins and eating healthy helps to calm down my anxiety/depression. Unfortunately its something we'll have to deal with for the rest of our lives I guess. Wishing you the best.
Thanks for the comment. I'm not sure we have to be stuck in overthinking. The video after this one talks about how I think it's our brains way of telling us there's something to be learned by that experience and it won't let us forget about it until we've learned it.
Hi I'm jen, I'm new to the çhannel. First off thank you for telling me about the coffee. I'm 37 and had no idea it gave you anxiety. Second hugs to you for the story I was a bit of a loner at school. Still am but I now play Xbox to help me overcome shyness and meet new people. Hugs to you for opening up to us all. You are so brave and we appreciate you x
I hope you feel better by sharing the story.
What your jealous friend did to you was not acceptable but she got hurt by what you did which you think is a small thing. Teens are complicated… Did forgiving her make you become a better person like you are more positive or compassionate? Thanks for sharing the story.
You make a really good point and thank you for sharing it.
I understand she was hurt too and I'm sure if she knew the consequences, she would never have said anything.
I just shared the story because something that was so inconsequential for one person can be disastrous for another.
I forgave her a long time ago and no longer hold on to the resentment I used to
But you´re disaware where your anxioty came. Cosh you are not your feelings in this simulation, Buddy.
Anxioty is outside of you.
Gun is outside of you.
You are shot.
You are not thinking buying potatoes, onions, vegetables
You are thinking you are SHOT
You are not aware where the gun is
You are aware you´re having anxiety
Very aware, not aware where you were shot at
thank you for making this video
My pleasure
Thanks for sharing. Takes balls. Made me realise that false rumours from my school days really contributed to my introversion, and general mistrust of other people. I know what it's like to have to defend myself against the "no smoke without fire" brigade when innocent.
I'm glad you shared this around 🦋
Thank you :)
Thanks for sharing
you are funny , i like your story,
if you would like to take any of my advice , lay off the video games , there's loads of other things to do
take care
Thank you, appreciate the advice
Being vulnerable is massive except that actions help even more. Thus, I wonder WHY CAN'T WE, SELF ADMITTING LONELY OR LONELIEST HUMANS COME TOGETHER, MEET UP, CATCH UP, TALK, LAUGH & CRY TOGETHER WHETHER IN PERSON OR ONLINE? WHAT'S STOPPING US??? GOOD CLIP JAY!!!