Thanks for this video Amanda! It’s a constant struggle for us too. I work full time in a pretty demanding job and so does my husband. We have two little ones. It’s always a fight and I always feel like the load could be split better. Not sure what the answer is but it’s nice to know we are not alone.
I had to pause this after your rant in the car - I’ve gone back to work full time after being a stay at home mom of twins for the last 7 years - my husband, bless him, has stepped up a bit - does more grocery shopping, he’s responsible for picking the kids up from school (I do drop off), does dinner each day with the kids, again I say bless him. BUT!! There’s still other chores - bathrooms, deep cleaning, laundry, etc. that I feel still falls on me. I know it’s up to me to start this conversation with him but man those old stereotypes about who’s responsibility things are, is still in effect and so damn frustrating!!!!!
It is frustrating...especially when we realize that we've been doing a little too much, for al little too long. I wonder what the best way to start a "we need to reset the workload" kind of conversation. Genuinely! There's so many of us feeling these same things.
I’ve had to pause during your car chat to comment 😂 I too am in that age bracket (41) and I’ve got two little kids. I’m so tired of all of these things. Is it just the resentment has built up over the past 8 years and finally I’m saying “I have enough of this dynamic”?. I’m in the hardest season of my marriage right now and my tolerance is very low. My husband is also an excellent contributor to the household but I’ve given up doing everything. Therefore my bathrooms are never clean. The floors are never washed and many chores are left unfinished. I’m in a standoff. I’m really fed up and maybe it is an age thing. 😅
Oh man, I feel this deeply. Like if I don't do it...then who will? I don't like living in chaos (to me chaos is an untidy, unclean home lol). I totally get it.
I will be 48 soon and have a 10 & almost 13 year old. I have LOVED my 40s. I noticed I speak up A LOT more for myself in all aspects of my life and could care less what others think. It is freeing but does cause issues at home because things I’ve always “just done”. I have asked my husband “and you can’t do this why?” . You are right, as mothers carrying the emotional load is huge and I don’t think men realize what all that entails. I have a constant to do list running in my head. I really don’t feel like men are capable of that. However, that doesn’t mean they can share the load of a life you both created.
💯💯💯 So relate to the household and invisible labor rant! I’ve had conversations with my husband about this, and what I’ve found to be really helpful is to just ask him to do certain things. Yes, the fact alone that I have to ask him can be triggering to me, but I’ve come to understand that these are not things he will think of doing on his own. There’s a fine line to navigate at times between asking and nagging. I am his wife, not his mother. But we are a team, and he cannot read my mind. So I ask him to clean the bathroom this weekend. I ask him to fold some clothes I’ve been wanting folded. And that has helped a lot.
I can relate husband is an only child his mum did everything. He is is 13yrs older. He can't cook or use the washing machine. When we were first married before kids he used to vacuum and wash dishes after kids doesn't help cause he was working and I did for a short while between kids we have 4. He did grocery shopping and still does now he is retired. I still have 4yrs to go before retirement. At least the kids are old enough to do their own washing and my daughter helps with cooking the youngest Daughter did too before she moved out And my oldest Son and Daughter do grocery shopping too and my son washes dishes. All the kids work. The older son works at home since Covid Lockdown. So now the dishes are left to me except for weekends when my son does them. When I volunteer 2 days a week my son will take the washing out of the machine if I put it on when I leave when he has his breaks. But I still clean the bathroom, vacuum wash dishes, sweep floors, and mop and other cleaning. My husband takes out the rubbish and used to yard work but now we have someone who mows the lawn it was getting too much for him.
I’ll have to check that bra company out! Finding a great bra is hard. I’ve come to really like knix wingwoman bra. Home jobs never go away. I too am the one who does the majority of the cleaning as well and I work full time out of the house. I’ve wanted a cleaning lady but it’s so pricey. Maybe one day!
Thank you for your vulnerability! Chores are such a tricky topic sometimes! Do you know Kendra Adachi (The lazy genius)? I LOVE her and she just released a podcast episode about chores; I’m about to listen to it tonight, I already know it’s going to be so helpful :D it might be interesting for you to check out as well!
Yep! The housework is one of our main fights ! 23 years together 2 kids both early teen stage ( which is awful) so if it’s not a fight about me being to lay back with the kids then it’s “ words “ over housework !!!!
No, not a chore chart for Dean! The kids need to take on household duties. They should be incentivized by the pride their dad has in them via in person or by face-time (seperately, with you and their dad) at the end of the chore chart week. HE doles out the compliments or the disappointment. You just keep track of the work. If they dont do it and you (or he) do, you keep a smile on your face and HE decides how mom should be re-paid by each kid. if DEAN fails in the father/husband dept you will see he is not the great family man you thought you had.
Haha I love how you're able to talk about almost everything even everyday stuff like that. Putting your thoughts down on video is so refreshing to see. Keep up the good work Amanda. Oh passing note I prefer the black one better lol
So relatable. I also go to war with my husband about this from time to time until we get in a good groove with workloads again because seasons change and you have to keep figuring it out. It’s a bitch to find a compromise on it, that’s for sure 🫠
You and Dean are an awesome team. Time to look at chores the kids can be responsible for.
This is a great idea! I just heard about a chore chart based on age.
He doesn't watch my weekly vlog, he experiences it 😂😂😂 dying 😅
Right? Haha!
Thanks for this video Amanda! It’s a constant struggle for us too. I work full time in a pretty demanding job and so does my husband. We have two little ones. It’s always a fight and I always feel like the load could be split better. Not sure what the answer is but it’s nice to know we are not alone.
I had to pause this after your rant in the car - I’ve gone back to work full time after being a stay at home mom of twins for the last 7 years - my husband, bless him, has stepped up a bit - does more grocery shopping, he’s responsible for picking the kids up from school (I do drop off), does dinner each day with the kids, again I say bless him. BUT!! There’s still other chores - bathrooms, deep cleaning, laundry, etc. that I feel still falls on me. I know it’s up to me to start this conversation with him but man those old stereotypes about who’s responsibility things are, is still in effect and so damn frustrating!!!!!
It is frustrating...especially when we realize that we've been doing a little too much, for al little too long. I wonder what the best way to start a "we need to reset the workload" kind of conversation. Genuinely! There's so many of us feeling these same things.
34F here. I understand. I go to a store called Bodacious Bustlines. They get UP in your business. But they sell great bras!!!
I love that we're able to find a wider range of sizes now! It's so important!
I’ve had to pause during your car chat to comment 😂 I too am in that age bracket (41) and I’ve got two little kids. I’m so tired of all of these things. Is it just the resentment has built up over the past 8 years and finally I’m saying “I have enough of this dynamic”?. I’m in the hardest season of my marriage right now and my tolerance is very low. My husband is also an excellent contributor to the household but I’ve given up doing everything. Therefore my bathrooms are never clean. The floors are never washed and many chores are left unfinished. I’m in a standoff. I’m really fed up and maybe it is an age thing. 😅
Oh man, I feel this deeply. Like if I don't do it...then who will? I don't like living in chaos (to me chaos is an untidy, unclean home lol). I totally get it.
I will be 48 soon and have a 10 & almost 13 year old. I have LOVED my 40s. I noticed I speak up A LOT more for myself in all aspects of my life and could care less what others think. It is freeing but does cause issues at home because things I’ve always “just done”. I have asked my husband “and you can’t do this why?” . You are right, as mothers carrying the emotional load is huge and I don’t think men realize what all that entails. I have a constant to do list running in my head. I really don’t feel like men are capable of that. However, that doesn’t mean they can share the load of a life you both created.
💯💯💯 So relate to the household and invisible labor rant! I’ve had conversations with my husband about this, and what I’ve found to be really helpful is to just ask him to do certain things. Yes, the fact alone that I have to ask him can be triggering to me, but I’ve come to understand that these are not things he will think of doing on his own. There’s a fine line to navigate at times between asking and nagging. I am his wife, not his mother. But we are a team, and he cannot read my mind. So I ask him to clean the bathroom this weekend. I ask him to fold some clothes I’ve been wanting folded. And that has helped a lot.
Love this approach. You're right, they're not mind readers!
I can relate husband is an only child his mum did everything.
He is is 13yrs older.
He can't cook or use the washing machine.
When we were first married before kids he used to vacuum and wash dishes after kids doesn't help cause he was working and I did for a short while between kids we have 4.
He did grocery shopping and still does now he is retired.
I still have 4yrs to go before retirement.
At least the kids are old enough to do their own washing and my daughter helps with cooking the youngest Daughter did too before she moved out
And my oldest Son and Daughter do grocery shopping too and my son washes dishes.
All the kids work.
The older son works at home since Covid Lockdown.
So now the dishes are left to me except for weekends when my son does them.
When I volunteer 2 days a week my son will take the washing out of the machine if I put it on when I leave when he has his breaks.
But I still clean the bathroom, vacuum wash dishes, sweep floors, and mop and other cleaning.
My husband takes out the rubbish and used to yard work but now we have someone who mows the lawn it was getting too much for him.
I’ll have to check that bra company out! Finding a great bra is hard. I’ve come to really like knix wingwoman bra. Home jobs never go away. I too am the one who does the majority of the cleaning as well and I work full time out of the house. I’ve wanted a cleaning lady but it’s so pricey. Maybe one day!
It really is so pricey! We try it for a bit but then I have a hard time justifying the price. Sigh.
Thank you for your vulnerability! Chores are such a tricky topic sometimes!
Do you know Kendra Adachi (The lazy genius)? I LOVE her and she just released a podcast episode about chores; I’m about to listen to it tonight, I already know it’s going to be so helpful :D it might be interesting for you to check out as well!
Following her now, thanks for the suggestion!
Yep! The housework is one of our main fights ! 23 years together 2 kids both early teen stage ( which is awful) so if it’s not a fight about me being to lay back with the kids then it’s “ words “ over housework !!!!
I totally get it!
No, not a chore chart for Dean! The kids need to take on household duties. They should be incentivized by the pride their dad has in them via in person or by face-time (seperately, with you and their dad) at the end of the chore chart week. HE doles out the compliments or the disappointment. You just keep track of the work. If they dont do it and you (or he) do, you keep a smile on your face and HE decides how mom should be re-paid by each kid.
if DEAN fails in the father/husband dept you will see he is not the great family man you thought you had.
I like this plan!
@@AmandaMuse It will work with Dean buying in and your consistency, pleasant demeanor and neutral position. Hope to hear how it goes!!💛
That's a little bit of a different start to your usual videos lol
Surprise!
Haha I love how you're able to talk about almost everything even everyday stuff like that. Putting your thoughts down on video is so refreshing to see. Keep up the good work Amanda. Oh passing note I prefer the black one better lol
So relatable. I also go to war with my husband about this from time to time until we get in a good groove with workloads again because seasons change and you have to keep figuring it out. It’s a bitch to find a compromise on it, that’s for sure 🫠