4 CRUCIAL things to REMEMBER when dealing with narcissists
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Wish this info was so readily available in the 80’s.
Right?!?!?
Yes. The last 40 years have brought great changes to knowledge being generally accessible. The science concerning what now also is called personality syndromes has also evolved.
Still struggling with it in the second generation 😫
Exactly! No one was talking about this abuse so we dealt with it to the best of our ability and as we matured, we began looking into those behaviors and finding out there is actually a term for it and that others, like ourselves, have similar stories
Likewise, Wish this information was available in all languages!!!
Remember that you are dealing with someone who is completely self-absorbed and lacks empathy for you. It’s all about them. Their triumphs, their misfortunes, but never their flaws, faults or mistakes. Everything is always your fault. They are opportunists and they are only concerned with gaining an advantage over you.
Someone who ‘chooses’. Who really cares about the rest definitely not lookin for reasons or rationale.
Yes! This. 😥
So exhausting!
True its always about them bro so fustrating
@@lhasert1 only exhausting when you choose to continue being abused
I hope we can make change in the co-parenting laws. The abuse continues after you divorce and no one on earth should be ordered to live this way and raise healthy kids. It's criminal to force someone to constantly communicate with a domestic abuser, IMO.
Amen and say it again for the people in the back and in the judicial system!!
Joint custody is the worst idea ever when you have to deal with a narcissist co-parent who tries to sabotage your life and relationship with your children.
Love the inevitability paradox - the conversation with a narcissistic person will ultimately always go wrong if it goes on long enough. No matter what. Brilliant!❤
The advice is great but when the love bombing is going on you forget the REAL ANIMAL IN THE BODY😊
A conversation with a narcissist goes wrong as soon as it starts lol
I feel like Dr. Ramani is one of my best friends and we’ve never met.
"Get out while the getting is good" it's very good proverb. It can be related to many situations in life.
Dr. Ramani, I thank you from the bottom of my Heart.... For 40 years I never understood why my Father was so irrational. He is a terrible Grandiose Narcissist, and your videos brought my PEACE back to me understanding of this personality defect! God Bless you for all your public service and videos.... it's my therapy!!
Living with a narcissist is so awful. Like being a prisoner. What’s annoying is now everyone who’s in a toxic relationship is using the word narcissism to describe the partner they don’t get along with. If I was to have a heart to heart with someone about what I’m going through I hear “omg, my (significant other) is such a narcissist, too!”
It's very true that uneducated people will throw the word around as if they understand. They have no idea until one has lived and breathed it.
I think many people, including myself, have said that it is like being a prisoner. You feel trapped and there's no one to tell you that what you are experiencing is abuse. Very often, those abusers have others to abuse you.
You realise that it’s not a competition, right…?
If that is their feeling then let them feel what they feel.
And you don't know their situation they might really be with a narcissist just like they don't know your situation.
Wise advice. I lost 12 years of my life trying to get out of the web. I finally did, but I paid a high price
Thank you for posting your helpful insight. I'll take it as a valuable warning.
You helped me, more ways than you will ever know. Thank you
I did this a few yrs ago before I got fully educated. The good Dr . Is 1000% right. Don’t Do IT!!!! Plz I’m begging you. The rageful revenge will take you down far worse than the abuse!!!
A little humor: I remember when Johnny Carson has kids finish proverbs. "You can lead a horse to water" was finished with "but when he gets out, he's going to be really angry". That might actually be more accurate.
Lol!!! 🐴
I think I have finally accepted this and have stopped trying. Once you push back, you realize that all the things you let slide are not admissible. But, they will tell you their deepest wound, it just comes out. She hates herself. Always pressing me to talk so she understands, but has NO desire to know but looking for holes to attack. When I refuse, she spins off saying now I really hate myself because everyone hates me. I think they know and hate themselves for it, but they feel better if they can make others feel bad about themselves like they do and that makes them feel better.
Yep, several therapists were contacted and it was going well until the therapist tried to make him see reality. Then it was, "I'm not talking to him anymore. I don't like him."
A conversation with a narc goes wrong whenever it starts lol
I am in Europe for 2 reasons. 1. It’s about time that I get my wishes to come true. 2. I’m so disgusted how bad our law enforcement and justice system in our country works. I graduated from law school. I know how many laws, how many civil laws and while I knew the law, police don’t care. The attorneys don’t understand narcissistic abuse. Judges don’t understand narcissistic abuse. The most important lesson I learned was that a horrible people and will be not held accountable. Good people don’t win in court. I think if I didn’t know the law it would make a difference. I learned to respect the law in school and now I cannot respect anything that I believed in our country. He walked with everything because he had the money, the respectable job and knew the police. Even the police officer who told me he would help did nothing.
You can run but there is always another one out there.
That's why we must learn to recognize & avoid. Just say no to narcs.
I was in a narcissistic family. She was but also the mother and the father. I lost my daughter when she was 6 after a legal custody and divorce battle. Lies and unethical court system. My daughter now is 38, well she is a narcissist. I guess a narcissist family produces narcissistic children. No hope to ever speak to my daughter and told her that she passed away when she was 6 years old.
I have been through enough for ten people
I've been married for 38 years, hubby has medical issues, I need out but feel guilty because I am the provider of everything, he only has minimal money help 😢
I tried couples therapy with my narcissistic husband and he lied the entire time and the therapist didn’t see it
I got rage and told that I was critical and too needy.
Exactly. Just found out that my experience matches "the unwanted baby" kind of neglect based trauma. I've always suspected this, but now I know. The first thing I "want" to do is discuss it with my narc Mom, because she's the one who came to me when I was 18 and told me I was an accidental pregnancy, but really, a) she should never have told me that, and b) she should never have acted like it, nor should my Dad have, but they both did. They took that risk - they had sex, regardless of (failed) birth control measures. They took that risk. Period. They didn't want a baby? They could have fooled around in other ways - they did NOT have to take that risk. They did, and they had me, plain and simple. IT'S THEIR FAULT, NOT MINE. I didn't ask for this. I didn't sign up for it. I did nothing to cause it. I don't owe them one single damned thing, and that includes anything they've done for me in my adult years too, NOT just my childhood. I don't deserve the guilt trips, the forever on-going discards/abandonments/neglects of my emotional needs, and so on. No progeny deserves that just for happening!
But they both DID do these things to me, repeatedly, and my heart is just simply broken over it. I know that does me no good, to cry in my soup over it. I am trying to at least be functional, to some degree. But here I am, nearly 5 decades in, my Boomer parents are in their 70s, they've had a great economic life compared to what their generation is leaving behind for the rest of us, including me, and I just can't even. In my heart, I'm too angry to want to have anything to do with them, but there are other family members involved that complicate everything, so I'm stuck with the same old routine, the "status quo," and you're absolutely correct that confronting them with this or ever discussing it at all would never, even once, do anything but cause more destruction.
I don't understand how any two people could ever allow themselves, much less each other, to be like my parents have been towards me; how they could blame me for existing, as if that's some terrible crime. I get it - lots of people are put through this, and often for other reasons that are just as ridiculous; especially members of the LGBTQIA+ community, who I support and consider to be my family. I think it's important to raise that comparison here, because those of you who don't support - you need to understand that what I'm going through here, for different reasons, is exactly what they are put through by their parents, siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins, grandparents, employers, peers in the workplace and schools, room-mates, situations where they're trying to meet their housing needs, supermarkets, street-corners, everywhere... I exist as I am. They exist as they are. No one should be punished for existing at all, much less as their authentic self, regardless of who that is. So when you feel anger towards my parents, spare some for the family members of theirs who rejected them.
And I am angry. Anything coming from me towards my parents that's good and kind and considerate is something they don't deserve and are lucky to have, and they are on such thin ice with me right now that they might as well not even bother with all their love-bombing they've started trying to do as they've finally started realizing that I'm just not interested in playing their stupid, wicked game anymore. They call themselves "Christians." Really? I can't picture "Heaven" operating this way, and if it does, I don't want to go there. They don't want me anyway, they never did, so it's not like they'd miss me. After all, I'm just "collateral damage" to them. Born at the wrong time, in the wrong gender (only "boys" matter to my parents), and I guess to the wrong family, so never mind about me, I don't matter (to them).
Just. Disgusting.
Boomers. Can't live with 'm.
Oh my !!! Timely !!
Whether it's your parents or sibings or a significant other, remember what Dr. Ramani says-- "It's not you." They make it FEEL like it's you, because they have to defend themselves against all the shame and insecurity that they feel. The best way they can do that is to make that shame and insecurity yours. It robs you of your ability to see the future, your ability to dream and imagine your dreams can come true, and it robs you of your sense of security. I'd like to suggest something that has really helped me combat this awful mind-control.
I journal every day. Not a lot, I don't write a whole essay on what my day was like. It's usually just five sentences. I answer five questions:
1) What's the situation?
2) How did I get into this situation?
3) How do I feel about being in this situation?
4) What would I change if I could?
5) What am I planning on doing about it?
I don't use this to dig deep into my psyche, or try to answer all of life's questions. This is for daily use. For instance, I might write, "1) Today I felt sad all day. 2) My boss made a sideways comment about my work performance. 3) It embarrassed me and stuck with me. 4) I would change her behavior if I could. 5) I'm planning on putting up with it because I need this job."
It's not going to heal you overnight, but it's so, so, SO important to be honest about how you really feel, even in little ways. That's something that the narc's will hammer out of you, because they truly don't care about your internal, emotional world. But it's YOUR world and you have the right to OWN it, even in small ways like journaling. It's surprisingly difficult at first, but once you start it is addictive. It feels like telling the truth and it's honestly kind of a rush.
One of the best things about this RUclips channel is realizing that I wasn't alone in all this. It gave me the courage to look for a way out, no matter how confused and awful I felt. This is one of my favorite quotes: "Nobody's ever really lost-- everything leads you back home."
Here's to getting home, safe and sound.
The biggest red flags should be: Abusive behaviour (no matter if it is physical, emotional - whatoever). Leave if you encounter such red flags. It could get very dangerous - believe me I personally am glad that I am alieve. It is no joke with such people.
Very true, hugs
I listened to another podcast and heard exactly what my x did to me and my children. He took me from a Leave it to Beaver mom, (which i did, plus drive 3hrs 2xs a wk. 4 nursing school). To the biggest slut n town. A friend who was a Judge told me later " your divorce was the worst I've seen n the cty, and you guys hadn't a pot to p.. in.
I wish now and tell other's Move as far away from them as u can. Because he was attached to the hip to his Mom.
Now my grandchildren r n the mix. And they now stay away from both, to stay out of it w him. But i still feel punished 4 leaving him and his mother.
beware of the narcissist and his mother. spot on!
Try having a Covert & on top of that 'alcoholic issues' 😵💫 If they can't go "cold turkey" through the drinking problem or a Alcoholic Anonymous program, what will minimize? -- 'none', rage bursts continue 😶🌫️
They mirror each other. Just leave
If I only protected my self before I seined my money over,,,,,,,,😢
Ppl think if u say something they will get it
Nahhhh
They take everything from your beautiful 👠💪💎🤍👍🪜🌎🤲🕊️🙋💚🙄🙈🙉🙊💯🕳️💘💔🫀💔life every day 💯 every day mesrebul 💔 relationship mesary loser in ur beautiful amazing life please get out as soon as you know everything goes in wrong way we can understand what goes wrong what gos right old enough to know what is going on in our beautiful life ❤️🕊️🌎🤲
I will remeber this
If a Narcissist is more dangerous than a crocodile & we alow them to hurt ourselves or others, do we share the blame?
We keep our sharp knives in protective sheaths.
When washing dishes by hand we keep track of the sharp knives. Isn't it wrong to alow a Narcissist to hide in Society & hurt more people?
Look at large companies like Boeing & our country in general.
In the thumbnail, the “remember” is misspelled. I’m not sure if you noticed yet. Thank you for sharing, even so.
My husband who is a clinical psycologist abused me for 28years of marrige. Maybe he ia a Nar+sociopath. it is creepy when I recall he's behavior. I still miss the fake person who is cheating on me right now.
THATS MY STORY ..
Blessings
Is it possible to turn into an Narcissis after being with 1 for years? I feel like I wanna go Cheat to feel better
There’s a video about this, can’t find it at this moment, but I remember that you’re not a narcissist after you have been a narcissistic relationship, I don’t know the right sentence after this if you’re just broke or blunted or anything else
Don’t cheat to feel better, this won’t help you, you will probably feel much worse after this
My therapist told me to have an affair. I thought it would be too hard to leave my N. He thought that joy may motivate me to leave. I got on my moral high horse and continued to suffer at the N hand. You can’t take a high ground with someone with no ground.
U go on and on and not the slightest indication that u know about MM and Harry’s most outrageous behavior. Seems to me that would be the most obvious discussion !
I’ve listened to the first 30 sec, and will finish this video later. I disagree respectfully, Dr. I let go of one narc (she charmed me initially), and I started mocking her. She wasn’t that bright, so it took her a little time to see that I’m mocking her. She disappeared herself; well, because all of them cannot stand any criticism, even in a form of humor. So, actually it’s quite simple and very effective method of dealing with them. Humor is a healthy response, and is an easy way to deal with the narcissistic abusers.
PS. I’m a heterosexual and slightly bisexual. “Her” was my second female love of my life.
Becoming toxic yourself as revenge for toxic behavior is not a flex
You sound like the narc. And disagreeing after 30 seconds? Definitely a narc move
@@robinantonio8870 you sound like a narc. I called a friend to comfort him to sleep. That is why I had to stop. I’m an empath. So, comforting my closest friends takes a first priority for me. Please, quit disrespecting people on the internet. It will not help you.
@@ellajones1239 mocking your partner instead of leaving, is typical narc and in no way empathetic. Disagreeing without listening to the whole podcast is also a narc move, reason why you didn't keep listening is irrelevant. It's the judgement based on inadequate information that's the symptom.And your reaction to the criticism of your behaviour is also typical narc.
@@robinantonio8870 , you are typical narc, because your judgement is quick and your project your inner urges onto RUclips commentators. The narc I loved verbally abused me (like you are doing right now) so I gave her the taste of her own medicine by mocking her. Once more. I’m an empath, which is the opposite of your kind. Comforting my friend takes the first priority over finishing the video. I’ve watched many of Dr.s’ videos. There is is no rush to finish this one. I am busy, so I finish watching it later. So, your humiliating assumptions about other people indicates that you have an urge to feel superior. Quit bothering strangers. It ain’t helping you. Get help from the therapist.
I’m reporting your harassing comments to RUclips. If you will not stop - you will be banned from this platform.
“Do not insult a crocodile while your feet are still in the water.”
Brilliant.
@d0v3Tai1 In my case, all I had to do was try to initiate a conversation with my NARC husband. He would typically cut me off, saying, "Not interested". Or sometimes, he cut me off saying, "POINT!". And that's when he would be in a good mood. But when he discarded me about 2 weeks ago for another woman, he claimed he wanted to leave because I wasn't acting like I wanted to be close to him. ha!
, projected his own behavior onto you. My X did that to me Too. It's traumatic to have to deal with these dishonest people
Oh I have a sneaky narc who interrupts when others are around saying 'pardon me' pardon me' oh once I figured it out it's disgusting and people think that her is so sweet with such manners...when in reality he's being controlling to.. That said maybe you can use that in your situation. You will be able to turn the power from him.@@kirstencorcoran
Four things to remember regarding narcissists. 1) They don't care 2) They only love themselves 3)They will rage 4)They are skilled at lying Those four things keep you from being duped forever.
That should be framed and reread many times over. Thanks!
It’s sad when you have to run away from your own family to protect yourself. I think we grow up thinking there’s something wrong with us and then we come across people who are confirming what we have been told all our lives. So there’s massive confusion internally.
There is a saying, ‘God is always talking to you and if you can’t hear him he’ll talk louder’ that was my life.
I have met some really good people in my life, but the abusers got worse and worse until I understood.
It’s over now, half a lifetime to hear it 😢😌
My time to get out is quickly approaching after almost a year of learning, planning, and saving. The time is almost here, and I am excited, but I am also terrified! The unknown is scary. The hell I know is still the hell I know. I won't let it stop me. I pray for strength and to continue to follow the blessed path God has set before me. Stay strong and keep going, your day to get away will come!
I did it. It's scary, but worth it.
I would never go back, although I thought I had lost everything. My home, my town, my friends, my life. My life was not so hot. It took quite a lot of time to rebuild, but I'm happy and safe now.
When you're ready, Go for it!
It will be worth it.
It is worth rebuilding a life far away, the price I was paying in that narcissistic system was my own life!.
You will be fine. After 27 years, I did it. You can, too. You have got this. Stay on that path. Only the best is coming.
You got this. Please don't get sucked back in like I did. Took me 10 times to break up with him. Don't fall for the love bombing if he tries. Stay strong. 💪
When you stand your ground - look him dead in his eyes. Do not quiver or waiver, do not show fear & do not let him break the eye contact. It is scary but you are scared already right.....? Stand up to that bully! Let him know you ain't no easy win! You just might be surprised how he tucks in his tail & gets ghost.
"Never fight with a pig. You'll both get muddy and the pig will love it!" 🙂
Good one. And sums them up perfectly. 🐷
True story
The rage from a narc when it is fully evolved is absolutely horrific. My narc brother literally said these words to me: “When someone pisses me off or does something to me I don’t like, I wait until I can get revenge. I will wait as long as it takes and then kick them where it counts.” He also said: “I can eviscerate someone with my words, totally rip them apart.” He was proud of these things, even told us a few ways he did this. I knew then (if I didn’t know before), that I was absolutely not exempt from this. To hear him say these things and be proud of it? How dysfunctional and toxic to live with that type of intention in your heart. I saw him then: 100%. When push came to shove and I did something he perceived as harming him: this is what came out at me. NC was the only way forward. I could no longer contend with that type of toxicity.
Good for you!
Well done on recognising it, and respecting yourself enough to go no contact. You have my respect
"A conversation with a narcissist will always go wrong, if it goes on long enough." So true.
Which it will… because they won’t shut the eff up!
I was physically assaulted in my older years by ex, police seemed to side with him. He was quiet and calm while I was sobbing and terrorized. The charges I filed were Dropped. Judicial system is a major Failure. Now I know I am not protected by the Law.
Yep, our court system normally supports the abuser.
You are correct. I believe you!
They act like they are normal and calm when public is there.. Narcissists are cunning people.. And police don't realise such cunningness because remember, it took you many many years to realise they were narc.. So, no one understands except victims who have undergone same narcissistic abuse under someone else.. I understand you and believe you dear.. Learn about narcissistic baiting and protect yourself.. Get therapy or read as much as you can about narcissism and their idiotic behaviours!!
Women never have been protected by the law. Because the laws were made by men so they could abuse women.
After many times being beaten I finally called the police one night and they came and saw my bloody face and my bruised body, took him outside and were talking to him, came back in and told me they are arresting him and also me.
I asked why are you arresting me they said because he said you hit him.
I said if I had hit him I would be dead there's no way I would hit him.
So I got to spend the night in jail the night before I began a new job.
You see he didn't want me to start that job because it meant that I would have a better job than him.
I learned that it doesn't help to call the police you have to just wait until your chance to go and don't expect justice from our court system.
Yes , I have lived with my ex covert narcissist husband 20 years mixing forgiveness with rage all those years . I ended up having cancer , but now I am ok and learning to live happy again !
Thank you, dr Ramani ❤💐!
🎉❤
💙💜
I’m so glad for both outcomes! ❤️👍
You are absolutely correct. It doesn't make a bit of difference. They cannot acknowledge any wrongdoing on their part. Best to take oneself out of the line of fire. Thank you for your expertise and sharing.
I also joined the military to get away from my mother. The military life was much easier to deal with than my life with mom!! 😢😢😢
I'm moving my motorhome tomorrow, away from a toxic neighborhood. My next-door neighbor is a major creep, and it will only get worse. One more night here, chilly in the 50's - going to 110 degrees with a pool. Praying for good neighbors. NO MORE NASTY NARCISSISTS!
Take care of yourself and find another place!
@@carolynjaynes9094 I wish you the best in your new environment. Never let your neighbors define who you truly are! Narcissists are unfortunately, everywhere. But you are unique, and you see them for who THEY are. All my best. You can do this!
"When there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm."
~African Proverb~
Beyond stupidity. Ok, let's excuse everyone. If someone got abused, robed or killed, it was only their fault. No need legal system, no need for police. WTF!
When you make I statements to a narcissist they may say, " so it's all about you and how you feel."
That's happened to me.
Mine said so you admit your the problem 😮what !!
The problem was I had feelings to hurt
It's not that we don't want to leave. But sometimes can't due to children, region, religion, society, financial...but definitely leaving is good while you still can.
True. Leaving can make you more of a victim than you already are! For me it would have meant a new identity for myself and the children, starting over with a new job, selling the home and moving to a new area and having limited or no contact with family and friends. Instead, I opted for limited contact (only as necessary). It was a balancing act for many years.
That is so true! Even children who are brought up in these dynamics, suffer. Be good to yourself and remember you're not alone. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!
So…. You’re willing to KNOWINGLY subject kids to a narc’s abuse?? Really…. Wow…
Every thing you noted… is an excuse to stay & to help the abuser find victims.
You always can
@@pseudopuppy160you have no clue ! You need to be little bit more understanding to the victim! Are you a flying monkey?
Therapy as a couple was ended in 5 sessions. Narcissist says therapist was wrong...ha ha
Exact what happened to me when I called my X out the insults were unbelievable so hurtful he just couldn’t handle the truth. So tried to turn it all around. Crazy stuff.
Love you so much for so many reasons 💖.. you cracked me up when you called the bottom of the cupcake a "stump"you are an amazing Dr! and just such an amazing person! Take good care you are an amazing benefit to us❤ And I wish nothing but the best for you in every way😊
Some times calling them out is necessary if you don't live with them. I agree that if you can't get out not to poke the bear. But know that you are dying inside.
50 years for me, only way I’ll be free is my death or his, only God knows.😞😞😞
Same for me. I was indoctrinated as a child and thought that was all there was. I am praying for you and for me. 😢❤
Yep. My narcissist husband said once. That one of us is going to be happy when the other dies. Just don’t know which one of us it is.
We got this. We got this.
Yep, you have the dearly bereaved or the dearly relieved. I’ll definitely be the latter if my husband goes first.
I pray for you sisters even though it does not mean much. But i totally sympatise with you. Wish i could do something concrete 🕊💜 keep The faith !
So get your rage out at the therapists office. It’s never going to be what we want if we let it go on the narc.
True!
After 30 years my rage finally started coming out at the ex narc. I couldn’t hold it any longer. Our couples therapist outright heard him state something I never said in the office and never called him out until I did. Needless to say I had to find another therapist then the ex wouldn’t go any longer. Of course that was all agreed on in order to let him come back home after he had left me. Didn’t last long after he got back in the door.
For anyone dealing with legal and criminal issues, with narcissistic people, Dr. Ramani is absolutely correct. Listen to that part TWICE, if you must. She has outlined my exact experience here, with the exception of the fact that I am not dead yet. And, yes, the system itself, is a driving factor, as to why people return to narcissistic relationships and also end up dead. Whether it’s the court or law enforcement, it’s “Notify us, once you’re dead.”
Well said. Another take.....you can lead the legal system to water, but you can't make them drink. It's perplexing.
@@lorenebaxter-e8c I think the issue with the legal system, other than disinterest, laziness, indifference and, sometimes, sadism, is that they must protect the right of your adversary, no matter how obviously ignorant or crazy the court or law enforcement know they are. That, other than the fact that, they make money drawing out cases. Laziness benefits them. I see this in my own workplace. Because, in all likelihood, many of us wouldn’t have jobs, if people weren’t manufacturing, masking and drawing out problems, for years. As a result, many work environments are no longer for people, who are competitive, like closure to cases/projects. They’re just floating through the days and years, comfortably, even when that causes Hell to break loose, for someone else, elsewhere and they’re aware they may be the cause, at least in part. I have found that it is also so, with law simply being an arm of society, that they don’t really have a problem with abuse and murder. It’s probably exciting for them. What they have a problem with is retaliation. The court is as apt, as the rest of society, to identify a victor and a victim. I think it’s visceral. So, they don’t at all see themselves or mind a victim turning themselves inside out, in the mere act of protecting themselves against someone the law knows is abusive.
I have had to do such, in my probate case. It is quite obvious, that as the pro se plaintiff, I am far more professional, detailed, evidence gathering, and correct, in my continued presentation, against my former sibling. For her, she will lie, when she’s already told the truth, in court and to the police and she will lie, when even video evidence has been presented against her. While I’ve made a couple of mistakes, I am fighting as much to close the case, as she is to keep it open. This, from someone who unilaterally decided they are sole beneficiary, estate executor and plaintiff, to the court. As a result and as many in my shoes have discovered, the court can be agent to absolute destruction, unleashing upon you, someone who should, morally, be in jail. But, I’ve long known that, the legal system is where people go, to get away with things and not to have morally implemented. You come to find that, even if your adversary has a propensity towards violence, the court sees no reason why there should not be reconciliation…
@@lorenebaxter-e8c I don’t even know that it’s perplexing, once you get to understand it. The legal system is mere extension of society and its sentiments. When you sit back and watch how society actually functions, the underbelly of it doesn’t much mind abuse. Whether conscious or not, as a whole, hat it minds is retaliation. The burden of proof is on the plaintiff. But, even once the plaintiff has produced such proof, it is utterly uphill. In my case, with my former sister, although both of us are pro se (representing ourselves), for someone who has no background in the practice of law, I’ve been told I do a pretty good job in presenting my cases (there’ve been this one for probate and one years ago for small claims). However, even though I’m professional, follow court protocol very well, and present all types of evidence, my former sister could play dead and the law will protect her. She will lie about what she’s already admitted to, in court. She will lie about that which is video evidence of. While the entirety of the case may not be based on those particular pieces of evidence, it doesn’t much feel, from my perspective, that the court bats an eye. The way the law functions it’s, “If you don’t like being abused, stay away from the abuser, even though we’d very much like both of you to reconcile, even if that gets one off you killed.”
You won’t remember this
A kiss ain’t just a kiss, a sigh ain’t just a sigh.
No fundamental things apply
As narcs go by.
And when adulterers woo
They still say, “I lust you."
On them you can’t rely
No matter what the future brings
As narcs go by.
Moonshine and sexting
Always on a date.
Ids full of passion
Hypocrisy and shite.
Woman needs another’s
And man must have his neighbour’s
That no one can avoid.
It's still the same old story
Of pointless sex and glory
A case of screw or die.
Motels will always welcome lovers
As narcs go by.
Oh yes, motels will always welcome lovers
As narcs go by.
People must realize that narcs have NO REAL FEELINGS - just manipulative rage or fake concern. NO FEELINGS. Once you realize that, you see the truth. The problem is what they do to the kids - they poison them against the loving parent, ply them with drugs and alcohol, punish them if they care about the loving parent, show them pornography, etc. and the loving parent MUST send the kids for visitations to this person because the courts do NOT recognize the existence of abuse!
I read through all these posts and wonder how my kids and I made it through. My situation is history (about 30 years ago) and the kids are all grown with children of their own. I do remember that I tried to keep the court system out of all of it as much as possible. I knew it would be pointless, just cause friction and run up huge legal bills that I wouldn't be able to pay. I had a couple things going for me though - I owned the home (it was my bachelorette pad), had a good job, my car was paid for and in my name and I had my own bank account. He made an attempt to take these things and leave us homeless and without cash but it didn't work.
After a number of years being unhappy in my marriage I finally “convinced” my husband to go to couples therapy.
He really connected with the logically thinking therapist. Me not so much.
After our second session as we were returning home to our family of four young boys, he pulled over to the side of the road and asked my: “Are you fixed yet?”
My awakening that things are not going to change in the the relationship.
This moment guided me to connect with an excellent therapist that guided me eventually to bring me to find myself.
Oh may goodness my husband did that to me too ❤
As the youngest of four brothers with a narcissistic father, I've also been through this.
I remember when my daughter from my first marriage said she was marrying and moving to Alaska (being her boyfriend was Airforce and going).
My ex who I rarely had to speak to called trying to... get me... to tell her....
I realized pretty quickly he was trying to cause trouble between us. Instead, I gave her support. They had made their decision. Stay away, never take their bait.
They have zero interest in compromise..save your breath
I hate to tell you but I was in therapy with dealing leaving a narcissist and horror of fleeing for my life. When I started with real anger and moved to another state he just dropped me with no warning. I had worked with this therapist for years. He did support me in the beginning. He started losing interest. I had trouble getting an appointment. Then he dropped me. I felt so betrayed. Betrayed by the law, my therapist, my friends, my family I could only keep my one dog. He went even give me updates on what happened to the other I raised since they were puppies. I don’t know how this is okay. How is this ever okay. I can’t come to terms with it. I just can’t. I spend a lot of times disassociating now because it’s been so hard for so long. Right now my brain is protecting me and I’m so thankful to my brain. I lost faith in everyone and everything. I don’t trust people. I always feel afraid because he is a stalker. I do hope I will hear that he has died so wouldn’t have to worry anymore.
Talking to a narc. is like talking to a flounder: who only have eyes on one side looking at the ceiling.
I have been preparing for almost two years for my exit … educating myself on narcissism and finally understanding what has been going on my entire life from a very manipulative sister. These videos have helped me so much. Gray rock now, no contact soon.
Too right Dr.R. Gotta be made of steel!
I saw the red flags (lots early) and tried to end it..
"But I love you"! Tears, reasons, promises, so I caved....14 years later disgarded, and I'm too old and tired now to start again...So watch out guys and girls if I had a little more steel, I might be happy right about now instead of where I am.. and it's not a good place...
Have a good day....
Doesn’t matter, he has money, to fight. Two times I had him arrested for abuse. Came back lack of evidence
14 years married to a Covert Narc and another 14 years to get rid of him. I wish you had been doing this 28 years ago, Dr. Ramani!!! Everything you say on your videos is uncannily accurate which is a result of your many years of experience. Even now 29 years later, it helps to put the puzzle together. So thank you, thankyou
I KNEW, my husband was bad news, 7 years, 3 kids and I knew, I reached out to the one person who would understand, my grandmother. She said get your girls and come. My toxic, narcissistic parents basically told me, you can’t come here, you have to stay there. Thirty-three years later, here I am, still with the narc husband, adult kids and I am worn out. To make it worse, my narc brother moved mom out of her beloved home and now I go to the assisted living facility daily. She is sucking my living essence. I waited too long.
Take care of yourself. It’s never too late to do that.
A friend who is 9 years older than me and who grew up around my narcissistic family told me my situation reminded him of The Munsters TV show - "you are Marilyn, and your family keeps telling you how ugly and awful you are". Thank God he and my grandparents showed me kindness! I married a narc - we clicked immediately - I felt like I'd known him forever- hmm.... that should have been a big red flag. At least my adult son can validate I am not the bad person my parents and sibling said I was. Prayers and blessings for you and everyone else who struggles with this! 💗
My wife didn’t even need to engage my narc father- I suffered a stroke (partially caused from years of narc abuse from both parents) and my wife felt the need to tell him. I advised against it, as I knew he would make it about HIM and do nothing else (stuff that a self-absorbed Boomer would do).
And that’s exactly what happened- not only did he tell her “I don’t care if he lives or dies!” (I know this because I was still connected to her via cell phone at the time) and then went on some bizarre tirade about “loving himself” even though the discussion had NOTHING to do with him.
I made the mistake of letting my covert narc mother visit me in the hospital, where she made the medical event about her to the point where I banned her from the hospital.
It was at that point that I found out that BOTH parents were problematic and want to do with neither of them. I was grooomed into being the scapegoat/workhorse up to this point.
I have called out my ex boyfriend(a narcissist) out on his behaviors and honestly I don’t regret it at all (honestly I wish I would’ve done it more) it definitely brought out his rage towards me and insults and he was definitely more mean to me and it absolutely brought out his shame and honestly like I said before even with all that I don’t regret it and I wish I would have done it more. This was my experience and I know and totally understand that everyone is completely different and everyone has completely different experiences so I totally understand that. In my opinion always do what’s best and safest to you 💜.
Oh yes I believe you have heard the abuse always escalates. It’s heartbreaking but because this dynamic is so widely appreciated, do as she says…. Leave while the getting gone is good! Decades almost 50 years and I am free from direct contact. What is left is a stronger me but a very broken me. That’s the saddest part as I’m now so old there aren’t enough years left to heal. Don’t wait. It truly doesn’t get better
Same.
Same
I completely ignored a parade of red flags because I was so fixated on this being the guy I wanted to be with. Now it’s 24 years later and we’re divorced thank God.
This does not apply to those with children. Im 10 years in Family Court post separation/divorce. My son has been used so badly so he can avoid paying child support. Hes doesnt care that his son loves his mother and sister and misses us, he must choose the father and not see us. The mind control via his gas lighting and smear campaigns are desperate snd pathetic… but very effective on those not initiated in their darkness.
"You can take a horse to water, but you can't make them drink"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!👍❤❤❤
@d0v3Tai1 Agree 1000%👍
I liked the proverb series. A real highlight to this compilation
My MOTHER convinced me that I need a psychiatrist and now that I have one and like therapy she gas lights me even more!
As an adult I went to therapy with my narc mother . I said damn and she said that if I continued to use foul language she would leave the session .
Through puberty and into my late teens she repeatedly called me the c word as a replacement for my name .
When she died I was so relieved.
2:30 narcs will ALWAYS reveal themselves EARLY. Pay attention… and LEAVE at the first sign. Or… accept the results of your choice to accept their abuse
If you don't know the red flags, you don't know what to look for. It may take years to recognize what they are and maybe then it's too late.
To dealing with them is not a reality I guess.To avoid them is the reality.
Therapy 3 times, 3 different therapists, my husband lied about everything and nothing worked. The 3rd therapist actually threw his hands up literally and said I’m done
Joining the military and finding it better than dealing with an abusive mom is SO relatable. I didn't join the military but somehow I find the feeling very familiar.
...while a unicorn is running by... 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yes. Get out while the getting is good. Wisely ❤
I wish I knew this 40 years ago. They should teach it in school. What makes them all alike?
It’s crazy how they all follow the same patterns
You're right. There should be abuse education in high school so teenagers know the signs to look out for as they are entering into relationships.
@@jenritenour9133um teenagers would not listen. Their brains are capable. However, the bidding narcissist would listen and taje classes to learn more how to control others.
I was shell shocked after 50 years of tolerating narc abuse, I was slowly and methodically discarded. Thank God for Dr. Ramini, Dr. Carson and Sam Vaknin. They saved my life.
@jenritenour9133 You're so right. This is life education & while in high school, everyone should be taught/ warned about narcs.
Oh, that “crocodile mouth” analogy is going to stick in my head.
Dear Dr. Ramani, can you pleeeeeze do a series about narcissistic children who poison their younger siblings to hurt you bc you don't let them poke you for narcissistic supply? How do you handle that as a mother? All grown ups. Ex-hubby supports them to get back at me as well.
The most violent relationship I was ever in started off nice. Then we got married. Then he wanted to continue acting single; to go out to drink and do drugs. It started off him picking fights as an excuse. Then gradually he became insulting. He was verbally abusive for a couple of years. In one bout of abuse I quietly waited for him to finish. He went on for nearly 2 hours. When he started to walk away, I called him out. It surprised him. After that he escalated to pushing. I threw his things out of the house. After a month of pleading and promises, I let him back in. Within 6 months it was over. I was glad to get out with my life.
I’m a better narc detector. I take note of the red flags filed up and when they strike out it’s all over. I know all the tricks. I got very close to a person who was narc. When the relationship was over I didn’t care. I didn’t let it gone and on. I saw it and stopped it.
I am feeling this now trying to get out of this relationship. The "what does the Bible say about forgiveness" and how I am just being resentful because I say I need certain things to reconcile this relationship. The gaslighting is strong and guilt trips amphlified. Leaving " the earlier the better" is advice I wish I'd known earlier.
"What does the Bible say," you asked....
God's Word says "ABOVE all else, GUARD your heart. For it determines the rest of your life."
(Proverbs 4:23)
God doesn't want you abused.
You say people won’t ever change. So will I change? Will I ever be attracted to people who aren’t narcissists? Will I ever be able to stop sacrificing my authentic self to please others (I do this on a daily basis almost as automatically as breathing)? I feel like I am doomed to be alone and honestly being alone almost makes me relieved
Why do you have to find someone else right now? Dr. Ramani clearly states to allow one year post divorce or post relationship to just be with self, learn about self, how to live each season, enjoy what you like find out more about what your purpose is or seek.
Thinking about finding another person is a trap, and unhealthy if one hasn't left or one hasn't been out of the relationship long. That's the exact recipe for falling for the same type of narcissist.
Lol, hahahahaha, Dr. Ramani, I love your sense of humor! The proverb: "Get out while the getting is good," is a truth that I try to follow when dealing with my narcissistic relatives and it does work.
I enjoy listening to words of wisdom and truth, very much. So, thank you very much for sharing the proverbs in this video, along with your much appreciated, expertise.
Oh by the way, I was trying to find a proverb in the Bible that was similar to the first proverb that you mentioned. But the only one that I found was Proverb 17:14: "The beginning of contention (or a heated disagreement) is as one letting out waters; so before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave." I know this proverb has a different meaning, but it still works while dealing with the narcissists in my life to remove myself from volatile situations.
The Bible warns, "ABOVE all else, GUARD your heart, for it determines the course of your life."
(Proverbs 4:23)
we talking about our Govt. Departments and TRUMPS judicial cases Now?? Only they r using r Tax dollars?!!
Sounds like he is using people like rigged slot machines. 🫤
@@Alison-o9dHe is. His niece is a clinical psychologist and she wrote a whole book all about it and another about helping the country heal from the damage he - with his enablers - has done so far
LOL!, "Get out while the getting gets good", meanwhile my narcissist walked out of the hospital with baby me in her arms. I never stood a chance!
Same. But at least we, you and I both , finally did hear! So glad I am out!